1
00:00:04,594 --> 00:00:05,928
I think it's broken.
2
00:00:05,930 --> 00:00:07,163
It's not broke
3
00:00:07,165 --> 00:00:08,497
It might be broken.
4
00:00:08,499 --> 00:00:10,199
Do you want it
to be broken?
5
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,035
No.
6
00:00:13,037 --> 00:00:14,636
But, I mean,
if it was broken,
7
00:00:14,638 --> 00:00:15,904
that would be very cool.
8
00:00:15,906 --> 00:00:18,073
I mean,
9
00:00:18,075 --> 00:00:19,475
"man breaks wife's shoulder
10
00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:21,443
from intense
lovemaking session"?
11
00:00:21,445 --> 00:00:23,979
This did not happen from sex.
12
00:00:23,981 --> 00:00:25,748
we had great sex on Sunday.
13
00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:27,149
That was three days ago.
14
00:00:28,418 --> 00:00:29,785
Aftershocks.
15
00:00:29,787 --> 00:00:32,388
What happened, exactly?
16
00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:34,289
I really don't understand it.
I wasn't doing anything.
17
00:00:34,291 --> 00:00:38,060
I wasn't exercising,
I wasn't lifting anything.
18
00:00:38,062 --> 00:00:39,294
It's just so weird.
19
00:00:39,296 --> 00:00:40,562
An injury like this is normal
20
00:00:40,564 --> 00:00:42,431
- for someone your age.
- My age?
21
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:45,000
I'm not even 40 yet.
22
00:00:45,002 --> 00:00:46,468
Oh. When do you turn 40?
23
00:00:46,470 --> 00:00:48,904
Tomorrow.
24
00:00:48,906 --> 00:00:51,006
If I may...
25
00:00:51,008 --> 00:00:53,642
isn't it possible
I boned her too hard?
26
00:00:56,346 --> 00:00:58,280
Just, like,
medically speaking?
27
00:00:59,965 --> 00:01:01,965
Married - 02x02
Aftershocks
28
00:01:01,967 --> 00:01:03,967
- sync and correction by solfieri -
www.addic7ed.com
29
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:08,590
Now that you've given her
the gift of a sexual injury,
30
00:01:08,592 --> 00:01:11,927
what could you possibly
get her for her birthday?
31
00:01:11,929 --> 00:01:14,863
Oh, I think we'll just
do dinner with the kids.
32
00:01:14,865 --> 00:01:17,366
You know? Maybe, like,
a cake from Ralph's.
33
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,834
Mm.
34
00:01:18,836 --> 00:01:20,102
Slow down.
35
00:01:20,104 --> 00:01:22,004
A cake from Ralph's? Wow.
36
00:01:22,006 --> 00:01:24,206
- We don't make a big deal out of birthdays.
- Well, fine,
37
00:01:24,208 --> 00:01:25,974
but it's her 40th.
You need to bring it.
38
00:01:25,976 --> 00:01:28,477
I did. I did.
39
00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:29,711
Check it out.
40
00:01:31,381 --> 00:01:33,115
Uh-oh. You don't know
what "bringing it" means.
41
00:01:33,117 --> 00:01:34,383
What is this?
42
00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:37,119
Movie tickets
from our first date.
43
00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:38,787
Aw... that's...
44
00:01:38,789 --> 00:01:40,189
- cute.
- Yeah.
45
00:01:40,191 --> 00:01:41,590
Yeah. Cute isn't a
present though.
46
00:01:41,592 --> 00:01:42,825
Where's the real gift?
47
00:01:42,827 --> 00:01:44,726
Oh, give me a break.
48
00:01:44,728 --> 00:01:47,029
Not everybody needs fancy gifts,
you know?
49
00:01:47,031 --> 00:01:49,398
Like diamonds and... an island.
50
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,666
Framed Sister Act
tickets
51
00:01:50,668 --> 00:01:52,067
or an island are
the only two gifts
52
00:01:52,069 --> 00:01:53,469
you can even think of
53
00:01:53,471 --> 00:01:55,337
for the most important
person in your life?
54
00:01:55,339 --> 00:01:56,839
It feels like
that's all there is.
55
00:01:56,841 --> 00:01:58,874
- What's wrong with you?
- A lot.
56
00:01:58,876 --> 00:02:00,175
There's a lot
wrong with me.
57
00:02:00,177 --> 00:02:01,710
It started
at an early age.
58
00:02:01,712 --> 00:02:03,078
Oh, wow.
Here we go.
59
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,746
- No, my mother's...
- No, tell me.
60
00:02:04,748 --> 00:02:06,582
- my mother's 40th...
- Mm-hmm.
61
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,984
I took my allowance
and bought her
62
00:02:08,986 --> 00:02:11,019
- a pair of earrings from the drugstore.
- Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:12,421
And she said to me,
64
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:13,989
"Oh, sweetie,
I would never wear those."
65
00:02:13,991 --> 00:02:17,392
Lina would totally wear
drugstore earrings.
66
00:02:17,394 --> 00:02:18,660
That's why I love her.
67
00:02:18,662 --> 00:02:19,895
That's nice.
68
00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:20,929
See?
69
00:02:20,931 --> 00:02:22,331
I would murder someone
70
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:23,899
if they gave me
drugstore earrings.
71
00:02:23,901 --> 00:02:25,033
Nice.
72
00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:26,168
- Yeah.
- Literally.
73
00:02:29,707 --> 00:02:31,206
Ow.
74
00:02:33,776 --> 00:02:35,210
Kenny?
75
00:02:35,212 --> 00:02:37,179
Your handwriting
looks weird.
76
00:02:37,181 --> 00:02:38,881
That's rude.
77
00:02:38,883 --> 00:02:40,916
Can't wait till
our real teacher comes back.
78
00:02:40,918 --> 00:02:43,252
That makes two of us.
79
00:02:49,425 --> 00:02:51,627
Hey, there.
80
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,929
- You look so professional.
- Oh, hi.
81
00:02:53,931 --> 00:02:55,397
How's subbing going?
82
00:02:55,399 --> 00:02:57,266
Oh, you know,
83
00:02:57,268 --> 00:02:59,201
I love one kid.
I like three.
84
00:02:59,203 --> 00:03:00,469
I hate 12.
85
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:01,870
- At least you're working.
- Yeah.
86
00:03:01,872 --> 00:03:03,872
I haven't had a
real job since 9/11.
87
00:03:03,874 --> 00:03:06,141
Anyway, I saw that
you have a birthday.
88
00:03:06,143 --> 00:03:08,310
It's on Facebook.
89
00:03:08,312 --> 00:03:09,878
That's great.
90
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,313
Um, guess I'm not
invited to the party.
91
00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:12,814
- That's fine.
- Oh. We're not...
92
00:03:12,816 --> 00:03:14,616
we're not, um,
having, like, a...
93
00:03:14,618 --> 00:03:16,485
No, it's okay. 'Cause
who wants a divorced lady
94
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:18,320
at their party,
anyway? On the prowl,
95
00:03:18,322 --> 00:03:20,222
sending out her scent?
No, thanks.
96
00:03:20,224 --> 00:03:21,990
You and Jay got divorced?
97
00:03:21,992 --> 00:03:23,258
I kicked him out
a week ago,
98
00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:25,060
but we've been texting.
99
00:03:25,062 --> 00:03:26,695
He's really mean with emojis.
100
00:03:26,697 --> 00:03:29,898
Sometimes it's just, like,
a fist and a skull
101
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,267
and a barrel. What do you
think that barrel means?
102
00:03:32,269 --> 00:03:34,403
Maybe that's where
he's gonna put the body?
103
00:03:34,405 --> 00:03:35,971
Ooh. Maybe.
104
00:03:35,973 --> 00:03:39,341
Yeah. Anyway, um...
enjoy your party.
105
00:03:39,343 --> 00:03:42,511
I'm sure I'll write a comment
about how nice your hair looked.
106
00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:45,180
Stacy, if I was having a party,
you would be invited.
107
00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:46,848
We're friends.
108
00:03:48,319 --> 00:03:49,918
That's what I thought.
109
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,853
Stacy is
110
00:03:51,855 --> 00:03:53,121
throwing you a party?
111
00:03:53,123 --> 00:03:55,390
- The crazy one?
- Yeah.
112
00:03:55,392 --> 00:03:56,825
I like her, and you know what?
113
00:03:56,827 --> 00:03:58,694
She's no crazier
than any of your friends.
114
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,829
That's fair.
115
00:04:00,831 --> 00:04:02,331
I have nothing to wear.
116
00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:04,700
But you said
you didn't want a party.
117
00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:05,505
No.
118
00:04:05,507 --> 00:04:08,937
I said that I didn't want
you to throw me a party.
119
00:04:08,939 --> 00:04:10,806
Well, I can
throw a party.
120
00:04:10,808 --> 00:04:12,307
Remember my 30th?
121
00:04:12,309 --> 00:04:14,009
Oh, that was
an off night.
122
00:04:14,011 --> 00:04:16,845
- Shit.
- What?
123
00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:18,981
Donna can't babysit, and I still
haven't heard back from Jordan.
124
00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:21,617
- Who is Jordan?
- The funky babysitter.
125
00:04:21,619 --> 00:04:23,885
You know the one with
the cool shoes and jackets?
126
00:04:23,887 --> 00:04:25,153
No.
127
00:04:25,155 --> 00:04:27,623
What is this?
128
00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:29,224
That's your birthday
present to me.
129
00:04:29,226 --> 00:04:30,993
I got you a watch?
130
00:04:33,129 --> 00:04:34,830
Well, should I wrap it?
131
00:04:34,832 --> 00:04:36,131
Ah, what's the point?
132
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:37,766
Okay, so, wait.
133
00:04:37,768 --> 00:04:41,036
Stacy is throwing the party,
you got your own gift.
134
00:04:41,038 --> 00:04:43,205
I mean, I feel like
something's wrong here.
135
00:04:43,207 --> 00:04:44,873
I'm low-maintenance.
136
00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:46,575
That's what you love about me.
137
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:49,411
If I was blowing this,
you would say something, right?
138
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:51,079
Probably not.
139
00:05:03,849 --> 00:05:05,083
Oh.
140
00:05:05,085 --> 00:05:06,418
These are nice.
141
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,153
I love these for Lina.
142
00:05:08,155 --> 00:05:10,989
- She's got great calves.
- No.
143
00:05:10,991 --> 00:05:13,558
I'm not buying my wife
a pair of slutty shoes
144
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,093
for her 40th birthday.
145
00:05:15,095 --> 00:05:16,428
Maybe I should buy them for her.
146
00:05:16,430 --> 00:05:17,796
It might be more exciting
that way.
147
00:05:17,798 --> 00:05:19,330
Yeah, and I could buy her
some tasteful lingerie.
148
00:05:19,332 --> 00:05:22,200
- No and no.
- Before Roxanne and I
149
00:05:22,202 --> 00:05:23,601
were married, I signed her up
150
00:05:23,603 --> 00:05:25,603
- for the Shoe of the Month Club.
- Wait.
151
00:05:25,605 --> 00:05:28,039
- That exists?
- I invented it.
152
00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,340
Every month, a new
pair of shoes would come.
153
00:05:29,342 --> 00:05:30,508
She'd model them for me.
154
00:05:30,510 --> 00:05:32,577
Take 'em off,
put 'em on.
155
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:34,612
Take 'em off...
156
00:05:34,614 --> 00:05:36,781
put 'em on.
157
00:05:36,783 --> 00:05:38,249
Feet, right?
158
00:05:38,251 --> 00:05:40,919
Maybe, if I was
as good of a husband
159
00:05:40,921 --> 00:05:44,823
as I was a boyfriend,
I might still be married.
160
00:05:44,825 --> 00:05:48,693
But instead, I'm divorced,
sober and celibate.
161
00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:50,595
- The big three.
- Hmm.
162
00:05:50,597 --> 00:05:51,863
What changed?
163
00:05:51,865 --> 00:05:53,198
Roxanne was always
so organized.
164
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,066
On top of everything.
165
00:05:55,068 --> 00:05:57,302
The longer we were together,
the less I did.
166
00:05:57,304 --> 00:05:59,771
After a while, she realized
she didn't need me.
167
00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:01,072
Yeah, I feel that.
168
00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:03,775
I'm not even on the Evite.
169
00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:05,043
What?
Really?
170
00:06:05,045 --> 00:06:07,579
Yeah. For the party.
I'm not even on the Evite.
171
00:06:07,581 --> 00:06:08,947
Wow.
172
00:06:08,949 --> 00:06:10,248
Can I give you
a piece of advice?
173
00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:12,217
- Is it about feet?
- When your wife says
174
00:06:12,219 --> 00:06:13,618
she doesn't
need anything,
175
00:06:13,620 --> 00:06:15,286
- don't believe her.
- Yeah.
176
00:06:15,288 --> 00:06:16,621
I never believe a word
177
00:06:16,623 --> 00:06:18,890
that comes out
of Cindy's mouth.
178
00:06:18,892 --> 00:06:20,892
Even if she cries for help.
179
00:06:22,828 --> 00:06:24,829
♪ ♪
180
00:06:39,445 --> 00:06:41,479
Whoa. Mrs. Bowman.
181
00:06:41,481 --> 00:06:42,747
Hi. I'm sorry
182
00:06:42,749 --> 00:06:44,682
to show up
at your house like this,
183
00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:46,651
but you weren't responding
to my text messages,
184
00:06:46,653 --> 00:06:48,753
and then I drove by,
and I saw
185
00:06:48,755 --> 00:06:51,289
your car in the driveway,
so I thought...
186
00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:53,691
I'll just... be a stalker.
187
00:06:53,693 --> 00:06:56,027
Okay.
188
00:06:56,029 --> 00:06:57,996
I have a babysitting emergency.
189
00:06:57,998 --> 00:07:01,166
So you really don't think
tonight will be a problem?
190
00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:02,433
Not at all.
191
00:07:02,435 --> 00:07:04,235
I've been meaning
to come by
192
00:07:04,237 --> 00:07:05,803
and say good-bye
to the girls anyway.
193
00:07:05,805 --> 00:07:07,772
- Good-bye?
- Uh, yeah.
194
00:07:07,774 --> 00:07:10,041
I got into design school in San Francisco.
195
00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,309
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
196
00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:13,211
That's so cool.
197
00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,680
- Thanks.
- Look at this jacket.
198
00:07:15,682 --> 00:07:18,816
Where do you find
all these great clothes?
199
00:07:18,818 --> 00:07:20,785
Uh, I don't know.
Like, different places.
200
00:07:20,787 --> 00:07:24,289
Could I ask you a huge favor?
201
00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:26,491
Sure.
202
00:07:37,469 --> 00:07:38,736
- Hey there.
- Hey.
203
00:07:38,738 --> 00:07:40,338
You're early.
204
00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:43,174
I figured I'd come a little early, you know.
Lend a hand for the party tonight.
205
00:07:43,176 --> 00:07:44,175
Oh.
206
00:07:44,177 --> 00:07:45,510
- That's great.
- Yeah.
207
00:07:45,512 --> 00:07:49,047
Um, I just, I don't think the
balloons are such a good idea.
208
00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:51,682
What?
209
00:07:51,684 --> 00:07:52,917
Come on, they're festive.
210
00:07:52,919 --> 00:07:55,853
A lot of people
are afraid of balloons.
211
00:07:55,855 --> 00:07:58,555
Balloons and plungers. Right?
212
00:07:58,557 --> 00:08:02,126
I don't know anybody
afraid of balloons or plungers.
213
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:03,761
We should have dance battles.
214
00:08:03,763 --> 00:08:05,797
Can you arrange
one of those?
215
00:08:05,799 --> 00:08:09,199
With real street dancers.
From the streets.
216
00:08:10,969 --> 00:08:12,870
No. I can't.
217
00:08:12,872 --> 00:08:15,406
Sorry. Is there
something else I could do?
218
00:08:15,408 --> 00:08:16,807
Maybe just, you know, to help...
I'd love to be involved
219
00:08:16,809 --> 00:08:18,442
- in some kind of way...
- Actually,
220
00:08:18,444 --> 00:08:20,711
you could take those boxes
to my husband's office.
221
00:08:20,713 --> 00:08:22,947
That'd be great.
222
00:08:26,084 --> 00:08:27,284
Shit.
223
00:08:43,502 --> 00:08:44,769
- Jay?
- Yeah?
224
00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:46,537
Oh.
Hey.
225
00:08:46,539 --> 00:08:48,139
- Put it right there.
- Okay.
226
00:08:51,977 --> 00:08:54,445
You didn't tell my assistant
I'm separated, did you?
227
00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:55,680
Uh, no.
228
00:08:55,682 --> 00:08:56,948
I didn't say anything.
229
00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:58,282
I don't know anything.
230
00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:00,351
- You sure?
- Yeah, pretty sure.
231
00:09:00,353 --> 00:09:02,286
People talk.
232
00:09:04,257 --> 00:09:05,790
Hey, guys.
233
00:09:05,792 --> 00:09:07,124
You a history buff?
234
00:09:07,126 --> 00:09:08,826
I guess.
235
00:09:13,832 --> 00:09:16,601
General William
Tecumseh Sherman.
236
00:09:16,603 --> 00:09:18,503
Wow.
Yeah.
237
00:09:18,505 --> 00:09:20,271
The Civil War.
238
00:09:20,273 --> 00:09:22,206
Right. Got it.
239
00:09:22,208 --> 00:09:24,842
They're all hand-painted.
240
00:09:24,844 --> 00:09:27,311
It's the only reason my marriage
lasted as long as it did.
241
00:09:27,313 --> 00:09:28,880
Helped me tune out the insanity.
242
00:09:28,882 --> 00:09:30,448
It's like owning a time machine.
243
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:31,949
I'm there, but I'm not.
244
00:09:34,286 --> 00:09:35,520
Scotch?
245
00:09:35,522 --> 00:09:37,121
Oh.
246
00:09:37,123 --> 00:09:40,458
You know what, I...
I probably shouldn't.
247
00:09:42,461 --> 00:09:44,195
She suddenly started
looking at everything,
248
00:09:44,197 --> 00:09:45,630
like, under a microscope.
249
00:09:45,632 --> 00:09:48,299
"You never do this.
You never do that.
250
00:09:48,301 --> 00:09:51,506
I never loved you."
It's like suddenly I was under review.
251
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:52,710
Hmm.
252
00:09:52,712 --> 00:09:54,078
That's what it is.
253
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,747
They turn 40,
and you're under review.
254
00:09:56,749 --> 00:09:59,016
You either get tenure,
or you end up sleeping
255
00:09:59,018 --> 00:10:00,251
in your office.
256
00:10:00,253 --> 00:10:01,552
Huh.
257
00:10:01,554 --> 00:10:03,821
Yeah. Yeah, with Lina it's like,
258
00:10:03,823 --> 00:10:05,656
she used to think
I was really funny.
259
00:10:05,658 --> 00:10:09,160
You know? I used to, like, crack
her up, like, all the time.
260
00:10:09,862 --> 00:10:11,361
You are funny.
261
00:10:11,363 --> 00:10:13,430
Thanks.
262
00:10:13,432 --> 00:10:14,965
Yeah. I mean,
263
00:10:14,967 --> 00:10:16,800
there's all these cute
girls where I work,
264
00:10:16,802 --> 00:10:18,935
and I crack them up
all the time.
265
00:10:18,937 --> 00:10:21,471
And then I will come home and
say the same thing to Lina,
266
00:10:21,473 --> 00:10:23,140
and she just
rolls her eyes.
267
00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:24,975
She's heard your best material.
268
00:10:26,477 --> 00:10:28,979
I guess I got to work on
some new shit.
269
00:10:28,981 --> 00:10:30,247
Yeah.
270
00:10:34,485 --> 00:10:36,386
Hey, is this something
271
00:10:36,388 --> 00:10:38,889
that someone would wear
to a 40th birthday party?
272
00:10:38,891 --> 00:10:40,757
Uh... I don't know.
273
00:10:40,759 --> 00:10:44,294
- I've never been to one.
- You're lucky.
274
00:10:44,296 --> 00:10:47,664
Oh, my God, this party
I went to last night was insane.
275
00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:50,567
Everybody ended up in the pool.
276
00:10:50,569 --> 00:10:52,669
I think I might have been first.
277
00:10:52,671 --> 00:10:54,571
No wonder the
girls love you so much.
278
00:10:54,573 --> 00:10:55,839
You're fun.
279
00:10:55,841 --> 00:10:57,574
Aw, I love them.
280
00:10:57,576 --> 00:11:00,010
Hmm. They think I'm a loser.
281
00:11:00,012 --> 00:11:02,446
Well, you're their mom.
282
00:11:02,448 --> 00:11:05,515
- Ooh, this is a cute one-piece.
- Oh, God.
283
00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:08,985
Can you imagine if I wore something
stupid like that to the party?
284
00:11:08,987 --> 00:11:11,421
I wear stuff like that
all the time.
285
00:11:11,423 --> 00:11:13,457
Well, I don't mean
you're stupid.
286
00:11:13,459 --> 00:11:15,926
I just mean it would be
stupid for me, a mom--
287
00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:19,296
a 40-year-old mom--
you know, to wear that.
288
00:11:19,298 --> 00:11:20,630
Be...
289
00:11:20,632 --> 00:11:23,633
I don't think so.
290
00:11:23,635 --> 00:11:26,536
I wish I was going to design
school in San Francisco.
291
00:11:26,538 --> 00:11:28,505
You're gonna have so much fun.
292
00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:31,608
Probably fall in love
with a biracial architect.
293
00:11:31,610 --> 00:11:34,444
Have a vegan baby.
294
00:11:34,446 --> 00:11:36,279
You'll see.
295
00:11:36,281 --> 00:11:38,115
Yeah, these are...
296
00:11:38,117 --> 00:11:39,149
Ow.
297
00:11:39,151 --> 00:11:40,817
You okay?
298
00:11:40,819 --> 00:11:43,353
Yeah, it's just my neck.
299
00:11:43,355 --> 00:11:45,288
- What happened?
- The doctor said
300
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:48,658
that it was just totally
normal for someone my...
301
00:11:50,128 --> 00:11:51,862
Sex.
302
00:11:51,864 --> 00:11:54,231
It was from sex.
303
00:11:54,233 --> 00:11:57,567
She said it was
called aftershocks.
304
00:11:57,569 --> 00:11:59,703
You know,
'cause of the sex.
305
00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:03,507
Yeah, I think that happened
to my mom once.
306
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,614
What are you doing tonight?
307
00:12:10,616 --> 00:12:12,482
I'm babysitting.
308
00:12:12,484 --> 00:12:14,551
For you?
309
00:12:18,357 --> 00:12:20,023
- Hey.
- Hmm?
310
00:12:20,025 --> 00:12:21,158
Happy birthday.
311
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,161
Oh... Sister Act.
312
00:12:24,163 --> 00:12:26,196
The first movie
we ever saw together.
313
00:12:26,198 --> 00:12:27,998
Nope. Eddie.
314
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,033
That's the first movie
we ever saw together.
315
00:12:30,035 --> 00:12:31,701
Eddie? What is Eddie?
316
00:12:31,703 --> 00:12:34,871
The one where Whoopi's a
basketball coach, not a nun.
317
00:12:34,873 --> 00:12:36,406
So when did we see
Sister Act?
318
00:12:36,408 --> 00:12:38,942
Uh, before we met
each other?
319
00:12:38,944 --> 00:12:40,944
Oh, shit.
320
00:12:40,946 --> 00:12:43,880
I really am blowing this.
321
00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:45,882
Um, I forgot to tell you
322
00:12:45,884 --> 00:12:47,784
that we're using a
new sitter tonight.
323
00:12:47,786 --> 00:12:49,853
Why? What happened
to, um, Jordan?
324
00:12:49,855 --> 00:12:52,556
Oh, Jordan's just
coming to my party.
325
00:12:52,558 --> 00:12:53,623
She's fun.
326
00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:54,925
She jumps in pools.
327
00:12:54,927 --> 00:12:56,593
Yeah, of course
she jumps into pools.
328
00:12:56,595 --> 00:12:58,061
She's, like, 20.
329
00:12:58,063 --> 00:12:59,930
Age is just a number.
330
00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:02,199
Are you okay?
331
00:13:02,201 --> 00:13:03,967
I'm fine.
332
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,771
Jay thinks I'm under review.
Is that true?
333
00:13:07,773 --> 00:13:10,473
Is our relationship
under review?
334
00:13:10,475 --> 00:13:12,409
What?
335
00:13:12,411 --> 00:13:14,811
When did you talk to Jay?
336
00:13:14,813 --> 00:13:17,614
I don't know. Stacy had me bring
him some boxes for the party.
337
00:13:17,616 --> 00:13:19,983
Why are you getting
involved with the party?
338
00:13:19,985 --> 00:13:21,785
Because I'm the husband.
339
00:13:21,787 --> 00:13:23,753
- Remember my 30th?
- Forget your 30th.
340
00:13:23,755 --> 00:13:26,289
Okay? Your 40th is
going to rock.
341
00:13:26,291 --> 00:13:27,457
Hmm.
342
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:35,065
Sorry, guys, can you just
give me a few minutes?
343
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,733
Is everything okay?
344
00:13:36,735 --> 00:13:38,568
- Party's off!
- You know what?
345
00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:40,670
I'm the one that's gonna
say if the party's off!
346
00:13:40,672 --> 00:13:43,440
Forget about your 40th.
347
00:13:43,442 --> 00:13:45,809
50th, now that's gonna rock.
348
00:13:45,811 --> 00:13:47,611
We're not having
any kind of party tonight!
349
00:13:47,613 --> 00:13:48,912
No, this is my house...
350
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:53,735
Well, he already ruined it.
351
00:13:53,737 --> 00:13:55,270
Just like he ruins everything!
352
00:13:55,272 --> 00:13:57,506
There's got to be a way
to figure this out, right?
353
00:13:58,108 --> 00:13:59,707
Yeah, I'm excited
about my party.
354
00:13:59,709 --> 00:14:01,643
I'm really sorry.
He's on the spectrum.
355
00:14:01,645 --> 00:14:03,411
No, I have no
official diagnosis.
356
00:14:03,413 --> 00:14:04,913
That's just the
menopause talking.
357
00:14:04,915 --> 00:14:06,981
- I'm as dry as you make me.
- You know what?
358
00:14:06,983 --> 00:14:09,217
I think we're all as dry
as we make each other.
359
00:14:09,219 --> 00:14:11,953
Why did you
have to tell him about the party?
360
00:14:11,955 --> 00:14:13,388
I didn't know it was a secret.
361
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:15,590
There was scotch.
362
00:14:15,592 --> 00:14:17,258
- This is my 30th all over again.
- It's fine, okay? It's fine.
363
00:14:17,260 --> 00:14:18,927
No, it's not! You have to fix it. I got it.
364
00:14:18,929 --> 00:14:20,161
I got it. Jay? Jay?
365
00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:21,262
What is going on here?
366
00:14:21,264 --> 00:14:22,430
This is my house!
367
00:14:22,432 --> 00:14:24,599
I understand that, okay, but
this is super important to Lina.
368
00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:25,800
Remember?
369
00:14:25,802 --> 00:14:27,068
I'm under review? Tenure?
370
00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:28,970
- We talked about that.
- I-I... yup.
371
00:14:28,972 --> 00:14:30,705
And I'm not going anywhere until
she gives me Stonewall Jackson.
372
00:14:30,707 --> 00:14:32,640
I don't have
your stupid toy!
373
00:14:32,642 --> 00:14:33,975
What-what toy?
374
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,476
He collects miniatures.
375
00:14:35,478 --> 00:14:37,145
- I hand-paint them.
- The detail is exquisite.
376
00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:38,413
- Thank you.
- I will say that.
377
00:14:38,415 --> 00:14:39,414
They're beautifully made.
378
00:14:39,416 --> 00:14:40,820
- Spectrum!
- Menopause.
379
00:14:40,822 --> 00:14:43,952
Don't you think that any man
that paints little tiny
380
00:14:43,954 --> 00:14:46,254
army men is
on the autism spectrum?
381
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:48,323
Don't you think that
any woman who hides
382
00:14:48,325 --> 00:14:51,526
exquisitely crafted figurines
is on the menopause spectrum?
383
00:14:51,528 --> 00:14:53,595
Okay, well, how about
tonight we're all on the same
384
00:14:53,597 --> 00:14:55,597
spectrum, right? We're on,
like, the party spectrum.
385
00:14:55,599 --> 00:14:57,599
Yeah! We're in the zone, we're having fun.
386
00:14:57,601 --> 00:14:59,000
Party spectrum. We got
people having a good time.
387
00:14:59,002 --> 00:15:00,168
We have...
388
00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:01,922
I didn't take your racist toy!
389
00:15:02,039 --> 00:15:03,938
Okay, will you testify to that
under oath, hand to the Bible?
390
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:05,473
Didn't think so.
391
00:15:05,475 --> 00:15:07,175
- See? She's...
- Ugh! I have to take a pill.
392
00:15:07,177 --> 00:15:09,244
- Please, you already took one.
- I'm gonna have more!
393
00:15:09,246 --> 00:15:10,845
Oh, um... I'm really sorry about the party.
394
00:15:10,847 --> 00:15:12,514
- No, no, no. Stacy, wait!
- Oh, it's no use!
395
00:15:12,516 --> 00:15:14,182
She's already gone, leave her.
Come here, Banjo!
396
00:15:14,184 --> 00:15:15,283
Just forget her.
397
00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:16,951
Banjo, good boy.
398
00:15:16,953 --> 00:15:18,253
I'm gonna take him for a walk.
399
00:15:18,255 --> 00:15:20,055
She probably fed him Stonewall.
400
00:15:20,057 --> 00:15:21,990
I bet that's what happened
to Genghis Khan. Come on.
401
00:15:21,992 --> 00:15:23,892
I didn't
touch Genghis Khan!
402
00:15:23,894 --> 00:15:25,193
Yeah, this time
I'm gonna have evidence.
403
00:15:25,195 --> 00:15:27,862
Oh, go get your hands
real dirty in there.
404
00:15:27,864 --> 00:15:29,097
Spectrum!
405
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:31,299
Menopause!
406
00:15:33,603 --> 00:15:36,805
Well... guess
I'll just call Jordan
407
00:15:36,807 --> 00:15:38,540
- and tell her the party's off.
- No.
408
00:15:38,542 --> 00:15:40,508
It was stupid
to invite her anyway.
409
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:43,244
- No, no. We can still pull this off, okay?
- No.
410
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:44,779
Parties are stupid.
We don't have to advertise
411
00:15:44,781 --> 00:15:46,614
our happiness;
we're happy enough.
412
00:15:46,616 --> 00:15:48,383
We are not happy enough.
413
00:15:48,385 --> 00:15:49,651
We are definitely not.
414
00:15:49,653 --> 00:15:50,985
We need more
happiness, okay?
415
00:15:50,987 --> 00:15:52,554
So here's the deal.
416
00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:54,656
I will handle Jay and
get him out of here,
417
00:15:54,658 --> 00:15:56,224
and you clean up Stacy.
418
00:15:56,226 --> 00:15:57,292
It's over, Russ.
419
00:15:57,294 --> 00:15:58,693
It's never over, okay?
420
00:15:58,695 --> 00:16:00,628
We can still do
this. Come on.
421
00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:01,796
Come on.
422
00:16:01,798 --> 00:16:03,865
Stacy?
423
00:16:03,867 --> 00:16:05,734
Come on, buddy, you can do it,
you can do it.
424
00:16:05,736 --> 00:16:07,702
Look, man, I get it.
425
00:16:07,704 --> 00:16:09,471
Like, I know
this is your house, okay?
426
00:16:09,473 --> 00:16:12,373
And you're having issues
with your lady, but...
427
00:16:12,375 --> 00:16:14,676
I could really use
a win tonight, you know?
428
00:16:14,678 --> 00:16:16,911
So... if there's
any way you could...
429
00:16:16,913 --> 00:16:19,748
I don't know, maybe just, like,
take off for a bit or whatever,
430
00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:21,049
like, that would be really cool.
431
00:16:21,051 --> 00:16:22,350
No, I'm not going anywhere
432
00:16:22,352 --> 00:16:23,852
- until Banjo does his business.
- Fine.
433
00:16:23,854 --> 00:16:25,386
How long does that take?
434
00:16:25,388 --> 00:16:27,989
Stacy sings to him
every time she walks him.
435
00:16:27,991 --> 00:16:29,657
So that's the only
way he'll go now.
436
00:16:29,659 --> 00:16:31,659
She sings to him?
437
00:16:31,661 --> 00:16:33,361
♪ Banjo... ♪
438
00:16:33,363 --> 00:16:34,596
Jesus.
439
00:16:34,598 --> 00:16:39,501
♪ Banjo, time to go, Banjo. ♪
440
00:16:39,503 --> 00:16:42,837
Are you sure that that's
a good idea? 'Cause, um...
441
00:16:42,839 --> 00:16:44,773
Oh, it's not as
many as it seems.
442
00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:47,709
Over time, you build
up an immunity.
443
00:16:50,746 --> 00:16:54,082
♪ Banjo, Banjo ♪
444
00:16:54,084 --> 00:16:57,385
♪ Time to go, Banjo. ♪
445
00:16:57,387 --> 00:17:00,021
Stacy? What are you doing?
446
00:17:00,023 --> 00:17:01,756
Are you okay?
447
00:17:01,758 --> 00:17:05,193
How come I never wear this?
448
00:17:09,065 --> 00:17:10,565
Hey, how's it going?
449
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:13,268
Things are not good here.
450
00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:15,370
Um... oh, okay!
451
00:17:15,372 --> 00:17:16,871
Hey, good news!
452
00:17:16,873 --> 00:17:18,840
They found the general!
453
00:17:18,842 --> 00:17:21,209
That must be your friends.
454
00:17:24,046 --> 00:17:26,714
Huh.
I guess we're early.
455
00:17:26,716 --> 00:17:28,783
Yeah.
Where is everybody?
456
00:17:28,785 --> 00:17:32,253
Hey, did they, uh, tell
you to bring the cake?
457
00:17:32,255 --> 00:17:34,322
They didn't have to.
It's a backup cake.
458
00:17:34,324 --> 00:17:35,824
Hello?
459
00:17:35,826 --> 00:17:37,725
It's a backup cake?
460
00:17:37,727 --> 00:17:40,395
Just in case I don't get
any of the main cake.
461
00:17:40,397 --> 00:17:42,997
I'm not dating or partying.
Cake is all I have left.
462
00:17:42,999 --> 00:17:44,265
Hello!
463
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:45,967
Hi.
464
00:17:45,969 --> 00:17:49,103
Did the Evite say
to wear ski attire?
465
00:17:49,105 --> 00:17:50,638
- Hi, hi, hi, guys!
- Say something...
466
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:51,806
Oh, there she is!
467
00:17:51,808 --> 00:17:55,343
The birthday girl and, uh...
468
00:17:55,345 --> 00:17:56,811
This is Stacy.
This is my friend.
469
00:17:56,813 --> 00:17:58,346
She's the hostess.
470
00:17:58,348 --> 00:18:01,850
Lina, Lina,
I'm-I'm very excited,
471
00:18:01,852 --> 00:18:04,185
- but, uh, but confused.
- Come on in...
472
00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:06,321
Yeah.
...to my extravagant home.
473
00:18:06,323 --> 00:18:08,656
Okay, why don't you guys
just, uh, head into the...
474
00:18:08,658 --> 00:18:10,024
- the kitchen? Right in through...
- The bedroom.
475
00:18:10,026 --> 00:18:12,093
No. In through here.
Kitchen.
476
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:17,832
Is she gonna be
all right?
477
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:19,667
Who knows?
478
00:18:19,669 --> 00:18:21,035
What kind of pills
were they exactly?
479
00:18:21,037 --> 00:18:22,470
Oh, they were white ones.
480
00:18:22,472 --> 00:18:24,339
Maybe they were
orange ones.
481
00:18:25,375 --> 00:18:28,209
Maybe it was candy corn.
482
00:18:28,211 --> 00:18:30,211
- Who does this?!
- Oh, my God.
483
00:18:30,213 --> 00:18:31,980
No respect
for our country's history.
484
00:18:31,982 --> 00:18:33,882
Is that... dog shit?
485
00:18:33,884 --> 00:18:36,184
His name is Jay.
486
00:18:36,186 --> 00:18:37,886
You should be tried for treason.
487
00:18:37,888 --> 00:18:41,489
You should be tried
for animal... husbandry.
488
00:18:41,491 --> 00:18:42,991
Okay, guys, the
party. Let's...
489
00:18:42,993 --> 00:18:45,193
Why do you care?
You weren't even on the Evite.
490
00:18:45,195 --> 00:18:47,295
- He should've thrown the party himself.
- Well, maybe he would've
491
00:18:47,297 --> 00:18:49,697
thrown the party if she laughed
at his jokes once in a while.
492
00:18:49,699 --> 00:18:51,232
This guy is hilarious.
493
00:18:51,234 --> 00:18:53,001
Hey, I laugh
at your jokes, right?
494
00:18:53,003 --> 00:18:54,736
You say, "That's funny."
It's just...
495
00:18:54,738 --> 00:18:56,404
it's not really
the same thing, you know?
496
00:18:56,406 --> 00:18:58,206
- Lina?
- Jordan!
497
00:18:58,208 --> 00:18:59,707
Oh.
498
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,242
- Jordan?
- Who's Jordan?
499
00:19:01,244 --> 00:19:03,111
- Who isn't Jordan?
- The babysitter
500
00:19:03,113 --> 00:19:04,145
- that Lina's obsessed with.
- Hey!
501
00:19:04,147 --> 00:19:06,414
Hey, girl!
502
00:19:06,416 --> 00:19:08,983
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
503
00:19:08,985 --> 00:19:10,585
Let me get you a drink.
We have, um... Oh...
504
00:19:10,587 --> 00:19:13,354
- You know what? Just take mine.
- Gosh, um...
505
00:19:13,356 --> 00:19:15,924
I wish I could, but, uh,
I actually can't stay.
506
00:19:15,926 --> 00:19:17,725
Oh, no.
507
00:19:17,727 --> 00:19:19,994
I-I know.
I had this other thing.
508
00:19:19,996 --> 00:19:24,065
But I really just wanted
to stop by, 'cause, like, wow!
509
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:25,533
You know, you're 40!
510
00:19:25,535 --> 00:19:27,235
I know.
511
00:19:27,237 --> 00:19:29,904
It's so weird.
512
00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:33,274
So, um...
513
00:19:33,276 --> 00:19:34,943
I'll-I'll talk to you soon?
514
00:19:34,945 --> 00:19:36,210
Yeah.
515
00:19:36,212 --> 00:19:37,512
Totally.
516
00:19:37,514 --> 00:19:39,514
- H-Happy birthday.
- Thanks.
517
00:19:39,516 --> 00:19:41,282
It's great.
518
00:19:41,284 --> 00:19:42,717
Bye.
519
00:19:49,726 --> 00:19:51,859
Hey.
520
00:19:51,861 --> 00:19:52,894
There you are.
521
00:19:52,896 --> 00:19:54,896
What's going on?
522
00:19:57,032 --> 00:19:58,733
We should go.
523
00:19:58,735 --> 00:20:01,069
Why?
524
00:20:01,071 --> 00:20:04,539
All our friends
are old and ugly.
525
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:06,307
So are we.
526
00:20:06,309 --> 00:20:09,077
No, this is, like, a...
this is a cool party.
527
00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:10,211
Is it?
528
00:20:10,213 --> 00:20:11,245
Yeah.
529
00:20:14,483 --> 00:20:16,050
I mean, it's okay.
530
00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:22,957
It's about to get better.
531
00:20:32,502 --> 00:20:34,435
See? I can still
532
00:20:34,437 --> 00:20:35,770
make you laugh.
533
00:20:35,772 --> 00:20:37,238
- How's the water?
- It's freezing.
534
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,806
It's so cold.
535
00:20:38,808 --> 00:20:40,675
Oh, my God, it's terrible.
536
00:20:40,677 --> 00:20:42,543
Oh, my God!
537
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:43,678
It's an awesome party now!
538
00:20:45,348 --> 00:20:47,582
Yeah!
539
00:20:47,584 --> 00:20:48,750
It's so freezing!
540
00:20:48,752 --> 00:20:49,851
I know, right?
541
00:20:57,568 --> 00:20:59,369
Not a bad party, right?
542
00:20:59,371 --> 00:21:01,638
- It was better than my 30th.
- Mm-hmm.
543
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,839
I like to keep the bar low.
544
00:21:02,841 --> 00:21:04,040
That's your move.
545
00:21:04,042 --> 00:21:06,009
I know.
546
00:21:06,011 --> 00:21:09,245
Oh, hey, this is from AJ.
547
00:21:09,247 --> 00:21:10,480
Oh, that's sweet.
548
00:21:10,482 --> 00:21:12,882
Mm-hmm.
549
00:21:21,725 --> 00:21:24,060
I don't understand.
550
00:21:25,959 --> 00:21:27,959
Me neither.
551
00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:31,375
- sync and correction by solfieri -
www.addic7ed.com