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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Hello and welcome
to Insert Name Here,

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where we'll be discovering more than
you thought possible about a group

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of people with just one thing in
common - they all have the same name.

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Joining me
are six of my favourite people,

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each bearing their own
unique moniker.

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Please welcome Alice Roberts,

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Hugh Dennis and their team captain,
Josh Widdicombe.

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And Lucy Porter, Omid Djalili

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and their captain, Richard Osman!

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And so, the all-important question,
which name will be featured tonight?

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Well, it's the one
that is on everybody's lips,

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it's the name of our future king,
the world's richest nerd

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and the name of my first pet rabbit.

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Tonight's name is William.

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So, tonight we'll be
talking about Williams.

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Just to be clear, that does include
Wills, Bills, Billys,

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and your aim is to win as many
of them as you can.

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At the end of the show,
the team with the most Wills gets

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the privilege of naming
the best William of all time.

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Alice, do you know any Wills?

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I've been racking
my brains about this

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and I'm sure that I'm going to say
no and then I'll be inundated...

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You're going to get
so many Willy texts after this!

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All from Richard!

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There was a man who I thought was
called Bernie for a very long time,

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and it turned out
he was actually called Bill,

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but I carried on calling him Bernie.

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I'd prefer to change
my own name to Bernie...

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than have the awkwardness
of trying to tell them

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they've got my name wrong.

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I agree with Jacob.

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I'm Mel, but I've been called Sue
for the last 27 years!

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Oh, I thought
you were Paul Hollywood!

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Do you know any, Richard? Are you
familiar with any Williams, Billys?

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Um, funnily enough, we did a round
on Pointless which was

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Famous Williams, and always,
on any board, there is

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always one very easy one,
just so, you know, my mum can play.

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And, um...

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And the easiest one on
this board was,

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"Which William wrote the play
Othello?"

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And the person who answered,
who, I might add, was a student,

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said, "Oh, I know this one, it is...

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"William Tell."

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Now it's time to pick a Will.

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Our teams must choose a category
and behind each category lurks

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a famous Will, which they have to
win by answering a crunch question.

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Josh, we're going to start off
with you.

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What would you like out of this lot?

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Um, shall we go Stratford Will?

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I quite like French Will, but...
Yeah?

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Well, let's go French Will, then.

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You know,
it's a democracy, isn't it?

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- What, France?
- Yeah.

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Well, at the time of recording!

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Um, we'll go French Will.
OK, you have chosen French Will.

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It's the first William,
star of stage, screen and tapestry,

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William the Conqueror.

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Let's have a look at his stats.

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Now, we all know him
as William the Conqueror,

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but what did his contemporaries
call him?

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It'll just be William, because
he hadn't conquered by that point.

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A lot of the kings,
a lot of people from history,

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have spoiler alerts in their name,
to be fair.

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If you were a kid, just starting
to learn this, you'd go,

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"William the Conqueror?
Well, I know how this ends!"

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It would be useful if they had had
those names in their life,

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like, you met Vlad the Impaler
and you went,

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"I'm not going to stick around
with you for long..."

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For his Tinder profile!
I'm going to leave that one...

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I think I've seen Vlad the Impaler
on many a Tinder profile.

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What do you think? He's not
the Conqueror, he's pre-Conqueror.

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I know, he was called
William the Bastard.

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He was called William the Bastard,
yes. Do you know why?

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Because he was a bastard!

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That's another one I'd be tempted
with on Tinder, William the Bastard.

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You're absolutely right,
referred to as The Bastard.

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Especially by King Philip of France,
or as William called him,

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Philippe le Shitstirrer.

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William married the noble born
Matilda of Flanders.

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At four foot two inches tall,

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she still holds
the Guinness World Record

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for being England's smallest queen.
Unless, of course, Lucy...

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Just wait until I marry
Prince Harry!

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Just to see, can I ask the two of you
to stand up?

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I'll point out, before we do,
I'm five foot ten.

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I'm still... I'm still going!

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Who needs Arnold Schwarzenegger
and Danny DeVito?

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Your husband is six foot five,
right?

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He is, yeah, in the bedroom,

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it's like a ventriloquism act that's
gone to a very dark place.

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Do you know the first casualty of
the Battle of Hastings?

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I reckon it was
the bloke on the furthest left

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of the Bayeux Tapestry.

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Of course,

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if the guy on the furthest left
did the thing where he ran all the

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way round the back of the tapestry,
he'd be furthest right as well.

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That's true!

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The first casualty of
the Battle of Hastings

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was William's juggler, Taillefer.

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Who deserved it! He did!

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Basically, before the battle began,

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he rode to the front of the invading
army and started singing...

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On a unicycle.
# La-la-la! #

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He started singing
a popular French ballad...

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Probably Je T'Aime
or something in that.

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Just immediately
killed by the English.

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The English thought, "This is going
to be easier than we thought!"

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There have been many
replicas of the Bayeux Tapestry,

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but my favourite is by the Leek
Embroidery Society, which made it

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in 1835, and which contains some
uniquely Victorian touches.

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So, it's time now to play
spot the difference.

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Here is a detail
from the Victorian version.

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And here is the original.

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Oh, he's got a ginger beard
in the one on the right.

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Is that the juggler?
Is that what he was juggling?

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Any other differences?

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I'm worried that
I'm the only one seeing it.

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And I'm going to say it
and everyone else will go,

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"What the hell are you
talking about?!"

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You might notice,
the tree's a different colour...

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JOSH: Is that what you're
calling it, a tree?

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RICHARD: It appears to be

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a plum tree of some sort...

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Any other difference? Omid, can you
see any other difference there?

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I think the one on the right
has big, fat, hairy bollocks.

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Omid wins the prize.

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Unbelievable!

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So, this is the question
for the Will.

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William died in 1087
after a fall from his horse.

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What happened to
the body at the funeral?

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They set fire to it and it
went up like a Christmas pudding.

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They didn't set fire to it...
It did explode, didn't it?

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Someone's body exploded, was it his?
He did genuinely explode.

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The priests tried to stuff the obese
William into a stone coffin,

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they pushed on his abdomen slightly
too firmly, causing it to burst.

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According to the chronicler Vitalis,
"The swollen bowels burst,"

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and an intolerable stench assailed
the nostrils of bystanders

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and the whole crowd.

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Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,

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intestines to the far side
of the church.

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Well done, Richard,
you win the Will, congratulations.

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Thank you, thank you.

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And it's your turn, Richard,
to pick a Will.

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We'll go for Singing Will.

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Well, you've plumped for
The Voice judge,

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entrepreneur and Black Eyed Peas
founder William James Adams Jr.

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So, let's have a look at his stats.

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What's your favourite
Black Eyed Peas track?

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Did they do that "Tonight's going to
be a good night"...? Yeah, they did.

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Because that is the bane
of my bloody life!

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Every really rubbish event...

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Like, I sort of host things
sometimes, and you know...

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Every rubbish event! Exactly!

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You're going to get
a lot more of those now!

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Then you hear, "Tonight's going
to be a good night..."

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And you think, I bet it's not.

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I wouldn't open with that.

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I like his name, will.i.am,

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because a lot of people get
confused with my name,

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because Djalili is spelt
D-J-A-L-I-L-I,

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and the first gig I did outside of
London was in Preston,

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and they had,
"Tonight, comedy from Omid

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"and music from DJ Alili."

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That's a true story! So, I love
his name, it's a great name.

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What would your DJ name be, Richard?

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What do you mean, what WOULD it be?

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I was unaware that you were,
you know,

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currently resident at the decks.

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Yeah, no, I'm doing an album with
Dre next year. I think that, um...

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I think, if we had
the Notorious BIG,

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I might be Notorious TALL.

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You and I, we could be
Biggie Smalls, Josh.

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Oh, that would be lovely,
wouldn't it?

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Yeah, because that ended well,
didn't it, Biggie Smalls(?)

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OK, next question, on The Voice,

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will.i.am was caught doing something
16 times on one show, what was it?

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Oh, it's... I know this.
Do you? Yeah, he was...

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It was when he was...
Was he on The Voice...? Yes!

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That's what she just said!

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That's what she said!

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Oh, sorry!

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RICHARD: I went on to The Voice.

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00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,640
My audition song was
Don't Turn Around, by Aswad,

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which didn't work well...

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Was this on The Voice?

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Do you think you know the answer?

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Yeah, he was constantly texting,
wasn't he, or checking his phone?

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Yeah, he was, he was basically
tweeting. There he is.

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He is a prolific tweeter.

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And the classic...

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00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,640
And sometimes, people also tweet him:

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00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,240
There he is.

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Oh, wow! That's basically Baddie
Number Three from any Bond movie.

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00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,360
That looks like real hair!
Is that real hair?

196
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,680
I worry that it might be,
because the thing about baked goods,

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00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,600
if you do a show around baked goods,
people will just bring you them,

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00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,360
unwrapped, anywhere,

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00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,800
when you're going about
your daily business, press them

200
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,080
into your hand and just say,
"My nan made you a Viennese whirl."

201
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,400
This crumbling mass
will just go in...

202
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,920
Pressed quite deeply, no clingfilm,
no wrap, nothing sanitised,

203
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,600
and then they will take up
their phone

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00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,920
and want to video you eating it.

205
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,400
No! Now you've said that,

206
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,880
at least no-one's going to do
THAT any more, are they?

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00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,560
We must have had some odd tweets,
I reckon, Alice.

208
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:58,320
I get into Twitter fights
occasionally with creationists,

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00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,800
that's my weakness, actually.

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00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,520
My husband always goes,
"Don't do it."

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00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,400
And also, you always
argue about how it started.

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00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,400
And the argument never evolves!

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00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,680
Never evolves.

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00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,560
They can't use that, because
my cup of tea was in the shot.

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00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,120
Sue, tell you what...

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00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,800
And the argument never evolves!

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00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,720
will.i.am has frequently helped
innovate or design new products,

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although he doesn't call himself an
innovator, what does he call himself?

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Is he, like, an imagineer? Imagineer
is along the right lines, yes.

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00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,880
A dreamalyser. Oh, that's good.
A visionorator.

221
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,960
This sounds like we're picking
our team name on The Apprentice!

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00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,760
He actually calls himself
a popthropologist.

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A popthropologist!

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You've been described, Alice,
as an anatomist, an anthropologist

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00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,480
and a paleopathologist. Would you add
popthropologist to that?

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Yeah, definitely! Yeah.

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00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,720
I did an interview with someone
who called me a mumedian,

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00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,480
because you know, like,
they have mumpreneur?

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00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:04,360
They said, "Oh, she's a mumedian,"
and I wanted to stab them to death.

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00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:09,200
But I didn't, in case the papers
called me a mumderer, obviously.

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00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,480
"You have been accused of mumder..."

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00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,680
What did will.i.am recently
do for Prince Charles?

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Did he play a song for him?

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00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,440
Did he play a song TO him?

235
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,880
Did he play a song TO him? For him?

236
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,040
On him? Up him?
Did he use him to play a song?

237
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,800
What, just play him?

238
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:30,560
Strum him like a banjo? I was
thinking flute, ear as one of the...

239
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,760
What, you think will.i.am played
Prince Charles as a flute?

240
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,120
If it's right, I reckon we should
definitely get a point for that.

241
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,760
Oh, yeah... Is the correct answer!
Yes! No, it isn't.

242
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,720
I genuinely fell for that.

243
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:48,640
He donated ã500,000 to the
Prince's Trust to help young people

244
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,120
develop technology skills.
Here he is with Charles,

245
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,520
or Chazzee Rascal, as he likes
to style himself.

246
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,280
That looks like will.i.am's trip
to Madame Tussaud's,

247
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,320
that's all that is.

248
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,480
RICHARD: It's either will.i.am's
trip to Madame Tussaud's,

249
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,000
or Prince Charles's trip
to Madame Tussaud's.

250
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,960
will.i.am has created many
innovative products.

251
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,560
What's unique about his i.am.plus
Puls smartwatch?

252
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,120
I think it just does what
most of these things do, which is

253
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,400
measure your heart rate
and tell you how fit you are,

254
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,600
but on the side,
there's a little tiny cupboard,

255
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,280
and if you open it,
there is a brand-new selection

256
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:24,480
of Duchy Originals biscuits
that he's invented.

257
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,480
The pulse watch can actually
determine your emotion

258
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,720
and mood, based on the tone
of your voice.

259
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,240
What is the point of that,

260
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,720
given that you're wearing
the watch yourself...

261
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,920
and you're doing the talking?

262
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,080
It's telling you
what you already know,

263
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,160
because you are the author of
that emotion.

264
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,720
Exactly, you are the cross one

265
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,920
and your watch is telling you
you're cross.

266
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,960
At a funeral, you go up to someone
and say, "I'm really...

267
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,280
"sad... to hear of your loss."

268
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,400
That is pretty much
the most pointless thing

269
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,160
I've ever heard in my life, I think.

270
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,560
And yet, you will be doing
the voice-over.

271
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:05,520
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

272
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:09,000
OK, it's time to play
for the Will, now.

273
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,440
will.i.am is the chief creative
officer of a 3D printing company.

274
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:16,760
What does he believe
we will be able to print one day?

275
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,160
Everything, it's the truth!

276
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,040
People, probably.
Is the right answer!

277
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,320
Yeah, well done.

278
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,480
Will said...

279
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:36,320
Quite frankly, you win the Will,
well done. Thank you.

280
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,120
So, the next one's between you.
Josh, what would you like to go for?

281
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,440
I'm going to go TV Legend Will.

282
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:45,840
Have we got a cracker for you!

283
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:50,000
It is final frontier busting
actor William Shatner!

284
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,200
CHEERING

285
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,640
Hey! Let's have a look at his stats.

286
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:12,120
The Urban Dictionary has cleverly
defined the word to Shatnerize.

287
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,480
Does anyone know what that means,
to Shatnerize?

288
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,160
It's an optician's worst nightmare?

289
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,480
LAUGHTER

290
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:25,080
Oh, it's a bonus Willy here. It's a
bonus Willy Wonka for that one.

291
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,680
It's marvellous but it isn't right.

292
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,200
The actual definition for
Shatnerizing is to produce something

293
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,600
so bad it's good.

294
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,840
LAUGHTER

295
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,000
That said, Shatner does have
his many fans.

296
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:40,680
In 2006 he sold a personal item for
25,000. What was it?

297
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:42,040
Leonard Nimoy.

298
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,360
It's a good price! Kidney?

299
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,320
Do you know what?
I'm going to give you that,

300
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,880
cos it wasn't quite his kidney,
but it was a kidney stone. Oh!

301
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,080
He began suffering unbearable
backache, basically,

302
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,280
while he was filming,
dropped to his knees in pain.

303
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,400
Colleagues rushed to his aid,
immediately ordered an acting coach.

304
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,480
LAUGHTER

305
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,320
He passed the stone and sold it
for 25,000.

306
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,520
GASPING

307
00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:03,680
Who's buying that?

308
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,040
What would you use it as?
Paperweight?

309
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,200
Probably, yes.

310
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,600
It's the human equivalent
of a pearl though, isn't it?

311
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,840
Well, now we know who bought it.
Would you wear...?

312
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,720
LAUGHTER

313
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,800
You do pass them through the...

314
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,480
the gentleman's excuse me, do you?
Well, not if you're a lady.

315
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,560
Come on! The lady's excuse me.

316
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,600
I don't think you can do it by proxy.

317
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,800
Just before joining Star Trek,
Shatner was in a horror film

318
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,600
called Incubus in 1965.

319
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,440
What was unusual about Incubus?

320
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,840
Was it about him passing
a kidney stone?

321
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,480
Was it in a foreign language?

322
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,440
It was in a foreign language.
Anybody know what foreign language?

323
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:38,520
Latin. Latvian. No.

324
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,160
Aramaic. Esperanto! Esperanto!

325
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,080
Yes. Here he is.

326
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:08,040
I think the phrase we're
looking for is multi-multi-shitey.

327
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,480
LAUGHTER

328
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,280
Do you reckon she couldn't speak it?

329
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,040
So he just had to keep going.

330
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,240
LAUGHTER

331
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,600
I think the next line was,

332
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,080
"I don't want your body,"
I just want your kidney stone.

333
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,840
"I'll give you 25 grand!"

334
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:20,960
LAUGHTER

335
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,480
In 1966 Shatner joined
the cast of Star Trek,

336
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,520
the show that was to change his life.

337
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,720
Here he is in an early episode.

338
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,720
LAUGHTER

339
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,960
He's on planet Exo III,

340
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,200
but quite frankly I don't know what
planet the props department were on.

341
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,920
I might have seen the tapestry
version of that as well.

342
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,800
Star Trek is famous for its
hilariously poor monsters,

343
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,640
such as the Excalbian.

344
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,320
And the Gorn!

345
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,440
As in the phrase, "The production
budget has all GORN!"

346
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,360
The Gorn is responsible
for the cruddiest fight scene

347
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,960
ever shown on television.
Let's have a look at it.

348
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,760
APPLAUSE

349
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:25,880
Imagine if you trained at RADA and
that was your first job as an actor.

350
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,080
That WAS Sue's first job, come on!

351
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,680
That was my signature move.

352
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,800
Now it's time to play for the Will!

353
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,840
This is Mike Myers from the horror
film Halloween,

354
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,440
but what is his connection to William
Shatner?

355
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,160
Nephew, he's his nephew? No.

356
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,200
He played the Gorn.

357
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,920
LAUGHTER

358
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,840
Is that mask modelled on
William Shatner's face?

359
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,440
Is the right answer!

360
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,800
APPLAUSE

361
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,520
That is an excellent,
excellent, excellent answer.

362
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,880
Indeed it is.

363
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,640
It is only marginally less emotive
than Shatner's real face.

364
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,760
The movie budget was so small
they used the cheapest mask

365
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,920
they could find, which was
the Shatner mask for 2.

366
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,320
They painted it white, teased
the hair and reshaped the eyeholes.

367
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:12,280
It was a trick later employed
by Barry Manilow 20 years later.

368
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,360
LAUGHTER

369
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:18,880
So, yes, that's absolutely right
and so, for the Will, you get it.

370
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,240
Well done!

371
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,320
APPLAUSE

372
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,520
Time for our next round.

373
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,440
As always, the Insert Name Here
fruit machine is standing by,

374
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,880
I'll spin the wheels to reveal
three of my favourite Wills.

375
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,640
Our teams must match the fascinating
fact to the extraordinary Will.

376
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:36,800
Let's spin.

377
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,720
We've got bearded bat wielder,
WG Grace.

378
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,920
Bearded comedian, Billy Connolly,

379
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,480
and beardless mystic, William Blake.

380
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,040
The question is, who used to sunbathe
naked in his garden with his wife

381
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,480
and recreate the story
of Adam and Eve?

382
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,600
Recreate it how much...
I mean up to what point?

383
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:53,880
The snake and everything?

384
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,600
They ate an apple and then they had
to leave the garden

385
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,200
and that was when it got really
embarrassing for them.

386
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,640
They don't go from start to,
like, all the way
through to the present day?

387
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,840
Oh what, you mean they don't
re-enact the history of time? Yeah.

388
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,720
In real-time? Yeah, they just
wouldn't have time, Sue. No.

389
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,560
They wouldn't have time.

390
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,440
One of the funniest moments
of my life,

391
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,680
I went to a nudist supermarket
in Corsica once.

392
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,840
Don't go anywhere
near the freezer section.

393
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,120
It was the funniest thing
I've ever seen in my life.

394
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,600
At any point did you hear
a disembodied voice saying,

395
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,600
"Unexpected item
in the bagging area?"

396
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,600
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

397
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:34,600
Billy Connolly's quite eccentric,
isn't he? Yeah.

398
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,120
So I wouldn't put it past
Billy Connolly.

399
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,640
I think William Blake
was quite eccentric as well.

400
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,600
And so was WG Grace, so I've managed
to not narrow it down at all.

401
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,520
I don't know huge amount of Scots
naturists.

402
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:51,320
Oh, yeah, too cold.
The climate is not conducive.

403
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,720
But, doesn't he, he lives in
California or something, doesn't he?

404
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,440
In fact, he's the only person
who lives somewhere hot. Oh!

405
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,480
I think it should be Billy Connolly,
yeah. So you think Billy Connolly.

406
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,600
What do you think, guys?
Are you going to go Blake?

407
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,880
I'd go Blake, yeah.
Then I'm going Blake.

408
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,720
The right answer is William Blake.
Yeah! Well done.

409
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,840
APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

410
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,840
According to biographer Alexander
Gilchrist, Blake and his wife

411
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:20,040
would lie naked in their garden and
recite passages from Paradise Lost.

412
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,240
Let's spin again.

413
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,560
We've got billionaire geek
Bill Gates,

414
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,600
we've got super-cool actor
Will Smith,

415
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,080
and former Doctor Who sidekick,
Billie Piper.

416
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:32,240
Which of these three can solve
a Rubik's Cube in under a minute?

417
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,760
You're meant to think it's Bill
Gates cos he's the kind of nerd.

418
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,600
You're meant to think it's
Billie Piper, aren't you?

419
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,440
Cos she was on Doctor Who.

420
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,640
So you're meant to think
it's Will Smith as well.

421
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,280
I think that the idea that it
could be any of the three of them

422
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,280
is pretty much
the point of the round. Oh!

423
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,240
I don't think it would be
Bill Gates.

424
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:51,760
It's not going to be Bill Gates.

425
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,480
Can any of you solve a Rubik's cube?
How long did he have?

426
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,840
Well, the person
did the Rubik's Cube...

427
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:57,920
He or she, very good.

428
00:21:57,920 --> 00:21:59,200
RICHARD: Very good, Sue.

429
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,920
They did it in under a minute.
How difficult can it be?

430
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:05,000
Right.
HUGH: Have you got any spray paint?

431
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,960
My God, this is awful.
ALICE LAUGHS

432
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,240
I mean,
what were they doing in the '80s?!

433
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,560
That's a... No, I don't like it.
It freaks me out.

434
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,720
That's cos we didn't have
the internet back then.

435
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:17,360
- No, I know.
- That was our internet.

436
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:20,080
Let's just chuck it about.
I think that's much more fun.

437
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,280
Omid, long way...

438
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,480
Woo!
AUDIENCE OOHS

439
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,760
Well done, Josh.
APPLAUSE

440
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,040
One hand!

441
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:30,800
Ah...
ALICE: WG Grace...

442
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,160
Oh!

443
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

444
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,240
Confiscate it!

445
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:39,560
OMID: This is so much fun!

446
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,840
They've just said, "Stop it, Susan!"

447
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,960
If my one-handed, left-handed catch
doesn't make the edit,

448
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,240
I'm walking for the rest
of the series.

449
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,480
So who are you going to plump for?
Will Smith... Maybe?

450
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,440
I don't know anything, really,
about his private life.

451
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,440
I'm not sure that counts as...

452
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,560
Does that count as part
of your private life?

453
00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,760
I don't know that it does.

454
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,960
I don't know.
I would go for Billie Piper.

455
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,760
Yeah, I think it's Billie Piper.
So you're going for Billie Piper.

456
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,280
Richard's team, what do you think?

457
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,720
I think there's very few things
that Will Smith can't do.

458
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,920
You're saying Will Smith?

459
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,280
Boom, boom, shake the Rubik's Cube.

460
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,600
Yeah. You are saying Will?
We'll say Will Smith. Is...

461
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,640
the right answer! Yes!

462
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,760
APPLAUSE

463
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,040
Here is a picture of him
with a Rubik's cube.

464
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,880
Not conclusive proof, just a picture,
of whether he completed it.

465
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,240
But he did it on French TV

466
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,600
in around about 55 seconds,

467
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,720
which sounds impressive
until you see this.

468
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,720
Whoa! Wow!

469
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,680
THEY ALL CHEER

470
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,360
Wow! Yeah.

471
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:49,560
That's when excitement is completely
disproportionate to reality.

472
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:50,680
APPLAUSE

473
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,000
We're going to now spin again.

474
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,240
Now, we have got a creaking rocker,
Bill Wyman,

475
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,040
mature tennis sensation
Billie Jean King,

476
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,160
and ageing twanger Billy Bragg.

477
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,440
Which of these Bills has their own
range of metal detectors?

478
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,240
It could... That's Billie Jean King,
is it? In the middle, yes.

479
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:11,480
And that's something she's
just dug up from a field in Sudbury.

480
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,200
It feels quite Bill Wyman-y to me.
It feels Wyman-y to me as well.

481
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,120
You think?
He's weird enough to do that.

482
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,160
Let's go Bill Wyman.
You're going Bill Wyman?

483
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,680
Josh's team, what will you go for?

484
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,080
It's not going to be Billy Bragg,

485
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:22,800
cos he wouldn't do
a capitalist thing

486
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,920
like launch his own range
of metal detectors.

487
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,240
I think that we
should go Billie Jean King.

488
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,000
Billie Jean King. You're going to
go for Billie Jean King.

489
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,200
The correct answer is...

490
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,800
Bill Wyman! Well done.

491
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,800
Well done. It just felt...

492
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,560
It just felt...

493
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,200
Bill says, "My Bill Wyman
signature detector is..."

494
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,960
Historically, of course, Bill went
hunting for treasures half his age.

495
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,720
Well done indeed, Richard!

496
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,200
APPLAUSE

497
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,680
OK, everybody, time for the final
round. Let's play Finish The Facts.

498
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,360
I'm going to start by reading out
a Will-based nugget,

499
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:03,160
and you buzz in when you think
you know how it ends.

500
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,160
So, first up,
bearded cricketer WG Grace.

501
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,880
In 1866, WG Grace hit a double
century at the Oval.

502
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,360
BELL
Alice?

503
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:14,560
Getting naked with his wife

504
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,760
and re-enacting Adam and Eve
in their garden.

505
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,040
You'd love that to be true,
but, no, that's not right.

506
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,360
BELL
Hello?

507
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:22,880
Well, I don't want to be a pedant,
but...

508
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:23,920
fielding.

509
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,320
HUGH: Yeah.

510
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,320
That's what you do
when you're a cricketer.

511
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,040
If he didn't do that,
then he's a prick

512
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,120
and he needs to think
about his team-mates.

513
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,800
Let's see a little bit more.

514
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,200
He celebrated that afternoon by...

515
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:39,760
BELL

516
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,120
Is he arrested
for looking like a jihadi?

517
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:47,840
Is not the right answer.

518
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,320
BUZZER
Lucy?

519
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:50,880
He won a race.

520
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:55,240
He did absolutely win a race,
where he won the 440-yard hurdles.

521
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,480
That is absolutely true.

522
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,000
APPLAUSE

523
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,600
Well done, you've won the Will.
Well done, Lucy. There you go.

524
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,880
APPLAUSE

525
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,240
Next, it's snooker star
Bill Werbeniuk.

526
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:13,880
BELL
Hugh?

527
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,960
Finally worked out
how to spell his own name?

528
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:18,520
BUZZER

529
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,680
He was a very, very, very famous
drinker, Bill Werbeniuk.

530
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,200
He actually drank
40 to 50 pints a day.

531
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,240
No, he didn't!

532
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,960
He couldn't play without drinking
an enormous amount of booze.

533
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,720
Absolutely right.
He shook all the time.

534
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,360
- He said he shook, anyway.
- He'd be dead, wouldn't he?!?

535
00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:33,960
No. Well, he is. Well, currently...

536
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,000
Oh, right.

537
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,160
It was prophetic. Let's have a look,
because you were right.

538
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,480
Let's carry on the sentence.
He drank...

539
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:46,840
BUZZER

540
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,960
Is it, told Dennis Taylor he was the
most beautiful woman he'd ever seen?

541
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,320
Well, he...
All I will say is he didn't win.

542
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,840
BUZZER
Bought another round?

543
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,240
I'm going to give you that.

544
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:00,640
He consumed an entire bottle
of Scotch to drown his sorrows.

545
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,840
And the Will very much
going to Richard. Well done.

546
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,760
Is he still alive? No.
He died? Did he die?

547
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,360
55, something like that.

548
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,120
Next up, it is 19th century

549
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:13,640
President of the Royal Geographical
Society William Buckland.

550
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,320
BELL AND BUZZER TOGETHER
Alice. Everything.

551
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:20,840
Lucy? At Nando's.

552
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:25,280
You're getting there, Alice,
definitely, yeah.

553
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,400
Basically taste every animal.

554
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,280
BUZZER

555
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:35,680
At Nando's.

556
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,280
BELL

557
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,200
William Shatner's kidney stone.

558
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:43,240
I'm going to put you
out of your misery.

559
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,520
It's the heart of Louis XIV.

560
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,080
That's what I was going to say.
Grim.

561
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,840
He was at a house
where it was displayed as a relic.

562
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:50,160
Just dived in. Um...

563
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,720
Wasn't even a buffet, was it?
Unbelievable.

564
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,680
We've come to the end of the show
and I can tell you that our winners

565
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,280
with the most amount of Wills,

566
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:00,840
it's Richard!

567
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:04,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

568
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,000
Mwah!

569
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,480
And now we come to the big question -
who is the best Will of all time?

570
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,400
What do you reckon?
The best Will of all time?

571
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:15,680
I really, really, really like, um...

572
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,600
Bill Turnbull. From BBC Breakfast.

573
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,520
Yeah, very sweet. And he's leaving
BBC Breakfast this year as well.

574
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,560
I think this
will be fitting testament to him.

575
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,400
Bill Turnbull
is the best Will of all time!

576
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

577
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:29,640
It pains me to give this away.

578
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,400
We have a fabulous gift
for our winners -

579
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,040
this DVD
of William Shatner's Incubus.

580
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,440
APPLAUSE

581
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,720
There you go, I will pass that along.
Oh, I want that.

582
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,120
My thanks to all of my guests,

583
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,120
special thanks to all the Wills here,
there and everywhere.

584
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:47,880
And thanks to all of you at home
for watching. In the meantime...

585
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,280
ARGH!

586
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:50,720
Goodnight!

587
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:55,600
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE