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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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When you're in your 20's a visit from
your parents can be so overwhelming...
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it could feel like you're drowning.
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Did I say "feel like"?
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I meant actually drowning.
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Sorry.
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I thought something touched my leg.
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My name is Cooper Barrett.
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My friends and I are
here to mess up our lives
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so you don't have to.
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_
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- Yeah.
- Are you sure?
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Oh, my God.
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I was watching that.
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What time is it?
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- Noon.
- Damn.
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What are we, farmers? Go back to sleep.
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I thought we weren't drinking last night.
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We weren't,
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but then you pointed out
we had all those beers,
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and Barry said we should drink them.
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- That tracks.
- Guys, my parents are coming in
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for their anniversary party
and their flight gets in
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in, like, six hours
and they're gonna want
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to come by here on their
way to Josh's, so can we
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clean this place up so they finally
think I have my act together?
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Oh, I don't think that's possible, Coop.
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Mom, Dad.
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Amazing.
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_
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Sorry about all the mess.
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We were celebrating the
launch of the new, uh, Web site
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for the-for the company.
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- Oh.
- Oh.
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- Oh, Neal, show them.
- Yeah.
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Pretty excited about
this one. Here we go.
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Uh, the name of your
Web site is "MILF Smack"?
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Nope, that is not what
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it's supposed to be called. I can't...
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Probably get more business that way.
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N-no, you got to press that...
What are you... Hey!
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- How was the flight?
- It was good.
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Did Josh not tell you
we were coming early?
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I guess he must have forgotten.
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Did I? Hmm.
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Cooper...
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- Oh, I got a situation here.
- Oh, what a shame.
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- I got it. Yeah.
- That's gonna...
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- Sorry, Dad.
- That's, uh...
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Now, Cooper, when I was your age
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I had this friend,
Lefty, and he was always
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inviting me out for a cold one,
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but I was too busy
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raising a family and
defending our great country.
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Then one day, I stopped by his apartment
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and his roommates answered...
he didn't have a wife...
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and they told me that ol' Lefty
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drank himself to death.
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Great story, Dad.
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- Great story.
- Yeah, Josh...
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can I talk to you for a sec?
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Yeah.
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Admit it,
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you intentionally didn't
tell me they were coming
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'cause you wanted me to look bad.
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Why would I do that?
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I don't know.
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W-why would you call Mom and
Dad when I'm throwing a party
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and tell them the house was on fire?
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Because the house was on fire.
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I had it mostly contained.
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Coop, come on, man, I
brought them over here
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because I'm trying to keep Mom and Leslie
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away from each other.
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It's still tense because of the incident.
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Get out!
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That was seven years ago.
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Well, Leslie can't even get into the car
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without knocking first.
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I don't even understand how.
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Hey, how are you ladies doing?
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I'm Barry Sandel.
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This is my boy, Neal.
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Who's a bad boy?
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Yeah, you are.
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What the hell are you doing?
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Great, now I don't know
how that's gonna end.
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Dude.
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How much of this stuff are you
watching a day on your phone?
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That genre specifically?
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You know you got a problem, right?
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- Neal!
- What?
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Sorry, I was thinking about
porn again. What were you saying?
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Look, I'll tell you what.
For the next 48 hours,
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you can not watch any porn.
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If I catch you watching some porn,
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I'm gonna hit you upside your head
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with a pillowcase full of oranges.
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I'm in.
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I know what it's like
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to have a father who's
hard to live up to.
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My dad is one of the top physical
therapists in the country.
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My dad was a fighter pilot,
who flew Air Force One
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and ended up saving the President's life.
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Twice.
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My dad won an award
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for shoulder impingement relief, so...
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Sometimes I feel like my dad
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wishes I was exactly
like my older brother,
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but that might just be
because we have the same name,
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and they only decided to have another kid
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after first Neal died in a car accident.
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Look, there are a million reasons
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that your dad should be proud of you.
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You have great friends,
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and you started your
dream company from scratch
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that actually has potential.
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And you coined the term, "To the max."
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Yeah, I definitely
didn't coin that, Neal.
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Huh, well, maybe your dad is right.
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Thing is, my dad's really old school.
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He just measures success
in-in-in concrete terms,
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which is why Josh, with
his career and his family,
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is totally winning.
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Okay, where's your dad right now?
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Uh, at Josh's house with food poisoning.
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The rest of the family went up
to Santa Barbara for the night.
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Okay, here's what you do: you go over,
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and you sit him down,
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and explain exactly
what it is you're doing.
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There's no way he's
not gonna be impressed.
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W-what about, "Raise the roof?"
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It's not mine either, man.
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Well, another crappy day for second Neal.
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Okay, it's bad enough
you drove me over here.
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You don't have to come and
talk to my father with me.
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No, I just want to make sure
you're not gonna chicken out.
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You really give me no credit, do you?
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No.
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Do you want to get a froyo?
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Cooper...
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How am I supposed to impress a guy
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who's basically a saint?
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Dad?
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You're not pizza.
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Cooper, I haven't been honest with you.
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- Is this a gay thing?
- Whoa, is this a gay thing?
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It's not a gay thing. No one's gay.
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- I'm gay.
- No way, Jerry, hey.
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- Thanks.
- Happy for you.
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What is happening? Who are these people?
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Uh, these are just some guys I
put together for a poker game.
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Since when do you drink or gamble?
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Not long.
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Eight to ten months...
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before your brother was born.
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Wait, my whole life I've
been trying to live up
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to your perfect example.
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How do you think I feel?
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I had to sneak around
and tell lies to people
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to have any fun whatsoever.
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Plus, you almost burned
our house to the ground.
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I had it mostly contained!
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Okay, look, I was wrong
to keep this from you.
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From now on, no more lies.
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Okay, so Mom knows about this?
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What are you, nuts? She'd kill me.
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And don't tell Josh.
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He wouldn't understand.
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That guy's never partied
a day in his life.
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Yeah, right.
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I mean, yeah, right.
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This is a lot to process.
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I-I don't know what to do.
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How about sharing a beer with
your old man for the first time?
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All right.
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That's my boy.
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So, it's third and one,
they're showing blitz,
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and suddenly I realize...
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I'm into dudes.
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Great story, Jerry!
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Hey, how was Santa Barbara?
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What the hell happened here?
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This place is a total disaster.
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Yeah, it looks like a giant dump.
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I mean, untidy.
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Hey.
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You're back early.
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What is going on?
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Well...
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I think it's pretty obvious
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what's going on here...
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while Dad was, you know,
getting over his sickness
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00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:02,840
in-in-in the guesthouse,
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I saw an opportunity
to throw myself a rager.
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00:07:05,245 --> 00:07:06,794
- This is not your house.
- So untidy.
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00:07:06,819 --> 00:07:08,247
- It's exactly what it looks like happened.
- Untidy.
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The worst uncle ever.
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We are really disappointed
in you, Cooper.
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For the next 48 hours,
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you cannot watch any porn.
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Barry!
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Is there a problem, ma'am?
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00:07:45,816 --> 00:07:49,074
My car broke down
and I could sure use a ride.
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00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:51,123
You're lucky these are mandarins.
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00:07:51,307 --> 00:07:53,106
No more porn.
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00:07:53,393 --> 00:07:56,194
Wow, your dad's
really laying it onto Cooper.
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00:07:56,229 --> 00:07:58,262
Yeah, I know. Isn't it great?
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00:07:58,298 --> 00:08:01,999
I love you so much
for taking that bullet.
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00:08:02,035 --> 00:08:03,267
I love you, too, Dad.
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00:08:03,303 --> 00:08:05,103
Yeah, you really made me proud today.
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00:08:05,138 --> 00:08:07,202
Wow, he is really sticking it to him.
213
00:08:07,227 --> 00:08:10,963
You are officially my favorite son.
214
00:08:13,673 --> 00:08:15,106
- Dad...
- Just don't...
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00:08:15,131 --> 00:08:16,530
they're looking. They're still looking.
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00:08:16,555 --> 00:08:18,225
Hey, when can we hang out again?
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00:08:19,786 --> 00:08:22,229
My friends and I are going to a
big blowout party in Venice tonight.
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00:08:22,254 --> 00:08:24,956
Ah, I'd love to, but I can't.
219
00:08:24,991 --> 00:08:27,792
Leslie's making that
God-awful polenta tonight.
220
00:08:27,827 --> 00:08:28,893
You know, if I was gonna miss
221
00:08:28,928 --> 00:08:30,128
two family functions in a row,
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00:08:30,163 --> 00:08:32,230
I'd have to lay it on pretty thick.
223
00:08:32,265 --> 00:08:33,798
Well, you're in luck, Dad.
224
00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,400
Laying it on pretty thick is what I do.
225
00:08:36,436 --> 00:08:38,259
I'm getting you out of that dinner.
226
00:08:38,638 --> 00:08:40,104
Hey, Dad, check it out.
227
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:41,806
I had this scrapbook made of the family.
228
00:08:41,841 --> 00:08:43,241
- Oh, yeah?
- Come on.
229
00:08:45,812 --> 00:08:47,245
- Look at this.
- Yeah.
230
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:48,613
This is all you and me.
231
00:08:48,648 --> 00:08:50,314
Yeah, only the best moments.
232
00:08:53,019 --> 00:08:54,332
Honey, I think that's your phone.
233
00:08:54,357 --> 00:08:55,920
Ah, darn it, I meant
to turn the thing off.
234
00:08:55,955 --> 00:08:57,388
Can you get it for me, honey?
235
00:08:57,423 --> 00:09:00,391
Hi, uh, this is Mark Barrett's phone.
236
00:09:00,426 --> 00:09:02,727
Tell him it's Simion Bradshaw calling.
237
00:09:02,754 --> 00:09:03,786
I think it's a client.
238
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:06,330
I am not interested. I'm having
a lovely dinner with my family.
239
00:09:06,366 --> 00:09:08,560
You know, if something was gonna
pull me away from this dinner,
240
00:09:08,585 --> 00:09:10,067
it would have to be really important,
241
00:09:10,103 --> 00:09:11,802
like the McKinley project.
242
00:09:11,838 --> 00:09:16,140
I've flown to Los Angeles to
discuss the McKinley project.
243
00:09:20,596 --> 00:09:22,657
Bought it, hook, line and sinker.
244
00:09:22,682 --> 00:09:25,016
Yes!
245
00:09:25,051 --> 00:09:26,150
Mr.B.!
246
00:09:26,186 --> 00:09:27,351
Yes!
247
00:09:27,387 --> 00:09:29,453
Mr. B., Mr. B.!
248
00:09:29,489 --> 00:09:30,755
Cooper.
249
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:32,470
Man, I feel weird.
250
00:09:32,495 --> 00:09:34,118
My body's all tingly.
251
00:09:34,143 --> 00:09:35,960
That's 'cause you haven't
watched porn all day.
252
00:09:35,995 --> 00:09:38,429
It's your chi, your sexual energy.
253
00:09:38,464 --> 00:09:39,664
I'm gonna talk to these girls.
254
00:09:39,699 --> 00:09:41,165
There you go.
255
00:09:41,201 --> 00:09:43,032
Pardon me...
256
00:09:43,057 --> 00:09:46,095
Can I borrow your phone to watch porn?
257
00:09:46,562 --> 00:09:48,272
- Ew.
- Let's go.
258
00:09:49,642 --> 00:09:51,309
To the McKinley project!
259
00:09:51,344 --> 00:09:54,312
- The McKinley project!
- The project!
260
00:09:55,882 --> 00:09:56,891
More.
261
00:09:56,916 --> 00:09:58,749
- Oh.
- No.
262
00:09:58,885 --> 00:10:01,855
It's so good to see you
bonding with your dad.
263
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,054
I know, right?
264
00:10:03,089 --> 00:10:05,823
It's, like, the first time I don't
feel like I'm in Josh's shadow.
265
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:06,963
Guys.
266
00:10:06,988 --> 00:10:08,463
What are you doing here?
267
00:10:08,488 --> 00:10:10,228
W-what do you mean? I'm here to party.
268
00:10:10,263 --> 00:10:12,040
Josh, what...
269
00:10:12,065 --> 00:10:13,164
Dad.
270
00:10:13,189 --> 00:10:14,845
Oh, my God, you caught me.
271
00:10:14,870 --> 00:10:17,168
I caught you? I caught you doing what?
272
00:10:17,203 --> 00:10:19,454
Well, I might as well come clean.
273
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:25,476
Dad, I have been pretending to
be this responsible family man,
274
00:10:25,511 --> 00:10:26,911
but the truth is,
275
00:10:26,946 --> 00:10:30,176
I spend a lot of time partying
with Cooper and his friends.
276
00:10:30,201 --> 00:10:31,849
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
277
00:10:31,884 --> 00:10:33,417
I'm the same way.
278
00:10:33,453 --> 00:10:35,401
There wasn't any
business meeting tonight.
279
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,560
- Get out, what are you saying?
- I'm saying,
280
00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:39,706
"Like father, like son."
281
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:43,494
- Ah.
- Ah, perfect.
282
00:10:43,529 --> 00:10:45,730
How you doing? Attaboy.
283
00:10:49,307 --> 00:10:52,938
Oh, Dad, this sounds incredible.
284
00:10:52,973 --> 00:10:55,858
Yeah. DJ'ing is so much
easier than I thought.
285
00:10:55,883 --> 00:10:57,146
They're not even doing anything.
286
00:10:57,171 --> 00:10:59,365
I mean, t-the music's
playing from someone's phone.
287
00:10:59,390 --> 00:11:01,123
I know, but the vibe is theirs.
288
00:11:01,148 --> 00:11:02,781
It's like they two peas in a pod.
289
00:11:02,816 --> 00:11:04,883
I should be one of those peas.
290
00:11:04,918 --> 00:11:06,272
Cooper, get in there.
291
00:11:06,297 --> 00:11:08,882
You're above this competition
with your brother. Apologize.
292
00:11:08,907 --> 00:11:10,255
Ah, oh, you're right.
293
00:11:10,291 --> 00:11:11,757
I should just be the adult.
294
00:11:11,782 --> 00:11:13,067
Go.
295
00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:15,127
Josh, can I talk to you for a sec?
296
00:11:15,162 --> 00:11:16,361
Yeah, cool.
297
00:11:16,397 --> 00:11:18,430
What is it, Coop?
298
00:11:18,465 --> 00:11:20,432
Dad can only tease the
beat drop for so long.
299
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:22,801
You know, I just...
I feel like we've been
300
00:11:22,836 --> 00:11:24,202
really competitive about Dad.
301
00:11:24,238 --> 00:11:26,382
I guess, I feel like...
302
00:11:28,045 --> 00:11:29,385
Hey!
303
00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:31,003
Bye.
304
00:11:33,981 --> 00:11:35,009
Wait, I just had a thought.
305
00:11:35,034 --> 00:11:37,816
If Josh is here, that means
Leslie and Mom are alone.
306
00:11:37,851 --> 00:11:39,851
Dear, God.
307
00:11:49,663 --> 00:11:51,196
Look at all this food.
308
00:11:54,034 --> 00:11:55,801
- And it's just the two of us.
- Yeah.
309
00:11:57,406 --> 00:12:00,307
This edamame salad is out of this world.
310
00:12:00,332 --> 00:12:02,133
Is that spice cumin?
311
00:12:07,548 --> 00:12:09,981
- Do you want to get high?
- Yeah.
312
00:12:10,017 --> 00:12:11,817
I'm so glad you came up to me.
313
00:12:11,852 --> 00:12:13,852
It's like you stepped out of my dreams.
314
00:12:13,887 --> 00:12:15,620
It's like you stepped out of my phone.
315
00:12:15,656 --> 00:12:17,456
Oh, Neal.
316
00:12:19,159 --> 00:12:20,826
That'll do, oranges.
317
00:12:20,861 --> 00:12:21,993
That'll do.
318
00:12:24,498 --> 00:12:26,631
I'm telling you, Reginald,
319
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:29,835
when I get out of here
I'm gonna kill Cooper.
320
00:12:31,972 --> 00:12:33,932
This would be better if
I had some sort of marker.
321
00:12:42,249 --> 00:12:45,117
- Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.
- Go, go, go, go, go.
322
00:12:45,152 --> 00:12:46,399
Yeah, Dad, Dad...
323
00:12:48,088 --> 00:12:49,988
- Dad, Dad, Dad!
- Go, go, go!
324
00:12:50,023 --> 00:12:51,656
Dad, Dad, Dad!
325
00:12:51,692 --> 00:12:54,059
Do it, Dad.
326
00:12:54,094 --> 00:12:55,861
Yeah, baby!
327
00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:58,230
Wow, I'm drunker than I thought.
328
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:02,534
Hey, when I get back from the
bathroom, I'm spotting you.
329
00:13:02,569 --> 00:13:04,202
You got it, Dad.
330
00:13:04,238 --> 00:13:06,037
He's the best, right?
331
00:13:06,073 --> 00:13:07,806
Hey, pushing someone in the pool
332
00:13:07,841 --> 00:13:09,474
in the age of cell phones is not funny.
333
00:13:09,510 --> 00:13:11,209
Oh, really, because I thought
it was pretty hilarious.
334
00:13:11,245 --> 00:13:13,378
You would do anything to make
me look bad in front of Dad.
335
00:13:13,414 --> 00:13:16,581
- You make it pretty easy.
- Okay, it is on.
336
00:13:16,617 --> 00:13:18,750
- No, no, no, little brother...
- Yeah.
337
00:13:18,786 --> 00:13:20,051
now it's on.
338
00:13:20,087 --> 00:13:21,253
Do something.
339
00:13:21,288 --> 00:13:22,320
Fight!
340
00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:23,655
That's not what I had in mind.
341
00:13:23,690 --> 00:13:25,261
I am gonna serve you up.
342
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,425
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
343
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:27,926
I'm gonna embarrass you in
front of all your friends.
344
00:13:27,961 --> 00:13:29,604
- Yeah, yeah?
- Yeah!
345
00:13:29,629 --> 00:13:32,259
Well, Barry's gonna tape this and
send it to all your co-workers.
346
00:13:32,284 --> 00:13:34,308
Oh, yeah, I'll get in close and choppy,
347
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,448
like it's a Hunger Game.
348
00:13:35,473 --> 00:13:37,035
Let's maybe see some actual punching.
349
00:13:37,070 --> 00:13:39,070
Stop directing their fight, bro.
350
00:13:39,106 --> 00:13:41,173
Stop calling me bro, bro.
351
00:13:41,208 --> 00:13:43,431
It's a real fight, thank God!
352
00:13:46,046 --> 00:13:47,512
Screw this, it's ridiculous.
353
00:13:47,548 --> 00:13:49,548
You're ridiculous.
354
00:13:52,719 --> 00:13:53,852
Oh, okay.
355
00:13:53,887 --> 00:13:55,387
I solved it.
356
00:13:55,571 --> 00:13:58,233
You need to walk in on me.
357
00:14:02,989 --> 00:14:05,612
And then I'm all like, I'm
like, I'm like...
358
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,433
Yeah, and I'm all like,
359
00:14:07,458 --> 00:14:09,201
Get out! Get out!
360
00:14:11,104 --> 00:14:13,922
Oh, my God, I'm a genius.
361
00:14:15,592 --> 00:14:16,991
Hey, do you want to write a novel?
362
00:14:17,016 --> 00:14:18,620
Yeah, like right now.
363
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,116
What do you want?
364
00:14:26,141 --> 00:14:27,392
Well, I just want to
tell you a few things.
365
00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:29,387
One, I am still mad at you,
and two, please have Dad
366
00:14:29,423 --> 00:14:30,622
at the anniversary party by 5:00.
367
00:14:30,657 --> 00:14:32,061
What's that supposed
to mean? He's with you.
368
00:14:32,086 --> 00:14:33,063
What do you mean, Dad's with me?
369
00:14:33,088 --> 00:14:34,793
Dad's not with me. I took
the high road last night
370
00:14:34,828 --> 00:14:36,007
and left him at the party with you.
371
00:14:36,032 --> 00:14:38,251
No, I took the high road
and left him with you.
372
00:14:38,292 --> 00:14:40,544
Ha, ha, Cooper, that's not
funny. He is certainly not here.
373
00:14:40,569 --> 00:14:42,269
Oh, my God.
374
00:14:43,913 --> 00:14:45,646
- You lost Dad.
- You lost Dad.
375
00:14:49,969 --> 00:14:52,102
Yeah, Mom, Dad's fine. He's with us.
376
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,180
I'm looking at him right now.
377
00:14:53,213 --> 00:14:54,705
He's, uh, he's got gray hair, glasses...
378
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:56,006
You know what he looks like.
379
00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:57,674
Yeah, we'll have him back
in time for the party.
380
00:14:57,710 --> 00:14:59,058
Guaranteed.
381
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:00,282
Okay, bye.
382
00:15:00,379 --> 00:15:02,079
- This is all your fault.
- This is your fault.
383
00:15:02,104 --> 00:15:03,586
- You want to go?
- Please.
384
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,259
Fight, fight, fight!
385
00:15:05,284 --> 00:15:06,267
Nobody's fighting.
386
00:15:06,292 --> 00:15:07,392
Your dad's not outside.
387
00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:08,979
He's not in that creepy basement.
388
00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:10,316
It's just boxes.
389
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,311
Excuse me, sir.
390
00:15:13,336 --> 00:15:15,903
- Excuse me, sir.
- Hey, burn out, wake up.
391
00:15:15,932 --> 00:15:18,273
We're looking for our dad.
He's about six foot tall,
392
00:15:18,306 --> 00:15:19,484
salt-of-the-earth good looks,
393
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,285
and by far the oldest
person at this party.
394
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,955
Oh, I wish I could help you,
man, but I don't remember a lot.
395
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,491
Things got pretty hazy
after Juicy J showed up.
396
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,208
Are you saying that
Oscar-winning rapper Juicy J
397
00:15:29,233 --> 00:15:30,428
was here, and I missed it?
398
00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:34,142
Yeah, here, he freestyled for
the whole party. Check it out.
399
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,935
Hey, it's Dad.
400
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,337
♪ They ain't gonna be loyal ♪
401
00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,172
♪ Not for anybody ♪
402
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,885
♪ Still I love these bros ♪
403
00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:44,609
Whoa, your dad sucks.
404
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:45,644
Yeah, that guy...
405
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:47,025
he left with Juicy.
406
00:15:47,377 --> 00:15:51,949
All right, so I guess we
need to talk to Juicy J.
407
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,293
How do we find where he lives?
408
00:15:53,318 --> 00:15:54,152
You guys...
409
00:15:54,197 --> 00:15:55,185
I'm a property lawyer.
410
00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:57,077
I think I could pull a simple address.
411
00:16:00,771 --> 00:16:02,460
This should be it.
412
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,995
After this, should we go
to Bette Midler's house?
413
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,830
Uh, duh.
414
00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:07,275
So, just turn it.
415
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,372
You know, I still haven't
heard anything about Mark,
416
00:16:09,397 --> 00:16:10,702
and I'm starting to get a little nervous.
417
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,136
Okay.
418
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,005
I have a mild sativa in there
419
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,274
that'll calm you down...
420
00:16:15,299 --> 00:16:17,341
and maybe inspire you to pick up guitar.
421
00:16:17,369 --> 00:16:19,079
You know, by the way,
422
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,713
I reread the fantasy novel
we outlined last night.
423
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,448
- Oh.
- Let me tell you, even in the cold,
424
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,387
hard light of day,
this thing is fantastic.
425
00:16:26,412 --> 00:16:27,412
Okay.
426
00:16:27,543 --> 00:16:28,686
"A Hero's Lament,
427
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:30,288
by Cindy and Leslie Barrett."
428
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,289
Yay!
429
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,724
"We open on a bog in a land
430
00:16:32,770 --> 00:16:35,370
where magic decides the fates of men."
431
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,625
- Gosh, that's good.
- It's good.
432
00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:38,062
- That is, right?
- That's really...
433
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,631
God, there's so much sex in this.
434
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:44,068
Now, Kelly, be cool, be cool.
435
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,130
Juicy J is not gonna
think you're awesome,
436
00:16:46,155 --> 00:16:47,672
if you're not cool.
437
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,607
- You good?
- Yeah.
438
00:16:56,693 --> 00:16:58,824
Yo, tight crib, playa. Tight crib.
439
00:16:58,849 --> 00:17:00,683
Always good to see a
brother on top, you know.
440
00:17:00,708 --> 00:17:02,799
Yo, check it, I'm
Kelly, this is my squad.
441
00:17:02,824 --> 00:17:04,889
- Kelly, take a walk.
- Yeah, I'm already gone.
442
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,691
Sorry to bother you, Mr. J,
443
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,493
it's just, uh, o-our dad is missing
444
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,867
and we have reason to believe
445
00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:11,618
he may have been with
you last night, uh...
446
00:17:11,643 --> 00:17:13,679
You don't know a Mark Barrett, do you?
447
00:17:13,704 --> 00:17:16,200
M-Bone? The Aviator?
448
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,735
Hell yeah, I know that fool.
449
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:21,182
"The Aviator" is trending on Twitter.
450
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:24,041
Yeah, so, w-where is this Aviator now?
451
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:25,077
Man, that guy's crazy.
452
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,745
He wanted to party all night,
but I had to be up early.
453
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:28,913
You know, the farmers market,
454
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,114
they run out of strawberries around 8:00.
455
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,591
Oh, my God, my-my wife and I
456
00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:33,683
- love the heirloom tomatoes.
- Yeah!
457
00:17:33,708 --> 00:17:35,175
Yeah, they're so good,
you know what I'm saying?
458
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,120
Oh, shi...
459
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,522
- Josh, could we just, please.
- You know what it is.
460
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,923
But look, the last
time I saw The Aviator,
461
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,925
he was asking me for
the keys to my Jet Ski.
462
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:44,331
Uh... Mr. J, you wouldn't happen to
have a pair of binoculars, would you?
463
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,824
A pair?
464
00:17:47,527 --> 00:17:48,777
- Whoa.
- Wow.
465
00:17:48,802 --> 00:17:50,717
You guys have everything in excess.
466
00:17:50,796 --> 00:17:52,867
- Come on, where is he?
- I'm gonna find him.
467
00:17:52,892 --> 00:17:54,382
These aren't working, no?
468
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:55,640
How do you focus them?
469
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,375
- I got him! I got him!
- What?
470
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,392
Let me see.
471
00:17:58,417 --> 00:18:00,062
Guys, call the... call the coast guard!
472
00:18:00,087 --> 00:18:01,412
- I found him.
- Let me see it.
473
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:02,547
- Get off.
- Dad!
474
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,781
I'm coming for you!
475
00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:05,483
Get out of my way.
476
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,552
- I'm coming, Dad!
- We're coming for you, Dad!
477
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,177
I'm coming to save you, Papa!
478
00:18:09,202 --> 00:18:10,488
I'm coming, Dad!
479
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:13,090
Let's go, let's go.
480
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,492
Would you help, please?
481
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,127
You're folding your
jeans... are you serious?
482
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,722
Do you know how much I paid for these?!
483
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,565
I've got you.
484
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,324
- I got you, Dad!
- Coming, Dad.
485
00:18:22,349 --> 00:18:24,001
- Hey!
- I'm here to save you!
486
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:26,003
- Come on, faster.
- I'm trying.
487
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:28,676
Juicy's Jet Ski is garbage!
488
00:18:28,701 --> 00:18:29,767
- Jump.
- Whoa!
489
00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:31,324
Careful. I've got you. Hang on.
490
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,144
Dad, I have you, hold on.
491
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:35,179
- Hold on.
- I'm good, I'm holding.
492
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,845
I'm good.
493
00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:38,937
Dad, I have you. I've saved you.
494
00:18:38,962 --> 00:18:40,172
Thanks, babe.
495
00:18:40,197 --> 00:18:42,392
Where's your brother?
496
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,691
♪ I'm looking up ♪
497
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,374
♪ Baby, I've been down... ♪
498
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,799
I don't know what it is,
499
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,064
but I fell for you the minute I saw you.
500
00:18:57,089 --> 00:18:58,603
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
501
00:18:58,628 --> 00:18:59,572
There was, like, an energy
502
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,672
- drawing us together, you know?
- Yeah.
503
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,140
Yeah, I felt it, too.
504
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,542
Yeah, you did it.
505
00:19:04,580 --> 00:19:07,009
48 hours, and thanks to me,
you've met this lovely, young...
506
00:19:07,034 --> 00:19:09,313
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Bye.
507
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:10,275
What...
508
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,617
Okay, he clearly has a problem.
509
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,285
I'm Barry.
510
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,284
I'm sorry I get so
competitive with you over Dad.
511
00:19:16,319 --> 00:19:17,565
- Ah...
- It's just...
512
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,228
I guess I never totally got over the
fact you're his favorite, you know.
513
00:19:20,253 --> 00:19:21,931
What are you talking about?
514
00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:22,853
No, come on.
515
00:19:22,878 --> 00:19:24,829
You're the lawyer, you got the family.
516
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,447
You've lived up to every
expectation he's ever had.
517
00:19:27,472 --> 00:19:29,750
Coop, are you kidding
me? You're his favorite.
518
00:19:29,775 --> 00:19:31,971
- You're the fun one.
- Oh.
519
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:35,174
I am sorry for everything
I put you boys through.
520
00:19:35,199 --> 00:19:37,266
Maybe I shouldn't have
kept so many secrets,
521
00:19:37,333 --> 00:19:38,900
but on the other hand,
522
00:19:38,925 --> 00:19:40,372
you've both turned out to be
523
00:19:40,397 --> 00:19:42,378
the most amazing young men.
524
00:19:42,403 --> 00:19:45,683
- Aw, thanks, Dad.
- Who's more amazing?
525
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,080
Come on.
526
00:19:47,877 --> 00:19:49,520
So, what have we learned?
527
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:52,657
Well, porn can be addictive.
528
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,026
Juicy J loves binoculars.
529
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,928
And if you think you know exactly
530
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,664
how your family sees you, think again,
531
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,266
because the very things they
give you a hard time about
532
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,336
might just bring you closer together.
533
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:07,566
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
534
00:20:08,559 --> 00:20:09,717
Juicy J.
535
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,986
My boy The Aviator and his wife, Cindy,
536
00:20:14,011 --> 00:20:16,447
are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary.
537
00:20:16,931 --> 00:20:19,850
♪ These bros ♪
538
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,585
♪ They for everybody ♪
539
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:22,482
♪ Everybody ♪
540
00:20:22,507 --> 00:20:23,888
♪ Pass them all around ♪
541
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,466
♪ They at every party ♪
542
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:26,404
♪ Every party ♪
543
00:20:26,429 --> 00:20:28,282
Boy, your father's not looking too well.
544
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,462
- Really?
- For a man who parties as much as he does,
545
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,564
he sure can't hold his liquor.
546
00:20:34,055 --> 00:20:36,366
Wait, you've known about
Dad this whole time?
547
00:20:36,391 --> 00:20:38,536
I'm not stupid.
548
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,472
Just don't tell him, though,
that'll be our little secret.
549
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,240
You want to know another secret?
550
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:46,083
You have always been my favorite.
551
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,982
Okay, so now I'm going
to smoke some trees
552
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,283
with your sister-in-law.
553
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:53,753
Where's Leslie?
554
00:20:56,097 --> 00:20:57,691
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Neal!
555
00:20:57,716 --> 00:20:59,090
Get out!
556
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,292
Does anybody lock doors around here?
557
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:06,327
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com