1 00:00:03,611 --> 00:00:05,357 Allison! Big D! 2 00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:08,000 Shh! 3 00:00:08,025 --> 00:00:09,031 Reading. 4 00:00:09,056 --> 00:00:10,957 Okay, buzz killed. 5 00:00:10,982 --> 00:00:12,941 Time of death, 7:31. 6 00:00:13,869 --> 00:00:15,070 Where's Molly? 7 00:00:15,095 --> 00:00:15,956 At a party. 8 00:00:15,981 --> 00:00:18,210 A party on a weeknight? What is she, a rapper? 9 00:00:19,652 --> 00:00:20,885 What you reading there, animal? 10 00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:22,343 One of those Nancy drews? 11 00:00:22,368 --> 00:00:23,229 No, Ken. 12 00:00:23,254 --> 00:00:25,088 Though happy 80th birthday to that reference. 13 00:00:25,628 --> 00:00:27,108 Our son is reading a biography 14 00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:29,351 of German chancellor Angela Merkel. 15 00:00:29,376 --> 00:00:32,121 Oh, Angela. Didn't see that coming. 16 00:00:32,146 --> 00:00:33,423 Oh, no, she didn't! 17 00:00:34,977 --> 00:00:36,155 He's turning out weird. 18 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,262 So, the Merkster. 19 00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:40,791 Merkelangelo. 20 00:00:40,816 --> 00:00:43,167 I'm familiar. Teutonic gal. 21 00:00:43,192 --> 00:00:44,533 Kind of looks like Paul McCartney. 22 00:00:44,558 --> 00:00:46,550 Please. She doesn't look like... 23 00:00:47,661 --> 00:00:49,264 Oh, yeah, that is Paul. 24 00:00:49,622 --> 00:00:50,739 Hey, buddy. 25 00:00:50,764 --> 00:00:52,518 Why don't you slap a bookmark in that brick, 26 00:00:52,543 --> 00:00:54,333 and we'll go hit Saddle Burger. 27 00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:55,608 They got a new 64-ounce milkshake 28 00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:57,317 that comes in a plastic boot. 29 00:00:57,342 --> 00:00:59,222 Let's bounce. I'll go grab my lactaid. 30 00:01:00,331 --> 00:01:02,382 What are you doing? We were reading. 31 00:01:02,407 --> 00:01:03,824 He can read anytime. 32 00:01:03,849 --> 00:01:06,673 But the Milkshake Boot's only available while supplies last. 33 00:01:06,698 --> 00:01:08,824 Dave, boot! 34 00:01:08,849 --> 00:01:10,528 I feel like you're always the one 35 00:01:10,553 --> 00:01:11,799 that does fun stuff with him. 36 00:01:11,824 --> 00:01:13,199 He sees you as the fun one. 37 00:01:13,224 --> 00:01:15,164 Aw, thanks. I really do make an effort with the boy. 38 00:01:15,190 --> 00:01:17,938 I'm serious. All I do is read with him. 39 00:01:17,963 --> 00:01:20,196 And bitch and moan to me about it, but continue. 40 00:01:20,841 --> 00:01:22,092 When he was little, 41 00:01:22,117 --> 00:01:24,812 we used to have all kinds of mommy-Dave adventures. 42 00:01:24,837 --> 00:01:27,655 I would take him to the beach, the Children's Museum. 43 00:01:28,058 --> 00:01:29,288 Oh, my God. 44 00:01:29,313 --> 00:01:31,038 I can't remember the last time 45 00:01:31,063 --> 00:01:32,530 he and I did something fun together. 46 00:01:32,555 --> 00:01:34,223 Come on. Just last week, you took him 47 00:01:34,248 --> 00:01:36,815 to that... Place and he got a toy. 48 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,393 That place was the dentist. 49 00:01:38,937 --> 00:01:40,743 The toy was a toothbrush. 50 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,022 Okay, but you took him to that aquarium. 51 00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:44,466 That was also the dentist. 52 00:01:44,818 --> 00:01:46,535 There's a fish tank in the lobby. 53 00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:48,093 The dentist sounds like a blast. 54 00:01:48,118 --> 00:01:49,451 Hey, maybe I should take him there. 55 00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:51,874 Dave, come on! 56 00:01:53,622 --> 00:01:57,540 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 57 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,140 That was awesome, dad. 58 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,909 - Here, mom. - Oh, thanks, Dave. 59 00:02:04,935 --> 00:02:06,045 Wash it by hand. 60 00:02:06,070 --> 00:02:08,919 It says dishwasher-safe, but I don't want to risk it. 61 00:02:09,306 --> 00:02:11,820 Good night, partner. 62 00:02:11,845 --> 00:02:13,612 So, you had a good time, huh? 63 00:02:13,942 --> 00:02:16,276 Well, tomorrow, he and I are gonna have a good time. 64 00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:19,085 I'm taking him on an old-school mommy-Dave adventure. 65 00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:21,444 I need to show him that I can still be the fun one. 66 00:02:21,469 --> 00:02:22,801 Good for you, Bae. 67 00:02:22,826 --> 00:02:24,617 What are you gonna do? Saddle Burger? 68 00:02:24,641 --> 00:02:25,841 No. 69 00:02:25,866 --> 00:02:28,108 Any lazy parent can take a kid to Saddle Burger. 70 00:02:30,137 --> 00:02:32,192 I'm gonna solidify our mother-son bond 71 00:02:32,217 --> 00:02:34,087 during this critical time in his development. 72 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,741 So, Saddle Burger. 73 00:02:35,766 --> 00:02:37,216 No. 74 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,525 I went online and found out 75 00:02:38,550 --> 00:02:40,082 the author of that Merkel biography 76 00:02:40,107 --> 00:02:42,471 is doing a reading tomorrow night downtown. 77 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,504 It's an hour away. 78 00:02:43,529 --> 00:02:45,029 It's gonna be like a mini road trip. 79 00:02:45,054 --> 00:02:47,069 And he gets to stay up late. Oh, he's gonna love it! 80 00:02:47,094 --> 00:02:49,897 Babe, stop selling. It's Merkel. I get it. 81 00:02:49,938 --> 00:02:53,778 Hey, guys. What's up? 82 00:02:53,803 --> 00:02:55,348 Hey, Mol. It's not even 9:00. 83 00:02:55,373 --> 00:02:56,827 What happened to the party? 84 00:02:57,042 --> 00:02:58,518 Okay, I'll tell you guys what happened 85 00:02:58,543 --> 00:03:00,343 if you promise not to get mad at me. 86 00:03:00,696 --> 00:03:03,266 I don't think we want to give up our right to get mad. 87 00:03:04,345 --> 00:03:05,963 We might end up wanting that. 88 00:03:05,988 --> 00:03:08,246 If we get mad, she won't tell us. 89 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,199 Good point. 90 00:03:09,224 --> 00:03:10,507 Can we ask questions? 91 00:03:10,589 --> 00:03:12,149 Hmm... You each get one. 92 00:03:12,174 --> 00:03:13,624 I don't think we're gonna do better than this. 93 00:03:13,649 --> 00:03:14,905 Fine. Proceed. 94 00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:16,792 Okay. 95 00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:18,276 The police came and shut down the party 96 00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:19,934 because some of the kids were drinking 97 00:03:19,959 --> 00:03:21,394 and they were underage. 98 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,085 All right. Is there more? 99 00:03:23,110 --> 00:03:24,793 No, and not a wise use of your question. 100 00:03:24,818 --> 00:03:25,580 Damn! 101 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:26,734 Hold on. 102 00:03:27,054 --> 00:03:29,641 - Don't I get a question? - Yes! Good question, mom! 103 00:03:29,666 --> 00:03:31,014 - Damn. - Stop. 104 00:03:31,864 --> 00:03:33,163 New game. 105 00:03:33,188 --> 00:03:35,348 It's called "tell us if you were one of the kids" 106 00:03:35,373 --> 00:03:36,499 who was drinking." 107 00:03:36,524 --> 00:03:38,858 It's similar to scattergories, except you tell us 108 00:03:38,883 --> 00:03:40,685 you were one of the kids who was drinking. 109 00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:44,026 I drank half a beer, but I thought it was gross, 110 00:03:44,051 --> 00:03:45,852 so I dumped it out on the lawn. 111 00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:48,921 Okay, honey. Thank you for telling us. 112 00:03:48,946 --> 00:03:50,613 You're welcome. Good night. 113 00:03:56,264 --> 00:03:58,372 "Thank you for telling us"? 114 00:03:58,681 --> 00:04:01,340 It's called positively reinforcing 115 00:04:01,365 --> 00:04:02,582 our daughter's honesty. 116 00:04:02,607 --> 00:04:03,950 Okay, while we're doing that, 117 00:04:03,975 --> 00:04:06,175 I'm thinking boarding school, the marines, 118 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,943 something in the religious world? 119 00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:11,051 Listen to you. I thought you were the fun one. 120 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,592 I'm fun with Dave. Molly's a raging alcoholic! 121 00:04:13,617 --> 00:04:15,763 Okay, okay, Ken. 122 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,876 Take a knee. Let's just talk this through. 123 00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,452 Oh, I know what you're gonna say. 124 00:04:19,477 --> 00:04:22,545 "I'm Allison... Our daughter was honest with us," 125 00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:24,637 just like I was with my hippie parents 126 00:04:24,662 --> 00:04:26,417 "on that groovy commune." 127 00:04:26,802 --> 00:04:29,454 Look, there's no reason to make this into a thing. 128 00:04:29,488 --> 00:04:30,424 But it is a thing. 129 00:04:30,466 --> 00:04:32,519 Our teenage daughter was drinking. 130 00:04:32,544 --> 00:04:33,794 You know what my dad did to me 131 00:04:33,819 --> 00:04:35,534 the one time he caught me drinking? 132 00:04:35,559 --> 00:04:36,713 This! 133 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:38,777 He burned you? 134 00:04:38,802 --> 00:04:40,640 No, he said, "I'm a-disappointed" 135 00:04:40,665 --> 00:04:41,699 for over an hour. 136 00:04:41,724 --> 00:04:44,259 I finally nodded off and fell on my mom's curling iron. 137 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:48,287 But the point is, he didn't just do nothing. 138 00:04:48,449 --> 00:04:50,967 Remember when you thought Molly snuck out 139 00:04:50,992 --> 00:04:53,093 and I said we should back off, but you couldn't let it go? 140 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,095 What happened? 141 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:54,929 I went a little rogue. 142 00:04:54,954 --> 00:04:56,427 - And then? - To a rave. 143 00:04:56,452 --> 00:04:57,652 - And ended up? - In jail. 144 00:04:57,677 --> 00:04:58,810 Right. 145 00:04:58,835 --> 00:05:00,616 This time, we do it my way. 146 00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,488 Hey, I did my time! 147 00:05:02,513 --> 00:05:04,753 Society forgave me. Why can't you? 148 00:05:04,778 --> 00:05:06,239 Thug life, yo! 149 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,374 People, I'm gonna say a number, 150 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,608 and I want you to tell me what you think it represents. 151 00:05:17,633 --> 00:05:19,367 - 77. - Your I.Q. 152 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:20,600 How many girls you had to ask to the prom? 153 00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:21,725 The number of times you cried this week. 154 00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:22,784 The year you bought that suit? 155 00:05:24,059 --> 00:05:26,325 The number of one-armed push-ups you can do? 156 00:05:27,525 --> 00:05:29,691 I don't have your guys' seniority. 157 00:05:29,716 --> 00:05:31,611 Latex gloves. 158 00:05:31,636 --> 00:05:33,643 Yesterday alone, this wing of the clinic 159 00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:36,387 used 77 pairs of these bad boys. 160 00:05:37,306 --> 00:05:39,980 From now on, don't automatically put them on 161 00:05:40,005 --> 00:05:41,219 for every appointment. 162 00:05:41,244 --> 00:05:43,546 You know, wait till things start to get... 163 00:05:43,856 --> 00:05:45,107 Prostate-y. 164 00:05:45,132 --> 00:05:47,900 Pat, why don't you go climb into the MRI machine 165 00:05:47,925 --> 00:05:49,499 with all the people who like you. 166 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,890 Okay. But I'll be back. 167 00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,357 I didn't mean that threateningly. 168 00:05:56,382 --> 00:05:58,682 It's just I work here and I often pass this way. 169 00:06:00,377 --> 00:06:03,987 Limit our glove use? That is crazy fo' sho. 170 00:06:04,012 --> 00:06:05,563 - Unh-unh, don't do that. - Really? 171 00:06:05,588 --> 00:06:07,455 We're not at that place where we can playfully draw upon 172 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,813 each other's stereotypes for emphasis? 173 00:06:08,838 --> 00:06:10,556 No, you spit on me when you said "fo' sho." 174 00:06:10,581 --> 00:06:12,274 Oh. 175 00:06:12,299 --> 00:06:15,544 Man, that guy always manages to come in when I'm in a bad mood. 176 00:06:15,569 --> 00:06:18,365 Ohh, what's crunching your crackers, Dr. Ken? 177 00:06:19,933 --> 00:06:21,733 Molly. She's been drinking. 178 00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:23,659 - A lot? - Half a beer. 179 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:26,127 Or as they call it in Korea, a whore's breakfast. 180 00:06:27,203 --> 00:06:28,741 And Allison doesn't even think we should... 181 00:06:28,766 --> 00:06:31,564 I'm sorry I'm late, everyone, but there's a reason. 182 00:06:31,589 --> 00:06:33,785 Topher and I broke up. 183 00:06:38,416 --> 00:06:41,863 Anyway, Allison doesn't even want to punish her. 184 00:06:41,888 --> 00:06:43,916 So I'm supposed to just sit by and watch 185 00:06:43,941 --> 00:06:46,860 while my daughter turns into Dudley Moore from "Arthur." 186 00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:48,777 Or Russell Brand from "Arthur"! 187 00:06:48,802 --> 00:06:50,737 Or Russell Brand! 188 00:06:51,665 --> 00:06:54,649 It seems like the right response for half a beer. 189 00:06:54,674 --> 00:06:56,341 Okay, Damona, accurate sarcasm 190 00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:58,193 is not what Dr. Ken needs right now. 191 00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,152 He needs a hug. 192 00:07:00,177 --> 00:07:01,583 Oh, okay, okay, all right. 193 00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:03,137 Okay, I have read this wrong. 194 00:07:05,393 --> 00:07:07,510 Sounds like this marital conflict 195 00:07:07,535 --> 00:07:10,526 isn't just about not wanting to take hip-hop dance classes. 196 00:07:10,551 --> 00:07:12,769 It's about teenage drinking. 197 00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:14,938 First of all, I'm taking the class without her and it's fine. 198 00:07:14,950 --> 00:07:17,013 I'm partnered with the teacher. 199 00:07:17,122 --> 00:07:19,776 But you're right. What am I gonna do? 200 00:07:19,801 --> 00:07:22,989 Well, when my mom caught me sneaking a glass of wine, 201 00:07:23,014 --> 00:07:25,802 she sat me down and made me drink the whole bottle. 202 00:07:25,827 --> 00:07:27,244 You know what? 203 00:07:27,269 --> 00:07:28,654 I think your mom had it figured out. 204 00:07:28,679 --> 00:07:29,978 Definitely, she figured out 205 00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:32,325 how to give a 14-year-old a Chablis dependency. 206 00:07:33,226 --> 00:07:34,910 Wait. 207 00:07:34,935 --> 00:07:37,887 You're gonna make Molly drink until she gets sick? 208 00:07:37,912 --> 00:07:38,946 No. 209 00:07:38,971 --> 00:07:41,089 I'm gonna sit her down, let her drink, 210 00:07:41,114 --> 00:07:43,398 and educate her about what it does to people 211 00:07:43,423 --> 00:07:45,880 because that's what doctors do. 212 00:07:45,905 --> 00:07:47,395 And that's what I'm gonna do 213 00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:49,867 the moment I get home from hip-hop class. 214 00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:00,928 Hello, Molly. 215 00:08:00,953 --> 00:08:02,500 Aah! Aah. 216 00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:03,541 Where are you going? 217 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,333 To a party at Kyle Cronin's house. 218 00:08:05,358 --> 00:08:06,036 Mnh-mnh. 219 00:08:06,062 --> 00:08:07,202 Mom said I could go. 220 00:08:07,227 --> 00:08:09,394 Well, mom's not here, is she? 221 00:08:09,419 --> 00:08:10,652 Seriously. Is she? 222 00:08:10,677 --> 00:08:12,960 It's not even a big party. 223 00:08:12,985 --> 00:08:14,257 It's just some kids hanging out. 224 00:08:14,282 --> 00:08:15,192 And it's two blocks away. 225 00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:17,288 Well, you know which house is no blocks away? 226 00:08:17,313 --> 00:08:18,304 Here. 227 00:08:19,524 --> 00:08:22,507 You're making me stay home? I drank half a beer. 228 00:08:22,532 --> 00:08:23,975 I'm not gonna even tell you 229 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,630 what they call that in Korea. 230 00:08:26,202 --> 00:08:28,120 Look, you're obviously at an age 231 00:08:28,145 --> 00:08:29,549 where you're around drinking, so... 232 00:08:29,574 --> 00:08:30,574 I just want to show you 233 00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:32,071 the effects of alcohol on the human body 234 00:08:32,096 --> 00:08:34,158 so you can make responsible decisions. 235 00:08:34,183 --> 00:08:35,548 I cannot believe this. 236 00:08:35,573 --> 00:08:37,224 Well, believe it, 'cause it's happening, 237 00:08:37,249 --> 00:08:39,147 and that is fo' sho. 238 00:08:39,947 --> 00:08:41,508 - Ew. - Sorry. 239 00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:43,557 I get spitty when I go urban, so... 240 00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:46,371 Just hear me out. 241 00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:48,507 The gloved hand does the dirty work. 242 00:08:48,532 --> 00:08:51,839 You know, all the... And... 243 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,287 Ugh. 244 00:08:53,914 --> 00:08:56,584 But the bare hand takes care of more pedestrian tasks, 245 00:08:56,609 --> 00:08:59,865 like writing stuff down or... Or high-fiving the patient 246 00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:02,400 when the gloved hand finds there's nothing wrong. 247 00:09:03,780 --> 00:09:07,200 I was about to go home early, and then I realized, 248 00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:10,001 my place is here with all of you. 249 00:09:12,575 --> 00:09:14,593 You know, with the whole Topher thing. 250 00:09:14,618 --> 00:09:17,202 Does no one care about my emotional life? 251 00:09:17,227 --> 00:09:19,050 I'm not sure I know who you are. 252 00:09:20,646 --> 00:09:25,004 Excuse me, but that is Dr. Julie... 253 00:09:25,029 --> 00:09:26,776 Oh, my god, this is the wrong moment 254 00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:28,076 for me to have blanked on her last name. 255 00:09:28,787 --> 00:09:30,370 Wow. 256 00:09:30,395 --> 00:09:32,747 Honey, you work at a mid-level H.M.O. 257 00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:34,284 where the supervisor counts our gloves. 258 00:09:34,309 --> 00:09:36,308 What did you think it was gonna be like... "Grey's Anatomy"? 259 00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:38,415 Yes, I did. 260 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:42,209 "Grey's Anatomy" is the reason I wanted to become a doctor. 261 00:09:42,234 --> 00:09:47,716 The drama, the romance, and much more attractive people. 262 00:09:49,294 --> 00:09:50,594 Hey. 263 00:09:50,619 --> 00:09:52,217 They are as God made them. 264 00:09:52,242 --> 00:09:54,247 I don't know what y'all talking about. 265 00:09:54,272 --> 00:09:56,061 I look good. 266 00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:59,297 I thought that what was going on in our personal lives 267 00:09:59,296 --> 00:10:01,531 would neatly dovetail with what was going on with work. 268 00:10:01,565 --> 00:10:02,782 You know, like 269 00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:05,535 "what are we gonna do about this hypertension?" 270 00:10:05,569 --> 00:10:09,249 And "what are we gonna do about this sexual tension?" 271 00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:14,123 And I thought that maybe, just maybe, 272 00:10:14,148 --> 00:10:16,783 I would find my person. 273 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,852 But I guess that doesn't happen here 274 00:10:19,877 --> 00:10:21,761 at this impersonal clinic, 275 00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:23,631 where average-looking people greet you 276 00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:26,626 with above-average apathy. 277 00:10:26,910 --> 00:10:28,844 So now I know. 278 00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:32,006 Aw. 279 00:10:32,364 --> 00:10:33,938 You seem upset. 280 00:10:33,963 --> 00:10:36,570 Here. 281 00:10:37,772 --> 00:10:40,492 Have half a tissue. 282 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,196 Do you think he'll read about 283 00:10:48,221 --> 00:10:49,546 Angela's early years as a chemist 284 00:10:49,571 --> 00:10:51,335 or focus on her rise to power? 285 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,060 Mm, maybe he'll do both, Dave. 286 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:54,756 Don't tease me, mom. 287 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,662 Are we gonna be late? 288 00:10:58,687 --> 00:10:59,947 No. 289 00:10:59,972 --> 00:11:02,673 'Cause your awesome mom left a time cushion. 290 00:11:02,698 --> 00:11:06,227 Oh, crap. I missed the turn. 291 00:11:10,181 --> 00:11:12,716 Mom, was that an illegal u-turn? 292 00:11:12,741 --> 00:11:13,524 No. 293 00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:20,493 Mom, was that every major swear word in a row? 294 00:11:21,669 --> 00:11:23,762 Might have been, Dave. 295 00:11:23,787 --> 00:11:25,099 Might have been. 296 00:11:25,806 --> 00:11:29,087 Alcohol is absorbed directly into the bloodstream 297 00:11:29,112 --> 00:11:30,366 through the lining of the mouth... 298 00:11:30,391 --> 00:11:31,413 And the tissue that line the stomach 299 00:11:31,438 --> 00:11:32,784 and the small intestine. 300 00:11:32,809 --> 00:11:33,768 Please don't interrupt. 301 00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:37,631 And the tissue that lines the stomach 302 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,400 and the small intestine. 303 00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:41,362 Once in your bloodstream, 304 00:11:41,387 --> 00:11:43,068 it's carried to the organs of your body within... 305 00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,258 90 seconds. 306 00:11:44,283 --> 00:11:48,396 No, within about 90 seconds. 307 00:11:48,421 --> 00:11:51,340 Dad, I know all this. Please let me go. 308 00:11:51,365 --> 00:11:54,050 Molly, there's a difference between knowing it 309 00:11:54,075 --> 00:11:57,623 and experiencing it. 310 00:11:57,649 --> 00:11:59,194 Just go ahead and take a sip. 311 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,196 I don't want to. 312 00:12:00,221 --> 00:12:01,267 Seriously, it's okay. 313 00:12:01,292 --> 00:12:03,331 I'm just trying to create a safe space 314 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,765 for you to try this. 315 00:12:05,713 --> 00:12:07,436 Fine. 316 00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:11,884 Ew. This tastes like rust. 317 00:12:11,909 --> 00:12:13,540 Really? This is a nice cab. 318 00:12:15,929 --> 00:12:18,340 Oh, man, I needed that. 319 00:12:21,694 --> 00:12:23,995 Any idea why I pulled you over? 320 00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:25,248 Not really. 321 00:12:25,273 --> 00:12:27,314 Was it for hanging that sick u-ey? 322 00:12:27,339 --> 00:12:29,474 Bingo. 323 00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:32,335 Very dangerous maneuver, ma'am. 324 00:12:32,361 --> 00:12:33,303 Agreed. 325 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:36,199 I'll be back in a minute. 326 00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:39,023 Wait, Officer. 327 00:12:39,916 --> 00:12:41,867 I am... 328 00:12:41,892 --> 00:12:44,561 I'm really sorry about what I did. I... 329 00:12:44,586 --> 00:12:47,114 But surely a tall, handsome officer like you 330 00:12:47,139 --> 00:12:51,802 could find a way to forgive a... A sweet, silly woman like me? 331 00:12:51,826 --> 00:12:53,130 Please, sir? 332 00:12:53,155 --> 00:12:55,868 Ma'am, I'm not a sir. 333 00:12:55,893 --> 00:12:57,809 Copy that. 334 00:13:07,478 --> 00:13:09,597 Ahh. 335 00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:12,860 Now, how was I able to drink that so fast? 336 00:13:13,514 --> 00:13:17,357 Here's a secret big daiquiri doesn't want you to know. 337 00:13:18,416 --> 00:13:20,901 The fructose in the strawberry 338 00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:23,394 masks the taste of the alcohol. 339 00:13:23,419 --> 00:13:25,828 It masks it. 340 00:13:26,710 --> 00:13:28,855 "Hey, I'm the alcohol. Where did I go?" 341 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,723 Behind a mask. 342 00:13:32,429 --> 00:13:35,064 Okay. Next lesson... shots. 343 00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:36,435 Maybe you should slow down. 344 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:38,042 Maybe you should stop being my mommy. 345 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:43,106 The thing to keep in mind when doing shots is body mass. 346 00:13:43,131 --> 00:13:44,263 How much do you weigh? 347 00:13:44,288 --> 00:13:45,995 We weigh exactly the same, dad. 348 00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:48,399 96 pounds. 349 00:13:48,424 --> 00:13:50,770 Psst. We should share jeans. 350 00:13:52,142 --> 00:13:53,648 The point is, 351 00:13:53,673 --> 00:13:57,450 this will affect you and me the exact same way. 352 00:13:57,475 --> 00:13:58,955 L'Chaim. 353 00:14:00,775 --> 00:14:02,409 Whoo! 354 00:14:02,434 --> 00:14:03,734 That was noice! 355 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,646 Man, this is fun. We're having fun. 356 00:14:07,671 --> 00:14:10,450 "Yes, we are." 357 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:11,442 Of course we are. 358 00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:13,352 "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" 359 00:14:15,870 --> 00:14:17,404 The reading's full. 360 00:14:17,429 --> 00:14:20,048 No, seriously? For this guy? 361 00:14:22,298 --> 00:14:24,549 No offense. I'm sure it's great. 362 00:14:25,304 --> 00:14:26,688 It's okay, mom. 363 00:14:26,713 --> 00:14:30,121 Hey, why don't we call dad and meet him at Saddle Burger? 364 00:14:30,146 --> 00:14:32,856 No, no, no, no, no, Dave. That's your fun thing with dad. 365 00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:34,711 We... we can have fun things, too. 366 00:14:34,736 --> 00:14:36,718 Here. W-wait over there, honey. 367 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,583 Uh... Sir? 368 00:14:39,608 --> 00:14:40,741 I... 369 00:14:40,766 --> 00:14:42,108 "sir," right? 370 00:14:43,306 --> 00:14:44,723 Here's the thing... 371 00:14:44,748 --> 00:14:47,582 Um, my son and I used to do all this great stuff together, 372 00:14:47,607 --> 00:14:50,346 and now it's all going away. 373 00:14:50,371 --> 00:14:51,538 Why is it going away? 374 00:14:51,563 --> 00:14:56,366 Well, because... He's... Not well. 375 00:14:57,954 --> 00:15:02,875 Oh, so this is kind of a make-a-wish thing for him? 376 00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,219 Sure. 377 00:15:05,244 --> 00:15:08,687 Oh, my God, I am so sorry. 378 00:15:08,712 --> 00:15:10,013 Uh, hang on. 379 00:15:16,847 --> 00:15:18,550 He's so brave. 380 00:15:18,575 --> 00:15:21,554 My little fighter. 381 00:15:27,075 --> 00:15:28,709 This morning... 382 00:15:28,734 --> 00:15:32,207 This morning, I saw a raccoon 383 00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:34,285 stealing toys from the Ericsons' dog house, 384 00:15:34,310 --> 00:15:37,989 and I was like, "you get out of here!" 385 00:15:44,206 --> 00:15:47,225 I love your mother so much, man. 386 00:15:48,194 --> 00:15:51,005 You should respect your mother. 387 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:54,578 Although she overdoes it, she has good intentions. 388 00:15:54,604 --> 00:15:58,777 And then that raccoon disrespected me! 389 00:15:59,254 --> 00:16:01,889 You're not making any sense, dad. 390 00:16:01,914 --> 00:16:03,408 Aha! 391 00:16:03,695 --> 00:16:06,868 That's what I'm trying to teach you, girl. 392 00:16:07,619 --> 00:16:09,586 It's the all-o-col. 393 00:16:09,611 --> 00:16:11,752 It messes with your judgment. 394 00:16:12,224 --> 00:16:15,108 So, can I go to that party? 395 00:16:15,460 --> 00:16:17,344 You better. 396 00:16:18,863 --> 00:16:21,305 Thanks, dad. You sure you're okay? 397 00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:23,751 We live in the golden age of salted caramel. 398 00:16:23,776 --> 00:16:25,026 Enjoy it. 399 00:16:29,848 --> 00:16:33,118 It was those weekends in Dusseldorf 400 00:16:33,143 --> 00:16:36,526 with her Uncle Zigmund where young Angela 401 00:16:36,552 --> 00:16:40,505 first discovered the joy of political discourse. 402 00:16:45,536 --> 00:16:47,154 Is he okay? 403 00:16:47,179 --> 00:16:48,629 Yeah, he's fine. 404 00:16:48,654 --> 00:16:52,369 I mean... Every snore is a gift. 405 00:16:57,983 --> 00:16:59,866 And then he got totally wasted 406 00:16:59,891 --> 00:17:02,857 and shared some very regressive thoughts on the WNBA. 407 00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:06,952 It was the most uncomfortable night of my life. 408 00:17:06,977 --> 00:17:09,190 Molly! Ow! 409 00:17:09,215 --> 00:17:10,348 Molly! 410 00:17:10,373 --> 00:17:11,462 Oh, God. 411 00:17:11,487 --> 00:17:15,692 This is called a second wind. 412 00:17:19,895 --> 00:17:21,871 Molly. 413 00:17:21,895 --> 00:17:24,262 I love you so much. 414 00:17:26,371 --> 00:17:28,646 I used to give her a bath! 415 00:17:32,408 --> 00:17:34,837 What were you thinking? 416 00:17:34,862 --> 00:17:36,287 I was trying to teach Molly a lesson, 417 00:17:36,312 --> 00:17:38,113 and I guess the wheels kind of came off. 418 00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:39,055 Kind of? 419 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,918 When I came home, you were in the Ericsons' driveway, 420 00:17:40,943 --> 00:17:42,603 chasing their Cocker Spaniel with a rake 421 00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,085 'cause you thought it was a raccoon. 422 00:17:44,110 --> 00:17:46,413 I was protecting my family. 423 00:17:47,281 --> 00:17:50,917 We agreed to deal with Molly my way this time. 424 00:17:50,942 --> 00:17:52,026 And what did you do? 425 00:17:52,051 --> 00:17:53,767 - I went a little rogue. - And then? 426 00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:55,407 Got drunk and fought a dog. 427 00:17:55,432 --> 00:17:56,549 And now you need? 428 00:17:56,574 --> 00:17:58,780 A rabies shot. 429 00:17:59,473 --> 00:18:02,613 Look, I'm sorry. I completely screwed up. 430 00:18:04,009 --> 00:18:06,254 History just keeps repeating itself, doesn't it? 431 00:18:06,279 --> 00:18:07,468 Ugh! 432 00:18:07,493 --> 00:18:09,876 I am not America's dad. 433 00:18:09,901 --> 00:18:13,131 Well, I'm not America's mom, either. 434 00:18:13,377 --> 00:18:15,065 What's wrong with us? 435 00:18:15,105 --> 00:18:16,866 We've been parents for 16 years. 436 00:18:16,891 --> 00:18:18,438 We should be better at it by now. 437 00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:19,963 Dave didn't like the Merkel dude? 438 00:18:19,988 --> 00:18:21,271 He slept through it, 439 00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:23,965 and that was after I got nabbed for an illegal u-ey, 440 00:18:23,990 --> 00:18:25,275 accidentally hit on a lady cop, 441 00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,891 and pretended Dave was terminally ill. 442 00:18:26,916 --> 00:18:28,396 You hit on a lady cop? 443 00:18:28,421 --> 00:18:32,004 Whatever you're picturing, picture the opposite. 444 00:18:32,332 --> 00:18:33,964 Still plays. 445 00:18:34,829 --> 00:18:38,657 Hey, mom, can we have another adventure like last night? 446 00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,074 Really? You had a good time? 447 00:18:40,099 --> 00:18:41,120 I thought you fell asleep. 448 00:18:41,145 --> 00:18:43,479 I did, but mom drove super fast, 449 00:18:43,504 --> 00:18:46,004 said a bunch of swear words, and the cops came. 450 00:18:46,029 --> 00:18:47,682 It was badass! 451 00:18:48,095 --> 00:18:51,437 You know what, Dave? It was badass. 452 00:18:51,462 --> 00:18:53,137 And we're gonna do it again soon. 453 00:18:55,031 --> 00:18:56,455 Hey. 454 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,049 Oh, hey, guess what, Molly. 455 00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:02,202 I'm wearing your jeans. 456 00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,738 Molly, Molly... wait. 457 00:19:08,251 --> 00:19:09,302 I'm sorry. 458 00:19:09,327 --> 00:19:11,539 Yeah, you should be. You humiliated me. 459 00:19:11,564 --> 00:19:13,155 You looked like a complete idiot... 460 00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:14,814 And trust me, I am never gonna drink, 461 00:19:14,839 --> 00:19:17,444 because I never want to look like you did last night. 462 00:19:17,470 --> 00:19:19,331 Dave. 463 00:19:23,883 --> 00:19:25,489 Did you hear that? 464 00:19:25,515 --> 00:19:27,651 She's never gonna drink! 465 00:19:27,675 --> 00:19:31,294 It worked! I'm a good dad! 466 00:19:31,319 --> 00:19:32,665 And I'm a badass mom! 467 00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:35,549 You know what? 468 00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,011 Maybe we're getting the hang of 469 00:19:37,036 --> 00:19:38,368 this parenting thing after all. 470 00:19:38,393 --> 00:19:39,604 Fo' sho. 471 00:19:39,629 --> 00:19:40,702 Ugh. 472 00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:41,726 Did I spit on you? 473 00:19:41,751 --> 00:19:43,835 No, it's just racially uncool. 474 00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:46,784 Got it. 475 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,845 Julie? 476 00:19:56,224 --> 00:19:59,909 I also watch the "Grey's Anatomy," 477 00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:04,437 and I was thinking that maybe I could be your... Person. 478 00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:08,175 That is so sweet. 479 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:08,953 Hmm. 480 00:20:08,978 --> 00:20:10,895 Especially with this whole Topher thing 481 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,189 - and not having anyone here to share it with. - Mm-hmm. 482 00:20:13,214 --> 00:20:16,579 - I mean, I know deep down he might not be the one. - No, no. 483 00:20:16,604 --> 00:20:18,718 Excuse me. Dr. Julie Dobbs? 484 00:20:22,705 --> 00:20:23,746 Can I help you? 485 00:20:23,771 --> 00:20:25,104 Yes. I'm new here. 486 00:20:25,129 --> 00:20:26,462 Can you take me to the file room 487 00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:28,370 and show me how to file these? 488 00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:29,857 Oh, my God. 489 00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:34,121 Do you know how rude it is to interrupt a doctor 490 00:20:34,146 --> 00:20:36,169 when she's talking to her person? 491 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,513 - But I just wanted to... - A-bup-bup! Rude! 492 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,031 Just find the door that says "file room," Bro. 493 00:20:45,514 --> 00:20:47,757 Super annoying. 494 00:20:47,782 --> 00:20:50,102 Anyway... 495 00:20:50,470 --> 00:20:52,109 I just don't know 496 00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:56,970 how I'm ever gonna find someone else, you know? 497 00:20:56,995 --> 00:20:58,038 Okay.