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Harry.
You did not see the Beast of Bodmin.
Now, stop lying.
- How do you know I didn't? - Because it doesn't exist.
I want to go home. I want to go home.
Tasha, that's enough. Harry's just teasing.
Aren't you, Harry?
- No. - Harry!
What?
Do you know when I was your age, Harry,
I loved the Loch Ness monster.
That was my thing... Nessie.
- Oh, for God's sake, Tim. - No, no. Let me finish.
The Loch Ness monster was to me
what the Beast of Bodmin is to Harry...
just a harmless childhood fantasy.
Isn't that right, old chum?
"Nessie jumps on her victims from behind, breaks their necks,
punctures their spinal cord, and rips their throats out..."
You're right, Dad. Just a harmless fantasy.
- Mummy! - Well done, darling.
Right. That is enough.
Give me that. Give me...
Now, stop it!
I saw it.
It's beautiful.
How many acres?
20.
And the... the village is what, five miles?
Three. it's very close. Very, very, very.
That's a pity.
Well, it's more like four, really.
Five if you go across the moors. It's very private.
And what about the neighbors?
Um, Charley Blake. He's the...
The publican.
- Very nice man. - He's a very nice man, yeah.
He lives about a mile that way. Towards the sea.
Has an easement to drive through here.
- I love it. - Shall we have a look inside?
Through here?
As you can see, all the original features
are basically still original.
A-Apart from those eaten by the pigs.
Pigs were the owner's livelihood.
And, uh, they lived in the house with him,
which was unusual, I suppose.
But he was, uh...
- A bachelor. - Yes.
Well, I used to live with pets. Not pigs. No.
Anyway, through here we have a traditional Cornish parlor
which once enjoyed many original features, uh,
including windows, of course.
What happened?
Well, uh, Den moved into the home about eight months ago.
Word got out. Thieves broke in.
Everything went. Scrimpers.
That's good luck.
Keep it.
- I'd like to make an offer. - Well, great.
Uh, would you... I better just go see.
Mr. Shawcross? Hello?
Timmy!
Hello, there!
I wasn't expecting you until next Friday.
No, always today.
Must have got the dates mixed up.
- How nice to see you. - Hello.
This is Dr. Bamford. He's also here to see the house.
Right. You said no one else was interested.
That's right. I did.
- Uh, but now... - I am.
Oh, right.
What?
Look! The beast! Over there!
Look! Look, over there!
I don't want to see the beast.
Please, Mummy, please can we go home?
Tasha, that is enough! He is teasing you!
What exactly are we looking at?
The Beast of Bodmin.
- The... - it eats little girls.
Ooh. Scary.
I think you should go now.
It's not your house.
Yet.
Do you know Harold Reece?
Oh, yes.
We do a lot of business together.
Yes, we like the cut of Harold's jib.
Yeah.
He's a very practical man, isn't he, Harold?
He has his method, all right.
Oh, I should say so.
He reckons we could get planning for what,
about 20 holiday cottages?
You're kidding.
- No, no, all we have to... - Shut up, Tim.
Oh. Sorry, sorry.
Well, what happens now?
Sealed bids?
Good idea.
Which we could do now, if everyone is in agreement.
Great.
All right. Okay.
So I'll just go and get a pencil and paper if you'll excuse me.
Oh! Ooh! Ah! Ooh!
There's five grand in it for you on top of your commission
if you accept our bid over his.
This is Cornwall, Mrs. Bowden, not London.
- Six, then. - Done.
Anything broken?
No, fine.
Pity.
Sorry, Doctor.
What did you say to him earlier?
Right.
Well, then, I guess, if there's nothing more for me to do here,
I'll notify the owner that he has a buyer,
and we'll have your deposit...
Uh, soon.
Right.
Goodbye, Dr. Bamford.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
I did.
But the best man won.
Mummy.
Mummy! I don't want to stay if there's a beast.
Tasha, darling, how many times have I told you,
there is no beast.
Promise.
Look, darling, Mummy and Daddy
would never let anything happen to you.
You know that. Now, come on.
Buck up!
And be brave like Daddy.
- Thank you. - Thank you, Justine.
- Hello, Doctor. - Morning.
You like Den's place, eh?
How do you know I was at Den's place?
Oh, Lolita told us.
How did Lolita know?
She saw the particulars on your mantelpiece.
- Or was it the kitchen table? - No, it was the mantelpiece.
It was next to the invitation to the Royal something.
Academy. The Royal Academy.
What was Lolita doing in my house?
- Have to ask her. - I will.
- Morning, Doc. - Good morning!
Cheers.
I must catch the tide.
- Oh, um, if you get a lobster... - I'll drop him by.
Thank you.
How do you like Tregrunnt?
Who told you I was at Tregrunnt?
- Mitch. - Well, who told Mitch? Lolita?
- Vernon. - Vernon?
Has Vernon been in my cottage?
- Why would he do that? - Well, everybody else does.
Vernon saw you on the moors
just before you turned in to Tregrunnt.
Oh. Silly me.
Have you had that wart long?
Years.
- I can get rid of that. - I doubt it.
It survived nuclear attack twice.
I zapped it, but nothing happened.
What are you doing?
Done.
Oh. Thanks very much indeed.
I'm sure the wart enjoyed it.
Bad day?
Yeah.
I went to Den's farm. It was perfect.
So I said I wanted to put in an offer.
Everything was fine.
Then this other lot turn up, and now I've lost it.
It doesn't exist, you know?
It bloody does.
It's gonna help me get that farm.
What you should do, of course, is get yourself a cloutie.
- A what? - Cloutie.
It's a piece of cloth.
You tie it to a branch, and then you make a wish.
And as the cloth rots, the wish comes true.
- But you have to be careful. - Yeah, that's right.
Because what you wish for will come back at you.
Threefold.
What a load of old cobblers.
All right.
Stop.
- Can I help you? - This is private property.
Yes, and we're the new owners,
and you happen to be trespassing.
You are?
Charles Blake. I own Tredrizzard.
I'm down the valley.
Oh, right. I'm Nicky Bowden.
- And this is Tim, my husband. - Hi.
Can we offer you a cup of tea or anything?
Uh, no. Thank you.
Things to do.
Oh. Out the way.
That you, brother?
Been trying to get hold of you for days. Where have you been?
There was a big storm in Biscay. Had no time for the phone.
Where are you now?
Just rounded the cape. Is everything ready?
No. Everything is not ready.
You're two days early and Tregrunnt has new owners.
We have to postpone this madness.
Charley, I can't do that.
I'm on the radar at Falmouth. It's got to be tonight.
Come in.
Lolita is here to see you, Doctor.
Oh, good. Show her in, please.
Lolita.
How are we today?
No one likes being a widow, Doctor.
Well, you just need to find yourself...
A good Cornishman. Aye.
I'm not too worried though, you know?
No? Why is that?
A man is coming for me.
Good. Maybe he can keep you out of my cottage.
Who's the lucky fellow?
I don't know. I haven't set eyes on him yet.
But I will do with the help of Mr. Magnus.
Who's Mr. Magnus?
My spiritual guide.
Ahh.
What can I do for you?
I have a sickness, doctor.
See, next week is a big one for us.
Lunasa.
It's the celebration of the Greek moon goddess, Artemis.
Now, if I'm gonna go sky-clad on that one,
I don't want to be carrying a cold, if you know what I mean.
Lolita, you and I have to discuss something.
I know.
Now, I... I don't want to seem antisocial or ungrateful,
but I really do need...
Tregrunnt. You were gazumped, right?
- Yes. - We'll use a cloutie.
- Oh, not you as well. - Are you doubting a cloutie?
Where I come from, if you want to buy a house,
you use money, not a cloutie.
Well, we do things differently down here, Doctor.
You should know that by now.
Oh, yes, Cornish problems require Cornish solutions.
Yes, well, I've got a Cornish solution of my own.
- Not a cloutie? - No, not a cloutie.
- Clouties are very powerful. - I'm sure they are.
Mm. Oh, well. You'll learn.
You gonna examine me or am I gonna catch my death of cold?
Yes, of course. Sorry.
Woof! Woof! Woof!
Night, Doctor.
Oh. Good night.
Bloody cat!
Good night.
Hello?
Charley? We've got a small problem.
- What's that? - Wind's dropped.
- Use the engine. - I can't.
- Why not? - Don't have any diesel.
- What happened to the diesel? - I spent the money.
- On what? - Oh, Spanish senoritas.
No, don't worry. I'm coming.
You better make it by daylight.
What was that?
- It's here! - What is?
The beast! The beast is outside!
- No, that's no beast. - What is it?
No, trust me.
I've heard plenty of big cats in Africa.
That's no big cat. It's more like a domestic tom.
You see?
There's nothing to worry about. Now, go back to bed.
Can't I sleep with you?
Please.
Oh, come on. Come on, then.
Oh!
That was human. There's someone out there.
I don't know who you are, but I'm warning you.
I'm an officer in Her Majesty's British Army.
I'm armed, and I'm not afraid to use it.
So put your hands in the air, come out, and I won't shoot you.
I warn you! I will shoot!
So come out with your hands raised!
By the house, Dad!
Got you.
Well, you must have more than one constable on duty
on the north coast.
Right. Thank you. Goodbye.
Won't be long.
Yeah.
§ And if ever I return again §
§ I shall make you my bride §
Charley?
Greetings from Africa.
I'll give you greetings from bloody Africa, you daft bastard.
Anybody sees us, we'll go to jail.
Hug?
You've done plenty of crazy things in the past,
but this is totally insane.
Come on.
I want to show you something.
Blimey.
Coast guard, please.
Well, someone who deals with smuggling!
Vernon. Vernon!
Coast guard's got an emergency job for you, boy!
Nobody here now.
Did you get a look at him?
Well, uh... Well, he was wearing camouflage.
What was he doing wearing camouflage?
John, are you there?
Come back, please.
John, here.
I've a reported sighting
of two vessels acting suspiciously off Dizzard Point.
Coast guard has a man on the way.
Could you give him backup? Over.
Message received, Peter. On me way.
- Did you see anything? - No, sir.
- What about Charley's boat? - On its mooring, sir.
- See any yachts? - No, sir.
We're dealing with some slick professionals here, boy.
Think so, sir?
- Now what, sir? - We visit Charley.
You don't think Charley's involved
in smuggling, do you, sir?
Someone 'round here is up to something,
and I intend to find out who.
It's very exciting, sir.
Very, very exciting.
Charley?
You there?
Where is he?
Shit!
Morning, Doc.
Morning, Charley.
You're up early.
Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to do that.
Why's your face black?
Mm? Is it?
Uh, so it is. I must have, uh...
Put it on.
- Yeah. - Were you spying on me?
Why on earth would I want to do that?
Well, you're the one with the binoculars. You tell me.
Oh. All right.
I was trying to impersonate the beast.
What?
The Beast of bloody Bodmin.
I thought it might scare off that horrible woman
and her family down at Tregrunnt.
You know, she said something to that estate agent.
So I thought to myself, "if she can bend the rules,
I can bend the rules too."
Yeah, isn't this all just a little bit...
- it's desperate, isn't it? - Yes.
I really want that house, Charley.
"I wanted to thank you."
"I wanted to say thank you."
No, "I just wanted..."
Yes, "I just..."
"I just wanted to say thank you."
Yeah.
Morning.
I came to thank you.
- What for? - This.
And I'd like some advice.
Come in.
- Uh, have a seat. - Thank you.
Sugar?
No. No, thanks.
So?
Advice?
Right, yes.
This, um, cloutie.
Um, I mean...
What... What... Well, where?
- Where... Where do... - Get one?
Yeah.
I thought you said you didn't believe in that shite.
No, I... I didn't say it was shite, did I?
No, I didn't. I might have said rubbish.
But I was being rash.
This is... This is Cornwall, isn't it?
Things happen differently down here.
Little bit of magic never did anyone any harm.
You have to believe.
Oh, absolutely, yeah.
Wh-o-o-o-oa!
If that's the way you feel, you shouldn't have come here.
If you don't mind, I've got to get dressed.
And, um, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
There you go, Vicar.
"Fumer provoque le cancer."
That's French for "fresh from the continent."
?4.50, please.
Afraid this'll be the last for a while.
I'm closing down this side of my operation
for the foreseeable future.
Trouble?
I understand.
Excuse me.
We're looking for a Charles Blake.
- That would be me. - Customs and Excise.
We're making inquiries
into the possibility of illegal contraband
arriving here on the north coast last night.
There was a sighting of a vessel acting suspiciously,
possibly putting ashore at Dizzard.
That's your place, isn't it, Charley?
- Yeah. - Know anything about it?
No.
So you weren't out in your boat last night?
No, sir.
An eyewitness saw a boat put into your cove
at about 5:00 this morning.
- Wasn't you? - No, sir.
So where were you when a constable knocked on your door
at 5:30 this morning?
On my way here.
Why?
I checked my stock.
I thought I'd come into the village,
buy some bread for my breakfast.
- What stock? - I've 20 sheep.
- What kind? - Jacobs.
- My dad's got Jacobs. - Shut up.
Have you seen or heard anything suspicious,
any strangers acting, uh...
Suspiciously? No, sir.
You'll tell us is you hear anything, wouldn't you, Charley?
Oh!
Some idiot's left their car blocking the entire street.
There's always one, isn't there?
- Your car, is it? - That's right.
If we want to park our car in the middle of the road, we will.
Because we're customs agents.
Oh.
- Never have guessed. - What does that mean?
It means you've left your car blocking...
Yeah, all right. Just shut it, right?
You keep smiling, Charley.
But remember this... We're gonna be watching you.
If we find anything that might suggest
you're involved in something you shouldn't be...
ooh, you naughty boy... not even the big geezer upstairs
is gonna be able to sort you out, capisce?
Capisce.
I'll be keeping me eye on you and all, chum.
I look forward to that.
Charley, you don't happen to know anything
about a cloutie, do you?
North and west, I've done with thee,
and so I turn toward the south.
Even ash...
Hello there.
Sorry. Am I interrupting something?
Uh, nearly finished. Take a seat.
Even ash, even ash, I pluck thee,
this night my true love to see,
neither in his rick or in his rear,
but in the clothes he does every day wear.
So mort it be.
W-What happens now?
Tonight I shall see him.
And this works?
Always.
What can I do for you?
One cloutie.
- That's it, is it? - Mm-hmm.
Terrific.
Thanks, Lolita.
Hello.
Hello?
Charley. What are you doing in a phone box?
Customs are onto us.
- What do you mean? - Someone saw me coming in.
- They sure it's you? - No.
Did they see what you had on board?
- I don't think so. - Then we're okay.
Just don't go anywhere near the mine.
If they're watching us, there's nothing we can do, yeah.
You stay away, you hear?
- For how long? - Till they go.
Come in.
Henry Pinton to see you, Doctor.
Thank you. Show him in.
- Henry. - Thank you.
- Hello, Henry. How are you? - Oh, not too bad, Doctor.
How's that arm?
- Stiff. - Is it?
Yep, okay.
Slip your shirt off, sit down. I'll give you your shot.
Have you met your new neighbors yet?
Yes. They're lovely people.
Little girl was a bit worried about the Beast of Bodmin.
Really?
But I said, "I've been in Trevine for 25 years",
haven't lost a sheep yet.
If there was a beast,
"I'd know because every morning I count my girls."
- Did that reassure her? - It did that.
Great.
Is that one of Lolita's clouties?
Yes, it is.
You want to be very careful how you use those.
They're mighty powerful.
Hmm. Really?
Sweetie?
Oh. Thank you, Doctor.
Hey, Herbert.
- Hello, Rob. - Hello, mate. How you doing?
- Fine. What can I do for you? - Is your boat still for sale?
- Yes. - Excellent.
I mean, there's so many words we use every day,
and we don't know where they come from.
Take a packet of Rizla rolling papers.
I mean, not many people know this,
but the inventor's name's
actually on the outside of the pack.
You see this part?
"Riz."
That's French for rice paper.
That's what they're made of.
Now, the "La" part... that's the part we're interested in...
No, we're not.
The "La" part and the picture of the cross next to it...
That's the man's name.
Lacroix.
Lacroix... the French inventor of Rizla rolling papers.
Do you know why Tia Maria's called Tia Maria?
Customs.
What you talking to Rob Blake about?
- Boat. - Yeah, what about it?
He wants to buy it.
How's he gonna pay for that, then?
Cash. It's always cash with Rob.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll bet it is.
Rob Blake?
Customs.
Mind if we join you for a minute?
So, uh, how long were you away for?
- Oh, a couple of years. - Must be nice, eh?
Sail 'round the world couple of years.
Where did you get the money?
I sold my share of our farm to Henry Pinton when Father died.
Bought this little beauty. Left Charley to run the rest.
Your brother, Charles Blake, owns Tredrizzard?
Yeah.
I guess, with a boat like this, Rob,
you don't get much interest from the authorities on your travels.
No.
Very clever.
You smoke marijuana, Rob?
Oh, I swear I can smell something a bit funny on here.
Oh, that's the bilges.
Yeah, I've got a leak on a garboard seal.
- Really? - Yeah.
So, what do you keep in the bilges?
Shit, normally.
Know what I'm dying to find out, Rob?
What your brother took off this boat two nights ago.
Don't know what you're talking about.
Coast guard tracked you from Falmouth.
You would have sailed past Tredrizzard
at approximately the same time as a boat was spotted
heading back to your brother's private cove.
Your vessel, Rob,
was the only vessel registered in the area at that time.
Yeah, but it's August.
There's a lot of yachts in that area
aren't registered with the coast guard at Falmouth.
You must have me mistaken for somebody else.
With this cloutie
I do wish to become the one true owner
of Tregrunnt Farm
by any means foul or fair.
By any means fair.
If you could manage that, I'd be grateful.
Yeah.
Anybody there?
Who's that?
What's that?
Oh, Jesus.
It had a broken neck,
with the skin stripped back from its head.
But the weird thing was it was sort of hidden like, in a bush.
Definitely cat kill, Henry.
How do we know it wasn't dogs?
Dogs don't kill like that.
- Pint, there, Doc. - Please.
They're cowards. They hunt in packs.
Bring an animal down from the rear, gorge themselves,
leave it where it falls.
Cats are a different kind of killer.
Big cat will kill by severing the spinal cord
with a bite to the back of the neck.
Then drag it off, bury it, come back when he's hungry.
Where the hell did you learn all that from, then?
Oh, right. Justine's got a ton of them things.
So, what we saying here, boys?
The beast is back, Henry.
Who's back?
The Beast of Bodmin, Doc.
Last night he killed one of Henry's ewes.
One? He took two of my ewes.
Found one this morning. The other's still missing.
Wow!
That's... That's bad luck, isn't it?
Bad luck. What are you gonna do?
- Call the papers. - Henry, do me a favor.
Don't go reporting this to the papers.
If the papers find out...
They can pay for my missing ewes.
You got any change for the phone?
Yeah, world needs to know, Charley.
Certainly does.
Hello.
- Mr. Bowden? - That's me.
- Harold Reece, architect. - Ah, yes, sir.
So any news?
Well, I must start by telling you
I'm shocked by what has happened, shocked.
We didn't get planning?
They were in complete agreement until this morning.
Then they woke up and changed their minds.
No reason given.
But you said it couldn't fail.
I know.
We'll appeal.
Come in.
Lolita to see you, Doctor.
Terrific. Show her in.
Hello, Lolita.
You heard the good news? The beast is back.
- I have a message for you. - Who from?
Your wife. She wants you to contact her.
Well, who told you this? Was it Mr. Magnus?
I spoke to her on the phone.
You got to ring her. She's very upset.
Well, how come she called you?
She didn't. She called you. I picked it up.
- I needed some tea. - Thanks for the message, Lolita.
It's happened, you know?
I've met him.
My true love.
Hello.
Hello, Petronella. It's Martin.
How are you?
- It's official. - What's official?
We're divorced.
Did... Did you hear me, Martin?
Yes.
Congratulations.
You too.
I hope you find what you're looking for down there.
So do I.
Bye.
Mrs. Peters.
Can you cancel everything this afternoon, please?
Perhaps you'd like to bet on it, Mrs. Gorrie.
Brandy, perhaps?
Oh, no.
- Afternoon, Martin. - Hi.
What can I get you?
What do you drink to celebrate a divorce?
Told you.
How did you know I was getting divorced?
I'm sorry, Martin.
It's... it's just...
Everybody knows everything about my bloody life.
I... I must go.
Perhaps you should come and have tea with me later.
- We could talk. - I don't want to talk.
No. Well...
You know where I am.
- Whiskey? - Yes. Please.
People are only interested in your business
because they care about you, Martin.
I'm just tired of it.
Well, this is a village.
One of the reasons we choose to live here
is because the community is so small.
You knew that when you moved down.
Nothing's changed. Nothing will change.
I know. I guess I'm just...
Angry.
She was my best friend.
I miss her.
Maybe what's meant to be is meant to be.
Please don't talk to me about what's meant to be
or what's written in the stars or the tea leaves
or the crystal ball or on a cloutie tied to a branch.
It's all crap.
- Is that so? - Yes.
Well, maybe you might be able to explain
why they've turned down the planning at Tregrunnt.
They what?
Ah, Dr. Bamford. And what can we do for you?
I heard you had some bad news. Planning application.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We're going to appeal.
Oh, I thought that once...
I bet you did. Don't be so stupid.
What's this?
This is how we're gonna cover our costs.
Haven't they got anything better to print?
Not in August when the courts are closed
and Parliament is in recess.
Even the pop stars are on holiday.
There's nothing to write about.
Last year it was the great white shark of Padstow.
Do you remember?
No.
No, well, The News put up a reward
for a photo of the animal.
Padstow was packed with tourists trying to get a picture of it.
You couldn't rent a boat for love nor money.
This year, it's the beast.
Yeah, Beast Valley.
That's what I thought we should call the place.
Beast Valley cottages. Catchy, isn't it?
Excuse me.
Off you go.
Hi.
Hi. How did it go?
Terrible.
Oh. They're staying?
They think the beast's gonna make them lots of money.
Yeah.
Do you still have that puma?
Can I help you?
Cats like caves, don't they?
- I'm looking for the beast. - Not bloody here, you're not.
Why not? They are.
I've got tourists crawling over every inch of this farm
looking for this bloody beast.
What are we gonna do?
Charley, relax.
I can't! I can't!
Well, tell them to bugger off. It's private property.
But they're everywhere.
They're all after this reward.
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
We have to empty that cave.
- No, we can't. - Why not?
Because we'll get caught.
Charley?
- All in on it, of course. - What?
Ah, this beast mumbo-jumbo.
Look at them. Bloody inbreds.
Can't get enough of it.
It's all a smoke screen.
- Why? - I don't know, do I?
That's what we're here to find out.
Lolita.
Ah, she's not there, Doc.
Left early this morning wearing this dress.
I tell you what, she looked handsome.
Was on her way to a barbecue. Can I help with anything?
Uh, no. No, thanks.
Wouldn't have nothing to do with the cloutie, would it?
Sorry?
Because the vicar said Lolita had given you one.
And I said, "Good for Lolita."
Oh, there you go.
More tourists down the station. I love this beastie!
See you later, Doc.
See you.
Aargh!
Put me in a ring with a farmer.
Scum.
- My dad's a farmer. - Figures.
Feeling better?
Yeah.
When you hyperventilate,
the body gets starved of carbon dioxide.
By breathing in the bag,
you're simply using up carbon dioxide
that the body didn't think it wanted.
- Works like a charm. - Thanks.
Is something the matter, Charley?
Are you in some sort of trouble?
That bloody beast. It's the last straw.
I'm gonna lose everything.
My farm. My freedom.
My whole life.
Oh, Charley.
I'm sorry.
It's all my fault.
Eh?
I summoned him.
- Who? - The beast.
I used a cloutie.
I made a wish.
But I'm gonna put things right.
You just tell me what I can do to help.
There's something I'd like you to see.
Not far.
- One little thing... - Yeah?
What's a cloutie?
Charley, is this safe?
Just follow me.
- Where are we, Charley? - Father's old tin mine.
Can you smell roast lamb, Charley?
That'll be Henry's sheep.
Ah!
Get on, Charley.
Ah, evening, Doctor.
Charley.
Lolita.
What the hell are you doing down here?
Come here to be with my soul mate.
Gybril Sylasse and his two fine sons.
How do you know them?
We met a few days ago.
Oh, this is Dr. Bamford.
H-How do you do?
How are you? Pleased to meet you.
My sons, Ossa and Bankee.
Doc, you know these boys are illegals.
Are they?
My idiot brother smuggled them into the country
thinking they were political refugees.
But they aren't. Are you?
No, Charley. We are not.
Just con artists.
No, Charley. Please.
It is not so.
We come to Cornwall with special gifts.
Oh, yeah?
They just want a better life, Charley Blake.
A better life.
Just like the doctor did when he come down here.
If they were con artists
do you think that after arriving in this country
and evading detection from the authorities,
that they would risk their freedom and their lives
just to save mine?
What are you talking about, Lolita?
It was two nights ago. The night of Lunasa.
We were walking through Den's woods
on the way to our sacred site
when we felt we were being watched.
Who's there?
By who?
The beast.
My fault.
It started chasing us.
Just when we thought we were done for.
Back.
It's you.
I had broken my ankle. Or so I thought.
My ankle is now healed.
I saw it.
One minute, her foot was dangling useless.
The next, it was healed.
I've never seen anything like it.
So, what are you saying, Lolita?
See, Mr. Sylasse here is a good...
Here, who the hell are they?
Give it a minute.
Let them settle.
Then we'll find out.
So I'm asking you to help me to help them.
Because I don't know how.
So why don't we just find the boys some work
and let them live amongst us?
Because it's illegal, and they'd be deported.
And anyone who put them up or hired them
would be fined or jailed or both.
That's why.
Oh, for crying out loud,
I don't know why we're all wasting our time on this.
Mitch.
Isn't it obvious what we should do?
No, if it was obvious, I wouldn't have called you here
to ask you your opinion, would I?
Marry the bastard.
- What? - I said marry him.
If he becomes your husband, he and his sons can stay.
Problem solved. I don't know what all the fuss is about.
I'm not getting married
just to please the immigration authorities.
Besides, we've only known each other a short while.
And he may not want to.
Lolita...
I do want to.
Oh, bless.
Lolita...
Will you marry me?
Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
What's this? "Romeo and Juliet"?
You three muppets. I want a word with you.
Are you deaf? Come here.
Follow me.
Quick! In here!
Why don't you learn some manners?
Out the window.
Open the window lock.
Just do it, boy!
You open this door, Doctor, or you're nicked!
Come on, come on.
Go on, then.
This way!
Terry, mind if I use your back door?
No. Help yourself. Mind your head.
There's a low beam through there.
Evening, Terry.
Evening, sir.
Thanks, Terry.
You seen Dr. Bamford?
- Yes, sir. - Where'd he go?
Well, he...
Yes, all right, son. Don't waste my time.
Where'd he go?
Through there.
Aah!
Clear.
Over that way.
Now, don't tread on the roses, or she'll kill us.
- And don't worry about the dog. - What dog?
Rex. Be nice.
Good boy. Good boy.
Where'd you learn that?
- "Crocodile Dundee." - What?
I saw it at med school.
Oh, where were you at med school?
Hospital and University of the Witwatersrand, Johannesburg.
- Oh? - I am a toxicologist.
Oh, are you?
Of course, I think we ought to go.
- Let's go! - Oh, yeah, quick! Come on!
Are you sure they came this way?
Of course I am.
Get a move on. Fatty.
Wait!
Help! Good boy! Sit!
We should help him.
Get him off me! Help!
No, sod him.
Hello.
Den! My God, what a long time it's been.
Coming!
Oh, Lolita...
You haven't got a minute to waste.
- What? - I've just been speaking to Den.
- Den? - Den! The owner of Tregrunnt.
He says he don't want to sell to the Bowdens.
He only wants to sell it to a Cornishman.
Well, that counts me out.
Not after last night it doesn't.
I told him how you'd helped the village in its hour of need,
how you'd stepped up to the mark like a good Cornishman.
He says if you can come up with
the 10% of the purchase price by midday, the farm is yours.
Yes!
You're nicked, sunshine.
Look, can we do this in about ten minutes' time?
No.
Customs. Thank you.
I just want to talk to the manager.
Where you're going, son, you'll 'ave plenty of time to write.
Get in your...
Get in the 'ar.
What?
He said get in the car.
Fatty.
So where's the 'ope?
Rope?
Yeah, the 'ass.
He means grass.
- What grass? - Yeah, that's why they're 'ere.
- Who? - Africans.
Come to collect their p'ize, haven't they?
Their pies?
Prize.
Prize? What Lolita?
Who said anything about Lolita?
I think we can hold him, what, "reek"?
Well, he's allowed a shower.
A week.
Yeah, that's right. Week, idiot. Week!
Listen, who's the one with the speech impediment?
That's right... you, pal.
Not strictly legal to have,
but what the hell, you may kiss the bride!
Bamford. You're free to go.
What are you doing here?
We've come to take you home.
I've explained everything, you're free to leave.
But what about the...
Oh, he's going home for awhile,
and then I'm joining him next week.
For our honeymoon.
And then when the Home Office approves their visas,
they're all gonna come and live with me.
As good Cornishmen.
Oh! I nearly forgot. We have a surprise for you.
Mitch told us you were arrested, so we...
Put up the deposit.
You are good for it, aren't you?
I don't know what to say. Oh!
Well, just seal it like so. Pbt!
And your word's your bond. That's how we do it down here.
Pbt!
- Welcome to the family. - Come on, let's get out of here.
Whose money was it?
Well, it was his mainly.
I... I think it's a blessing in disguise, really.
I mean, look at it.
It's a filthy place full of half-wits.
Do you... Do you think we should try America?
- Home of Bigfoot. - Oh, shut up, Harry.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Puss, puss, puss, puss, puss!
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss, puss!
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