- Hello? - Okay, what's happening, Amy?
Morning, Madam President. It's 5:00 A.M.
- And Nevada is still asleep. - Hello? What?
Well, wake it the fuck up 'cause I'm wondering if we should remove
the Native American precincts from the recount list.
I'm having reservations about the reservations.
So figure that out and call me right back. I'm at Walter Reed.
I'm meeting troops and shaking God only knows what.
Okay.
- sync and corrections by Caio - - www.addic7ed.com -
These are from the president's last set of
precinct changes for the recount challenge?
Yes, and the changes before that and the changes before that.
She's changed her mind more times than a frickin' child molester at Disneyland.
You need to file this at the courthouse in exactly 17 minutes.
Yeah, and if you miss the deadline, find a
rattlesnake and shove that up your dick hole
'cause it's a lot more fun than what I'll do to you.
And drive safe.
We've got Hallowes, Bennett,
and Gabby Ramos doing press in Carson City
and Maddox is flying in tonight.
Oh, God, Maddox is probably going to study the effects
of legalized prostitution on his dick.
Catherine, out.
All right, so do we have any idea
what this O'Brien press conference is about?
- No idea. - Perfect.
We're working on our video connection with Amy as we speak.
Well, maybe we can get some six-year-old Asian kid to fix it.
- Mike, when's your baby coming? - Coming soon, ma'am.
We're gonna name her Ellen after Wendy's mom.
Actually, her stepmom. She has a difficult relation...
misunderstood your level of interest, sorry.
Hey, guys, watching the press conference?
Yeah. Amy, just listen a bit before you start talking.
- Our founding fathers... - All right, here we go.
...entrusted the American people with the right to choose...
I mean, will you look at Montez?
Seriously, I'm more Hispanic than she is.
You know? Where's she from, Santo Connecticut?
She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha.
Can Montez look less Hispanic?
Jesus, Amy, we already covered that, okay?
She's from El New Hampshire.
...James Whitman to head up our recount team.
- Jesus! They got James Whitman. - This is not optimal.
Where I'm from a vote is a vote, the law is the law,
- and the count is the count. - He makes a lot of sense.
All right, so they've got a Secretary of State and what do I have?
Harpo, Chico, and Shito.
- You know who we need? - Who? Who do we need?
Bob Bradley, my old mentor.
- The Eagle. - That'd be amazing.
Served in more administrations than any man alive.
Also an accomplished ballroom dancer.
Okay, great, done. Let's get him. Bob Bradley.
- He's our Whitman hit man. - Madam President, excuse me.
I have the meeting with the Nevada Secretary of State.
Oh, Amy, don't forget to bring Richard with you.
Wait, really? Richard? He's...
Ma'am, the DOD wants us to know that now the Chinese hackers
have breached White House employee files.
Maybe they can find out what some of these people are doing.
Ooh, tell me about it.
Oh, and you have a drop-by at a brunch
to thank campaign volunteers.
To thank them for what?
This Olympic-size swimming pool of shit
that I'm doing the backstroke in right now?
Not a good idea to cancel, ma'am.
Make Tom do it.
He loves all that fake smiley shit.
Tom has his banking task force today.
His what?
It's a veritable who's who of Wall Street.
Well, that sounds a lot sexier than my thing.
Tell Tom that I get dibs on that.
It's my presidential banking task force now.
Well, Tom is not gonna be happy about that.
Well, good. That's the way I like it. Open the door.
The president will be there shaking hands
and thanking some of the volunteers for their hard work
at some point in the near future.
I'll get back.
- No breakfast for this guy. - Who's offering?
You are looking at a guy on the master cleanse. I feel amazing.
What in the lunatic fuck is the master cleanse?
Sounds like Nazi domestic policy.
Little known fact about the Nazis...
their polling numbers within Germany, through the roof.
Unbelievable numbers. Though also tragic.
The Jewish demo couldn't have been that good.
Yep, I don't eat food anymore.
Just water, maple syrup,
lemon juice, and cayenne pepper.
Do you still take shits?
Not exactly take.
Welcome to Nevada.
Everybody settle in. Make yourselves comfortable.
Members of the Meyer-James and O'Brien-Montez campaign.
Let's talk ground rules. According to Nevada law,
if the recount sample shows a difference of 1% or more,
which in this case comes to 512 votes,
we go ahead and recount the whole state.
Now, most of the voting here is touch screen,
so we can't do more than retabulate those totals.
Except you could recount the voter-verified paper audit trails.
Sometimes there are big discrepancies.
- Sir, in that case we motion... - On the other hand,
the ninth circuit court of appeals ruled in Crowley v. Nevada
that you don't have to recount the paper audit trails in local elections.
- That's Crawley versus Nevada? - That's Crowley.
Actually, you know what? I could email you.
Or you could email me at splett2@splettnet.net.
Splett1 is my father. It'll be sad to see him go,
but it'll be nice to get my hands on that handle, you know?
Is Meyer being a sore loser?
- Spirits are very high. - The president won the popular vote.
I didn't quite catch all your questions.
- We had a pretty big setback in there. - We have to go.
We're very late for another appointment. Thank you very much, everybody.
What is wrong with you, you Paddington Bear-looking fuck?
You just gave them a Time Life instruction manual on how to fuck us.
You guys have Michael Jordan sitting on the bench here,
but you're starting Hakeem Olajutwat.
You are not Michael Jordan.
You are a seven-foot-seven goony-looking Lithuanian
who's gonna drop dead of Marfan syndrome. Get your ass in the car.
- The Eagle's landed. - Yes, he has.
- Madam President. - Yes?
This is truly an honor to serve you.
Well, thank you very much.
Plus I would never miss the opportunity
to dry fuck Jim Whitman up the ass.
Catherine, out.
Oh, Bob, I need to introduce you to Amy Brookheimer
and her team in Nevada right here.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Bradley.
How many lawyers you got on the ground in Carson City?
I believe it's roughly...
I want you to double it by the end of the day.
Now, let's talk about the actual recount.
Well, I noticed something funny about the mail-in ballots.
All right, let's hear it, Affirmative Action Jackson.
Well, the county clerk of Nye County disqualified a huge number of mail-in ballots
because the signatures didn't match the voter rolls,
so I checked and he's an O'Brien fundraiser.
He probably chucked out a ton of Meyer votes.
Why aren't you moving on this, blondie?
Right, Amy. Come on, get it together. My God in heaven.
We will get right on it, ma'am, sir.
Bob, what do you think? Are we gonna win this thing?
I mean, really honestly, your true gut.
Well, Madam President, I've got big balls,
- but neither one of them are crystal. - Oh, darn it.
This reminds me of something that Dick Nixon used to say
to Henry Kissinger back when that tricky son of a bitch
was trying to get us out of that messy business called Vietnam.
Vietnam, right.
He would say, "Henry, you son of a bitch.
I can lead a horse to water, but I can't milk it."
Can't milk it! I don't even know what that means.
- I love it. - I've got to make a million phone calls.
- So you'll have to excuse me. - All right.
- Good-bye, everyone. - Fantastic. Good-bye. We got our guy.
- Hey, Bob. - Yeah?
You don't remember me. I was an intern way back when you were...
Of course I remember you.
Lookie here. Ben Cafferty all grown up.
We used to have a million nicknames for this guy.
We called him Fatty Dicksuckle
and B-B-Benny and the Jizz.
Buttfucker.
Buttfucker, that's me.
I can't believe you remembered my nickname.
Good to see you. Nice to see you.
Oh, good old Sue. You're still here.
- My, oh, my. - Still here?
He hasn't worked in the White House since the late '80s.
- How old is Sue? - Huh?
Well, that's clearly a vote for Meyer.
It says her name right there. It's a write-in.
It says "Fuck Selina Meyer."
If anything, that one should count for us.
Move to call this a no vote.
No, no, no. See, right there.
See that? Yeah, that's a comma.
- Where? - After fuck, that is a comma.
So it doesn't say "Fuck Selina Meyer."
It says, you know, "Fuck, Selina Meyer!"
That's a testament to this voter's earthy
but unambiguous enthusiasm for President Meyer.
Absolutely.
- Vote for Meyer. - Yes! Yeah.
- Madam President. - Yes, Mr. Economy Czar.
Welcome to your banking task force.
- Great idea of yours. - Yeah, it is, isn't it?
I'm looking forward to hearing what my next great idea is gonna be.
Oh, I'm glad that you're able to turn
my actual policy meeting into a meaningless photo op.
I'm sure the Dow is rocketing skywards as we speak.
Don't you have a volunteers brunch or something to get to?
- I think you do. - Hmm, yeah.
And I have to tell you, it is a pleasure to watch those people eat.
- Madam President. - Yeah, take it easy.
- Wow. I know. - Wow.
Boss boots, boss.
Oh, thanks. Yeah, check those out. Genuine crocodile skin.
Yeah, I'm gonna be pulling down Clint Eastwood
cowboy movie style pussy in these things.
Except I'm not the man with no name.
I'm the man with mo' game.
Afternoon, sir. We're here because your ballot
was disqualified because your signature didn't match...
okay, well, fooled me with that one.
- Good job, team. - Yeah, nice job, Richard.
That's not how I would've done it if I was in charge.
How would you have done it?
I can't teach how I do it.
Can Paul McCartney teach Kid Rock how to be a good songwriter?
I mean, that's a bad example. Kid Rock rules, but...
Hey, ma'am, this is Charlie Baird, CEO of EM Wheelright.
- Hello, Madam President. - You're Charlie Baird.
- I am. Good to see you. - Yes, good to see you, too.
- Thanks for coming today. - My pleasure.
I thought this was going to be two hours
of Tom James lecturing us about being paid too much.
Well, Tom can be, dare I say...
A bit of an asshat?
Actually, I was gonna say a champion for the middle class,
but I kind of like your thing better to tell you the truth.
Ma'am, this is Phillip Ryan. He's the...
- Can you hang on just two seconds? - Of course.
So let me ask you this. What in the heck is going on with the markets?
- I don't know. - Oh, great.
I do know that yesterday morning
this room felt about $25 billion smarter.
Yeah, I think that's what all of you donated to my opponent, right?
Full disclosure, I did donate to your campaign as well.
Mm-hmm. Two grand?
Where'd you find that? In your sofa seat cushion?
I think it was in my other pants, Madam President.
- Good. Nice to have you here. - Hey, ma'am.
This is Eli Park. He's the CEO of CM Capital.
Oh, yes.
- Oh, hello, Eli. - Madam President.
- Yes, how is Susan? - He's divorced.
Not in jail for what she did to you.
Honestly, it is an outrage. But I'm happy you're here.
And I think we've got to get this meeting going, don't we?
It's got to get... yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Thank you. - Thank you, Madam President.
Oh, thank you very much. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Don't worry about Eli.
Brooks Brothers sews prenups into all our suits.
- Oh, are you divorced? - Oh, yeah, proudly.
Yeah, best thing me and my husband ever did.
Including our daughter.
Listen, I heard you on Bloomberg
talking about my financial acumen,
and I have to say you were wildly out of line.
- Well, most of that is just for show. - Uh-huh.
But, with all due respect, Madam President,
some of your economic policies
are what my friend Katie Gross likes to call fakakta.
Katie Gross? You know Katie Gross?
I went to Smith with Katie Gross.
- I dated Katie Gross. - Yeah, so did I.
'Cause I was at Smith. No, it's a Smith joke.
- That's incredible. - This is Elizabeth Moorehouse.
- Oh, hi, how are you? - I'm well, thank you.
- Thank you for coming today. - My pleasure, Madam President.
I hope you can talk some sense into the fed.
Excuse me, sorry to interrupt.
Madam President, Katie says to tell you Hubbard forever.
- She didn't. - She did.
She didn't! That's hilar...
that was our dorm and it was repulsive.
- You know Katie Gross? - It sounds familiar.
I bet your paths have crossed.
The second signature was when Carl had his stroke.
Oh, that's fantastic. I mean, fantastic for us
because it means that his vote for President Meyer is legitimate.
- Could he testify to that? - I'm sorry, he's passed.
Sorry. You should read C.S. Lewis's book on grief.
It's not as fun as "The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe" series,
- but it's still pretty good. - Ma'am, hi.
Jonah Ryan, Senior Deputy Recount Strategist for the Meyer campaign.
Would it be all right if we waited for your husband inside?
- I think I have a small blister. - I'm sorry.
Alav hashalom. Hebrew.
Maybe you should put on your regular shoes for a little bit?
You know what? I am sick of your micromanaging bullshit.
But if you insist, yes, I will stop by the hotel.
We can do that. It's a two-minute walk.
Oh, sorry, two miles. Ha, so...
God.
Well, well, well, if it isn't TV's Ellen DeGeneres
and of course Amy Brookheimer.
Congressman Furlong, to what do we owe
this pleasure slash skin-crawling sensation?
Well, I just came out West to play a little Cowboys and Injuns
with Big Chief Suckum Choad here.
Say it.
How.
Me suck pee pee in teepee.
Atta girl.
Actually, Bob Bradley asked me to come out here
and dazzle some of these armadillo fuckers with my political star power.
Step aside, roadkill. Big rig coming through.
Hi, Amy, Dan.
- Hi again. - How you doing?
That is not an overvote.
The voter crossed out O'Brien's name and voted for Meyer.
That is a vote for Meyer.
Move to rule it an overvote.
Hey, Grimace. What are you...
no, no, no, not you.
The other person in the room who looks exactly like Grimace.
That is not an overvote. You need to trust me on this
because I've been doing this since before your mother
was throwing herself down the stairs belly first.
You want me to get you some glasses?
Maybe I'll call in Mayor McCheese?
He can come in here and explain election procedures to you.
Oh, I'm not...
- Tracy. - Look, it's... you're wearing purple.
All right? It's got nothing to do with your body shape
or your... the way your head goes into your shoulders so smoothly.
Hey, you know, we have to get to your next meeting at the...
That's right. Good call. God bless you.
God bless America.
When you're ready, we would like to vigorously contest your ruling.
Oh, ma'am, I have photos to approve from the banking task force.
And you have a meeting with Olympic medalists in five.
Special or normal?
Well, they seemed normal, but I'll confirm.
Okay.
So you catch "The Godfather" on TV last night?
No.
There was nothing like seeing it in the theater
when it first came out back in '72.
I don't care for movies.
You've truly brought honor to America with your kayaking.
So congratulations on your gold medal.
- It's bronze. - Oh. Oh, bronze medal.
Did we get it? Oh, and thank you for this.
I can't wait to try it out on the Potomac.
- All right, guys. Right this way. - Okay.
Great. Great. Great. Great. Okay.
Fuck am I supposed to do with this?
- It'd be nice for your library. - What?
Catherine, out.
So what's the press saying about our banking task force?
They opened wide and slurped it down, ma'am.
You know what I was thinking?
I was thinking that I would like to do another banking task force.
I bet we could get Pallenberg at Barclays.
I see no problem there.
No, you know who had a lot to say was that guy from Wheelright.
Charlie... Baird.
- Really? - Uh-huh.
Ma'am, I don't think right now
would be the best time for another banking task force.
No, I just want to have a quick banking task force.
With all due respect, ma'am, you know, the banks will still be,
you know, raring to go for a task force,
you know, when you're safely reelected.
I'm human, okay? I just...
I just sometimes need a little banking task force.
Well, ma'am, if you want, I can arrange a more discreet banking task force.
I don't want that kind of banking task force.
I want the banking task force that I want.
What about Patty Driscoll from Deutsche Bank?
She's very good. Might be nice to throw a woman in the mix.
Ma'am, Amy's on video conference.
Amy, what is it?
- Can you see me? I can't see you. - Yeah.
- Am I on your screen? - Who cares if you can't see me?
We're not looking at each other's hairdos. What's going on in Nevada?
- Kent, are you sitting on a bottle? - Shh, shh!
- Ma'am, where are you? - Amy?
Ah, there you are. Precinct totals have been reported.
We got... votes.
Wait, you just went out. What did you just say?
We got... votes.
- How many votes did we get? - Let me try a landline.
- I'm losing my mind. - We got it. We got it.
512 votes. Full state recount is a go.
Fucking recount!
- Oh, my God! - This is favorable news.
Oh, my God, this is my house. This is my house.
Hey, guys, listen up. Okay, precinct totals have been reported and...
Oh, just hang up on her. Wait, where is Catherine?
She should be getting this for her little movie.
I'm feeling light-headed. That bottle's my only source of blood sugar.
Okay, Gary, I'm wanna get Charlie Baird in for another meeting.
You want me to invite some other people?
- No, no, no, just him. - Oh.
- Just him? - Yep.
Here's your stupid bottle.
Stop with the Kabuki show and eat a fucking cookie.
Uh, Mike, remind me again the science behind this.
Now I feel great.
You guys have got to try this.
We need surrogates for the Sunday talk shows.
- Right. - Chung will do it.
Chung would volunteer for a beheading video to get national airtime.
I'd actually like to see that.
Ma'am, Tom James is here sans appointment.
Bleh. Can you go tell him to fuck a bag of glass or something?
Actually, I told him something similar to that, but he's most insistent.
Oh, okay. Send him in.
Hi there. This is an unexpected pleasure.
No, no, no, guys. I want you to hear this.
Ma'am, on reflection, I totally understand
why you needed to take the lead on the banking task force.
And I am ready to do whatever I need to do to help the team.
So, economy czar, kids' birthday parties, reflecting pool boy.
Just don't ask me to be the United Nations ambassador
'cause I still have some pride.
I wanted to say that and I'll leave you guys alone.
- Thank you so much. - Oh, great. Thanks. Good to see you.
Oh, by the way, I just polished the floor in the Eisenhower Room.
- Tom, stop. - Be careful in there, all right?
- Huh? - That was something.
Why did Tom James just wrap up his balls in butcher paper and put them in my purse?
Because he thinks you're gonna win Nevada.
- Tom thinks I'm gonna win Nevada? - Yeah.
- "Nev-add-a." - He's the smartest guy in DC.
You know that? He's a lot smarter than you dummies.
Seriously, if Tom thinks I'm gonna win Nevada, I'm gonna win.
Ma'am, Charlie Baird is here.
Oh.
Hey, I'm gonna be president,
so I can go take a shit in the Rose Garden if I want to.
We used to call that a Jimmy Carter.
Charlie Baird. Move.
Madam President. What a lovely surprise.
Oh, thank you.
I thought my $2,000 donation only entitled me to a photo.
- How are you? - I am good. I am energized.
So, you know, you made an interesting point earlier today about the bond market...
but you know what? Before we do that,
would you like to go on a tour of the West Wing? Would that be fun?
I don't know if you have time for that, ma'am.
Yeah, I have time.
- Okay. - Yeah? Okay.
I warn you, I had a pretty comprehensive White
House tour on my fifth grade class trip.
I actually know a lot about West Wing history if you'd like... no.
I feel like that guy doesn't like me very much.
- Who, Gary? - Yeah.
Come on, that's like saying that the cat doesn't like you
or that table doesn't like you.
Okay, now, there's this Rockwell down here
that is so stunning and I swear to God if I lose this fucking election,
I'm gonna stick it in my suitcase and I'm taking it with me.
- Love Rockwell. - Yeah.
- I have a bunch of Rockwells. - You do?
- Yeah. - You're kidding.
- No. - Where are they?
Some beach house.
- Not sure which beach. - You are wild.
In another person it would be bragging,
but with you it's something different.
Oh, wait a minute. I got to show you this.
Okay, see this closet?
I don't know if you've heard about this,
but this is the actual closet where Warren Harding
fathered a child with his teenage mistress.
They left that off our fifth grade tour.
Did they show you the residence?
Nope.
Uh, you want to see the residence?
Uh, yeah.
Okay.
- Fuck, today. - Now, was that a vote in favor of today?
Oh, that was a fuck, comma, today, yes!
Oh, I didn't... yeah, this is me.
This is me. Uh...
- Okay, good night. - Good night, yeah.
God damn it. Come on.
Jesus Christ.
I've had to get this key card changed twice.
- Because it's like... - Okay, allow me.
- Ooh, hi, Amy. - Whoa.
You didn't tell me faggy hair was here.
Sophie, haven't seen you in years.
How are your illegitimate children?
I asked my sister to send me a change of clothes
and apparently she has decided to bring them herself.
- Uh-huh. - Your hotel room sucks.
I thought that Carson City was, like, part of Las Vegas.
Vegas is 432 miles away.
Sorry I'm not a "where everything is" nerd.
Were you two just about to bone?
Okay, well,
you enjoy all that.
- I'm gonna... - Oh, no, no, no.
What happens in Vegas, it stays in Vegas.
We're not in Vegas.
You know, I hardly ever did that with President Hughes.
And even when we did, I was just kind of going through the motions.
Oh, thank you very much. That's very flattering.
- Maybe we can do this... - We got to get you out of here.
- Right. - I'm gonna call Gary
and get him to take you to the southeast gate.
Can you send Gary up here, please? Yeah, thank you.
- But I really did have a great time. - No, no, no, I did, too.
I mean, I'm just saying I'm not that kind of a president.
- Got it. - Yeah. Do you know where my shoes are?
- I think you... we started in there. - Yes, they're here.
Yeah.
- Come in! - Okay, let's go.
You must be Gary. We haven't officially met.
I'm Charlie Baird.
Uh, nice to meet you.
Where you from?
- Birmingham, Alabama. - Ah, underrated city.
You're telling me.
They call it the Pittsburgh of the South.
You come from a big family, do you?
I do come from a big family. I do, I do, I do.
It's actually just me. I'm an only child.
Oh, Gary, can you take Mr. Baird to the southeast gate, please?
Oh, so soon?
But what I want to know, Bob,
is do we put a full recount team in all the rural precincts
or do we just focus on Reno and Vegas?
Well, what you have here is a classic two fires, one glove situation.
And you need to know which hand to put the glove on.
- That's exactly right. - Exactly.
You know, as much as it pains me
to leave your company, Madam President,
I got to catch a flight to Nebraska.
No, oh, wait a minute. You mean Nevada. Nevada.
- What did I say? - You said Nebraska.
- Well, I'll get that one for you, too. - Okay.
Listen, safe travels, my friend.
Thank you. Gentlemen.
- Buttfucker. - Bye, Bob.
Honestly, they don't make them like that anymore.
The best.
- He's from a different age. - When giants walked these halls.
- Ma'am. - Yeah?
You have a drop-by with the Canadian Trade Delegation in 30.
- Oh, I forgot about that. - And FYI, Charlie Baird's on TV.
You know, I was over in the East Wing and I saw a painting of Sue
holding George Washington's horse.
Senator Bill O'Brien made remarks...
Catherine, I can't even begin. Out.
Charlie Baird is a friend of mine.
Charlie Baird is one of the great financial minds of our time
and would be an asset to any administration.
- You're kidding. - No.
He fucked me and then he fucked me?
What, is he trying to fuck me?
I bet he's really sorry.
Hey, ma'am, Charlie's here.
He seems really sad.
- I always count to 10... - Shut it.
You went straight from here to O'Brien's hotel?
Are you kidding me? Did you take a shower at least in between?
It was just a preliminary meeting regarding his cabinet.
Were you thinking about his cabinet while you were fucking me?
Seriously. Were you fantasizing I had some sort of a goatee
and was on the wait list for a liver?
The O'Brien meeting was scheduled days before we even met.
I didn't think it was a conflict of interests.
You didn't think it was a conflict...
first of all, he doesn't even have a cabinet.
Look, if you win the election, it doesn't mean anything anyway.
- If O'Brien wins the election... - Okay, let's hear what this is.
...you've slept with the Secretary of the Treasury.
Oh, that's classy. This is over.
Over? I didn't even know it was a thing.
Absolutely not a thing. And if it was a thing, it's over.
Yeah.
- How we doing? - They're ready for you.
Then let's get 'er done!
Oh, where's my bottle? My bottle?
Is this it?
Thanks. Got to keep the old blood sugar up.
Good evening, everyone.
Before you ask, there are no updates on Nevada.
The president is laser-focused on the economy,
so I'd be happy to address that.
- Mike, Mike! - Deb.
Can we expect a stimulus package?
Yes, right now all options are on the table.
Mm-mmm.
Uh, including a stimulus package,
uh, which is on the table.
- Mike! - Wayne.
Why did the president bring Charlie Baird in again today
after he met with the O'Brien camp?
Uh, Charlie Baird, uh...
he's just... came in for a meeting.
Just a meeting. He's an advisor.
Uh, actually not an advisor.
Uh, he... he's a Charlie Baird.
Mike, what exactly is the nature of President Meyer's
relationship with Charlie Baird?
No more questions. I do have to go.
Thank you.
Looks like Charlie Baird is fucking the president.
You know, I got my sister her own room.
So it's just little old you
in that big old room.
I'm gonna go back to that room.
See you later.
Well, hello.
Everybody here is so boring.
The shit you do is such bullshit.
Remind me again what it is that you do that's so interesting.
I work at CVS.
Really? CBS?
I would love to work at CBS.
- Oh, God, don't be a dick. - No, I'm serious.
There's always openings.
Do you seriously think that you could get me something?
- Maybe late night. - Late night's perfect!
Do you want to get out of here?
I have my own room.
Uh, yeah.
- Cool, let's go. - Yeah.
- Let's go! - Yeah.
And this is my number and it goes straight to me.
You can call me any time of the day. I'm always here.
- Thank you, Birmingham. - Okay.
Mr. Baird! Can you confirm that you are dating President Meyer?
When did you and the president first meet?
Mr. Baird, are you dating the president?
Have a lovely night.