1 00:00:01,587 --> 00:00:03,871 From the moment your kids are born, 2 00:00:03,872 --> 00:00:06,539 you dread the fact that one day they'll leave you. 3 00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:09,009 And then they do, 4 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,278 and it's just as bad as you thought it'd be. 5 00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:15,315 I just want you to remember that you're special, 6 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,684 and you'll always be my little girl. 7 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:20,320 Two forms of birth control. 8 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,589 And men are like basketball players-- 9 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,090 they dribble before they shoot. 10 00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:25,091 Martina! 11 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:26,526 It's reality, Mike. 12 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:27,660 Bye, guys. 13 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:28,762 - Bye. - I'll miss you. 14 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,497 I'll miss you too. 15 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:31,531 - Bye, Dad. - Love you, kid. 16 00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,699 Love you. 17 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:39,539 Well, at least now we know what it's like. 18 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,107 The next one will be easier. 19 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,912 Oh, my sweet baby. 20 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,765 What are you looking at? 21 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:06,766 It's just us now! 22 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,347 We're alone! 23 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,478 Wow. 24 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:21,448 The empty nest. 25 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:24,684 We're gonna die in this house. 26 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,553 I need alcohol. 27 00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,755 But it's only 10:00 a.m. 28 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,156 Well, on the other hand, 29 00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,158 we don't have to drive anybody anywhere. 30 00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,627 Or cook anyone dinner, 31 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,529 or set a good freakin' example. 32 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,365 Hey, we don't have to say "freakin'" anymore! 33 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:42,535 We can swear when we want, drink when we want, 34 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,638 have sex when we want, 35 00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,775 and have sex when we want. 36 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,611 There's a reason I said that twice. 37 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,546 This could be good. 38 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:57,283 This could be really good. 39 00:01:57,284 --> 00:02:02,856 ♪ It might seem crazy what I'm bout to say ♪ 40 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:05,191 ♪ Sunshine, she's here, you can take a break ♪ 41 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,894 Finally getting rid of the play room. 42 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,596 Turn it into a media room. 43 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,631 Big-ass plasma. 44 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,134 I'm gonna have an old timey popcorn machine, 45 00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:16,236 one of those big chairs with the cup holders. 46 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:20,071 I'll be just like a Hollywood douchebag. 47 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,677 Look what I found. 48 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:25,678 That's pot. 49 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:26,813 Our kids were doing drugs? 50 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,047 Mike! Martina! 51 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,000 It's your parents! 52 00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:32,185 Hide the pot! 53 00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:35,288 Wow, I just felt so young. 54 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:36,939 - Bob? - What? 55 00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:38,591 - They're in the playroom! - What? 56 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,326 The playroom! 57 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,829 They're fine. 58 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,497 Alice, again, the key that we made 59 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,699 for you and Dad was for emergencies. 60 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,668 We knocked on the door, and you didn't answer. 61 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,237 It could have been an emergency. 62 00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,872 Why didn't you just ring the bell? 63 00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:53,907 Ring the bell? 64 00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:57,410 Child please, we're family. 65 00:02:57,411 --> 00:03:00,446 Family doesn't ring the bell. 66 00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:01,748 Oh, hey, Pop. 67 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:05,485 Oh, good, you're finally cleaning this room. 68 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:08,488 You didn't have all these toys when you were a kid. 69 00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,757 I know. 70 00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,525 You spoiled those girls. 71 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,927 You know, when Mike was young, 72 00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:16,629 I taught him how to do military sheet corners. 73 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,965 He couldn't go out to play until I could bounce a coin 74 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,800 off his tightly made bed. 75 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,437 I still get a little tense when I see a quarter. 76 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,673 We tried to help with Stella and Shea. 77 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:30,276 Yes, you were here all the time. 78 00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,412 Well, we're headed to the store. 79 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,447 We'll bring you back some doughnuts. 80 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,249 Alice, we don't eat doughnuts. 81 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,917 And you know I'm gluten free. 82 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,221 Oh, that nonsense. 83 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:44,324 That's why you're so skinny. 84 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:45,725 I don't think I'm too skinny. 85 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:49,462 You can't see your own skinny. 86 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:50,863 It's like smelling your own breath. 87 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:53,666 You need someone else to tell you that it's bad. 88 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,968 Mike, I'll pick you up some breath mints. 89 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,473 When are you gonna stand up to them? 90 00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,342 Well, I've always said "soon," 91 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:05,678 but now that they're moving, I can give the truthful answer: 92 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,281 never. 93 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,017 So what are we gonna do with this? 94 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:14,020 [Tommy James & the Shondells' "Crimson and Clover"] 95 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:17,490 ♪ Now I don't hardly know her ♪ 96 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:23,329 What if "Horton Hears a Who!" is real? 97 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:26,633 Deep. 98 00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:30,503 You know what's great about smoking pot when you're older? 99 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,170 You don't get paranoid. 100 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,206 It's the cops! 101 00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:46,653 Oh, thank God you're home. 102 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,721 - Stella? - Brace yourselves. 103 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,390 I left Justin. 104 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,725 We had this big fight, and he's dead to me. 105 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:53,860 Is he dead to everyone? 106 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,329 Did you kill him? 107 00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,931 Answer your father. 108 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,600 What is wrong with you guys? 109 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:01,601 Nothing. 110 00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:02,602 I could really use a pizza, 111 00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,637 but go on. 112 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,522 Okay. 113 00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,408 Well, I'm here because I'm not getting any acting jobs, 114 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:10,910 and my YouTube videos don't get enough hits. 115 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,812 Being an adult is hard. 116 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,748 Plus, I miss you guys, so I was wondering-- 117 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,584 Hello, all. 118 00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,652 Forgive the surprise. 119 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,454 Shea, what are you doing here? 120 00:05:21,455 --> 00:05:23,790 - I'm moving back home. - What? 121 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:26,326 But I told you I was coming here today to move back home. 122 00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,027 What? 123 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,730 Yes, but I reasoned that the cumulative impact on them 124 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,532 would be reduced if it were simultaneous 125 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,000 rather than staggered. 126 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,768 Ew, Shea, you don't just break into someone's scene. 127 00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:41,774 We're not in a movie, Stella. 128 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,476 This is the real world. 129 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,878 A world where, thanks to this country's hatred of science, 130 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,814 the funding for my job has been eliminated. 131 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:52,752 So like 23.8% of people between the ages of 22 and 31, 132 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,754 I've determined the most logical course of action 133 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:58,558 in this economy is to move back in with my parents. 134 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,593 And because of the broad number of young people doing this, 135 00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:03,763 there's no longer the social stigma attached. 136 00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:04,831 Is she done? 137 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:08,101 I can never tell when she's done. 138 00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:09,635 I'm the one who should move back in. 139 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,704 Mom and Dad are like my best friends. 140 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,973 They're my only friends. 141 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,476 Girls, girls, don't fight. 142 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:19,778 You're equally disappointing both of us. 143 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:21,647 Hello? 144 00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:22,982 We hear voices in there! 145 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,450 Oh, boy. 146 00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:25,451 It's Grandma! 147 00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:26,519 Oh! 148 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,721 Are you girls here for our anniversary dinner? 149 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,890 Oh, no, I'm moving back home today. 150 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,558 So am I. 151 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,994 Well, we certainly can't move to Florida now. 152 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,566 It looks like you need us again. 153 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,934 Who wants doughnuts? 154 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,169 - I do! - Me. 155 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,904 They're back. 156 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,473 They're all back! 157 00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:48,775 It's a nightmare. 158 00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:51,677 It's a disaster! 159 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:55,681 Oh, God, we can't say anymore. 160 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:56,949 Where are you going? 161 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,951 There's doughnuts. 162 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:15,835 Hey, you got a passenger. 163 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,103 Real slacker type. 164 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,939 Sounds like my daughter's boyfriend. 165 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,108 It is my daughter's boyfriend. 166 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:25,745 Ugh, that knock. 167 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,481 Come in, Justin. 168 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:29,482 Hey. 169 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,683 Hey. 170 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,050 Here's how you knock. 171 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,486 It's not... 172 00:07:35,189 --> 00:07:36,489 Well, why? 173 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,791 Because we as a society have decided 174 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,926 that's how you knock. 175 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:40,993 What are you doing here? 176 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,494 I miss Stella. 177 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:43,996 I was hoping you'd help me get her back. 178 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,699 Look, Justin, no man thinks any guy 179 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,034 is good enough for his little girl, 180 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,202 and then I met you and-- 181 00:07:49,203 --> 00:07:50,937 please don't take this the wrong way-- 182 00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:54,240 but I thought, "He's not even close." 183 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,842 I mean, do you even have a job? 184 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,543 I have something better than a job: 185 00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,579 an idea for an app. 186 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,214 Everyone with the apps. 187 00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:02,915 Yeah, it's awesome. 188 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:06,786 But figuring out how to actually make it is super hard. 189 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,888 Look, that's the problem with people your age. 190 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,156 Once it gets hard, you quit. 191 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,958 You got to stick with things. 192 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,559 I like that. 193 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,027 Could you text that to me? 194 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,629 Get out. 195 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,764 What happens if I push this button? 196 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:21,167 That'll get you out even faster. 197 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,169 Push it. 198 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,509 What a mess. 199 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,177 Ugh. 200 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,845 We spent so much time teaching the girls 201 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,146 how special they are. 202 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,949 Why didn't we teach them how to shut a cabinet door? 203 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,886 Why do we buy free range chicken? 204 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,955 I mean, how free are they really? 205 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:47,660 It's not like they're letting them walk into town. 206 00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,296 Speaking of freeing things... 207 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,731 Mike, stop it. 208 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,833 We are not asking the girls to leave. 209 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,835 They're hurting right now, and they need us. 210 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,270 Okay. 211 00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,270 Hey, it's quiet. 212 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,608 Maybe we can have the place to ourselves. 213 00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:03,609 Mom? 214 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,177 Mom? 215 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,113 Tell Shea she's never gonna get a date with Carter 216 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,782 if she texts like a dorky virgin. 217 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:13,786 Let me see what you wrote, honey. 218 00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,321 "I'm interested in dating you. 219 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,189 Do you share similar feelings?" 220 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,592 Ooh, that's bad. 221 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:20,927 I know. 222 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,663 But Stella wants me to text "Hang sometime?" 223 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:24,864 I can't send that. 224 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:26,632 It's a meaningless statement. 225 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,167 Shea, you have to put yourself out there, 226 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,168 be sexy, 227 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,637 and stop dressing like Daria. 228 00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,073 I've put myself out there with Carter. 229 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,242 Last week, he was making an AU calculation 230 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,344 that would have been off by thousands of parsecs, 231 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,746 and I thoughtfully pointed out his mistake. 232 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,748 That's love. 233 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,784 Is she done? 234 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:48,154 I can never tell when she's done. 235 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,323 You never correct a man you like. 236 00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:52,457 Really? 237 00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:58,197 Look, men are like balloons. 238 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,966 They don't want anyone to pop them 239 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,635 and show that it's all just air inside. 240 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,370 All you got to do is fill that balloon 241 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,706 with what they want to hear. 242 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,707 It's like how for Dad, 243 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,642 you act all excited about the Mets. 244 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,611 Hey, I never pushed Shea to be a Mets fan. 245 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:15,281 You named me after their stadium. 246 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,950 But I love the Mets because you love them. 247 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,285 That's my girl. 248 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:23,055 Okay, it works. 249 00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,657 "Hang sometime?" 250 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:27,326 And send. 251 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,327 Thank you. 252 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,729 Any time. 253 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,930 If you know all this, how come you can't 254 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,231 work things out with Justin? 255 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,133 It's just super hard when two brilliant, 256 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,036 complex artists get together. 257 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:40,206 We're still talking about you and Justin? 258 00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:42,942 Look, Stella, why don't you forget about boys 259 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:45,811 and focus on what you're gonna do with your life? 260 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,079 Maybe you're right. 261 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:51,217 I mean, I have a degree in theater arts. 262 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,252 It's crazy that I'm not using it. 263 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:56,255 Oh, you're using it some. 264 00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,424 I'm a singer and an actress. 265 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,660 That's like having two lottery tickets. 266 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,827 Yes. 267 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,864 As valuable as two lottery tickets. 268 00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,065 Hey, let's all do something. 269 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,067 We could watch a movie like when we were kids. 270 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,869 Perhaps a Disney princess movie. 271 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,203 Not "Beauty and the Beast." 272 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,673 Belle is so basic. 273 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,041 Don't you put down Belle. 274 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:18,376 She was willing to marry an animal to get a good library. 275 00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,148 I'm exhausted. 276 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,785 I forgot how much energy parenting takes. 277 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:29,055 But they like us. 278 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,023 They really do. 279 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,624 How do we get away from them? 280 00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,230 A naked woman in bed with me, 281 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:42,034 the only reason I ever do anything. 282 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:46,138 Lying, sneaking off to a hotel. 283 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,874 We're like Stella in high school. 284 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,342 No kid talk. 285 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,410 That was the deal. 286 00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,444 Oh, yeah. 287 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,384 Whoever it is, they can wait five minutes. 288 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,920 I mean, 45 minutes. 289 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,323 But it could be the girls. 290 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:05,891 It's Shea. 291 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:09,594 Oh, Carter hasn't texted back. 292 00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:13,299 Now it's Stella. 293 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,501 Justin got tagged in a picture with some girl. 294 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:19,305 Oh, God, my poor babies. 295 00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:22,141 Okay. 296 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,142 No, no, look. 297 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,977 You're gonna do that thing now 298 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,212 where you're thinking about the kids 299 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,280 when we're about to have sex. 300 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,349 I'm gonna be doing some of my best work, 301 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,486 and you're gonna have this worried look in your eyes. 302 00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:34,887 I can't help it. 303 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,790 A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child. 304 00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:40,860 What about her unhappiest husband? 305 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,027 We should probably just go. 306 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,028 Why? 307 00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:44,497 But that's not fair. 308 00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:45,965 I want to do this. 309 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,233 Don't you get it? 310 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:50,302 The fun is over. 311 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,771 I mean, this is supposed to be our time, 312 00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,973 but it is their time again. 313 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,808 Oh, my God, you're right. 314 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,309 This is our life now, isn't it? 315 00:12:59,246 --> 00:13:00,012 And you know whose fault it is? 316 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:00,780 It's ours. We did this. 317 00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,382 We made them our friends. 318 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,050 We were so involved in their lives. 319 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:08,220 We listened, we supported, we validated. 320 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,855 We blew it. 321 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:12,057 Now we have to sneak off to a hotel room 322 00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,359 to get away from them. 323 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,962 If we only spanked them once, we could've saved $200. 324 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,297 We could've saved a boatload more 325 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,466 if we'd done what my father did and just left. 326 00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,234 It's too late for that. 327 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:23,335 Okay, I'm in. 328 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,403 They got to go. 329 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:25,805 And your parents. 330 00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:26,939 All right, here's the deal. 331 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,407 Tomorrow is their anniversary party. 332 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,042 We get everybody together, 333 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,443 we tell them how much we love them, 334 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,045 and then we kick them to the curb. 335 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,280 Deal. 336 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,548 All right. 337 00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:38,951 Now let's get our 200 bucks' worth. 338 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:46,058 Oh, this one is from Mike and Martina. 339 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:49,128 I bet it's that scarf I've been hinting at. 340 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,563 Oh. 341 00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:54,133 Look, Bob, it's some sort of coupon. 342 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,434 It's airline miles. 343 00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,837 Yes, we gifted you our miles 344 00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:01,006 so that when you do decide to move to Florida, 345 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,176 you can upgrade to first class if there's a seat available. 346 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,879 If there's a seat? 347 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,948 So we go to the airport with no idea 348 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,450 where we're going to sit, and then just announce ourselves 349 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,085 like we think we're so great? 350 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,454 I don't think first class is for us. 351 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,256 We'd be uncomfortable. 352 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,525 But there's more room, and you get to board first. 353 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,326 But then we'd have to watch the other passengers go by us. 354 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:24,746 Everybody hates those first class people 355 00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:25,397 when they walk by them. 356 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,633 We'd be the people they hate! 357 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,668 Look, let's just call this a bad gift and move on. 358 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:37,243 Well, gifts aside, I would like to make a toast. 359 00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:39,211 You know, multi-generational events like this 360 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,580 remind one of the natural order of things. 361 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,382 First you're a child. 362 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,618 Then you grow older, and eventually you leave home 363 00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:47,586 and stand proudly upon your own two feet, 364 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:51,257 taking any job you can, even if it's not your dream. 365 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:54,627 And then you grow old, and you move to Florida. 366 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:57,630 Cheers. 367 00:14:57,631 --> 00:15:00,933 But you and Mom always told us to follow our dreams. 368 00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,101 Yes, we did, 369 00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:04,069 and that may have been a mistake. 370 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,638 See, we didn't think everybody in your generation 371 00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:07,006 would have the same dream: 372 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,141 to be an actress or win singing competitions. 373 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,543 Surely you're not equating my dream of becoming an astronaut 374 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,413 with hoping a chair turns around on "The Voice." 375 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:17,182 Dad, what are you trying to tell us? 376 00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,184 Clearly they want us to leave. 377 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,252 Is that true? 378 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:23,022 Well, it might be time. 379 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,557 Wow, I didn't know you guys didn't want us here. 380 00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:27,026 Neither did I. 381 00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,428 Sometimes I have trouble with social cues. 382 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,696 I was perceiving joy, 383 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:33,232 and you were feeling shackled and burdened. 384 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,233 No, no. 385 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,301 We do not feel that way, 386 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,270 and we want to be supportive in any way we can. 387 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,140 Well, that didn't take long. 388 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,541 What is that supposed to mean? 389 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,643 You're going soft already. 390 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,313 You remember the summer that you turned 16? 391 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:48,547 I locked you out of the house 392 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,382 with a bowl of cereal and the want ads, 393 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,118 and I said, "Don't you come home until you've got a job." 394 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,386 Now that's parenting. 395 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,388 I hated you that day. 396 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,523 I thought to myself, 397 00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:00,392 "I can't wait to get away from these people." 398 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:02,127 See? Success! 399 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,729 I would never do that to my daughters. 400 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,130 I like them. 401 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,298 Well, there's your mistake. 402 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,667 You love your children. You don't like them! 403 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,302 I want to be close to the girls. 404 00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,104 When I was growing up, you and Mom had no idea 405 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,372 what was going on in my life. 406 00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:16,308 We weren't that interested in you. 407 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,809 Well, I'm not you, Dad. 408 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,311 I don't push my kids away when they need me. 409 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,213 Girls, you can stay. 410 00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,414 And you might call that weak. 411 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,683 I call it a strong man making a strong decision. 412 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,418 It's okay with you, dear? 413 00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,586 Of course. 414 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,687 We love you. 415 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:31,690 Aww. 416 00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:34,825 That's is good parenting right here. 417 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,262 Oh, that knock. 418 00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:40,399 It's Justin. 419 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,400 Hi, Stella. 420 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,002 You look smokin'. 421 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,536 Hey, everybody. 422 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,538 Justin, why are you here? 423 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,007 I'm taking your dad's advice. 424 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,441 He told me I shouldn't quit on you. 425 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,610 I did not say that. 426 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,679 Well, it was something like that. 427 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,582 You never texted me, so I don't got it exactly. 428 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,684 But he said if you want something, 429 00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,152 you should stick with it. 430 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,154 And I want you. 431 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:05,424 Oh, Justin, I want you, too. 432 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,027 You're a full balloon, 433 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,030 and no one should pop you. 434 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,565 I'll explain metaphor to her later. 435 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,700 Let's go home, baby. 436 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,201 Um, about that. 437 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,603 We kind of got evicted. 438 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,238 Well, you can stay here with me. 439 00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,706 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 440 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,342 You guys are not even married. 441 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,744 I hear you, bro. 442 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,346 Stella, will you marry me? 443 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,548 No, no, no. 444 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,881 Yes. 445 00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:39,357 I should rub it in, but I just feel sorry for you. 446 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,633 How can you drink iced lattes at this time of night? 447 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:48,834 Why does that bother you? 448 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,202 I sleep fine. 449 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,537 It's just suspicious. 450 00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:56,075 Is she really gonna marry that guy? 451 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,476 Ugh. 452 00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:00,679 Let's don't think about that tonight. 453 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:05,551 Honey, we can keep the fun going. 454 00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,686 How about you go get some wine 455 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:11,156 and I'll put on something ridiculous? 456 00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:12,691 Are we talking parading? 457 00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,560 Oh, I'll parade. 458 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,861 I love a parade. 459 00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,401 Alice sent me to make sure 460 00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:26,672 we're not stuck with those miles. 461 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,207 We'll get you another gift. 462 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,341 Well, good. 463 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,610 Nothing crazy this time. 464 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,378 Now, about our staying-- 465 00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:34,379 Dad, go to Florida. 466 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:35,347 Have fun. 467 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:36,748 We really don't need your help here. 468 00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,816 Well, don't tell your stepmom that. 469 00:18:38,817 --> 00:18:40,886 She was miserable about moving. 470 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,454 You know, it's nice to feel needed 471 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:46,358 and not just going someplace warm to rot and die. 472 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,660 Besides, who wants to be around a lot of old people? 473 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,797 Old people are annoying. 474 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,800 Are they? 475 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,302 I know you think I'm too conservative and old-fashioned, 476 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,670 but I did marry a black woman. 477 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,839 That's got to mean something. 478 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,875 Dad, I don't see race. 479 00:19:02,876 --> 00:19:04,576 I see a bossy woman who you married 480 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:06,712 who's always in my house. 481 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,313 Fair enough. 482 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,716 You know, I don't agree with how you raised these girls, 483 00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:14,186 but I see how much they like you. 484 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,654 That must feel kind of good. 485 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,756 It does. 486 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,558 I don't think my pop even knew I existed 487 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:22,294 until I was standing in his direct line of sight. 488 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,229 Well, did he ever talk to you? 489 00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:26,465 Ask you how you were feeling, how you were doing? 490 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,333 Never. 491 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,468 Different times. 492 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,669 Yeah, different times, 493 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,672 but it would have been nice if he had, right? 494 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,743 Yeah, would've been nice. 495 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:41,213 Good night, son. 496 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,547 Good night, Dad. 497 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,385 Mike. 498 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,786 Yeah? 499 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,522 How you doing, son? 500 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:52,858 I'm good. 501 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,194 You? 502 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,495 Good too. 503 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,762 Good. 504 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:08,072 Did you tell him we don't want the miles? 505 00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:11,977 - What? - The miles! 506 00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,278 He told me! 507 00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:21,720 I hope whatever you put on is easy to take off. 508 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:25,857 Hello, ladies. 509 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,326 Good news, honey. 510 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,995 The girls came in to tell me that Carter texted back. 511 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,597 Told you he would. 512 00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,999 Remember, two forms of birth control, 513 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,001 right, Mom and Dad? 514 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:39,504 I feel very uncomfortable in this conversation. 515 00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:40,839 Why? We're all adults here. 516 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,308 Then why are you living at home? 517 00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:46,612 Oh, Dad, you're so funny. 518 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,013 I have a suggestion. 519 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,915 How about I get two more glasses? 520 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,617 Ooh, I have an even better idea. 521 00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,318 Okay, don't freak out, 522 00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,987 but have some pot stashed in the playroom. 523 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:55,988 I'll go get it. 524 00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:57,456 Don't bother. 525 00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,457 Why? 526 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,492 - We got rid of it. - We smoked it.