1 00:00:03,954 --> 00:00:07,080 Oh, my kingdom come. 2 00:00:07,290 --> 00:00:09,822 ♪ Here I am again ♪ 3 00:00:10,213 --> 00:00:12,097 ♪ back with you ♪ 4 00:00:12,631 --> 00:00:14,808 ♪ you and me ♪ 5 00:00:15,334 --> 00:00:19,572 ♪ skating so effortless... ly ♪ 6 00:00:19,692 --> 00:00:21,827 - I love to ice skate. - Really? 7 00:00:21,861 --> 00:00:24,645 - But it's been 40 years. - Wow. 8 00:00:24,765 --> 00:00:26,814 Now that Harold's gone, I'm back. 9 00:00:27,205 --> 00:00:30,150 I'm back, and you can't stop me, you poor bastard. 10 00:00:30,169 --> 00:00:32,442 He was cruel, my husband was cruel. 11 00:00:33,319 --> 00:00:35,996 Right after we got married, he took the ice. 12 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,609 He was a fair to midland skater. 13 00:00:39,879 --> 00:00:41,192 I never told him that. 14 00:00:41,193 --> 00:00:42,987 I always told him he was great. 15 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,576 Then, one day, he took a tumble on the ice. 16 00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:47,937 Herniated two discs in his back. 17 00:00:47,990 --> 00:00:49,903 - Never skated again. - Huh? 18 00:00:49,936 --> 00:00:52,238 And he pulled me aside during sex one night, 19 00:00:52,358 --> 00:00:54,185 right as I was about to climax, 20 00:00:54,208 --> 00:00:55,944 which he would never let me do. 21 00:00:56,064 --> 00:00:57,679 And he said, "Gigi, 22 00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:01,536 if I'm not skatin', you're not skatin'." 23 00:01:02,179 --> 00:01:04,605 Can you believe how cruel he was to me? 24 00:01:04,973 --> 00:01:06,849 And then he came all over my face. 25 00:01:06,969 --> 00:01:08,030 What? 26 00:01:08,065 --> 00:01:09,541 ♪ La la la la la ♪ 27 00:01:09,575 --> 00:01:10,990 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 28 00:01:11,110 --> 00:01:12,477 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 29 00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:14,341 ♪ la la ♪ 30 00:01:14,547 --> 00:01:16,410 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 31 00:01:16,416 --> 00:01:18,116 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 32 00:01:18,151 --> 00:01:19,451 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 33 00:01:19,485 --> 00:01:21,186 ♪ la la ♪ 34 00:01:28,625 --> 00:01:30,062 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 35 00:01:30,096 --> 00:01:31,763 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 36 00:01:31,798 --> 00:01:33,098 ♪ la la la la la ♪ 37 00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:35,170 ♪ la la ♪ 38 00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:38,170 He's supposed to be here in a couple minutes. 39 00:01:38,204 --> 00:01:39,881 This is very exciting. 40 00:01:40,092 --> 00:01:43,075 Oh, I can... the smell of the ice. 41 00:01:43,109 --> 00:01:44,276 When I was younger, 42 00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:48,327 I was known to most as "the ice princess of Canarsie." 43 00:01:48,362 --> 00:01:53,201 When it came to ice skating, no one could touch my laces. 44 00:01:53,272 --> 00:01:54,317 Mm-mm. 45 00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:56,567 Except, of course, for my husband, Harold. 46 00:01:56,573 --> 00:01:57,946 But, now that he's gone, 47 00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,781 I can hit the ice once again. 48 00:02:01,301 --> 00:02:03,253 I've hired a nice, young man, 49 00:02:03,305 --> 00:02:05,526 who looks like a Bulgarian prison guard, 50 00:02:05,527 --> 00:02:07,327 to give me a refresher. 51 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,682 Harold hated Bulgarians. 52 00:02:09,958 --> 00:02:13,301 I'm massaging my legs in preparation, 53 00:02:13,756 --> 00:02:16,521 - but I'm an ice dancer. - Oh, okay. 54 00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:18,958 And what I used to do is, I used to put cream 55 00:02:19,175 --> 00:02:21,741 into my legs to loosen them up. 56 00:02:22,004 --> 00:02:24,687 - Got it. - I used, like, a monistat cream. 57 00:02:25,084 --> 00:02:28,013 - On your legs? - On my legs, yeah. Anyway, 58 00:02:28,054 --> 00:02:29,321 this leg is ready. 59 00:02:29,355 --> 00:02:31,409 - This leg, I'm worried about. - Okay. 60 00:02:31,444 --> 00:02:33,625 This is my assistant, Ricky. Come, Ricky. 61 00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:36,454 Meet Michael, the instructor. 62 00:02:37,027 --> 00:02:38,213 Hey, Ricky. 63 00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:39,675 - Pleasure. Pleasure to meet you. - Hi. 64 00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:41,831 - Likewise, yeah. - Yeah, how ya doin'? 65 00:02:41,866 --> 00:02:43,398 - Good. - Come sit with me. 66 00:02:43,439 --> 00:02:45,151 - You gonna be ice skating today? - No. 67 00:02:45,514 --> 00:02:46,653 What? 68 00:02:46,906 --> 00:02:47,904 Why not? 69 00:02:48,024 --> 00:02:49,026 I don't ice skate. 70 00:02:49,146 --> 00:02:51,124 You know, he suffers from depression. 71 00:02:51,142 --> 00:02:52,334 He wakes up in the morning. 72 00:02:52,345 --> 00:02:54,064 He doesn't wanna roll out of bed. 73 00:02:54,129 --> 00:02:56,297 So, why don't you come on the ice with me? 74 00:02:56,315 --> 00:02:57,407 - Listen to me. - No. 75 00:02:57,472 --> 00:02:59,635 - No. - What is wrong with you? 76 00:02:59,652 --> 00:03:01,798 I'm... I'm not goin'... I'm not going on the ice. 77 00:03:01,809 --> 00:03:03,536 Sorry. I'm... I'm sorry. 78 00:03:03,557 --> 00:03:05,415 I rented out this whole thing. 79 00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:07,543 - Uh, you think I... I... I wanna be alone. - For you to skate, 80 00:03:07,549 --> 00:03:08,251 - all right? - Yeah, but 81 00:03:08,263 --> 00:03:11,203 - I thought we would do it together. - No, no, no. 82 00:03:11,273 --> 00:03:12,397 I tell you what. 83 00:03:12,432 --> 00:03:14,466 I don't feel safe... no offense. 84 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:16,037 I don't care if you have the hand of god. 85 00:03:16,069 --> 00:03:18,603 I don't feel safe unless you're on the ice with me. 86 00:03:18,638 --> 00:03:20,263 No, I don't feel safe on the ice, 87 00:03:20,286 --> 00:03:21,326 and neither should you. 88 00:03:21,350 --> 00:03:23,990 - If you fall, you can break your hip on the ice. - No, no, no. 89 00:03:23,992 --> 00:03:24,506 No. 90 00:03:24,547 --> 00:03:27,409 When was the last time you had 76-year-old woman on the ice? 91 00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:30,549 See? That's my point. 92 00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:33,833 I think we have missed your opportunity to even do this. 93 00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:36,638 I don't look like that when I talk. 94 00:03:37,909 --> 00:03:39,757 You don't have to mock... 95 00:03:40,934 --> 00:03:43,895 Don't mock me. This is serious, okay? 96 00:03:43,930 --> 00:03:45,771 Stop mocking me! 97 00:03:48,768 --> 00:03:50,694 - I can't believe I'm doing this. - Here we go. 98 00:03:50,736 --> 00:03:51,973 Harold! 99 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,005 Do you see me, Harold? 100 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,167 You dead bastard. 101 00:03:56,189 --> 00:03:57,314 We gotta keep you safe. 102 00:03:57,365 --> 00:03:59,377 - That's... that's all that matters. - Yeah, but I'm very excited. 103 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,961 Ooh, I feel the cool air. 104 00:04:02,005 --> 00:04:03,437 My nipples are hard. 105 00:04:03,557 --> 00:04:05,848 Yeah. Okay, here we go. 106 00:04:05,885 --> 00:04:10,503 Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis. 107 00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:13,040 I'm back. 108 00:04:13,414 --> 00:04:15,272 You see, Ricky? 109 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,928 I'm back. 110 00:04:16,963 --> 00:04:19,745 - Come on. Join me, won't you? - Come on, Ricky, let's go. 111 00:04:19,746 --> 00:04:21,003 - Here we go. - Okay. 112 00:04:21,123 --> 00:04:22,289 No, no. Some... 113 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,336 - something's happening here. - Oh, okay. 114 00:04:24,370 --> 00:04:25,346 - Be careful! - Oh, god. 115 00:04:25,404 --> 00:04:27,086 - Please help. Okay. - Hold on. 116 00:04:27,117 --> 00:04:28,204 Okay. I got ya. 117 00:04:28,233 --> 00:04:29,608 Come on. Come on. Oh, god. 118 00:04:29,642 --> 00:04:31,430 Okay, okay. 119 00:04:32,078 --> 00:04:33,622 Oh-oh, god. 120 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,884 I can do it. One, two. 121 00:04:34,914 --> 00:04:36,398 Grab ahold! 122 00:04:36,427 --> 00:04:38,598 - Okay. - Ooh, I'm already in pain. 123 00:04:38,642 --> 00:04:40,252 - But that's okay. It's a good pain. - Okay, all right. 124 00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:43,522 ♪ whoo-hee-hoo-ha-hoo ♪ 125 00:04:43,556 --> 00:04:46,525 ♪ oh here I am, everyone ♪ 126 00:04:46,559 --> 00:04:50,529 - ♪ back again once more ♪ - Glide. 127 00:04:50,563 --> 00:04:52,326 - Slow and steady, Gigi! - Forward, nice and tight. 128 00:04:52,343 --> 00:04:54,447 I'm in my element. Whoo! 129 00:04:54,567 --> 00:04:56,349 Oh, it's coming back to me. 130 00:04:56,382 --> 00:04:58,538 Oh, yes, indeed. 131 00:04:59,953 --> 00:05:01,907 I'm in my ele... oh, god. 132 00:05:01,941 --> 00:05:03,325 Oh! 133 00:05:03,576 --> 00:05:04,776 On three. One, two, three. 134 00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:06,344 Back up. 135 00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:08,311 - Okay, we got it. - Oh, god. 136 00:05:08,347 --> 00:05:10,258 Gigi! 137 00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:11,754 - Are you okay? - That one hurt a little more. 138 00:05:11,784 --> 00:05:13,566 Let's roll over. We gotta roll over again. 139 00:05:13,589 --> 00:05:15,366 Once I roll over... 140 00:05:15,945 --> 00:05:17,938 - Okay. - Okay. Oh, too far. 141 00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:19,338 - Oh-oh-oh, god. - Oh, okay. 142 00:05:19,365 --> 00:05:20,796 - Come back. - You mean just one time? 143 00:05:20,815 --> 00:05:22,152 - Just to the... just to the... - Oh, oh, oh, oh. 144 00:05:22,161 --> 00:05:24,067 - Just to the stomach. Hurry it up. There we go. - I'm very buoyant. 145 00:05:24,069 --> 00:05:25,392 - Okay. - I'm very buoyant. 146 00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:26,019 Okay. 147 00:05:26,033 --> 00:05:27,529 But I didn't know it would feel this good. 148 00:05:27,571 --> 00:05:31,436 Oh, how glorious it was to skate again. 149 00:05:31,470 --> 00:05:35,666 The freedom and... and liberation I felt was so incredible. 150 00:05:35,689 --> 00:05:38,256 I imagine it's how Anne Frank felt 151 00:05:38,275 --> 00:05:40,557 when she finally emerged from that attic 152 00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:42,455 after the end of the war. 153 00:05:43,306 --> 00:05:46,677 I... I really should finish reading that diary. 154 00:05:46,953 --> 00:05:48,617 - Still feeling good? - Yeah, watch me. 155 00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:49,953 - Okay. - I can glide. 156 00:05:49,957 --> 00:05:50,735 Here we go. There you go. 157 00:05:50,743 --> 00:05:52,363 - Oh, I'm gliding. - Keep that core tight. You got it. 158 00:05:52,363 --> 00:05:53,058 Whoo! 159 00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:54,989 - You got it. - Yes, indeed, I am. 160 00:05:54,997 --> 00:05:56,130 You got it. Good. 161 00:05:56,882 --> 00:05:59,294 - For a 76-year-old... - You're not doin' too bad. 162 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,401 You got it. 163 00:06:00,454 --> 00:06:01,572 *** 164 00:06:04,995 --> 00:06:06,625 - Come on. Come on. - Are you okay? 165 00:06:06,662 --> 00:06:08,589 Oh, my god! Oh, god. Oh, god. 166 00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:10,464 Oh, god. Okay, okay. 167 00:06:10,509 --> 00:06:11,197 Are you okay? 168 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,115 - Ricky? - Yeah, let's get you up. 169 00:06:13,235 --> 00:06:15,776 Ricky, how did you get out here so quick? 170 00:06:16,490 --> 00:06:19,557 I, um, I just s... s... I skated. 171 00:06:19,748 --> 00:06:20,952 - Yeah, come on. - You know how to skate. 172 00:06:20,968 --> 00:06:22,550 I thought you never skated before. 173 00:06:22,555 --> 00:06:23,688 - Okay, ready? - Yeah. 174 00:06:23,723 --> 00:06:26,152 - One, two, three. Don't put weight on it. - Wait a second. You lied to me. 175 00:06:26,158 --> 00:06:27,206 - You lied to me. - Okay. 176 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,863 He lied to me. 177 00:06:29,788 --> 00:06:32,678 That little ball of androgyny lied to me. 178 00:06:32,711 --> 00:06:35,470 Uh, to me, I, his employer. 179 00:06:35,919 --> 00:06:37,845 That's grounds for termination. 180 00:06:37,873 --> 00:06:38,827 Mm-hmm. 181 00:06:38,995 --> 00:06:40,539 Next thing you know, he'll be tellin' me 182 00:06:40,562 --> 00:06:42,914 that his helicopter was shot down in Iraq. 183 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,828 You know, if he's lying to me about ice skating, 184 00:06:47,179 --> 00:06:49,213 who knows what else he's lying about? 185 00:06:49,227 --> 00:06:51,373 In fact, he could be an imposter. 186 00:06:52,715 --> 00:06:53,608 You know, 187 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,292 come to think of it, 188 00:06:56,604 --> 00:06:59,844 I've never seen Ricky and Ellen DeGeneres 189 00:06:59,964 --> 00:07:02,724 in the same place, at the same time. 190 00:07:02,844 --> 00:07:04,935 Ricky, you are an amazing ice skater. 191 00:07:04,964 --> 00:07:06,576 Yes, you are. 192 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,347 - Did you see him? - I did. 193 00:07:08,404 --> 00:07:09,962 Oh, he was terrific. 194 00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:12,590 I think I've got a new skating partner. 195 00:07:15,639 --> 00:07:17,294 Oh, once this foot heals up, 196 00:07:17,574 --> 00:07:20,109 we're gonna get out on the ice together. 197 00:07:20,292 --> 00:07:21,979 - Don't worry about that. - Oh, my god. 198 00:07:22,013 --> 00:07:23,411 You're a perfect skater. 199 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,150 Oh, once this foot heals up, 200 00:07:26,270 --> 00:07:28,498 we're gonna get out on the ice together. 201 00:07:28,521 --> 00:07:28,960 No. 202 00:07:28,988 --> 00:07:30,382 - Yes, we are. - No. 203 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,027 - We're gonna perform a routine. - Let's just... 204 00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:33,355 - let's get off the ice. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 205 00:07:33,383 --> 00:07:34,462 - Let's just get you off the ice. - Yep. 206 00:07:34,462 --> 00:07:35,407 Come on. 207 00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:37,085 - You remind me of Harold. - Almost there. We're almost there. 208 00:07:37,095 --> 00:07:38,123 We're almost there. 209 00:07:38,418 --> 00:07:40,307 - Come on. We're almost there. - No, let's get you off the ice. 210 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,027 Okay, okay. Okay, ready? 211 00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:43,098 Here we are, yes. 212 00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:45,366 Someone needs to lift me from the tuckus up. 213 00:07:45,804 --> 00:07:47,222 No, take me from the ass. 214 00:07:47,239 --> 00:07:49,958 - Oh, god. - Take me from the ass, and just lift up the ass. 215 00:07:49,958 --> 00:07:51,903 - Can you take her from... - Take, please. 216 00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:53,568 - Okay, here we go. Ready? - Now, lift up ass. 217 00:07:53,578 --> 00:07:55,195 No, under. You gotta go under, so... 218 00:07:55,481 --> 00:07:56,589 Yes, yes, yes. 219 00:07:56,612 --> 00:07:58,163 - Okay, you got it. - Okay, ready? 220 00:07:58,183 --> 00:08:00,263 No, no, no, from the... up. 221 00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:02,114 Put your hand up under there. 222 00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:03,223 - Okay. - There you go. 223 00:08:03,246 --> 00:08:05,322 - That's it. - Okay, come on. 224 00:08:05,357 --> 00:08:07,191 - That's it, exactly. - Okay, let's get you down. 225 00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:08,853 That's it exactly. 226 00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:11,831 Oh, Ricky, my sweet Ricky. 227 00:08:12,093 --> 00:08:14,548 My figure skater. You lied to me! 228 00:08:14,814 --> 00:08:16,409 How could you lie to me? 229 00:08:16,601 --> 00:08:17,582 I didn't. 230 00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:20,365 Ow! Ow! 231 00:08:22,119 --> 00:08:24,377 Ow! Ow! 232 00:08:24,723 --> 00:08:26,084 Ow! 233 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,165 - Be gentle. Be gentle with it, please. - It's okay. 234 00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:31,180 - Please. - I think there's swelling. 235 00:08:31,203 --> 00:08:32,830 - Is it here? - Yeah, that's where it hurts. 236 00:08:32,835 --> 00:08:33,719 - This hurts? - Yeah. 237 00:08:33,737 --> 00:08:35,636 - Let me... - Put the ice on it. 238 00:08:35,650 --> 00:08:37,067 - Good, good, good, good, good. - How's that feel? 239 00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:38,208 - Better? - That feels good. 240 00:08:38,231 --> 00:08:39,891 Do me a favor. Put it on my knee now 241 00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,691 - 'cause my knee is also in a lot of pain. - On your knee? This knee? 242 00:08:41,962 --> 00:08:43,856 No, th... that knee. 243 00:08:43,861 --> 00:08:45,741 Yes, this knee. Put it on that knee. 244 00:08:45,751 --> 00:08:46,920 I mean this knee. 245 00:08:47,079 --> 00:08:48,575 There ya go. Perfect. 246 00:08:48,614 --> 00:08:50,571 - That feels good. - That's better? 247 00:08:50,599 --> 00:08:52,610 Now, move it up just the slightest bit. 248 00:08:52,785 --> 00:08:54,386 - On your hamstring? Did you pull your... - On my hamstring. 249 00:08:54,419 --> 00:08:55,537 - Oh, yeah. - You pulled your hamstring? 250 00:08:55,555 --> 00:08:58,463 Oh, yes, and I sure did, and then move it right... 251 00:08:58,697 --> 00:08:59,524 that's... 252 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,464 - That's... - That's not even injured, is it? 253 00:09:05,482 --> 00:09:06,646 That's ideal. 254 00:09:07,137 --> 00:09:08,895 All right, I think you're just... 255 00:09:08,935 --> 00:09:11,691 - you're taking advantage of me. - No, I'm not. 256 00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:14,587 I'm not taking advantage. 257 00:09:14,707 --> 00:09:16,011 Thank you. 258 00:09:16,475 --> 00:09:18,143 I feel numb. 259 00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:20,728 Just as I began to feel better, 260 00:09:20,766 --> 00:09:23,028 it seemed Ricky began feeling worse. 261 00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:27,451 So, I decided to gently explore what in the world 262 00:09:27,470 --> 00:09:30,957 could possibly be bothering his lily, white ass. 263 00:09:35,194 --> 00:09:36,264 Hey. 264 00:09:37,196 --> 00:09:38,307 Hey. 265 00:09:38,898 --> 00:09:41,575 Why... why did... why did you tell me you couldn't skate? 266 00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:44,025 'Cause I can't, all right? 267 00:09:44,189 --> 00:09:46,222 But you can. I just saw you. 268 00:09:46,342 --> 00:09:47,714 You're so graceful. 269 00:09:48,107 --> 00:09:50,575 Why did you tell me you can't skate? 270 00:09:50,842 --> 00:09:52,904 Well, it's... my... my feet hurt, okay? 271 00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:55,111 - Really bad. - Well, cut the corn. 272 00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:57,987 It's not a corn. It's an ingrown toenail. 273 00:09:58,006 --> 00:10:00,972 Same thing. Corn, ingrown toenail, bunion, 274 00:10:01,005 --> 00:10:02,932 shmunion, Frankenstein toe, 275 00:10:03,011 --> 00:10:05,157 Doo-Doo face, monkey bird, 276 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:08,159 cockatoofy, and tusha-moofy. I don't give a shit. 277 00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:10,488 That's right. I said it. 278 00:10:10,866 --> 00:10:14,729 I've been waitin' for you for 40 years, bubby. 279 00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:17,693 I'll meet you on the ice in five, huh? 280 00:10:19,672 --> 00:10:20,654 Yah. 281 00:10:20,906 --> 00:10:21,940 Yah. 282 00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:23,141 Yah. 283 00:10:23,175 --> 00:10:24,142 Yah. 284 00:10:24,352 --> 00:10:25,377 Yah. 285 00:10:25,497 --> 00:10:26,736 Yah. 286 00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:29,209 Four minutes... 287 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,285 'Cause that took a minute. 288 00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:32,515 Yah. 289 00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:34,516 Yah. 290 00:10:36,355 --> 00:10:38,239 Yah. Okay. 291 00:10:38,253 --> 00:10:41,647 Oh, I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas day. 292 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,713 You, boy, what day is this? 293 00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:46,827 Why, it's the day you find the perfect skating partner. 294 00:10:46,865 --> 00:10:48,694 Oh, thank you, boy! 295 00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:51,377 Now, go, and run, and buy a kosher turkey, 296 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:54,711 and bring it to, uh, Bob, uh, uh, 297 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,583 Crap... Crapshits, or whatever the name was. 298 00:10:59,543 --> 00:11:01,114 I will train him, 299 00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:03,685 and he will become the ice fairy 300 00:11:03,699 --> 00:11:05,925 that I know is burning deep within his loins. 301 00:11:06,004 --> 00:11:08,653 Ricky was born to skate. 302 00:11:09,328 --> 00:11:12,746 More specifically, he was born to be my skating partner 303 00:11:12,765 --> 00:11:14,459 and make me look good. 304 00:11:19,632 --> 00:11:20,899 Oh, my god. 305 00:11:30,388 --> 00:11:34,385 Beautiful form. So graceful. 306 00:11:34,505 --> 00:11:36,517 It's a little boring what you're doing. 307 00:11:36,531 --> 00:11:37,797 I'm not gonna lie. 308 00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:40,450 There ya go! Wave that arm. 309 00:11:40,519 --> 00:11:42,282 Don't look at me. Look at the ice. 310 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,638 Look at the crowd. 311 00:11:43,689 --> 00:11:45,902 Envision the glory, the medal... 312 00:11:45,962 --> 00:11:48,422 The gold medal at the Faux Olympics. 313 00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:49,815 Jot those legs. 314 00:11:49,935 --> 00:11:52,181 Use your knees. 315 00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:55,651 Come on, now. We've only got an hour left on this rink. 316 00:11:55,771 --> 00:11:59,076 There's no sensuality. There's no grace. 317 00:11:59,105 --> 00:12:00,786 There's no form. 318 00:12:00,906 --> 00:12:02,256 There's nothing. 319 00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:04,155 I want sex. 320 00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:06,950 Get your hips into it. Use your hips. 321 00:12:07,170 --> 00:12:08,942 Don't look at me. 322 00:12:09,666 --> 00:12:11,453 How dare you look at me. 323 00:12:11,738 --> 00:12:15,814 You skate like Larry Flynt talks. Come on, boy. 324 00:12:15,832 --> 00:12:19,558 I want your soul on display, so I can crush it. 325 00:12:21,046 --> 00:12:22,650 Ooh-ooh! 326 00:12:23,262 --> 00:12:26,097 How dare you embarrass me in front of Jonathan. 327 00:12:26,217 --> 00:12:29,000 How dare you coach me like this, okay? 328 00:12:29,201 --> 00:12:32,235 It's really hard for me to c... concentrate on my performance 329 00:12:32,263 --> 00:12:33,895 when you constantly berate for me. 330 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:37,337 Skate for me, you little Canadian, fairy boy. 331 00:12:39,043 --> 00:12:40,642 O... okay, that was mean. 332 00:12:40,675 --> 00:12:42,456 I didn't mean to call you a Canadian. 333 00:12:53,726 --> 00:12:55,282 There we go. 334 00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:56,843 Yeah! 335 00:12:57,062 --> 00:13:00,309 If you'd like, I'll cover the rink in tapioca pudding. 336 00:13:00,318 --> 00:13:02,300 I know how you love tapioca. 337 00:13:02,334 --> 00:13:04,782 You're worse on ice than Tequila. 338 00:13:04,801 --> 00:13:07,457 For a Canadian, you skate like a Mexican. 339 00:13:07,527 --> 00:13:09,463 Come on! Let's do this! 340 00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:12,358 I may be hard on little Rickola, 341 00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,223 but it's only because, when I look at him, 342 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,870 I see a gay Johnny Weir. 343 00:13:18,361 --> 00:13:22,561 I've taken it upon myself to swaddle Ricky 344 00:13:22,575 --> 00:13:24,796 in a cocoon of fashion, 345 00:13:24,815 --> 00:13:28,987 and transform him into a beautiful, little butterfly 346 00:13:28,991 --> 00:13:31,498 of razzle and dazzle. 347 00:13:31,507 --> 00:13:33,845 He... he... he... he doesn't have 348 00:13:34,238 --> 00:13:35,697 what I call 349 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,338 "kishkes." 350 00:13:37,970 --> 00:13:39,564 He doesn't have the kishkes. 351 00:13:39,588 --> 00:13:40,939 - No? - No. 352 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,971 Oh... that's fine. 353 00:13:46,789 --> 00:13:49,412 You look like a Cuban hairdresser. 354 00:13:50,058 --> 00:13:51,382 You... you do. 355 00:13:51,554 --> 00:13:52,770 Daneen, what do you think? 356 00:13:52,779 --> 00:13:55,080 I think the ruffles work for you. 357 00:13:55,131 --> 00:13:56,651 - Really? - Yeah, I think so. 358 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,788 They add a little flare to it. 359 00:13:58,835 --> 00:14:00,799 The ruffles look like taco lettuce. 360 00:14:00,850 --> 00:14:02,220 I love it. 361 00:14:02,928 --> 00:14:04,432 Ooh! 362 00:14:04,441 --> 00:14:06,359 I love the sparklies. 363 00:14:06,401 --> 00:14:08,094 - They work. - I would like to put more. 364 00:14:08,103 --> 00:14:11,166 Maybe down on his chest, around his nipples. 365 00:14:11,189 --> 00:14:12,171 Says sex. 366 00:14:12,223 --> 00:14:14,434 It says lust. It says power. 367 00:14:14,439 --> 00:14:17,356 I think you look divine. 368 00:14:17,476 --> 00:14:19,629 I mean, really, like an angel from heaven. 369 00:14:19,689 --> 00:14:22,542 I wanna see how it... it looks when it's dynamic. 370 00:14:22,575 --> 00:14:25,114 So, show me some poses, kinetic poses. 371 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,918 - I'm not gonna pose... - Pose right now, I say. 372 00:14:31,757 --> 00:14:34,234 Oh, my god, it's coming to life. 373 00:14:34,244 --> 00:14:35,483 I think it works. 374 00:14:41,974 --> 00:14:43,415 I think it's 375 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,356 absolutely perfect. 376 00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:48,806 It's... it's somethin'. 377 00:14:48,841 --> 00:14:50,480 I love it. I love it. 378 00:14:50,517 --> 00:14:52,434 I love it, I love it, I love it. 379 00:14:52,448 --> 00:14:53,611 Stop looking there. 380 00:14:53,646 --> 00:14:56,343 That can be fixed. That can be addressed. 381 00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:58,115 You look wonderful, truly. 382 00:14:58,129 --> 00:15:00,714 I love it. How do you feel in it? 383 00:15:02,519 --> 00:15:03,646 There's no way. 384 00:15:04,474 --> 00:15:06,026 There is no way. 385 00:15:06,503 --> 00:15:09,560 I'm never wearing this, ever again, 386 00:15:09,616 --> 00:15:11,201 outside of this, 387 00:15:11,234 --> 00:15:13,922 - for you guys. - Twirl for me. Do a twirl. 388 00:15:14,367 --> 00:15:17,794 No! No, I am not comfortable in this! 389 00:15:17,845 --> 00:15:21,081 You can see every nook and cranny, and bruise, 390 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,611 and bump that I've ever had, since I was a child, 391 00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:24,939 in this outfit. 392 00:15:24,981 --> 00:15:28,343 And I am not gonna parade around on an ice rink, 393 00:15:28,366 --> 00:15:30,976 in front of people, in this. 394 00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:34,315 - Yes, you are. - I won't! 395 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,826 - Yes, you will. - No! 396 00:15:35,999 --> 00:15:37,542 - Yes. - No! 397 00:15:37,551 --> 00:15:40,581 I'm sorry. N... no way! 398 00:15:44,229 --> 00:15:45,589 You can see his dick. 399 00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:47,319 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, I think so. 400 00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:48,133 Why? You didn't look? 401 00:15:48,175 --> 00:15:50,363 - I wasn't paying attention. - Yeah, you looked. 402 00:15:50,368 --> 00:15:51,700 - Come on. - No. 403 00:15:51,705 --> 00:15:52,251 No? 404 00:15:52,270 --> 00:15:53,827 - Yeah, maybe. No. - I did. 405 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:55,370 Well, 406 00:15:56,001 --> 00:15:58,769 my ice fairy stormed off on me. 407 00:15:59,466 --> 00:16:02,987 For the record, you've never seen Robin storm off on Batman 408 00:16:03,174 --> 00:16:06,410 when Batman picked out his tights for him. 409 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,281 I guess this old bat 410 00:16:09,487 --> 00:16:11,264 will go without her Robin 411 00:16:12,022 --> 00:16:13,359 and skate solo. 412 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,613 - Here's a ten. - Oh, no, no, no, I said a ten men's. 413 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,445 That's a massive shoe. Massive. 414 00:16:21,469 --> 00:16:23,152 I understand. I know my feet. 415 00:16:23,161 --> 00:16:25,163 I've been walkin' on 'em for 76 years. 416 00:16:25,186 --> 00:16:27,056 Please bring me a ten men's. 417 00:16:27,084 --> 00:16:28,772 A ten in men's. 418 00:16:28,892 --> 00:16:30,936 Oh, god. 419 00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:33,262 Here you go. 420 00:16:35,098 --> 00:16:36,183 Ricky. 421 00:16:36,303 --> 00:16:37,408 Oh... 422 00:16:37,755 --> 00:16:39,845 thank you. Uh, listen, uh-uh, 423 00:16:40,163 --> 00:16:42,136 you must be so angry at me. I'm... 424 00:16:42,159 --> 00:16:44,203 I'm... I was thinkin' about what happened yesterday, 425 00:16:44,222 --> 00:16:45,854 and I'm... I'm just terribly sorry. 426 00:16:45,878 --> 00:16:48,023 You know, I get carried away. 427 00:16:48,239 --> 00:16:49,767 - I, um... - Hey. 428 00:16:49,805 --> 00:16:51,885 I apologize from the bottom of my heart. 429 00:16:51,899 --> 00:16:53,961 I don't care if you... if you wanna skate, 430 00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:55,994 or you don't wanna skate, or you can, or you can't. 431 00:16:56,041 --> 00:16:58,472 I just want you to be happy, my Rickola. 432 00:16:58,509 --> 00:17:00,380 I just want you to be happy. 433 00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:02,260 I lied to you. 434 00:17:02,294 --> 00:17:04,854 Um, skating's a lot for me. 435 00:17:04,934 --> 00:17:07,304 I was a really great skater, in Canada, 436 00:17:07,313 --> 00:17:08,543 like Olympic level. 437 00:17:08,571 --> 00:17:10,450 My dad was my skating coach, but he was, uh, 438 00:17:10,478 --> 00:17:12,367 an angry, kinda violent guy, 439 00:17:12,395 --> 00:17:15,018 and he would bite me any time I would make a mistake. 440 00:17:15,023 --> 00:17:16,804 - So, it's, like, really traumatic... - What... what? 441 00:17:16,823 --> 00:17:17,842 - for me to get on the ice. - He would what? 442 00:17:17,856 --> 00:17:20,159 - Your dad would what? - He'd bite me. 443 00:17:20,279 --> 00:17:22,280 - He would bite you? - Yeah. 444 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,963 - Where would he bite you? - J... just on the arm. 445 00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:27,057 - This arm? - He wouldn't break skin. 446 00:17:27,586 --> 00:17:29,134 I kissed the boo-boo. 447 00:17:30,856 --> 00:17:32,155 Oh, Ricky, I didn't real... 448 00:17:32,173 --> 00:17:33,925 this must be traumatic for you. 449 00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:35,862 - I was burying it. - Okay, I'll tell you what. 450 00:17:35,872 --> 00:17:37,471 - I had it bottled in. - Never mind, sir. 451 00:17:37,485 --> 00:17:39,465 Let's, uh, let's go home. 452 00:17:39,467 --> 00:17:40,608 Come on. Let's go home. 453 00:17:40,655 --> 00:17:41,796 - Come on. - No. 454 00:17:42,101 --> 00:17:43,100 No. 455 00:17:43,369 --> 00:17:44,582 I can do this. 456 00:17:45,004 --> 00:17:46,771 We can do this, you and me. 457 00:17:46,805 --> 00:17:48,514 - We can? - Yeah. 458 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,137 Eight and a half, men's. 459 00:17:52,348 --> 00:17:55,023 Oh, Ricky. 460 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:55,870 Yeah. 461 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:57,940 Oh, my god. 462 00:17:57,955 --> 00:17:59,596 We'll be talkin' about this for years. 463 00:17:59,619 --> 00:18:01,443 Ricky and Gigi take the ice. 464 00:18:01,508 --> 00:18:03,454 I wish you would've shaved your goatee, though. 465 00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:04,931 I asked you nicely. 466 00:18:04,954 --> 00:18:07,409 - I'm not getting rid of my go... - Don't make me ask again. Come on. 467 00:18:07,718 --> 00:18:09,934 - I'm not getting rid of my go... - Let's do this. Come on. 468 00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:12,282 Okay. 469 00:19:12,648 --> 00:19:13,869 Not the breast. 470 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:14,650 What do you mean? 471 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,581 - Touch it. It's better. - I... I'm not touching your breast. 472 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:17,708 It's better. It's more dramatic. 473 00:19:17,717 --> 00:19:19,607 - No. - Put your hand on my tit. 474 00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:20,701 - I'm not touching your tit. - Yes, you will. 475 00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:21,632 No! 476 00:19:21,752 --> 00:19:23,746 Come back here and put your hand on my tits! 477 00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:26,356 You son of bitch, you ruined it. 478 00:19:26,686 --> 00:19:29,291 It was so good up until that point. 479 00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:33,263 I think your hand should end up on my tit. I'm just sayin'. 480 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:38,433 The world hasn't seen a more dynamic and flamboyant pair 481 00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:40,427 since the likes of Patrick Swayze 482 00:19:40,444 --> 00:19:42,618 and that self-hating Jewish girl. 483 00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:44,909 You know, I may never skate again, 484 00:19:44,939 --> 00:19:49,059 but it was so glorious to feel the rush of performance 485 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:50,941 and the thrill of the skate. 486 00:19:50,947 --> 00:19:53,315 And I know that somewhere up there, 487 00:19:53,435 --> 00:19:55,740 my Harold is proud of me. 488 00:19:56,304 --> 00:19:57,692 Who knows? 489 00:19:57,973 --> 00:19:59,937 Maybe he's up there ice skating 490 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,251 with the late, great Nancy Kerrigan. 491 00:20:04,905 --> 00:20:07,987 She better keep her filthy paws off o you, Harold. 492 00:20:09,949 --> 00:20:11,638 You hear me, bitch? 493 00:20:13,930 --> 00:20:16,893 I'll smash you with a pipe, if I have to. 494 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:20,961 Wait a second. Nancy Kerrigan's alive. 495 00:20:23,419 --> 00:20:26,321 Okay. Ooh, you... are you tense. 496 00:20:26,441 --> 00:20:28,267 My goodness. 497 00:20:28,490 --> 00:20:31,471 Oh, you're sore, huh? Where are you sore, sweetheart? 498 00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:33,084 Uh, lower back. 499 00:20:33,095 --> 00:20:34,615 Lower back, yeah. 500 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,310 You know how to take care of that? 501 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:37,807 You do the gluteus. 502 00:20:38,648 --> 00:20:42,214 - Oh, you're... you're a... - Yeah, there ya go. Then, you grab it. 503 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:43,675 You grab it. 504 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:45,184 You squeeze it. 505 00:20:45,304 --> 00:20:47,363 You're so sore from yesterday, huh? 506 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,006 You gave it your all, didn't ya? 507 00:20:49,126 --> 00:20:52,192 Now, do me a favor, love. Turn over. 508 00:20:52,312 --> 00:20:54,904 Turn over. I'm not gonna look. 509 00:20:55,085 --> 00:20:56,494 I'm so relaxed. 510 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,190 Yeah, well, I'm... I'm one of the best. 511 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:00,339 Okay. 512 00:21:00,409 --> 00:21:01,800 Are you comfortable? 513 00:21:01,829 --> 00:21:03,033 Yeah. 514 00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:09,582 Are you, uh, are you perfectly comfortable? 515 00:21:09,615 --> 00:21:10,819 Yeah. 516 00:21:15,588 --> 00:21:17,845 Um, Ricky, mmm... 517 00:21:19,218 --> 00:21:21,130 Uh, can we talk? 518 00:21:21,337 --> 00:21:26,337 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -