1 00:00:00,172 --> 00:00:06,375 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:09,654 --> 00:00:11,020 Everybody shut up. 3 00:00:11,106 --> 00:00:12,746 I've got dibs on the new AV camera today. 4 00:00:12,774 --> 00:00:14,010 Nobody check it out. 5 00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,825 I'm making my audition tape for "The Bachelor." 6 00:00:15,910 --> 00:00:17,777 I totally forgot it is due by 5:00 p.m. today. 7 00:00:17,862 --> 00:00:19,462 I can't believe you want to participate 8 00:00:19,531 --> 00:00:20,830 in that sexist institution. 9 00:00:20,915 --> 00:00:22,332 It's not sexist. 10 00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:23,700 It's almost all women. 11 00:00:23,785 --> 00:00:25,168 I don't think you understand. 12 00:00:25,253 --> 00:00:27,203 "The Bachelor" is the one reality show 13 00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:28,871 I'd actually go on... 14 00:00:28,957 --> 00:00:30,873 if I had a more flattering cry face. 15 00:00:30,959 --> 00:00:33,343 - I feel the same way about "Steven Seagal: Lawman." 16 00:00:33,428 --> 00:00:37,295 "The Bachelor" reinforces archaic gender stereotypes. 17 00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:38,298 I know. 18 00:00:38,349 --> 00:00:39,882 I would be so perfect for it. 19 00:00:39,968 --> 00:00:41,968 Who wants to be my cameraperson? 20 00:00:42,053 --> 00:00:43,363 Good lucking finding a woman 21 00:00:43,388 --> 00:00:44,854 who has low enough self-esteem to enable you. 22 00:00:44,939 --> 00:00:46,439 - I'll do it. - Mary Louise! 23 00:00:46,558 --> 00:00:47,558 Thank you. 24 00:00:47,642 --> 00:00:49,559 - [giggles] - Yes. 25 00:00:49,644 --> 00:00:51,527 Good morning, ladies! 26 00:00:51,613 --> 00:00:53,279 I just want to remind everyone 27 00:00:53,398 --> 00:00:54,697 that Superintendent Greg 28 00:00:54,783 --> 00:00:55,982 is coming today. 29 00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:57,984 This visit needs to be flawless 30 00:00:58,069 --> 00:01:01,204 after Ms. Feldman's potato battery explosion 31 00:01:01,289 --> 00:01:02,655 last year. 32 00:01:02,741 --> 00:01:05,291 I don't need another auto-tuned video of me 33 00:01:05,410 --> 00:01:06,792 on the Internet. 34 00:01:06,928 --> 00:01:09,746 ♪ Ah, there's spuds all over my face ♪ 35 00:01:09,831 --> 00:01:10,913 ♪ There's spuds ♪ 36 00:01:11,049 --> 00:01:12,915 ♪ Spuds all over my face ♪ 37 00:01:13,051 --> 00:01:15,752 ♪ Ah, there's spuds all over my face ♪ 38 00:01:15,837 --> 00:01:16,753 ♪ Help me ♪ 39 00:01:16,838 --> 00:01:18,254 ♪ Help me ♪ 40 00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:20,306 ♪ There's spuds all over my face ♪ 41 00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:21,758 ♪ Call 911 ♪ 42 00:01:21,893 --> 00:01:25,178 I will not be humiliated like that again. 43 00:01:25,263 --> 00:01:26,396 Everyone needs to be 44 00:01:26,481 --> 00:01:27,930 on their best behavior. 45 00:01:28,016 --> 00:01:29,265 - Ms. Cannon. - Oh. 46 00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:30,600 Don't worry. 47 00:01:30,685 --> 00:01:31,901 I'll be using fractions to teach about 48 00:01:31,986 --> 00:01:33,686 the inequalities transgender people face. 49 00:01:33,772 --> 00:01:35,188 [laughs] 50 00:01:37,162 --> 00:01:39,170 Absolutely not. 51 00:01:39,279 --> 00:01:40,943 You're studying shapes. 52 00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:42,990 Construction paper and glue. 53 00:01:43,115 --> 00:01:44,447 All day. 54 00:01:44,532 --> 00:01:46,082 Oh, and Feldman... 55 00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:47,834 we're skipping your classroom. 56 00:01:47,952 --> 00:01:49,512 I don't want the superintendent to know 57 00:01:49,537 --> 00:01:50,787 that you still teach here. 58 00:01:50,872 --> 00:01:53,506 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 59 00:01:53,625 --> 00:01:55,425 I'm prepared this year. 60 00:01:55,510 --> 00:01:57,794 I made a lesson plan. 61 00:01:57,929 --> 00:02:00,963 My class is doing a buttload of oral reports, 62 00:02:01,099 --> 00:02:03,716 and I put this dress on layaway at Marshalls 63 00:02:03,802 --> 00:02:05,635 two months ago. 64 00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:06,891 Not happening. 65 00:02:07,722 --> 00:02:08,844 Bro, 66 00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:11,724 just give me one more chance. 67 00:02:14,062 --> 00:02:15,361 Fine. We'll stop by. 68 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,030 But if you want to continue teaching here, 69 00:02:18,149 --> 00:02:20,032 you will not embarrass me. 70 00:02:20,151 --> 00:02:23,903 I don't even know the meaning of the word "embarrassment." 71 00:02:27,659 --> 00:02:28,825 Oh, Jesus. 72 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,493 [rock music] 73 00:02:30,578 --> 00:02:32,795 Take a good look, guys. 74 00:02:32,881 --> 00:02:36,833 This is the man we've been preparing all week to impress. 75 00:02:36,968 --> 00:02:39,001 Now, what are we gonna say when he comes in? 76 00:02:39,087 --> 00:02:41,504 Buenos días, Superintendente. 77 00:02:41,589 --> 00:02:44,056 Bonjour, Directeur. 78 00:02:44,175 --> 00:02:46,676 Kon'nichiwa, Superintendent-San. 79 00:02:46,761 --> 00:02:48,678 That was great. 80 00:02:48,763 --> 00:02:49,746 Very natural. 81 00:02:49,777 --> 00:02:51,681 Should I show him how I can fart with my armpit? 82 00:02:51,816 --> 00:02:52,816 [farting noises] 83 00:02:52,901 --> 00:02:53,925 [laughs] 84 00:02:54,010 --> 00:02:56,269 That might be too impressive, Jason. 85 00:02:56,354 --> 00:02:59,405 Let's keep that light under a bushel, okay? 86 00:02:59,524 --> 00:03:00,740 Hey. 87 00:03:00,859 --> 00:03:02,325 I bought you a "reading is a hoot" poster. 88 00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:04,660 Thought you could use it to cover your 50 Cent collage. 89 00:03:04,746 --> 00:03:06,829 Thanks, but I already tricked it out. 90 00:03:06,915 --> 00:03:08,698 All right, guys, let's finish our math homework. 91 00:03:08,783 --> 00:03:10,116 Cool. 92 00:03:12,337 --> 00:03:13,369 You okay? 93 00:03:13,454 --> 00:03:16,372 I'm dialed in with a laser-like focus. 94 00:03:16,508 --> 00:03:18,925 Every fiber of my being is dedicated 95 00:03:19,043 --> 00:03:20,593 to achieving one goal: 96 00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:24,380 Winning the respect of Pearson and the superintendent. 97 00:03:24,516 --> 00:03:28,217 My entire life has led up to this one moment. 98 00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:30,186 There's nothing that can stop me. 99 00:03:30,271 --> 00:03:33,055 Wow. Sounds like you got it all covered. 100 00:03:34,392 --> 00:03:35,975 Jason crawled up in the ceiling. 101 00:03:37,362 --> 00:03:39,946 I really hope Miss Snap gets on "The Bachelor," 102 00:03:40,064 --> 00:03:41,864 because she inspires me. 103 00:03:41,950 --> 00:03:43,199 I wanted to be a cheerleader, 104 00:03:43,284 --> 00:03:45,401 and Miss Snap coached me for the tryouts. 105 00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,069 Ready? Okay! 106 00:03:47,155 --> 00:03:48,955 One, two, three, four, 107 00:03:49,073 --> 00:03:51,157 five, six, seven, eight. 108 00:03:51,242 --> 00:03:53,125 Not only did I make the squad, 109 00:03:53,244 --> 00:03:55,077 I became head cheerleader. 110 00:03:55,163 --> 00:03:56,746 Thank you, Miss Snap. 111 00:03:57,832 --> 00:03:59,415 The superintendent is coming! 112 00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:00,883 Quick! Back to your seat. 113 00:04:05,543 --> 00:04:06,372 Chelsea, 114 00:04:06,457 --> 00:04:07,674 is it really worth lying 115 00:04:07,759 --> 00:04:09,141 just to get on "The Bachelor"? 116 00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:11,719 Clearly, you haven't seen the show. 117 00:04:11,838 --> 00:04:12,812 Now go! 118 00:04:12,931 --> 00:04:15,431 [whimpers] Okay. 119 00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:19,685 When I first learned about the French-Indian War, 120 00:04:19,771 --> 00:04:21,402 I was at a foam party in Mexico. 121 00:04:21,537 --> 00:04:22,739 [rock music] 122 00:04:22,774 --> 00:04:23,858 Jason. 123 00:04:23,943 --> 00:04:26,776 We don't want Miss Feldman to look like a poop-face teacher 124 00:04:26,861 --> 00:04:28,995 in front of the superintendent, do we? 125 00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:30,580 I don't care! 126 00:04:30,665 --> 00:04:32,698 Jason, please. 127 00:04:32,784 --> 00:04:33,950 If you come down right now, 128 00:04:34,085 --> 00:04:36,252 I'll give you ten dollars. 129 00:04:38,172 --> 00:04:43,676 Or three dollars and a Fro-Yo punch card. 130 00:04:43,795 --> 00:04:45,437 The next one's free! 131 00:04:45,523 --> 00:04:46,630 No! 132 00:04:49,517 --> 00:04:54,270 Oh, my gosh, Captain America just walked in the room. 133 00:04:54,355 --> 00:04:57,440 Nice try. He's at the S.H.I.E.L.D. Hover base. 134 00:04:57,525 --> 00:05:00,526 Jason, get your mother[bleep] [bleep]-ass butt 135 00:05:00,645 --> 00:05:03,646 out of that mother[bleep] [bleep]sucking ceiling. 136 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,231 [children laugh] 137 00:05:06,985 --> 00:05:07,873 Is he down yet? 138 00:05:07,924 --> 00:05:09,288 So not down! 139 00:05:09,424 --> 00:05:10,987 And Miss Feldman cursed. 140 00:05:11,072 --> 00:05:13,489 [laughs] Oh, no she didn't. 141 00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,625 Hillary, can you go to Miss Feldman's drawer 142 00:05:15,710 --> 00:05:18,347 and give everyone a Wendy's coupon? 143 00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:19,929 I've got an idea. 144 00:05:19,998 --> 00:05:21,747 - We can smoke him out. - What is that? 145 00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:23,232 It's a bottle of Gap Dream 146 00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:25,334 one of my students gave me last Christmas. 147 00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:27,336 It's better than tear gas. 148 00:05:28,556 --> 00:05:31,007 [spraying] 149 00:05:33,845 --> 00:05:35,511 He'll be down in a second. 150 00:05:35,647 --> 00:05:37,313 [coughing] 151 00:05:37,398 --> 00:05:38,147 Oh, my God. 152 00:05:38,232 --> 00:05:39,515 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 153 00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:40,850 Jason, stay where you are! 154 00:05:40,985 --> 00:05:42,268 Oh! 155 00:05:42,353 --> 00:05:43,335 [gasps] 156 00:05:43,471 --> 00:05:45,104 He's on the move. 157 00:05:56,928 --> 00:05:59,044 Okay, guys. What do you think? 158 00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,308 Bigger. 159 00:06:02,939 --> 00:06:04,939 You're right. Good eye. 160 00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:08,337 Chelsea, 161 00:06:08,422 --> 00:06:09,955 I just watched an episode of "The Bachelor." 162 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,174 It's so romantic. 163 00:06:12,259 --> 00:06:13,291 You're right. 164 00:06:13,377 --> 00:06:14,960 It's totally worth lying for. 165 00:06:15,045 --> 00:06:15,768 I know. 166 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:16,541 It's like an all-star game 167 00:06:16,566 --> 00:06:18,263 for morally corrupt young sexies. 168 00:06:18,382 --> 00:06:19,244 I have to be on it. 169 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,550 We are gonna make you look so beautiful. 170 00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,301 - Totally slutty. - Unpredictable. 171 00:06:23,387 --> 00:06:25,020 - Slightly mentally ill. - Vulnerable. 172 00:06:25,105 --> 00:06:27,055 A victim who hates herself. 173 00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:29,441 Oh, my gosh. 174 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,360 I'll get to hang out with you every day 175 00:06:31,445 --> 00:06:34,146 and then go home at night and watch you on my TV. 176 00:06:34,231 --> 00:06:35,564 - Eee! - [laughs] 177 00:06:35,649 --> 00:06:38,066 We'll always be together. 178 00:06:38,202 --> 00:06:39,208 Hey. 179 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,381 Have you heard any strange noises coming from the ceiling? 180 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,537 No. Why? 181 00:06:42,623 --> 00:06:45,907 Talk in the hall. Helter-skelter. 182 00:06:48,045 --> 00:06:48,910 My bad, girl. 183 00:06:49,046 --> 00:06:50,212 [rock music] 184 00:06:50,297 --> 00:06:52,581 No sign of him here. 185 00:06:55,302 --> 00:06:56,802 How could you lose the kid in the ceiling? 186 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,670 You're already on Pearson's shit list. 187 00:06:58,756 --> 00:06:59,888 I know! 188 00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:02,507 And that was just for blowing up a dumb-ass potato. 189 00:07:02,593 --> 00:07:04,259 Can you imagine if he found out 190 00:07:04,344 --> 00:07:07,095 I started the 2013 lice outbreak? 191 00:07:07,231 --> 00:07:08,980 That went statewide. 192 00:07:09,099 --> 00:07:10,082 Statewide! 193 00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:12,117 You're the reason I had to cut my hair? 194 00:07:12,152 --> 00:07:14,144 I looked like Anne Hathaway in the last half of "Les Mis." 195 00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:15,821 I thought you guys knew that. 196 00:07:15,939 --> 00:07:19,325 I was the only one who got them in my hair down there. 197 00:07:19,410 --> 00:07:20,409 Lesson learned. 198 00:07:20,494 --> 00:07:22,611 Never buy a Fedora at Goodwill. 199 00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:23,779 [giggling] 200 00:07:23,914 --> 00:07:26,281 [clattering] 201 00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:29,668 I'm gonna tell! I'm gonna tell! 202 00:07:29,787 --> 00:07:31,169 This situation is FUBAR. 203 00:07:31,288 --> 00:07:32,921 I got to contain this kid. 204 00:07:38,178 --> 00:07:39,377 I can assure you, Superintendent, 205 00:07:39,463 --> 00:07:40,879 everyone's very excited 206 00:07:40,964 --> 00:07:42,881 to show you what they've been working on. 207 00:07:45,018 --> 00:07:48,136 And no potato batteries. 208 00:07:48,222 --> 00:07:49,271 That wasn't funny. 209 00:07:49,356 --> 00:07:50,605 [rock music] 210 00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:53,558 Very efficient cutting of circle, square, 211 00:07:53,644 --> 00:07:56,144 and triangle shapes, class. 212 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,709 Let's keep it up. 213 00:07:58,365 --> 00:07:59,531 Miss Cannon, look! 214 00:07:59,564 --> 00:08:00,686 A snowman! 215 00:08:01,735 --> 00:08:03,368 A snow man? 216 00:08:03,487 --> 00:08:05,403 Can I ask you a question? 217 00:08:05,489 --> 00:08:07,539 Why is he a snow man? 218 00:08:07,658 --> 00:08:10,826 Uh, because he's a man and he's made of snow. 219 00:08:10,911 --> 00:08:13,378 You know, you could make him a snow woman. 220 00:08:13,497 --> 00:08:14,880 But I don't want to. 221 00:08:14,998 --> 00:08:16,076 Why? 222 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:18,550 Are you threatened by the power of a snow woman? 223 00:08:18,669 --> 00:08:20,469 Do you know hard a snow woman has to work 224 00:08:20,554 --> 00:08:22,471 to stand in the same place as a snow man? 225 00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:24,306 And that's all the time we have here. 226 00:08:24,391 --> 00:08:25,609 Let's go to the gym 227 00:08:25,744 --> 00:08:28,260 and check in on Coach Boze's fitness circuits. 228 00:08:29,847 --> 00:08:32,264 Is this better? 229 00:08:32,349 --> 00:08:34,182 Snow transitioning. 230 00:08:34,318 --> 00:08:35,684 I like it. 231 00:08:35,769 --> 00:08:36,817 [sighs] 232 00:08:36,902 --> 00:08:39,070 [frantic music] 233 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:40,322 What's up? 234 00:08:40,407 --> 00:08:41,773 There's a raccoon in the ceiling. 235 00:08:41,859 --> 00:08:43,024 I'm-a blast him out. 236 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,193 That's not a raccoon. That's Jason C. 237 00:08:45,279 --> 00:08:47,662 My ass is grass if Pearson finds out. 238 00:08:47,748 --> 00:08:49,531 Oh. Right on. 239 00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:50,782 I'll talk him down. 240 00:08:50,868 --> 00:08:52,284 I'm a volunteer with a suicide hotline. 241 00:08:52,369 --> 00:08:53,285 Really? 242 00:08:53,370 --> 00:08:54,920 - Just a hobby. - Cool. 243 00:08:55,038 --> 00:08:56,038 Bummer. 244 00:08:56,123 --> 00:08:57,483 I really wanted to use this thing. 245 00:08:57,541 --> 00:08:58,957 And we're rolling, and we're rolling, 246 00:08:59,042 --> 00:09:00,175 and action! 247 00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:01,960 And that's how you do math. 248 00:09:02,045 --> 00:09:03,845 Chelsea, aren't you supposed to be 249 00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:05,881 teaching social studies right now? 250 00:09:05,966 --> 00:09:06,631 [gasps] 251 00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:08,517 What did you just say to me? 252 00:09:11,722 --> 00:09:15,690 I said, you're supposed to be teaching social studies. 253 00:09:15,776 --> 00:09:18,393 [gasps] No one talks to me like that. 254 00:09:18,529 --> 00:09:21,363 [gasps] Ahhh! 255 00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:23,231 You're acting crazy. 256 00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,483 I am not crazy! 257 00:09:25,569 --> 00:09:26,785 [heavy breathing] 258 00:09:26,904 --> 00:09:29,538 [shrieking] 259 00:09:30,707 --> 00:09:32,407 I don't have a problem with women, 260 00:09:32,543 --> 00:09:34,910 but women sometimes have a problem with me. 261 00:09:35,996 --> 00:09:38,246 [screaming] 262 00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:39,548 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 263 00:09:39,633 --> 00:09:40,882 This isn't real. This is just acting. 264 00:09:40,968 --> 00:09:42,133 It's just catsup! 265 00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:44,172 I don't want you to be on "The Bachelor" anymore. 266 00:09:44,254 --> 00:09:46,137 Don't say that, Tiffany. 267 00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:47,339 No, no, not like that. 268 00:09:47,424 --> 00:09:49,257 Just don't say that. 269 00:09:49,343 --> 00:09:50,892 Jason. 270 00:09:50,978 --> 00:09:53,011 I know how you feel. 271 00:09:53,096 --> 00:09:54,229 I've been there. 272 00:09:54,314 --> 00:09:55,314 16 years old. 273 00:09:55,432 --> 00:09:56,598 Your period's late. 274 00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,003 You don't know who the father is. 275 00:09:58,101 --> 00:10:00,569 But suicide is not the answer. 276 00:10:00,654 --> 00:10:02,687 Deb, he's an eight-year-old boy in a ceiling, 277 00:10:02,773 --> 00:10:05,190 not a 16-year-old girl on a ledge. 278 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:06,652 Leave this to a professional. 279 00:10:07,611 --> 00:10:11,112 I know the fantasy you're playing through your mind. 280 00:10:11,248 --> 00:10:13,114 Your friends and family find you lying 281 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:14,616 in a pool of your own blood, 282 00:10:14,751 --> 00:10:17,285 and that's when they realize they were wrong. 283 00:10:17,371 --> 00:10:19,087 But the thing is, 284 00:10:19,172 --> 00:10:20,866 you won't be there to enjoy it. 285 00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:22,874 Because there's nothing after death, 286 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,376 so nothing matters. 287 00:10:24,461 --> 00:10:25,594 Nothing matters? 288 00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:27,045 I'm not coming down. 289 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:29,297 You got to find a new place to volunteer. 290 00:10:29,433 --> 00:10:30,298 I got it. 291 00:10:30,434 --> 00:10:31,299 I got it. 292 00:10:31,435 --> 00:10:32,634 Nobody can say no 293 00:10:32,769 --> 00:10:36,805 to Mr. Waffles, the happy-go-lucky platypus. 294 00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:38,106 No. 295 00:10:38,191 --> 00:10:40,475 Don't be a puppet pooper, Deb. 296 00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:44,145 Jason, 297 00:10:44,231 --> 00:10:47,065 I have someone very special I want you to meet. 298 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,487 'Ello, Jason! 299 00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:54,873 Time to come down from the old ceiling, 300 00:10:54,992 --> 00:10:57,158 so why don't you grab a hold of me bill 301 00:10:57,294 --> 00:10:59,744 and I'll bloody well 'elp you down! 302 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,162 [gasps] 303 00:11:01,248 --> 00:11:03,498 Uh, okay, Jason. 304 00:11:03,634 --> 00:11:06,084 That puppet took Miss Watson eight weeks to make 305 00:11:06,169 --> 00:11:09,754 at an intensive intermediate puppeteering workshop. 306 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,423 So I'm just gonna need you 307 00:11:11,508 --> 00:11:13,892 to just gently pass him back down. 308 00:11:14,011 --> 00:11:14,893 [ripping] 309 00:11:15,012 --> 00:11:15,894 Oh! 310 00:11:16,013 --> 00:11:16,928 [gasps] 311 00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:17,929 Oh, my God! 312 00:11:18,015 --> 00:11:18,930 Mr. Waffles! 313 00:11:19,016 --> 00:11:21,266 [whimpering] 314 00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:22,484 Oh, my God. 315 00:11:22,569 --> 00:11:24,653 [sobbing] 316 00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:26,488 No. 317 00:11:30,327 --> 00:11:31,660 They must be at recess. 318 00:11:31,745 --> 00:11:33,445 Let's come back later. 319 00:11:36,533 --> 00:11:38,616 [crying] 320 00:11:38,702 --> 00:11:41,086 I gave up management opportunities 321 00:11:41,204 --> 00:11:43,955 at the Great Steak and Potato Company 322 00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:45,457 to be a teacher. 323 00:11:46,843 --> 00:11:50,512 I won't let Jason C. Take it all away from me. 324 00:11:52,432 --> 00:11:54,049 Bring back the head! 325 00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:04,553 Jason, my main man, 326 00:12:04,639 --> 00:12:08,357 Miss Feldman really needs you to stop moving. 327 00:12:08,476 --> 00:12:10,192 [ripping] 328 00:12:10,311 --> 00:12:12,394 You've got to be kidding me. 329 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,196 [ripping] 330 00:12:14,315 --> 00:12:15,147 Damn it! 331 00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:18,484 Everything from Marshalls! 332 00:12:19,954 --> 00:12:22,821 [dramatic music] 333 00:12:22,957 --> 00:12:25,324 ♪ ♪ 334 00:12:25,459 --> 00:12:27,076 To survive war, 335 00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:29,628 you must become war. 336 00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:33,832 Trevor and I were in love, 337 00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:35,158 and then, on his 18th birthday, 338 00:12:35,219 --> 00:12:37,169 he decided to have elective plastic surgery 339 00:12:37,254 --> 00:12:40,673 to eliminate his nasolabial folds. 340 00:12:40,758 --> 00:12:41,974 During the procedure, 341 00:12:42,059 --> 00:12:43,642 he had a stroke 342 00:12:43,728 --> 00:12:47,012 and lost all feeling above his shoulders. 343 00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:48,862 He couldn't feel his head. 344 00:12:50,518 --> 00:12:51,684 [fan activates] 345 00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:54,486 [fan blowing] 346 00:12:54,572 --> 00:12:56,105 Okay, stop. 347 00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:57,823 This isn't working! 348 00:12:57,908 --> 00:12:58,824 No, it is! 349 00:12:58,909 --> 00:13:01,160 You look windswept! 350 00:13:02,196 --> 00:13:03,696 Do I look sexy?! 351 00:13:04,749 --> 00:13:06,031 I suppose it was healthy, 352 00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:08,283 but I got to say, I miss Sloppy Joes and Tater Tots. 353 00:13:08,369 --> 00:13:10,002 - I do too. - [gasps] 354 00:13:10,087 --> 00:13:12,037 Superintendent Greg, there you are! 355 00:13:12,123 --> 00:13:13,076 We're a little busy. 356 00:13:13,161 --> 00:13:14,790 We're on our way to Miss Feldman's room. 357 00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:16,208 But-but-but first, 358 00:13:16,293 --> 00:13:18,377 you have to see the storage room. 359 00:13:18,462 --> 00:13:19,178 Uh-huh. 360 00:13:19,263 --> 00:13:20,546 It is the perfect place 361 00:13:20,631 --> 00:13:22,715 to put a full-size loom. 362 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,767 Or a darkroom 363 00:13:24,885 --> 00:13:26,518 for my postmortem photography. 364 00:13:26,604 --> 00:13:27,720 Your what? 365 00:13:27,805 --> 00:13:29,722 Just photography. 366 00:13:29,857 --> 00:13:31,473 Well, this is a fun suit, huh? 367 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,025 What is this, gabardine? 368 00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:38,480 [dramatic music] 369 00:13:38,566 --> 00:13:46,572 ♪ ♪ 370 00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:53,746 I will avenge you, Mr. Waffles. 371 00:13:53,881 --> 00:13:55,581 [farting sound] 372 00:13:56,917 --> 00:13:58,417 [farting sound continues] 373 00:13:58,552 --> 00:14:00,085 Armpit farts. 374 00:14:00,221 --> 00:14:01,670 He's not far. 375 00:14:04,258 --> 00:14:06,225 Here's an idea I want to run by you: 376 00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:08,594 A mixer for single dads 377 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:09,369 and teachers. 378 00:14:09,454 --> 00:14:10,556 Thank you, ladies, 379 00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,423 but we need to get to Miss Feldman's class. 380 00:14:12,508 --> 00:14:13,599 But first, the cafeteria. 381 00:14:13,684 --> 00:14:14,684 We've already been. 382 00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:16,129 Yes, but we still need to address 383 00:14:16,187 --> 00:14:17,436 the lack of... yogurt! 384 00:14:17,521 --> 00:14:19,271 I can't shake this yeast infection, 385 00:14:19,407 --> 00:14:21,887 and I'm sure as hell not putting another Monistat bomb up my... 386 00:14:21,942 --> 00:14:23,742 Oh, let's go! 387 00:14:23,828 --> 00:14:26,695 [dramatic music] 388 00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:32,117 ♪ ♪ 389 00:14:32,253 --> 00:14:33,535 When we were camping, 390 00:14:33,621 --> 00:14:35,838 due to Trevor's lack of feeling above the neck, 391 00:14:35,956 --> 00:14:39,425 he didn't notice a bear sniffing and licking him as he slept, 392 00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:42,961 so the bear at half his face. 393 00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:44,296 And then when we went to the hospital 394 00:14:44,432 --> 00:14:45,881 for the face transplant, 395 00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:46,941 they put his half face 396 00:14:47,026 --> 00:14:49,101 on the side where he already had half a face, 397 00:14:49,186 --> 00:14:51,360 so he had a double-half-face! 398 00:14:51,479 --> 00:14:52,855 [sobbing] 399 00:14:52,973 --> 00:14:55,357 It was just so difficult... 400 00:14:55,476 --> 00:14:56,328 for me. 401 00:14:56,484 --> 00:14:59,695 [dramatic music] 402 00:14:59,814 --> 00:15:01,146 ♪ ♪ 403 00:15:01,282 --> 00:15:03,031 It's a dead end. 404 00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:04,316 It's over. 405 00:15:04,401 --> 00:15:05,150 No! 406 00:15:05,286 --> 00:15:07,569 You need to ask yourself, 407 00:15:07,655 --> 00:15:10,039 do you want to do this the easy way 408 00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,491 or the hard way? 409 00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,962 I'm never coming down! 410 00:15:17,047 --> 00:15:18,213 Never! 411 00:15:18,332 --> 00:15:20,299 Hard way it is. 412 00:15:24,221 --> 00:15:26,312 And then he was hit by a bus. 413 00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,673 [sobs] 414 00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:31,760 [sniffs] 415 00:15:31,846 --> 00:15:33,979 I'm hoping this will be my second shot at love. 416 00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:37,483 You could easily fit 50 to 60 single dads in here. 417 00:15:37,568 --> 00:15:39,818 This classroom gets great light. 418 00:15:39,904 --> 00:15:42,020 Peas and rice! 419 00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:43,689 What is going on here? 420 00:15:45,776 --> 00:15:47,693 We were just... 421 00:15:47,828 --> 00:15:48,694 Just what? 422 00:15:48,829 --> 00:15:50,612 [crashing] 423 00:15:50,698 --> 00:15:53,165 [groaning] 424 00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:54,449 Oh, my God. 425 00:15:54,535 --> 00:15:55,535 My perfect body. 426 00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:56,870 Ohh. 427 00:15:59,039 --> 00:16:00,839 [groans] 428 00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:02,374 Feldman! 429 00:16:08,098 --> 00:16:13,552 And that is why you should never crawl up in a ceiling. 430 00:16:13,687 --> 00:16:15,437 Feldman. 431 00:16:15,556 --> 00:16:17,890 We're making a safety video. 432 00:16:18,025 --> 00:16:19,474 Yes. 433 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,693 I decided to take the initiative 434 00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:23,028 to make a safety video 435 00:16:23,113 --> 00:16:25,948 after last year's minor-in- the-grand-scheme-of-things 436 00:16:26,066 --> 00:16:28,867 potato battery incident. 437 00:16:28,953 --> 00:16:30,235 Did you know 438 00:16:30,871 --> 00:16:34,145 that one in seven... 439 00:16:35,108 --> 00:16:37,242 thousand children die 440 00:16:37,461 --> 00:16:39,523 in a ceiling-related accident? 441 00:16:40,831 --> 00:16:42,714 Let's make that stop. 442 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,417 Stop ceiling-related accidents! 443 00:16:45,553 --> 00:16:46,969 These ceilings are out of control. 444 00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:48,971 I lost a cousin to a ceiling. 445 00:16:49,089 --> 00:16:51,223 Yes. Ceilings hurt people. 446 00:16:53,227 --> 00:16:54,599 I am... 447 00:16:55,502 --> 00:16:56,551 stunned. 448 00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:59,250 I know you have to get going, Superintendent, 449 00:16:59,294 --> 00:17:00,528 so... 450 00:17:04,655 --> 00:17:07,272 And cut! 451 00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,408 All right, everybody. That is lunch. 452 00:17:10,744 --> 00:17:12,444 I had nothing to do with this. 453 00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:14,446 The teachers did everything on their own. 454 00:17:14,582 --> 00:17:15,948 That's very big of you to admit, Toby. 455 00:17:16,033 --> 00:17:18,784 Most principals try to take all the credit. 456 00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:20,452 That was an outstanding visit. 457 00:17:20,537 --> 00:17:22,327 Your teachers are motivated, 458 00:17:22,463 --> 00:17:24,122 constantly thinking outside the box, 459 00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:27,676 and brave feminists who realize there's still work to be done. 460 00:17:27,795 --> 00:17:29,378 And that safety video... 461 00:17:29,463 --> 00:17:31,129 Very forward-thinking. 462 00:17:31,215 --> 00:17:32,482 Color me impressed. 463 00:17:33,384 --> 00:17:35,089 Thank you so much. 464 00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:38,186 I am very proud of my staff. 465 00:17:38,305 --> 00:17:39,638 You should be. 466 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,469 Yahoo! 467 00:21:19,543 --> 00:21:21,793 [rock music] 468 00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:56,895 Okay, Jason, your 30 minutes of ceiling time is up. 469 00:18:02,503 --> 00:18:04,119 Miss Feldman, 470 00:18:04,238 --> 00:18:07,299 why does Jason get to go up in the ceiling every day? 471 00:18:07,385 --> 00:18:11,743 Because Jason brokered a deal using leverage. 472 00:18:12,478 --> 00:18:14,501 Does anyone know what leverage is? 473 00:18:14,587 --> 00:18:17,582 - Okay! - One, two, three, four, 474 00:18:17,668 --> 00:18:19,299 five, six, seven, eight. 475 00:18:19,418 --> 00:18:21,052 ♪ Ahh ♪ 476 00:18:21,138 --> 00:18:23,305 ♪ No one talks to me like that ♪ 477 00:18:23,424 --> 00:18:24,840 ♪ Ahh ♪ 478 00:18:24,925 --> 00:18:27,142 ♪ I'm not crazy ♪ 479 00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:28,677 ♪ Ah! Ah! Ah! ♪ 480 00:18:28,762 --> 00:18:30,562 ♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪ 481 00:18:30,647 --> 00:18:32,347 ♪ [sobbing] ♪ 482 00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:34,266 ♪ I'm not crazy ♪ 483 00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:35,650 ♪ Peas and rice ♪ 484 00:18:35,769 --> 00:18:37,769 ♪ What did you just say to me? ♪ 485 00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:39,488 ♪ Peas and rice ♪ 486 00:18:39,606 --> 00:18:41,440 ♪ I'm not crazy ♪ 487 00:18:41,575 --> 00:18:43,275 ♪ Ah! Ah! Ah! ♪ 488 00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:44,659 ♪ Shut it off! ♪ 489 00:18:44,778 --> 00:18:46,778 ♪ And that is why you should never ♪ 490 00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,750 ♪ Crawl up in a ceiling ♪