﻿1
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<font color="#008000"><b>Synced & corrected by</b></font> <b> kinglouisxx</b>
<font color="#008000"><b>www.addic7ed.com</b></font>

2
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When you graduate from college,

3
00:00:08,012 --> 00:00:10,299
you feel prepared to take on the world.

4
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- Good luck.
- Not gonna need it.

5
00:00:12,602 --> 00:00:15,037
But the truth is, no
one has ever bothered

6
00:00:15,038 --> 00:00:19,341
to properly prepare anyone for
this next decade of your life.

7
00:00:19,342 --> 00:00:21,410
Until now.

8
00:00:21,411 --> 00:00:23,178
My name is Cooper Barrett.

9
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I'm 26 years old, I'm
being held hostage,

10
00:00:25,682 --> 00:00:28,183
and there are some things
I think you should know.

11
00:00:28,184 --> 00:00:30,919
Is it me, or is it a
little warm in here?

12
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Okay.

13
00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:36,718
It's gonna take a lot
more than that to break me.

14
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What do you guys want to know?

15
00:00:41,254 --> 00:00:43,354
_

16
00:00:45,068 --> 00:00:46,301
Hey.

17
00:00:46,302 --> 00:00:48,437
Hey, don't worry, Mr. Chicken.

18
00:00:48,438 --> 00:00:50,673
We'll get out of this alive.

19
00:00:51,973 --> 00:00:55,173
This lesson starts the day
after my college graduation.

20
00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:57,879
- Barry!
- Come on.

21
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,282
The thing is, dude, I've
been crunching some numbers,

22
00:01:00,283 --> 00:01:02,784
and based on my looks, salary
and personality deficiencies,

23
00:01:02,785 --> 00:01:05,787
there's an 87% chance my
wife will have a mustache.

24
00:01:05,788 --> 00:01:08,590
Well, she'll be the luckiest,
hairiest woman in the world.

25
00:01:08,591 --> 00:01:10,559
Every group of friends
has what I like to call

26
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:11,793
a "Lovable Jackass."

27
00:01:11,794 --> 00:01:13,695
- ♪ I said I'm sorry ♪
- Oh!

28
00:01:13,696 --> 00:01:15,416
- This is mine.
- ♪ Can't afford a Ferrari ♪

29
00:01:15,528 --> 00:01:17,621
♪ But that don't mean
I can't get you there. ♪

30
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I love that song!

31
00:01:19,202 --> 00:01:21,136
Brand-new.
It's the dude from Gnarls Barkley.

32
00:01:21,137 --> 00:01:22,604
What happened to the towel?

33
00:01:22,605 --> 00:01:23,805
Hi, guys.

34
00:01:23,806 --> 00:01:26,642
- Hey.
- Hi. I'm Kelly.

35
00:01:27,510 --> 00:01:29,579
- Cooper.
- Hi.

36
00:01:29,779 --> 00:01:31,680
The guy learning to use a door is Neal.

37
00:01:31,681 --> 00:01:32,582
Hey. How's it going?

38
00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:34,483
Who's the, uh, wet, naked guy?

39
00:01:35,718 --> 00:01:38,120
Barry.

40
00:01:38,121 --> 00:01:39,821
- It's Barry.
- Right. Okay.

41
00:01:39,822 --> 00:01:41,756
- Okay.
- Well, welcome to the building.

42
00:01:41,757 --> 00:01:42,758
Thanks.

43
00:01:42,759 --> 00:01:45,160
You make the creepiest first impression.

44
00:01:45,161 --> 00:01:46,461
Have I ever told you that before?

45
00:01:46,462 --> 00:01:48,396
Wrap it up!

46
00:01:48,397 --> 00:01:49,865
Josh!

47
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Happy housewarming, baby brother.

48
00:01:53,302 --> 00:01:54,870
Yeah!

49
00:01:56,472 --> 00:01:57,773
What?!

50
00:01:59,975 --> 00:02:01,309
Who's humping me?

51
00:02:01,310 --> 00:02:02,910
That's Virgil... he manages the building.

52
00:02:03,746 --> 00:02:05,647
Rent is due on the third.

53
00:02:05,648 --> 00:02:07,883
Smart TV?

54
00:02:07,884 --> 00:02:09,885
Are you telling me I can watch 64-inch,

55
00:02:09,886 --> 00:02:13,188
- high-definition Internet pornography?
- Yeah, or Star Wars.

56
00:02:13,189 --> 00:02:14,723
Oh, my God!

57
00:02:14,724 --> 00:02:16,525
- Oh!
- Oh, God, so tight!

58
00:02:16,526 --> 00:02:18,126
- Your grasp is so tight!
- Thank you so much.

59
00:02:18,127 --> 00:02:19,462
- Thanks, Josh.
- Thanks, brother.

60
00:02:19,463 --> 00:02:21,549
No need to thank me, because
you are about to give me back

61
00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:23,526
the decade of my life that
I never got a chance to live.

62
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Let me paint you a picture.

63
00:02:25,168 --> 00:02:27,836
I started at my law firm at 22.

64
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I got married at 23 to a
woman... your sister-in-law...

65
00:02:30,439 --> 00:02:32,207
whom I love dearly.

66
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But she's a fun-sucker.

67
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She sucks fun.

68
00:02:35,211 --> 00:02:37,212
Well, hey, man, our home is your home.

69
00:02:37,213 --> 00:02:38,580
Fantastic. What do you say

70
00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:40,948
we get a little crazy tonight and...

71
00:02:40,949 --> 00:02:42,484
Have a housewarming party.

72
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I was gonna say a nice cheese plate

73
00:02:44,153 --> 00:02:46,221
and a Guitar Hero marathon,
but your idea does sound better.

74
00:02:46,222 --> 00:02:48,223
Yeah, housewarming party's a cool idea,

75
00:02:48,224 --> 00:02:49,858
but we should probably,
like, check the lease.

76
00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:52,227
- Okay, yeah, gentlemen, yeah.
- That's a good point.

77
00:02:52,228 --> 00:02:53,795
What kind of guys do we want to be

78
00:02:53,796 --> 00:02:55,897
for the next ten years
of our lives, huh?

79
00:02:55,898 --> 00:02:57,432
The kind of guys who check leases

80
00:02:57,433 --> 00:02:59,601
or the guys who throw parties
the guys checking leases

81
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can't attend 'cause they're
home checking leases?

82
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Can you repeat those choices?

83
00:03:03,306 --> 00:03:05,740
So let's start this decade off right

84
00:03:05,741 --> 00:03:08,921
by throwing a knockdown, blowout,

85
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"I can't feel the left side
of my face" housewarming party!

86
00:03:11,394 --> 00:03:13,381
What do you say?

87
00:03:14,784 --> 00:03:16,852
And look how black the blacks are.

88
00:03:16,853 --> 00:03:19,120
Are you talking about
the picture quality

89
00:03:19,121 --> 00:03:20,789
or the, uh, black people?

90
00:03:20,790 --> 00:03:22,691
Okay, Jeff, that's racial.

91
00:03:22,692 --> 00:03:24,392
Don't touch it!

92
00:03:24,393 --> 00:03:26,295
- So you guys just moved in?
- Yep, you know,

93
00:03:26,296 --> 00:03:28,396
signed a check for
first, last and security.

94
00:03:28,397 --> 00:03:30,866
It's no big deal.
I got a full-time job, so...

95
00:03:30,867 --> 00:03:32,868
I'm just looking for someone to
spend the rest of my life with

96
00:03:32,869 --> 00:03:34,403
and take my virginity!

97
00:03:37,874 --> 00:03:39,642
Look no further.

98
00:03:48,584 --> 00:03:49,619
Be gentle, ah!

99
00:03:49,719 --> 00:03:51,319
Maybe later?

100
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,321
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

101
00:03:53,322 --> 00:03:56,282
This party is total sausage fest!

102
00:03:56,283 --> 00:03:57,893
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, crap.

103
00:03:57,894 --> 00:03:59,327
The woman... you, you, the blonde!

104
00:03:59,328 --> 00:04:00,662
Not you, the blonde in hot top.

105
00:04:00,663 --> 00:04:02,298
Yeah, come on.

106
00:04:03,499 --> 00:04:04,733
Nice to see you again.

107
00:04:04,734 --> 00:04:06,234
You're in a dryer.

108
00:04:06,235 --> 00:04:07,669
I'm hiding from my boyfriend.

109
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Things were going
great with us at first.

110
00:04:09,705 --> 00:04:11,906
And now, every time he speaks,

111
00:04:11,907 --> 00:04:14,562
I just want to bunch up
his face with my hands.

112
00:04:14,563 --> 00:04:15,942
I'm gonna force him to break up with me

113
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by doing a lot of little
things that really bother him,

114
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like saying the word "tampon" a lot.

115
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"Tampon, yeast infection"... either one.

116
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You're a little complicated.

117
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It's okay. I'm complicated, too.

118
00:04:25,187 --> 00:04:26,821
I mean, I just graduated,

119
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and I have no idea what
I want to do with my life.

120
00:04:29,859 --> 00:04:31,926
Right, because you're
not ready to be a man.

121
00:04:31,927 --> 00:04:32,944
Did my dad put you up to this?

122
00:04:32,945 --> 00:04:34,359
I'm saying, guys like you,

123
00:04:34,414 --> 00:04:36,947
who are still figuring
things out are exhausting.

124
00:04:36,948 --> 00:04:39,701
Okay? You're the reason why
I only date men in their 30s.

125
00:04:39,702 --> 00:04:40,627
Oh, that's interesting.

126
00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,261
'Cause, um, I think you date

127
00:04:42,262 --> 00:04:43,962
men in their 30s 'cause
you're one of those

128
00:04:43,963 --> 00:04:46,584
college athlete girls who
likes to win at everything.

129
00:04:46,585 --> 00:04:48,384
So you date dudes that
look good on paper,

130
00:04:48,385 --> 00:04:50,419
but you wind up hiding in a dryer

131
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,887
'cause you're bored to death by him.

132
00:04:51,888 --> 00:04:53,689
Okay, now I want to bunch up your face.

133
00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:55,458
I thought we were just
saying stuff about each other.

134
00:04:55,459 --> 00:04:56,994
There you are.

135
00:04:59,463 --> 00:05:00,763
Tampon.

136
00:05:00,764 --> 00:05:02,052
Watch this, watch this.

137
00:05:02,053 --> 00:05:03,513
You just pull the bird back, right?

138
00:05:03,514 --> 00:05:04,430
And then you let it go,

139
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- and you shoot the pig out of the sky.
- Wow, thanks, Grandpa.

140
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Least favorite person.

141
00:05:08,994 --> 00:05:11,034
You're my least favorite
person in this whole party.

142
00:05:12,497 --> 00:05:13,801
Uh, hi, yeah.

143
00:05:13,999 --> 00:05:15,099
Uh, h-hey.

144
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,567
Hey, babe.

145
00:05:16,568 --> 00:05:19,021
I thought you were just
going over to say hi.

146
00:05:19,022 --> 00:05:21,497
I was, I was, but the...

147
00:05:21,498 --> 00:05:24,337
the guys made me stay
and help them unpack.

148
00:05:24,338 --> 00:05:26,439
Well, hurry home, and don't forget

149
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,040
we're gonna have a baby!

150
00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,642
How could I forget?

151
00:05:30,711 --> 00:05:31,978
'Cause you won't let me.

152
00:05:32,997 --> 00:05:35,543
It's the most important
thing in my life.

153
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:37,714
- Oh, I love you.
- Love you, love you.

154
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:39,715
You know, I was just thinking about...

155
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Hello?

156
00:05:41,377 --> 00:05:42,677
Hello?

157
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,685
They about to steal the TV.

158
00:05:50,686 --> 00:05:51,969
Oh, hell no!

159
00:05:53,389 --> 00:05:55,023
Not happening, fellas! Not...

160
00:05:55,024 --> 00:05:57,560
Let's stop here, because
this is important.

161
00:05:59,762 --> 00:06:02,130
Mmm, this is delicious.

162
00:06:02,131 --> 00:06:03,399
Thank you so much.

163
00:06:04,399 --> 00:06:06,801
Nobody put Barry in charge of the TV.

164
00:06:06,802 --> 00:06:10,171
That's just something
he made up in his head.

165
00:06:10,172 --> 00:06:11,706
But who cares, right?

166
00:06:11,707 --> 00:06:13,708
What's the harm?

167
00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:15,410
I'm tied to a chair.

168
00:06:15,411 --> 00:06:17,745
...happening! They taking the TV!

169
00:06:17,746 --> 00:06:19,800
There are, like, 500
people at this party.

170
00:06:19,801 --> 00:06:21,349
How the hell are they gonna take the TV?

171
00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:22,373
Are you kidding me?

172
00:06:22,374 --> 00:06:24,752
That dude in "Despicable
Me" stole the whole moon.

173
00:06:24,753 --> 00:06:26,654
Anybody have the energy to field that?

174
00:06:26,655 --> 00:06:27,889
Bro, you need to relax, okay?

175
00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:30,124
Calm down. You're at a party, right?

176
00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,759
Yeah, damn right we're here to party.

177
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,194
You guys really want to party?

178
00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:11,867
That's my phone. That's my phone.

179
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:14,136
Where is it?

180
00:07:16,238 --> 00:07:17,772
There we go.

181
00:07:17,773 --> 00:07:19,407
Hello?

182
00:07:19,408 --> 00:07:20,675
There she is.

183
00:07:20,676 --> 00:07:22,210
Hey, babe.

184
00:07:22,211 --> 00:07:23,511
Uh, no, no, no.

185
00:07:23,512 --> 00:07:24,812
Almost finished.

186
00:07:24,813 --> 00:07:26,136
Almost finished, yeah.

187
00:07:26,137 --> 00:07:29,717
No, it's amazing how much stuff
a college kid has these days.

188
00:07:29,718 --> 00:07:31,385
Hey, can anybody else not see?

189
00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:32,787
Whose is this?

190
00:07:33,777 --> 00:07:36,858
Uh, no, we just have a
couple more boxes, and then...

191
00:07:36,859 --> 00:07:38,716
everything will be as...

192
00:07:39,316 --> 00:07:40,561
as it's supposed to be.

193
00:07:40,562 --> 00:07:43,431
They stole our TV!

194
00:07:43,432 --> 00:07:45,166
I think I'm gonna have to call you back.

195
00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:56,701
Those damn UFC guys.

196
00:07:56,702 --> 00:07:59,422
- I told you!
- Can I get some help here?

197
00:07:59,648 --> 00:08:01,428
Hmm? Who are you?

198
00:08:02,551 --> 00:08:04,183
I'm Neal's girlfriend.

199
00:08:04,754 --> 00:08:07,349
Barry, this hangover remedy is amazing.

200
00:08:07,389 --> 00:08:09,362
My grandma throws down, okay?

201
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,957
I know her hangover remedy
is amazing, all right?

202
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,359
Mmm, she's a genius.

203
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,927
This thing is not only delicious,

204
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,959
but I'm almost getting
my sight back here.

205
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,395
Now, everybody listen up, okay?

206
00:08:18,396 --> 00:08:20,047
'Cause I'm only gonna say this once.

207
00:08:20,134 --> 00:08:22,793
I'm not gonna rest
until I find those guys,

208
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,804
and I put that TV back on the wall!

209
00:08:25,197 --> 00:08:26,664
Now, I know what you're thinking.

210
00:08:26,665 --> 00:08:29,266
Barry can't mean that, can he?

211
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:32,172
I mean, eventually he's gonna
stop caring about the TV.

212
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,080
Two years later...

213
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:42,680
Oh, that girl loved her some books.

214
00:08:45,517 --> 00:08:47,818
The UFC guys.

215
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:51,819
Oh, it is on like Michelle Kwan.

216
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:56,493
The point is, Craig, I'm the captain

217
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,195
of our Tiger Thrust Energy Drink Team,

218
00:08:58,196 --> 00:09:00,497
and I want you guys out
there promoting the brand.

219
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,367
You know, youth, power,
a sense of adventure.

220
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:06,170
I need you to stop
calling people "ass-face."

221
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:07,338
Yes, sir.

222
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:08,339
Don't call me, sir, man.

223
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,541
I'm younger than you.

224
00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:13,811
Tiger Thrust. Enjoy it.

225
00:09:13,812 --> 00:09:16,814
I'm not nearly as embarrassed
for you as I thought I'd be.

226
00:09:16,815 --> 00:09:18,582
You're actually good at this.

227
00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,851
I know, right? I just wish the product

228
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,586
had a better name than Tiger Thrust.

229
00:09:22,587 --> 00:09:24,488
And, you know, it tasted better.

230
00:09:24,489 --> 00:09:26,757
And didn't contain the
chemical found in glow sticks.

231
00:09:26,758 --> 00:09:27,798
- Wait, seriously?
- Yeah.

232
00:09:27,799 --> 00:09:29,009
Ah, okay, no.

233
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:32,150
Uh, but at least this
gig's just temporary, right?

234
00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:35,340
Oh, uh-oh, okay.
Uh, I had sex with this girl.

235
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,874
Can't remember her name.
Think it starts with a C.

236
00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:37,807
Cooper!

237
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,423
Cavala...

238
00:09:39,447 --> 00:09:40,604
- What's going on, girl?
- ***

239
00:09:40,605 --> 00:09:43,935
- What did you call me?
- I know, right? How are you doing?

240
00:09:44,309 --> 00:09:45,644
- Great!
- Great.

241
00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:47,354
- Great.
- Great.

242
00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:49,214
Great. Great.

243
00:09:49,614 --> 00:09:50,781
- Great.
- Great.

244
00:09:50,782 --> 00:09:52,216
Hi, I'm Kelly.

245
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,851
- Kristen.
- Oh, did I not...?

246
00:09:53,852 --> 00:09:55,554
Kristen, Kristen, Kelly. Kelly, Kristen.

247
00:09:55,754 --> 00:09:58,222
Ah... Are you two together?

248
00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,757
- Neighbors.
- God no, no.

249
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,493
Well, call me.

250
00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:03,827
Yeah, you got it.

251
00:10:03,828 --> 00:10:05,194
- Okay.
- Okay.

252
00:10:05,864 --> 00:10:06,864
It was good to see you, Krista.

253
00:10:06,865 --> 00:10:08,532
- Kristen.
- Kristen!

254
00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:10,000
Okay, it's official.
You're my best friend

255
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:11,125
in the whole wide world.

256
00:10:11,126 --> 00:10:13,237
Remind me to never have sex with you.

257
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,032
Oh, yeah, never have sex with me.

258
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,074
You know, unless you feel it's something

259
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:18,415
you absolutely have to do.

260
00:10:20,511 --> 00:10:21,679
Hello?

261
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:22,780
I found it.

262
00:10:22,781 --> 00:10:23,915
Found what?

263
00:10:24,015 --> 00:10:25,050
Hold, please.

264
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:26,950
Thanks, babe.

265
00:10:26,951 --> 00:10:28,219
That feels so good.

266
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:31,586
Hello?

267
00:10:34,292 --> 00:10:35,492
Talk to me.

268
00:10:35,493 --> 00:10:37,461
Yo, I found the flat-screen.

269
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:38,662
- No.
- Yes.

270
00:10:38,663 --> 00:10:40,464
How?

271
00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,466
It's fantastic! Uh-huh.

272
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:46,403
I'm at 2280 South Arapahoe,
and I'm looking right at it.

273
00:10:46,404 --> 00:10:47,671
Barry, no.

274
00:10:47,672 --> 00:10:49,288
Okay, Barry... Barry,

275
00:10:49,289 --> 00:10:51,775
don't do anything until we get there.

276
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,155
Do not even dream
about going without me.

277
00:10:54,747 --> 00:10:58,964
Because I'll be in bed
dreaming next to my lovely wife.

278
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:03,787
- Barry?
- They're leaving.

279
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:04,689
- Barry.
- I'm going in.

280
00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:05,722
No. Bar-Barry.

281
00:11:07,525 --> 00:11:08,692
Oh, God.

282
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:13,597
Hey!

283
00:11:13,598 --> 00:11:14,635
Good night, sweetie.

284
00:11:15,834 --> 00:11:18,268
What Barry's doing here is called

285
00:11:18,269 --> 00:11:20,170
"breaking and entering."

286
00:11:20,171 --> 00:11:22,306
This is not sneaking into
your friend's dorm room

287
00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,108
or a high school science lab.

288
00:11:24,109 --> 00:11:26,109
This is a felony.

289
00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:29,147
Oh. Little baby Batboy.

290
00:11:31,783 --> 00:11:34,619
There is so much good in this world.

291
00:11:41,926 --> 00:11:44,362
Damn, this is a big-ass TV.

292
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:03,782
Shh.

293
00:12:06,718 --> 00:12:08,452
Where are you?

294
00:12:10,155 --> 00:12:12,524
- What is he doing?
- Barry?

295
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,441
Once they fell asleep,

296
00:12:30,442 --> 00:12:33,544
a normal person would
make a break for it.

297
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,848
Not your Loveable Jackass.

298
00:12:38,483 --> 00:12:40,283
- No. No, not a chance.
- That's a very bad idea.

299
00:12:40,284 --> 00:12:41,485
- Please don't do that.
- No!

300
00:12:41,486 --> 00:12:44,455
- Barry, no. Barry? Barry?
- Stop!

301
00:12:44,456 --> 00:12:45,622
- Barry?
- Don't!

302
00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:47,481
- Very bad idea.
- Barry, no.

303
00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:48,859
No, Barry.

304
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,894
- No. Barry.
- No... Barry!

305
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,363
- Stop it!
- No!

306
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,571
- Shh.
- Wait, wait, wait. Grab the remote.

307
00:12:57,071 --> 00:12:58,302
We'll get another one!

308
00:12:58,303 --> 00:13:00,470
Oh, Mr. Moneybags. Who
are you, Jimmy Buffet?

309
00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:02,488
- You mean Warren Buffet.
- No, Jimmy.

310
00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:04,241
This dude's got platinum albums,

311
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,349
two restaurant chains,
a tequila company.

312
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:07,640
Look, I'll get the remote!

313
00:13:20,624 --> 00:13:22,151
Is this the one for the TV or...?

314
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,920
They're awake!

315
00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:26,730
Go! Let's go!

316
00:13:26,731 --> 00:13:29,433
Why the hell you bring
this small-ass ride?!

317
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,335
Go, go, go, go!

318
00:13:30,336 --> 00:13:32,941
- I'm not in the car!
- Go, go, go, go!

319
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:50,720
Get in.

320
00:13:51,422 --> 00:13:52,689
Hi, Gracie.

321
00:13:58,329 --> 00:14:00,765
Mission accomplished, right?

322
00:14:01,165 --> 00:14:02,299
Wrong.

323
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,168
This is not the television I bought you.

324
00:14:04,668 --> 00:14:06,137
You can put it down, sweetie.

325
00:14:06,161 --> 00:14:09,719
_

326
00:14:12,770 --> 00:14:14,270
I'm gonna make us a shake.

327
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:19,716
Your girlfriend scares us, Neal.

328
00:14:19,717 --> 00:14:20,914
I know.

329
00:14:21,352 --> 00:14:22,819
I don't care how much she benches,

330
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,788
I'm definitely breaking
up with her tonight.

331
00:14:24,789 --> 00:14:25,923
Hey, guys.

332
00:14:25,924 --> 00:14:27,451
Can we focus up here, please?

333
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:30,794
You stole a television
from those scary UFC guys.

334
00:14:30,795 --> 00:14:31,795
Wrong!

335
00:14:31,796 --> 00:14:33,074
How can he be wrong, Barry?

336
00:14:33,075 --> 00:14:34,256
It's not even the same brand!

337
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:35,926
Oh, okay. So you're telling me

338
00:14:35,927 --> 00:14:39,256
that those guys didn't steal
a TV and swap out the labels,

339
00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:41,242
knowing that if I found
the TV and brought it back,

340
00:14:41,243 --> 00:14:43,240
we wouldn't be having
this exact conversation?

341
00:14:43,608 --> 00:14:45,208
Come on, y'all, think!

342
00:14:45,209 --> 00:14:46,810
We got to be like the TV.

343
00:14:46,811 --> 00:14:48,112
We got to be smart!

344
00:14:48,113 --> 00:14:50,382
Classic Lovable Jackass.

345
00:14:57,022 --> 00:15:00,033
Here's to you being unsuccessful
in personal relationships.

346
00:15:00,034 --> 00:15:02,192
You're just glad I broke up with
my boyfriend, because it means

347
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:03,682
you get to go to the
Clippers games with me.

348
00:15:03,706 --> 00:15:04,361
You know what?

349
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,597
Telling him you're going
to Brussels for a month

350
00:15:05,598 --> 00:15:08,166
to study tennis elbow is
not technically breaking up.

351
00:15:08,266 --> 00:15:10,867
Wow. Okay, this from a man who
was supposed to leave his job

352
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,303
at Tiger Throb, like,
a year and a half ago.

353
00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:16,239
It's Tiger Thrust,
and I'll have you know,

354
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,943
I may be starting my own business.

355
00:15:18,443 --> 00:15:19,344
What?

356
00:15:19,345 --> 00:15:21,385
Josh found some investors
for Barry's hangover cure.

357
00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:23,213
Cooper, that's great!

358
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:24,915
No, no, no, 'cause I
probably won't do it.

359
00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:26,850
Most start-ups fail, and...

360
00:15:28,586 --> 00:15:31,455
- Yeah!
- Look, I know we don't say

361
00:15:31,456 --> 00:15:34,254
a lot of nice things to
each other, but here goes.

362
00:15:34,554 --> 00:15:37,462
You have more potential
than anyone I've ever met.

363
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:39,296
What have you done with my friend?

364
00:15:39,297 --> 00:15:40,484
You're being an idiot.

365
00:15:40,485 --> 00:15:42,160
- There she is.
- This is an amazing opportunity.

366
00:15:42,184 --> 00:15:43,654
Don't be afraid to take it.

367
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,636
I like you when you're sincere.

368
00:15:45,637 --> 00:15:48,872
Oh, good. Because I just
died a little inside.

369
00:15:50,508 --> 00:15:51,742
Let's go, Clippers!

370
00:16:13,376 --> 00:16:15,198
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

371
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,303
No. No.

372
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,681
And if you unexpectedly share

373
00:16:30,682 --> 00:16:32,616
a great kiss with a close friend,

374
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,420
try not to say this:

375
00:16:34,485 --> 00:16:35,719
I got to take a leak.

376
00:16:37,856 --> 00:16:39,257
I know, I know.

377
00:16:39,557 --> 00:16:41,726
Not my finest moment.

378
00:16:42,726 --> 00:16:45,395
I just... wanted to take a second

379
00:16:45,396 --> 00:16:47,246
to pull myself together.

380
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,590
Would you mind washing your
hands before you punch me?

381
00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:58,948
And now we're all caught up.

382
00:16:59,348 --> 00:17:00,444
Hola.

383
00:17:00,445 --> 00:17:02,512
What happens next? I...

384
00:17:02,513 --> 00:17:05,416
Your guess is as good as mine.

385
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:22,300
Whoa. Those dudes looked
a lot smaller in the dark.

386
00:17:28,573 --> 00:17:32,176
- Suckers!
- That's a bad idea.

387
00:17:33,911 --> 00:17:35,479
Gentlemen...

388
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,749
this is a brand-new, top-of-the-line,

389
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:41,351
1080p, 4K, HD,

390
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,620
64-inch plasma television.

391
00:17:43,621 --> 00:17:47,357
It's 3D ready, has a
600-hertz refresh rate,

392
00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:48,725
gesture controls

393
00:17:48,726 --> 00:17:52,362
and a built-in camera
so you can interact

394
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,886
with streaming content on the Web.

395
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:57,768
3D?

396
00:17:57,769 --> 00:17:59,369
Yeah, I already said it was 3D.

397
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,704
That was, like, the first thing I said.

398
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:02,539
Sorry, you say too many things.

399
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,542
Now...

400
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,278
...can I get my brother back?

401
00:18:13,651 --> 00:18:14,661
Okay.

402
00:18:14,662 --> 00:18:17,611
Well, if nobody else is
gonna say anything, I will.

403
00:18:17,612 --> 00:18:19,899
Take a look around
at what happened here.

404
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:22,192
Maybe in the future,
you could think to act

405
00:18:22,193 --> 00:18:23,293
a little more responsibly

406
00:18:23,294 --> 00:18:25,696
so your friends won't
have to clean up your mess.

407
00:18:26,196 --> 00:18:29,543
And when your Jackass
finally takes things too far,

408
00:18:29,634 --> 00:18:32,470
your response has to
be handled just right.

409
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:33,714
Jackass!

410
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:36,495
Hey, hey!

411
00:18:36,496 --> 00:18:38,674
We wound up in this
mess, I was kidnapped,

412
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,728
because you put yourself
in charge of something

413
00:18:40,729 --> 00:18:43,080
a grown person should not
put themselves in charge of!

414
00:18:43,114 --> 00:18:44,615
It was a TV!

415
00:18:44,715 --> 00:18:47,184
Now, now, fellas, don't
make me come back there.

416
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,253
No! No, no! No!

417
00:18:54,459 --> 00:18:56,393
- Josh!
- Wake up! Hey!

418
00:18:56,394 --> 00:18:57,894
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Wake up! Please!

419
00:19:05,236 --> 00:19:06,604
The hell is wrong with you?

420
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,676
I loved that TV.

421
00:19:12,677 --> 00:19:14,444
It was a 64-inch flat-screen, Barry!

422
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:15,645
We all loved it!

423
00:19:15,646 --> 00:19:17,514
No, you don't understand, man.

424
00:19:17,515 --> 00:19:19,029
The second Josh brought that in here,

425
00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,197
all I seen was the four of
us spending time together.

426
00:19:21,552 --> 00:19:24,823
That TV was a giant
future memory box to me.

427
00:19:25,223 --> 00:19:27,157
Somebody tried to
take that away from us,

428
00:19:27,158 --> 00:19:29,292
and I wasn't okay with
that 'cause I love you guys.

429
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,194
I love how we live together,

430
00:19:31,195 --> 00:19:32,341
how we help each other out,

431
00:19:32,342 --> 00:19:33,974
and I wanted those memories, because...

432
00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:38,947
...I know it ain't
always gonna be like this.

433
00:19:41,439 --> 00:19:44,805
If I hurt you guys, I'm really sorry.

434
00:19:44,942 --> 00:19:47,424
I'm really, really sorry.

435
00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:54,417
It's okay, Barry,
just... don't do it again.

436
00:19:54,418 --> 00:19:57,080
Never. I mean, unless
you guys want me to.

437
00:19:57,081 --> 00:19:58,179
We'll never want you to.

438
00:19:58,189 --> 00:19:58,944
You can call me,

439
00:19:58,968 --> 00:20:00,525
- "Barry, we need some help."
- Barry. Barry. Barry...

440
00:20:00,526 --> 00:20:01,893
I'm like the Ghostbusters.

441
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,587
Okay.

442
00:20:04,795 --> 00:20:05,796
Thanks, dude.

443
00:20:06,296 --> 00:20:07,330
All right.

444
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,733
Okay, so what have we learned?

445
00:20:09,734 --> 00:20:11,635
Never leave your Jackass unattended,

446
00:20:11,636 --> 00:20:13,637
pay attention to the warning signs,

447
00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:14,978
and never take off running

448
00:20:14,979 --> 00:20:16,747
while you still have
a hood over your head.

449
00:20:17,575 --> 00:20:19,048
You need to figure out your business.

450
00:20:19,049 --> 00:20:20,720
Those investors aren't
gonna wait forever.

451
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:21,724
I will.

452
00:20:21,746 --> 00:20:24,247
Oh, you and your friends are exhausting.

453
00:20:24,248 --> 00:20:26,816
I'm gonna go home to my wife and kids.

454
00:20:26,817 --> 00:20:29,152
- Unless you want to get into something.
- I don't think so.

455
00:20:29,153 --> 00:20:30,153
All right. Okay.

456
00:20:30,154 --> 00:20:31,355
Love you, brother.

457
00:20:34,492 --> 00:20:36,393
One last thing:

458
00:20:36,394 --> 00:20:39,579
don't be afraid to take chances
at this time in your life.

459
00:20:43,501 --> 00:20:45,007
I got kidnapped.

460
00:20:47,405 --> 00:20:49,741
That went a lot better
than I thought it would.

461
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,080
It wasn't working out with Neal.

462
00:20:57,481 --> 00:20:58,882
Hey, it's Cooper.

463
00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:00,951
Yeah, I won't be coming
in to work tomorrow.

464
00:21:00,952 --> 00:21:02,893
Or ever.

465
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,355
An opportunity's come up.

466
00:21:12,429 --> 00:21:14,525
You ever wonder who took our TV?

467
00:21:21,505 --> 00:21:23,241
Jackasses.

468
00:21:24,265 --> 00:21:29,265
<font color="#008000"><b>Synced & corrected by</b></font> <b> kinglouisxx</b>
<font color="#008000"><b>www.addic7ed.com</b></font>

