1
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,771
You're gonna meet my money manager.
2
00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:11,936
- Why you call him a money manager?
- Because he's offended by greedy Jew.
3
00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:13,605
And rightly so.
4
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:16,843
I represent Cam Calloway,
and he may be a pro basketball player,
5
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,942
but we want him to be more
than just a basketball player.
6
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:20,885
We want his money to get off.
7
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:24,447
There's four people who forced me
to believe that I and they were
8
00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:27,892
worthy of a big time dream,
like a good thing.
9
00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:30,896
Those four people that
believed in me are my family.
10
00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:33,398
My cousin, yo,
you my best friend, man.
11
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:34,991
All I got is because of you.
12
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,503
You got beat up by your sister,
and then you lied about it.
13
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,732
Jeez, Gerry, I would've lied, too.
She can fucking punch.
14
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:40,831
Can you drop me off at work?
15
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,240
I gotta do highway trash pickup
for my community service.
16
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,470
That's mobile jail.
17
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:46,240
- You need a ride to jail?
- Yes.
18
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:49,214
I'd insist on therapy
and community service for Mary Charles
19
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:51,444
since she's ineligible
for a diversion program.
20
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:15,000
Ripped By mstoll
21
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:32,381
- You're late.
- So sorry, horrible traffic.
22
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,017
I'll just make it up on the back end.
23
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:37,291
If you want credit for your
community service sentence, be on time.
24
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:40,493
Sister Irmalita's Children's Home
has rules for adults
25
00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:43,161
who partake in
the Big Siblings Saint Program.
26
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,364
First rule...
care about being here.
27
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,635
This is my number one priority.
28
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:51,508
Second rule... If you're gonna lie
to my face, at least sell it.
29
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,706
- I really do care.
- Because a judge told you to.
30
00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:58,580
I'd prefer to find volunteers
31
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:02,110
who are compelled by kindness,
not fear of jail time.
32
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,953
I planned a ton of activities
for me and my new little sibling.
33
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:07,824
Yes, people like you've been
coming here for years
34
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:11,592
inspired by the notion that they're
going to make someone's life better.
35
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:15,658
But then they bail and retreat
to trash detail on a highway off-ramp.
36
00:02:15,702 --> 00:02:18,034
- Know why?
- Because they love Mother Earth?
37
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:21,040
Off-ramps don't talk back.
Off-ramps don't have feelings.
38
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:24,874
Off-ramps weren't inappropriately
touched by their drug-addled parents.
39
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:29,109
These kids don't need stuff to do,
they need kindness and attention.
40
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,879
Brittany, can you come in here?
41
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:40,559
Nice to meet you, Brittany.
I am Mary Charles, your new big sibling.
42
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:43,653
- Hi.
- Hi.
43
00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:47,097
Congratulations.
You are glowing.
44
00:02:47,133 --> 00:02:49,624
Thanks.
45
00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:05,279
- Oh.
- Oh, it's okay, no problem.
46
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,115
- Hey, uh, Reggie Vaughn?
- Hey. Yes.
47
00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:10,316
Allow me to introduce myself,
DeShauwn May.
48
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:11,880
How you doing, DeShauwn?
Nice to meet you.
49
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,449
I manage athletes just like you.
50
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,326
I've been watching
your moves real close.
51
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,853
- And you killing it, bro.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
52
00:03:18,898 --> 00:03:20,957
Listen, you haven't seen
a rich, balding guy?
53
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,399
Kinda looks like a black Grinch?
54
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:26,030
See, the only man that DeShauwn sees
is his client, Jupiter Blackmon,
55
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:27,505
and that's with an O, not an A.
56
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,008
Though, I told Under Armour last week,
57
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:35,106
if they help me with this marketing
thing, he could be "Black-man" all day.
58
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,412
- You know what I'm saying?
- Run with that.
59
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:41,750
Look, Jupiter is gonna be a top-20 pick
in the National Football League.
60
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,985
And the way you and Cam conduct
y'all business, y'all our inspiration.
61
00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:46,821
We ghetto-born, too.
62
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:49,487
And what Cam said about you
at the press conference...
63
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,096
I cried.
Thug tears, though.
64
00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:55,362
Not that weepy stuff,
you know what I'm saying?
65
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,335
- I hear you. I hear you.
- You know what I'm saying.
66
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,304
Nice to meet you, man,
but excuse me, all right?
67
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,466
Wait... whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, real talk for a second.
68
00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:03,839
Hey, you thriving, so if you got
any dabs of wisdom
69
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:06,743
- to throw my way, let me know.
- Buy the Vanguard, wear condoms.
70
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:09,009
Oh, damn, that's two things
I never thought about.
71
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,812
- What? You a goddamn genius, boy.
- Tell me you found him.
72
00:04:11,851 --> 00:04:14,877
- Mall Mogul has left the building.
- You said 100%, Missy.
73
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,516
- You swore to me, I swore to Cam.
- His wife says he got the bubble guts.
74
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,992
Not my fault if the man mixed
crab legs and chili dogs.
75
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,858
I love crabs.
76
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:24,487
'Cause you got to work
to get in them guts.
77
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,225
Just like a classy lady.
78
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,427
- Miss Vaughn, DeShauwn.
- Oh.
79
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:32,234
- Excuse us.
- Who is he?
80
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,241
- I'll tell you later.
- Come here.
81
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:39,541
- Yo, Reg. This here's Jupiter.
- Hi, it's a honor.
82
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:42,412
Cam says you like the biggest shit...
in a good way.
83
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:46,145
- Yo, we all hitting Onyx posthaste.
- Oh, yeah, it's been a long day.
84
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:49,154
I need some titties in my face,
you know what I'm saying?
85
00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:51,486
- I'm with my wife.
- She can go.
86
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:54,857
Look, the strip club is
an equal opportunity establishment.
87
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:57,624
- Wasn't really my point.
- You know what? You go ahead.
88
00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:00,497
- I'll go home. I'll Uber.
- Boom, she know.
89
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:03,593
The titty bar is the golf course
for the modern-day businessman.
90
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,537
- Baby, you don't want to Uber home.
- I do.
91
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:09,507
- I very much want to Uber.
- Well, and, Cam, you're probably tired.
92
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,066
You want to go home,
get some rest, right?
93
00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:12,941
Hell, no, man.
You done woke up the beast.
94
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,106
Look, we already out anyways, man.
95
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,582
And Jupiter's hilarious.
Yo, Jupe, do Shaq.
96
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,180
Ahem. Hi, I'm Shaq.
97
00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:24,086
It's uncanny.
98
00:05:24,123 --> 00:05:26,114
"Kazaam"!
99
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,458
- "Kazaam"!
- You been practicing on that, right?
100
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,123
Yeah, you taught me that.
That was you. That was you.
101
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,928
Who else do you do?
You got Charles, too?
102
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:48,446
- So who do you think's the daddy?
- One of three boys, I think.
103
00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:52,975
Though, it could be God's, Diane says.
That's happened before.
104
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,819
- A long time ago in Bethlehem.
- Right.
105
00:05:58,424 --> 00:06:00,483
I think one of the three boys
is a good guess.
106
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:04,656
They all live here in the home.
They're nice.
107
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,927
I wasn't taken advantage of
or anything.
108
00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:10,299
One's my age, 12 and a half.
Other two are 12.
109
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:14,670
- Are you all supervised?
- Not always.
110
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,107
It's not bad or nothing.
I like the feeling.
111
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:20,806
People say I won't like the feeling of
the baby coming out, but that's okay.
112
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:24,283
I can do hard things.
I believe in myself, you know?
113
00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:28,148
I do.
114
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:31,156
Some people want me to give it away,
but I kind of want to keep it.
115
00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:33,158
Not sure.
116
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:40,093
- I think that's smart.
- You're the first one to say that.
117
00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:45,534
- You like crullers?
- What's that?
118
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,165
- They're double-long donuts.
- Sure.
119
00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:51,404
Well, let's feast. You go find your
three buddies, I got a whole dozen.
120
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:52,502
- Really?
- Yeah.
121
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,275
They'll love that.
122
00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:57,509
Hey, Jamari, Lucas.
123
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:01,384
My new big black sister
brought us a fuck-load of donuts.
124
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:29,772
Whoo! Uh-huh.
125
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,408
I can't wait to go pro
126
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,351
until we make some real money,
you know what I'm saying?
127
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,718
You can't believe the piddly deals
they've been throwing at Jupiter.
128
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,451
$100 for a barbershop appearance?
129
00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,392
What I'ma do with $100?
130
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:43,622
Nothing now.
131
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,358
Look, see, they all think
they can take advantage
132
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,367
'cause our moves got to be on
the down-low until after the bowl game.
133
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:53,168
NCAA...
no cash for African-Americans.
134
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,434
You know what I'm saying?
135
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,534
Hey, in five months,
he'll be a multimillionaire.
136
00:07:57,577 --> 00:08:01,445
Whoo, and DeShauwn will be
rolling in 10% of that multi.
137
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,006
Hey, get a lawyer for the long-form.
138
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,951
DeShauwn ain't giving up no 5%
for no boilerplate bullshit.
139
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,285
It's my job to save Jupiter money,
not spend it.
140
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,554
Mm, that's real.
Compliments.
141
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:17,352
Hey, I'm curious.
How did you and Jupiter hook up?
142
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:19,091
Started as his mama drug dealer.
143
00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:21,122
See, J needed his own
illicit therapeutics.
144
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,067
Football's about pain management,
145
00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:26,196
which makes DeShauwn indispensable
as his dispenser,
146
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,400
- you know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, I know what you're saying.
147
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,909
Pretty sure you shouldn't be
saying it to a total stranger.
148
00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:33,605
Please, our spirits
are kindred as fuck.
149
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:34,977
- Do you know what "kindred" is?
- Yes.
150
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,949
Okay, then. All right, see, yeah,
I got some extra spending money
151
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,748
'cause of my drug dealing business,
but I'm trying to get out that.
152
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:43,448
Trying to go legit
like you, baby, yeah.
153
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,821
Hey, quitting selling drugs
is a smart move, DeShauwn.
154
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,416
We shall see.
155
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:51,362
Look... you mind if I get
heavy with you for a second?
156
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:54,764
When Cam hit and all the big agency
vultures started circling,
157
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,462
- how'd you keep your boy?
- I did my job.
158
00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:59,630
- That's it?
- That's it.
159
00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:01,367
I feel like I should be
paying you or something
160
00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:03,341
for dropping all these gems, man.
161
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,173
- You want some cocaine?
- You're too kind,
162
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,771
- but I'm good, thank you.
- Okay.
163
00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:10,281
See, you spin the stacks
off the fingertips
164
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,409
for maximum precipitation.
165
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:15,011
Oh, yeah.
Uh-huh.
166
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:18,683
Oh, the boys? They in the champagne
room getting their dicks sucked,
167
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,215
- if you know what I'm saying.
- Yeah, I know what you're saying
168
00:09:21,260 --> 00:09:23,421
because you just said it,
and it better not be true.
169
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:26,829
Look, DeShauwn, every phone in here
is one click away from "TMZ."
170
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,198
What?
Ain't nobody worried about no trolls.
171
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,703
I'm worried about it,
and you should be, too.
172
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,762
Look, man, do what you will
with the Black-Man,
173
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:36,366
but as my colleague,
don't put my client in harm's way.
174
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,276
Whoa, whoa, whoa, watch it
with the flaming arrows, Cochise.
175
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:42,543
Look, I'm simply driving
the wagon train through the prairie.
176
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,016
Look, it'll be fine, all right?
177
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:47,281
Ain't no snitching types
up in this piece.
178
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,982
- Look, I get head here weekly.
- There's a line, DeShauwn.
179
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:51,785
And while I'm happy to respect
what's on yours,
180
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,815
you will respect what's on my side.
181
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:56,123
- It won't happen again.
- Thank you.
182
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:02,831
- Man, we have got to do this again.
- See?
183
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:05,393
- Reg.
- Where's Jupiter?
184
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,962
Beats me, man.
185
00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:08,701
- It was pitch-black in there.
- Oh, no, he'll be through.
186
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:11,335
See, my Jupiter like to get
his ass ate after brain.
187
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,402
And they get the dingleberries
and everything.
188
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:17,109
- What's a dingleberry?
- It's when hair, shit, and toilet paper
189
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:19,743
roll up in a little berry
and dangles out the crack of your ass,
190
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,343
- that's a dingleberry.
- You ever had one?
191
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:24,413
- Yeah.
- Treat yourself. Yes!
192
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,324
Yes! Live, brother, live.
193
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,920
Whoo!
194
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,491
I like being a big sibling.
195
00:10:36,535 --> 00:10:39,436
I'm gonna be right by her side
walking her through having her baby.
196
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,996
Well, good for you,
Mary Charles.
197
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,498
You're making lemons out of lemonade
and helping others in the process.
198
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:46,204
You mean making
lemonade out of lemons.
199
00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:49,146
God damn it, you know what I meant.
You're making good shit out of bad shit.
200
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,172
I agree that what you're doing
is admirable.
201
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,048
But how could this Diane woman,
202
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:55,110
who's charged with the welfare
of these orphan children,
203
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,088
let this happen under her supervision?
204
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:59,990
- She probably ran out of condoms.
- She's doing the best she can.
205
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:02,153
The best she can
got a 12-year-old pregnant.
206
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,287
The least she could have done
was taken her to a clinic.
207
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,696
Or pushed her down the stairs.
208
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,563
With the girl's consent, of course.
209
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,193
Brittany has a right to have her baby.
210
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,261
She also has a right
to not have the baby.
211
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:14,135
True...
abortion is a child's right
212
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,868
to choose whether or not
she wants to have a child.
213
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:19,776
- You had me when you were a kid.
- 15, okay? That's ghetto mid-20s.
214
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:23,612
She's 12. 12 doesn't even end in "teen."
She's still a child.
215
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:26,948
I don't know, that's kind of tricky.
I mean, if she's able to have a child,
216
00:11:26,986 --> 00:11:29,113
you know, maybe that's
evolution's way of saying,
217
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:31,055
"Speed shit up.
The world's about to end.
218
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,581
Can't be waiting
till you're 15 anymore."
219
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,093
Who's handling the adoption?
220
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,152
Oh, the poor baby will probably
go to an orphanage,
221
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,959
and that's if they have
a bed available.
222
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,193
Adoption or abortion
are not her only two options.
223
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,633
It should have been part of the debate
once conception occurred.
224
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:45,864
It's a child, not a debate.
225
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,236
I guess if it were left
up to you two,
226
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,434
I'd be in pieces in
a medical waste bin somewhere
227
00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:51,705
or adopted by white people
who think Jesus loves all.
228
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:55,305
Jesus does love all. He just doesn't
show it for sure until you're dead.
229
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,976
Only then do you know
and really appreciate it.
230
00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:00,918
Damn, I got to jot that shit down.
231
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:03,444
You know, me and Julius
are thinking about doing a podcast.
232
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:07,653
It's called "Things We Think
You Should Think, Too."
233
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:13,094
Brittany's a special kid, and I agree
that she should keep her baby.
234
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:15,464
And she should be treated
just like any other mother-to-be.
235
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,969
As her big sibling,
I'm going to throw her a baby shower.
236
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:19,493
Where? Chuck E. Cheese?
237
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,563
Mm, I already checked them out.
238
00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:23,336
They are booked solid
for the next several weekends.
239
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:26,344
I'm gonna ask Cam if I can have it here.
Put his money to good use.
240
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:31,513
Hey, man, you're kind of small
for a basketball player, ain't you?
241
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:34,314
You ain't got to be tall,
you just got to be good.
242
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:37,186
- You'll find out on draft day.
- Oh, I'm getting drafted.
243
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,418
- Getting drafted ain't making it.
- Okay.
244
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:41,688
Look, hey, I propose
a sojourn at the afterhours.
245
00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:43,661
- Cam's got practice.
- At noon.
246
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,823
- Man, it's 1:00 a.m.
- The president runs the country
247
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:49,028
on five hours of sleep, I can run that
practice offense on half of that, man.
248
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,628
- Where y'all thinking?
- A little no-name spot up the road.
249
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:53,695
Me and Cam don't go to no-name spots.
250
00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:56,572
Look, embracing the unknown
is what makes life worth living.
251
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,372
- Thank you.
- And plus there's titties.
252
00:12:58,410 --> 00:12:59,877
- Oh, yeah.
- And embracing them is good, too.
253
00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:03,814
Come on, man. Back when we had shit,
we never went to places with names.
254
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,147
Well, now we got shit,
and we keep that shit
255
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,085
by not going to shitholes
that ain't got no names.
256
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,020
- Jupiter's going.
- Look, I'm not Jupiter's manager,
257
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:12,285
so I can't advise him
against doing stupid-ass shit.
258
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:15,487
Come on, Reg. It'll be fun, man.
And you know how I feel about titties.
259
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,496
Cam, you just had
four hours of titties.
260
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,054
How many more hours
of titties you need?
261
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:20,895
Four more afterhours of titties.
262
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:24,266
Look, I have
supplied you with my advice.
263
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,362
You don't need
my permission to flout it.
264
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:32,273
Fellas, great night, man.
We gonna call it.
265
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,575
- Aw, come on, man.
- And then there was two.
266
00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,410
Look, C-dog, we gonna
have to do this again next weekend.
267
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:39,076
But we got to go twice as big, baby.
Let me give you my number.
268
00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:43,555
Shit, stripper bounced
so hard on my jock, man,
269
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,022
she damn near
cracked my phone in half.
270
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:46,854
Them bitches is toned.
271
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,985
Here, I'm gonna give you
Reggie's number till I get mine fixed.
272
00:13:49,028 --> 00:13:52,122
- Thanks a lot.
- Well, look, hey, namaste, bitches.
273
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,530
- I'm out... to the car.
- A'ight. Jupiter.
274
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,659
- Here.
- All right, man.
275
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:57,430
Hey, I'ma see you next weekend,
baby, be good.
276
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:58,936
You, too, man.
277
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:07,579
You really think
you're getting in this bed
278
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,376
without washing off
that stripper stink?
279
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,440
Oh, come on, don't throw stones.
280
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:14,475
Diamond and Candy are just
saving up money for business school.
281
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,580
Yeah, well,
come back and spoon me
282
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:20,990
when your spoon doesn't smell like
shattered dreams and daddy issues.
283
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,051
Okay.
284
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:33,298
- This is Reggie.
- Reg, it's Jupiter, man. I need help.
285
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,000
- Where you at, Jupiter?
- I'm not sure.
286
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,474
It's like... like trees and leaves
and twigs and dirt.
287
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:40,672
- Like no roads.
- You're in the woods.
288
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,773
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Jupiter, you high?
289
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:47,013
- As they come.
- That sounds like a DeShauwn problem.
290
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,644
Man, of course
it's a DeShauwn problem, man!
291
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:50,416
DeShauwn's the reason
shit went sideways at the afterhours
292
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,014
and I'm running through
the damn woods.
293
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:56,517
Okay, drop a pin,
text it to me, and I'll pick you up.
294
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,796
I will be back.
295
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:15,145
Jupiter, what kind of shit
you getting on my wife's leather?
296
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:18,047
Ah, that's shit shit, I think.
297
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,880
It ain't mine, though,
in case you was worried.
298
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,047
Why would someone else's shit
worry me less than if it was yours?
299
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,454
See, this is why I don't go places
ain't got no name,
300
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:27,959
so mysterious shit
don't soil my wife's leather.
301
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:30,962
- It's mostly on the towel.
- What the fuck happened back there?
302
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:34,329
It was DeShauwn.
He went all DeShauwn.
303
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:37,130
DeShauwn went all DeShauwn.
So that's DeShauwn's shit?
304
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:40,138
- It's hazy in my memory.
- Yeah, you know what?
305
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:41,969
That's probably for the best.
Look, DeShauwn's your boy.
306
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,668
I got nothing but respect for that.
307
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:46,234
So I'm gonna drop you off, I'm gonna
go on with the rest of my life.
308
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,906
The first step of which
will most surely be in the direction
309
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:53,044
of a 24-hour car detailer.
310
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,880
You know, keep the towel.
It's my gift.
311
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,595
- I want you to be my manager.
- You got a manager.
312
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,160
I got a problem and you know it.
313
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,104
You'd never let Cam
go to a place like that.
314
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:18,769
Please. I can't get rid of
DeShauwn on my own.
315
00:16:21,246 --> 00:16:23,510
All right, listen,
I'm... I'm...
316
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:26,177
Yo.
317
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,516
- They told me you Ubered.
- No, bro, I looked around
318
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:32,490
- and you was gone.
- That's fucked up, man.
319
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:35,015
Hey, yo, hey, real talk?
Thank you, Reggie.
320
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:38,894
Yeah, happy to help.
Stay safe.
321
00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:47,971
- Why didn't you call me?
- Man, I did call. You didn't pick up.
322
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,441
I was getting laid.
How come you didn't call me back?
323
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:59,980
- You actually smell like butt now.
- Sorry.
324
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,987
Jupiter Blackmon wants me
to be his manager.
325
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,620
Top-ten pick in the NFL draft
and he wants me.
326
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:14,959
DeShauwn's getting fired?
327
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,434
DeShauwned himself
right out of a job.
328
00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:22,532
- Do you want to manage Jupiter?
- Kid needs somebody.
329
00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:25,008
I didn't ask what he needs,
I asked what you want.
330
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,808
- I want to do right by Cam.
- Good night, then.
331
00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:31,616
You big pussy.
332
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:35,815
Can you turn the light
back on, please?
333
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:39,756
I'm tired.
334
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:41,657
Don't act like you haven't
thought this through.
335
00:17:41,693 --> 00:17:45,424
I want to do right by Cam, I do,
but I also want to build my business.
336
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:49,025
If I sign Jupiter, I'm not always
gonna be there for Cam.
337
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,559
He's my cousin, Missy.
He's the reason I have a life.
338
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:53,537
- The reason I have you.
- That's not true.
339
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,733
Well, you say that,
but it's not a theory
340
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:58,208
I'd like to go back in
a time machine to test out.
341
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,272
I'm gonna take a shower.
342
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:06,375
Reggie.
343
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,978
I could start a management company
with Cam.
344
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:11,615
We'd be partners, but he wouldn't
actually do anything, right?
345
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:14,649
The business, me,
would essentially manage Cam, Jupiter,
346
00:18:14,693 --> 00:18:16,786
and whoever else we happen
to sign down the road.
347
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,797
Cam likes money,
which he would have more of
348
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,321
because he'd get half
his commission back
349
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:22,390
and half of everyone else's
that we sign.
350
00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,396
You ready to take a shower now?
351
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:29,066
- You coming with me?
- I'm so tired.
352
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,133
I'll hold you up.
353
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,734
- Come on.
- Oh.
354
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,213
- You gonna take the bonnet off?
- Why?
355
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,513
'Cause it looks like
black Jiffy Pop on your head.
356
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,985
- I'm gonna pop you in the dick.
- That's all I'm looking for.
357
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:49,420
- What up, fellas?
- Ha!
358
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:52,362
- Got him.
- Man! Damn!
359
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:56,858
This is the weed of champions,
trust me.
360
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:59,029
You know what?
No weed for Jupiter.
361
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,301
He's got a piss test
for his upcoming pro day.
362
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:02,807
Cam, I need to talk to you.
Business.
363
00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:04,900
You want to talk?
Grab that paddle. I'm on a roll.
364
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,911
Jupiter, you know
how many refrigerators we got?
365
00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:09,175
- What, about three?
- Exactly.
366
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,910
And if you knew what was in them,
it'd blow your mind.
367
00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,919
Come, follow me.
368
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:16,978
Follow him.
369
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,784
Let me see the ball.
370
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,294
So, uh, did Jupiter have anything
to say about last night?
371
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,796
He said the afterhours was dope.
372
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:29,267
I was thinking you and me should start
a management company.
373
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:31,462
Rep athletes the same way I rep you.
374
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:34,631
I mean, you and me, we the example that
guys like you and me want to emulate,
375
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,868
so we'll start a business.
376
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,104
So how many additional dudes
would we be signing?
377
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:41,203
Uh, you know, whatever number
you're comfortable with minus one.
378
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:44,909
For cushion.
I'm already working Ira, Coke, Bao.
379
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:47,248
This'll just be another thing
that I'm working. Shit.
380
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,720
You know,
a lot of balls in the air
381
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,816
makes it a lot easier to take our eye
off the ball we're in control of... us.
382
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,885
And Jay Z's repping
baseball players, okay?
383
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,726
The money's out there to be taken,
384
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,629
we just got to say yes
to taking our part.
385
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,634
So what I got to do
for all this money?
386
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,761
You go to the mailbox,
open, smile, repeat.
387
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:07,237
- Direct deposit's a lot easier.
- So you saying yes?
388
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,297
- Sure, I guess.
- Ooh, yes!
389
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:11,741
And thank you.
390
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,337
- Now here's the really good news.
- Yeah?
391
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,609
Jupiter wants to be our first client.
392
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,980
He ain't say shit to me.
393
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,579
He sprung it on me last night,
you know.
394
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:24,714
That's opportunity.
395
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:28,351
And when that comes along, you can
either kick it away or scoop it up.
396
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:31,123
I mean, he's primed to go top ten.
That's a real money contract.
397
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,688
Even if he flames out,
we will have announced our presence.
398
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,860
We'll be viable.
399
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,597
Serve the ball.
400
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,404
So we gonna do it?
Because I got to tell Jupiter.
401
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,500
And then tomorrow, me and him,
we got to fire DeShauwn.
402
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:47,376
Isn't DeShauwn
like the you to Jupiter's me?
403
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,903
No, Jupiter ain't you,
DeShauwn ain't me.
404
00:20:49,948 --> 00:20:53,509
Which is why Jupiter
want to be with us.
405
00:20:53,552 --> 00:20:57,147
- Serve.
- Ooh!
406
00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:59,657
I believe the phrase is "got him."
407
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,753
Nice point, man.
Look, let's finish this later, man.
408
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:07,128
I'm 'bout to hit the bike.
All right?
409
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:34,356
- So have you picked a name?
- If it's a boy, Canoe.
410
00:21:34,393 --> 00:21:36,384
If it's a girl, Sparkle.
411
00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:39,022
And if it's both, Larry after my aunt.
412
00:21:39,064 --> 00:21:41,658
Brittany...
413
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:45,033
has anyone talked to you about the work
that's involved with being a mother?
414
00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:47,732
No, but I'm about to find out.
415
00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:50,264
Well, you do have options.
416
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,708
What are you doing?
417
00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:55,270
I am just telling Brittany here that
she has her whole life ahead of her.
418
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:58,181
Brittany, ask her
how many babies she has.
419
00:21:58,216 --> 00:22:00,548
- How many babies...
- Then ask her if she knows shit
420
00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:03,748
about what she's talking about or if
she's just doing what she does best...
421
00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:05,950
- judging.
- Do you know shit about what you're...
422
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,960
She needs to hear from somebody
besides you, Mary Charles.
423
00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:13,021
Unless you think climbing out of poverty
is easier when you're holding a baby.
424
00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:17,695
Hey, Brittany, why don't you go over
there and check out the lady on stilts?
425
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:20,296
- I think she's doing some tricks.
- Yeah, okay.
426
00:22:24,443 --> 00:22:26,070
You think I should've
been aborted, don't you?
427
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:28,011
How do you get that?
I'm not saying that at all.
428
00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:30,446
- Or adopted.
- She is she, you are you.
429
00:22:30,482 --> 00:22:33,417
And I am who I am
because I am in this family
430
00:22:33,452 --> 00:22:35,750
with my ma, my real ma
who didn't give me away
431
00:22:35,787 --> 00:22:38,449
or vacuumed me out and had me
shipped off to an abortion furnace.
432
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:41,550
I'm gonna tell you something
that you don't hear nearly enough.
433
00:22:41,593 --> 00:22:44,562
- It's not about you.
- Her story is my ma's story.
434
00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:47,360
- That baby is me. I understand...
- She is a 12-year-old child,
435
00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:50,368
Mary Charles,
that was never given any other options.
436
00:22:51,803 --> 00:22:53,737
Oh, gosh.
437
00:22:53,772 --> 00:22:56,570
- Brittany.
- Brittany.
438
00:22:57,642 --> 00:23:00,839
- Brittany, this is not safe.
- Then why is it here?
439
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:02,847
It's not safe for pregnant women.
440
00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:06,180
I'm a kid. I don't see a sign that says
"Pregnant kids can't jump in here."
441
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,051
That is because we did not need
a sign like that before today.
442
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:10,748
Well, whatever happens
was meant to happen
443
00:23:10,789 --> 00:23:12,518
because the baby's
already on its way.
444
00:23:12,557 --> 00:23:15,458
- Okay, your water has to break first.
- Again?
445
00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:17,758
- That was this morning.
- What? Why didn't you tell me?
446
00:23:17,796 --> 00:23:20,526
- I didn't want you to cancel the party.
- No, okay, come on.
447
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:22,294
Good...
Okay, come-come on out of there.
448
00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:24,632
- Let's go.
- Fine, fine.
449
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:28,839
Come on, sweetie.
450
00:23:33,979 --> 00:23:36,539
Matthew, Keith,
why don't you two go out and play?
451
00:23:39,818 --> 00:23:42,446
Ling-Tsu, congratulations.
452
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:07,641
Oh, is this some type of playdate?
This don't look good.
453
00:24:07,679 --> 00:24:09,476
All in how you choose to view it.
454
00:24:09,514 --> 00:24:12,074
Now, some people'd look at this
and say that you're about to get fired.
455
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:15,518
While others would say you're about to
get 4% of Jupiter's first contract
456
00:24:15,554 --> 00:24:18,990
and 2% of his second for doing
absolutely nothing from this day forward
457
00:24:19,024 --> 00:24:21,151
all in consideration
of services rendered.
458
00:24:21,193 --> 00:24:23,058
And who the fuck
do you think you are?
459
00:24:23,094 --> 00:24:25,062
Now, some people
would be angered by this.
460
00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:27,257
Others would say
it is a generous offer
461
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,392
because they'd understand
the obvious alternative.
462
00:24:29,434 --> 00:24:32,335
And some people would say that
you're risking getting a screwdriver
463
00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:34,429
shoved between
your fifth and sixth rib.
464
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:37,340
And some people would make
amusing and empty threats.
465
00:24:37,375 --> 00:24:40,208
Well, how about I use a hammer
to drive my point home?
466
00:24:41,947 --> 00:24:43,972
Come here.
467
00:24:46,284 --> 00:24:47,683
What's wrong with you, man?
468
00:24:47,719 --> 00:24:50,415
Look, do you really think you can
step inside my Guccis, huh?
469
00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:52,582
I've known this boy
since before he had pubes.
470
00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:55,092
Look, I bought him
his first piece of ass.
471
00:24:55,126 --> 00:24:57,424
- And that ass was my sister's.
- Man, I paid you back for that.
472
00:24:57,462 --> 00:24:59,225
- Jupiter, shut up!
- Hey, hey, hey, fellas.
473
00:24:59,264 --> 00:25:01,698
This can be good for everybody, okay?
474
00:25:01,733 --> 00:25:05,396
Jupiter can relax and thrive.
You can thrive and relax.
475
00:25:05,437 --> 00:25:08,736
See, you think you above everybody.
476
00:25:08,773 --> 00:25:12,209
Profiteering off a betrayal of love.
477
00:25:12,244 --> 00:25:16,738
See, the truth is,
you puppeteer Cam like a child.
478
00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:20,308
You got your hand all up his ass
and he kind of like it.
479
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,320
Shit, you like it, too.
480
00:25:25,056 --> 00:25:27,286
Offer's on the table
for another 60 seconds.
481
00:25:27,325 --> 00:25:28,883
Look, don't tick-tock me,
motherfucker.
482
00:25:28,927 --> 00:25:31,225
Look, I will embarrass you
right here and right now.
483
00:25:31,263 --> 00:25:35,029
- 6% first contract, 5% second.
- Four and two.
484
00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:37,500
And the first sideways tweet,
leaked photo,
485
00:25:37,536 --> 00:25:40,403
or sour grapes we hear through
the grapevine, zero and zero.
486
00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:47,236
You know what?
DeShauwn know how this works.
487
00:25:47,279 --> 00:25:50,942
See, one day, you're gonna
step into an office, Reggie,
488
00:25:50,982 --> 00:25:53,109
and Cam is gonna be
with a new Reggie.
489
00:25:53,151 --> 00:25:56,177
And the new Reggie's gonna do what
Reggie's doing to DeShauwn right now.
490
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:58,951
Well, when that day comes,
Reggie will remind Reggie you said that.
491
00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:01,584
Draw up the paperwork.
492
00:26:01,626 --> 00:26:05,027
Gentlemen, go fuck yourselves.
493
00:26:07,165 --> 00:26:09,861
You did the right thing.
494
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:12,267
And doing the right thing
ain't always easy. Thank you.
495
00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:14,829
I paid him back for his sister.
I did.
496
00:26:14,873 --> 00:26:18,604
She was fine when she was 14.
22, mmm, not so good.
497
00:26:24,149 --> 00:26:27,380
37 points,
six rebounds, nine assists.
498
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:30,149
On fire and back in the saddle.
What do you have to say?
499
00:26:30,188 --> 00:26:32,486
Going home to watch SportsCenter.
500
00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:34,549
Do you feel like the fans
were behind you tonight?
501
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:36,788
Atlanta's a great town.
Great fans.
502
00:26:36,828 --> 00:26:38,853
I plan on being here for a long time.
503
00:26:38,897 --> 00:26:42,389
And, you know, my family, my great
new friends, sharing our ups and downs.
504
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:45,198
Nights like this, we dream about.
505
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:22,000
Ripped By mstoll