1 00:00:01,047 --> 00:00:03,839 Okay, you were going to a work conference 2 00:00:03,864 --> 00:00:05,563 and you were tacking on a family vacation. 3 00:00:05,565 --> 00:00:07,065 - Yeah. - But then you got fired, 4 00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:08,566 so your company canceled your plane tickets, 5 00:00:08,568 --> 00:00:10,635 and you and your wife decided to drive 6 00:00:10,637 --> 00:00:12,070 down to Fort Lauderdale. 7 00:00:12,072 --> 00:00:13,318 We didn't actually decide that together 8 00:00:13,319 --> 00:00:15,461 because I didn't tell my wife I got fired. 9 00:00:15,486 --> 00:00:16,985 Huh. That seems odd. Why not? 10 00:00:16,987 --> 00:00:19,896 She is the kind of person who craves stability. 11 00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:20,817 It's... it's important to her. 12 00:00:20,818 --> 00:00:22,893 Oh, sure. Is that why she let your 11-year-old son 13 00:00:22,894 --> 00:00:24,327 drive your minivan into a ditch 14 00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:26,011 and left you stranded here in rural Pennsylvania? 15 00:00:26,012 --> 00:00:27,810 - That was my idea. - Yeah? How 'bout this? 16 00:00:27,812 --> 00:00:30,682 How'd you get fired? I messed up pretty bad, 17 00:00:30,713 --> 00:00:32,863 which is another reason I didn't tell my wife. 18 00:00:32,864 --> 00:00:35,031 Great. Tell me. 19 00:00:39,237 --> 00:00:40,736 Mmm. 20 00:00:40,738 --> 00:00:43,239 So I got these for the Fort Liquor-Dale trip. 21 00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:45,074 They're the good ones. Korean. 22 00:00:45,076 --> 00:00:47,243 Yeah, I hear they have really good batteries. 23 00:00:47,245 --> 00:00:49,600 Oh, konnichiwa! Ay! 24 00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:51,914 Me vapor you rong time. 25 00:00:51,916 --> 00:00:54,083 Hey. 26 00:00:54,085 --> 00:00:56,586 Supposed to laugh. Otherwise, it sounds racist. 27 00:00:56,588 --> 00:01:00,099 Gene. Mean Gene. 28 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,838 - Mm. - I know what you did. 29 00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:03,239 - Oh, you do, do ya? - Mm-hmm. 30 00:01:03,241 --> 00:01:05,921 Well, keep it quiet 'cause she's married. 31 00:01:05,922 --> 00:01:07,520 Christ, I thought I fired you already. 32 00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:09,826 Yeah, he fired me because I dared to care 33 00:01:09,851 --> 00:01:12,149 - about this company. - No, I fired him because he's 34 00:01:12,151 --> 00:01:14,188 a reactionary knee-jerk hot head. 35 00:01:14,189 --> 00:01:16,107 - Crudité? - Shut up, Paul. 36 00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:17,324 Oh, shit. Nate! 37 00:01:17,657 --> 00:01:19,123 You were a project manager, 38 00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:21,203 but this product is way above your pay grade. 39 00:01:21,204 --> 00:01:23,824 Yeah, I have done the research, and that product is dangerous. 40 00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:26,010 Why are you so concerned about a bunch of door knobs? 41 00:01:26,011 --> 00:01:27,900 Oh, that's what we call our customers now? 42 00:01:27,901 --> 00:01:29,364 Yeah, 'cause that's what they are. 43 00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:31,078 No! They are human beings! 44 00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:32,492 They are children. All right? 45 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,158 They are fathers. They are mothers. 46 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,593 I lost my son. 47 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,161 Oh, Christ. I'm sorry. 48 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,964 - Is that why you're always crying? - Is it... 49 00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:42,268 - You are such a dipshit. - No, it was one of those things 50 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,535 where it got too late to ask, you know? 51 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,270 Yeah. I think I signed the card. 52 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,205 - It was Kevin, right? - Bruce. 53 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,774 Bruce. I'm sorry. 54 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,529 Please, Gene... 55 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:50,797 If you take this product public, 56 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,737 it will destroy the company, okay? 57 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,237 And I know you guys don't care, 58 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,593 sitting up here with your golden parachutes. 59 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,585 But for the rest of us, the regular people out there, 60 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,163 we need this, Gene, okay? 61 00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:02,795 This is all we have. 62 00:02:02,797 --> 00:02:04,797 - Are you gonna cry? - What? 63 00:02:04,799 --> 00:02:06,866 Are you gonna pull a Shelly? 64 00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:09,702 Crying can be very healthy. 65 00:02:09,704 --> 00:02:11,137 Mm-hmm. 66 00:02:11,139 --> 00:02:14,073 - You are so totally gonna cry. - I don't cry. 67 00:02:15,810 --> 00:02:17,643 Mama? 68 00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:20,818 Your mother can't be with you anymore, Scambi. 69 00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:23,863 Are you cryin'? If you're gonna feel sad about something, 70 00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:25,239 feel sad for that hunter. 71 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,108 It's winter! He's still gotta field dress the carcass. 72 00:02:28,109 --> 00:02:30,573 Hands are freezing, making that breastplate 73 00:02:30,574 --> 00:02:33,208 to anus incision all jagged. 74 00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:34,886 He's gonna ruin perfectly good meat. 75 00:02:34,887 --> 00:02:36,620 So quit cryin'. 76 00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:39,356 Mama! 77 00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,092 Now I gotta call my family 78 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:45,096 and tell them they can't go to the beach. 79 00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,268 You're fired, Nate. 80 00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,207 What an ass hickey. 81 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,610 Whoa! 82 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,683 Son of bitch! 83 00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,884 It's electronic, you dipshit. 84 00:03:05,621 --> 00:03:07,021 Damn! 85 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,243 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 86 00:03:19,257 --> 00:03:21,357 - Okay, listen, here we go. - All right. 87 00:03:21,359 --> 00:03:23,003 This is happening. It... it... 88 00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:23,786 I... w-we put this off too long. 89 00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:25,300 Okay, we can put it off a little longer. 90 00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:27,150 I'm not sure this is the best place for this conversation. 91 00:03:27,181 --> 00:03:27,656 Ugh. 92 00:03:27,659 --> 00:03:30,417 She has an egg. He has a seed. 93 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,615 Seed fertilizes the egg. Nine months later... baby. 94 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,953 How does the seed get into the egg? 95 00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,559 I don't know. Mom? 96 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,260 You didn't tell her the most important part? 97 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,027 You neglected to tell him anything? 98 00:03:41,029 --> 00:03:43,100 - Because Toddy told him. - Come on. 99 00:03:43,101 --> 00:03:45,523 Driver's ed ain't just telling 'em not to crash. 100 00:03:45,524 --> 00:03:47,943 It's teaching them to steer into the skid, 101 00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:50,009 - if you know what I mean. - I don't... At all. 102 00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:52,902 I'd already know this if you'd just unlock my phone. 103 00:03:52,904 --> 00:03:54,661 It's for your protection. I told you that. 104 00:03:54,662 --> 00:03:56,662 Okay. Guys, here's the deal. 105 00:03:57,699 --> 00:04:00,199 So... When a man and a woman decide 106 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:01,867 they wanna make a baby, 107 00:04:01,869 --> 00:04:03,497 the couple kiss and hug, 108 00:04:03,498 --> 00:04:05,031 and there's lots of good feelings. 109 00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:06,666 And the man gets very excited... 110 00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:07,598 well, women get excited, too. 111 00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,331 - Of course, the... yes. But the... - very excited. 112 00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,609 But the man gets physically aroused and he becomes erect. 113 00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:13,434 - What's that mean? - We're talking about 114 00:04:13,435 --> 00:04:16,059 - getting your daddy's pistons pumpin'. - We're talking about it. 115 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,660 Over here. Our family. 116 00:04:18,226 --> 00:04:20,812 When men get aroused, their, um... 117 00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:21,441 Ding dongs? 118 00:04:21,442 --> 00:04:24,216 No. If we're gonna do this, let's use correct terms, okay? 119 00:04:24,217 --> 00:04:27,423 Their penis. It... Grows bigger. 120 00:04:27,424 --> 00:04:28,957 How big? Tell me when to stop. 121 00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:30,558 No. Stop. 122 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,727 - That's huge! - Well, it's not that big. 123 00:04:32,729 --> 00:04:33,644 Yeah, thanks. 124 00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:35,544 - So what do you do with it? - Well... 125 00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:38,151 Mm. Uh, the man gently 126 00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:41,287 inserts his penis into the woman's vagina. 127 00:04:41,311 --> 00:04:42,500 Did he do that to you? 128 00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,468 - No, no, no, don't get upset. - Oh, it's... it's okay. 129 00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:46,470 She wanted it done to her. It's a very nice feeling. 130 00:04:46,472 --> 00:04:48,183 - Sometimes. - No... What? No. All the time. 131 00:04:48,184 --> 00:04:48,759 No... 132 00:04:48,814 --> 00:04:50,380 It's... when a woman first tries it 133 00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,783 when she's much, much older, it hurts a little bit. 134 00:04:52,785 --> 00:04:55,452 - Does it hurt for guys? - No. Never. Always feels great. 135 00:04:55,454 --> 00:04:58,090 But once she gets used to it, it's lovely. 136 00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:01,660 It's just a gentle fusion of... of two bodies. 137 00:05:01,685 --> 00:05:04,980 Slow, tender moves. Up and down and around. 138 00:05:04,981 --> 00:05:06,281 - Not around. - It's... what? 139 00:05:06,283 --> 00:05:07,733 - Not around. - Around's a great move. 140 00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:09,973 - It's not necessary, though. - It's very necessary to stimulate the... 141 00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:11,334 what does the girl do with her jumbos? 142 00:05:11,335 --> 00:05:12,700 Hey, come on. Breasts. 143 00:05:12,702 --> 00:05:15,536 They just... they... 144 00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:17,271 s-stay put. 145 00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:19,062 There are some things that you can do 146 00:05:19,064 --> 00:05:21,064 that don't involve completely ignoring them. 147 00:05:21,066 --> 00:05:22,112 Like what? 148 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:25,045 Anyway, after about two, three minutes... 149 00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:26,879 Of... Of really good feelings... 150 00:05:26,881 --> 00:05:28,848 - it's a lot longer than that. - When the man is ready, 151 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,404 or sometimes ready a little too early... 152 00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:33,038 - Oh, come on. Twice. It happened twice. - The woman accepts 153 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,007 the daddy's seed, called semen. 154 00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:37,409 - It's sperm. - Sperm. 155 00:05:37,411 --> 00:05:40,378 - What's that look like? - Like a white map of Hawaii. 156 00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:43,711 - It's what Toddy says. - No. It's like... 157 00:05:43,736 --> 00:05:46,237 - Mm. Um... - Like shampoo. 158 00:05:46,239 --> 00:05:48,921 No, it's less thick. It's like tahini sauce. 159 00:05:48,922 --> 00:05:51,856 Sure. Sure. It's saltier, but yeah. 160 00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:54,154 Wait. How do you know what it tastes like? 161 00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:55,777 You don't eat it. Do you? 162 00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:57,878 I do. Some... on special occasions. 163 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,413 - Birthdays. - Do you eat hers? 164 00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:00,748 No, no. Women don't have semen. 165 00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:01,961 But rest assured, if they did, 166 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,253 your father would go nowhere near it. 167 00:06:03,254 --> 00:06:04,988 Well, thanks to a 3-week menstrual cycle... 168 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,956 oh, looks like your starter motor 169 00:06:06,958 --> 00:06:08,724 ain't gauging on the flywheel. 170 00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:12,351 Sh... guy! What is your deal with the car-based metaphors 171 00:06:12,352 --> 00:06:14,828 about how I can't sexually satisfy my wife? 172 00:06:14,829 --> 00:06:17,223 But I bet you could, huh, with your big old pipe wrench? 173 00:06:17,224 --> 00:06:19,139 Well, was just saying your starter motor 174 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:20,929 cut the teeth off your flywheel. 175 00:06:20,954 --> 00:06:23,008 - Huh. - That's why your Van won't start. 176 00:06:23,055 --> 00:06:24,410 - Mm-hmm. - I could probably fix it, 177 00:06:24,411 --> 00:06:26,241 but it won't be ready till the mornin'. 178 00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:28,341 - Okay. - And I apologize if you thought 179 00:06:28,343 --> 00:06:31,071 I was being suggestive towards your wife, 180 00:06:31,072 --> 00:06:33,171 but, uh, I get off on the dipstick, 181 00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:34,671 if you know what I mean. 182 00:06:34,673 --> 00:06:36,737 Are you sure you don't want to unlock this phone? 183 00:06:36,738 --> 00:06:38,905 'Cause I got a whole new set of questions. 184 00:06:43,512 --> 00:06:45,278 Why did you choose this place? 185 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,117 Because know what I'm getting... 186 00:06:47,118 --> 00:06:49,606 clean room, pool, business center. 187 00:06:49,607 --> 00:06:51,230 Well, the breakfast is terrible. 188 00:06:51,231 --> 00:06:52,900 The breakfast is free, so it's great. 189 00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:54,913 Okay, how many keys would you like, Mr. Parkerjar? 190 00:06:55,337 --> 00:06:57,766 Uh, just one's fine. Sorry, what'd you call me? 191 00:06:57,767 --> 00:06:59,343 Uh, Mr. Parkerjar? 192 00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:00,349 It's just Parker. 193 00:07:00,432 --> 00:07:03,287 Oh. Well, your license says, "Parker j-r." 194 00:07:05,213 --> 00:07:07,333 I'm sorry. It's been a long day. 195 00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,023 - Oh, not as long as ours. - Okay, well... 196 00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:11,125 You're all set to go for one night 197 00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:14,194 in a non-smoking, deluxe garden view junior suite, 198 00:07:14,196 --> 00:07:15,829 Mr. Parkerjer. 199 00:07:15,831 --> 00:07:19,132 Well, can't wait to enjoy my "Jer suite." 200 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:22,402 Oh, no, it's junior suite, Mr. Parkerjer. 201 00:07:23,632 --> 00:07:26,500 What the hell is that? 202 00:07:27,251 --> 00:07:29,719 My god, forgot about these weed gummies. 203 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,320 - Aren't you glad we didn't fly now? - Still no, 204 00:07:31,322 --> 00:07:33,389 but we should totally get high and do it. 205 00:07:33,391 --> 00:07:34,579 I think it's crickets. 206 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,442 It's a hotel room. 207 00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:38,486 I know you love doing it in hotel rooms. 208 00:07:38,487 --> 00:07:39,613 No, they're in the room. 209 00:07:39,638 --> 00:07:41,255 Sweetie? Honey? 210 00:07:41,364 --> 00:07:43,030 We're gonna get high. 211 00:07:43,308 --> 00:07:45,425 - It's the best combo. - It's so loud. 212 00:07:45,426 --> 00:07:47,412 Got my butt in your face. They... 213 00:07:47,413 --> 00:07:49,228 I'm presenting myself to you, honey. 214 00:07:51,188 --> 00:07:53,989 Come on. 215 00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:55,324 Aah! 216 00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:57,259 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh-ho! 217 00:07:57,261 --> 00:07:59,328 - Whoa. Okay. - I told you it was crickets. 218 00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:01,296 I'm really sorry for the inconvenience, sir. 219 00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:02,808 It was a bed full of crickets. 220 00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,254 It's a little more than inconvenient. 221 00:08:04,255 --> 00:08:06,408 Well, you did ask for the garden suite, sir. 222 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,468 Come on. 223 00:08:09,493 --> 00:08:10,321 This key doesn't work. 224 00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:12,427 Well, you probably put it next to your cellphone. 225 00:08:12,429 --> 00:08:15,096 - It demagnetizes. - I don't have my cellphone. 226 00:08:15,098 --> 00:08:18,933 Help me, mom! Help me! I'm going into the lava! 227 00:08:18,935 --> 00:08:21,736 Perish! No! 228 00:08:21,738 --> 00:08:23,905 Are these your able-bodied kids? 229 00:08:23,907 --> 00:08:25,507 Yeah. Sorry. 230 00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:27,509 Oh, my god! Oh, sorry. Sorry. 231 00:08:27,511 --> 00:08:29,444 Someone else was in my room. 232 00:08:29,446 --> 00:08:31,579 Oh, well, that must have not been your room then. 233 00:08:31,581 --> 00:08:34,716 No. It was the couple having sex. 234 00:08:34,718 --> 00:08:36,217 Kids, get off. 235 00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:41,456 And you shall die! 236 00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:44,759 Get away from the door! Go away! 237 00:09:01,578 --> 00:09:03,445 Well, this place sucks, huh? 238 00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:07,119 Tell me about it. Only Lucky gets to use the ride. 239 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,777 Why did you say that? 240 00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,460 - I am so sorry. - I am Lucky. 241 00:09:10,461 --> 00:09:12,126 I survived a panther attack. 242 00:09:12,128 --> 00:09:15,229 Oh. Well, good. That's... lucky. 243 00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:18,941 You guys are stupid. This place is great. 244 00:09:20,061 --> 00:09:22,899 I am officially on vacation with this jet. 245 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,434 - Yeah. - Oh, hey, hey, farmer! 246 00:09:25,435 --> 00:09:27,936 How's the zucchini coming right now? 247 00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:29,387 - It's... - Yeah, that's a, uh... 248 00:09:29,388 --> 00:09:30,704 Ooh, that's an impressive harvest. 249 00:09:30,705 --> 00:09:31,605 - Yeah. - Yeah. 250 00:09:31,606 --> 00:09:32,349 You should be impressed, 251 00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:34,721 'cause most farmers my age need to genetically modify 252 00:09:34,722 --> 00:09:37,986 - their zucchinis. - Oh, you just made it yucky. 253 00:09:37,987 --> 00:09:39,287 Did you get high without me? 254 00:09:39,289 --> 00:09:40,285 Little bit. Little bit. 255 00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:41,685 - Yeah, a lot bit. - A little bit. 256 00:09:43,613 --> 00:09:45,120 - Where's mine? - Oh. 257 00:09:45,261 --> 00:09:47,797 I ate both of them because they were old. 258 00:09:47,798 --> 00:09:49,674 - That's not how drugs work. - I'm pretty sure it is. 259 00:09:49,675 --> 00:09:51,727 No, you took enough for four people. 260 00:09:51,728 --> 00:09:53,361 Well, drugs are for people. 261 00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:57,432 For horny farmer's daughter's people. 262 00:09:57,434 --> 00:09:58,766 - That's what I am. - Yeah. Yeah, you know what? 263 00:09:58,768 --> 00:10:00,268 - You know what? - Nope. Yeah, get on top of this. 264 00:10:00,347 --> 00:10:01,746 - No? - Nope, 'cause I'm the farmer. Mnh-mnh. 265 00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:04,372 You don't like that? Oh, hey, kids! 266 00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:06,396 Did we discuss finding the clitoris? 267 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,830 No! No! 268 00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:09,498 - Did I tell you about Mike Muldoon? - You didn't. 269 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:13,764 Uh, well, he educated me my Jer year. 270 00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:15,759 - Mm-hmm. - And I thank him every day for it. 271 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,823 - Really? You thank him every day? - Every day. 272 00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:19,324 He had a doctorate in clitoriture. 273 00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:20,135 - He did? - Yeah. 274 00:10:20,136 --> 00:10:21,101 - Did he go to school for that? - He did. 275 00:10:21,102 --> 00:10:22,617 - He... - Baby, you know what? 276 00:10:22,618 --> 00:10:24,284 - You don't like these shorts. - What? These shorts are great. 277 00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:25,670 Yeah, but look at that big rip. Let's just rip 'em. 278 00:10:25,671 --> 00:10:27,238 - Hey. Come on. No, no, no. - Let's just... let's just... 279 00:10:27,239 --> 00:10:29,985 - No. Easy. No, come on. Easy, easy. - Oh! 280 00:10:31,207 --> 00:10:34,128 Hell. Whoops! 281 00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:36,093 I gotta go pee. I'll be right back. 282 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,173 Yeah... hold that thought. 283 00:10:37,175 --> 00:10:39,374 - No. My thought is, give me a towel. - Okay. 284 00:10:39,376 --> 00:10:42,218 Um, I don't see any towels. I'll just go get you one. 285 00:10:42,219 --> 00:10:43,708 Well, at least give me the shorts back! 286 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,174 Relax. It's just... 287 00:10:45,176 --> 00:10:47,510 Be right back. 288 00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:49,979 This is not relaxing. 289 00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:54,118 There's nothing like 290 00:10:54,119 --> 00:10:57,019 a hot fresh towel out of the dryer, right? 291 00:10:57,021 --> 00:11:00,022 Thank you so much for this. 292 00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:01,890 Ew, that's gross. 293 00:11:30,721 --> 00:11:32,673 - Can we get out of here? - Yes, please. 294 00:11:32,674 --> 00:11:33,772 Can you guys get me a towel? 295 00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:35,504 This place is called Swift Stay Suites? 296 00:11:35,506 --> 00:11:38,249 Swift stay suites. That's really hard to stay. 297 00:11:38,312 --> 00:11:39,678 You said "stay." 298 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:42,648 It is hard to stay... And say. 299 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,253 - You say it. - Swift stay suites. 300 00:11:44,254 --> 00:11:46,614 - Three times fast. - Swift stay suites. Swift sway suites. 301 00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:48,782 - Swift sway suites. - You said "swift sway" two times. 302 00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,450 - You said... - Get me a towel! 303 00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:53,420 - All right. Relax. - Jeez. 304 00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,222 I want some of that. I want some of... 305 00:11:55,224 --> 00:11:57,991 Oh! 306 00:11:57,993 --> 00:12:01,202 I want this inside me right now. 307 00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:02,518 I told you, we're only open for breakfast. 308 00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:03,578 No! 309 00:12:03,579 --> 00:12:05,912 No, wanna taste this, Barney. 310 00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:08,404 You can make this happen for me. Please? 311 00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:10,805 I want this so bad. I want it so bad. 312 00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:13,150 I suppose I could, uh, whip up a few items for you. 313 00:12:13,151 --> 00:12:14,884 Great. I love you so much. 314 00:12:14,885 --> 00:12:17,471 All right, now so what can I get on my Belgian waffles? 315 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:18,911 There's some fresh fruit. 316 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,646 No. How 'bout some ice cream and French fries? 317 00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:24,081 Yeah? Great. Okay. Yeah. 318 00:12:24,106 --> 00:12:26,206 Meet me in my room. 319 00:12:55,764 --> 00:12:58,493 - I've got another question for you. - Of course you do. You're kids. 320 00:12:58,494 --> 00:13:01,828 You're curious about the world. You have questions... 321 00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:04,580 And I wanna answer them for you. 322 00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,757 Behold the Swift Stay Suites business center. 323 00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:10,153 You know what you're gonna get in here? 324 00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:12,658 You're gonna get computers that your dad hasn't taught 325 00:13:12,683 --> 00:13:14,224 to lie to you yet. 326 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,660 - This is awesome! - Thanks, mom! 327 00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:19,896 - Whoo! - Oh, my god. 328 00:13:28,595 --> 00:13:29,713 That's it. That's it right there. 329 00:13:29,714 --> 00:13:31,212 Yeah, right there, baby. 330 00:13:32,508 --> 00:13:34,077 - Oh, yeah, I like that. - Open this door. 331 00:13:35,728 --> 00:13:38,402 Open the door. Come on! 332 00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:40,861 - What's the matter with you? - Why are you naked? 333 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:41,782 Give me your shirt. 334 00:13:41,783 --> 00:13:43,429 - What? Wait... - Take it off! 335 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:45,622 Quickly, please. 336 00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:48,391 Don't look at me! 337 00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:49,726 Why didn't you bring me a towel? 338 00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:52,224 I'm coming. I'm coming. 339 00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:52,913 What are you guys watching? 340 00:13:52,938 --> 00:13:55,162 - Nothing. - I'm coming! Right there. I'm coming. 341 00:13:55,187 --> 00:13:57,254 - Come on, guys, this is why I've... - I'm coming! 342 00:13:57,256 --> 00:13:59,775 Oh, but I gotta deal with this big castle right here first. 343 00:13:59,776 --> 00:14:02,075 When you lock the computers, we can't watch this stuff. 344 00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:03,944 Yeah, and I didn't know a reaper can actually spawn 345 00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:05,879 with a shadow level of 9 or less. 346 00:14:05,881 --> 00:14:07,414 I'm gonna get you, big reaper! 347 00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:09,349 Okay. Well... 348 00:14:09,351 --> 00:14:11,752 Let's get out of here before I get arrested, okay? 349 00:14:14,584 --> 00:14:17,182 - Where were you? - Oh, just smoking doobies, dude. 350 00:14:17,183 --> 00:14:18,783 - No, you weren't. - Is this our room? 351 00:14:18,785 --> 00:14:20,118 Yeah, go. 352 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,854 Oh, this is awesome! This is amazing! 353 00:14:22,856 --> 00:14:25,089 Hey. Thanks for stranding me. 354 00:14:25,091 --> 00:14:26,791 Those are great shorts. I love the new shorts. 355 00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,526 - Yeah, your child's t-shirt? - Yeah. They're sexy. 356 00:14:28,528 --> 00:14:29,961 - They're not. - Yeah. 357 00:14:29,963 --> 00:14:31,429 - Mnh-mnh. - Mmm. 358 00:14:31,431 --> 00:14:32,640 Mm. It's got an access hole. 359 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:33,431 Yeah, look at that. 360 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,820 - That's easy access. - Look at that. Look at that. 361 00:14:34,845 --> 00:14:37,188 Honey, what... what's this? Yeah. Let's do this. 362 00:14:37,213 --> 00:14:38,279 - You wanna do this now? - Yeah. 363 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,478 You don't wanna wait till they go to sleep? 364 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,481 No, no, no. No, come on. Let's do this now. 365 00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:41,613 - Come here. Come here. - What, what, what, what? 366 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,172 - Up here. - I was going to get to them. 367 00:14:44,197 --> 00:14:46,264 I know. Okay. All right. Get in there. 368 00:14:46,289 --> 00:14:47,864 - Yeah, pull that to the side. - Mmm. 369 00:14:47,889 --> 00:14:49,255 - Ow. Ow. It doesn't bend that way. - What? 370 00:14:49,257 --> 00:14:50,856 Doesn't bend that way. Why do you even do yoga? 371 00:14:50,858 --> 00:14:52,121 Well... 372 00:14:52,122 --> 00:14:53,536 You guys have to come see this room! 373 00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:54,089 In a minute! 374 00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:55,146 Let's go to the bed. Let's go to the bed. 375 00:14:55,171 --> 00:14:55,824 No, let's do it here. 376 00:14:55,826 --> 00:14:57,326 No, it's gonna... it's not gonna last long enough. 377 00:14:57,328 --> 00:14:58,931 - Are you coming? - No, not yet. 378 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,740 Your dad needs a minute. Exactly. 379 00:15:00,741 --> 00:15:01,825 I last longer than that. 380 00:15:01,826 --> 00:15:04,344 - Food's here! - What? Your ordered food? 381 00:15:04,369 --> 00:15:07,003 I'm so hungry! 382 00:15:09,373 --> 00:15:11,173 You're in for a treat, Miss Parkerjar. 383 00:15:11,175 --> 00:15:14,042 I whipped up some... Oh. 384 00:15:14,044 --> 00:15:15,911 Didn't realize there was a Mr. Parkerjar. 385 00:15:15,913 --> 00:15:18,427 - There's not. - Oh, great. 386 00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:19,295 Where would you like it then, Miss Parkerjar? 387 00:15:19,296 --> 00:15:20,794 Oh, just, you know, everywhere. 388 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:22,493 But she only likes it on the bed, actually. 389 00:15:22,494 --> 00:15:23,178 Great. 390 00:15:23,181 --> 00:15:24,381 Yeah. 391 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,042 Definitely don't put it on the counter. 392 00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:29,209 Okay, we have... 393 00:15:29,211 --> 00:15:32,279 Order of cheesy eggs for you, Miss Parkerjar. 394 00:15:32,281 --> 00:15:34,614 We have an omelet, hold the fruit, Miss Parkerjar. 395 00:15:34,616 --> 00:15:37,184 Order of bacon, Miss Parkerjar. 396 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,966 Sausage and links, Miss Parkerjar. 397 00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:41,433 Sausage patties, Miss Parkerjar. 398 00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:44,770 Belgian waffle with ice cream. 399 00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,825 Now I couldn't make any fries, 400 00:15:46,850 --> 00:15:47,938 so I did find some home fries 401 00:15:47,939 --> 00:15:49,639 and put them on top for you, Miss Parkerjar. 402 00:15:49,641 --> 00:15:52,075 We have some ketchup 403 00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:52,846 for the home fries, Miss Parkerjar. 404 00:15:52,847 --> 00:15:54,747 Okay, we don't need to run through the condiments. 405 00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:58,024 - Nate, listen to yourself, come on. - And we keep the cups upside down 406 00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,591 so you don't get dust in them, Miss Parkerjar. 407 00:15:59,594 --> 00:16:00,470 All you have to do is give them a flip. 408 00:16:00,471 --> 00:16:02,912 Listen to him. He's telling you how cups work. 409 00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:05,437 Why are you so angry? That's not like you. 410 00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:06,504 No, don't make this about me. 411 00:16:06,505 --> 00:16:09,295 Babe, know that I may seem a little bit "high" 412 00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:10,308 to you right now. 413 00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:12,208 - "Yes." - But I see it, okay? 414 00:16:12,210 --> 00:16:14,644 Throughout this day and this night, 415 00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:18,991 and the fact that you own it and that you're... 416 00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:20,194 That you're holding on to it, 417 00:16:20,195 --> 00:16:22,896 it makes it so much better now than what it was then. 418 00:16:22,897 --> 00:16:24,797 That made no sense. 419 00:16:24,799 --> 00:16:27,261 You're carrying this thing around, and it's so heavy. 420 00:16:27,262 --> 00:16:29,146 And you don't have to do this alone, Nate. 421 00:16:29,171 --> 00:16:30,345 Put a little bit of butter on that. 422 00:16:30,346 --> 00:16:32,550 And we have some really, really amazing toast. 423 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:33,592 I don't know where it comes from. 424 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,687 Don't be an island, Nate. Just swim to us. 425 00:16:35,688 --> 00:16:39,002 We are so lucky to have you, and you are such a good dad. 426 00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:41,622 But you gotta purge this thing that you're carrying around, 427 00:16:41,623 --> 00:16:43,014 or else it's gonna calcify in your chest, 428 00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:44,446 and it's gonna make it impossible 429 00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:46,411 for you to love us back, babe. 430 00:16:50,206 --> 00:16:52,707 That's it. Just cry! 431 00:16:52,709 --> 00:16:55,967 Just cry, Nate. Go ahead. I'm not your mom. 432 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:59,099 That's what you need. You just need a good cry. 433 00:16:59,100 --> 00:16:59,879 I'm not crying. 434 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,013 - Well, you are. - I don't cry. 435 00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:04,583 - Tissues, Mr. Parkerjar? - I said I don't cry! 436 00:17:04,585 --> 00:17:06,218 Hey, honey... 437 00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:09,054 Why do you... why do you think it is that you needed to cry? 438 00:17:09,056 --> 00:17:11,866 Honey? Honey. 439 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,431 Spill it. No, it's... 440 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:15,632 No, honey, it's okay. 441 00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:18,902 Come on. Just let it out. 442 00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,304 I got fired. 443 00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:23,962 I was gonna tell you, and then it just... 444 00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:25,697 it was never the right time. But... 445 00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,413 I just wanted to give the kids a good vacation. 446 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:30,582 And you and... 447 00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:32,050 But it's okay. 448 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,420 I got a plan. I'm gonna talk to my C.E.O. At the conference. 449 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,723 - He's gonna make it right. - I got this. 450 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,158 Okay? It's all under control. 451 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:48,230 That was beautiful. It was. 452 00:17:49,146 --> 00:17:51,835 I just watched a single tear zigzag down your face 453 00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:53,568 like a waffle iron, which is really 454 00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:57,372 just a frying pan that hasn't been ironed yet. 455 00:17:57,374 --> 00:17:58,505 You're so high. 456 00:17:58,506 --> 00:18:01,674 Our entire connection, sweetie, 457 00:18:01,676 --> 00:18:03,309 is in that tear. 458 00:18:03,311 --> 00:18:05,387 But... 459 00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,088 I'm gonna need you to repeat the words you said 460 00:18:07,089 --> 00:18:09,723 - 'cause I didn't hear 'em. - What? 461 00:18:10,955 --> 00:18:12,205 Like... like... 462 00:18:12,728 --> 00:18:14,161 All of them? 463 00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:17,631 Like, every one I said? 464 00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:19,633 Babe? 465 00:18:19,635 --> 00:18:22,069 Babe? 466 00:18:22,071 --> 00:18:23,236 Babe? 467 00:18:23,238 --> 00:18:25,739 So... I just wanna double-check... 468 00:18:25,741 --> 00:18:28,141 I'm not getting laid tonight? 469 00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:31,446 Get the out of my room, Barney. 470 00:18:45,737 --> 00:18:48,117 I want you guys to know, if you ever have any questions 471 00:18:48,118 --> 00:18:50,181 about anything, you can come to your mom and I, right? 472 00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,419 - We're gonna tell you. - Mm-hmm. 473 00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:53,253 But there's a lot of things we don't know, 474 00:18:53,255 --> 00:18:55,990 and you guys deserve to know if you're curious about them. 475 00:18:55,992 --> 00:18:58,592 - Mm-hmm. - So with that said... 476 00:18:59,979 --> 00:19:01,296 Did you unlock our phones? 477 00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:02,663 - Yeah. - Awesome! 478 00:19:02,665 --> 00:19:05,099 I'm not sure the Internet's the best place to find out, 479 00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:07,468 but I trust you guys. 480 00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:09,336 Thanks. 481 00:19:10,806 --> 00:19:12,242 Our kids are the best. 482 00:19:12,243 --> 00:19:14,542 Yeah. 483 00:19:18,314 --> 00:19:20,481 I'm close! I'm close! Turn over. Turn over. 484 00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,457 There is no way that puddle is getting to the egg 485 00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:30,694 from her back tattoo. 486 00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,932 Excuse me? Ma'am, excuse me? 487 00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,134 Uh, forgot my toothbrush. Do you guys have an extra one? 488 00:19:39,838 --> 00:19:43,173 Oh, you do? Great. Can I, uh, can I get one? 489 00:19:43,175 --> 00:19:45,108 Like... Now? 490 00:19:45,110 --> 00:19:47,110 Oh, my god. 491 00:19:47,112 --> 00:19:49,793 I'm so sorry. It's marijuana. 492 00:19:49,794 --> 00:19:51,660 - I can smell. - It's just, I've had a stressful day. 493 00:19:51,662 --> 00:19:54,012 I know. Got a glaucoma problem, and Barney's driving me... 494 00:19:54,037 --> 00:19:55,670 Relax. All right? This actually explains a lot 495 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,895 now that I know you were just high. 496 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,697 Oh. 497 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,474 Well, you probably thought I was stupid, huh? 498 00:20:03,009 --> 00:20:04,709 I know your name, 499 00:20:04,711 --> 00:20:06,711 Mr. Parkerjer Jr. 500 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,815 You still don't. 501 00:20:10,817 --> 00:20:11,869 You know, Tammy... 502 00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:14,635 Some people just can't handle... 503 00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:16,424 Real drugs. 504 00:20:18,591 --> 00:20:20,090 I am so goddamn high. 505 00:20:20,092 --> 00:20:22,626 New pot is so much higher than old pot. 506 00:20:22,628 --> 00:20:24,928 I should call my mom. You know what I mean? 507 00:20:27,656 --> 00:20:30,456 Hey, mom. Hey, it's me. Can you pick up? 508 00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:33,393 - I know you're there, please. Mother. - Oh, shit. 509 00:20:33,395 --> 00:20:35,234 I've got something very important 510 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,666 I want to tell you, okay? 511 00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:39,949 I had an emotional breakthrough tonight, okay? 512 00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:42,926 I-I can be an emotional wreck, and that's okay, you know? 513 00:20:42,927 --> 00:20:44,530 It... it's not a judgment on my manhood. 514 00:20:44,531 --> 00:20:47,158 You know what? I got fired today. 515 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,766 And I actually told Robin, 516 00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:50,968 and she was fine with it. 517 00:20:50,970 --> 00:20:52,959 Granted, she didn't hear most of it. 518 00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:55,112 But I'm gonna tell her again. And you know what? 519 00:20:55,114 --> 00:20:57,648 She's gonna love me even more for it. 520 00:20:57,650 --> 00:21:00,284 I lied to my wife, okay? 521 00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:03,555 I lied to her! Do you know why, mother? 522 00:21:03,556 --> 00:21:05,123 Because of you. 523 00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:09,866 Every single terrible behavioral trait I have... 524 00:21:09,867 --> 00:21:11,327 Is because of you. 525 00:21:11,328 --> 00:21:13,228 I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't tell her. 526 00:21:13,229 --> 00:21:14,846 I mean, you always say men are supposed to be 527 00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:15,582 the providers. 528 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:17,262 You know, like Barney. Guy's a provider. 529 00:21:17,263 --> 00:21:19,256 And I got a plan to get my job back. 530 00:21:19,257 --> 00:21:22,632 So it's not like I ever even had lost it, you know? 531 00:21:22,633 --> 00:21:23,504 So why tell her? 532 00:21:23,505 --> 00:21:25,466 You're right. She doesn't need to know. 533 00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,972 I-I'm just gonna fix it. 534 00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:28,311 I-I love you, mom. 535 00:21:28,312 --> 00:21:31,180 I think this has been our best talk in years. 536 00:21:31,182 --> 00:21:32,681 Bye. I love you. 537 00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:39,866 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com -