1
00:00:00,118 --> 00:00:01,388
You're Alexa now.
2
00:00:01,508 --> 00:00:03,495
- [sighs]
- I guess I should get this changed.
3
00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:05,685
Alexa, is he hassling you?
4
00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:07,828
Because if he is, tell me. Let me help.
5
00:00:07,948 --> 00:00:09,177
When I was a teenager,
6
00:00:09,225 --> 00:00:10,698
I was involved in a bank robbery.
7
00:00:10,713 --> 00:00:12,299
Holy shit.
8
00:00:12,322 --> 00:00:13,843
All right, he's going to come after us.
9
00:00:13,901 --> 00:00:15,655
Parole officers are public record.
10
00:00:15,689 --> 00:00:16,906
You son of a bitch.
11
00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,171
[gunshot]
12
00:00:22,084 --> 00:00:23,649
The local police should be
here in about ten minutes.
13
00:00:23,659 --> 00:00:25,084
You got two choices.
14
00:00:25,924 --> 00:00:26,639
Wait here,
15
00:00:27,072 --> 00:00:28,034
go back to prison,
16
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,506
or take off now and see
if you can outrun them.
17
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,740
Maybe there's a third choice.
18
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:36,927
Yeah?
19
00:00:37,970 --> 00:00:38,817
What's that?
20
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,996
[gunshot]
21
00:00:52,477 --> 00:00:53,311
Oh, God.
22
00:00:55,449 --> 00:00:56,404
Oh, God!
23
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:57,703
[knock at door]
24
00:00:57,823 --> 00:00:59,503
(man) Hey, you all right in there?
25
00:01:02,753 --> 00:01:03,638
Yeah.
26
00:01:07,251 --> 00:01:07,959
Heard a noise.
27
00:01:08,079 --> 00:01:09,906
I had to whack a giant cockroach.
28
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:10,555
[bang]
29
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:11,456
Should get a refund.
30
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:13,264
And I should have this
rotten tooth removed,
31
00:01:13,878 --> 00:01:15,208
but what are you gonna do?
32
00:01:16,415 --> 00:01:17,563
(Buddy) Okay, what should I do?
33
00:01:17,683 --> 00:01:20,018
Call the cops? No. They'd ask who I was.
34
00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:22,423
Just leave? No. Black Tooth saw me.
35
00:01:22,835 --> 00:01:24,535
I had to get rid of the body.
36
00:01:45,533 --> 00:01:47,856
[Paul Otten's Fight Like the Devil]
37
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:55,213
♪ ♪
38
00:01:57,226 --> 00:02:01,045
♪ You can knock me down, down ♪
39
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:04,495
♪ You can knock me down, down ♪
40
00:02:04,731 --> 00:02:07,166
♪ But I'll fight like the Devil ♪
41
00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:09,160
♪ Fight like the Devil ♪
42
00:02:09,237 --> 00:02:13,070
♪ Round after round after round ♪
43
00:02:13,789 --> 00:02:17,258
- ♪ Drowning in sweat ♪
- [cell phone rings]
44
00:02:18,019 --> 00:02:20,472
♪ Blood running cold... ♪
45
00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:22,242
Hey, Alexa.
46
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,588
Yeah. It went great.
47
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,842
He totally bought the
whole parole-officer bluff.
48
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,740
Yeah, I don't think we're
ever gonna see him again.
49
00:02:41,791 --> 00:02:43,421
[bird screeches]
50
00:02:43,936 --> 00:02:45,895
[motor running] Pastor!
51
00:02:48,359 --> 00:02:49,658
Alden?
52
00:02:50,021 --> 00:02:51,845
What brings you to this
53
00:02:51,887 --> 00:02:53,518
remote wilderness lake?
54
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:54,634
Well, bass.
55
00:02:54,669 --> 00:02:56,470
Uh, Shepherd Lake's known for it.
56
00:02:56,922 --> 00:02:58,827
What is going on down there?
57
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,405
Baptism!
58
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,437
I'm doing a Baptism!
59
00:03:06,945 --> 00:03:08,622
May this sinner be cleansed
60
00:03:08,633 --> 00:03:11,493
in the healing waters of Christ!
61
00:03:14,685 --> 00:03:15,999
Alden, do you mind?
62
00:03:16,412 --> 00:03:18,178
It's a private ceremony.
63
00:03:20,407 --> 00:03:21,792
Praise Jesus!
64
00:03:21,878 --> 00:03:24,217
[motor revs] Well, congratulations, sir.
65
00:03:24,225 --> 00:03:26,965
Welcome to the kingdom of the Lord!
66
00:03:31,007 --> 00:03:32,514
May God save your soul...
67
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:36,142
♪ You can knock me down, down ♪
68
00:03:36,165 --> 00:03:38,479
♪ But I'll fight like the Devil ♪
69
00:03:38,507 --> 00:03:40,381
♪ Fight like the Devil ♪
70
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:43,356
♪ Round after round after round ♪
71
00:03:43,433 --> 00:03:44,615
And my ass.
72
00:03:46,556 --> 00:03:50,428
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
73
00:03:52,016 --> 00:03:54,536
It'd been a week since I
dumped Kenny into Shepherd Lake,
74
00:03:54,574 --> 00:03:56,654
and so far, it looked
like he was staying there.
75
00:03:56,774 --> 00:03:59,180
So I could finally relax again
76
00:03:59,455 --> 00:04:02,063
and enjoy the pleasures of small-town life.
77
00:04:04,248 --> 00:04:05,850
Buddy! Hi!
78
00:04:05,873 --> 00:04:08,003
These are my parents, Susie and Roger.
79
00:04:08,038 --> 00:04:10,333
Mom, Dad, this is Pastor Jonathan Barlow.
80
00:04:10,391 --> 00:04:11,465
- How you doing?
- Hey!
81
00:04:11,527 --> 00:04:13,753
We've heard so much
about you on our Skypes.
82
00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:14,549
Yeah.
83
00:04:14,669 --> 00:04:17,056
Our Russy is your number-one fan.
84
00:04:17,064 --> 00:04:17,887
Mom.
85
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:19,827
Well, I'm a big fan of your Russy
86
00:04:19,912 --> 00:04:21,550
and not just 'cause we're both gay.
87
00:04:22,725 --> 00:04:23,466
What?
88
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,608
Yeah, I know, I don't
give off that vibe, but
89
00:04:25,855 --> 00:04:27,129
I like dudes... [chuckles]
90
00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,083
Big-time, almost as much as this guy.
91
00:04:29,871 --> 00:04:30,876
Is that true?
92
00:04:31,741 --> 00:04:32,820
Are you gay?
93
00:04:35,216 --> 00:04:36,667
Surprise.
94
00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:39,800
Well...
95
00:04:40,622 --> 00:04:41,920
this has been something
96
00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:43,592
that happened.
97
00:04:43,682 --> 00:04:44,396
Excuse me.
98
00:04:49,858 --> 00:04:50,758
[door bells chime]
99
00:04:50,807 --> 00:04:53,935
Alexa, I need to talk to you
about your book club selection...
100
00:04:53,950 --> 00:04:56,321
- The Velvet Orchid.
- Pretty juicy, huh?
101
00:04:56,355 --> 00:04:59,323
Yes, a little too juicy for my taste,
102
00:04:59,364 --> 00:05:00,996
I mean, especially that opening scene
103
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,913
where Olivia's involved in the act of...
104
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:05,309
you know.
105
00:05:05,593 --> 00:05:07,908
I do, but I'd love to hear you say it.
106
00:05:08,672 --> 00:05:09,875
Pleasuring herself...
107
00:05:11,868 --> 00:05:13,105
below the waist and above the knee.
108
00:05:13,145 --> 00:05:14,849
Oh, what's the big deal?
109
00:05:15,016 --> 00:05:16,383
Everybody masturbates.
110
00:05:16,409 --> 00:05:18,945
Uh, no, everybody poops, which, by the way,
111
00:05:19,524 --> 00:05:21,511
would be a more appropriate book choice.
112
00:05:22,665 --> 00:05:23,400
Wait.
113
00:05:24,969 --> 00:05:27,620
- You do pet the kitty, right?
- [scoffs]
114
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:32,613
Oh, honey.
115
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:34,618
If you must know, I tried
it once in high school,
116
00:05:34,630 --> 00:05:36,753
- and it didn't work.
- One time? That's it?
117
00:05:36,787 --> 00:05:38,115
Yes, and then the harder I tried,
118
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,883
the more frustrated I got,
and then my hand cramped,
119
00:05:39,893 --> 00:05:41,609
and the whole thing was
just very unpleasant.
120
00:05:41,659 --> 00:05:44,162
That's your problem. You need to relax.
121
00:05:44,249 --> 00:05:45,330
Take your time.
122
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,000
Romance yourself.
123
00:05:47,323 --> 00:05:48,739
Romance myself?
124
00:05:48,824 --> 00:05:49,538
Yeah.
125
00:05:49,785 --> 00:05:50,873
Set the mood.
126
00:05:50,993 --> 00:05:52,159
Light a candle,
127
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,918
and then when you are feeling
128
00:05:54,113 --> 00:05:55,579
nice and comfy,
129
00:05:56,534 --> 00:05:59,504
read page 44, and I guarantee,
130
00:05:59,624 --> 00:06:00,638
kablammo.
131
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,036
Kablammo?
132
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:03,287
Kablammo.
133
00:06:03,372 --> 00:06:05,506
[knock at door]
134
00:06:11,213 --> 00:06:13,552
Okay, in my defense,
135
00:06:13,672 --> 00:06:15,305
how could I have known they didn't know,
136
00:06:15,314 --> 00:06:16,984
and how could they not know, you know?
137
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,002
They don't know because
every time they come to town,
138
00:06:19,021 --> 00:06:20,746
I put up Kate Upton posters
139
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,748
and take the dent out of my throw pillows.
140
00:06:22,832 --> 00:06:24,220
I have spent years
141
00:06:24,223 --> 00:06:26,729
creating the illusion
that I am a raging hetero.
142
00:06:26,751 --> 00:06:27,843
Okay, first of all,
143
00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:29,747
heteros don't rage, and second,
144
00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,129
how could they not know?
145
00:06:31,471 --> 00:06:33,181
I was gonna tell them in due time,
146
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,383
but now you've blown that.
147
00:06:34,414 --> 00:06:37,108
Or did the work for you. You're welcome.
148
00:06:37,359 --> 00:06:39,190
Oh, you do not know what you have done.
149
00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:42,548
All afternoon Mom has been
passive aggressively knitting,
150
00:06:42,563 --> 00:06:45,395
and Dad has been muttering
to himself and watching golf,
151
00:06:45,596 --> 00:06:47,300
which is pretty much what they always do,
152
00:06:47,361 --> 00:06:48,524
but this time it was judgy!
153
00:06:48,644 --> 00:06:49,717
I can feel it.
154
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:50,449
Russell,
155
00:06:50,957 --> 00:06:52,503
I'm sorry, but it's done.
156
00:06:52,588 --> 00:06:54,085
There's nothing I can do about it.
157
00:06:55,841 --> 00:06:56,987
You could come to dinner.
158
00:06:57,226 --> 00:06:58,483
How's that gonna help?
159
00:06:58,603 --> 00:07:01,613
Look, my mom is super
religious. My dad is into sports.
160
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,602
You're both of those things.
You're like the perfect
161
00:07:03,637 --> 00:07:04,692
gay ambassador.
162
00:07:05,028 --> 00:07:07,446
I don't know... dinner with your family.
163
00:07:07,516 --> 00:07:10,175
Please, you are exactly what
they need to see right now...
164
00:07:10,189 --> 00:07:12,405
a respected Christian leader with
165
00:07:12,672 --> 00:07:13,951
flawless skin.
166
00:07:14,152 --> 00:07:17,259
And the bon vivance
of a Camelot-era Kennedy.
167
00:07:17,293 --> 00:07:18,410
Seriously?
168
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:19,697
They had no idea?
169
00:07:23,507 --> 00:07:25,056
Well, now, who are those for...
170
00:07:25,176 --> 00:07:26,858
one of your birds? [Chuckles]
171
00:07:26,872 --> 00:07:27,993
No, and,
172
00:07:28,229 --> 00:07:30,110
you know, it's really none of your beeswax.
173
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:32,885
Now, I was just joking. I was just
174
00:07:33,155 --> 00:07:35,993
making sport of the fact that you
never seem to have a date, so...
175
00:07:35,994 --> 00:07:37,757
I do have a date... tonight,
176
00:07:37,815 --> 00:07:39,348
in fact, and I am
177
00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:40,913
very excited about it.
178
00:07:41,110 --> 00:07:42,857
Well, then good for you.
179
00:07:42,888 --> 00:07:45,481
You know, Hilva threw her
back out moving a coffin,
180
00:07:45,515 --> 00:07:47,111
so I've got to pick up the flowers
181
00:07:47,131 --> 00:07:48,607
for the Davenport funeral.
182
00:07:48,657 --> 00:07:50,728
You're welcome to bring
your date if you like.
183
00:07:50,863 --> 00:07:51,911
They're having cannolis.
184
00:07:52,031 --> 00:07:53,310
Oh, okay.
185
00:07:53,430 --> 00:07:55,365
I do like a cannoli.
186
00:07:55,991 --> 00:07:58,747
[light classical music]
187
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:04,262
♪ ♪
188
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:17,870
[lounge music]
189
00:08:17,948 --> 00:08:20,301
Oh, is that what you're wearing.
190
00:08:20,548 --> 00:08:21,518
[groans]
191
00:08:21,777 --> 00:08:23,222
I got to wear pink now?
192
00:08:23,392 --> 00:08:25,197
Dad, you look fine.
193
00:08:25,768 --> 00:08:28,260
Mom, olive pits go in
the little bowl, please.
194
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:30,077
[knock at door]
195
00:08:30,321 --> 00:08:31,342
[sighs]
196
00:08:32,571 --> 00:08:34,571
- Hey.
- Thank you for doing this.
197
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,507
Come in.
198
00:08:37,361 --> 00:08:38,169
Hi.
199
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:39,961
Sorry about before.
200
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,638
No, no, us.
201
00:08:41,673 --> 00:08:42,957
Roger and I were just
202
00:08:43,363 --> 00:08:45,790
- a little caught off guard.
- A little?
203
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,339
It was a jolt in the shorts.
204
00:08:47,578 --> 00:08:49,240
(Russell) Who wants wine?
205
00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:52,145
All right, here we go.
206
00:08:52,222 --> 00:08:53,590
Thank you.
207
00:08:53,806 --> 00:08:54,633
Thanks.
208
00:08:55,263 --> 00:08:57,173
Maybe we should have a toast.
209
00:08:57,175 --> 00:08:58,098
Roger?
210
00:08:58,732 --> 00:09:01,611
Well, it's not like I
prepared anything, but...
211
00:09:02,572 --> 00:09:05,185
here's to Russell and his friend.
212
00:09:05,454 --> 00:09:07,989
Oh, Roger, they're more than friends.
213
00:09:08,023 --> 00:09:10,250
They're sharing their lives together.
214
00:09:10,582 --> 00:09:12,163
To the happy couple.
215
00:09:12,387 --> 00:09:14,423
- The what?
- I told them, honey.
216
00:09:16,787 --> 00:09:18,839
[whispering] Please, go with it.
217
00:09:19,778 --> 00:09:21,382
Wow, Russy.
218
00:09:21,911 --> 00:09:23,419
I thought we weren't going to use tongue
219
00:09:23,434 --> 00:09:24,571
in front of the parents?
220
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:27,140
- [sighs, chuckles]
- [glasses clink]
221
00:09:30,209 --> 00:09:31,824
[sighs]
222
00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:32,937
What the hell was that?
223
00:09:32,993 --> 00:09:34,798
In my defense, they were going on and on
224
00:09:34,822 --> 00:09:37,461
about how worried they are
that gay men are promiscuous,
225
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,906
so I lied and said we are
in a monogamous relationship.
226
00:09:39,918 --> 00:09:41,301
And then jammed your tongue down my throat.
227
00:09:41,313 --> 00:09:43,214
Let's not forget that part. I know I won't.
228
00:09:43,492 --> 00:09:45,215
Aw, that's sweet.
229
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,557
Look, can't you please
just go along with this?
230
00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:49,488
It would really make up for you outing me
231
00:09:49,566 --> 00:09:50,400
in public
232
00:09:50,659 --> 00:09:51,814
against my will.
233
00:09:52,835 --> 00:09:54,647
- I don't know.
- It's only two days.
234
00:09:54,666 --> 00:09:55,992
We don't even have to do anything...
235
00:09:56,239 --> 00:09:57,444
unless you want to.
236
00:09:59,728 --> 00:10:00,435
Okay.
237
00:10:00,521 --> 00:10:02,383
"Okay" you want to? Or...
238
00:10:02,410 --> 00:10:03,991
- Don't push it.
- Okay.
239
00:10:06,866 --> 00:10:07,998
No kablammo.
240
00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:09,165
Really?
241
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:10,923
We may have to go another way.
242
00:10:10,981 --> 00:10:12,585
Have you ever considered a vibrator.
243
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,375
[squeals] Shh.
244
00:10:14,653 --> 00:10:16,361
[whispering] Keep your voice down.
245
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,176
[clears throat]
246
00:10:18,227 --> 00:10:20,882
[whispering] There is one
called The Silver Secret.
247
00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:22,180
It's perfect for you.
248
00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:23,524
- It's hands-free.
- [sighs]
249
00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:25,455
You control it with your
phone, using Bluetooth.
250
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:27,105
They sell them at Krinsky's Drugstore.
251
00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,790
Well, I was thinking of swinging by there
252
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,752
for some chewable vitamins, anyway.
253
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,684
Of course, I'll have to wait for a day
254
00:10:33,711 --> 00:10:35,844
when Janice Goggins isn't
working the register.
255
00:10:35,856 --> 00:10:37,865
Do you know that she once sold me Pepto,
256
00:10:37,883 --> 00:10:40,323
and for the next week,
the whole town called me...
257
00:10:41,478 --> 00:10:42,722
Dora-rhea?
258
00:10:42,807 --> 00:10:44,055
I remember.
259
00:10:44,356 --> 00:10:45,889
- [chuckles]
- So,
260
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,062
Buddy, tell us...
261
00:10:48,498 --> 00:10:52,053
when was the moment you knew
our Russy was right for you?
262
00:10:54,344 --> 00:10:56,029
I remember I was in the kitchen.
263
00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:57,563
Russell was having a dinner party,
264
00:10:57,582 --> 00:10:58,726
much like this one,
265
00:10:58,757 --> 00:11:00,758
and the next thing you know,
266
00:11:00,878 --> 00:11:03,177
- we are together.
- Aw.
267
00:11:03,297 --> 00:11:05,975
I knew the moment we met...
in the church, remember?
268
00:11:05,978 --> 00:11:08,413
You were wearing a fitted, white V-neck T,
269
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,547
a black leather jacket
with a lightweight hoodie,
270
00:11:10,562 --> 00:11:13,201
and a medium-wash, cotton-blend jean
271
00:11:13,221 --> 00:11:15,172
that matched your piercing blue eyes.
272
00:11:15,794 --> 00:11:17,390
And what was Russy wearing?
273
00:11:18,372 --> 00:11:20,270
You know, clothes.
274
00:11:20,293 --> 00:11:21,583
[Susie and Russell laugh]
275
00:11:21,595 --> 00:11:22,994
Isn't he delightful?
276
00:11:23,017 --> 00:11:24,609
Right back at you, Russy-poo.
277
00:11:24,860 --> 00:11:27,758
You know, in addition
to being a pastor, Mom,
278
00:11:27,777 --> 00:11:30,450
Buddy is also into sports, Dad.
279
00:11:31,011 --> 00:11:32,356
A sports guy, huh?
280
00:11:32,684 --> 00:11:34,724
I don't suppose you're
into drag racing, are you?
281
00:11:34,809 --> 00:11:36,093
Don't know a thing about it...
282
00:11:36,552 --> 00:11:38,318
except that Big Daddy Jim Daniels
283
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:41,078
is defending his NHRA crown
at Judson Raceway tomorrow.
284
00:11:41,113 --> 00:11:43,443
[laughs] That's what I'm talking about.
285
00:11:43,563 --> 00:11:44,613
You want to check it out?
286
00:11:44,652 --> 00:11:46,805
I'm in. How about you, Russy-poo?
287
00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:48,308
Up for a little drag race?
288
00:11:48,312 --> 00:11:49,201
I'll pass.
289
00:11:49,255 --> 00:11:51,292
Now, if it were RuPaul's Drag Race,
290
00:11:51,369 --> 00:11:53,123
then you'd be singing my song.
291
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,144
I can't believe I just said
that in front of my parents.
292
00:11:56,144 --> 00:11:57,636
I love being out.
293
00:11:58,811 --> 00:12:00,545
So, Roger, you want to give me a hand?
294
00:12:00,974 --> 00:12:02,307
Excuse us.
295
00:12:02,620 --> 00:12:03,447
Go ahead, hon.
296
00:12:07,856 --> 00:12:09,371
I think it's going pretty well.
297
00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:10,495
I know.
298
00:12:10,777 --> 00:12:12,867
Isn't it weird how right this feels?
299
00:12:13,339 --> 00:12:15,562
- Please take your hand off my thigh.
- Uh-huh.
300
00:12:16,368 --> 00:12:19,909
Well, this is definitely not
the weekend I was expecting.
301
00:12:20,119 --> 00:12:22,600
Well, I guess we shouldn't
be completely surprised.
302
00:12:22,646 --> 00:12:24,480
His voice mail was sung to the tune
303
00:12:24,492 --> 00:12:25,819
of Candle in the Wind.
304
00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:27,019
[sighs]
305
00:12:27,139 --> 00:12:29,832
The main thing is he seems happy.
306
00:12:30,076 --> 00:12:31,897
He really does.
307
00:12:31,931 --> 00:12:34,237
I have a good feeling about those two.
308
00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:36,711
I guess it's time I ran a little
309
00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:38,912
background check on this Jonathan Barlow.
310
00:12:38,974 --> 00:12:40,863
Oh, Roger, is that necessary?
311
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,245
Hey, if I had done a quicker check
312
00:12:42,272 --> 00:12:44,106
on that deadbeat our
Stacey was going out with,
313
00:12:44,126 --> 00:12:46,974
she wouldn't have ended up with
a broken heart and bad credit.
314
00:12:47,094 --> 00:12:48,040
Besides,
315
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:49,860
once an FBI guy...
316
00:12:50,684 --> 00:12:52,090
always an FBI guy.
317
00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:54,317
[ominous organ music plays]
318
00:12:58,802 --> 00:13:00,081
[sighs]
319
00:13:00,943 --> 00:13:02,720
Ah, we meet again, huh?
320
00:13:02,758 --> 00:13:03,833
Hi, Alden.
321
00:13:04,112 --> 00:13:05,367
What you got back there?
322
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:06,839
Just personal items.
323
00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:09,324
Oh, oh, got the squirts again?
324
00:13:09,514 --> 00:13:11,723
Don't you have an
injured wife to attend to?
325
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:12,913
Oh, that reminds me.
326
00:13:12,937 --> 00:13:15,711
Hilva says she may not be
able to make book club today.
327
00:13:15,742 --> 00:13:18,682
Oh, well, I hope she can come.
328
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:20,491
I hope everybody can come
329
00:13:20,645 --> 00:13:22,268
because everybody deserves to come,
330
00:13:22,284 --> 00:13:24,023
even if it is harder for some people
331
00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:25,379
than it is for others.
332
00:13:25,858 --> 00:13:28,649
You know, try some cheese.
That'll stop you up.
333
00:13:30,414 --> 00:13:33,807
[light classical music plays]
334
00:13:34,498 --> 00:13:35,904
♪ ♪
335
00:13:35,924 --> 00:13:36,770
[clears throat]
336
00:13:40,703 --> 00:13:41,751
Here we go.
337
00:13:41,984 --> 00:13:45,704
[vibrating]
338
00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:47,416
Oh, my. [Giggles]
339
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:51,465
[gasps] Oh, my...
340
00:13:51,585 --> 00:13:54,348
♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
341
00:13:56,122 --> 00:13:57,876
Hey, this isn't the way to Judson.
342
00:14:00,044 --> 00:14:01,562
You ever been to Shepherd Lake?
343
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,765
Can't say I have.
344
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,639
We're gonna make a little pit stop.
345
00:14:06,381 --> 00:14:09,468
I don't know if Russell told
you, but I'm retired FBI.
346
00:14:11,269 --> 00:14:12,231
No,
347
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,688
Russy-poo failed to mention that.
348
00:14:14,808 --> 00:14:17,458
Learned a few things
about you Pastor Barlow.
349
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:19,695
You and I need to talk.
350
00:14:28,758 --> 00:14:31,761
I share this place with
a few FBI fishing buddies.
351
00:14:35,377 --> 00:14:37,293
Thing about Shepherd Lake is...
352
00:14:37,332 --> 00:14:39,415
you never know what you're going to catch.
353
00:14:40,682 --> 00:14:41,714
Is that so?
354
00:14:42,027 --> 00:14:43,468
(Buddy) I had to keep my cool.
355
00:14:43,588 --> 00:14:44,736
There was no way he could know
356
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:46,323
about the dead body in the lake.
357
00:14:46,473 --> 00:14:47,254
Could he?
358
00:14:47,281 --> 00:14:48,684
Sit down.
359
00:14:49,708 --> 00:14:50,782
Not there.
360
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,356
Here.
361
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,139
Make yourself comfortable.
362
00:14:55,399 --> 00:14:56,659
Am I in trouble here,
363
00:14:57,262 --> 00:14:58,051
Dad?
364
00:14:58,447 --> 00:15:00,469
Can I... can I call you "Dad"?
365
00:15:03,714 --> 00:15:05,720
I did a little fishing this morning.
366
00:15:06,091 --> 00:15:07,176
You see, Jonathan,
367
00:15:07,744 --> 00:15:08,876
I love my son.
368
00:15:10,298 --> 00:15:12,045
And as long as you're dating him,
369
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,364
I need to make sure
that everything about you
370
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,554
is on the up-and-up.
371
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:18,954
So this is a father-son
thing, not an FBI thing?
372
00:15:19,074 --> 00:15:20,503
I'm glad we got that settled.
373
00:15:20,514 --> 00:15:22,208
Should we hit the track? Corn dogs on me.
374
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,977
I did a cursory background check,
375
00:15:24,182 --> 00:15:27,416
and I have a few questions
about Jonathan Barlow.
376
00:15:28,254 --> 00:15:28,934
Well,
377
00:15:29,285 --> 00:15:31,689
who better to ask than me...
378
00:15:31,809 --> 00:15:33,439
Jonathan Barlow?
379
00:15:36,151 --> 00:15:38,068
[dreamy music]
380
00:15:38,153 --> 00:15:43,276
♪ ♪
381
00:15:44,288 --> 00:15:46,235
[gasps] Book club!
382
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:49,133
Well, let's just go ahead and start.
383
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,076
I'm here. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm late.
384
00:15:51,157 --> 00:15:52,324
You didn't miss anything.
385
00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:53,576
Kablammo.
386
00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:55,048
Nice.
387
00:15:56,054 --> 00:15:59,151
Oh, Alden, hi. What are you doing here?
388
00:15:59,213 --> 00:16:00,655
Hilva's back is still out.
389
00:16:00,671 --> 00:16:01,842
I'm supposed to call her
390
00:16:01,865 --> 00:16:04,303
so I can repeat her book opinions verbatim.
391
00:16:04,388 --> 00:16:05,117
Oh.
392
00:16:05,415 --> 00:16:10,297
Now, how do I hook up
this... this earphone doo-dad.
393
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,748
So let's discuss The Velvet Orchid.
394
00:16:12,783 --> 00:16:13,877
Well, it is silver.
395
00:16:13,892 --> 00:16:16,126
How about that slam-bang beginning?
396
00:16:16,138 --> 00:16:17,805
- [beep]
- [gasps]
397
00:16:18,274 --> 00:16:19,577
[vibrating]
398
00:16:19,654 --> 00:16:20,558
Oh, no.
399
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:21,822
Hilva, can you hear me?
400
00:16:21,872 --> 00:16:22,869
Oh, my.
401
00:16:23,627 --> 00:16:24,697
Excuse me.
402
00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:27,239
(Alden) Now, uh, Hilva, are you there?
403
00:16:27,359 --> 00:16:28,975
Hilva, can you hear me?
404
00:16:29,095 --> 00:16:31,267
[vibrating quickens] [shuddering]
405
00:16:31,784 --> 00:16:32,622
Ah.
406
00:16:32,623 --> 00:16:34,269
Dora, are you okay?
407
00:16:34,691 --> 00:16:36,647
It's still in.
408
00:16:36,991 --> 00:16:38,107
Up, down.
409
00:16:38,436 --> 00:16:41,044
[squealing] Yep!
410
00:16:42,253 --> 00:16:43,409
Yep.
411
00:16:43,529 --> 00:16:45,419
[chuckles]
412
00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:47,918
Oh. Oh.
413
00:16:48,038 --> 00:16:49,510
[gasps]
414
00:16:49,553 --> 00:16:51,315
[moaning]
415
00:16:51,342 --> 00:16:53,618
Help me. [Gasps]
416
00:16:53,672 --> 00:16:54,770
Oh, all right, I'm getting nothing.
417
00:16:54,797 --> 00:16:56,663
Up, down, up, down, up, down.
418
00:16:57,072 --> 00:16:58,139
Alden...
419
00:16:58,170 --> 00:16:59,619
- [gasps] Oh, my God.
- Let me do that.
420
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:01,516
Okay.
421
00:17:01,867 --> 00:17:03,980
Ah! Oh, yes.
422
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:05,745
- Oh, my.
- Oh.
423
00:17:05,903 --> 00:17:06,641
Um,
424
00:17:06,862 --> 00:17:09,342
you know, let's all give Dora a hand
425
00:17:09,354 --> 00:17:12,213
for that amazing reenactment
of the opening scene, right?
426
00:17:12,224 --> 00:17:13,894
- [applause]
- Oh, is that what that was?
427
00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:15,440
'Cause I did not read the book.
428
00:17:15,498 --> 00:17:16,363
It was.
429
00:17:16,765 --> 00:17:17,746
So, to be clear,
430
00:17:18,244 --> 00:17:20,478
the purpose of your 2003 visit
431
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:22,591
to the former Soviet Union was tourism.
432
00:17:23,519 --> 00:17:25,335
Are you still a Russian sympathizer?
433
00:17:25,996 --> 00:17:27,178
I do like their dressing.
434
00:17:27,298 --> 00:17:28,515
Would you care to elaborate?
435
00:17:29,094 --> 00:17:30,977
On salads and the occasional Reuben.
436
00:17:31,004 --> 00:17:31,761
Uh-huh.
437
00:17:32,863 --> 00:17:34,218
It says here you were once married
438
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,749
to a Kelly Patterson.
439
00:17:36,873 --> 00:17:38,554
[exhales deeply] Big mistake.
440
00:17:38,585 --> 00:17:41,128
She and I were totally
wrong for each other.
441
00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:41,873
"She"?
442
00:17:42,082 --> 00:17:43,210
Kelly was a man.
443
00:17:44,036 --> 00:17:44,809
Yeah?
444
00:17:45,505 --> 00:17:47,185
But I called him my bitch.
445
00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:50,304
You were only together for
six months. Why was that?
446
00:17:50,988 --> 00:17:54,238
Well, he wasn't just a bitch.
He was a son of a bitch.
447
00:17:54,427 --> 00:17:56,718
Plus, he had problems with his, you know...
448
00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:00,690
[whispering] His wiener.
449
00:18:02,386 --> 00:18:03,615
I think we're done here.
450
00:18:04,439 --> 00:18:05,555
You passed.
451
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:08,983
I'll meet you in the car.
I'm gonna hit the can.
452
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,375
(Buddy) When you've failed as
many job interviews as I have,
453
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,686
you know when you've screwed the pooch.
454
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:22,635
Agent Herman, please.
455
00:18:24,212 --> 00:18:25,862
Hi, Mark. Roger.
456
00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:29,115
Listen, can you run me
a full background check
457
00:18:29,131 --> 00:18:31,527
on a Jonathan Barlow
from Richmond, Virginia?
458
00:18:31,797 --> 00:18:33,501
Pictures, records, everything.
459
00:18:33,621 --> 00:18:34,506
One hour?
460
00:18:35,063 --> 00:18:35,758
Perfect.
461
00:18:35,878 --> 00:18:36,814
Yeah,
462
00:18:37,327 --> 00:18:38,282
perfect.
463
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,851
Russell, could I see you
in the kitchen, please?
464
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,204
Why are you guys home so early?
465
00:18:47,266 --> 00:18:48,541
Well this one had a headache.
466
00:18:49,067 --> 00:18:50,269
- Oh, no, can I get you some aspir...
- No time.
467
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,088
Russell, kitchen, now.
468
00:18:52,676 --> 00:18:54,299
He's in one of his moods.
469
00:18:55,353 --> 00:18:57,540
(Buddy) The only reason
Roger needed that FBI check
470
00:18:57,556 --> 00:18:59,212
was because I was dating his son.
471
00:18:59,248 --> 00:18:59,982
So...
472
00:18:59,994 --> 00:19:02,277
- We have to end this.
- What? Why?
473
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:03,332
God.
474
00:19:03,734 --> 00:19:06,220
Yeah, he's totally pissed we're
being deceitful to your parents.
475
00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:07,815
We need to come clean now.
476
00:19:08,053 --> 00:19:09,114
I can't do that.
477
00:19:09,142 --> 00:19:11,105
They're so proud of me
for finally being honest.
478
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:12,821
If they find out I'm lying again,
479
00:19:12,848 --> 00:19:13,970
they'll lose all trust in me.
480
00:19:13,977 --> 00:19:15,862
[cell phone rings]
481
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:16,595
(Roger) Hey, Mark.
482
00:19:16,991 --> 00:19:17,801
What'd you find out?
483
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,437
Emailed you that intel on Barlow,
484
00:19:20,456 --> 00:19:22,539
but, uh, it bounced back.
485
00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:24,403
Susie, what's our new email?
486
00:19:25,537 --> 00:19:27,828
I can't believe you're breaking up with me!
487
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:28,655
You know what?
488
00:19:29,453 --> 00:19:30,603
I blame you two.
489
00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:33,098
If you hadn't raised him with
such good Christian values,
490
00:19:33,126 --> 00:19:34,983
he'd be okay with me being promiscuous
491
00:19:35,036 --> 00:19:36,624
and hooking up with lots of dudes,
492
00:19:36,899 --> 00:19:38,278
- even Russians.
- [gasps]
493
00:19:38,398 --> 00:19:39,344
Hang on, Mark.
494
00:19:40,768 --> 00:19:42,107
Last chance, Russell...
495
00:19:42,441 --> 00:19:43,890
monogamy or me?
496
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,206
I'm sorry, Buddy.
497
00:19:47,602 --> 00:19:48,863
I have to let you go.
498
00:19:50,335 --> 00:19:51,759
It was great while it lasted.
499
00:19:56,792 --> 00:19:57,806
Never mind.
500
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:00,277
It doesn't matter anymore.
501
00:20:00,497 --> 00:20:01,675
(Buddy) It was close,
502
00:20:02,074 --> 00:20:04,281
but I was officially out of the woods.
503
00:20:04,599 --> 00:20:08,392
♪ You can knock me down, down ♪
504
00:20:08,651 --> 00:20:11,951
♪ You can knock me down, down ♪
505
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:13,704
♪ But I'll fight like the Devil ♪
506
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:15,691
Man, this is a big one!
507
00:20:16,403 --> 00:20:19,061
♪ Round after round after round ♪
508
00:20:19,098 --> 00:20:20,464
What the hell?
509
00:20:21,101 --> 00:20:24,173
♪ Drowning in sweat ♪
510
00:20:25,216 --> 00:20:27,675
♪ Blood running cold ♪
511
00:20:30,338 --> 00:20:32,149
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