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Ripped By mstoll
2
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Here he is.
3
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Have you forgotten?
4
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- Forgotten what?
- The mountain.
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'Course I ain't forgotten.
You and me up Brokeback Mountain.
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You haven't seen Brokeback Mountain,
have you?
7
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No, how did you know that?
8
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Just a guess.
9
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But, you're not gonna climb
Benidorm's tallest mountain
10
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- like that, are you?
- No.
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I'm gonna climb it like this.
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Seriously though,
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you're gonna go up a mountain
in just flip flops?
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'Course I'm not gonna go up
the mountain in just flip flops!
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Okay, good.
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Right. Let's do this!
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Mate, we're gonna be out in the sun
all day long.
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We need food, sun cream,
you need a t-shirt.
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Mate, we ain't going up there
for a picnic,
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it's us against Mother Nature.
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We is gonna be like Barbeque Grills.
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Do you mean Bear Grylls?
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I don't know.
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I'm serious.
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We need proper clothing,
a bit of food and plenty of water.
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Go and get dressed, I'll nick some grub
from the breakfast bar,
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and you get the aguas in.
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Is that a problem?
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Nah, mate, no problem.
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You get the food, I'll get the aguas in.
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All right, sweet.
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See you in reception in 10 minutes.
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Cool. Tige, remember
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if you need me, call me,
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no matter where you are,
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no matter how far.
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- What?
- Just call my name,
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I'll be there in a hurry,
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on that you can depend,
and never worry.
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All I'm saying is,
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don't mention anything
about last night, son.
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Don't mention anything?
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I thought we could say
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we've decided to go home early
because I left the gas on.
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Mother, if you left the gas on
for three days,
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we'd have no home to go back to.
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I just don't want to embarrass her.
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Embarrass her?
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I was the one who had to peel her
off that bloke at reception
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at 4:00 this morning,
singing Sexual Healing.
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What were you singing that for?
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Not me, her.
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Here she comes.
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Good morning.
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Didn't expect to see you
'til this afternoon.
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Why ever not?
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We may be on holiday
but that's no excuse for lethargy.
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It's no excuse for straddling
the night porter
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while singing Marvin Gaye either.
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That's not fair, Pauline,
not if he was gay.
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I admit, it wasn't my finest hour.
But let's not get carried away.
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A little holiday spirit is expected
when one is on vacation.
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Yeah?
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You've drank more holiday spirit
than the rest of the hotel put together.
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A momentary lapse.
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I can assure you,
I no longer have a drink problem.
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No love, it's everyone around you
ends up with the problem.
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I think we just have to admit,
you're not in the right place
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to enjoy Benidorm, at the moment.
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Well, where is the right place?
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No, I'm saying Pauline's
not in the right space, in her head.
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Well, that makes even less sense.
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Pauline,
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Geoff and I have decided
to cut the holiday short.
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If you're not enjoying yourselves,
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I suppose there's no point
you being here.
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- For all of us.
- What?
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We're taking you home, Pauline.
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For your own sake.
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Absolute rubbish,
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I'm just getting into my stride.
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Ah yes, if you please?
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One very small large vodka
and orange, and a...
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Excuse me, where are you going?
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You, Sir, have the manners
of a armyard fanimal.
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A farmyard animal.
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Nobody will serve you, love.
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We're all going home.
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We can't go home.
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We're booked 'til the end of the week.
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We've already changed the flights.
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What?
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To when?
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When are we leaving?
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Go and pack your stuff, love.
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Excuse me.
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You weren't thinking of taking that food
out of the hotel, were you?
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Er, no, I was just using this bag
to carry everything back to my table.
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Yes, I'm afraid you're going to have to
put everything back at once, thank you.
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Ah, but the thing is,
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I'm climbing a mountain
with my friend Joey today.
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I don't care if you're digging a hole
to China, with David Yip.
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All food is to be consumed
on the premises.
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Who's David Yip?
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Welcome to The Solana, how can I help?
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Hola. I need your help.
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That's why I'm here, pal.
108
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I am in great need of a man.
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Oh, I see.
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Well, it's a bit early
but you could always try
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the Pink Trombone in the Old Town.
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Mind you, it doesn't get busy
until they open the finger buffet
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- at 1:00.
- Listen to me.
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I look for a man here.
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I am sorry.
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I travel far. I am tired.
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Look, I'm not sure I can help you pal.
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This man, he work here.
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Oh, I see. Well, why didn't you say so?
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Well, if you describe him,
I might know him.
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Okay, he has the black hair,
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er, tan for the skin and,
er, he is, er,
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how you say, er, a simple man.
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Can you be a bit more specific?
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He is Spanish.
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Oh, well, that doesn't really
narrow it down very much, pal.
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He has the name Mateo.
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Can I ask what this is about?
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I cannot say.
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It is a private matter
between me and Mateo.
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Right, as entertaining as this has been,
I've got work to do.
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Why don't you go
and wait at the pool bar through there,
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and I'll go and see if I can find Mateo?
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If you see him,
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you tell him
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it is a matter of life and death.
You understand?
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I think I do.
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Bloody hell.
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- There you go, one beer.
- Thanks, love.
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Has anyone told you how pretty you are?
141
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No, you're the first one ever.
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You on the beers already?
It's only 10:00.
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Is it?
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Thought it was later.
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- It's five to 10:00.
- Oh, aye.
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Excuse me, love.
Just top that up with lemonade will you?
147
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All the way to the top?
148
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No, just a dash, don't drown it.
149
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,709
Dad, er,
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00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:56,639
me and Sheron have been talking.
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00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,193
- Oh, aye?
- Yeah.
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And, I know she's been a bit
153
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resistant to the idea but,
she's reconsidered,
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and she's happy for you
to move in with us.
155
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Oh, she's seen the error
156
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,389
- of her ways, then?
- Yeah.
157
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,238
No, no. Don't say that in front of her.
158
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,954
It takes a big woman
to admit she was wrong.
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00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,553
- I don't mean fat, I mean...
- Dad, Dad, for God's sake,
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don't mess this up.
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It were her that nearly messed it up
telling me I couldn't live with you.
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- There you go.
- Thanks, love.
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There is one condition on you moving in.
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I knew the Ice Queen
would thaw eventually.
165
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No woman can resist the Dawson charm
for very long.
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Apart from lesbians.
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I'm not a magician.
168
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Look, Dad,
will you listen to me, please.
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You don't know
what this means to me, son.
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I can't bear the thought
of living alone any more.
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I need a house full of life,
full of love.
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I need my family back.
173
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,192
Now, what were you saying
about a condition?
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Oh, it was nothing.
175
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:57,794
It must have been something.
176
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No, no, it was just, erm...
177
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No, no ladies after 10:00.
178
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Not a problem.
179
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,598
I'm more of an afternoon delight
kind of man anyway.
180
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Please, Tige.
181
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,989
No more, please. I can't take it.
182
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,356
Mate, I can literally still see the bus.
183
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,670
Please, we need to rest.
184
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,229
I'm not an athlete.
185
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I can't feel my legs.
186
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Seriously. I'm not even joking,
I can't feel anything in my legs.
187
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Ow! All right, I can feel a bit.
188
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Come on, mate, what happened to
"Us against Mother Nature?"
189
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,914
No offence, but Mother Nature's a bitch.
190
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,439
Oh, come on.
191
00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,156
Would Barbeque Grills sit here moaning,
or would he climb the mountain?
192
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:02,589
Oh, my God.
193
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,275
There's a barbeque at the top?
194
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,675
Now you're talking.
195
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,948
Hey. Thanks for agreeing
to wear the uniform, Kenneth.
196
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,629
No worries.
197
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,712
And thank you for letting me
make a few adjustments.
198
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,755
What did I say?
It's all about compromise!
199
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,828
Hi Jacqueline, y'all right?
200
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:41,200
No. Well, yes. I've got a date tonight.
With a man.
201
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,717
And I need your advice.
202
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,398
Come on, Jacqueline,
I don't mean to sound rude,
203
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,755
but your experience with men
is even greater than mine.
204
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:49,629
Who's the lucky fella?
205
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,558
Troy, for goodness sake,
like we don't know.
206
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,399
They were wrestling each other
to the ground
207
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:54,515
yesterday, 'round that pool.
208
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:55,999
No, we were not!
209
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,471
He just rubbed a bit of suntan cream
on me back.
210
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,989
Yeah, and in Neptune's, he was rubbing
the creases of his trousers
211
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,752
while he watched you play
with your bubble and squeak.
212
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:05,992
I honestly can't remember,
what does he look like?
213
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:11,319
He looks a bit like a drunken,
sunburnt Santa Claus on holiday.
214
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:12,959
Right, well, you better make sure
215
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,678
you don't end up
on his naughty list, eh?
216
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,558
Yeah, and make sure he wraps his present
before he shoves it down your chimney.
217
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,589
God!
218
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,589
What?
219
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,629
What?
220
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:40,989
Come on.
221
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,838
Why aren't you answering your phone?
222
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:50,909
Is everything okay?
223
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,750
I am sleeping in the place I work.
Of course everything is not okay.
224
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,956
Well, you've stayed here
loads of times before
225
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,029
and never complained.
226
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,310
Yes, but that is when
I am sleeping with a guest.
227
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,075
It is different when you are paying
for this rubbish yourself.
228
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,952
Well, why don't you get a proper place?
229
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,392
With what, Les? Hmm?
230
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,634
My wife, she take everything.
She leave me with nothing.
231
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,035
Listen, your shifts in half an hour,
but I came to tell you
232
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,879
there's a Spanish fella downstairs
looking for you.
233
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,798
For me? What does he look like?
234
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:22,312
Er, leather waistcoat, slick black hair,
seemed quite aggressive.
235
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,431
- What did he say?
- He said he wants to see you,
236
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,839
and it's a matter of life and death.
237
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,392
- Madre mia!
- What's going on?
238
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,429
Come in Les, I tell you.
239
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,432
I think the fan
has finally hit on the shit.
240
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,436
Mate, mate, can we stop?
241
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,759
Oh, not again!
We're stopping every five minutes.
242
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,718
No, Tige, you don't understand,
this time I need the toilet.
243
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:45,789
Well, go on then.
244
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:47,829
Well, where is it?
245
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,473
- Where's what?
- The toilet.
246
00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,512
You go straight up this path,
247
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,433
and it's the first on your left.
248
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,189
Cheers.
249
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,920
Where you going, you muppet,
just go anywhere.
250
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,350
Oh cool, yeah. Hang on a sec.
251
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,557
What on Earth
do you think you are doing?
252
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,352
Nothing major bruv, just having a slash.
253
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,233
Did you actually take the time
254
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,073
to look at the place
that you're fouling?
255
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,192
Oh, easy mate, he ain't a dog.
256
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,317
I'm not your mate. Look,
257
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,830
this is the memorial plaque
of the late Antonio Guardez.
258
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,398
The finest mountaineer
in Spanish history.
259
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,358
He can't be that great
if he's late all the time.
260
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:44,954
Well said, bruv.
261
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,229
Thanks, Tige.
262
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,073
I'll wait
until you've washed your hands, mate.
263
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,229
Fair point, bruv.
264
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,349
It means he's dead.
265
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:56,317
I will not have his memory soiled
by a couple of execrable yahoos.
266
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,675
I am the tourist liaison officer
to Benidorm
267
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:03,157
and the amount of obnoxious,
loutish behaviour
268
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:06,198
for which I have to apologise,
is insurmountable.
269
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:10,313
Why can't you just behave, you people?
For once.
270
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,074
We're climbing a mountain.
We ain't hurting anyone.
271
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,958
Well, I'm reporting you.
272
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,548
Who to? The piss police?
273
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,758
Come bruv, let's bounce,
we got a mountain to climb.
274
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:22,949
Innit.
275
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,598
Wait there! I want both of your names!
276
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,069
Where are you going?
277
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,038
I am making a citizen's arrest!
278
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:31,671
Come back here at once!
279
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,189
That's him there.
280
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,790
Ostia! It is him.
281
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,311
Are you sure?
You can't see his face.
282
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,789
I do not need to see his face.
283
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,029
This is my brother-in-law.
284
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:47,829
People call him "the Axeman".
285
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:50,949
Why do they call him the Axeman?
286
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,590
- He is very excellent at the guitar.
- Oh.
287
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,551
And once he killed a man. With an axe.
288
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:58,549
Bloody hell.
289
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,109
But why is he after you?
290
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,311
I brought shame on the family
of my wife,
291
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,753
this is why I moved to Madrid.
292
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,909
I thought I could slip back to Benidorm,
and lie on the low.
293
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,396
But someone must have done
a dirty on me.
294
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,029
Got anywhere to go?
295
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,149
No, I do not.
296
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,149
But I must accept,
297
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,191
now that Maria's family
have caught up with me,
298
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,951
this is now my life with the runs.
299
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,833
I think you mean "on the run".
300
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:27,714
Les, the man is an axe murderer,
I know what I am saying.
301
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:30,909
Hasta luego.
302
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,309
Listen, Sheron.
303
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,318
I just wanted to say thank you.
304
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,355
Oh, that's okay.
305
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,116
You know, for finally
coming to your senses.
306
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,797
We can all act a bit childishly
from time to time
307
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,913
but it's nice to see you decided
to grow up a bit.
308
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,633
I really appreciate it.
309
00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:56,755
You're welcome, Eddie.
310
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,199
And you're happy with the condition?
311
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,353
I wouldn't say I'm happy,
but I don't want to rock the boat.
312
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:03,869
Thank you.
313
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,439
Not after 10:00 anyway.
314
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:12,989
That's it.
315
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,150
Nice one, Jodie.
You'll be swimming in no time.
316
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,476
Let go! I want to swim on my own.
317
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,595
- Sure?
- Yeah.
318
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,153
Hey! Amazing!
319
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,429
Don't go too far!
320
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,229
She's a natural.
321
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,229
Yeah.
322
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,278
The fact that she's wearing
so many inflatables
323
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,555
it would take a nuclear bomb
to sink her, has nothing to do with it.
324
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:37,829
Oh, can I get another lemonade?
325
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,069
Yeah, sure.
326
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,798
You not on the beer like everyone else?
327
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,191
- No, I'm er...
- Under age?
328
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:48,754
Not a big drinker.
329
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,998
- I'm 23.
- Really? You don't look it.
330
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:56,154
I say it's embarrassing but me Dad says
I'll appreciate it in years to come.
331
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:57,789
Cheers.
332
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,670
So, you're not on a big boozy
Benidorm holiday then?
333
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,353
Nah, I can do that anytime.
334
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,239
I like spending time with me family.
335
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,669
That's nice.
336
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,236
And you've got your little sister
to look after.
337
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:09,509
Yeah.
338
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,398
And, as you know me grandad
keeps trying to kill her,
339
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:12,879
so, it keeps me on me toes.
340
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,189
It's a joke.
341
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,351
I didn't want to ask
if she was your sister.
342
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:22,709
Sounds nosey.
343
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,069
Big age gap.
344
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,589
She wasn't really planned but,
345
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,034
sometimes life's little surprises
turn out to be
346
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,189
just what you're looking for.
347
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,429
Ey, come back here, you!
348
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,798
Breath it in, Joey.
349
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,349
Do you know what that is?
350
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,514
It's either Ferrari or David Beckham.
351
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:06,829
Eh?
352
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,956
My aftershave, I can't remember
which one I put on.
353
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:10,869
No, mate.
354
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,998
I am talking about
the sweet smell of success.
355
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,118
Oh, that! Yeah, sweet as!
356
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:24,669
Right.
357
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:30,269
We've earned this.
358
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:34,389
Is that all you got?
359
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,029
Sorry, man,
360
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,151
they made me put back
all the breakfast stuff.
361
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:53,949
Water.
362
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:55,629
I need water.
363
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,035
Yeah, go on, I'll have one as well.
364
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,229
What do you mean "Go on"?
365
00:18:58,480 --> 00:18:59,595
You said you'd get the water.
366
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:00,989
No, I haven't.
367
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,033
I was getting the food,
you were getting the water.
368
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:06,272
No, you said
you were getting the food and supplies.
369
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,314
Bruv, I was supposed to get the food,
370
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,830
I asked you to get the aguas in.
371
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,712
Yeah, I got that.
372
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,109
I got them from the chemist.
373
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,069
Oh, my God.
374
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,915
I assumed they were
mountain climbing pills or something.
375
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:28,396
Stop talking, Joey, please, just
376
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,716
stop talking.
I need a little quiet time.
377
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,599
Hang on, look!
378
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,430
Mate, we're really sorry about earlier
but we've got no water!
379
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,431
Please! Can we borrow some of yours?
380
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,154
So you can urinate
on another hero's tomb?
381
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:50,669
Hardly think so.
382
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,193
Please, sir!
We'll do anything.
383
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,272
Just one little drop of water.
384
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,393
I've just done a whole bag
of ready salted and I'm like...
385
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,080
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
But if I help you now,
386
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,479
you'll never learn will you?
387
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,912
Please sir! Please sir! Please!
388
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,109
Good day.
389
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,598
No!
390
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,835
To the first day
of the rest of your life.
391
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,239
Oh, I hope not.
392
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:47,031
She had terrible cradle cap
on the first day of her life.
393
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,240
She looked like she'd been rubbed down
394
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:51,913
with a yard brush.
395
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:53,475
I don't mean that.
396
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,269
What I mean is, ya know,
it's a re-birth, a renaissance.
397
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,395
You're not saying much, Pauline.
398
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,756
That call I made in the taxi,
399
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,749
it was to my sponsor.
400
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:12,113
I didn't know you were being sponsored.
Maybe we should have walked here.
401
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:17,035
Not on a sponsored walk,
she's in a recovery programme.
402
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,870
You're in a programme?
403
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,795
They've not been filming us have they?
404
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,518
I'd have put a bit of lippy on.
405
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,272
Oh, for God's sake!
406
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,108
Is there any wonder
I've been bulldozed into a relapse
407
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,555
listening to this
unremitting gibberish all day.
408
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,953
I'm... I'm sorry, Pauline.
409
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,197
I just get confused.
410
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,270
No need to be sorry, Mum,
411
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,874
if anyone has an apology to make
then it's Pauline.
412
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,349
As I was saying,
413
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,078
I have spoken to my sponsor
and she agrees that I should...
414
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,510
We should leave Benidorm.
415
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:02,196
I have been reintroduced
to my higher power, and...
416
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,837
And I would like you to know
that I regret any harm or upset
417
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,833
I may have caused,
and hope we can move on.
418
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,514
I'm that proud of you, Pauline.
419
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:18,758
Excellent philosophy.
420
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,876
One I subscribe to myself, actually.
421
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,877
Once the tide has gone out,
that ship has sailed.
422
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,158
To moving forward, with all our lives.
423
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:39,989
Hello, Geoff.
424
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,154
Rubella!
425
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:47,829
Hello, love.
426
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:50,839
Fancy seeing you here.
427
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,039
Er, excuse me.
428
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,309
Where are you going?
429
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,351
Sorry Miss Temple Savage,
I tried to find you,
430
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,750
- but I need to go to the doctor's.
- Mateo.
431
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:25,437
I have been lied to by men
for most of my adult life.
432
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,794
I can smell a rat a mile away.
433
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,672
You can smell a rat one mile away?
434
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:31,909
It's a saying.
435
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,428
Do you want me to move the rat?
436
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,278
- While I am at the doctor?
- Get back to work.
437
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,915
If you go out that door,
consider yourself sacked.
438
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,079
Do you understand that?
439
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,313
Yes, Miss Temple Savage.
440
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,349
Put your badge on.
441
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,309
Eh...
442
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,637
- Eh...
- Come on, bruv,
443
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:06,469
you're doing well.
444
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,953
My mouth, Is oh, rye.
445
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,516
Mate, I can't understand
a word you're saying.
446
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:14,828
Mah mou'!
447
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,029
Mouh mouh?
448
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,391
- What does that mean?
- Not mouh mouh!
449
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,758
Mouh mouh ii o rye.
450
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,350
Mate, I don't wanna keep talking,
my mouth is really dry.
451
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:33,069
Oh, my God!
452
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,479
There's a rucksack on the ground.
453
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,789
It might have water in it.
454
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:41,873
It's one of those water bottle things!
455
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,671
Here you go bruv, you first.
456
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,355
O.F.M.G. That's better.
457
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:52,509
There you go, mate.
458
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,552
That's it Tige, get it down you, bruv.
459
00:24:59,000 --> 00:24:59,989
Hello?
460
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:01,709
Hello?
461
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:03,469
Is anyone there?
462
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:05,549
I'm down here!
463
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,199
Help! Help!
464
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:12,033
Oh, thank goodness! Salvation.
465
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:17,550
Erm, could you get my rope?
It's in the ruck sack.
466
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,355
I think I may have broken my ankle.
467
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,712
You see the thing is,
if we help you now,
468
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,233
you'll never learn will you?
469
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,149
Come on, Joey.
470
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,432
Hang on a minute bruv, all that water,
471
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,079
I think I need another wee.
472
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,988
- Would you mind, bruv?
- Certainly.
473
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,677
What? No!
474
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:41,429
Jokes!
475
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:04,709
You're in a good mood.
476
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:08,554
Well, I've got the sun, good book,
cold drink, music,
477
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:09,629
what else do I need?
478
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:11,992
I know why you're in a good mood.
479
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,474
Oh, yeah? Go on then.
480
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:15,993
Because you were talking to that girl.
481
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,799
- Wa-hey! Go on, my son!
- Shut up.
482
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:19,909
The girl at the bar?
483
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,197
We were just talking.
484
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,116
Her name's Amber, she likes you.
485
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,276
How do you know her name?
And how do you know she likes me?
486
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,879
Because she's not daft,
487
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,197
she takes after her mother,
don't you, darling?
488
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,317
Nice one, Roberto!
489
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:36,674
Oh, can you all just shut up?
490
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,589
- Well, that's a relief.
- What is?
491
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,956
We all thought you
were a bit, er, light in the loafers.
492
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:44,189
Light in me what?
493
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,317
Well, all that reading, dying your hair
and poncing about.
494
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,476
I've never dyed me hair.
495
00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,313
You want to get in there
like a rat up a drainpipe.
496
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,400
Hang about and that greasy Spaniard
she works with
497
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,550
will be going through her
like a dose of salts.
498
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,437
Oh! Do you mind?
499
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,629
I'm squiring a young lady this evening,
maybe we could double date?
500
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,199
You're doing what to a young lady?
501
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,316
I haven't got a date,
just leave me alone.
502
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:10,709
Now look what you've done.
503
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:14,833
Who are you going on a date with?
504
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,908
That old trollop
he was rubbing sun cream into yesterday.
505
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,313
I'm a single man, Sheron.
I'll rub sun cream into whoever I like.
506
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:23,909
Right.
507
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,358
Time to siphon the python,
508
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,599
and then I'm going to get myself
a bit of Dutch courage for tonight.
509
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,837
You have told him about the condition
of him staying with us, haven't you?
510
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,672
Yes, of course I have.
511
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,278
Are you feeling okay, mate?
512
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,192
For the last time, I am not your mate.
513
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,157
And, no, I am far from okay.
514
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,236
You imbeciles might as well
have dragged me down the mountain
515
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:00,309
by my rope.
516
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,868
God knows the additional damage
you've done to my ankle.
517
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:04,839
Is this guy for real?
518
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,835
Levame al hospital.
519
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:09,994
Rapido! Rapido.
520
00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:12,349
Careful.
521
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,273
Oh, mister. Here you go, take these.
522
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,189
- Why on Earth would I take these?
- For the pain.
523
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:21,549
Ugh!
524
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,791
Animals! Disgusting animals!
525
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:25,553
Careful, careful.
526
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,234
Qui dado, poco poco.
527
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:32,949
Why was she laughing at me?
528
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,793
Cos it looks like you've bought
the Spanish version of Viagra, mate.
529
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,269
- What? You're joking me?
- Nope!
530
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,116
I thought the guy in the chemist
looked at me funny.
531
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,160
I bought four boxes and said I was
going up Brokeback Mountain
532
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:48,229
with my best mate!
533
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:55,669
Cheers, pal.
534
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,318
Honestly, he's not here,
and he won't be back any time soon.
535
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,278
It is strange how this hotel
seems to run without any staff at all.
536
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,313
Look. I think the best thing to do
is leave a contact number
537
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,868
and if Mateo turns up,
I'll get in touch, okay?
538
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:15,195
Listen to me, I know he is here, okay?
539
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,157
- Julio!
- Mateo!
540
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,478
Les, why did you not tell me
my dear friend Julio is here to visit?
541
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,836
- But. I thought you said...
- We worked together in Madrid.
542
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:31,594
It is good to see you, brother.
543
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,188
So what brings you to Benidorm?
544
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,868
Well, I come
to visit my mother in Albir.
545
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,839
But, er, I bring you sad news.
546
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,517
Senora Ana Garcia,
she has passed to the other side.
547
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:44,239
Senora Garcia? No.
548
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,996
My heart is breaking
to hear this, Julio.
549
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:48,155
Who's this then?
550
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,595
Senora Garcia, she was
a very old resident
551
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:51,829
at the hotel in Madrid.
552
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:53,389
A fine woman.
553
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:54,709
The finest.
554
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,232
She knew she was dying,
555
00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,554
she left cards for all the hotel staff.
556
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,871
An amazing woman, thank you Julio.
557
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,151
Don't lose it, eh.
There is 100 euros inside.
558
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,673
She gave this to all the workers,
a final tip.
559
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,598
Ah, a generous woman.
560
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,837
And how you say, insatiable.
561
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,515
On Mondays and Tuesdays,
we go to the cinema,
562
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:20,319
Wednesday to the bowling alley,
563
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:24,668
Thursday a classical music concert,
and Fridays we go to the ice rink.
564
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,076
- You certainly get around town.
- No.
565
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,278
All of these things are in our home.
566
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,678
You've got an ice rink in your house?
567
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,389
Wah, do not be silly, Geoffrey!
568
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,679
It is in one of our outbuildings.
569
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:40,469
Yeah, of course.
570
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,478
It's good to see you're happy, Lonela.
571
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,472
Oh, Geoffrey.
572
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:49,479
If only this were true.
573
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:51,869
But,
574
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,153
you've got everything
you've ever wanted,
575
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:56,273
a rich husband...
576
00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:58,829
Well, that was it.
577
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:00,269
A rich husband.
578
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:02,918
But I still do not have a family.
579
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:05,908
A mother who loves me,
580
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,309
a drunk, aggressive sister
to protect me.
581
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:10,353
I never said she was a drunk.
582
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,552
I am sorry, you are right,
those were not your words.
583
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,593
You said "raging alcoholic".
584
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:17,989
Did I?
585
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,392
These simple things you have,
586
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:29,075
they are my heart's desire,
more than any diamonds, limousines,
587
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:33,075
surround sound 3D home cinema system
with reclining leather chairs...
588
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,309
And an ice rink.
589
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:37,429
But,
590
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:40,032
you could have all of these, Lonela.
591
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:42,719
You could have all of these things.
592
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,029
How?
593
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,516
How can these things be mine, Geoffrey?
594
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:51,799
Get on a plane with us, tonight.
595
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:55,792
- What?
- Well, why not?
596
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:58,234
It's worth a shot, isn't it?
597
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,479
Look, I can see you're not happy.
598
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:03,959
Why not take the chance?
599
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:06,919
- But...
- We don't have
600
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,151
a bowling alley in our basement, Lonela.
601
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:11,869
We don't even have a basement.
602
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:14,555
We don't have a home cinema.
603
00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:17,154
But, there's an Odeon
just round the corner
604
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,753
and it's two for one on Wednesdays.
605
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:21,879
- What do you say?
- Oh.
606
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,229
Geoff, I...
607
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,072
You have to listen
to your heart, Lonela.
608
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:27,789
Not your head.
609
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,511
Our flight leaves at 10:00 tonight.
610
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,039
Take the day to think about it.
611
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:38,189
You know where I'll be.
612
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:20,433
Seventeen, 18, 18.50.
613
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,397
Not really enough to go
into Benidorm, mate.
614
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,991
Looks like we're stuck in here
for the rest of the holiday.
615
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:27,839
Can't believe it, man.
616
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,873
We climb Brokeback Mountain
and we have to celebrate in this place.
617
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:35,352
Mate, how many times,
Brokeback Mountain is not in Benidorm.
618
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,118
Oh, right, where is it?
619
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:38,509
It ain't anywhere.
620
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,429
Brokeback Mountain is a movie
about two gay cowboys.
621
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,433
- What?
- For real.
622
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:46,956
Well, I think one of them is gay
623
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,508
but the other one
gets a bit jiggy with him in their tent.
624
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:50,629
You've seen it?
625
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,831
Mate, you got something
you wanna tell me?
626
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:55,434
Ugh, no!
627
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:57,389
Don't be an idiot.
628
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,869
- Everybody's seen it.
- I ain't.
629
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,750
Mate, I know you ain't gay,
but if you is just a bit greedy,
630
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:09,355
no problems bruv. I got an uncle
whose wife is Lebanese.
631
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,194
- Your uncle's wife is Lebanese?
- Yeah.
632
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,355
- So what?
- Exactly, man!
633
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:20,189
That don't make her a bad person.
This is 2014, bruv!
634
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:22,554
It's 2015.
635
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:23,949
Is it?
636
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:49,679
Yeah, it's a real shock
637
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,194
to suddenly become single again
at our age.
638
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,231
Oh, you can say that again.
639
00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:59,032
It's been over six months
but I can't get used to waking up
640
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:02,789
and not have that special someone
to the left of me.
641
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,918
- Yep.
- And Donald to the right of me.
642
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:13,876
I've got to admit, Mary and I
had separate beds for the last
643
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:15,789
38 years.
644
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,714
- How many years were you married?
- Thirty-nine.
645
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:20,669
Ah.
646
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:25,438
I used to like to go out to the pub,
whereas Mary was a home bird.
647
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,357
And I didn't want to wake her
coming home stinking of booze.
648
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,591
I always used to say,
649
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:35,195
"If I'm not in bed by midnight,
I'm going home."
650
00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:42,030
Jacqueline,
am I getting wrong signals here?
651
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:46,236
It sounds like you
and your late husband led quite a...
652
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,234
An adventurous lifestyle.
653
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,672
We were swingers, did I not mention it?
654
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:53,349
No,
655
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:56,318
but I kind of got the impression.
656
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,870
Did you and Mary
not have much of a sex life?
657
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:04,596
Oh, don't mind us, this is fascinating.
658
00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:13,756
Thank you very much, please call again.
659
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:16,389
Mateo.
660
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,152
We need to talk
about your living arrangements.
661
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:19,872
You can arrange for me a better room?
662
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:21,394
I'm afraid not.
663
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,757
It's against company policy
for staff to stay on the premises.
664
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,275
I didn't mind you bedding down
while you got settled,
665
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,792
but I can't keep up
your heavily discounted rate.
666
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:32,389
I understand.
667
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,552
You owe us 96 euros for your stay,
668
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,150
but I'll take it out
of your next paycheque.
669
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:41,834
No. No problem. I have the money.
670
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,756
- What is this?
- One hundred euros.
671
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,550
And I need my four euros change.
672
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,029
Mateo.
673
00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:56,912
This isn't 100 euros.
674
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,356
Oh, she give me a cheque.
Okay, take the money from my salary.
675
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:04,399
No, no, no, no!
I mean it's a lot more than 100 euros.
676
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:06,629
Ostia!
677
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:08,148
Ten thousand euros.
678
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,396
Somebody obviously likes you.
679
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,710
- Señora Garcia!
- Who?
680
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,195
She was a resident
from The Hotel Rio in Madrid.
681
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:23,592
In English she say,
"Mateo, you were always my favourite.
682
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:29,475
"Your handsome face, your kind,
how you say, service,
683
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,155
"and the best ass in all of Spain.
684
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:36,749
"If only I had been 30 years
more young. Senora Garcia."
685
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,633
Thirty years younger? How old was she?
686
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,751
Maybe close to 100.
687
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,235
But she still knew a good ass
when she saw one.
688
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,349
Thank you.
689
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,198
This place ain't so bad, mate!
690
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:03,516
I might have to treat you
to a bit of Ed Sheeran later.
691
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,996
- Shit!
- All right, easy man!
692
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:08,470
- How about Flo Rida?
- No, look!
693
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:11,199
Oh, my God!
694
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,955
He must have got our fingerprints
off his water thingy,
695
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,429
then got a lab to run them
through his tourist computer,
696
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:18,716
and then checked it
with every hotel in Benidorm!
697
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:20,998
Or he just looked at our wristbands.
698
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:22,429
Evening, gentlemen.
699
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,434
- Hi, mate, you all right?
- Er, not really, no.
700
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,149
I've just spent the entire evening
in hospital, thanks to you two.
701
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:29,389
Hang on! It ain't our fault
702
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,118
- you broke your ankle!
- No, it wasn't.
703
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:33,749
But it was thanks to both of you
that I made it to the hospital.
704
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,313
Yeah well ain't our fault if...
705
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:37,950
Wait, that's a good thing, yeah?
706
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:39,389
Indeed it is.
707
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,516
Which is why I came here
to say thank you.
708
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,508
You see, in my job,
I tend to come across
709
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,750
the bad behaviour of a few idiots,
710
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,878
and rather forget
that the vast majority of Brits
711
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,434
who come to Benidorm are decent people,
712
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:53,839
enjoying a well-earned break.
713
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:58,029
So, I came here to thank you
for reminding me of that fact.
714
00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,549
No worries.
715
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,029
And also to tell you
that I've nominated you both
716
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,829
in the category of "Local Hero"
for The Pride of Benidorm Awards,
717
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,150
on Friday night at the Benidorm Palace.
718
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,077
- Are you serious?
- Absolutely.
719
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:11,429
I hope you can make it.
720
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,080
I think I have a window
in my diary. Joey?
721
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:15,349
I haven't got a diary.
722
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,590
Right, well, it's 7:30,
Friday, Benidorm Palace.
723
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:20,715
Here's my card.
724
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,756
If there's anything I can do for you,
let me know.
725
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,674
Oh, and if you present that
to any British owned bar
726
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:27,313
in Benidorm before Saturday,
727
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:28,993
er, it'll see you right
728
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:30,399
for a couple of rounds of drinks
for both of you.
729
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:31,829
Okay, chaps?
730
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:33,309
Nice one!
731
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,074
Oh, just remember to, er,
always drink responsi...
732
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:40,469
I don't know why I bother.
733
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,675
The wonderful Leroy C
and his Motown Memories!
734
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,032
And now it's time to hear
from your good selves.
735
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:06,838
It's karaoke time.
736
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:11,358
And the first greyhound
out of the trap is Jacqueline.
737
00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:13,199
Where are you Jacqueline?
738
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:53,431
Ah, it's nice to see him happy.
739
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,158
What you talking about?
He's always happy.
740
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,359
It's all the people around him
who have a problem enjoying themselves.
741
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,511
I sometimes think
that's all a bit of a front, ya know?
742
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:02,389
Really?
743
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:04,669
Are you worried about him?
744
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:24,715
No, you know what,
I think he'll be all right.
745
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:27,919
Thanks again for letting him
come and stay.
746
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:29,599
We'll just see
how it goes for a bit, eh?
747
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:30,669
That's all right, love.
748
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:32,677
I'm surprised he agreed to it,
to be honest.
749
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,796
Who'd want to live in a caravan
on the front drive?
750
00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:57,314
- There you go.
- Cheers, thanks.
751
00:41:58,080 --> 00:41:59,069
Listen,
752
00:41:59,240 --> 00:42:02,994
I was wondering if you'd like to go
for a drink at some point.
753
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:04,919
You know, one that's not all inclusive.
754
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:07,790
I work late most nights.
755
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:08,909
So that means no.
756
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:13,557
No, that means it would have to be
a late drink, after 11:00.
757
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:16,799
Right. Okay. Nice one.
758
00:42:17,240 --> 00:42:18,229
How about Friday?
759
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:22,839
Our last day. Yeah, cool.
See you Friday.
760
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,430
Why don't you take
all them extra clothes off now?
761
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:38,437
And where am I gonna put them?
762
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:40,990
The bags have all been checked in.
763
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:44,351
I knew that Spanish ham
would tip us over.
764
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:46,715
Sorry about that,
a few last minute gifts.
765
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:52,352
Oh, Pauline, no,
I thought that was all behind you?
766
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,477
- For the girls in the office.
- Oh, good lass!
767
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,188
I think we're boarding.
768
00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:04,271
No sign of Rubella, love?
769
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:05,789
No.
770
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:07,949
I'm sorry, son.
771
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:10,993
Well, it's her loss.
772
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:12,869
Thanks, Pauline.
773
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:15,949
Come on.
774
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:18,949
We've got a plane to catch.
775
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:41,269
Geoff!
776
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:43,069
Geoffrey!
777
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:44,549
Lonela.
778
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:51,919
I can't believe you came?
779
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,353
Of course I came.
780
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:57,232
- Where's your bag?
- I do not need a bag.
781
00:43:58,400 --> 00:43:59,389
No, you're right.
782
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:01,034
Who cares about all that?
783
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:02,429
It's just stuff, right?
784
00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:06,314
- But you remembered your passport?
- I do not need my passport!
785
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:07,509
You're right!
786
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:09,029
Who cares about...
787
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:12,794
Actually, no, you definitely
do need a passport.
788
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:13,989
Geoffrey,
789
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,159
I thought about what you said,
790
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,273
about listening to my heart,
and not my head.
791
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,239
I listened very carefully,
792
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:24,274
and in the end I chose my heart.
793
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,876
And my heart tells me
that I want to stay
794
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,835
with my multi-millionaire
Russian husband.
795
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:34,874
And, of course,
796
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:36,829
my head agrees.
797
00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:41,709
So...
798
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,273
Why did you come to the airport?
799
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:46,955
To say goodbye.
800
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:48,993
But we said goodbye in Albir.
801
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:53,557
Did you have to run in so dramatically?
802
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:56,229
I'm sorry, I...
803
00:44:57,840 --> 00:44:58,829
Goodbye, Geoffrey.
804
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:03,829
Yeah,
805
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:06,189
see ya later.
806
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:07,709
Rubella.
807
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:30,669
Come on, son.
808
00:45:31,240 --> 00:45:32,514
Time to go home.
809
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,073
She was too glamourous for you.
810
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:44,389
Too pretty.
811
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,079
And way too tall.
812
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,516
You do realise you're saying
all these things out loud, don't you?
813
00:45:52,500 --> 00:46:00,500
Ripped By mstoll