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<font color="#008000"><b>Synced & corrected by</b></font> <b> kinglouisxx</b>
<font color="#008000"><b>www.addic7ed.com</b></font>

2
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When you graduate from college,

3
00:00:06,967 --> 00:00:09,254
you feel prepared to take on the world.

4
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- Good luck.
- Not gonna need it.

5
00:00:11,557 --> 00:00:13,992
But the truth is, no
one has ever bothered

6
00:00:13,993 --> 00:00:18,296
to properly prepare anyone for
this next decade of your life.

7
00:00:18,297 --> 00:00:20,365
Until now.

8
00:00:20,366 --> 00:00:22,133
My name is Cooper Barrett.

9
00:00:22,134 --> 00:00:24,636
I'm 26 years old, I'm
being held hostage,

10
00:00:24,637 --> 00:00:27,138
and there are some things
I think you should know.

11
00:00:27,139 --> 00:00:29,874
Is it me, or is it a little warm in here?

12
00:00:31,977 --> 00:00:33,729
Okay.

13
00:00:33,753 --> 00:00:35,673
It's gonna take a lot
more than that to break me.

14
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What do you guys want to know?

15
00:00:39,909 --> 00:00:42,009
_

16
00:00:44,023 --> 00:00:45,256
Hey.

17
00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:47,392
Hey, don't worry, Mr. Chicken.

18
00:00:47,393 --> 00:00:49,628
We'll get out of this alive.

19
00:00:50,928 --> 00:00:54,128
This lesson starts the day
after my college graduation.

20
00:00:55,267 --> 00:00:56,834
- Barry!
- Come on.

21
00:00:56,835 --> 00:00:59,237
The thing is, dude, I've
been crunching some numbers,

22
00:00:59,238 --> 00:01:01,739
and based on my looks, salary
and personality deficiencies,

23
00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:04,742
there's an 87% chance my
wife will have a mustache.

24
00:01:04,743 --> 00:01:07,545
Well, she'll be the luckiest,
hairiest woman in the world.

25
00:01:07,546 --> 00:01:09,514
Every group of friends
has what I like to call

26
00:01:09,515 --> 00:01:10,748
a "Lovable Jackass."

27
00:01:10,749 --> 00:01:12,650
- ♪ I said I'm sorry ♪
- Oh!

28
00:01:12,651 --> 00:01:14,371
- This is mine.
- ♪ Can't afford a Ferrari ♪

29
00:01:14,483 --> 00:01:16,576
♪ But that don't mean
I can't get you there. ♪

30
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,156
I love that song!

31
00:01:18,157 --> 00:01:20,091
Brand-new. It's the
dude from Gnarls Barkley.

32
00:01:20,092 --> 00:01:21,559
What happened to the towel?

33
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:22,760
Hi, guys.

34
00:01:22,761 --> 00:01:25,597
- Hey.
- Hi. I'm Kelly.

35
00:01:26,465 --> 00:01:28,534
- Cooper.
- Hi.

36
00:01:28,734 --> 00:01:30,635
The guy learning to use a door is Neal.

37
00:01:30,636 --> 00:01:31,537
Hey. How's it going?

38
00:01:31,538 --> 00:01:33,438
Who's the, uh, wet, naked guy?

39
00:01:34,673 --> 00:01:37,075
Barry.

40
00:01:37,076 --> 00:01:38,776
- It's Barry.
- Right. Okay.

41
00:01:38,777 --> 00:01:40,711
- Okay.
- Well, welcome to the building.

42
00:01:40,712 --> 00:01:41,713
Thanks.

43
00:01:41,714 --> 00:01:44,115
You make the creepiest first impression.

44
00:01:44,116 --> 00:01:45,416
Have I ever told you that before?

45
00:01:45,417 --> 00:01:47,351
Wrap it up!

46
00:01:47,352 --> 00:01:48,820
Josh!

47
00:01:48,821 --> 00:01:52,256
Happy housewarming, baby brother.

48
00:01:52,257 --> 00:01:53,825
Yeah!

49
00:01:55,427 --> 00:01:56,728
What?!

50
00:01:58,930 --> 00:02:00,264
Who's humping me?

51
00:02:00,265 --> 00:02:01,865
That's Virgil... he
manages the building.

52
00:02:02,701 --> 00:02:04,602
Rent is due on the third.

53
00:02:04,603 --> 00:02:06,838
Smart TV?

54
00:02:06,839 --> 00:02:08,840
Are you telling me I can watch 64-inch,

55
00:02:08,841 --> 00:02:12,143
- high-definition Internet pornography?
- Yeah, or Star Wars.

56
00:02:12,144 --> 00:02:13,678
Oh, my God!

57
00:02:13,679 --> 00:02:15,480
- Oh!
- Oh, God, so tight!

58
00:02:15,481 --> 00:02:17,081
- Your grasp is so tight!
- Thank you so much.

59
00:02:17,082 --> 00:02:18,417
- Thanks, Josh.
- Thanks, brother.

60
00:02:18,418 --> 00:02:20,504
No need to thank me, because
you are about to give me back

61
00:02:20,505 --> 00:02:22,481
the decade of my life that
I never got a chance to live.

62
00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:24,122
Let me paint you a picture.

63
00:02:24,123 --> 00:02:26,791
I started at my law firm at 22.

64
00:02:26,792 --> 00:02:29,393
I got married at 23 to a
woman... your sister-in-law...

65
00:02:29,394 --> 00:02:31,162
whom I love dearly.

66
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But she's a fun-sucker.

67
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She sucks fun.

68
00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:36,167
Well, hey, man, our home is your home.

69
00:02:36,168 --> 00:02:37,535
Fantastic. What do you say

70
00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:39,903
we get a little crazy tonight and...

71
00:02:39,904 --> 00:02:41,439
Have a housewarming party.

72
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,107
I was gonna say a nice cheese plate

73
00:02:43,108 --> 00:02:45,176
and a Guitar Hero marathon,
but your idea does sound better.

74
00:02:45,177 --> 00:02:47,178
Yeah, housewarming party's a cool idea,

75
00:02:47,179 --> 00:02:48,813
but we should probably,
like, check the lease.

76
00:02:48,814 --> 00:02:51,182
- Okay, yeah, gentlemen, yeah.
- That's a good point.

77
00:02:51,183 --> 00:02:52,750
What kind of guys do we want to be

78
00:02:52,751 --> 00:02:54,852
for the next ten years
of our lives, huh?

79
00:02:54,853 --> 00:02:56,387
The kind of guys who check leases

80
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or the guys who throw parties
the guys checking leases

81
00:02:58,557 --> 00:03:00,491
can't attend 'cause they're
home checking leases?

82
00:03:00,492 --> 00:03:02,260
Can you repeat those choices?

83
00:03:02,261 --> 00:03:04,695
So let's start this decade off right

84
00:03:04,696 --> 00:03:07,876
by throwing a knockdown, blowout,

85
00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:10,348
"I can't feel the left side
of my face" housewarming party!

86
00:03:10,349 --> 00:03:12,336
What do you say?

87
00:03:13,739 --> 00:03:15,807
And look how black the blacks are.

88
00:03:15,808 --> 00:03:18,075
Are you talking about
the picture quality

89
00:03:18,076 --> 00:03:19,744
or the, uh, black people?

90
00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:21,646
Okay, Jeff, that's racial.

91
00:03:21,647 --> 00:03:23,347
Don't touch it!

92
00:03:23,348 --> 00:03:25,250
- So you guys just moved in?
- Yep, you know,

93
00:03:25,251 --> 00:03:27,351
signed a check for
first, last and security.

94
00:03:27,352 --> 00:03:29,821
It's no big deal.
I got a full-time job, so...

95
00:03:29,822 --> 00:03:31,823
I'm just looking for someone to
spend the rest of my life with

96
00:03:31,824 --> 00:03:33,358
and take my virginity!

97
00:03:36,829 --> 00:03:38,597
Look no further.

98
00:03:47,539 --> 00:03:48,574
Be gentle, ah!

99
00:03:48,674 --> 00:03:50,274
Maybe later?

100
00:03:50,275 --> 00:03:52,276
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

101
00:03:52,277 --> 00:03:55,237
This party is total sausage fest!

102
00:03:55,238 --> 00:03:56,848
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, crap.

103
00:03:56,849 --> 00:03:58,282
The woman... you, you, the blonde!

104
00:03:58,283 --> 00:03:59,617
Not you, the blonde in hot top.

105
00:03:59,618 --> 00:04:01,253
Yeah, come on.

106
00:04:02,454 --> 00:04:03,688
Nice to see you again.

107
00:04:03,689 --> 00:04:05,189
You're in a dryer.

108
00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:06,624
I'm hiding from my boyfriend.

109
00:04:06,625 --> 00:04:08,460
Things were going
great with us at first.

110
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,861
And now, every time he speaks,

111
00:04:10,862 --> 00:04:13,517
I just want to bunch up
his face with my hands.

112
00:04:13,518 --> 00:04:14,897
I'm gonna force him to break up with me

113
00:04:14,898 --> 00:04:16,686
by doing a lot of little
things that really bother him,

114
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like saying the word "tampon" a lot.

115
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"Tampon, yeast infection"... either one.

116
00:04:19,939 --> 00:04:21,440
You're a little complicated.

117
00:04:22,507 --> 00:04:24,141
It's okay. I'm complicated, too.

118
00:04:24,142 --> 00:04:25,776
I mean, I just graduated,

119
00:04:25,777 --> 00:04:28,813
and I have no idea what
I want to do with my life.

120
00:04:28,814 --> 00:04:30,881
Right, because you're
not ready to be a man.

121
00:04:30,882 --> 00:04:31,899
Did my dad put you up to this?

122
00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,314
I'm saying, guys like you,

123
00:04:33,369 --> 00:04:35,902
who are still figuring
things out are exhausting.

124
00:04:35,903 --> 00:04:38,656
Okay? You're the reason why
I only date men in their 30s.

125
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:39,582
Oh, that's interesting.

126
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,216
'Cause, I think you date

127
00:04:41,217 --> 00:04:42,917
men in their 30s 'cause
you're one of those

128
00:04:42,918 --> 00:04:45,539
college athlete girls who
likes to win at everything.

129
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,339
So you date dudes that
look good on paper,

130
00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:49,374
but you wind up hiding in a dryer

131
00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:50,842
'cause you're bored to death by him.

132
00:04:50,843 --> 00:04:52,644
Okay, now I want to bunch up your face.

133
00:04:52,645 --> 00:04:54,413
I thought we were just
saying stuff about each other.

134
00:04:54,414 --> 00:04:55,949
There you are.

135
00:04:58,418 --> 00:04:59,718
Tampon.

136
00:04:59,719 --> 00:05:01,007
Watch this, watch this.

137
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:02,468
You just pull the bird back, right?

138
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,385
And then you let it go,

139
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,866
- and you shoot the pig out of the sky.
- Wow, thanks, Grandpa.

140
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:07,948
Least favorite person.

141
00:05:07,949 --> 00:05:09,989
You're my least favorite
person in this whole party.

142
00:05:11,452 --> 00:05:12,756
Uh, hi, yeah.

143
00:05:12,954 --> 00:05:14,054
Uh, h-hey.

144
00:05:14,055 --> 00:05:15,522
Hey, babe.

145
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,976
I thought you were just
going over to say hi.

146
00:05:17,977 --> 00:05:20,452
I was, I was, but the...

147
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:23,292
the guys made me stay
and help them unpack.

148
00:05:23,293 --> 00:05:25,394
Well, hurry home, and don't forget

149
00:05:25,395 --> 00:05:26,995
we're gonna have a baby!

150
00:05:26,996 --> 00:05:28,597
How could I forget?

151
00:05:29,666 --> 00:05:30,933
'Cause you won't let me.

152
00:05:31,952 --> 00:05:34,498
It's the most important
thing in my life.

153
00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:36,669
- Oh, I love you.
- Love you, love you.

154
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,670
You know, I was just thinking about...

155
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,331
Hello?

156
00:05:40,332 --> 00:05:41,632
Hello?

157
00:05:47,504 --> 00:05:49,640
They about to steal the TV.

158
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:50,924
Oh, hell no!

159
00:05:52,344 --> 00:05:53,978
Not happening, fellas! Not...

160
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,515
Let's stop here,
because this is important.

161
00:05:58,717 --> 00:06:01,085
Mmm, this is delicious.

162
00:06:01,086 --> 00:06:02,354
Thank you so much.

163
00:06:03,354 --> 00:06:05,756
Nobody put Barry in charge of the TV.

164
00:06:05,757 --> 00:06:09,126
That's just something
he made up in his head.

165
00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:10,661
But who cares, right?

166
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,663
What's the harm?

167
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,365
I'm tied to a chair.

168
00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:16,700
...happening! They taking the TV!

169
00:06:16,701 --> 00:06:18,755
There are, like, 500
people at this party.

170
00:06:18,756 --> 00:06:20,304
How the hell are they gonna take the TV?

171
00:06:20,305 --> 00:06:21,328
Are you kidding me?

172
00:06:21,329 --> 00:06:23,707
That dude in "Despicable Me"
stole the whole moon.

173
00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:25,609
Anybody have the energy to field that?

174
00:06:25,610 --> 00:06:26,844
Bro, you need to relax, okay?

175
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:29,079
Calm down. You're at a party, right?

176
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,714
Yeah, damn right we're here to party.

177
00:06:30,715 --> 00:06:32,149
You guys really want to party?

178
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:10,822
That's my phone. That's my phone.

179
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,091
Where is it?

180
00:07:15,193 --> 00:07:16,727
There we go.

181
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,362
Hello?

182
00:07:18,363 --> 00:07:19,630
There she is.

183
00:07:19,631 --> 00:07:21,165
Hey, babe.

184
00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:22,466
Uh, no, no, no.

185
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:23,767
Almost finished.

186
00:07:23,768 --> 00:07:25,091
Almost finished, yeah.

187
00:07:25,092 --> 00:07:28,672
No, it's amazing how much stuff
a college kid has these days.

188
00:07:28,673 --> 00:07:30,340
Hey, can anybody else not see?

189
00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:31,742
Whose is this?

190
00:07:32,732 --> 00:07:35,813
Uh, no, we just have a
couple more boxes, and then...

191
00:07:35,814 --> 00:07:37,671
everything will be as...

192
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:39,516
as it's supposed to be.

193
00:07:39,517 --> 00:07:42,386
They stole our TV!

194
00:07:42,387 --> 00:07:44,121
I think I'm gonna have to call you back.

195
00:07:51,065 --> 00:07:52,956
Those damn UFC guys.

196
00:07:52,957 --> 00:07:55,677
- I told you!
- Can I get some help here?

197
00:07:55,903 --> 00:07:57,683
Hmm? Who are you?

198
00:07:58,806 --> 00:08:00,438
I'm Neal's girlfriend.

199
00:08:01,009 --> 00:08:03,604
Barry, this hangover remedy is amazing.

200
00:08:03,644 --> 00:08:05,617
My grandma throws down, okay?

201
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:08,212
I know her hangover remedy
is amazing, all right?

202
00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:09,614
Mmm, she's a genius.

203
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,182
This thing is not only delicious,

204
00:08:11,183 --> 00:08:13,214
but I'm almost getting
my sight back here.

205
00:08:13,215 --> 00:08:14,650
Now, everybody listen up, okay?

206
00:08:14,651 --> 00:08:16,302
'Cause I'm only gonna say this once.

207
00:08:16,389 --> 00:08:19,048
I'm not gonna rest
until I find those guys,

208
00:08:19,049 --> 00:08:21,059
and I put that TV back on the wall!

209
00:08:21,452 --> 00:08:22,919
Now, I know
what you're thinking.

210
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,521
Barry can't mean that, can he?

211
00:08:25,522 --> 00:08:28,427
I mean, eventually he's gonna
stop caring about the TV.

212
00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:31,335
Two years later...

213
00:08:34,732 --> 00:08:38,935
Oh, that girl loved her some books.

214
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,073
The UFC guys.

215
00:08:44,074 --> 00:08:48,074
Oh, it is on like Michelle Kwan.

216
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,748
The point is, Craig, I'm the captain

217
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,450
of our Tiger Thrust Energy Drink Team,

218
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,752
and I want you guys out
there promoting the brand.

219
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:59,622
You know, youth, power,
a sense of adventure.

220
00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,425
I need you to stop
calling people "ass-face."

221
00:09:02,426 --> 00:09:03,593
Yes, sir.

222
00:09:03,594 --> 00:09:04,594
Don't call me, sir, man.

223
00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:05,796
I'm younger than you.

224
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,066
Tiger Thrust. Enjoy it.

225
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:13,069
I'm not nearly as embarrassed
for you as I thought I'd be.

226
00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:14,837
You're actually good at this.

227
00:09:14,838 --> 00:09:17,106
I know, right? I just wish the product

228
00:09:17,107 --> 00:09:18,841
had a better name than Tiger Thrust.

229
00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:20,743
And, you know, it tasted better.

230
00:09:20,744 --> 00:09:23,012
And didn't contain the
chemical found in glow sticks.

231
00:09:23,013 --> 00:09:24,053
- Wait, seriously?
- Yeah.

232
00:09:24,054 --> 00:09:25,264
Ah, okay, no.

233
00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:28,405
Uh, but at least this
gig's just temporary, right?

234
00:09:28,719 --> 00:09:31,595
Oh, uh-oh, okay.
Uh, I had sex with this girl.

235
00:09:31,596 --> 00:09:33,129
Can't remember her name.
Think it starts with a C.

236
00:09:33,130 --> 00:09:34,062
Cooper!

237
00:09:34,124 --> 00:09:35,678
Cavala...

238
00:09:35,702 --> 00:09:36,859
- What's going on, girl?
- ***

239
00:09:36,860 --> 00:09:40,190
- What did you call me?
- I know, right? How are you doing?

240
00:09:40,564 --> 00:09:41,899
- Great!
- Great.

241
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,609
- Great.
- Great.

242
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,469
Great. Great.

243
00:09:45,869 --> 00:09:47,036
- Great.
- Great.

244
00:09:47,037 --> 00:09:48,471
Hi, I'm Kelly.

245
00:09:48,472 --> 00:09:50,106
- Kristen.
- Oh, did I not...?

246
00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:51,809
Kristen, Kristen, Kelly. Kelly, Kristen.

247
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,477
Ah... Are you two together?

248
00:09:54,478 --> 00:09:56,012
- Neighbors.
- God no, no.

249
00:09:57,648 --> 00:09:58,748
Well, call me.

250
00:09:58,749 --> 00:10:00,082
Yeah, you got it.

251
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:01,449
- Okay.
- Okay.

252
00:10:02,119 --> 00:10:03,119
It was good to see you, Krista.

253
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,787
- Kristen.
- Kristen!

254
00:10:04,788 --> 00:10:06,255
Okay, it's official.
You're my best friend

255
00:10:06,256 --> 00:10:07,380
in the whole wide world.

256
00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:09,492
Remind me to never have sex with you.

257
00:10:09,493 --> 00:10:11,287
Oh, yeah, never have sex with me.

258
00:10:11,895 --> 00:10:13,329
You know, unless you feel it's something

259
00:10:13,330 --> 00:10:14,670
you absolutely have to do.

260
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:17,934
Hello?

261
00:10:17,935 --> 00:10:19,035
I found it.

262
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,170
Found what?

263
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,305
Hold, please.

264
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,205
Thanks, babe.

265
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,474
That feels so good.

266
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:27,841
Hello?

267
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:31,747
Talk to me.

268
00:10:31,748 --> 00:10:33,716
Yo, I found the flat-screen.

269
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:34,917
- No.
- Yes.

270
00:10:34,918 --> 00:10:36,719
How?

271
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,721
It's fantastic! Uh-huh.

272
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:42,658
I'm at 2280 South Arapahoe,
and I'm looking right at it.

273
00:10:42,659 --> 00:10:43,926
Barry, no.

274
00:10:43,927 --> 00:10:45,543
Okay, Barry... Barry,

275
00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:48,030
don't do anything until we get there.

276
00:10:48,031 --> 00:10:50,410
Do not even dream
about going without me.

277
00:10:51,002 --> 00:10:55,219
Because I'll be in bed
dreaming next to my lovely wife.

278
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,042
- Barry?
- They're leaving.

279
00:11:00,043 --> 00:11:00,944
- Barry.
- I'm going in.

280
00:11:00,945 --> 00:11:01,977
No. Bar-Barry.

281
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:04,947
Oh, God.

282
00:11:08,719 --> 00:11:09,852
Hey!

283
00:11:09,853 --> 00:11:10,890
Good night, sweetie.

284
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,523
What Barry's
doing here is called

285
00:11:14,524 --> 00:11:16,425
"breaking and entering."

286
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,561
This is not sneaking into
your friend's dorm room

287
00:11:18,562 --> 00:11:20,363
or a high school science lab.

288
00:11:20,364 --> 00:11:22,364
This is a felony.

289
00:11:22,365 --> 00:11:25,402
Oh. Little baby Batboy.

290
00:11:28,038 --> 00:11:30,874
There is so much good in this world.

291
00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:40,617
Damn, this is a big-ass TV.

292
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,037
Shh.

293
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,707
Where are you?

294
00:12:06,410 --> 00:12:08,779
- What is he doing?
- Barry?

295
00:12:24,127 --> 00:12:26,696
Once they fell asleep,

296
00:12:26,697 --> 00:12:29,799
a normal person would
make a break for it.

297
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,103
Not your Loveable Jackass.

298
00:12:34,738 --> 00:12:36,538
- No. No, not a chance.
- That's a very bad idea.

299
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:37,740
- Please don't do that.
- No!

300
00:12:37,741 --> 00:12:40,710
- Barry, no. Barry? Barry?
- Stop!

301
00:12:40,711 --> 00:12:41,877
- Barry?
- Don't!

302
00:12:41,878 --> 00:12:43,736
- Very bad idea.
- Barry, no.

303
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,114
No, Barry.

304
00:12:45,115 --> 00:12:47,149
- No. Barry.
- No... Barry!

305
00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:48,618
- Stop it!
- No!

306
00:12:50,821 --> 00:12:52,826
- Shh.
- Wait, wait, wait. Grab the remote.

307
00:12:53,326 --> 00:12:54,557
We'll get another one!

308
00:12:54,558 --> 00:12:56,725
Oh, Mr. Moneybags. Who
are you, Jimmy Buffet?

309
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,743
- You mean Warren Buffet.
- No, Jimmy.

310
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:00,496
This dude's got platinum albums,

311
00:13:00,497 --> 00:13:02,604
two restaurant chains,
a tequila company.

312
00:13:02,605 --> 00:13:03,895
Look, I'll get the remote!

313
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,406
Is this the one for the TV or...?

314
00:13:18,415 --> 00:13:20,175
They're awake!

315
00:13:21,585 --> 00:13:22,985
Go! Let's go!

316
00:13:22,986 --> 00:13:25,688
Why the hell you bring
this small-ass ride?!

317
00:13:25,689 --> 00:13:26,590
Go, go, go, go!

318
00:13:26,591 --> 00:13:29,196
- I'm not in the car!
- Go, go, go, go!

319
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:46,975
Get in.

320
00:13:47,677 --> 00:13:48,944
Hi, Gracie.

321
00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,020
Mission accomplished, right?

322
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,554
Wrong.

323
00:13:58,555 --> 00:14:00,423
This is not the television I bought you.

324
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,392
You can put it down, sweetie.

325
00:14:02,416 --> 00:14:05,974
_

326
00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,625
I'm gonna make us a shake.

327
00:14:12,670 --> 00:14:14,071
Your girlfriend scares us, Neal.

328
00:14:14,072 --> 00:14:15,269
I know.

329
00:14:15,707 --> 00:14:17,174
I don't care how much she benches,

330
00:14:17,175 --> 00:14:19,143
I'm definitely breaking
up with her tonight.

331
00:14:19,144 --> 00:14:20,278
Hey, guys.

332
00:14:20,279 --> 00:14:21,806
Can we focus up here, please?

333
00:14:21,830 --> 00:14:25,149
You stole a television
from those scary UFC guys.

334
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:26,150
Wrong!

335
00:14:26,151 --> 00:14:27,429
How can he be wrong, Barry?

336
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:28,611
It's not even the same brand!

337
00:14:28,687 --> 00:14:30,281
Oh, okay. So you're telling me

338
00:14:30,282 --> 00:14:33,611
that those guys didn't steal
a TV and swap out the labels,

339
00:14:33,612 --> 00:14:35,597
knowing that if I found
the TV and brought it back,

340
00:14:35,598 --> 00:14:37,595
we wouldn't be having
this exact conversation?

341
00:14:37,963 --> 00:14:39,563
Come on, y'all, think!

342
00:14:39,564 --> 00:14:41,165
We got to be like the TV.

343
00:14:41,166 --> 00:14:42,467
We got to be smart!

344
00:14:42,468 --> 00:14:44,737
Classic Lovable Jackass.

345
00:14:51,377 --> 00:14:54,388
Here's to you being unsuccessful
in personal relationships.

346
00:14:54,389 --> 00:14:56,547
You're just glad I broke up with
my boyfriend, because it means

347
00:14:56,548 --> 00:14:58,037
you get to go to the
Clippers games with me.

348
00:14:58,061 --> 00:14:58,716
You know what?

349
00:14:58,717 --> 00:14:59,952
Telling him you're going
to Brussels for a month

350
00:14:59,953 --> 00:15:02,521
to study tennis elbow is
not technically breaking up.

351
00:15:02,621 --> 00:15:05,222
Wow. Okay, this from a man who
was supposed to leave his job

352
00:15:05,223 --> 00:15:07,658
at Tiger Throb, like,
a year and a half ago.

353
00:15:07,659 --> 00:15:10,594
It's Tiger Thrust,
and I'll have you know,

354
00:15:10,595 --> 00:15:12,298
I may be starting my own business.

355
00:15:12,798 --> 00:15:13,699
What?

356
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:15,740
Josh found some investors
for Barry's hangover cure.

357
00:15:16,101 --> 00:15:17,568
Cooper, that's great!

358
00:15:17,569 --> 00:15:19,270
No, no, no, 'cause I
probably won't do it.

359
00:15:19,271 --> 00:15:21,205
Most start-ups fail, and...

360
00:15:22,941 --> 00:15:25,810
- Yeah!
- Look, I know we don't say

361
00:15:25,811 --> 00:15:28,609
a lot of nice things to
each other, but here goes.

362
00:15:28,909 --> 00:15:31,817
You have more potential
than anyone I've ever met.

363
00:15:32,117 --> 00:15:33,651
What have you done with my friend?

364
00:15:33,652 --> 00:15:34,839
You're being an idiot.

365
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,515
- There she is.
- This is an amazing opportunity.

366
00:15:36,539 --> 00:15:38,009
Don't be afraid to take it.

367
00:15:38,123 --> 00:15:39,991
I like you when you're sincere.

368
00:15:39,992 --> 00:15:43,227
Oh, good. Because I just
died a little inside.

369
00:15:44,863 --> 00:15:46,097
Let's go, Clippers!

370
00:16:07,731 --> 00:16:09,553
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

371
00:16:12,290 --> 00:16:14,658
No. No.

372
00:16:23,035 --> 00:16:25,036
And if you unexpectedly share

373
00:16:25,037 --> 00:16:26,971
a great kiss with a close friend,

374
00:16:26,972 --> 00:16:28,775
try not to say this:

375
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,074
I got to take a leak.

376
00:16:32,211 --> 00:16:33,612
I know, I know.

377
00:16:33,912 --> 00:16:36,081
Not my finest moment.

378
00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:39,750
I just... wanted to take a second

379
00:16:39,751 --> 00:16:41,601
to pull myself together.

380
00:16:46,825 --> 00:16:48,945
Would you mind washing your
hands before you punch me?

381
00:16:51,830 --> 00:16:53,303
And now we're all caught up.

382
00:16:53,703 --> 00:16:54,799
Hola.

383
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,867
What happens next? I...

384
00:16:56,868 --> 00:16:59,771
Your guess is as good as mine.

385
00:17:13,185 --> 00:17:16,655
Whoa. Those dudes looked
a lot smaller in the dark.

386
00:17:22,928 --> 00:17:26,531
- Suckers!
- That's a bad idea.

387
00:17:28,266 --> 00:17:29,834
Gentlemen...

388
00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:33,104
this is a brand-new, top-of-the-line,

389
00:17:33,105 --> 00:17:35,706
1080p, 4K, HD,

390
00:17:35,707 --> 00:17:37,975
64-inch plasma television.

391
00:17:37,976 --> 00:17:41,712
It's 3D ready, has a
600-hertz refresh rate,

392
00:17:41,713 --> 00:17:43,080
gesture controls

393
00:17:43,081 --> 00:17:46,717
and a built-in camera
so you can interact

394
00:17:46,718 --> 00:17:49,241
with streaming content on the Web.

395
00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:52,123
3D?

396
00:17:52,124 --> 00:17:53,724
Yeah, I already said it was 3D.

397
00:17:53,725 --> 00:17:55,059
That was, like, the first thing I said.

398
00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:56,894
Sorry, you say too many things.

399
00:17:56,895 --> 00:17:58,897
Now...

400
00:18:00,899 --> 00:18:02,633
...can I get my brother back?

401
00:18:08,006 --> 00:18:09,016
Okay.

402
00:18:09,017 --> 00:18:11,966
Well, if nobody else is
gonna say anything, I will.

403
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,254
Take a look around
at what happened here.

404
00:18:14,255 --> 00:18:16,547
Maybe in the future,
you could think to act

405
00:18:16,548 --> 00:18:17,648
a little more responsibly

406
00:18:17,649 --> 00:18:20,051
so your friends won't
have to clean up your mess.

407
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:23,898
And when your Jackass
finally takes things too far,

408
00:18:23,989 --> 00:18:26,825
your response has to
be handled just right.

409
00:18:27,025 --> 00:18:28,069
Jackass!

410
00:18:29,928 --> 00:18:30,850
Hey, hey!

411
00:18:30,851 --> 00:18:33,029
We wound up in this
mess, I was kidnapped,

412
00:18:33,098 --> 00:18:35,083
because you put yourself
in charge of something

413
00:18:35,084 --> 00:18:37,435
a grown person should not
put themselves in charge of!

414
00:18:37,469 --> 00:18:38,970
It was a TV!

415
00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:41,539
Now, now, fellas, don't
make me come back there.

416
00:18:42,275 --> 00:18:44,608
No! No, no! No!

417
00:18:48,814 --> 00:18:50,748
- Josh!
- Wake up! Hey!

418
00:18:50,749 --> 00:18:52,249
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Wake up! Please!

419
00:18:59,591 --> 00:19:00,959
The hell is wrong with you?

420
00:19:05,130 --> 00:19:07,031
I loved that TV.

421
00:19:07,032 --> 00:19:08,799
It was a 64-inch flat-screen, Barry!

422
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,000
We all loved it!

423
00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:11,869
No, you don't understand, man.

424
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:13,384
The second Josh brought that in here,

425
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:15,552
all I seen was the four of
us spending time together.

426
00:19:15,907 --> 00:19:19,178
That TV was a giant
future memory box to me.

427
00:19:19,578 --> 00:19:21,512
Somebody tried to
take that away from us,

428
00:19:21,513 --> 00:19:23,647
and I wasn't okay with
that 'cause I love you guys.

429
00:19:23,648 --> 00:19:25,549
I love how we live together,

430
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:26,696
how we help each other out,

431
00:19:26,697 --> 00:19:28,329
and I wanted those memories, because...

432
00:19:31,189 --> 00:19:33,302
...I know it ain't
always gonna be like this.

433
00:19:35,794 --> 00:19:39,160
If I hurt you guys, I'm really sorry.

434
00:19:39,297 --> 00:19:41,779
I'm really, really sorry.

435
00:19:45,904 --> 00:19:48,772
It's okay, Barry,
just... don't do it again.

436
00:19:48,773 --> 00:19:51,435
Never. I mean,
unless you guys want me to.

437
00:19:51,436 --> 00:19:52,534
We'll never want you to.

438
00:19:52,544 --> 00:19:53,299
You can call me,

439
00:19:53,323 --> 00:19:54,880
- "Barry, we need some help."
- Barry. Barry. Barry...

440
00:19:54,881 --> 00:19:56,248
I'm like the Ghostbusters.

441
00:19:56,848 --> 00:19:58,942
Okay.

442
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:00,151
Thanks, dude.

443
00:20:00,651 --> 00:20:01,685
All right.

444
00:20:01,686 --> 00:20:04,088
Okay, so what have we learned?

445
00:20:04,089 --> 00:20:05,990
Never leave your Jackass unattended,

446
00:20:05,991 --> 00:20:07,992
pay attention to the warning signs,

447
00:20:07,993 --> 00:20:09,333
and never take off running

448
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,102
while you still have
a hood over your head.

449
00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:13,403
You need to figure out your business.

450
00:20:13,404 --> 00:20:15,075
Those investors aren't
gonna wait forever.

451
00:20:15,076 --> 00:20:16,079
I will.

452
00:20:16,101 --> 00:20:18,602
Oh, you and your friends are exhausting.

453
00:20:18,603 --> 00:20:21,171
I'm gonna go home to my wife and kids.

454
00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:23,507
- Unless you want to get into something.
- I don't think so.

455
00:20:23,508 --> 00:20:24,508
All right. Okay.

456
00:20:24,509 --> 00:20:25,710
Love you, brother.

457
00:20:28,847 --> 00:20:30,748
One last thing:

458
00:20:30,749 --> 00:20:33,934
don't be afraid to take chances
at this time in your life.

459
00:20:37,856 --> 00:20:39,362
I got kidnapped.

460
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,096
That went a lot better
than I thought it would.

461
00:20:45,897 --> 00:20:47,435
It wasn't working out with Neal.

462
00:20:51,836 --> 00:20:53,237
Hey, it's Cooper.

463
00:20:53,238 --> 00:20:55,306
Yeah, I won't be coming
in to work tomorrow.

464
00:20:55,307 --> 00:20:57,248
Or ever.

465
00:20:57,409 --> 00:20:58,710
An opportunity's come up.

466
00:21:06,784 --> 00:21:08,880
You ever wonder who took our TV?

467
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,596
Jackasses.

468
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:23,820
<font color="#008000"><b>Synced & corrected by</b></font> <b> kinglouisxx</b>
<font color="#008000"><b>www.addic7ed.com</b></font>

