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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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When you're in your 20's a visit from
your parents can be so overwhelming...
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it could feel like you're drowning.
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Did I say "feel like"?
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I meant actually drowning.
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(screaming)
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Sorry.
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I thought something touched my leg.
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My name is Cooper Barrett.
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My friends and I are
here to mess up our lives
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so you don't have to.
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WOMAN (over phone): Oh! (moaning)
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- Yeah.
- MAN: Are you sure?
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- Mm-hmm.
- (moaning)
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Oh, my God.
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I was watching that.
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What time is it?
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- Noon.
- Damn.
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What are we, farmers? Go back to sleep.
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I thought we weren't drinking last night.
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We weren't,
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but then you pointed out
we had all those beers,
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and Barry said we should drink them.
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- That tracks.
- Guys, my parents are coming in
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for their anniversary party
and their flight gets in
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in, like, six hours
and they're gonna want
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to come by here on their
way to Josh's, so can we
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clean this place up so they finally
think I have my act together?
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- (door opens)
- Oh, I don't think that's possible, Coop.
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Mom, Dad.
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Amazing.
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_
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Sorry about all the mess.
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We were celebrating the
launch of the new, uh, Web site
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for the-for the company.
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- Oh.
- Oh.
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- Oh, Neal, show them.
- Yeah.
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Pretty excited about
this one. Here we go.
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Uh, the name of your
Web site is "MILF Smack"?
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- (woman moaning)
- Nope, that is not what
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it's supposed to be called. I can't...
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Probably get more business that way.
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N-no, you got to press that...
What are you... Hey!
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- How was the flight?
- It was good.
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Did Josh not tell you
we were coming early?
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I guess he must have forgotten.
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Did I? Hmm.
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Cooper...
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(squishing)
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- Oh, I got a situation here.
- CINDY: Oh, what a shame.
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- I got it. Yeah.
- That's gonna...
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- Sorry, Dad.
- That's, uh...
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Now, Cooper, when I was your age
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I had this friend,
Lefty, and he was always
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inviting me out for a cold one,
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but I was too busy
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raising a family and
defending our great country.
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Then one day, I stopped by his apartment
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and his roommates answered...
he didn't have a wife...
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and they told me that ol' Lefty
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drank himself to death.
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Great story, Dad.
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- Great story.
- Yeah, Josh...
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can I talk to you for a sec?
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Yeah.
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Admit it,
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you intentionally didn't
tell me they were coming
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'cause you wanted me to look bad.
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(laughing): Why would I do that?
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I don't know.
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W-why would you call Mom and
Dad when I'm throwing a party
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and tell them the house was on fire?
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Because the house was on fire.
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I had it mostly contained.
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Coop, come on, man, I
brought them over here
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because I'm trying to keep Mom and Leslie
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away from each other.
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It's still tense because of the incident.
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(screams)
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Oh! Oh! Oh!
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Get out!
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That was seven years ago.
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Well, Leslie can't even get into the car
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without knocking first.
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I don't even understand how.
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BARRY: Hey, how are you ladies doing?
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I'm Barry Sandel.
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This is my boy, Neal.
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- WOMAN: Who's a bad boy?
- (whip cracks)
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Yeah, you are.
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What the hell are you doing?
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Great, now I don't know
how that's gonna end.
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Dude.
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How much of this stuff are you
watching a day on your phone?
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That genre specifically?
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You know you got a problem, right?
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- Neal!
- What?
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Sorry, I was thinking about
porn again. What were you saying?
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Look, I'll tell you what.
For the next 48 hours,
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you can not watch any porn.
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If I catch you watching some porn,
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I'm gonna hit you upside your head
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with a pillowcase full of oranges.
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- I'm in.
- (grunts)
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KELLY: I know what it's like
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to have a father who's
hard to live up to.
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My dad is one of the top physical
therapists in the country.
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My dad was a fighter pilot,
who flew Air Force One
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and ended up saving the President's life.
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Twice.
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My dad won an award
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for shoulder impingement relief, so...
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(laughs)
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Sometimes I feel like my dad
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wishes I was exactly
like my older brother,
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but that might just be
because we have the same name,
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and they only decided to have another kid
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after first Neal died in a car accident.
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Look, there are a million reasons
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that your dad should be proud of you.
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You have great friends,
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and you started your
dream company from scratch
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that actually has potential.
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And you coined the term, "To the max."
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Yeah, I definitely
didn't coin that, Neal.
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Huh, well, maybe your dad is right.
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Thing is, my dad's really old school.
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He just measures success
in-in-in concrete terms,
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which is why Josh, with
his career and his family,
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is totally winning.
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Okay, where's your dad right now?
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Uh, at Josh's house with food poisoning.
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The rest of the family went up
to Santa Barbara for the night.
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Okay, here's what you do: you go over,
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and you sit him down,
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and explain exactly
what it is you're doing.
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There's no way he's
not gonna be impressed.
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W-what about, "Raise the roof?"
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It's not mine either, man.
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Well, another crappy day for second Neal.
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Okay, it's bad enough
you drove me over here.
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You don't have to come and
talk to my father with me.
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No, I just want to make sure
you're not gonna chicken out.
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(sighs) You really give
me no credit, do you?
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No.
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Do you want to get a froyo?
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Cooper...
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How am I supposed to impress a guy
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who's basically a saint?
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(music playing)
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Dad?
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(glass shatters)
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You're not pizza.
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(chatter, laughter)
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Cooper, I haven't been honest with you.
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- Is this a gay thing?
- Whoa, is this a gay thing?
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It's not a gay thing. No one's gay.
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- I'm gay.
- No way, Jerry, hey.
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- Thanks.
- Happy for you.
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What is happening? Who are these people?
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Uh, these are just some guys I
put together for a poker game.
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Since when do you drink or gamble?
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Not long.
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Eight to ten months...
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before your brother was born.
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Wait, my whole life I've
been trying to live up
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to your perfect example.
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How do you think I feel?
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I had to sneak around
and tell lies to people
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to have any fun whatsoever.
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Plus, you almost burned
our house to the ground.
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I had it mostly contained!
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Okay, look, I was wrong
to keep this from you.
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From now on, no more lies.
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Okay, so Mom knows about this?
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What are you, nuts? She'd kill me.
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And don't tell Josh.
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He wouldn't understand.
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That guy's never partied
a day in his life.
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(laughing): Yeah, right.
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I mean, yeah, right.
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This is a lot to process.
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I-I don't know what to do.
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How about sharing a beer with
your old man for the first time?
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♪ Hit 'em high, hit
'em high, hit 'em high ♪
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00:06:03,046 --> 00:06:04,579
All right.
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♪ Throw your hands up
and reach for the sky... ♪
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(cheering)
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That's my boy.
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♪ Hit 'em low, hit 'em
low, hit 'em low... ♪
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(cheering and whooping)
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So, it's third and one,
they're showing blitz,
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and suddenly I realize...
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I'm into dudes.
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(shouting and laughter)
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Great story, Jerry!
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♪ ♪
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Hey, how was Santa Barbara?
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What the hell happened here?
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This place is a total disaster.
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00:06:42,452 --> 00:06:44,486
Yeah, it looks like a giant dump.
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00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,387
(screaming)
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00:06:46,423 --> 00:06:48,089
I mean, untidy.
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Hey.
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You're back early.
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What is going on?
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00:06:54,233 --> 00:06:55,620
Well...
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00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,042
Uh...
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00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,034
I think it's pretty obvious
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00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:01,936
what's going on here, uh...
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00:07:01,972 --> 00:07:04,262
while Dad was, you know,
getting over his sickness
212
00:07:04,287 --> 00:07:05,940
in-in-in the guesthouse,
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00:07:05,976 --> 00:07:08,309
I saw an opportunity
to throw myself a rager.
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- This is not your house.
- So untidy.
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00:07:09,919 --> 00:07:11,347
- It's exactly what it looks like happened.
- Untidy.
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The worst uncle ever.
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(sighs)
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00:07:14,918 --> 00:07:18,253
We are really disappointed
in you, Cooper.
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00:07:25,162 --> 00:07:26,728
BARRY: For the next 48 hours,
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00:07:26,763 --> 00:07:29,164
you cannot watch any porn.
221
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(clears throat)
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00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:35,436
(sighs)
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00:07:43,466 --> 00:07:45,066
Barry!
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00:07:47,538 --> 00:07:48,891
MAN: Is there a problem, ma'am?
225
00:07:48,916 --> 00:07:52,174
WOMAN: My car broke down
and I could sure use a ride.
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00:07:52,289 --> 00:07:52,799
(shouts)
227
00:07:52,824 --> 00:07:54,223
You're lucky these are mandarins.
228
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,206
No more porn.
229
00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:59,294
LESLIE: Wow, your dad's
really laying it onto Cooper.
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00:07:59,329 --> 00:08:01,362
(laughing): Yeah, I know. Isn't it great?
231
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:05,099
I love you so much
for taking that bullet.
232
00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:06,367
I love you, too, Dad.
233
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,203
Yeah, you really made me proud today.
234
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,302
JOSH: Wow, he is really
sticking it to him.
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00:08:10,327 --> 00:08:14,063
You are officially my favorite son.
236
00:08:16,773 --> 00:08:18,206
- Dad...
- Just don't...
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00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,630
they're looking. They're still looking.
238
00:08:19,655 --> 00:08:21,325
Hey, when can we hang out again?
239
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:22,850
Um...
240
00:08:22,886 --> 00:08:25,329
My friends and I are going to a
big blowout party in Venice tonight.
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00:08:25,354 --> 00:08:28,056
Ah, I'd love to, but I can't.
242
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,892
Leslie's making that
God-awful polenta tonight.
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00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:31,993
You know, if I was gonna miss
244
00:08:32,028 --> 00:08:33,228
two family functions in a row,
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00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,330
I'd have to lay it on pretty thick.
246
00:08:35,365 --> 00:08:36,898
Well, you're in luck, Dad.
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00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,500
Laying it on pretty thick is what I do.
248
00:08:39,536 --> 00:08:41,359
I'm getting you out of that dinner.
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00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,204
Hey, Dad, check it out.
250
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,906
I had this scrapbook made of the family.
251
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,341
- Oh, yeah?
- Come on.
252
00:08:46,376 --> 00:08:48,876
(both chuckling)
253
00:08:48,912 --> 00:08:50,345
- Look at this.
- Yeah.
254
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:51,713
This is all you and me.
255
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,414
Yeah, only the best moments.
256
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,415
Ah.
257
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,084
(phone ringing)
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00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,432
Honey, I think that's your phone.
259
00:08:57,457 --> 00:08:59,020
Ah, darn it, I meant
to turn the thing off.
260
00:08:59,055 --> 00:09:00,488
Can you get it for me, honey?
261
00:09:00,523 --> 00:09:03,491
Hi, uh, this is Mark Barrett's phone.
262
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:05,827
(in deep voice): Tell him
it's Simion Bradshaw calling.
263
00:09:05,854 --> 00:09:06,886
I think it's a client.
264
00:09:06,930 --> 00:09:09,430
I am not interested. I'm having
a lovely dinner with my family.
265
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,660
You know, if something was gonna
pull me away from this dinner,
266
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,167
it would have to be really important,
267
00:09:13,203 --> 00:09:14,902
like the McKinley project.
268
00:09:14,938 --> 00:09:19,240
I've flown to Los Angeles to
discuss the McKinley project.
269
00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:21,743
(car horn beeping)
270
00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:25,757
Bought it, hook, line and sinker.
271
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:28,116
ALL: Yes!
272
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,250
ALL (chanting): Mr.B.!
273
00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:30,451
Yes!
274
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,553
ALL: Mr. B., Mr. B.!
275
00:09:32,589 --> 00:09:33,855
Cooper.
276
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:35,570
NEAL: Man, I feel weird.
277
00:09:35,595 --> 00:09:37,218
My body's all tingly.
278
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,060
That's 'cause you haven't
watched porn all day.
279
00:09:39,095 --> 00:09:41,529
It's your chi, your sexual energy.
280
00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:42,764
I'm gonna talk to these girls.
281
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,265
- (women laughing)
- There you go.
282
00:09:44,301 --> 00:09:46,132
Pardon me, uh...
283
00:09:46,157 --> 00:09:49,195
Can I borrow your phone to watch porn?
284
00:09:49,662 --> 00:09:51,372
- Ew.
- Let's go.
285
00:09:51,408 --> 00:09:52,707
(Neal shouts)
286
00:09:52,742 --> 00:09:54,409
To the McKinley project!
287
00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:57,412
- The McKinley project!
- The project!
288
00:09:57,447 --> 00:09:58,946
ALL: Mmm.
289
00:09:58,982 --> 00:09:59,991
More.
290
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,849
- Oh.
- No.
291
00:10:01,985 --> 00:10:04,955
It's so good to see you
bonding with your dad.
292
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,154
I know, right?
293
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,923
It's, like, the first time I don't
feel like I'm in Josh's shadow.
294
00:10:08,958 --> 00:10:10,063
Guys.
295
00:10:10,088 --> 00:10:11,563
What are you doing here?
296
00:10:11,588 --> 00:10:13,328
W-what do you mean? I'm here to party.
297
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,140
Josh, what...
298
00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:16,264
Dad.
299
00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:17,945
Oh, my God, you caught me.
300
00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:20,268
I caught you? I caught you doing what?
301
00:10:20,303 --> 00:10:22,554
Well, I might as well come clean.
302
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:28,576
Dad, I have been pretending to
be this responsible family man,
303
00:10:28,611 --> 00:10:30,011
but the truth is,
304
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:33,276
I spend a lot of time partying
with Cooper and his friends.
305
00:10:33,301 --> 00:10:34,949
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
306
00:10:34,984 --> 00:10:36,517
I'm the same way.
307
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,501
There wasn't any
business meeting tonight.
308
00:10:38,526 --> 00:10:40,660
- Get out, what are you saying?
- I'm saying,
309
00:10:40,685 --> 00:10:42,806
"Like father, like son."
310
00:10:44,392 --> 00:10:46,594
- Ah.
- Ah, perfect.
311
00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,830
How you doing? Attaboy.
312
00:10:52,798 --> 00:10:54,383
(laughing)
313
00:10:54,407 --> 00:10:58,038
Oh, Dad, this sounds incredible.
314
00:10:58,073 --> 00:11:00,958
Yeah. DJ'ing is so much
easier than I thought.
315
00:11:00,983 --> 00:11:02,246
They're not even doing anything.
316
00:11:02,271 --> 00:11:04,465
I mean, t-the music's
playing from someone's phone.
317
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,223
I know, but the vibe is theirs.
318
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:07,881
It's like they two peas in a pod.
319
00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:09,983
COOPER: I should be one of those peas.
320
00:11:10,018 --> 00:11:11,372
Cooper, get in there.
321
00:11:11,397 --> 00:11:13,982
You're above this competition
with your brother. Apologize.
322
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,355
Ah, oh, you're right.
323
00:11:15,391 --> 00:11:16,857
I should just be the adult.
324
00:11:16,882 --> 00:11:18,167
Go.
325
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,227
Josh, can I talk to you for a sec?
326
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:21,461
Yeah, cool.
327
00:11:21,497 --> 00:11:23,530
What is it, Coop?
328
00:11:23,565 --> 00:11:25,532
Dad can only tease the
beat drop for so long.
329
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:27,901
You know, I just...
I feel like we've been
330
00:11:27,936 --> 00:11:29,302
really competitive about Dad.
331
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:31,482
I guess, I feel like...
332
00:11:31,507 --> 00:11:33,120
(Josh shouts)
333
00:11:33,145 --> 00:11:34,485
JOSH: Hey!
334
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,103
(singsong): Bye.
335
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:37,894
♪ ♪
336
00:11:39,081 --> 00:11:40,109
Wait, I just had a thought.
337
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:42,916
If Josh is here, that means
Leslie and Mom are alone.
338
00:11:42,951 --> 00:11:44,951
- (record scratches)
- Dear, God.
339
00:11:46,984 --> 00:11:48,722
Oh.
340
00:11:48,757 --> 00:11:50,924
(coughs)
341
00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:54,728
(gentle music plays)
342
00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:56,296
Look at all this food.
343
00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:00,901
- And it's just the two of us.
- Yeah.
344
00:12:02,506 --> 00:12:05,407
This edamame salad is out of this world.
345
00:12:05,432 --> 00:12:07,233
- Is that spice cumin?
- Mm.
346
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,081
- Do you want to get high?
- Yeah.
347
00:12:15,117 --> 00:12:16,917
I'm so glad you came up to me.
348
00:12:16,952 --> 00:12:18,952
It's like you stepped out of my dreams.
349
00:12:18,987 --> 00:12:20,720
It's like you stepped out of my phone.
350
00:12:20,756 --> 00:12:22,556
- Oh, Neal.
- (chuckles)
351
00:12:24,259 --> 00:12:25,926
That'll do, oranges.
352
00:12:25,961 --> 00:12:27,093
That'll do.
353
00:12:29,598 --> 00:12:31,731
I'm telling you, Reginald,
354
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:34,935
when I get out of here
I'm gonna kill Cooper.
355
00:12:37,072 --> 00:12:38,905
This would be better if
I had some sort of marker.
356
00:12:38,941 --> 00:12:41,074
(door creaks open)
357
00:12:41,109 --> 00:12:43,109
(laughing quietly)
358
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,712
(clattering)
359
00:12:45,747 --> 00:12:47,314
(woman giggles)
360
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:50,217
- Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.
- PARTYGOERS: Go, go, go, go, go.
361
00:12:50,252 --> 00:12:51,499
Yeah, Dad, Dad...
362
00:12:51,524 --> 00:12:53,153
(screams)
363
00:12:53,188 --> 00:12:55,088
- Dad, Dad, Dad!
- Go, go, go!
364
00:12:55,123 --> 00:12:56,756
Dad, Dad, Dad!
365
00:12:56,792 --> 00:12:59,159
- Do it, Dad.
- (cheering)
366
00:12:59,194 --> 00:13:00,961
Yeah, baby!
367
00:13:00,996 --> 00:13:03,330
Wow, I'm drunker than I thought.
368
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:04,464
(laughs)
369
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:07,634
Hey, when I get back from the
bathroom, I'm spotting you.
370
00:13:07,669 --> 00:13:09,302
You got it, Dad.
371
00:13:09,338 --> 00:13:11,137
He's the best, right?
372
00:13:11,173 --> 00:13:12,906
Hey, pushing someone in the pool
373
00:13:12,941 --> 00:13:14,574
in the age of cell phones is not funny.
374
00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:16,309
Oh, really, because I thought
it was pretty hilarious.
375
00:13:16,345 --> 00:13:18,478
You would do anything to make
me look bad in front of Dad.
376
00:13:18,514 --> 00:13:21,681
- You make it pretty easy.
- Okay, it is on.
377
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:23,850
- No, no, no, little brother...
- Yeah.
378
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,151
now it's on.
379
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:26,353
Do something.
380
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,420
Fight!
381
00:13:27,456 --> 00:13:28,755
That's not what I had in mind.
382
00:13:28,790 --> 00:13:30,361
I am gonna serve you up.
383
00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:31,525
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
384
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,026
I'm gonna embarrass you in
front of all your friends.
385
00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:34,704
- Yeah, yeah?
- Yeah!
386
00:13:34,729 --> 00:13:37,359
Well, Barry's gonna tape this and
send it to all your co-workers.
387
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,408
Oh, yeah, I'll get in close and choppy,
388
00:13:39,433 --> 00:13:40,548
like it's a Hunger Game.
389
00:13:40,573 --> 00:13:42,135
Let's maybe see some actual punching.
390
00:13:42,170 --> 00:13:44,170
Stop directing their fight, bro.
391
00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:46,273
Stop calling me bro, bro.
392
00:13:46,308 --> 00:13:48,531
PARTYGOER: It's a real fight, thank God!
393
00:13:48,877 --> 00:13:50,744
(people hollering and cheering)
394
00:13:51,146 --> 00:13:52,612
Screw this, it's ridiculous.
395
00:13:52,648 --> 00:13:54,648
You're ridiculous.
396
00:13:54,683 --> 00:13:57,764
(mumbling incoherently)
397
00:13:57,819 --> 00:13:58,952
Oh, okay.
398
00:13:58,987 --> 00:14:00,487
I solved it.
399
00:14:00,671 --> 00:14:03,333
You need to walk in on me.
400
00:14:03,358 --> 00:14:05,425
(both laughing)
401
00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:10,712
And then I'm all like, I'm
like, I'm like... (screams)
402
00:14:10,737 --> 00:14:12,533
(laughs) Yeah, and I'm all like,
403
00:14:12,558 --> 00:14:14,301
(deep voice): Get out! Get out!
404
00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:16,169
(both laughing)
405
00:14:16,204 --> 00:14:19,022
Oh, my God, I'm a genius.
406
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:22,091
Hey, do you want to write a novel?
407
00:14:22,116 --> 00:14:23,720
Yeah, like right now.
408
00:14:23,745 --> 00:14:26,046
(phone ringing)
409
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,216
What do you want?
410
00:14:31,241 --> 00:14:32,492
Well, I just want to
tell you a few things.
411
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:34,487
One, I am still mad at you,
and two, please have Dad
412
00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:35,722
at the anniversary party by 5:00.
413
00:14:35,757 --> 00:14:37,161
What's that supposed
to mean? He's with you.
414
00:14:37,186 --> 00:14:38,163
What do you mean, Dad's with me?
415
00:14:38,188 --> 00:14:39,893
Dad's not with me. I took
the high road last night
416
00:14:39,928 --> 00:14:41,107
and left him at the party with you.
417
00:14:41,132 --> 00:14:43,351
No, I took the high road
and left him with you.
418
00:14:43,392 --> 00:14:45,644
Ha, ha, Cooper, that's not
funny. He is certainly not here.
419
00:14:45,669 --> 00:14:47,369
Oh, my God.
420
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,746
- You lost Dad.
- You lost Dad.
421
00:14:57,569 --> 00:14:59,702
Yeah, Mom, Dad's fine. He's with us.
422
00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:00,780
I'm looking at him right now.
423
00:15:00,813 --> 00:15:02,305
He's, uh, he's got gray hair, glasses...
424
00:15:02,340 --> 00:15:03,606
You know what he looks like.
425
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:05,274
Yeah, we'll have him back
in time for the party.
426
00:15:05,310 --> 00:15:06,658
Guaranteed.
427
00:15:06,683 --> 00:15:07,882
Okay, bye.
428
00:15:07,979 --> 00:15:09,679
- This is all your fault.
- This is your fault.
429
00:15:09,704 --> 00:15:11,186
- You want to go?
- Please.
430
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:12,859
Fight, fight, fight!
431
00:15:12,884 --> 00:15:13,867
Nobody's fighting.
432
00:15:13,892 --> 00:15:14,992
Your dad's not outside.
433
00:15:15,017 --> 00:15:16,579
He's not in that creepy basement.
434
00:15:16,673 --> 00:15:17,916
It's just boxes.
435
00:15:18,181 --> 00:15:19,568
(clears throat)
436
00:15:19,678 --> 00:15:20,911
Excuse me, sir.
437
00:15:20,936 --> 00:15:23,503
- Excuse me, sir.
- Hey, burn out, wake up.
438
00:15:23,532 --> 00:15:25,873
We're looking for our dad.
He's about six foot tall,
439
00:15:25,906 --> 00:15:27,084
salt-of-the-earth good looks,
440
00:15:27,119 --> 00:15:28,885
and by far the oldest
person at this party.
441
00:15:28,921 --> 00:15:31,555
Oh, I wish I could help you,
man, but I don't remember a lot.
442
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:34,091
Things got pretty hazy
after Juicy J showed up.
443
00:15:34,126 --> 00:15:36,808
Are you saying that
Oscar-winning rapper Juicy J
444
00:15:36,833 --> 00:15:38,028
was here, and I missed it?
445
00:15:38,073 --> 00:15:41,742
Yeah, here, he freestyled for
the whole party. Check it out.
446
00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:43,934
(people cheering)
447
00:15:43,969 --> 00:15:45,535
Hey, it's Dad.
448
00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:46,937
BOTH: ♪ They ain't gonna be loyal ♪
449
00:15:46,972 --> 00:15:48,772
♪ Not for anybody ♪
450
00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:50,485
♪ Still I love these bros ♪
451
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:52,209
Whoa, your dad sucks.
452
00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:53,244
Yeah, that guy...
453
00:15:53,279 --> 00:15:54,625
he left with Juicy.
454
00:15:54,977 --> 00:15:59,549
All right, so I guess we
need to talk to Juicy J.
455
00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:00,893
How do we find where he lives?
456
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:01,752
You guys...
457
00:16:01,797 --> 00:16:02,785
I'm a property lawyer.
458
00:16:02,810 --> 00:16:04,677
I think I could pull a simple address.
459
00:16:05,057 --> 00:16:06,057
(Barry chuckles)
460
00:16:08,371 --> 00:16:10,060
This should be it.
461
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:11,595
After this, should we go
to Bette Midler's house?
462
00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:13,430
Uh, duh.
463
00:16:13,475 --> 00:16:14,875
So, just turn it.
464
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,972
You know, I still haven't
heard anything about Mark,
465
00:16:16,997 --> 00:16:18,302
and I'm starting to get a little nervous.
466
00:16:18,337 --> 00:16:19,736
Okay.
467
00:16:19,772 --> 00:16:21,605
I have a mild sativa in there
468
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:22,874
that'll calm you down...
469
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,941
and maybe inspire you to pick up guitar.
470
00:16:24,969 --> 00:16:26,679
(both laugh) You know, by the way,
471
00:16:26,712 --> 00:16:29,313
I reread the fantasy novel
we outlined last night.
472
00:16:29,348 --> 00:16:31,048
- Oh.
- Let me tell you, even in the cold,
473
00:16:31,083 --> 00:16:33,987
hard light of day,
this thing is fantastic.
474
00:16:34,012 --> 00:16:35,012
Okay.
475
00:16:35,143 --> 00:16:36,286
"A Hero's Lament,
476
00:16:36,322 --> 00:16:37,888
by Cindy and Leslie Barrett."
477
00:16:37,923 --> 00:16:38,889
- Yay!
- (chuckles)
478
00:16:38,924 --> 00:16:40,324
"We open on a bog in a land
479
00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:42,970
where magic decides the fates of men."
480
00:16:42,995 --> 00:16:44,225
- Gosh, that's good.
- It's good.
481
00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:45,662
- That is, right?
- That's really...
482
00:16:45,698 --> 00:16:48,231
God, there's so much sex in this.
483
00:16:48,267 --> 00:16:51,668
Now, Kelly, be cool, be cool.
484
00:16:51,704 --> 00:16:53,730
Juicy J is not gonna
think you're awesome,
485
00:16:53,755 --> 00:16:55,272
if you're not cool.
486
00:16:55,307 --> 00:16:57,207
- You good?
- Yeah.
487
00:17:00,212 --> 00:17:02,312
(laughing hysterically)
488
00:17:02,348 --> 00:17:04,247
Oh! Oh! Oh!
489
00:17:04,293 --> 00:17:06,424
Yo, tight crib, playa. Tight crib.
490
00:17:06,449 --> 00:17:08,283
Always good to see a
brother on top, you know.
491
00:17:08,308 --> 00:17:10,399
Yo, check it, I'm
Kelly, this is my squad.
492
00:17:10,424 --> 00:17:12,489
- Kelly, take a walk.
- Yeah, I'm already gone.
493
00:17:12,524 --> 00:17:14,291
Sorry to bother you, Mr. J,
494
00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:16,093
it's just, uh, o-our dad is missing
495
00:17:16,128 --> 00:17:17,467
and we have reason to believe
496
00:17:17,492 --> 00:17:19,218
he may have been with
you last night, uh...
497
00:17:19,243 --> 00:17:21,279
You don't know a Mark Barrett, do you?
498
00:17:21,304 --> 00:17:23,800
M-Bone? The Aviator?
499
00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:25,335
Hell yeah, I know that fool.
500
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,782
"The Aviator" is trending on Twitter.
501
00:17:28,807 --> 00:17:31,641
Yeah, so, w-where is this Aviator now?
502
00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:32,677
Man, that guy's crazy.
503
00:17:32,711 --> 00:17:35,345
He wanted to party all night,
but I had to be up early.
504
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:36,513
You know, the farmers market,
505
00:17:36,548 --> 00:17:37,714
they run out of strawberries around 8:00.
506
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,191
Oh, my God, my-my wife and I
507
00:17:39,216 --> 00:17:41,283
- love the heirloom tomatoes.
- Yeah!
508
00:17:41,308 --> 00:17:42,775
Yeah, they're so good,
you know what I'm saying?
509
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:43,720
Oh, shi...
510
00:17:43,756 --> 00:17:45,122
- Josh, could we just, please.
- You know what it is.
511
00:17:45,157 --> 00:17:46,523
But look, the last
time I saw The Aviator,
512
00:17:46,558 --> 00:17:48,525
he was asking me for
the keys to my Jet Ski.
513
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,931
Uh... Mr. J, you wouldn't happen to
have a pair of binoculars, would you?
514
00:17:51,956 --> 00:17:53,424
A pair? (scoffs)
515
00:17:55,127 --> 00:17:56,377
- Whoa.
- Wow.
516
00:17:56,402 --> 00:17:58,317
You guys have everything in excess.
517
00:17:58,396 --> 00:18:00,467
- Come on, where is he?
- I'm gonna find him.
518
00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:01,982
JOSH: These aren't working, no?
519
00:18:02,007 --> 00:18:03,240
How do you focus them?
520
00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:04,975
- I got him! I got him!
- What?
521
00:18:05,010 --> 00:18:05,992
Let me see.
522
00:18:06,017 --> 00:18:07,662
Guys, call the... call the coast guard!
523
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:09,012
- I found him.
- Let me see it.
524
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,147
- Get off.
- Dad!
525
00:18:10,182 --> 00:18:11,381
I'm coming for you!
526
00:18:11,417 --> 00:18:13,083
Get out of my way.
527
00:18:13,118 --> 00:18:15,152
- I'm coming, Dad!
- We're coming for you, Dad!
528
00:18:15,187 --> 00:18:16,777
I'm coming to save you, Papa!
529
00:18:16,802 --> 00:18:18,088
I'm coming, Dad!
530
00:18:18,123 --> 00:18:20,690
Let's go, let's go.
531
00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:22,092
Would you help, please?
532
00:18:22,127 --> 00:18:23,727
You're folding your
jeans... are you serious?
533
00:18:23,762 --> 00:18:25,159
Do you know how much I paid for these?!
534
00:18:25,184 --> 00:18:26,530
(Cooper groaning)
535
00:18:26,565 --> 00:18:28,165
JOSH: I've got you.
536
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:29,924
- I got you, Dad!
- Coming, Dad.
537
00:18:29,949 --> 00:18:31,601
- Hey!
- JOSH: I'm here to save you!
538
00:18:31,637 --> 00:18:33,603
- Come on, faster.
- I'm trying.
539
00:18:33,639 --> 00:18:36,276
Juicy's Jet Ski is garbage!
540
00:18:36,301 --> 00:18:37,367
- Jump.
- Whoa!
541
00:18:37,392 --> 00:18:38,924
Careful. I've got you. Hang on.
542
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,744
Dad, I have you, hold on.
543
00:18:40,779 --> 00:18:42,779
- Hold on.
- I'm good, I'm holding.
544
00:18:42,815 --> 00:18:44,445
- (grunts)
- I'm good.
545
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:46,537
Dad, I have you. I've saved you.
546
00:18:46,562 --> 00:18:47,772
Thanks, babe.
547
00:18:47,797 --> 00:18:49,992
- (Josh panting)
- Where's your brother?
548
00:18:50,017 --> 00:18:51,888
(Cooper screams)
549
00:18:51,924 --> 00:18:54,291
♪ I'm looking up ♪
550
00:18:56,519 --> 00:18:58,138
(Cindy laughing)
551
00:18:58,163 --> 00:19:00,974
♪ Baby, I've been down... ♪
552
00:19:00,999 --> 00:19:02,399
I don't know what it is,
553
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:04,664
but I fell for you the minute I saw you.
554
00:19:04,689 --> 00:19:06,203
- Yeah?
- (laughing): Yeah.
555
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,172
There was, like, an energy
556
00:19:07,197 --> 00:19:09,272
- drawing us together, you know?
- Yeah.
557
00:19:09,308 --> 00:19:10,740
Yeah, I felt it, too.
558
00:19:10,776 --> 00:19:12,142
Yeah, you did it.
559
00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:14,609
48 hours, and thanks to me,
you've met this lovely, young...
560
00:19:14,634 --> 00:19:16,913
- WOMAN (on phone): Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Bye.
561
00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:17,875
What...
562
00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:20,217
Okay, he clearly has a problem.
563
00:19:20,252 --> 00:19:21,885
I'm Barry.
564
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,884
I'm sorry I get so
competitive with you over Dad.
565
00:19:23,919 --> 00:19:25,165
- Ah...
- It's just...
566
00:19:25,190 --> 00:19:27,828
I guess I never totally got over the
fact you're his favorite, you know.
567
00:19:27,853 --> 00:19:29,531
What are you talking about?
568
00:19:29,556 --> 00:19:30,453
No, come on.
569
00:19:30,478 --> 00:19:32,429
You're the lawyer, you got the family.
570
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:35,047
You've lived up to every
expectation he's ever had.
571
00:19:35,072 --> 00:19:37,350
Coop, are you kidding
me? You're his favorite.
572
00:19:37,375 --> 00:19:39,571
- You're the fun one.
- MARK: Oh.
573
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:42,774
I am sorry for everything
I put you boys through.
574
00:19:42,799 --> 00:19:44,866
Maybe I shouldn't have
kept so many secrets,
575
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:46,500
but on the other hand,
576
00:19:46,525 --> 00:19:47,972
you've both turned out to be
577
00:19:47,997 --> 00:19:49,978
the most amazing young men.
578
00:19:50,003 --> 00:19:53,283
- Aw, thanks, Dad.
- Who's more amazing?
579
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:54,680
Come on.
580
00:19:55,477 --> 00:19:57,120
So, what have we learned?
581
00:19:57,155 --> 00:20:00,257
Well, porn can be addictive.
582
00:20:00,292 --> 00:20:02,626
Juicy J loves binoculars.
583
00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,528
And if you think you know exactly
584
00:20:04,563 --> 00:20:07,264
how your family sees you, think again,
585
00:20:07,299 --> 00:20:09,866
because the very things they
give you a hard time about
586
00:20:09,902 --> 00:20:12,936
might just bring you closer together.
587
00:20:12,971 --> 00:20:15,166
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
588
00:20:16,159 --> 00:20:17,317
Juicy J.
589
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:18,975
♪ ♪
590
00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:21,586
My boy The Aviator and his wife, Cindy,
591
00:20:21,611 --> 00:20:24,047
are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary.
592
00:20:24,531 --> 00:20:27,450
♪ These bros ♪
593
00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:29,185
♪ They for everybody ♪
594
00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:30,082
♪ Everybody ♪
595
00:20:30,107 --> 00:20:31,488
♪ Pass them all around ♪
596
00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:33,066
♪ They at every party ♪
597
00:20:33,091 --> 00:20:34,004
♪ Every party ♪
598
00:20:34,029 --> 00:20:35,882
Boy, your father's not looking too well.
599
00:20:36,061 --> 00:20:39,062
- Really?
- For a man who parties as much as he does,
600
00:20:39,097 --> 00:20:41,164
he sure can't hold his liquor.
601
00:20:41,655 --> 00:20:43,966
Wait, you've known about
Dad this whole time?
602
00:20:43,991 --> 00:20:46,136
(chuckles) I'm not stupid.
603
00:20:46,171 --> 00:20:49,072
Just don't tell him, though,
that'll be our little secret.
604
00:20:49,107 --> 00:20:50,840
You want to know another secret?
605
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,683
You have always been my favorite.
606
00:20:54,079 --> 00:20:56,546
(chuckles)
607
00:20:56,582 --> 00:20:58,582
Okay, so now I'm going
to smoke some trees
608
00:20:58,617 --> 00:20:59,883
with your sister-in-law.
609
00:20:59,918 --> 00:21:01,353
Where's Leslie?
610
00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:05,291
- WOMAN (on phone): Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Neal!
611
00:21:05,316 --> 00:21:06,690
NEAL: Get out!
612
00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,892
Does anybody lock doors around here?
613
00:21:08,927 --> 00:21:13,927
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com