1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,360 Hi, I'm Jamie Laing and I'm from Made In Chelsea, 2 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,520 but today, I'm starring in my own cop drama. 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,920 I have to solve a murder. I don't know any of the suspects 4 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,600 and I don't know anything that is going to happen to me. 5 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,560 Wish me good luck. I'm off to Successville. 6 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:30,440 Welcome to Successville. A town full of celebrities. 7 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,760 Sometimes the famous faces who live here break the law. 8 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,920 And when they do, I'm here to take them down. 9 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,120 I'm DI Sleet. 10 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,560 The D is for Detective, not Deborah, 11 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:46,680 because there's no such thing as a Deborah Inspector. 12 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:51,600 I eat crime. I drink justice, and I shit myself. 13 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:58,520 It was Thursday. 14 00:00:58,520 --> 00:00:59,800 I knew it was Thursday 15 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,760 because the calendar on my desk said it was Friday. 16 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,640 I run a day fast so I stay one step ahead of the bad guys. 17 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,600 Sleet? What's all this about you 18 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,560 filing a report about me to HR for bullying? 19 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,640 Ah, it's just at times you can be something of a hard-on, Chief. 20 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:18,240 Yes, but at times, Sleet, you can be a cat's dick-hole. 21 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,120 How dare you? How fucking dare you, after all I've done for you? 22 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,480 I'm gonna take this report, roll it into a sausage 23 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,000 and shove it up your arse! 24 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,480 Will you at least grease me up this time, sir? 25 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,600 Oh, God. I've got you a new recruit. 26 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,800 Young man, inside, quick as you can. 27 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,280 - Hello. - Hello. 28 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:37,480 This is DI Sleet. He's gonna be breaking you in. 29 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,720 This is Jamie Laing. He hasn't got a fucking clue what's going on. 30 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,000 Sleet's gonna show you the ropes. Is that all right? 31 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,840 I'm not imposing on you too much now, am I? 32 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,440 - That's fine, sir. - Bell-end! 33 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,600 Hi. 34 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:53,200 So, daddy's little princess doesn't want a pony any more. 35 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,600 He wants to be a real-life policeman. 36 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,600 - Is that right? - Yeah, I do, I do. That's why I'm here. 37 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,320 I want to be a policeman. 38 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,040 - You excited? - I'm very excited. 39 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,080 Take a seat. 40 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:15,040 - You like to laugh, do you? - No. I don't like to laugh. 41 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,680 I mean, I laugh when I feel uncomfortable. 42 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,640 Do you like to party? 43 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,680 Um, yes. 44 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,680 Best party you ever went to, tell me about it. 45 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,840 It was a Neverland theme party but it was more like, 46 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,480 um, fairy tales. 47 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,520 - Were there girls there? - There were girls there, and you had to... 48 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,120 Did you, as the Americans may say, "make out"? 49 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,600 I think I probably would've. 50 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,640 How did it go down? 51 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,880 - I mean, it went down OK. I... - Show me. 52 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,000 Show me how you did it. 53 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,680 Usual police protocol. 54 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:44,840 Use this as her lips. 55 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,480 Like this. OK? 56 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,800 So you line up for the kiss. 57 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,720 Did you say anything before you kissed her? 58 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,360 No, I don't think I did. I think I just went for the kiss. 59 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:00,760 Oh, God. 60 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,360 - This is... - How long did the kiss go on for? 61 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,480 Show me. Was there tongues? 62 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,800 There was a bit of tongue. 63 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,400 Then...I must see this. 64 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,480 OK. 65 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,920 - Oh. - So sorry to interrupt you, Sleet. 66 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:22,440 I was just wondering if you could get round 67 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,000 to getting your useless arse in gear and solving a murder?! 68 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,040 God, will they never stop killing? 69 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,280 Bruno Tonioli, somebody's got to him. 70 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,480 - The restaurateur? - Yes. The restaurateur. 71 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,640 Quick as you can, boys. I'll be watching you. 72 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,720 - If you screw this up, I'll knock your bollocks off. Yes? - Yes. 73 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,040 Good. 74 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,560 Chop chop. 75 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,360 So, kid, this is it. To your feet. 76 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,040 Let's go solve a crime! 77 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,120 We'll work on your kissing on the way. 78 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,320 We headed to Bruno Tonioli's restaurant. It was a big deal. 79 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:04,000 Laing was popping his cherry on his first crime scene. 80 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,360 Head of Ballistics, Taylor Swift, was already there. 81 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,240 Your first crime scene, kid. 82 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,520 Sleet, it's been a while. 83 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:19,920 Oh, hi, Taylor. 84 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,080 Who's this guy? 85 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,640 Oh, this is Jamie Laing. He's a sweet, young innocent. 86 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,000 I'm bringing him into a whole world of hurt and pain. 87 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,760 Oh, you're good at that, aren't you? 88 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,280 Seriously, watch this guy, OK? Cos he'll lead you on, and then, pfff! 89 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,120 Oh, we only had two sexes. 90 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,400 - What are you laughing at? - Nothing. 91 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,240 - It's time we started looking at this murder scene. - Yeah. 92 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,960 Look. The trajectory of the blood and the brain matter suggests 93 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,920 - that the murderer, whoever he was... - Or she. 94 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,760 - Whoever he or she was.. - Or they. 95 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,640 - Whoever he or she or they was... - Or were. - OK. 96 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,240 Whoever he or she or they was or were, 97 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,320 was or were sitting right here. 98 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,360 OK, kid, it's time you got inside the mind of a murderer. 99 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,320 Park your caboose down there. 100 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,280 (I like it when you talk like this.) 101 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:03,040 Try and keep your knickers on, Swift. 102 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,720 Now what do you see, evidence-wise? 103 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,960 - So we have euro notes. - Oh, euros. 104 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,480 Euros. Do you remember that time we went to Paris once? 105 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,600 He, like, took me along the Champs-Elysees. 106 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,560 We went for, like, a beautiful dinner, 107 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,400 and then he took me to the Eiffel Tower, and he bummed me. 108 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:20,960 - He bummed you? - Mm-hm. 109 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,720 I didn't take her to Paris or the Champs-Elysees. 110 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,080 Don't write this down. Why would you write that down? 111 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,960 It's not evidence. It's not about the case. 112 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,400 It's just about a bit of bumming. 113 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,720 What else is there, kid? 114 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,240 We have cigarettes. 115 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,440 Ah, okey dokey, we have a smoky. 116 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,960 We have a receipt. 117 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,000 - What's on the receipt? Read it out. - A green salad. 118 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,880 Do it in an Italian accent, so we can set the mood. 119 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,560 A green salad... 120 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:54,440 Bruno Tonioli, a green salad, 121 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,880 spaghetti carbonara... 122 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,320 ..penne al forno... 123 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,920 ..ah, tiramisu... 124 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:11,000 ..grapple pie, a cheesecake, a glass of house-a red. 125 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,360 OK, kid. You now should be inside the mind of a killer. 126 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,720 - What car do you drive? - I don't drive. 127 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,240 No, you're the murderer - not you. 128 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,840 This is in the mind of the murderer. 129 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:22,440 - What car do you drive? - A Fiat. 130 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:23,840 - Colour? - Red. 131 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,360 I mean the guy who did it. 132 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:31,800 Italian-looking. 133 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,440 If you ask me, this has all the markings of a gangland hit. 134 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,960 There are only two units that could have pulled this off 135 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,480 in this town, OK? And that is Harry Styles' gang, 136 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,360 and the Carr twins, Alan and Jimmy. 137 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,480 Write it down. 138 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,600 What about his wife? 139 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,360 Oh, Darcey Bussell? No. 140 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,440 She left him two months ago for Adrian Chiles. 141 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:51,160 - She always liked a bad boy, did Darcey. OK, kid? - Yeah. 142 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,000 It's time to go investigate. 143 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,560 You ready to see the seedy, 144 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,520 disgusting underbelly of Successville? 145 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,600 See you soon, Taylor. Come on, kid. 146 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,080 Goodbye, sir. 147 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,160 'Swift had served us up a selection of suspects.' 148 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,960 First on the menu, the notorious Carr brothers, Jimmy and Alan. 149 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:11,320 Businessmen, wine pedlars, killers, question mark? 150 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,160 The Carr brothers, Jimmy and Alan. 151 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,040 Alan's the brains of the outfit. 152 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,360 Sharp as a tack. 153 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:23,080 Jimmy is loco, like a steam train. 154 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,920 He's bat-shit crazy, you dig? 155 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,400 I dig. Can they hear us? 156 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:31,280 No, this is completely soundproof. You could say anything you want. 157 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,880 Hey, Jimmy, you're a big, stupid wally brain. 158 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,920 THEY LAUGH Say something. 159 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,680 You got a stupid coat on! Ha-ha-ha! 160 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,400 - That's not an insult, is it? - OK. Er... 161 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,400 ..You, er... 162 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,000 - Think, come on. - I mean, you... 163 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,080 Hey, hey, Alan, you look like a frog! 164 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,400 - Yeah, you look like a bird! - What?! 165 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:59,240 What? You said an animal, so I copied you. 166 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,480 You don't copy me, kid. 167 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:05,400 What we need is a safe word, should things turn doomtastic in there. 168 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,840 Table. 169 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,320 No, not table. You can't use that, it's a bit stupid. 170 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,640 Sleet. 171 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,600 No, don't say that, you'll say my name loads in there anyway. 172 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,040 I've got the perfect one. 173 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,080 - What? - Earwig. 174 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,200 - Earwig? - Earwig. 175 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,560 - Why earwig? - It's a good, old-fashioned word 176 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,760 that's close to my brain and my heart. 177 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,320 We're just gonna enjoy ourselves. Right, Laing, let's do this. 178 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,520 Thanks for popping down, boys. It's just a few questions. 179 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,800 I don't have to answer no questions. This is harassment. 180 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,640 I'm a respectable businessman. 181 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:48,760 Listen, Carr, someone had pumped Tonioli with a 42-calibre fork. 182 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,240 Perhaps someone left him a hail of bullets as a tip. 183 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,760 Or perhaps someone had a score to settle! You're quiet, Jimmy. 184 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,040 What you looking at? 185 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,840 No. Jimmy. 186 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,600 I hear you were Tonioli's wine supplier! 187 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:16,920 For a while. 188 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,480 We visited a few vineyards last weekend, and I sell a bit on. 189 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,680 What happened? 190 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,840 He got a better offer. 191 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,520 Really? Like what? 192 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,440 Well, that is a good offer. How could you compete? 193 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,240 So Tonioli gets a new guy, 194 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,920 and you're left with crate upon crate of crappy wine. 195 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,080 Must have made you mad, Carr. 196 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,840 Business is business, Sleet. 197 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,040 So be it. 198 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:44,200 Would you two be able to put your fingers in your ears 199 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,520 so I can talk to my partner in private? 200 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:49,760 OK, listen. 201 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:53,080 I'm going to take Alan out of the room, rough him up a bit, 202 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,040 ask him some questions. I'm going to leave you in here with Jimmy. 203 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,880 - Leave, you mean? - Yes, with Jimmy. 204 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,680 Why you leaving me with Jimmy? Look at him. 205 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,040 - You scared of him? Look at him. - I'm not scared of him, no. 206 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,240 He's a freak. He's a loser. 207 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,200 - I know he's a loser. - He's weak. Are you weak or are you strong? 208 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,960 I'm strong. Like a wrecking ball. 209 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,440 I like it. 210 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,400 Don't leave any stone unturned. 211 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,120 - You ready? - Ready. 212 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,560 Good boy. Hey, Alan? Unplug 'em. Follow me. 213 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,520 Let's me and you go for a chat outside. 214 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,760 Right, I'm gonna ask you some questions. 215 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,320 And I want you to answer honestly and truthfully. 216 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,000 Where were you at the time of the murder? 217 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,520 I'll ask you again. Jimmy, where were you at the time of the murder? 218 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,040 Last time. 219 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:49,160 Jimmy, where were you at the time of the murder? 220 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,040 Shhh! 221 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,680 Sit down. 222 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,400 EARWIG! Sleet! 223 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:08,400 Sleet! Sleet! Earwig?! 224 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,720 You're treating me like a prize plonker, Carr. 225 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,600 Tell me, where were you on the night of Tonioli's murder? 226 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,040 I was at home, washing my hair. 227 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,480 Yeah. Head, pit or pubic? 228 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,480 I refuse to answer that question without my lawyer present. 229 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,280 Well, you ain't gonna get no lawyer. 230 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,640 Sleet! Earwig! 231 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,000 Earwig, Sleet! 232 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,000 Let's see how your brother's getting on. 233 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:40,560 What are you doing? 234 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,480 Sleet, what the hell...? I called "earwig"! 235 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,960 I couldn't hear you. Sorry, kid. 236 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,360 What do you mean? It's the safe word and you didn't come! 237 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,760 - What's all this crap? - He had it with him. 238 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,080 You let him here with this? 239 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,760 I didn't let him in here with this! He was in here with this. 240 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,400 Hey, shut up! 241 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,800 You get any evidence? What the hell's that? 242 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,040 Why do you have that with you? What is it? 243 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,080 A Barbie. 244 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,400 Damn it, kid! 245 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,000 If you're not going to charge us, we'll be going. 246 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,200 Be on your way, you pair of punks. Get outta here! 247 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,120 Come on, Jim. Home time. 248 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,000 Get outta here, you smarmy little shitbag. 249 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:22,360 We're no closer to the end, but this case is just getting exciting. 250 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,120 Let's go! 251 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,920 Laing had lost his wiener up against the Carrs. 252 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,520 I had to hope he could find it, ASAP. 253 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:33,400 Up next, one Darcey Bussell, Bruno's jilted wife. 254 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,360 It was time for Jamie to go undercover, with a new alias - 255 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:38,880 Arty Boocamp. 256 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:44,000 - "Arty Boocamp?" - Arty Boocamp. Like "boot camp", but no T. Boocamp. 257 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,880 Now listen, go in there, earn her trust, 258 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,920 have a good time with her. Make Papa proud. 259 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,080 - Oh, hello, stranger! - Hi. 260 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:02,760 What's a nice gentleman like you doing in a terrible joint like this? 261 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,000 Ah, I came for a drink. 262 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,800 Oh, darling, you'll have to wait. The service is terrible. 263 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,040 - What's your name, darling? - I'm Arty Boocamp. 264 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:14,080 Arty Boocamp. How nice to meet you, darling. What a pleasure! 265 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,800 And where are you from, Arty Boocamp? 266 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,120 I'm from the north, but I have a southern accent. 267 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,840 How lovely, darling. How wonderful. And what do you do, Arty Boocamp? 268 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,160 I buy and sell exotic fruit. 269 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,440 Really, darling? 270 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,880 Like papaya and...starfruit. 271 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,280 Have you ever had starfruit? 272 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,000 - Who hasn't had a starfruit? - I know! 273 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,160 - Where do you sell them, darling? - What is your name? 274 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,440 - I'm Darcey, darling. - You're Darcey? - That's right. 275 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,320 - You're very beautiful. - Oh. 276 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,080 - Can I get you both a drink? - Yes... 277 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,360 (Jamie, it's me.) 278 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,160 Two whisky sours, please, darling. 279 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:44,440 And for you, sir? 280 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,600 I will have the same. 281 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,040 Oh, thank you, darling. 282 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,440 Four whisky sours it is. 283 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,160 - So where do you live? - I think she likes you, darling! 284 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,680 - I think she does, too. - Did you see? - I did see! 285 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:55,720 Oh, how exciting. 286 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,840 - Are you married? - Oh, darling, I was married. 287 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,560 It's such a sad thing to talk about marriage, isn't it? 288 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,840 - What was your husband's name? - Oh, you won't know him, darling. 289 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,440 - What was his name? - Bruno. - Bruno? - Bruno Tonioli. 290 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:08,440 - I don't know him. - Oh, he was a terrible man. 291 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,200 - Oh, thank you, darling. - Why was he so...? Thank you. 292 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,240 (Ask more questions.) 293 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,800 Tracey, I'll leave you a tip, darling. Leave it there for you. 294 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,960 - That's very kind of you. - Thank you, Tracey. - Yes. 295 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,440 I hope you're both having a good time. 296 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,520 But not too much of a good time that you forget why you're here. 297 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,880 Oh, well, I'd never forget why I'm here, Tracey. 298 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,080 If you know what I mean. 299 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:31,520 So, tell me. Where were you when your poor husband was murdered? 300 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,760 Oh, hello, Tracey! 301 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,160 I can't seem to stay away. 302 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,280 - Oh, what's that over there? - Well, I don't know, Tracey. 303 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,640 Listen. You better get your arse in gear. 304 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,240 We're up against the clock here, OK? 305 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,640 (I'm trying to.) 306 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,920 Quick, kiss me. 307 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,240 I have that effect. It's a curse. 308 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,680 So tell me, how come you use euros? 309 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,680 Oh, just travelling round Europe all the time, darling. 310 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,560 I can't tell the difference between europes and poundens. 311 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,800 And so, are you sad? So do you miss Bruno? 312 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,720 Were you guys happy? Did you love him? 313 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,800 I loved him in my own way, darling, but I don't think he loved me. 314 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:05,920 Well, who shot Bruno? 315 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,720 Well, darling, the million-dollar question, I suppose. 316 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,200 I don't know. I'm just drinking until the pain goes away. 317 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,600 Were you there when he was shot? 318 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,960 Don't you find alcohol makes everything seem better? 319 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,160 It feels like you're in a dream world when you drink. 320 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,760 Darling, you really are a poet. It's like Ted Hughes is here. 321 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,960 - We are in a dream. - I'm sorry to interrupt once more. 322 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,960 Oh, Tracey, that lipstick really suits you. 323 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,000 Thank you very much. 324 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,200 Um, there is a car waiting outside for you. 325 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,640 - There is? - Yes. I think you better be on your way. 326 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,400 The barman said your sort aren't welcome here. 327 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:40,000 Oh, I didn't realise. Oh, darling. Take care, Mr Boocamp. 328 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,080 - It was a pleasure. - It was a real pleasure meeting you. 329 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:44,800 - Au revoir, darling. - Au revoir. 330 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,440 Proud of yourself? 331 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,560 I never said that Arty Boocamp was a complete prick, did I? 332 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,600 The car's been running for 40 minutes, Laing! 333 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,400 'Our final suspects were Harry Styles, Niall Horan 334 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,920 'and the One Direction mob. 335 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,120 'A change of clothes and a stiff coffee later, I hatched a plan 336 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,800 'so Laing could infiltrate their gang - shebang!' 337 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,120 Hockey up a perch, kid. 338 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,960 - You ready for this? - I'm ready for it. 339 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,040 This is Harry Styles and his gang. 340 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,720 They're as lethal as they are ugly. 341 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,520 - He's a madman. - Mm-hm. 342 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,120 You'll be able to hear everything I say through that wire. 343 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,160 Repeat everything I say. 344 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,760 - Repeat everything I say. - No, not now, 345 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,920 when you've got the earpiece and you're in there. 346 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,200 - That's when you repeat everything I say. OK? - OK. 347 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,840 You need to be tough in there, kid. 348 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,200 And we think it's all right on my first day to go in there? 349 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,040 - What, are you scared? - No, I'm not scared... 350 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,680 Well, do you want me to send you down 351 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,600 to plant some flowers at the roundabout? 352 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,920 - No, I... - Do you know what I did on my first day? 353 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,560 - What? - I took a gun. I went down to a biker gang, 354 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,440 and I took them all out. 355 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,320 For no goddamn reason. 356 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,200 - How's that make you feel? Are you scared of me? - No. 357 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,480 Why not? Why would you not be scared when I tell you I've killed people? 358 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,360 - Do you think I'm pathetic? - No. 359 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,760 - Do you think people have sex with my wife behind my back? - No. - They do. 360 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,480 HE GUFFAWS Is that funny? 361 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:05,640 No, it's not. Not at all. 362 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,840 - Have you had sex with my wife? - No, I have not. 363 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,080 - Have you had sex? - I would never... - Look me in the eye. 364 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,240 He does this to everyone. 365 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,840 You shut your face. Be on your way. Go. 366 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,400 Get out! You disgust me! 367 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,400 - This is safe, isn't it? - It's not safe. - OK. 368 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,080 How are they doing, beating him up? That poor slug. 369 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,360 Hey, do you know how you kill a slug? 370 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:25,960 - Pour salt on it. - Exactly. 371 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,080 You know if you put a stone in a piece of bread 372 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,920 and give it to a pigeon, it can't fly? 373 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,440 Oh, it's a shame this murder case is getting in the way. 374 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,720 I'd like to give that a try. 375 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,880 Sweet Jamie. 376 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:41,000 Great men don't shit their pants. 377 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,400 (Go get 'em, soldier.) 378 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,760 Tie him up nice and tight. 379 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,600 Do you know what we're gonna do to you, policeman? 380 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,840 We're gonna beat you senseless, then we're gonna kill you. 381 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,840 - It stinks in here. - Anyone that... 382 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,840 It stinks in here. What is this? A fart factory? 383 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,120 Who the fuck are you? 384 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,600 I'm Marvin Eaglecock. 385 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,680 I'm Marvin Eaglecock. 386 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:07,480 A freelance hell-raiser, looking for some action. 387 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,040 I'm a crime robot that turns into a crime lorry. 388 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,920 I'm a crime robot who turns into a crime lorry. 389 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,760 I am Optimus Crime. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 390 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,080 Who's he, then? Your girlfriend? 391 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,840 Do you want me to tear you a new arsehole? 392 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,360 I might rip it there so you get shit in your eyes! 393 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,520 You'll never get... 394 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,320 What?! 395 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,240 You'll never get near my arsehole! 396 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,040 You finished, have you? That's very nice. 397 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,880 You seemed a little bit stuttery. 398 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,320 Are you nervous? Do you think I have nerves? 399 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:46,520 I literally don't have nerves. I have titanium flipping wires. 400 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:47,920 Watch this. 401 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,000 Oh, God! 402 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,480 And it's back. Bada-bing! Didn't feel a thing. 403 00:18:56,480 --> 00:19:00,280 Tell him that's the coolest thing you've ever seen. 404 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,760 Hell fire. That's the coolest thing I've ever seen. 405 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:15,160 And I've seen a pigeon eat some bread. Ha-ha-ha-ha! 406 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,360 Ha-ha-ha! 407 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,480 Ah-ha! Ha-ha! 408 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,480 And I've seen a pigeon eat some bread with a stone in it, 409 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,600 and it couldn't... 410 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,360 ..fly! 411 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:32,000 - I like him. - I like him. - Come and take a seat. 412 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,880 Sorry. just sit down now. 413 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:35,960 It's gonna be OK. 414 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,440 Can we hear what you've got to say now? 415 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,560 Do you want to know a little bit about my past? 416 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,680 Go on. 417 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,720 Two years ago, I was in the Los Bandos. 418 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,920 That's...(Spanish)! 419 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,240 Those are bold words. How many people have you killed? 420 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,840 Five... 421 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,520 thousand... 422 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,840 ..six... 423 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,400 Five thousand, six hundred... 424 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,920 and... 425 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,600 twenty...one... 426 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,120 Native.... 427 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,560 Native American Indians. 428 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,320 Oh, that's a bit specific. 429 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:38,800 - That is specific, yeah. - All right. OK. You're in. 430 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,840 Fill him in on the facts, Niall. 431 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,440 Right, well, there's been a bit of trouble round here, 432 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,560 - you might have heard. - Yeah, I've heard. 433 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:48,920 Boss, what's that noise? 434 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,440 Oi, you. Tomlinson, go and check that out. 435 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,040 Hey! Look at me. 436 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,080 Bruno's, used to be a nice little caff. 437 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,040 Two-course lunch for under a tenner. 438 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:02,320 But, Bruno, you know, he's been causing a lot of trouble. 439 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:03,880 You know what I'm saying? 440 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,480 You know those food hygiene rating stickers 441 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,560 you get in t'window of restaurant? 442 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,680 Well, Bruno's, that said five. 443 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,880 On the other hand, if you were to ask my arse, it would say 444 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,840 very loudly, and in no uncertain terms, 445 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:22,080 that it was a big, fat bleeding zero! 446 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,560 Ha-ha, just like his arse! 447 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,120 He had an arse like a fire sprinkler. 448 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:27,840 All right, Niall. All right, don't talk about me arse. 449 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,920 Sorry, boss. 450 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,680 So, I had a little word with Senor Tonioli. 451 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,840 It began with a "you", and ended with, 452 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,800 "..will regret this, you twinkle-toed, 453 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,160 "spaghetti-peddling fuckwit!" 454 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,440 Now it looks like someone's finally lost it with him, you know. 455 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,880 Get off me! Get off me, you gangrenous fat toad! 456 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,760 - What the...? - Let me go. 457 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,280 Urgh! 458 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:57,240 Well, well, well, well, well, well, well. 459 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,760 DI Sleet. 460 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,440 I thought the smell of copper was coming from this seat here. 461 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,360 - Hey, Sid. - All right. 462 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,480 Happy birthday, old friend. 463 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,520 Some of the guys have got you a cake back at the station. If you make it. 464 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,000 Where's your badge, Sleet? 465 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,960 Well, I was only making a cold call, stopping by to say hello 466 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,480 to some friends. 467 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,360 Oh. You told anyone you're coming here? 468 00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:22,360 - Regrettably, no. - All right. 469 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,160 - Shoot him. - Jamie! Don't do it. 470 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,040 Jamie?! You said your name was Marvin Eaglecock. 471 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,720 - Ahem. Er... - What's going on? 472 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,640 You said you were Optimus Crime. 473 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,680 You know what, you're with him. You're a copper! 474 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,560 - I'm not with him! - You're a policeman! 475 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,560 - Come here. - You're a policeman. 476 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:41,800 In fact, I see it now! 477 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,640 - A wire! - Sorry, Jamie. 478 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,240 Looks like we're both done for. 479 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,360 And Sid, of course, but he was always dead anyway. 480 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:51,200 Right. Take these two next door and tie 'em up. 481 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,120 - Right, come on, big nuts. - Get off me! 482 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,760 You won't get away with this. 483 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,960 I'll get away with what I want! 484 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,680 You don't scare me, Sleet. You big ponce! 485 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,760 - Jamie. - Yeah. 486 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,160 Can you see anything that might get us out of this? 487 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,000 - Oh, there's some scissors. - Where? 488 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,280 In front of me. There's some scissors just there. 489 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,040 Do you think you can...? Oh, wait there. 490 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,320 Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, guess what I can see? 491 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:24,240 - What can you see? - A big old lump of cheese. 492 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,840 - Cheese? - Yes. 493 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,280 - What are you going to do with the cheese? - Eat it, of course. 494 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,680 We're trying to escape. We don't need to eat now. 495 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,880 If we can get to the cheese, we can get our strength up, 496 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,760 then we can come back and get the scissors. 497 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,360 - Well, how we going to get the cheese? - Follow my lead. Ready? 498 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:39,160 - Yeah. - One, two, three - go. 499 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,960 I'm nearly at the cheese. I'm nearly at the sweet, sweet cheese. 500 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,760 Ah... You're so heavy. Why are you so heavy? 501 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,720 I have a problem with eating. 502 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,720 Bend, kid. Bend, boy. 503 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,520 I'm trying to bend. My back doesn't bend. 504 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,560 Arrrgh! 505 00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:13,400 The cheese has gone. 506 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,400 I don't often admit that I'm wrong, but, thinking about it... 507 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,600 we should have probably got the scissors first. 508 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,120 - How far are the scissors away now? - So far. 509 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:26,680 Listen, sweet boy, you're going to have to lead this. Ready? 510 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,080 - OK, ready. - Go. 511 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,880 What you doing? I feel like we can stand up. 512 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:38,600 Twist...twist. 513 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,160 I'm on... I'm on the chair. 514 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,360 - You're just dragging me. - I got...the scissors, boy. 515 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:53,640 Use your teeth to get the scissors. Go on your knees. 516 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,320 OK. Excellent. 517 00:24:56,680 --> 00:25:00,200 Actually, I think we can shake out of this. 518 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,720 Jamie, I got the scissors. 519 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,040 - Hey, you know what? - What? 520 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,560 I think we really bonded there. 521 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,480 That is old-fashioned teamwork. 522 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:15,520 Now let's go and bust these suckers! 523 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:19,440 'Jamie had finally proved his mettle. We lured the suspects to the docks. 524 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,720 'Time to serve up justice, alfresco style.' 525 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,960 Oh, hello, it's the Carr sisters. 526 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,120 Oh, here we are. The One Erection boys. 527 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:30,280 - Funny seeing you here, darling. - Funny how? Do I amuse you? 528 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,200 - Here, calm down, boss, you know. - This is our territory. 529 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,880 Back off, laughing boy. 530 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,160 - He wasn't talking to you. - Was that a laugh? 531 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:40,840 Sounds like he's got whooping cough. 532 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:42,840 Oi, watch your mouth. We've had the cop... 533 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,160 It's Sleet! 534 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,400 Everybody easy. 535 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,120 Well, looksey here, Jamie boy, 536 00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:54,960 we got ourselves an old-school Mexican standoff. 537 00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,720 Jamie, I want you to take down whoever you think 538 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,880 killed Bruno Tonioli. 539 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:05,600 And when you do it, kid, say something real cool. 540 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,360 Yippee ki-yay, Darcey Bussell! 541 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,120 Mr Boocamp! 542 00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:13,960 Ow! 543 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,640 Flippin' heck. 544 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,760 WHOOPING SCREAMS Jimmy! 545 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,560 No, come on now, big man. 546 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,160 Think of the fans now. No, come on now. 547 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,360 Hey, Niall. Pretty silly bringing a knife to a gunfight. 548 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:26,800 You missed. 549 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,680 Don't! 550 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:40,840 - How cool was that? - That was cool. 551 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,200 Two guys just out shooting bad guys. 552 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,480 You know something, Jamie, I've never felt this close 553 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,000 to anyone in my life. 554 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,920 I'm proud of ya, kid. Daddy's proud. Real proud. 555 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,720 - I feel like a proud... - What's going on? 556 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,640 What's...? What's that? What's thaaat? 557 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,280 Who's responsible for this bloodbath? 558 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,400 He is, sir. Jamie Laing. 559 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:09,360 Why? Why did you shoot Darcey Bussell? 560 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,720 - Cos she killed her husband. - What? 561 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:15,000 In the restaurant, there were euros on the table. 562 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,040 She paid for the receipt. There was wine on the wall. 563 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,080 - She'd thrown wine on the walls. - Wow. 564 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,200 She was obviously upset and hurt and killed him. 565 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:26,400 You were surrounded by hardened criminals, 566 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,880 and you decided to shoot an innocent woman. 567 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,600 How do you feel? Big? 568 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,960 It was obviously the Carr twins, you doughnut. 569 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,280 Yes? They were pissed off at Bruno 570 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,520 because he changed wine suppliers, yeah? 571 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,920 - He got a better offer. - Must have made you mad, Carr. 572 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,520 Business is business, Sleet. 573 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,600 They'd been in France on a booze cruise. 574 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,240 There was a tip in euros at the restaurant, 575 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,040 and they smoked cigarettes. 576 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:57,920 It couldn't have been Darcey because she smoked e-cigarettes, 577 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,240 and Taylor told you... 578 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,000 Oh, this has all the markings of a gangland hit. 579 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,680 You know, when he puts it like that, 580 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,840 it's pretty obvious it wasn't Darcey, actually. 581 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,920 Laing. You're fired. 582 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,560 And as for you, Johnny Big Balls, piss off home. 583 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:13,720 Fuck me. 584 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,920 How do you feel, kid? 585 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,160 I just killed an innocent woman. 586 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:24,320 You know something? It happens. That's the job, I guess. 587 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,000 You're not going to let it weigh on your conscience, are you? 588 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,280 Well, I'm not going to be your partner any more. 589 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,840 Yeah, but we can still be friends, can't we? 590 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,360 - We are friends, aren't we? - We are. 591 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:39,480 Hey, what say Arty Boocamp and Billy Sticks go and get a drink? 592 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,120 - You know who Billy Sticks is? - No. 593 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,040 He's Arty Boocamp's best friend. 594 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,480 Come on, you multi-murderer. 595 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,840 You never did tell me how Made In Chelsea ends. 596 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,040 Higher Love by Steve Winwood 597 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,800 # Bring me a higher love 598 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:02,440 # Where's that higher love I keep thinking of? 599 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:07,520 # Worlds are turning and we're just hanging on 600 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:13,240 # Facing our fear and standing out there alone 601 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:17,320 # A yearning, and it's real to me 602 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:22,120 ♪ There must be someone who's feeling for me... ♪