1
00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,797
Morning, thugs.
2
00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:06,930
Morning, gangster.
3
00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:08,096
Morning, player.
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,369
Aww, I love what we have.
5
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:12,539
Uh-huh.
6
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:14,546
Uh-huh. Patient.
7
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:18,078
No, I don't think the only
reason your mother had you
8
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:19,675
was so that she could be
a bitch to you.
9
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:23,981
Ah, the holidays,
stockings full of gifts,
10
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,454
your mom's voicemail
full of messages
11
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:29,256
from sobbing lunatics
who can't handle their business.
12
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:32,194
Christmas or not,
13
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:33,425
you just have to tell
your mother
14
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,831
she has to respect you.
15
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,434
Hey. Leggings are not pants.
16
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,761
Mom, you have to respect me.
17
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:39,994
Don't even.
18
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,771
Look, I know
the holidays can be lonely,
19
00:00:42,842 --> 00:00:44,104
but don't lose sight of the fact
20
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,839
that you matter to a lot of people, Jill.
21
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:48,377
Ellen. I meant Ellen.
22
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,481
She hung up on me.
23
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,212
What a whiner.
24
00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,712
I'm so sorry.
I thought you hung up.
25
00:00:57,657 --> 00:01:00,182
Come here.
What can hero husband do to make it better?
26
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,754
Fast-forward me
to our trip to Hawaii.
27
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,690
(GASPS) Our couple's massage.
28
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,625
And our couple's bed.
29
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,492
It's just a bed, honey.
30
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,464
It's a bed with
a partially obstructed view
31
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:11,595
of the hotel parking lot
32
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,332
- because that's how daddy rolls.
- (CHUCKLES)
33
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,368
Mom, I'm gonna need
a new bathing suit for Hawaii.
34
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:18,568
Stuff got real this year.
35
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,974
I need one, too.
36
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,778
I've been tightening up
the front porch.
37
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,481
Hold up, are you guys
under the impression
38
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,249
that you're coming
to Hawaii with us?
39
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:30,989
Yeah. I mean, aren't we?
40
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,519
You said
you were gonna tell them.
41
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:33,951
No! Remember?
42
00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:35,324
You said you didn't
want me to tell them
43
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:36,885
because you thought
I'd enjoy it too much.
44
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,495
No. I said, "Tell them.
45
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,556
"Just don't sound like
you're enjoying it too much."
46
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,065
(LAUGHING) Okay,
I'm not that good an actor.
47
00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:45,230
Wait. What's happening here?
48
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,000
Oh, my God,
I'm so sorry, you guys,
49
00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:49,906
but your dad and I
really need a vacation alone together.
50
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:52,370
Yeah. We haven't had time away,
just the two of us,
51
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,470
since your mother had
her emergency appendectomy.
52
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,548
(CHUCKLES) God,
that was a great few days.
53
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:57,776
It was.
54
00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,783
Okay, so, you would
literally rather have surgery
55
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:02,185
than vacation
with your own children?
56
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,244
Did she stutter?
57
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:06,255
All right,
all right, all right.
58
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:10,052
It was a hard decision, honey,
and we're really gonna miss you guys.
59
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,392
This is so not fair!
60
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,624
I want to learn how to surf!
61
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,334
And I want to see
how resentful the locals are.
62
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:17,232
I hear it's breathtaking!
63
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:21,298
Look, I'm sorry, guys.
64
00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:23,103
You know, I'm really
torn up about this. (LAUGHS)
65
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:24,735
Ken!
66
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:27,306
See? I told you
I'm not that good an actor.
67
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,005
Really?
68
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,073
Gangster gonna play me
like that?
69
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:38,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
70
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,524
Hey, Clark, my Jewish friend.
71
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,595
I am neither of those things,
and don't touch me.
72
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:52,996
Hey, where would a man
of my ilk get one of those beanie things?
73
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,305
They're called yarmulkes,
and why do you need one?
74
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,737
Oh, well, Christmas eve, I'm going to
this big singles party, the Matzo Ball.
75
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,072
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
76
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,274
Hoping to put my noodle
in some kugel
77
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,144
(CHUCKLING) If you know
what I mean.
78
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:08,578
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, I'm...
I'm talking about hosin' one of the chosen.
79
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:10,552
(LAUGHING) Get it?
80
00:03:10,723 --> 00:03:11,951
Oh, come on.
81
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,587
Your people are famous
for your sense of humor.
82
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:16,995
The gay, Lutheran vegans?
83
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:18,725
(LAUGHING) Yeah, that's the stuff!
84
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:21,694
- Um, Pat.
- Huh?
85
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:22,926
I need to talk to you.
86
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:24,435
I have to request a day off.
87
00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:27,698
Oh, sorry. That's not
my jurisdiction, but would you like a raise?
88
00:03:27,807 --> 00:03:28,831
Sure.
89
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:29,966
No. (CHUCKLES)
90
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:32,435
See? I'm happy
to help you with that.
91
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,744
Listen, don't worry about it.
Just talk to Damona.
92
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,942
Damona decides
who gets vacation days?
93
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:41,110
Nah. It's this hard-ass,
Phil Stockton.
94
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,549
He's the master scheduler.
95
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,221
He manages the schedules
for the entire medical staff.
96
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:46,550
Then maybe
I'll just talk to him.
97
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:47,717
Doesn't work that way.
98
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,122
Yeah. Nobody in our department
99
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:50,321
talks to him
except for Damona.
100
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,795
She is our liaison.
101
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,093
Well, that seems inefficient...
102
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,435
And unnecessarily French.
103
00:03:58,371 --> 00:03:59,633
You haven't met Phil.
104
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,239
You know Dr. Ken's temper?
105
00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:02,399
Picture that on a man.
106
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:06,034
That is scary.
107
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:09,146
One time,
Dr. Miller broke protocol
108
00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,376
and asked Phil for the day off
for his kid's birthday.
109
00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:13,449
Not only
did he not get the day,
110
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:16,044
but he ended up
having to work on Thanksgiving.
111
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,555
Then, two weeks later,
his car blew up.
112
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,822
Fuel-line issue, unrelated,
but still!
113
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,695
All right. I won't talk to him.
114
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:29,157
Damona,
would you please ask Phil
115
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,065
if I could have
Valentine's Day off?
116
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:32,296
I thought you and Topher broke up.
117
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:33,697
Oh, no, we did.
118
00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:36,206
But I figure I'll either
be back together with him
119
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,540
or eating myself to death
in his shrubs.
120
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,471
Regardless,
I'm gonna need the day.
121
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,317
I'll talk to Phil. It shouldn't be a
problem since you got it in early.
122
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:48,520
Yeah, gots to keep it timely, people.
123
00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:50,689
That's why I asked
for my days off months ago.
124
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:51,879
Wait. Which days?
125
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:54,789
You know, for my
New Year's trip to Hawaii.
126
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,894
- Where?
- Oh, sweet, contiguous, landlocked Julie.
127
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:02,496
That's the native pronunciation of "Hawaii,"
128
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,627
The island paradise where my wife and I
129
00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:06,433
will be enjoying our most relaxed time
130
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:07,700
since her appendectomy.
131
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,166
And hopefully this time,
132
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,540
she won't be stingy
with the lovin', you know?
133
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:14,413
(MOCKINGLY) "Oh, Ken,
watch the stitches!
134
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:17,616
"There's another patient in the room!"
135
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:21,586
Hold up. Dr. Ken, you didn't tell me
to ask Phil for New Year's off.
136
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,519
(LAUGHS) Okay, Damona,
let's leave the comedy
137
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,080
to the guy
who was awarded the mug
138
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,626
that said "world's funniest doctor."
139
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,394
Awarded?
You made that yourself at Color Me Mine.
140
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,460
I'm serious, little man.
141
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:35,728
You never put in a request.
142
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,700
Yes, I did. I filled it out, I
stuck it in my lab-coat pocket,
143
00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:40,602
and I gave it to you.
You obviously lost it.
144
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,166
If I may?
145
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:48,071
And not to pile on,
but you did not fill that out, either.
146
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,875
Come on. Allison already
booked the flights to Hawaii.
147
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,617
I thought it was pronounced Hawaii.
148
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,612
I think that's just when you're going.
149
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,419
Come on, Damona, please.
I need those days.
150
00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:02,085
Hey, hey, don't put that on me.
151
00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:04,459
It's not my responsibility
to check your damn pocket.
152
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,795
- It is actually mine. I am very sorry, sir.
- Okay.
153
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,367
Hey. Trouble in not-paradise?
154
00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:15,968
So, what's the
return policy on that youth-sized snorkel set
155
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,270
you were sure you'd grow into?
156
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:28,350
Dave, tighten up those arms.
157
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:29,445
That is your food. Protect it!
158
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:32,815
What's going on here?
159
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:35,553
Oh, just preparing Dave
for foster care, you know,
160
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:37,596
because you and Dad
are abandoning us.
161
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,832
Okay, now there's
a big kid trying to take your corn bread.
162
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,095
Quick, fork in the eye!
163
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,298
Stay away, Tracy!
164
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:46,827
(GROWLS)
165
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,169
Nice try.
You're still not coming.
166
00:06:50,376 --> 00:06:52,276
Fine. I didn't want
to resort to this.
167
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,512
Dave, plan B.
168
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,611
Really? We're supposed to
take you guys to Hawaii
169
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:04,121
because Dave's
making a sad face?
170
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,084
Okay, Dave, cut it out.
171
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,287
Oh, baby, are you okay?
172
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,161
Oh, nope. Nope.
173
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:17,429
Not falling for it.
174
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,134
We'll get there.
175
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,075
Just keep working
that money-maker.
176
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:27,902
(SNARLS)
177
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,748
Not the fork, the face.
178
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,048
Hey, Bae.
179
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,483
Guess what I just booked
for Hawaii!
180
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,549
(DOOR CLOSES)
181
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,921
A private boat that takes us
to swim with the dolphins.
182
00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:46,998
Then it docks
on a secluded beach,
183
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,999
where the two of us
are served a five-star meal at sunset.
184
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:51,794
They force you
to eat at sunset?
185
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,371
I mean,
sounds pretty rigid.
186
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,841
Really? 'Cause, to me,
it sounds like the best day of our lives.
187
00:07:56,909 --> 00:07:58,376
The excursion
is literally called
188
00:07:58,444 --> 00:08:00,139
"the best day of your life."
189
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:03,946
Al, Hawaii's great and all,
but I was thinking,
190
00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,313
maybe we should stay home.
191
00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:07,511
You know, I think
we're gonna miss the kids.
192
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,649
You son of a bitch.
You didn't get the days off.
193
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,585
No! No! No.
194
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:14,953
I'm simply opening my heart
195
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,892
about how much
I'm gonna miss our children.
196
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,527
I swear to God.
197
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:21,328
I planned this whole trip,
and you had one thing to do!
198
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,593
Which I did!
199
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:23,896
I mean... Wow.
200
00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:25,695
(CHUCKLING) Oh, wow. Okay.
201
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:27,629
Uh, this hurts, Allison.
202
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,102
This really hurts.
203
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,804
Ken, I really need this trip.
204
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,406
Please tell me you got the days off.
205
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,116
(SIGHS)
206
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,214
I got the days off.
207
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:48,558
Oh, thank God!
208
00:08:48,628 --> 00:08:49,788
(LAUGHS)
209
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:52,192
I would've been so mad.
210
00:08:52,798 --> 00:08:54,095
(LAUGHING) I know!
211
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,230
I mean, I only had one thing to do!
212
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:58,497
Come on! (LAUGHS)
213
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:00,805
Oh, my God,
this is gonna be so amazing!
214
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,773
Okay, so, are you in
for the dolphin thing?
215
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:03,968
Oh, I'm in. (LAUGHS)
216
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,368
I'm in so deep.
217
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,441
Confirm. Confirm.
218
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:11,142
Non-refundable. Confirm.
219
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:14,580
Okay, do you want
the creme brulee or the cherries jubilee?
220
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:15,916
Dealer's choice.
221
00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:17,353
All right. Oh, my God.
222
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:18,651
Champagne, lobster breakfast.
223
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:19,850
Should we splurge?
224
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:22,292
- Ooh-hoo!
- Ah! Yes!
225
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:24,758
- Yes! Come on.
- Come on.
226
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,159
- Yolo.
- Yolo!
227
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,495
- (LAUGHS)
- (WHIMPERS)
228
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,669
I'm officially screwed.
229
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,971
At some point during
our romantic trip to Hawaii,
230
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,875
Allison's gonna notice
I'm not there.
231
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,143
I'm guessing that'll be
the highlight of her trip.
232
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:46,979
What is this, casual Friday?
233
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,448
No. It's "the attire of places
Ken's not going" Friday.
234
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:53,759
Next week,
I'm dressing as heaven.
235
00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:57,089
(SIGHS) I talked to Phil.
236
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,491
- What did he say?
- It's still a big, fat no.
237
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:00,997
- (SIGHS)
- But... But I have an idea.
238
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,364
Here's a list
of all the doctors that have New Year's off.
239
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,030
Just go and see
if any of them are interested in swapping.
240
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,296
Swapping?
241
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:09,666
Uh, how do I know
what their wives look like?
242
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:15,008
Swapping vacation days,
not wives, you dumb bucket.
243
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:17,045
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, of course.
244
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,774
You know, Allison's
a cool chick and all, and it has come up,
245
00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:21,513
but that was mostly me driving it, you know?
246
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,712
I'm gonna go take care of this.
247
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:26,153
Ah! Morgan's wife's not bad.
248
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:31,226
Let me get this straight.
249
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,662
You raised this girl,
250
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:34,229
she's a grown woman,
251
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,064
and she can't even
walk down an aisle by herself?
252
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,566
You can go hike a glacier anytime.
253
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,129
Trust me.
They're gonna be around forever.
254
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:44,133
All I'm saying is,
if you schedule it,
255
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:46,303
you could drop that thing
before the New Year.
256
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,676
That's a huge tax write-off.
257
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,208
Your mom's being difficult.
258
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,552
(SIGHS) Congratulations.
259
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,255
Oh, hey, Allison.
What are you doing here?
260
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,020
I came to surprise Ken with lunch.
261
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,097
I brought Hawaiian barbecue,
you know, 'cause of our trip.
262
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,156
So, you're going?
263
00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:11,231
Yeah. Wait, what are you talking about?
264
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:15,165
Oh. I just thought
that since Ken forgot to ask for the...
265
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:17,533
Stop talking, Julie. I can't.
I'm too nervous.
266
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,077
Well, then change the subject.
267
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:21,336
Oh, there he is!
268
00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:23,810
(SINGSONG VOICE)
Guess who's here, Dr. Ken.
269
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:25,777
- Hey, Bae.
- You lied to me.
270
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,852
- What?
- You never asked for the days off. I knew it.
271
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:30,884
Wait. Wait. Just let me explain!
272
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:35,818
Wow, I did not expect you to stop.
I got nothing.
273
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,167
(SINGSONG VOICE)
But you still have BBQ.
274
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,241
You know what?
I'm not gonna take this.
275
00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,417
I'm gonna go dance
with the devil.
276
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:01,744
What does that mean?
277
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:04,014
Oh, that's just
Dr. Ken's dramatic way of saying
278
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:05,648
he's gonna fix things with Allison.
279
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,558
No. Allison's not the devil.
280
00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:09,491
Phil is. I'm gonna go talk to him.
281
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:11,423
I did not get that at all.
282
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:15,597
Just look in the directory
and find his office, please.
283
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,400
Uh, he is on the 14th floor,
284
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,234
but I think that this is a terrible idea.
285
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:22,533
I mean, you're talking about
the man who made Dr. O'Brien
286
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:24,508
work the day after his own funeral.
287
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:30,071
Okay, that may have been
an urban legend, but still...
288
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,517
Look, I refuse to live
in fear of this guy.
289
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,414
I'm gonna go
demand my days,
290
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,319
and I'm not gonna take "no"
for an answer.
291
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:39,718
I'm not even gonna
take "maybe" for an answer.
292
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:42,589
Other answers
I won't accept include "I'll think about it,"
293
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:43,889
or "I'll get back to you."
294
00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:45,087
So, just to recap,
295
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,792
I'm looking for "yes,"
"sure," or "definitely."
296
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:51,369
Or, if need be,
I'll even take a "10-4, good buddy."
297
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:56,497
Good luck, pal.
298
00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,133
I will not be rooting for you.
299
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:08,675
Too much?
300
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:11,781
Yeah, it's too much.
301
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:18,459
Hey, anybody seen Dr. Ken?
His 12:00 canceled.
302
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:20,461
He went upstairs to talk to Phil.
303
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:21,723
Phil Stockton?
304
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,765
He went to talk
to Phil Stockton?
305
00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:27,100
I know. I tried to warn him,
but he seemed very determined.
306
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:28,900
There's like five or six things
307
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,566
that he is not gonna take for an answer.
308
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,468
Oh, God, I knew it! I knew it!
309
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:35,942
Oh, God!
You knew what? You knew what?
310
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:40,617
Phil Stockton isn't
the master scheduler, okay?
311
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,578
What? Who is?
312
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,644
I am.
313
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,392
Le twist!
314
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:53,122
But wait. If you're the master scheduler,
then who's Phil Stockton?
315
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,664
I picked him
out of the directory.
316
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:57,327
He's just some random guy
from environmental services
317
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:59,598
who's about to be
all kinds of confused.
318
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:02,069
- Phil Stockton?
- Yes?
319
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:06,376
I'm Dr. Ken Park,
and I'm taking the week of New Year's off.
320
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,439
Okay.
321
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:12,848
Really? You're... You're okay with that?
322
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,144
Sure.
323
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,354
Oh, my God. (CHUCKLES)
324
00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:18,548
(SNIFFLES)
325
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:20,056
I'm gonna...
326
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,121
You have no idea
what you've done for me.
327
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:24,489
Not a clue. (CHUCKLES)
328
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,194
See, I lied to my wife,
but then she found out,
329
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,427
and Damona said
you would never... You know what?
330
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,263
I'm gonna do something for you.
331
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:32,736
Mm-hmm. Here.
332
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,932
This is like
a couple hundred bucks.
333
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:38,272
And this is my
Saddle Burger giddyup card.
334
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,710
Seven barn burgers away
from a free barn burger.
335
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:42,305
No, I can't take your money.
336
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:45,144
Oh, no, I insist.
You take it 'cause you are a saint.
337
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:47,947
What are you doing?
338
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,180
(CLEARS THROAT)
339
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,745
Oh. We don't have to do this.
340
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:51,981
I love you, man.
341
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:53,952
Thanks.
342
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:05,760
Well, I just had
an interesting conversation with Phil,
343
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,203
the master scheduler.
344
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:08,931
Uh, um, what did...
What did he say?
345
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,572
- He said...
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
346
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,871
Whoa. Hang on.
347
00:15:12,811 --> 00:15:14,938
Hey, Al, I got the days!
348
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:16,338
- Dr. Ken!
- No! No!
349
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,345
No, I'm serious. I talked
to the master scheduler.
350
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,644
- Dr. Ken, I...
- Ah, ah, ah, ah!
351
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,219
- (GROANS)
- Oh, I know.
352
00:15:21,287 --> 00:15:24,450
I am so sorry about the lying
and the up and back,
353
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:26,889
but you can relax now
'cause we're going to Hawaii!
354
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,491
(LAUGHS) I know!
I feel the same way!
355
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,092
And you know what, Al?
Screw it. Let's bring the kids.
356
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:33,929
I don't even... Wait. Wait.
357
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,398
Oh, wait. Another call.
358
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:36,790
Chello.
359
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,626
Hang up the damn phone!
360
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,130
I'm the master scheduler.
You don't have the days!
361
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:45,135
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
362
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,643
(STAMMERING) Oh, honey,
I got to go.
363
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:49,044
It's an emergency.
It's a code maroon 5.
364
00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:52,984
What the hell is going on?
365
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,043
You're the master scheduler?
366
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:57,350
Why would you even
mess with me like that?
367
00:15:57,489 --> 00:15:59,650
Okay, look, four years ago,
when they made me office manager,
368
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:02,522
they dumped the scheduling job
on me, and...
369
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,956
I liked it
'cause I was helping people.
370
00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:06,792
You like helping people?
371
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,964
I like helping people.
372
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,265
I just don't like
people to know I like helping people
373
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,034
'cause then people
want you to help them.
374
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,573
So I made up an alter ego.
375
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,770
Like Bruce Wayne
has Batman.
376
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:26,877
So, in this scenario,
she's a rich dude with a leather fetish?
377
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,411
Because that's intriguing.
378
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:38,255
Hey, did I not give him
the long weekend for his dad's birthday?
379
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:40,591
And you're gonna be kissing
or stalking your boyfriend
380
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,065
on Valentine's Day 'cause of me.
381
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,331
Thanks, either way.
382
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,238
And what about
when you needed those three days
383
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,330
to mourn Joan Rivers?
384
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:49,835
Three days?
385
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:52,308
Hey, she paved the way
for so many comediennes!
386
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:55,607
I mean, without her,
there's no Rudner, there's no Poundstone.
387
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,181
You know what? I'm sorry.
Please go on.
388
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,717
It doesn't even matter
because every once in a while,
389
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:05,345
I can't help somebody
I really want to help, and it sucks.
390
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,787
Look, Damona, it's not your fault.
391
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,292
I mean, am I gonna
blame you publicly for it? Absolutely.
392
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,333
My wife's gonna hate me,
my kids are gonna hate me.
393
00:17:15,434 --> 00:17:17,095
I mean, the only one
who doesn't hate me
394
00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:18,966
is some boob
in environmental services
395
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:22,269
who I just gave 200 bucks to,
and my giddyup card!
396
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,908
Environmental services! That's it!
397
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:27,604
Wait for me.
398
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:31,641
Not a lot of patients got seen today.
399
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:35,045
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
400
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:38,112
Hey, Phil. Damona Watkins,
fifth-floor office manager.
401
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:41,190
Ken Park. We hugged recently,
and there may have been a kiss.
402
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:43,827
Oh, I'm certain there was.
403
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:49,059
You took my money,
my giddyup card, and my heart.
404
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,363
- You done?
- Yep.
405
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:56,371
So, Phil, your department's
closing the building
406
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,342
for four days in March
to fumigate. Am I right?
407
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,343
Oh, yeah. We call it
the "pestic-ides of March."
408
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:04,649
(CHUCKLES)
We like to have fun up here.
409
00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:07,614
Well, look, my friend is in a bind.
410
00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:08,983
I really want to help him.
411
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:11,750
So, why don't you move it
to New Year's week?
412
00:18:11,957 --> 00:18:14,289
Oof. That's a lot
of departments to coordinate.
413
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,485
Well, you best get
to coordinatin', son!
414
00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:17,995
My bad. You got this.
415
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:21,459
I'm sorry.
I don't think I can swing it.
416
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:22,724
Let me ask you a question.
417
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,860
Doesn't Jeff Scarborough
schedule your vacation days?
418
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:27,369
- That's right.
- Well, I just talked to my good friend Jeff,
419
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:30,408
and he told me you like
to take a week off in July
420
00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:31,875
to go fishing with your family.
421
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,575
Man, I'd sure hate
to see that go away.
422
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,541
Yeah, boy!
423
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,109
You mean his trip,
not his family, right?
424
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:45,514
I, uh... I guess
I could move some things around.
425
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,492
Yeah. You do that, Phil,
or say goodbye to your family.
426
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,549
What?
427
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,155
Could... Could you just go...
428
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:54,290
Okay. It wasn't clear.
No, I didn't... I didn't know...
429
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:55,958
I mean, I didn't know
if it was the trip or his family...
430
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:57,626
- Phil.
- It was the trip, right?
431
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:58,727
(DOOR CLOSES)
432
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,531
Thank you so much.
You saved my ass.
433
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,736
- Oh, it's all good.
- (SIGHS)
434
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,570
- So, how do you know Jeff Scarborough?
- I don't.
435
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:08,238
Aw, you stone-cold!
436
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:09,439
(LAUGHS)
437
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:14,209
How did it go?
438
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:16,415
Mmm... Trip's back on.
439
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:20,521
Aah! And Christmas came early
to Welltopia that year.
440
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:25,360
Poi, anyone? Ken, come on.
441
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,761
This might be as close as you get.
442
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:29,960
Relax, Pat.
I'm going to Hawaii after all.
443
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:31,294
Damn it!
444
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,666
I got three gallons
of prank poi in my office
445
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:36,270
and the entire first season
of Magnum, P.I.
446
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:39,468
I was gonna slip it into your car.
447
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:42,303
Well, the poi, that is, not the Magnum, P.I.
448
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:44,539
No, the Magnum, P.I.
449
00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:47,210
I was gonna broadcast
on the side of your house.
450
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:53,889
Okay, look, we're the only
ones who know Damona's secret,
451
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,221
and we're gonna keep that way,
452
00:19:55,294 --> 00:19:57,057
I mean, 'cause she's always
taken care of us,
453
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,188
and we're gonna take care of her.
454
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:01,364
- Absolutely.
- She's Batman.
455
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:03,563
Damn straight I'm Batman.
456
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,837
I guess that makes me
the Joker, huh?
457
00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,400
Huh? The...
458
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,744
Oh, my God, this was so worth it.
459
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,253
Ahh, I know. (GIGGLES)
460
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,620
Sorry. I'm a little ticklish.
461
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:29,318
I really needed this.
462
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,555
Gregory, your fingers are magic.
463
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,888
Dave, can you please be quiet?
464
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,197
Sorry. I didn't mean to ruin
our couple's massage.
465
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:41,271
It's four people.
It is not a couple's massage.
466
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:47,135
I know, but Gregory's hands
are making me stupid.
467
00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:49,773
Ahh.
468
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,000
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll