1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,112
Hey, Gina!
We got an anonymous gift basket.
2
00:00:05,113 --> 00:00:06,193
Yeah, it's full of treats.
3
00:00:06,194 --> 00:00:08,024
It's got meats, cheeses,
candies,
4
00:00:08,025 --> 00:00:09,034
all the food groups.
5
00:00:09,035 --> 00:00:10,115
The cheese is amazing.
6
00:00:10,116 --> 00:00:12,986
It melts in my mouth
and in my hands.
7
00:00:12,987 --> 00:00:15,752
Hmm, French chocolates,
French cheeses,
8
00:00:15,753 --> 00:00:17,039
tiny French pickles.
9
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,210
Did none of you detectives
think this might be a gift
10
00:00:19,211 --> 00:00:23,072
for Captain Holt from
someone in France?
11
00:00:23,073 --> 00:00:25,338
Like his husband,
par exemple?
12
00:00:25,339 --> 00:00:28,055
What? [laughs]
No way.
13
00:00:28,056 --> 00:00:31,207
This is a nice present from
an unknown, appreciative citizen
14
00:00:31,208 --> 00:00:33,028
that wanted us to munch.
15
00:00:33,029 --> 00:00:35,009
Hmm, what's this, then?
16
00:00:35,010 --> 00:00:37,401
"Dear Captain Raymond Holt,
thinking of you.
17
00:00:37,402 --> 00:00:41,022
Best, Dr. Kevin Cozner, Ph.D."
18
00:00:41,023 --> 00:00:43,053
He even used their pet names.
19
00:00:43,054 --> 00:00:45,687
Oh, no, I ate the
chocolate-covered strawberry.
20
00:00:45,688 --> 00:00:47,403
That's the most intimate
snack of them all.
21
00:00:47,404 --> 00:00:49,067
Holt's gonna be back from
his meeting in 30 minutes.
22
00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:50,562
- What do we do?
- Eat the note!
23
00:00:50,563 --> 00:00:53,039
No!
No.
24
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,461
It's okay.
We can fix this.
25
00:00:57,229 --> 00:00:58,416
Check it out, sir.
26
00:00:58,417 --> 00:01:03,075
A lovely gift basket that Kevin
sent you all the way from Paris.
27
00:01:03,076 --> 00:01:04,826
Straight from Paris!
28
00:01:09,219 --> 00:01:12,427
Stapler, scissors.
29
00:01:14,222 --> 00:01:16,173
Rubber bands.
30
00:01:19,225 --> 00:01:21,739
That man really knows me.
31
00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:23,299
[all laugh]
32
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:27,003
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
33
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:31,637
♪
♪
34
00:01:44,243 --> 00:01:46,283
Attention, squad.
I just received a call.
35
00:01:46,284 --> 00:01:49,225
A very important,
very high profile celebrity
36
00:01:49,226 --> 00:01:50,608
was robbed in our precinct.
37
00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:52,317
What celebrity, sir?
Is it a Chris?
38
00:01:52,318 --> 00:01:56,159
Hemsworth? Evans? Pratt? Pine?
Brown? Cross?
39
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,270
[gasps]
Is it a non-Chris?
40
00:01:57,271 --> 00:02:00,301
This is a sensitive matter,
and I can only disclose details
41
00:02:00,302 --> 00:02:02,222
to the lead detective
on the case.
42
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,253
Sergeant, let me know
who's available, ASAP.
43
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,294
Yes, sir.
44
00:02:05,295 --> 00:02:07,365
Sarge, Sarge, Sarge.
45
00:02:07,366 --> 00:02:09,579
You know
that I'm your guy for this.
46
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:12,158
You can't give
a celebrity case to Amy.
47
00:02:12,159 --> 00:02:15,280
The last movie she saw was
a documentary about spelling bees.
48
00:02:15,281 --> 00:02:18,231
Wrong; it was about
the font Helvetica,
49
00:02:18,232 --> 00:02:19,900
and it played like
an action thriller.
50
00:02:19,901 --> 00:02:22,204
You already have
a case, Peralta.
51
00:02:22,205 --> 00:02:23,602
I assigned it to you
this morning.
52
00:02:23,603 --> 00:02:25,788
That was just some kid with
a little bit of pot on him.
53
00:02:25,789 --> 00:02:28,227
Meanwhile, Chris Rock
is tied up in his basement
54
00:02:28,228 --> 00:02:30,358
calling out for my help,
and you're standing in my way.
55
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,349
Just work the case
I assigned you.
56
00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:34,301
Can't I just give my case
to Hitchcock and Scully?
57
00:02:34,302 --> 00:02:36,322
I mean, they clearly have
a ton of time on their hands.
58
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,185
Hitchcock hasn't even gotten
out of his chair today.
59
00:02:38,186 --> 00:02:41,325
Hey, Jake, I can go
anywhere in this thing.
60
00:02:41,326 --> 00:02:43,931
But... shouldn't.
61
00:02:43,932 --> 00:02:46,267
Hitchcock and Scully
are house mouses.
62
00:02:46,268 --> 00:02:48,268
They do paperwork
and they're good at it.
63
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:49,981
They don't go out
in the field.
64
00:02:49,982 --> 00:02:52,597
Boyle, you take
the celebrity case.
65
00:02:53,022 --> 00:02:55,590
Me? Instead of Jake?
66
00:02:55,591 --> 00:02:58,364
Have you lost your damn mind?
I am so sorry, Jake.
67
00:02:58,365 --> 00:02:59,827
I don't know what's
wrong with Terry.
68
00:02:59,828 --> 00:03:01,961
Don't worry.
I'm gonna work it with you.
69
00:03:01,962 --> 00:03:04,388
I'm giving my drug bust
to Hitchcock and Scully.
70
00:03:04,389 --> 00:03:07,359
It's time to get these mice
out of their hice.
71
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,300
Oh, that was lame.
Life is meaningless.
72
00:03:09,301 --> 00:03:10,791
We're all gonna die.
73
00:03:10,792 --> 00:03:13,323
Mouses out of their houses.
Yes, I am the greatest.
74
00:03:13,324 --> 00:03:15,374
Every breath is a gift.
Sorry about the roller coaster.
75
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:17,758
I'm just happy
I'm tall enough to ride.
76
00:03:18,427 --> 00:03:19,492
Hey, Rosa.
77
00:03:19,493 --> 00:03:21,257
Saw you hadn't signed up
for the blood drive yet,
78
00:03:21,258 --> 00:03:22,722
so I brought you the sheet.
79
00:03:22,723 --> 00:03:26,645
Sorry, can't.
I'm... under 17 years old.
80
00:03:26,646 --> 00:03:29,422
Wait, you didn't sign up
last year, either.
81
00:03:29,423 --> 00:03:32,303
Or the year before.
82
00:03:32,304 --> 00:03:33,384
Are you afraid of needles?
83
00:03:33,385 --> 00:03:35,245
I don't like being
stabbed by someone
84
00:03:35,246 --> 00:03:36,316
so they can steal my blood.
85
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,856
I'm crazy.
86
00:03:37,857 --> 00:03:40,824
This is amazing; you're
scared of something I'm not.
87
00:03:40,825 --> 00:03:43,147
I'm tougher than you.
I'm tougher than Rosa.
88
00:03:43,148 --> 00:03:45,401
Eh, I take it back.
I'm so sorry.
89
00:03:45,402 --> 00:03:48,393
Look, it's okay.
We all have fears.
90
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,264
I'm so claustrophobic,
I can't even go
91
00:03:50,265 --> 00:03:52,335
into the downstairs
supply closet.
92
00:03:52,336 --> 00:03:54,326
I hear they have some
hot new binder clips,
93
00:03:54,327 --> 00:03:56,407
but I'll never know.
94
00:03:56,408 --> 00:03:57,988
I'm scared of businessmen.
95
00:03:57,989 --> 00:04:02,240
A whole army of gray-suited
Brads and Chads trying
96
00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:06,423
to suck my soul and redeem it
for frequent flyer miles.
97
00:04:06,424 --> 00:04:07,777
Great, so you guys get it.
98
00:04:07,778 --> 00:04:09,739
- Conversation over, bye.
- No, no, no, no, no.
99
00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:13,901
What if we each agree to face
one of our fears today
100
00:04:13,902 --> 00:04:17,063
for ourselves
and for all of womenkind?
101
00:04:17,064 --> 00:04:18,867
Ugh.
That sounds terrible.
102
00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:20,898
But I'm in.
103
00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:23,189
Fine, I'll do it too.
104
00:04:23,190 --> 00:04:24,972
Guys, come on.
105
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,455
I really think this'll
be good for... oh, wait.
106
00:04:27,456 --> 00:04:30,051
You... we're doing my thing?
Okay.
107
00:04:30,542 --> 00:04:32,198
Thanks for taking us
to lunch, Jake.
108
00:04:32,199 --> 00:04:34,030
Of course.
Get whatever you want.
109
00:04:34,031 --> 00:04:36,177
Oh, man, I already ate.
110
00:04:36,178 --> 00:04:38,155
I guess I'll just have
a cheeseburger deluxe,
111
00:04:38,156 --> 00:04:40,412
couple slices of pie,
maybe an egg cream.
112
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,353
- Okay.
- And a waffle.
113
00:04:42,354 --> 00:04:45,315
So look, a big, important
drug case came across my desk,
114
00:04:45,316 --> 00:04:46,264
and I need your help.
115
00:04:46,265 --> 00:04:49,387
Only problem is, Sarge doesn't
think you can handle it.
116
00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:51,408
- He's right.
- No, he's not.
117
00:04:51,409 --> 00:04:52,930
Look, you're
Hitchcock and Scully.
118
00:04:52,931 --> 00:04:54,118
You guys are legends.
119
00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:56,936
You single-handedly caught
the Prospect Park Flasher.
120
00:04:56,937 --> 00:04:58,768
Well, he was being
chased by other cops,
121
00:04:58,769 --> 00:05:00,444
but he did slip
on my spilled chili.
122
00:05:00,445 --> 00:05:03,375
And who bumped into Scully,
causing the spill? Me.
123
00:05:03,376 --> 00:05:06,387
Damn right, and who fell
asleep under their desks
124
00:05:06,388 --> 00:05:08,055
and caught the janitor
stealing evidence?
125
00:05:08,056 --> 00:05:08,861
We did.
126
00:05:08,862 --> 00:05:10,389
And who sued the department
127
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:13,381
and got triple-ply toilet paper
in every precinct?
128
00:05:13,382 --> 00:05:14,381
We did.
129
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:15,402
Terry thinks you guys
130
00:05:15,403 --> 00:05:16,453
are too old and too lazy
to handle this,
131
00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:18,294
but I know what
you're really made of.
132
00:05:18,295 --> 00:05:20,062
You're gonna take this case
and prove him wrong!
133
00:05:20,063 --> 00:05:21,972
- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!
134
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,985
We're still gonna
eat lunch, right?
135
00:05:23,986 --> 00:05:26,488
Obviously, a high profile
celebrity case such as this one
136
00:05:26,489 --> 00:05:28,988
needs to be handled
with the utmost discretion.
137
00:05:29,608 --> 00:05:31,616
I promise
I'll be professional,
138
00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:33,202
even if it's Dianne Wiest.
139
00:05:33,203 --> 00:05:36,504
Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm
gonna meet Dianne Wiest!
140
00:05:36,505 --> 00:05:38,475
She's so sexual!
141
00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:41,582
No, our victim...
142
00:05:41,583 --> 00:05:45,021
is John... William...
143
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,382
Weichselbraun.
144
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,174
Remind me who that is again?
145
00:05:51,175 --> 00:05:53,889
You're kidding.
He's a world-renowned oboist,
146
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:56,049
first chair with the New York
Symphony Orchestra.
147
00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:59,497
Kevin and I are huge fans
of Weichselbraun's work.
148
00:05:59,498 --> 00:06:03,469
We are what the Internet
sometimes refers to as...
149
00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:05,440
Weichselbraun fans.
150
00:06:05,441 --> 00:06:06,463
Not Weichselbrauniacs?
151
00:06:06,464 --> 00:06:08,475
Oh, that's very good.
152
00:06:08,476 --> 00:06:10,093
I'm gonna use that liberally.
153
00:06:10,094 --> 00:06:12,764
Anyway, Weichselbraun's
$40,000 oboe
154
00:06:12,765 --> 00:06:13,997
was stolen from his apartment,
155
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,752
and you need to find it.
156
00:06:15,753 --> 00:06:17,477
I'd work the case myself
157
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,638
if it didn't smack
of preferential treatment.
158
00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:21,702
Don't worry, sir.
I can handle this.
159
00:06:21,703 --> 00:06:24,511
So you do think it smacks
of preferential treatment?
160
00:06:24,512 --> 00:06:26,532
I don't know what
you want me to say.
161
00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:29,385
Okay, you've convinced me.
I'll work the case with you.
162
00:06:30,838 --> 00:06:32,391
Great.
163
00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:34,844
I think you owe me
an apology.
164
00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:36,999
I'll apologize
to you in hell.
165
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,839
I actually don't know
what this is about.
166
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,168
Sorry I took
such a hard stance.
167
00:06:40,169 --> 00:06:43,542
Holt's celebrity was
just some lame oboist.
168
00:06:43,543 --> 00:06:47,494
Meanwhile, we just linked
your little dumb pot bust
169
00:06:47,495 --> 00:06:49,525
to a major narcotics ring.
170
00:06:49,526 --> 00:06:51,739
This might be the biggest drug
case
171
00:06:51,740 --> 00:06:53,688
the Nine-Nine's had in years.
172
00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:55,164
Cool.
173
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,520
Uh-oh.
174
00:06:57,521 --> 00:06:59,322
I know a real "cool"
when I hear one.
175
00:06:59,323 --> 00:07:02,243
That wasn't a real "cool."
What did you do?
176
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:06,445
Well...
177
00:07:06,446 --> 00:07:09,457
I may have given
that very huge drug case
178
00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:10,899
to Hitchcock and Scully.
179
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:13,359
- What?
- In my defense,
180
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,772
I was pretty sure you were
never gonna find out.
181
00:07:17,696 --> 00:07:19,694
I don't know where
Hitchcock and Scully are.
182
00:07:19,695 --> 00:07:20,868
They're not answering
their phones,
183
00:07:20,869 --> 00:07:23,676
and they signed our dealer...
the one link to our drug ring...
184
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:24,797
out of holding.
185
00:07:24,798 --> 00:07:27,719
I swear, if they mess up
this case, Jake, it's on you.
186
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,100
They're detectives.
187
00:07:29,101 --> 00:07:30,670
They've been on the force
for 500 years.
188
00:07:30,671 --> 00:07:31,940
They know what they're doing.
189
00:07:31,941 --> 00:07:34,793
The only item on Scully's
calendar for the entire year
190
00:07:34,794 --> 00:07:36,604
is "eat peanut butter."
191
00:07:36,605 --> 00:07:37,724
Yeah, we got to find them.
192
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:40,020
And to do that, we have
to think like they do.
193
00:07:41,401 --> 00:07:43,143
I'm going in.
194
00:07:43,876 --> 00:07:47,800
All right, there's
the butt indentation,
195
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,821
and...
196
00:07:48,822 --> 00:07:49,821
[grunts]
197
00:07:49,822 --> 00:07:50,822
I'm docked.
198
00:07:50,823 --> 00:07:53,012
Ugh.
Still warm.
199
00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:56,715
All right, residual cushion fart
is about a six out of ten.
200
00:07:56,716 --> 00:07:58,499
He's been gone an hour,
maybe two.
201
00:07:58,500 --> 00:07:59,918
- But where?
- Hot dogs.
202
00:07:59,919 --> 00:08:01,748
- They went for hot dogs.
- How do you know?
203
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:04,740
There's a water stain on
the ceiling in the shape of a bun.
204
00:08:04,741 --> 00:08:06,046
Let's go.
205
00:08:07,792 --> 00:08:10,099
Excuse me, have you
seen Hitchcock and Scully?
206
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,784
Three times a day
for 12 years.
207
00:08:11,785 --> 00:08:14,665
Twice as often since I started
serving sweet wieners.
208
00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:15,706
Sweet wieners?
209
00:08:15,707 --> 00:08:17,627
It's a normal hot dog
with a little chocolate sauce.
210
00:08:17,628 --> 00:08:18,798
- One please!
- No, Jake.
211
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,276
- No, Terry.
- Have you seen them recently?
212
00:08:21,277 --> 00:08:23,649
Half hour ago... they ate, and
then they took off in a hurry.
213
00:08:23,650 --> 00:08:25,136
[sighs]
Half an hour.
214
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:27,438
They could be anywhere by now.
Nope, there's Scully.
215
00:08:28,724 --> 00:08:29,784
Where's Hitchcock?
216
00:08:29,785 --> 00:08:31,645
I'm taking you guys
off your drug case.
217
00:08:31,646 --> 00:08:32,685
Of course you are.
218
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,231
Jake said you didn't
believe in us.
219
00:08:34,232 --> 00:08:36,718
What? He didn't
believe in you either.
220
00:08:36,719 --> 00:08:39,482
He was just pumping you up with
lies so you'd work his case.
221
00:08:39,483 --> 00:08:41,057
Jake, is this true?
222
00:08:41,058 --> 00:08:42,871
I just thought, you know,
223
00:08:42,872 --> 00:08:45,245
the two of you might
be better off
224
00:08:45,246 --> 00:08:46,987
mousing around the old house.
225
00:08:46,988 --> 00:08:48,644
Oh, I get it.
226
00:08:48,645 --> 00:08:51,510
Just because I got my finger
stuck in a glue trap once,
227
00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:52,817
I'm a mouse?
228
00:08:52,818 --> 00:08:54,648
I got the cheese out,
by the way.
229
00:08:54,649 --> 00:08:56,254
- Oh, my God.
- Look, man,
230
00:08:56,255 --> 00:08:57,860
we need to know
where Hitchcock is.
231
00:08:57,861 --> 00:08:59,870
I am ordering you
to tell us everything.
232
00:08:59,871 --> 00:09:01,842
Fine.
We're setting up a sting.
233
00:09:01,843 --> 00:09:04,314
I'm going undercover
as Tex Dallas,
234
00:09:04,315 --> 00:09:06,665
billionaire oil man
from Dallas, Texas,
235
00:09:06,666 --> 00:09:08,361
with ties
to the cowboy mafia.
236
00:09:08,362 --> 00:09:10,516
- Oh, boy.
- Hitchcock's my middle man,
237
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,699
Reno Vegas,
mobster from Reno, Las Vegas.
238
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:14,789
I said my "oh, boy" too soon.
239
00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:17,701
In 20 minutes, he's going in
totally alone, unarmed,
240
00:09:17,702 --> 00:09:19,712
without a cell phone,
to meet with one of their guys
241
00:09:19,713 --> 00:09:20,783
to set up a buy.
242
00:09:20,784 --> 00:09:22,674
So how do you like
our plan now?
243
00:09:22,675 --> 00:09:25,239
It's a disaster, man!
We got to stop it!
244
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,667
Disaster? Tell me
one thing that's wrong
245
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,747
with Operation Beans.
246
00:09:28,748 --> 00:09:30,865
Operation Beans?
247
00:09:32,213 --> 00:09:34,701
Good afternoon, sir.
I'm Detective Charles Boyle...
248
00:09:34,702 --> 00:09:36,239
From the Nine-Nine.
249
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,652
My precinct.
I'm the captain, Raymond Holt.
250
00:09:39,724 --> 00:09:41,815
Okay.
Uh, please, come on in.
251
00:09:41,816 --> 00:09:44,493
I'll show you the back room
where they broke in.
252
00:09:44,494 --> 00:09:46,858
You're an incredibly gracious host,
Mr. Weichselbraun.
253
00:09:46,859 --> 00:09:49,709
Wow, that pronunciation
is flawless.
254
00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:51,720
[laughs]
255
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:55,683
I must admit, I'm a bit
of a Weichselbrauniac.
256
00:09:55,684 --> 00:09:59,705
Hmm, I saw you perform Bach's
"Oboe Sonata in G Minor"
257
00:09:59,706 --> 00:10:01,010
at the Brooklyn Academy
of Music.
258
00:10:01,011 --> 00:10:02,403
I was in the front row.
259
00:10:02,404 --> 00:10:04,942
You were escorted out
for gasping too loudly.
260
00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:05,898
Ah.
261
00:10:05,899 --> 00:10:08,119
This is a pretty
modest apartment.
262
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,722
How did you afford a $40,000
oboe in the first place?
263
00:10:11,723 --> 00:10:13,327
I admit that there's
not as much money
264
00:10:13,328 --> 00:10:14,947
in classical music
as there once was...
265
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,815
Which is the real crime here.
266
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:19,716
Boyle, can I
talk to you privately?
267
00:10:19,717 --> 00:10:20,767
Sure.
268
00:10:20,768 --> 00:10:22,708
What are you doing?
You just insulted
269
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,771
our celebrity victim
to his face.
270
00:10:24,772 --> 00:10:26,730
You keep saying "celebrity,"
but he's drying his socks
271
00:10:26,731 --> 00:10:28,721
on a George Foreman grill.
272
00:10:28,722 --> 00:10:30,802
This is John William
Weichselbraun,
273
00:10:30,803 --> 00:10:33,814
the Silver Spit Prince.
274
00:10:33,815 --> 00:10:36,347
I'm making myself primary
detective on this case.
275
00:10:36,348 --> 00:10:37,405
You can wait in the car.
276
00:10:37,406 --> 00:10:39,728
Oh, but first, take a picture
of the two of us together.
277
00:10:39,729 --> 00:10:40,819
Make sure we're laughing.
278
00:10:42,696 --> 00:10:43,930
Ha-ha!
279
00:10:43,931 --> 00:10:45,771
[chuckles]
280
00:10:45,772 --> 00:10:46,902
Ah.
281
00:10:46,903 --> 00:10:51,864
Okay, so, I'm going to face
my fear of confined spaces.
282
00:10:51,865 --> 00:10:54,756
When I'm ready,
you will shut the trunk
283
00:10:54,757 --> 00:10:57,038
and leave me here
for 30 minutes.
284
00:10:57,039 --> 00:10:59,472
I left a juice box
and a diaper in there for you,
285
00:10:59,473 --> 00:11:00,809
so you're gonna be fine.
286
00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:02,741
Or we could all
give in to our fears
287
00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:04,752
and keep our blood in
our bodies like normal people.
288
00:11:04,753 --> 00:11:07,783
No, Rosa, we are doing
something important here.
289
00:11:07,784 --> 00:11:10,745
We are women, standing up
and supporting each other
290
00:11:10,746 --> 00:11:11,946
and becoming...
291
00:11:11,947 --> 00:11:13,847
New fear: listening
to Amy inspire us.
292
00:11:13,848 --> 00:11:16,919
Be back in a half hour, Ames.
293
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,810
Wait! Come back!
294
00:11:19,811 --> 00:11:21,751
Come back, I can't do this!
295
00:11:21,752 --> 00:11:23,814
- No, you're the best!
- [laughs]
296
00:11:28,471 --> 00:11:30,031
You did it.
How'd it go?
297
00:11:30,032 --> 00:11:34,612
Well, the first ten minutes
were really terrible.
298
00:11:34,613 --> 00:11:36,970
The diaper did not fit.
It was for a baby.
299
00:11:36,971 --> 00:11:41,893
But then I relaxed,
and I found my inner strength.
300
00:11:41,894 --> 00:11:44,567
I think the lesson here is that,
as women, we...
301
00:11:44,568 --> 00:11:45,556
No, no, no, no!
302
00:11:45,557 --> 00:11:47,339
You close that trunk again
and I will kill you!
303
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:49,175
You hear me?
I will kill you!
304
00:11:51,724 --> 00:11:53,780
We're almost there.
Slow down, Pinto.
305
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:54,850
I didn't agree to a bean name.
306
00:11:54,851 --> 00:11:57,145
We are not doing
Operation Beans.
307
00:11:57,146 --> 00:11:59,359
You know, the only reason
Hitchcock and I took this case
308
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,907
is because you said
we were great.
309
00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:02,795
I'm beginning to think
you were lying to us.
310
00:12:02,796 --> 00:12:05,310
I was lying!
I already admitted that.
311
00:12:05,311 --> 00:12:07,848
Well, if anything happens,
it's because of you.
312
00:12:07,849 --> 00:12:09,429
- Right, Mung?
- Right.
313
00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:10,949
If Hitchcock dies,
it's 'cause of Pinto.
314
00:12:10,950 --> 00:12:12,395
Terry, I know
that you're mad,
315
00:12:12,396 --> 00:12:14,473
but you don't have
to jump on the bean train.
316
00:12:14,474 --> 00:12:15,873
Uh-oh.
317
00:12:17,874 --> 00:12:20,986
Chickpea!
No!
318
00:12:23,563 --> 00:12:24,672
Looks like they're
taking Hitchcock
319
00:12:24,673 --> 00:12:26,792
inside that building, and it
looks like they're armed.
320
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:27,843
Dammit, Jake!
321
00:12:27,844 --> 00:12:29,944
You couldn't just do
the case I assigned you?
322
00:12:29,945 --> 00:12:32,726
Hitchcock's life is in danger.
He has a wife, man.
323
00:12:32,727 --> 00:12:33,917
Don't worry.
If anything happens to him,
324
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:35,748
she'll be taken care of.
325
00:12:35,749 --> 00:12:38,458
If I die, I want you
to marry Lucille.
326
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:41,173
I can't stand the thought
of you being alone.
327
00:12:41,174 --> 00:12:43,602
Deal. Let's make it
a blood pact.
328
00:12:43,603 --> 00:12:46,734
Oh, look,
I'm already bleeding.
329
00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:48,562
So just normal friend stuff.
330
00:12:48,563 --> 00:12:51,154
- So what's the plan?
- We stick with Operation Beans.
331
00:12:51,155 --> 00:12:53,748
We knock on the front door.
I say I'm Tex Dallas.
332
00:12:53,749 --> 00:12:55,956
You're my buddy, Alamo,
and you're Black Fred.
333
00:12:55,957 --> 00:12:58,418
Black Fred?
Why Black Fred?
334
00:12:58,419 --> 00:12:59,751
There's no other Fred!
335
00:12:59,752 --> 00:13:01,215
Yeah, but they don't
know that.
336
00:13:01,216 --> 00:13:02,505
I say Terry and I go in
337
00:13:02,506 --> 00:13:03,931
through the roof
and do some recon.
338
00:13:03,932 --> 00:13:06,225
Scully, you stay here and call
for backup in case we need it.
339
00:13:06,226 --> 00:13:07,245
Oh, no way.
340
00:13:07,246 --> 00:13:09,185
That's my partner in there.
I'm going in.
341
00:13:09,186 --> 00:13:11,927
Also, I can't call for help.
I don't have any quarters.
342
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,805
Hard to argue
with that logic.
343
00:13:15,984 --> 00:13:17,128
- You know I...
- Sir, I need to talk to you
344
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,311
about the Weichselbraun case.
345
00:13:19,754 --> 00:13:22,597
Oh, I didn't realize you
were here, Mr. Weichselbraun.
346
00:13:22,598 --> 00:13:24,719
I was in the area,
and the captain is a fan,
347
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,495
so I came by to give him
a little gift, as a thank you.
348
00:13:27,496 --> 00:13:30,101
It's a signed copy
of his book of mouth exercises.
349
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:33,202
"Reed It and Weep."
"Reed" with two Es?
350
00:13:33,203 --> 00:13:34,861
It's my favorite joke
of all time.
351
00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:36,782
- I'll come back later.
- Oh, nonsense.
352
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:39,794
I'm sure John...
he insists I call him "John"...
353
00:13:39,795 --> 00:13:41,493
I'm sure John would
appreciate an update
354
00:13:41,494 --> 00:13:43,964
on the whereabouts of his oboe,
wouldn't you, John?
355
00:13:43,965 --> 00:13:45,332
- Yeah.
- Well said, John.
356
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,133
- Did you hear what John said?
- I did,
357
00:13:47,134 --> 00:13:48,630
but it's an open
investigation,
358
00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:50,463
and I don't think it's proper
to share information
359
00:13:50,464 --> 00:13:51,781
with the parties involved.
360
00:13:51,782 --> 00:13:53,151
Well, that's why you're
no longer the primary.
361
00:13:53,152 --> 00:13:55,763
John played oboe for
Lynne Cheney.
362
00:13:55,764 --> 00:13:57,838
I'm sure we can
trust him to be discreet.
363
00:13:57,839 --> 00:13:59,785
- Out with it.
- Okay, well,
364
00:13:59,786 --> 00:14:01,076
John, you're under arrest.
365
00:14:01,077 --> 00:14:02,263
- What?
- Excuse me?
366
00:14:02,264 --> 00:14:04,562
He staged the robbery
for the insurance money
367
00:14:04,563 --> 00:14:07,638
because he's broke, because
oboists are not celebrities.
368
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,316
This is ludicrous, Boyle.
369
00:14:09,317 --> 00:14:11,591
Do you have one iota
of evidence?
370
00:14:11,592 --> 00:14:13,851
I found the oboe
for sale online.
371
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:17,061
We traced the IP address back to
Mr. Weichselbraun's computer.
372
00:14:19,452 --> 00:14:21,699
Oh, John.
373
00:14:22,226 --> 00:14:24,648
Okay, Sarge, everyone
knows you're a superhero,
374
00:14:24,649 --> 00:14:27,037
so you lower Scully and I
into that skylight
375
00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:28,144
and then fly down to meet us.
376
00:14:28,145 --> 00:14:29,769
- You know that's impossible.
- Fine.
377
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:31,472
We'll lower Scully
down together,
378
00:14:31,473 --> 00:14:33,593
and then flop onto him
like a giant mattress.
379
00:14:33,594 --> 00:14:35,654
No, you go first,
then I lower Scully,
380
00:14:35,655 --> 00:14:38,958
and you...
you get to catch him.
381
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:40,986
Great.
I love that plan.
382
00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:43,639
[quietly]
Come on.
383
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,678
Whoa!
[both grunting]
384
00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:47,648
I got him.
385
00:14:52,962 --> 00:14:55,167
- Look what I found.
- French fries?
386
00:14:55,168 --> 00:14:57,318
What?
No, it's Hitchcock.
387
00:14:57,319 --> 00:14:59,936
Where would I have found
French fries in a weed farm?
388
00:15:01,646 --> 00:15:04,271
Oh, man, look at him.
This is bad.
389
00:15:04,272 --> 00:15:06,151
He hates standing up.
390
00:15:06,830 --> 00:15:08,840
To conquer my fear
of businessmen,
391
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,509
I must walk among them.
392
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,779
I will shake
their clammy hands
393
00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:15,834
and listen to them talk
about things like
394
00:15:15,835 --> 00:15:18,095
how hard Wednesdays can be.
395
00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:22,058
Does this outfit look
drab and lifeless enough?
396
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:24,673
Also, thanks, Amy,
for letting me borrow it.
397
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,891
You're welcome.
I wore that suit to prom.
398
00:15:27,892 --> 00:15:29,575
Student chaperone.
399
00:15:29,947 --> 00:15:31,974
I guess this
is really happening.
400
00:15:31,975 --> 00:15:33,152
[inhales]
401
00:15:36,744 --> 00:15:39,008
How about those
quarterly write-offs?
402
00:15:39,009 --> 00:15:41,552
And did you hear
about the merger?
403
00:15:41,553 --> 00:15:44,655
Also, we all need to go in
on those flowers for Beth.
404
00:15:44,656 --> 00:15:46,689
Aw, Wednesdays.
405
00:15:46,690 --> 00:15:47,734
Who are you again?
406
00:15:47,735 --> 00:15:51,175
Gina, from Sales.
I have the plant on my desk.
407
00:15:51,176 --> 00:15:54,268
Oh, yeah.
You want to sit with us.
408
00:15:54,723 --> 00:15:56,385
We'll all be dead so soon.
409
00:15:56,386 --> 00:15:57,908
What?
410
00:15:57,909 --> 00:15:59,312
I would love to sit.
411
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,022
Ugh.
412
00:16:04,023 --> 00:16:06,993
That was a nightmare.
I ate a Caesar salad wrap.
413
00:16:06,994 --> 00:16:09,895
I'm so proud of you,
you lioness.
414
00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:10,946
You faced your fear.
415
00:16:10,947 --> 00:16:13,739
And I emerged victorious.
416
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,869
Yay!
417
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:17,870
[sighs]
418
00:16:17,871 --> 00:16:18,870
That was a wig?
419
00:16:19,201 --> 00:16:22,751
You didn't think I'd put
my actual hair in a ponytail?
420
00:16:22,752 --> 00:16:23,883
Are you insane?
421
00:16:23,884 --> 00:16:25,204
Oh, there's the boss.
422
00:16:27,451 --> 00:16:30,927
I ask only one time.
Who do you work for?
423
00:16:30,928 --> 00:16:33,909
DEA? FBI? Police?
424
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,890
I'm in the cowboy mafia.
425
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,703
I work for the Dallas
Buyers Club.
426
00:16:37,704 --> 00:16:39,892
- I came up with that name.
- No, you didn't.
427
00:16:39,893 --> 00:16:41,923
It's a movie about AIDS.
428
00:16:41,924 --> 00:16:44,105
You're lying.
Let's try again.
429
00:16:44,106 --> 00:16:46,026
- FBI?
- Oof!
430
00:16:46,027 --> 00:16:47,116
- DEA?
- [grunts]
431
00:16:47,117 --> 00:16:48,987
- Police?
- Aah!
432
00:16:48,988 --> 00:16:50,888
Oh no, he's not gonna last.
433
00:16:50,889 --> 00:16:52,069
Oh, Jake, you got
to do something.
434
00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:54,085
I don't want to
marry Hitchcock's wife.
435
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,962
Here we come, Chickpea.
436
00:16:56,963 --> 00:17:00,044
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Easy!
437
00:17:00,045 --> 00:17:01,278
Howdy there!
438
00:17:01,279 --> 00:17:03,065
I'd really appreciate it
kindly
439
00:17:03,066 --> 00:17:06,367
if y'all would stop punching
my associate Reno, there.
440
00:17:06,368 --> 00:17:09,049
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Alamo.
441
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:11,090
This here's Tex,
and this is...
442
00:17:11,091 --> 00:17:12,981
Fred.
Just Fred.
443
00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:16,073
And we are...
444
00:17:16,074 --> 00:17:17,974
the Dallas Buyers Club.
445
00:17:17,975 --> 00:17:20,105
Okay.
We make a deal.
446
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:21,136
[speaks Serbian]
447
00:17:21,137 --> 00:17:22,967
[chuckles]
Sounds good.
448
00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:24,540
No, I just told them
to surround you.
449
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:26,079
Dagnabbit.
Oof!
450
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:31,502
Look, Sarge, I'm sorry
that we're in this mess,
451
00:17:31,503 --> 00:17:32,732
but on the bright side,
452
00:17:32,733 --> 00:17:34,743
we don't have to deal
with some lame oboist.
453
00:17:34,744 --> 00:17:36,864
You should be apologizing
to Hitchcock and Scully.
454
00:17:36,865 --> 00:17:39,686
You took them out of their
house mouse comfort zone,
455
00:17:39,687 --> 00:17:41,008
and now they might get killed.
456
00:17:41,009 --> 00:17:43,077
You really think
they're going to kill us?
457
00:17:43,078 --> 00:17:45,548
Oh, no, now I'm starting
to panic sweat.
458
00:17:45,549 --> 00:17:46,988
Starting to?
459
00:17:46,989 --> 00:17:48,641
What have you been doing
for the past hour?
460
00:17:48,642 --> 00:17:50,435
- Normal sweating.
- Wait a minute.
461
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:54,624
If you get killed,
what happens to all your debt?
462
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:57,587
Loophole!
463
00:17:58,718 --> 00:18:01,738
Oh, you sweaty,
chair-spinning morons.
464
00:18:01,739 --> 00:18:03,610
You're gonna get us
out of here.
465
00:18:04,631 --> 00:18:06,541
Boyle, may I speak to you?
466
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,213
I don't know.
467
00:18:08,214 --> 00:18:10,402
Are you still mad
that I arrested John?
468
00:18:10,403 --> 00:18:11,572
No.
469
00:18:12,812 --> 00:18:15,786
I know he's guilty.
I'm just chagrined.
470
00:18:15,787 --> 00:18:17,599
Deeply chagrined.
471
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,079
I finally understand the old
adage, "Never meet your heroes."
472
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,466
This is just like when I found
out Robert Frost was from...
473
00:18:25,317 --> 00:18:26,587
California.
474
00:18:26,588 --> 00:18:28,684
Or when I saw Mario Batali
with his hair down.
475
00:18:28,685 --> 00:18:30,585
[shudders]
476
00:18:30,586 --> 00:18:33,027
Well, you've handled this case
with the utmost professionalism,
477
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:35,541
while I've behaved crassly.
478
00:18:36,046 --> 00:18:38,086
I think I've figured out
a way to make it up to you.
479
00:18:38,479 --> 00:18:41,360
Oh, my God,
is Dianne Wiest here?
480
00:18:41,361 --> 00:18:44,317
No, I've hired a trio
of classical musicians
481
00:18:44,318 --> 00:18:46,784
to perform
a Shostakovich cantata,
482
00:18:46,785 --> 00:18:51,231
originally written as
an apology to a dear friend.
483
00:18:53,829 --> 00:18:55,809
Are you stealing
kitchen supplies?
484
00:18:55,810 --> 00:18:57,271
Just let us have this stuff.
485
00:18:57,272 --> 00:18:59,122
You have so much,
and we have so little.
486
00:18:59,649 --> 00:19:02,597
Perhaps I'll just
buy you a drink instead.
487
00:19:02,598 --> 00:19:04,804
Yeah, that would be best.
488
00:19:04,805 --> 00:19:07,467
Classical musicians
are savages.
489
00:19:08,045 --> 00:19:09,817
They're not gonna
kill you fast, Scully.
490
00:19:09,818 --> 00:19:11,738
They're gonna
make it real slow.
491
00:19:11,739 --> 00:19:12,799
First they're gonna scalp you,
492
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,730
and then they're gonna
rip your tongue out!
493
00:19:14,731 --> 00:19:17,611
No.
That's my cupcake taster!
494
00:19:17,612 --> 00:19:18,812
What are you doing?
Lay off him!
495
00:19:18,813 --> 00:19:22,076
Never! For my plan to work,
he's gotta be basting in sweat.
496
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,985
Hitchcock, you once told me you
could roll that chair anywhere.
497
00:19:24,986 --> 00:19:26,376
Think you could take it
up those stairs?
498
00:19:26,377 --> 00:19:28,648
I once rode a chair home
in a blizzard.
499
00:19:28,649 --> 00:19:30,935
So, yeah, I can go up stairs.
500
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,414
So do it.
501
00:19:36,603 --> 00:19:37,666
Oh, he's amazing.
502
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:40,380
He's like a big, lazy
Michelle Kwan.
503
00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:42,006
But how's he gonna get
up the stairs?
504
00:19:42,894 --> 00:19:45,209
Jake!
He already did.
505
00:19:47,681 --> 00:19:49,569
Okay, it's go time.
506
00:19:49,570 --> 00:19:52,104
Help!
My man's having a heart attack!
507
00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:53,333
Help!
508
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:55,773
Hitchcock, now!
509
00:19:55,774 --> 00:19:57,774
[grunts]
510
00:19:57,775 --> 00:19:58,978
Scully!
Grab his gun.
511
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,965
[roars]
512
00:20:03,966 --> 00:20:06,567
It's not sticky
because I'm so juicy!
513
00:20:06,568 --> 00:20:08,048
Told you I knew
what I was doing.
514
00:20:08,049 --> 00:20:09,423
Black Fred, think quick.
515
00:20:09,424 --> 00:20:11,772
No, no, ow!
That was a gun, man!
516
00:20:11,773 --> 00:20:14,131
Scully, grab that dude's knife
and cut us loose.
517
00:20:14,132 --> 00:20:15,878
We're gonna get the rest
of these guys.
518
00:20:15,879 --> 00:20:20,193
It's time for Operation Beans,
phase two, the refrying.
519
00:20:20,606 --> 00:20:22,061
Sure you're ready to go
through with this?
520
00:20:22,062 --> 00:20:24,646
You know what?
Today was stupid.
521
00:20:24,647 --> 00:20:26,973
But seeing you both overcome
your fears did help me,
522
00:20:26,974 --> 00:20:29,863
and I think we've
all grown as women.
523
00:20:32,223 --> 00:20:33,049
Okay.
524
00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:34,825
I'm ready.
525
00:20:34,826 --> 00:20:36,590
Stab me! Stab me!
526
00:20:36,591 --> 00:20:38,044
Do it, just do it!
527
00:20:38,045 --> 00:20:39,969
- Rosa?
- I'm psyching myself up.
528
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:42,689
[yells]
529
00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:44,600
Don't look at them!
Look at me!
530
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:46,588
Do your job!
Drain me!
531
00:20:47,543 --> 00:20:48,734
[elevator bell dings]
532
00:20:50,037 --> 00:20:51,307
There they are!
533
00:20:51,308 --> 00:20:53,836
Everybody give it up
for Hitchcock and Scully.
534
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,578
[applause]
535
00:20:55,579 --> 00:20:57,678
To thank you for all you did,
536
00:20:57,679 --> 00:20:59,738
bringing down a drug ring,
537
00:20:59,739 --> 00:21:01,307
we have a little present
for you:
538
00:21:01,308 --> 00:21:04,446
brand-new, top-of-the-line
desk chairs,
539
00:21:04,447 --> 00:21:07,566
extra padding, with adjustable
height and recline.
540
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,304
Hey, chair!
541
00:21:09,305 --> 00:21:11,314
Get ready to meet
your new best friend:
542
00:21:11,315 --> 00:21:14,164
my ass.
543
00:21:14,165 --> 00:21:16,174
[both groaning happily]
544
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,254
That was very nice of you.
545
00:21:17,255 --> 00:21:18,314
They did good.
546
00:21:18,315 --> 00:21:20,124
Also, I was worried
they might want
547
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,394
to go out in the field more,
548
00:21:21,395 --> 00:21:23,596
and I need something to
keep them at their desks.
549
00:21:23,597 --> 00:21:26,154
You really think that that
is going to keep them at their...
550
00:21:26,155 --> 00:21:27,651
and they're both
asleep already.
551
00:21:27,652 --> 00:21:29,284
And the city's safer for it.
552
00:21:29,285 --> 00:21:31,539
Sleep tight,
you magnificent oafs.
553
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,063
You deserve it.
554
00:21:33,064 --> 00:21:37,050
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/