1
00:00:04,557 --> 00:00:06,657
_

2
00:00:07,852 --> 00:00:09,421
- Hey, Mama.
- Hey.

3
00:00:10,702 --> 00:00:11,390
What's wrong?

4
00:00:11,392 --> 00:00:14,126
Nothing. Okay, you know what?

5
00:00:14,128 --> 00:00:15,761
I can't believe that you just ignored

6
00:00:15,763 --> 00:00:17,329
the dirtiest text I've ever sent you.

7
00:00:18,070 --> 00:00:19,565
Well, dirty text? What dirty text?

8
00:00:19,567 --> 00:00:21,266
I didn't get any dirty text. I got...

9
00:00:21,268 --> 00:00:22,834
Ooh, geez.

10
00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:25,024
No. The last text I got from you

11
00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:26,197
said, "Never mind.

12
00:00:26,450 --> 00:00:28,814
- I forgot I had eaten beets."
- No.

13
00:00:33,449 --> 00:00:35,981
- Oh...
- Uh-huh.

14
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,884
I think that's the dirtiest
text anybody's ever sent anybody.

15
00:00:38,886 --> 00:00:40,127
You like it like that.

16
00:00:41,595 --> 00:00:43,144
Well, now I see why I never received it.

17
00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:45,673
You sent that to Tyler.

18
00:00:48,126 --> 00:00:48,904
I can't go home.

19
00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:50,738
I can never go home again.

20
00:00:51,338 --> 00:00:52,262
It can't be that bad.

21
00:00:56,252 --> 00:00:58,837
Whoa. I have never even
seen this on the Internet.

22
00:00:58,839 --> 00:01:01,006
You watch that kind of
stuff on the Internet?

23
00:01:01,465 --> 00:01:03,308
Sometimes. Don't you?

24
00:01:03,428 --> 00:01:06,522
No, it's blocked at my house.
I thought it was because

25
00:01:06,537 --> 00:01:08,836
of my dad, but now I'm wondering
if it's because of my mom.

26
00:01:09,532 --> 00:01:11,391
Hmm. You'll be fine.

27
00:01:11,401 --> 00:01:15,186
My dentist accidentally
sexts me, like, once a week.

28
00:01:15,622 --> 00:01:16,988
Ooh. You know what I'm gonna do?

29
00:01:16,990 --> 00:01:17,798
I'll look him in the eye

30
00:01:17,918 --> 00:01:18,778
and I'll just say,

31
00:01:19,292 --> 00:01:21,695
"Hey, autocorrect

32
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,995
completely changed the
grocery list I gave your dad."

33
00:01:23,997 --> 00:01:25,907
Well, not completely. I
mean, "cream" and "meat"

34
00:01:26,027 --> 00:01:26,965
could have stayed the same.

35
00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:28,207
God, Tim, why?

36
00:01:28,246 --> 00:01:30,475
Why aren't you helping me with this?!

37
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,807
I'm sorry, honey. I'm
just enjoying this too much

38
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:35,306
because, for once, it's
not me who screwed up.

39
00:01:35,308 --> 00:01:36,774
Okay, you know what I need?

40
00:01:36,954 --> 00:01:39,790
I-I need the advice...
of a professional.

41
00:01:41,555 --> 00:01:42,829
Did I do this to you?

42
00:01:42,845 --> 00:01:44,183
Did I make you like this?

43
00:01:44,202 --> 00:01:46,980
No, no. Nobody did anything to me.

44
00:01:46,996 --> 00:01:49,102
I just... I'm trying to
keep it spicy with Tim.

45
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,977
Honey, I didn't even
know people could do this,

46
00:01:50,996 --> 00:01:53,157
and I've had some long
layovers in Bangkok.

47
00:01:53,159 --> 00:01:54,625
- Mom!
- I'm sorry.

48
00:01:54,627 --> 00:01:56,560
This is a little more
than I could handle,

49
00:01:56,586 --> 00:01:59,263
so, I-I... I think I'm
gonna talk to my therapist.

50
00:01:59,383 --> 00:02:00,531
Do you think that he can help me?

51
00:02:00,533 --> 00:02:01,949
No, no, this is for me.

52
00:02:02,461 --> 00:02:03,472
You need a priest.

53
00:02:17,072 --> 00:02:19,153
I got this. I got this.

54
00:02:22,667 --> 00:02:23,413
I don't got this.

55
00:02:23,470 --> 00:02:24,286
I don't got this.

56
00:02:24,324 --> 00:02:25,756
I don't got this. I don't got this.

57
00:02:25,758 --> 00:02:27,858
What?

58
00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:30,127
Did you know that Victoria's
Secret sold their Web site

59
00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:32,213
to someone called "Net Nanny"?

60
00:02:32,813 --> 00:02:33,897
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

61
00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:35,771
Will you go get me a glass of water?

62
00:02:35,791 --> 00:02:38,168
I can smell Pop Tarts, so I
know Tyler's in the kitchen.

63
00:02:38,553 --> 00:02:39,893
Look, I cannot keep doing this.

64
00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:41,605
If I wanted to run
up and down the stairs

65
00:02:41,607 --> 00:02:43,053
two times a day, I'd join a gym.

66
00:02:43,342 --> 00:02:45,122
You're gonna have to talk
to him again at some point.

67
00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:46,143
Maybe not.

68
00:02:46,145 --> 00:02:48,745
Maybe like a mama bear out in the wild,

69
00:02:48,747 --> 00:02:50,347
I've taught my cub all that I can,

70
00:02:50,349 --> 00:02:52,049
and now it's time for him to go out

71
00:02:52,051 --> 00:02:53,750
and maul some tourists on his own.

72
00:02:53,752 --> 00:02:55,534
You know what? I'll get
you a glass of water.

73
00:02:56,081 --> 00:02:57,222
Ooh, hey, hey.

74
00:02:57,930 --> 00:02:58,570
And a Pop Tart?

75
00:02:59,043 --> 00:03:00,342
Oh, well, if you want a Pop Tart,

76
00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:01,832
I do not have to go downstairs.

77
00:03:05,303 --> 00:03:06,185
You have a problem.

78
00:03:10,373 --> 00:03:10,767
Hey, buddy.

79
00:03:10,769 --> 00:03:12,369
Oh, thank God it's you, man.

80
00:03:12,563 --> 00:03:14,104
I was so scared to come out of my room.

81
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,721
But I really needed a drink of water.

82
00:03:16,089 --> 00:03:17,590
I almost let Clementine get it for me.

83
00:03:18,473 --> 00:03:19,347
Clementine's in your room?

84
00:03:19,885 --> 00:03:20,591
N-No.

85
00:03:21,392 --> 00:03:23,007
All right, look, this is crazy.

86
00:03:23,177 --> 00:03:25,243
You got your mom right
where you want her right now.

87
00:03:25,268 --> 00:03:27,054
You need to take advantage of it.

88
00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:28,796
- What do you mean?
- What's one thing

89
00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:29,695
you've always wanted to do,

90
00:03:29,721 --> 00:03:30,732
but your mom wouldn't let you do?

91
00:03:31,382 --> 00:03:32,237
Go to Tijuana.

92
00:03:32,293 --> 00:03:33,741
Then you go to Tijuana right now!

93
00:03:34,854 --> 00:03:36,092
How can she possibly say no

94
00:03:36,094 --> 00:03:37,839
when she won't even look you in the eye?

95
00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:39,429
You really think she
would let me go to Tijuana

96
00:03:39,431 --> 00:03:40,852
just to avoid talking to me?

97
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:42,365
Only one way to find out.

98
00:03:42,367 --> 00:03:43,633
Look.

99
00:03:44,618 --> 00:03:46,177
I also want to clarify one thing

100
00:03:46,205 --> 00:03:47,804
- about that text.
- No, no, no, please...

101
00:03:48,405 --> 00:03:50,073
I would be doing those
things to your mother,

102
00:03:50,075 --> 00:03:52,609
and not the other way around,
because... no, look at me.

103
00:03:53,343 --> 00:03:54,288
You got to look at me.

104
00:03:55,660 --> 00:03:56,786
Because I am the man.

105
00:03:57,415 --> 00:03:58,571
And that's the man's job.

106
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:01,860
Good news.

107
00:04:01,872 --> 00:04:03,390
You may unbuckle your safety belt

108
00:04:03,422 --> 00:04:04,769
and move freely about the house.

109
00:04:04,788 --> 00:04:05,770
Tyler is leaving.

110
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,815
What? Oh, thank God!

111
00:04:07,853 --> 00:04:08,378
Where's he going?

112
00:04:09,036 --> 00:04:11,661
He and Clem are driving down to Tijuana.

113
00:04:11,781 --> 00:04:13,577
What? No! No! No!

114
00:04:13,615 --> 00:04:15,898
- They are not!
- Oh, I'm sure they'll be fine.

115
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:19,302
I gave them a whole bunch of
cash and my dusty wallet condom.

116
00:04:21,464 --> 00:04:23,766
And the mother bear's
off to protect her cub.

117
00:04:25,278 --> 00:04:27,403
Tijuana, here we come.

118
00:04:29,331 --> 00:04:30,059
- Oh!
- Oh!

119
00:04:30,179 --> 00:04:31,781
Get out of the car.

120
00:04:31,783 --> 00:04:34,417
You are not going to Tijuana.

121
00:04:35,745 --> 00:04:36,686
You listen to me.

122
00:04:36,688 --> 00:04:38,487
Tijuana is a low-down dirty place

123
00:04:38,489 --> 00:04:41,123
where anything goes,
which is why I love it.

124
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:42,491
But you cannot go

125
00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:45,061
because you are still a child.

126
00:04:45,296 --> 00:04:45,941
So are you.

127
00:04:45,992 --> 00:04:48,931
I think we can agree my
childhood ended with that text.

128
00:04:49,231 --> 00:04:50,399
Okay, you know what? Listen.

129
00:04:50,856 --> 00:04:51,967
I love your dad

130
00:04:51,969 --> 00:04:53,402
very deeply and I work hard

131
00:04:53,404 --> 00:04:55,169
to make sure that our marriage is strong

132
00:04:55,201 --> 00:04:56,972
and our love life is spicy.

133
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:58,207
And I don't feel

134
00:04:58,327 --> 00:05:00,435
like I should have
to apologize for that.

135
00:05:00,555 --> 00:05:03,300
I-I am, however, very sorry

136
00:05:03,338 --> 00:05:04,046
that you had to know

137
00:05:04,077 --> 00:05:05,867
that Mommy does those things to Daddy.

138
00:05:05,987 --> 00:05:06,436
Heather!

139
00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:11,253
Daddy does those things to Mommy.

140
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,203
Okay.

141
00:05:13,573 --> 00:05:14,260
Yeah.

142
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:16,684
_

143
00:05:17,406 --> 00:05:17,930
Yeah.

144
00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:20,662
Lark just would not stop crying today.

145
00:05:20,726 --> 00:05:22,105
- Yeah.
- And 45 minutes later,

146
00:05:22,142 --> 00:05:23,579
I found out her shoe was on too tight.

147
00:05:23,617 --> 00:05:24,591
How am I supposed to know that?

148
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,884
I know, it's gonna be so
much easier when she can talk.

149
00:05:26,899 --> 00:05:29,353
Like, we won't feel like we're,
like, on a Japanese game show

150
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:30,572
we don't know the rules to.

151
00:05:30,754 --> 00:05:31,064
Hey.

152
00:05:31,747 --> 00:05:33,442
- Is that Sam?
- Yeah.

153
00:05:33,739 --> 00:05:35,110
Hey, Sam, what's up?

154
00:05:35,112 --> 00:05:36,445
Hey, Uncle Greg.

155
00:05:36,806 --> 00:05:38,413
Move, you're blocking the view.

156
00:05:38,415 --> 00:05:39,548
Oh, of what?

157
00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:41,953
Oh, the security guard stuck
against the wall on a Segway?

158
00:05:42,238 --> 00:05:44,319
No, we're spying on my boyfriend.

159
00:05:44,439 --> 00:05:45,450
You have a boyfriend?

160
00:05:45,627 --> 00:05:47,825
Irving Rosenblatt... he's
the coolest boy in the class.

161
00:05:47,945 --> 00:05:49,311
He's been acting weird.

162
00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:51,645
I'm not even sure if we're
boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.

163
00:05:52,005 --> 00:05:54,262
He liked three of Lexie's
pictures on Instagram.

164
00:05:54,264 --> 00:05:55,797
Oh, I hate her.

165
00:05:55,799 --> 00:05:57,098
Unless you're Lexie.

166
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,967
No, I'm Jenna. Lexie's a monster.

167
00:05:58,969 --> 00:06:00,502
- Knew it.
- Okay.

168
00:06:00,504 --> 00:06:02,003
All right, well, uh, what does

169
00:06:02,005 --> 00:06:04,072
his relationship status
on his Facebook say?

170
00:06:04,074 --> 00:06:05,705
"Facebook"? I don't know, Grandpa.

171
00:06:05,730 --> 00:06:06,941
We don't have a typewriter.

172
00:06:06,943 --> 00:06:08,677
- Snap.
- Oh, come on, Facebook is on a compute...

173
00:06:08,679 --> 00:06:10,045
No, no, no, stop talking,
because the more you say,

174
00:06:10,047 --> 00:06:10,885
the older we get.

175
00:06:11,296 --> 00:06:12,243
Okay, fine, I won't say anything.

176
00:06:12,291 --> 00:06:14,988
No, no, no! We can
actually help this child.

177
00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:16,553
Unlike Lark, she's telling us

178
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,371
what's wrong in words we can understand.

179
00:06:18,395 --> 00:06:19,106
Yeah, we're gonna tell you

180
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,276
- what you do here, okay?
- Yes.

181
00:06:21,666 --> 00:06:22,487
Just go over there.

182
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,894
No, if we get too close,
he might recognize us.

183
00:06:26,393 --> 00:06:28,863
Okay, well, uh, here.

184
00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:31,165
He won't recognize us.

185
00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:34,257
He didn't know what
we looked like before.

186
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,338
Yeah, of course.

187
00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:39,040
Hey, will you put this
on my birthday list?

188
00:06:39,583 --> 00:06:41,212
Yeah, okay, one stupid hat.

189
00:06:41,332 --> 00:06:41,733
Got it.

190
00:06:48,585 --> 00:06:49,917
What's up, Broseph Stalin?

191
00:06:49,919 --> 00:06:51,139
You looking for something special?

192
00:06:51,259 --> 00:06:52,778
Maybe for a special someone?

193
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,004
You work here?

194
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:55,663
- Yeah, we do. We for sure do.
- Yeah.

195
00:06:55,671 --> 00:06:56,659
We work in this store.

196
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,870
Yeah, I've been working
in this mall since '97.

197
00:06:58,990 --> 00:07:01,307
- Yeah.
- Back when the big and the tall stores

198
00:07:01,335 --> 00:07:03,112
- were still segregated.
- Pre-merger.

199
00:07:03,232 --> 00:07:04,144
- Yeah.
- I'm Jen...

200
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,250
and I'm the store manager.

201
00:07:05,265 --> 00:07:07,168
Anyway, do you have
a girlfriend, Irving?

202
00:07:07,929 --> 00:07:09,036
How do you know my name?

203
00:07:09,408 --> 00:07:10,293
Well, there's a...

204
00:07:11,004 --> 00:07:12,573
a reason I'm the manager.

205
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:13,690
You know what I'm saying?

206
00:07:14,171 --> 00:07:15,265
Anyway, girlfriend?

207
00:07:15,291 --> 00:07:16,910
Yes? No? If you do have a girlfriend,

208
00:07:16,935 --> 00:07:18,174
everything in the store is half off.

209
00:07:18,636 --> 00:07:19,780
I thought I had a girlfriend.

210
00:07:20,008 --> 00:07:21,989
- Ah.
- She didn't "like"

211
00:07:22,053 --> 00:07:23,684
his Instagram of him surfing.

212
00:07:23,686 --> 00:07:25,268
My boy got dropped!

213
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:26,453
- Ball tap!
- Oh...

214
00:07:26,455 --> 00:07:27,454
Ball tap...

215
00:07:27,456 --> 00:07:29,423
Hey, well, did you ever think

216
00:07:29,425 --> 00:07:30,912
of maybe just, like, talking to her?

217
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,277
Like, asking her why she
didn't "like" the photo?

218
00:07:33,397 --> 00:07:35,296
All right, who are you
guys? Do you even work here?

219
00:07:35,298 --> 00:07:36,933
Three-time manager of
the year, right here.

220
00:07:36,945 --> 00:07:38,399
Yeah, I've won a lot of awards.

221
00:07:38,613 --> 00:07:40,763
Okay, then how come
every guy who works here

222
00:07:40,787 --> 00:07:42,202
has his shirt off but you?

223
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:43,362
What's up?

224
00:07:45,711 --> 00:07:47,841
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

225
00:07:49,626 --> 00:07:50,435
No. What are you doing?

226
00:07:50,479 --> 00:07:51,732
What are you doing? No, no, no.

227
00:07:51,757 --> 00:07:52,846
We've gone too far. We've gone too far.

228
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,977
Yeah, we gotta go. We gotta go. Run!

229
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,684
I didn't dump him. I
just didn't want to "like"

230
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,786
a picture of him
shirtless on a surfboard.

231
00:07:59,986 --> 00:08:01,488
Hannah G. got dumped because she liked

232
00:08:01,490 --> 00:08:03,156
too many of Jonty Crawford's pictures.

233
00:08:03,762 --> 00:08:05,033
Hannah's such a "like" whore.

234
00:08:05,461 --> 00:08:06,793
She'll, like, "like" anything.

235
00:08:06,795 --> 00:08:08,161
Even, like, a gross tuna sandwich

236
00:08:08,163 --> 00:08:09,429
you, like, made or whatever.

237
00:08:09,431 --> 00:08:11,031
That was super interesting, Jenna,

238
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,934
but it added nothing to the
conversation. Just a tip.

239
00:08:13,936 --> 00:08:16,763
- Let me see that.
- I can't see it.

240
00:08:16,782 --> 00:08:17,704
- Zoom in a little.
- No, don't...

241
00:08:18,066 --> 00:08:18,730
Oh, my God...

242
00:08:18,755 --> 00:08:19,625
What? What did I do?

243
00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:20,801
You "liked" it.

244
00:08:21,073 --> 00:08:23,043
That picture was from three days ago.

245
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,349
He's just going to think I was home

246
00:08:24,368 --> 00:08:26,151
scrolling through all of his photos!

247
00:08:26,189 --> 00:08:27,714
Back-liking is so desperate!

248
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,382
Okay. You know what?

249
00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:32,485
Enough with the spying and social media.

250
00:08:32,487 --> 00:08:35,387
Why don't you just go ask
him how he feels about you?

251
00:08:35,507 --> 00:08:37,691
You mean have a conversation?

252
00:08:38,424 --> 00:08:39,793
I don't want to freak him out.

253
00:08:40,043 --> 00:08:41,594
Right. Let me get some clarity here.

254
00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:43,563
You guys are-are
boyfriend and girlfriend...

255
00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:44,103
I love him.

256
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:45,354
No, you don't,

257
00:08:45,373 --> 00:08:46,233
but that-that's fine.

258
00:08:46,429 --> 00:08:47,852
So here's another question.

259
00:08:48,105 --> 00:08:49,602
Have you two ever spoken?

260
00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:51,469
Of course. We talk all the time.

261
00:08:51,685 --> 00:08:52,657
In person?

262
00:08:52,855 --> 00:08:54,309
With actual words

263
00:08:54,349 --> 00:08:55,724
that the other person hears

264
00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:57,598
and then responds to?

265
00:08:58,128 --> 00:08:59,412
What are we, Amish?

266
00:08:59,811 --> 00:09:02,082
You should try it, Sam.

267
00:09:02,304 --> 00:09:03,383
And just be straight with him.

268
00:09:03,822 --> 00:09:05,204
Yeah, guys love it when you're direct.

269
00:09:05,324 --> 00:09:06,122
Like when I told Greg

270
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,387
his dream hat was stupid.

271
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,592
The old lady doesn't
understand sweet lids.

272
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:15,128
Hey, just think, in 12
years, we're gonna be able

273
00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:17,278
- to help Lark like this.
- Yeah, but I don't want

274
00:09:17,305 --> 00:09:18,293
to help her too much, you know?

275
00:09:18,317 --> 00:09:19,166
I want her to be able to learn

276
00:09:19,185 --> 00:09:21,115
- how to solve problems on her own.
- Yeah.

277
00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:23,224
I thought you guys were, like,

278
00:09:23,225 --> 00:09:24,541
super old and gross or whatever,

279
00:09:24,566 --> 00:09:25,565
but you're actually, like,

280
00:09:25,597 --> 00:09:27,773
really cool aunts and uncle or whatever.

281
00:09:27,981 --> 00:09:29,467
Thanks or whatever.

282
00:09:29,792 --> 00:09:30,943
He dumped me.

283
00:09:31,268 --> 00:09:31,948
- What?
- What?

284
00:09:32,509 --> 00:09:34,113
W-What'd he do that for?

285
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:35,711
He said I was suffocating him.

286
00:09:35,735 --> 00:09:38,384
I can't believe you guys
made me talk to my boyfriend.

287
00:09:38,386 --> 00:09:39,652
You ruined my life!

288
00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:40,886
And mine!

289
00:09:41,384 --> 00:09:41,985
God!

290
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,323
- Um...
- Let's get piercings.

291
00:09:44,325 --> 00:09:46,040
Do you understand anything
that just happened?

292
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:46,876
Yeah.

293
00:09:47,532 --> 00:09:48,686
Teenagers are crazy.

294
00:09:50,259 --> 00:09:51,508
I mean, I think we got it wrong.

295
00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,548
Like, babies are not the hard part.

296
00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:55,445
That is the hard part.

297
00:09:55,848 --> 00:09:56,583
But we'll get through it.

298
00:09:56,773 --> 00:09:58,170
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

299
00:09:58,172 --> 00:09:59,538
We just gotta put our thinking caps on.

300
00:09:59,540 --> 00:10:00,839
Okay, just get the hat, Greg.

301
00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:01,878
Oh, yeah.

302
00:10:03,577 --> 00:10:04,557
They still got it!

303
00:10:05,102 --> 00:10:05,719
Great.

304
00:10:09,449 --> 00:10:11,417
Yo, what are you doing?

305
00:10:11,419 --> 00:10:15,187
Oh. Uh, helping to get your
new roommate all settled in.

306
00:10:15,189 --> 00:10:17,489
My new roommate? No. No.

307
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:18,891
No, no, no, no, no.

308
00:10:22,314 --> 00:10:24,214
_

309
00:10:24,238 --> 00:10:25,638
_

310
00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:33,396
Look at you!

311
00:10:33,516 --> 00:10:35,082
Pop-Pop's little Dale Evans!

312
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:36,784
Dale Evans was

313
00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:38,579
a movie cowgirl back in the '50s.

314
00:10:38,581 --> 00:10:40,509
She wrote the song "Happy Trails"

315
00:10:40,549 --> 00:10:43,483
and I used to sing that to
you when you were on the potty,

316
00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:44,729
when we were saying

317
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:45,922
good-bye to your poops!

318
00:10:46,388 --> 00:10:47,029
Remember?

319
00:10:49,464 --> 00:10:51,658
Don't watch me, Pop-Pop.
It's embarrassing.

320
00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:53,092
Just wait for me at the car.

321
00:11:11,096 --> 00:11:12,187
What in the world?

322
00:11:13,136 --> 00:11:16,316
Well, aren't you a horse
of a different everything?

323
00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:17,517
She's a cutie, huh?

324
00:11:17,519 --> 00:11:18,781
Yeah.

325
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:21,772
Looks like you left your
horse in the dryer too long.

326
00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:23,823
Her name's Lemonade.

327
00:11:23,825 --> 00:11:24,900
I think she likes you.

328
00:11:27,914 --> 00:11:29,195
Awesome.

329
00:11:31,807 --> 00:11:34,732
Joanie, I got a surprise.

330
00:11:34,762 --> 00:11:36,869
Oh, is it a food surprise?

331
00:11:36,899 --> 00:11:38,717
I love food surprises.

332
00:11:40,674 --> 00:11:41,731
What on earth is that?

333
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,836
It's a mini-horse.
Her name is Lemonade,

334
00:11:43,863 --> 00:11:45,923
and she's come to live
in our house forever.

335
00:11:46,281 --> 00:11:46,640
What?

336
00:11:46,869 --> 00:11:48,581
- Isn't she great?
- No!

337
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,683
It looks like a child in an animal suit.

338
00:11:50,939 --> 00:11:52,298
Well, come on, give her a pet.

339
00:11:56,986 --> 00:11:58,615
Oh! Now, that's no way

340
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,053
to treat family, Lemonade.

341
00:12:00,085 --> 00:12:01,198
Be nice.

342
00:12:01,318 --> 00:12:02,294
Aw...

343
00:12:02,296 --> 00:12:04,635
Now you're just flirting to flirt.

344
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,999
She'll come around. I promise you.

345
00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:08,167
Come on, girl.

346
00:12:08,825 --> 00:12:09,805
Let's go night-night.

347
00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:17,749
I'm drinking, she's driving.

348
00:12:37,231 --> 00:12:39,665
Yes.

349
00:12:44,856 --> 00:12:46,028
Oh, hell no.

350
00:12:57,183 --> 00:12:58,951
♪ Here we are, no one else ♪

351
00:12:58,953 --> 00:13:00,201
♪ We walked to school... ♪

352
00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:02,321
Yo, what are you doing?

353
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,934
Oh. Uh, helping to get your
new roommate all settled in.

354
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:08,427
My new roommate? No. No.

355
00:13:08,429 --> 00:13:10,662
No, no, no, no, no...

356
00:13:11,217 --> 00:13:12,957
Look, your mother doesn't
want her in the house.

357
00:13:12,998 --> 00:13:14,298
What am I supposed to do?

358
00:13:14,348 --> 00:13:15,683
I don't know... off the top of my head,

359
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:17,258
maybe not bring home
a little, tiny horse.

360
00:13:17,378 --> 00:13:18,937
Well, it's too late for that.

361
00:13:19,202 --> 00:13:20,801
I'd let her fall asleep first,

362
00:13:20,825 --> 00:13:21,631
if I were you.

363
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,576
She does get a little
randy in the evening, huh?

364
00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:26,960
See? Good night.

365
00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:34,965
Come on, girl.

366
00:13:37,748 --> 00:13:38,710
What is this?

367
00:13:38,742 --> 00:13:40,792
Oh, this was our wedding album.

368
00:13:40,794 --> 00:13:42,545
These were photos of you and I

369
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,347
pledging our love to one another.

370
00:13:44,606 --> 00:13:45,991
Why would you try to eat it?

371
00:13:46,111 --> 00:13:47,699
That hooved hussy did.

372
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,416
John,

373
00:13:49,486 --> 00:13:50,949
I've tried to be patient,

374
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,174
but this is a nightmare.

375
00:13:53,968 --> 00:13:55,177
Can you please tell me

376
00:13:55,233 --> 00:13:56,659
what's really going on?

377
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,977
Nothing, Joanie. It was fate.

378
00:13:59,412 --> 00:14:01,234
If Sophia hadn't sent me packing,

379
00:14:01,249 --> 00:14:02,762
I never would've met

380
00:14:02,772 --> 00:14:05,883
this adorable little
equine shrinky-dink.

381
00:14:05,885 --> 00:14:07,433
Those are our vows she's chewing.

382
00:14:07,788 --> 00:14:08,126
Hmm?

383
00:14:12,497 --> 00:14:13,271
Uh, here.

384
00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:15,113
There.

385
00:14:22,085 --> 00:14:22,960
Come on, Lemonade.

386
00:14:22,966 --> 00:14:25,303
I'll take you back to the barn.

387
00:14:30,684 --> 00:14:32,701
The trainer was nice
enough to take her back.

388
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:34,477
Evidently, this happens all the time.

389
00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:35,980
What she hadn't told me

390
00:14:35,982 --> 00:14:37,594
is the minute you take
them off the ranch,

391
00:14:37,619 --> 00:14:39,667
they lose 40% of their value.

392
00:14:41,928 --> 00:14:42,758
Who are you?

393
00:14:43,643 --> 00:14:44,433
This is Tank.

394
00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:46,081
Tank's a Yorkie.

395
00:14:46,521 --> 00:14:47,502
Oh, my goodness.

396
00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:48,403
Hello, Tank.

397
00:14:48,794 --> 00:14:49,556
I'm John.

398
00:14:49,769 --> 00:14:52,492
I was thinking about what
you said, honey, and-and maybe

399
00:14:52,507 --> 00:14:55,244
this isn't about a horse; maybe
this is about you struggling

400
00:14:55,259 --> 00:14:56,711
with Sophia getting older.

401
00:14:57,228 --> 00:15:00,371
And so I got you a pet that's
gonna stay little forever.

402
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:02,534
Oh, thanks, Joanie.

403
00:15:02,807 --> 00:15:04,808
You're so welcome, sweetheart.

404
00:15:05,336 --> 00:15:06,313
I love you.

405
00:15:09,013 --> 00:15:10,107
Seriously?

406
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:12,291
Bitches love me.

407
00:15:15,254 --> 00:15:16,443
Did you get me a prostitute?

408
00:15:16,487 --> 00:15:18,856
- No, he's a dancer.
- Classy.

409
00:15:19,105 --> 00:15:21,148
But if you tip him enough,
he will have sex with you.

410
00:15:23,668 --> 00:15:25,568
_

411
00:15:30,587 --> 00:15:31,702
- Look at him.
- Just...

412
00:15:31,752 --> 00:15:33,782
behaving as if nothing ever happened.

413
00:15:34,073 --> 00:15:36,884
The best relationship
he's ever had is over,

414
00:15:36,886 --> 00:15:39,468
and he's just sitting
there eating hot wings.

415
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:42,957
And I'll bet you Colleen is just
drowning in tequila right now.

416
00:15:43,471 --> 00:15:44,425
That's not racist.

417
00:15:44,427 --> 00:15:46,235
No, no, Latinos can swim.

418
00:15:46,526 --> 00:15:47,898
Do we know what happened?

419
00:15:47,962 --> 00:15:49,432
Yeah, it's the same
thing that always happens.

420
00:15:49,472 --> 00:15:52,200
He meets somebody great,
they want a commitment,

421
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:56,170
he freaks out, and then he
dumps them, like an idiot.

422
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:57,638
Yeah. And he told you that?

423
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,473
No, he told me to mind my own business.

424
00:15:59,475 --> 00:16:01,142
Wow. Rude.

425
00:16:01,884 --> 00:16:02,476
Oh.

426
00:16:04,142 --> 00:16:07,815
Hey, honey, uh, what has Matt
told you about the breakup?

427
00:16:07,817 --> 00:16:11,562
Oh. You know, I wish I could
tell you, but can't... bro code.

428
00:16:12,878 --> 00:16:14,079
Yeah, you don't remember, do you?

429
00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:18,492
Uh, maybe he said he was sad.

430
00:16:19,609 --> 00:16:20,385
Mm-hmm.

431
00:16:20,419 --> 00:16:21,867
Or fine or maybe happy.

432
00:16:23,499 --> 00:16:24,532
You're a good listener.

433
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:25,210
Thanks.

434
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:32,172
Ugh, poor Colleen.

435
00:16:32,174 --> 00:16:33,320
Yeah, we got to do something.

436
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:36,138
Hey, what if we had a girls' night?

437
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,732
You know, like, to let her
know we're still friends.

438
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,393
Oh, yes, I have such
a great idea for that.

439
00:16:40,418 --> 00:16:40,951
Wait, me, too.

440
00:16:41,071 --> 00:16:42,703
Wouldn't it be cool if
we had the same idea?

441
00:16:42,716 --> 00:16:44,087
- Yeah.
- Okay, let's say 'em at the same time.

442
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:44,476
- Ready?
- Okay.

443
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:48,889
- Three, two, one. Get wasted.
- YouTube dance tutorials.

444
00:16:50,282 --> 00:16:51,182
We could do both of those things.

445
00:16:51,201 --> 00:16:52,046
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

446
00:16:52,281 --> 00:16:53,126
Or we could just do mine.

447
00:16:55,089 --> 00:16:56,890
All right, here, to girls' night.

448
00:16:56,946 --> 00:16:58,180
Girls' night.

449
00:16:58,220 --> 00:16:59,470
- I need this so bad.
- Yeah.

450
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:00,249
I've been a wreck.

451
00:17:00,522 --> 00:17:01,706
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.

452
00:17:01,826 --> 00:17:03,639
Mmm. You know what we're gonna do?

453
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:06,548
We are gonna dance the
sad right out of you.

454
00:17:06,572 --> 00:17:08,238
I was thinking we start
with the Charleston,

455
00:17:08,425 --> 00:17:10,423
and then we just move
forward chronologically.

456
00:17:10,469 --> 00:17:12,487
Yeah, and by the time you
get to the Electric Slide,

457
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:14,221
you're really gonna feel better,

458
00:17:14,291 --> 00:17:16,629
because you're going to be bombed.

459
00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:18,931
Oh, I don't know if anything
can make me feel any better.

460
00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:21,243
I'm just so sad that it's come to this.

461
00:17:21,269 --> 00:17:23,303
Well, I got a little someone coming

462
00:17:23,323 --> 00:17:25,306
who's gonna make you feel real good.

463
00:17:25,426 --> 00:17:28,656
- Hey, what did you do?
- No, I didn't do him, but Colleen can.

464
00:17:28,776 --> 00:17:29,997
Did you get me a prostitute?

465
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,247
What? No.

466
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:32,511
What do you take me for?

467
00:17:32,537 --> 00:17:34,200
No, he's a dancer.

468
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:35,363
Classy.

469
00:17:35,611 --> 00:17:37,837
But if you tip him enough,
he will have sex with you.

470
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,139
Oh, this is perfect.

471
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,073
Yeah, it's gonna be good.

472
00:17:40,139 --> 00:17:43,144
This could be just the thing
that makes Matt jealous,

473
00:17:43,331 --> 00:17:45,845
that he'll just come
running-man back to you.

474
00:17:46,339 --> 00:17:47,073
Jealous?

475
00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:47,889
- Yeah, jealous.
- Yes.

476
00:17:47,907 --> 00:17:49,213
You guys haven't talked
to Matt, have you?

477
00:17:49,284 --> 00:17:50,516
- No way.
- Hell no.

478
00:17:50,518 --> 00:17:52,490
- Team Colleen.
- Hos before bros.

479
00:17:52,610 --> 00:17:53,544
I broke up with him.

480
00:17:54,034 --> 00:17:55,346
- What's that?
- Shut the front door.

481
00:17:55,401 --> 00:17:56,674
You just said you missed him.

482
00:17:56,682 --> 00:17:57,520
I do.

483
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,034
Well, then why did you
break up with him, Colleen?

484
00:18:00,065 --> 00:18:02,160
Because Matt's a great guy.

485
00:18:02,587 --> 00:18:03,816
I got scared.

486
00:18:04,314 --> 00:18:08,401
Matt fits into some really bad
patterns in my family history.

487
00:18:08,804 --> 00:18:11,432
Heather, there is a doctor
here to see you guys.

488
00:18:11,471 --> 00:18:13,021
I cannot believe you're calling in

489
00:18:13,044 --> 00:18:14,874
outside help when I'm right here.

490
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:16,876
♪ I like the way you do it, honey ♪

491
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:17,944
♪ Especially when we do that... ♪

492
00:18:17,946 --> 00:18:20,051
Oh. Oh, I get it, yeah.

493
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:21,134
Okay.

494
00:18:25,042 --> 00:18:26,642
_

495
00:18:29,966 --> 00:18:31,166
_

496
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,151
_

497
00:18:43,075 --> 00:18:45,375
_

498
00:18:49,510 --> 00:18:50,910
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

499
00:18:53,762 --> 00:18:55,643
- Matt, Chad...
- Mm-hmm, yeah.

500
00:18:55,669 --> 00:18:57,131
my three boyfriends before that.

501
00:18:57,172 --> 00:18:58,459
None of them had steady jobs.

502
00:18:58,626 --> 00:19:01,140
And all of them were these
dreamers addicted to romance.

503
00:19:01,150 --> 00:19:03,300
- Yeah, you really do only date your father.
- Yeah.

504
00:19:03,831 --> 00:19:06,002
You guys only got me
for another 18 minutes.

505
00:19:06,037 --> 00:19:07,333
You want me to dance or anything?

506
00:19:07,945 --> 00:19:10,363
- Um...
- Can you unload the dishwasher?

507
00:19:15,183 --> 00:19:16,631
Anyway, I've done some soul-searching,

508
00:19:16,751 --> 00:19:18,310
and I think I've finally figured it out.

509
00:19:18,312 --> 00:19:20,693
- I haven't told anybody this...
- I think that sounds

510
00:19:20,725 --> 00:19:22,818
like a natural stopping
point right there.

511
00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:25,651
So great to catch up with
you. Really, really fun.

512
00:19:25,653 --> 00:19:27,411
- What are you do... ?
- We're just getting into it.

513
00:19:27,531 --> 00:19:28,459
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

514
00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:29,955
No, this has been a good hang,

515
00:19:29,957 --> 00:19:31,019
but I think it's time to bye-bye.

516
00:19:31,059 --> 00:19:32,866
- Oh, that's... that's it?
- Yeah.

517
00:19:32,921 --> 00:19:34,368
Where do your serving spoons go?

518
00:19:34,488 --> 00:19:35,734
Second drawer to the left.

519
00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:36,599
Thank you, Doctor.

520
00:19:36,719 --> 00:19:38,148
I really love bonding
with you. Next time

521
00:19:38,172 --> 00:19:39,998
let's not dwell on Matt.
You know, he's gone.

522
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,204
Who the hell have you
been talking t... ?

523
00:19:45,507 --> 00:19:46,740
- Hey.
- Hey.

524
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,374
Uh, hanging out with my sisters?

525
00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:51,409
Yeah. Yeah, thought I'd give it a try.

526
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,278
Was worried it might be weird.

527
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,446
Turns out I'm right.

528
00:19:56,448 --> 00:19:57,749
How are you... how are you doing?

529
00:19:58,084 --> 00:19:59,064
Fine. You?

530
00:19:59,815 --> 00:20:01,009
Fine. Also.

531
00:20:01,373 --> 00:20:01,823
Great.

532
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:02,993
Okay.

533
00:20:03,776 --> 00:20:04,565
- Bye.
- Bye.

534
00:20:13,648 --> 00:20:18,303
I came in here to yell at
you, and, uh, now I'm just sad.

535
00:20:19,408 --> 00:20:20,340
Why didn't you tell me

536
00:20:20,358 --> 00:20:21,929
that she's the one
who broke up with you?

537
00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:23,582
Because the only thing that's worse

538
00:20:23,605 --> 00:20:25,657
than you thinking I'm a jerk
is you feeling sorry for me.

539
00:20:25,688 --> 00:20:27,064
Come on, I don't feel sorry for you.

540
00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:28,246
I feel sorry for her.

541
00:20:28,248 --> 00:20:30,352
Clearly, she's a dysfunctional fool.

542
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,748
Who I'm totally in love with
and can't stop thinking about.

543
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:36,750
I think I can help you with that.

544
00:20:37,056 --> 00:20:38,307
Oh, I hope so.

545
00:20:39,722 --> 00:20:40,491
Who's that?

546
00:20:40,493 --> 00:20:43,361
- And pump it.
- ♪ Everybody move ♪

547
00:20:43,363 --> 00:20:45,478
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

548
00:20:45,872 --> 00:20:46,931
I actually do feel better.

549
00:20:47,263 --> 00:20:48,132
Right?

550
00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:52,725
Mmm, yeah, girl.

551
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:58,360
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