[Announcer] This is a story of an extraordinary oyster.
Born from a toxic spill, [music]
he was adopted by humans with his shell brother.
And now, he must hide his secret oyster powers.
[title music]
[electricity zaps]
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
[Boyster] Boyster!
- Hey, Shelby. How was your... - Boyster, where have you been?
You didn't answer any of my calls or texts.
[multiple notification beeps]
- Ooh, I was at school. What happened? - Haven't you heard?
Prestige and Passion is holding open
auditions today for a new character.
Eduardo and Consuela's long lost daughter.
We have to make haste. There's little time.
Little time for what?
[Shelby] For you to get the part, you goose!
- No, too dated. - Why on Earth would I want to do that?
Uh-uh. When else will we get an opportunity
to meet our biggest telenovela heroes ever?
Ooh, now that's a modern silhouette.
Eduardo and Consuela are your heroes, not mine.
There's no way I'm dressing up as a girl.
Besides, I don't even know how to act.
Don't concern yourself with that.
I am a lifetime student of the dramatic arts.
I will be Lee Strasberg to your Sissy Spacek.
- You'll be my who to my what? - Young people today.
Oh, come on, Boyster. You owe me this.
For what?
I can't think of anything at the moment.
But you'd make me one ecstatic bivalve. Isn't that enough?
I'm begging you.
- OK. - Splendid.
A mop? Seriously?
[Shelby] I think it's quite a la mode.
[indistinct chattering]
[groans] I look ridiculous. I'd say you owe me now.
Stop complaining, Boyster.
Small price to pay for the memory of a lifetime.
Now, remember, acting is reacting.
Next up is Girlster Lekowski.
[nervous giggle] Girlster?! What kind of name is that?
It's, uh, sort of a nickname,
because I've always been so girly and in no way a boy.
[man] OK, whatever. Stand right here and face camera.
And action.
Mother, Father, it's me, Marisol.
You probably thought you'd never see me again
after I was spirited away by pirates,
but I hid in their cannon, and when they fired it, I escaped.
Although, I still have a ringing in my ears.
And scene.
Well thank you, Girlster. Take care now.
- I don't like the sound of that. - Oh, well. That's show biz.
- Come on. - Huh?
Umm... why don't you go ahead without me?
I just want to spend a few more moments soaking up
the stardust because I may never be here again.
Of course, knock yourself out.
[door closes]
- Hmm... - Next!
[wailing] [man] Next!
Mother... [air horn blows]
Fath... [air horn blows]
Next!
Mother... Hmm?
[crash]
[sobbing] [laughs]
Is there anyone else?
[wind blows]
Really? Uh... OK.
- I got the part. - Yes!
And I guess I have to do it now.
Why would they cast me? I was terrible.
Perhaps the competition was even worse.
I mean, um, I'm no expert. [chuckles]
[groans]
If anybody recognizes me, my life is over.
Banish those negative thoughts.
An actor should never be distracted by... Ooh!
There they are!
Ahh... Oh, my athlete's foot is really itchy.
I just read about a good cure for that.
- Really? Is it a cream or a powder? - So glamorous.
OK, places everyone!
[panting] Oh, boy. Here we go.
What are you doing?
Shelby, I can't have luggage in my scene.
- I just escaped from pirates. - Plenty of pirates have luggage.
Where do you think they kept their cutlasses and doubloons?
OK, fine.
Fracture a fibia!
OK, people, we are live and on the air
in three, two, one, action!
[instrumental music plays] [knocking on door]
Hello, Mother. Hello, Father.
It's me, Marisol.
[both sobbing]
Wowie! Hello, Marisol!
Ahh!
[dramatic music plays]
[Eduardo] Marisol!
What is the meaning of this?
And I nearly got away with it!
And we're clear. Thanks, kid, that's a wrap for you.
Best of luck with your career.
- I'm done? - We find out that you're not really our daughter.
You're a very short 35-year-old con woman
trying to steal Consuela's shipping fortune.
- All righty then. - What? They can't do that!
- Though that is rather good. - Let's get out of here.
At least you've got that memory of a lifetime.
But I was just getting to be close friends with Eduardo and Consuela!
- Huh? - [Shelby] Don't worry, Boyster.
I'm not just going to stand by and let them write you off the show.
What kind of manager would I be?
- Manager? - Shh.
Hey, baby, how's my favorite director?
- Who's this? - Harvey Shelstein of Marishell Pictures.
Huge fan. Listen, big guy, you ready to step up to the major leagues?
What would you say to directing a $200 million feature
- set in the Fiji islands? - I'd say when do I start?!
So long, suckers! I'm done with this clown show!
- Don't go! - We'll be lost without you, old boy!
Who says there are no second acts in show biz?
I can't believe you're making me do this.
No complaining. I will not have you spoil my directorial debut.
Now, if you please, we have television history to make.
The first daytime drama to be directed by a shell.
[both sobbing] Greetings, everyone.
I am your new director, Orson Shells.
You can forget the old scripts.
I took the liberty of making a few much-needed tweaks.
Quiet. Rehearsal in ...
...three, two, one. And action.
A-ha! I knew you were trying to steal my shipping fortune.
I'm not stealing it. I'm protecting it from him!
He's not Eduardo. He's his evil twin, Leonardo!
Give me that money!
[grunts]
I learned a thing or two from those pirates!
En garde! [giddy laugh]
- Orson, can we stop? - What's the problem, Leonardo?
I'm Eduardo, not Leonardo.
And don't you think the whole "evil twin" thing is kind of hack-y?
Hack-y?! I'm coming out.
[tires skid]
So, you're a writer now, is that it?
No, but I've been on this show for 12 seasons,
- and I think I know a little bit about... - You know nothing.
In the words of Alfred Hitchcock: "All actors are cattle."
You'd do well to keep that in mind.
[nervous giggling]
Excuse me, um, Miss Marisol, I'm a huge fan!
Ha-ha, funny, Rafik. How'd you know I was here?
- Boyster?! - Yeah. Who are those for?
Oh, uh, nobody. They got caught in the spokes of my bike.
[chuckles]
[groans] For the last time,
are you going to perform the scene as written?
No one could perform this drivel!
I'll bet your replacement can. You're fired.
[all gasping]
[high-frequency beep]
Fine! I don't need this!
I still have my gourmet popcorn business.
[door slams]
You did the right thing. Eduardo's a big baby.
I don't suppose you'll have any problem with me taking his dressing room?
Say, what are we going to do for a male lead?
I'll handle everything. Take five, everyone.
I shall make a few tweaks to the script,
and then we're going to make some real screen magic.
- Rafik, I shall need your assistance. - Shelby...?
[door opens]
Where's your wheelchair?
It's called rising to the occasion.
[high-frequency beep]
- Huh? - Let's do this, people.
We're live in five, four, three, two, one.
Action.
- [Consuela] A-ha! - Huh?
I knew you were trying to steal my shipping fortune.
That's right. And who's gonna stop me?
[Shelby] I will.
- Who are you? - I am Bernardo.
[stammering] Ooh.
Eduardo and Leonardo's identical triplet brother.
And, I am here to protect you.
[Rafik stammering]
While my brothers are incapacitated, with Tibetan Sleeping Fever.
- Ohh! - Well... prepare to meet your doom.
Yah! [Shelby stammering]
Hmm? I forgot to mention I just got over a touch
of the Tibetan Sleeping Fever myself. And my vision is still blurry.
- [Rafik] Is that it? - It'll do.
[both shout karate yells]
[Shelby roars]
- [Boyster] Uh-oh. - Clumsy oaf!
[smacking sound] [Shelby grunts]
Ahh!
[all gasping] [exhales]
What are you?
[Rafik imitating robotic sounds]
I am Feecra, from the planet Zanzorak.
I have been inhabiting Bernardo's body.
You are all my prisoners. [all gasp]
[Consuela] Oh, Eduardo, it all seemed so real!
Our daughter turned out to be our son, and there was an alien invasion!
And all the while, you were suffering from a bad case
of Tibetan Sleeping Fever!
But then it turned out you were the one with Sleeping Fever.
And all of those things were just dreams.
What was that you were watching?
- [both] Nothing. - You needn't try to hide it from me.
I recognize that my show on Prestige and Passion was a debacle.
I put us all in a compromised position.
I regret it all. You might as well turn it back on.
The worst part of my dream was some guy named Bernardo,
who was a hideous creature!
Mind if we watch something else?
[dramatic music]
Mr. Pluss, why is this considered a great movie?
There aren't even any car chases or explosions.
Silence, you uncultured bore!
Can't you appreciate how these images define the human condition?
[whimpers]
[muffled music] Hmm?
[both laughing]
[both] Huh?
- It's, uh, for class? - Really?
And how does this garbage qualify as classic cinema?
Well, it has over three million views in the two weeks
it's been out. That makes it a viral video classic.
I see. Since you two are such aficionados of viral videos,
I'm going to give you a special
assignment to make one of your own.
Cool. Of course, we can't guarantee it'll go viral, but...
If it doesn't get a million views,
you get an "F" in Cinema Studies for the whole year!
- Can you do that? - Did I say a million?
- I meant two million! - What?!
- Three million! - Wha...
I can't get another "F". My mom says if I do,
I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends.
- You mean me. - Hey, I got lots of friends!
- Fine. You. - We're just gonna have to pull this off.
Hmm, we really could use some help. If only we knew an expert.
[Shelby groans] Talk about derivative.
This video is nothing more than
a pastiche of tired Internet clichés.
Shelby, you spend all day watching viral videos.
What's the secret to making one catch on?
I'm so glad you asked.
I've been preparing this presentation for just such an occasion.
A viral video, so-called because it spreads
through social media multiplying exponentially,
will include an idea, or Internet meme that snowballs in
popularity until it becomes a recognized cultural phenomenon.
Examples include: keyboard-playing animals,
re-cut movie trailers, unrated video games,
skateboard stunts, unicorns,
cats, dance crazes, and epic fails.
Yeah! I get what he's saying and I've got a slam dunk idea.
We'll make a video that does all those things at the same time.
[Rafik] Boyster and Rafik's
Everything But the Kitchen Sink viral video take 211.
- We're gonna nail it this time. - [Rafik] Cue video game. And action.
[Boyster] So I'm here on the first level of Ninja Gnomes,
just trying to click some points.
[Rafik] Here comes Flying Keyboard Squirrel.
Look at him playing his keyboard and flying.
- Ooh! - Ow!
Ahh! Ow!
Ah!
[screaming]
[crashing]
And cut.
Well, we got the epic fail part right.
Oh! No offense, amigo, but you're smelling a little oyster-y.
That's what happens when you do 211 takes.
[sniffs] It's not that bad.
[weak chirp] [uncomfortable giggle]
Look, Alicia's cat.
[meows] Hey, she'd be great for the video!
[laughs] You're right. The Internet is practically made of cats.
Hey, Vanilla, wanna be in a video?
[sniffing]
[screeching]
- Ah! What's your problem? - Must be your fishy sweat.
- It's making her go wild. - Ah!
[Boyster groaning]
- Why aren't you helping me?! - I am helping you. Not get an "F".
[Boyster continues groaning, shouting]
[cat screeching] Ha-ha, very funny, Rafik.
Wasn't me. [screeching continues]
[people laughing]
Funny cat.
- Is that...? - Mm-hm.
Hey, check out my Funny Cat remix.
Funny Cat, Funny Cat.
[stammering] It's Funny Cat.
[laughs] Look how many hits we got already!
[both] Yeah! [Boyster chuckles]
I hope Alicia doesn't mind we used her cat.
Ah. She won't care.
It's not like anybody's gonna know Funny Cat is Vanilla.
[crowd clamoring]
Funny Cat photos, only ten bucks.
Signed photos only 25 bucks.
[clamoring continues]
Don't worry about it. Alicia's gonna be thrilled.
Who wouldn't want to have a celebrity cat?
[growling] You ruined my life!
- Alicia... - It's all good, Alicia.
Vanilla is your ticket to the big time.
I don't care about the big time, Rafik! I just want my kitty!
Thank to you, I can't get anywhere near her!
[Vanilla meows]
Hey!
- [slap] Ah! - Ma'am, I'm gonna need you
to step away from the cat.
[gasps] Hey! Open up!
It's Kenneth Applebottom! I love your movies, man!
And your yogurt commercials.
What do you think you're doing?!
- That's my cat! - Not anymore. I just bought her.
She's gonna star in my next feature.
Counting Abbey: Still Counting After All These Years.
See you at the movies!
- Daddy! How could you?! - But honey, I did it for you.
So we can take that Caribbean cruise you're always talking about.
What Caribbean cruise?!
[giggles excitedly]
Oh, maybe that wasn't you.
[sobbing]
- Poor Alicia. - Poor Vanilla.
- That director's a hack. - You just told him how much you loved him.
Yeah, that's what you do. Don't you know anything about showbiz?
[Shelby laughing]
This never gets old!
Sorry. [shuts off video]
Hey...
If my sweat caused this problem, maybe it can solve it too.
[Shelby] Hmm?
[grunting]
[tea kettle whistle]
Ahh.
Yeah! [Boyster groans]
Thanks.
Operation Get Vanilla Kicked Off the Movie Set is a go.
Catchy name.
Remember, hold your fire until Vanilla's on set.
We need to create maximum chaos.
Now!
[sniffing]
[screeching] Ahh!
Fifty thousand dollar camera. That should get Vanilla fired.
[Killan] I love it! Don't stop filming.
Forget Counting Abbey.
I'll call it Funny Cat 2: Funny is Money.
[growling]
Huh? More sweat bombs.
[screeching]
This is gold! Anybody stops filming, they're fired!
[groans] Let's see if he's ready for his close-up.
[gagging]
[screeching]
Ah! Get him off me!
[grunting] This cat is fired!
- Wahoo! - [both] Huh?
[both] Huh?
[all cats screeching]
[screams]
[grunting]
Ahh. [gasps] [screeching continues]
[screams]
- There's only one thing to do. - Boyster?
Wish me luck.
[Rafik] Nooo!
[whimpering] [Boyster whistles]
[screeching stops] Come and get me, kitties!
[screeching continues]
[all screech loudly]
You want it?
[all mewling] Hmm?
Huh?
[soft meowing]
[Alicia sniffling, sobbing]
[Vanilla meows] Huh? [gasps]
Boyster? You brought Vanilla home!
Thank you so much! I forgive you for everything you did.
That's great.
How do we, uh...
Ohh! [uncomfortable chuckle]
[school bell rings]
Boyster, check it out! We made it!
- Three million views! - [both] No "F"s for us!
- I tell you, I am done with viral videos. - Yeah, uh, me too.
There he is. Naked Kid himself.
Nice going, Boyster. That's, like, the funniest video ever.
- What video? - This one, loser. [chuckles]
[kids laughing]
No! How did that get online?
I had to. I didn't know if Funny Cat would break three mil.
[angry shout]
Boyster, I did it for us! Aah!
This one's definitely going to go viral.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~