1 00:00:07,864 --> 00:00:10,948 This imprint's going to be amazing. 2 00:00:10,973 --> 00:00:12,683 I am so happy for you, Kels. 3 00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,711 For us... I told you that we were gonna be 4 00:00:14,736 --> 00:00:16,036 running this place soon. 5 00:00:16,062 --> 00:00:18,352 We're like "Steve Jobs in the garage" 6 00:00:18,377 --> 00:00:19,469 phase of our career. 7 00:00:19,494 --> 00:00:21,506 - We are Oprah in Baltimore. - Yeah? 8 00:00:21,531 --> 00:00:23,267 When are you gonna start making that Oprah money, huh? 9 00:00:23,292 --> 00:00:24,071 When are you? 10 00:00:24,095 --> 00:00:25,842 Okay, I'm ready to toast. 11 00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:27,399 I just needed more Vodka for my rocks. 12 00:00:27,424 --> 00:00:29,091 Wait. We can't toast. Josh isn't here yet. 13 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,793 Oh, I think I want to tell Josh the big news on my own. 14 00:00:31,818 --> 00:00:34,340 Too late. I already invited him. 15 00:00:34,365 --> 00:00:36,081 - Hey. - Hi. 16 00:00:36,106 --> 00:00:37,678 I came as quick as I could. 17 00:00:37,703 --> 00:00:40,203 So what are we celebrating here? 18 00:00:40,228 --> 00:00:41,496 Not a raise. 19 00:00:42,027 --> 00:00:46,863 To Kelsey, the new editor in chief of Millennial Print. 20 00:00:46,888 --> 00:00:48,159 I couldn't be prouder. 21 00:00:48,184 --> 00:00:50,817 You, my friend, are a shining example of what it means 22 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:53,202 to be a bomb-ass female. 23 00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:55,541 And to Liza, my co-millennial, 24 00:00:55,566 --> 00:00:59,151 to running the world before we're 30! 25 00:00:59,176 --> 00:01:00,470 - Yes! - Whoo. 26 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:03,983 ♪ I try to fake it ♪ 27 00:01:04,008 --> 00:01:06,041 So were you ever gonna tell her? 28 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,162 Of course I was, 29 00:01:07,187 --> 00:01:08,835 but then she wanted me to be a part 30 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,777 of this new imprint targeting millennials. 31 00:01:10,802 --> 00:01:12,295 But, babe, you're not a millennial. 32 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,141 Yeah, well, Dr. Dre's not a doctor. 33 00:01:14,166 --> 00:01:16,753 So you're just gonna keep on lying to Kelsey? 34 00:01:16,778 --> 00:01:19,017 All I know is that I can't start over 35 00:01:19,042 --> 00:01:20,851 in this business as a 40 year-old. 36 00:01:20,876 --> 00:01:23,957 I get it, but I want to live an authentic life, 37 00:01:23,982 --> 00:01:25,841 and that's just who I am. 38 00:01:25,866 --> 00:01:29,095 Okay, what if for now we just don't hang out with work people? 39 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:33,527 [groaning] Look, I think I just... 40 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:37,282 I think I need some time to wrap my head around all this. 41 00:01:37,307 --> 00:01:39,508 Okay. 42 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,203 No problem. 43 00:01:41,454 --> 00:01:42,987 I'm sorry I'm so complicated. 44 00:01:43,012 --> 00:01:44,866 I'll call you later. 45 00:01:46,388 --> 00:01:49,288 ♪ Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies ♪ 46 00:01:49,313 --> 00:01:51,960 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 47 00:01:51,985 --> 00:01:54,721 Yeah, you have a good day too, ma'am. 48 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,463 Damn, I miss slamming down the phone. 49 00:01:58,488 --> 00:01:59,145 What's going on? 50 00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:00,586 A buyer reneged. 51 00:02:00,611 --> 00:02:02,352 You know, after a long conversation with her husband, 52 00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:05,236 she came to the conclusion that Glass Nipple Lady 53 00:02:05,261 --> 00:02:07,143 was too much for her entryway. 54 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,754 Aw, seems like a great reminder to wear warm clothes. 55 00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,170 I was counting on that piece selling 56 00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:12,505 in order to pay the rent. 57 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,090 Well, maybe they'll let us slide a month? 58 00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,425 They already have. 59 00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,355 I'm gonna have to go to plan B and B. 60 00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:19,762 I keep a profile on Airbnb for times like these. 61 00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,648 I'll just have to rent the place out. 62 00:02:21,650 --> 00:02:24,204 Can you stay with your tween heartthrob this weekend? 63 00:02:24,229 --> 00:02:25,852 [groans] We still haven't talked. 64 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,804 I've been totally focused on work, 65 00:02:27,829 --> 00:02:29,759 and he's been totally focused on not calling me. 66 00:02:29,784 --> 00:02:31,334 Well, he should just get over it. 67 00:02:31,336 --> 00:02:32,835 I mean, women lie about their age all the time. 68 00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:33,953 It's not a new concept. 69 00:02:33,955 --> 00:02:35,324 Yeah, but to him, it is. 70 00:02:35,349 --> 00:02:36,578 Josh doesn't lie. 71 00:02:36,603 --> 00:02:38,101 It's one of the beautiful things about him 72 00:02:38,126 --> 00:02:39,118 I'd really like to change. 73 00:02:39,143 --> 00:02:41,684 Ugh, people are just so goddamn good now. 74 00:02:41,709 --> 00:02:43,782 We all used to lie and eat gluten 75 00:02:43,807 --> 00:02:45,891 and smoke cigarettes and hang up on each other. 76 00:02:45,893 --> 00:02:46,752 Remember that? 77 00:02:46,777 --> 00:02:48,660 Yeah, now people just eat kale 78 00:02:48,685 --> 00:02:49,634 and tell the truth. 79 00:02:49,897 --> 00:02:51,083 [chuckles] A-holes. 80 00:02:51,108 --> 00:02:53,836 [upbeat music] 81 00:02:54,843 --> 00:02:57,310 Liza and I are just finalizing the details 82 00:02:57,335 --> 00:02:58,565 for the launch party this Friday. 83 00:02:58,590 --> 00:03:00,118 Oh, well, do share. 84 00:03:00,143 --> 00:03:01,843 I have been on pins and needles ever since I learned 85 00:03:01,868 --> 00:03:04,392 it would be in an old bone boiling plant. 86 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,362 [chuckles] The Glue Factory is 87 00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,777 the hottest party spot in Greenpoint, 88 00:03:08,802 --> 00:03:12,232 and we didn't really plan it as a typical imprint launch. 89 00:03:12,257 --> 00:03:14,042 We are targeting millennial readers. 90 00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:16,085 Then I assume you'll be inviting authors and literati. 91 00:03:16,110 --> 00:03:17,359 I would love to see a list. 92 00:03:17,384 --> 00:03:20,101 Actually, uh, bloggers and digerati. 93 00:03:20,126 --> 00:03:22,578 I'm talking about expanding our reach on social media. 94 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,420 We're inviting all the key influencers and cyber elite... 95 00:03:25,445 --> 00:03:27,761 The Fat Jewish, The Waifish Mormon, 96 00:03:27,786 --> 00:03:29,535 Pompous Croissant, Manreppeller, 97 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:30,756 The Wicked Bitch of Greenpoint, 98 00:03:30,781 --> 00:03:33,498 oh, and the dude who created, uh, Pizza Rat. 99 00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:36,218 Well, it seems like you've got this all covered. 100 00:03:36,243 --> 00:03:39,182 If anyone needs me, I'll be in my crypt. 101 00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:42,272 What's The Fat Jewish? 102 00:03:42,297 --> 00:03:45,760 5 1/2 million followers on Instagram. 103 00:03:45,785 --> 00:03:48,279 Whole new world. 104 00:03:48,304 --> 00:03:49,754 [upbeat music] 105 00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:51,481 Liza! 106 00:03:52,211 --> 00:03:54,891 Have you tweeted for Richard Russo today? 107 00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:56,056 - Yep. - Have you checked 108 00:03:56,081 --> 00:03:57,493 the Barnes & Noble eyeline placement 109 00:03:57,518 --> 00:03:58,921 for the latest Katie Lee cookbook? 110 00:03:58,946 --> 00:04:00,679 - Did it. - Set up the podcast interviews 111 00:04:00,704 --> 00:04:01,908 for Elizabeth Warren's new autobiography? 112 00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:03,762 Done. She's such a sweetheart. 113 00:04:03,787 --> 00:04:04,984 When she's getting her way. 114 00:04:05,009 --> 00:04:07,574 Here. A Fitbit? 115 00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,800 It is not a gift. I need you to wear it. 116 00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:11,157 Jackie Dunne and I from Ballantine 117 00:04:11,182 --> 00:04:12,765 are having a friendly competition. 118 00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:14,267 I need you to out-step her today. 119 00:04:14,292 --> 00:04:15,814 I want to destroy her. 120 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,196 So just walk? 121 00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:18,470 Just walk. 122 00:04:18,706 --> 00:04:21,143 Bear in mind, Jackie has a treadmill desk. 123 00:04:21,268 --> 00:04:22,966 Wait! 124 00:04:22,991 --> 00:04:26,131 [light music] 125 00:04:26,645 --> 00:04:30,580 ♪ ♪ 126 00:04:30,605 --> 00:04:33,688 I understand you have new responsibilities, Liza. 127 00:04:33,713 --> 00:04:35,618 You have to keep a lot of plates spinning, 128 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,899 but my plates take priority. 129 00:04:37,924 --> 00:04:40,132 My plates can't drop. 130 00:04:40,157 --> 00:04:43,837 My plates are the reason you still get a paycheck. 131 00:04:43,862 --> 00:04:46,508 - Got it? - Got it. 132 00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:48,823 You're gonna have to be two people, Liza. 133 00:04:48,848 --> 00:04:50,264 Think you can do that? 134 00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:51,538 I think I can. 135 00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:54,723 ♪ ♪ 136 00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:57,061 What is that, some sort of plaid diaper? 137 00:04:57,086 --> 00:05:00,838 [energetic techno music] 138 00:05:00,863 --> 00:05:02,647 What's going on? 139 00:05:02,672 --> 00:05:05,006 Diana's in some sort of exercise challenge, 140 00:05:05,031 --> 00:05:06,413 and she's making me compete for her. 141 00:05:06,438 --> 00:05:07,972 I feel like I'm in "The Hunger Games." 142 00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:10,449 Katniss, I have good news for you. 143 00:05:10,474 --> 00:05:12,397 Lauren is totally hooking us up. 144 00:05:12,422 --> 00:05:15,257 We're getting dressed for the party by Hector and Dorff, 145 00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,994 and our fitting's right now. 146 00:05:17,019 --> 00:05:19,314 Awesome. Can we walk there? 147 00:05:19,339 --> 00:05:23,505 [driving techno music] 148 00:05:23,605 --> 00:05:25,826 Kelsey, Liza, 149 00:05:25,851 --> 00:05:27,680 meet Hector and Dorff, 150 00:05:27,705 --> 00:05:29,287 the creative visionaries behind everything 151 00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:31,513 you will see, touch, smell, and taste here. 152 00:05:31,538 --> 00:05:35,456 Hector, Dorff, this is Kelsey, our woman of the hour, 153 00:05:35,481 --> 00:05:36,757 - Hi. - And Liza. 154 00:05:36,782 --> 00:05:38,999 I'm just a lowly assistant. 155 00:05:39,024 --> 00:05:41,338 Pull stock for her. 156 00:05:41,362 --> 00:05:43,802 You guys, this place is amazing. 157 00:05:43,827 --> 00:05:44,789 Refreshments. 158 00:05:44,815 --> 00:05:48,227 [cart rattling] 159 00:05:49,774 --> 00:05:50,962 Mm. 160 00:05:50,987 --> 00:05:52,764 We have schnapps. 161 00:05:52,789 --> 00:05:54,956 Do you have any water? 162 00:05:54,981 --> 00:05:56,641 This isn't Bloomingdale's. 163 00:05:56,666 --> 00:05:57,838 ♪ ♪ 164 00:05:57,864 --> 00:05:59,673 Hey, hey, Lisa. 165 00:05:59,698 --> 00:06:02,334 Everything on this rack is your size, Lisa, okay? 166 00:06:02,359 --> 00:06:03,775 - Uh, Liza. - No, I can't say that. 167 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,163 - It tickles my tongue. - Okay. 168 00:06:05,188 --> 00:06:07,019 - [giggles] - Oh. 169 00:06:07,045 --> 00:06:08,702 - I love it. - [gasps] 170 00:06:08,727 --> 00:06:10,688 - Ah. - Kelsey, you look hot. 171 00:06:10,713 --> 00:06:12,692 That's the slip. 172 00:06:12,716 --> 00:06:13,867 [speaks foreign language] 173 00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:16,086 Oh, no, you silly girl. 174 00:06:16,111 --> 00:06:18,247 Kelsey, you are so cute, I could feed you from my hand. 175 00:06:18,272 --> 00:06:19,027 Ah, totally. 176 00:06:19,052 --> 00:06:21,674 But it is your special night, okay? 177 00:06:21,699 --> 00:06:22,782 And you're a boss, 178 00:06:22,808 --> 00:06:24,349 so we're going to make you look like a boss. 179 00:06:24,373 --> 00:06:25,456 Okay, like a boss. 180 00:06:25,481 --> 00:06:26,849 You need a dress that is serious, 181 00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:29,216 a dress that says, "Here I am, but I'm busy. 182 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:30,596 Look at me, but don't." 183 00:06:30,622 --> 00:06:33,781 Which just so happens to be our signature kind of dress. 184 00:06:33,806 --> 00:06:35,166 Lucky for you. 185 00:06:35,191 --> 00:06:36,273 [cell phone chimes] 186 00:06:36,298 --> 00:06:37,725 - [groans] - _ 187 00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:40,295 I cannot believe I'm running an imprint. 188 00:06:40,321 --> 00:06:43,117 I never thought that I would be here at this age. 189 00:06:43,142 --> 00:06:45,181 I definitely never thought I'd be here at this age. 190 00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:46,743 I always thought it'd be more, like, at 30. 191 00:06:46,768 --> 00:06:48,529 30? No, girl, you want to be successful 192 00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:49,873 while you're still young. 193 00:06:49,898 --> 00:06:52,123 Okay, Liza, what's the latest guest count? 194 00:06:52,148 --> 00:06:55,802 107, but The Book Ninja just RSVP'd, 195 00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:58,278 and The Double Negatives say they're not not coming. 196 00:06:58,303 --> 00:06:59,343 Ooh, always on brand. 197 00:06:59,368 --> 00:07:00,450 Hey, what about Josh? 198 00:07:00,475 --> 00:07:02,319 Because I saw that he opened the invite, 199 00:07:02,344 --> 00:07:03,275 but he didn't respond. 200 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,575 Uh, I don't know. 201 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,520 We haven't talked in a while. 202 00:07:06,544 --> 00:07:08,316 Like, how long? 203 00:07:08,341 --> 00:07:09,895 I don't know. Like, a week. 204 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,651 Oh, come on, you guys. I mean, it's no big deal. 205 00:07:12,675 --> 00:07:13,537 He's been busy. 206 00:07:13,562 --> 00:07:15,257 No, no, no, not so busy that he hasn't had time 207 00:07:15,282 --> 00:07:16,964 to Instagram eating a peanut sundae 208 00:07:16,989 --> 00:07:18,928 with his chubby roommate at the Brooklyn Farmacy. 209 00:07:18,953 --> 00:07:21,895 I saw that. He also popped up on my Facebook 210 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,636 congratulating me on the imprint. 211 00:07:23,661 --> 00:07:25,534 Oh, my God, oh, my God, he's communicating 212 00:07:25,559 --> 00:07:26,775 with everyone but her. 213 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,550 Liza, Josh is ghosting you. 214 00:07:28,575 --> 00:07:31,992 [gasp] Who's ghosting who? 215 00:07:34,186 --> 00:07:36,575 Liza's gonna need something stronger than wine, Dad. 216 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,023 It's okay, really. I need to work 217 00:07:38,048 --> 00:07:39,401 on this press release for Kelsey. 218 00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,961 You sure? 'Cause what happens at the Heller House 219 00:07:41,986 --> 00:07:43,902 stays at the Heller house. 220 00:07:43,927 --> 00:07:46,731 [whispers] Go away now. Just girls. 221 00:07:46,756 --> 00:07:48,360 I've ghosted people before. 222 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,116 I think Miriam from the Jewish Museum is ghosting me. 223 00:07:51,141 --> 00:07:52,549 No, no, no, Mom, it's not just when someone 224 00:07:52,574 --> 00:07:53,627 doesn't return your call, okay? 225 00:07:53,652 --> 00:07:55,260 It's when they disappear into thin air, 226 00:07:55,285 --> 00:07:56,709 but they still haunt all of your social media feeds. 227 00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:58,678 I don't think that Josh is ghosting me. 228 00:07:58,703 --> 00:08:00,318 He just doesn't like coming to work stuff. 229 00:08:00,343 --> 00:08:02,626 Oh, cool, so he just doesn't support you. 230 00:08:02,651 --> 00:08:04,571 This happens. Thad's the same way. 231 00:08:04,596 --> 00:08:06,330 Don't start. I had a jewelry line, 232 00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:08,572 and I had a big trunk show at Neiman's. 233 00:08:08,597 --> 00:08:10,071 Didn't show up. Said he was sick. 234 00:08:10,096 --> 00:08:11,634 I had a staph infection. 235 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,044 You let it get bad! 236 00:08:13,069 --> 00:08:14,100 It's true, though. 237 00:08:14,125 --> 00:08:15,557 Women get successful; 238 00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:16,948 men get insecure. 239 00:08:16,973 --> 00:08:18,923 I don't think that Josh is insecure. 240 00:08:18,948 --> 00:08:20,994 I didn't think that about Todd either 241 00:08:21,019 --> 00:08:22,312 until the Neiman debacle. 242 00:08:22,337 --> 00:08:24,476 I'm telling you, men surprise you. 243 00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:26,284 The other day when I told Thad about the imprint, 244 00:08:26,309 --> 00:08:27,751 we were walking down the street. 245 00:08:27,776 --> 00:08:29,252 He puts his arm around me, 246 00:08:29,277 --> 00:08:31,605 and I think he's gonna say, "I'm so proud of you, babe." 247 00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:32,807 And instead, he says, 248 00:08:32,832 --> 00:08:34,782 "Babe, would you be open to a three-way?" 249 00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:37,769 So they definitely surprise you. 250 00:08:37,794 --> 00:08:39,470 Look, you did butt stuff way too early. 251 00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:41,162 Ass play is the gateway to three-way. 252 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,404 - Lauren. - It's fine. 253 00:08:42,429 --> 00:08:43,513 It's an old family saying. 254 00:08:43,538 --> 00:08:45,286 I think we have it crocheted on a pillow somewhere. 255 00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:48,565 We are failing the Bechdel test so hard right now. 256 00:08:48,590 --> 00:08:50,294 Four women sitting around, 257 00:08:50,319 --> 00:08:51,682 and all we can talk about is guys. 258 00:08:51,708 --> 00:08:53,248 You're absolutely right. Shame on us. 259 00:08:53,273 --> 00:08:54,247 Let's talk about Miriam. 260 00:08:54,273 --> 00:08:56,096 I think we should talk about this press release 261 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,532 that really needs to go out tonight. 262 00:08:57,557 --> 00:08:59,155 Okay, that means we get out. 263 00:08:59,179 --> 00:09:01,140 Here we go. We'll just go. 264 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,691 Okay, I need you to tell me what you think. 265 00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:05,713 "Kelsey Peters has made a big splash 266 00:09:05,738 --> 00:09:07,242 "in her short time at Empirical. 267 00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:09,287 "With the launch of Millennial, Peters, 26, 268 00:09:09,312 --> 00:09:11,062 "will be one of the youngest people 269 00:09:11,087 --> 00:09:12,703 to run a major imprint." 270 00:09:12,728 --> 00:09:15,445 And yet still doesn't have her own apartment. 271 00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:16,437 Can I send it? 272 00:09:16,462 --> 00:09:17,907 - Yeah. - [grunts] 273 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:19,826 Let's make it official. 274 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,689 [cell phone chimes] 275 00:09:21,714 --> 00:09:23,089 - [sighs] - _ 276 00:09:24,166 --> 00:09:26,261 _ 277 00:09:26,286 --> 00:09:27,055 [groans] 278 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,070 Hey, everything okay? 279 00:09:28,095 --> 00:09:29,294 Oh, whoopsie daisy. 280 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,818 Ha, my bad for... 281 00:09:30,843 --> 00:09:32,560 turning towards the sound of your voice. 282 00:09:32,585 --> 00:09:34,501 Hey, you know, if you ever want to talk 283 00:09:34,526 --> 00:09:37,394 about this Josh stuff, I'm here. 284 00:09:37,764 --> 00:09:39,480 I see ya. 285 00:09:39,505 --> 00:09:41,956 Uh, no, I'm actually... I'm just working out. 286 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:43,052 I'm trying to bank some steps. 287 00:09:43,077 --> 00:09:45,423 - You need a buddy? - No, I'm good. 288 00:09:45,448 --> 00:09:46,633 I'm gonna take it to the streets, 289 00:09:46,658 --> 00:09:48,908 get out of your... hair. 290 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:51,750 Okay, well, call if you need anything. 291 00:09:51,776 --> 00:09:52,789 Will do. 292 00:09:52,813 --> 00:09:54,665 Hey, um, do you have my cell? 293 00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:57,494 [upbeat rock music] 294 00:09:58,252 --> 00:09:59,885 ♪ ♪ 295 00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:01,287 Congratulations, Liza. 296 00:10:01,312 --> 00:10:02,562 You saw the press release? 297 00:10:02,587 --> 00:10:03,787 I meant on the steps. 298 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,991 Jackie had 12,000; we had 12,014. 299 00:10:06,016 --> 00:10:07,777 - We eked out a victory. - Yay, us. 300 00:10:07,803 --> 00:10:08,775 Of course, now she wants a rematch, 301 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,059 so let's step up our game today. 302 00:10:10,084 --> 00:10:11,153 We'll do that. 303 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,914 Ooh, and I did see the press release. 304 00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:14,129 Gawker even picked it up. 305 00:10:14,154 --> 00:10:15,985 I know. Pretty cool, huh? 306 00:10:16,010 --> 00:10:17,343 So cool. 307 00:10:17,368 --> 00:10:19,535 Did you happen to read the comment section yet? 308 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,653 No, gah... pff, I never read the comments. 309 00:10:21,678 --> 00:10:23,399 Well, you might want to start. 310 00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,450 [tense music] 311 00:10:27,201 --> 00:10:29,528 ♪ ♪ 312 00:10:29,553 --> 00:10:30,959 Oh, no. 313 00:10:30,984 --> 00:10:34,594 ♪ ♪ 314 00:10:37,713 --> 00:10:39,095 Good morning. 315 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,154 Did you see the comments on the press release? 316 00:10:41,179 --> 00:10:43,795 I, like many people, do not read the comments. 317 00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:45,960 Let me read them for you. 318 00:10:45,985 --> 00:10:49,620 "Kelsey Peters, what a joke. Talk about desperate." 319 00:10:49,645 --> 00:10:51,529 "Who's Peters screwing now?" 320 00:10:51,554 --> 00:10:54,555 "Kelsey Peters, WT effing eff?" 321 00:10:54,580 --> 00:10:55,920 [sighs] 322 00:10:55,944 --> 00:10:59,011 This is just a picture of a kitten in a Barbie car. 323 00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:01,485 Comments! I saw. Don't worry. 324 00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:04,428 Once again, my timing could not be more perfect. 325 00:11:04,453 --> 00:11:06,119 Your dress is ready. 326 00:11:06,144 --> 00:11:09,171 This little custom creation will pick you right back up, girl. 327 00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:12,843 ♪ ♪ 328 00:11:12,868 --> 00:11:14,162 Ooh. 329 00:11:14,186 --> 00:11:15,769 Yes! 330 00:11:15,794 --> 00:11:18,863 This is Hector and Dorff's take on Kelsey, "the boss." 331 00:11:18,888 --> 00:11:21,688 Oh, my God, they hate me too? 332 00:11:21,713 --> 00:11:25,114 ♪ I can't feel my face when I'm with you ♪ 333 00:11:25,139 --> 00:11:26,979 ♪ But I love it ♪ 334 00:11:27,005 --> 00:11:29,597 - [indistinct chatter] - ♪ But I love it ♪ 335 00:11:30,351 --> 00:11:34,436 ♪ I can't feel my face when I'm with you ♪ 336 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:35,849 ♪ But I love it ♪ 337 00:11:35,874 --> 00:11:37,004 Ah, thanks for wearing the dress. 338 00:11:37,026 --> 00:11:38,276 *** 339 00:11:38,301 --> 00:11:40,414 [whispers] I look like an insane person. 340 00:11:40,439 --> 00:11:43,236 - Yep, you look great. - [sighs] 341 00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:44,691 Mm-hmm. Thank you. 342 00:11:44,716 --> 00:11:47,477 Oh, the bruschetta is made from rescue tomatoes 343 00:11:47,502 --> 00:11:49,032 and day-of-expiration burrata. 344 00:11:49,057 --> 00:11:52,011 Oh, and remember to hashtag "Millennial Launch." 345 00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:55,070 [indistinct chatter] 346 00:11:55,095 --> 00:11:56,261 Where's the Fitbit? 347 00:11:56,286 --> 00:11:57,680 Oh. 348 00:11:57,705 --> 00:11:59,556 People think I'm on house arrest. 349 00:11:59,581 --> 00:12:00,966 It ups my cool factor. 350 00:12:00,991 --> 00:12:02,450 Very Martha Stewart. 351 00:12:02,475 --> 00:12:03,575 Point me towards the alcohol. 352 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,531 Oh, it's over there. 353 00:12:05,556 --> 00:12:07,554 ♪ ♪ 354 00:12:10,237 --> 00:12:13,373 Why are you not over there getting your picture taken? 355 00:12:13,398 --> 00:12:15,398 I don't photograph well. 356 00:12:15,423 --> 00:12:17,957 I smile too hard. It comes off as aggressive. 357 00:12:17,982 --> 00:12:20,405 I think the technical term is "mean muggin'." 358 00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:21,679 I can't imagine that. 359 00:12:21,704 --> 00:12:24,908 You have such a nice and friendly mug. 360 00:12:24,932 --> 00:12:25,931 [laughs] 361 00:12:25,956 --> 00:12:28,620 Thank you. So do you. 362 00:12:29,023 --> 00:12:30,484 [scoffs] 363 00:12:30,509 --> 00:12:32,938 Um, I'm so sorry. Excuse me. 364 00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:34,392 Yeah. 365 00:12:34,418 --> 00:12:36,810 ♪ ♪ 366 00:12:36,835 --> 00:12:39,203 Ugh, another Gawker comment. 367 00:12:39,228 --> 00:12:41,406 Oh, my God, this person just said, "Ew." 368 00:12:41,431 --> 00:12:42,630 Haters gonna hate. 369 00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:44,894 Hey, what's up, ladies? You guys seen Kels? 370 00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:47,283 I'm literally standing right in front of you. 371 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,341 Holy sh... 372 00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:50,922 Is the dress that bad? 373 00:12:50,947 --> 00:12:53,648 Uh... yeah... n-n-no. No, no, no. 374 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,206 You only look weird from the front. 375 00:12:55,231 --> 00:12:56,657 I mean, your ass is on point. 376 00:12:56,682 --> 00:12:59,809 Kelsey Peters, I am so jealous of you. 377 00:12:59,834 --> 00:13:03,813 Amanda, HarperCollins. Anyway, this is huge. Congrats. 378 00:13:03,838 --> 00:13:05,851 - Oh, thank you. - Seriously. 379 00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:07,864 Ooh, nice dress. 380 00:13:07,889 --> 00:13:12,236 Oh, my God, she just said, "Ew, nice dress." 381 00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:13,572 No, no, no, I don't think so. 382 00:13:13,597 --> 00:13:15,430 No, she said "Ooh. Ooh, nice dress." 383 00:13:15,455 --> 00:13:17,432 No, no, no, she said, "Ew." 384 00:13:17,457 --> 00:13:18,732 E-W, like "ew." 385 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,693 No, it was "Ooh," like lots of excited Os. 386 00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:22,239 Thad, will you go get me a drink? 387 00:13:22,264 --> 00:13:23,432 Yeah, where's my boy Josh? 388 00:13:23,457 --> 00:13:24,409 He's not here. 389 00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:25,356 What, did you scare him off again? 390 00:13:25,381 --> 00:13:26,937 Thad! Drinks, please. 391 00:13:26,962 --> 00:13:28,125 Okay, jeez. 392 00:13:28,150 --> 00:13:32,279 Oh, my God, Lena Dunham just tweeted, 393 00:13:32,304 --> 00:13:33,882 "Yes, Kelsey Peters. 394 00:13:33,908 --> 00:13:35,824 "Congrats to the 26-year-old baller 395 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,102 running Millennial Print." 396 00:13:37,127 --> 00:13:38,836 That's huge. 397 00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,935 That is huge. Her fans are our target market. 398 00:13:40,959 --> 00:13:42,625 I'm hot. 399 00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:44,121 I know. This will totally trend. 400 00:13:44,146 --> 00:13:46,573 No, like, I'm burning up. 401 00:13:46,599 --> 00:13:49,178 - I can't feel my hands. - Wait. What? 402 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:52,646 - I can't breathe. - It's okay. It's okay. 403 00:13:52,671 --> 00:13:54,053 - I can't breathe. - It's okay. 404 00:13:54,078 --> 00:13:56,046 Water! Thad, water! 405 00:13:57,859 --> 00:13:59,442 [bells chime] 406 00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:02,522 Hey, there. I'm a little lost. 407 00:14:02,547 --> 00:14:04,330 Do you know where this address is? 408 00:14:04,405 --> 00:14:06,142 Yeah. 409 00:14:07,553 --> 00:14:09,535 That's actually my girlfriend's address. 410 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:13,158 Oh, well, I look forward to meeting your girlfriend. 411 00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,789 [laid-back music] 412 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,767 ♪ I'll give you everything tonight ♪ 413 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,267 [knock at door] 414 00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:21,842 [people moaning] 415 00:14:21,867 --> 00:14:22,920 Safe sex only. 416 00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:25,122 And don't make me enforce it. 417 00:14:25,146 --> 00:14:26,665 Condoms are on the table. 418 00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,742 Oh, the guest bedroom's off-limits. 419 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,722 [whispers] Maggie. 420 00:14:30,747 --> 00:14:32,614 Josh, what are you doing here? 421 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,426 This guy came into my shop... 422 00:14:35,451 --> 00:14:38,002 Men are $50; women are $25, thank you. 423 00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,466 Are you having a sex party? 424 00:14:39,491 --> 00:14:40,990 No, I'm having a kid's birthday party. 425 00:14:41,015 --> 00:14:42,418 I'm gonna blow up some condoms 426 00:14:42,443 --> 00:14:43,682 and twist 'em into balloon animals. 427 00:14:43,707 --> 00:14:44,449 Any requests? 428 00:14:44,474 --> 00:14:46,295 Wait, does Liza know about this? 429 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,610 Nah, she think I'm Airbnb-ing the place 430 00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:50,144 to a nice couple from Albany. 431 00:14:50,169 --> 00:14:52,144 You gotta do what you gotta do, huh. 432 00:14:52,169 --> 00:14:54,944 That's exactly right, Josh, so cut Liza some slack. 433 00:14:54,969 --> 00:14:57,561 You know, tight finances lead to a complicated life. 434 00:14:57,586 --> 00:14:59,640 Yeah, it's just, my life 435 00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,119 wasn't complicated before I met her, so... 436 00:15:02,145 --> 00:15:04,318 Well, that's adult life, Josh, and she's an adult. 437 00:15:04,343 --> 00:15:06,293 And that's one of the reasons you fell for her. 438 00:15:06,317 --> 00:15:08,622 She's emotionally evolved; she's game; 439 00:15:08,647 --> 00:15:09,727 she's low-maintenance. 440 00:15:09,753 --> 00:15:11,614 Plus, she's gorgeous; she's supersmart; 441 00:15:11,639 --> 00:15:13,613 and she's the most loyal friend I've ever had. 442 00:15:13,638 --> 00:15:15,221 But, you know what? Maybe she's not for you. 443 00:15:15,246 --> 00:15:18,164 Maybe you need a basic bitch, and you know what? 444 00:15:18,336 --> 00:15:21,743 We're not a couple of basic bitches around here. 445 00:15:21,768 --> 00:15:23,218 Hey, listen. You might want to head out, 446 00:15:23,243 --> 00:15:25,772 unless you want to find out what "pegging" means. 447 00:15:25,798 --> 00:15:27,684 [clicks tongue] 448 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:30,234 [gasping] I feel like I'm having a heart attack. 449 00:15:30,259 --> 00:15:31,258 Oh, shit. 450 00:15:31,283 --> 00:15:33,042 I'm gonna die at my own party. 451 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:34,328 No, you're not. Just breathe. 452 00:15:34,353 --> 00:15:35,961 You're having a panic attack. Who isn't? 453 00:15:35,986 --> 00:15:37,818 There is a designer dress on the ground. 454 00:15:37,843 --> 00:15:40,393 Oh, my God, I got to get out of this thing. 455 00:15:40,418 --> 00:15:41,834 Uh, okay, um... 456 00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,763 Uh, where's the zipper? 457 00:15:43,788 --> 00:15:44,987 Don't look at me. I don't know. 458 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,346 It's not an IKEA coffee table; 459 00:15:46,371 --> 00:15:48,687 it's a one-of-a-kind piece of art. 460 00:15:48,712 --> 00:15:50,507 Well, this one-of-a-kind piece of art 461 00:15:50,531 --> 00:15:52,949 is suffocating me, okay? I can't get air. 462 00:15:52,974 --> 00:15:54,056 All right, I'm gonna cut you out. 463 00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:55,131 Get me out of this thing! 464 00:15:55,156 --> 00:15:56,514 Okay, no, I can't watch this. 465 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,311 - [groans] - Can't watch. 466 00:15:58,336 --> 00:16:00,800 - [moans] - Oh, there's the zipper. 467 00:16:00,825 --> 00:16:02,489 - Oh, my God. [sighs] - Is that better? 468 00:16:02,514 --> 00:16:04,327 Okay, Kelsey, this slip is hot. 469 00:16:04,352 --> 00:16:06,481 You can totally go out and give your speech in this. 470 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:09,055 No, no, no, I can't go back out there. 471 00:16:09,079 --> 00:16:10,362 Those comments... 472 00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:11,803 Oh, those comments are just comments 473 00:16:11,828 --> 00:16:13,087 from anonymous assholes. 474 00:16:13,112 --> 00:16:14,858 I believe those assholes, okay? 475 00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:17,536 "Kelsey Peters, WT effing eff?" 476 00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:19,884 Good question. [sighs] 477 00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:21,672 I'm not qualified to run an imprint. 478 00:16:21,697 --> 00:16:26,166 I... I wrote my speech on my hand and just sweated it off, okay? 479 00:16:26,191 --> 00:16:27,895 I... this is a job for an adult. 480 00:16:27,919 --> 00:16:30,503 I... [sighs] 481 00:16:30,528 --> 00:16:32,728 [sobbing] I'm a kitten in a Barbie car. 482 00:16:32,754 --> 00:16:34,204 Okay, breathe in through your nose. 483 00:16:34,229 --> 00:16:36,763 - Okay. [inhales] - Out through your mouth. 484 00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:38,157 - [exhales] - Just focus on that. 485 00:16:38,182 --> 00:16:39,959 [exhales deeply] 486 00:16:39,984 --> 00:16:42,985 Liza... [sighs] 487 00:16:43,010 --> 00:16:45,783 I feel like such an imposter. 488 00:16:45,809 --> 00:16:48,924 So do I, every single day. 489 00:16:48,948 --> 00:16:52,476 No, seriously, like, I have no idea what I'm doing. 490 00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:56,071 Kelsey, nobody knows what they're doing. 491 00:16:56,096 --> 00:16:57,679 You just fake it till you make it. 492 00:16:57,704 --> 00:17:00,222 And hope that when you're down, 493 00:17:00,247 --> 00:17:02,831 like literally on the ground, in some cases, 494 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,139 you have people around you 495 00:17:04,164 --> 00:17:05,374 to help you get up. 496 00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,025 ♪ ♪ 497 00:17:07,144 --> 00:17:08,869 Now come on. 498 00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:10,616 If we're gonna run the world before we're 30, 499 00:17:10,641 --> 00:17:12,941 we got to get movin'. 500 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,029 [whispers] Okay. 501 00:17:15,054 --> 00:17:16,971 But now we have Millennial, 502 00:17:16,996 --> 00:17:18,669 so when you think of publishing houses, 503 00:17:18,694 --> 00:17:20,198 if you're in publishing, push... 504 00:17:20,223 --> 00:17:21,890 [gasps] Oh, my God. 505 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,073 My speech is totally gone. 506 00:17:24,097 --> 00:17:27,269 Okay, um, here, uh, put in my Bluetooth. 507 00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:29,087 I'll talk you through the whole thing. 508 00:17:29,112 --> 00:17:31,680 I'll be with you the entire time. 509 00:17:31,704 --> 00:17:32,871 [whispers] Okay. 510 00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:35,896 Into the future, and now, it is my great pleasure 511 00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:40,733 to introduce the editor in chief of Millennial Print, 512 00:17:40,758 --> 00:17:42,075 Kelsey Peters. 513 00:17:42,099 --> 00:17:44,053 [cheers and applause] 514 00:17:44,078 --> 00:17:46,056 It's okay. You got this. 515 00:17:46,081 --> 00:17:48,376 Okay! Whoo-hoo! 516 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,009 - Hey. - [cheers and applause] 517 00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:52,399 Congratulations. 518 00:17:52,424 --> 00:17:53,840 [whispers] Okay. 519 00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,247 Um... 520 00:17:56,272 --> 00:17:58,222 Thank you all... 521 00:17:58,247 --> 00:18:00,537 I want to thank all of you for coming out tonight... 522 00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:03,847 - To celebrate the launch... - Of Millennial Print. 523 00:18:03,872 --> 00:18:05,910 For those people who think... 524 00:18:05,935 --> 00:18:09,504 I'm 26 and don't know how to run an imprint, well... 525 00:18:09,529 --> 00:18:11,145 - You're right... - You're right. 526 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,536 I may crash and burn... 527 00:18:12,561 --> 00:18:14,194 I may disrupt the whole industry... 528 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,380 - Who knows? - Who knows? 529 00:18:15,405 --> 00:18:19,206 I can't promise anything other than... 530 00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:22,141 It will be interesting. 531 00:18:25,102 --> 00:18:28,299 To the future! And to Millennial Print. 532 00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,673 - All: Whoo! - Yes! 533 00:18:30,698 --> 00:18:33,635 [cheers and applause] 534 00:18:34,648 --> 00:18:35,964 _ 535 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:38,524 Okay, that worked. [laughs] 536 00:18:40,095 --> 00:18:41,989 ♪ I have stayed ♪ 537 00:18:42,014 --> 00:18:44,909 ♪ In the shadows too long ♪ 538 00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:47,199 ♪ I started to feel at home, and I thought... ♪ 539 00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:48,984 That was an impressive speech. 540 00:18:49,009 --> 00:18:51,799 - Yeah, she did a great job. - Yeah, yeah. 541 00:18:51,824 --> 00:18:54,024 I think you both did a great job tonight. 542 00:18:54,026 --> 00:18:57,836 Even the trash-to-table turned out surprisingly well. 543 00:18:57,861 --> 00:19:01,453 I enjoyed my offgrade sweet potato puffs. 544 00:19:01,478 --> 00:19:03,895 Yeah, who knew that restaurants just threw away 545 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,237 pockmarked potatoes? 546 00:19:05,262 --> 00:19:06,829 That's like America throwing away 547 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:09,237 Brad Pitt or Edward James Olmos. 548 00:19:09,262 --> 00:19:11,562 So where's your young man? 549 00:19:11,677 --> 00:19:15,546 Uh, I'm not sure there still is a young man. 550 00:19:15,548 --> 00:19:18,741 He's, uh... He's been ghosting me. 551 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:19,748 Ghosting you? 552 00:19:19,772 --> 00:19:21,529 Yeah, it's when someone evaporates 553 00:19:21,554 --> 00:19:23,698 into thin air with no explanation. 554 00:19:23,723 --> 00:19:27,225 Oh, I'm sorry. 555 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,383 Can I get you a glass of champagne? 556 00:19:29,408 --> 00:19:33,023 Yeah, I'd like that, thank you. 557 00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,687 [cell phone chimes] 558 00:19:36,106 --> 00:19:38,465 _ 559 00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:40,878 _ 560 00:19:41,393 --> 00:19:46,017 _ 561 00:19:47,549 --> 00:19:49,523 _ 562 00:19:49,548 --> 00:19:51,278 [gasps] Hi. 563 00:19:51,303 --> 00:19:53,772 - Hey. - I'm sorry I'm late. 564 00:19:53,796 --> 00:19:57,022 [relaxed music] 565 00:19:57,623 --> 00:19:59,900 I know we said that we would try 566 00:19:59,925 --> 00:20:01,634 to keep work and life separate, 567 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:04,955 but you're the person I want to share tonight with. 568 00:20:04,980 --> 00:20:07,124 - Me too. - Mmm. 569 00:20:07,149 --> 00:20:08,664 ♪ ♪ 570 00:20:08,689 --> 00:20:11,072 Charles, h... This is my boyfriend. 571 00:20:11,097 --> 00:20:12,964 - This is Josh. - Hey. 572 00:20:12,989 --> 00:20:15,528 Josh, this is my boss, Charles. 573 00:20:15,553 --> 00:20:19,031 Well, I guess the ghost made it to the feast after all. 574 00:20:19,056 --> 00:20:22,568 - Uh, you two should celebrate. - Thanks. 575 00:20:22,593 --> 00:20:24,039 Very, very nice to meet you, Josh. 576 00:20:24,064 --> 00:20:26,153 Yeah, you too. 577 00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:32,375 So, um, that's your boss? 578 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,923 [laughs] Yes. 579 00:20:34,948 --> 00:20:37,477 Tall. 580 00:20:38,098 --> 00:20:40,186 You look amazing tonight, by the way. 581 00:20:40,211 --> 00:20:41,343 Thank you. 582 00:20:41,368 --> 00:20:44,195 I'd invite you back to my place, 583 00:20:44,220 --> 00:20:46,520 but, um, Maggie's Airbnb-ing. 584 00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,403 Oh, really? 585 00:20:48,712 --> 00:20:51,504 Well, uh, we can always go back to my place. 586 00:20:51,529 --> 00:20:54,183 Thank you for keeping my secret. 587 00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:56,304 Yeah, well... 588 00:20:56,329 --> 00:20:59,235 some secrets are worth keeping. 589 00:20:59,260 --> 00:21:03,379 ♪ I can't feel my face when I'm with you ♪ 590 00:21:03,404 --> 00:21:05,442 ♪ But I love it ♪ 591 00:21:05,467 --> 00:21:08,143 ♪ Hey ♪