1 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:02,620 And this for a new high score. 2 00:00:02,660 --> 00:00:05,060 Go on, my son. Aim and fire. 3 00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:08,740 Oh! 135 points! 4 00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:10,780 In your face! 5 00:00:10,820 --> 00:00:14,580 One minute you're top of the world, the next minute you're nobody. 6 00:00:14,620 --> 00:00:18,500 Maybe it's time to stop playing with your little balls and do something else. 7 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,020 Well, I can't stop now. I need to get back up that leader board. 8 00:00:21,060 --> 00:00:23,420 There's a theatre festival starting next week. 9 00:00:23,460 --> 00:00:28,980 You should get a bit of culture before your brain shrinks to the size of marbles. 10 00:00:29,020 --> 00:00:32,860 Oh. We get loads of culture, thank you. When did you guys last see a show? 11 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,620 I watched a couple of dogs humping in the street the other day. 12 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:39,740 That's not really a show, Grumio. You say that. I were clapping. 13 00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:43,420 Yeah! Maybe it's not your thing. Well, no, no, let me see. 14 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:47,140 'Some of Rome's most revered and uncompromising directors 15 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:49,540 present all of Aelius' tragedies.' 16 00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:52,460 That'll be a barrel of laughs. Well, it'll be a barrel of... 17 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:57,060 art and adult sophistication, which is very much our thing. 18 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,620 180! I've got an 180! Ooh! 19 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:04,220 He's done it! He's only gone and fucking done it! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! 20 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:23,700 50 denarii a ticket? And that's sitting behind a pillar. 21 00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:27,580 I'd prefer it, from behind the pillar, to be honest. I'll have to find something cheaper. 22 00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:31,140 Do you think those dogs'd doing an encore? Stop! Stop right there! 23 00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:34,820 That's him. isn't it? That's our Cupid. 24 00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:38,740 Cherubic little face, body of a big, beautiful baby. 25 00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:42,740 Wow. Yeah, he's uncanny. You what? No, I'm not. 26 00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:48,260 I am Iona Ruffina, the actress/director/writer? 27 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,500 Cool job. I haven't finished. 28 00:01:50,540 --> 00:01:54,300 /producer. For months I've been searching for a Cupid 29 00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:57,540 for my upcoming production - The Bastard King. 30 00:01:57,580 --> 00:02:01,180 Just when I'm about to give up the search and use a dummy, 31 00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:04,500 what do I see, right in front of my own theatre? 32 00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:08,420 The all-conquering god of love himself. 33 00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:10,580 Me name's Grumio. Charmed. 34 00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:14,860 And Sebastus, you will, of course, know. Hey. Call me Seb. 35 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:19,060 Oh, hi. I'm Stylax. This is Marcus. Great. I won't remember that. 36 00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:23,740 Now if you'll excuse me buddies, I need to go stretch it out before rehearsals. 37 00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:27,140 Now Grumio, my dear child, 38 00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:30,500 would you consider playing the role? Ohh! No, you're all right. 39 00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:33,980 Sounds like a right faff. Just consider it, for me? 40 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:36,700 For dear little old me? He did say no. 41 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:40,540 But if he would just consider it. I don't think he's capable of that. 42 00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:43,720 It will be very well paid, of course. Just consider it, Grumio. 43 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:48,180 Oh, please do and we'll talk tomorrow. Until then, adieu. 44 00:02:48,220 --> 00:02:50,220 Bless you. 45 00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:03,820 Eggy bread. Nice. Uh-uh. Not before you agree to be in this play. 46 00:03:03,860 --> 00:03:08,180 Bloody Hell! I haven't got time for a play, it'll get in the way of me housework. 47 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,260 No more than your napping and overall shitness does already. 48 00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:14,220 Oh, come on, Grumio. Then we can hang out at the theatre. Did you see all the hotties there? 49 00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:17,940 Only because of that actor guy. I could be an actor guy. 50 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:21,700 I can stretch and speak nicely and not remember people's names. 51 00:03:21,740 --> 00:03:24,780 Come on, Grumio, it'll be a doddle. I promise. 52 00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:27,060 Eggy bread, look. 53 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,420 Oh, this is too, too splendid. 54 00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:39,300 Finally, we have an upgrade on the dummy. Don't speak too soon. 55 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:42,860 So, how much do you reckon you can pay him? Yes, I was thinking. 56 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,140 95 denarii? How does that sound? 57 00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:48,460 Could we make it 100? 58 00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:51,940 Hm. Your agent is a tough cookie, Grumio. 59 00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:54,660 Very well, 100 it is. 60 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:58,180 Oh! We're going to go on such a journey, my little cherub. 61 00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:01,740 As long as it's an easy journey. Oh, it's too easy. 62 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:05,380 You are the Deus ex machina, the god from the machine, 63 00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:07,900 on stage for a mere moment 64 00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:11,060 to soften the heart of the bastard king, 65 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:14,380 who's imposed a sex ban on his daughters. Oh, Wicked! Sounds amazing! 66 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:17,860 Oh, it is. It's quite wonderful. Can I be in it as well then? 67 00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:21,580 I'd make a great king, or prince. There's no prince in the play. 68 00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,760 A friend of the prince? No, there is no prince. 69 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:24,760 A general guy? 70 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,320 And it's all been cast, my dear. I just want to be involved any way I can. 71 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:33,020 I love the theatre, you see. Of course. Well, you could understudy Sebastus, if you like. 72 00:04:33,060 --> 00:04:36,660 We do need someone for that. Yeah, great. What's the pay like? 73 00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:39,380 There is no pay. Deal. 74 00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:44,980 What! Really? Grumio's in a play? 75 00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:49,020 Yeah, and I'm actually pretty tight with the director, Iona... 76 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,060 Iona Ruffina? 77 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:55,460 You know Iona Ruffina? Yeah, I... Do you know Iona Ruffina? 78 00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:58,780 I know her work. I saw her Hecuba. 79 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,740 It was so powerful and so bloody. 80 00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:04,220 Wow. The classic Iona combo. 81 00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:09,780 We've actually been invited to a little soiree at her place, if you fancy meeting her? 82 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:13,220 Oh, maybe you're such an uncultured idiot after all. 83 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:17,340 Thank you. 84 00:05:17,380 --> 00:05:21,420 Behold, for it is he, Cupid himself made flesh. 85 00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:28,500 So, when do I use the bow and arrow? Oh, you don't actually use it, darling. 86 00:05:28,540 --> 00:05:33,220 Oh, right. What about the wings? Can I use them? Are you asking if you can fly? 87 00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:37,660 I suppose I am, yeah. Then no, you walk on, using your legs. 88 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,420 And that's lunch, people. 89 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:42,780 Right. I'll be in my dressing room. 90 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:47,420 Your food awaits you, Seb - steak, medium-rare with chips. 91 00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:49,940 Yum! 92 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:55,180 Is my steak in my dressing room? Oh, you don't get a dressing room, darling, or a steak. 93 00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:57,740 What food do I get, then? You get the food of encouragement, 94 00:05:57,780 --> 00:06:00,260 and you're doing terribly well. 95 00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:11,580 Hey, er, Seb? One moment. 96 00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:15,460 Come! 97 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,540 Hey, Seb. 98 00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:21,460 We met yesterday. Uh-ha. Could be. 99 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,620 Outside the theatre. I'm Stylax. 100 00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:25,820 I meet a lot of people. 101 00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:27,900 So I'm your new understudy. 102 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:32,380 Congrats, dude! That must be huge for you. 103 00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:37,760 I should say, though, I've never missed a performance, so don't get any ideas. 104 00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:40,500 Oh, no, that's fine. I'm only really interested in that type of thing. 105 00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:45,460 Humping the fans, you know. Oh, buddy, you've got this all wrong. 106 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:48,900 Shit, sorry, I just assumed you were... No, I was. 107 00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:52,780 I was humping her silly. I mean you've got it the wrong way round. 108 00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:56,780 You can't have your pudding unless you eat your greens, can you? 109 00:06:56,820 --> 00:07:00,660 You can if you're a grown-up. We're not grown-ups though, we're actors 110 00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:04,620 and she wasn't in here because I'm any old ham, it's because I'm the lead 111 00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:08,900 and that takes years of graft. I'm sorry to break it to you, buddy. 112 00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:14,020 No. Sure. Nice coat, by the way. Oh, thank you. It's 100% yak. 113 00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:19,220 Why should they get a dressing room and not me? 114 00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:21,880 Dude, you barely get dressed, what would you even use it for? 115 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,880 To eat my steak in. That's what actors with proper agents get. 116 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,820 You're not a proper actor. I'm a god. I'm a godding god! 117 00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:31,740 A god should get a dressing room. Or you can tell that fruity bint I'm walking. 118 00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:35,140 Don't call Iona Ruffina a fruity bint, she's a major artist. 119 00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,270 Not to mention a close, personal friend. 120 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,160 I'll ask about the steak, just leave it to me. 121 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:43,260 And I want a long, jazzy coat and all if him and Seb are getting one. 122 00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:46,160 No, we don't get one. He got one and I bought a fake that looks similar. 123 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,980 It's an amazing coat to be fair. Thank you. 124 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,260 It's 15% yak. 125 00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:54,940 Ah, ciao, Marcus. 126 00:07:54,980 --> 00:07:57,820 Grumio and the understudy. 127 00:07:57,860 --> 00:08:00,180 And you. 128 00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:03,900 Who are you? Yes. Iona, this is my girlfriend, Delphine. 129 00:08:03,940 --> 00:08:06,980 I'm a huge fan of your work. 130 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,660 Thank you, child. Too, too kind. 131 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:14,060 And may I ask 'et tu Gauloise?' Yes. You speak Gallic? 132 00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,340 Tres petit peu. 133 00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:19,220 I toured Gaul many moons ago. 134 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:22,260 Terrific audiences. Even better lovers. 135 00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:25,340 Yes. Entre, entre. 136 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:29,220 We have wine, punch. Hm. Yes, I know, I... 137 00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:32,980 I wonder, Iona, could we discuss Grumio's contract a sec? 138 00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:36,580 What? Now? After rehearsals have begun? That's most irregular. 139 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:40,780 Just I know other actors get dressing rooms. And at a private soiree at the director's home? 140 00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:43,940 Oh, dear me, no. And Seb gets a steak. 141 00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:48,540 Seb is the star. Look, I'll see if there's a box room he can have. 142 00:08:48,580 --> 00:08:50,900 Take that now or make me angry. 143 00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:54,500 And the steak? You know what divas these actors can be. 144 00:08:54,540 --> 00:08:58,580 Only when their agents indulge them. Very Well. A small room and a small steak. 145 00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,660 No chips. 146 00:09:08,860 --> 00:09:11,340 Hey, Seb. How's it going? 147 00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,340 Stylax. Your understudy. 148 00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:17,780 Oh, that's my coat. You've bought my coat. 149 00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:21,340 Yeah, I figured as your understudy, I should cover all the bases. 150 00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:25,020 And that's great, buddy, I respect that, but that is my coat. 151 00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:28,260 It's fake, but yeah. Hm. Don't buy my shoes. 152 00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:31,460 I won't. I promise. 153 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,300 Seb. Ah. 154 00:09:35,420 --> 00:09:38,900 I've been collecting these for aeons. 155 00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:41,340 This one's from Turkey. 156 00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,260 Look. I took my Hecuba there. 157 00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:49,380 I saw that production. That was so powerful. And so bloody, as I recall. 158 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:51,060 Well, it was a call to arms, 159 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,820 for we women, to defy the male oppressors 160 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:58,500 and seize our independence politically, financially, sexually. 161 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:02,580 You must savour your freedom, child. 162 00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:05,900 At your age, I was travelling the world, 163 00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:09,940 experiencing a kaleidoscope of cultures and orgasms. 164 00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:13,220 That's what really made me who I am. 165 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,020 Er, shall we get a drink, Delphine? No, no. 166 00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:18,580 Darling, have you been to Tingitana? 167 00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:21,980 I've only ever been to Gaul and Rome. 168 00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:24,140 Go. Drop everything and go. 169 00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:26,300 The men are vast. 170 00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:31,060 This statue is absolutely to scale. 171 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:34,700 Ha-ha! Good stuff. Let's go get that drink. 172 00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:37,100 And the hammams are too, too divine. 173 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:38,940 What's a hammam? 174 00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:41,140 Bless the child. What is a hammam? 175 00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:43,820 Tomorrow, I shall take you to mine. 176 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:48,580 There's a masseur there by the name of Abu who will open you up. 177 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:58,460 This party's jizz, innit? They ran out of chicken drummers ages ago. 178 00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:01,620 I'm starting to think the acting's jizz as well. 179 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:05,540 Unless you're the star you're basically just scenery. Quick game of marbles? 180 00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:08,660 Big time. You know where you stand with marbles. 181 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:12,420 Swing by my dressing room if you'd like to have sex with me. 182 00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:17,300 Oh, Sebastus. Buddy. 183 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,260 Oh, my foot! Oh, my lovely foot! 184 00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,460 Holy jove! What happened, Seb? 185 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:28,780 I slipped on something, it must've been this... 186 00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:32,820 ..bauble. You're drunk. Alas, what am I to do? 187 00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:36,060 No, I'm fine, I'm absolutely... Oh! 188 00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:38,100 My leg's broken. Oh! 189 00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,820 The understudy. 190 00:11:40,860 --> 00:11:44,180 Thank the gods we have an understudy! 191 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:48,020 Welcome aboard, darling. 192 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:54,140 Hoo! Being a king's the best, man. I get to wear a big metal hat and everything. 193 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,520 You know you have to learn lines. Yeah. I'll be fine. 194 00:11:56,560 --> 00:12:00,640 It's a bloody nightmare. And I've only got one. One? You can't learn one line? 195 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:04,080 I know it now, it's like, 'Shut your mouth, for the love of God!' 196 00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:08,800 'Open your heart for the god of love.' See? It's murder. I should be paid more. 197 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,700 Oh. Don't start that again. I got you a steak, didn't I? 198 00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:12,940 Well done. Thank you. 199 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:15,380 No, the steak. I want it well done. Speak to Iona. 200 00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:18,380 Yeah, speaking to Iona is what got me in shit last night. 201 00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:20,460 That's why she introduced Delphine to a range of international dildos. 202 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:23,140 No, no. Iona would've done that anyway. That's just what she's like. 203 00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:25,940 And tell her I want to fly. You see what I'm dealing with? 204 00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:29,820 In the show! My character wouldn't just plod on stage like some shitty mortal. 205 00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,780 It should fly on. On a winch. 206 00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:34,380 A winch!? That's not your character. That's just you being lazy. 207 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,920 Get me a winch or I walk. Well! Those are the two options. 208 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,940 And a cream bun. For your character or for you? 209 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,740 Both of us, actually. 210 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:54,060 Behold, I am your... What was it again? 211 00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:57,660 King. Yeah, I am your king and... 212 00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:59,740 If. And if... 213 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,780 Just if. And just if. 214 00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:05,060 No, no, it's just if. Ok, yeah. I'll start again. Behold... 215 00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:08,820 Oh, this is taking too long. Seb! Seb? Oh, is he here? 216 00:13:08,860 --> 00:13:11,740 I need you to get Stylax up to speed. 217 00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:16,020 It's the least you can do since it was your drunken lechery that landed us in this mess. 218 00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:18,100 Now chop, chop. 219 00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:25,340 Behold, I am your king! 220 00:13:25,380 --> 00:13:29,380 If you cross me I will crush you! 221 00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:32,260 Woah. That's really good, man. I know. 222 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:35,540 Shame no-one's going to hear it. Yeah, that is harsh. 223 00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:37,580 Sorry, are you guys in the play? 224 00:13:37,620 --> 00:13:41,740 Hi. Yeah, I am. I'm the king. Not now, please, hon. 225 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:45,820 We've got some serious acting work to do here. Well, have we? 226 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:49,660 Look, dude, you're bad, really bad, 227 00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:53,500 so we need to knuckle down to get you ready. No more distractions. 228 00:13:54,060 --> 00:13:56,820 Behold! 229 00:13:58,260 --> 00:14:00,940 I just wanted to say what an honour it is to work with someone 230 00:14:00,980 --> 00:14:04,620 of your experience and artistry. Of course. 231 00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:09,020 And we're new to this industry, so if at any point I offended you I am truly sorry 232 00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:12,940 and as a token of goodwill I'd like to revert back to Grumio's original deal. 233 00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:15,980 Bless you, that's too, too decent of you, Marcus. 234 00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:18,420 And in exchange, could you maybe not 235 00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:21,380 suggest to Delphine that she, you know... 236 00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:23,460 No, I'm afraid I don't know. 237 00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:26,100 Well, I guess, sleep around? 238 00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:29,100 I beg your pardon? It's just she's my girlfriend 239 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:33,180 so obviously I'd prefer it if you didn't encourage her to have sex with Turks. 240 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,500 She's not your property, young man, and neither am I. 241 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:36,500 No, I know. 242 00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:40,100 I will not be censored by you or jove himself. 243 00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:42,940 I'm an artist and I speak from the heart. Right. OK. 244 00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:47,060 Well, in that case, I think it's best from now on that you keep away from Delphine. 245 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:51,020 Absolutely not. I've already made the booking of the hammam. 246 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:54,900 Or I might have to pull my client out of your show. Careful, young man, 247 00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:58,780 you've not got what it takes to play hard ball with me. 248 00:14:58,820 --> 00:15:03,620 Well, I've got the hardest balls you've ever...felt, so try me. 249 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,380 Now? Little bit longer. 250 00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:11,620 You're the boss. 251 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,920 Salve, Grumio. All right, Landlord? 252 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,940 Haven't seen you around here for a while. 253 00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:18,980 Been starring in a play. Well, with your natural flamboyance, 254 00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:21,260 it was only a matter of time. 255 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,820 Yeah, except me crappy agent's not getting me what I want. 256 00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:27,380 That's showbiz for you. That'll do, Davis. 257 00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:32,620 What's his problem, then? Won't pay his rent. 258 00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:34,980 Reckon he will now, though. 259 00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:46,580 Delphine. Hey. What's going on? 260 00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:50,580 Ciao, Marcus. We've just been to the hammam. 261 00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,780 Abu was incredible. Right. 262 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:56,140 And what about our chat? Have you forgotten that, maybe? 263 00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:58,940 There's no need to mince your words. 264 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:02,300 I told Delphine what you said. You... Oh, God. 265 00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:04,920 And you can't stop me from seeing people, Marcus. 266 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:08,880 I'm not your little pet mouse who only gets let out of the cage when her owner says so. 267 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,480 I know. It's not like that. You can leave the cage whenever. 268 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,240 Ahh, but there is still a cage. And there, obviously, is no cage. 269 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:19,420 I'm sorry. I was worried she's pushing us apart. Maybe that's for the best. 270 00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:22,920 Why? What do you mean? Iona's asked me to go to Turkey with her. 271 00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:27,220 I'm going to be her PA. Turkey? That's bloody miles away. 272 00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:30,100 Don't worry, she'll be taken care of. 273 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:33,720 The gentlemen there are very generous. 274 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:37,540 Well, you can forget about your Cupid then, you thespy shitbag. 275 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:42,300 Oh, really. Yeah. Dust off that dummy because Grumio is out. 276 00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:46,060 Interesting. That's certainly not what his new agent's been saying. 277 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:50,260 Oi! What do you think you're doing? 278 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,980 Now, don't get mardy. Who is it? Who's your new agent? 279 00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:57,500 Salve, Marcus. Don't raise your voice at my client, please. 280 00:16:57,540 --> 00:17:01,140 You've got to be kidding me. He's a very strong negotiator. 281 00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:04,500 He's already got me me winch. And his fee up front. 282 00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:07,580 You'll always be me first agent, Marcus, I'll never forget you, 283 00:17:07,620 --> 00:17:11,380 but I needed someone hungrier. I'm hungry, Grumio. I'm bloody starving. 284 00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:14,580 'Cause my primadonna twat of a slave won't cook me dinner. 285 00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:20,580 Here's your 10%. Er, I thought it were you that got the 10%. 286 00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,900 Hm. Don't think so. 287 00:17:22,940 --> 00:17:25,700 Oh, the rent's due. 288 00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:33,380 Oh, it chafes a bit. It chafes. The winch is chafing my client. 289 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:38,260 Get him a cushion. A once kind king and now a fool... 290 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:42,940 Delphine's going to Turkey on a six-month tour with the largest penises. 291 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:46,580 To my kin become so cruel. To my kin become so cruel. 292 00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:48,780 I've lost her. I don't know what to do. I've lost her. I don't know what to do. 293 00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:52,020 No, that's not your line. You say, "Spurned the love of my fair queen." 294 00:17:52,060 --> 00:17:54,380 Spurned the love of my fair queen. So what do I do about Delhpine? 295 00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:55,880 So what do I do about Delhpine? 296 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,060 No, that's not a line. Stop rhyming with me then. 297 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,460 Listen to me, then. 298 00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,300 What do I do about Delphine going to Turkey? I need a bloody miracle. 299 00:18:02,340 --> 00:18:06,740 So, pray to the gods, then, I guess. Now test me, please. 300 00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:10,760 A once kind king and now a fool to my kin become so cruel. 301 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,920 Spurned the love of my fair queen with violent rage and words obscene. 302 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:19,300 Oh, Cupid, come down from above and soften this hard heart with love. 303 00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:21,540 I think, my friend, you know it. Yes! 304 00:18:21,580 --> 00:18:26,220 Behold, I am your king! Nice one, Your Majesty. 305 00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:33,420 I am so proud of you, buddy. 306 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:37,940 I wont lie, there were times when I thought you were a workshy boob 307 00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:40,500 who only cared about girls and coats. 308 00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:42,740 No offence. None taken. 309 00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:46,180 But you have really knuckled down and risen to the challenge. 310 00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:49,940 I couldn't have done it without you. Well, of course. It's mostly me, 311 00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:52,420 but you played your part, Ajax. 312 00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:54,300 Ajax? 313 00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:58,180 Do you still not know my name? No, but I like you, 314 00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,260 whoever you are. Now you get out there 315 00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:05,060 and you show those disappointed people who bought tickets to see me 316 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:08,540 that you're here instead. And you're not as good, obviously, 317 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,620 but not bad. I'll do my best. 318 00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:16,380 I'll be watching from the wings. 319 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:16,460 Break a leg, brother. You, too. 320 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,080 Oh, er, Seb, I think you've got my coat! 321 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,240 Oh, hey. Hey. 322 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:24,480 I'm actually on stage in five minutes, so... Five minutes is fine. 323 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,760 Sorry I tried to control you. I get it, Marcus. 324 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,440 You thought if I went away we'd break up. Basically, yes... 325 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,320 and I really don't want that. I know. I don't want that, either. 326 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,220 Great. So you won't go to Turkey then? No, I'm still going. 327 00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:52,800 I'll just try not to sleep with other people. How hard will you try? 328 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,440 Do you mind? 329 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,520 This isn't 100% yak. 330 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,480 I'm coming. 331 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:50,080 Ladies and gentlemen, forgive us for this somewhat false start. 332 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:53,100 We have an understudy taking the part of the king. 333 00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:56,660 And I can only imagine that his nerves are getting the better of him. 334 00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:03,920 It was you. You're the one who baubled me. 335 00:21:06,060 --> 00:21:09,200 Behold, I am your...argh! 336 00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:12,500 Oh... Bloody hell! 337 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,080 Fear not, stay in your seats. 338 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:25,640 Gardy gordy... The show must go on! 339 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,120 Fuck! 340 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,800 Well, that went quite badly. 341 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:40,590 Apparently, first nights always do. 342 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,720 But even so, shooting the director's a real no-no. Tell me about it! 343 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:48,360 Me agent's dropped me. It's not all bad, though. I'm guessing Turkey's off. 344 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,280 It is. The humid bathrooms and vast penises will have to wait. 345 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,560 And in a way it was a classic Iona production, 346 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,960 powerful and bloody. Sure. 347 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:03,020 Let's never go back to the theatre again, eh? Steak for Grumio! Well done. 348 00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:05,640 Oh. Might just pop back one last time. 349 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,840 There you go, sir.