My Boy Lollipop.
♪ You make my heart go giddy-up
♪ You are as sweet as candy
♪ You're my sugar dandy
♪ Whoa, oh, my boy Lollipop
♪ Never ever leave me
♪ Because it would grieve me
♪ My heart told me so...
♪ I love you I love you, I love you so
♪ But I don't want you to know
♪ I need you, I need you I need you so
♪ And I'll never let you go
♪ My boy Lollipop
♪ You make my heart go giddy-up
♪ You set the world on fire
♪ You are my one desire
♪ Whoa, my Lollipop...
Sync & corrections by minouhse www.addic7ed.com
What did you say?
Get off.
Fight. Fight. Fight.
I ain't done nothing to you.
You ain't done nothing? You ain't done nothing?
What's this, then, nig nog?
Do you think you're funny?
Do you think you're some kind of comedian?
Fight, fight, fight.
Well, you ain't.
That felt good. I'm-a do it again.
I can't be beat. I am the greatest.
I'm so pretty, I'm so fast. I'm-a whoop yo' ass.
Oh, he's a good boy, Harry, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Left hook, right hook,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Danny Fearon, the human punching bag.
He's allergic to violence, ladies and gennelmen,
he breaks out in cuts and bruises.
Thank you very much.
I said to the doc,
"I broke my arm in six places. What should I do?"
The doc said, "Stop going to those places."
Whoever you are in there, you should be on the telly or something.
He's right. Mate, you could make a fortune doin' that stuff.
He ain't lyin', that's for sure.
All right, Miss Myrtle? - Does God see fit, Mr Harris?
Your hair look good. Wig?
Are we done yet?
What you say?
Rest yourself, me have things to do.
Lord God, Miss Clarice, look upon your hat,
one good gust a wind and you soon reach back at Jamaica.
You like it? - Mm-hm.
Bloody hell, man.
What you say? - Nothing.
And if you damage or drop even one piece of fruit or sweet potato
I will shove them up your nose hole, you hear me?
Pick up the things now.
Miss Myrtle, we miss you at church, you know.
You remember me daughter, Cherry?
All right, Cherry? Them not have comb where you live?
The times I tell that girl to throw a comb through that head of hair.
Come like them deaf or something.
All right, Danny? - Yeah, and you?
Your mum's funny. I saw you up town just now.
Does she know every black person in Dudley?
Getting a summer job?
Don't know, maybe.
Might do waitressing.
Mum says I'd have to wear a big hat or a wig
so as not to frighten the customers.
I like me hair, though - it's me.
Daniel.
Me foot done mash up. Come, we go in the house.
Miss Patterson talk to me 'bout...
"We miss you at church, Miss Myrtle, you know.
"Me hope say you not backslidin' into the arms of
"you-know-who?"
Imagine her talk to me like that in the street.
Meanwhile, me hypnotise by Cherry head...
It tangle, it tangle,
it tangle till her head resemble a bush.
Pure elephant and lion, a run round.
Brother Murphy operation
leave him a walk sideways like crab.
I saw him a go up town today.
'Ladies, gentlemen and children, welcome to The Generation Game.
'Nice to see you, to see you... - Nice.'
Nice.
'I've been very worried about the coal shed door.'
1,000 to the base of ten
is three.
So, that's ten to the power of three
is 1,000.
Ten by ten...
by ten is 1,000.
Moreover, what we've got...
What now? Listen, lads,
if we're going drinking and round all the clubs and that
we're going to need spondulicks. Cash-ola. Readies.
Where am I going to get spondulicks from?
You've never got any money.
Don't your parents ever give you any pocket money?
Jamaicans ain't got parents,
it's more like two drill sergeants lampin' you round the house.
Me dad's got me an apprenticeship at a factory,
but the money's shit and I have to give most of it to me mum.
She said, "What you want with money anyway?
"You'd only spend it on foolishness."
That means I got to get two jobs.
They're hiring up the zoo. - You what?
This is the Queen Mary Ballroom
where you'll be working your bollocks off all summer.
The pay is crap, but you do get a discount on the disco and drinks.
It's Magnificent Jonesy on Sunday nights.
Northern soul and that on Mondays.
Northern bastard soul. Just Motown for poor people.
Discount doesn't mean free. Don't forget that.
You've still gotta pay something to get in and get your drinks.
We ain't a charity.
Unless you know someone on the door or behind the bar.
I just pour me own - saves time.
This is Bridget, a senior staff member.
When she says "jump", you say, "how high?"
Don't even think about it.
The drawbridge on Bridget's knickers is well and truly up, my friends.
The Carter twins.
Jesus. Two of you ugly bastards for the price of one.
Be still, my beating heart. - Come on.
Ah, look at you all shy. You'd better hurry up
or you're going to get left behind by Frodo and Dildo.
Bridget there, boys and girls,
proving to us all that whatever God is, male or female...
..he's got a knob.
You all right, Bridget?
Can I get, er, three lagers
and one lager with lime?
Lime? Is one of yous a poof? - You what?
Only shirt-lifters put lime in their beer.
What's a shirt-lifter?
Aw, Danny, you're very sweet.
Here's hoping you don't do any time at Winson Green Prison.
You'll find out soon enough. That'll be 80p.
She meant homosexual. - You what?
Shirt-lifter, poof.
They're horrible expressions for men who do it with each other.
Men doing it with each other?
Not all men fancy women, Daniel.
Some men are different and whoever's different you can bet
somebody somewhere's made up a nasty word for them.
It's like what they call us...
Nig nog, coon, darkie...
they're just words they've made up cos we're different.
Different's good.
Boy Larrington. You can't sit down at the table and eat?
You want Mama to buy you a trough?
Pearl must have been out of her mind when she marry you.
What you say? - Nothing. I didn't say nothing.
Good, cos me will box every last one of your teet down your
nasty little gullet. - Larrington, leave him alone.
What you say to me?
What me did tell you Pearl, hm?
Seem like you feel you can just backchat me.
Just relax yourself, Larrington?
We all know say you is a big man, just calm yourself.
What you say, Kojak?
You think say just cos you work at Dudley Police Station
I can't thump you down one and two time?
Come now?
None of you have nothing to do?
Come out of the kitchen.
Lucky.
Oh, good.
You stay behind to wash the plate, then?
I bloody hate him.
Classic. - I'd have kicked him in the bollocks.
Nobody likes a kick in the bollocks, do they? - He's Jamaican.
If I'd kicked him in the bollocks, I'd have just heard "clang."
And then he'd have killed me.
Never mind that pillock.
You got to practise for the talent thing at the Queen Mary.
I ain't sure.
You're joking, ain't you? Mate, you'll walk it.
Frank Spencer. Classic.
Tommy Cooper. Classic. - Wobbly Elvis. Classic.
Come on, Dan. We'll tell you if it's shit. Over and over again.
I'll say it's shit even if it ain't, though, just to be a bit of a twat.
Don't do yourself down, chap.
You ain't just a bit of a twat. You're all twat.
Piss off.
Do us a show. Go on.
Uh-huh-huh. - Here we go.
I went to a psychiatrist, a headshrinker.
I went in there and I said,
"Doc, my brother, he thinks he's a hound dog.
What can I do?"
The shrink says, "Bring him in." Uh-huh-huh.
"Put him on the couch." I said, "Wait a cotton-pickin' minute.
"He ain't allowed on the couch." It's the way I tell 'em.
Oh. What have we got here, then?
Is he dancing for you, lads?
Must be nice to have your own dancing coon.
Hey, will he dance for me?
Come on, coon, dance for me. - Why?
We was gonna go Paki-bashin' tonight
but this twat just queue-jumped, didn't you? Cowin' Danny Fearon.
I bet you piss the bed. You stink.
All of you lot stink like cack. - I ain't got a problem with you.
But I've got a big problem with you, though, you black bastard.
Come on.
Get up, Daniel.
Ooh. Assault and battery?
With your record? Bad idea, Bailey.
Having a go at her little brother
two streets away from the police station?
Bad idea, Bailey.
And just at the same time as when
me and Ellis here are having our evening stroll, hoping to bump into
some racist dickhead picking on people weaker than themselves.
I ain't weak... - I weren't doing nothing wrong.
Weren't you?
If you ever come 200 feet to my little brother again,
me gonna shove this right up your nose hole. Understand?
Bye-bye.
Thank you, boys.
I think
me and Ellis here would like fish, chips, mushy peas
and two cans of Fanta.
Thank you.
I have to put up with that shit day in, day out at work. Every day.
You got to stand up to them, Dan, or they'll walk all over you.
Someone has a go at you, you walk up to them and have a go right back
and if they hit you with a fist, you hit them with a brick.
Obviously, you wear gloves and a ski mask
so they can't name you in a court of law.
Look, I remember what Mum used to say when we was kids.
"You have to integrate with the Dudley people them."
She didn't mean we just had to lie down and let them jump all over us.
You got to stand up for yourself, Dan.
Get up.
Can't be late your first day at work, you know. Them will sack you.
And don't make my backside come back up here.
You wretch.
Come, make we go.
Not too bad. Could be a bit smoother.
He can't move.
That's how it'll go from now on.
And when you have for you wife, so the same ting again.
Bastard.
I ain't havin' this. - Fucking...
Danny Fearon.
Couldn't I just take you out once, just so you can see what it's like?
I've got a pretty good idea what it's like, Danny Fearon.
It's just like all the other ones, excepting yours is brown
and not as big.
Ach, Danny, I can't be going out with a black fecker like you.
Me dad'd have me guts for garters
and me mother would stick her head in the gas oven.
Don't you know any girls that look like you?
All right, Danny? - No.
All right, lads and lasses.
It's time for...
the Queen Mary Talent Search.
You come up here, show us what you can do.
The first prize is a £50 discount at my own personal record shop -
Magnificent Records, Brierley Hill High Street
just by the traffic lights, and...
a large bottle of whisky. What do you say to that?
So, who wants to give it a go first?
We've got Tracie, Julie and Sue.
And they're going to slaughter Baby Love by The Supremes.
Come on.
I'm going to be sick.
This is really funny, right?
So... so the barman says to the white horse, he says,
"Oh, we've got a whisky named after you,"
and... and the white horse says, "What do you mean - Brian?"
No...
That ain't it. He says, "What do you mean... Brian?"
I ain't going up there.
The crowd's too... too aggressive.
Oi, oi. Calm down, calm down. Give him a round of applause.
Come on, Dan, you can do it. - No, no. You can.
Nah, lads, I ain't going up there.
No, I'm just going to stick to what I've been doing.
I can't stand much more of this.
It's like being circumcised with a pair of rusty pliers.
Queen Mary. There's got to be a star here somewhere.
I need one last victim, I mean contestant.
Go up there, you'll be classic. You will. - Danny, smash it, mate.
Anyone?
Get up there and make 'em have it, chap.
You gotta get up there, Dan. - We want the whisky. Go on, chap.
All right?
Here you go. Best of luck.
Y'know, it's great bein' the king of rock 'n' roll
but sometimes when you wanna have a drink, it's a problem.
Bartender, can I get another one of these, please?
I'm all wet now.
Soaking. Betty won't be pleased.
Me and Betty have been a couple since we were six years old.
I said to my mum, "I'm going to marry Betty from next door."
She said, "What about if babies come, what then?"
I said, "Well, we've talked about it and if she lays any eggs..."
"then I'll just stamp on them."
Ladies and gennelmen,
I'm going to do a trick now. You see that?
It's exactly the same on the other side.
I was driving the wrong way down a one-way street the other day.
A policeman stopped me. He said, "Do you know this is a one-way street?"
I said, "Well, I was only going the one way."
I am the greatest, I'm the fastest. I'm the wittiest
and I'm the prettiest.
Joe Frazier's so ugly, when he was a baby
the only way they could get the dog to play with him
was if they hung a pork chop round his neck.
Nice to see you. To see you...
Nice.
Winner.
That was superb, chap, superb.
Now, thing is, what you're going to need is a bit of guidance.
I think I know how to make you a star.
Come round the shop and talk about it. I'll give you 25% discount.
Bring your mates.
I can drink to that. - Go on, Dan. Come on.
To Danny. - To Danny.
Does anybody else want lemonade?
Bloody right. That was nasty. - I'll have one.
Need you for a second in the stockroom.
Hang on, I ain't working tonight. Why do you... need me to...
Yeah...
I'll just...
Danny, that was feckin' brilliant.
I guess this means I'm in showbiz.
Why we can't talk about it, Larrington?
There's nothing to talk about.
We can't afford to move out so is here we have to stay.
An' here's you a-go out in your brand-new jacket.
Just going' out for a drink. Them don't make that illegal yet.
I just think it's important... - Shut yo' mouth.
Nothing you have to say can't wait till morning.
Me brand-new jacket.
You little blood claat, you...
Come out of me way.
You don't even belong in this your family.
You know how much this jacket cost?
Pearl, I beg you pack up your family and leave this house.
And take this worthless piece of filth with you.
Mama. - What me tell you for do?
Take out knife in my house?
Threaten me family? Me son?
I swear to God, Larrington,
you leave this house now or them will have to prison me.
You understand me?
Say if you understand... - Yes.
Jesus Christ, yes.
Where Larrington and them going?
Them a-go find some place for live. Daniel getting for them room.
We gone.
You don't even belong in this your family.
Mrs F? - Call me Myrtle.
Myrtle - lovely name.
As I was saying, Myrtle, I...
You're an evergreen shrub if I'm not mistaken?
Look, if Dan does well in the New Faces auditions,
he'll win the heats and then he'll get the chance to compete
at the Palladium for ten grand AND a season in Vegas.
You'll be able to do up the house,
get a phone, get a new telly... Maybe two tellies.
All you got to do, the pair of you, is
sign this contract and that'll make me Danny's manager.
This is a lot to take in, Mr Jones.
33 and a third percent?
Are you serious? - Dee Dee, come out. Me can't even think.
The boy not even 16 and you want him to go up on the television?
Him can't even tidy him bedroom.
Mum, I want this more than anything in the whole world.
If I win, I promise I'll help you.
I can help with... with money.
Whatever you need. Just let me do this.
I know I can do this, Mum. Please?
Written in felt tip pen.
All official and everything.
You can leave by the door or the window - make your choice.
Samson, you're drunk?
You wan' the boy sign him life away for a TV?
So him can compete for some stupid trophy?
Make this little idiot take him contract and shove it up him batty hole.
Mum, make him stop. - Listen, I've...
I've got a gig starting in a couple of hours,
Club Lafayette, just down the road, I'd better be...
You stay right where you are, Mr Jones.
This man not in him right mind.
Me in me mind right enough to tell you that if this boy sign
that dutty something, it won' make him happy.
How would you know, Dad? What do you know about happiness?
You've never been happy in your life. You never laugh.
You never joke. You've never told me a story.
You never touch Mum. I don't even know how I got here.
Watch this foolishness now.
How many shows you doin' here? Jonesy says I gotta do loads of gigs
like this to toughen me up for the telly.
How long's he signed you for?
Says ten years on the contract. - That sounds about right, don't it?
You got your solicitor to have a look, though, didn't ya?
Bloody hell.
There's nobody in here that looks like you, Dan.
Chap, I'm white and even I'm scared for you.
Maybe, er, you should have a couple of drinks before you go on.
Nah, I'm all right.
What time's that coon comin' on?
Dunno. He better be good, though.
Have his bollocks on a stick otherwise.
What were that, eh?
Jesus Christ. Sounded like she were gargling wi' cement.
All right, here we go. We've got a young coloured fella comin' on next.
I don't think it's fair to laugh at the afflicted, you might disagree.
He's scheduled to audition for a TV talent show. Ooh.
Oh, yes. And he wants to try
out some of his jokes, says his manager.
Now I've had word he's as funny as woodworm in a cripple's crutch...
and if you're wondering why the palms of his hands are lighter than the rest of him,
it's cos that's how they stack 'em when they get sprayed.
Now, come on, give him a chance. He's not from round here.
Here he is. Come on.
Danny Fearon.
There you go, son, all yours.
He wasn't very nice, was he, Betty?
In fact, I'd go as far as to say...
he was a bit of a dickhead.
Mum?
My first show.
This was for one show?
Lord, Jesus Christ, Daniel, you are blessed.
After the Lord don't reach down an' bless you himself?
She's nice. - Oi. Buggerlugs.
Keep your mind on this audition.
If you get this right, you could have your own TV show.
Your missus'll be fartin' through silk the rest of her days.
I ain't going to let you cock it up
cos you was staring at some bird's arse. Clear?
She's nice, my ball sack.
You have got good taste, though, I'll give ya that much.
I'd give her one meself.
Hello. How are you?
Good evening. This is my dog.
Thank you. Next.
Oh, my word. You're doing that thing again where you
shove your hand in my... Angus.
All right, what do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Next. Next.
And... - Next.
The judges hate everybody. Let's just go home, chap, please?
Listen. They're just sortin' out the wheat from the chaff.
Remember that. - I don't know what I'm doing. I can't do this.
I've forgot it all. I'm not funny. I've never been funny.
My brain's seized up. My tongue don't work.
Nah, I'm going home. - Never you mind, chap.
Never you mind.
If this don't work out,
you've always got the factory to go back to.
Danny.
Danny Fearon? You're on next.
Next.
He's getting crabby. It's been a very long week.
Well, come on, then.
I'd like to be home before midnight. Next.
Thank you very much.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, you may have seen
some of these impressions before, but not in colour.
I'm glad you thought that was funny -
my mum thinks I'm in double geography.
Thank you very much.
If he can do that on live TV, the world's his oyster.
What?
I said, if he can do that on live TV, the world's his oyster.
What?
Didn't he do well, eh? Thank you.
Lovely, lovely, ta.
Huh? Wahey-ha-ha.
Nice shot for the Express & Star. Come on, everyone.
Danny, you stand more in the middle.
Everyone laughing.
Danny's hilarious and...
What happen, Danny? You kill me with joke 'pon the TV, man.
You're famous now. All the best, you hear.
Danny, I saw you up the Queen Mary?
Can I get your autograph? - Yeah.
Well, well, well, you look different from the photo in the paper.
Better lookin'.
Is this you mother? - Yeah... yeah.
You need to buy him some Vaseline.
Look at this boy - him never cream him skin from the day him born.
If you the boy mother, you should be ashame.
Excuse me, madam, what your name an' address?
Valda Graham, why you wan' for know my name and address?
Because I goin' pin them 'pon you coat for when them
find you corpse in the street.
Mum, no. Mum...
She's just seen me on the telly, that's all.
She nah go see nuttin' if me jook out her eye with me umbrella.
Come on, Mum.
You tink say me a joke?
Is why you never cream your skin this mornin'? - I was in a rush.
Me have three gallon of Vaseline in the bathroom.
You can't pass through an' teef some?
Sure, man, you make me sick.
Well done, Danny.
This music sucks snot from a zombie's arse.
It's good beer here, though, innit? - Classic beer, chap.
Sometimes you have gotta endure pain to get to the true pleasure.
Speaks a bloke who's never had to dance the hokey-cokey in stilettos.
I'm off to the ladies and there'd better be a pint of mild and bitter
on the bar for me when I get back.
She's all over you like a rash since you've been on the telly.
She wouldn't have gobbed on you if you was on fire before.
Danny, you was brilliant on the telly.
Will you sign here?
I'm going to get it tattooed. It's going to be bostin.
You get off. Come here, you.
Get off.
Please get her off me.
You're a nutter.
You leave him alone. He's bloody mine.
Keep your tits to yourself.
You all right?
Sorry. I just saw her all over you and everything went red in my head.
Just go and get yourself sorted. I'll wait here.
Hi, Danny. Everything all right?
I'm sorry, Cherry. I can't talk right now.
I've got something going on.
The barman just got a phone call from Joe Frazier's manager.
Said he's looking for a vicious new sparring partner
and was your girlfriend available?
100 quid a week and all the raw meat she can eat.
You should be on the telly, you're pretty funny.
Nah, going to go to uni instead.
Do me exams and get the hell out of Dudley.
Dudley's great. Nothin' wrong with Dudley.
There is if you look like me or you.
You're on the telly, things have changed for you.
But if I don't want to end up in a factory, I've gotta go
to university and be twice as good before I'm accepted as an equal.
That's what I've got to do.
I've been saying that since I was three.
Mission impossible.
Not if you've got half a brain and a bit of talent.
I've got a bit of talent. So they say, anyroad.
Well, we should team up, then. We could...
We could what?
Nothing.
Danny, you should introduce me to your new friend.
He's no manners at all. Well?
Bridget, this is... - I don't care. Shall we go?
Thanks.
Jesus. Did you buy the whole of Woolworths?
Oh, here he is, here he is, here he is. Dan, the comedy man.
Three-time winner.
All the way through to the final on New Faces.
Well done, well done, well done.
I only won two heats, actually,
I came second to that skinny Liverpudlian by one point.
All right there, lar? I'm so skinny, like,
I got to run around in the shower to get wet.
D'you know what I mean?
Oh. Oh, thank you.
Shall we sit down? Let's sit, let's sit, let's sit.
Do you eat chicken at all?
I eat anything. - Not us, I hope?
Little joke, little joke, little joke.
Just a little joke.
Jesus, Pop, don't start with the saying-everything-three-times malarkey.
It was just a little joke, that's all.
Couldn't eat all three of us.
There'd be no room for dessert.
A little joke...
Do you eat cabbage?
Like I said, Mrs O'Riordan, I eat anything.
Nice dog you got there.
Nice fat haunches.
Bridget Sinead Mary O'Riordan, would you stop?
Stop it right now otherwise you'll have a head on you in the morning.
Danny, would you like a drink? - Firewater.
That's what they drink, don't they?
They love the firewater. Love the firewater, love the firewater.
Yes, they do.
Do you eat parsnip?
Danny. Nice tux, chap. Makes a difference.
Oh, aye, nice to see you ain't in second-hand castoffs any more.
When you worked at the Queen Mary,
you looked like you'd fell in a bin outside Oxfam, had a fight and lost.
Bri, he's going to be on New Faces final soon -
can you give him a friggin' break?
Yous two are supposed to be the managers of this crap hole.
Can you manage not to be arseholes for five minutes?
I never thought he was that funny. - I'm sitting right here, you know?
What time's he on? - Well, they've eaten, bless 'em.
Then there's the mass lindy hop exhibition -
that's when they're going to give themselves coronaries and
after the wee break, surprise cabaret is announced
and enters to the theme music of New Faces.
Cherry will look after you,
if you need your plonker pulling, or anything.
You're the only plonker I can see round here, Bri.
She just called me a plonker then. Should sack her.
I'll sack her when you stop being a plonker.
Right, I'm going to nip through and get 'em going
with the lindy hop selection.
When that's sorted, I'll bring you on.
You look really good, Danny. Just like them guys on the telly.
I wanted to wear Oxford bags, loafers and a tank top.
All this was Jonesy's idea.
Well, he was right. You look like a professional entertainer.
So, do you need anything?
Sandwiches, cocktails...
much better girlfriend.
Excuse me. - What did you just say?
I said, do you want a drink before you go on, or anything?
A double brandy and Coke, please.
Tap water it is.
Here's where we find out who the best dancers are.
Let's have your jitterbug, ladies and gentlemen.
Bloody hell, man. Old people can really...
You don't even belong in this here family.
Danny. Come back.
Them only dancing.
He was a good dancer, whoever he was.
Made Fred Astaire look like a paraplegic.
It was you, wasn't it?
Them did say the surprise cabaret had gone home because
him get sick, or something like that.
It was you?
Does Dad know? About Twinkle Toes?
This is big people business, you know, Daniel?
I don't have to explain anything to you.
You is a pickney. - I'm nearly 18.
And it's me pay the rasclat bills round here now.
What's his name? - What you want to know his name for?
How is it any of your business who I dance with
when I can't even get your father to move
from in front of the cricket on the television?
Because it's just...
It's because...
The bloke you were dancing with is the spitting image of me.
What...
What are you talking about, Daniel?
He don't look anything like... - Mum.
I'm not stupid. Same colouring, same eyes. He looks like me.
When I first come here from Jamaica, I was on my own.
I had to work very hard to earn money to send for your father and the rest of them.
It was me come first.
Why didn't he come first?
Him stubborn.
Say if I want to go to England and start a new life, I should
go on ahead and start it out and see if tings are all right.
I should send for him, Dee Dee, Pearl and Lamont.
I came on my own.
If you want them find you dead 'pon street, you carry on blaspheme.
I come to England...
I look work, I find it...
and after the first month or so when the white girl stop being afraid of me,
them invite me to a dance.
And that's where I met...
Calvin Gayle.
He's a machine operator at Crossley Industry.
Big hands.
Great rhythm.
Him sweep me off me feet.
And then you went to bed with him?
If you want discuss big people tings, you have to listen.
Have some respect.
I never just go to bed.
He was a big married man, with good hair.
I never want break up for him marriage.
Then why... - Let me tell you if you listen.
We dance first.
Once...
twice, three times.
We win competition in Wolverhampton,
Birmingham, Stoke.
We wind up in Leicester.
Spend the night.
We win the competition with the jitterbug lindy hop combine...
and that was that.
We go to an Italian restaurant.
We drink wine.
He say...
"Myrtle...
"the way you took that floor tonight...
"you was on fire."
Calvin say...
"Out there...
"we were made for each other."
I was stupid.
Does Dad know?
Me fall pregnant with you in the autumn...
and me have to write and tell him the situation.
Calvin wouldn't break up his family, and I didn't want that either.
I tell Samson if him don't forgive me...
I will go and make a new life with you somewhere,
and that will be that.
Samson write back and tell me he forgive me.
I don't.. What about Calvin?
Didn't he want to meet me, or hold me?
Him meet you? Yes.
Him come to the hospital and sit with you and burp you,
has send money for you all now.
You love him.
You still love him, don't you?
Big people have to deal with situations
pickney don't understand.
This was a big people something...
and we deal with it the best way we know how.
Mum says that they've moved on
and that you've forgiven her
but I don't understand, if they've moved on, then why...
Why they still dancing together?
She never tell you she could dance?
I mean really dance?
She told me last night.
From the moment I first meet your mother,
she was always,
"Samson, why you never take me dancing?
"We never dance, why?
"Why, Samson, you have three left feet, you know?"
And on and on and on.
She was good enough to win prizes
but she need the right partner.
And then she came here and found Calvin Gayle.
Oh, yes. Calvin come and then come you.
I'm so sorry, Dad.
What you sorry for?
Bed make and is we have to lie down 'pon it.
Calvin all right, you know?
Him did never wan' take you on.
Too much heartache and responsibility.
So me take you on.
I feel like...
I feel like someone's pulled my whole world out from under me.
Yes.
Bad news do that to you sometimes.
But listen to me,
me is a serious somebody, you know?
Life, marriage, children,
all serious things.
You have to commit.
Myrtle not easy, you know?
Calvin like you mother but him could never do the hours.
I don't know why I'm laughing.
I've never been so depressed in all my life.
I'll never win them finals now.
Jesus. I feel sick.
You have your mother's talent.
Just remember
practice make perfect.
And, if in doubt, bowl them a googly.
And welcome back,
and, as you can see,
I have all the finalists here behind me.
I have the winning envelope.
And the winner of New Faces all-winners' final,
the winner of £10,000
and a limited season in Las Vegas is...
Come on, Dan chap. - Go on, smash it.
Will I make you a coffee, Bridget?
Coffee, coffee, coffee.
Sounds good to me.
Come on, Danny. - Come on.
I suppose you'll be wanting a lift back to Dudley.
You ain't going to make me walk for coming third, are you?
Get in.
Oi, don't pick your nose or scratch your bum.
Don't say "eh?", don't say "you what?".
Act like you was brung up somewhere decent.
James Broughton is a major entrepreneur in show business.
He can keep you in work for a lifetime,
so mind your manners and don't eat your peas off your knife.
Get it? - Got it.
Ah, gentlemen.
Spot of lunch?
Daniel, you sit beside me, young man.
Now, the sign of a true professional in this business
is when someone can turn their hand to any task
and do it to the best of their ability. Am I right, Mr Jones?
You what? Er, yeah.
I mean...
yes.
We want Danny to have on-the-job training.
Summer season provides that exactly.
Good money, two shows a night,
six days a week
for 26 weeks...
Some wine, darling?
The way you took that dance floor,
you were on fire.
Don't you think, Daniel?
We've got great costumes...
Shall we drink a toast?
That sounds perfect.
Now, what do you think, Danny?
Danny.
Yes. Perfect.
Me in that show, it'll be magical.
We'll be on fire.
Shall we drink a toast?
Come.
I think we should go somewhere a bit more intimate.
It's a brave move but I think it's the right one.
We'll get the contracts drawn up and sign without delay
if that's all right with everyone.
Ooh.
Well, I'm glad you're so enthusiastic about all this, Danny.
I think you're going to be a wonderful addition
to the Musical Minstrel Cavalcade.
Eh? You what?
Jonesy. - What?
No-one in my family's talking to me. My brother Lamont says
that I've let down every black person in the country.
That's just bollocks. You're not going to be a minstrel, are you?
They're not going to make you sing, "Camptown Races sing this song,
"doo-dah doo-dah," are they?
Then why am I dressed like this, then? - It's a joke, ain't it?
They had a load of stick from the race relations lot
about not employing real black people.
They can't say nothing now, can they?
Hey, look, Danny,
your make-up's coming off now too.
♪ The Camptown ladies sing this song
♪ Doo-dah doo-dah
♪ The Camptown racetrack's five miles long
♪ Oh, dee-doo dah-day
♪ I went down there with my hat caved in
♪ Doo-dah doo-dah
♪ I come back home with a pocket full of tin
♪ Oh, dee-doo dah-day
♪ Wanna run all night
♪ Wanna run all day
♪ I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag
♪ Somebody bet on the grey.
Ladies and gentleman,
please welcome the Black Country's own
Danny Fearon.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, you may have seen some of these impressions before
but not in colour.
You all right, Dan? - Yeah.
You know Cherry, don't you, Dan?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
You all right?
It's nice to see you.
Oh, this is Tracie.
Say hello to Dan. - Thanks for inviting us, Danny.
We really enjoyed it.
Dan, Bridget, this is Julie.
She works in Beatties on the make-up counter up Dudley.
Jesus, why don't you hold up a sign saying "slag", Terry?
I'm off to the bog.
Are you coming, Bridget, or are you glued to lover boy?
Suppose I could squeeze me lemon before we get to the real drinking.
Gin and tonic. Make it a triple.
It's going to be a long frigging night.
So, er,
how long have you two been, erm...
We're just having a laugh, ain't we?
More than you did during tonight's show, I bet.
What's that supposed to mean? - You didn't laugh.
I could see all of you, and none of you thought it was funny.
You're in a minstrel show, for Christ's sakes.
You're lucky we came at all.
You were great, Dan. But it ain't like the Queen Mary up here, is it?
Not in this show.
You are doing a lot of the stuff you've been doing
since the Queen Mary, Dan.
I gotta do what works -
the stuff they've seen on the telly works because they've seen it.
I bloody know what I'm doing.
I just think...
while you're stuck in this ridiculous show,
you might as well try loads of new things out and...
get them up and running for when it's all over,
and you can do something you really want to do.
Dan's just... he's just doing what he's told.
No. Maybe that's the problem.
You don't look like you're enjoying it.
Why don't you mind your own business, Cherry?
Come on, Danny, this ain't you.
And how would you guys know what is and isn't me?
You don't even know who that is.
You only like it when I'm doing impressions for you.
So, come on then, lads,
who do you want me to be for you now?
Frank bastard Spencer?
Dan... - Huh?
Dave Allen?
Well, come on, lads, who?
We just want you to be you.
Yeah, just be the Danny we remember from home.
Just... Just piss off, all of you.
Danny.
Just leave me alone, Cherry.
Charming
I came up here to see you in this God forsaken abortion of a show.
Not one of your family's been up here.
It's embarrassing.
Your sister Dee Dee's ashamed of you.
You don't know what you're talking about. - I know you, Danny.
You would twist yourself inside out to please these people,
and look where it's got you.
Go back in there and sit with your girlfriend and your mates.
They're supporting you.
It's what friends are for.
Cherry?
I just wanted to see if everything was...
all right.
Danny, don't mind all that bollocks, chap.
Come and have a drink.
Come on, Dan.
'Not one of your family's been up here.
'Your sister Dee Dee's ashamed of you.'
This place wants a flame-thrower taking to it.
Bloody hell, Dan.
Talk about messy.
Don't worry, Jonesy, I'll give it a nice bit of elbow grease before we set off.
And then we'll give the room a good clean as well, right, Danny?
Listen, so, I just had a phone call from your guv'nor, James Broughton.
He's so pleased with the business, he wants to move you up the bill.
You're going to come on at the end of part one. And
he wants to extend the run of the show to November.
Danny, that's feckin' brilliant.
Yeah, you get a pay rise and everything...
you can go on holiday with Bridget, chap. - I can't wait.
Oh, you'll love me in a bikini, Dan.
I'm just like that big blonde off Pan's People,
except, you know, with a personality...
and a cuter arse.
Do I have to?
You and your mum signed the papers for this eventuality way back.
Remember?
Jonesy...
I ain't doing so well up here, you know, in meself.
I'm drinking too much...
I feel stuck, trapped.
This show, it's just... it's wrong.
I don't want to hear this. Stuck? Trapped?
I wouldn't mind being stuck and trapped for what they're paying you.
If you quit now, you get a reputation.
"Yeah, that darkie kid off the telly's unreliable."
Bridget, talk some sense into him.
Bridget, look,
I'm thinking...
I don't finish this.
I go home
and I speak to me dad, yeah?
See if I can get me old job back at the factory.
Me and you could be in my room till I save up enough money
so we can get a place of our own.
Are you stupid?
Danny Fearon, you're a big star now,
and what you do up there is a piece of piss.
Don't be an eejit.
Take their money, keep your cakehole closed,
and we'll be away on our holidays.
Keep your chin up, Danny boy.
Sure, it's not like you're in jail or nothing.
I know what you're all thinking.
"He's a lot bigger than I was expecting."
Well, let me tell you,
you're all more a lot whiter than I was expecting.
Thanks, Mum.
Go on.
Are you all right, Dan? You look terrible.
Yeah, I'm all right. - Yes,
and my name's Aretha Franklin
I did tell you, you want to sign contract with the white man,
that's how things go.
Lamont, you never said nothing.
You've only ever seen me on the telly. You don't know what I'm going through.
You've never once encouraged me, and now that I'm stuck,
all you can do is sit here slagging me off?
You ain't nothing but a prat, Lamont.
Ah, for him fault. Move from me.
Him want to play the white man,
this is what goes on. - Sit down.
What's wrong with you? I don't know.
Stop talking foolishness.
I'm just...
Everything was great and now it's...
now it's...
What are you hitting me for?
You getting more money for ten minutes' work than I earn in an entire week.
You're paying the TV, the mortgage,
the phone, buying clothes for them.
You know how that make me feel?
It make me feel worthless.
I've got myself into this situation
and I don't know how to get myself out of it.
Daniel...
if even with all the money these people paying you,
you don't want to do this show,
just bowl 'em a googly.
Yes, man, bowl them a googly.
Them will soon surprise and mess up the whole something.
Come.
♪ Cos when I'm paddlin' Madelin' home
♪ Gee, when I'm paddlin' Madelin' home...
'Dear Danny,
'it has been brought to my attention that your behaviour has
'become increasingly erratic over the last few weeks.
'Stage management have reported drunkenness, a surly attitude
'and a lax approach to timekeeping.
'Consider this a warning.'
♪ Paddlin' Madelin'
♪ Sweet, sweet Madelin'
♪ Paddlin' Madelin'
♪ Paddlin' Madelin' home.
Ladies and gentlemen,
you may have seen some of these impressions before,
but not in colour.
From TV's New Faces,
it's Danny Fearon.
Thought I'd try something a bit different today,
ladies and gentlemen.
Bit of new material.
Old lady's down there going, "Shame you didn't find some new material
"to put over your meat and two veg, ya bastard."
Get him off there. Now.
Boom.
Two black guys in Mississippi - one of 'em says,
"Clarence, what would you do if you got a letter from the Ku Klux Klan
"sayin', 'Get the hell outta town, nigger, or else'?"
And Clarence says, "Leroy, I read that shit on the train."
How dare you.
How dare you bring this filth to my production?
Get him off my stage.
You black twat.
You are very much fired.
And you'll be hearing from my lawyers.
I just bowled y'all a googly.
Dad was right. Googlies rule.
Look, Jonesy... - Shut your mouth.
This is now null and void.
Broughton wants nothin' to do with you.
I want nothin' to do with you.
You can all piss off back to Jamaica and die, for all I care.
Seems to me, I shoulda shovelled his backside when I had me chance.
What happened to him?
What happened?
Turn it off.
Them sack you from show business an' you a dance?
You lost your mind from true?
How you going to live? - Why aren't you on my side?
Daniel, your manager gone.
Your girlfriend gone. Soon as that little bangarang realise
the golden goose gone, she flee.
Yu have to pick yourself up and go back out there
and do what you did before.
I'm not going to do that, Mum. This is what I am now, Mum.
Yes, a bumba claat idiot.
That is correct, my love, for five pounds,
live, right here on the Generation Game,
the correct answer from the grumpy Jamaican lady is...
"a bumba claat idiot".
I just wanted to say a few words about my...
about my dad.
I asked him once how he came to this country...
and he'd say,
"I come to Hinglan in, erm...
"a boat."
I remember when I was a kid
watching him dig out this old stubborn tree root in the back yard.
And he had his shirt off and he was all muscle.
I was in awe.
I asked him, "Dad, how come you've got all them muscles?
"Do you go to the gym?"
And he'd say, "Jamaican man don't need gym -
"we had slavery....cheaper."
He was a serious man.
He didn't dance.
He didn't tell jokes or sing.
He didn't hug or kiss,
or say "I love you".
Typical Jamaican father.
I remember I fell over in the street once,
right in the middle of the street.
And my dad was already on the other side of the road.
I said, "Daddy."
And I was bawlin'.
And he turned and he said,
"You stay there and bawl, 74 bus goin' run over yu claat."
Bustin' speech that was today, chap. Sound as a pound.
Look, I'm going to get more drinks. Same again?
You look good.
Are you trying to pull me at your dad's funeral?
No... No.
I was just... I was...
I loved the eulogy, Dan.
It was beautiful.
Funny and...
And heartfelt, and about something, you know?
It was about you... And...
about all of us.
Those stories about your dad... Brilliant.
I've got stories about the whole family,
loads of 'em, a lifetime's worth.
Brilliant. Maybe you should try them out somewhere.
I bet the audiences would love that.
Have you ever thought about, um... management?
Shut up and take a compliment.
I'm trying to pull you at your dad's funeral.