1
00:00:03,368 --> 00:00:04,717
Okay, Dave, as a doctor,
2
00:00:04,976 --> 00:00:06,964
I've got an unfair
advantage in this game
3
00:00:07,072 --> 00:00:08,405
because I'm a master of medical...
4
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:11,508
[Buzzes] Dang it!
5
00:00:11,643 --> 00:00:12,776
It's okay, Dad.
6
00:00:12,811 --> 00:00:14,511
I like playing Operation with you.
7
00:00:14,546 --> 00:00:16,780
I finally get to know
what victory tastes like.
8
00:00:21,793 --> 00:00:23,486
Here we go funny bone.
9
00:00:23,622 --> 00:00:24,688
Gets me every time.
10
00:00:24,723 --> 00:00:26,322
Maybe 'cause you don't have one.
11
00:00:26,358 --> 00:00:28,491
Everyone has a
funny bone, Dave...
12
00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:29,626
Except Scandinavians.
13
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:32,869
[Both laughing]
14
00:00:32,894 --> 00:00:34,664
You're hilarious, Dad.
15
00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:37,734
I know. [Chuckles]
16
00:00:37,769 --> 00:00:39,202
[Exhales deeply]
17
00:00:39,237 --> 00:00:41,471
Dad, is sex just for making a baby?
18
00:00:41,506 --> 00:00:44,968
[Buzzing]
19
00:00:44,993 --> 00:00:47,043
Oh, sorry, buddy. I couldn't hear you.
20
00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:48,812
You know, I'm focused on the game.
21
00:00:48,847 --> 00:00:50,346
- Is sex...
- [Buzzing]
22
00:00:50,382 --> 00:00:53,316
Is sex just for making a baby?!
23
00:00:55,654 --> 00:00:57,787
Well, son, the thing about that is,
24
00:00:57,823 --> 00:00:59,856
there's birds, bees...
25
00:00:59,891 --> 00:01:03,393
[Imitating snoring]
26
00:01:07,232 --> 00:01:09,933
[Snoring continues]
27
00:01:09,957 --> 00:01:12,228
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
28
00:01:12,817 --> 00:01:14,051
Man, if I hadn't whipped out
29
00:01:14,076 --> 00:01:15,872
the old "pretend to be asleep" trick,
30
00:01:15,907 --> 00:01:18,508
there's no telling where that
conversation would've gone.
31
00:01:18,543 --> 00:01:19,743
It might've gone to you
32
00:01:19,778 --> 00:01:21,537
having the sex talk with your son.
33
00:01:21,562 --> 00:01:22,679
Why didn't you do it?
34
00:01:22,714 --> 00:01:24,547
[Imitating snoring]
35
00:01:25,347 --> 00:01:27,326
It didn't work during couple's therapy,
36
00:01:27,351 --> 00:01:28,551
and it's not working now.
37
00:01:29,952 --> 00:01:31,892
I just don't think Dave's
ready for that stuff.
38
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,525
If he's old enough to ask the questions,
39
00:01:33,550 --> 00:01:35,065
he's old enough to hear the answers.
40
00:01:35,093 --> 00:01:36,392
Plus, you promised you'd do it.
41
00:01:36,428 --> 00:01:38,862
You know I need to work up to things!
42
00:01:38,897 --> 00:01:40,296
Yeah, I know.
43
00:01:40,332 --> 00:01:41,952
You still haven't taken
down the Christmas lights,
44
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,780
and it's almost April.
45
00:01:43,902 --> 00:01:45,978
I don't let a calendar
rule my life, Allison.
46
00:01:46,003 --> 00:01:47,804
I'm not a Mayan.
47
00:01:48,743 --> 00:01:51,274
Besides, I'm not the
only one that's shirking.
48
00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:53,409
You are supposed to
give Molly the sex talk.
49
00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:55,378
And I did... six years ago.
50
00:01:55,413 --> 00:01:56,913
Really? How'd it go?
51
00:01:56,948 --> 00:01:58,748
Awkward but informative.
52
00:01:58,784 --> 00:02:01,151
Do you want me to give Dave the talk?
53
00:02:01,186 --> 00:02:02,585
- Yes.
- No.
54
00:02:04,176 --> 00:02:05,037
Fine.
55
00:02:05,062 --> 00:02:07,657
I'll teach the boy about
the horizontal arts.
56
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:08,892
Puke.
57
00:02:09,574 --> 00:02:11,895
And, in the spirit of
things you said you'd do,
58
00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:13,663
maybe take down the Christmas lights.
59
00:02:13,698 --> 00:02:16,065
Oh, and what about getting
the brakes replaced in my car?
60
00:02:16,101 --> 00:02:17,600
When'd you ask me to do that?
61
00:02:17,636 --> 00:02:18,968
Like, a year ago.
62
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,775
The warning light's been on so long,
63
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,140
the bulb blew out.
64
00:02:23,175 --> 00:02:24,891
Or did the brakes fix themselves,
65
00:02:24,916 --> 00:02:26,760
like I said might happen?
66
00:02:27,196 --> 00:02:28,196
[Cellphone dings]
67
00:02:29,681 --> 00:02:30,613
Oh, snap!
68
00:02:30,649 --> 00:02:32,415
The Rutledges can't use their tickets
69
00:02:32,450 --> 00:02:34,651
to the Doobie Brothers concert tonight!
70
00:02:34,686 --> 00:02:36,152
- [Gasps]
- What do you say?
71
00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:38,388
- You up for takin' it to the streets?
- [Laughs]
72
00:02:38,423 --> 00:02:39,756
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
73
00:02:39,791 --> 00:02:41,491
- Let's listen to the music!
- Unh!
74
00:02:41,526 --> 00:02:43,238
Okay, I don't know what's happening,
75
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,228
but I know it's dorky and forced.
76
00:02:46,538 --> 00:02:47,316
Besides, Taylor's mom
77
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:48,980
is taking us to SAT prep tonight,
78
00:02:49,005 --> 00:02:50,934
so FYI, I can't watch Dave.
79
00:02:50,969 --> 00:02:52,902
Hmm. Think you can find a sitter?
80
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,048
Or you could.
81
00:02:54,197 --> 00:02:56,632
- Fine. I'll get a babysitter...
- Mm.
82
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:58,474
And tell Dave about sex
83
00:02:58,510 --> 00:03:00,476
and get your warning light fixed.
84
00:03:01,379 --> 00:03:03,746
It's not the brake warning
light that's the issue.
85
00:03:03,782 --> 00:03:06,082
Yeah, it'll fix itself
like the brakes did.
86
00:03:06,117 --> 00:03:08,117
[Door opens, closes]
87
00:03:08,499 --> 00:03:09,118
New sweater?
88
00:03:09,154 --> 00:03:10,887
Yeah. What do you think?
89
00:03:10,922 --> 00:03:12,422
[Inhales deeply]
90
00:03:12,554 --> 00:03:14,190
Have a good day, Mom.
91
00:03:16,699 --> 00:03:18,928
Wait. What's wrong with my sweater?
92
00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:20,663
[Sighs] Here's the thing.
93
00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:23,145
You've really been
dressing like a mom lately,
94
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,676
and I mean like a mom-mom,
95
00:03:24,701 --> 00:03:26,587
not like a Jessica Alba mom.
96
00:03:27,529 --> 00:03:28,905
What are you talking about?
97
00:03:28,940 --> 00:03:30,434
It seems like some moms hit a point
98
00:03:30,459 --> 00:03:33,142
where they start prioritizing
comfort over style.
99
00:03:33,178 --> 00:03:37,847
Symptoms include boxy sweaters,
drawstring pants, clogs,
100
00:03:39,098 --> 00:03:40,917
and so, so much linen.
101
00:03:42,631 --> 00:03:44,090
Come on, Mom, I'll take you shopping.
102
00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:45,889
This is a cry for help.
103
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,301
But I heard it.
104
00:03:48,927 --> 00:03:50,784
Hey, I like my look.
105
00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:53,112
I saw this scarf in a
magazine, thank you very much.
106
00:03:53,137 --> 00:03:54,197
Which magazine?
107
00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:56,050
"Giving Up."
108
00:03:57,329 --> 00:03:59,135
It's a yoga magazine
109
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:00,907
about giving yourself
up to the practice!
110
00:04:00,932 --> 00:04:02,205
Don't take it out of con...
111
00:04:09,618 --> 00:04:10,736
No, Mrs. Pancake.
112
00:04:10,761 --> 00:04:12,631
I just wanted to see
if you could babysit.
113
00:04:12,896 --> 00:04:14,884
No, please don't give me
your social security number.
114
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:15,985
[Stutters]
115
00:04:16,021 --> 00:04:17,287
Okay, hanging up now.
116
00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:19,956
What's going on?
117
00:04:19,991 --> 00:04:21,021
Well, good news...
118
00:04:21,046 --> 00:04:23,115
I think I just sold my elderly neighbor
119
00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:24,327
a reverse mortgage.
120
00:04:26,373 --> 00:04:28,164
Bad news... she
was my last hope
121
00:04:28,199 --> 00:04:29,479
at getting a sitter for tonight.
122
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:31,201
Oh, I could watch Dave.
123
00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:32,419
I love kids.
124
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:34,583
- You don't have plans?
- No.
125
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,907
But thanks for pretending
like you thought I might.
126
00:04:38,429 --> 00:04:39,589
- You're welcome.
- [Chuckles]
127
00:04:42,769 --> 00:04:44,734
At lunch, do you guys
think you could help me with
128
00:04:44,759 --> 00:04:46,259
my online dating profile?
129
00:04:46,284 --> 00:04:48,484
I am attracting the wrong matches.
130
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,219
What does your profile say now?
131
00:04:50,759 --> 00:04:52,296
- "Smart, fun gal..."
- Mm-hmm.
132
00:04:52,321 --> 00:04:55,291
"seeks rock-hard guy
who can stay up all night.
133
00:04:56,294 --> 00:04:58,039
Must not mind sharing a bed
134
00:04:58,084 --> 00:05:01,552
with my two best friends,
Marissa and Karen."
135
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,166
What?
136
00:05:03,201 --> 00:05:04,999
I want a solid, stable guy
137
00:05:05,024 --> 00:05:06,606
who likes to stay up late talking
138
00:05:06,631 --> 00:05:08,238
and playing with my cats.
139
00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:10,707
Yeah, that's not coming across.
140
00:05:11,405 --> 00:05:12,538
Ooh, maybe I should come up with
141
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:13,843
a different word for "cats."
142
00:05:13,879 --> 00:05:14,879
- No!
- No!
143
00:05:17,641 --> 00:05:19,909
Listen, girl, I would love to stay
and help, but I'm having lunch
144
00:05:19,934 --> 00:05:21,409
- with my dreamboat B.F.
- Oh.
145
00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:22,886
- Story checks out.
- [Gasps]
146
00:05:24,289 --> 00:05:25,688
Mwah!
147
00:05:26,745 --> 00:05:28,124
You guys are too cute.
148
00:05:28,308 --> 00:05:29,807
I mean that literally. Dial it down.
149
00:05:30,945 --> 00:05:32,162
This is a place of business,
150
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,976
and, yeah, I know Damona
and I boned a bunch of times,
151
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,132
but that was different.
152
00:05:36,525 --> 00:05:38,101
I'm the boss.
153
00:05:38,355 --> 00:05:39,836
So, where are you two going for lunch?
154
00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:40,757
- [Sighs]
- Mm, I don't know.
155
00:05:40,782 --> 00:05:42,238
- What do you feel like, hon?
- Oh, I don't care. You pick something.
156
00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:43,298
Well, I want whatever you want,
157
00:05:43,323 --> 00:05:44,607
- so we're back to you.
- Well, you pick.
158
00:05:44,643 --> 00:05:45,842
- You. No, you pick.
- No, I can't pick.
159
00:05:45,877 --> 00:05:47,210
- You do it.
- You do it.
160
00:05:47,245 --> 00:05:48,278
Oh, oh, all right.
161
00:05:48,313 --> 00:05:49,679
- Tie.
- No tie here.
162
00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:51,147
- You win! Let's go.
- [Chuckles]
163
00:05:51,183 --> 00:05:53,449
- All right, bye, guys. Nice to see you.
- Yeah, and listen,
164
00:05:53,485 --> 00:05:55,251
I'm sorry you guys had
to witness our fight.
165
00:06:00,792 --> 00:06:02,559
[Doorbell rings]
166
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,851
Oh, hey! You must be Taylor's mom.
167
00:06:06,876 --> 00:06:08,672
Come on in. I'm Allison.
168
00:06:08,766 --> 00:06:10,800
I'm Grace. Nice to meet you.
169
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,301
Molly will be down in a second.
170
00:06:12,337 --> 00:06:13,836
Thanks for taking the girls to class.
171
00:06:13,905 --> 00:06:15,038
Please, don't thank me.
172
00:06:15,073 --> 00:06:16,120
With the other five at home,
173
00:06:16,145 --> 00:06:18,574
any excuse to get out of the house.
174
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:22,078
I'm sorry. I'm a bit of a mess today.
175
00:06:22,113 --> 00:06:25,815
I haven't had a shower
since the weekend.
176
00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:26,949
Got any wine?
177
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,598
Oh, I...
178
00:06:28,623 --> 00:06:32,955
Oh, look! We're sweater twins!
179
00:06:33,378 --> 00:06:35,258
Hey, how about that?
180
00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:36,826
Sweater twins!
181
00:06:39,197 --> 00:06:40,897
Oh, and great clogs.
182
00:06:40,932 --> 00:06:42,487
I live in clogs.
183
00:06:42,512 --> 00:06:45,168
I love not having laces to deal with.
184
00:06:45,365 --> 00:06:47,804
Bending over's the worst!
185
00:06:48,316 --> 00:06:50,217
Yeah, bending over is pretty terrible.
186
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:51,674
All right, you guys, have fun.
187
00:06:53,511 --> 00:06:54,677
[Singsong voice] Okay!
188
00:06:54,712 --> 00:06:57,380
[Normal voice] See you later... Mom.
189
00:07:00,918 --> 00:07:02,752
And make sure he's in bed by 10:00.
190
00:07:03,136 --> 00:07:05,160
Do I have to go to bed by 10:00?
191
00:07:05,185 --> 00:07:07,920
It might be tough to squeeze
in all our activities.
192
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:12,361
I brought math flashcards
and a terrarium-making kit.
193
00:07:12,386 --> 00:07:14,597
Do I have to stay up till 10:00?
194
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:16,926
Aww, you!
195
00:07:16,951 --> 00:07:18,568
We're gonna have a ball!
196
00:07:18,603 --> 00:07:19,635
I'm so sorry.
197
00:07:19,660 --> 00:07:21,571
Okay! We should head out.
198
00:07:21,606 --> 00:07:22,783
Have fun, you two.
199
00:07:22,808 --> 00:07:25,808
[Laughs] Oh, my God, hilarious!
200
00:07:26,062 --> 00:07:27,787
You almost wore that old throw blanket
201
00:07:27,812 --> 00:07:28,744
out of the house!
202
00:07:28,780 --> 00:07:30,947
[Laughs] It's a shawl-sweater.
203
00:07:30,982 --> 00:07:32,381
Ooh, it's stunning!
204
00:07:35,987 --> 00:07:37,453
- [Door closes]
- Okay.
205
00:07:37,489 --> 00:07:39,255
What should we do first?
206
00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:51,141
- Hey, what's wrong with you?
- Oh, hi.
207
00:07:51,176 --> 00:07:53,417
I-I just got this text from Connor,
208
00:07:53,442 --> 00:07:56,104
saying that he's coming by
because "we need to talk."
209
00:07:56,129 --> 00:07:59,116
- So?
- So, obviously, he's breaking up with me!
210
00:07:59,451 --> 00:08:01,351
Or maybe he misses your beautiful face.
211
00:08:01,386 --> 00:08:02,736
No, I don't think that's
it because I texted him,
212
00:08:02,761 --> 00:08:03,982
"Is it because you
miss my beautiful face?"
213
00:08:04,007 --> 00:08:06,427
And then he texted me back, "No!"
214
00:08:07,497 --> 00:08:09,693
Well, either way, I'm
sure it's nothing, Clark.
215
00:08:09,728 --> 00:08:10,960
Yeah, listen to Damona.
216
00:08:10,996 --> 00:08:13,273
She's a very wise woman,
and she's never wrong.
217
00:08:13,304 --> 00:08:15,218
- Thank you, Pat.
- [Chuckles]
218
00:08:15,243 --> 00:08:17,200
You're doomed.
219
00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:20,935
Whoa, what's wrong with you?!
220
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,480
I was babysitting for Dr. Ken,
and I really screwed up.
221
00:08:24,519 --> 00:08:25,261
Let me guess.
222
00:08:25,286 --> 00:08:26,689
There was an unmarked pill bottle,
223
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:27,339
and you accidentally took
224
00:08:27,364 --> 00:08:29,134
a bunch of Dr. Ken's growth hormones?
225
00:08:30,831 --> 00:08:31,964
Well, don't worry about it.
226
00:08:31,995 --> 00:08:33,518
They're obviously ineffective.
227
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:37,996
No, I gave Dave the sex talk.
228
00:08:38,021 --> 00:08:39,332
What?! Why?!
229
00:08:39,357 --> 00:08:39,819
[Sighs]
230
00:08:39,844 --> 00:08:41,582
He started asking me
all these questions,
231
00:08:41,607 --> 00:08:43,150
one after another.
232
00:08:43,175 --> 00:08:44,413
I thought it was only a few minutes,
233
00:08:44,438 --> 00:08:45,610
but then I looked at my phone,
234
00:08:45,635 --> 00:08:47,034
and it had been two hours.
235
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:49,684
Two hours?
236
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:53,206
The sex talk my dad
gave me lasted 25 cents.
237
00:08:53,231 --> 00:08:54,146
As soon as that was used up,
238
00:08:54,171 --> 00:08:55,904
the curtain came down,
and that was that.
239
00:08:57,182 --> 00:08:58,440
Girl, what were you thinking?
240
00:08:58,465 --> 00:08:59,973
Ugh, I don't know!
241
00:09:00,090 --> 00:09:01,178
Once I start talking,
242
00:09:01,363 --> 00:09:03,747
I mean, I'm just a very oral person.
243
00:09:05,484 --> 00:09:07,643
That is not a bad thing.
244
00:09:07,705 --> 00:09:09,304
You wouldn't believe how many people
245
00:09:09,329 --> 00:09:11,150
responded to that on my dating profile.
246
00:09:16,368 --> 00:09:18,161
Take me shopping.
247
00:09:18,197 --> 00:09:19,463
Oh, I would, Mom,
248
00:09:19,498 --> 00:09:20,964
but Linen On The Edge
249
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,333
went out of business six years ago.
250
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,107
I'm serious.
251
00:09:25,286 --> 00:09:27,299
Taylor's mom was a
real wake-up call...
252
00:09:27,596 --> 00:09:29,048
Not to mention the 300 other moms
253
00:09:29,073 --> 00:09:30,861
I saw at the Doobie Brothers show.
254
00:09:31,043 --> 00:09:32,109
Also...
255
00:09:32,261 --> 00:09:35,278
one of the Doobie Brothers
was wearing my scarf.
256
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:38,225
Are you ready for people to be
able to tell what gender you are
257
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,750
from more than 20 feet away?
258
00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:42,152
I am.
259
00:09:42,187 --> 00:09:44,021
Congratulations. The
hardest part is over.
260
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,330
Just be warned,
261
00:09:45,355 --> 00:09:47,335
whatever you wear to the
store ain't coming home,
262
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,794
so you can kiss that sexy little
burnt pumpkin number goodbye.
263
00:09:53,832 --> 00:09:55,265
Hey, Mom, just wanted you to know,
264
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,267
I'm all up to speed on sex stuff now.
265
00:09:57,302 --> 00:09:58,969
Way to not be weird about it.
266
00:10:01,807 --> 00:10:03,420
Hey! You finally did it!
267
00:10:03,445 --> 00:10:04,541
Yep.
268
00:10:04,576 --> 00:10:05,576
What'd I do?
269
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,344
Dave said he knows all about sex.
270
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:09,813
Oh. Right.
271
00:10:09,848 --> 00:10:11,348
Yep. I did it.
272
00:10:11,383 --> 00:10:12,095
At first...
273
00:10:12,119 --> 00:10:13,356
[As Dana Carvey]not gonna do it,
274
00:10:13,357 --> 00:10:15,419
[As George Bush ]but I did.
275
00:10:15,454 --> 00:10:18,055
- [Chuckles]
- Wow. I'm so proud.
276
00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:19,222
Way to dad up!
277
00:10:20,592 --> 00:10:21,592
[Door closes]
278
00:10:26,131 --> 00:10:27,664
[Normal voice] Dave, how
did you learn about sex?
279
00:10:27,699 --> 00:10:28,625
From Julie.
280
00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:30,273
She lectured me for about an hour,
281
00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:31,908
followed by a spirited Q&A.
282
00:10:37,276 --> 00:10:39,242
I mean, why does he want
to break up with me?!
283
00:10:39,266 --> 00:10:40,007
Look...
284
00:10:40,008 --> 00:10:41,812
- you've only got one option here...
- [Sighs]
285
00:10:41,847 --> 00:10:42,946
a PEB.
286
00:10:42,981 --> 00:10:45,382
- A what?
- A preemptive breakup.
287
00:10:45,652 --> 00:10:46,590
Yeah.
288
00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,118
When you think someone's gonna dump you,
289
00:10:48,153 --> 00:10:49,352
- you beat them to the punch.
- Hmm.
290
00:10:49,388 --> 00:10:50,726
Take control of the narrative,
291
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,156
as in, "Hey, did you hear
Clark dumped that fella?
292
00:10:53,327 --> 00:10:55,092
He is not to be trifled with."
293
00:10:55,634 --> 00:11:00,163
That is the dumbest
thing I have ever heard!
294
00:11:00,199 --> 00:11:01,372
"Preemptive breakup"?
295
00:11:01,397 --> 00:11:02,999
What if Connor doesn't
want to break up with you?
296
00:11:03,035 --> 00:11:05,669
No. He does. I know it.
297
00:11:05,704 --> 00:11:07,270
I've been on the
business end of too many
298
00:11:07,306 --> 00:11:09,206
"we need to talk" talks.
299
00:11:10,479 --> 00:11:12,576
The PEB is the way to go.
300
00:11:12,925 --> 00:11:14,177
Thank you, Pat.
301
00:11:15,599 --> 00:11:16,847
You're welcome.
302
00:11:16,882 --> 00:11:20,650
So... this is what it
feels like to help people.
303
00:11:20,878 --> 00:11:22,219
I don't care for it.
304
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:27,609
Julie, we need to talk.
305
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:29,960
Will everyone please stop saying that?!
306
00:11:34,086 --> 00:11:36,533
Dr. Ken, I am so sorry.
307
00:11:36,568 --> 00:11:38,368
I've already packed my things.
308
00:11:38,719 --> 00:11:40,036
Somebody...
309
00:11:40,072 --> 00:11:41,538
take good care of Plant!
310
00:11:43,242 --> 00:11:44,641
Oh, no, I'm not mad.
311
00:11:44,742 --> 00:11:45,953
You did me a solid.
312
00:11:45,978 --> 00:11:48,111
I've been dreading having
that conversation with Dave.
313
00:11:48,147 --> 00:11:49,147
Really?
314
00:11:49,294 --> 00:11:50,197
Oh, but what about Allison?
315
00:11:50,222 --> 00:11:51,148
Is she mad at me?
316
00:11:51,207 --> 00:11:52,215
Oh, she doesn't know.
317
00:11:52,251 --> 00:11:54,117
She assumed I gave Dave the sex talk,
318
00:11:54,153 --> 00:11:55,385
and I did not correct her.
319
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:58,488
She hates being corrected,
and I hate being caught.
320
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,850
Oh, God, I'm so relieved!
321
00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:02,726
I mean, she would've been hella pissed,
322
00:12:02,761 --> 00:12:03,994
but don't worry.
323
00:12:04,019 --> 00:12:06,897
I would never put you in
the path of that Mama Bear.
324
00:12:07,425 --> 00:12:09,132
[Cellphone buzzing]
325
00:12:09,168 --> 00:12:10,967
Oh. Hey, Allison.
326
00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:12,869
I just got a call from
Principal Michaels.
327
00:12:13,095 --> 00:12:14,564
Apparently, there's an issue with Dave
328
00:12:14,589 --> 00:12:16,506
talking to his classmates about sex.
329
00:12:16,542 --> 00:12:17,976
Well, that was bound to happen.
330
00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:19,147
I was the same way.
331
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,944
When I learned about sex,
I wouldn't shut up about it.
332
00:12:20,979 --> 00:12:21,786
[Chuckles]
333
00:12:21,811 --> 00:12:23,580
Ask any of my med-school friends.
334
00:12:26,020 --> 00:12:28,852
Okay, that's sad, but
it's not the issue.
335
00:12:28,887 --> 00:12:32,255
The problem is, apparently,
he's wrong about things...
336
00:12:32,453 --> 00:12:34,257
Like, really wrong.
337
00:12:34,293 --> 00:12:35,559
What did you tell him?
338
00:12:36,437 --> 00:12:37,994
I didn't tell Dave
anything! It was Julie!
339
00:12:38,030 --> 00:12:39,429
[Stutters]
340
00:12:47,186 --> 00:12:49,308
You didn't have to
come all the way here.
341
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:50,222
Oh, no, I wanted to.
342
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:52,244
I'm just so sorry.
343
00:12:52,269 --> 00:12:54,836
I-I didn't plan to
talk to Dave about sex.
344
00:12:54,892 --> 00:12:58,193
I even tried to distract him
with a baking soda volcano,
345
00:12:58,331 --> 00:13:02,333
but the eruption led to more questions.
346
00:13:02,811 --> 00:13:04,603
I know how persistent Dave can be
347
00:13:04,628 --> 00:13:05,798
when he's curious.
348
00:13:05,823 --> 00:13:08,524
We once drove 200 miles
to the Museum of Scones.
349
00:13:08,581 --> 00:13:09,547
Yeah.
350
00:13:09,572 --> 00:13:10,938
It's a huge racket.
351
00:13:10,963 --> 00:13:12,039
They don't sell jam.
352
00:13:12,064 --> 00:13:14,030
You can't bring your own.
353
00:13:14,281 --> 00:13:15,847
What I don't understand is
354
00:13:15,872 --> 00:13:18,231
how Dave got the
information so mixed up.
355
00:13:18,481 --> 00:13:19,519
Yeah, he thought foreplay
356
00:13:19,544 --> 00:13:21,062
was sex with three other people.
357
00:13:21,087 --> 00:13:22,453
[Laughs]
358
00:13:22,489 --> 00:13:23,521
Wait, do you think that?
359
00:13:24,491 --> 00:13:27,292
Not... anymore.
360
00:13:28,428 --> 00:13:30,662
There were just so many
questions coming at me,
361
00:13:30,697 --> 00:13:32,676
and I-I got nervous and panicked,
362
00:13:32,701 --> 00:13:35,366
and I started mixing things
up and forgetting things.
363
00:13:35,402 --> 00:13:36,634
It's okay.
364
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:38,990
You're not the only person
that's forgotten about foreplay.
365
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,264
Oh, I'm sorry.
366
00:13:41,289 --> 00:13:43,492
I thought you liked
having more time to read.
367
00:13:43,517 --> 00:13:45,707
Okay, thank you for coming over.
368
00:13:45,732 --> 00:13:46,944
We appreciate it.
369
00:13:52,252 --> 00:13:54,482
I'm just gonna make a hard and fast rule
370
00:13:54,507 --> 00:13:57,444
not to talk to children
about sex from now on.
371
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:58,723
Good rule.
372
00:13:59,659 --> 00:14:00,994
[Chuckles]
373
00:14:01,761 --> 00:14:03,495
- [Door closes]
- Man, can you believe her?
374
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,855
What a mess she made!
375
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,680
Oh, really? So this is Julie's fault?
376
00:14:06,866 --> 00:14:07,765
Well, it's not mine.
377
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:08,617
If you recall,
378
00:14:08,642 --> 00:14:10,682
I'm the one who said Molly
should give him the talk.
379
00:14:11,871 --> 00:14:13,771
If you had done your job as a parent,
380
00:14:13,807 --> 00:14:15,773
he never would've needed to ask Julie.
381
00:14:16,239 --> 00:14:17,342
Wow, I didn't think about it...
382
00:14:17,377 --> 00:14:19,847
[Laughing]
383
00:14:19,872 --> 00:14:22,273
Why are you dressed like the
Hamburglar's naughty daughter?!
384
00:14:22,482 --> 00:14:24,549
[Laughs]
385
00:14:24,584 --> 00:14:25,817
Oh, come on! I'm sorry!
386
00:14:25,852 --> 00:14:27,628
Oh, come on! No, no, I didn't mean that!
387
00:14:27,653 --> 00:14:29,386
I shouldn't have shirked
my responsibility!
388
00:14:29,556 --> 00:14:30,556
[Laughs]
389
00:14:35,553 --> 00:14:36,553
Hey.
390
00:14:37,564 --> 00:14:38,564
Hey.
391
00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:42,100
Did you, uh, get my text?
392
00:14:42,135 --> 00:14:43,267
[Pen taps]
393
00:14:43,303 --> 00:14:44,303
I did.
394
00:14:45,693 --> 00:14:47,372
Uh, so, should we go
somewhere and, uh...
395
00:14:47,407 --> 00:14:48,840
I'm breaking up with you!
396
00:14:49,164 --> 00:14:50,408
Attaboy!
397
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:52,934
I'm sorry. What?
398
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,864
And you know what? It
is your loss!
399
00:14:54,889 --> 00:14:56,334
I don't even like Thai food,
400
00:14:56,359 --> 00:14:58,592
but I eat it with you
all the time!
401
00:14:59,169 --> 00:15:02,125
I even go so far as to
make adorable puns about it!
402
00:15:02,157 --> 00:15:03,655
But you know what, if
that is not enough for you,
403
00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:06,991
well, then you can Thai me a river!
404
00:15:10,521 --> 00:15:12,430
Oh, God, were you not coming
here to break up with me?
405
00:15:12,465 --> 00:15:13,798
[Sighs] You know
what? Forget what I said.
406
00:15:13,833 --> 00:15:15,433
Want to grab dinner?
Hey, how about Thai? Mmm!
407
00:15:15,468 --> 00:15:17,568
Clark, Clark, Clark, Clark!
408
00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:18,781
[Sighs]
409
00:15:18,806 --> 00:15:20,673
I actually did come here
to break up with you.
410
00:15:20,698 --> 00:15:21,730
Aha!
411
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,988
The plot maintains its exact thickness!
412
00:15:26,214 --> 00:15:27,378
See, I knew you were going to,
413
00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:29,570
so that's why I broke
up with you, but...
414
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:31,298
God, I don't want to.
I don't want to either.
415
00:15:31,323 --> 00:15:33,257
Then why?! I don't know!
416
00:15:33,697 --> 00:15:34,886
When we first started dating,
417
00:15:34,921 --> 00:15:36,539
you were this hot-blooded nurse
418
00:15:36,564 --> 00:15:38,530
who knew exactly what he wanted.
419
00:15:38,792 --> 00:15:40,625
And now you've become a kind of pushover
420
00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:42,560
who just wants to do
whatever I want to do.
421
00:15:42,596 --> 00:15:43,861
Yeah, but that's just...
422
00:15:43,897 --> 00:15:45,630
It's because I like you so much
423
00:15:45,665 --> 00:15:47,765
that I'm scared I'm gonna screw this up.
424
00:15:48,065 --> 00:15:49,579
You won't if you're yourself.
425
00:15:49,604 --> 00:15:51,436
I'm not gonna dump you
because you hate Thai food.
426
00:15:51,471 --> 00:15:52,678
I'm not a monster.
427
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:54,739
In my defense, a guy
did once break up with me
428
00:15:54,774 --> 00:15:57,842
because instead of
"cashew," I say, "ca-shew!"
429
00:15:59,431 --> 00:16:02,347
I'm just as scared of
screwing this up as you are.
430
00:16:02,548 --> 00:16:04,816
We have to just be ourselves
and hope that that's enough.
431
00:16:04,851 --> 00:16:06,384
God, you're more than enough.
432
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:07,960
So are you.
433
00:16:10,768 --> 00:16:12,090
Aww!
434
00:16:13,174 --> 00:16:14,541
Come on, let's get out of here.
435
00:16:14,627 --> 00:16:16,527
I have a few more
opinions to fill you in on,
436
00:16:16,563 --> 00:16:17,662
starting with this jacket.
437
00:16:17,697 --> 00:16:19,964
- [Chuckles] Yikes.
- Have a good night.
438
00:16:20,088 --> 00:16:21,499
- Don't pander to them.
- Okay.
439
00:16:22,810 --> 00:16:25,837
Ah... good old PEB.
440
00:16:25,872 --> 00:16:27,839
- Works every time.
- No, it doesn't.
441
00:16:27,874 --> 00:16:29,974
Yeah? Well, it worked on you.
442
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:31,709
Yeah.
443
00:16:31,797 --> 00:16:33,378
I got wind of the fact
you were gonna dump me,
444
00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:34,846
and I beat you to the punch.
445
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:36,247
Oh.
446
00:16:36,283 --> 00:16:38,483
You thought I was
gonna break up with you?
447
00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:40,451
Hmm. Interesting.
448
00:16:40,487 --> 00:16:43,388
Well... you were, weren't you?
449
00:16:43,572 --> 00:16:44,622
Maybe.
450
00:16:45,069 --> 00:16:46,457
Well, you know, it doesn't matter.
451
00:16:46,493 --> 00:16:48,026
Point is, you never got closure,
452
00:16:48,061 --> 00:16:49,193
so you're still intrigued.
453
00:16:49,229 --> 00:16:50,461
[Scoffs]
454
00:16:50,497 --> 00:16:52,297
Ha! I am not!
455
00:16:52,332 --> 00:16:53,498
No? [Chuckles]
456
00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:54,873
Well, you want to go get dinner,
457
00:16:54,898 --> 00:16:56,631
followed by an erotic re-awakening?
458
00:16:58,171 --> 00:16:59,937
- [Sighs] Damn it, I do.
- [Chuckles]
459
00:17:02,148 --> 00:17:03,380
[Chuckles]
460
00:17:06,479 --> 00:17:09,113
I can't resist your sneaky ass.
461
00:17:16,153 --> 00:17:17,153
[Door opens]
462
00:17:17,489 --> 00:17:19,724
Hey, Al, I took the
Christmas lights down.
463
00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:21,938
I also got your brakes fixed.
464
00:17:22,078 --> 00:17:24,696
Admittedly, I may have waited
a little long on that one.
465
00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:26,698
I couldn't stop when I
pulled into Arturo's...
466
00:17:26,733 --> 00:17:28,299
Came in kind of hot.
467
00:17:28,335 --> 00:17:30,702
Unrelated, you also got a new bumper.
468
00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:32,486
Well, that almost makes up for
469
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,305
delegating our son's sexual education
470
00:17:34,341 --> 00:17:35,873
to someone who thought heavy petting
471
00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:38,443
was what you do to an
overweight house cat.
472
00:17:38,847 --> 00:17:40,603
Well, just so you know,
473
00:17:40,628 --> 00:17:42,814
there's a reason I
never gave Dave the talk.
474
00:17:42,849 --> 00:17:43,523
Yeah.
475
00:17:43,548 --> 00:17:45,450
You're terrified of
awkward conversations,
476
00:17:45,475 --> 00:17:46,610
which is strange
477
00:17:46,635 --> 00:17:49,102
because you create
them on a daily basis.
478
00:17:49,537 --> 00:17:51,989
Look, the thing is, Dave's
still my little buddy.
479
00:17:52,025 --> 00:17:53,558
He's just an innocent kid,
480
00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:55,927
getting his butt kicked
by his dad in Operation.
481
00:17:56,191 --> 00:17:57,028
I know you lost.
482
00:17:57,063 --> 00:17:57,995
Technically, we never finished,
483
00:17:58,031 --> 00:17:59,511
but that's not what's important here.
484
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,367
Look, once he knows
all about adult stuff,
485
00:18:02,402 --> 00:18:05,103
he'll eventually stop
being my little boy,
486
00:18:05,272 --> 00:18:07,072
and I'm just not ready
for him to grow up yet.
487
00:18:07,667 --> 00:18:10,007
Okay. I get that.
488
00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:13,678
But part of being a parent is
putting aside your own issues
489
00:18:13,713 --> 00:18:16,080
and being there for your
kids when they need you.
490
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:17,380
You're right, Al.
491
00:18:17,599 --> 00:18:19,751
All right, I'll give him the talk.
492
00:18:19,927 --> 00:18:21,719
You know, being a parent sucks.
493
00:18:21,755 --> 00:18:23,888
[Chuckles] It sucks... so bad.
494
00:18:23,923 --> 00:18:25,089
[Laughs]
495
00:18:25,125 --> 00:18:26,257
[Knock on door]
496
00:18:28,396 --> 00:18:29,961
Mom?! What happened?!
497
00:18:30,248 --> 00:18:32,397
You're back in beige!
498
00:18:33,108 --> 00:18:35,468
Well, in the 20 minutes it took me
499
00:18:35,493 --> 00:18:36,501
to get into that skirt,
500
00:18:36,536 --> 00:18:38,002
I had some time to think.
501
00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:41,572
And I realized, while I needed a change,
502
00:18:41,731 --> 00:18:44,375
this stuff just isn't me.
503
00:18:44,411 --> 00:18:46,664
I don't want my feet
to bleed on a Monday.
504
00:18:48,719 --> 00:18:50,848
I guess that's where we're different.
505
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:52,733
So...
506
00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:54,625
what are you gonna do with
all the things we bought?
507
00:18:54,654 --> 00:18:55,620
I'll just return them.
508
00:18:55,655 --> 00:18:56,888
Good call.
509
00:18:56,923 --> 00:18:58,785
- [Gasps] Wait a minute!
- Hmm?
510
00:18:58,810 --> 00:18:59,810
You know what, Mom?
511
00:19:00,442 --> 00:19:02,057
What if you just gave
all that stuff to me?
512
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,259
You'd do that for me?!
513
00:19:04,415 --> 00:19:06,097
We're family.
514
00:19:06,132 --> 00:19:07,465
Well, here you go.
515
00:19:08,232 --> 00:19:10,766
I'm just so glad that all worked out!
516
00:19:11,137 --> 00:19:13,171
Mm, you're welcome.
517
00:19:17,366 --> 00:19:19,177
Dude, I think you just got played.
518
00:19:19,212 --> 00:19:20,745
[Sarcastically] Uh, really?
519
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,146
You knew?
520
00:19:22,182 --> 00:19:23,181
Then why did you even give...
521
00:19:23,216 --> 00:19:25,483
Because she won't always be interested
522
00:19:25,518 --> 00:19:28,085
in manipulating her
mother for free clothes.
523
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:30,335
Huh.
524
00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:32,890
I guess Dave's not the only
one growing up too fast.
525
00:19:33,221 --> 00:19:36,260
We need to enjoy these
moments while we can.
526
00:19:37,421 --> 00:19:39,030
You're right.
527
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,647
Speaking of enjoying moments...
528
00:19:41,672 --> 00:19:43,868
maybe you and I should
have the sex talk first,
529
00:19:43,903 --> 00:19:46,325
you know, just to work out any kinks.
530
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:48,273
Or to work...
531
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:51,242
- in some kinks...
- [Laughs]
532
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:52,910
if you know what I sayin'.
533
00:19:52,946 --> 00:19:54,479
I know what you sayin'.
534
00:19:54,514 --> 00:19:56,848
[Both laugh]
535
00:19:56,979 --> 00:19:58,249
Actually, can we skip the foreplay?
536
00:19:58,273 --> 00:19:58,939
I just hurt my back
537
00:19:58,940 --> 00:20:00,380
- just doing this whole thing.
- Yep.
538
00:20:05,019 --> 00:20:08,654
And because these activities
take place beforehand,
539
00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:10,456
it's called "foreplay."
540
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,126
- Get it?
- Got it.
541
00:20:12,151 --> 00:20:13,951
Thanks for telling me
all this stuff, Dad.
542
00:20:14,369 --> 00:20:15,334
You're welcome, buddy.
543
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,426
Yeah, thank you, Dr. Park.
544
00:20:17,893 --> 00:20:20,694
This has been super informative.
545
00:20:20,758 --> 00:20:22,610
Like, a real eye-opener.
546
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:26,895
Hey, is it okay if I call you
if I have any more questions?
547
00:20:26,995 --> 00:20:29,517
Any time. I think I have
a good handle on it.
548
00:20:31,986 --> 00:20:34,635
Well, I've got to get home to the cats.
549
00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:37,085
I've got a night of heavy
petting ahead of me.
550
00:20:40,522 --> 00:20:42,522
[Both sigh]