Hello. Balloon?
Mommy, buy it for me?
- Sure. - 5 euro.
- Thanks. - Receipt?
Then no.
It's easy like that.
- Not the pigeons! - Let him play.
They carry diseases.
Cryptococcosis,
aspergillosis, histoplasmosis...
- Beautiful, isn't it? - Milan is amazing.
It'll change our lives. Who is it?
It's Mario.
Guess where we are?
What?
I'll call you this evening.
Problems at work?
Optimism, Silvia!
- Yuck! - Darn it!
WELCOME TO THE SOUTH
Tweaks by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com
You can't do anything?
I've been working there for15 years!
You promised!
You know I was counting on it.
I understand.
It's not fair, though.
Bye.
Shoes!
Naples: gunfire downtown,
Minister Maroni in visit to the regional capital.
102 deaths since the year began, 1,300 in the last ten.
It's as if an entire village were erased from the map.
- What is it? - No transfer to Milan.
What?
Someone disabled got the job.
To live in Milan, a person has to be handicapped?
They have priority, it's only right.
Wasn't your friend "Leave it to me" Mario helping you?
I told you Mario's a ciaparatt!
Daddy, what's that mean?
"Rat catcher", good for nothing.
- What are you doing for us? - It's nobody's fault.
We're not going to Grandma and Grandpa's in Milan?
You'll go the American School anyway, your mother will take you,
if it were up to your father... Then university in Milan,
you'll become a lawyer, get married and buy a house
in Milan's biggest square!
- Or stay here and marry Pina. - Who's she?
The daughter of the pizza maker at "The Reef".
She's not bad looking.
Know how much her father puts in his account every month?
Fish sticks!
Fish sticks, again.
- What's Pina like? - A monster.
Are you crazy?
Did they see you come in?
We work at the Post Office, not the CIA!
- Quiet, I'm running a huge risk! - What?
I've been busting my ass in Hicksville for15 years.
Don't shout or we're screwed!
Help me, or Silvia won't talk to me anymore.
There's another opening in Milan.
In a month the manager in Via Valparaiso is retiring.
- I have to get that job. - Lower your voice!
- There. - There, what?
Is it him?
- The Director? - Shut up!
No, I'm not busy.
Alright.
I didn't mean you.
The Director wants to see me.
If we say I'm handicapped?
Are you nuts?
What can I lose?
If they find out, you're dead.
- But they all do it! - Coming!
Thank you sir, goodbye.
Pardon me.
Get the butter and broth ready, then celery, carrot and onion.
GUARDIAN MOMS
Then the cabbage and the scraped pork rind.
Kids, the area for couples is on the other side.
Stop, he's my husband!
We got the transfer to Milan!
Really?
Mr. Manager, sir?
An inspector's looking for you.
- What inspector? - From the Central Office.
- It's about your transfer. - Have him wait a moment.
To Milan!
Damn, I should have tried it first.
- Hello, Alberto Colombo. - Borghetti.
You wanted to see me?
I'd like to check a few details
on your transfer application.
Would you like help?
It's kids, always slashing the tires.
Please sit down.
What can I do for you?
How long have you been disabled?
It's not easy to talk about.
I was very young.
The memory is blurred.
It's terrible to relive that trauma.
Muscle spasms.
Done.
Please, go on.
There are two transfer applications in your name.
A recent one for a person with reduced mobility
and another six months ago in which the applicant is normal.
Are you the same person?
They're both mine.
I did the one as a healthy person...
because I wanted my application
to be considered like all the others.
It's important to see in a "normal" person's eyes
something other than pity.
- That's quite honorable. - Thank you.
But if this compromises my transfer...
It's a simple but necessary check, because often
people make false statements to get a position in Milan.
It happens very often.
It's shameful.
But that's not your case, you'll be fine in Milan.
Thank you.
I won't bother you any further.
No bother at all. Goodbye.
You're totally out of it.
- We're friends. - No way!
I'm no friend of a jerk who plays handicapped.
I did it for Silvia.
- Sit down. - I'm sorry.
I have some good news and some bad.
- I've been suspended? - Worse.
- Fired? - Worse.
What could be worse?
Transferred to the South.
- Like Bologna? - No, South.
- Don't say Rome! - No, much further south.
- Sicily? - No, before that comes Campania.
Near Naples.
That's horrific!
You start on Monday.
I have no lightweight clothes, or where to sleep.
There's an apartment for the manager.
- Where are they sending me? - To Castellabate.
- And the good news? - That's it.
- The bad? - You'll be there for two years.
- Minimum. - Two years in Naples!
It's either the South, or fired for serious offenses!
Two years in Naples, it'll kill me!
Now, go!
- I'm sorry. - How do I tell Silvia?
You can't do this to me.
I've tried everything.
- Mr. Manager, sir... - Hello, please come in.
- Hi, dear. - Hello, sweetheart.
- Hi, Daddy! - Hi, Chicco.
- Time to eat? - Yes, it's ready.
The apartment near my folks...
Mom wrote down the names on the intercom.
Esposito, Coppola, Wang, Ahmed, Beretta, Capuozzo.
They're almost all from the deep South, I'd forget it.
They're not sending me to Milan anymore anyway.
Dinner?
Another handicapped person rolled over us?
They found me something a lot better.
- Where? - In Château de l'Abbé.
Castellabate, a charming locality near Naples.
- Terrific, isn't it? - What?
- Terrific, isn't it? - Before that.
- Charming locality? - After that.
Near Naples.
Naples?
To get the position in Milan I passed myself off as disabled.
You passed yourself off...
What a jack...
What a jackass!
I can't believe I married such a...
Jackass! You go down there alone!
Chicco, pajamas, to bed.
Jackass...
Mommy, I'm scared of Château de l'Abbé!
ILLUSTRIOUS ACADEMY OF GORGONZOLA
I proclaim Mr. Petazzoni illustrious academician of Gorgonzola P.D.O.!
Southern Italy is a very bad deal.
I know because when I was young,
my mother used to screw a shitkicker.
That's the problem, they're all shitkickers,
even the animals: cats, dogs,
cows, chickens, calves, all of them!
They only talk shitkick and you can't understand a word.
When you think you understand, you know they're fucking with you,
they're nice to your face, "hospitality",
but they're all in the Camorra.
- And what heat down there! - It's hot?
Not in the winter, but in summer it hits 40°C.
So, you think it's cooler indoors, but it's 50°C there!
It's hotter inside than out?
Yeah, those shit houses are made with asbestos.
- What's life like there? - It's pretty tough.
The ones in the Camorra live well,
all the others are wretches.
Like they say, "See Naples and then die."
A violent death, either of cholera,
or typhoid, with all that trash around.
It's disgusting.
But I have a solution for the South:
just one huge parking lot.
Bon appétit.
I'm not hungry anymore.
Temperatures above 35°C: fever, shock, meningitis...
What's the temperature there?
What is it?
- What was it? - Nothing.
How hot can it get? I've got an extinguisher.
Good luck, Mr. Colombo.
I hope so.
Be a good boy, do what Mommy says.
- This is for you. - What is it?
It's a rat trap, so they don't bite your feet.
It's SPF 50 sunscreen, use it especially...
You're wearing your watch?
- Maybe to take it they'd... - You're right. What an idiot.
This too?
That's right.
Little guy.
Wear your little hat!
It's in your bag.
Will Daddy be back?
Yes,
very soon.
This is Alberto Colombo, your new manager.
I've just left.
It's 7:28 here, and there?
- 7:28. - Good.
- I should be there by dinner. - Are you walkin'?
At Eboli take the coast road,
or you'll go "uppa" the Salerno-Reggio Calabria.
Upper Calabria? There must be some static.
I have a GPS navigator, I'll see you this evening.
I'll be 'ere.
- What? - I'll be 'ere.
Beer?
Look, I'll call you when I arrive.
- Hello, license and registration. - Was I going too fast?
Too slow, you're blocking traffic.
My mind was wandering, I'm going to Naples.
I've been transferred there.
I understand, I have a brother in Kosovo.
Be careful for your car and yourself.
In 300 meters, keep to the left
and take the Salerno-Reggio Calabria.
Here we sit, bidin' time.
Excuse me?
Is it far to Castellabate?
I reckon some of 'em tumbled up.
This road riles you, it's always chock-a-block.
Thank you.
What kind of talk's that?
Shitkicker!
You've arrived at your destination.
Arrived?
- Volpe, it's me, I'm here. - Where are you?
- Can't see a blasted... - What plaster?
Look for the street name.
Hold the line.
HERE YOU DIE
Mr. Director!
My Lord, is he dead?
What a somethin' to happen!
- Mr. Director! - Volpe!
Volpe Mattia, that's me.
- I'll call an ambulance. - No way!
Do like I say.
Was it bucketin' so you couldn't turn the steerin'?
- Did I harm you a bit? - My armpit?
- I'll get my things. - Let's go.
Can I leave the car here? They won't steal it?
Welcome to your house.
There's no furniture.
Who stole it?
I'll report you, throw you in jail!
- The other director took it. - He's a thief.
- Meantime I'll report him. - He's gone.
- A fugitive? - No, he checked out.
He popped off.
- He croaked. - I don't understand.
- Dead. - Great start!
- Take me to a hotel. - I didn't get that.
There must be a hotel around.
This time of year, at this hour? You razzin' me?
Okay.
Is there much more to walk?
Want me to carry it?
Come in.
It's kind of you to host me.
Please, this way.
Mr. Director...
Take your shoes off.
My mother's fanatical about dirt.
Watch your step.
Go ahead in.
I'll camp out on the couch, I can't stay here.
I'll move the box.
I'll get you settled, change the sheets too.
You shouldn't...
It's moth balls, Mom puts them everywhere.
There are rats? Tiny mice maybe.
- Every rat's this big. - Living here?
No, they're renting next door, a one-room place.
Goodnight.
Thank you.
- Would you like coffee? - Not at this hour.
Never in the evenings, maybe herbal tea.
Never mind, it's okay.
A junkie.
Explosives!
Holy mother, he's in the Camorra!
Mr. Colombo!
He's dead.
What's this stink?
Mr. Director?
What do you want?
- What do you want yourself. - Meaning?
For breakfast.
- What time is it? - 8:15.
- Tea with milk. - How about coffee?
Mom makes great coffee.
No, always tea with cold milk on the side, some toast
and a plain yogurt, thank you.
This is yours.
- I'd put it there. - That's the chimney vent.
I didn't want to dirty anything.
There was a draft.
Mom.
- He wants tea. - Got a bellyache?
I don't know, it puzzled me a bit, threw me off.
I'll take care of him.
Good morning.
- Good morning. - Mr. Director.
Madame.
- Madame, how is Madame? - Who's a Madame?
Madame, how is Madame?
- Who's he talking to? - To you.
My mom's used to ma'am, we don't use Madame here.
Sorry.
- What did I do? - That's my place.
This has been my mug since I was a kid.
So much, there's no need,
I always have tea, and maybe one slice of toast.
You have to eat, or she'll be offended.
Eat up.
Have some sausages, the zabaglione's for me.
She makes it for me every morning with fresh eggs.
- It's dynamite! - I can imagine.
Eat something.
- Just to... - Don't you like it?
It's delicious, but I don't...
A taste.
Sausage?
A little dessert?
Mom, some dessert for the Director.
- I'm really fine as is. - Taste it.
It's good, a kind of chocolate.
Kind of, it's called blood pudding.
It's chocolate with pig's blood.
- You have to eat it. - I got that.
Your mother's right, it's not so hot here.
They told me it was very hot here, but...
Camels used to bring the mail, the director was a Bedouin.
- Are you making fun of me? - No...
- Mattia! - How's it goin'?
This guy? Looks like the Michelin man.
He's joking. He's the new director, from Milan.
- I get it. - What?
He always gets things late.
- Buy you a coffee? - No, I have to work.
Wait, let me introduce two stalwart co-workers.
Little Costabile, one of our greatest employees.
Welcome to the famous Castellabate.
Wait!
Big Costabile, a senior worker, close to retirement.
Big Costabile and Little Costabile?
It's our patron saint's name, they're not related.
- You're from the "nor-d"? - No, from the "north".
I don't know where "nor-d" is.
A coffee to welcome you?
Is drinking coffee all you do here?
I've had 3 already!
To work!
Bye, doll, see you later.
Hello to everyone.
Shut your mouth or you'll be catchin' flies.
Good morning.
Maria Flagello, insured mail and financial services.
- You're late, it's 9. - We always open at 9.
You take life easy here.
- Would you show me my office? - Of course.
What's the difference between "nor-d" and "north"?
A guy tries to be polite!
I can tell right off, this guy's a nice person,
you can see by his ears.
During office hours let's dress appropriately.
He means me.
This guy wants us to sweat blood. You'll see.
- Who brought Maria here? - I don't know.
You forgot your snack.
I'm 35, and you still bring me snacks?
Wait, take a little mozzarella.
And a piece of macaroni omelet.
In case you get hungry...
Am I leaving on a trip?
- You have a tape worm. - When I was a kid!
Besides, if it eats the omelet, the ham and the bread,
it's no little tape worm, it's a tape python!
Morning, Mrs. Volpe.
- You're still here? - A full employee.
She has to go!
I understand, but why do I need this?
If you lose it, we'll replace it.
Don't waste time, there's a line forming.
Want to be here till nightfall?
I'm talking to a client, I can't do him lickety split.
Take the toothpick out of your mouth.
I need it so I don't stammer.
I'll handle this man, you continue with the others.
- Mr.? - Scapece.
What can we do for you?
I'd like to apply for a Postamat.
A friend?
A friend of his came here and got a Postamat.
This friend gets his retirement pay accredited to his account
so he can easily withdraw cash.
Without sweating blood.
Do you understand?
Could you repeat that?
I got it!
Third window.
Come in.
- What is it? - We're closing for lunch.
- Want to come with us? - Where do you go?
Home, we all live nearby.
- When will you be back? - At 3.
- Imagine that! - But we stay open until 6.
- Coming? - No, thank you, I'm not hungry.
I'll stay here and work.
Enjoy your lunch.
The time will pass quickly.
It's just two years.
- Costabile, is this yours? - No, Mr. Director.
- Would you like a coffee? - Excuse me?
- What is it? - I have to get by.
You're here to listen to the critical issues I've noticed
and want to talk about with you. Where's Volpe?
You'll refer.
There are two urgent points: safety and working hours.
I'd like a steel door and cameras inside and out.
Start time: 8 am, lunch break from 1 pm to 2,
work ends at 5 pm.
I wish to remind you that this is Italy too.
Objections?
I told you he'd make us sweat blood.
Where's Mattia?
Maybe you don't understand how it works.
People come about 1 o'clock, they're busy before that.
And before 4 pm nobody moves.
Robberies? Everyone knows everyone here.
With all these stairs, how could they ever rob us?
It would take Tom Cruise from "Mission: Impossible".
You deny this area has a high crime rate?
You have no perception of reality!
We'll get a specialist to evaluate.
He was sent here or he came by himself?
And another thing: when you speak, I don't understand you.
Speak to me in Italian.
Were you sent here or did you come by yourself?
They sent me here to make you work.
Let's try to optimize the work.
I'm constipated.
You're pushing it.
Maria!
You could have come a little later!
I can drive like a pro, too,
taking curves with an ear on the ground.
Finally Mr. Volpe is here too.
Had to wash Mommy's dishes? All those courses...
Aren't you feeling well?
Why are you laughing?
Know what this man did?
I invited him to my house, he locked himself in
and hid his wallet, scared I'd steal it.
Don't force me to report you for discipline.
I'm shakin'.
You asked for it.
Didn't they teach you manners?
Cut it out! Stop being a clown.
He just got here, I'd like to see you in his shoes,
if they treated you like that.
Mattia and I grew up together, he's a good kid.
- But he can't insult me. - He has an Oedipus complex.
Personal problems can't be dumped on others.
You won't really report him!
I can't let it slip by.
It's like he's still a kid.
Go along, I'll lock up.
And tell Mr. Volpe I'm sleeping at my house,
even on the floor.
Mr. Director!
Where are you going?
- Home. - It's the other way.
We'll take you there.
- What'll you do to me? - We'll take you home.
- See you tomorrow. - No, we gotta take you inside.
Help!
What were you thinking?
Who's there?
- What's happened? - Why are you here?
Don't be afraid, we wanted to surprise you.
Each of us gave something.
It's make-shift, but it's okay for a start.
It's wonderful.
It's beautiful.
It's so nice of all of you, even pictures!
- Horrible! Who's this? - My father, rest his soul.
They've done fireworks for generations.
Mattia does them too.
That's why the explosives...
He's tops. And this is for the curtains.
And I thought...
But I'm a little sorry
that you're not sleeping at my house.
Who'll steal your wallet now?
I don't know how to thank you.
- How much? - What are you doin'?
- We did it in friendship. - We don't even know each other!
We'll learn to.
I owe you one.
The curtains will come later.
There's the sea!
I hadn't realized.
One of these evenings I'll invite you to dinner at the sea,
to thank you.
Okay, this evening.
- But you're our guest. - I can't, my back...
Why, you eat with your back?
Whitebait omelet, cianfotta, cecata soup and soppressata.
Stuffed anchovies,
fusilli with meat sauce and white Cilentan figs.
- What? - You have to taste everything.
Why just taste? Let's eat it all!
When it comes to eating, you're always first.
Come on.
A little soppressata.
You even have to try the mussels 'mpepata.
A trumpet!
We've mixed you up.
Know what they say when someone's really mixed up?
That he mistook one thing for another.
A dick for a spigot.
It's not hard to talk like us, just take off the last vowel.
For example, banana becomes "bana-n".
- Sofa becomes "so-f". - Then it's easy.
Plate becomes "pla-t", this would be "for-k",
"kni-f".
- Male, "ma-I". - You wiped us out!
But these letters don't get lost.
- We never throw anything out. - We recycle.
A simple vowel becomes a word.
An "E" becomes affirmative.
An "O" is a warning. A guy says...
An "I" means go away.
And a "U"?
The "U" and "A" are together, it's amazement.
Like when you see a beautiful woman.
You strike it lucky?
Or the new director shows up from Milan unexpectedly...
- Try ordering a dish. - Between us sure, but...
- Try a practical demonstration. - It's a good idea.
Go for it!
Hurry.
- Waiter? - He'll never come.
You have to say "oway".
He's here.
We'd like to order...
We'da like...
I don't understand a word, I'm Venetian, been here for two months.
Are you alright? I left you so many messages.
Weren't you supposed to call as soon as you got there?
Yes, but I was in a meeting.
- I have to reorganize everything. - How are you?
Fine, they're very welcoming.
- It's not even hot. - Stop it.
Stop lying.
I'm your wife,
you can tell me you're suffering.
Sure, it's tough, it's a mess here.
I knew it!
- How well I know you. - I'll be back in two weeks.
Taste the pastiera.
- Are you alone? - Yes.
I heard a woman's voice.
- It's Maria, my neighbor. - What's she like?
Short and fat, with a mustache.
- A beaver. - Close.
We miss you.
Bye, kitten.
Attempted murder.
Good morning.
- Is this yours? - Yes.
That's 62 euro.
- Why, isn't that how it's done? - Maybe in your town.
Good day.
And I thought...
Trash got thrown out the window.
For convenience, we recycle.
Today organic, Thursday paper, Saturday glass.
Sir...
Go play.
Why did he fine me?
- This festival is very popular. - Saint Costabile is the patron.
"Here you don't die."
It's what Joachim Murat, the French King, said.
He came here to Castellabate, he wrote that phrase
and then he died.
- Smart gal, our Maria. - Let's go.
- What? - Let's go.
These two weeks just flew by.
Go slow and call when you get there.
Cut it out! What are you, his mom?
Have a good weekend.
I brought you a CD for the trip.
- Where's Mattia? - He's been firing for an hour.
See you Monday.
- They're very different from us. - That's for sure.
You can't understand them.
Chicco's sleeping!
- It's like being in Africa. - Were you threatened?
- I'd rather not say. - What happened?
You have to tell me everything.
If you show them you've got balls, they run.
Don't be your usual dare-devil self,
I don't want to be the widow of a hero.
And they eat anything at any time.
They drink gallons of coffee and make you drink too.
You can't, you'll have a stroke, you can refuse.
No, you can't.
If you refuse...
Darling!
Daddy, don't go.
And don't be a hero!
In 300 meters turn left
and take the Salerno-Reggio Calabria.
Fuck tha-t!
Over here!
Come join us?
No, thank you, an old injury...
- We're down one. - Just for a minute.
- I risk getting hurt. - Don't make us beg.
That was a penalty.
It was!
I'll kick it.
Run, a bombing!
Who else? The Milanese!
Could you take my window for a minute?
This has to be sent back.
Hello.
Do you know my grandson Peppe?
I have to send him this, it's a sweater I made.
I want it to get there fast, how long will it take?
- Two or three days. - Two or three?
And if it rains, what will the dear thing wear?
Should he freeze to death?
Two or three days? But it's just a small package.
Your grandson Peppe?
- You're talking about Peppe? - Do you know him?
Peppe said, I quote:
"If my grandma comes, tell her she can't make sweaters,"
"she's gotta do fried dough, 'cause she does 'em great."
But he doesn't like sweaters, make him a dessert.
Making sweaters isn't for you, Peppe said so.
- Make scarves. - I don't know how.
Ma'am, come to this window.
Do you know Peppe?
Are you crazy?
What did I do?
Go home, if the director sees you...
So peaceful.
They're all happy to have you here.
And you, everything alright at work?
I can't complain.
Can I tell you something?
Why get involved in... You can ruin...
Are you married?
Yes, we have a beautiful 8-year-old son.
Your wife didn't come.
No, because...
We'd given up on children, an incredible joy,
but since he was born Silvia's become apprehensive,
depressed, if I'd brought her here...
Why, it's depressing here? She might get over it.
Of course.
The move, school, packing...
An outsider coming to the South cries when he arrives and when he leaves.
It's true, when I came here I was upset.
- Just imagine when you leave! - I don't think so.
I'm fine here, but my home is up there.
I like the fog, the people, the chaos.
Things you can't understand.
Coffee break.
- Good? - Like only in Naples.
Thanks. Bye.
What's up this evening?
- It's Friday. - Aren't you going home?
- Don't you have to go North? - It's already Friday?
Then I'll see you on Monday.
Silvia?
Surprise!
Hi, little guy.
- See? There's ciaparatt. - Who's ciaparatt?
We invited a few friends, let's go.
Tell us about the hell you're going through down there.
Just looking at them, they seem normal,
but in reality they're dark, stocky.
No one's in the office in the mornings.
About 11:30 they show up, at 2 off to the beach.
With that heat, no one wants to work.
Do the women wear G-strings under their black dresses?
- And hygiene? - They're dirty.
There was the start of a cholera epidemic!
It's endemic there.
Tomorrow I'm taking you and Chicco for vaccinations.
I've already had them,
the Red Cross came, you don't fool with cholera.
I worked in the South and I have wonderful memories.
I fell for it!
My dear brothers, I've brought you a small gift.
The "big tit" of Battipaglia.
That's five kilos.
It's a quality mozzarella because it "ooze-s mil-k".
- What's it do? - Oozes milk.
It needs the pause, "ooze-s mil-k".
Taste it, you won't be sorry.
- Acidic. - "Acidi-c".
Oopsy daisy!
Hello, license and registration.
It's our friend from Naples! How's it going?
Terrible, down South all the cops have mustaches.
I have to fine you for speeding.
Make it fast, I don't want to miss the sunset.
You know, when the sun goes down into the sea?
Hello Ma'am.
I came to say hello.
- I'll make you some good coffee. - It's not for that.
Here you are, would you like some?
No, if I may, this time I'm bringing you something.
It's a specialty from my area, smell the fragrance.
- "Invernizzi Gim". - It's Gorgonzola.
- You'll like it. - Thank you.
It's soft Gorgonzola, excellent for appetizers.
It should go in the fridge. I'm off.
- Wait, some coffee. - Duty calls.
I have to work.
You have to eat it.
What's this stink?
The Milanese brought it, it's all moldy.
- That's how you eat it. - With mold?
It's Milanese cooking, refined, it's totally different.
Not like us, we eat stuffed peppers.
Taste it.
Try it.
What's it like?
But stuffed peppers too...
How about a kiss?
- I don't think so. - Gimme a kiss.
- You're hurting me. - No kiss 'cause he's here?
Problems?
If anyone's got problems here, it's you, if you speak.
Tell your ma to buy somethin' black, she's gonna be in mournin'.
Shut up, you moron, your ma stills brings you snacks.
Maybe you still don't get my type.
Good boy, go inside.
That clown...
Settle down!
- You came on a new motorbike, huh? - No, on foot.
What are you doing to my motorbike?
I'll take the personal responsibility to explain.
You take the responsibility, huh?
Let's take him inside.
Careful.
It can't go on like this.
Mattia gets all worked up.
A brawl outside the office during working hours,
stoned on who-knows-what.
- Another report's too much. - You defend him?
Me? Never.
But a report is useless,
he has to change.
You know what Mattia Volpe's real problem is?
He's crazy in love with you.
Not a chance!
We were together for a year, this is all I have left.
Why did you break up?
He never says no, not even to his mom, he never risks anything.
I got mad and put him to the test.
I told him I'd asked to transfer.
And what did he do?
Nothing, sir!
- Mr. Volpe? - Mr. Director.
What is it? You want to report me again?
Why don't you talk to your mother?
- Why? - Maria told me everything.
Mind your own business.
Okay.
Then behave properly during work hours.
Cocaine will never resolve personal problems.
What cocaine?
The cocaine you use when you make deliveries.
I saw you open that bag.
Sir, it's a powder for fireworks.
My nerves come from coffee.
How much do you drink?
Wherever I deliver mail, they offer me some, by evening I'm a wreck.
If it's just coffee, that's easy. Everything can be fixed.
Except that jerk's motorbike.
- Want to shoot some fireworks? - Can I?
No, that's dangerous, these here, at most.
This is called Crackling Fuse,
the other is called a Sparkler, hold it like this...
I'll come with you.
We can't ride double.
You have to learn to say no.
- But I'll drive. - Do you know how?
I'm the Director! How do you start it up?
Mr. Matarazzo.
Hello.
- I'm the new director. - It's kind of you to come.
- Let me offer you coffee. - No thank you, we have to go.
I open my home and you refuse my coffee?
Thank you, we don't drink coffee.
Some fruit juice then.
This fruit juice will give you new life.
Are you sure we can drink it?
- It's not coffee. - You're sure?
Fruit juice.
- Good? It's nocillo. - Delicious.
- Next? - The Scapece house.
We'll slide it under the door.
No, we have to hand-deliverit.
If they offer coffee, we'll give a Milanese no: categorical.
- How much sugar? - Two, please.
You say "no, thank you."
Got any fruit juice?
It's lemon juice he made himself.
Here's your registered letter, your receipt,
the juice was very good, maybe a bit strong.
It's his Postamat.
That's wonderful, but we have to run.
Even I didn't understand that.
Goodbye.
Good thing it was a Milanese no!
If it was Neapolitan, we'd have stayed for dinner?
Sorrowful Mother...
Immaculate Virgin...
Deliver us from evil...
Where are you goin'?
Where are we goin'?
Cyprus, a letter from Ciro.
Ciro, a letter from Cyprus.
- Want some coffee? - No, thank you.
When they say "Want some coffee?", "No, thank you."
I think I'm understanding you better.
Must be my ear.
No, you're understanding us with your heart.
Now you're a poet.
Just a manner of speaking!
I love the South!
I love you!
We're dead, I see Saint Costabile!
Two fruit juices, please.
Have we learned to say no?
Keep moving, nothing happened.
Nothing happened is what I say!
Tortora, the handcuffs!
Hello?
Love? I can't come tonight, maybe tomorrow.
Why?
I'm at the local Police Station.
You were mugged?
No, I went into a bar and they arrested me.
- Why? - I went in on a motorbike!
Are you alright?
- Have you been drinking? - No.
- You're drunk! - A local fruit juice.
I've been thinking about this, I'm coming down tomorrow.
No!
You can't, it's dangerous.
I'll show you dangerous!
My friends,
I have to talk to you.
I'm in trouble.
My wife arrives tomorrow.
Aren't you happy?
Sure,
but I lied to her about my life here.
I tried to tell her the truth, but she didn't believe me,
so I let her believe what she wanted.
I told her it's awful here.
The more she thinks I'm suffering, the nicer she treats me,
our relationship has improved and she's better.
I'm not sure I got it.
She's better if you're worse?
It sounds strange, but that's it.
What did you tell her?
I didn't get that.
Stereotypes, more or less.
Untrue things they say up North.
Like you're somewhat basic.
Simpletons, dull, that you gesture,
you can't be understood,
you're a bit vulgar.
Maybe I used the terms dirty, violent, shitkickers.
- Shitkickers? - I did it for love.
For her I was a hero facing life courageously.
Don't abandon me.
I didn't even want to come here.
I was sent because I faked being handicapped!
My friends, I did it for her!
His book is on the night table, he's at page 11,
he has to reach page 26, then he can sleep.
He has to brush his teeth for at least one minute.
That's the humidifier,
and not too much perfume, it dries the boy's mucous membranes,
he'll lose his sense of smell, as an adult he won't smell a gas leak.
I'll go get the bag of medicines.
Mommy, I'm scared of Grandma and Grandpa!
What's this smell? Alcohol, again?
It's the perfume you gave me.
You're drinking perfume now?
From the train I saw a beautiful beach nearby.
I wanted to talk to you about that.
There's something I haven't told you.
An informer said they're gonna kidnap you
to get access to the safe.
We have to escort you to your home.
Let me introduce my wife.
- A pleasure. - Mattia.
Does he want money?
We'll include your wife in the protection program.
- What's this guy want? - High-five him.
- Y'all ain't never been South? - Who's "y'all"?
The next time bring a TV camera,
there are loads of things you'll never see again,
the first is the TV camera!
What road's this?
Different, we were afraid of an ambush.
Let's get out.
Hang on.
All clear.
Maria Flagello, at the ready, it's all okay, high-five.
Follow us.
That would be your ugly neighbor Maria?
Maria, my neighbor.
YOU ASKED FOR IT
Now, Scapece.
They're coming! Action!
Don't worry, we'll soon be home.
Lady, a few coins.
What are they, animals?
Here you win, you play...
They're all crazy!
Original CDs here!
- I'll kill myself! - Then die!
Catch the lady!
Morning, ladies.
Oh, Lord!
Wait a minute.
See what you got me doin'?
You're in trainin'.
Sorrowful Mother, Immaculate Virgin...
Our mayor.
My purse!
You've got a family!
Don't hurt me.
Alberto? Are you all nuts? No!
That's what you tried to say at the station, right?
Don't move till further orders!
Stay away from the windows!
Keep moving.
All clear!
Relax now.
I got it fixed last week.
What squalor!
It's got southern exposure, sunlight.
There's tea.
I thought it was tough, but not like this.
Me too.
I'm glad you came.
How can anyone live two years in a place like this?
The bathroom's clogged, no water, it's disgusting!
I'm used to it, but you don't have to be.
I can't allow you to live in a place like this,
you go home tomorrow, there's a train at 9.
No, I'm your wife.
- I'm staying here with you. - But Chicco?
- He has to become independent. - As of when?
As of now.
When we're organized,
we'll bring him here to live.
We're a family,
we have to stay together.
It would be wonderful, but I can't allow it.
What's that?
It's the neighbors, they fight all the time.
Not anymore.
Hold me.
But you leave tomorrow.
- Think they're asleep? - Warrior's rest.
- Let's go home. - No, I have an idea.
We end with a blast, let's burn down the town hall.
Aren't you coming?
No, I have to bodyguard his wife.
Goodnight.
Why don't you stay here?
Be serious.
It's the first time we've been alone,
even Mom's not here.
It's all pretend here anyway, right?
Goodnight.
- Don't you think you exaggerated? - What organization!
- It went well. - No, she wants to stay.
- In Castellabate? - No, near me!
Then it can't be helped.
- How do I explain it was fake? - Tell her the truth.
Now that it's working between us, I ruin everything?
You heard last night.
In spite of everything, she loves you, why not be sincere?
I don't accept advice from a jerk
who can't tell his mother he loves another woman.
Who said!
You're no better than me on courage.
I'll talk to my mom when I want.
You worry about talking to your wife.
So, I'll talk to my wife and you talk to your mother.
Deal?
- Lookin' for somethin'? - The Post Office.
You have to go to Castellabate.
- We're in Castellabate. - Not on your life.
Castellabate is up there.
- You're sure? - I'll take you.
Silvia!
Mrs. Colombo!
Here we are, I'll help you down.
- Thank you so much. - Goodbye.
- Hi! What faces! - We were worried.
Knowing you were around here alone... The town's dangerous.
- It's not like Milan. - Not at all.
- Where were you? - Around.
- Here? - I was looking for a perfume shop.
There aren't any here, there's a town store.
- The Nanninella. - It's not a perfume shop.
- If you ask, what'll she say? - "No, not on your life."
What can you expect, we're in the South, right?
In Castellabate, right?
And I'm an idiot, right?
Darling, wear this, they might shoot you.
Think she knows?
Get out of my sight.
I tried to tell you the truth so many times!
- The alcohol, friends, mandolin? - What?
It's true, cholera, threats, "I sacrifice for my family."
- I said what you wanted to hear. - I don't get you.
We've created a strange magic, it's been better since we separated.
So, we'll continue being separated.
You have to forget about Chicco and me.
You're an unreliable father.
I did it for you!
I'll shame you all over the whole Po Valley!
And besides, Maria doesn't seem to have a mustache!
You haven't had breakfast, your cup's here.
- I have to talk to you. - Get me the colander?
- I'd like you to listen to me. - I'm listenin'.
- I've made a decision. - Good for you.
Don't interrupt me, I've got the whole speech right here.
Will you get me two eggs for the zabaglione?
- Seriously. - I heard you.
Do you want this zabaglione?
I'll even put Marsala in it.
Marsala?
- So, I'm off. - See you at the festival.
We won't be needing you anymore.
I'm sorry about your wife.
That's life, don't worry.
- Did you talk to your mother? - She understood everything.
- How do you know? - She made zabaglione.
With Marsala, when she uses that...
She understands.
Maria's pretty, isn't she?
Too bad.
What?
She asked to be transferred, I signed it today,
I couldn't refuse.
- Where? - Up North.
- Rome? - Further up.
- Milan? - Not quite...
Pordenone.
- Friuli region. - Below...
Austria.
- Why not talk to her about it? - Later.
I've got the fireworks now, then I'll talk to her.
The Milanese is here, the fun's over.
- I have to talk to you urgently. - About what?
Come with me. Excuse us.
What a bastard!
- Where are we going? - Wait here.
Will you tell me what's going on?
I brought you someone who wants to say hello.
Later.
Now.
Okay. Go inside.
This is the radio linked to the square,
if you get a signal, it's Scapece.
When he gives the order, don't do anything, call me.
Do as I say...
- Understand? - No. - Perfect.
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
- Nothing? - Nothing.
- Okay, then I'll leave. - I wanted to know...
What?
Can you confirm that Friuli's below Austria?
- Why are you going to Pordenone? - Where?
Pordenone.
There's no sun, there's no sea.
There's no me.
If you have something to say, okay,
if not, I'll go back to the festival.
Every time I have something to tell you, you gotta leave.
- What transfer? - You're staying here?
Fire calling fuse.
Hello?
The music's done, they're wantin' the 'works.
I don't understand a word, could you repeat clearly?
I can never understand a word when you talk!
Mattia, hear me? Shoot!
- Hello, Mattia? - Just a minute.
Alberto?
Now I can leave, my best to your lover.
- What lover? - All your lies!
It's my fault, but I didn't do it on purpose!
Scapece was yelling, but I couldn't understand!
Stay back.
Be careful.
If I asked you to marry me?
No rush.
Remember when we got married?
We lived everywhere, we didn't give a damn.
We were happy because we were together.
How could we have forgotten that?
Jackass.
Come in.
What is it?
It's for you.
From the Central Office.
Two years have gone by, it was bound to come.
So?
Milan.
You're happy, aren't you?
See you tonight.
Have a good trip.
It's always the same with you directors,
you come, we get used to you,
when everything's workin' smooth, you run off like thieves.
Goodbye.
Mamma's boy!
This is for you.
There you go.
Eat this and as soon as you get there, call me.
Hold this for me, Mom?
See you.
It's mine.
We'll come visit, right Mattia?
We expect you up North. All of you, even the little shitkicker.
Bye, city slicker.
Thanks for everything.
For what?
I don't know how to say it.
Knowing you has been really...
- I told you. - What?
When an outsider comes to the South,
he cries when he arrives and when he leaves.
WELCOME TO THE SOUTH
Tweaks by XhmikosR www.addic7ed.com