﻿1
00:00:00,199 --> 00:00:02,498
<i>♪ 12-year-old Lawyer ♪
[Music]</i>

2
00:00:02,499 --> 00:00:04,498
<i>♪ His father was framed
by the mob for a crime ♪</i>

3
00:00:04,499 --> 00:00:07,857
<i>♪ That he didn't commit and
now he's doing hard time ♪</i>

4
00:00:07,892 --> 00:00:10,839
<i>♪ And they can't afford a lawyer
'cause they don't have a dime ♪</i>

5
00:00:10,874 --> 00:00:13,498
<i>♪ 12-year-old Lawyer ♪</i>

6
00:00:13,499 --> 00:00:14,498
<i>♪ He put himself through law school ♪</i>

7
00:00:14,499 --> 00:00:17,090
<i>♪ And studied the clues and
he held his father's hand ♪</i>

8
00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:18,525
<i>♪ And said, "We're not gonna lose" ♪</i>

9
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,213
<i>♪ And he stood before
the jury and said... ♪</i>

10
00:00:20,248 --> 00:00:21,717
Order!
You have to be at least

11
00:00:21,739 --> 00:00:23,560
18 years old to be a lawyer.

12
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- No!
- Daddy!

13
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<b>2x09 - Mr. Winchester Goes to Washington</b>

14
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<i><font color="cyan"> sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~ </font></i>

15
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And right around the
corner, fudge is made.

16
00:00:33,749 --> 00:00:35,748
Dang man, sounds
like that neighborhood

17
00:00:35,749 --> 00:00:38,748
- is chock-full of good places to eat.
- Yeah, all the kids

18
00:00:38,749 --> 00:00:42,196
- are talking about it.
- Tell me more about this artisan lemonade stand.

19
00:00:42,231 --> 00:00:44,863
Ah! 
There's a bird in the building!

20
00:00:44,898 --> 00:00:45,748
Kill it! Kill it!

21
00:00:45,749 --> 00:00:48,748
No way, man!
You don't kill a bald eagle.

22
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:52,748
You salute 'em. They're as American
as karate chops and William Shatner.

23
00:00:52,749 --> 00:00:54,248
Boys, no! This is a
Congressional Carrier Eagle,

24
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he must have a message for...
Ah, yes.

25
00:00:57,749 --> 00:01:01,748
It's an urgent communiqué
from the United States government.

26
00:01:01,749 --> 00:01:02,748
We've been summoned to
appear in Washington D.C.

27
00:01:02,749 --> 00:01:03,748
before the House Subcommittee on Decency

28
00:01:03,749 --> 00:01:06,748
and Special-Class Short-format
Late-Night Cable Animation.

29
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You know what this means, don't you?

30
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<i>Road trip!</i>

31
00:01:12,749 --> 00:01:13,748
<i>Oop, forgot my wallet!</i>

32
00:01:16,249 --> 00:01:19,748
<i>♪ Ah-ah, doo-doo-doo ♪</i>

33
00:01:19,749 --> 00:01:21,748
<i>Ah, man. The car broke down.</i>

34
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<i>That's okay, we'll fly the
rest of the way.</i>

35
00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:28,578
<i>♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪</i>

36
00:01:28,579 --> 00:01:30,578
<i>♪ Doo-doo-doo,
doo-doo-doo ♪</i>

37
00:01:30,579 --> 00:01:32,578
Order, this
hearing will come to order.

38
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Will you idiots stop
singing that ridiculous

39
00:01:34,579 --> 00:01:35,578
Third Eye Blind sound-alike?

40
00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:37,578
Uh, sorry, you know, we
were on a road trip...

41
00:01:37,579 --> 00:01:40,578
Yes, yes, we're all aware
of what that song means.

42
00:01:40,579 --> 00:01:42,578
Now, if the three of you are
finished playing grab-ass,

43
00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:46,471
we can get down to the business
of shutting down Trip Tank.

44
00:01:50,666 --> 00:01:52,904
_

45
00:01:52,929 --> 00:01:53,377
Uh, excuse me.
Are you the beachside

46
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:56,714
- yoga instructor?
- What?

47
00:01:56,849 --> 00:01:58,015
Uh, yeah, I'm supposed to pay

48
00:01:58,101 --> 00:02:01,302
some guy $100
for a personal yoga session?

49
00:02:01,387 --> 00:02:04,222
Yeah, $100,
yeah, that's right, that's me.

50
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:07,892
- Oh, great, so, um...
- $100 cash, right?

51
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:09,393
Uh, yeah.

52
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:10,228
We're gonna ease you in

53
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:14,065
with a little shoulder stretch.
There you go.

54
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,401
- Ah! That hurts!
- Yes, yes, it hurts.

55
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We store a lot of emotion
in our hips.

56
00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:21,956
This is beautiful.

57
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,992
<i>Oh, look, that
must be that yoga fad</i>

58
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,832
<i>we've heard so much about.
It looks fun.</i>

59
00:02:26,867 --> 00:02:29,650
Stay away from this guy!
He's a fraud! He st...

60
00:02:29,685 --> 00:02:32,049
You shut your [bleep]
mouth or I'll break your neck

61
00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:34,585
right here in front of all these
fancy people.

62
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And by the way, I can feel your semi.

63
00:02:53,020 --> 00:02:54,824
<i>♪ Ah ah ♪</i>

64
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,858
What?

65
00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,860
<i>Whoa, nice!</i>

66
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:02,113
Flip this, bitch!

67
00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:07,585
Golly gee, it's a [bleep] Flip Off!

68
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- Yeah!
- What?

69
00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:21,090
<i>Bro, you got served, bitch!</i>

70
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:25,186
- Careful!
- Cool!

71
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,268
<i>I feel so alive!</i>

72
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,945
<i>Raaah!!</i>

73
00:03:45,074 --> 00:03:46,457
Ow, ow!

74
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,164
All right, you made
the down payment, Anau.

75
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:57,585
- It's time to close the deal.
- No, I won't do it.

76
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,237
Congratulations.

77
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:04,308
You have been chosen
to join an elite society

78
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,843
of promotional street warriors.

79
00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:09,013
- Let's [bleep] do this!
- No, no, not you.

80
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:13,517
You fought like a little bitch.
He is the chosen one.

81
00:04:13,619 --> 00:04:16,771
<i>Take my sleeve, and we will rise</i>

82
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:19,308
to enter the Hall of
Marketing Guardians.

83
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,359
Fine, blow away with
Blowbie-Wan Can-Blow-Me!

84
00:04:21,444 --> 00:04:22,827
<i>You two make a perfect pair.</i>

85
00:04:22,912 --> 00:04:25,696
He looks like a giant
rubber and you're a dick!

86
00:04:25,782 --> 00:04:27,281
I'm going to heaven.

87
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:31,394
<i>Bye, Carl, enjoy [bleep] hell, bitch!</i>

88
00:04:31,587 --> 00:04:32,787
Arrrhh!

89
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,123
Oh, shit, this isn't good.

90
00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:39,043
Well, look who's back.

91
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:41,045
- Little Sir [bleep]-face.
- I hate you.

92
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:44,048
<i>You fools!
Prepare yourself for the coming wrath!</i>

93
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:45,716
<i>An eternity of suffering!</i>

94
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:49,080
<i>With high mortgage rates with 0
to no chance of fixed...</i>

95
00:04:50,273 --> 00:04:52,106
Ah, don't feel bad.
We'll get you a balloon.

96
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,108
Shut-up.
Shut the [bleep] up.

97
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,983
<i>Prepare yourselves, space travelers,</i>

98
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:05,069
<i>for the most awesome-tastic,
fun-dorable adventure</i>

99
00:05:05,154 --> 00:05:07,571
<i>of a lifetime, with your pal...</i>

100
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:11,075
Me!
I'm Ricky the Rocketship!

101
00:05:12,462 --> 00:05:17,164
No! We're all gonna die!

102
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,250
Not if I can help it!

103
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:20,668
<i>We're all saved!</i>

104
00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:21,920
<i>We're not dead!</i>

105
00:05:21,971 --> 00:05:23,504
Everyone, come inside me!

106
00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:26,090
- Ew.
- Women and children first!

107
00:05:26,175 --> 00:05:28,079
Seriously, no women?

108
00:05:29,145 --> 00:05:30,978
Ricky has to go back to using Tinder.

109
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:36,767
- Yay! We're not dead!
- Now to rescue those moms and dads.

110
00:05:38,654 --> 00:05:39,687
Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap!

111
00:05:39,772 --> 00:05:41,572
Is it bad?

112
00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:46,994
So, it's bad, right?

113
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:50,648
Uh, Ricky, where's Mommy?

114
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:53,551
Yeah, so, uh, everyone's
parents flew away.

115
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:56,086
And you'll never see them again.
The end.

116
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,023
But they're still alive!
Definitely, definitely alive!

117
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:04,879
<i>Mommy!</i>

118
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,298
Okay, kids. Let's go
over our survival tips.

119
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:11,552
Hannah, what do we do
it we see wild berries?

120
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:14,722
We wait to see if other
animals eat them first.

121
00:06:14,807 --> 00:06:16,223
Great job!

122
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:19,515
Now, what do we do
when we see Mr. Snake?

123
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:23,647
We back away slowly and
make our way to the group.

124
00:06:23,733 --> 00:06:26,150
Super-duper, Joey!
Gold star!

125
00:06:26,235 --> 00:06:28,953
Ashley, Freddy, remember
that for next time.

126
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,574
Oh!

127
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,293
Kids! Time to put those
survival tips into practice.

128
00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,996
What do we do when we see Mr. Bear?

129
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,765
Uh, kids?
Kids?

130
00:06:50,428 --> 00:06:54,929
Wait! I could have flown
them to safety the whole time.

131
00:06:55,014 --> 00:06:58,015
Rescue Rocket ready!

132
00:06:58,150 --> 00:07:00,067
Oh! Never mind!
[bleep] this shit.

133
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,219
I'll call you kids an Uber.

134
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:05,990
Representative Rothbard

135
00:07:06,075 --> 00:07:08,943
will now address the
blatant and shameless sexism

136
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:11,161
of your quote-unquote
"television show."

137
00:07:11,247 --> 00:07:14,415
- The hell you say, sugar-tits.
- Don't worry, boys. If this thing

138
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:18,202
starts to go sideways, I have
a little something up my sleeve.

139
00:07:18,287 --> 00:07:20,671
In 864 episodes of Trip Tank,

140
00:07:20,756 --> 00:07:23,791
I could not find one
instance of a female character

141
00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:26,877
serving any other purpose
than the sexual gratification

142
00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:29,380
of a man, an animal, or a man dressed up

143
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:30,714
as if he were an animal.

144
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,887
I'd like to consult
with my counsel, please.

145
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,330
What I like to do is I like
to drive a lady to the park,

146
00:07:37,331 --> 00:07:40,274
and when we get there, I pretend
that we've run out of gas,

147
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:43,060
but there's plenty of gas in the tank.

148
00:07:43,145 --> 00:07:45,729
Now, she thinks we're stuck
and there's nothing left to do,

149
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:48,315
but the deed.
Once the deed is done,

150
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:52,820
I reveal that we did have gas after all.

151
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:54,955
My lawyer has advised me
not to comment on this matter.

152
00:08:01,037 --> 00:08:02,968
<i> Drums!</i>

153
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,070
<i>Drums! Ah!</i>

154
00:08:05,173 --> 00:08:08,340
<i>Drums! Drums!</i>

155
00:08:12,947 --> 00:08:15,214
<i>The frog says, "Hi."</i>

156
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,073
To prove that the
rampant and glorified

157
00:08:24,158 --> 00:08:26,626
drug use in your show
is harmful to the youth

158
00:08:26,711 --> 00:08:30,147
of America, Congressman
Deleuze has spent the last 20

159
00:08:30,148 --> 00:08:33,583
minutes ingesting every
drug mentioned on Trip Tank.

160
00:08:39,003 --> 00:08:40,253
That reminds me, guys,

161
00:08:40,338 --> 00:08:43,194
if Ashley's parents call, you
don't know what happened to her.

162
00:08:43,229 --> 00:08:45,508
Yeah, but we don't know
what happened to her.

163
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:48,678
Ooh, that's good. Say it
just like that when they call.

164
00:08:50,348 --> 00:08:53,316
You can't keep doing
this to yourself, Matt.

165
00:08:53,418 --> 00:08:57,153
That basketball game was 17 years ago.

166
00:08:57,255 --> 00:09:03,025
Everyone in this town has moved on!
And so should you.

167
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,575
_

168
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,777
<i>Lauranna! Lauranna!</i>

169
00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:27,563
Lauranna!
Oh, there you are!

170
00:09:27,649 --> 00:09:29,315
My locket!

171
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,033
Oh, Tripper! You found it.

172
00:09:31,119 --> 00:09:33,369
Look, Stedmund.
Tripper found my locket.

173
00:09:33,454 --> 00:09:36,038
Good job, Rabbit.

174
00:09:36,124 --> 00:09:37,740
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

175
00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:41,002
<i>My mother gave me this locket before she</i>

176
00:09:41,003 --> 00:09:44,130
was eaten by that
nasty old grizzly bear.

177
00:09:44,248 --> 00:09:48,584
- You are a true friend.
- Anything for you, m'lady.

178
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,180
- I can't wait to show Prince Peter...
- Actually, Lauranna,

179
00:09:52,181 --> 00:09:55,257
there was something
I wanted to ask you.

180
00:09:55,393 --> 00:09:58,644
- Oh, Tripper, anything!
- How long have we been friends now?

181
00:09:58,763 --> 00:10:00,429
Eight years, I believe.

182
00:10:00,515 --> 00:10:02,314
Eight years, three months, two days.

183
00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:04,970
And Lauranna, you know I'd
do anything for you, right?

184
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:09,271
- Yes, and I you.
- And you know that I love you, right?

185
00:10:09,357 --> 00:10:12,775
- Yes, and I you.
- Let's quit playing games.

186
00:10:12,860 --> 00:10:15,945
That prince ain't right for you.
I love you

187
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,782
and I'm willing to risk our friendship
to explore this connection.

188
00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:22,284
We owe it to ourselves to at least try.

189
00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:23,786
We belong together!

190
00:10:23,921 --> 00:10:26,922
Oh, Tripper, that's
so sweet, but I'm sorry,

191
00:10:27,008 --> 00:10:31,181
- I'm in love with Prince Peter!
- Really, Prince Peter?

192
00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:32,795
After all I've done for you?

193
00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:35,097
God, Pecker was right,
you're a [bleep] tease!

194
00:10:35,183 --> 00:10:36,215
What? Oh, Pecker?

195
00:10:36,351 --> 00:10:39,552
- Yeah?
- Did you call me a "tease"?

196
00:10:39,637 --> 00:10:42,472
Yeah, 'cause you are one.
All the birds feel the same way.

197
00:10:42,557 --> 00:10:45,224
You cuddle up to us, sing
us those sexy little songs,

198
00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:47,944
let us see you naked.
They don't mean nothing.

199
00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:49,228
You wouldn't date none of us.

200
00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:51,197
You're just using us to
make you free dresses.

201
00:10:51,282 --> 00:10:55,701
This is ludicrous!
Tripper, you can't feel like this.

202
00:10:55,787 --> 00:10:56,819
Some dickhead prince
breaks your heart.

203
00:10:56,905 --> 00:10:58,571
It's like, "Oh, Tripper!
Make me feel better!"

204
00:10:58,706 --> 00:11:01,791
Or if you're having a bad
day, it's, "Oh, Tripper!

205
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:03,376
Let me pet your belly!"

206
00:11:03,461 --> 00:11:05,211
When's the last time
you asked me about my day

207
00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:09,048
or let me pet your belly,
Lauranna? It's bullshit!

208
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:11,133
I get all the boyfriend
duties and none of the pussy!

209
00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:14,156
I can't believe this.
Critters!

210
00:11:14,191 --> 00:11:15,972
Critters of the forest!

211
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:18,891
- We need to talk.
- Yeah, come on, critters.

212
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:20,309
Her Highness beckons.

213
00:11:20,428 --> 00:11:22,645
By show of hand or paw or hoof,

214
00:11:22,764 --> 00:11:26,766
how many of you think I'm a tease?

215
00:11:26,851 --> 00:11:29,018
- What?!
- Ha! I rest my case!

216
00:11:29,103 --> 00:11:32,438
- She's totally a tease.
- Ah, yeah, for sure a tease.

217
00:11:32,574 --> 00:11:36,242
- And honestly, you can be a little cold.
- Of course I'm cold to you!

218
00:11:36,327 --> 00:11:39,161
- You ate my mother!
- Fair enough.

219
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,531
I cannot even...

220
00:11:41,616 --> 00:11:44,200
Excuse me for not lifting my skirt

221
00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:47,419
for every squirrel that offers to
crack a nut for me!

222
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:50,873
You guys buddied up to me!
You follow me around!

223
00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:54,093
<i>If you only do nice things for me
because you're trying to get some</i>

224
00:11:54,178 --> 00:11:56,321
and it doesn't work out,
that doesn't make me a prude.

225
00:11:56,356 --> 00:11:59,265
That makes you all
presumptuous douche bags!

226
00:11:59,350 --> 00:12:01,217
I thought we were friends!

227
00:12:01,302 --> 00:12:03,564
<i>Turns out you're just a bunch
of self-centered perverts</i>

228
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,938
who are gonna get all
butt-hurt when a girl who's

229
00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:08,140
<i>out of your league doesn't
let you sniff her asshole</i>

230
00:12:08,276 --> 00:12:10,059
<i>for helping her out of a jam.</i>

231
00:12:10,144 --> 00:12:13,195
[bleep] you!

232
00:12:13,314 --> 00:12:15,398
I mean, Jesus, did you ever think

233
00:12:15,483 --> 00:12:17,948
that maybe I'm just not
into sex with animals?

234
00:12:17,983 --> 00:12:21,621
Come on, girl.
We both know that's a lie.

235
00:12:21,706 --> 00:12:23,842
<i>Oh, my God!</i>

236
00:12:24,492 --> 00:12:26,826
My esteemed colleague
from the great state

237
00:12:26,961 --> 00:12:30,496
of East Carolina will now
address the subcommittee.

238
00:12:30,582 --> 00:12:33,082
Remember guys, if we get in trouble,
I have a secret weapon.

239
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:35,718
Now, I've heard about
some of the excrement

240
00:12:35,837 --> 00:12:38,721
featured on Trip Tank,
and I find it despicable.

241
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,557
- Just absolutely horrible.
- Is there that much?

242
00:12:41,676 --> 00:12:43,142
'Cause I don't recall, uh...

243
00:12:43,227 --> 00:12:46,312
Some of it hard and
strong with a deep, dark,

244
00:12:46,397 --> 00:12:49,348
rich, brown color and
others just a liquid

245
00:12:49,484 --> 00:12:51,684
and runny with the yellow-green tone,

246
00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:54,921
just spilling out onto the carpet.

247
00:12:54,922 --> 00:12:58,699
- Just nasty, nasty stuff.
- Is there a question or... ?

248
00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:01,944
Now, we've all heard of an
upper-decker...

249
00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:05,615
but what I like to do is
leave the toilet lid down

250
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:08,534
completely and sit
with my bare butt cheeks

251
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,870
right flat down on top

252
00:13:10,955 --> 00:13:13,422
and when I defecate, the
force of the expulsion

253
00:13:13,541 --> 00:13:16,876
just slip-slides me all around.

254
00:13:17,011 --> 00:13:20,322
And I end up gliding right
off the front and landing

255
00:13:20,323 --> 00:13:23,633
onto the floor in a big
ol' pile of my own mess.

256
00:13:23,718 --> 00:13:27,436
I call it an East Carolina Mudslide,
and it is disgusting.

257
00:13:27,555 --> 00:13:31,390
- Your show is just disgusting.
- I don't know what's going on here.

258
00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:34,110
Me neither man, but I'd
vote for him in a heartbeat.

259
00:13:43,777 --> 00:13:46,945
<i>Steady now, boys.</i>

260
00:13:47,081 --> 00:13:50,199
<i>We find ourselves in dangerous waters.</i>

261
00:13:50,284 --> 00:13:52,284
Captain, we're picking
up something on the sonar!

262
00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:55,621
Something big.

263
00:13:55,706 --> 00:13:57,623
<i>Sacre bleu!</i>

264
00:13:57,708 --> 00:13:59,958
<i>Get us out of here!</i>

265
00:14:22,663 --> 00:14:25,031
<i>Oh, shit.
I think that was a bald eagle.</i>

266
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:32,938
I now present Congressman Adorno

267
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,440
from North Dakota's 75th district.

268
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:36,575
Thank you, Madam Horkheimer.

269
00:14:36,677 --> 00:14:39,945
Now, Trip Tank, I have a few questions
about the violence on your show.

270
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,781
- Hell yeah, man. Shoot.
- Now, the violence,

271
00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:43,515
is it being perpetrated
by Americans?

272
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:46,552
- Yeah, mostly.
- Oh, good. Good, good, good.

273
00:14:46,654 --> 00:14:48,921
Now, are any of the victims
of this violence American?

274
00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:52,191
- Yeah, I guess some of them are.
- Hmm. I don't like that.

275
00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:53,492
Say, instead of these
victims being American,

276
00:14:53,594 --> 00:14:56,679
could they be from
somewhere else? Like, um,

277
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,765
randomly, for example, um...
Oh, here we go, Canada?

278
00:14:59,867 --> 00:15:01,100
- I guess so.
- Hell yeah!

279
00:15:01,202 --> 00:15:03,135
Ah, wonderful.

280
00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:05,204
And the victims don't
necessarily need to be

281
00:15:05,306 --> 00:15:07,906
from Canada.
They could be from French Canada

282
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,975
or... or... or British Columbia.

283
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,743
Or maybe this guy we're
beating up with a shovel,

284
00:15:11,846 --> 00:15:15,214
maybe he's a Mountie?
What country now are Mounties from?

285
00:15:15,316 --> 00:15:17,216
- I think still Canada.
- Oh, are they? Oh, good.

286
00:15:17,318 --> 00:15:18,717
Good, well, that works perfectly then.

287
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:22,337
I like this guy too, man!
This is fun!

288
00:15:26,290 --> 00:15:27,539
Hey-hey!
It's the grass man!

289
00:15:27,625 --> 00:15:31,543
- Little early to be mowing the lawn, huh?
- Son of a bitch.

290
00:15:31,629 --> 00:15:32,878
I'm taking the Carroll
clan off to ride the new

291
00:15:32,964 --> 00:15:36,348
Anaconda coaster
at Adventure Town USA!

292
00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:40,720
Hey, you and yours should pack up
the ol' Wilson wagon

293
00:15:40,721 --> 00:15:42,807
- and follow us there!
- Maybe, uh, maybe next summer.

294
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,524
Suit yourself!

295
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,726
It's always next summer.

296
00:15:50,731 --> 00:15:53,032
That does it.

297
00:15:55,319 --> 00:15:58,737
Hey, kids! Come on!

298
00:15:58,873 --> 00:16:01,790
- Are we going to Adventure Town US...
- No!

299
00:16:01,909 --> 00:16:04,910
We're going to Dad World!

300
00:16:08,382 --> 00:16:09,748
<i>Thank you for choosing Dad World.</i>

301
00:16:09,884 --> 00:16:11,750
<i>Be sure to buckle your safety belt,</i>

302
00:16:11,886 --> 00:16:13,419
<i>because this is the most extreme</i>

303
00:16:13,504 --> 00:16:17,640
<i>and affordable amusement park ever!</i>

304
00:16:17,758 --> 00:16:20,342
<i>- Whoo!
- Yay!</i>

305
00:16:20,428 --> 00:16:23,595
I hear that Anaconda can
only go 80 miles per hour.

306
00:16:23,731 --> 00:16:25,597
How do you feel about a 120?

307
00:16:25,733 --> 00:16:26,982
<i>Yeah!</i>

308
00:16:27,101 --> 00:16:30,903
Who needs landscapers
and a big mansion?

309
00:16:30,988 --> 00:16:33,939
Who needs a wife who doesn't abandon me?

310
00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:37,609
Damn it, Cheryl.
Cheryl, I miss you.

311
00:16:37,745 --> 00:16:40,279
You bitch!

312
00:16:47,838 --> 00:16:50,956
- Where to next, gang?
- The Old Mines!

313
00:16:54,378 --> 00:16:57,963
- Coal miners!
- A-A-Aweso-o-o-ome!

314
00:16:58,099 --> 00:17:01,633
- Where to next?
- The Haunted Manor!

315
00:17:01,719 --> 00:17:02,968
Come on, kids!

316
00:17:07,114 --> 00:17:09,064
Look! Old people.

317
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,816
Oh!

318
00:17:10,952 --> 00:17:14,714
- You never visit anymore, Anthony!
- Wave bye to grandma!

319
00:17:16,958 --> 00:17:19,325
Get out of here, you old bat.

320
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:21,327
Meemaw loves you!

321
00:17:21,412 --> 00:17:24,496
- Where to next?
- Safari Kingdom!

322
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:29,101
Whoa!
Look at that elephant.

323
00:17:30,304 --> 00:17:34,006
- Where to next?
- The Enchanted Forest!

324
00:17:39,730 --> 00:17:41,513
Hey, get out of the way!

325
00:17:43,818 --> 00:17:46,235
All right, time to
reach under your seats.

326
00:17:48,990 --> 00:17:50,573
The van's leaking!

327
00:17:50,691 --> 00:17:53,525
It sure is!

328
00:17:58,532 --> 00:18:00,115
- All right, yeah!
- Yay!

329
00:18:00,201 --> 00:18:04,503
- Dad, I'm starving!
- Then let's hit my favorite attraction!

330
00:18:07,208 --> 00:18:13,256
- Mmm! This is amazing!
- It sure is. It sure is.

331
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:20,903
<i>I'm a [bleep] awesome dad.</i>

332
00:18:27,695 --> 00:18:30,196
- Uh, Dad?
- Hey, kids,

333
00:18:30,331 --> 00:18:31,914
who's ready for Wild West World?

334
00:18:54,547 --> 00:18:56,047
<i>I got paid in maple syrup.</i>

335
00:19:01,404 --> 00:19:02,904
Are you asleep?

336
00:19:03,022 --> 00:19:06,190
Good.
It's time to dream.

337
00:19:07,327 --> 00:19:10,528
♪ Bing, bong, bing ♪

338
00:19:10,613 --> 00:19:12,029
It's your wedding day.

339
00:19:12,165 --> 00:19:15,416
The preacher has just
pronounced you man and wife.

340
00:19:16,703 --> 00:19:18,119
You pull back the veil to go in

341
00:19:18,204 --> 00:19:21,456
for your first official
kiss as him and her,

342
00:19:21,541 --> 00:19:24,375
and instead of a face...

343
00:19:24,461 --> 00:19:25,843
it's an anus...

344
00:19:25,929 --> 00:19:28,796
But not just any anus...
that's your granddaddy's

345
00:19:28,882 --> 00:19:30,798
old stanky anus.

346
00:19:30,884 --> 00:19:32,850
The same anus you
accidentally walked into

347
00:19:32,936 --> 00:19:35,247
when you were eight years
old and he was in the shower,

348
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:37,221
bending over scrubbing his feet.

349
00:19:37,357 --> 00:19:40,558
Nothing but a mouthful
of granddaddy an...

350
00:19:40,643 --> 00:19:41,726
Oh, oop! Gotta go!

351
00:19:41,861 --> 00:19:44,061
Just know this.
You actually end up very happy

352
00:19:44,197 --> 00:19:45,029
with your Granddad anus,
and you have several

353
00:19:45,115 --> 00:19:47,482
little anus children.

354
00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:52,069
Trip Tank!

355
00:19:52,205 --> 00:19:56,641
We have heard all of the
damning evidence against you,

356
00:19:56,642 --> 00:20:01,078
and I cannot wait to shut
your television show down.

357
00:20:01,214 --> 00:20:03,331
Boys? It's magic time.

358
00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:06,217
I think...
and you, and you, and you.

359
00:20:12,058 --> 00:20:14,392
On second thought, Trip Tank,
your show is great.

360
00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:17,395
The United States Congress would
like to go on record stating that

361
00:20:17,396 --> 00:20:20,314
Trip Tank is culturally, historically,
and aesthetically significant.

362
00:20:20,433 --> 00:20:22,934
By law, all U.S. citizens
must now love Trip Tank.

363
00:20:23,069 --> 00:20:25,843
This hearing is adjourned.

364
00:20:25,878 --> 00:20:28,439
- Uh, excuse me...
- I said we're adjourned!

365
00:20:28,525 --> 00:20:29,690
What just happened?

366
00:20:29,776 --> 00:20:31,442
You put a voodoo spell
on them or something?

367
00:20:31,578 --> 00:20:32,677
Let me give you a
little piece of advice

368
00:20:32,812 --> 00:20:35,422
I wish someone had told
me when I was your age.

369
00:20:35,586 --> 00:20:39,659
Always bring a camera phone
to a congressional orgy.

370
00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:41,985
- Always.
- I love this guy.

371
00:20:41,986 --> 00:20:42,985
I love him so much.

372
00:20:42,986 --> 00:20:44,985
Let's go, boys!
You know what time it is?

373
00:20:44,986 --> 00:20:46,985
<i>Road trip!</i>

374
00:20:52,146 --> 00:20:54,823
<i><font color="cyan"> sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~ </font></i>

375
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:57,754
Imagine, if you will, me on my back,

376
00:20:57,755 --> 00:21:00,754
arms Akimbo, with a
plate of tempered glass

377
00:21:00,755 --> 00:21:05,755
just inches from my face,
and a big ol' steaming pile

378
00:21:05,790 --> 00:21:10,762
of human waste just falls right
down on top of that glass...

