1 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,710 Hey, Amara, just wanted to say, 2 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,870 great job cleaning those grease traps. Spotless. 3 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:20,670 Kind of inspiring, really. 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,190 Thanks, mate. 5 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:24,950 Yeah, we are mates... 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,670 So, you up to much? 7 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,590 Besides cleaning grease traps? Mainly living the dream. 8 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:31,440 JOE LAUGHS 9 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,990 You know how, last week, you mentioned you liked boys in bands? 10 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,030 Well, by coincidence, 11 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,190 I've been learning the guitar. 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,630 Maybe you should come round mine and... 13 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:46,990 I could serenade you? 14 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,190 As mates. 15 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,750 Joe, you need to stop doing this. 16 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,910 Doing what? 17 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,630 Clumsily asking me out -- and then, when I inevitably say "no" -- 18 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,830 making this face. 19 00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,620 I don't do that. 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,870 I've got to go and stand over there. 21 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,670 Mate, that was the most brutal thing I've ever seen -- 22 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,150 and last night, I saw a YouTube of a bullfighter 23 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,510 getting gored in the dick. 24 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,310 Greetings, fellow chicken-nauts! 25 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,910 And are we ready to blast off into the atmosphere? 26 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:23,550 Or should I say "batter-mosphere"? 27 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,830 Er, point being, it's time for us to take "one giant leap"... 28 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,470 in terms of customer service. 29 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,710 What the hell you talking about, woman? 30 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,150 There's no customers to serve. 31 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,190 Good observation actually, Shontal -- 32 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,950 because we have been empty for both the Post-School Rush 33 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,030 and the 5pm Stoner Stampede... 34 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,350 Maybe it's to do with that? 35 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,430 Excuse me, coming through. I'm a chicken professional. 36 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,280 This is work, not pleasure, thank you. 37 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,670 Sorry, can I help you? 38 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,120 Hello! Mary Fawn, manager, Seriously Fried Chicken. 39 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,510 I come in peace -- 40 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,470 or should I say, ten PIECES... 41 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,060 of chicken. 42 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,950 It's an offering, manager to manager, 43 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,110 because, er... Well, I for one welcome healthy competition. 44 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:18,670 That's very kind. Um, but I'm sort of watching my figure. 45 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:19,990 Margot. 46 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,590 Mary Fawn, manager. 47 00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,150 Well, I think it's important 48 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,990 us chicken gals stick together, don't you? 49 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,230 God knows it can be lonely at the top. 50 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,710 I suppose. 51 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,030 Customers always complaining, 52 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,870 men won't go out with you, cos they're too intimidated... 53 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:40,030 You break down crying several times a day... 54 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,950 MARY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY 55 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,790 It's quite an operation you've got here! 56 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:46,350 Oh, we like to think so! 57 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,990 What brings you to Croydon? 58 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,150 - Oh, we saw a gap in the market. - Ha! 59 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,270 Not really a gap though, is there, with us just around the corner...? 60 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,920 I suppose I meant for proper food. 61 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,310 Oh sorry, that came out, er... 62 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,100 Well, you know. 63 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,120 I love... I love this healthy competition! 64 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,350 JOE CLUMSILY PLAYS GUITAR 65 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,720 ♪ And I will try to fix you. ♪ 66 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:25,070 So, when you making your next move? My suggestion... 67 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,550 - I didn't ask for one... - .. tell her you're terminally ill. 68 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,230 Girls love a charity case 69 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,150 and tears are a powerful lubricant, my friend. 70 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,590 OK, A -- that's the worst thing I've ever heard. 71 00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,830 And B -- I don't need any suggestions, 72 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,750 cos I'm giving up. 73 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,350 There's only so much humiliation I can take. 74 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,790 What? Mate, you can't give up. 75 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,670 It's like the time I tried to break my record for most wanks in a day. 76 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,390 Sure, I wanted to give up after the eighth one, 77 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,240 but I managed, through perseverance... 78 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,870 - .. and by putting a finger up... - Oh, please stop talking. 79 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,510 Hello, everyone. 80 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:04,790 Um, now you're probably all wondering why I've called you here... 81 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,150 - No. - Not really. - Couldn't give a shit. 82 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:12,510 Now, I want to address the Poulet situation head-on. 83 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,590 Now, I know that our recent lack of custom has been unsettling... 84 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,190 What? I'm loving it. 85 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,230 Give me more time to study my Mandarin. 86 00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:23,670 Why are you learning Chinese? 87 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,910 Why shouldn't I? 88 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,480 They're going to be the world's foremost superpower by 2020! 89 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,710 - OK... - No, what I mean is, Seriously Fried Chicken 90 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,830 shouldn't be afraid of a little healthy competition. 91 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,950 Mary's right, we shouldn't be afraid -- 92 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,750 we should be terrified. 93 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,510 This is an unprecedented threat on a colossal scale... 94 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,990 Thanks, Derek. 95 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:47,590 Well, I for one think that we can take on Poulet and win. 96 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,510 Yeah! Like, let's mess them up! 97 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,670 We could get one of their burgers, yeah, and fill it with pubes. 98 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,190 And then be like... [MUNCHES] 99 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,750 "Ugh! Whoa -- I didn't order pubic hair with this". 100 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,510 No, no, under no circumstances. 101 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,630 Come on, I've got a bag of mine right here... 102 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,430 Oh, God. I feel sick... 103 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,550 Why have you got them on you? 104 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:10,310 Be prepared, innit? Plus, I like to keep everything smooth down there. 105 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,030 Like a sea-lion. 106 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,830 There will be no need for such antics, thank you, Ed -- 107 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,510 because I, your manager, 108 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,470 will come up with a brilliant plan to bring customers back. 109 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,870 And what would that be, then, hm? 110 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:29,110 There are many, many possibilities. 111 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,680 So, for example... 112 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:37,390 .. Joe could play his guitar outside the shop to drum up business... 113 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,870 Oh, God, no. 114 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,990 .. by singing -- and I'm blue-skying here -- 115 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,030 a famous song, but with the lyrics changed 116 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,670 to be about Seriously Fried Chicken. 117 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:47,910 What would that even be? 118 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,910 Um, OK, so, for example, um... 119 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,550 something like, 120 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,990 ♪ Don't you wish your nuggets were nice like mine 121 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,840 ♪ Don't you wish your nuggets came with fries like mine. ♪ 122 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:05,390 But, I mean, obviously better than that. 123 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,110 ♪ Don't you wish your nuggets were nice like mine... ♪ 124 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,390 Chicken pricks! 125 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:13,110 ♪ Don't you wish your nuggets came with fries like mine 126 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,950 - ♪ Don't you. ♪ - Get a real job! 127 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,430 ♪ Don't you. ♪ 128 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,670 This is so embarrassing. 129 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,150 What? Them people are loving it! They keep chucking us coins. 130 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,310 No, they keep throwing coins at us. 131 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,790 Right, forget this. I'm going to pay a visit to those van wankers. 132 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:31,030 Let's just say things are about to get a bit hairy. 133 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,590 Definitely don't do that. 134 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,790 Too late -- the wheels are already in motion. 135 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:38,440 All right, little fellas? Now's your time to shine. 136 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,910 - Hey... - Please, don't hurt me! 137 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,110 Sorry, I thought you were going to throw coins at me 138 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:48,710 or call me a chicken prick. 139 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,030 That wouldn't get us off to a good start, would it? 140 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,550 I'm Jo Jo. I work at Poulet Etc. 141 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,750 Joe. Just the one. 142 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,550 Nice performance. I liked the bit about the nuggets. 143 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,270 [JOE LAUGHS] Yeah... 144 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,390 Guess I was going for that Jimi Hendrix-type vibe. 145 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:04,950 That came across. 146 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,670 I'd love to know if you have any gigs coming up. 147 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,520 Here's my number. 148 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,310 Your number? 149 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,030 For, like... 150 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,350 to call you with? 151 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:20,160 Unless you're not allowed to date girls from rival chicken shops? 152 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,160 Man, this Poulet burger is amazing! 153 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,310 All due respect, boss, 154 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,430 I'm not sure you appreciate the gravity of this situation. 155 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,430 I've seen it happen before. 156 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:39,430 When I were at Wimpy, we had a Burger King move in on our turf. 157 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:43,990 Our manager, Steve, he thought we could just stay chipper, 158 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,150 ride out the storm. 159 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,230 Two months later, we were out of business and Steve was dead. 160 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,430 Oh, my God -- what, he killed himself? 161 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,710 No, got hit by a tram. 162 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,470 Still, makes you think. 163 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,110 - Does it? - Look, Mary -- let's cut the crap. 164 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,990 I hate you and you hate me... 165 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,390 What? You... You hate me? 166 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:04,910 It's a figure of speech. 167 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:09,630 My point is, we'll only survive this Poulet Etc threat 168 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,590 if we work together. 169 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,240 Use me, Mary. 170 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,030 Let me be your tool. 171 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,680 Thanks, Derek. I appreciate that. 172 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,230 PHONE VIBRATES 173 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,030 Yes! 174 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,150 What's up? 175 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,390 Did you win your eBay bid on that Doctor Who duvet? 176 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,270 No, I've got a date tonight. 177 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,830 Oh, it's the 14th. 178 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,150 What? No, I didn't ask the date, I said I've got a date. 179 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:37,790 Sorry, I'm not following you. 180 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,510 I've got a date! 181 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,990 I'm having dinner with Jo Jo, from Poulet. 182 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,190 She's so great -- we really seem to get each other. 183 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,950 Oh. That's great, mate. 184 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,230 My advice? Treat her mean, keep her keen. 185 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,550 That's why, when I'm in a club, 186 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,510 I always introduce myself to ladies by saying... 187 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,700 "I'm going to kill you". 188 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,590 Works every time. 189 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,150 OK, that's less "advice" than "obvious bullshit". 190 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,390 Treat her mean, keep her keen. 191 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,630 If it ain't true, then how come it rhymes? 192 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,350 Yeah, exactly! 193 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:19,070 So, we haven't had a customer in the last 48 hours. 194 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,150 And I know that you lot -- 195 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:25,830 whose commitment to Seriously Fried Chicken inspires me every day -- 196 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,790 are crying out. And you're saying, 197 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:33,470 "Mary, please use your immense managerial talent to save our shop." 198 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,190 Well, fear no more, for I have heeded your call. 199 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,950 I present to you the ultimate weapon in the fight against Poulet -- 200 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,590 our very own hashtag! 201 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,110 I have been tweeting this bad boy all day. 202 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,750 And as soon as it starts, um, trending, 203 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,590 we will be flooded with hip, young... 204 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,470 What are "shit nuggets"? 205 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,110 Eh, I beg your pardon? 206 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,990 The sign -- "Seriously Fried Chicken shit nuggets". 207 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,590 No, er, no, cos it says "Seriously Fried Chicken's hit nuggets". 208 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,350 Because our nuggets are always such a hit. 209 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,510 They won't be, if you call them "shit nuggets". 210 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,430 Well, don't... I.... don't... er... 211 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,670 Stop saying that, cos it's not that. 212 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,790 It... Come on, this is the start of the fightback, guys. 213 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:18,510 This is Seriously Fried Chicken, united, taking a stand... 214 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:22,950 Mmm, God! It's like my mouth is having a lovely orgasm. 215 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,350 Ed, can you please not eat Poulet in here? 216 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,680 Sorry, boss. This is so much better than our shit nuggets. 217 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:33,990 Right, I'm off for my date. 218 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,440 My date I'm having with Jo Jo. 219 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,990 God, when's he going to stop banging on about "Jo Jo"? 220 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,240 Fact is, you've been bitten by the green-eyed monster. 221 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:49,350 Like I'd be jealous of someone desperate enough to go out with Joe. 222 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,600 That girl must be a state. 223 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,430 Hey, tiger. Ready to go? 224 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,230 Absolutely. 225 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,880 Wish me luck! 226 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,790 SHONTAL SPEAKS HER LANGUAGE 227 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,550 This place is great -- really unpretentious. 228 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,470 Yeah, I'm kind of a regular here. 229 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,630 Sometimes, instead of having a main, 230 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:19,790 I'll just get two kids' meals -- it's more food for less money. 231 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,640 That is so smart. 232 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,710 You know, I was nervous there'd be some kind of catch, 233 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,390 but I'm actually having a really good time. 234 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,980 I feel so comfortable around you. 235 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,640 Here you go, here's your bill. 236 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,750 Oh, out of cash. 237 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,310 I work in a chicken shop, so I'm pretty loaded. 238 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,030 No, it's fine, I'll take care of it. 239 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,070 Whoa... 240 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,550 Are you stealing? 241 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,710 Yeah. Do it all the time. 242 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,470 - What if she caught you? - Oh, I'm sure I could handle her. 243 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,920 I've been in loads of fights. 244 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,390 And on the way home, she started yelling at this poster of Ben Fogle. 245 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,030 I'm worried she might be kind of a psycho. 246 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,590 Yeah, a fit psycho. Well worth it, mate. 247 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,830 - I could be in danger! - I'll tell you what's in danger -- 248 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,950 your lad points, if you don't get with her. 249 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,950 Why do I tell you things? 250 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,870 I'm definitely not seeing Jo Jo again. 251 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,950 Oh, hey, Joe. Wow, looking good. 252 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,790 Have you been working out? 253 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,750 No. 254 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,070 But I did recently switch to drinking Diet Fanta... 255 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:45,220 Well, maybe we can get some Diet Fantas together some time. 256 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,390 - Yeah, boy! - What was that? 257 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,910 I seen this in a porn -- 258 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,750 now that you're taken, she's totally got the hots for you! 259 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,710 Come on, no. She once called me the sexual equivalent of cress. 260 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,870 Everyone knows being with a fit girl makes other girls fancy you. 261 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,830 That's basic maths. You got to keep seeing Jo Jo, make Amara jealous! 262 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:05,990 You think? 263 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,350 Mate, I take a keen interest in female psychology. 264 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,000 Why do you think I watch so much girl-on-girl, huh? 265 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,550 Mary, are you all right? 266 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,550 Mmm, absolutely, yes, why wouldn't I be? 267 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,670 Healthy competition, thrive on the stuff. 268 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:26,510 I haven't slept in 72 hours, but weak is for the sleep. 269 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,670 Right. It's just earlier, you did deep-fry your phone 270 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,660 and call me "Daddy". 271 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,160 May I confess something to you, Derek? 272 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,430 I'm afraid. 273 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,710 I haven't been this worried 274 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,710 since Gareth suggested I start sleeping in the bath. 275 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,870 I have been up all night brainstorming 276 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,460 and the best idea I've had is... 277 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,780 .. cat waiters. 278 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,110 Which means literally nothing. 279 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,390 I mean, yes, it would be cute, 280 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,190 but how are they going to carry the trays? 281 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,350 How are they going to deal with the complaints...? 282 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,950 - Permission to speak freely, boss? - Erm, permission granted. 283 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,590 The time for niceties is over. This is a street fight. 284 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,470 If you really want to beat these guys, 285 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,350 you've got to cover yourself in grease 286 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,030 and wrestle them naked to the ground. 287 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,990 I'm not sure that's how street fights work, but go on. 288 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:17,870 I took the liberty of acquiring this from young Edward's locker. 289 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:21,990 Let's say you "found" a couple of these bad boys in a Poulet burger. 290 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,350 Who'd be laughing then? 291 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:28,310 I can't. It would go against my every managerial principle. 292 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,560 You got any better ideas? 293 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,310 - Empty the till, now! - Shit! 294 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,830 I'm kidding! Just wanted to see how my boyfriend's doing. 295 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,280 Oh, OK... 296 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,270 - Boyfriend? - Yeah! 297 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:53,630 I mean, I assumed, what with dinner and holding hands, 298 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,790 and the theft... 299 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,830 I thought things were going really well. 300 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,480 Do you not want to go out with me? 301 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:04,190 Well... 302 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:08,070 Of course I do! Oh, hi, Amara, didn't see you there. 303 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,950 I don't really notice anything when I'm with my... 304 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,390 Love-Puffin. 305 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,780 Cool... 306 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,680 Toilet's overflowed. Derek wants you on mop duty. 307 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,470 I should get back to Poulet. 308 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,470 Can't afford to lose this job -- 309 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,830 they're like the only place that'll hire me, with my, 310 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,080 you know, criminal record. 311 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,950 Criminal record? 312 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,350 Oh, bit of attempted this, aggravated that... 313 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,680 Anyway, see you tonight, Love-Puffin. 314 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,790 Mary, hi! 315 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,310 Hi-ello! 316 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:55,510 Um, just thought I'd see how my fellow chicken gal was getting on. 317 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,430 I'm great, thanks. 318 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,190 We just had some lovely reviews in. 319 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,870 Croydon Foodie said we're "transcendent". 320 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:07,150 Gosh. They called us "A threat to public health". 321 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,190 I mean, since when have two rats been an "infestation"? 322 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,110 Um, I'd like a burger, please. 323 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,950 Just thought I'd check out the competition. 324 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,310 Amazing! You should so try our Sardinian Chicken Surprise. 325 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,230 Yes, I think we'll both be surprised... 326 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,350 How much do I owe you? 327 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,310 Hey, it's on the house. Manager-to-manager. 328 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,200 No, I think that I should pay for... 329 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,040 Hey, what's that? 330 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:39,910 That... 331 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,070 Those.... 332 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,860 They're spices. 333 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:49,030 Mysterious spices, from the Orient. 334 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:50,510 Cool! Can I have a taste? 335 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,350 No, I'd really rather that you didn't. 336 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,430 - Come on! I promise we won't steal your recipe... - No! 337 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,710 Oh! God, sorry! 338 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,600 Er... are you OK? 339 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,030 Fine. 340 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,440 Just got some oriental spices on me, is all... 341 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,240 I might go and wash them off. 342 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,840 Quite a lot went in my mouth. 343 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,670 Hey, man. Check out this sweet hat. 344 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,590 Poulet gives you one for free when you have your 20th burger! 345 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:29,670 - But they've only been open for three days. - Yeah, I know. 346 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,950 How's the love life? 347 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,390 Er, Jo Jo is a bit... terrifying. 348 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:35,950 I reckon I should break it off. 349 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,990 What about if she breaks it off? 350 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,630 I'm talking about your dick. 351 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,590 Yeah, maybe do that less? 352 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,750 Mate, you can't give up on the jealousy plan. 353 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,230 You've nearly got Amara exactly where you want her -- 354 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,790 in bed with you. 355 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,510 She did say I look less spindly than usual. 356 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,760 I should go speak to her. 357 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:58,070 Oh, hi. Jo Jo, isn't it? 358 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,750 I'm Amara. 359 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,870 This area's kind of employees only... 360 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,110 Oops, sorry. 361 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,710 It's always a pain when someone goes where they're not allowed. 362 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,270 By the way, what's the deal with you and Joe? 363 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,150 Joe? 364 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,000 We're just mates. 365 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,390 Feels like there's a vibe between you guys. Am I crazy? 366 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,190 Trust me, you've got nothing to worry about. 367 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,710 That's a relief. 368 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,710 Because if you did try anything, 369 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,790 I'd have to wait in the car park after dark 370 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,430 and slash your Achilles tendons. 371 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,880 - LAUGHTER - I'm not joking. 372 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,500 You don't want to find out what I'm willing to do. 373 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,990 Boss, are you sure you should be having all them Lambrinis? 374 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,150 This is my darkest hour, Derek. 375 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,150 No customers, 376 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,340 haven't slept in days... 377 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,110 Also, I keep finding Ed's pubic hairs down my collar. 378 00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,390 MARY SOBS 379 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,070 Hey, hey, hey, don't cry. 380 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,320 Makes you look grotesque. 381 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,590 Perhaps I should just accept defeat. 382 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,870 You mustn't give up. 383 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,070 That's not the Mary Stamatopoulos I know. 384 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,060 My surname's "Fawn". 385 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,990 Well, it doesn't matter. All that matters is this place. These people. 386 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:27,190 Think -- what does Seriously Fried Chicken have 387 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,380 that Poulet never could? 388 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,670 A patch of mould that looks like Wayne Rooney? 389 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:37,110 No! A manager who loves it more than anything in the world. 390 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,670 And, as much as I hate you... 391 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,950 You hate me? 392 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,110 Figure of speech. 393 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,960 .. I know that you can take on these monsters and win! 394 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,350 You're right. 395 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,310 You're right! 396 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:54,670 I may have taken some knocks this week. 397 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:59,070 I may have even stooped to attempting pubic sabotage, 398 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:04,550 but perhaps that's just what Mary Fawn needed 399 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:09,110 in order to come up with the most ingenious management idea 400 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,100 anyone has ever had! 401 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,760 Hi. 402 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,230 I couldn't believe the news when I heard it, 403 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,510 just within this last hour... 404 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,510 Thank you. 405 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,960 The police think it was arson. 406 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,860 I mean, who could have done this? 407 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,520 Probably the young toughs that frequent the area. 408 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,150 Yeah, that's who it will have been. 409 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,600 Those aforementioned youngs... 410 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,920 JOE PLAYS GUITAR 411 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,070 - Hey, mate. What's up? - Nothing. 412 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:04,790 Just having a nice, non-sexual conversation with my co-worker. 413 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,150 Everyone can see that! 414 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,950 - Hello. - Ah! 415 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,670 I mean, "Ace, it's my Love-Puffin". 416 00:21:13,120 --> 00:21:14,470 I'm sorry your job burnt down. 417 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,720 It's probs for the best -- I was taking a lot from the register. 418 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,190 What were you and Amara talking about? 419 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,110 What? Oh, nothing. 420 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,870 Don't ever betray me. 421 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,080 Yeah, no, I won't be doing that. 422 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,470 Oh, God, I've made a huge mistake. 423 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,430 What's this about huge mistake? I haven't made a huge mistake. 424 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,630 No-one will ever know who burned down Poulet. 425 00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,830 I mean, anyone could have gone mad on Lambrini 426 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,630 and sleep deprivation and done something rash around 3am... 427 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:05,390 I was talking about Jo Jo. Mary, did you burn down the van? 428 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,270 [MARY GIGGLES] No! 429 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,430 That is just about the most ridiculous... 430 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,150 - Please don't tell anyone. - What? 431 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,510 Oh, my God, they've come to take me away. 432 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,910 I'm not made for prison. I mean, which gang should I join? 433 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,950 Just act normal, OK? 434 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,670 Um, Miss Fawn? I'm PC Hughes. 435 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,470 I'm making some informal enquiries into last night's incident 436 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,230 involving the Poulet Etc van. 437 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,550 Va... V-v-an...? Van... 438 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,000 We've all seen a van. [NERVOUS GIGGLE] 439 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:46,510 I have a... disorder of the sweat glands. 440 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,360 It's like crying with your whole skin. 441 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,430 I demand a lawyer! 442 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,280 As I say, this is an informal enquiry. 443 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,190 Is there something you want to tell me? 444 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,870 Well, I... 445 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,190 That is to say... 446 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,030 I... 447 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,790 Actually, officer... This is hard to say, 448 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,910 but one of their staff -- Jo Jo, I think her name is -- 449 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,430 has, like, prior convictions. 450 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,710 You might want to talk to her. 451 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,100 That's a serious accusation. 452 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,120 Are you sure? 453 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,040 Yes. Yes, I am. 454 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,030 Thanks for your help. 455 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,680 And I really would get that sweat thing checked out. 456 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,710 Thank you, Joe. 457 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,710 Don't mention it. 458 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,300 Like, literally don't mention it. 459 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,390 - ALARM BEEPS - Ah, 11am -- 460 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,790 time for my first double Poulet burger of the day! 461 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,630 Wait, have you not heard? 462 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:52,990 Their van got torched. 463 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,310 What? 464 00:23:55,200 --> 00:24:00,040 NO! 465 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:05,440 WHY?! 466 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,510 You can have one of ours. 467 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,760 Yeah, actually, I prefer these anyway. Cheers. 468 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,230 Thank you very much. Cheers. 469 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,590 - Mary, hello! - Oh, hi. 470 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,550 Um, I just came to see if I could be of any help, really. 471 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,030 Us chicken gals got to stick together. 472 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,190 That's sweet, but really, I'm fine. 473 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,310 Just talked to the insurance people -- 474 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,590 turns out we're getting a fortune. 475 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:35,550 Enough to move to a permanent location in a much better area. 476 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:39,230 In a way, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. 477 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,430 - Oh, right. Well, I'm glad... - Gavin! - CAR HORN BEEPS 478 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,270 There's Gavin, my husband. 479 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,310 He's just back from his medical conference 480 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,190 and now, we're going for a five-star spa weekend. 481 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:52,910 Mary, it's been really interesting, meeting you. 482 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,030 Best of luck with KFC. 483 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:10,760 I won... 484 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,910 I always knew they'd be back. 485 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:23,230 I guess Poulet couldn't handle a bit of healthy competition. 486 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:27,310 Or should I say, they couldn't take the heat! 487 00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,560 You definitely shouldn't. 488 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,990 So, I broke up with Jo Jo. 489 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,670 - How did she take it? - Not great, no. 490 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,310 But it's fine, cos she's under house arrest now, 491 00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:47,070 so she can only stab me to death 492 00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:49,990 if I'm within 30 metres of her property. 493 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,500 Nice work, Casanova. 494 00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:55,150 Would you still be up for getting that drink? 495 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,310 Obviously not. 496 00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,440 Right. Yeah, of course.