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I'm Jack Cutmore-Scott.
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00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:04,437
And I'm Meaghan Rath. You're
about to watch a special preview
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00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:07,273
of the new Fox show, "Cooper
Barrett's Guide to Surviving Life".
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00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:10,377
Watch the premiere,
Sunday, January 3 on Fox.
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00:00:11,975 --> 00:00:15,375
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:16,984 --> 00:00:18,866
When you graduate from college,
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00:00:18,867 --> 00:00:21,154
you feel prepared to take on the world.
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- Good luck.
- Not gonna need it.
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But the truth is, no
one has ever bothered
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00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:30,196
to properly prepare anyone for
this next decade of your life.
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00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,265
Until now.
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My name is Cooper Barrett.
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I'm 26 years old, I'm
being held hostage,
14
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and there are some things
I think you should know.
15
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Is it me, or is it a
little warm in here?
16
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,629
Okay.
17
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It's gonna take a lot
more than that to break me.
18
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What do you guys want to know?
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00:00:52,109 --> 00:00:54,209
_
20
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Hey.
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Hey, don't worry, Mr. Chicken.
22
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We'll get out of this alive.
23
00:01:02,828 --> 00:01:06,028
This lesson starts the day
after my college graduation.
24
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,734
- Barry!
- Come on.
25
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,137
The thing is, dude, I've
been crunching some numbers,
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00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,639
and based on my looks, salary
and personality deficiencies,
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there's an 87% chance my
wife will have a mustache.
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Well, she'll be the luckiest,
hairiest woman in the world.
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Every group of friends
has what I like to call
30
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a "Lovable Jackass."
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- ♪ I said I'm sorry ♪
- Oh!
32
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- This is mine.
- ♪ Can't afford a Ferrari ♪
33
00:01:26,383 --> 00:01:28,476
♪ But that don't mean
I can't get you there. ♪
34
00:01:28,477 --> 00:01:30,056
I love that song!
35
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Brand-new.
It's the dude from Gnarls Barkley.
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What happened to the towel?
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Hi, guys.
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00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,497
- Hey.
- Hi. I'm Kelly.
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00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,434
- Cooper.
- Hi.
40
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,535
The guy learning to use a door is Neal.
41
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,437
Hey. How's it going?
42
00:01:43,438 --> 00:01:45,338
Who's the, uh, wet, naked guy?
43
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,975
Barry.
44
00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,676
- It's Barry.
- Right. Okay.
45
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,611
- Okay.
- Well, welcome to the building.
46
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:53,613
Thanks.
47
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,015
You make the creepiest first impression.
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00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,316
Have I ever told you that before?
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Wrap it up!
50
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:00,720
Josh!
51
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:04,156
Happy housewarming, baby brother.
52
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,725
Yeah!
53
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:08,628
What?!
54
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,164
Who's humping me?
55
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:13,765
That's Virgil... he manages the building.
56
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Rent is due on the third.
57
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,738
Smart TV?
58
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,740
Are you telling me I can watch 64-inch,
59
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:24,043
- high-definition Internet pornography?
- Yeah, or Star Wars.
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00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,578
Oh, my God!
61
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,380
- Oh!
- Oh, God, so tight!
62
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,981
- Your grasp is so tight!
- Thank you so much.
63
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,317
- Thanks, Josh.
- Thanks, brother.
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No need to thank me, because
you are about to give me back
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00:02:32,405 --> 00:02:34,381
the decade of my life that
I never got a chance to live.
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00:02:34,382 --> 00:02:36,022
Let me paint you a picture.
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00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,691
I started at my law firm at 22.
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00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,293
I got married at 23 to a
woman... your sister-in-law...
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00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,062
whom I love dearly.
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00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,630
But she's a fun-sucker.
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She sucks fun.
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Well, hey, man, our home is your home.
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00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,435
Fantastic. What do you say
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00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,803
we get a little crazy tonight and...
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00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:53,339
Have a housewarming party.
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00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,007
I was gonna say a nice cheese plate
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00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,076
and a Guitar Hero marathon,
but your idea does sound better.
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00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,078
Yeah, housewarming party's a cool idea,
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00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,713
but we should probably,
like, check the lease.
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00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:03,082
- Okay, yeah, gentlemen, yeah.
- That's a good point.
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00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,650
What kind of guys do we want to be
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00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,752
for the next ten years
of our lives, huh?
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00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,287
The kind of guys who check leases
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00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,456
or the guys who throw parties
the guys checking leases
85
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,391
can't attend 'cause they're
home checking leases?
86
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,160
Can you repeat those choices?
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00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,595
So let's start this decade off right
88
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by throwing a knockdown, blowout,
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"I can't feel the left side
of my face" housewarming party!
90
00:03:22,249 --> 00:03:24,236
What do you say?
91
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,707
And look how black the blacks are.
92
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,975
Are you talking about
the picture quality
93
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,644
or the, uh, black people?
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00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,546
Okay, Jeff, that's racial.
95
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,247
Don't touch it!
96
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,150
- So you guys just moved in?
- Yep, you know,
97
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,251
signed a check for
first, last and security.
98
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,721
It's no big deal.
I got a full-time job, so...
99
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,723
I'm just looking for someone to
spend the rest of my life with
100
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,258
and take my virginity!
101
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,497
Look no further.
102
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,474
Be gentle, ah!
103
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,174
Maybe later?
104
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,176
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
105
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,137
This party is total sausage fest!
106
00:04:07,138 --> 00:04:08,748
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, crap.
107
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,182
The woman... you, you, the blonde!
108
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,517
Not you, the blonde in hot top.
109
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,153
Yeah, come on.
110
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:15,588
Nice to see you again.
111
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,089
You're in a dryer.
112
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,524
I'm hiding from my boyfriend.
113
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,360
Things were going
great with us at first.
114
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,761
And now, every time he speaks,
115
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,417
I just want to bunch up
his face with my hands.
116
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I'm gonna force him to break up with me
117
00:04:26,798 --> 00:04:28,586
by doing a lot of little
things that really bother him,
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00:04:28,587 --> 00:04:29,902
like saying the word "tampon" a lot.
119
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,659
"Tampon, yeast infection"... either one.
120
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,340
You're a little complicated.
121
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:36,041
It's okay. I'm complicated, too.
122
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,676
I mean, I just graduated,
123
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:40,713
and I have no idea what
I want to do with my life.
124
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,781
Right, because you're
not ready to be a man.
125
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:43,799
Did my dad put you up to this?
126
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,214
I'm saying, guys like you,
127
00:04:45,269 --> 00:04:47,802
who are still figuring
things out are exhausting.
128
00:04:47,803 --> 00:04:50,556
Okay? You're the reason why
I only date men in their 30s.
129
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:51,482
Oh, that's interesting.
130
00:04:51,483 --> 00:04:53,116
'Cause, um, I think you date
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00:04:53,117 --> 00:04:54,817
men in their 30s 'cause
you're one of those
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00:04:54,818 --> 00:04:57,439
college athlete girls who
likes to win at everything.
133
00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,239
So you date dudes that
look good on paper,
134
00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,274
but you wind up hiding in a dryer
135
00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:02,742
'cause you're bored to death by him.
136
00:05:02,743 --> 00:05:04,544
Okay, now I want to bunch up your face.
137
00:05:04,545 --> 00:05:06,313
I thought we were just
saying stuff about each other.
138
00:05:06,314 --> 00:05:07,849
There you are.
139
00:05:10,318 --> 00:05:11,618
Tampon.
140
00:05:11,619 --> 00:05:12,907
Watch this, watch this.
141
00:05:12,908 --> 00:05:14,368
You just pull the bird back, right?
142
00:05:14,369 --> 00:05:15,285
And then you let it go,
143
00:05:15,286 --> 00:05:17,766
- and you shoot the pig out of the sky.
- Wow, thanks, Grandpa.
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00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:19,848
Least favorite person.
145
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:21,889
You're my least favorite
person in this whole party.
146
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Uh, hi, yeah.
147
00:05:24,854 --> 00:05:25,954
Uh, h-hey.
148
00:05:25,955 --> 00:05:27,422
Hey, babe.
149
00:05:27,423 --> 00:05:29,876
I thought you were just
going over to say hi.
150
00:05:29,877 --> 00:05:32,352
I was, I was, but the...
151
00:05:32,353 --> 00:05:35,192
the guys made me stay
and help them unpack.
152
00:05:35,193 --> 00:05:37,294
Well, hurry home, and don't forget
153
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,895
we're gonna have a baby!
154
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:40,497
How could I forget?
155
00:05:41,566 --> 00:05:42,833
'Cause you won't let me.
156
00:05:43,852 --> 00:05:46,398
It's the most important
thing in my life.
157
00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:48,569
- Oh, I love you.
- Love you, love you.
158
00:05:49,195 --> 00:05:50,570
You know, I was just thinking about...
159
00:05:50,571 --> 00:05:52,231
Hello?
160
00:05:52,232 --> 00:05:53,532
Hello?
161
00:05:59,404 --> 00:06:01,540
They about to steal the TV.
162
00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:02,824
Oh, hell no!
163
00:06:04,244 --> 00:06:05,878
Not happening, fellas! Not...
164
00:06:05,879 --> 00:06:08,415
Let's stop here, because
this is important.
165
00:06:10,617 --> 00:06:12,985
Mmm, this is delicious.
166
00:06:12,986 --> 00:06:14,254
Thank you so much.
167
00:06:15,254 --> 00:06:17,656
Nobody put Barry in charge of the TV.
168
00:06:17,657 --> 00:06:21,026
That's just something
he made up in his head.
169
00:06:21,027 --> 00:06:22,561
But who cares, right?
170
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:24,563
What's the harm?
171
00:06:24,564 --> 00:06:26,265
I'm tied to a chair.
172
00:06:26,266 --> 00:06:28,600
...happening! They taking the TV!
173
00:06:28,601 --> 00:06:30,655
There are, like, 500
people at this party.
174
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:32,204
How the hell are they gonna take the TV?
175
00:06:32,205 --> 00:06:33,228
Are you kidding me?
176
00:06:33,229 --> 00:06:35,607
That dude in "Despicable
Me" stole the whole moon.
177
00:06:35,608 --> 00:06:37,509
Anybody have the energy to field that?
178
00:06:37,510 --> 00:06:38,744
Bro, you need to relax, okay?
179
00:06:38,745 --> 00:06:40,979
Calm down. You're at a party, right?
180
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,614
Yeah, damn right we're here to party.
181
00:06:42,615 --> 00:06:44,049
You guys really want to party?
182
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,722
That's my phone. That's my phone.
183
00:07:23,122 --> 00:07:24,991
Where is it?
184
00:07:27,093 --> 00:07:28,627
There we go.
185
00:07:28,628 --> 00:07:30,262
Hello?
186
00:07:30,263 --> 00:07:31,530
There she is.
187
00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:33,065
Hey, babe.
188
00:07:33,066 --> 00:07:34,366
Uh, no, no, no.
189
00:07:34,367 --> 00:07:35,667
Almost finished.
190
00:07:35,668 --> 00:07:36,991
Almost finished, yeah.
191
00:07:36,992 --> 00:07:40,572
No, it's amazing how much stuff
a college kid has these days.
192
00:07:40,573 --> 00:07:42,240
Hey, can anybody else not see?
193
00:07:42,241 --> 00:07:43,642
Whose is this?
194
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:47,713
Uh, no, we just have a
couple more boxes, and then...
195
00:07:47,714 --> 00:07:49,571
everything will be as...
196
00:07:50,171 --> 00:07:51,416
as it's supposed to be.
197
00:07:51,417 --> 00:07:54,286
They stole our TV!
198
00:07:54,287 --> 00:07:56,021
I think I'm gonna have to call you back.
199
00:08:05,665 --> 00:08:07,556
Those damn UFC guys.
200
00:08:07,557 --> 00:08:10,277
- I told you!
- Can I get some help here?
201
00:08:10,503 --> 00:08:12,283
Hmm? Who are you?
202
00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:15,038
I'm Neal's girlfriend.
203
00:08:15,609 --> 00:08:18,204
Barry, this hangover remedy is amazing.
204
00:08:18,244 --> 00:08:20,217
My grandma throws down, okay?
205
00:08:20,218 --> 00:08:22,812
I know her hangover remedy
is amazing, all right?
206
00:08:22,813 --> 00:08:24,214
Mmm, she's a genius.
207
00:08:24,215 --> 00:08:25,782
This thing is not only delicious,
208
00:08:25,783 --> 00:08:27,814
but I'm almost getting
my sight back here.
209
00:08:27,815 --> 00:08:29,250
Now, everybody listen up, okay?
210
00:08:29,251 --> 00:08:30,902
'Cause I'm only gonna say this once.
211
00:08:30,989 --> 00:08:33,648
I'm not gonna rest
until I find those guys,
212
00:08:33,649 --> 00:08:35,659
and I put that TV back on the wall!
213
00:08:36,052 --> 00:08:37,519
Now, I know what you're thinking.
214
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,121
Barry can't mean that, can he?
215
00:08:40,122 --> 00:08:43,027
I mean, eventually he's gonna
stop caring about the TV.
216
00:08:43,826 --> 00:08:45,935
Two years later...
217
00:08:49,332 --> 00:08:53,535
Oh, that girl loved her some books.
218
00:08:56,372 --> 00:08:58,673
The UFC guys.
219
00:08:58,674 --> 00:09:02,674
Oh, it is on like Michelle Kwan.
220
00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,348
The point is, Craig, I'm the captain
221
00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:09,050
of our Tiger Thrust Energy Drink Team,
222
00:09:09,051 --> 00:09:11,352
and I want you guys out
there promoting the brand.
223
00:09:11,353 --> 00:09:14,222
You know, youth, power,
a sense of adventure.
224
00:09:14,223 --> 00:09:17,025
I need you to stop
calling people "ass-face."
225
00:09:17,026 --> 00:09:18,193
Yes, sir.
226
00:09:18,194 --> 00:09:19,194
Don't call me, sir, man.
227
00:09:19,195 --> 00:09:20,396
I'm younger than you.
228
00:09:22,565 --> 00:09:24,666
Tiger Thrust. Enjoy it.
229
00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:27,669
I'm not nearly as embarrassed
for you as I thought I'd be.
230
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,437
You're actually good at this.
231
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,706
I know, right? I just wish the product
232
00:09:31,707 --> 00:09:33,441
had a better name than Tiger Thrust.
233
00:09:33,442 --> 00:09:35,343
And, you know, it tasted better.
234
00:09:35,344 --> 00:09:37,612
And didn't contain the
chemical found in glow sticks.
235
00:09:37,613 --> 00:09:38,653
- Wait, seriously?
- Yeah.
236
00:09:38,654 --> 00:09:39,864
Ah, okay, no.
237
00:09:40,716 --> 00:09:43,005
Uh, but at least this
gig's just temporary, right?
238
00:09:43,319 --> 00:09:46,195
Oh, uh-oh, okay.
Uh, I had sex with this girl.
239
00:09:46,196 --> 00:09:47,729
Can't remember her name.
Think it starts with a C.
240
00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:48,662
Cooper!
241
00:09:48,724 --> 00:09:50,278
Cavala...
242
00:09:50,302 --> 00:09:51,459
- What's going on, girl?
- ***
243
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:54,790
- What did you call me?
- I know, right? How are you doing?
244
00:09:55,164 --> 00:09:56,499
- Great!
- Great.
245
00:09:56,807 --> 00:09:58,209
- Great.
- Great.
246
00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:00,069
Great. Great.
247
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:01,636
- Great.
- Great.
248
00:10:01,637 --> 00:10:03,071
Hi, I'm Kelly.
249
00:10:03,072 --> 00:10:04,706
- Kristen.
- Oh, did I not...?
250
00:10:04,707 --> 00:10:06,409
Kristen, Kristen, Kelly. Kelly, Kristen.
251
00:10:06,609 --> 00:10:09,077
Ah... Are you two together?
252
00:10:09,078 --> 00:10:10,612
- Neighbors.
- God no, no.
253
00:10:12,248 --> 00:10:13,348
Well, call me.
254
00:10:13,349 --> 00:10:14,682
Yeah, you got it.
255
00:10:14,683 --> 00:10:16,049
- Okay.
- Okay.
256
00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:17,719
It was good to see you, Krista.
257
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,387
- Kristen.
- Kristen!
258
00:10:19,388 --> 00:10:20,855
Okay, it's official.
You're my best friend
259
00:10:20,856 --> 00:10:21,980
in the whole wide world.
260
00:10:21,981 --> 00:10:24,092
Remind me to never have sex with you.
261
00:10:24,093 --> 00:10:25,887
Oh, yeah, never have sex with me.
262
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,929
You know, unless you feel it's something
263
00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:29,270
you absolutely have to do.
264
00:10:31,366 --> 00:10:32,534
Hello?
265
00:10:32,535 --> 00:10:33,635
I found it.
266
00:10:33,636 --> 00:10:34,770
Found what?
267
00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:35,905
Hold, please.
268
00:10:36,305 --> 00:10:37,805
Thanks, babe.
269
00:10:37,806 --> 00:10:39,074
That feels so good.
270
00:10:41,313 --> 00:10:42,441
Hello?
271
00:10:45,147 --> 00:10:46,347
Talk to me.
272
00:10:46,348 --> 00:10:48,316
Yo, I found the flat-screen.
273
00:10:48,317 --> 00:10:49,517
- No.
- Yes.
274
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:51,319
How?
275
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,321
It's fantastic! Uh-huh.
276
00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:57,258
I'm at 2280 South Arapahoe,
and I'm looking right at it.
277
00:10:57,259 --> 00:10:58,526
Barry, no.
278
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,143
Okay, Barry... Barry,
279
00:11:00,144 --> 00:11:02,630
don't do anything until we get there.
280
00:11:02,631 --> 00:11:05,010
Do not even dream
about going without me.
281
00:11:05,602 --> 00:11:09,819
Because I'll be in bed
dreaming next to my lovely wife.
282
00:11:13,342 --> 00:11:14,642
- Barry?
- They're leaving.
283
00:11:14,643 --> 00:11:15,544
- Barry.
- I'm going in.
284
00:11:15,545 --> 00:11:16,577
No. Bar-Barry.
285
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:19,547
Oh, God.
286
00:11:23,319 --> 00:11:24,452
Hey!
287
00:11:24,453 --> 00:11:25,490
Good night, sweetie.
288
00:11:26,689 --> 00:11:29,123
What Barry's doing here is called
289
00:11:29,124 --> 00:11:31,025
"breaking and entering."
290
00:11:31,026 --> 00:11:33,161
This is not sneaking into
your friend's dorm room
291
00:11:33,162 --> 00:11:34,963
or a high school science lab.
292
00:11:34,964 --> 00:11:36,964
This is a felony.
293
00:11:36,965 --> 00:11:40,002
Oh. Little baby Batboy.
294
00:11:42,638 --> 00:11:45,474
There is so much good in this world.
295
00:11:52,781 --> 00:11:55,217
Damn, this is a big-ass TV.
296
00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:14,637
Shh.
297
00:12:17,573 --> 00:12:19,307
Where are you?
298
00:12:21,010 --> 00:12:23,379
- What is he doing?
- Barry?
299
00:12:38,727 --> 00:12:41,296
Once they fell asleep,
300
00:12:41,297 --> 00:12:44,399
a normal person would
make a break for it.
301
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:47,703
Not your Loveable Jackass.
302
00:12:49,338 --> 00:12:51,138
- No. No, not a chance.
- That's a very bad idea.
303
00:12:51,139 --> 00:12:52,340
- Please don't do that.
- No!
304
00:12:52,341 --> 00:12:55,310
- Barry, no. Barry? Barry?
- Stop!
305
00:12:55,311 --> 00:12:56,477
- Barry?
- Don't!
306
00:12:56,478 --> 00:12:58,336
- Very bad idea.
- Barry, no.
307
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,714
No, Barry.
308
00:12:59,715 --> 00:13:01,749
- No. Barry.
- No... Barry!
309
00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:03,218
- Stop it!
- No!
310
00:13:05,421 --> 00:13:07,426
- Shh.
- Wait, wait, wait. Grab the remote.
311
00:13:07,926 --> 00:13:09,157
We'll get another one!
312
00:13:09,158 --> 00:13:11,325
Oh, Mr. Moneybags. Who
are you, Jimmy Buffet?
313
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,343
- You mean Warren Buffet.
- No, Jimmy.
314
00:13:13,344 --> 00:13:15,096
This dude's got platinum albums,
315
00:13:15,097 --> 00:13:17,204
two restaurant chains,
a tequila company.
316
00:13:17,205 --> 00:13:18,495
Look, I'll get the remote!
317
00:13:31,479 --> 00:13:33,006
Is this the one for the TV or...?
318
00:13:33,015 --> 00:13:34,775
They're awake!
319
00:13:36,185 --> 00:13:37,585
Go! Let's go!
320
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:40,288
Why the hell you bring
this small-ass ride?!
321
00:13:40,289 --> 00:13:41,190
Go, go, go, go!
322
00:13:41,191 --> 00:13:43,796
- I'm not in the car!
- Go, go, go, go!
323
00:14:00,383 --> 00:14:01,575
Get in.
324
00:14:02,277 --> 00:14:03,544
Hi, Gracie.
325
00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:11,620
Mission accomplished, right?
326
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:13,154
Wrong.
327
00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:15,023
This is not the television I bought you.
328
00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:16,992
You can put it down, sweetie.
329
00:14:17,016 --> 00:14:20,574
_
330
00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:25,125
I'm gonna make us a shake.
331
00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:30,571
Your girlfriend scares us, Neal.
332
00:14:30,572 --> 00:14:31,769
I know.
333
00:14:32,207 --> 00:14:33,674
I don't care how much she benches,
334
00:14:33,675 --> 00:14:35,643
I'm definitely breaking
up with her tonight.
335
00:14:35,644 --> 00:14:36,778
Hey, guys.
336
00:14:36,779 --> 00:14:38,306
Can we focus up here, please?
337
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:41,649
You stole a television
from those scary UFC guys.
338
00:14:41,650 --> 00:14:42,650
Wrong!
339
00:14:42,651 --> 00:14:43,929
How can he be wrong, Barry?
340
00:14:43,930 --> 00:14:45,111
It's not even the same brand!
341
00:14:45,187 --> 00:14:46,781
Oh, okay. So you're telling me
342
00:14:46,782 --> 00:14:50,111
that those guys didn't steal
a TV and swap out the labels,
343
00:14:50,112 --> 00:14:52,097
knowing that if I found
the TV and brought it back,
344
00:14:52,098 --> 00:14:54,095
we wouldn't be having
this exact conversation?
345
00:14:54,463 --> 00:14:56,063
Come on, y'all, think!
346
00:14:56,064 --> 00:14:57,665
We got to be like the TV.
347
00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:58,967
We got to be smart!
348
00:14:58,968 --> 00:15:01,237
Classic Lovable Jackass.
349
00:15:07,877 --> 00:15:10,888
Here's to you being unsuccessful
in personal relationships.
350
00:15:10,889 --> 00:15:13,047
You're just glad I broke up with
my boyfriend, because it means
351
00:15:13,048 --> 00:15:14,537
you get to go to the
Clippers games with me.
352
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:15,216
You know what?
353
00:15:15,217 --> 00:15:16,452
Telling him you're going
to Brussels for a month
354
00:15:16,453 --> 00:15:19,021
to study tennis elbow is
not technically breaking up.
355
00:15:19,121 --> 00:15:21,722
Wow. Okay, this from a man who
was supposed to leave his job
356
00:15:21,723 --> 00:15:24,158
at Tiger Throb, like,
a year and a half ago.
357
00:15:24,159 --> 00:15:27,094
It's Tiger Thrust,
and I'll have you know,
358
00:15:27,095 --> 00:15:28,798
I may be starting my own business.
359
00:15:29,298 --> 00:15:30,199
What?
360
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,240
Josh found some investors
for Barry's hangover cure.
361
00:15:32,601 --> 00:15:34,068
Cooper, that's great!
362
00:15:34,069 --> 00:15:35,770
No, no, no, 'cause I
probably won't do it.
363
00:15:35,771 --> 00:15:37,705
Most start-ups fail, and...
364
00:15:39,441 --> 00:15:42,310
- Yeah!
- Look, I know we don't say
365
00:15:42,311 --> 00:15:45,109
a lot of nice things to
each other, but here goes.
366
00:15:45,409 --> 00:15:48,317
You have more potential
than anyone I've ever met.
367
00:15:48,617 --> 00:15:50,151
What have you done with my friend?
368
00:15:50,152 --> 00:15:51,339
You're being an idiot.
369
00:15:51,340 --> 00:15:53,015
- There she is.
- This is an amazing opportunity.
370
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,509
Don't be afraid to take it.
371
00:15:54,623 --> 00:15:56,491
I like you when you're sincere.
372
00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:59,727
Oh, good. Because I just
died a little inside.
373
00:16:01,363 --> 00:16:02,597
Let's go, Clippers!
374
00:16:24,231 --> 00:16:26,053
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
375
00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:31,158
No. No.
376
00:16:39,535 --> 00:16:41,536
And if you unexpectedly share
377
00:16:41,537 --> 00:16:43,471
a great kiss with a close friend,
378
00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:45,275
try not to say this:
379
00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:46,574
I got to take a leak.
380
00:16:48,711 --> 00:16:50,112
I know, I know.
381
00:16:50,412 --> 00:16:52,581
Not my finest moment.
382
00:16:53,581 --> 00:16:56,250
I just... wanted to take a second
383
00:16:56,251 --> 00:16:58,101
to pull myself together.
384
00:17:03,325 --> 00:17:05,445
Would you mind washing your
hands before you punch me?
385
00:17:08,330 --> 00:17:09,803
And now we're all caught up.
386
00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:11,299
Hola.
387
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:13,367
What happens next? I...
388
00:17:13,368 --> 00:17:16,271
Your guess is as good as mine.
389
00:17:29,685 --> 00:17:33,155
Whoa. Those dudes looked
a lot smaller in the dark.
390
00:17:39,428 --> 00:17:43,031
- Suckers!
- That's a bad idea.
391
00:17:44,766 --> 00:17:46,334
Gentlemen...
392
00:17:46,335 --> 00:17:49,604
this is a brand-new, top-of-the-line,
393
00:17:49,605 --> 00:17:52,206
1080p, 4K, HD,
394
00:17:52,207 --> 00:17:54,475
64-inch plasma television.
395
00:17:54,476 --> 00:17:58,212
It's 3D ready, has a
600-hertz refresh rate,
396
00:17:58,213 --> 00:17:59,580
gesture controls
397
00:17:59,581 --> 00:18:03,217
and a built-in camera
so you can interact
398
00:18:03,218 --> 00:18:05,741
with streaming content on the Web.
399
00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:08,623
3D?
400
00:18:08,624 --> 00:18:10,224
Yeah, I already said it was 3D.
401
00:18:10,225 --> 00:18:11,559
That was, like, the first thing I said.
402
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,394
Sorry, you say too many things.
403
00:18:13,395 --> 00:18:15,397
Now...
404
00:18:17,399 --> 00:18:19,133
...can I get my brother back?
405
00:18:24,506 --> 00:18:25,516
Okay.
406
00:18:25,517 --> 00:18:28,466
Well, if nobody else is
gonna say anything, I will.
407
00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,754
Take a look around
at what happened here.
408
00:18:30,755 --> 00:18:33,047
Maybe in the future,
you could think to act
409
00:18:33,048 --> 00:18:34,148
a little more responsibly
410
00:18:34,149 --> 00:18:36,551
so your friends won't
have to clean up your mess.
411
00:18:37,051 --> 00:18:40,398
And when your Jackass
finally takes things too far,
412
00:18:40,489 --> 00:18:43,325
your response has to
be handled just right.
413
00:18:43,525 --> 00:18:44,569
Jackass!
414
00:18:46,428 --> 00:18:47,350
Hey, hey!
415
00:18:47,351 --> 00:18:49,529
We wound up in this
mess, I was kidnapped,
416
00:18:49,598 --> 00:18:51,583
because you put yourself
in charge of something
417
00:18:51,584 --> 00:18:53,935
a grown person should not
put themselves in charge of!
418
00:18:53,969 --> 00:18:55,470
It was a TV!
419
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:58,039
Now, now, fellas, don't
make me come back there.
420
00:18:58,775 --> 00:19:01,108
No! No, no! No!
421
00:19:05,314 --> 00:19:07,248
- Josh!
- Wake up! Hey!
422
00:19:07,249 --> 00:19:08,749
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Wake up! Please!
423
00:19:16,091 --> 00:19:17,459
The hell is wrong with you?
424
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:23,531
I loved that TV.
425
00:19:23,532 --> 00:19:25,299
It was a 64-inch flat-screen, Barry!
426
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:26,500
We all loved it!
427
00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:28,369
No, you don't understand, man.
428
00:19:28,370 --> 00:19:29,884
The second Josh brought that in here,
429
00:19:29,885 --> 00:19:32,052
all I seen was the four of
us spending time together.
430
00:19:32,407 --> 00:19:35,678
That TV was a giant
future memory box to me.
431
00:19:36,078 --> 00:19:38,012
Somebody tried to
take that away from us,
432
00:19:38,013 --> 00:19:40,147
and I wasn't okay with
that 'cause I love you guys.
433
00:19:40,148 --> 00:19:42,049
I love how we live together,
434
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:43,196
how we help each other out,
435
00:19:43,197 --> 00:19:44,829
and I wanted those memories, because...
436
00:19:47,689 --> 00:19:49,802
...I know it ain't
always gonna be like this.
437
00:19:52,294 --> 00:19:55,660
If I hurt you guys, I'm really sorry.
438
00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:58,279
I'm really, really sorry.
439
00:20:02,404 --> 00:20:05,272
It's okay, Barry,
just... don't do it again.
440
00:20:05,273 --> 00:20:07,935
Never. I mean, unless
you guys want me to.
441
00:20:07,936 --> 00:20:09,034
We'll never want you to.
442
00:20:09,044 --> 00:20:09,799
You can call me,
443
00:20:09,823 --> 00:20:11,380
- "Barry, we need some help."
- Barry. Barry. Barry...
444
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:12,748
I'm like the Ghostbusters.
445
00:20:13,348 --> 00:20:15,442
Okay.
446
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:16,651
Thanks, dude.
447
00:20:17,151 --> 00:20:18,185
All right.
448
00:20:18,186 --> 00:20:20,588
Okay, so what have we learned?
449
00:20:20,589 --> 00:20:22,490
Never leave your Jackass unattended,
450
00:20:22,491 --> 00:20:24,492
pay attention to the warning signs,
451
00:20:24,493 --> 00:20:25,833
and never take off running
452
00:20:25,834 --> 00:20:27,602
while you still have
a hood over your head.
453
00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:29,903
You need to figure out your business.
454
00:20:29,904 --> 00:20:31,575
Those investors aren't
gonna wait forever.
455
00:20:31,576 --> 00:20:32,579
I will.
456
00:20:32,601 --> 00:20:35,102
Oh, you and your friends are exhausting.
457
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:37,671
I'm gonna go home to my wife and kids.
458
00:20:37,672 --> 00:20:40,007
- Unless you want to get into something.
- I don't think so.
459
00:20:40,008 --> 00:20:41,008
All right. Okay.
460
00:20:41,009 --> 00:20:42,210
Love you, brother.
461
00:20:45,347 --> 00:20:47,248
One last thing:
462
00:20:47,249 --> 00:20:50,434
don't be afraid to take chances
at this time in your life.
463
00:20:54,356 --> 00:20:55,862
I got kidnapped.
464
00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:00,596
That went a lot better
than I thought it would.
465
00:21:02,397 --> 00:21:03,935
It wasn't working out with Neal.
466
00:21:08,336 --> 00:21:09,737
Hey, it's Cooper.
467
00:21:09,738 --> 00:21:11,806
Yeah, I won't be coming
in to work tomorrow.
468
00:21:11,807 --> 00:21:13,748
Or ever.
469
00:21:13,909 --> 00:21:15,210
An opportunity's come up.
470
00:21:23,284 --> 00:21:25,380
You ever wonder who took our TV?
471
00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,096
Jackasses.
472
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:40,120
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com