1
00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:03,296
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ON TV)
2
00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:06,471
Come on!
Are you kidding me?
3
00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:07,631
What are you, blind?
4
00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:09,470
Ken, you screaming
isn't gonna change the score.
5
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:10,873
I don't care!
6
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:14,107
David Arquette's Waltz
was clearly the dance of the night!
7
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:17,340
Hey!
8
00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:21,444
Mother, Father,
thank you so much for coming.
9
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,453
To our living room?
10
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:25,217
Please just relax.
11
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:26,885
Dave!
12
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:28,926
Um,
what is this about?
13
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,460
- Warm snickerdoodle?
- All right.
14
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,623
Don't doodle it, Allison.
It's a trap.
15
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:36,869
(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS)
16
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:38,528
What is it that unites
all humans?
17
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,405
Money. No, power.
18
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:41,735
- Love?
- Now, think before you speak.
19
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:43,207
Chocolate! The Olympics!
20
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,512
What unites all humans
is their need to carry things.
21
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:47,705
Damn.
22
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,214
Hunters and gatherers
were nothing
23
00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:52,149
without something
to carry what they, well...
24
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,412
Hunted and gathered.
25
00:00:56,723 --> 00:01:01,057
On this piece of paper,
you will find what you call a backpack,
26
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,220
what I call
a dream catcher.
27
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:05,455
Molly, we're not gonna be
swayed by...
28
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,965
Wow, that is a beautiful bag.
29
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,501
Right?
It's a Gordon Ruby.
30
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,829
Okay, so how much
is catching dreams gonna set us back?
31
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:15,073
It's on the other side
of your handout,
32
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:17,200
but what is a price, really?
(CHUCKLES)
33
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,175
Okay, thank you
for the cookie.
34
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,108
Dad, I know it seems expensive,
35
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:23,774
but it'll last forever.
36
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:26,309
This costs more than my first car.
37
00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:27,715
No way.
38
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:29,487
But this isn't fair!
39
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:30,921
You want to know about not fair?
40
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,685
Call David Arquette. He'll tell you.
41
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:36,726
Look, it is not my fault
you settled in an affluent area
42
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:39,856
where something like the brand of your
backpack doesn't go unnoticed.
43
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,197
We are so sorry
for imprisoning you
44
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,600
in this upper middle class
Neo-Tuscan hell hole.
45
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:47,800
Mom.
46
00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:50,165
Allison...
Can I call you Allison?
47
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:51,843
It's a "no" from both of us.
48
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,948
You were only supposed
to throw the confetti if they said yes.
49
00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:00,185
That's why I wanted
a dress rehearsal.
50
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:06,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
51
00:02:09,562 --> 00:02:12,690
Okay, I am not saying
I want to go to prison.
52
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:14,323
I am just saying,
53
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:18,063
it would be nice to have
that much time to read.
54
00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,564
Clark, we all have
prison fantasies.
55
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,739
In mine, I'm being courted
by all the gangs.
56
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,480
Oh, Pat, I've got to leave
a little early tonight.
57
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,142
Before you tell me
the reason, no.
58
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:35,348
It's important.
I have dinner plans. My sister's in town.
59
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:36,718
Oh, Dr. Wendi's in town?
60
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:38,757
- Yep.
- Wait, Dr. Wendi?
61
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,157
The Dr. Wendi from
the Dr. Wendi show?
62
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:42,853
The star of my dream
where I'm sick
63
00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,954
and my doctor's Dr. Wendi,
Dr. Wendi?
64
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:47,127
Yes, that Dr. Wendi.
65
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,225
- You know my sister's show?
- Yeah!
66
00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:51,964
I used to watch it every day
when I lived in Buffalo.
67
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:55,233
Sorry to city drop like that,
but I lived in Buffalo.
68
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:59,570
Yeah, I guess they're shooting
in LA. This week or...
69
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:01,841
Yes, because they just became
nationally syndicated.
70
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,075
Oh, that's...
71
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:04,707
Your sister has
a national television program?
72
00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:06,884
Oh, yeah. It's huge.
73
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:08,511
Okay,
I'll tell you what.
74
00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:10,816
You can go early if
you get your sister to plug the clinic.
75
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,282
Fine. The four people
who watch her show
76
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,293
will hear all about Welltopia.
77
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,023
- I watch it.
- I know.
78
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:18,495
I was counting you
and your three cats.
79
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,691
(LAUGHS) That's a good one.
80
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,104
I just can't believe
that you and Dr. Wendi are related.
81
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:29,471
She is so compassionate
and witty and warm,
82
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,271
and you, uh...
83
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,737
You took it a different way.
84
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:37,014
So, what's it like
having her as a sister?
85
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,480
Well, to be honest,
she used to be a bit of a hot mess.
86
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,714
After college, she lived in an
airstream trailer in Santa Cruz
87
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,086
with some old hippie dude, Dax.
88
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,715
Not a fragrant man.
(CHUCKLES)
89
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:47,619
So, what happened?
90
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,423
Well, my parents
were freaked out.
91
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,554
I brought her back to LA,
treated her dreadlocks for lice,
92
00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:52,825
and helped her apply
to med school.
93
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,932
You are such
a good big brother.
94
00:03:56,002 --> 00:03:58,027
I just grow
where I'm planted.
95
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:01,335
Okay, one question.
96
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,403
Would it be cool
if I came to dinner?
97
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,438
- No.
- Got it.
98
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:08,208
Unrelated question,
99
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:10,044
where is the dinner?
100
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:17,483
Good evening, Dr. Park.
101
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:18,956
Welcome back
to Apple Bushel.
102
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:21,959
Thanks so much.
I appreciate you saving us our usual table.
103
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:23,518
Do you have change
for a $2?
104
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,564
Oh, no, please.
Your sister already tipped me.
105
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,566
She got here first
and requested this table.
106
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,235
Hello, hello, hello!
107
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:31,762
Hey!
108
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,032
(BOTH LAUGH)
109
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,198
Wen-Wen!
110
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,798
Allison, you sexy bitch.
111
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,536
I love this dress.
112
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,442
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'm not around kids very much.
113
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,912
But you guys
are sexy bitches, too.
114
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,213
Good to see you,
Aunt Wendi.
115
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,045
Sorry I had
to switch tables.
116
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,680
I can't sit
by the door anymore.
117
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:51,985
People keep
coming up to me.
118
00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,582
It just ruins the meal
for everyone.
119
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:55,285
People keep
coming up to you?
120
00:04:55,361 --> 00:04:57,625
What, like the busboys?
They're just refilling your water, Wendi.
121
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:58,857
(LAUGHS)
122
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,489
Oh, my God,
you are just blowing up.
123
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:04,400
Mom, Dad,
thanks for making the trip.
124
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:07,370
- How was the drive?
- No drive. Wendi send Uber car.
125
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,805
Uber Black.
126
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:13,178
Okay, um, well,
tonight's the prime rib meal deal,
127
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,077
which I highly recommend.
128
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,979
The baked potato's a dollar more,
129
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,483
but it's delicious.
130
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:20,542
Sometimes you got to live a little.
131
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,812
You really sold it. I'm in.
132
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,719
You know what?
Everyone get the baked potato tonight.
133
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,159
Dinner is on me.
134
00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:30,661
ALL: Oh!
135
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:32,196
Oh. Baller alert. (CHUCKLES)
136
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,326
Oh, hey, guys,
137
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,630
did you get the video of me
emceeing the HMO banquet?
138
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,534
So clever. So talented.
139
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:39,935
Yes, I am.
140
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:43,534
You know, I just taped
a little comedy sketch for Jimmy Kimmel.
141
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:45,404
Oh, the fat Jimmy?
142
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,739
Oh, he's the funny one.
143
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,337
That is so cool.
144
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,314
Wendi, you really big deal.
145
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,011
Yeah, so work's good,
146
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,987
and, uh, you know,
I'm taking my med school degree
147
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,989
and applying it
to save lives.
148
00:05:58,057 --> 00:06:00,753
Like, front line.
Boots on the ground.
149
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:04,757
Aunt Wendi,
can I take a selfie with you?
150
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,355
My friends will go crazy.
151
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,858
- (SQUEALS)
- I want one, too,
152
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,334
just in case
I make friends.
153
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:15,731
Oh, you are gonna
make friends
154
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,776
when you post
this awesomeness.
155
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:20,506
Allison, get that
pilates-toned ass in here.
156
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,980
I've only been twice,
but I really think it's working.
157
00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:26,808
- Come on, grandma, grandpa.
- DAVE: Get in here.
158
00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:31,916
- Ken.
- Okay, fine.
159
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,886
Wendi can't reach.
You take selfie.
160
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,258
Okay...
161
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:41,795
(ALL CHEERING)
162
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,199
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
163
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,998
- Ken.
- Yeah?
164
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,163
Take one from my phone.
165
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:53,044
WENDI: I fly
all over the world.
166
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,603
I did a nutrition workshop
at the White House.
167
00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,911
My TV show just hit
the five million viewer mark.
168
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,952
I'm like,
"how is this happening to me?"
169
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,020
Yeah, well, recently,
Welltopia was rated
170
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,286
the number-3 HMO
in the San Fernando Valley.
171
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:11,122
And I was also like,
"how is this happening to me?"
172
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,495
So, I get it.
173
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,591
This is all so amazing.
174
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:18,262
When I first met you,
I did not think you'd end up here.
175
00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:19,895
- Me neither.
- To Wendi.
176
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,733
- And...
- Her show.
177
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,377
(SPEAKING IN KOREAN)
178
00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:30,774
Seriously?
Korean?
179
00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:33,682
I picked up a little
on a syndication tour of Korea.
180
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:34,845
I wanted to surprise you.
181
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:38,252
They flew you to Korea
for free?
182
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:39,586
I want to be a TV doctor.
183
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,652
- You just have to study hard.
- Ish...
184
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,831
Well, I'm trying
to excel in school,
185
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,299
but my parents keep
stacking the deck against me
186
00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:51,802
by not getting me
a Gordon Ruby backpack.
187
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:53,270
Oh, I'll give you one.
188
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:55,500
- Really?
- I have a closet full of them.
189
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,542
People send me crazy stuff
for free all the time.
190
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:59,202
I'm like, "What?"
191
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:01,509
- Oh, my God!
- So generous.
192
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:02,912
Really great of you.
193
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,143
Look, we don't need
your charity backpack, okay?
194
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:06,477
Huh?
195
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,417
Because...
196
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:11,319
I'm getting her one,
you know?
197
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:13,085
Oh, my God,
that's so generous.
198
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,820
Really cool of me.
199
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,153
Seriously?
200
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,025
Well, I just like
to get the kids
201
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,860
a little something
when I come to town.
202
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,192
I've been taken with that
crumb sweeper all night.
203
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:26,370
- It's yours.
- No, no, no.
204
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,464
I'm getting him
the crumb sweeper, too.
205
00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:32,638
Geez, how do you say "thanks for
ruining all the surprises" in Korean?
206
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,339
(SPEAKING IN KOREAN)
207
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,971
How long were you there?
208
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,947
Hey, how was dinner
with your sis?
209
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:46,821
Did she pay?
Of course she paid.
210
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:48,155
For the first time ever.
211
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,792
Wow, you are incredible.
212
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,728
If I had a famous sister
like Dr. Wendi,
213
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:54,891
I would be so jealous,
214
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,868
and yet you are just
glaring at me.
215
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,669
You know, what's there
to be jealous of?
216
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,834
She's just a mid-level
television personality
217
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:05,275
who nobody even knows...
218
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,606
Oh, my God,
it's Dr. Wendi!
219
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,739
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
220
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,106
Can I have your autograph?
221
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:14,852
This is someone's
discharge papers.
222
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,021
Two birds, one stone.
223
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,751
Girl, I got to admit,
I didn't love you at first,
224
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:25,188
but you have grown on me,
225
00:09:25,264 --> 00:09:26,959
and he has shrunk on me.
226
00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:29,559
Dr. Wendi,
hi, I'm Pat Hein.
227
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,103
I'm the Medical Director here
at Welltopia Woodland Hills,
228
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:35,265
and we would just love it
if you could do a segment on us.
229
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:38,003
Well, I guess
I could do something about the sad state
230
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,773
of mid-level
corporatized medicine.
231
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:42,313
Name the day.
232
00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,943
So, what are
you doing here?
233
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,883
I wanted to come by
and apologize.
234
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:51,115
I feel like
I overstepped last night with the backpack.
235
00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:53,454
- And the crumb sweeper.
- Yeah.
236
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,016
Dave's turning out weird,
huh?
237
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,252
Yeah, we're keeping
an eye on it.
238
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,122
We are shooting
our last episode here tomorrow,
239
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:03,168
and I wanted to ask you
to come and be on the show.
240
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,964
We have a lot of doctors on
as consultants.
241
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,402
Oh, really?
242
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:08,639
Wow, I haven't
watched it yet.
243
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,175
- You know, busy Schedge.
- Please.
244
00:10:10,242 --> 00:10:12,733
You watch Judge Mathis
In your office every day.
245
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,411
We just need
a quick sound bite.
246
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:18,040
Mom and dad are coming.
247
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,642
It would be really great
to have my big bro on.
248
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:23,248
- I don't know.
- You have to do it.
249
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:26,120
You've always said
that you dreamed of being on television.
250
00:10:26,425 --> 00:10:30,452
No, I said "I had a dream
in which I was a television."
251
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,695
If you're gonna
throw my dreams in my face,
252
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,630
I'll find someone else
to share them with.
253
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,136
My mistake.
I'm very sorry.
254
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,300
Yeah,
I keep his dream journal.
255
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,341
He was not a television.
256
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:46,637
(APPLAUSE)
257
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,145
Okay, you guys, get ready
258
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,307
because Sugar, the wonder dog
is gonna tell us
259
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,374
which one of these people
has diabetes.
260
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:56,812
(BARKS)
261
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:57,947
Do you have diabetes?
262
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,520
Unbelievable!
263
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:04,961
Okay, who's ready for
an audience dance off?
264
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,225
What-what?
265
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,492
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
266
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:11,800
A diabetes-sniffing dog?
267
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:13,236
Are you kidding me?
268
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:15,406
I know. Incredible.
269
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,476
Yeah, incredibly stupid.
270
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:19,801
If you're worried about
having diabetes,
271
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:21,278
you shouldn't be
consulting a dog.
272
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,316
You need insulin,
not rin-tin-tinsulin.
273
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:26,713
Fresh.
274
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,481
A lot of people
are pretty into her show.
275
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,413
That's because
they haven't seen the show I saw
276
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:31,717
in that airstream trailer.
277
00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:33,418
It was called
"I Will Not Shower,"
278
00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:34,823
and it ran
for way too long.
279
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,422
Dad, you are, like,
the hero of all my friends.
280
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,500
- Oh, thank you.
- Do you have it?
281
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,330
- Have what?
- The backpack.
282
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,838
Molly,
sweet, sweet Molly,
283
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:49,096
that was never
gonna happen.
284
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:54,204
It was just something said in the middle of a
pissing contest between siblings.
285
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,848
So, you just lied to me?
286
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:58,873
Great parenting, Dad.
287
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:02,481
You heard her.
Great parenting.
288
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,489
Take away the tone.
That's a compliment.
289
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,627
I don't think Wendi
was involved in that pissing contest.
290
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:11,026
Yeah, she was.
She was big-timing me.
291
00:12:11,097 --> 00:12:12,587
Just like today
when she came to my office
292
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,064
and asked me
to be on her show.
293
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,134
How exactly
is that big-timing you?
294
00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:17,360
You just don't get it,
do you?
295
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:18,960
I really don't.
296
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:23,507
This is her chance
in front of mom, dad, and the entire world
297
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,670
to finally show up
her high achieving, handsome, athletic,
298
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,475
if he had been encouraged,
brother.
299
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,607
Ken, admit it.
You're jealous of Wendi.
300
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,585
(CHUCKLING) Jealous?
301
00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,449
Wow. (LAUGHS)
302
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:38,388
Who gave this lady
her therapy license, am I right?
303
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:41,350
Okay, fine, if you're
gonna make jokes to the lamp about me,
304
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,156
- don't do Wendi's show.
- No, no, whoa, whoa.
305
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,493
I'm gonna do it,
but as a real doctor.
306
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:47,054
I'm not gonna
condescend to people.
307
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,067
You know,
talk down to them.
308
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:53,564
Look, maybe I'm
just a therapist who's super smart,
309
00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:56,904
but you obviously have
issues with your sister, and at some point,
310
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,533
you're gonna have to talk
to her about them.
311
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,169
Okay, whatever.
312
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:03,238
Piece of advice for you,
don't marry a therapist.
313
00:13:03,315 --> 00:13:04,748
(CHUCKLES)
314
00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:06,980
I'm gonna
leave you two alone.
315
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,315
This is like
the second part of my dream
316
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:14,859
where Dr. Wendi
is my doctor
317
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:16,952
and she takes me
into the exam room,
318
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,896
but the exam room
is this green room.
319
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:22,825
Come on, guys,
act like you've been here.
320
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,164
Sorry. You're right.
321
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,533
I... Shrimp.
322
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,071
Aw, hell, no.
323
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,901
Dr. Park, you're on in 10.
You ready?
324
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,808
I was born ready.
325
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:36,177
Okay, I'm just gonna
tell them that you're ready.
326
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:39,012
All right, now remember,
the topic is heatstroke,
327
00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:41,052
and if there's a dance break,
we prefer that you dance.
328
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,417
- Yeah, I'm not gonna dance.
- It's okay.
329
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,514
- Even if you're not good...
- Yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.
330
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:48,116
I've got moves for days.
331
00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:52,558
But today, I come to you
as a doctor, not a dancer.
332
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:54,828
It's been great
meeting you.
333
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,302
Ken? Oh, Ken.
334
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,662
- What are you doing here?
- Well, I came to remind you
335
00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:02,331
that you promised
to plug the clinic on air.
336
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,773
Just say something like,
337
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,141
"Welltopia,
where well meets topia
338
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,975
"in the San Fernando Valley."
339
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:09,173
"Topia's" not a word.
340
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:12,706
Neither is shrimpgasm,
but that is what is happening right now.
341
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,678
AUDIENCE: (CHANTING) Chug.
342
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,625
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
343
00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:23,492
20 ounces down.
344
00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:26,793
44 more to go
for ideal hydration!
345
00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:31,563
And now, as a special treat
for heatstroke week,
346
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:35,606
I want to introduce you
to a super awesome doctor and my big bro.
347
00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:37,608
Please welcome
Dr. Ken Park!
348
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,104
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
349
00:14:39,245 --> 00:14:40,473
Yes! Yes!
350
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:42,537
Whoo!
351
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:43,809
Hi!
352
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,083
Hi.
353
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:47,413
(LAUGHS)
354
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,819
Shout-out to mom and dad!
355
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,883
So, avoiding heatstroke,
356
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,019
to wear a hat
or not to wear a hat.
357
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,427
That is the question.
358
00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,931
Well, I think we have to
back it up a little bit.
359
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,728
Heatstroke is a result
of the body
360
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,962
- trying to regulate...
- So, hats good or bad?
361
00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:07,636
Well, um, good,
362
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,231
but it's important to look
at all the factors involved
363
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:14,006
- in temperature regulation...
- Okay, so a hat it is!
364
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,274
Ladies and gentlemen,
Dr. Ken Park!
365
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:17,906
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
- Ken Park!
366
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,744
Coming up next,
we solve the mystery...
367
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,652
What that tricky SPF number
actually means?
368
00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:25,881
(AUDIENCE WHOOPING)
369
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,084
You can go now.
370
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,717
- I'm not done.
- You're not?
371
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,595
Uh, in order to
prevent heatstroke,
372
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,757
one must identify
the three main...
373
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:36,300
Okay, hats off to you,
big bro.
374
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:40,202
And now I have hats
for everyone in the audience!
375
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,534
What?
376
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,335
Look under your seat.
377
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:44,740
- You get a hat!
- Oh, my God!
378
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:46,505
You get a hat!
You get a hat!
379
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,375
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
380
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:50,808
Okay, you can't solve
everything with a hat, Wendi.
381
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,714
Well, you can solve heatstroke.
382
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,810
- Anyway...
- Not if you're young, elderly,
383
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:57,185
or have a compromised
immune system. Boom!
384
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:58,689
Whoo! Yes!
385
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,089
That's true, but we like
to keep things light on the show.
386
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:04,095
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
387
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:06,529
Uh, real medicine isn't light.
388
00:16:06,598 --> 00:16:08,429
People die on my watch every day.
389
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,831
Yes, they do!
390
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,268
Many people die! Whoo!
391
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,832
Hey, I do a lot of good
on this show,
392
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,467
and people take it
really seriously.
393
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:21,741
FYI, if someone
can do this on a show,
394
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,975
then it's not serious.
395
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:25,974
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
- You know, no, I am...
396
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,149
You just don't get it
because you're small and jealous.
397
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,587
I'm not jealous of a doctor
398
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,421
who went to med school
in the Caribbean.
399
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:35,755
(AUDIENCE MURMURS)
400
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:36,953
I mean, her diploma says...
401
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,428
(JAMAICAN ACCENT)
"Good job, mon."
402
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:42,067
You know what, he's right.
I did go to med school in the Caribbean.
403
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,329
A fully accredited medical school,
404
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:46,928
and I went there because
I took a different Path.
405
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,633
I wanted to have some fun
along the way.
406
00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:51,034
(CHUCKLING)
Yeah, you had a lot of fun.
407
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,838
At least I wasn't a virgin at 30.
408
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,277
(ALL GASP)
409
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:58,279
Sorry I respected my body!
410
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:04,716
(SIGHS)
411
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:08,921
Welltopia, where well meets
topia in the San Fernando Valley.
412
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,841
I invite you here, and you do that?
413
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:25,807
You just asked me here
to big-time me.
414
00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:29,614
I asked you here
because you're my brother and a doctor.
415
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,480
You know what I think?
You wish I was still a lost little 20-something
416
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,816
living in a trailer
in Santa Cruz, don't you?
417
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:37,821
Of course not. You had lice.
418
00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:40,356
Then my Camry had lice
for the next six months.
419
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,887
You've always been
the perfect one
420
00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:44,258
that mom and dad worshipped,
421
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:45,489
and I've always been the one
422
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,998
that did things
with an asterisk next to them.
423
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,297
Got a bachelor degree, in six years.
424
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,360
Went to medical school, on a boat.
425
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,902
Finally,
I have some success,
426
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:57,441
and I wanted
to show it off to you
427
00:17:57,509 --> 00:17:59,238
not because I think
I'm better than you,
428
00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:01,141
but because I thought
I owed it to you.
429
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,540
You bailed me out
so many times.
430
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,550
I couldn't do any of this
without my big brother.
431
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:08,783
I didn't know
you felt that way about me.
432
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,048
Of course I do.
433
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,612
I always have.
434
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:16,559
So, everything you have
is because of me?
435
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:19,425
Not everything.
436
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:24,026
Wow, everything you have
is because of me.
437
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,966
Okay, now I know
what Allison is always complaining about.
438
00:18:29,641 --> 00:18:30,733
Look, I'm sorry.
439
00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:33,573
I am small,
and I did get jealous,
440
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,538
but I'm also
really impressed.
441
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:36,808
I mean,
your show is legit.
442
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:40,616
Well, we could probably
dig a little deeper on some issues.
443
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:43,348
Either way,
you're helping people,
444
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,185
and I am
so proud of you.
445
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,315
Aww.
446
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,126
You know, I'm gonna be in LA
a lot now,
447
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,389
and I really want
to see you guys more.
448
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:52,657
I think
we'd all like that.
449
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:55,159
You know,
you're not the first Park
450
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:58,361
to dip his toe
into the world of medical infotainment.
451
00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:01,468
Remember my show on the campus TV
station back in med school?
452
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:04,208
That's right.
Yo! K-MD Raps!
453
00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:05,334
(LAUGHS)
454
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,434
(LAUGHS) Good times.
455
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:12,049
We are very disappointed
in you two.
456
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:15,415
You have brought shame...
Oh, shrimp.
457
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:18,384
Come on.
458
00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,326
So, when's the show
gonna be on?
459
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,887
Oh, it's never gonna air.
I wrecked it by fighting with her.
460
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:30,129
Apparently I cost the studio
over a million dollars.
461
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:33,770
Ah! It's like
I kept telling you,
462
00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:37,069
all I needed to do
was talk to Wendi about my feelings.
463
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:38,707
She just doesn't listen.
464
00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:40,506
Wives, right?
(CHUCKLES)
465
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:44,041
Look, I know you've
always been the star of your family,
466
00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:45,741
and it's not easy
to share the spotlight.
467
00:19:45,817 --> 00:19:47,079
So, you're saying
I'm a star?
468
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:49,716
No. I'm saying...
469
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,278
You know what?
Yes, Ken, you're a star.
470
00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:56,157
Oh, oh,
you can ignore me,
471
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:59,493
but you can't ignore this.
472
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,065
(SCREAMING)
473
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,729
(CLEARS THROAT)
474
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:11,298
There were other promises
made that night.
475
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:14,243
I remember.
Here's your very own crumb sweeper.
476
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:17,038
Oh, my God.
Who wants toast?
477
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,383
Yeah,
he's getting weirder.
478
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,019
Welcome to
Yo! K-MD Raps!
479
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:27,718
A live show
where you call in
480
00:20:27,793 --> 00:20:30,261
and I, Ken Park,
your resident resident
481
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,763
will rap about
your medical concerns with you.
482
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:33,889
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
483
00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:35,124
Oh, first call ever.
484
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:37,866
Yo, this is K-MD.
485
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:39,595
What yo problem?
486
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:43,066
MAN: I have a sharp pain
in the right lower part of my stomach.
487
00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:45,677
Yo, Steven, drop a beat.
488
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:47,906
(RAP MUSIC PLAYS)
489
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:53,782
Sometimes it's hard to figure
out what's going on inside us
490
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:56,343
But I can tell you that
what you described's appendicitis
491
00:20:56,488 --> 00:20:58,752
You say you got a shooting
pain inside your abdomen
492
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:01,258
Hang up the phone with Dr. K
and go call 911
493
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,418
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- Actually, no, seriously,
494
00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:04,154
hang up the phone
and dial 911.
495
00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:05,456
Word to your moms!
496
00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:07,623
Or whoever your
emergency contact may be.
497
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:09,297
Take us out, Steve!
498
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:11,063
(RAP MUSIC PLAYS)
499
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:20,841
(SCREAMS)
500
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:26,511
Sha-ma!
501
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:28,916
Sha-ma!
Sha-ma!
502
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:35,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll