1
00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:04,789
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,814 --> 00:00:07,262
♪ ♪
3
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:10,982
When you're in your 20s,
disputes with your landlord
4
00:00:11,007 --> 00:00:14,107
can land you in some pretty
compromising situations!
5
00:00:14,278 --> 00:00:17,638
My contacts are fusing to my eyeballs!
6
00:00:17,663 --> 00:00:20,182
Also, we're gonna die, aren't we?!
7
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:22,072
Probably, yeah!
8
00:00:22,097 --> 00:00:25,057
(truck horn blaring, both screaming)
9
00:00:27,275 --> 00:00:28,564
My name is Cooper Barrett.
10
00:00:28,589 --> 00:00:30,611
My friends and I are
here to mess up our lives
11
00:00:30,636 --> 00:00:32,127
so you don't have to.
12
00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:42,342
_
13
00:00:42,814 --> 00:00:44,928
I know I've said this before,
but I mean it this time...
14
00:00:44,953 --> 00:00:46,444
- no more tequila, ever.
- _
15
00:00:46,469 --> 00:00:47,518
What? No.
16
00:00:47,550 --> 00:00:49,132
But tequila makes you break dance
17
00:00:49,168 --> 00:00:50,567
and talk in a bad British accent.
18
00:00:50,602 --> 00:00:52,298
(British accent): My
accent is bloody brilliant.
19
00:00:52,323 --> 00:00:53,601
I could literally talk like this all day.
20
00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:55,313
(laughing): That's not even close.
21
00:00:57,543 --> 00:01:00,310
Okay, well, good night...
22
00:01:00,345 --> 00:01:01,608
pal.
23
00:01:01,655 --> 00:01:03,955
Yeah. See you tomorrow...
24
00:01:03,991 --> 00:01:05,780
buddy.
25
00:01:11,165 --> 00:01:12,597
Quick question: How
are we gonna deal with
26
00:01:12,633 --> 00:01:14,251
the incredible amount of
sexual tension between us?
27
00:01:14,276 --> 00:01:16,009
We are going to ignore it.
28
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,333
Can you just admit that the kiss we had
29
00:01:17,358 --> 00:01:18,925
at the Clippers game was unbelievable.
30
00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:20,416
I've never been to a Clippers game.
31
00:01:20,883 --> 00:01:22,024
Fine.
32
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:23,925
We don't have to talk about it.
33
00:01:25,679 --> 00:01:27,679
All right, fine, I admit it.
34
00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:31,817
The kiss was amazing.
35
00:01:32,887 --> 00:01:34,387
I'm just scared that if we try it again,
36
00:01:34,422 --> 00:01:36,355
that same magic's not gonna be there.
37
00:01:36,391 --> 00:01:39,158
Sure. It's like watching The
Goonies again when you're 20.
38
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:40,493
Right, I don't know what that means.
39
00:01:40,528 --> 00:01:41,674
But I think,
40
00:01:41,699 --> 00:01:42,994
instead of trying to recreate it,
41
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,986
we should just be
grateful for that moment
42
00:01:45,299 --> 00:01:46,732
and move on.
43
00:01:46,875 --> 00:01:47,784
Or...
44
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,570
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
45
00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:51,737
Wow, this is really happening, huh?
46
00:01:51,773 --> 00:01:53,297
Feels so right.
47
00:01:54,042 --> 00:01:56,776
(gasps) Oh. Something's touching my leg.
48
00:01:56,811 --> 00:01:58,344
I feel like it's less
romantic if we call it out.
49
00:01:58,379 --> 00:01:59,879
God, no.
50
00:01:59,914 --> 00:02:02,415
It's your stupid pet pig, James Franco.
51
00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:03,949
You guys treat him like a human being.
52
00:02:03,985 --> 00:02:05,584
We know he's an animal, all right?
53
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,720
Brush your teeth, James
Franco, or no Fallon!
54
00:02:07,755 --> 00:02:09,353
Come on.
55
00:02:10,853 --> 00:02:12,391
Now...
56
00:02:12,427 --> 00:02:14,794
where were we?
57
00:02:14,829 --> 00:02:17,063
BARRY: I know I've said this before,
58
00:02:17,098 --> 00:02:18,264
but I mean it this time.
59
00:02:18,299 --> 00:02:19,932
Vodka is delicious.
60
00:02:19,967 --> 00:02:22,034
(whispers): Barry, code
black! I repeat, code black!
61
00:02:22,070 --> 00:02:23,402
BARRY: But code black
means that Cooper and Kelly
62
00:02:23,438 --> 00:02:25,089
are about to have se... (gasps)
63
00:02:25,113 --> 00:02:26,506
...gregated washrooms.
64
00:02:26,531 --> 00:02:27,513
Saved it.
65
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,582
What's up, guys? What's crack-a-lacking?
66
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,129
- Go away.
- That's a weird code.
67
00:02:31,490 --> 00:02:33,680
Go to the room, use the bathroom.
68
00:02:33,716 --> 00:02:36,116
All right, now...
69
00:02:36,151 --> 00:02:37,826
where were we?
70
00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:41,555
Is something wrong?
71
00:02:41,590 --> 00:02:44,787
Yes! It's the pig, two roommates,
72
00:02:44,812 --> 00:02:46,400
one functioning wall outlet
73
00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:48,862
and a giant patch of
black mold on the ceiling.
74
00:02:48,897 --> 00:02:50,130
Oh, that's not black mold...
75
00:02:50,165 --> 00:02:51,365
we had an electrical fire.
76
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,733
Which killed the black mold.
77
00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:56,983
Cooper, this apartment
is killing my lady boner.
78
00:02:57,018 --> 00:02:58,317
- What?
- I think you need to call Virgil
79
00:02:58,353 --> 00:03:00,019
- and get some repairs.
- Absolutely not.
80
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:01,621
I mean, sure, he's not the best landlord,
81
00:03:01,656 --> 00:03:04,290
but our rent is cheap and
he lets us keep James Franco,
82
00:03:04,325 --> 00:03:07,095
so I'm not gonna rock the
boat over some minor repairs.
83
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,072
Now...
84
00:03:08,097 --> 00:03:10,028
- (loud crackling)
- (gasps)
85
00:03:10,053 --> 00:03:11,886
(both scream)
86
00:03:17,338 --> 00:03:19,305
(coughing)
87
00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:20,940
(car alarms wailing outside)
88
00:03:22,844 --> 00:03:25,178
Now, where were we?
89
00:03:28,349 --> 00:03:31,484
(TV playing quietly)
90
00:03:31,519 --> 00:03:33,186
(Virgil humming softly)
91
00:03:33,221 --> 00:03:35,188
(knocking on door)
92
00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:36,474
What?
93
00:03:36,498 --> 00:03:37,676
- COOPER: Hey, Virgil.
- Hi.
94
00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:39,325
How's everyone's favorite landlord?
95
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,315
I'm not here.
96
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:43,416
Okay, well, when you are here,
can you leave you a message?
97
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:45,133
Hey, Virgil, there's something
wrong with our apartment,
98
00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:47,602
and we'd really appreciate it
if you just came down and...
99
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,658
Hey, are those my headphones?
100
00:03:49,683 --> 00:03:50,674
No proof.
101
00:03:50,699 --> 00:03:51,994
They say "Neal" on the side.
102
00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:52,908
I had them custom made,
103
00:03:52,943 --> 00:03:54,260
but the package never got delivered.
104
00:03:54,285 --> 00:03:56,642
"Neal" is foreign brand. Very big.
105
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:58,659
- Is that my shirt?
- Lies.
106
00:03:58,684 --> 00:04:00,335
Oh, hold on. Lies, my ass, okay?
107
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,768
It's three sizes too big
108
00:04:01,793 --> 00:04:03,642
and it has the face of Santa Claus on it.
109
00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:04,626
NEAL: That's Frederick Douglass.
110
00:04:04,651 --> 00:04:05,820
BARRY: The face of Frederick Douglass.
111
00:04:05,856 --> 00:04:07,884
I wear as a nightgown.
112
00:04:07,909 --> 00:04:10,542
Look, look, Virgil, a giant tree
just fell into our apartment.
113
00:04:10,716 --> 00:04:12,276
Okay.
114
00:04:16,659 --> 00:04:18,125
What tree?
115
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,150
This gigantic tree was
not here when we moved in.
116
00:04:21,175 --> 00:04:23,230
This is two bedroom, one tree, always.
117
00:04:23,265 --> 00:04:24,864
Well, in that case, that's on us.
118
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:26,600
Look, are you gonna fix
the apartment or not?
119
00:04:26,635 --> 00:04:29,074
How do I know you did
not put tree here, hmm?
120
00:04:29,099 --> 00:04:31,304
Uh, because if we put a tree
in here, it would be oak,
121
00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:32,857
not this tacky pine.
122
00:04:32,882 --> 00:04:34,826
Oh, come on, I know you kids
123
00:04:34,865 --> 00:04:37,443
and your parties with your trees.
124
00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,282
Perverts.
125
00:04:39,307 --> 00:04:40,640
This is exactly why
everyone in the building
126
00:04:40,665 --> 00:04:42,025
thinks you're a horrible landlord.
127
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:48,320
Who else thinks bad of Virgil, hmm?
128
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:49,488
Nobody.
129
00:04:49,524 --> 00:04:50,956
Was it Kelly?
130
00:04:50,992 --> 00:04:52,920
- BARRY & NEAL: Yes.
- Yes, it was Kelly. That is correct
131
00:04:52,945 --> 00:04:55,294
- (growling)
- BARRY: Yep, you're right on the nose.
132
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,862
KELLY: ♪ Don't you do something ♪
133
00:04:56,898 --> 00:04:58,497
♪ Just keep something, something ♪
134
00:04:58,533 --> 00:05:00,833
♪ I said, "Something, something" ♪
135
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,836
♪ She said, "Shut up
and dance with me!" ♪
136
00:05:06,918 --> 00:05:08,620
Hey!
137
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:10,809
If you refuse to fix our apartment,
138
00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:12,244
we will take legal action.
139
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:13,879
(high-pitched): Oh, no,
I am scared like a girl.
140
00:05:13,915 --> 00:05:15,347
Well, you should be scared like girl.
141
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:17,249
Just so happens, my
brother is the most feared,
142
00:05:17,285 --> 00:05:19,818
most dangerous real estate
attorney in all Los Angeles.
143
00:05:19,843 --> 00:05:21,676
That sounds like the worst TV show ever.
144
00:05:21,704 --> 00:05:23,871
I disagree. It could
be called Lethal Escrow.
145
00:05:23,896 --> 00:05:24,674
Guys.
146
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,926
I fear nothing but
rejection from film festival.
147
00:05:26,961 --> 00:05:29,575
You don't have a leg to stand
on, Virgil. We have a lease.
148
00:05:31,032 --> 00:05:33,032
(Josh laughs)
149
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:35,701
This is literally the worst
lease I've ever seen in my life.
150
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,558
Uh, you mind if I make a copy of this?
151
00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:39,205
The boys at the office are gonna love it.
152
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:40,706
There's got to be something in there
153
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,107
that makes him responsible for the tree.
154
00:05:42,143 --> 00:05:44,410
No, but there's a hell
of a lot of other stuff.
155
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,780
Like a 3:00 a.m. curfew
for any adult male cat.
156
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,884
(laughs) He gets Prima Nocta
157
00:05:49,909 --> 00:05:51,750
on any new showerheads.
158
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:53,185
That's actually a good idea.
159
00:05:53,221 --> 00:05:55,392
There's something in here that
just says, "No Thanksgiving."
160
00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:56,555
Oh, in two years, everyone has to
161
00:05:56,591 --> 00:05:59,091
pitch in and take care
of Virgil's Uncle Gohar.
162
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,647
Oh, I knew about Uncle Gohar.
163
00:06:00,672 --> 00:06:03,776
If we don't take care of the
older generation, who will?
164
00:06:04,599 --> 00:06:06,232
I can't believe you guys
dragged me into this.
165
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:08,867
I had to rinse my hair
with bottled water.
166
00:06:08,903 --> 00:06:10,469
And, yes, we agree it looks fantastic,
167
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,037
but it was really expensive.
168
00:06:12,073 --> 00:06:13,105
Josh, what can we do?
169
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,974
I don't know, buy a
cheaper brand of water.
170
00:06:15,009 --> 00:06:16,260
About the lease.
171
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:18,244
Cut a deal. It's your only option.
172
00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:19,545
(all arguing) Come on, guys, just say it.
173
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,112
- BARRY: I'm not doing it.
- Come on.
174
00:06:21,137 --> 00:06:22,336
Let's just say it so we can start.
175
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:25,451
(all sighing)
176
00:06:25,578 --> 00:06:27,345
ALL: Virgil is the best landlord ever.
177
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,321
All other landlords
will perish at his feet.
178
00:06:29,357 --> 00:06:31,890
Negotiations may begin.
179
00:06:31,926 --> 00:06:33,686
What'll it take for you
to get rid of our tree?
180
00:06:33,711 --> 00:06:34,655
And fix my water?
181
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,229
I will fix all the problems if...
182
00:06:37,265 --> 00:06:39,498
Kelly and I switch apartments.
183
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,732
- NEAL, COOPER, BARRY: Done.
- Um, excuse me, no.
184
00:06:41,757 --> 00:06:43,669
My apartment is three
times the size of yours.
185
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,671
- No, think of another option.
- VIRGIL: Fine.
186
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:48,107
If you three give up pig.
187
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,009
Done.
188
00:06:50,044 --> 00:06:51,877
(snorting softly)
189
00:06:58,171 --> 00:06:59,871
Virgil is the worst landlord ever,
190
00:06:59,907 --> 00:07:01,273
and I'm including Donald Sterling.
191
00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:02,974
You guys are getting
rid of that pig, right?
192
00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:04,442
You seriously expect us
193
00:07:04,478 --> 00:07:07,078
to kick a 300-pound pig out of our place
194
00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:09,548
when you can easily
move into an apartment
195
00:07:09,583 --> 00:07:12,317
that's one-third the size
of your current apartment?
196
00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:14,234
I know you guys love that pig.
197
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:16,140
Don't you think it's
time to grow up a little?
198
00:07:16,165 --> 00:07:16,821
NEAL: Whoa!
199
00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:19,324
Since when did you become the
security guard at Sunglass Hut?
200
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,594
Terrance is really bossy,
and he talks down to me
201
00:07:22,629 --> 00:07:24,229
all the time, and I don't appreciate it.
202
00:07:24,264 --> 00:07:26,304
Bottom line is, we're not
giving up of James Franco.
203
00:07:26,333 --> 00:07:29,100
All right, well, I'm not
giving up my apartment.
204
00:07:29,136 --> 00:07:31,603
Here's the thing, though...
I can shower at the gym.
205
00:07:31,638 --> 00:07:34,940
You guys got to live with a
giant tree in your living room.
206
00:07:34,975 --> 00:07:37,563
Okay, I think you'd be surprised
by what we can live with.
207
00:07:37,603 --> 00:07:39,102
(Barry chuckles)
208
00:07:39,137 --> 00:07:40,737
(snorting)
209
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:43,607
Oh, hey, Kelly.
210
00:07:43,642 --> 00:07:45,742
- Hey!
- Oh, hey!
211
00:07:45,777 --> 00:07:47,956
COOPER: We're just chilling in
our perfectly livable apartment.
212
00:07:47,981 --> 00:07:49,212
Want me to cut you a seat?
213
00:07:49,248 --> 00:07:51,515
Hey, Barry, could you
pass me the cream, please?
214
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:52,949
Oh, yeah. No problem.
215
00:07:52,985 --> 00:07:55,685
You know, this tree is
the best thing that's ever
216
00:07:55,721 --> 00:07:57,993
happened to us. You know,
we give it a couple days,
217
00:07:58,018 --> 00:07:59,290
we're gonna have syrup up in here.
218
00:07:59,315 --> 00:08:00,992
Ha, ha. Well done.
219
00:08:00,993 --> 00:08:03,302
You guys are not fooling
me. I know this tree is
220
00:08:03,327 --> 00:08:04,314
driving you nuts.
221
00:08:04,338 --> 00:08:05,663
- What?
- BARRY: Speaking of nuts,
222
00:08:05,664 --> 00:08:07,060
there's a stash right here.
223
00:08:07,085 --> 00:08:08,265
(chittering)
224
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,634
What was that, Rudy? What's up, Rudy?
225
00:08:10,669 --> 00:08:12,769
We're not fooling you.
We straight-up love the tree.
226
00:08:12,804 --> 00:08:15,572
Oh, by the way, if you get
tired of showering at the gym,
227
00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:18,275
it's gonna rain in, like, ten
minutes, so now no peeksies.
228
00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:20,911
Okay. I can't believe I
almost kissed you again.
229
00:08:23,482 --> 00:08:25,882
Anyone else think the tree sucks?
230
00:08:25,918 --> 00:08:27,551
- Yes!
- It's the worst.
231
00:08:27,586 --> 00:08:29,553
Okay, here's the plan. We're
gonna stash James Franco
232
00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:31,555
somewhere safe until Virgil
comes to fix the apartment.
233
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,990
I love it, but where are
we gonna stash a giant pig?
234
00:08:34,026 --> 00:08:36,159
(snorting)
235
00:08:37,419 --> 00:08:39,769
Josh... the kid's asleep,
236
00:08:39,794 --> 00:08:42,065
and that's all it takes
to turn me on these days.
237
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,634
Come on. It's sex time.
238
00:08:44,670 --> 00:08:46,670
(screaming)
239
00:08:46,705 --> 00:08:48,138
Josh?!
240
00:08:48,173 --> 00:08:50,607
- Yeah.
- Why is there a pig
241
00:08:50,642 --> 00:08:52,108
- in our bed?
- Sweetie, you know
242
00:08:52,144 --> 00:08:54,311
that the sheets in the guest
room are like sandpaper.
243
00:08:54,346 --> 00:08:55,645
Oh, by the way, do you mind
244
00:08:55,681 --> 00:08:57,693
if we pork-sit Cooper's
pig for a few weeks?
245
00:08:57,718 --> 00:08:59,849
- Get out!
- You heard her. Let's go.
246
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:02,904
- It's sex time. Come on.
- No, not the pig. You. Get out!
247
00:09:02,929 --> 00:09:04,421
Yeah, I get it.
248
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,655
(buzzing)
249
00:09:05,691 --> 00:09:07,424
Okay.
250
00:09:07,459 --> 00:09:09,693
Yeah! Get her!
251
00:09:09,728 --> 00:09:12,262
How happy are you guys
to get rid of this thing?
252
00:09:12,297 --> 00:09:15,165
Honestly, I am so proud of
you guys for giving up James.
253
00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:17,000
COOPER: Yeah, I know.
It's sad, but we're making
254
00:09:17,035 --> 00:09:19,502
an old woman in Oregon very happy.
255
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,746
Stop! Stop!
256
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:25,584
JOSH: Sorry, guys.
257
00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:27,844
Leslie won't give me sex
with a pig in the room.
258
00:09:27,879 --> 00:09:29,279
It is what it is.
259
00:09:29,314 --> 00:09:32,449
I never fix tree, water, nothing!
260
00:09:32,474 --> 00:09:35,185
Dimitri, let's go listen Coldplay.
261
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:37,220
Come on, Virgil, no. Please... wait.
262
00:09:37,255 --> 00:09:39,689
- (sighs)
- About the whole Oregon thing...
263
00:09:39,725 --> 00:09:41,491
Save it, okay? I have to go shower,
264
00:09:41,526 --> 00:09:43,727
and Mrs. Pascal's sprinkler
turns on in two minutes.
265
00:09:43,762 --> 00:09:45,595
Well...
266
00:09:49,935 --> 00:09:51,629
You know what our problem is?
267
00:09:52,204 --> 00:09:53,970
We have no leverage over Virgil.
268
00:09:54,006 --> 00:09:56,187
So we have to start
making his life miserable
269
00:09:56,212 --> 00:09:57,841
till he agrees to our demands.
270
00:09:57,876 --> 00:10:00,176
(guitar tuning, speakers humming)
271
00:10:01,485 --> 00:10:02,905
NEAL: Remember this? Ready?
272
00:10:02,930 --> 00:10:04,648
(rock music playing loudly)
273
00:10:04,683 --> 00:10:06,049
(whooping)
274
00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:07,484
Yeah!
275
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,519
(rock music playing loudly)
276
00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:14,390
NEAL: Yeah!
277
00:10:27,806 --> 00:10:29,539
(music stops, speaker hums)
278
00:10:32,611 --> 00:10:34,277
What the hell, Virgil?!
279
00:10:34,312 --> 00:10:36,544
We play some loud music,
and you shoot at us?!
280
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,481
You missed me by three
inches! I could have died!
281
00:10:38,506 --> 00:10:39,425
This was supposed to be fun!
282
00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:41,120
You were supposed to turn
up our heat or something!
283
00:10:41,230 --> 00:10:42,394
(gun cocks)
284
00:10:42,699 --> 00:10:44,332
Sorry to disturb you, sir.
285
00:10:44,357 --> 00:10:45,347
- Sorry.
- Never mind.
286
00:10:45,372 --> 00:10:47,390
You have a good night, okay? Bye.
287
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:54,497
(snoring)
288
00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:58,642
Guys?
289
00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:01,220
Guys?!
290
00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:02,533
(yells) Take Neal!
291
00:11:02,558 --> 00:11:03,457
Don't shoot!
292
00:11:03,482 --> 00:11:06,118
- What time is it?
- 2:00 in the afternoon.
293
00:11:06,394 --> 00:11:08,093
Rough night?
294
00:11:08,129 --> 00:11:10,029
Oh, you have no idea.
295
00:11:10,064 --> 00:11:12,168
Our CD/DVD tower is destroyed,
296
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,285
Virgil's been shooting
at us, and Neal's stuck
297
00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:16,168
to the counter 'cause Barry
had maple syrup earlier.
298
00:11:16,193 --> 00:11:18,862
- Hey.
- Listen, guys, um, there's just...
299
00:11:18,898 --> 00:11:20,506
there-there's something
that I want to tell you.
300
00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:21,707
You feel bad about being difficult,
301
00:11:21,732 --> 00:11:23,855
and you want to make out right now.
302
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,169
- No.
- It's cool.
303
00:11:25,194 --> 00:11:26,512
I'll just go brush my teeth.
304
00:11:26,547 --> 00:11:28,347
BARRY: James Franco? Oh, my God,
305
00:11:28,382 --> 00:11:30,203
James Franco is gone! Virgil must have
306
00:11:30,228 --> 00:11:31,750
took him while we were sleeping.
307
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,786
You know what? This is
it! He's gone too far.
308
00:11:33,821 --> 00:11:35,621
Really? This is worse
than shooting at us?
309
00:11:35,656 --> 00:11:37,189
Virgil didn't take your pig.
310
00:11:37,225 --> 00:11:38,724
Who did?
311
00:11:38,759 --> 00:11:40,292
I did.
312
00:11:40,328 --> 00:11:42,761
You... Aah! You monster! (groans)
313
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,423
Where exactly did you take James Franco?
314
00:11:49,448 --> 00:11:50,892
To a place where he can live happily.
315
00:11:50,917 --> 00:11:52,704
Have you lost your freakin' mind?
316
00:11:52,729 --> 00:11:54,003
You didn't even pack any of his things!
317
00:11:54,028 --> 00:11:55,080
What things?!
318
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:59,055
His smartphone, his little work
boots, his shiny sunglasses,
319
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,195
underwear,
320
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,055
backpack, milk,
321
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,179
"I Don't Eat Bacon" sticker
322
00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:04,540
for the back of his ass.
323
00:12:04,576 --> 00:12:05,908
COOPER: I can't believe you would
324
00:12:05,944 --> 00:12:08,021
resort to this just to have
your water turned back on.
325
00:12:08,046 --> 00:12:10,947
No, this isn't about my
water. It's about you guys.
326
00:12:10,982 --> 00:12:13,549
You've put up with giant trees
327
00:12:13,585 --> 00:12:16,118
and people shooting at
you through the floor
328
00:12:16,154 --> 00:12:18,087
because you're not mature
enough to give up a pig
329
00:12:18,122 --> 00:12:19,789
who was never meant to live indoors?
330
00:12:19,824 --> 00:12:22,391
You take that back. This
is his dream apartment!
331
00:12:22,427 --> 00:12:23,626
Okay, we're gonna go get him.
332
00:12:23,661 --> 00:12:25,394
Take us to whatever
hellhole you brought him to.
333
00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:27,864
(goats bleating)
334
00:12:27,899 --> 00:12:29,966
This is no place for an animal.
335
00:12:30,001 --> 00:12:32,536
Look, James Franco is enjoying
336
00:12:32,561 --> 00:12:34,437
his own personal hot tub.
337
00:12:34,472 --> 00:12:37,373
Tonight, he'll dine on
the finest of organic slop
338
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,226
while enjoying the
company of other animals.
339
00:12:39,251 --> 00:12:41,577
What about people? James
Franco likes people!
340
00:12:41,613 --> 00:12:42,645
Like that?
341
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:44,380
BARRY: Okay, you know what? That's it.
342
00:12:44,415 --> 00:12:45,517
We're getting him out of here.
343
00:12:45,542 --> 00:12:47,817
I'm gonna get the truck.
Neal, knock over these kids.
344
00:12:47,852 --> 00:12:48,849
Great. I'm on it.
345
00:12:48,874 --> 00:12:51,064
- Guys, guys, guys, look at him.
- Neal!
346
00:12:51,089 --> 00:12:52,822
She's right. He's...
347
00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:54,824
glowing.
348
00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:57,960
Maybe it's the right place for him.
349
00:13:03,034 --> 00:13:05,468
(screams) I'll never let go!
350
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,596
(sobbing)
351
00:13:10,701 --> 00:13:12,371
_
352
00:13:12,396 --> 00:13:13,676
Pretty different, right?
353
00:13:13,711 --> 00:13:17,230
I mean, it looks like actual
human beings live here.
354
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:20,082
And, oh, my God, is this a houseplant?
355
00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:21,265
We got kind of used to the tree
356
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:23,359
and figured this was a happy medium.
357
00:13:23,384 --> 00:13:25,709
Anne Hathaway, meet Kelly.
Kelly, Anne Hathaway.
358
00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:29,664
Cooper Barrett, seriously, I'm impressed.
359
00:13:29,689 --> 00:13:31,268
I'm impressed.
360
00:13:32,416 --> 00:13:35,166
This place is all grown up.
361
00:13:36,301 --> 00:13:37,800
Barry or Neal here?
362
00:13:37,835 --> 00:13:40,423
Uh, it's Thursday, so right now,
363
00:13:40,448 --> 00:13:42,426
they're out hunting
for the Zodiac Killer.
364
00:13:42,451 --> 00:13:43,617
Why'd you ask?
365
00:13:47,912 --> 00:13:50,160
Uh, look, Kelly, I'm sorry.
366
00:13:50,185 --> 00:13:51,647
I just don't feel like myself right now.
367
00:13:51,672 --> 00:13:53,815
- Please tell me this is not about the pig.
- It's about the pig.
368
00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:55,785
- I don't get it.
- That's 'cause you're a heartless monster.
369
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:58,321
Explain to me, what is so
important about James Franco.
370
00:13:58,356 --> 00:14:00,790
The first night we spent in
this apartment, we woke up
371
00:14:00,825 --> 00:14:03,696
and he was here, and he's been
with us every moment since.
372
00:14:03,721 --> 00:14:05,664
I mean, the birthdays,
373
00:14:05,689 --> 00:14:07,929
the Super Bowl, those couple of months
374
00:14:07,954 --> 00:14:09,165
we were friends with Topher Grace.
375
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,399
I thought we weren't
gonna talk about that.
376
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,401
Look, I know the petting
zoo is a better place for him
377
00:14:12,437 --> 00:14:13,569
and we all have to grow up,
378
00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:16,305
but with James gone, it's...
379
00:14:16,341 --> 00:14:19,008
it's kind of a reminder
it's happening really fast.
380
00:14:22,313 --> 00:14:24,313
(goats bleating, rooster crowing)
381
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:29,585
Hey.
382
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,120
I need a pig back.
383
00:14:31,155 --> 00:14:32,788
Uh, what's it look like?
384
00:14:32,824 --> 00:14:37,059
Uh, well, he's got a
long, white, silky mane.
385
00:14:37,095 --> 00:14:39,395
It's got a big, giant horn
sticking out of his head.
386
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:40,559
What do you mean, "What
does he look like?"
387
00:14:40,584 --> 00:14:42,742
He's a giant pig named James Franco.
388
00:14:42,767 --> 00:14:44,734
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
389
00:14:44,769 --> 00:14:47,737
It's my friends' pig, and-and
I only just now realized
390
00:14:47,772 --> 00:14:51,007
how much it means to
them, so... I need it back.
391
00:14:51,042 --> 00:14:52,441
They need it back.
392
00:14:52,477 --> 00:14:54,777
- He's gone.
- Wait, what?
393
00:14:54,812 --> 00:14:58,314
A pig like him was never
meant for a petting zoo.
394
00:14:58,349 --> 00:15:00,549
All he wanted to do was
lay around and watch TV.
395
00:15:00,585 --> 00:15:02,385
Keeping him here just seemed cruel.
396
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:03,586
Well, where did you send him?
397
00:15:03,621 --> 00:15:04,954
A slaughterhouse.
398
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,344
I'm gonna say this... I miss the tree.
399
00:15:17,369 --> 00:15:19,508
- Yes! Thank you.
- Yeah.
400
00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:21,164
Barry!
401
00:15:21,189 --> 00:15:23,215
Were you eating pancakes on the sofa?
402
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:24,496
BARRY: Yeah, why?
403
00:15:24,521 --> 00:15:26,957
Hey, Barry. Hey, guys.
(chuckles) Good, good.
404
00:15:26,982 --> 00:15:28,809
Listen, I have some bad news.
405
00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:31,465
Uh, but it's better news
than, say, that missing plane.
406
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,038
Remember that?
407
00:15:33,531 --> 00:15:34,764
That plane's actually still missing.
408
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:37,400
Kelly, what happened?
409
00:15:37,435 --> 00:15:39,268
(sighs)
410
00:15:39,304 --> 00:15:41,337
COOPER: Can't you drive any faster?
411
00:15:41,372 --> 00:15:43,876
What's the point? He's probably
bacon or sausage by now.
412
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,242
BARRY: Hey, that's our
pig you're talking about!
413
00:15:46,268 --> 00:15:47,682
You think we could
stop at a drive-through?
414
00:15:47,715 --> 00:15:48,665
Look, the zoo manager
415
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:50,680
told Kelly James Franco was
picked up just an hour ago.
416
00:15:50,722 --> 00:15:52,942
So we get to Westfield
Meats, and we stop it.
417
00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:54,450
'Cause that's what we do.
We have each other's backs.
418
00:15:54,485 --> 00:15:56,285
Right! And we don't assign blame
419
00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:58,543
and we don't focus on
who might have caused
420
00:15:58,568 --> 00:16:01,214
- a particular problem.
- NEAL: Did you say "Westfield Meats"?
421
00:16:03,942 --> 00:16:06,142
Josh, turn around! Slow down!
422
00:16:06,177 --> 00:16:08,044
- I'm slowing down.
- (tires screeching)
423
00:16:12,698 --> 00:16:15,566
Whew! I feel like a
badass getaway driver.
424
00:16:15,601 --> 00:16:17,601
- Stay in the minivan.
- Feeling gone.
425
00:16:17,637 --> 00:16:19,559
Okay, Barry, Neal, you
distract the truck driver.
426
00:16:19,584 --> 00:16:21,313
Cooper, you're with me. Come on.
427
00:16:23,876 --> 00:16:25,209
Hey, buddy.
428
00:16:25,244 --> 00:16:26,610
Here to bust you out.
429
00:16:28,214 --> 00:16:29,179
(doorbells jingle)
430
00:16:29,215 --> 00:16:30,280
COOPER: Better hurry up.
431
00:16:30,316 --> 00:16:31,548
The trucker's already paid.
432
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:33,348
Okay.
433
00:16:33,373 --> 00:16:35,989
Hey there, fellow trucker! (chuckling)
434
00:16:36,014 --> 00:16:37,598
How's the road treating you?
435
00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:39,390
Uh, can't complain.
436
00:16:39,425 --> 00:16:41,725
Every day's a good day
when it's not raining.
437
00:16:41,761 --> 00:16:43,548
(grunting)
438
00:16:43,573 --> 00:16:44,673
I hear that.
439
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:46,876
That's not how you do it.
440
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:48,421
- Then how do you do it?!
- I don't know.
441
00:16:48,446 --> 00:16:50,086
Leslie usually handles
this kind of stuff.
442
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,217
There's nothing us truckers
hate more than the rain.
443
00:16:52,253 --> 00:16:53,686
You got that right, pal.
444
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,120
Except maybe those who deny
445
00:16:55,156 --> 00:16:56,689
that Israel is a sovereign nation
446
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,090
with the right to defend itself.
447
00:17:00,328 --> 00:17:01,350
Great.
448
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,529
Start the car!
449
00:17:05,833 --> 00:17:07,522
- We got to go!
- What happened?!
450
00:17:07,547 --> 00:17:08,990
BARRY: He started talking politics!
451
00:17:16,711 --> 00:17:19,144
Josh, we're set.
452
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:20,180
Yeah.
453
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:22,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa! No! Josh!
454
00:17:22,905 --> 00:17:24,304
Josh!
455
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:30,490
(whooping, cheering)
456
00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:33,279
- I don't think he's following us.
- Yeah, we did it!
457
00:17:33,799 --> 00:17:35,666
I hate to put a damper on things, guys,
458
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:37,868
but where are Cooper and/or Kelly?
459
00:17:39,539 --> 00:17:41,605
- BARRY: And where's the trailer?
- (gasps)
460
00:17:41,651 --> 00:17:43,150
- (Kelly shouting)
- COOPER: Hey!
461
00:17:43,175 --> 00:17:44,609
- Hey!
- Hey!
462
00:17:44,649 --> 00:17:45,970
(all shouting)
463
00:17:45,995 --> 00:17:47,421
- What are you doing?!
- What are you doing?!
464
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:48,948
We got James Franco!
465
00:17:48,981 --> 00:17:50,951
- Slow down, Josh! Slow down!
- Help! Help!
466
00:17:51,155 --> 00:17:52,296
Help!
467
00:17:52,485 --> 00:17:53,784
(shouting)
468
00:17:56,822 --> 00:17:58,622
We're gonna die, aren't we?!
469
00:17:58,658 --> 00:18:00,524
Probably, yeah!
470
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,360
And all to get back a pig our
landlord won't even let us have.
471
00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:05,696
No, he will. I agreed to
change apartments with him
472
00:18:05,731 --> 00:18:08,143
after I realized how
much the pig meant to you.
473
00:18:08,393 --> 00:18:12,110
That is the sweetest thing
anyone has ever done for me!
474
00:18:12,135 --> 00:18:13,245
(chuckles)
475
00:18:13,270 --> 00:18:14,010
(truck horn blaring)
476
00:18:14,034 --> 00:18:15,574
- Truck!
- Truck!
477
00:18:15,575 --> 00:18:18,008
(both screaming)
478
00:18:18,044 --> 00:18:20,644
WOMAN (over P.A.): Dr.
Levy, pick up line two.
479
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,819
Dr. Levy, pick up line two.
480
00:18:25,184 --> 00:18:26,450
How is she?
481
00:18:26,485 --> 00:18:28,152
She's in recovery but stable.
482
00:18:28,187 --> 00:18:29,386
- Can we see her?
- Mm-hmm.
483
00:18:29,422 --> 00:18:30,422
Thank you.
484
00:18:34,226 --> 00:18:36,226
(snorting softly)
485
00:18:38,531 --> 00:18:39,663
(chuckles softly)
486
00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:41,940
I told you James Franco
was getting freaky
487
00:18:41,965 --> 00:18:43,854
on those little pig playdates.
488
00:18:43,879 --> 00:18:45,669
Aw, James Franco's a mom.
489
00:18:45,694 --> 00:18:48,291
- I never thought I'd live to see this.
- Well, you wouldn't have
490
00:18:48,316 --> 00:18:51,098
if that truck driver hadn't
had such good reflexes.
491
00:18:51,123 --> 00:18:54,018
Question: why did you
name her James Franco
492
00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:55,502
if you knew that she was a girl?
493
00:18:55,527 --> 00:18:56,914
Couldn't tell the sex when we found her,
494
00:18:56,949 --> 00:18:59,776
and James Franco the actor
was killing it back then.
495
00:18:59,801 --> 00:19:02,151
BARRY: Yeah. Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2
496
00:19:02,176 --> 00:19:04,521
and Tristan and Isolde.
Are you kidding me?
497
00:19:04,557 --> 00:19:07,636
Well, anyway, I now so
see why you kept James
498
00:19:07,661 --> 00:19:09,193
that first night. I don't know how anyone
499
00:19:09,228 --> 00:19:11,795
could be miserable
holding this little guy.
500
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,533
I have an idea.
501
00:19:16,569 --> 00:19:18,202
(snorting softly)
502
00:19:18,237 --> 00:19:21,038
Now I have found a reason to live.
503
00:19:21,073 --> 00:19:22,906
So Kelly can keep her apartment?
504
00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:24,508
Yes, she keeps.
505
00:19:24,543 --> 00:19:27,098
Now leave before I shoot you.
506
00:19:28,147 --> 00:19:31,875
Mmm, Elsa. Elsa, give Virgil a kiss.
507
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,298
Give Virgil a kiss.
508
00:19:34,025 --> 00:19:36,220
So what have we learned?
509
00:19:36,255 --> 00:19:38,288
Well, always read your lease;
510
00:19:38,324 --> 00:19:40,791
a tree can really open up a room;
511
00:19:40,826 --> 00:19:43,627
and even the meanest,
most psychotic landlord
512
00:19:43,663 --> 00:19:45,396
can have a soft side.
513
00:19:45,431 --> 00:19:48,198
(knocking)
514
00:19:48,234 --> 00:19:49,767
Hey.
515
00:19:49,802 --> 00:19:52,102
I just spoke to Virgil.
Thank you so much.
516
00:19:52,138 --> 00:19:53,637
Oh, thank you.
517
00:19:53,662 --> 00:19:55,762
I have my pig back, and
the place looks great.
518
00:19:55,787 --> 00:19:56,868
Yeah.
519
00:19:58,038 --> 00:20:01,827
- So, about that kiss...
- Smooth segue.
520
00:20:01,828 --> 00:20:03,795
I know what you're gonna
say, and I totally agree.
521
00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:05,382
There's been way too much buildup.
522
00:20:05,418 --> 00:20:07,334
Yeah. Exactly. I mean, we've
been talking about it for weeks.
523
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,787
I just feel like the moment's passed.
524
00:20:09,822 --> 00:20:11,858
Yeah. 100% agree. We're on the same page.
525
00:20:11,883 --> 00:20:13,624
All right. Well, thanks
again for talking to Virgil.
526
00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:14,724
You're a really good friend.
527
00:20:14,758 --> 00:20:16,427
I'd do anything for you, buddy.
528
00:20:16,462 --> 00:20:17,780
(chuckles) Okay.
529
00:20:17,805 --> 00:20:18,788
All right.
530
00:20:18,813 --> 00:20:21,398
Well, see you later, pal.
531
00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:22,666
See you later.
532
00:20:23,803 --> 00:20:26,303
♪ ♪
533
00:20:26,338 --> 00:20:28,338
(metallic clanking)
534
00:20:41,711 --> 00:20:43,187
Magic's totally gone, right?
535
00:20:43,222 --> 00:20:45,221
Yeah. Totally. That kiss was just, uh...
536
00:20:45,776 --> 00:20:47,909
- Cool.
- Okay.
537
00:20:49,729 --> 00:20:52,162
(door opens, closes)
538
00:21:06,312 --> 00:21:08,011
- (oinking)
- (gasps)
539
00:21:08,047 --> 00:21:09,346
Josh!
540
00:21:09,381 --> 00:21:10,414
Yeah.
541
00:21:11,751 --> 00:21:13,684
Guys, not on the pillow.
542
00:21:13,719 --> 00:21:15,052
You're never getting laid again.
543
00:21:15,087 --> 00:21:16,820
Come on, guys.
544
00:21:18,163 --> 00:21:23,163
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com