1 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,402 My Boy Lollipop. 2 00:00:21,477 --> 00:00:23,686 ♪ You make my heart go giddy-up 3 00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:27,739 ♪ You are as sweet as candy 4 00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:31,310 ♪ You're my sugar dandy 5 00:00:32,276 --> 00:00:34,796 ♪ Whoa, oh, my boy Lollipop 6 00:00:35,916 --> 00:00:38,591 ♪ Never ever leave me 7 00:00:39,316 --> 00:00:42,595 ♪ Because it would grieve me 8 00:00:42,836 --> 00:00:45,468 ♪ My heart told me so... 9 00:00:48,236 --> 00:00:51,676 ♪ I love you I love you, I love you so 10 00:00:52,196 --> 00:00:55,068 ♪ But I don't want you to know 11 00:00:55,436 --> 00:00:58,873 ♪ I need you, I need you I need you so 12 00:00:59,036 --> 00:01:01,997 ♪ And I'll never let you go 13 00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,329 ♪ My boy Lollipop 14 00:01:05,156 --> 00:01:07,559 ♪ You make my heart go giddy-up 15 00:01:08,356 --> 00:01:10,956 ♪ You set the world on fire 16 00:01:11,996 --> 00:01:14,539 ♪ You are my one desire 17 00:01:15,796 --> 00:01:17,852 ♪ Whoa, my Lollipop... 18 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:23,913 Sync & corrections by minouhse www.addic7ed.com 19 00:01:25,279 --> 00:01:27,116 What did you say? 20 00:01:31,276 --> 00:01:32,676 Get off. 21 00:01:36,756 --> 00:01:39,252 Fight. Fight. Fight. 22 00:01:39,276 --> 00:01:41,172 I ain't done nothing to you. 23 00:01:41,196 --> 00:01:44,172 You ain't done nothing? You ain't done nothing? 24 00:01:44,196 --> 00:01:46,036 What's this, then, nig nog? 25 00:01:49,396 --> 00:01:50,885 Do you think you're funny? 26 00:01:50,909 --> 00:01:52,917 Do you think you're some kind of comedian? 27 00:01:52,941 --> 00:01:55,932 Fight, fight, fight. 28 00:01:55,956 --> 00:01:57,316 Well, you ain't. 29 00:02:26,076 --> 00:02:29,796 That felt good. I'm-a do it again. 30 00:02:31,201 --> 00:02:34,775 I can't be beat. I am the greatest. 31 00:02:34,799 --> 00:02:38,756 I'm so pretty, I'm so fast. I'm-a whoop yo' ass. 32 00:02:39,587 --> 00:02:43,547 Oh, he's a good boy, Harry, yeah, yeah, yeah. 33 00:02:43,836 --> 00:02:46,586 Left hook, right hook, 34 00:02:46,728 --> 00:02:48,777 yeah, yeah, yeah... 35 00:02:51,888 --> 00:02:55,211 Ladies and gentlemen, 36 00:02:55,756 --> 00:03:00,156 I give you Danny Fearon, the human punching bag. 37 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,834 He's allergic to violence, ladies and gennelmen, 38 00:03:02,858 --> 00:03:04,876 he breaks out in cuts and bruises. 39 00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:08,168 Thank you very much. 40 00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:10,455 I said to the doc, 41 00:03:10,586 --> 00:03:13,779 "I broke my arm in six places. What should I do?" 42 00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:16,877 The doc said, "Stop going to those places." 43 00:03:18,709 --> 00:03:22,144 Whoever you are in there, you should be on the telly or something. 44 00:03:22,331 --> 00:03:25,692 He's right. Mate, you could make a fortune doin' that stuff. 45 00:03:25,716 --> 00:03:27,636 He ain't lyin', that's for sure. 46 00:03:51,516 --> 00:03:54,652 All right, Miss Myrtle? - Does God see fit, Mr Harris? 47 00:03:54,676 --> 00:03:57,265 Your hair look good. Wig? 48 00:03:57,937 --> 00:03:59,377 Are we done yet? 49 00:04:00,484 --> 00:04:01,901 What you say? 50 00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:05,318 Rest yourself, me have things to do. 51 00:04:09,022 --> 00:04:13,142 Lord God, Miss Clarice, look upon your hat, 52 00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:16,483 one good gust a wind and you soon reach back at Jamaica. 53 00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,587 You like it? - Mm-hm. 54 00:04:23,084 --> 00:04:24,804 Bloody hell, man. 55 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,011 What you say? - Nothing. 56 00:04:28,956 --> 00:04:32,485 And if you damage or drop even one piece of fruit or sweet potato 57 00:04:32,509 --> 00:04:36,402 I will shove them up your nose hole, you hear me? 58 00:04:37,056 --> 00:04:38,896 Pick up the things now. 59 00:04:46,556 --> 00:04:49,834 Miss Myrtle, we miss you at church, you know. 60 00:04:50,315 --> 00:04:52,056 You remember me daughter, Cherry? 61 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,698 All right, Cherry? Them not have comb where you live? 62 00:04:58,356 --> 00:05:01,796 The times I tell that girl to throw a comb through that head of hair. 63 00:05:02,213 --> 00:05:04,119 Come like them deaf or something. 64 00:05:04,436 --> 00:05:06,331 All right, Danny? - Yeah, and you? 65 00:05:06,721 --> 00:05:09,736 Your mum's funny. I saw you up town just now. 66 00:05:09,916 --> 00:05:12,348 Does she know every black person in Dudley? 67 00:05:13,662 --> 00:05:15,329 Getting a summer job? 68 00:05:16,036 --> 00:05:17,626 Don't know, maybe. 69 00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:19,688 Might do waitressing. 70 00:05:20,438 --> 00:05:22,476 Mum says I'd have to wear a big hat or a wig 71 00:05:22,477 --> 00:05:24,353 so as not to frighten the customers. 72 00:05:25,156 --> 00:05:27,338 I like me hair, though - it's me. 73 00:05:28,424 --> 00:05:29,744 Daniel. 74 00:05:29,768 --> 00:05:32,706 Me foot done mash up. Come, we go in the house. 75 00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:43,435 Miss Patterson talk to me 'bout... 76 00:05:43,646 --> 00:05:46,275 "We miss you at church, Miss Myrtle, you know. 77 00:05:46,876 --> 00:05:50,052 "Me hope say you not backslidin' into the arms of 78 00:05:50,076 --> 00:05:52,242 "you-know-who?" 79 00:05:52,832 --> 00:05:55,988 Imagine her talk to me like that in the street. 80 00:05:56,226 --> 00:06:00,052 Meanwhile, me hypnotise by Cherry head... 81 00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:02,577 It tangle, it tangle, 82 00:06:02,602 --> 00:06:05,318 it tangle till her head resemble a bush. 83 00:06:06,029 --> 00:06:08,876 Pure elephant and lion, a run round. 84 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,451 Brother Murphy operation 85 00:06:13,622 --> 00:06:17,367 leave him a walk sideways like crab. 86 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,224 I saw him a go up town today. 87 00:06:44,486 --> 00:06:47,610 'Ladies, gentlemen and children, welcome to The Generation Game. 88 00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:50,692 'Nice to see you, to see you... - Nice.' 89 00:06:50,716 --> 00:06:52,652 Nice. 90 00:06:52,676 --> 00:06:55,676 'I've been very worried about the coal shed door.' 91 00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:19,568 1,000 to the base of ten 92 00:07:20,145 --> 00:07:21,388 is three. 93 00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:25,811 So, that's ten to the power of three 94 00:07:26,319 --> 00:07:28,020 is 1,000. 95 00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:32,636 Ten by ten... 96 00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:36,356 by ten is 1,000. 97 00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:40,279 Moreover, what we've got... 98 00:08:19,276 --> 00:08:21,476 What now? Listen, lads, 99 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,980 if we're going drinking and round all the clubs and that 100 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,252 we're going to need spondulicks. Cash-ola. Readies. 101 00:08:26,276 --> 00:08:28,205 Where am I going to get spondulicks from? 102 00:08:28,229 --> 00:08:29,576 You've never got any money. 103 00:08:29,687 --> 00:08:31,818 Don't your parents ever give you any pocket money? 104 00:08:31,842 --> 00:08:33,420 Jamaicans ain't got parents, 105 00:08:33,444 --> 00:08:36,524 it's more like two drill sergeants lampin' you round the house. 106 00:08:36,796 --> 00:08:39,252 Me dad's got me an apprenticeship at a factory, 107 00:08:39,276 --> 00:08:42,361 but the money's shit and I have to give most of it to me mum. 108 00:08:43,228 --> 00:08:45,476 She said, "What you want with money anyway? 109 00:08:45,619 --> 00:08:47,796 "You'd only spend it on foolishness." 110 00:08:48,036 --> 00:08:50,076 That means I got to get two jobs. 111 00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:53,476 They're hiring up the zoo. - You what? 112 00:09:50,596 --> 00:09:52,238 This is the Queen Mary Ballroom 113 00:09:52,262 --> 00:09:55,560 where you'll be working your bollocks off all summer. 114 00:10:04,556 --> 00:10:08,756 The pay is crap, but you do get a discount on the disco and drinks. 115 00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,816 It's Magnificent Jonesy on Sunday nights. 116 00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:14,965 Northern soul and that on Mondays. 117 00:10:15,116 --> 00:10:18,722 Northern bastard soul. Just Motown for poor people. 118 00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:22,809 Discount doesn't mean free. Don't forget that. 119 00:10:22,833 --> 00:10:25,529 You've still gotta pay something to get in and get your drinks. 120 00:10:25,553 --> 00:10:26,753 We ain't a charity. 121 00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:29,521 Unless you know someone on the door or behind the bar. 122 00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,996 I just pour me own - saves time. 123 00:10:34,602 --> 00:10:36,546 This is Bridget, a senior staff member. 124 00:10:36,876 --> 00:10:39,572 When she says "jump", you say, "how high?" 125 00:10:39,596 --> 00:10:41,599 Don't even think about it. 126 00:10:41,623 --> 00:10:44,743 The drawbridge on Bridget's knickers is well and truly up, my friends. 127 00:10:45,030 --> 00:10:46,256 The Carter twins. 128 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,914 Jesus. Two of you ugly bastards for the price of one. 129 00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:53,118 Be still, my beating heart. - Come on. 130 00:11:05,521 --> 00:11:08,616 Ah, look at you all shy. You'd better hurry up 131 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,334 or you're going to get left behind by Frodo and Dildo. 132 00:12:47,356 --> 00:12:49,209 Bridget there, boys and girls, 133 00:12:49,556 --> 00:12:52,796 proving to us all that whatever God is, male or female... 134 00:12:53,956 --> 00:12:55,282 ..he's got a knob. 135 00:13:16,716 --> 00:13:17,984 You all right, Bridget? 136 00:13:18,176 --> 00:13:21,222 Can I get, er, three lagers 137 00:13:21,357 --> 00:13:23,924 and one lager with lime? 138 00:13:24,606 --> 00:13:27,476 Lime? Is one of yous a poof? - You what? 139 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,316 Only shirt-lifters put lime in their beer. 140 00:13:30,566 --> 00:13:32,098 What's a shirt-lifter? 141 00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:35,530 Aw, Danny, you're very sweet. 142 00:13:35,803 --> 00:13:38,560 Here's hoping you don't do any time at Winson Green Prison. 143 00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:41,651 You'll find out soon enough. That'll be 80p. 144 00:13:42,013 --> 00:13:44,576 She meant homosexual. - You what? 145 00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:46,231 Shirt-lifter, poof. 146 00:13:46,516 --> 00:13:50,250 They're horrible expressions for men who do it with each other. 147 00:13:50,677 --> 00:13:52,727 Men doing it with each other? 148 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,942 Not all men fancy women, Daniel. 149 00:13:55,596 --> 00:13:58,532 Some men are different and whoever's different you can bet 150 00:13:58,556 --> 00:14:01,438 somebody somewhere's made up a nasty word for them. 151 00:14:02,085 --> 00:14:04,108 It's like what they call us... 152 00:14:04,359 --> 00:14:07,960 Nig nog, coon, darkie... 153 00:14:08,608 --> 00:14:11,236 they're just words they've made up cos we're different. 154 00:14:11,571 --> 00:14:13,076 Different's good. 155 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:19,969 Boy Larrington. You can't sit down at the table and eat? 156 00:14:20,762 --> 00:14:22,872 You want Mama to buy you a trough? 157 00:14:23,316 --> 00:14:26,528 Pearl must have been out of her mind when she marry you. 158 00:14:31,378 --> 00:14:33,855 What you say? - Nothing. I didn't say nothing. 159 00:14:33,879 --> 00:14:36,612 Good, cos me will box every last one of your teet down your 160 00:14:36,636 --> 00:14:39,306 nasty little gullet. - Larrington, leave him alone. 161 00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:40,824 What you say to me? 162 00:14:41,425 --> 00:14:43,244 What me did tell you Pearl, hm? 163 00:14:43,268 --> 00:14:45,697 Seem like you feel you can just backchat me. 164 00:14:45,956 --> 00:14:48,692 Just relax yourself, Larrington? 165 00:14:49,172 --> 00:14:52,034 We all know say you is a big man, just calm yourself. 166 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,098 What you say, Kojak? 167 00:14:54,678 --> 00:14:57,070 You think say just cos you work at Dudley Police Station 168 00:14:57,094 --> 00:14:59,401 I can't thump you down one and two time? 169 00:15:01,249 --> 00:15:02,460 Come now? 170 00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:05,342 None of you have nothing to do? 171 00:15:06,065 --> 00:15:07,760 Come out of the kitchen. 172 00:15:14,916 --> 00:15:16,276 Lucky. 173 00:15:19,741 --> 00:15:21,157 Oh, good. 174 00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:24,791 You stay behind to wash the plate, then? 175 00:15:27,836 --> 00:15:29,450 I bloody hate him. 176 00:15:30,657 --> 00:15:33,051 Classic. - I'd have kicked him in the bollocks. 177 00:15:33,796 --> 00:15:36,603 Nobody likes a kick in the bollocks, do they? - He's Jamaican. 178 00:15:36,627 --> 00:15:39,427 If I'd kicked him in the bollocks, I'd have just heard "clang." 179 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,835 And then he'd have killed me. 180 00:15:43,836 --> 00:15:45,092 Never mind that pillock. 181 00:15:45,116 --> 00:15:47,638 You got to practise for the talent thing at the Queen Mary. 182 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:49,245 I ain't sure. 183 00:15:49,761 --> 00:15:52,161 You're joking, ain't you? Mate, you'll walk it. 184 00:15:52,508 --> 00:15:54,836 Frank Spencer. Classic. 185 00:15:55,008 --> 00:15:59,332 Tommy Cooper. Classic. - Wobbly Elvis. Classic. 186 00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:04,650 Come on, Dan. We'll tell you if it's shit. Over and over again. 187 00:16:05,144 --> 00:16:08,490 I'll say it's shit even if it ain't, though, just to be a bit of a twat. 188 00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:10,148 Don't do yourself down, chap. 189 00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:12,569 You ain't just a bit of a twat. You're all twat. 190 00:16:12,594 --> 00:16:13,805 Piss off. 191 00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:15,772 Do us a show. Go on. 192 00:16:15,796 --> 00:16:17,650 Uh-huh-huh. - Here we go. 193 00:16:17,845 --> 00:16:20,773 I went to a psychiatrist, a headshrinker. 194 00:16:21,156 --> 00:16:23,038 I went in there and I said, 195 00:16:23,538 --> 00:16:27,217 "Doc, my brother, he thinks he's a hound dog. 196 00:16:27,373 --> 00:16:28,577 What can I do?" 197 00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:32,385 The shrink says, "Bring him in." Uh-huh-huh. 198 00:16:32,636 --> 00:16:35,699 "Put him on the couch." I said, "Wait a cotton-pickin' minute. 199 00:16:35,723 --> 00:16:38,843 "He ain't allowed on the couch." It's the way I tell 'em. 200 00:16:40,646 --> 00:16:42,661 Oh. What have we got here, then? 201 00:16:43,230 --> 00:16:45,073 Is he dancing for you, lads? 202 00:16:45,415 --> 00:16:47,836 Must be nice to have your own dancing coon. 203 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,597 Hey, will he dance for me? 204 00:16:51,005 --> 00:16:53,886 Come on, coon, dance for me. - Why? 205 00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:55,902 We was gonna go Paki-bashin' tonight 206 00:16:56,036 --> 00:16:59,786 but this twat just queue-jumped, didn't you? Cowin' Danny Fearon. 207 00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,007 I bet you piss the bed. You stink. 208 00:17:03,261 --> 00:17:06,597 All of you lot stink like cack. - I ain't got a problem with you. 209 00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:09,901 But I've got a big problem with you, though, you black bastard. 210 00:17:12,286 --> 00:17:13,653 Come on. 211 00:17:13,910 --> 00:17:15,110 Get up, Daniel. 212 00:17:17,209 --> 00:17:20,599 Ooh. Assault and battery? 213 00:17:20,825 --> 00:17:23,692 With your record? Bad idea, Bailey. 214 00:17:23,716 --> 00:17:25,492 Having a go at her little brother 215 00:17:25,716 --> 00:17:28,115 two streets away from the police station? 216 00:17:28,556 --> 00:17:29,823 Bad idea, Bailey. 217 00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:31,771 And just at the same time as when 218 00:17:31,795 --> 00:17:35,291 me and Ellis here are having our evening stroll, hoping to bump into 219 00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:38,615 some racist dickhead picking on people weaker than themselves. 220 00:17:38,639 --> 00:17:40,529 I ain't weak... - I weren't doing nothing wrong. 221 00:17:40,554 --> 00:17:41,732 Weren't you? 222 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:46,125 If you ever come 200 feet to my little brother again, 223 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:49,607 me gonna shove this right up your nose hole. Understand? 224 00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,502 Bye-bye. 225 00:18:01,916 --> 00:18:03,125 Thank you, boys. 226 00:18:03,956 --> 00:18:05,166 I think 227 00:18:05,239 --> 00:18:08,954 me and Ellis here would like fish, chips, mushy peas 228 00:18:08,978 --> 00:18:11,031 and two cans of Fanta. 229 00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:13,729 Thank you. 230 00:18:13,753 --> 00:18:18,050 I have to put up with that shit day in, day out at work. Every day. 231 00:18:18,887 --> 00:18:21,674 You got to stand up to them, Dan, or they'll walk all over you. 232 00:18:22,129 --> 00:18:25,086 Someone has a go at you, you walk up to them and have a go right back 233 00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:28,110 and if they hit you with a fist, you hit them with a brick. 234 00:18:28,163 --> 00:18:30,683 Obviously, you wear gloves and a ski mask 235 00:18:30,847 --> 00:18:33,047 so they can't name you in a court of law. 236 00:18:37,832 --> 00:18:42,111 Look, I remember what Mum used to say when we was kids. 237 00:18:42,756 --> 00:18:45,277 "You have to integrate with the Dudley people them." 238 00:18:45,836 --> 00:18:49,416 She didn't mean we just had to lie down and let them jump all over us. 239 00:18:50,414 --> 00:18:52,534 You got to stand up for yourself, Dan. 240 00:19:02,943 --> 00:19:04,263 Get up. 241 00:19:05,192 --> 00:19:08,642 Can't be late your first day at work, you know. Them will sack you. 242 00:19:09,328 --> 00:19:11,568 And don't make my backside come back up here. 243 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,976 You wretch. 244 00:19:39,916 --> 00:19:41,996 Come, make we go. 245 00:20:00,596 --> 00:20:02,756 Not too bad. Could be a bit smoother. 246 00:20:09,236 --> 00:20:10,636 He can't move. 247 00:20:33,008 --> 00:20:34,769 That's how it'll go from now on. 248 00:20:34,793 --> 00:20:38,136 And when you have for you wife, so the same ting again. 249 00:21:04,996 --> 00:21:06,316 Bastard. 250 00:21:09,236 --> 00:21:11,716 I ain't havin' this. - Fucking... 251 00:21:14,276 --> 00:21:15,982 Danny Fearon. 252 00:21:21,996 --> 00:21:25,834 Couldn't I just take you out once, just so you can see what it's like? 253 00:21:25,973 --> 00:21:29,293 I've got a pretty good idea what it's like, Danny Fearon. 254 00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:32,377 It's just like all the other ones, excepting yours is brown 255 00:21:32,494 --> 00:21:33,791 and not as big. 256 00:21:34,316 --> 00:21:38,132 Ach, Danny, I can't be going out with a black fecker like you. 257 00:21:38,316 --> 00:21:40,112 Me dad'd have me guts for garters 258 00:21:40,136 --> 00:21:42,839 and me mother would stick her head in the gas oven. 259 00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,249 Don't you know any girls that look like you? 260 00:21:45,273 --> 00:21:47,090 All right, Danny? - No. 261 00:21:47,596 --> 00:21:49,436 All right, lads and lasses. 262 00:21:52,676 --> 00:21:54,316 It's time for... 263 00:21:55,756 --> 00:21:57,938 the Queen Mary Talent Search. 264 00:21:59,104 --> 00:22:01,339 You come up here, show us what you can do. 265 00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:05,812 The first prize is a £50 discount at my own personal record shop - 266 00:22:05,836 --> 00:22:08,840 Magnificent Records, Brierley Hill High Street 267 00:22:08,975 --> 00:22:10,870 just by the traffic lights, and... 268 00:22:11,476 --> 00:22:14,067 a large bottle of whisky. What do you say to that? 269 00:22:17,546 --> 00:22:19,397 So, who wants to give it a go first? 270 00:22:19,515 --> 00:22:22,176 We've got Tracie, Julie and Sue. 271 00:22:22,445 --> 00:22:25,412 And they're going to slaughter Baby Love by The Supremes. 272 00:22:25,436 --> 00:22:26,636 Come on. 273 00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:32,116 I'm going to be sick. 274 00:22:34,571 --> 00:22:36,066 This is really funny, right? 275 00:22:36,090 --> 00:22:39,083 So... so the barman says to the white horse, he says, 276 00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:41,308 "Oh, we've got a whisky named after you," 277 00:22:41,332 --> 00:22:44,092 and... and the white horse says, "What do you mean - Brian?" 278 00:22:47,756 --> 00:22:49,035 No... 279 00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:53,850 That ain't it. He says, "What do you mean... Brian?" 280 00:22:59,556 --> 00:23:00,876 I ain't going up there. 281 00:23:01,996 --> 00:23:04,631 The crowd's too... too aggressive. 282 00:23:04,796 --> 00:23:09,212 Oi, oi. Calm down, calm down. Give him a round of applause. 283 00:23:09,236 --> 00:23:11,517 Come on, Dan, you can do it. - No, no. You can. 284 00:23:11,541 --> 00:23:13,037 Nah, lads, I ain't going up there. 285 00:23:13,061 --> 00:23:15,341 No, I'm just going to stick to what I've been doing. 286 00:23:21,804 --> 00:23:23,872 I can't stand much more of this. 287 00:23:24,696 --> 00:23:27,816 It's like being circumcised with a pair of rusty pliers. 288 00:23:28,518 --> 00:23:31,838 Queen Mary. There's got to be a star here somewhere. 289 00:23:32,482 --> 00:23:35,751 I need one last victim, I mean contestant. 290 00:23:35,996 --> 00:23:39,527 Go up there, you'll be classic. You will. - Danny, smash it, mate. 291 00:23:39,716 --> 00:23:40,931 Anyone? 292 00:23:41,223 --> 00:23:43,247 Get up there and make 'em have it, chap. 293 00:23:43,271 --> 00:23:47,207 You gotta get up there, Dan. - We want the whisky. Go on, chap. 294 00:23:50,010 --> 00:23:51,250 All right? 295 00:23:52,916 --> 00:23:54,956 Here you go. Best of luck. 296 00:24:12,871 --> 00:24:15,991 Y'know, it's great bein' the king of rock 'n' roll 297 00:24:16,116 --> 00:24:19,488 but sometimes when you wanna have a drink, it's a problem. 298 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,960 Bartender, can I get another one of these, please? 299 00:24:33,716 --> 00:24:35,863 I'm all wet now. 300 00:24:36,516 --> 00:24:40,155 Soaking. Betty won't be pleased. 301 00:24:40,596 --> 00:24:44,178 Me and Betty have been a couple since we were six years old. 302 00:24:44,596 --> 00:24:48,873 I said to my mum, "I'm going to marry Betty from next door." 303 00:24:49,116 --> 00:24:51,896 She said, "What about if babies come, what then?" 304 00:24:52,236 --> 00:24:55,506 I said, "Well, we've talked about it and if she lays any eggs..." 305 00:24:57,215 --> 00:24:59,015 "then I'll just stamp on them." 306 00:25:02,112 --> 00:25:03,343 Ladies and gennelmen, 307 00:25:03,367 --> 00:25:06,215 I'm going to do a trick now. You see that? 308 00:25:06,553 --> 00:25:08,873 It's exactly the same on the other side. 309 00:25:12,156 --> 00:25:15,647 I was driving the wrong way down a one-way street the other day. 310 00:25:15,876 --> 00:25:19,952 A policeman stopped me. He said, "Do you know this is a one-way street?" 311 00:25:19,976 --> 00:25:22,656 I said, "Well, I was only going the one way." 312 00:25:26,342 --> 00:25:30,370 I am the greatest, I'm the fastest. I'm the wittiest 313 00:25:30,476 --> 00:25:32,090 and I'm the prettiest. 314 00:25:32,556 --> 00:25:35,812 Joe Frazier's so ugly, when he was a baby 315 00:25:36,116 --> 00:25:39,065 the only way they could get the dog to play with him 316 00:25:39,444 --> 00:25:41,996 was if they hung a pork chop round his neck. 317 00:25:50,411 --> 00:25:53,258 Nice to see you. To see you... 318 00:25:53,956 --> 00:25:55,516 Nice. 319 00:26:04,184 --> 00:26:05,444 Winner. 320 00:26:08,356 --> 00:26:10,175 That was superb, chap, superb. 321 00:26:10,476 --> 00:26:13,836 Now, thing is, what you're going to need is a bit of guidance. 322 00:26:16,836 --> 00:26:19,116 I think I know how to make you a star. 323 00:26:22,876 --> 00:26:26,823 Come round the shop and talk about it. I'll give you 25% discount. 324 00:26:28,807 --> 00:26:30,567 Bring your mates. 325 00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:35,436 I can drink to that. - Go on, Dan. Come on. 326 00:26:35,741 --> 00:26:37,116 To Danny. - To Danny. 327 00:26:44,076 --> 00:26:46,012 Does anybody else want lemonade? 328 00:26:46,036 --> 00:26:48,676 Bloody right. That was nasty. - I'll have one. 329 00:26:50,356 --> 00:26:52,519 Need you for a second in the stockroom. 330 00:26:52,876 --> 00:26:56,196 Hang on, I ain't working tonight. Why do you... need me to... 331 00:26:57,241 --> 00:26:58,607 Yeah... 332 00:26:58,631 --> 00:27:01,131 I'll just... 333 00:27:03,996 --> 00:27:06,076 Danny, that was feckin' brilliant. 334 00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:13,741 I guess this means I'm in showbiz. 335 00:27:13,933 --> 00:27:16,252 Why we can't talk about it, Larrington? 336 00:27:16,276 --> 00:27:17,581 There's nothing to talk about. 337 00:27:17,605 --> 00:27:19,995 We can't afford to move out so is here we have to stay. 338 00:27:20,019 --> 00:27:23,251 An' here's you a-go out in your brand-new jacket. 339 00:27:23,408 --> 00:27:26,061 Just going' out for a drink. Them don't make that illegal yet. 340 00:27:26,085 --> 00:27:28,304 I just think it's important... - Shut yo' mouth. 341 00:27:30,236 --> 00:27:32,600 Nothing you have to say can't wait till morning. 342 00:27:35,649 --> 00:27:36,943 Me brand-new jacket. 343 00:27:38,276 --> 00:27:40,438 You little blood claat, you... 344 00:27:40,462 --> 00:27:41,717 Come out of me way. 345 00:27:44,476 --> 00:27:46,851 You don't even belong in this your family. 346 00:27:47,174 --> 00:27:49,076 You know how much this jacket cost? 347 00:27:51,016 --> 00:27:55,096 Pearl, I beg you pack up your family and leave this house. 348 00:27:55,284 --> 00:27:59,023 And take this worthless piece of filth with you. 349 00:27:59,047 --> 00:28:00,965 Mama. - What me tell you for do? 350 00:28:01,396 --> 00:28:03,869 Take out knife in my house? 351 00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:07,478 Threaten me family? Me son? 352 00:28:08,276 --> 00:28:10,847 I swear to God, Larrington, 353 00:28:11,301 --> 00:28:15,775 you leave this house now or them will have to prison me. 354 00:28:17,339 --> 00:28:18,779 You understand me? 355 00:28:20,187 --> 00:28:23,852 Say if you understand... - Yes. 356 00:28:23,876 --> 00:28:25,512 Jesus Christ, yes. 357 00:28:28,196 --> 00:28:30,121 Where Larrington and them going? 358 00:28:30,361 --> 00:28:34,809 Them a-go find some place for live. Daniel getting for them room. 359 00:28:45,153 --> 00:28:46,433 We gone. 360 00:29:03,636 --> 00:29:06,036 You don't even belong in this your family. 361 00:29:19,409 --> 00:29:21,448 Mrs F? - Call me Myrtle. 362 00:29:21,569 --> 00:29:23,240 Myrtle - lovely name. 363 00:29:23,449 --> 00:29:25,689 As I was saying, Myrtle, I... 364 00:29:27,009 --> 00:29:29,689 You're an evergreen shrub if I'm not mistaken? 365 00:29:34,178 --> 00:29:36,669 Look, if Dan does well in the New Faces auditions, 366 00:29:36,693 --> 00:29:39,259 he'll win the heats and then he'll get the chance to compete 367 00:29:39,283 --> 00:29:43,745 at the Palladium for ten grand AND a season in Vegas. 368 00:29:44,220 --> 00:29:46,181 You'll be able to do up the house, 369 00:29:46,329 --> 00:29:51,021 get a phone, get a new telly... Maybe two tellies. 370 00:29:52,129 --> 00:29:54,412 All you got to do, the pair of you, is 371 00:29:55,897 --> 00:29:58,886 sign this contract and that'll make me Danny's manager. 372 00:30:07,249 --> 00:30:09,981 This is a lot to take in, Mr Jones. 373 00:30:10,872 --> 00:30:12,919 33 and a third percent? 374 00:30:13,386 --> 00:30:17,178 Are you serious? - Dee Dee, come out. Me can't even think. 375 00:30:21,301 --> 00:30:25,132 The boy not even 16 and you want him to go up on the television? 376 00:30:26,049 --> 00:30:27,938 Him can't even tidy him bedroom. 377 00:30:28,589 --> 00:30:31,969 Mum, I want this more than anything in the whole world. 378 00:30:32,169 --> 00:30:34,358 If I win, I promise I'll help you. 379 00:30:34,489 --> 00:30:36,969 I can help with... with money. 380 00:30:37,119 --> 00:30:39,549 Whatever you need. Just let me do this. 381 00:30:39,811 --> 00:30:41,691 I know I can do this, Mum. Please? 382 00:31:04,187 --> 00:31:06,347 Written in felt tip pen. 383 00:31:07,106 --> 00:31:09,026 All official and everything. 384 00:31:11,910 --> 00:31:15,363 You can leave by the door or the window - make your choice. 385 00:31:15,387 --> 00:31:16,926 Samson, you're drunk? 386 00:31:17,238 --> 00:31:19,816 You wan' the boy sign him life away for a TV? 387 00:31:20,206 --> 00:31:22,609 So him can compete for some stupid trophy? 388 00:31:23,238 --> 00:31:26,625 Make this little idiot take him contract and shove it up him batty hole. 389 00:31:26,649 --> 00:31:29,087 Mum, make him stop. - Listen, I've... 390 00:31:29,111 --> 00:31:32,064 I've got a gig starting in a couple of hours, 391 00:31:32,088 --> 00:31:34,718 Club Lafayette, just down the road, I'd better be... 392 00:31:34,742 --> 00:31:37,148 You stay right where you are, Mr Jones. 393 00:31:37,172 --> 00:31:38,892 This man not in him right mind. 394 00:31:39,009 --> 00:31:42,048 Me in me mind right enough to tell you that if this boy sign 395 00:31:42,072 --> 00:31:44,376 that dutty something, it won' make him happy. 396 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,681 How would you know, Dad? What do you know about happiness? 397 00:31:47,705 --> 00:31:50,555 You've never been happy in your life. You never laugh. 398 00:31:50,689 --> 00:31:54,167 You never joke. You've never told me a story. 399 00:31:54,646 --> 00:31:58,337 You never touch Mum. I don't even know how I got here. 400 00:32:20,215 --> 00:32:22,021 Watch this foolishness now. 401 00:32:31,489 --> 00:32:34,665 How many shows you doin' here? Jonesy says I gotta do loads of gigs 402 00:32:34,689 --> 00:32:36,752 like this to toughen me up for the telly. 403 00:32:36,924 --> 00:32:38,185 How long's he signed you for? 404 00:32:38,209 --> 00:32:41,719 Says ten years on the contract. - That sounds about right, don't it? 405 00:32:42,866 --> 00:32:45,638 You got your solicitor to have a look, though, didn't ya? 406 00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:04,830 Bloody hell. 407 00:33:07,170 --> 00:33:09,605 There's nobody in here that looks like you, Dan. 408 00:33:28,180 --> 00:33:31,016 Chap, I'm white and even I'm scared for you. 409 00:33:31,449 --> 00:33:37,947 Maybe, er, you should have a couple of drinks before you go on. 410 00:33:38,687 --> 00:33:40,252 Nah, I'm all right. 411 00:33:53,009 --> 00:33:54,731 What time's that coon comin' on? 412 00:33:54,929 --> 00:33:56,868 Dunno. He better be good, though. 413 00:33:56,907 --> 00:33:59,067 Have his bollocks on a stick otherwise. 414 00:34:06,849 --> 00:34:08,889 What were that, eh? 415 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,603 Jesus Christ. Sounded like she were gargling wi' cement. 416 00:34:14,849 --> 00:34:18,742 All right, here we go. We've got a young coloured fella comin' on next. 417 00:34:19,187 --> 00:34:23,131 I don't think it's fair to laugh at the afflicted, you might disagree. 418 00:34:24,603 --> 00:34:29,037 He's scheduled to audition for a TV talent show. Ooh. 419 00:34:30,289 --> 00:34:32,523 Oh, yes. And he wants to try 420 00:34:32,548 --> 00:34:36,103 out some of his jokes, says his manager. 421 00:34:36,820 --> 00:34:40,769 Now I've had word he's as funny as woodworm in a cripple's crutch... 422 00:34:43,903 --> 00:34:48,142 and if you're wondering why the palms of his hands are lighter than the rest of him, 423 00:34:48,409 --> 00:34:51,089 it's cos that's how they stack 'em when they get sprayed. 424 00:34:53,049 --> 00:34:56,117 Now, come on, give him a chance. He's not from round here. 425 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,198 Here he is. Come on. 426 00:34:58,277 --> 00:34:59,757 Danny Fearon. 427 00:35:04,529 --> 00:35:06,701 There you go, son, all yours. 428 00:35:46,226 --> 00:35:49,130 He wasn't very nice, was he, Betty? 429 00:35:51,013 --> 00:35:54,302 In fact, I'd go as far as to say... 430 00:35:54,371 --> 00:35:56,451 he was a bit of a dickhead. 431 00:36:08,449 --> 00:36:09,677 Mum? 432 00:36:15,248 --> 00:36:16,641 My first show. 433 00:36:22,649 --> 00:36:24,128 This was for one show? 434 00:36:27,421 --> 00:36:32,648 Lord, Jesus Christ, Daniel, you are blessed. 435 00:36:33,170 --> 00:36:37,009 After the Lord don't reach down an' bless you himself? 436 00:37:36,099 --> 00:37:38,808 She's nice. - Oi. Buggerlugs. 437 00:37:39,230 --> 00:37:41,638 Keep your mind on this audition. 438 00:37:42,609 --> 00:37:45,944 If you get this right, you could have your own TV show. 439 00:37:45,969 --> 00:37:48,921 Your missus'll be fartin' through silk the rest of her days. 440 00:37:49,367 --> 00:37:50,889 I ain't going to let you cock it up 441 00:37:50,913 --> 00:37:53,128 cos you was staring at some bird's arse. Clear? 442 00:37:53,903 --> 00:37:56,403 She's nice, my ball sack. 443 00:37:58,969 --> 00:38:01,488 You have got good taste, though, I'll give ya that much. 444 00:38:01,528 --> 00:38:02,926 I'd give her one meself. 445 00:38:06,859 --> 00:38:08,379 Hello. How are you? 446 00:38:18,281 --> 00:38:21,104 Good evening. This is my dog. 447 00:38:21,129 --> 00:38:23,290 Thank you. Next. 448 00:38:27,862 --> 00:38:29,106 Next. 449 00:38:37,089 --> 00:38:38,342 Next. 450 00:38:39,974 --> 00:38:42,714 Oh, my word. You're doing that thing again where you 451 00:38:42,739 --> 00:38:44,388 shove your hand in my... Angus. 452 00:38:44,755 --> 00:38:47,028 All right, what do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? 453 00:38:47,053 --> 00:38:49,182 Next. Next. 454 00:38:51,302 --> 00:38:53,356 And... - Next. 455 00:38:56,929 --> 00:38:59,928 The judges hate everybody. Let's just go home, chap, please? 456 00:38:59,962 --> 00:39:03,570 Listen. They're just sortin' out the wheat from the chaff. 457 00:39:04,157 --> 00:39:07,296 Remember that. - I don't know what I'm doing. I can't do this. 458 00:39:07,321 --> 00:39:10,546 I've forgot it all. I'm not funny. I've never been funny. 459 00:39:10,601 --> 00:39:13,015 My brain's seized up. My tongue don't work. 460 00:39:13,129 --> 00:39:15,530 Nah, I'm going home. - Never you mind, chap. 461 00:39:16,435 --> 00:39:17,985 Never you mind. 462 00:39:19,769 --> 00:39:21,368 If this don't work out, 463 00:39:21,893 --> 00:39:24,167 you've always got the factory to go back to. 464 00:39:30,865 --> 00:39:32,104 Danny. 465 00:39:33,926 --> 00:39:36,755 Danny Fearon? You're on next. 466 00:39:40,534 --> 00:39:41,755 Next. 467 00:39:45,492 --> 00:39:46,730 Next. 468 00:39:46,755 --> 00:39:49,983 He's getting crabby. It's been a very long week. 469 00:39:50,489 --> 00:39:51,808 Well, come on, then. 470 00:39:51,895 --> 00:39:55,026 I'd like to be home before midnight. Next. 471 00:40:10,937 --> 00:40:12,815 Thank you very much. 472 00:40:13,174 --> 00:40:16,528 Now, ladies and gentlemen, you may have seen 473 00:40:16,553 --> 00:40:20,513 some of these impressions before, but not in colour. 474 00:40:23,900 --> 00:40:25,626 I'm glad you thought that was funny - 475 00:40:25,691 --> 00:40:27,742 my mum thinks I'm in double geography. 476 00:40:57,649 --> 00:40:59,214 Thank you very much. 477 00:41:02,769 --> 00:41:05,753 If he can do that on live TV, the world's his oyster. 478 00:41:05,823 --> 00:41:07,042 What? 479 00:41:07,269 --> 00:41:12,369 I said, if he can do that on live TV, the world's his oyster. 480 00:41:12,579 --> 00:41:13,799 What? 481 00:41:17,890 --> 00:41:20,382 Didn't he do well, eh? Thank you. 482 00:41:20,733 --> 00:41:22,848 Lovely, lovely, ta. 483 00:41:23,015 --> 00:41:25,237 Huh? Wahey-ha-ha. 484 00:41:26,679 --> 00:41:29,614 Nice shot for the Express & Star. Come on, everyone. 485 00:41:30,339 --> 00:41:32,409 Danny, you stand more in the middle. 486 00:41:32,925 --> 00:41:34,639 Everyone laughing. 487 00:41:35,245 --> 00:41:37,857 Danny's hilarious and... 488 00:41:50,243 --> 00:41:53,603 What happen, Danny? You kill me with joke 'pon the TV, man. 489 00:41:53,796 --> 00:41:57,716 You're famous now. All the best, you hear. 490 00:41:59,860 --> 00:42:02,208 Danny, I saw you up the Queen Mary? 491 00:42:02,263 --> 00:42:04,060 Can I get your autograph? - Yeah. 492 00:42:11,851 --> 00:42:16,288 Well, well, well, you look different from the photo in the paper. 493 00:42:16,648 --> 00:42:18,408 Better lookin'. 494 00:42:19,937 --> 00:42:22,208 Is this you mother? - Yeah... yeah. 495 00:42:22,891 --> 00:42:24,876 You need to buy him some Vaseline. 496 00:42:24,985 --> 00:42:28,930 Look at this boy - him never cream him skin from the day him born. 497 00:42:29,157 --> 00:42:31,878 If you the boy mother, you should be ashame. 498 00:42:32,524 --> 00:42:36,499 Excuse me, madam, what your name an' address? 499 00:42:36,727 --> 00:42:39,926 Valda Graham, why you wan' for know my name and address? 500 00:42:40,169 --> 00:42:42,808 Because I goin' pin them 'pon you coat for when them 501 00:42:42,833 --> 00:42:44,538 find you corpse in the street. 502 00:42:44,563 --> 00:42:46,643 Mum, no. Mum... 503 00:42:47,023 --> 00:42:49,062 She's just seen me on the telly, that's all. 504 00:42:49,087 --> 00:42:52,077 She nah go see nuttin' if me jook out her eye with me umbrella. 505 00:42:53,145 --> 00:42:54,479 Come on, Mum. 506 00:42:57,356 --> 00:42:58,954 You tink say me a joke? 507 00:42:59,949 --> 00:43:02,732 Is why you never cream your skin this mornin'? - I was in a rush. 508 00:43:02,756 --> 00:43:04,904 Me have three gallon of Vaseline in the bathroom. 509 00:43:04,975 --> 00:43:06,974 You can't pass through an' teef some? 510 00:43:07,449 --> 00:43:09,380 Sure, man, you make me sick. 511 00:43:10,049 --> 00:43:11,321 Well done, Danny. 512 00:43:15,513 --> 00:43:18,801 This music sucks snot from a zombie's arse. 513 00:43:18,826 --> 00:43:21,552 It's good beer here, though, innit? - Classic beer, chap. 514 00:43:24,566 --> 00:43:27,918 Sometimes you have gotta endure pain to get to the true pleasure. 515 00:43:28,118 --> 00:43:31,278 Speaks a bloke who's never had to dance the hokey-cokey in stilettos. 516 00:43:32,465 --> 00:43:36,384 I'm off to the ladies and there'd better be a pint of mild and bitter 517 00:43:36,409 --> 00:43:38,289 on the bar for me when I get back. 518 00:43:40,411 --> 00:43:43,379 She's all over you like a rash since you've been on the telly. 519 00:43:43,426 --> 00:43:45,905 She wouldn't have gobbed on you if you was on fire before. 520 00:43:45,929 --> 00:43:48,504 Danny, you was brilliant on the telly. 521 00:43:48,825 --> 00:43:50,076 Will you sign here? 522 00:43:50,225 --> 00:43:53,225 I'm going to get it tattooed. It's going to be bostin. 523 00:43:58,654 --> 00:44:01,024 You get off. Come here, you. 524 00:44:15,512 --> 00:44:16,715 Get off. 525 00:44:17,552 --> 00:44:19,114 Please get her off me. 526 00:44:22,504 --> 00:44:23,934 You're a nutter. 527 00:44:24,384 --> 00:44:26,505 You leave him alone. He's bloody mine. 528 00:44:27,168 --> 00:44:28,988 Keep your tits to yourself. 529 00:44:32,300 --> 00:44:33,714 You all right? 530 00:44:34,362 --> 00:44:37,887 Sorry. I just saw her all over you and everything went red in my head. 531 00:44:37,923 --> 00:44:40,936 Just go and get yourself sorted. I'll wait here. 532 00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:53,139 Hi, Danny. Everything all right? 533 00:44:53,436 --> 00:44:55,467 I'm sorry, Cherry. I can't talk right now. 534 00:44:55,492 --> 00:44:57,132 I've got something going on. 535 00:44:58,342 --> 00:45:01,781 The barman just got a phone call from Joe Frazier's manager. 536 00:45:02,733 --> 00:45:05,217 Said he's looking for a vicious new sparring partner 537 00:45:05,260 --> 00:45:07,116 and was your girlfriend available? 538 00:45:08,014 --> 00:45:10,599 100 quid a week and all the raw meat she can eat. 539 00:45:11,943 --> 00:45:14,103 You should be on the telly, you're pretty funny. 540 00:45:14,180 --> 00:45:16,481 Nah, going to go to uni instead. 541 00:45:16,752 --> 00:45:19,060 Do me exams and get the hell out of Dudley. 542 00:45:19,105 --> 00:45:21,744 Dudley's great. Nothin' wrong with Dudley. 543 00:45:22,057 --> 00:45:24,016 There is if you look like me or you. 544 00:45:24,818 --> 00:45:27,349 You're on the telly, things have changed for you. 545 00:45:27,769 --> 00:45:30,408 But if I don't want to end up in a factory, I've gotta go 546 00:45:30,433 --> 00:45:33,789 to university and be twice as good before I'm accepted as an equal. 547 00:45:34,042 --> 00:45:35,284 That's what I've got to do. 548 00:45:35,309 --> 00:45:37,049 I've been saying that since I was three. 549 00:45:37,073 --> 00:45:38,592 Mission impossible. 550 00:45:39,542 --> 00:45:41,939 Not if you've got half a brain and a bit of talent. 551 00:45:42,034 --> 00:45:44,683 I've got a bit of talent. So they say, anyroad. 552 00:45:45,308 --> 00:45:48,699 Well, we should team up, then. We could... 553 00:45:48,847 --> 00:45:50,060 We could what? 554 00:45:50,276 --> 00:45:51,596 Nothing. 555 00:45:55,022 --> 00:45:57,153 Danny, you should introduce me to your new friend. 556 00:45:57,177 --> 00:45:58,942 He's no manners at all. Well? 557 00:45:59,122 --> 00:46:01,882 Bridget, this is... - I don't care. Shall we go? 558 00:46:14,220 --> 00:46:15,620 Thanks. 559 00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:34,800 Jesus. Did you buy the whole of Woolworths? 560 00:46:43,842 --> 00:46:48,161 Oh, here he is, here he is, here he is. Dan, the comedy man. 561 00:46:48,736 --> 00:46:50,115 Three-time winner. 562 00:46:50,210 --> 00:46:52,601 All the way through to the final on New Faces. 563 00:46:52,890 --> 00:46:54,939 Well done, well done, well done. 564 00:46:55,023 --> 00:46:57,155 I only won two heats, actually, 565 00:46:57,437 --> 00:47:01,100 I came second to that skinny Liverpudlian by one point. 566 00:47:02,425 --> 00:47:05,144 All right there, lar? I'm so skinny, like, 567 00:47:05,169 --> 00:47:07,648 I got to run around in the shower to get wet. 568 00:47:08,017 --> 00:47:09,815 D'you know what I mean? 569 00:47:14,772 --> 00:47:16,459 Oh. Oh, thank you. 570 00:47:16,624 --> 00:47:20,464 Shall we sit down? Let's sit, let's sit, let's sit. 571 00:47:30,693 --> 00:47:32,302 Do you eat chicken at all? 572 00:47:32,693 --> 00:47:34,986 I eat anything. - Not us, I hope? 573 00:47:35,419 --> 00:47:38,497 Little joke, little joke, little joke. 574 00:47:38,620 --> 00:47:39,997 Just a little joke. 575 00:47:40,057 --> 00:47:43,536 Jesus, Pop, don't start with the saying-everything-three-times malarkey. 576 00:47:43,639 --> 00:47:46,091 It was just a little joke, that's all. 577 00:47:46,990 --> 00:47:48,976 Couldn't eat all three of us. 578 00:47:49,326 --> 00:47:51,248 There'd be no room for dessert. 579 00:47:52,474 --> 00:47:53,783 A little joke... 580 00:47:54,058 --> 00:47:55,577 Do you eat cabbage? 581 00:47:55,694 --> 00:47:58,137 Like I said, Mrs O'Riordan, I eat anything. 582 00:47:59,582 --> 00:48:01,258 Nice dog you got there. 583 00:48:01,886 --> 00:48:03,166 Nice fat haunches. 584 00:48:13,366 --> 00:48:16,086 Bridget Sinead Mary O'Riordan, would you stop? 585 00:48:16,897 --> 00:48:20,379 Stop it right now otherwise you'll have a head on you in the morning. 586 00:48:20,655 --> 00:48:23,014 Danny, would you like a drink? - Firewater. 587 00:48:23,094 --> 00:48:24,616 That's what they drink, don't they? 588 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,975 They love the firewater. Love the firewater, love the firewater. 589 00:48:28,094 --> 00:48:29,473 Yes, they do. 590 00:48:31,094 --> 00:48:32,420 Do you eat parsnip? 591 00:48:54,562 --> 00:48:57,898 Danny. Nice tux, chap. Makes a difference. 592 00:48:58,217 --> 00:49:01,736 Oh, aye, nice to see you ain't in second-hand castoffs any more. 593 00:49:02,054 --> 00:49:03,659 When you worked at the Queen Mary, 594 00:49:03,734 --> 00:49:07,051 you looked like you'd fell in a bin outside Oxfam, had a fight and lost. 595 00:49:07,107 --> 00:49:09,516 Bri, he's going to be on New Faces final soon - 596 00:49:09,540 --> 00:49:11,372 can you give him a friggin' break? 597 00:49:11,872 --> 00:49:13,899 Yous two are supposed to be the managers of this crap hole. 598 00:49:13,924 --> 00:49:16,142 Can you manage not to be arseholes for five minutes? 599 00:49:16,166 --> 00:49:19,168 I never thought he was that funny. - I'm sitting right here, you know? 600 00:49:19,193 --> 00:49:21,411 What time's he on? - Well, they've eaten, bless 'em. 601 00:49:21,435 --> 00:49:23,828 Then there's the mass lindy hop exhibition - 602 00:49:23,853 --> 00:49:26,375 that's when they're going to give themselves coronaries and 603 00:49:26,399 --> 00:49:29,098 after the wee break, surprise cabaret is announced 604 00:49:29,123 --> 00:49:31,892 and enters to the theme music of New Faces. 605 00:49:32,180 --> 00:49:33,745 Cherry will look after you, 606 00:49:33,975 --> 00:49:36,034 if you need your plonker pulling, or anything. 607 00:49:36,066 --> 00:49:38,666 You're the only plonker I can see round here, Bri. 608 00:49:40,373 --> 00:49:43,320 She just called me a plonker then. Should sack her. 609 00:49:44,074 --> 00:49:46,438 I'll sack her when you stop being a plonker. 610 00:49:47,093 --> 00:49:49,640 Right, I'm going to nip through and get 'em going 611 00:49:49,670 --> 00:49:51,132 with the lindy hop selection. 612 00:49:51,157 --> 00:49:54,332 When that's sorted, I'll bring you on. 613 00:50:02,774 --> 00:50:06,114 You look really good, Danny. Just like them guys on the telly. 614 00:50:06,583 --> 00:50:09,706 I wanted to wear Oxford bags, loafers and a tank top. 615 00:50:10,057 --> 00:50:11,846 All this was Jonesy's idea. 616 00:50:12,124 --> 00:50:15,340 Well, he was right. You look like a professional entertainer. 617 00:50:19,192 --> 00:50:21,754 So, do you need anything? 618 00:50:21,926 --> 00:50:23,589 Sandwiches, cocktails... 619 00:50:24,090 --> 00:50:25,302 much better girlfriend. 620 00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:27,790 Excuse me. - What did you just say? 621 00:50:28,113 --> 00:50:30,812 I said, do you want a drink before you go on, or anything? 622 00:50:30,837 --> 00:50:33,116 A double brandy and Coke, please. 623 00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:35,020 Tap water it is. 624 00:50:39,792 --> 00:50:42,591 Here's where we find out who the best dancers are. 625 00:50:42,780 --> 00:50:45,660 Let's have your jitterbug, ladies and gentlemen. 626 00:51:10,340 --> 00:51:13,180 Bloody hell, man. Old people can really... 627 00:52:00,297 --> 00:52:02,922 You don't even belong in this here family. 628 00:52:11,039 --> 00:52:12,586 Danny. Come back. 629 00:52:12,611 --> 00:52:14,083 Them only dancing. 630 00:52:31,220 --> 00:52:34,916 He was a good dancer, whoever he was. 631 00:52:34,980 --> 00:52:37,180 Made Fred Astaire look like a paraplegic. 632 00:52:41,020 --> 00:52:42,616 It was you, wasn't it? 633 00:52:44,145 --> 00:52:47,106 Them did say the surprise cabaret had gone home because 634 00:52:47,139 --> 00:52:49,259 him get sick, or something like that. 635 00:52:51,554 --> 00:52:52,794 It was you? 636 00:52:56,051 --> 00:52:59,131 Does Dad know? About Twinkle Toes? 637 00:53:00,369 --> 00:53:02,904 This is big people business, you know, Daniel? 638 00:53:03,316 --> 00:53:05,973 I don't have to explain anything to you. 639 00:53:06,793 --> 00:53:09,309 You is a pickney. - I'm nearly 18. 640 00:53:09,371 --> 00:53:12,035 And it's me pay the rasclat bills round here now. 641 00:53:12,105 --> 00:53:15,121 What's his name? - What you want to know his name for? 642 00:53:15,832 --> 00:53:19,433 How is it any of your business who I dance with 643 00:53:20,097 --> 00:53:21,899 when I can't even get your father to move 644 00:53:21,924 --> 00:53:23,980 from in front of the cricket on the television? 645 00:53:24,005 --> 00:53:25,308 Because it's just... 646 00:53:29,062 --> 00:53:30,717 It's because... 647 00:53:31,061 --> 00:53:34,389 The bloke you were dancing with is the spitting image of me. 648 00:53:35,551 --> 00:53:36,818 What... 649 00:53:38,820 --> 00:53:41,715 What are you talking about, Daniel? 650 00:53:42,582 --> 00:53:44,582 He don't look anything like... - Mum. 651 00:53:44,639 --> 00:53:49,912 I'm not stupid. Same colouring, same eyes. He looks like me. 652 00:54:12,107 --> 00:54:16,980 When I first come here from Jamaica, I was on my own. 653 00:54:19,008 --> 00:54:23,504 I had to work very hard to earn money to send for your father and the rest of them. 654 00:54:26,044 --> 00:54:27,714 It was me come first. 655 00:54:27,890 --> 00:54:29,517 Why didn't he come first? 656 00:54:29,649 --> 00:54:31,106 Him stubborn. 657 00:54:31,903 --> 00:54:35,598 Say if I want to go to England and start a new life, I should 658 00:54:35,856 --> 00:54:38,938 go on ahead and start it out and see if tings are all right. 659 00:54:40,666 --> 00:54:45,186 I should send for him, Dee Dee, Pearl and Lamont. 660 00:54:47,900 --> 00:54:49,579 I came on my own. 661 00:54:50,674 --> 00:54:54,294 If you want them find you dead 'pon street, you carry on blaspheme. 662 00:54:59,414 --> 00:55:00,860 I come to England... 663 00:55:02,913 --> 00:55:06,900 I look work, I find it... 664 00:55:09,587 --> 00:55:13,637 and after the first month or so when the white girl stop being afraid of me, 665 00:55:14,666 --> 00:55:17,088 them invite me to a dance. 666 00:55:21,340 --> 00:55:23,380 And that's where I met... 667 00:55:26,269 --> 00:55:27,859 Calvin Gayle. 668 00:55:27,891 --> 00:55:29,356 Calvin Gayle. 669 00:55:30,511 --> 00:55:34,500 He's a machine operator at Crossley Industry. 670 00:55:37,245 --> 00:55:38,677 Big hands. 671 00:55:41,465 --> 00:55:42,902 Great rhythm. 672 00:55:46,309 --> 00:55:48,174 Him sweep me off me feet. 673 00:55:48,332 --> 00:55:50,363 And then you went to bed with him? 674 00:55:51,254 --> 00:55:54,419 If you want discuss big people tings, you have to listen. 675 00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:56,944 Have some respect. 676 00:55:57,296 --> 00:55:59,446 I never just go to bed. 677 00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:03,884 He was a big married man, with good hair. 678 00:56:05,493 --> 00:56:07,509 I never want break up for him marriage. 679 00:56:07,534 --> 00:56:10,159 Then why... - Let me tell you if you listen. 680 00:56:15,259 --> 00:56:17,134 We dance first. 681 00:56:19,247 --> 00:56:20,621 Once... 682 00:56:21,789 --> 00:56:23,855 twice, three times. 683 00:56:25,548 --> 00:56:28,320 We win competition in Wolverhampton, 684 00:56:29,502 --> 00:56:32,083 Birmingham, Stoke. 685 00:56:34,187 --> 00:56:35,787 We wind up in Leicester. 686 00:56:38,503 --> 00:56:39,798 Spend the night. 687 00:56:44,893 --> 00:56:49,253 We win the competition with the jitterbug lindy hop combine... 688 00:56:52,755 --> 00:56:54,145 and that was that. 689 00:56:57,021 --> 00:56:59,067 We go to an Italian restaurant. 690 00:57:01,729 --> 00:57:03,065 We drink wine. 691 00:57:05,509 --> 00:57:06,748 He say... 692 00:57:09,861 --> 00:57:11,143 "Myrtle... 693 00:57:13,465 --> 00:57:16,912 "the way you took that floor tonight... 694 00:57:19,460 --> 00:57:20,883 "you was on fire." 695 00:57:24,300 --> 00:57:25,582 Calvin say... 696 00:57:28,823 --> 00:57:30,505 "Out there... 697 00:57:32,625 --> 00:57:34,865 "we were made for each other." 698 00:57:42,411 --> 00:57:43,775 I was stupid. 699 00:57:49,626 --> 00:57:51,017 Does Dad know? 700 00:58:00,475 --> 00:58:03,515 Me fall pregnant with you in the autumn... 701 00:58:06,050 --> 00:58:08,562 and me have to write and tell him the situation. 702 00:58:10,856 --> 00:58:14,327 Calvin wouldn't break up his family, and I didn't want that either. 703 00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:21,574 I tell Samson if him don't forgive me... 704 00:58:23,338 --> 00:58:26,159 I will go and make a new life with you somewhere, 705 00:58:27,971 --> 00:58:29,576 and that will be that. 706 00:58:33,779 --> 00:58:36,979 Samson write back and tell me he forgive me. 707 00:58:38,963 --> 00:58:41,768 I don't.. What about Calvin? 708 00:58:41,994 --> 00:58:44,557 Didn't he want to meet me, or hold me? 709 00:58:44,582 --> 00:58:46,307 Him meet you? Yes. 710 00:58:47,588 --> 00:58:51,745 Him come to the hospital and sit with you and burp you, 711 00:58:52,100 --> 00:58:54,260 has send money for you all now. 712 00:58:57,318 --> 00:58:58,765 You love him. 713 00:59:02,970 --> 00:59:04,727 You still love him, don't you? 714 00:59:08,330 --> 00:59:11,197 Big people have to deal with situations 715 00:59:11,298 --> 00:59:13,548 pickney don't understand. 716 00:59:18,075 --> 00:59:20,784 This was a big people something... 717 00:59:22,706 --> 00:59:25,868 and we deal with it the best way we know how. 718 01:00:20,260 --> 01:00:22,699 Mum says that they've moved on 719 01:00:22,724 --> 01:00:24,499 and that you've forgiven her 720 01:00:24,588 --> 01:00:27,385 but I don't understand, if they've moved on, then why... 721 01:00:27,410 --> 01:00:29,466 Why they still dancing together? 722 01:00:32,780 --> 01:00:34,766 She never tell you she could dance? 723 01:00:35,060 --> 01:00:36,541 I mean really dance? 724 01:00:36,740 --> 01:00:38,103 She told me last night. 725 01:00:42,980 --> 01:00:45,267 From the moment I first meet your mother, 726 01:00:46,472 --> 01:00:47,853 she was always, 727 01:00:47,878 --> 01:00:50,214 "Samson, why you never take me dancing? 728 01:00:51,180 --> 01:00:52,927 "We never dance, why? 729 01:00:53,860 --> 01:00:56,635 "Why, Samson, you have three left feet, you know?" 730 01:00:57,099 --> 01:00:59,019 And on and on and on. 731 01:01:01,392 --> 01:01:03,231 She was good enough to win prizes 732 01:01:03,420 --> 01:01:05,052 but she need the right partner. 733 01:01:05,157 --> 01:01:07,396 And then she came here and found Calvin Gayle. 734 01:01:07,460 --> 01:01:10,547 Oh, yes. Calvin come and then come you. 735 01:01:13,660 --> 01:01:14,951 I'm so sorry, Dad. 736 01:01:15,260 --> 01:01:16,555 What you sorry for? 737 01:01:16,980 --> 01:01:19,524 Bed make and is we have to lie down 'pon it. 738 01:01:23,140 --> 01:01:24,925 Calvin all right, you know? 739 01:01:27,060 --> 01:01:28,963 Him did never wan' take you on. 740 01:01:29,946 --> 01:01:32,151 Too much heartache and responsibility. 741 01:01:33,580 --> 01:01:35,260 So me take you on. 742 01:01:37,100 --> 01:01:38,380 I feel like... 743 01:01:39,780 --> 01:01:43,040 I feel like someone's pulled my whole world out from under me. 744 01:01:43,260 --> 01:01:44,517 Yes. 745 01:01:44,740 --> 01:01:46,959 Bad news do that to you sometimes. 746 01:01:47,540 --> 01:01:48,785 But listen to me, 747 01:01:50,103 --> 01:01:52,663 me is a serious somebody, you know? 748 01:01:52,780 --> 01:01:55,277 Life, marriage, children, 749 01:01:55,394 --> 01:01:57,378 all serious things. 750 01:01:57,620 --> 01:01:59,333 You have to commit. 751 01:01:59,980 --> 01:02:01,701 Myrtle not easy, you know? 752 01:02:02,468 --> 01:02:05,514 Calvin like you mother but him could never do the hours. 753 01:02:10,580 --> 01:02:12,434 I don't know why I'm laughing. 754 01:02:13,126 --> 01:02:15,419 I've never been so depressed in all my life. 755 01:02:18,540 --> 01:02:20,483 I'll never win them finals now. 756 01:02:23,860 --> 01:02:26,305 Jesus. I feel sick. 757 01:02:27,413 --> 01:02:29,553 You have your mother's talent. 758 01:02:29,900 --> 01:02:31,225 Just remember 759 01:02:31,700 --> 01:02:33,380 practice make perfect. 760 01:02:34,740 --> 01:02:37,595 And, if in doubt, bowl them a googly. 761 01:02:45,334 --> 01:02:46,933 And welcome back, 762 01:02:47,060 --> 01:02:48,699 and, as you can see, 763 01:02:48,726 --> 01:02:51,180 I have all the finalists here behind me. 764 01:02:51,260 --> 01:02:52,846 I have the winning envelope. 765 01:02:53,140 --> 01:02:56,179 And the winner of New Faces all-winners' final, 766 01:02:56,286 --> 01:02:58,810 the winner of £10,000 767 01:02:59,020 --> 01:03:02,875 and a limited season in Las Vegas is... 768 01:03:03,420 --> 01:03:05,740 Come on, Dan chap. - Go on, smash it. 769 01:03:12,220 --> 01:03:14,220 Will I make you a coffee, Bridget? 770 01:03:14,341 --> 01:03:16,258 Coffee, coffee, coffee. 771 01:03:16,660 --> 01:03:17,948 Sounds good to me. 772 01:03:18,460 --> 01:03:21,082 Come on, Danny. - Come on. 773 01:03:37,660 --> 01:03:40,047 I suppose you'll be wanting a lift back to Dudley. 774 01:03:40,083 --> 01:03:42,842 You ain't going to make me walk for coming third, are you? 775 01:03:42,975 --> 01:03:44,295 Get in. 776 01:03:57,580 --> 01:03:59,879 Oi, don't pick your nose or scratch your bum. 777 01:04:00,220 --> 01:04:02,300 Don't say "eh?", don't say "you what?". 778 01:04:02,325 --> 01:04:04,884 Act like you was brung up somewhere decent. 779 01:04:07,300 --> 01:04:11,673 James Broughton is a major entrepreneur in show business. 780 01:04:11,698 --> 01:04:13,830 He can keep you in work for a lifetime, 781 01:04:14,060 --> 01:04:17,416 so mind your manners and don't eat your peas off your knife. 782 01:04:18,379 --> 01:04:20,074 Get it? - Got it. 783 01:04:28,620 --> 01:04:30,059 Ah, gentlemen. 784 01:04:30,580 --> 01:04:31,837 Spot of lunch? 785 01:04:32,340 --> 01:04:35,100 Daniel, you sit beside me, young man. 786 01:04:42,420 --> 01:04:45,362 Now, the sign of a true professional in this business 787 01:04:45,500 --> 01:04:47,675 is when someone can turn their hand to any task 788 01:04:47,700 --> 01:04:50,565 and do it to the best of their ability. Am I right, Mr Jones? 789 01:04:50,604 --> 01:04:52,941 You what? Er, yeah. 790 01:04:53,031 --> 01:04:54,335 I mean... 791 01:04:55,232 --> 01:04:56,452 yes. 792 01:04:57,066 --> 01:05:00,264 We want Danny to have on-the-job training. 793 01:05:00,775 --> 01:05:04,303 Summer season provides that exactly. 794 01:05:04,620 --> 01:05:06,848 Good money, two shows a night, 795 01:05:07,125 --> 01:05:08,423 six days a week 796 01:05:08,554 --> 01:05:10,161 for 26 weeks... 797 01:05:19,740 --> 01:05:21,420 Some wine, darling? 798 01:05:22,820 --> 01:05:25,567 The way you took that dance floor, 799 01:05:26,420 --> 01:05:28,367 you were on fire. 800 01:05:32,036 --> 01:05:33,791 Don't you think, Daniel? 801 01:05:38,260 --> 01:05:39,722 We've got great costumes... 802 01:05:39,780 --> 01:05:41,897 Shall we drink a toast? 803 01:05:48,260 --> 01:05:49,502 That sounds perfect. 804 01:05:49,700 --> 01:05:51,501 Now, what do you think, Danny? 805 01:05:52,231 --> 01:05:53,473 Danny. 806 01:05:53,567 --> 01:05:55,239 Yes. Perfect. 807 01:05:55,501 --> 01:05:58,297 Me in that show, it'll be magical. 808 01:05:59,020 --> 01:06:00,580 We'll be on fire. 809 01:06:00,619 --> 01:06:02,202 Shall we drink a toast? 810 01:06:10,620 --> 01:06:11,880 Come. 811 01:06:14,186 --> 01:06:17,066 I think we should go somewhere a bit more intimate. 812 01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:29,139 It's a brave move but I think it's the right one. 813 01:06:29,168 --> 01:06:31,516 We'll get the contracts drawn up and sign without delay 814 01:06:31,540 --> 01:06:33,334 if that's all right with everyone. 815 01:06:34,060 --> 01:06:35,401 Ooh. 816 01:06:36,334 --> 01:06:40,591 Well, I'm glad you're so enthusiastic about all this, Danny. 817 01:06:41,201 --> 01:06:44,147 I think you're going to be a wonderful addition 818 01:06:44,340 --> 01:06:48,020 to the Musical Minstrel Cavalcade. 819 01:06:48,220 --> 01:06:50,069 Eh? You what? 820 01:06:58,060 --> 01:06:59,515 Jonesy. - What? 821 01:06:59,660 --> 01:07:02,874 No-one in my family's talking to me. My brother Lamont says 822 01:07:02,899 --> 01:07:05,160 that I've let down every black person in the country. 823 01:07:05,185 --> 01:07:08,223 That's just bollocks. You're not going to be a minstrel, are you? 824 01:07:08,277 --> 01:07:10,824 They're not going to make you sing, "Camptown Races sing this song, 825 01:07:10,849 --> 01:07:12,199 "doo-dah doo-dah," are they? 826 01:07:12,224 --> 01:07:15,463 Then why am I dressed like this, then? - It's a joke, ain't it? 827 01:07:15,860 --> 01:07:18,078 They had a load of stick from the race relations lot 828 01:07:18,102 --> 01:07:19,755 about not employing real black people. 829 01:07:19,779 --> 01:07:21,877 They can't say nothing now, can they? 830 01:07:22,460 --> 01:07:23,793 Hey, look, Danny, 831 01:07:24,340 --> 01:07:26,340 your make-up's coming off now too. 832 01:07:39,900 --> 01:07:42,275 ♪ The Camptown ladies sing this song 833 01:07:42,300 --> 01:07:44,539 ♪ Doo-dah doo-dah 834 01:07:44,564 --> 01:07:46,845 ♪ The Camptown racetrack's five miles long 835 01:07:46,900 --> 01:07:48,743 ♪ Oh, dee-doo dah-day 836 01:07:48,780 --> 01:07:51,260 ♪ I went down there with my hat caved in 837 01:07:51,285 --> 01:07:53,419 ♪ Doo-dah doo-dah 838 01:07:53,463 --> 01:07:55,779 ♪ I come back home with a pocket full of tin 839 01:07:55,804 --> 01:07:57,915 ♪ Oh, dee-doo dah-day 840 01:07:57,940 --> 01:08:00,139 ♪ Wanna run all night 841 01:08:00,164 --> 01:08:01,823 ♪ Wanna run all day 842 01:08:01,900 --> 01:08:04,419 ♪ I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag 843 01:08:04,444 --> 01:08:06,884 ♪ Somebody bet on the grey. 844 01:08:13,740 --> 01:08:15,274 Ladies and gentleman, 845 01:08:15,299 --> 01:08:18,218 please welcome the Black Country's own 846 01:08:18,700 --> 01:08:21,303 Danny Fearon. 847 01:08:27,900 --> 01:08:30,090 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 848 01:08:30,390 --> 01:08:34,195 Now, you may have seen some of these impressions before 849 01:08:34,460 --> 01:08:35,797 but not in colour. 850 01:08:47,460 --> 01:08:49,700 You all right, Dan? - Yeah. 851 01:08:53,260 --> 01:08:55,314 You know Cherry, don't you, Dan? 852 01:08:55,660 --> 01:08:57,157 Yeah. Yeah, I do. 853 01:08:57,540 --> 01:08:58,798 You all right? 854 01:08:58,940 --> 01:09:00,477 It's nice to see you. 855 01:09:05,420 --> 01:09:06,683 Oh, this is Tracie. 856 01:09:08,557 --> 01:09:11,707 Say hello to Dan. - Thanks for inviting us, Danny. 857 01:09:11,860 --> 01:09:13,407 We really enjoyed it. 858 01:09:14,340 --> 01:09:16,699 Dan, Bridget, this is Julie. 859 01:09:17,150 --> 01:09:19,555 She works in Beatties on the make-up counter up Dudley. 860 01:09:19,656 --> 01:09:23,048 Jesus, why don't you hold up a sign saying "slag", Terry? 861 01:09:23,260 --> 01:09:24,571 I'm off to the bog. 862 01:09:24,601 --> 01:09:26,969 Are you coming, Bridget, or are you glued to lover boy? 863 01:09:27,009 --> 01:09:29,923 Suppose I could squeeze me lemon before we get to the real drinking. 864 01:09:29,947 --> 01:09:31,739 Gin and tonic. Make it a triple. 865 01:09:32,044 --> 01:09:34,091 It's going to be a long frigging night. 866 01:09:38,940 --> 01:09:40,149 So, er, 867 01:09:40,821 --> 01:09:43,139 how long have you two been, erm... 868 01:09:43,954 --> 01:09:45,616 We're just having a laugh, ain't we? 869 01:09:45,641 --> 01:09:48,177 More than you did during tonight's show, I bet. 870 01:09:48,294 --> 01:09:50,539 What's that supposed to mean? - You didn't laugh. 871 01:09:50,544 --> 01:09:53,381 I could see all of you, and none of you thought it was funny. 872 01:09:53,540 --> 01:09:55,585 You're in a minstrel show, for Christ's sakes. 873 01:09:55,700 --> 01:09:57,236 You're lucky we came at all. 874 01:09:58,418 --> 01:10:02,372 You were great, Dan. But it ain't like the Queen Mary up here, is it? 875 01:10:02,963 --> 01:10:04,643 Not in this show. 876 01:10:06,153 --> 01:10:08,555 You are doing a lot of the stuff you've been doing 877 01:10:08,580 --> 01:10:10,100 since the Queen Mary, Dan. 878 01:10:11,322 --> 01:10:12,801 I gotta do what works - 879 01:10:12,864 --> 01:10:16,306 the stuff they've seen on the telly works because they've seen it. 880 01:10:16,734 --> 01:10:18,654 I bloody know what I'm doing. 881 01:10:25,001 --> 01:10:26,487 I just think... 882 01:10:26,815 --> 01:10:29,544 while you're stuck in this ridiculous show, 883 01:10:29,790 --> 01:10:32,590 you might as well try loads of new things out and... 884 01:10:32,934 --> 01:10:35,099 get them up and running for when it's all over, 885 01:10:35,124 --> 01:10:37,504 and you can do something you really want to do. 886 01:10:37,529 --> 01:10:39,504 Dan's just... he's just doing what he's told. 887 01:10:39,529 --> 01:10:41,568 No. Maybe that's the problem. 888 01:10:41,740 --> 01:10:43,729 You don't look like you're enjoying it. 889 01:10:44,020 --> 01:10:46,208 Why don't you mind your own business, Cherry? 890 01:10:46,265 --> 01:10:48,224 Come on, Danny, this ain't you. 891 01:10:48,374 --> 01:10:51,070 And how would you guys know what is and isn't me? 892 01:10:51,168 --> 01:10:52,795 You don't even know who that is. 893 01:10:52,820 --> 01:10:55,052 You only like it when I'm doing impressions for you. 894 01:10:55,117 --> 01:10:56,672 So, come on then, lads, 895 01:10:56,702 --> 01:10:58,861 who do you want me to be for you now? 896 01:10:58,886 --> 01:11:00,525 Frank bastard Spencer? 897 01:11:00,620 --> 01:11:01,908 Dan... - Huh? 898 01:11:02,087 --> 01:11:03,455 Dave Allen? 899 01:11:03,671 --> 01:11:05,111 Well, come on, lads, who? 900 01:11:08,860 --> 01:11:10,564 We just want you to be you. 901 01:11:11,900 --> 01:11:13,980 Yeah, just be the Danny we remember from home. 902 01:11:15,176 --> 01:11:17,856 Just... Just piss off, all of you. 903 01:11:37,567 --> 01:11:38,822 Danny. 904 01:11:38,847 --> 01:11:40,563 Just leave me alone, Cherry. 905 01:11:40,704 --> 01:11:41,904 Charming 906 01:11:41,928 --> 01:11:45,558 I came up here to see you in this God forsaken abortion of a show. 907 01:11:47,697 --> 01:11:50,176 Not one of your family's been up here. 908 01:11:50,598 --> 01:11:52,238 It's embarrassing. 909 01:11:52,724 --> 01:11:54,803 Your sister Dee Dee's ashamed of you. 910 01:11:54,937 --> 01:11:58,057 You don't know what you're talking about. - I know you, Danny. 911 01:12:00,087 --> 01:12:02,726 You would twist yourself inside out to please these people, 912 01:12:02,751 --> 01:12:04,351 and look where it's got you. 913 01:12:07,527 --> 01:12:10,631 Go back in there and sit with your girlfriend and your mates. 914 01:12:11,913 --> 01:12:13,620 They're supporting you. 915 01:12:15,287 --> 01:12:16,807 It's what friends are for. 916 01:12:20,727 --> 01:12:22,004 Cherry? 917 01:12:23,153 --> 01:12:25,519 I just wanted to see if everything was... 918 01:12:26,327 --> 01:12:27,567 all right. 919 01:12:29,249 --> 01:12:31,528 Danny, don't mind all that bollocks, chap. 920 01:12:32,404 --> 01:12:34,104 Come and have a drink. 921 01:12:34,847 --> 01:12:36,207 Come on, Dan. 922 01:12:45,207 --> 01:12:47,486 'Not one of your family's been up here. 923 01:12:47,706 --> 01:12:50,150 'Your sister Dee Dee's ashamed of you.' 924 01:12:58,647 --> 01:13:01,136 This place wants a flame-thrower taking to it. 925 01:13:01,941 --> 01:13:03,379 Bloody hell, Dan. 926 01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:05,066 Talk about messy. 927 01:13:05,550 --> 01:13:08,942 Don't worry, Jonesy, I'll give it a nice bit of elbow grease before we set off. 928 01:13:08,967 --> 01:13:11,902 And then we'll give the room a good clean as well, right, Danny? 929 01:13:11,927 --> 01:13:15,723 Listen, so, I just had a phone call from your guv'nor, James Broughton. 930 01:13:15,882 --> 01:13:18,796 He's so pleased with the business, he wants to move you up the bill. 931 01:13:18,841 --> 01:13:21,528 You're going to come on at the end of part one. And 932 01:13:21,981 --> 01:13:24,502 he wants to extend the run of the show to November. 933 01:13:24,809 --> 01:13:26,366 Danny, that's feckin' brilliant. 934 01:13:26,391 --> 01:13:27,998 Yeah, you get a pay rise and everything... 935 01:13:28,023 --> 01:13:30,562 you can go on holiday with Bridget, chap. - I can't wait. 936 01:13:30,727 --> 01:13:32,293 Oh, you'll love me in a bikini, Dan. 937 01:13:32,351 --> 01:13:34,406 I'm just like that big blonde off Pan's People, 938 01:13:34,431 --> 01:13:36,446 except, you know, with a personality... 939 01:13:36,527 --> 01:13:38,087 and a cuter arse. 940 01:13:39,167 --> 01:13:40,607 Do I have to? 941 01:13:41,927 --> 01:13:44,766 You and your mum signed the papers for this eventuality way back. 942 01:13:44,791 --> 01:13:46,005 Remember? 943 01:13:46,288 --> 01:13:47,653 Jonesy... 944 01:13:49,287 --> 01:13:52,662 I ain't doing so well up here, you know, in meself. 945 01:13:52,959 --> 01:13:54,756 I'm drinking too much... 946 01:13:54,927 --> 01:13:57,795 I feel stuck, trapped. 947 01:13:59,009 --> 01:14:01,642 This show, it's just... it's wrong. 948 01:14:01,735 --> 01:14:05,287 I don't want to hear this. Stuck? Trapped? 949 01:14:05,678 --> 01:14:08,678 I wouldn't mind being stuck and trapped for what they're paying you. 950 01:14:09,525 --> 01:14:11,644 If you quit now, you get a reputation. 951 01:14:12,114 --> 01:14:14,863 "Yeah, that darkie kid off the telly's unreliable." 952 01:14:15,733 --> 01:14:17,773 Bridget, talk some sense into him. 953 01:14:23,007 --> 01:14:24,207 Bridget, look, 954 01:14:24,403 --> 01:14:26,242 I'm thinking... 955 01:14:26,267 --> 01:14:27,786 I don't finish this. 956 01:14:27,927 --> 01:14:29,234 I go home 957 01:14:29,695 --> 01:14:31,454 and I speak to me dad, yeah? 958 01:14:32,001 --> 01:14:34,366 See if I can get me old job back at the factory. 959 01:14:34,915 --> 01:14:38,162 Me and you could be in my room till I save up enough money 960 01:14:38,187 --> 01:14:40,205 so we can get a place of our own. 961 01:14:40,860 --> 01:14:42,216 Are you stupid? 962 01:14:42,555 --> 01:14:44,775 Danny Fearon, you're a big star now, 963 01:14:44,894 --> 01:14:47,206 and what you do up there is a piece of piss. 964 01:14:47,287 --> 01:14:48,534 Don't be an eejit. 965 01:14:48,617 --> 01:14:51,222 Take their money, keep your cakehole closed, 966 01:14:51,328 --> 01:14:53,120 and we'll be away on our holidays. 967 01:14:59,687 --> 01:15:01,299 Keep your chin up, Danny boy. 968 01:15:01,447 --> 01:15:03,649 Sure, it's not like you're in jail or nothing. 969 01:15:25,792 --> 01:15:27,745 I know what you're all thinking. 970 01:15:28,337 --> 01:15:30,993 "He's a lot bigger than I was expecting." 971 01:15:31,172 --> 01:15:33,544 Well, let me tell you, 972 01:15:33,943 --> 01:15:37,383 you're all more a lot whiter than I was expecting. 973 01:15:39,546 --> 01:15:41,186 Thanks, Mum. 974 01:16:00,127 --> 01:16:01,327 Go on. 975 01:16:17,807 --> 01:16:20,106 Are you all right, Dan? You look terrible. 976 01:16:20,301 --> 01:16:22,528 Yeah, I'm all right. - Yes, 977 01:16:22,629 --> 01:16:24,557 and my name's Aretha Franklin 978 01:16:24,933 --> 01:16:28,126 I did tell you, you want to sign contract with the white man, 979 01:16:28,465 --> 01:16:30,002 that's how things go. 980 01:16:30,400 --> 01:16:32,302 Lamont, you never said nothing. 981 01:16:32,327 --> 01:16:35,851 You've only ever seen me on the telly. You don't know what I'm going through. 982 01:16:35,876 --> 01:16:38,712 You've never once encouraged me, and now that I'm stuck, 983 01:16:38,737 --> 01:16:41,157 all you can do is sit here slagging me off? 984 01:16:41,217 --> 01:16:43,497 You ain't nothing but a prat, Lamont. 985 01:16:45,207 --> 01:16:47,399 Ah, for him fault. Move from me. 986 01:16:47,448 --> 01:16:49,352 Him want to play the white man, 987 01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:51,842 this is what goes on. - Sit down. 988 01:16:52,722 --> 01:16:55,027 What's wrong with you? I don't know. 989 01:16:55,607 --> 01:16:57,327 Stop talking foolishness. 990 01:16:58,727 --> 01:17:00,031 I'm just... 991 01:17:00,865 --> 01:17:03,105 Everything was great and now it's... 992 01:17:04,067 --> 01:17:05,283 now it's... 993 01:17:05,807 --> 01:17:07,283 What are you hitting me for? 994 01:17:07,308 --> 01:17:11,095 You getting more money for ten minutes' work than I earn in an entire week. 995 01:17:11,120 --> 01:17:13,566 You're paying the TV, the mortgage, 996 01:17:13,567 --> 01:17:15,886 the phone, buying clothes for them. 997 01:17:16,089 --> 01:17:18,126 You know how that make me feel? 998 01:17:18,620 --> 01:17:20,660 It make me feel worthless. 999 01:17:31,447 --> 01:17:33,542 I've got myself into this situation 1000 01:17:34,314 --> 01:17:36,714 and I don't know how to get myself out of it. 1001 01:17:38,847 --> 01:17:40,050 Daniel... 1002 01:17:41,034 --> 01:17:43,636 if even with all the money these people paying you, 1003 01:17:43,667 --> 01:17:45,422 you don't want to do this show, 1004 01:17:45,767 --> 01:17:47,367 just bowl 'em a googly. 1005 01:17:49,127 --> 01:17:50,646 Yes, man, bowl them a googly. 1006 01:17:50,682 --> 01:17:53,456 Them will soon surprise and mess up the whole something. 1007 01:18:04,887 --> 01:18:06,087 Come. 1008 01:18:14,028 --> 01:18:18,107 ♪ Cos when I'm paddlin' Madelin' home 1009 01:18:18,327 --> 01:18:21,647 ♪ Gee, when I'm paddlin' Madelin' home... 1010 01:18:23,527 --> 01:18:24,783 'Dear Danny, 1011 01:18:24,893 --> 01:18:27,580 'it has been brought to my attention that your behaviour has 1012 01:18:27,605 --> 01:18:30,764 'become increasingly erratic over the last few weeks. 1013 01:18:31,087 --> 01:18:35,066 'Stage management have reported drunkenness, a surly attitude 1014 01:18:35,091 --> 01:18:37,470 'and a lax approach to timekeeping. 1015 01:18:37,727 --> 01:18:39,647 'Consider this a warning.' 1016 01:19:05,367 --> 01:19:07,035 ♪ Paddlin' Madelin' 1017 01:19:07,087 --> 01:19:09,433 ♪ Sweet, sweet Madelin' 1018 01:19:09,487 --> 01:19:11,446 ♪ Paddlin' Madelin' 1019 01:19:11,473 --> 01:19:16,051 ♪ Paddlin' Madelin' home. 1020 01:19:28,207 --> 01:19:30,312 Ladies and gentlemen, 1021 01:19:30,647 --> 01:19:33,606 you may have seen some of these impressions before, 1022 01:19:33,675 --> 01:19:35,356 but not in colour. 1023 01:19:35,567 --> 01:19:37,536 From TV's New Faces, 1024 01:19:37,647 --> 01:19:39,887 it's Danny Fearon. 1025 01:20:00,407 --> 01:20:02,673 Thought I'd try something a bit different today, 1026 01:20:02,698 --> 01:20:04,017 ladies and gentlemen. 1027 01:20:04,387 --> 01:20:06,347 Bit of new material. 1028 01:20:10,404 --> 01:20:13,967 Old lady's down there going, "Shame you didn't find some new material 1029 01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:16,646 "to put over your meat and two veg, ya bastard." 1030 01:20:16,909 --> 01:20:19,389 Get him off there. Now. 1031 01:20:23,287 --> 01:20:24,927 Boom. 1032 01:20:36,087 --> 01:20:39,087 Two black guys in Mississippi - one of 'em says, 1033 01:20:39,155 --> 01:20:42,234 "Clarence, what would you do if you got a letter from the Ku Klux Klan 1034 01:20:42,265 --> 01:20:44,750 "sayin', 'Get the hell outta town, nigger, or else'?" 1035 01:20:44,911 --> 01:20:48,502 And Clarence says, "Leroy, I read that shit on the train." 1036 01:20:48,554 --> 01:20:49,846 How dare you. 1037 01:20:49,914 --> 01:20:52,836 How dare you bring this filth to my production? 1038 01:20:52,886 --> 01:20:54,549 Get him off my stage. 1039 01:20:57,372 --> 01:20:58,792 You black twat. 1040 01:20:58,940 --> 01:21:01,411 You are very much fired. 1041 01:21:01,583 --> 01:21:04,221 And you'll be hearing from my lawyers. 1042 01:21:04,253 --> 01:21:06,532 I just bowled y'all a googly. 1043 01:21:06,636 --> 01:21:09,396 Dad was right. Googlies rule. 1044 01:21:14,292 --> 01:21:16,492 Look, Jonesy... - Shut your mouth. 1045 01:21:21,222 --> 01:21:23,035 This is now null and void. 1046 01:21:23,516 --> 01:21:25,645 Broughton wants nothin' to do with you. 1047 01:21:25,669 --> 01:21:29,422 I want nothin' to do with you. 1048 01:21:31,849 --> 01:21:35,209 You can all piss off back to Jamaica and die, for all I care. 1049 01:21:49,454 --> 01:21:53,054 Seems to me, I shoulda shovelled his backside when I had me chance. 1050 01:21:55,701 --> 01:21:57,021 What happened to him? 1051 01:22:02,095 --> 01:22:03,695 What happened? 1052 01:22:04,345 --> 01:22:05,845 Turn it off. 1053 01:22:08,922 --> 01:22:12,082 Them sack you from show business an' you a dance? 1054 01:22:12,877 --> 01:22:14,476 You lost your mind from true? 1055 01:22:14,697 --> 01:22:17,189 How you going to live? - Why aren't you on my side? 1056 01:22:17,214 --> 01:22:19,253 Daniel, your manager gone. 1057 01:22:19,488 --> 01:22:23,602 Your girlfriend gone. Soon as that little bangarang realise 1058 01:22:23,627 --> 01:22:26,001 the golden goose gone, she flee. 1059 01:22:26,397 --> 01:22:29,923 Yu have to pick yourself up and go back out there 1060 01:22:29,948 --> 01:22:31,462 and do what you did before. 1061 01:22:31,487 --> 01:22:34,401 I'm not going to do that, Mum. This is what I am now, Mum. 1062 01:22:34,426 --> 01:22:37,282 Yes, a bumba claat idiot. 1063 01:22:37,307 --> 01:22:40,236 That is correct, my love, for five pounds, 1064 01:22:40,237 --> 01:22:42,716 live, right here on the Generation Game, 1065 01:22:42,875 --> 01:22:47,367 the correct answer from the grumpy Jamaican lady is... 1066 01:22:47,465 --> 01:22:50,329 "a bumba claat idiot". 1067 01:23:46,837 --> 01:23:50,237 I just wanted to say a few words about my... 1068 01:23:55,252 --> 01:23:56,852 about my dad. 1069 01:23:59,677 --> 01:24:03,125 I asked him once how he came to this country... 1070 01:24:04,310 --> 01:24:05,591 and he'd say, 1071 01:24:06,474 --> 01:24:09,712 "I come to Hinglan in, erm... 1072 01:24:14,516 --> 01:24:15,996 "a boat." 1073 01:24:17,159 --> 01:24:19,078 I remember when I was a kid 1074 01:24:19,312 --> 01:24:22,836 watching him dig out this old stubborn tree root in the back yard. 1075 01:24:23,077 --> 01:24:26,316 And he had his shirt off and he was all muscle. 1076 01:24:26,777 --> 01:24:28,189 I was in awe. 1077 01:24:29,288 --> 01:24:33,482 I asked him, "Dad, how come you've got all them muscles? 1078 01:24:33,530 --> 01:24:34,975 "Do you go to the gym?" 1079 01:24:35,124 --> 01:24:39,309 And he'd say, "Jamaican man don't need gym - 1080 01:24:39,981 --> 01:24:43,184 "we had slavery....cheaper." 1081 01:24:46,604 --> 01:24:48,244 He was a serious man. 1082 01:24:49,162 --> 01:24:50,538 He didn't dance. 1083 01:24:52,237 --> 01:24:55,077 He didn't tell jokes or sing. 1084 01:24:56,282 --> 01:24:58,441 He didn't hug or kiss, 1085 01:24:58,746 --> 01:25:00,626 or say "I love you". 1086 01:25:02,117 --> 01:25:03,996 Typical Jamaican father. 1087 01:25:04,218 --> 01:25:06,658 I remember I fell over in the street once, 1088 01:25:07,515 --> 01:25:09,384 right in the middle of the street. 1089 01:25:09,522 --> 01:25:12,397 And my dad was already on the other side of the road. 1090 01:25:12,779 --> 01:25:14,396 I said, "Daddy." 1091 01:25:14,842 --> 01:25:16,476 And I was bawlin'. 1092 01:25:16,787 --> 01:25:18,256 And he turned and he said, 1093 01:25:18,975 --> 01:25:24,077 "You stay there and bawl, 74 bus goin' run over yu claat." 1094 01:25:32,877 --> 01:25:36,717 Bustin' speech that was today, chap. Sound as a pound. 1095 01:25:38,181 --> 01:25:41,797 Look, I'm going to get more drinks. Same again? 1096 01:26:06,183 --> 01:26:07,836 You look good. 1097 01:26:08,621 --> 01:26:10,996 Are you trying to pull me at your dad's funeral? 1098 01:26:11,021 --> 01:26:12,271 No... No. 1099 01:26:12,310 --> 01:26:14,489 I was just... I was... 1100 01:26:14,615 --> 01:26:16,365 I loved the eulogy, Dan. 1101 01:26:17,223 --> 01:26:18,466 It was beautiful. 1102 01:26:19,394 --> 01:26:20,594 Funny and... 1103 01:26:21,597 --> 01:26:24,277 And heartfelt, and about something, you know? 1104 01:26:25,517 --> 01:26:27,167 It was about you... And... 1105 01:26:27,357 --> 01:26:28,792 about all of us. 1106 01:26:29,159 --> 01:26:31,719 Those stories about your dad... Brilliant. 1107 01:26:32,157 --> 01:26:34,241 I've got stories about the whole family, 1108 01:26:34,536 --> 01:26:37,236 loads of 'em, a lifetime's worth. 1109 01:26:38,277 --> 01:26:41,213 Brilliant. Maybe you should try them out somewhere. 1110 01:26:41,486 --> 01:26:43,338 I bet the audiences would love that. 1111 01:26:44,843 --> 01:26:47,405 Have you ever thought about, um... management? 1112 01:26:47,937 --> 01:26:49,836 Shut up and take a compliment. 1113 01:26:50,516 --> 01:26:53,054 I'm trying to pull you at your dad's funeral.