1
00:00:04,523 --> 00:00:05,205
Twins...
2
00:00:05,545 --> 00:00:06,841
Nature's weirdoes!
3
00:00:07,182 --> 00:00:09,568
Certain cultures kill them immediatly!
4
00:00:09,688 --> 00:00:12,341
And I get that, they are a lot of work.
5
00:00:12,461 --> 00:00:15,031
But in this country, they're celebrated.
6
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Twins spend nine months as womb-mates,
7
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so they're born best friends.
8
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I can see how that would be cool.
9
00:00:22,091 --> 00:00:25,126
Twins always have someone
to do something with.
10
00:00:25,161 --> 00:00:27,078
They renovate houses together.
11
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They ride tiny motorbikes together.
12
00:00:29,315 --> 00:00:32,166
They even haunt hotels together.
13
00:00:32,218 --> 00:00:34,318
And my twins, Jack and Diane...
14
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- Oh, yeah!
- are no different.
15
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They have a bond no
one could ever break.
16
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We don't want to be twins anymore.
17
00:00:41,978 --> 00:00:44,645
We don't?
18
00:00:45,566 --> 00:00:47,681
Synced and corrected by OussLP
- www.addic7ed.com
19
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I'm tired of being Jack and Diane.
20
00:00:51,454 --> 00:00:54,271
Now I'm just ready to be "and Diane."
21
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Uh, but you're a twin.
22
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I didn't ask to be.
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Look, we need separate rooms
24
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because I hate Jack a
little more each day.
25
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:01,862
- Oh.
- You do?
26
00:01:01,864 --> 00:01:03,697
Sorry, friend, but you suck.
27
00:01:03,699 --> 00:01:05,249
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
28
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Someone obviously woke up
on the wrong side of the bed
29
00:01:09,772 --> 00:01:11,589
for the 300th morning in a row.
30
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You have no idea what's it like
31
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trying to go to sleep
in a room with him.
32
00:01:15,178 --> 00:01:17,344
And then LeBron got the ball.
33
00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:19,797
And then LeBron passed it to Kyrie.
34
00:01:19,849 --> 00:01:22,516
And then Kyrie passed it back to LeBron.
35
00:01:22,552 --> 00:01:24,602
And then he made a short-range jumper.
36
00:01:24,637 --> 00:01:27,054
And then Kyrie got the ball.
37
00:01:27,106 --> 00:01:29,190
And then he crossed up Damian Lillard.
38
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Are you kidding me? I was like, "Dude!"
39
00:01:31,277 --> 00:01:32,810
Half an hour.
40
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No twists.
41
00:01:34,197 --> 00:01:35,563
It's like an episode of "Entourage."
42
00:01:35,615 --> 00:01:36,647
What?
43
00:01:36,699 --> 00:01:39,950
I just give details,
and then I give context,
44
00:01:39,986 --> 00:01:42,069
and then... Please separate us.
45
00:01:42,071 --> 00:01:45,239
Plus, keeping this clown alive
is basically a full-time job.
46
00:01:51,831 --> 00:01:53,798
Do you have any idea what it feels like
47
00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:55,850
to be permanently hitched
to an embarrassing dope
48
00:01:55,885 --> 00:01:57,668
who can barely even
take care of himself?
49
00:01:58,921 --> 00:02:00,087
Hey.
50
00:02:00,089 --> 00:02:02,006
Really think about what
we just talked about.
51
00:02:02,058 --> 00:02:03,140
Okay?
52
00:02:03,176 --> 00:02:04,141
Mm-hmm.
53
00:02:05,678 --> 00:02:08,796
So, she still wanting to
do that splitting-up thing?
54
00:02:08,831 --> 00:02:10,264
And are we going to do that?
55
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Uh, of course not.
56
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,933
- Oh, okay.
- Dre, come on.
57
00:02:12,935 --> 00:02:14,902
I did a psych rotation in med school.
58
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This is just a phase.
59
00:02:16,322 --> 00:02:17,354
I don't know.
60
00:02:17,406 --> 00:02:19,690
Diane seemed pretty serious about it.
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00:02:19,742 --> 00:02:22,109
Trust me, okay? They are
gonna figure this out.
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00:02:22,111 --> 00:02:23,994
There's a lot of love between them.
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I hate you!
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00:02:25,114 --> 00:02:26,914
I will set you on fire, put you out,
65
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and set back on fire!
66
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Mm. Yeah.
67
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You should write a book.
68
00:02:30,887 --> 00:02:31,836
Are we almost there?
69
00:02:31,871 --> 00:02:33,137
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes, we are almost here.
70
00:02:33,172 --> 00:02:35,339
You guys have the worst surprises.
71
00:02:35,374 --> 00:02:36,924
Is this gonna be like the time
72
00:02:36,959 --> 00:02:39,009
you led me blindfolded
to get that HPV shot?
73
00:02:39,045 --> 00:02:42,429
Excuse me for trying to
make vaccinations fun.
74
00:02:42,465 --> 00:02:43,764
- You ready?
- All right, yeah, I'm ready.
75
00:02:43,799 --> 00:02:44,598
- Come on.
- Okay. Here we go.
76
00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:47,101
Surprise!
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00:02:47,136 --> 00:02:48,969
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
78
00:02:48,971 --> 00:02:50,020
Oh, my God!
79
00:02:50,056 --> 00:02:51,222
Oh.
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00:02:51,274 --> 00:02:53,641
It's the bow, not the
car underneath it, right?
81
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Zoey, you get the car.
82
00:02:54,944 --> 00:02:56,810
Oh, my God! Thank you guys so much!
83
00:02:56,812 --> 00:02:59,029
- Happy birthday, Zo-Zo!
- Yay!
84
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There's nothing more
freeing than having a car.
85
00:03:00,533 --> 00:03:01,732
You know what?
86
00:03:01,784 --> 00:03:04,034
Now you get to drive
yourself to S.A.T. prep.
87
00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:05,786
- Yeah.
- And me to clarinet practice.
88
00:03:05,821 --> 00:03:06,987
Watch out, Kenny G.
89
00:03:07,039 --> 00:03:09,156
And you get to pick the
twins up four days a week
90
00:03:09,158 --> 00:03:11,992
and I'll do it once a week,
you know, just for show.
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00:03:11,994 --> 00:03:13,961
- Mm-hmm.
- I feel freer already.
92
00:03:13,996 --> 00:03:15,829
- I know! Me too!
- Hey, hey, come, come, come.
93
00:03:15,831 --> 00:03:17,798
You got to get in. You got
to get in! Look at this color!
94
00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:19,833
- You look great in this color.
- Look at those real leather seats.
95
00:03:19,886 --> 00:03:22,336
You check this out...
noise-canceling sound system,
96
00:03:22,338 --> 00:03:26,206
tight-space maneuverability,
and Wi-Fi hot spot.
97
00:03:26,242 --> 00:03:29,710
This is the ultimate vehicle.
98
00:03:29,745 --> 00:03:31,729
I would even trade Junior
in for a car like this.
99
00:03:33,165 --> 00:03:35,349
I would feel hurt if I didn't
know I was your favorite.
100
00:03:39,989 --> 00:03:42,990
Whoa, sweet Jesus. It finally happened!
101
00:03:43,025 --> 00:03:44,341
What happened?
102
00:03:44,377 --> 00:03:47,328
My baby boy bought his
mama a Buick Encore.
103
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Mama, it's...
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00:03:48,764 --> 00:03:50,247
Hey, Worldstar!
105
00:03:50,283 --> 00:03:53,033
Now, you see, all the greats
take care of their mamas.
106
00:03:53,085 --> 00:03:57,504
They do. Kobe, that little
Chris Brown, Dr. Ben Carson.
107
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Please. I beg of you.
108
00:04:00,126 --> 00:04:02,459
You have to let me tell
her. I will pay you.
109
00:04:02,511 --> 00:04:04,261
I sure as hell ain't gonna tell her.
110
00:04:04,297 --> 00:04:05,229
The floor is yours.
111
00:04:05,281 --> 00:04:06,830
- I get to do it?
- Just do it.
112
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S-so, Ruby...
113
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Not now, hybrid.
114
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I... I'm trying to immortalize my son
115
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for buying me this luxury vehicle
116
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in time for the 32nd anniversary
of Marvin Gaye's death.
117
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Oh!
118
00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:20,661
We are gonna break the Internet!
119
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Hey, hey!
120
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Oh, my God. It just
keeps getting better.
121
00:04:23,516 --> 00:04:24,882
What's that little boy's name?
122
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:26,533
- Jermaine Jackson.
- Mama, this car is for Zoey.
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Huh?
124
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,535
- Dre.
- What?
125
00:04:28,537 --> 00:04:29,703
This was my moment!
126
00:04:29,755 --> 00:04:31,171
I ask you for so little!
127
00:04:31,173 --> 00:04:33,607
Look, stop playing,
y'all. Where them keys at?
128
00:04:33,643 --> 00:04:35,960
Mama, I'm serious. This is Zoey's car.
129
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- It's Zoey's car.
- Keep your keys.
130
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Oh, Lord.
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Oh, Lord Jesus, in my hour of need...
132
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Oh, Lord, sweet Jesus, Jesus!
133
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Whoa!
134
00:04:45,254 --> 00:04:47,554
Oh, mercy, mercy me
135
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- Help your grandmother out of here, baby.
- Oh, yeah.
136
00:04:48,941 --> 00:04:51,792
Lord, things ain't what they used to be
137
00:04:51,827 --> 00:04:54,311
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
138
00:04:54,347 --> 00:04:55,679
- Help your grandma.
- Bring her in the house.
139
00:04:55,731 --> 00:04:57,348
I think she looks fat.
140
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,866
Guess what I did last night.
141
00:04:58,901 --> 00:05:01,385
I gave my baby girl her first car.
142
00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:02,636
- Oh!
- Put a big old bow on it.
143
00:05:02,638 --> 00:05:04,488
Wow. I'm impressed, Dre.
144
00:05:04,523 --> 00:05:05,689
It takes a special father
145
00:05:05,741 --> 00:05:09,460
to give his baby girl the
keys to a mobile sex box.
146
00:05:09,512 --> 00:05:10,611
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah.
147
00:05:10,646 --> 00:05:11,712
- With a bow on it.
- Yeah.
148
00:05:11,747 --> 00:05:12,780
W-W-Wait. What?
149
00:05:12,815 --> 00:05:14,615
Well, I-I think what
they're saying is that
150
00:05:14,617 --> 00:05:16,116
the engineers constructed a chassis
151
00:05:16,168 --> 00:05:18,218
perfectly designed for having sex.
152
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While driving. That's the mobile part.
153
00:05:20,272 --> 00:05:22,840
Just pull into any dark corner, do
your business, and then pull out.
154
00:05:22,875 --> 00:05:24,625
Yeah. Mobile sex box.
155
00:05:24,677 --> 00:05:26,710
Look, I know what the
words mean, all right?
156
00:05:26,746 --> 00:05:28,128
And my daughter's not
gonna be doing any of it.
157
00:05:28,164 --> 00:05:29,263
Really, Dre?
158
00:05:29,298 --> 00:05:30,581
Let's have a look at
some of the features
159
00:05:30,616 --> 00:05:32,266
of the Buick Encore, shall we?
160
00:05:32,301 --> 00:05:34,051
Noise-canceling...
161
00:05:34,103 --> 00:05:35,953
...sound system.
162
00:05:35,988 --> 00:05:40,441
Tight space maneuverability.
163
00:05:40,476 --> 00:05:43,977
Wi-Fi hot spot.
164
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Condom compartment.
165
00:05:47,299 --> 00:05:48,866
What?
166
00:05:48,901 --> 00:05:50,768
Didn't you get what we
were doing, dumb-dumb?
167
00:05:50,803 --> 00:05:53,520
We were saying real
features that sound sexual.
168
00:05:53,572 --> 00:05:56,423
Name one thing that
sounds sexy about a condom.
169
00:05:56,459 --> 00:05:58,092
Dre, don't listen to them, all right?
170
00:05:58,127 --> 00:05:59,793
Look, your daughter is an "A" student
171
00:05:59,795 --> 00:06:01,812
- and a chemistry wiz.
- Mm-hmm.
172
00:06:01,847 --> 00:06:04,765
What you need to worry about is
her using all that cargo space
173
00:06:04,767 --> 00:06:06,383
to haul around meth equipment.
174
00:06:06,419 --> 00:06:07,835
That one probably could get
175
00:06:07,870 --> 00:06:10,254
three or four aluminum tanks back there.
176
00:06:10,306 --> 00:06:11,839
Some of those copper coils.
177
00:06:11,891 --> 00:06:13,340
It's actually perfect.
178
00:06:13,392 --> 00:06:14,775
You know, I'm gonna get one.
179
00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:16,643
You want to buy mine?
180
00:06:16,679 --> 00:06:18,979
Mm, after all the disgusting things
181
00:06:19,031 --> 00:06:22,082
your daughter's probably already
done to it, uh, no, thanks.
182
00:06:22,118 --> 00:06:23,901
- Yeah.
- I-I'll get a fresh one.
183
00:06:25,004 --> 00:06:28,455
I knew it. Just give it some time.
184
00:06:28,457 --> 00:06:29,857
It'll blow over.
185
00:06:29,892 --> 00:06:31,975
Yeah. Luckily, I'm willing
to forgive and forget.
186
00:06:32,011 --> 00:06:33,227
- Mm.
- Yeah.
187
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:35,446
We're both going to make
some changes and move on.
188
00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:37,598
Well, that sounds good. All
right, good night, babies.
189
00:06:37,633 --> 00:06:39,299
Five more minutes, and
then lights out, okay?
190
00:06:39,351 --> 00:06:40,184
I love you.
191
00:06:40,219 --> 00:06:42,186
- Good night.
- Good night.
192
00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:45,556
Oh, my God. Aah!
193
00:06:45,608 --> 00:06:46,557
Then what? And then what?!
194
00:06:46,609 --> 00:06:47,608
Oh, God!
195
00:06:47,643 --> 00:06:49,309
No!
196
00:06:49,361 --> 00:06:51,028
J... Okay.
197
00:06:51,063 --> 00:06:51,862
All right!
198
00:06:51,897 --> 00:06:53,814
Dre! Dre!
199
00:06:57,486 --> 00:07:00,720
Jack, it's my pleasure
having you stay with me.
200
00:07:00,772 --> 00:07:03,039
Are you familiar with
the term "subletting"?
201
00:07:03,075 --> 00:07:05,191
- Of course not.
- Well, long story short,
202
00:07:05,227 --> 00:07:07,460
I'm gonna need first
and last month's rent
203
00:07:07,496 --> 00:07:08,545
and a valid I.D.
204
00:07:08,597 --> 00:07:09,980
All I got is jellybeans.
205
00:07:10,015 --> 00:07:11,731
- Ooh.
- And, dude, that's me.
206
00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:15,752
All right, feels a little light,
but apparently you're family,
207
00:07:15,787 --> 00:07:18,421
so I'm gonna let it slide.
208
00:07:19,391 --> 00:07:21,157
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
209
00:07:21,193 --> 00:07:23,476
Let me show you to your accommodations.
210
00:07:25,547 --> 00:07:27,998
I think that you'll
find this unit very cozy.
211
00:07:29,384 --> 00:07:30,884
Oh, sorry.
212
00:07:30,919 --> 00:07:32,352
No pets.
213
00:07:35,574 --> 00:07:37,924
Really?
214
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:38,925
Really.
215
00:07:38,927 --> 00:07:40,677
I know I promised Zoey a car,
216
00:07:40,712 --> 00:07:42,862
but when the rubber hit the road,
217
00:07:42,864 --> 00:07:45,799
I was not prepared to
give her a mobile sex box.
218
00:07:45,801 --> 00:07:47,284
Unh-unh-unh.
219
00:07:47,319 --> 00:07:50,020
No car until you pass your driving test.
220
00:07:50,055 --> 00:07:51,288
But I already did.
221
00:07:51,323 --> 00:07:53,089
Maybe in the state of California,
222
00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:55,492
but not in the state of Dad-afornia.
223
00:07:55,527 --> 00:07:57,427
It can never be easy with you.
224
00:07:57,462 --> 00:07:59,362
Look, having a car is much
more than just driving, okay?
225
00:07:59,398 --> 00:08:03,767
I-I-It's... I-I-It's about
changing the tire and the oil,
226
00:08:03,802 --> 00:08:05,268
and... and... and monitoring
227
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,253
the steering and transmission fluid
228
00:08:07,306 --> 00:08:10,123
and checking the tire pressure
and engine maintenance.
229
00:08:10,158 --> 00:08:11,491
Can't I just go to Jiffy Lube?
230
00:08:11,493 --> 00:08:14,694
Mnh-mnh! Can Jiffy Lube
teach you the 22 languages
231
00:08:14,730 --> 00:08:16,880
necessary to survive as a driver
232
00:08:16,965 --> 00:08:18,598
in this God-forsaken city?
233
00:08:18,634 --> 00:08:19,733
- Mm-hmm.
- Mnh-mnh.
234
00:08:19,768 --> 00:08:20,967
Thank the Lord I knew Tagalog
235
00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:23,403
last time I ran out
of gas in Filipinotown.
236
00:08:23,438 --> 00:08:24,921
She's right.
237
00:08:24,957 --> 00:08:27,257
Adding multiple foreign
languages to the test.
238
00:08:27,309 --> 00:08:28,942
You know, I know what's going on here.
239
00:08:28,944 --> 00:08:31,511
You don't trust me, and
you just want my car.
240
00:08:31,513 --> 00:08:34,080
Oh, baby. Come on, now.
241
00:08:34,116 --> 00:08:36,883
Do I think the car's
gorgeous? Of course.
242
00:08:36,935 --> 00:08:38,818
Did my congregation
pray on it? Definitely.
243
00:08:38,870 --> 00:08:39,886
Mm-hmm.
244
00:08:39,921 --> 00:08:42,055
Do my friends expect me to be driving it
245
00:08:42,107 --> 00:08:44,457
because I posted
pictures of it on Facebook
246
00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:45,542
and tagged them in?
247
00:08:46,895 --> 00:08:48,061
Of course.
248
00:08:48,113 --> 00:08:49,429
Those petty bitches.
249
00:08:49,464 --> 00:08:50,897
Of course I trust you.
250
00:08:50,932 --> 00:08:52,899
But the most important
thing to me is your safety.
251
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:54,200
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- You know what?
252
00:08:54,202 --> 00:08:56,002
I'm gonna pass whatever crazy test
253
00:08:56,054 --> 00:08:57,404
you want to throw at me,
254
00:08:57,439 --> 00:09:00,256
and then I'm gonna drive as
fast I can to Daughter-sylvania.
255
00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:02,008
Not a real place.
256
00:09:02,044 --> 00:09:03,860
Adding geography to the test now.
257
00:09:03,912 --> 00:09:04,828
Mm-hmm.
258
00:09:04,863 --> 00:09:06,212
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
259
00:09:06,248 --> 00:09:08,398
Meantime, I'ma hold on to these keys.
260
00:09:08,433 --> 00:09:09,182
Oh.
261
00:09:10,152 --> 00:09:11,835
Oh. Don't worry, baby.
262
00:09:11,870 --> 00:09:12,769
Panic button.
263
00:09:12,804 --> 00:09:14,220
- Mama's got this.
- Okay.
264
00:09:19,161 --> 00:09:22,379
Don't mistake this comment as
interest, but you look rough.
265
00:09:22,414 --> 00:09:25,598
I barely slept last night.
Junior gets night terrors.
266
00:09:32,924 --> 00:09:33,873
Aah!
267
00:09:33,925 --> 00:09:35,775
So, I guess we got that whole
268
00:09:35,811 --> 00:09:38,845
"sleeping in different rooms"
thing out of our system, right?
269
00:09:44,619 --> 00:09:46,052
You slept snow angel-style?
270
00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:48,855
Yeah. So I'm good.
271
00:09:49,858 --> 00:09:50,673
Hey.
272
00:09:50,709 --> 00:09:52,342
Uh, uh! Sorry, friend.
273
00:09:52,377 --> 00:09:54,060
No room for you.
274
00:09:54,112 --> 00:09:55,812
Bye.
275
00:10:09,261 --> 00:10:12,245
_
276
00:10:12,297 --> 00:10:14,264
Hm, watch this doofus crash and burn.
277
00:10:19,020 --> 00:10:20,220
Hey, Jack.
278
00:10:20,272 --> 00:10:21,154
Have a seat.
279
00:10:24,226 --> 00:10:26,126
_
280
00:10:26,161 --> 00:10:29,345
Yeah, I may have played this all wrong.
281
00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:30,580
- Dre!
- Yeah?
282
00:10:30,615 --> 00:10:33,867
Why is Zoey juggling Danishes
while learning Mandarin?
283
00:10:33,902 --> 00:10:35,885
Damn it!
284
00:10:35,921 --> 00:10:38,388
She's supposed to be juggling
Mandarins while learning Danish.
285
00:10:38,423 --> 00:10:39,539
- What?
- See? I knew I did the right thing
286
00:10:39,574 --> 00:10:40,807
by not letting her drive.
287
00:10:40,842 --> 00:10:42,976
So, instead of talking
to her about your worries,
288
00:10:43,011 --> 00:10:44,811
you're giving her a
list of impossible things
289
00:10:44,846 --> 00:10:45,779
she can never do?
290
00:10:45,831 --> 00:10:46,963
Pretty smart, right?
291
00:10:46,998 --> 00:10:48,131
No.
292
00:10:48,166 --> 00:10:50,366
You realize that,
psychologically speaking,
293
00:10:50,402 --> 00:10:53,703
you are putting what a
psychiatrist would call
294
00:10:53,738 --> 00:10:57,207
psychic strain on her psyche.
295
00:10:57,242 --> 00:10:59,092
That makes no sense.
296
00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:01,478
And you were dead wrong
about the twins, all right?
297
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,580
Did you even take a psych rotation?
298
00:11:03,632 --> 00:11:04,747
Yes!
299
00:11:06,284 --> 00:11:08,751
I just... I just can't
remember anything.
300
00:11:08,787 --> 00:11:10,804
- Oh.
- God, what was I doing that semester?
301
00:11:16,611 --> 00:11:18,178
What?
302
00:11:18,213 --> 00:11:19,129
Oh.
303
00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:22,816
Welcome to "Intro to Psychology".
304
00:11:22,851 --> 00:11:24,384
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- What is psychology?
305
00:11:24,419 --> 00:11:25,535
Study of the mind!
306
00:11:25,570 --> 00:11:27,654
Psychology is the study of the mind.
307
00:11:27,689 --> 00:11:28,404
Yes!
308
00:11:28,456 --> 00:11:29,222
Or is it?
309
00:11:29,257 --> 00:11:30,757
Oh. Mom.
310
00:11:30,809 --> 00:11:32,091
- Huh? What? Huh?
- What are you doing?
311
00:11:32,093 --> 00:11:33,143
Uh, uh, porn.
312
00:11:33,178 --> 00:11:34,644
I'm watching p... I'm watching porn.
313
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:37,213
It's not an "Intro to
Psychology" lecture.
314
00:11:37,265 --> 00:11:39,566
Yeah, I-I know that
stuff, sweetheart, yeah.
315
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,501
Uh, W-what are you doing...
What are you doing still up?
316
00:11:41,503 --> 00:11:43,486
I can't sleep.
317
00:11:43,555 --> 00:11:45,488
My tenant's driving me crazy.
318
00:11:45,524 --> 00:11:47,390
- Oh.
- He has night terrors.
319
00:11:54,850 --> 00:11:56,866
We've got to get the
twins back together.
320
00:11:56,902 --> 00:11:59,252
Yes, because in most cases,
321
00:11:59,254 --> 00:12:01,988
a twin's search for individuation
322
00:12:02,023 --> 00:12:07,427
often leads to, um,
outbursts of depression,
323
00:12:07,462 --> 00:12:10,263
risk-taking such as gambling,
324
00:12:10,298 --> 00:12:14,617
and sometimes even cannibalism.
325
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:15,718
Mm-hmm.
326
00:12:17,622 --> 00:12:19,189
That doesn't sound right.
327
00:12:19,224 --> 00:12:20,573
It's not.
328
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:23,159
I'm... I'm gonna go back to my...
329
00:12:23,195 --> 00:12:24,294
Yes, good night, sweetheart.
330
00:12:24,329 --> 00:12:26,763
Sweet dreams to you, my child.
331
00:12:28,316 --> 00:12:30,149
So, let's discuss the difference between
332
00:12:30,202 --> 00:12:32,235
psychology and psychiatry.
333
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:35,521
There's a difference? Holy [bleep]
334
00:12:35,523 --> 00:12:39,259
Back at school, Jack was
starting to enjoy flying solo.
335
00:12:39,294 --> 00:12:40,727
So, I went to the kitchen.
336
00:12:40,762 --> 00:12:41,644
And then?
337
00:12:41,696 --> 00:12:42,946
I opened the freezer.
338
00:12:42,998 --> 00:12:43,830
And then?
339
00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:45,048
I got some ice cream.
340
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,049
And then?
341
00:12:46,101 --> 00:12:47,267
I ate it!
342
00:12:47,319 --> 00:12:48,434
Whoa!
343
00:12:48,486 --> 00:12:50,086
He ate it!
344
00:12:50,121 --> 00:12:51,504
Did you see that coming?
345
00:12:51,506 --> 00:12:55,108
But Diane was starting to
have separation anxiety.
346
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:56,910
Can you believe those clowns?
347
00:12:56,962 --> 00:12:59,012
Sounds like you'd rather be over there.
348
00:12:59,047 --> 00:13:00,179
Why don't you go?
349
00:13:00,232 --> 00:13:03,616
Pbht. I don't need them.
350
00:13:03,668 --> 00:13:06,052
I made a new friend here with you.
351
00:13:06,104 --> 00:13:08,755
I'm a substitute teacher.
You'll never see me again.
352
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:13,393
Yep. I definitely played this all wrong.
353
00:13:13,445 --> 00:13:16,829
So, I ace your test
and I get my keys back?
354
00:13:16,881 --> 00:13:18,164
Oh, did I mention that it was timed?
355
00:13:18,216 --> 00:13:19,098
Ready, set...
356
00:13:19,134 --> 00:13:21,317
go-o-o-o-o-o!
357
00:13:24,022 --> 00:13:25,872
Check.
358
00:13:25,907 --> 00:13:27,740
Mm-hmm.
359
00:13:30,345 --> 00:13:31,561
Colombia.
360
00:13:31,596 --> 00:13:32,362
Bogotà.
361
00:13:32,397 --> 00:13:34,247
- Bolivia.
- La Paz.
362
00:13:34,282 --> 00:13:37,550
Ahh, found the hidden object.
363
00:13:37,552 --> 00:13:39,686
- Iran.
- Tehran.
364
00:13:41,740 --> 00:13:44,157
Count to five in Mandarin.
365
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,466
Boom. I did everything.
366
00:13:53,501 --> 00:13:55,251
- Now where them keys at?
- Good.
367
00:13:55,303 --> 00:13:58,838
Now do it again, outside,
at night, in the rain.
368
00:13:58,840 --> 00:13:59,756
We are in a drought.
369
00:13:59,808 --> 00:14:00,840
I don't make the rules.
370
00:14:00,842 --> 00:14:02,592
Yes, you do.
371
00:14:02,644 --> 00:14:05,011
You never were gonna give
me this car, were you?
372
00:14:05,013 --> 00:14:07,680
_
373
00:14:07,682 --> 00:14:12,185
Well, I'm assuming that means
you agree with my decision?
374
00:14:12,305 --> 00:14:14,119
_
375
00:14:14,239 --> 00:14:15,154
You're welcome, baby.
376
00:14:17,302 --> 00:14:19,030
In a last-ditch effort,
377
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,625
Rainbow tried some dime-story psychology
378
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,327
or psychiatry.
379
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,978
She has no idea.
380
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:26,663
I can't believe she's a doctor.
381
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,999
Hello, Jack. Hello, Diane.
382
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,034
Thank you so much for
agreeing to mediation.
383
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,837
I s... I'm sorry. Just a second.
384
00:14:35,558 --> 00:14:37,624
"State the premise,
385
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:38,826
state their names,
386
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,294
and check on both."
387
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:41,261
Okay.
388
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,446
Uh
389
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:45,549
How is this separation
working for you guys?
390
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:50,604
I mean, I'm having a good time
by myself, totally thriving.
391
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:51,655
Uh-huh.
392
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:54,425
But I'd be open to a reconciliation.
393
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,492
- Really?
- Yeah.
394
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,643
Well, that's great.
395
00:14:56,679 --> 00:14:59,363
So, Jack...
396
00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:01,331
I... I'm sorry. Just a second.
397
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,053
How are you feeling?
398
00:15:06,088 --> 00:15:07,805
I was nervous to split up at first.
399
00:15:07,857 --> 00:15:09,406
Yes. Yeah. Here you go.
400
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,707
But then I met new friends.
401
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,010
Oh. Like, a lot of new friends.
402
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:13,777
Uh-huh.
403
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,446
- So I'm cool.
- Oh!
404
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,164
- Are you?
- Yeah.
405
00:15:17,199 --> 00:15:20,517
Or are you maybe feeling incomplete
406
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,085
without your other half?
407
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:24,772
Let's try some, uh...
some word associations.
408
00:15:24,824 --> 00:15:28,692
You and Diane go together
like peanut butter and...
409
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:29,726
My own room.
410
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,061
Um, okay, I'm gonna try...
411
00:15:31,113 --> 00:15:32,613
I'm gonna try another one.
412
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:36,650
So, you and Diane are like milk and...
413
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,502
- I'm popular.
- No.
414
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:39,703
No.
415
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:43,924
No. Okay, let me reframe
this for you, Jack.
416
00:15:43,959 --> 00:15:48,679
Okay, uh, John Cougar Mellencamp
wrote a song about you.
417
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:51,799
It's called "Jack and Diane," right?
418
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:53,383
I mean, it's probably one of the most
419
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:55,853
famous guitar riffs of all time.
420
00:15:55,905 --> 00:15:58,038
It's
421
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,598
It's a little ditty...
422
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,582
Never heard it.
423
00:16:08,617 --> 00:16:09,833
Jack and Diane were twins?
424
00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:11,518
Oh, no. Not exactly.
425
00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:13,120
But they were brother and sister.
426
00:16:13,155 --> 00:16:14,588
Um, no.
427
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:16,790
They were, uh, boyfriend and girlfriend.
428
00:16:16,826 --> 00:16:18,308
This feels right to you?
429
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,610
- Well...
- Uh, w-wait a second.
430
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:20,727
I say that!
431
00:16:20,763 --> 00:16:22,980
Not anymore, friend.
432
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:24,648
Interesting.
433
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,367
It seemed like the
twins had split for good.
434
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:30,220
You know, I used to like
sleeping snow angel-style.
435
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,439
But now... Cool story, bro.
436
00:16:32,474 --> 00:16:34,358
Hey, Jack! Good to see you, dude.
437
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,532
Hey, Diane.
438
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,951
I tried one of those electric
toothbrushes last night.
439
00:16:43,986 --> 00:16:45,052
Cool!
440
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,803
And then...?
441
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,006
That's it. It was great.
442
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:50,507
There's no "and then."
443
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,675
Mm.
444
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:55,045
Thank you for your concise
story, Mr. Sheffield.
445
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,330
But at the end of the day,
446
00:16:56,365 --> 00:16:59,600
you just can't fight the bond of twins.
447
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,225
Oh.
448
00:17:13,482 --> 00:17:15,649
Hey, look at that nerd over there
449
00:17:15,684 --> 00:17:16,750
sitting with a sub.
450
00:17:18,837 --> 00:17:20,470
Hey, that nerd's my twin!
451
00:17:29,565 --> 00:17:30,647
Mama!
452
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:31,949
Mama!
453
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:33,166
- Dre!
- Mama, what is it?!
454
00:17:33,202 --> 00:17:34,751
Somebody stole my Buick!
455
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:35,769
What?!
456
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,204
Call the police!
457
00:17:37,239 --> 00:17:38,372
But before they come,
458
00:17:38,407 --> 00:17:40,824
you make sure they know a
black man owns this house!
459
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,392
- Okay, mama. Okay.
- Whoo!
460
00:17:43,612 --> 00:17:44,628
What the hell?
461
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,413
Is that... Oh, my God. It's Zoey.
462
00:17:46,448 --> 00:17:47,598
Mm-hmm.
463
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,766
What the hell were you thinking? Huh?
464
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,234
You didn't have permission
to take this car.
465
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,086
You were never gonna give me permission.
466
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,338
So you just took it?
467
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:56,773
And I hope you didn't mess
with my settings, baby.
468
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,710
I just programmed all
my A.M. church stations
469
00:17:59,762 --> 00:18:01,461
and my Rickey Smiley!
470
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,146
You know what? You're grounded.
471
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,615
You're never getting this car.
472
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,751
That you gave me a week
ago, then took back?
473
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:09,987
Then made me learn German for?
474
00:18:10,039 --> 00:18:12,172
_
475
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,758
You know what? I'ma Google that!
476
00:18:14,810 --> 00:18:16,393
I can't believe she stole this car.
477
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:18,495
Probably picked up a boy
and was out struttin' around
478
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:21,615
like her mama at the... library.
479
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:26,203
I can't believe she stole the
car and went to the library.
480
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:28,238
Boy, don't nobody care
nothing about no library.
481
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,590
I had a Shalamar CD in here!
482
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,908
Black Jesus!
483
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,861
Where is my Shalamar CD?
484
00:18:34,897 --> 00:18:37,531
Oh. I didn't see you here.
485
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:42,302
Uh, I was just trying to get
my, uh... my basketball trophy.
486
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,638
So...
487
00:18:44,673 --> 00:18:46,406
how was your day?
488
00:18:46,442 --> 00:18:49,176
Are you sure you want to know?
489
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,028
Yeah.
490
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,446
Oh, my God. Today was crazy.
491
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:55,666
My shoes came untied,
and then I bent down,
492
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,300
and then I tied them,
493
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,002
and then Barbara Wu stepped on it.
494
00:18:59,054 --> 00:18:59,836
Oh, my God.
495
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:02,239
And then I...
496
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,341
Wait.
497
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:06,059
Yeah, I tied them again.
498
00:19:06,095 --> 00:19:07,594
And then it was really crazy.
499
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,980
Donnie Pacino dropped
his phone in the toilet,
500
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:11,064
and it was still ringing.
501
00:19:13,245 --> 00:19:17,220
Dre, they fixed their
problem without us.
502
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,888
Thank God, because I'm useless.
503
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:20,556
Well, I don't know anything, either.
504
00:19:20,558 --> 00:19:23,059
I busted Zoey for going to the library.
505
00:19:23,111 --> 00:19:24,727
- Oh.
- Not my best moment.
506
00:19:24,779 --> 00:19:25,862
Wow.
507
00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:27,230
We're raising a real criminal.
508
00:19:27,282 --> 00:19:27,878
Yep.
509
00:19:27,998 --> 00:19:30,900
Dre, why would you think Zoey's
personality's gonna change
510
00:19:30,902 --> 00:19:32,235
just 'cause gets a car?
511
00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:34,437
But what happens if she grows up
512
00:19:34,472 --> 00:19:36,489
and starts doing crazy things?
513
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:38,541
You mean like a normal human being?
514
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,661
Look, I thought it was
supposed to get easier
515
00:19:41,713 --> 00:19:43,079
when they grew up, not harder.
516
00:19:43,131 --> 00:19:44,463
Well, that's dumb.
517
00:19:44,499 --> 00:19:45,331
What?
518
00:19:45,383 --> 00:19:47,166
Well, that's dumb.
519
00:19:47,202 --> 00:19:49,001
Dre, come on. Why would you think that?
520
00:19:49,053 --> 00:19:50,586
It always gets harder.
521
00:19:50,638 --> 00:19:53,206
It does. And we have We have great kids.
522
00:19:53,241 --> 00:19:54,640
Yeah.
523
00:19:54,676 --> 00:19:57,760
Anyway, we have to trust that
we raise them to be good people.
524
00:19:57,812 --> 00:20:00,263
We do, and, you know,
525
00:20:00,315 --> 00:20:04,450
we don't need some stupid
psychiatry book to help us.
526
00:20:04,485 --> 00:20:06,152
Psychology.
527
00:20:06,187 --> 00:20:07,320
Damn it.
528
00:20:07,355 --> 00:20:08,738
Bow was right.
529
00:20:08,773 --> 00:20:11,274
You do your best to raise good kids.
530
00:20:11,326 --> 00:20:14,026
And whether you like it
or not, as they get older,
531
00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:15,628
you have to trust them
532
00:20:15,663 --> 00:20:17,430
and support them,
533
00:20:17,465 --> 00:20:21,150
even if you don't
always understand them.
534
00:20:21,185 --> 00:20:24,287
And hopefully, if you do your job right,
535
00:20:24,322 --> 00:20:25,688
when you're gone,
536
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:29,308
they'll still always be
there for one another.
537
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,464
Synced and corrected by OussLP
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