1 00:00:32,338 --> 00:00:33,956 Guys? Guys. 2 00:00:33,998 --> 00:00:36,176 Josh is inviting a boy over for casual sex. 3 00:00:36,218 --> 00:00:37,266 Really? 4 00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:41,795 Well, that is interesting, but also... who wants to smash a pinata? 5 00:00:41,837 --> 00:00:45,216 - You made a pinata? - Yeah, I made a beautiful pinata. 6 00:00:45,258 --> 00:00:46,738 Why'd you make a pinata? 7 00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:49,035 What? What do mean 'why'? 8 00:00:49,077 --> 00:00:51,218 I mean why did you make a pinata? 9 00:00:51,575 --> 00:00:53,675 Would you ask a bird why it sings? 10 00:00:53,717 --> 00:00:55,918 Would you ask a divorced man why he joined a pottery class? 11 00:00:55,981 --> 00:00:57,781 It doesn't need to be questioned. Ok, what's in it? 12 00:00:58,098 --> 00:00:58,966 It doesn't matter! 13 00:00:59,070 --> 00:01:01,608 Free your mind of all that nonsense and just focus on what's real, 14 00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:03,268 which is that we have a pinata. 15 00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:06,428 - Alright, alright! - Ok, no, actually, no. 16 00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:08,228 I thought you'd be excited. You're not excited. 17 00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:10,428 I don't want to smash it with people who aren't excited. 18 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:12,468 - No, I think I'm excited! - You're not excited! 19 00:01:12,510 --> 00:01:14,608 I need a moment to get my head around it. 20 00:01:14,650 --> 00:01:16,108 It's a bit of a shock! 21 00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:18,290 - Ok. - Ok! 22 00:01:20,474 --> 00:01:23,222 - Yeah, I'm excited! - Claire, are you excited about the pinata? 23 00:01:23,264 --> 00:01:24,548 - Sure. - Yeah? 24 00:01:24,590 --> 00:01:26,165 - Ole! - Arriba! 25 00:01:26,930 --> 00:01:32,110 It is full of secrets. 26 00:01:32,152 --> 00:01:35,111 You and Claire have been keeping secrets, and I don't like it. 27 00:01:35,153 --> 00:01:36,611 I think we shouldn't keep secrets, 28 00:01:36,653 --> 00:01:39,231 so I have taken all our secrets and I put it in here, 29 00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:41,591 mine, Josh's, Claire's and John's. 30 00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:43,311 What secrets does John have? 31 00:01:43,916 --> 00:01:45,631 John hates foreigners. 32 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,731 John! That does not suit you. 33 00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:50,011 I hope that by airing all these secrets, 34 00:01:50,053 --> 00:01:52,091 I will become the most honest member of the group 35 00:01:52,133 --> 00:01:54,351 and therefore a better person than both of you. 36 00:01:54,393 --> 00:01:56,071 Alright, fine. Stand back. Go, go. 37 00:01:56,113 --> 00:01:57,971 ♪ One, two, three, four 38 00:01:58,013 --> 00:02:02,748 ♪ Ooooh, ooooh ♪ Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah 39 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,648 ♪ Ooooh, ooooh, ♪ Oh, yeah 40 00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,348 ♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it 41 00:02:07,390 --> 00:02:10,644 ♪ Ooooh ♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it 42 00:02:10,686 --> 00:02:13,264 ♪ Ooooh ♪ I left better behind to be 43 00:02:13,306 --> 00:02:16,724 ♪ Fine 44 00:02:16,766 --> 00:02:19,104 ♪ Make my Mama turn another blind ♪ Eye 45 00:02:19,146 --> 00:02:21,384 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 46 00:02:21,426 --> 00:02:23,136 ♪ I left better behind to be fine. ♪ 47 00:02:23,190 --> 00:02:25,051 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 48 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,106 Arggh! Arggh! 49 00:02:29,422 --> 00:02:31,500 - Arnie? - Joshie? 50 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:33,400 We're trying to smash Tom's pinata, 51 00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:34,843 but it won't break 'cause it's a shit pinata! 52 00:02:34,885 --> 00:02:36,803 He finished the pinata? Oh, thank goodness. 53 00:02:36,845 --> 00:02:39,203 I've been the only one he can talk to about the pinata. 54 00:02:39,245 --> 00:02:41,403 Do you know what that's been like? Bad! That's what's been like! 55 00:02:41,445 --> 00:02:44,481 You guys are hitting it weak on purpose to protect your secrets. 56 00:02:44,523 --> 00:02:47,420 I just cannot talk to you at the moment. 57 00:02:47,462 --> 00:02:49,760 Ok. I love you. Have fun. 58 00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:53,360 Ok, love you. Have fun at maths camp. 59 00:02:53,402 --> 00:02:56,660 Fun at maths camp! Tom, Claire, laugh at Arnold with me. 60 00:02:58,902 --> 00:03:00,700 Maths camp! Ha, ha, ha! 61 00:03:01,713 --> 00:03:02,540 Bye. 62 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:03,739 Oooh! I got one. 63 00:03:04,062 --> 00:03:05,840 One of mine. That's annoying. 64 00:03:05,882 --> 00:03:07,920 Annoying that it's one of mine, but that's ok, 65 00:03:07,962 --> 00:03:09,620 because I'm open with my friends, trusting... 66 00:03:09,662 --> 00:03:10,725 Just read it! 67 00:03:11,382 --> 00:03:15,080 'I knew Josh was gay when he was 18 68 00:03:15,122 --> 00:03:17,660 because I found gay porn on his laptop, 69 00:03:17,702 --> 00:03:19,640 but I did not say anything 70 00:03:19,682 --> 00:03:21,800 because I didn't have the courage to bring it up.' 71 00:03:21,842 --> 00:03:23,440 - No... - Josh, you stole my youth. 72 00:03:23,482 --> 00:03:26,300 I thought it was a phase, ok? Like Gangnam Style... 73 00:03:26,342 --> 00:03:27,880 Can you not be texting sex friends 74 00:03:27,922 --> 00:03:29,440 when my feelings are being crushed, please?! 75 00:03:29,482 --> 00:03:31,880 I have invited him over and I instantly regret it. 76 00:03:31,922 --> 00:03:33,820 - What's his name? - I don't know. 77 00:03:33,862 --> 00:03:35,800 Yeah. What's in a name? 78 00:03:35,842 --> 00:03:41,200 It's not fair! Gay guys get everything! 79 00:03:41,242 --> 00:03:43,860 - Oh, you get plenty. - Whoo! What's this? 80 00:03:43,902 --> 00:03:46,040 Oh! Yes. 81 00:03:46,082 --> 00:03:50,800 So, Josh, you remember when you lost your passport in Thailand? 82 00:03:50,842 --> 00:03:52,280 Yes! 83 00:03:52,322 --> 00:03:56,040 And we looked all through your room and you asked me if I had it 84 00:03:56,082 --> 00:03:58,260 and I said I definitely did not have your passport. 85 00:03:58,302 --> 00:03:59,320 Yes. 86 00:03:59,362 --> 00:04:02,400 And then you had to go to an embassy in Bangkok and wait for three... 87 00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,480 - Yes, I remember! - Let me finish. 88 00:04:04,522 --> 00:04:06,140 Let me finish. 89 00:04:06,182 --> 00:04:09,240 While you also had diarrhoea. 90 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,600 Yeah. Yeah, I found it. 91 00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:15,620 It was in my bag in my passport... in my passport wallet. 92 00:04:15,662 --> 00:04:18,640 Fine! Give me one! 93 00:04:18,682 --> 00:04:21,302 Claire! 94 00:04:22,502 --> 00:04:24,380 'Claire once told Tom that no-one in the world 95 00:04:24,422 --> 00:04:25,880 makes her laugh as much as Josh.' 96 00:04:25,922 --> 00:04:27,360 - Oh, that's nice. - Tom, what the fuck?! 97 00:04:27,402 --> 00:04:29,140 He was never supposed to fucking hear that! 98 00:04:29,182 --> 00:04:31,180 I mean, what a fun game! 99 00:04:31,222 --> 00:04:33,540 This is a nice time we're having. 100 00:04:33,582 --> 00:04:37,342 Ok. Alright. Josh. 101 00:04:39,339 --> 00:04:42,097 'Josh thinks Claire's mum is a bad cook.' 102 00:04:42,139 --> 00:04:43,597 She's a great cook! 103 00:04:43,639 --> 00:04:46,477 'Claire thinks she is good, but she is not.' 104 00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:48,277 Oh, yeah. I hate you. 105 00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:50,277 Oh, my God. He's coming over. He said yes. 106 00:04:50,319 --> 00:04:52,277 - I did not think he was gonna... - He's coming over?! 107 00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,985 I need you guys to come and tell me if my room smells weird. 108 00:05:05,499 --> 00:05:07,777 - It smells fine! - 'Fine'? 109 00:05:07,819 --> 00:05:09,577 Yeah, it just smells like you. 110 00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,077 Like me? I have a smell? 111 00:05:11,119 --> 00:05:13,277 Not a bad smell. 112 00:05:13,319 --> 00:05:16,417 Maybe I should light a scented candle. No? No! 113 00:05:16,459 --> 00:05:18,037 Too creepy, too romantic. 114 00:05:18,079 --> 00:05:20,077 - What does he look like? - Nice enough. 115 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:22,237 - Show us! - Show him. 116 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:23,659 - Show us! - Come on! 117 00:05:27,659 --> 00:05:29,917 - Oh! Oh! - Aww! 118 00:05:29,959 --> 00:05:32,997 Yeah, yeah. He looks like a serial killer. 119 00:05:33,039 --> 00:05:35,277 - What if he's dangerous? - If he's dangerous, I'll scream. 120 00:05:35,319 --> 00:05:38,557 How will we know if it's a good scream or a bad scream? 121 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,557 You'll... know! I don't make any noise during sex, ok? 122 00:05:41,599 --> 00:05:43,937 If you hear any noise, any at all, that isn't muttering apologies, 123 00:05:43,979 --> 00:05:45,757 then you should interject. 124 00:05:45,799 --> 00:05:47,237 - You don't dirty talk? - No. 125 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,657 - He can't dirty talk with that voice. - Yes, I can! I could, yes. 126 00:05:50,699 --> 00:05:53,957 Er... suck it! Yeah, suck it. 127 00:05:53,999 --> 00:05:56,157 - 'Suck it, suck it.' - Eugh! 128 00:05:56,199 --> 00:05:58,557 - 'Suck it!' - Oh, it's really weird. 129 00:05:58,599 --> 00:06:01,497 Suck it, fag. Suck it, fag boy. 130 00:06:01,539 --> 00:06:03,837 You suck it, fag... fag boy. 131 00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:05,837 Will he be ok with you calling him that? 132 00:06:05,879 --> 00:06:09,917 Yeah, I'm... I'm appropriating... I'm misapp... What am I doing? 133 00:06:09,959 --> 00:06:11,997 - Reappropriating. - I'm reappropriating. 134 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,777 - 'Suck it, fag boy' is empowering? - No, Thomas! 135 00:06:14,819 --> 00:06:16,257 You're not allowed to say it! 136 00:06:16,299 --> 00:06:18,577 Arggh! I don't get to say anything. 137 00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:21,257 This is stupid, yeah? 138 00:06:21,299 --> 00:06:22,837 No, I think it's brilliant. 139 00:06:22,879 --> 00:06:24,957 I just wish we could stay on this couch 140 00:06:24,999 --> 00:06:27,557 and I'd wear a big jumper and we could make fun of people. 141 00:06:27,599 --> 00:06:29,157 I just don't understand what your problem is. 142 00:06:29,199 --> 00:06:30,957 Very frustrated today. Well, you're not communicating! 143 00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,797 - He's nervous. - About what? 144 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:36,957 Like... I just sort of... wish he was a glazed ham, 145 00:06:36,999 --> 00:06:40,957 and instead of hooking up, I could just eat glazed ham. 146 00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:43,117 Shall we guess why you're being weird? 147 00:06:43,159 --> 00:06:46,848 Do you feel weird kissing someone when you have a boyfriend? 148 00:06:47,009 --> 00:06:48,277 Yes. 149 00:06:48,319 --> 00:06:51,997 But you're allowed. He wants you to. It's brilliant. 150 00:06:52,039 --> 00:06:55,037 Are you worried that the stranger will be ugly, a creep, or a catfish? 151 00:06:55,079 --> 00:06:56,057 Yes. 152 00:06:56,099 --> 00:06:58,257 Are you worried the stranger will think you're ugly and a creep? 153 00:06:58,299 --> 00:07:00,117 - Yes. - Nervous about having bad breath? 154 00:07:00,631 --> 00:07:01,617 Well, I am now. 155 00:07:01,659 --> 00:07:03,217 - Well, you don't. - Not yet. 156 00:07:03,259 --> 00:07:04,737 - Gross! - Gross! 157 00:07:04,779 --> 00:07:08,457 Not from sex, just if you, like, maybe eat some cured meats or... 158 00:07:10,079 --> 00:07:11,599 Go! Get! 159 00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,197 MAN, ON TV: It is feared that up to 270 people are dead 160 00:07:16,239 --> 00:07:17,639 after a passenger jet... 161 00:07:18,799 --> 00:07:20,377 - Hi. - Hello. 162 00:07:20,419 --> 00:07:24,437 Hello. Erm, so I realised I, erm... yeah, I don't know your name. 163 00:07:24,479 --> 00:07:25,937 It's Ben. 164 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:30,037 Let me guess, you're a Quentin or a Sebastian. 165 00:07:30,079 --> 00:07:33,077 No, I'm Josh. Yeah. This is John. 166 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,999 Hello, dog. 167 00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:39,337 Yeah, I have... Do you want a drink? I have wine. 168 00:07:39,379 --> 00:07:41,717 Just spare, just spare in the cupboard, because I am an adult. 169 00:07:41,759 --> 00:07:43,197 No, I don't drink. 170 00:07:43,239 --> 00:07:47,077 There was a plane crash. 270 dead. 171 00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:49,217 That's irresponsible. 172 00:07:49,259 --> 00:07:52,057 - Yeah. - Can we turn off the news? 173 00:07:52,099 --> 00:07:56,617 Yeah. Shit! Sorry, yeah, right! Yeah, it is, erm... it is not hot. 174 00:07:56,659 --> 00:08:00,217 No. ok, erm... Tom, where's the remote? 175 00:08:00,259 --> 00:08:02,817 - Terrorism is a factor... - One thousand apologies. 176 00:08:02,859 --> 00:08:04,377 Search for the black box recorder... 177 00:08:04,419 --> 00:08:06,279 - Who's that? - That's Tom, my housemate. 178 00:08:07,705 --> 00:08:10,642 - Is he hiding from me? - Yeah. Yeah, I made him hide. 179 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,517 Erm, you said you had pizza. How was... how was your pizza? 180 00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:16,497 Mmm. I never ordered it. 181 00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,697 Well, what did you eat? I mean, you need to eat! 182 00:08:18,739 --> 00:08:21,657 - I didn't eat dinner. - Ok, well, I can make you a snack. 183 00:08:21,699 --> 00:08:23,517 That's a thing... that's a thing I can do. 184 00:08:23,559 --> 00:08:25,319 Ok. Wonderful! 185 00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:32,897 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! 186 00:08:32,939 --> 00:08:34,839 - Sorry. - That's ok. 187 00:08:37,199 --> 00:08:40,377 Oh, I have puff pastry. I can make a puff pastry pizza. 188 00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:43,437 I don't think I've had anyone offer to cook for me before a hook-up. 189 00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:44,977 Er, yeah, ok, so, what it is, 190 00:08:45,019 --> 00:08:47,817 is it's, erm, puff pastry, but I was gonna turn it into a pizza. 191 00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:51,297 It's a child's afternoon tea. It's not, like, a grand romantic gesture. 192 00:08:51,339 --> 00:08:54,397 I mean, maybe light a candle, but an oven? 193 00:08:54,439 --> 00:08:55,997 You know, I feel like Ted Hughes. 194 00:08:56,039 --> 00:08:58,537 Yeah, no-one knows who that is. 195 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:02,319 Ted Hughes. He was married to Sylvia Plath. 196 00:09:04,319 --> 00:09:06,537 - No. - She wrote Daddy? 197 00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,799 She gassed herself in the family oven. 198 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,677 - It was a joke. - That is a horrible joke, isn't it? 199 00:09:14,719 --> 00:09:16,599 Oh! Oh! 200 00:09:18,119 --> 00:09:20,119 Where's your bedroom? Er... oh, erm.. 201 00:09:21,719 --> 00:09:23,159 Yeah. 202 00:09:44,079 --> 00:09:46,517 Mmm, hey, what's this? 203 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:48,777 Ants kept coming in. 204 00:09:48,819 --> 00:09:51,277 - Well, are you gonna fix it?! - I did. 205 00:09:51,319 --> 00:09:52,799 Eugh! 206 00:09:54,119 --> 00:09:58,037 Oh, Tom! Why is everything in your room so sticky?! 207 00:09:58,079 --> 00:09:59,657 So many questions. 208 00:10:00,699 --> 00:10:02,777 Oh, how long do I have to be in here? I feel itchy! 209 00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:06,337 Ok, so, if you're gonna be in here the whole night, 210 00:10:06,379 --> 00:10:08,117 you need to respect that this is my space 211 00:10:08,159 --> 00:10:09,657 and you chose to enter it. 212 00:10:09,699 --> 00:10:12,317 - What are we gonna do all night? - I'm not going out. 213 00:10:12,359 --> 00:10:14,079 I know, Tom. Relax. 214 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,437 - We could... make out. - Oh! 215 00:10:21,479 --> 00:10:23,039 Kidding, obviously. 216 00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:48,757 Mmm, no! 217 00:10:49,619 --> 00:10:52,477 Jesus, Tom! It is the worst person! 218 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:54,877 You have a girlfriend! 219 00:10:55,666 --> 00:10:57,365 This didn't happen, ok? 220 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,138 Here. 221 00:11:02,759 --> 00:11:06,328 - What the hell is wrong with me? - Yeah, you're really off the rails. 222 00:11:24,896 --> 00:11:27,597 - Erm... I'm gonna need some help. - Yeah. 223 00:11:27,639 --> 00:11:28,465 What can I do? 224 00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:31,077 I need you to undo my little cuff buttons. 225 00:11:31,388 --> 00:11:32,852 Thank you. 226 00:11:35,719 --> 00:11:37,357 So, what do you do? 227 00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:39,657 Really? You wanna know what I do? 228 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,217 Only, I thought it might be better than silence 229 00:11:42,259 --> 00:11:44,277 whilst you undo my little cuff buttons. 230 00:11:44,319 --> 00:11:45,937 I'm a journalist. 231 00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:49,337 Go on, yeah. I thought we stopped doing that. No? 232 00:11:49,379 --> 00:11:50,897 - Journalism? - Yeah. 233 00:11:50,939 --> 00:11:51,590 You thought we stopped doing journalism? 234 00:11:51,632 --> 00:11:52,802 Yeah. 235 00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:56,197 I mostly write for people who can take off their shirts on their own. 236 00:11:56,624 --> 00:11:57,936 Do you know what I love? 237 00:11:57,979 --> 00:11:59,479 - BuzzFeed! - Fucking... 238 00:12:07,885 --> 00:12:08,949 Where do you live? 239 00:12:09,933 --> 00:12:12,266 Northside. Not far from here. 240 00:12:12,759 --> 00:12:14,520 Do you have any siblings? 241 00:12:14,979 --> 00:12:18,637 I have two siblings, a brother and a sister. 242 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:20,114 My sister just had a baby. 243 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,251 We don't know who the father is. She's forgetful. 244 00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:24,911 I'm an only child. Do you have any pets? 245 00:12:25,616 --> 00:12:26,771 All the questions you're asking 246 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:28,771 sound like we're in English language classes. 247 00:12:29,201 --> 00:12:31,051 Yeah, I just don't know you well enough 248 00:12:31,093 --> 00:12:33,131 to know what questions lead somewhere interesting. 249 00:12:33,173 --> 00:12:36,391 - I have a cat. - Ah, that's a shame. 250 00:12:42,353 --> 00:12:45,404 So, I invented this game called Penis or Not Penis. 251 00:12:45,446 --> 00:12:47,351 No, thank you. That sounds like a stupid game. 252 00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:52,391 Ok, one of us thinks about a penis, 253 00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:54,011 or something other than a penis, 254 00:12:54,053 --> 00:12:55,811 and then the other person has to guess 255 00:12:55,853 --> 00:13:00,332 whether they're thinking about a penis or not penis. 256 00:13:03,313 --> 00:13:06,106 Oh, my God. How long does gay sex take? 257 00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:10,011 I heard the shower, which, from what I understand, 258 00:13:10,053 --> 00:13:12,011 means they've had full intercourse at least once. 259 00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:15,451 Tom, what are we even doing? I just don't know. 260 00:13:15,493 --> 00:13:18,291 I don't know. Hanging out, being awesome. 261 00:13:18,934 --> 00:13:22,094 I feel like I just spent a month locked in a room 262 00:13:22,136 --> 00:13:24,131 to come back here to get locked in another room. 263 00:13:24,173 --> 00:13:27,131 Eugh! You're being boring. What? I'm being boring? 264 00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:29,011 You don't even want to leave the house! 265 00:13:29,053 --> 00:13:30,571 - Whinge, whinge, whinge. - Oh, whatever! 266 00:13:30,613 --> 00:13:32,371 - Whinge, whinge, whinge. - Fuck off! 267 00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:36,240 - Josh is having fun. - Josh is having sex! 268 00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:37,451 I'm having fun. 269 00:13:37,493 --> 00:13:40,940 Yeah, well, you are very easily entertained. You're like a puppy. 270 00:13:40,982 --> 00:13:42,831 You could be more easily entertained. 271 00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:45,411 You could create entertainment. 272 00:13:45,453 --> 00:13:49,831 You could very easily find sex on the Internet if you wanted, 273 00:13:49,873 --> 00:13:51,371 but you just keep waiting for more, 274 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,153 and I just don't think there's any more, babe. 275 00:13:54,553 --> 00:13:57,171 First you're like, 'Oh, my life's in Germany, ' so you go to Germany. 276 00:13:57,213 --> 00:13:59,831 Then once you're in Germany, you're like, 'Oh, I'm so lonely.' 277 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:01,691 Meanwhile I'm here, 278 00:14:01,733 --> 00:14:05,111 I'm trying to create a lovely game of Penis or Not Penis for us, 279 00:14:05,153 --> 00:14:06,811 and you're just sitting there, 280 00:14:06,853 --> 00:14:08,433 complaining again that you're not somewhere else. 281 00:14:20,553 --> 00:14:22,051 - Penis. - Yes. 282 00:14:22,093 --> 00:14:27,307 Yes! ok, fine, if we're gonna do this, I want stakes. 283 00:14:27,925 --> 00:14:30,471 First one to ten wins and then the other person has to do a dare. 284 00:14:30,513 --> 00:14:31,649 Great. 285 00:14:36,993 --> 00:14:38,593 - Penis. - Arggh! Penis! 286 00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:43,993 My housemates thought you look like a serial killer. 287 00:14:45,948 --> 00:14:47,178 That's a big leap, isn't it? 288 00:14:48,173 --> 00:14:50,451 To decide that I don't just look like a murderer, 289 00:14:50,493 --> 00:14:52,551 but that I've murdered multiple times. 290 00:14:52,593 --> 00:14:53,711 Yeah. 291 00:14:54,385 --> 00:14:55,811 When you saw me, did you think that 292 00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,667 I looked cuter or less cuter than in my pictures? 293 00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:00,511 I thought you were out of focus in your picture, 294 00:15:00,553 --> 00:15:02,071 but that's just your face. 295 00:15:02,113 --> 00:15:04,086 You've got an out-of-focus face. 296 00:15:04,616 --> 00:15:06,883 - Really? - What did you think of me? 297 00:15:07,513 --> 00:15:09,983 Er, equi-cute. 298 00:15:10,668 --> 00:15:13,451 I like your face, though, to be clear. I am enjoying it. 299 00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:16,888 Yeah, I just prefer not to bring it up, if that's ok. 300 00:15:26,753 --> 00:15:28,491 People often ask if I'm an only child, 301 00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,171 but mostly what they're actually asking is, 302 00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,256 'Do you realise you're being a jerk?' 303 00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:34,974 No, you know that's not an only child thing, ok? 304 00:15:35,016 --> 00:15:37,234 I'm lovely. Lots of people say that. 305 00:15:37,276 --> 00:15:38,814 They say, 'Josh is just lovely.' 306 00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:41,194 When I was little, my parents had me tested for Asperger's. 307 00:15:41,236 --> 00:15:42,676 Oh, yeah, I can see that. 308 00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:05,061 - Not penis. - Damn it! 309 00:16:07,556 --> 00:16:09,314 Ok. 310 00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:11,756 Mmm. 311 00:16:15,236 --> 00:16:17,874 - Not penis? - Penis. 312 00:16:17,916 --> 00:16:19,834 This is dumb! You can lie! 313 00:16:19,876 --> 00:16:21,148 It's an honesty system. 314 00:16:21,676 --> 00:16:24,694 - I wanna write it down. - No, no, no. It's full trust. 315 00:16:24,736 --> 00:16:27,514 There's too much at stake for trust. It doesn't make a difference. 316 00:16:27,556 --> 00:16:29,054 I can just write down 'penis' 317 00:16:29,096 --> 00:16:30,874 and then not think about penis to trick you. 318 00:16:30,916 --> 00:16:32,574 There is no way that you can tell 319 00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:34,214 if someone is thinking about penis or not. 320 00:16:34,256 --> 00:16:35,886 You can't. I can. That's why I'm winning. 321 00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:37,886 Ok. 322 00:16:45,767 --> 00:16:47,425 - Not penis. - Boom! Penis! 323 00:16:47,467 --> 00:16:50,207 Yeah? 324 00:16:53,127 --> 00:16:55,145 Hey. Sorry to interrupt. 325 00:16:55,187 --> 00:16:57,925 Can I please have permission to go to the toilet? 326 00:16:58,748 --> 00:16:59,712 Yes. 327 00:16:59,755 --> 00:17:02,276 Thank you, kind sir. 328 00:17:05,447 --> 00:17:06,925 Yeah, Tom lost a dare, yeah. 329 00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:08,405 Tom's a babe. 330 00:17:08,447 --> 00:17:09,847 No. 331 00:17:19,826 --> 00:17:21,384 Who's that? 332 00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:23,976 Boyfriend. It's my boyfriend. 333 00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,965 Ok. Right. 334 00:17:26,007 --> 00:17:27,074 We're open. 335 00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:29,527 How long have you been together? 336 00:17:30,887 --> 00:17:32,244 Erm, a few months. 337 00:17:32,827 --> 00:17:34,365 How long do you think you'll be together? 338 00:17:34,407 --> 00:17:37,425 Erm... I don't know, yeah. 339 00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:40,585 I think he wants to be together forever, which scares me a lot. 340 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,825 I don't, erm... want to be together with anyone forever. 341 00:17:43,867 --> 00:17:46,205 Is he more in love with you than you are with him? 342 00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:47,634 No, not at all. 343 00:17:47,676 --> 00:17:51,905 I'm less capable of love, maybe, but I'm definitely very into him. 344 00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:55,085 - Do you have a boyfriend? - No. 345 00:17:55,352 --> 00:17:56,792 Have you ever been in love? 346 00:17:58,487 --> 00:18:01,285 In high school I was actually in love with my best friend, Eddie, 347 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,385 even though I was convinced he was straight. 348 00:18:03,427 --> 00:18:05,765 One day he kissed me and we started having sex. 349 00:18:05,807 --> 00:18:07,265 Yes! Hot! 350 00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:10,385 I've always regretted not having gay sex when I was a teenager. 351 00:18:11,064 --> 00:18:12,484 Eddie would always say that he wasn't gay, 352 00:18:12,527 --> 00:18:14,465 that he just wanted to practise. 353 00:18:14,507 --> 00:18:17,765 Mmm. He wouldn't touch me outside of sex for the first few weeks. 354 00:18:18,108 --> 00:18:19,765 I mean, that is the dream, isn't it? 355 00:18:20,914 --> 00:18:21,705 To have sex with Eddie 356 00:18:21,747 --> 00:18:24,565 and then get all tortured that he doesn't love you back. 357 00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:26,207 Mmm, kind of. 358 00:18:27,847 --> 00:18:29,545 Gradually we got closer and closer, 359 00:18:29,587 --> 00:18:33,025 and one night at a party I was sucking his dick in a bed... 360 00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:34,825 - Whoo, whoo! - Yeah. 361 00:18:34,867 --> 00:18:37,025 - Yeah, boy! - This dick... 362 00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:38,653 - Whoo! - This dickhead... 363 00:18:38,695 --> 00:18:40,728 - Yeah! - Guy, walked in 364 00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:43,485 and started shouting and telling everyone to come and see. 365 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,087 Eddie told everyone... 366 00:18:47,807 --> 00:18:50,405 that he was passed out and that I raped him, 367 00:18:50,693 --> 00:18:52,773 which was unhelpful. 368 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,045 We never spoke again. 369 00:18:56,944 --> 00:18:58,664 He committed suicide when he was 19 370 00:18:58,707 --> 00:19:01,065 and I didn't find that out till three years later, 371 00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:04,385 but since your question was, 'Have you ever been in love?' 372 00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:06,785 And not, 'Will you please tell me a deeply horrific story?' 373 00:19:06,827 --> 00:19:10,527 I'll just answer, yes, I think so, to a boy in high school. 374 00:19:13,207 --> 00:19:14,805 I don't know what to say to that. 375 00:19:16,307 --> 00:19:17,627 I've never told anyone that. 376 00:19:19,906 --> 00:19:21,424 Why me? 377 00:19:21,767 --> 00:19:23,605 I assume I'll never see you again. 378 00:19:27,607 --> 00:19:29,607 Tell me something you've never told anyone else. 379 00:19:32,174 --> 00:19:34,405 In Year 5 I stole my teacher's brooch. 380 00:19:34,447 --> 00:19:35,679 Why? 381 00:19:35,722 --> 00:19:38,160 - For the rush of the crime. - What happened? 382 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:40,705 She told the whole class that it was her dead mother's 383 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,465 and that if the thief gave it back, she would not be angry. 384 00:19:43,507 --> 00:19:45,945 - Did you give it back? - I buried it in the dirt. 385 00:19:45,987 --> 00:19:47,865 - You're a monster! - Yes. 386 00:19:47,907 --> 00:19:51,005 Wow. Now answer the question like an adult. 387 00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:52,041 Nope! 388 00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:53,752 No, just run through some things in your mind 389 00:19:53,794 --> 00:19:56,985 and when you get to a bit that makes you go, 'Oh, fuck' 390 00:19:57,027 --> 00:19:59,235 or makes you feel weird in your tummy, tell me that. 391 00:20:07,047 --> 00:20:09,365 Ok, I'm an only child, right? 392 00:20:09,407 --> 00:20:11,105 Only child issues, of course. 393 00:20:11,147 --> 00:20:13,605 No, listen, thank you. So, my dad... 394 00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:15,185 Father issues, is that it? 395 00:20:15,227 --> 00:20:17,985 Will you stop categorising me, ok? I will not be categorised. 396 00:20:18,027 --> 00:20:21,625 I'm sorry. You're an untamed bouquet of emotions. 397 00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:25,825 Well, so my dad, he's not very good at communicating with me, 398 00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:28,925 so instead he just talks about chores... 399 00:20:28,967 --> 00:20:31,485 No, that's not a thing. No. 400 00:20:31,527 --> 00:20:33,345 Well, is he a bad dad? 401 00:20:33,387 --> 00:20:35,625 - He's a good dad. - Did he ever hit you? 402 00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:38,125 I mean, he is actually just so lovely. 403 00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:39,605 You are bad at this. 404 00:20:39,647 --> 00:20:43,065 Yeah! It's just it's complicated, ok? 405 00:20:43,107 --> 00:20:45,665 Like, I... I don't know how to articulate it, 406 00:20:45,707 --> 00:20:48,785 'cause anything I would say about him I would then disagree with, ok? 407 00:20:48,827 --> 00:20:51,045 So, right, so, my dad broke up with my mum. 408 00:20:51,087 --> 00:20:52,885 Whatever. 409 00:20:52,927 --> 00:20:55,005 Er, and then she became bipolar. 410 00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:56,745 Well, maybe she was always bipolar. 411 00:20:56,787 --> 00:20:58,825 I don't know. I don't really understand that bit. 412 00:20:58,867 --> 00:21:01,205 And I definitely think he made the right decision, 413 00:21:01,247 --> 00:21:06,545 but sometimes I accidentally think 414 00:21:06,587 --> 00:21:08,887 my mum's mental illness is my dad's fault. 415 00:21:10,047 --> 00:21:11,939 Ah, but I don't actually think that. 416 00:21:12,927 --> 00:21:14,785 I have a cerebral aneurysm. 417 00:21:15,027 --> 00:21:17,545 Oh, fuck off! You really kept that in your back pocket! 418 00:21:17,587 --> 00:21:19,145 - Yeah. - Yeah! 419 00:21:19,187 --> 00:21:20,710 But you should know that I don't know what that is. 420 00:21:20,752 --> 00:21:23,725 Is it a bad thing? Yeah, I'm guessing here it's bad, yeah? 421 00:21:23,767 --> 00:21:24,692 It's a bad thing, yeah. 422 00:21:24,734 --> 00:21:27,125 It's basically a weak spot in an artery in my brain, 423 00:21:27,167 --> 00:21:29,938 and... I don't know, it's not precise science, 424 00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:31,777 but perhaps one day I could be doing something 425 00:21:31,819 --> 00:21:35,188 and the aneurysm will rupture and I'll die. 426 00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:36,483 - Yeah, that is a bad thing. - Mmm. 427 00:21:36,525 --> 00:21:38,084 - That is the worst thing! - Yes. 428 00:21:38,126 --> 00:21:40,544 - Good evening. - Oh, my God. You have to leave. 429 00:21:41,726 --> 00:21:47,064 Um, actually I can't for 15, 14, 13, 12... 430 00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:49,635 - Get out! - 11, 10, 431 00:21:49,677 --> 00:21:55,244 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4... 432 00:21:55,286 --> 00:21:58,884 - Three, two, one! - Two, one. 433 00:21:58,926 --> 00:22:02,614 - Fare thee well. - Fare thee well! 434 00:22:03,266 --> 00:22:04,844 Feel free to serial-kill them, by the way, 435 00:22:04,886 --> 00:22:06,444 if that is actually something you enjoy doing. 436 00:22:06,486 --> 00:22:08,504 No, I wouldn't want to take an only child's friend 437 00:22:08,546 --> 00:22:10,084 so close to Christmas, would I? 438 00:22:10,126 --> 00:22:13,644 Oh, ok, so I just really need you to explain to me 439 00:22:13,686 --> 00:22:15,784 what you mean by a weak spot in your artery. 440 00:22:16,807 --> 00:22:18,464 I think 'weak spot' is quite clear. 441 00:22:19,167 --> 00:22:21,384 Aren't you just so terrified? 442 00:22:21,426 --> 00:22:23,684 When I turned up here and saw you, 443 00:22:24,504 --> 00:22:26,224 I thought, 'What if I die in his bed?' 444 00:22:26,827 --> 00:22:28,014 He'd have to meet my mum. 445 00:22:28,056 --> 00:22:29,844 Then I wondered if my mum would approve of you. 446 00:22:30,820 --> 00:22:32,444 Yeah, I don't think she would, to be honest. 447 00:22:32,661 --> 00:22:35,899 One time I put peanut butter on my face and let John lick it off. 448 00:22:36,291 --> 00:22:39,803 Yeah. Not as a sex thing, thank you! It just made me giggle. 449 00:22:41,408 --> 00:22:44,299 Man, I would not have been able to do that if I had a cerebral aneurysm! 450 00:22:44,341 --> 00:22:47,939 'Ce-ree-bral'. 'Ce-ra-bral' is incorrect. 451 00:22:47,981 --> 00:22:49,939 See, my mum would be so disappointed. 452 00:22:49,981 --> 00:22:53,519 Yeah. Do you really wanna be wasting time on semantics? 453 00:22:53,561 --> 00:22:55,681 No. 454 00:22:58,441 --> 00:23:00,899 I'm not getting dressed as a hint for you to leave, ok? 455 00:23:00,941 --> 00:23:04,699 I just can't sleep without clothes on, so I'm getting dressed. 456 00:23:04,741 --> 00:23:07,419 You started looking at me weirdly ever since I told you 457 00:23:07,461 --> 00:23:10,139 my brain could explode at any moment and I might die. 458 00:23:10,181 --> 00:23:12,279 - Yeah! - Yeah. 459 00:23:12,321 --> 00:23:13,841 Yeah, I think that's fair. 460 00:23:19,841 --> 00:23:21,827 - Goodnight. - I have to leave early in the morning. 461 00:23:22,821 --> 00:23:25,201 - It was nice to meet you. - It was nice to meet you. 462 00:23:32,715 --> 00:23:34,013 Should I go to the mall? 463 00:23:34,395 --> 00:23:35,971 What do you want to do at the mall? 464 00:23:36,215 --> 00:23:39,433 I don't know. Just look around. Maybe buy something. 465 00:23:39,896 --> 00:23:41,253 I could just not go, though. 466 00:23:41,561 --> 00:23:43,453 Well, what would you do if you don't go? 467 00:23:43,495 --> 00:23:47,355 Mmm... Probably get something to eat. 468 00:23:49,395 --> 00:23:52,189 I could have a nap. I'm also quite tired. 469 00:23:52,231 --> 00:23:53,833 - What time do you come home? - Three-ish? 470 00:23:53,875 --> 00:23:57,146 Three-ish? I don't know. 471 00:23:58,675 --> 00:24:01,669 Ok, well, what are the pros and cons of going to the mall? 472 00:24:02,835 --> 00:24:05,993 Ok, pro, it'd be fun to buy something. 473 00:24:06,035 --> 00:24:07,253 Mm-hm. 474 00:24:07,295 --> 00:24:09,657 Con, I just don't know if I can be bothered. 475 00:24:09,699 --> 00:24:11,613 Yeah, no, don't go to the mall. 476 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:13,613 - No, I won't go. - No. 477 00:24:13,655 --> 00:24:16,813 I'll go home, but not yet. I'll stay here for a bit. 478 00:24:16,855 --> 00:24:19,613 Ok, yeah, good. Glad we had this chat. 479 00:24:19,655 --> 00:24:21,675 - Good meeting. - Good meeting! 480 00:24:26,243 --> 00:24:29,184 www.addic7ed.com