1
00:00:08,281 --> 00:00:10,615
_
WOMAN (over TV): Of course, I do understand...

2
00:00:10,617 --> 00:00:13,485
Hey, uh, Mom, Dad, have you seen my phone?

3
00:00:13,487 --> 00:00:15,220
Oh... oh, oh! Oh, no.

4
00:00:15,222 --> 00:00:17,088
- What are you doing?
- Well, we have to do it this way

5
00:00:17,090 --> 00:00:18,924
so we can both watch<i> Charlie Rose.</i>

6
00:00:18,926 --> 00:00:21,026
- Okay. I'm sorr...
- This is what I keep saying...

7
00:00:21,028 --> 00:00:23,194
Move back into your bedroom.

8
00:00:23,196 --> 00:00:26,598
- Don't live in the damn garage.
- Yeah, and I keep saying to you, Mother, that

9
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,600
feels really permanent and I
need this to be a temporar...

10
00:00:28,602 --> 00:00:30,135
You know what, I can't have
this conversation with you.

11
00:00:30,137 --> 00:00:31,302
There's too many holes in that afghan.

12
00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:32,537
Just... Here, I found it.

13
00:00:32,539 --> 00:00:34,072
- Keep it.
- It was under your mother.

14
00:00:34,074 --> 00:00:35,473
Oh, honey.

15
00:00:37,918 --> 00:00:39,685
Sit down, your mother made you a waffle.

16
00:00:39,687 --> 00:00:40,787
Oh, no.

17
00:00:40,789 --> 00:00:42,555
No, I am not having the-the

18
00:00:42,557 --> 00:00:44,657
special-talk waffles. Now...

19
00:00:44,659 --> 00:00:46,192
if you'll please excuse me,

20
00:00:46,194 --> 00:00:48,261
I am going to go buy a new phone.

21
00:00:48,263 --> 00:00:49,595
JOHN: Yeah, you should.

22
00:00:49,597 --> 00:00:50,830
It accidentally filmed us,

23
00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:52,298
and I-I don't know how to delete it.

24
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,133
Oh! Oh, God.

25
00:00:55,202 --> 00:00:56,602
Honey.

26
00:00:56,604 --> 00:00:58,204
Honey, having you back home...

27
00:00:58,206 --> 00:01:00,439
It's a big adjustment for all of us.

28
00:01:00,441 --> 00:01:02,742
I'm now a porn star. I didn't...

29
00:01:02,744 --> 00:01:04,143
(laughing): That's...

30
00:01:04,145 --> 00:01:07,046
It filmed us. You can delete that.

31
00:01:07,048 --> 00:01:08,314
I'd give it up, Joanie. He doesn't want

32
00:01:08,316 --> 00:01:09,648
to talk to his mom about<i> it.</i>

33
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,083
That's true, I don't.

34
00:01:11,085 --> 00:01:13,085
You may not want to talk
to your mom about it,

35
00:01:13,087 --> 00:01:15,154
but you should at least
talk to a therapist.

36
00:01:16,156 --> 00:01:18,090
Oh, man.

37
00:01:18,092 --> 00:01:20,092
I mean, of course I didn't want
to see my parents doing that,

38
00:01:20,094 --> 00:01:21,727
but I just... I don't
see how talking about this

39
00:01:21,729 --> 00:01:23,462
is gonna make it go away.

40
00:01:23,464 --> 00:01:26,632
Well, then, is there a feeling
that you wish would go away?

41
00:01:26,634 --> 00:01:28,300
There's an image I wish would go away.

42
00:01:28,302 --> 00:01:31,003
Right. But you need to talk
about this with someone.

43
00:01:31,005 --> 00:01:32,604
I talked about it. You did?

44
00:01:32,606 --> 00:01:34,239
Yeah. With Greg and
Heather, I texted all night.

45
00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:36,141
Believe me, they're just
as disturbed as I am.

46
00:01:36,143 --> 00:01:38,744
Oh.

47
00:01:38,746 --> 00:01:40,846
That's so interesting.

48
00:01:40,848 --> 00:01:43,582
You know, I think it's
clear that, as a family,

49
00:01:43,584 --> 00:01:45,250
we're falling into some unhealthy

50
00:01:45,252 --> 00:01:46,585
communication patterns.

51
00:01:46,587 --> 00:01:48,520
If we can send it electronically

52
00:01:48,522 --> 00:01:50,422
through our phones,

53
00:01:50,424 --> 00:01:52,524
then we can say it emotionally

54
00:01:52,526 --> 00:01:55,360
through our mouths.

55
00:01:56,262 --> 00:01:58,230
- Yes?
- I was told there would be doughnuts.

56
00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,699
- Yeah, they're coming.
- Do we really have to be here

57
00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:02,634
all just because Matt walked in on...

58
00:02:02,636 --> 00:02:04,736
whatever it is he walked in on?

59
00:02:04,738 --> 00:02:06,338
Greg. You can't even say it.

60
00:02:06,340 --> 00:02:08,306
- Intercourse.
- Oh, you're such a kiss-ass.

61
00:02:08,308 --> 00:02:10,108
The sooner we give her what she wants,

62
00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:11,376
the sooner this is over.

63
00:02:11,378 --> 00:02:12,644
Amen to that, girl.

64
00:02:12,646 --> 00:02:14,312
Yeah, you're buying me a new purse.

65
00:02:14,314 --> 00:02:15,781
- Sure.
- Have-have you

66
00:02:15,783 --> 00:02:17,482
given any thought to what you would say

67
00:02:17,484 --> 00:02:20,385
to a child who-who saw
you in that situation?

68
00:02:20,387 --> 00:02:22,787
Our baby only sees shapes
and colors right now, Mom,

69
00:02:22,789 --> 00:02:25,123
- so I think it would really just be guesswork.
- Yeah.

70
00:02:25,125 --> 00:02:27,392
Okay. Okay. The real issue here

71
00:02:27,394 --> 00:02:29,628
is communication, and that affects

72
00:02:29,630 --> 00:02:32,330
every member of this family.

73
00:02:32,332 --> 00:02:35,233
Why did we have to get out of the pool?

74
00:02:35,235 --> 00:02:36,468
Because Uncle Matt walked in

75
00:02:36,470 --> 00:02:38,703
on Mom-Mom and
Pop-Pop communicating.

76
00:02:38,705 --> 00:02:40,271
- Dude.
- Oh, dude.

77
00:02:40,273 --> 00:02:41,373
- Dude.
- So...

78
00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:42,574
can we go back

79
00:02:42,576 --> 00:02:44,142
to playing Marco Polo?

80
00:02:44,144 --> 00:02:46,478
Yes. But first I have a game

81
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,147
that might be even more fun.

82
00:02:49,149 --> 00:02:52,517
Can you do your job overseas?

83
00:02:52,519 --> 00:02:53,918
Okay, everybody,

84
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:57,055
keep eye contact and be honest.

85
00:02:57,057 --> 00:02:58,456
Like this:

86
00:02:58,458 --> 00:03:01,159
John, sometimes I feel I need you

87
00:03:01,161 --> 00:03:02,560
to be more in the moment.

88
00:03:02,562 --> 00:03:03,995
Um,

89
00:03:03,997 --> 00:03:05,596
keeping it fresh...

90
00:03:05,598 --> 00:03:07,031
keeps it special.

91
00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:08,466
Oh, thank you.

92
00:03:08,468 --> 00:03:10,702
He just read that off the doughnut box.

93
00:03:10,704 --> 00:03:12,136
Well, yeah, but I read it

94
00:03:12,138 --> 00:03:13,938
- in the moment.
- Ready,

95
00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:17,074
set... keep sharing,
keep looking...

96
00:03:17,076 --> 00:03:18,609
Go!

97
00:03:18,611 --> 00:03:20,812
I've always been
intimidated by your strength.

98
00:03:20,814 --> 00:03:22,513
Yeah, I'm not doing this.

99
00:03:23,615 --> 00:03:25,049
That was strong.

100
00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:26,350
You need to start wearing deodorant.

101
00:03:26,352 --> 00:03:27,752
I know what you do in the bathroom.

102
00:03:27,754 --> 00:03:29,020
GREG: So, who did you

103
00:03:29,022 --> 00:03:30,588
see more of, Mom or Dad?

104
00:03:30,590 --> 00:03:32,256
Dude. It was like watching

105
00:03:32,258 --> 00:03:34,158
two candles melt onto each other.

106
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,726
Oh. Yeah.

107
00:03:35,728 --> 00:03:38,329
- You promise to be honest?
- 100%.

108
00:03:38,331 --> 00:03:40,164
Who's your favorite child?

109
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:41,365
Tim.

110
00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:42,800
Pretty sure it's Tyler.

111
00:03:42,802 --> 00:03:44,301
Ugh.

112
00:03:47,973 --> 00:03:50,107
Mom, how much longer do we have to do this?

113
00:03:50,109 --> 00:03:51,408
Let's try to say the same
thing at the same time.

114
00:03:51,410 --> 00:03:52,576
Okay. All right, you ready?

115
00:03:52,578 --> 00:03:54,578
- Apple.
- Shoes.

116
00:03:55,447 --> 00:03:57,047
- Hamster.
- Pencil.

117
00:03:58,149 --> 00:03:59,383
- Rhinestone.
- Cowboy.

118
00:03:59,385 --> 00:04:01,652
BOTH: Whoa!

119
00:04:01,654 --> 00:04:04,188
- Yeah.
- You guys need a third over there?

120
00:04:07,092 --> 00:04:09,093
Done with my doughnut.

121
00:04:09,095 --> 00:04:10,494
Aw, look at 'em all talking.

122
00:04:10,496 --> 00:04:12,496
You're a hell of a mom, Joanie.

123
00:04:13,898 --> 00:04:15,699
That was in the moment.

124
00:04:15,701 --> 00:04:16,900
Well...

125
00:04:16,902 --> 00:04:18,769
can I go back to the pool now?

126
00:04:18,771 --> 00:04:21,438
Let's both go. They're fine.

127
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,775
Still got nobody.

128
00:04:24,777 --> 00:04:26,510
Solo.

129
00:04:26,512 --> 00:04:29,646
WOMAN (over TV): <i>version, and now
that it's a big blockbuster hit... </i>

130
00:04:29,648 --> 00:04:31,181
- Hey.
- Joanie. Hmm?

131
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,416
Look at this.

132
00:04:32,418 --> 00:04:33,650
Whoa.

133
00:04:33,652 --> 00:04:35,986
<i>Charlie Rose... </i>

134
00:04:37,221 --> 00:04:39,656
I think we should watch from the bedroom.

135
00:04:39,658 --> 00:04:41,291
Mm, yeah.

136
00:04:41,293 --> 00:04:43,427
Yeah.

137
00:04:43,429 --> 00:04:45,629
(creaking)

138
00:04:46,798 --> 00:04:48,432
(muffled giggle)

139
00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:51,001
JOAN: Oh! (Laughs)

140
00:04:55,325 --> 00:04:56,925
_

141
00:04:57,478 --> 00:04:59,880
- Try it again.
- Okay.

142
00:05:00,882 --> 00:05:02,115
(engine sputters)

143
00:05:02,117 --> 00:05:04,685
Aw...

144
00:05:04,687 --> 00:05:06,053
Well, well.

145
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,387
Here's the problem.

146
00:05:07,389 --> 00:05:09,356
- What?
- Your car's a piece of crap.

147
00:05:09,358 --> 00:05:11,692
This girl already knows
you're broke, right?

148
00:05:11,694 --> 00:05:13,760
No. No, she thinks it's vintage.

149
00:05:13,762 --> 00:05:16,029
I-I told her I got it at
an auction in Pebble Beach.

150
00:05:16,031 --> 00:05:17,731
You've never been to Pebble Beach.

151
00:05:17,733 --> 00:05:19,633
- I've never been to an auction.
- Oh...

152
00:05:19,635 --> 00:05:21,368
Look, Colleen's my boss

153
00:05:21,370 --> 00:05:23,737
and she just broke off her
engagement to her weird fiancé.

154
00:05:23,739 --> 00:05:25,238
I'm trying to seem like
I'm the better option,

155
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,606
which I don't think I'm going to

156
00:05:26,608 --> 00:05:28,575
when I show up to pick
her up on my skateboard.

157
00:05:28,577 --> 00:05:30,810
So she's special, right?

158
00:05:30,812 --> 00:05:32,746
Oh, yeah.

159
00:05:32,748 --> 00:05:34,848
Yeah.

160
00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:36,483
You ever have something
really great come along

161
00:05:36,485 --> 00:05:37,851
at the worst possible time?

162
00:05:37,853 --> 00:05:39,285
Oh, yeah.

163
00:05:39,287 --> 00:05:40,553
Your brother Greg.

164
00:05:40,555 --> 00:05:42,322
Yeah, we were supposed to stop at two,

165
00:05:42,324 --> 00:05:44,057
but it all worked out,

166
00:05:44,059 --> 00:05:45,925
because he's successful.

167
00:05:45,927 --> 00:05:47,394
Thanks, Dad.

168
00:05:47,396 --> 00:05:49,195
Can you please just help
me get the car started?

169
00:05:49,197 --> 00:05:51,464
Well, there is an old trick I used to use

170
00:05:51,466 --> 00:05:53,533
when I couldn't get an
aging aircraft started.

171
00:05:53,535 --> 00:05:55,268
Yeah. Anything.

172
00:05:56,570 --> 00:05:59,038
Little tequila...

173
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,607
Try her now.

174
00:06:04,011 --> 00:06:05,245
(engine starts)

175
00:06:05,247 --> 00:06:07,547
- There you go.
- Ah? Hey!

176
00:06:07,549 --> 00:06:09,983
Wait, you put tequila in a plane?

177
00:06:09,985 --> 00:06:11,351
Yes, sir.

178
00:06:11,353 --> 00:06:13,453
Works good on old motors.

179
00:06:13,455 --> 00:06:15,421
Also good in old pilots.

180
00:06:17,925 --> 00:06:19,325
Thanks, Dad.

181
00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:21,661
Go get her, son.

182
00:06:33,707 --> 00:06:34,974
COLLEEN: <i>Thank you.</i>

183
00:06:34,976 --> 00:06:36,842
- After you.
- Oh.

184
00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:38,778
I'm so glad you're a let-the-
lady-sit-first kind of guy.

185
00:06:38,780 --> 00:06:40,579
Yeah. Uh, unfortunately, I am also

186
00:06:40,581 --> 00:06:42,548
a slide-my-hands-into-your-back
pockets kind of guy.

187
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,016
I'll overlook it, 'cause you're very cute.

188
00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:45,518
(laughs) Excuse me, sir?

189
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,886
We're having trouble starting your car.

190
00:06:46,888 --> 00:06:48,154
Oh, yeah. There's...

191
00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:49,221
- there's just a trick to it.
- Okay.

192
00:06:49,223 --> 00:06:50,423
All right.

193
00:06:50,425 --> 00:06:51,891
I shall El return-o.

194
00:06:51,893 --> 00:06:54,093
Um, please forget that I said that.

195
00:06:57,764 --> 00:06:59,465
- It's broken.
- Yeah, I know.

196
00:06:59,467 --> 00:07:01,367
Can't really afford to fix it.

197
00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:03,836
You want to buy it?

198
00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:05,838
(kicking)

199
00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:10,609
It's broken.

200
00:07:14,347 --> 00:07:15,881
Everything okay?

201
00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:17,416
Oh, yeah.

202
00:07:17,418 --> 00:07:19,618
Guy just didn't know
anything about cars. Whoa!

203
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,854
Look at that wine list. Huh. There's

204
00:07:21,856 --> 00:07:23,388
so many of them. Sometimes

205
00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:24,890
I look at it, I'm just,
"Aah!". You know?

206
00:07:24,892 --> 00:07:26,992
Aah! Uh, don't even want any wine anymore.

207
00:07:26,994 --> 00:07:29,761
- There you go.
- Oh. So, I ordered another one already?

208
00:07:29,763 --> 00:07:31,630
Yeah, you grabbed my forearm and
you told me to keep 'em coming, so...

209
00:07:31,632 --> 00:07:33,332
- Oh. Okay.
- Something to drink, sir?

210
00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:35,167
- Uh, water, please.
- Oh, sparkling or flat?

211
00:07:35,169 --> 00:07:36,568
- Tap is fine.
- It's brown.

212
00:07:36,570 --> 00:07:38,036
That's fine.

213
00:07:44,677 --> 00:07:46,978
- No. Don't look!
- It's easy for you to say.

214
00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:48,880
You're a good artist. I'm terrible.

215
00:07:48,882 --> 00:07:50,916
- Nobody is a terrible artist.
- Okay.

216
00:07:50,918 --> 00:07:53,819
- Pencils down.
- (sighs)

217
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:56,521
- (giggles)
- Some people are terrible artists.

218
00:07:56,523 --> 00:07:58,323
- (laughter)
- That bad?

219
00:07:58,325 --> 00:08:00,392
Oh. Oh, let me.

220
00:08:00,394 --> 00:08:01,660
No, I got this. You may be

221
00:08:01,662 --> 00:08:03,795
the boss at work, but I asked you out.

222
00:08:03,797 --> 00:08:06,364
- I'm just gonna run this up there, you know.
- Okay.

223
00:08:06,366 --> 00:08:09,000
So that we're not, like, oh,
you know, what's taking so long?

224
00:08:13,873 --> 00:08:15,674
- That went through?
- Uh-huh.

225
00:08:15,676 --> 00:08:18,109
Yes!

226
00:08:18,111 --> 00:08:19,744
She's pregnant.

227
00:08:19,746 --> 00:08:21,846
- Oh.
- Yeah.

228
00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:24,182
(whispering): You aren't. Thank you.

229
00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:30,555
- Mmm.
- Oh. (Laughs)

230
00:08:30,557 --> 00:08:32,290
Couldn't help but notice
that something's going on.

231
00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:34,859
- Uh-huh, mm-hmm.
- You okay?

232
00:08:34,861 --> 00:08:36,694
I was supposed to be
somewhere else tonight.

233
00:08:36,696 --> 00:08:38,363
- Okay. Where?
- Mm-hmm.

234
00:08:38,365 --> 00:08:40,498
At my wedding.

235
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,767
I'm so sorry I didn't tell you,

236
00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:46,337
but today is the day I
was going to marry Chad.

237
00:08:46,339 --> 00:08:48,940
- Oh.
- Yeah. And if that wasn't bad enough,

238
00:08:48,942 --> 00:08:51,709
we canceled so late, I'm
still paying for the reception.

239
00:08:51,711 --> 00:08:53,077
Well, that's just cruel.

240
00:08:53,079 --> 00:08:54,479
What, they wouldn't give you a refund?

241
00:08:54,481 --> 00:08:57,682
I tried. The manager...
He was like, "No."

242
00:08:57,684 --> 00:08:59,350
- Just like that? Like, "No"?
- Yeah.

243
00:08:59,352 --> 00:09:01,986
- Right in my face... over the phone.
- God.

244
00:09:01,988 --> 00:09:04,155
What I wouldn't give for, like,
five minutes with that guy.

245
00:09:04,157 --> 00:09:07,191
- It's really close. We could go.
- Like right now?

246
00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:08,593
- Yeah, like right now.
- Yeah, all right, let's go.

247
00:09:08,595 --> 00:09:10,561
- Okay, get the car. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

248
00:09:10,563 --> 00:09:12,563
Yeah, you know what? Let's
walk. I'm too angry to drive.

249
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:13,931
- Sir?
- Yeah.

250
00:09:13,933 --> 00:09:16,967
- Your car is on fire.
- (scoffs)

251
00:09:16,969 --> 00:09:19,370
This guy.

252
00:09:19,372 --> 00:09:20,871
I'm sorry, ma'am. As I told you

253
00:09:20,873 --> 00:09:22,506
when you canceled, the reservation

254
00:09:22,508 --> 00:09:24,608
- is nonrefundable.
- Oh, is it?

255
00:09:24,610 --> 00:09:26,677
- Yes, it is.
- Mm, this is why I didn't go to law school.

256
00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,078
You're doing great. Isn't she doing great?

257
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,313
You know what? We're gonna need

258
00:09:29,315 --> 00:09:30,714
to see the supposedly empty ballroom

259
00:09:30,716 --> 00:09:32,349
that she's paying for.

260
00:09:32,351 --> 00:09:34,118
Yeah, there's no way you
guys aren't double dipping.

261
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,619
- Okay, let's go.
- You want to... ?

262
00:09:35,621 --> 00:09:36,754
- Mm-hmm, yeah.- Yeah.
- Probably should.

263
00:09:36,756 --> 00:09:38,255
COLLEEN: Yeah. I don't...

264
00:09:38,257 --> 00:09:39,623
- I'll do it. I'll show you.
- MATT: Okay.

265
00:09:45,514 --> 00:09:47,215
Here's my card with my cell phone.

266
00:09:47,217 --> 00:09:49,617
If you have any problems,
don't hesitate to call.

267
00:09:49,619 --> 00:09:50,985
(scoffs)

268
00:09:50,987 --> 00:09:52,453
This guy.

269
00:09:52,455 --> 00:09:54,389
(scoffs)

270
00:09:57,526 --> 00:09:59,894
It's magical in here.

271
00:09:59,896 --> 00:10:01,429
- (crying)
- Oh, no. I'm sorry.

272
00:10:01,431 --> 00:10:03,097
- Mm...
- No.

273
00:10:03,099 --> 00:10:05,233
I am...

274
00:10:05,235 --> 00:10:06,968
I'm so sorry.

275
00:10:06,970 --> 00:10:09,737
I have no business trying
to date somebody right now.

276
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,506
I'm a mess.

277
00:10:11,508 --> 00:10:13,141
You're a really sweet guy,

278
00:10:13,143 --> 00:10:15,209
and, um, you don't need this.

279
00:10:15,211 --> 00:10:17,778
I release you from the
disaster that is my life,

280
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,881
and I will see you at work on Monday,

281
00:10:19,883 --> 00:10:22,483
and we can pretend that
this never happened.

282
00:10:22,485 --> 00:10:23,951
My car's on fire.

283
00:10:23,953 --> 00:10:25,753
What?

284
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:28,656
I'm 38 years old. I'm drowning in debt.

285
00:10:28,658 --> 00:10:30,891
I live in my parents' garage.
And when this date is over,

286
00:10:30,893 --> 00:10:33,060
I have to call my mom
to come and pick us up.

287
00:10:33,062 --> 00:10:34,995
Your life is a disaster.

288
00:10:34,997 --> 00:10:37,598
My life is a disaster. It's why
we're perfect for each other.

289
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,734
And the best thing that we
can do for the dating world is

290
00:10:40,736 --> 00:10:42,970
to just take each other off of the market.

291
00:10:42,972 --> 00:10:46,407
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

292
00:10:46,409 --> 00:10:48,442
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

293
00:10:48,444 --> 00:10:50,010
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

294
00:10:50,012 --> 00:10:51,845
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

295
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:54,481
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪

296
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,047
What else do they owe you?

297
00:10:57,498 --> 00:11:00,432
♪ Baby, baby, babe ♪

298
00:11:00,434 --> 00:11:03,168
♪ I'm coming home ♪

299
00:11:03,170 --> 00:11:06,805
♪ To your tender sweet loving ♪

300
00:11:06,807 --> 00:11:10,542
♪ You're my one and only woman ♪

301
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:14,946
♪ The world leaves a bitter
taste in my mouth, girl ♪

302
00:11:14,948 --> 00:11:19,718
♪ You're the only one that I want ♪

303
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,587
♪ Wanna be around ♪

304
00:11:22,589 --> 00:11:26,191
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

305
00:11:26,193 --> 00:11:29,227
♪ Wanna be around you, girl. ♪

306
00:11:31,651 --> 00:11:33,351
_

307
00:11:33,841 --> 00:11:36,042
(rhythmic whirring)

308
00:11:36,740 --> 00:11:39,008
Okay, well, the honey
badger's finally down.

309
00:11:40,077 --> 00:11:41,510
How's the dairy farm?

310
00:11:41,512 --> 00:11:43,779
Oh. Almost out of business.

311
00:11:43,781 --> 00:11:46,315
God, I cannot believe I'm failing

312
00:11:46,317 --> 00:11:48,918
at, like, the most
basic task of motherhood.

313
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,653
Oh, honey, you are not failing, okay?

314
00:11:50,655 --> 00:11:52,021
She's getting milk.

315
00:11:52,023 --> 00:11:54,123
Yeah, but it's such a struggle.

316
00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:56,392
Then there's Diora in mommy group.

317
00:11:56,394 --> 00:11:59,194
Her breasts are like an
inner-city fire hydrant

318
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,596
in the summertime.

319
00:12:00,598 --> 00:12:02,364
They're just like... (imitates whooshing)

320
00:12:02,366 --> 00:12:04,600
Her children are frolicking under it

321
00:12:04,602 --> 00:12:06,802
with umbrellas and rubber boots.

322
00:12:06,804 --> 00:12:08,804
To be fair, she has huge boobs.

323
00:12:08,806 --> 00:12:11,874
Who is that fair to?

324
00:12:11,876 --> 00:12:13,942
Look, sweetie, I support
anything you want to do.

325
00:12:13,944 --> 00:12:15,410
- You know that.
- (sighs heavily)

326
00:12:15,412 --> 00:12:17,246
But there is a solution to this problem.

327
00:12:17,248 --> 00:12:19,581
We-we can just supplement with formula.

328
00:12:19,583 --> 00:12:21,550
- No. No.
- Okay.

329
00:12:21,552 --> 00:12:23,285
My milk is what's breast for her.

330
00:12:23,287 --> 00:12:25,454
Breast for her?

331
00:12:25,456 --> 00:12:26,955
Best for her.

332
00:12:26,957 --> 00:12:28,690
- I said, "Best for her."
- Okay.

333
00:12:28,692 --> 00:12:31,026
JEN: <i>Hey, thank you so
much for coming.</i>

334
00:12:31,028 --> 00:12:34,096
My, um... well, my friend Sasha
said you guys worked miracles

335
00:12:34,098 --> 00:12:36,064
- for her and little Sephora, so...
- Oh, that was so sweet.

336
00:12:36,066 --> 00:12:37,299
So sweet, but no, no.

337
00:12:37,301 --> 00:12:39,201
Mother Nature is performing the miracles.

338
00:12:39,203 --> 00:12:41,103
- We just facilitate.
- Oh.

339
00:12:41,105 --> 00:12:42,904
- That's all.
- We are but tools.

340
00:12:42,906 --> 00:12:45,373
I've never heard of a lactation
consultant couple before.

341
00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:47,876
Well, breast-feeding is a family issue.

342
00:12:47,878 --> 00:12:50,078
- Mm.
- So, let's dive in,

343
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,880
- shall we?
- Mm-hmm, sure.

344
00:12:51,882 --> 00:12:53,214
Okay. (Exhales)

345
00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:55,350
Now I just want you to

346
00:12:55,352 --> 00:12:59,087
just feel the energy pass through as we...

347
00:12:59,089 --> 00:13:01,690
Oop, don't flex. Why are you flexing?

348
00:13:01,692 --> 00:13:02,891
- I'm not flexing.
- Just relax.

349
00:13:02,893 --> 00:13:04,092
- Breathe in.
- Okay.

350
00:13:04,094 --> 00:13:06,094
Close up the circle.

351
00:13:06,096 --> 00:13:08,096
- We go here.
- Come on, connect.

352
00:13:08,098 --> 00:13:10,532
Yeah, you. Right here. Don't be
afraid. I'm not wearing a bra.

353
00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:13,301
- Oh. That's fun. Okay.
- MAN: That's it. There you go. Just, you two just have a...

354
00:13:13,303 --> 00:13:14,636
- WOMAN: Just okay?
- No, you're not.

355
00:13:14,638 --> 00:13:15,870
Grab on. There we go.

356
00:13:15,872 --> 00:13:18,573
- Welcome to parenthood.
- (laughter)

357
00:13:18,575 --> 00:13:20,408
And breathe in. (Inhaling)

358
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:22,944
(short, fast breaths)

359
00:13:24,013 --> 00:13:26,214
Oh, your hand is incredibly warm.

360
00:13:26,216 --> 00:13:28,650
Yeah. That's the energy.

361
00:13:28,652 --> 00:13:30,785
- Okay.
- Now we just

362
00:13:30,787 --> 00:13:32,353
remain here for an hour.

363
00:13:32,355 --> 00:13:35,423
(man inhales and exhales)

364
00:13:35,425 --> 00:13:38,226
The wheat grass and the
Japanese fish-eye paste

365
00:13:38,228 --> 00:13:40,728
will stimulate your milk production.

366
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:42,029
- Okay.
- You are lucky.

367
00:13:42,031 --> 00:13:43,464
Well... (clears her throat)

368
00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:46,133
This smells like my
junior year abroad. Ooh.

369
00:13:46,135 --> 00:13:48,202
- Okay. Okay.
- Just do it. Just go.

370
00:13:48,204 --> 00:13:49,737
One, two, three.

371
00:13:49,739 --> 00:13:52,873
There you go. That's my girl! Yeah!

372
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:55,142
- Oh, my God!
- (chuckling)

373
00:13:55,144 --> 00:13:57,612
(panting)

374
00:13:57,614 --> 00:14:01,182
It's coming back up, it's coming back up...

375
00:14:01,184 --> 00:14:03,918
Your milk will not flow when you are at war

376
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,420
with your body. You're angry

377
00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:08,155
- at your breasts, hmm? Yeah?
- Mmm.

378
00:14:08,157 --> 00:14:10,591
- Yeah, you are.
- I don't... Oh. Oh.

379
00:14:10,593 --> 00:14:11,358
Forgive them.

380
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,294
Okay.

381
00:14:13,296 --> 00:14:14,895
Yeah. (Chuckles)

382
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,831
- I do. (Chuckles)
- No, don't tell me.

383
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:19,433
Tell them. Tell your breasts.

384
00:14:22,103 --> 00:14:23,571
(quietly): I forgive you.

385
00:14:23,573 --> 00:14:25,706
Louder.

386
00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:28,943
I forgive you.

387
00:14:28,945 --> 00:14:31,078
- I just got chills.
- (chuckles)

388
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,813
WOMAN: <i>Okay, you are ready.</i>

389
00:14:32,815 --> 00:14:35,082
Okay.
You can do this. You're going to take the mammary

390
00:14:35,084 --> 00:14:36,450
- and you're going to flatten it into a sandwich.
- Right. Okay.

391
00:14:36,452 --> 00:14:38,118
- There you go. Flatten it.
- A sandwich.

392
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,946
And then shove that mamwich
right into Lark's mouth.

393
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,081
It's deli time.

394
00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,682
- What?
- You know what? Let's show her, Teddy.

395
00:14:43,684 --> 00:14:45,751
Right. I'll be the baby.

396
00:14:45,753 --> 00:14:47,620
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay.
- Oh... Oh.

397
00:14:47,622 --> 00:14:49,588
Thank you. You don't have
to put yourself through this,

398
00:14:49,590 --> 00:14:51,490
all right? Just say the word,
and I'll go get you formula.

399
00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:52,458
- (gasps)
- (gasps)

400
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:54,226
- Oh, no.
- What did you...

401
00:14:54,228 --> 00:14:55,294
Did you just say the "F" word?

402
00:14:55,296 --> 00:14:56,061
Formula?

403
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,731
Don't you ever

404
00:14:58,733 --> 00:15:00,833
drop the F-bomb in front of my sister.

405
00:15:00,835 --> 00:15:02,568
Okay, look, I'm just trying
to be supportive for my wife

406
00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:04,536
and my kid, all right? I'm not trying to...

407
00:15:04,538 --> 00:15:07,873
- Wait a minute, sister?
- Yeah, that-that's what got me.

408
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,852
Lark is gonna be fine, okay?

409
00:15:19,854 --> 00:15:22,754
- All right? You are smart, you are funny,
- (sighs)

410
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,123
you are tough, and those
are gonna be the things

411
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,625
that she gets from you,

412
00:15:26,627 --> 00:15:29,595
and those cannot be bought at a store.

413
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:32,331
That's so sweet. Thank you. I love you.

414
00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:33,665
I love you.

415
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,133
Oh, my God. What?

416
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,203
You did not pay us to quit.

417
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,372
Your baby will thank us later. Go, go,

418
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:41,606
go, go, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

419
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:44,042
TEDDY: Like us on Facebook!

420
00:15:48,453 --> 00:15:49,854
I hate those people.

421
00:15:49,856 --> 00:15:52,022
Yes. I do, too.

422
00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:54,625
Check the bag. There's still one more.

423
00:15:54,627 --> 00:15:57,761
- We still got one. We still got one!
- Quick, they're coming back.

424
00:15:57,763 --> 00:15:59,396
They're coming back.

425
00:15:59,398 --> 00:16:01,966
Give it to me! Give it to me! (Screams)

426
00:16:06,213 --> 00:16:07,941
- ♪ I like to move it, move it ♪
- Dad!

427
00:16:07,978 --> 00:16:11,363
What? I'm just making sure that
everybody knows that

428
00:16:11,992 --> 00:16:13,694
♪ I like to move it, move it ♪

429
00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:15,233
- ♪ I like to move it, move it ♪
- Dad.

430
00:16:15,353 --> 00:16:17,380
- (laughing): Honey, honey.
- What? Tyler smiled!

431
00:16:17,381 --> 00:16:18,414
Don't encourage him.

432
00:16:18,416 --> 00:16:19,515
Why? It's funny.

433
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:21,417
See, and that is why I love you best.

434
00:16:21,419 --> 00:16:23,118
Okay, girls, that is so not true.

435
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,154
He loves me best more than
all three of you put together.

436
00:16:25,156 --> 00:16:26,855
It's sweet that you think that.

437
00:16:26,857 --> 00:16:28,424
Am I the only one who cares

438
00:16:28,426 --> 00:16:30,125
that we're leaving this house forever?

439
00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:31,760
We're only moving a couple miles away!

440
00:16:31,762 --> 00:16:33,962
And the new house is gonna be even better!

441
00:16:33,964 --> 00:16:35,731
I mean, yes, I know
this is where you used to

442
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:37,199
come home to with your little lunchboxes,

443
00:16:37,201 --> 00:16:39,468
(crying): and then you'd run into my arms

444
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:40,869
and yell, "Mommy... "

445
00:16:40,871 --> 00:16:42,538
Okay, I'm over it. Let's move.

446
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:44,740
Please, no, come on! I'll
give you five dollars.

447
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,742
You run into my arms and go,
"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy..."

448
00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:49,011
- Oh, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy...
- Oh.

449
00:16:49,013 --> 00:16:50,145
- Oh, yeah!
- Hi!

450
00:16:50,147 --> 00:16:51,146
Hey.

451
00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:52,381
Hey, Uncle Matt.

452
00:16:52,383 --> 00:16:54,049
(imitates explosion)
What are you doing here?

453
00:16:54,051 --> 00:16:55,617
What? I came to help you
move. That's what family does.

454
00:16:55,619 --> 00:16:57,319
Also because Mom and
Dad fired up the hot tub

455
00:16:57,321 --> 00:16:58,587
and threw on some Josh Groban,

456
00:16:58,589 --> 00:16:59,621
so I knew it was time to leave.

457
00:16:59,623 --> 00:17:00,656
Also Dad told me

458
00:17:00,658 --> 00:17:01,690
it was time to leave.

459
00:17:01,692 --> 00:17:03,225
(doorbell rings)

460
00:17:03,227 --> 00:17:04,626
Oh, hey, guys?

461
00:17:04,628 --> 00:17:07,028
If the movers look a little
rough around the edges,

462
00:17:07,030 --> 00:17:10,632
that's because Clean Slate
Movers only hires ex-convicts

463
00:17:10,634 --> 00:17:11,700
to help them turn their lives around.

464
00:17:11,702 --> 00:17:12,767
That's right... Wait, what?!

465
00:17:12,769 --> 00:17:13,935
(laughing)

466
00:17:13,937 --> 00:17:15,237
- It's a charity!
- Who cares?

467
00:17:15,239 --> 00:17:16,538
It's deductible.

468
00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:18,406
- Kids, this is a good cause.
- MAN: Morning!

469
00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:20,175
I'm Aaron. You guys ready?

470
00:17:20,177 --> 00:17:22,510
- Yes.
- (screams)

471
00:17:22,512 --> 00:17:24,346
All right, men, let's move!

472
00:17:24,348 --> 00:17:27,849
Looks like someone likes
to ♪ Move it, move it ♪

473
00:17:27,851 --> 00:17:29,084
- TYLER: No, come on.
- Dad, stop!

474
00:17:29,086 --> 00:17:30,919
♪ They like to move it, move it. ♪

475
00:17:30,921 --> 00:17:32,354
<i>Madagascar.</i>

476
00:17:32,356 --> 00:17:35,724
If it was between '98
and '07, I have no idea.

477
00:17:35,726 --> 00:17:37,992
Were you studying abroad?

478
00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:41,496
Oh, Tim, Tim, look, look, look.

479
00:17:41,498 --> 00:17:43,031
Oh, what year is that?

480
00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:44,032
- That's...
- See...

481
00:17:44,034 --> 00:17:45,533
- (whistle blows)
- Oh, my God.

482
00:17:45,535 --> 00:17:47,368
Workers, hold!

483
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,037
Sir?

484
00:17:49,039 --> 00:17:50,471
Can I speak to you for a second?

485
00:17:50,473 --> 00:17:53,041
- Me sir or her sir?
- Go, go, go, you go, go.

486
00:17:56,412 --> 00:17:58,079
We are not allowed to come
in contact with anything

487
00:17:58,081 --> 00:17:59,781
that pertains to our incarceration.

488
00:17:59,783 --> 00:18:01,449
That's why I had to blow the whistle.

489
00:18:01,451 --> 00:18:02,483
Oh.

490
00:18:02,485 --> 00:18:04,152
Oh, the alcohol, yeah.

491
00:18:04,154 --> 00:18:05,420
Sorry, no, I-I'll get that.

492
00:18:05,422 --> 00:18:06,788
I'll take care... I'll pack that up.

493
00:18:06,790 --> 00:18:08,156
Is there any other drugs
or alcohol in the house?

494
00:18:08,158 --> 00:18:09,657
- No.
- HEATHER: No!

495
00:18:09,659 --> 00:18:10,958
(laughing): No. No.

496
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,126
- No?
- No, it's not...

497
00:18:12,128 --> 00:18:14,128
- There is nothing.
- What... ?

498
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:16,998
- What happened... ?
- It... (mouths)

499
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,034
Apparently there's nothing.

500
00:18:29,044 --> 00:18:31,112
Aah!

501
00:18:34,416 --> 00:18:35,750
(shrieks)

502
00:18:35,752 --> 00:18:37,985
Hi. Thank you.

503
00:18:47,429 --> 00:18:48,796
Oh, um...

504
00:18:48,798 --> 00:18:51,031
I was just coming in
for my, um, mouth mints.

505
00:18:51,033 --> 00:18:53,767
Please, don't do that! I
will get in so much trouble.

506
00:18:53,769 --> 00:18:54,969
I have to.

507
00:18:54,971 --> 00:18:56,303
Whoa... Stop.

508
00:18:56,305 --> 00:18:57,438
If you blow that whistle,

509
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:58,706
this kid's gonna get grounded

510
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:00,207
for, like, at least a year.

511
00:19:00,209 --> 00:19:01,442
Now, what would've happened

512
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:02,476
if somebody would've cut you a break

513
00:19:02,478 --> 00:19:03,444
the first time you screwed up?

514
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:04,411
Where would you be right now?

515
00:19:04,413 --> 00:19:05,779
Dead.

516
00:19:05,781 --> 00:19:07,014
Okay, that was a bad example.

517
00:19:07,016 --> 00:19:08,615
You know what? That's mine.

518
00:19:08,617 --> 00:19:09,783
He's holding it for me.

519
00:19:09,785 --> 00:19:10,784
I don't live here.

520
00:19:10,786 --> 00:19:12,352
So that means, technically,

521
00:19:12,354 --> 00:19:14,988
you don't have to blow that whistle.

522
00:19:14,990 --> 00:19:16,590
I'm so tired of fighting.

523
00:19:16,592 --> 00:19:19,259
All right.

524
00:19:19,261 --> 00:19:20,294
Thank you, Uncle Matt.

525
00:19:20,296 --> 00:19:21,428
Yeah, yeah, hey.

526
00:19:21,430 --> 00:19:22,496
- I owe you, man.
- All right, man.

527
00:19:22,498 --> 00:19:23,830
What are you... ?

528
00:19:23,832 --> 00:19:25,065
- No?
- No more.

529
00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:26,400
Okay.

530
00:19:26,402 --> 00:19:28,835
(laughs)

531
00:19:30,571 --> 00:19:33,040
One A.D.D. pill.

532
00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:40,113
SAMANTHA: What are you doing?

533
00:19:40,115 --> 00:19:42,115
Aren't we gonna say good-bye to the house?

534
00:19:42,117 --> 00:19:43,817
We've been here our whole lives.

535
00:19:43,819 --> 00:19:45,452
Oh, sweetie, it doesn't
matter where we live

536
00:19:45,454 --> 00:19:47,154
as long as we're together as a family.

537
00:19:47,156 --> 00:19:48,622
What about Sergeant Tweety?

538
00:19:48,624 --> 00:19:51,191
And Eeky and Speedy the turtle?

539
00:19:51,193 --> 00:19:52,592
Oh, honey, they're in Heaven.

540
00:19:52,594 --> 00:19:53,660
No, they're technically

541
00:19:53,662 --> 00:19:55,061
buried in the backyard.

542
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:56,696
Yeah, they are family.

543
00:19:56,698 --> 00:19:58,331
We wouldn't leave Grandma in the backyard.

544
00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:01,067
(quietly): That depends which grandma.

545
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,268
You know what? We dig!

546
00:20:02,270 --> 00:20:03,770
(clicks tongue)

547
00:20:03,772 --> 00:20:06,206
He's got a lot of energy.

548
00:20:06,208 --> 00:20:07,741
We dig.

549
00:20:07,743 --> 00:20:09,342
- We-we dig.
- We dig.

550
00:20:09,344 --> 00:20:11,811
Let's, let's dig.

551
00:20:13,247 --> 00:20:14,848
That's on there.

552
00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:16,282
Yeah, I'll drive slow.

553
00:20:16,284 --> 00:20:18,418
Yeah. Let's go.

554
00:20:22,790 --> 00:20:24,624
(engine starts)

555
00:20:24,626 --> 00:20:26,292
SOPHIA: Bye, house.

556
00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:29,128
Don't like your new family better than us.

557
00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:34,801
Hey, look, kids! There's
Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop!

558
00:20:34,803 --> 00:20:36,002
Howdy, neighbors!

559
00:20:36,004 --> 00:20:38,071
Hi, sweetie!

560
00:20:38,073 --> 00:20:40,706
How great is this, yeah?!

561
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:49,920
TIM: Well, we're home!

562
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:52,944
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -