Previously on Becoming us...
I'm kind of worried a little bit about Ben.
Do you think he's just like, having a little bit
of a hard time with the fact
that I'm gonna be having surgery?
Maybe you should do like,
a dating website.
This is the first time that I'm putting myself
out in the world as who I am.
- Just don't fall. - Yeah.
- That looks like something. - Woohoo.
We're in business, man.
It's very amateur looking.
One thing that bugs me
is you not letting me call you "Dad".
Everything just like, always seems to be about you.
I don't know if I really need a relationship.
I'm Ben,
I'm sixteen years old
and I'm a junior in high school.
I grew up with loving parents,
I have an amazing sister,
and I have an awesome girlfriend named Danielle.
If I fall, you're always there to pick me up.
I've got your back.
I thought I knew exactly
where my life was headed,
until she came along.
Her name is Carly
and Carly...
was my dad.
What now?
[Theme music playing]
♪ Whoa, oh, oh ♪
♪ whoa, oh, oh ♪
♪ it's a big ♪
♪ big world ♪
[music playing]
Benny Ben, what are you doing?
- What's the matter with you? - I don't know man,
- me and Danielle broke up and I'm just... - Light.
I don't wanna do anything,
I'm not motivated to do anything.
You're sad.
I'm sad and I'm sleepy.
I'm sorry.
You know how to fix it?
- What? - Getting out in the world
again.
So...
Let's go to a movie.
Okay?
- What? No. - We're gonna go to a movie
and you're gonna feel better
and I know it's hard
but you'll get over it.
How are we gonna get there?
You don't drive.
I'll get us a car,
is that okay?
Okay.
Get the hell out of my room.
Okay, fine. I'm sorry.
[Music playing]
God, it's cold.
I guess one of us has to learn how to drive, right?
Yeah.
- Oh, good. Okay. They're here. - Okay.
- Hello. - Hi, there.
We're going to the movie theater at old orchard.
- Okay, perfect. - Thank you.
So what happened
with Danielle?
We just, we talked
and I was like, confused.
- Why? - Still kinda am, just because like,
like she understood me.
Did she do the girl thing?
This is... this is typical,
- okay, ready? - Okay.
When a girl smells
that you're going to break up with her,
- she breaks up with you first. - She tries...
- Yeah, she did that. - Did she?
Yeah.
Good girl, good for her.
I'm just kidding.
It'll get easier.
Have you talked to Carly recently?
No, I haven't.
No, why?
Just because I'm still kind of upset
with that whole like,
I can't call her "Dad" thing,
because it's just... it's not fair to me,
you know?
I'm sorry.
I love Carly
but now that her surgery is coming up,
it's bringing a lot of negative emotions.
Once that happens,
it's official that my dad is gone.
You know, we're totally going to her house
this weekend for dinner.
- Yeah. - Wait
and she asked me to bring Kevin.
I know, I wonder what she's gonna tell us.
I do too.
[Music playing]
This is the decongestant cleanser.
This is just gonna help really cleanse your skin.
I don't like my pores.
Who does?
Well, you have none.
- Ha ha. - Sutton, you don't.
Hmm.
You have porcelain skin.
Oh, that feels good.
Since I've been back in Evanston,
I've had a lot more time to hang out with Carly.
I like this new relationship that we have.
I definitely just feel more comfortable
being around her
than I ever did around Charlie.
I think this is the closest
you and I have ever been.
Yep, we had a strange relationship growing up.
We sure did.
You accepting your true self
and soul has brought us closer.
That makes me happy.
Me too.
There was something I wanted to ask you about,
and it has to do with Ben
wanting to call you "Dad".
Did you just feel
my shoulders just totally tighten up?
- Oh, yeah. Ha ha, sorry. - I'm sorry.
Just keep going, it's fine.
I want you to think about
maybe allowing him to do that
or just, I don't know.
So let's back up for a minute.
It just doesn't fit for me,
- it doesn't work, so... - Sure.
It makes me really pretty horribly uncomfortable
and that, maybe that's just my issue.
- Yeah. - But it's like
when my sister calls me her brother.
People look at her like,
"what are you talking about?"
Well, yes, that's uncomfortable.
Well, it's not a whole lot different.
This is who I am,
there's no turning back.
I live the way I live on a daily basis
and I've got no shame for it.
I don't apologize to anybody for being who I am.
I'm not "Dad",
plain and simple.
But like,
if you don't let him acknowledge
the good things that happened
before you became this beautiful woman,
it's not gonna do anybody favors.
Because while you were that other person,
you had a son
and he loves you so much
and it's important to me
that you guys talk about that,
because that could be something really heavy
that he could hold on for the rest of his life.
And...
Yeah, that's my two cents.
I'd say that was more like 22 cents.
Yeah.
[Music playing]
Hey, Ben.
How you doing?
All right.
Cool. So, how did we do on that English paper?
I haven't started it yet.
Wait, wasn't it due already?
Yeah.
Okay. Is there a reason
that you just completely disregarded
your English assignment?
- Are you okay? - It was just like
a whole barray of things just...
Barray?
I don't know if that's a word.
No.
Well, béret is a hat,
typically worn in France.
- Oh, cool. A hat of things. - I think you mean
- an array of issues. - An array of issues.
Yes.
I basically, I just feel like nothing right now,
like this T-shirt business
is not going too well.
What T-shirt business?
Um, I made a T-shirt company with Ayton.
You went into business with Ayton?
That's ill-advised, in my opinion.
With Ben, I'm dealing with a level of absentness
that I've never dealt with before.
I don't think Ben right now
is even close to his full potential,
and...
And he can reach it,
he can do it.
Someone just needs to help him.
Do you ever think about maybe just pouring
your whole soul into photography?
I've never really thought about it.
Maybe next time I see you,
bring me some prints.
- Get your English paper done. - Okay.
Do your algebra homework that you've been putting off.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm amazed
your teacher's still accepting it.
And print some prints.
Why do I feel like only one of those things
- is gonna get done? - Definitely the photography's
gonna get done,
algebra maybe, English yes.
Yeah, that's not bad.
[Music playing]
Well, it finally happened.
What happened?
Uh, me and Ben broke up.
Really?
Well, what happened?
I'm just kind of done with him right now.
I mean, it's fine, I'm actually kind of relieved.
Like, it wasn't changing
and I felt like, you know,
he wasn't being a very good boyfriend, so...
And you're doing okay?
Yeah.
- You sure? - Yeah. Dad, stop.
- Okay. - You don't...
- Well, I do worry about you. - I'm fine.
- You know? - I'm fine.
Okay.
Danielle claims not to be bothered or hurt
but I... I have a feeling
that there's a lot more to that
and she has a lot more feelings
and I mean, I worry about her.
And how's Ben doing?
I mean, I haven't talked to him,
it's not like I want to talk to him
after we just broke up.
How did all this come about?
I just kind of like, finally
got to that point where I was like,
about ready to just explode
and I just...
It needed to be over, you know?
I mean, I think that we're still gonna be friends
but I think it's gonna take awhile
until we get to that point, you know?
Right, right, yeah.
You're thinking about it the right way, okay?
I hope so.
What... what are you even doing?
Well, I'm polishing some things,
this is an old compass.
I got some news myself.
Really?
Yeah, I've been chatting online
with a individual.
Um, seems really nice
and we're going to meet each other.
You can't just like, tell me that.
You've gotta tell me more, you know?
Like what's this... what is this person like?
What do they look like?
I want, I want deets,
- you know? - About my age, about my age,
tall,
slender,
seems like to have a good build.
I mean, it really seems like we have a lot in common.
It's nice to see you excited, Dad.
- I'm really happy for you. - Oh, yeah, great, thanks.
Dating someone as myself,
dressed as... as who I feel
is a very big step for me
and uh, it's pretty scary.
I just hope they accept me for who I am.
Just like, let me know where you're at though.
Like, if he's like, some weird guy
so I can like, come rescue you.
I already made that promise with your mom,
- that I would let her know, so... - Oh, okay. Good.
Because you know, that's like
a number one girl rule about dating.
♪ Waking up ♪ ♪ in your eyes ♪
♪ I see my bloodline ♪
♪ your heart's on fire ♪
♪ whoa, oh ♪
♪ you're the rising sun ♪
♪ whoa, oh ♪
♪ may the love come down ♪
♪ let me hear you say ♪
♪ that you found ♪
♪ your way ♪
So when did you like, first start
with like, drawing and all that stuff?
I was five years old.
It's a great way to let out your feelings.
- That's true. - Good and bad.
How about your photography?
- I just do it. - Yeah.
Just because I've been told
that I've been good at it and...
Well, I see feelings in your pictures.
Oh, there's definitely feelings behind it.
Well, I liked the one the other day I saw
- of the empty barn and... - Oh, abandoned?
Yeah, I liked that.
Yeah.
It's called abandoned?
Mm-hmm.
Is that how you felt?
I guess you could say that.
It's a perfectly natural feeling.
You're good at...
splatter paint.
No, you're good at recovering.
Yeah.
It's... it's really remarkable and you're...
There's a lot to handle.
Your dad becoming somebody else.
Mm-hmm.
I don't really get it,
- I guess. - Oh.
Know what I mean?
Well, I had a... a conversation with her.
And she said
that she'd always felt this way.
She said
she's much more comfortable
as she is now.
Which I think is much better.
I think that Carly is happier as a woman.
Charlie's problems before
were that he was hiding who he was
but you know, that's part of being a family
is you can recover from those things,
and you... you figure out
how to work it out
instead of holding grudges
that last for years.
- Okay, here we go, you ready? - Mm-hmm.
We're hanging wet paintings, I love it.
I was very surprised that Grandpa Ron
was supportive of Carly's transition.
He... he didn't necessarily like Charlie that much
but I think he likes Carly.
Okay.
Sir.
Now, we've gotta price 'em.
Hundred bucks each.
At least.
You know, what?
You have a big day ahead of you.
- Surgery. - Yep, yep.
I've had my testicles removed
and the way I am today,
because I don't have the testosterone running,
- I feel pretty normal. - Yep.
And you're gonna really notice a difference.
That level of testosterone, gone.
Oh, my god.
You cannot believe
how relaxed you are.
What were you like before?
Oh, I was about as edgy
- as you can get. - It's kinda hard to go back
- and... edgy? - Oh, I was...
- Yeah, yeah me too. - You know what?
When I look at pictures of me
- then, um... - Mm-hmm.
It's a totally different person.
Do you dress mostly full time now
or just sort of part time, kinda...
How does that work?
I don't purposely
get dressed up as woman per se
and just go on with my day.
- You still live as a male, really. - Yeah, I still live as a male,
I'm uncomfortable.
I've had a rough way of it
when it comes to being accepted.
Yeah, I can relate to that.
Yeah, I probably would have moved
to a different point in all this
if it wasn't for Danielle.
The fact that that school that she is in
is very conservative
and those kids are just mean to each other.
I didn't need to toss more wood into the fire
when she was gonna have all the normal stuff to deal with.
Hmm, that's interesting.
It's sad that Dan feels like
he's gotta protect Danielle.
I don't feel like I've gotta hide who I am
when I'm with Ben.
I've done the work that I've gotta do
to get to the point
where I can accept me for who I am
and Ben's got work to do as well.
When I look at you,
I get really kind of jealous because...
Even when I saw the first couple pictures of you from Danielle,
I was like, "oh, my god.
She's beautiful."
I am no more beautiful than you are.
Well, thank you. I...
And maybe I carry myself differently
but that is just because, honest to god,
I really did just come to a space in time
where I just didn't give a...
what other people thought anymore.
I don't care if you snicker behind my back,
- because I get those. - Yeah.
When you got there,
did it just like, whoosh?
Yeah.
All of a sudden you just felt...
That's called welcome to freedom.
I... I need to get there.
Yep.
I... I have no idea
what to wear on this date, Danielle.
Are you gonna wear the corset
that we bought bra shopping?
On the date tonight?
Yeah.
No.
Why not?
Are you kidding me?
That's not a first date type of thing.
That's... that's for later on.
Oh, god.
All right, all right.
I haven't worn this one in a little while,
I kinda like this.
- I like that one. - It kinda shows off
my figure and it...
A little bit.
Would you wear pants with that?
Well, I wouldn't have to with this, you know?
I could do a...
Leggings.
Well, or nylons and...
No?
I don't know, Dad.
You need like, leggings and boots for that.
- I do? - Yeah.
Well, unfortunately I don't have
any leggings or boots right now.
Yeah. Well, Dad.
It just looks weird with jeans, I'm...
- I don't know. - I'm running out of options here, Danielle.
Something's just gonna have to go with jeans.
I like that, Dad.
You know, that's really simple
and I think it like,
would look nice with just a pair of jeans.
Why don't you try that on?
Okay.
Like that, Dad.
You know, that's really simple
and I think it like,
would look nice with just a pair of jeans.
Why don't you try that on?
- Okay. - Whenever I get the chance,
I always tell my dad that he looks great,
like I wanna make him feel good about himself,
I wanna kinda help boost his confidence.
I definitely want my dad
to have a caring person in his life.
What do you think?
I really like that.
It looks nice.
You know, like, wear some nice shoes with it
and I think it'll look good.
Okay.
So you're excited?
I'm nervous, I'm even sweating now,
so I hope I can hold it together.
I'm gonna just kinda
dress down a little bit.
Some guys like a little bit of cleavage
but I wanna see
what the reaction is
just on a kind of a...
Normal day-to-day level.
Hey, you're going to Sarah's tonight, right?
Yeah.
Do you mind dropping me off on the way,
at the restaurant?
- Yeah, of course. - I don't wanna be driving
- if I've had a glass of wine. - Oh, that's fine.
Okay, great.
[Music playing]
Remember how you were
when I went out on my first date?
It's like you're going out on your first date.
And you're taking me, isn't that funny?
Yeah, it is funny.
I really appreciate you dropping me off at the restaurant.
Dad, it's... it's the least I can do.
I'm really super nervous, as you know.
- Are you? - Yeah.
It's been such a long time
since I've gone on a date
that I don't even feel hungry right now,
that's how nervous I am.
All right, just make sure you eat something though
because if you're going to have a glass of wine,
- you've got to eat some food. - I know, I know.
Danielle helping me date
has made the two of us grow closer together.
It's drawn a different picture in her mind
about who I am,
outside of being her dad.
You're an amazing person
and there's no reason
for people not to like you.
You've got this. I know.
You've totally got this.
How's my lipstick look?
Dad, you look fine.
Okay. I don't have too much makeup on?
No, Dad, Dad, Dad, you look fine.
Oh, my goodness. I am so nervous.
Dad, you'll be fine.
Just be yourself.
Come on, come here.
I love you.
[Guitar playing]
That's nice.
- It's pretty simple. - Sing it, I wanna hear
the rest of the song. I wanna hear the lyrics.
- There's no lyrics. - Aw.
How you doing?
I'm all right.
- I'm all right? - I'm all right.
You know, I'm having the surgery next week.
Yeah.
I'm only a week before surgery,
so I really wanna make sure
that both my family
and especially Ben is behind me.
You are welcome to come to Arizona for sure.
Yeah.
I wouldn't think that I wouldn't...
I don't wanna really go with.
I thought maybe you might like to go,
because maybe it might kind of,
I don't know,
put some closure for me in a lot of ways.
Everything is crazy and I just don't know
what normal is
at all anymore.
Oh, wow.
For me, this feels pretty darn normal.
Well, for you it does but for me it doesn't.
What was not normal for me
was living a lie for 42 years of my life.
Well you've gotta put yourself in my shoes.
- Of course. - Growing up with a dad,
you're always gonna think,
"oh, I'm gonna have a dad for the rest of my life,"
but then you go and do this
and it gets overwhelming
and it gets upsetting
and it gets me riled up
because I'm wrapped up in all this bs.
- I'm still me. - [Inaudible].
I know you're still you, I know.
We can still do normal things.
Quote, unquote, normal things.
I know, I know, I know.
We still do all the things
we used to do and more.
Don't get me wrong,
I know it's a big thing for you
but I feel like it's weird.
For me it's a really huge step.
Yeah.
You wanna do it,
so do it
but I would just rather not be
a part of it.
Morning.
Good morning, Dad.
Thanks for getting the coffee going.
Yeah.
Are you gonna have some with me?
I mean, I'm not making it for no reason.
Oh god.
What?
I don't know, it's just a...
a rough night.
What's going on?
I don't even wanna talk about it right now.
- Dad. - Oh Danielle,
don't push me, I don't wanna talk about it.
Just tell me, I mean,
obviously you're upset.
It was a bad date, okay?
- I'm sorry. - It's discouraging.
You put a lot into it,
you have all this anxiety,
everything builds up,
you get there, you think,
"oh my god, this could be a nice time,"
and the guy's an idiot.
This guy last night,
everything about him seemed okay
up until the minute you meet him,
and then you meet him and you know it's nothing
more than about how
he's gonna get me in bed or something,
it's just all about a physical thing,
a sex thing. And it, how much clearer
do I need to be to people,
I'm looking for a relationship,
I'm not looking for just a hook-up.
Dad, I'm sorry.
I'm so tired of this.
Yeah that really sucks.
A couple cups of coffee, I'll be...
I'll be okay in a little while.
Don't let it get you down.
Yeah, easier said than done.
I mean, we all have bad dates,
I've had bad dates.
Not as bad as that but we all have bad dates.
Yeah.
I'm gonna give it a break for right now
because I'm really tired of it.
I may spend the rest of my life single, um
just because of who I am
but expressing myself
and being me is more important.
I need to not let things deter me
from being that person.
I mean, I hope that doesn't like,
ruin your trust with relationships
because I do think there's still
good people out there.
Yeah.
You can't just give up like that.
Have you ever known me to be a quitter in any way?
I'll be fine, I'll be fine.
- You promise? - Yeah, I'll be fine.
[Music playing]
Come on in, Ben.
What up?
Nothing much.
Oh what's in there, your report card?
Your mom told me that you failed two classes.
Yeah.
Is this to distract me from the fact that you're failing two classes?
Uh, yeah.
Okay and okay, what is this?
Pictures that I got framed.
This is you actually following through on something?
Yeah.
That's excellent.
Geez, Ben. Some flowers.
I think these are really good.
Thank you.
These photos should be out in the actual world.
Let's get this on a wall, like a photo gallery.
You wanna do a gallery?
I've never really thought about it.
Do you not look at your art and feel that fire?
Oh, I feel it...
- Really? - But then I just like,
I'm just like ehh.
Ben, I... I gotta say, like that reaction,
like of just "bleh"
really is shocking to me
because it seems like you have passion
and an eye and it seems
like you wanna be a photographer, right?
It takes a lot more than pointing and shooting
that makes a great photographer.
I think Ben is more than capable
of putting a gallery together.
Does he have the motivation
to do it on his own right now?
No, which is why I'm more than happy
to um, be the one kicking his ass to do it
because I want him to know that he can.
Where's the... Come on, where's the passion?
Get angry, get mad like, dude.
I don't wanna get mad at you.
I'm just... No, no, no, before we look at any more,
like you clearly have the talent.
Do you realize how sad
it will be in 20 to 30 years,
you knowing that you have this kind of talent
and never did anything with it?
It's hard to get out there, you know?
It's like, you can... you can be really good at something
but it's not like people will notice it.
Have you ever put it together that like,
if you do well in high school
and you can get into these photography schools?
My grades, yeah, they may be bad
but I just love photography that much
that it could make the hair stand up on my arms.
A gallery is just like
the perfect way for me to showcase it.
Every time that you don't wanna study for the A.C.T.
Or you don't wanna do your homework
or anything like that, think,
"if I do this now then I can do this forever."
Since you guys broke up,
because I know that was kind of weird.
Yeah, um, it's kind of nice
to just take a step away from Ben
and all of his issues and everything.
Like, I've literally had like,
free time and it's been so weird.
You know how I told you awhile back that
I got into writing?
Yeah.
I started writing a short story.
- Dang. - I literally write every night,
it's been how... it's like, how I've been like,
- falling asleep and stuff. - Good for you.
What is it, like fiction?
It's... it's like, more nonfiction.
Wait, is non... non-fiction is like,
fantasy and then fiction is like...
Well no, fiction just means like, it's not real.
- Oh fiction? - Non-fiction means like,
- based on truth. - I always forget that.
Yeah, okay, yeah.
- Didn't we go... - We went through some album
when I was here before.
Yeah, I think I showed you the picture
of Dan with his mustache.
That picture.
Well Charlie had full beard.
- Did she? - Oh yeah.
I've had the pleasure of spending time with Mandy.
I really like her a lot.
We have very, very similar experiences.
She was married to a man
who also desires
to become a woman,
so we are able to relate to each other
and that's really comforting
because I... I don't know anybody else
that I can talk to.
Oh I hear some girls I bet.
Yeah, there they are.
- Suzy. - Hi.
- Hey. - Hi girls.
How are you?
- Hi Sarah, how are you? - It's good to see you.
Yeah, it's been awhile.
- I know. - We're gonna go upstairs.
Okay, don't forget you've got some homework to do later.
- I know, I know, Mom. - All right. Have fun.
Does she have trouble with bullying or...
Yes.
When Danielle was in grade school,
she went to a sleepover
and the girls had to all share something
about themselves that no one knew.
Oh no.
So Danielle's telling them,
"well, you know my dad likes to dress up in dresses
and put on makeup sometimes."
No.
And of course I got the phone calls from the moms.
"Do you know that your daughter... "
I'm like, "yeah, actually it's true.
It's... that is true and that's why
Dan and I ended up getting divorced
because he is transgender."
I feel like we walked in on your mom and Suzy like,
in a really intense conversation.
Like, I kind of felt awkward walking in.
I feel like that all the time,
I don't know, I just...
What were they talking about?
I don't know, like, their exes.
It's just, I feel like the more wine that they have,
the more they complain about you know,
like Carly and my dad and everything.
It's kind of annoying.
Is that why you got divorced?
Yeah, because I...
I tried to live with it for about two years,
we went through counseling as he was kind of changing
through things and becoming who he was
and I was learning to understand it more and more.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I had never even heard of it.
But Dan's a nice guy, so why...
He's a great guy.
So why would you not wanna stay married?
I just couldn't do it because it was too...
I don't know, I'm much more attracted to men.
And the woman part, as that became more part of it,
I got to a turning point where I just said,
"you know what,
I can't pretend to make this relationship work
and I can't make it work the way it is
and I'll always love you but I can't do it."
And it was really hard
because I still love him
but I couldn't...
It was very hard.
Fortunately for Dan and I,
we're able to work past that
and rebuild a family for us that works.
How long did it take you?
To feel better?
Yeah.
- Probably about three years. - Really?
Three years of really being angry,
just so angry like,
I... this is my second marriage,
I thought it was the best thing I'd ever had in my lifetime
and... but now,
it's good.
Good.
Mandy has the advantage
of being years out
and she's really optimistic that I will
come to a place that will um, make it easier
for me to be around Carly.
I'm open to that
and I... and I appreciate that advice.
I was so uh, disappointed.
- Yeah. - And...
Because you were married for a long time.
Yeah, 15 years.
Wow, that's a long time.
- I was so disappointed. - I mean it really...
Thank god we're strong women
because anybody without some strength
would've crumbled under some of this stuff.
I mean, you've still got a little ways to go with it,
but you're gonna come out ahead on it,
you're gonna be fine because you are strong.
I'll tell you what kills me though is um, the kids.
Yeah.
Is it the same thing every time?
Every single time.
"Oh my god,
they're dressing like girls,
oh my god."
It's just like, you know,
come on ladies, like,
you guys both got like, transgender husbands
and it's kinda... Well, ex-husbands.
They just... I think that just like,
what's done is done and we can't,
they can't really change anything.
I feel like until Carly goes through
with the operation, it's gonna be like...
- More intense. - More and more intense.
Yeah.
Carly is having dinner for Ben,
Sutton, who's in town,
and Kevin, her fiancé,
to make some kind of an announcement
or share something,
I think is the way it was worded.
So we have been speculating
- what that might be. - I'm intrigued,
I'm intrigued.
I hope it's not gonna be too difficult for them.
[Music playing]
♪ Who am I supposed to be ♪
♪ when I'm angry ♪
♪ when I'm mean? ♪
Carly invited me, Sutton,
and her fiancé to dinner.
I'm a little anxious because I know
that Carly has something planned.
All I can think in my head right now
is what Carly is gonna say now.
I have no clue what it is, I'm just nervous.
I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to handle this.
♪ Who can I turn too now ♪
I've got to get a driver's license.
Oh my god.
It is so wet and rainy and snowy and gross.
Well, nobody's stopping you.
Well that's true.
Maybe I should learn how to drive first.
♪ And this is not some one-way mirror ♪
♪ looking out at the world we're in ♪
♪ we are the love ♪
♪ we give ♪
♪ we are the love ♪
♪ we give ♪
Are we saying grace?
Yeah are we saying grace?
- Or what? - I'd like to.
- Or what? - Yeah, then we shall.
- Yeah. - I know you did,
- I know you did. - We hold hands, too.
God, thank you for this food,
thank you for the opportunity to spend the night
with my wonderful daughter Sutton and Ben,
and her loving fiancé, Kevin.
Um, thank you for all your blessings,
thank you for this food,
bless us with the nourishment of our bodies, amen.
[Together] Amen.
- That's it. Boom. - Thank you.
- Short and sweet.
You're welcome.
So Sutton told me about how you proposed.
In Central Park?
- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.
As cliché as can be.
- It was adorable. - But it was beautiful.
- It was beautiful. - Perfect.
- Yeah. - It was good.
So this is one of your favorite dishes?
Mm-hmm.
Ducky ducky.
I know.
- I love it. - Have you ever had it?
- Nope. - It's like chicken with a twang to it.
You don't like your duck.
Um, it's... It's...
It's... It's fine.
You don't like your duck either?
The veggies were great.
- Everything was great. - You want my veggies?
The duck is good.
So anyway, one of the reasons
why I asked you guys to come tonight
is, I wrote a letter awhile back
for you and Ben and I guess now Kevin, too,
that I was gonna mail
but I just, I don't know,
I wanted to read it to you, so...
All right.
"Dear kids, this letter is long overdue.
Since I was a kid,
I have spent a life always wanting
and trying to fit in,
just like so many other kids.
It was always difficult for me to do so,
because I never felt right
but could never put my finger on it.
The fact is,
I never felt okay in my skin.
I always lacked confidence
to survive in the world as I was.
I tried all kinds of things growing up.
Having girlfriends,
hanging with the guys,
getting married,
having kids,
coaching sports.
You name it, the list goes on.
Still, I was never okay with me
and it's all I've ever wanted.
For myself and many other human beings,
gender is not only dictated
by the medical standard definition,
but more so what one believes in their mind
and feels in their heart.
I don't ever wanna hurt you kids
and this was a life or death decision for me.
There were periods of time
as early as 10 or 11
when I would sneak fashion magazines upstairs
to my bathroom and fantasize
about what it would be like if only.
I would put on my sister's clothes
in the bathroom and makeup
and take it all off and put it all away.
Or later in life, hide everything in bags
or throw it all away, only later to buy more
and do it all over again.
For me, it's not about dressing as a woman either.
It's about my living as and being a woman.
I'm a beautiful woman,
and my insides are beginning to match my outsides
for the first time in my life.
I also understand fully
that I will never, ever be
a biological female.
And that knowledge does hurt
but I will be allowed to move gracefully
through the rest of my life
in the way I always dreamed
and wanted for myself,
and that feels right
and good and so it is.
I love you guys, Carly."
That's it.
You okay?
I know you've struggled with this.
- It was just so hard. - What was hard?
Just like, switching and calling you
this and that and this and that.
Whenever I would say "Dad" and you ignored me.
Yeah.
I just felt abandoned.
Well you're not,
not by any means.
That just changed my life.
Oh, Ben.
Just for that, that makes you
the most beautiful human being.
I don't even care about calling you "Dad" anymore, like...
I will call you whatever the...
you want me to call you.
You got me and I will be here
by your side,
no matter the circumstance.
And I love you.
I love you.
I love you, Carly.
Thank you for telling me all that.
You're welcome.
I love you, Ben.
I love all of you.
- We love you, Kevin. - We all love you, Kevin.
I love you too.
[Music playing]
Growing up is hard to do.
As a kid, I just assumed that my parents
would always be there for me,
just like when I was little.
But things aren't that simple.
I'm extremely proud of Carly.
I think she's courageous,
I think she's brave
and it makes me wanna be braver.
I'm starting to realize that sometimes
your parents need you
more than you need them.
Ben knows that I love him and I care about him.
This is my only life,
this is the only one I'm gonna get
and this is who I am.
I wasn't born
into having two moms
but a label doesn't mean anything at all.
It's okay to have a mom and a mom
or a dad and a dad
or a dad and a mom.
No matter what you have,
they're gonna love you.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
You got one day left with your junk.
Like, what are you gonna do?
Talk about a life-changing episode,
and not just for Carly.
It's so wonderful being here with you.
What happens when you, like, tell Chris
about being transgender?
There's a lot about me that I've hidden.
The "Becoming Us" you can't miss.
All new next Monday, 10/9 central, ABC Family.
- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -