You know, I've got
five weeks until the ESPYs.
Scared to death of that.
What are you most nervous about?
My family.
That's the tough part.
I want them to be proud of their daddy.
We want to support you and be there for you,
but we don't think that that entails you
speaking negatively about my mom.
Let's not drag my mom through the mud.
I would think you would come from a place of more compassion,
especially when you have two young daughters
who are greatly affected by it.
You said
Kendall and Kylie were a distraction,
and that's the most unfair thing in the world to say.
You could have had a little bit more respect,
- but I think... - Don't... don't go...
I can see where you're trying to go here.
Don't go there.
You're losing your family.
I feel so much pressure giving this speech.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Caitlyn Jenner.
Kris is coming over.
I have not seen her, talked to her...
months and months and months.
- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
Jen Rade is coming over.
She's the stylist who's gonna help me dress for the ESPYs.
The bottom line is I really need a professional
to kind of coordinate everything.
And actually, she does Angelina Jolie,
and I just love her look.
Uh, very casual, very elegant. She, um...
So, dying to meet her.
- Hello there. How are you? - Hi. Oh, my gosh.
Did you bring your own drink?
Could you be more tall and gorgeous?
Oh, thank you, baby. How are you?
Thanks for coming out.
Come on, let's go in the bedroom, and let's talk first.
That's my favorite words: Let's go in the bedroom.
- Here we go. - Yes.
- Well, here we go for now. - Oh, my gosh, you have a great closet.
Every one of these is so pretty.
I mean, I was thinking, like, oh, my gosh,
I want to go shopping for you, but this is
- beautiful. - You like that?
This actually works quite well with a great belt.
Love.
- Fabulous. - And they're all just...
I'm just really getting a sense of easy classics.
- Yes. - Little bit of a hippie in you.
A little bit, yeah. More like a little bit, you know...
- product of the '60s and '70s. - Yeah, I get it.
- I've been there. - Uh-huh.
Because I like just kind of blending in.
- Um... - Uh, I think it's a little late for that.
- You think so? - Yeah. Just FYI, little pause...
I think we've, yeah, we've leaped over that hurdle already.
Okay, we've passed that point. Okay.
The big issue I have with the shoes is...
Okay?
That makes me about six-nine.
So?
Now, these...
I don't need any more heel than that.
That's, like, are you at max heel
- for your... for comfort of height? - Yeah.
See how tall I am?
- It feels good. - Let's discuss this.
- Okay. - Kind of where we're at.
- All right? - Yes.
Um...
now, the next big thing
- is the ESPN ESPY Awards. - Yeah.
The ESPYs are held every year to honor the world's
greatest athletes and other sports-related achievements.
This year,
I'm getting the ESPY Arthur Ashe Award for Courage.
Uh, I've tried to come up...
we've been going around on styles, what we want to do,
but all those things have to be coordinated.
What is your level of, um...
skill walking in heels?
- I'm a professional. - Okay.
- So you're good with a high heel. - I've been doing it a long time, girl.
- But for something... - I'm terrible, I'm terrible.
Something like that, I wouldn't go too high,
something that's too difficult, 'cause you want to be...
Yes. Go on the safe side.
- Yes. On the safe side, absolutely. - That's a stylist's nightmare.
My heart will be pounding no matter what I do.
- It probably will be. - Yeah, it will be.
I'm basically going in during the commercial break,
'cause I'm not gonna do the red carpet,
- I'm not gonna do any of that. - Oh.
- Okay, that was gonna be my next question. - Okay, because,
uh, I don't want to be out in the media
- where they're asking me stupid questions. - Yeah.
So basically, I'm walking out, I'm sitting down.
After the commercial break, we do...
the thing. I get up,
I give my presentation, and then I
go out the back door and back over to the hotel.
- Right. - Okay?
So all they'll have is that image
- on stage. - Right, and that'll be more powerful,
- it'll go further because it'll be all they have. - I can control my message.
Yeah, it'll be all they have to work with.
It should really just be about you having fun
and doing it for yourself and not to impress a bunch of people.
Yeah, yeah. I have never been in a position
of having a speech, like, at the ESPYs
that's right in front of all of my peers.
Biggest pressure thing I've ever done.
- Is it? That's the biggest pressure thing? - Probably. Yes, yes.
After everything I've done in my life,
yeah, this is probably the... Yeah.
All I got to do is get through it.
Hey.
- Hi. - You're out of here soon?
- Yes. - Aw.
Where's... where's Caitlyn?
- I think she's in the closet. - Oh. Okay.
- Caitlyn. - Yeah?
We need to fill this out.
Mm-hmm.
This is the club.
How are they gonna feel about...
- Caitlyn. - Yeah.
- This name thing is, like, gonna drive me crazy. - No, I know.
Mm-hmm.
- All right, so you're... it's Bruce. - One place you're Bruce,
the other place you're Caitlyn.
What are we gonna do about your locker room?
Could it be any more complicated?!
No. That's Sherwood...
we're still doing the old Bruce thing.
But I don't understand why you're putting "Bruce" down
as opposed to "Caitlyn."
I mean, really?
My membership is under "Bruce."
My little Sherwood is down
for construction on the golf course,
and it'll be down for a long time,
and there is another golf course at Sherwood...
a par three course, actually... but you have...
have to join that one.
It's, like, separate from the main club.
Why can't you go in fresh as Caitlyn?
Because it's just not gonna work.
What are you gonna do, wear your... wear your hoodie
- and pretend it's not... - Probably. Yeah.
And then once I get out on the course, I'll take that off.
Are you gonna wear a skirt or shorts, or are you...
No, no, no, no, no. Not right now... I just... just want
to get in to do the thing.
Okay.
So let's just put "Bruce" down. It's fine.
All right, I'm just saying it doesn't make any sense
to me, 'cause everyone's gonna know that you're Caitlyn
- and then it's gonna be more confusing. - I don't have to worry about
locker rooms and all that crap right now, which I don't want to
worry about. I'll worry about the locker rooms later on
- down the line. - I... I understand, but
everyone's going to know that you're Caitlyn.
I know, I know, I know, but...
And then they're gonna be like, "Well, I don't want Caitlyn in my locker room."
I know, I know, I know.
Well, that... we'll deal with all those issues down the way.
I'm joining a...
- We have a par three course at the club. - Right.
And so I'm getting ready to sign the little application,
since the big course is gonna be down for nine months.
Uh, so I go and join...
I don't know what to say.
How do I write my name?
What do you mean, how do you write your name?
Is it Bruce?
Well, you... It's Caitlyn.
Well, I know that, but,
uh, to the club, it's a different deal.
When it comes to the club,
honestly, it's not easy for me, okay?
These are all the people... I was there basically every day.
It's a very conservative club,
so I have no idea how the members are feeling towards my issue.
What are they gonna do with my locker?
- Is it going upstairs to the ladies' locker room? - Well, it's going to.
- It has to. - But I'm wondering...
I know... but I'm wondering,
like, these older ladies that, you know,
in their 70s and 80s,
going, "Uh... why is he in here?"
Our transitions affect different people
in different ways, and it's not about what they think,
it's about how you feel, because you're living your life.
They'll get over it.
You can't play both sides of the fence anymore.
You're way beyond that. Come on.
There's no excuse... just sign your name as Caitlyn
from now on and move on.
- Come on, honey! - A new day,
- a new adventure. - Yes.
- We get to see Chandi today. - I know.
That's good.
Chandi has a program
at Children's Hospital called Blush.
They help gender-nonconforming youth.
Hi!
I'm so excited to meet this group of kids
that she works with.
We do get into heavy discussions, you know. We lay it
all on the line.
'Cause that's the only way they'll work it out.
- Yeah. I like that. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Let's go meet them. - Let's go.
In our support group,
we talk about all the different struggles,
um, that they go through,
and we make sure that they're doing the things that they need to do
to get themselves to the next level.
Some of them need that love,
because the love that they've received at home
wasn't any. It was, "Get out."
Let's welcome our special guest.
Oh, my God, there's that many?
Hello, everybody!
Look at this group.
I just have to say one thing.
- I love Chandi. - Oh.
So do we.
She has taught me so much,
and so you're very lucky to have her in your life.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
Where do you go from there, right?
Yeah, where do you go, where do you go?
I guess what we're gonna get started talking about is:
who in the group
has had their names changed,
and how was that process for you?
For the papers to be filed, it took me, like, two weeks here,
and then to wait for a court date,
it can take them, like, a year, year and a half.
Some people are still waiting.
So how has it been for
those of you who have your I.D. not matching
who you are? Jessica?
With volunteering and working,
sometimes it can get a little bit intimidating.
Do you put your legal name on the application,
and then they're expecting something else.
They see "Jason," but then they see "Jessica."
It's like, "What?"
So they don't really understand.
Okay. There are still many obstacles in our community
with having your I.D. match your authentic self.
Luckily there have been some laws that have passed recently
that allow less paperwork,
but getting a court date,
it's, like, a year. So it kind of makes that situation
a little harder.
So what about your I.D. not matching at the time of traffic stops?
I'm sure we have plenty of stories about that one.
When I interact with the police, they're...
they're pretty cool to me all the way up until
they ask me my legal name,
'cause I haven't gotten that changed yet.
And then, all of a sudden,
they just keep calling me "ma'am." Like,
"Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, miss, ma'am."
Like, do I look like a ma'am?
And then I get all those messed-up questions.
Like, you don't need to know what...
what I have underneath my clothes.
_
I met this guy and he ended up getting stopped
because he had a car and, um,
his license... he had the paper license, so they stopped him.
And then they asked me for my I.D.
And then it was like, "Oh, she's a (bleep)."
You know, it stopped being about the traffic thing
and then it turned... all... all their attention turned to me.
They were laughing, they asked me, like,
how much did my implants cost,
how much did my wig cost, do I still have my (bleep).
Did you put a complaint, sweetheart, on that?
- 'Cause you know you could. - Totally.
Actually, I did, but it never went anywhere.
I don't know about everybody, but for me it's very difficult.
Um, some people are very cruel, not accepting.
Some people look at me as a human.
And then some other people look at me as an animal.
Thank you for your openness.
Um, uh, it's... it's extremely important that we're heard.
We're heard.
And that's what it's all about, you know?
That we're just part of society.
We're people.
It makes me so sad
to see what these kids have gone through.
Um, been harassed by police
or not just being able to get a job that they want
because their I.D. doesn't match who they really are.
This really puts my personal challenges into perspective.
I want to learn from that,
so we can change things in the future.
I hope I can use my life and my resources
to make it easier on the next generation.
I just want to say thank you so much for the work that you're doing.
You know, it's reaching a lot of people and I never thought,
in a million years, that my father would, uh, reach out to me.
And he sent me an e-mail a few days ago, and
he wants to... he told me he wants to get to know me as Holly.
And that's such a big deal to me, so thank you so much.
- I never thought it would happen. - Thank you.
That means so much to me.
You know, you are the future,
you are the example, and
you being in that position, you need to be showing others
the journey that they could have.
- And thank you for your time. - Yeah.
I certainly appreciate it.
And we say thank you for everybody
coming to group being on time today.
Yay!
My speech for the ESPYs...
I really know, pretty much, what I want to say.
Like, it's five minutes, right?
Yeah, it's five to six minutes, yeah.
Do you want to read it out loud?
I don't know, but I've had enough.
Oh, my God, the drama.
I'll just hand it off to you. You got this.
I'm here to help you.
- To coach me through this. - I'll help you.
I have to practically memorize that speech.
For me, it's never been easy on a teleprompter.
I was a dyslexic kid...
my biggest fear in life was to go to school,
'cause I was afraid I was gonna have to read in front of the class.
But I've got such a short amount of time to get it right.
I've got to stick to the teleprompter.
I just have to do it.
Oh, God.
Ladies and gentlemen, Caitlyn Jenner.
I'm standing there
in front of my peers.
I feel so unbelievably vulnerable.
- Hello? - Kris is coming over
- in, like, a half hour. - How do you feel?
Uh, a lot of anxiety.
Hey.
Hey, there you are.
Yeah, I just got off the golf course.
Tough life, sis.
Uh, did you talk to Mom today?
- Uh, this morning, yes. - I talked to her.
She still thinks she can make it to the ESPYs.
Break her hip and still come down here.
What an ornery old girl.
- She is. - She is.
- She's a tough... she's a tough cookie. - She really is, yeah.
Little fighter.
Of course, right here, before the ESPYs,
my mother breaks her hip.
One problem after the next.
If she can't make it,
it would be devastating, because she's
obviously been very important in my life.
And I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her.
We'll know more today,
because she's going into a rehab facility.
She's coming down... I'm just,
you know, wondering if she's gonna make it or what.
I know, I know.
- She really wants to go. - I know, I know.
- Hi! How are you? - Hello!
You made it. Do you look so nice, babe?
- You look gorgeous. - Oh, same to you.
- How are you? - Good, thank you.
- Good to see you. - How are you?
- Good to see you. - Great to see you.
Have a seat.
So, the big one.
- Name change. - Oh, yeah.
- Yes, and... - Name and gender change.
- And I'm, like...
very confused about the whole thing, and I
have no idea where to start, what to do,
but we need to get the ball rolling.
- Yes. - Yeah.
You know, you have to go through the court-ordered process,
which has been streamlined a bit. Before, uh,
you had to have
gender confirmation surgery
before you could change your gender marker.
Um, there was advocacy done to change that,
and now you just have to have clinically appropriate treatment
- to change your gender marker. - Now, are you speaking
just for California, or for
- most of the United States? - This is just California.
- Wow. - Each state has its own regulations.
Which is something, I think,
in the future, we should all work on and try and get changed.
It should just be the same across the board.
- So we're in the right state? - We're in the right state...
this is one of the best states to be in for transgender people.
There's lots of protection.
After hearing all the struggles that people go through
because they don't have the proper documentation,
I realize that I should be a little bit more aggressive
in dealing with this issue of my identity.
I think it's time to get that process started.
I brought the forms to go over them,
- to sort of explain to you what the forms are. - Okay.
There's about a dozen of them... in total, it's about
18 forms, 'cause some of them have a couple of pages.
It seems kind of fun.
- Yeah. - I mean, to me.
- It's, like, it's kind of exciting. - Oh, yeah.
Um, I brought you an overview of, uh, what it means to change
your, uh, identity through the court
and then what the process is for changing all of your I.D.s.
Um, what does it mean?
So it... Okay.
It means that the court is now legally recognizing you
in your new identity and that that is your identity
in all states. Once that's done,
you can go in and pick up your decree.
- Then you go to the Social Security office. - That's the golden ticket.
- That's the golden ticket right there. - Baby, right there,
- that's what we're looking for. - Okay? That's the golden ticket.
When I finally was able to do my
court-ordered name and gender change, it was like a birthday,
you know. It was like, "Woo-hoo, I'm born!"
Like, yay, I'm finally here.
This is me. Like, look. I was happy;
I wanted to show my I.D. to everyone.
Up until then, it felt like a lie for so many of us.
- You're ready. - Yeah.
Yeah, we'll start the process.
Yay, I'm so happy.
All right, and thank you for bringing these out.
- We'll get them filled out and get them back to you. - Yes, let's do it.
Yeah, no, I think this is gonna be fun.
- I know. I know. - It's gonna be fun.
- It's gonna be really, really fun. - I know.
Have you guys been waiting long?
Yes.
- Have we been waiting? - Come on in.
- Watch your fingers. - There we go,
there we go, there we go.
- Hey! - Aw, yay!
- I don't believe I got here. - You made it, Mom!
- Lisa's back. - How you doing?
Samantha's here for the first time.
I know. It's beautiful here.
I know. It is nice. Come on in.
- Hello. - Good.
Last time, I was quite apprehensive.
I know we were curious.
There you are.
Now, everybody, it's okay.
I thought you were gonna look more like me.
Oh, sister.
I have been s...
always so very proud of my brother Bruce.
But I can't tell you, uh,
how proud I am now of my sister Caitlyn... even more so.
Even more so.
- Come on, sisses. - All right. Ooh-hoo.
This life that you've had
is just so extraordinary,
you know? It really is, you know?
That you... you went and accomplished that goal,
and then now, um, the things that you're doing.
- And this is so much bigger, I think. - It's so much bigger.
- It is. - People die over this issue.
- Nobody was dying over the Games. - No.
It was just the Games.
This is a serious issue that affects a lot of people,
a lot more than you think.
Well, how is it gonna feel tomorrow night among...
- "your peers"? - My peers?
- Other athletes. - I think it'll be very good.
Um, it's a tough place to have your first public appearance,
- to say the least. - I would think so.
Let's just go right out in front of your
peers and your friends and people I know
and stand up there and
- tell your story. - Are you getting nervous?
I feel so much pressure giving this speech,
on a subject that I know very well,
but have never, ever talked about it in public.
How's the speech coming along?
_
- _ - _
_
Yay!
But it's so, so important that I get it right...
so important for me
to represent myself well,
so important for this community,
so important for the public,
and also so important of where I'm saying these words.
It'll be really tough to get through.
Is Kris gonna be there?
No.
I didn't invite her. She hasn't called me, talked to me.
Yeah, I've called her a couple times, but not many, you know?
Okay.
It is what it is.
With Kris and I,
I don't think she realized it would come to this.
How is she?
I don't know.
- She doesn't talk. - You haven't talked to her.
Yeah.
Honestly, I don't think I've been ready
for the big "Kris"
meeting and talk.
You know, we did have a lot of great times.
And so, for the kids, Kendall and Kylie, I don't want tension.
It is really very, very difficult.
Hi. I love it.
How are all my girls?
How you doing? Good to see you.
You all... you all get to meet my mother.
Oh, my goodness. Mwah.
Look at you. Do you got any clothes on?
Really. It's... We see through all of that...
No, it's nude. It's nude. It's... it's fully...
- it's fully covered, honey. - Oh, my God, Mom.
- Look who is here. - My mom,
she really felt a need to come down here, and
it makes me feel good that it's that important to her
for her to be here to show her support.
And I feel like my mom has to meet the other girls.
Hi, Mom.
- Nice to meet you. - This is Chandi.
Nice to meet you. I can't turn around.
- Yeah. - I'm coming over here.
Come on over here.
- Okay, Candis, you're a... a new friend of Bruce's? - Yeah. Yeah.
- It's all new to me. - Yeah.
The hard thing is going to be...
- Pronouns. - Pronouns.
I never thought the day would come that actually
I would be with my two sisters, a bunch of trans women,
and my 89-year-old mother, and everybody having a good time.
I'm having a good time, so...
Yeah, it's just... it's just a good, comfortable feeling.
How long has Candis come forward with her...
- Transition. - Transition, yeah.
- When did you... go full-time? - Uh, in '95?
20 years ago.
When did you realize that you felt differently about yourself?
Well, I always felt different.
Um, probably, like, around the age of 23,
I started taking hormones, and, um,
I decided to do it all the time.
I got so much to learn.
Oh!
I think for the first half of our lives, our parents teach us,
- and then we teach our parents. - That's very true.
It's gonna be quite a night, isn't it?
What are you wearing for the ESPYs?
Purplish fuchsia.
Candis's designer made me a dress.
What are you wearing, Esther? Do you have an outfit?
You know, I have an old dress. I got it. Tomorrow, I got to find
some thigh-high stockings.
And those thigh-highs, I've had them before,
and sometimes they slip.
- They do, but they're sexy. - Yeah.
- Yeah. But I'm not... I mean, I...
Mom doesn't need that... she's had enough men in her life.
- What do you mean? - Oh, God.
♪ Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Today's the big day. It's time for the ESPYs.
I'm exc... Actually, I'm very excited about this.
All right, I'm out of here. Hiding in the back.
My whole family's going to be there, right by my side,
but I really wonder what the reaction is going to be.
Actually, this is quite comfortable.
You've got a pillow.
I've got my little pillow.
Hi, everybody. Um, I'm here with Chandi.
We just went through the little red carpet,
and, um, we're super excited to see Cait.
This is going to be such a historical moment,
and Candis felt like I needed my own staple ESPY dress,
and that just meant the world to me.
Wow. Yes, I am living.
Let me give you triple hugs. Triple, triple, triple.
I told my mom, "I didn't make it to the ESPYs playing football,
but I made it, girl." I just don't know what to say.
Having someone do something nice for me
is just so touching, really.
Thank you.
It's gonna be fun. I'm excited.
It's monumental.
I got it real straight here. Yeah.
Here I am,
getting real close to it.
Donatella Versace sent this fabulous Versace gown.
But I feel so much pressure giving this speech.
Uh, I... I hope the reception is good.
Um, I hope that I say the... all the right things.
And I hope that, uh, most importantly,
my kids are proud of me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the courageous, the stunning
Caitlyn Jenner.
I'm standing there,
all Caitlyn, totally out.
I feel...
so unbelievably vulnerable.
I'd like to thank my family.
The biggest fear I've always had in coming out
is I never wanted to hurt anyone else.
Most of all...
my family and my kids.
I always wanted my children to be so proud of their dad.
Love you very much.
I'm so glad you're here to share this with me.
If you want to call me names, make jokes,
doubt my intentions, go ahead.
Because the reality is:
I can take it.
But for the thousands of kids out there
coming to terms with being true to who they are,
they shouldn't have to take it.
Thank you so much for this honor.
Thank you.
The ESPYs are over, and it was good.
What an enormous amount of weight off my shoulders.
I think I made all my points I wanted to make,
um, because this is bigger than just me. This is about this community
and the fight that we have to constantly have,
uh, with the media, with the public,
for understanding.
Family support is everything.
You have to have that structure below you
to get to the next level.
Kris and I still haven't spoken.
I mean, she's been there for me for the last 25 years,
you know, at all the big events. And she wasn't there.
To be honest with you, that makes me sad.
You know, in this whole...
transition thing, Kris and I really have not talked.
We haven't spent any time together
in, really, the last year.
Honestly, I don't think I've been ready for the big "Kris"
meeting and talk, but...
You know, that'll be a tough day.
Oh, boy, we got designers. How are you?
Hi. How are you? Mary Ta. Nice to meet you.
- Mary, nice to meet you. - Hi, Seth.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. Come on in.
Here we are.
Uh, this is all furniture, actually, I had
- from the other house. - Okay.
When I bought this house,
it was the first time that I bought my own home.
In fact, Kris bought one house
that I didn't even see until after she bought it.
Here's the main area that Kris designed.
Kris used to take care of all of this... the furniture, the rugs,
- the paint, the colors. - We got this.
- What colors? - That's the $60 million question.
I have actually never decorated one.
- We are Lori Margolis Interiors. - Right.
We're gonna show you what your home
- could possibly look like. - I love the colors on that.
I have no idea where to start.
- Caitlyn. Nice to see you. - Nice to see you, Caitlyn.
Let's talk houses.
I think once we know what we're doing in the living room,
then we can sort of let that influence our decisions
- out here. - 'Cause this is...
'Cause it's gonna be more cohesive.
I mean, that's what it's all about, living in California.
To me, this process is really interesting.
Well, thank you very much.
Actually, I'm very excited to express myself in this way
for the first time in my life.
Welcome to Shine by S.H.O.
We've got a lot of glamorous options for you.
Good. I think I'm gonna learn a lot about myself.
- Of course, Candis? - Yeah.
- Get the other side. - Okay, ladies.
- Picture time! Oh, yes! - What do you think?
It's comfortable.
Comfortable. It is.
Yeah. I think we could do this.
Kris and I right now... uh, I learn more about her
by reading stuff online.
When Kris and I separated, it was as much,
uh, her idea as it was mine.
And we mutually decided to go our separate directions.
She went out and found a house for me.
She went out and decorated that house for me.
She was ready for me to get out of that place, you know?
It's been tough. You know, I feel bad about it.
Um, you know, 'cause we've always wanted...
It's so important.
I've always wanted to keep a good relationship with her
because of the kids.
And I think it just creates more tension
if we are showing tension.
It puts the kids...
especially Kendall and Kylie... in a real tough
situation, so, um...
Hey, I don't know. Maybe it's time...
to kind of reach out to her,
give her a call.
Uh...
Come on.
Maybe she's not answering my phone.
I'm sorry. The person you are trying to reach
has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet.
Please try your call again later.
Call again later. That's my life.
- Isn't it beautiful out here? - Look at you. Your skirt matches the, uh...
all the... all the... all the chairs.
- Hey, baby. - Hi, darlin' darlin'.
- I haven't seen you. - Oh, my goodness.
- Well, this must be Deedie. - That's right.
- This is my wife Deedie. - Unbelievable.
What a pleasure to meet you. Oh, my God.
What a nice opportunity to meet you.
- So... - I'm so glad for you to meet
Deedie, because Deedie is the center of my life,
and it was her love that made it possible for me.
I can't believe you put up with her.
I know. It's impossible.
- I don't know you do it. - Yeah, well, it's true.
- Well, how are you doing? - I bet you there's
just a handful of woman who have stayed as their
husbands would transition.
Something like a third
- of marriages stay together. - A third?
The longer you've been with someone,
the more likely the marriage is to stay together.
This was a long time ago. How many years ago?
- Uh, 14, 15 years. - Almost 15, yeah.
Wow.
Yeah. Um, yeah, we've now lived together
as wife and wife longer than we lived as husband and wife.
Wow. See, I've thought about it.
With Kris and I...
although I certainly was open with her before we got married...
- Mm-hmm. - ... I don't think she realized
it would come to this, which I get.
And probably, knowing me,
I downplayed it.
How is she?
- Hmm? - How is she?
I don't know.
- She doesn't talk. - You haven't talked to her.
Yeah.
Last time Kris and I sat down,
it was really tough.
- You were angry... - When you're...
... which made me angry.
You know you treated me badly
those last four or five years of our marriage.
I wasn't happy.
You never even told me as a married couple
that you were taking hormones.
It's much easier to talk to somebody
that you're not gonna hurt.
- It's just... - KRIS But you have to tell the truth.
- You just have to tell the truth. - That's what I'm trying to do.
For the first time in my life, I'm trying to tell the truth.
You're gonna have to wait her out,
and she may not feel about you
- the way you want and - Trust me,
- need her to feel about you. - we haven't talked in months.
- Mm. - Really?
No.
Do you want to talk?
With Kris and I,
we haven't talked in months.
- Mm. - Really?
Do you want to talk?
I wish... I wish that you had what I...
the gift that I had.
- Yeah. - Um, because...
The understanding.
Well, the understanding didn't
come immediately, but the support was always there.
In families, processes don't happen...
Right.
- ... in sync often. - Yeah.
This is my wife, the social worker.
- Yeah, I understand. - In addition to being the love of my life,
she's also a social worker, which
was a good skill to have.
As the trans person moves into their new, brilliant,
always-wanted-to-be true self,
the rest of the family is left kind of in the dust,
still trying to figure out, um,
what does this mean for me,
and what about everything we had before.
And at that moment, I was terrified.
- Oh, of course. - You know, I didn't know what that meant.
There's a period of real mourning, uh, the loss
of your mate or your father or your partner.
Even when things were very, very scary,
and I didn't know what was gonna happen,
and I felt like I was on, like, a...
I don't know... a locomotive that was
- taking me out of control. - Yeah.
And if I jumped off,
I'd get hurt, and if I stayed on,
- I didn't know where we were going, right? - Ooh, yeah, that's exactly right.
So, but, um...
- And how fast. - Right, exactly.
- Going somewhere. - Or if I had to duck
for the tunnel. I mean, I didn't even know how to think about it, right?
People who transition get really giddy,
and I was always kind... I was gonna be seen as the sad,
uh, grumpy, grieving one.
I remember you said to me one time that you...
You said something like,
"I'll always be clo... I'll always be close to you.
I just don't know how close." Or something.
There were times when I said,
"I can't help you with makeup and hair and jewelry, and you...
By the way, you can't wear my jewelry, and you can't...
And we won't be sharing clothes."
That has gone away now.
I steal her clothes all the time.
But she's much taller than I am.
I have always thought that it's my...
I get to make the choice every day.
- Yeah. - Every day when I wake up,
whether or not this is the marriage I want
or not.
- Right. - And we're lucky
- that we continue... - Yeah, you've got it.
- we continue to agree. - You got your partner. You're... Yeah. Yeah.
Right. And to share the same, um, vision.
Going through life with a partner,
um, is extraordinarily important.
Maybe I should reach out to her,
give her a call.
But I'm also pretty scared about it.
It's not like someone's not a good enough wife
if they don't stay with their trans partner.
Everybody has to decide what works for them,
and what makes their life the way they want it.
- Hello? - Hey.
- How are you doing?
- I'm okay. - Good.
Um, anyway, I... I just wanted to say,
there's been a couple of things that have come out that have just
not been very nice,
you know, in the news.
Yeah, well...
you know.
Um, you know, I am not talking to the media,
- uh, at all. - I think...
Listen, you got to do what you got to do.
I just think that that's gonna be expected.
You know what?
I would like to see you...
- Mm-hmm. - ... and talk for a while.
Yeah. I'm... I'm just... Yeah.
Yeah.
Kris and I really have not communicated that much,
especially on the more important things, like our kids.
And, uh, yeah, that really bothers me.
There's a lot of miscommunication right now
between the two of us.
We have to talk and
talk some of these things out.
- Okay. - Good.
Kris can be...
very strong, very opinionated.
- Okay, see you tomorrow. - Okay, bye-bye.
Bye. It is kind of nerve-racking,
but I just have to do it.
- Hello? - Jenny!
Hey, what's happening, Caity?
I am still in the closet.
- Literally. - Oh, my...
- Yes. - I know what that closet looks like.
Yes, you know what the closet looks like. Um...
- It's a really nice closet. - Yeah, I haven't gotten out of the closet yet.
Here's... here's the scoop.
I need your advice. Kris is coming over
in, like, a half hour.
- Mm-hmm. - She's probably one of the hardest
to talk to, and
she technically hasn't met me.
- Mm-hmm. - So...
Yeah.
Any suggestions?
Yeah. Remember, this is not the 400 meters.
This is the marathon.
Um, settling... at least on this first day... for
letting her have her reaction, whatever it's gonna be,
- that's probably fine. - Yeah.
How do you feel?
Uh, a lot of anxiety.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You have to think it's gonna be okay, and...
Yeah, all right, babe, thank you for the...
So, I think it's gonna be okay.
Okay. Thank you for the encouragement.
I appreciate it. I got to get dressed.
She's gonna be here in a little bit.
- I'll see you later. - Love you. Bye.
- Love you, too. Bye-bye. - Bye.
Time to get dressed. They are literally on their way.
Okay.
Well,
Kris is coming over.
I have not seen her, talked to her...
months and months and months.
Finally, we're meeting today.
Should be interesting.
Uh, I don't know if we'll resolve anything or whatever,
but, you know, I just probably should get some things off my chest,
and probably her, too.
You know, we did have a lot of great times.
We've moved on, both of us,
but I don't want to throw all the good times away.
And so, for the kids... Kendall and Kylie...
I don't want tension. I don't want to put them in a
tough position. It's
really very, very difficult.
- Hello. Oh, my goodness. - Look who's here.
Look at you!
- Nice shoes! - Do you like those?
Yeah. How are you? Oh...
Well, I'm fine. How are you?
I'm good. I brought you some cookies.
Thank you.
Where do you want to go?
- Sit down here. - Okay.
So?
- synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
You're changing your life, you're changing your name.
Let's celebrate the new beginning.
Hello, everybody.
Oh, my God, Boy George!
For the first time, I feel like I fit in some place.
Because of these ladies over here.
- I was struggling and having a really hard time... - With what?
Your transition
and this, like, leaving us in the dust.
- Nobody's leaving you guys in the dust. - You left us in the dust.
What happened to the life we had together?
Don't play the martyr.
Never texted me, never said anything, never called.