[chords play]
All right, everybody.
Before we get to today's interview,
I think it's time to address the pink elephant in the room.
Many of you have read or seen stuff about me
on the Internet, on Reddit, on Twitter,
or, you know, in the blogosphere.
It's time to set the record straight.
Several months ago, I... I experienced an injury,
and I started using prescription pain medication,
and as some of you know, if you're a recovering addict,
pharmaceuticals can be a slippery slope, and I slipped.
All right, 16 years of sobriety down the drain.
I will say this... I nipped it in the bud.
It's water under the bridge, no harm, no foul.
And if you want to Tweet me some other clichés, feel free,
but I think I covered them all.
Okay?
But... but, you know, Marc Maron is doing just fine.
[sighs]
[pills rattle]
[sighs]
What?
♪♪
[down-tempo blues music plays]
[sighs]
[pills rattle]
[blues music continues]
[lock clicks]
[blues music continues]
_
[sighs]
- Ugh. Hey. - Yo, Marc. Hey.
Hey, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Hey, buddy? What's up, man?
Hey, yeah, listen, I think I've been pretty cool
about your situation here,
and, personally, I don't mind that you're living here.
I get it. I was in a band.
My boss is asking questions.
Two months, you don't pay, you know, he says, "Get him the hell out."
All right, all right.
- Okay. I-I-I hear that. - Yeah.
But I'm getting a check this week, man!
- Yeah, good. - Yeah, I'm gonna give you the money.
Yeah, we've been talking about that check for four weeks now.
All right.
I appreciate that, but hear me out.
I'm really close to turning everything around, man.
I mean, I'm gonna start podcasting again.
- Good for you. - I got some other irons in the fire.
I'm going to meet my manager today.
- Today, man. - Yeah, yeah.
One more day.
But...
[sighs] All right.
[sighs]
[chuckles]
One day.
[blues music resumes]
There she is!
I got some good news for you.
I know what you're thinking, but you're wrong.
Oh, you got in past Stacy again. Stacy!
I'm ready, okay?
I feel excited, I feel funny, I feel talented.
- Don't I seem better? - Unh-unh.
Okay, I-I-I...
I'm not gonna be picky anymore.
- Really? - I'll take anything.
Yeah, get me on one of those dumb shows
where I talk about other dumb shows.
Or maybe, you know, get me on one of those ones
where I just say snarky bullshit about...
Bl-bl-bl-bl! We're not gonna do this again.
- We're not gonna do it again. Okay? - What?
This thing that you do every few weeks
when you come in here... Stacy!...
and your eyes are glassy and...
My eyes aren't glassy.
I don't represent you anymore.
I fired you.
You can't fire me. I'm the client.
I fire you. You don't fire me.
- Well... - You can drop me, but you can't fire me.
- I just... I just... - Okay. Then I dropped you. We'll say that.
Shit.
Remember why I dropped you? For that...
You picked up a chair, threw it through the window.
I'm... I remember you telling me about something like that.
I can't have anything to do with you,
not until you get some real help.
I don't need real help. I need...
I don't know what has to happen to you before you hit your rock bottom.
You blew the pilot.
The podcast that you built from nothing,
that saved your life, you pissed that away.
Well, I-I'm... I'm actually doing the podcast again.
Honest to God! No, you're not.
It's been a year.
That's not doing it.
The bank took your home away. You are home-less.
No. No, I'm not homeless.
- Mm. - I'm... no.
I'm in a... a studio-apartment situation.
- Totally different. - Look. L-Listen.
Listen, I... I went through some shit, okay?
Had nothing to do with drugs. All right?
It was just some existential, midlife-crisis stuff.
You know what I mean? I just...
You know, I just... I got... I got tired... of...
life.
But I'm working through it,
[raising voice] and I need to make some money.
So get me on a stupid game show
where one idiot tells another idiot
to turn some letters around, Emily!
Just get me one of those!
Just the highest-paid gig on TV.
I love you, Marc, but you... you have a problem.
Well, I disagree!
I know.
I-I get it, all right?
I'm gonna go. I'm going.
Gonna get some pears.
Banana and pears.
Thanks.
Good luck. She seems upset about something.
["Never Lonely" plays]
[pill rattles]
[sighs]
♪ How come you never feel lonely? ♪
♪ Even though I'm not around ♪
[knock on door]
- [air pumping] - Hey, baby! Hello?
Hey! Where have you been? I missed you.
Oh, I missed you, too.
Mmm. Mm-hmm. Okay.
Yeah. Hey, do you have any, uh, you know...?
Yeah.
- Okay. Here we go. - Here you go.
Cliff just got his refill today.
- [man moans] - Mmm. Lunchtime.
- Oh! - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah! Right? - Good?
- Yeah, I know. - Mmm. Yeah.
Cliff... How's Cliff doing?
How you doing, buddy?
- [Cliff moans] - Is he in a lot of pain?
Is he gonna miss these?
No, no, he's fine, baby. He's totally out of it.
[Cliff moans]
Well, he might still have a little spirit left in him.
Oh, God.
You gonna get hard this time?
What? Yeah, I'm gonna... I'm gonna try.
Okay.
I mean, you know, I think I did all right last time.
You did really well last time.
I think the drugs have an effect on me.
Yeah, I know. Maybe time that a little differently next time.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. All right.
There you go.
- I'm good. - Okay?
- Okay, I can do it. - Okay, I know you can do it.
- Okay. I got it. - [Cliff moans]
Oh, that's not helping.
Do you want me to give him a pill?
No, no, no, no. I... I can do it.
I got this, okay?
- Okay. - All right.
Just maybe don't... don't look at me?
- O-Okay. - Yeah, just...
- Yeah, don't... - Okay. Okay.
Yeah, that's better.
[both grunting]
["The Flowers are Blooming" plays]
♪ Some flowers is red, baby ♪
♪ Some flowers is blue ♪
♪ The love I have for you ♪
♪ They just won't do ♪
Marc?
Hey, Lindsey.
This is weird. You rent a space here?
I do. I rent a...
I rent a space here for my merch.
Oh, yeah, well, we, uh, we just rented a space here
'cause Allan's putting all his stuff in storage.
We're moving in together.
Oh.
Hey, Allan, wave to Marc.
[chuckles]
Hey. Look at that.
Well, that's... Congratulations.
Thank you. He's a... He's a documentary filmmaker.
Good. Well, that's great.
So, um, how are you? How you doing?
- Um... - You okay?
No, I'm great. I'm great.
I... why?
You... Oh, did you...
Well, yeah. I saw that video on Gawker.
What, that was from, like, some talk show or...?
"Tom Snyder smoked, Tom Snyder smoked..."
I took some, uh... uh, some back medication,
and I had an allergic reaction to it,
and that's what happened there.
Yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah, I, uh...
I figured that's what happened.
Yeah, that was it. That's what happened.
- Okay. - All right.
Well, uh... take care of yourself.
Okay. You too.
- All right. - All right.
Okay.
Hey, Allan! No, no, no, no!
Captain's wheel is not coming back home with us.
[sighs]
[knocking on door]
Hey. Yeah.
- I'm Allan. - Yeah.
You were just talking to my girlfriend, Lindsey.
Right. Yes.
I don't want to be rude, but, are you living here?
No.
You're...
I... kind of am, maybe.
For... for now, may...
Yeah, yeah. For now.
That is really interesting and very compelling.
I'd like to do a doc on you.
How would you feel about that?
- Allan, is it? - Mm-hmm.
- I have no problem with that. - Okay.
- It's gonna cost you $5,000. - What?
Yeah.
I'm a journalist.
We... we don't really pay our documentary subjects.
It's not, um...
Okay, a hundred bucks.
I'll do it for a hundred bucks.
I'm sorry, I... I can't do it.
- Come on. - I just...
Allan, what are you doing to me? A hundred dollars.
I love your story...
Seriously.
Screw that, man. I'm worth a hundred bucks.
[sighs]
["No Key, No Plan" plays]
[spits]
♪ When I'm hosed and they're closing in ♪
♪ Maybe only then ♪
♪ Really, I'll try to get right with myself ♪
_
- Hey! - Ooh!
- Em! - Hi!
- Hi. - Hi. Relax, it's me.
I know. That's why I'm scared.
No, no, no, no. Look, I cleaned up.
Look at me. Don't I look good?
- I look good. - You do, you do.
You smell like Lysol, so that's good.
Look, listen to me. I got a plan...
- Mm-hmm. - ...that's gonna get me back on track.
- Hey. - And I want you to be part of it.
Ah, ooh.
- Yeah, yeah. - Remember, we... we said...
No, just... just hear me out.
- Yeah. - The podcast...
I'm gonna... I'm gonna have Louis back on the podcast.
Louis... the C.K. one?
- Yes. - Oh, okay. Are you even in touch with him?
Yeah, yeah! We've been... We've been...
We've been trading texts.
- Trading texts. - Yeah, yeah.
What do you think, though, right?
The first one... The first interview I did
with him started my career, right?
- Yeah, yeah. - This one is gonna dig us out of the dirt.
Oh, that's so good! Yeah.
What about that... that drug thing?
- Done. - Done?
- Yeah. - I can see.
Yeah. Look, listen to me.
- Yeah. - I don't want to do this without you.
Ooh! I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
You get Louis, and we'll talk.
- Yes! - Yes.
- Oh, I love you! - Thank you.
- Thanks so much for believing... - That's all right.
Ooh! There we go. Definitely not.
- Okay. - All right, bye, Marc.
Okay.
See you, you...
[engine starts]
...horrible, selfish monster.
Yeah!
- I appreciate it. - It's my privilege to be here.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
Oh, uh, George, this is Marc.
Marc, this is Cliff's son.
He just stopped by to check on his dad.
Uh-huh. And what is Marc doing here?
Hi, George. I'm Marc.
Uh... I'm in a towel.
So, there was a... a plumbing problem.
[stammers]
My whole house is in trouble.
Uh-huh.
But your father is a wonderful man, and...
and I believe that he's rallying.
[Cliff moans]
I don't know how often you're here,
but that sounds better than yesterday, man.
I mean, like, that sounds happy.
Am I right?
Look, I don't mean to be intruding.
My fiancée, Tina... all right, the woman I'm gonna marry...
you know, was nice enough to let me shower here,
and I appreciate it, George.
I... I do.
I think you need to leave, Marc.
Be okay if I change?
[rock music plays]
Uh, he's in entertainment.
I love him so much.
If any of you want a selfie with me after the show,
it's 5 bucks.
That's how much I'm willing to pay.
- [laughter] - I'm lonely. It's good.
You put your arm around a woman, sometimes they rub up...
Hey, everybody.
Hey, Marc.
I, uh... I got this girl's phone number...
Fred! How's it going up there, man?
It was going good until just now.
[man laughs]
Long time.
Not long enough.
[chuckles]
Andy.
Hey. How've you been, Marc?
Uh, I ask that rhetorically
because I know you haven't been doing well.
It's all right. How are my cats doing?
Monkey is mean, and LaFonda is terrifying.
Yeah, I know, right? Sometimes?
- Yeah. - Aww. I miss them.
Thanks for watching them for me.
So, why are you here?
You, uh, done destroying your life yet?
No, not yet. Uh, it's a work in progress.
But thanks for asking.
Where you living? You got... you got a place?
Yeah, yeah.
I got a... I'm in, uh, like, a studio-apartment situation.
I heard it was, like, a storage unit.
- Is that... - Multi-purpose, all right?
It's like an artist colony, okay?
Look... [stammers]
I'm trying to get ahold of Louis, all right?
I'm trying to get ahold of him,
but I think I have an old phone number or something.
Can... can you guys just give me his... his... his new number?
Can you just...?
Come on, man. It's for my career.
Yeah, I... I... I don't know.
I'd have to check with him first.
This is bullshit.
It's just... This is bullshit, man.
No, Marc.
You know what's bullshit is you getting hooked on drugs
and then burning your friends over and over and over...
Yeah, well, you suck.
You suck, too.
FRED: She'd shove them in my mouth.
I'm okay with you, Fred.
I like you, Fred.
[down-tempo music plays]
[ring tone plays]
What...
_
Holy shit.
[ring tone stops]
Louis?
LOUIS: Hey, man, where are you?
Louis!
Yeah, it's me. So, where are you?
Well, I'm... I'm at my apartment in the... in the artist colony.
Okay, good, good. Look, stay there.
Dave's gonna pick you up.
I'm just in town for a couple of days, so bring the mikes.
You've still got the mikes, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Don't worry about it.
Wait. So, when's Dave picking me up?
No, he's there now.
He's here now?
That... that's weird.
But okay. All right. Doesn't matter.
I'll see you in a bit, man!
Ha.
Yeah!
Dave!
Over here, buddy.
Artist colony, huh?
Yeah. Whatever you got to tell yourself.
So, uh, I guess Louis wasn't "too busy" for me, after all, huh?
Wow. You know, I have some, uh, wet naps in the car
if you need to... bathe.
Okay. That's funny.
But do you?
No.
So, uh... you gonna invite me in?
I mean, do you invite someone into a storage locker
or do you lure them in?
All right. Come on in.
Do I take off my shoes?
Yes, please.
Oh, wow. This...
Hey, look, stop being so judgmental, will you?
Your house isn't that much nicer than this.
No, it is.
So, okay.
So, Louis, did he sound, uh... did he sound into it?
Oh, yeah.
It's just the career boost he's looking for.
Oh, and this is what I was looking for...
a shit bucket with a toilet seat.
- All right, you're an asshole. - And an Instagrammer.
You know who's gonna favorite this?
- Everybody. - Okay, enough fun.
Uh, I don't... I don't really know where my mikes are.
You don't think Louis' gonna care if I use my phone to record, do you?
You sold your mikes.
No. M-Maybe.
I don't know. I don't know.
Yeah, well, when you live in a high-end neighborhood,
you really got to make some sacrifices.
It's all turning around, buddy. Louis' throwing me a bone.
Yeah. You mind if I park my lawn mower in your living room?
You know, you mind if I...
[sighs]
I'll think of something.
Yeah.
You definitely want to lock that,
'cause you don't want anybody to steal your smell.
Yeah, I apologize for the wheels.
My Aston-Martin is in the shop.
Right, Aston-Martin.
Mm-hmm.
Test, test. 1, 2.
Mm-hmm. Test, test. 1, 2.
That's pretty good quality, right?
I mean, I could post that, right?
Yeah, it'll be just fine.
Oh, man! This is great!
It's finally happening, man!
I put this interview up,
maybe get some rankings on iTunes...
get some sponsors back.
Maybe that fantasy-sports site that ruins peoples' lives...
Oh, hell yes, man.
Louis came through, buddy. Louis came through.
You know, Louis's not really the answer to your problems.
What's that supposed to mean?
I mean, you're a talented guy,
and you have a history of overcoming a lot of shit.
You can do this.
I don't think you know how showbiz works.
I'm not talking about showbiz.
I'm talking about your life.
You know I'm not really taking you to see Louis.
Yeah.
Hey! You're staying right here, dickhead.
[scoffs] I... I can finish what I have, right?
Yeah, go for it.
You want one?
Yeah.
Oh.
Now, that is how you take Oxy responsibly.
Oh, come on. This place is awful.
Thank God I'm high.
What are you talking about? This place is great.
You got wood beams.
You got a fish tank, little stuffed giraffe.
It's like a resort for people with no self-control.
Come on.
Hi. I, uh, called a spot in for Marc Maron.
It's Marc with a "C," as in the C-word.
Sorry. That was a dig at him, not... not you.
Although...
How are we gonna handle payment?
Oh, man. I don't have any money.
We're gonna have to wait till I get some insurance, dude.
I don't even have my clothes, Dave.
The window is now, okay?
This happens now. Louis' paying for it.
I'll get your clothes. You just stay right here, okay?
Yeah, but...
I'm gonna need to...
Just, uh, to do this now.
I'm gonna need to do this now.
Oh, hey. Hop in, buddy.
- What? - Yeah.
Oh, my God. This is happening.
Hey, I'm gonna... I'm gonna be okay, right?
Or not.
But you got to try.
♪ Walking down to the candy store ♪
Oh, hey, man, tell my girlfriend I love her.
Okay?
She's fat. I don't remember her name.
It's Tina. Tina.
All right, here we go.
Give me $5, $4. Bid me $5 here.
Lady in the black hat. Bid me $5. Give me $5. Bid me $5.
Got $5? $5. Got $5? Seller's way.
$5? Gonna give me $6? Pledge for $6, $7.
Want to give me $7? Bid me $7? $6.
$7? It's worth more than that.
This is bullshit.
$8. Now $9. $8. Bid me $9, where?
$8. $9. You're gonna get everything in this unit.
You're gonna get the box. You're gonna get the couch.
You're even gonna get this excrement bucket.
And $10. $10. $11. $11. $11.
$11. $12. $12. Bid me $12?
Bid me $12? Where? Bid me $12.
- Want to bid $13? - $17.
$17. $17. $18. $17. $18.
Want to bid $18, where? $17. $18.
I want to get my hands on that shit bucket.
What are you doing, man? I thought we were friends.
- Eh. - Sold! $17! To the creep.
Ha. Your shit is all mine.
What is your problem?
[distorted] What is your problem?
[mid-tempo rock music plays]
What's happening? Who the hell are you?
[echoing] Again, I'm Dr. Varma.
You are in a rehabilitation facility.
We are weaning you off Oxycodone.
Why? I like 'em.
Wait, what's that? Torture shit?
[normal voice] It's a stethoscope.
I-I got to get out of here. I got to get my s-stuff.
♪♪
[acoustic guitar music plays softly]
Okay, so you've been using Oxycodone for a year.
Previous drug use?
Yeah.
When?
I don't know. Like, 14 to 35?
Which drugs?
All of them.
I knew Sam Kinison.
♪ There is something in our language that they need ♪
How'd you do that?
What led to the current drug use?
- ♪ Like a good companion following a lead ♪ - Um, success?
No, uh, no. It was, like... It was... It was back pain.
- ♪ So I wait on tables... ♪ - This really good doctor gave me pills,
uh, to help me out,
and that was, um, like a month ago.
A year.
Same thing.
♪ I remember ♪
- ♪ Here come the rattling trees ♪ - What is going on?
Just trying to get through this.
Any underlying health issues?
Yeah.
My hands get tingly, and I attract cats.
♪ Here come the rattling trees ♪
- ♪ Don't mention my name... ♪ - Depression? Anxiety?
Yeah, probably. I'm a Jew.
Diagnosed?
Self-diagnosed.
I've done all this. I know what this is. I've been here.
♪ Don't mention my name ♪
Come on.
Can you just answer the questions?
What... [scoffs] This...
This moving around stuff is nonsense.
All right? I get it. You're not real,
and this is just some bullshit dream.
No, it most certainly is not a dream.
♪♪
♪ A late November day... ♪
All right, I'm done with all this dreamscape,
art-house, jump-cutting bullshit. Let's wrap it up.
Yeah. Why don't we go ahead and wrap it up?
Fine. It's a wrap.
I'm leaving.
You aren't real.
This is stupid.
Bye.
Mr. Maron, I highly suggest you not leave.
♪ I remember ♪
♪ Here come the rattling trees ♪
[doorknob rattles]
Turn and pull.
Shut up, fake doctor.
♪♪
♪ Here come the rattling trees ♪
♪ Don't mention my name ♪
♪ Here come the rattling trees... ♪
Oh, hey, man, how's it going?
First time here?
Come on.
♪ Here come the rattling trees ♪
What's up, pops?
Not much.
Just dreaming.
Nice.
You making a run for it?
Yeah, I think I am.
♪ Here come the rattling trees ♪
- Be ghost, gramps. - ♪ Don't mention my name ♪
I don't know what that means, but it doesn't matter, though,
'cause you're not real.
That's right. That's right.
You're dreaming, baby.
[vehicle approaches]
♪♪
- MAN: Get out of the road! - [bottle thuds]
That seems real.
You know, I-I think maybe I'm not dreaming.
But thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, you ever tried rehab?
Oh. Okay.
I'm... I think... I'm gonna go back inside.
TREY: We closed, dawg.
Oh, come on!
[bird squawks]
[slow blues guitar music plays]
_
[door opens]
[bag rustles]
Okay, here's your stuff.
It's better luggage than I had when I came in here.
All my clothes were packed in to small 7-Eleven bags.
[chuckles]
Uh, look at me now, though.
So nothing changes if nothing changes, right?
Yeah, I guess.
Can we just get through this? I'm a little wiped out.
I get it. You're embarrassed.
And you feel like crap.
So was everyone else who sat in that chair.
Everyone here has been where you are or worse.
Before I came here,
my situation was dark... real dark.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
I used to live with my mom, man, on her couch.
Grown man living on his mom's couch,
drinking every day, watching cartoons.
Some dark, dark times.
Wow.
I had no idea it was possible to be an addict and to be really boring.
Sure. Start attacking.
Do whatever you can to avoid your feelings.
But feelings are not facts, Marc.
Jesus, I'm not avoiding my feelings.
I'm tired. I just detoxed.
I want to lay down.
Okay, I'm gonna give you some stuff to read.
Ah, shit.
Look, you may think this is the worst day of your life,
but it's actually the best day of your life.
Look, I'm not some 20-year-old, okay?
I've been through this before. I know all the sayings.
[sighs]
Okay, uh, so cards on the table...
I know more about you than my usual patient.
I followed your stand-up. I listened to your podcast.
So I know you.
Why would you tell me that?
Because the honesty in your podcasting...
I think it's important.
And I think it would be helpful to show the podcasting world
that you're sober and back.
[sighs] No. No, man.
Talking about it is a big part of sobriety.
You know that. Let it out.
I'm not doing my podcast.
Oh. No, that's not what I meant.
I do a recovery podcast.
It's called "Let Go and Let Pod."
- I would love to have you on as a guest. - [sighs]
It's a good time to talk.
Yeah, and a bad time to be stupid.
I want to go.
- [bag rustles] - Can you, uh, tell me my room number?
Nine. [nein]
You're not gonna tell me?
It's Room 9.
[sighs]
What's up, roomie?
Ugh. Of course it's you.
What's that mean?
Uh, nothing, man. Hey. I-I'm Marc.
Hey, man, I'm Trey. I'm Trey.
I like to rap, right,
whenever I want, as long as I want.
So you need to adjust accordingly, all right?
That's the rules.
Okay.
- All right? - Yeah.
All right. Check it out, check it out, yo.
♪ I know I got a lot of problems ♪
♪ But bein' old ain't one of 'em ♪
♪ So I hope you don't mind if I drop a rhyme sometimes ♪
♪ That'll blow your sad, spider-webby mind ♪
♪ Unh, I'm one of a kind ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
What... What was that?
Dropped the mike, yo.
Okay, listen, we... we... we can talk about rap etiquette later.
I-I-I just want to lay down, you know?
You okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm... I'm good.
- I'm good. - All right. All right.
Well, what you got in here?
It's... It's... It's just clothes and stuff.
Ooh, nice watch.
I didn't even know I still had that.
Wouldn't mind wearing it sometime.
That cool?
No, not really.
You sure about that, bro, 'cause you know I'm, like, from the 'Wood, right?
Okay, just... just... just take it easy, Eminem. Are you...?
- You take it easy. - [sighs]
I-I-I just... I just want to lay down.
God damn it! [sighs]
Hey.
What did you room me with? He thinks he's in prison.
Marc Maron. Come in.
This is supposed to help me get sober? I don't need it.
Easy does it. Sit down.
He got in my face, tried to steal my watch.
He's making up rap rules.
Sit.
How could you put me with some lunatic from... from Inglewood?
Inglewood? No, he's from Brentwood.
Totally different 'Wood.
And that's not even the half of it.
His old man's one of the biggest players in Hollywood.
He produced all those big robot movies.
He owns his own plane.
And this is Trey's third rehab.
He's gotten every chance in life. He's screwed them all up.
Well, it's good that you respect his confidentiality.
Right.
So he's just some annoying poseur?
He appreciates street culture.
He put out six rap albums.
The last one was called "I Even Kill Ghosts."
Move me. I don't want to room with that.
Marc, I can't do that.
Part of getting sober is learning how to be able
to get along with people you don't like.
Isn't that what you're for?
Okay.
Look, the kid's not gonna make it through rehab.
He's a relapse machine.
You may be surprised.
The only person that Trey is destined to become is the person he decides to be.
So... what do you think your destiny is?
What i... What is that?
What the hell are you doing?
I told you I want to do a sobriety podcast.
You can't just record people without asking them.
It... It's... It's illegal.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, they have to sign a release.
- Well, if I made one up, would you sign it? - No!
- Will you help me write one at least? - No!
- What's the matter with you?! - I want to... I want to help people.
I want to be a podcaster and help people.
You want to help people? Move me!
I can't do that.
But maybe if you signed the release...
What?! What are... What are you doing now?
You're blackmailing me?
That's what you're doing, you morally bankrupt... monster?
[sighs]
[rock music plays]
[sighs]
Really? Really?
Shit!
[sighs]
You... You cool, man?
Yeah. Fine. Why?
Y-You just screamed, "Shit!" L-Loud.
C-Crazy-loud.
Wow.
I didn't realize it. I-I'm sorry.
I-I'm just having some... some issues.
Just small stuff. I-I-It's no big deal.
Clearly not a big deal.
You're just screaming, "Shit!" and not remembering it.
You... Y-You want to t-talk about it?
I'm... I'm... I'm Adam,
and this... this... this is Carla.
Hi. We sort of met in the hallway when you made a run for it.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm Marc.
Yeah, I don't like my roommate,
and... and... and, you know, Chris won't move me.
And...
I-I think he's, uh...
He's... He's recording us all secretly for a podcast or something.
It's... It's... It's actually going to be pr... pretty great.
V-Very raw.
I-I-I f-figured you... you'd like that.
What does that mean?
S-Sorry. B-Busted.
I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm a fan. I-I-I have all your albums.
I've seen you at the Comedy Store a b-b-bunch.
[sighs] God, these people.
You're a comedian.
[sighs]
I have no idea who you are, if that helps.
[chuckles] I like Jeff Dunham.
Really?
I guess we know why you drink now.
No.
Adderall. Adderall.
I di... Adderall. I did a lot of Adderall.
[chuckles]
But, uh... And I don't like-him like him.
I'm just into ventriloquism. [chuckles]
I just don't get how they do that, you know?
I-I would do it differently.
I want to be the anti-Jeff Dunham.
I'd like to have a trans dummy.
Reinvent it a little bit.
Right. Okay.
High time we start exploring the gender politics of, you know, puppets, I think.
Who are you rooming with?
Trey.
Oh. Yeah. Trey.
He's a problem.
But I think he's just acting out.
It's... It's... It's so true.
I mea... I mean, you've... you've... you've talked about that on... on...
on your podcast with Fred Arm... Armisen, remember?
When you... you... you were talking about sex
and... and... and I'm not... I'm not helping.
Last thing you want to do is make someone feel
like they're so bad you can't room with him.
You know, it wouldn't be very good for his sobriety.
No, yeah. I wouldn't want to do that.
What's up, snitch?!
What's that?
Heard you don't want to shack with me
and called me an annoying poseur who'd be bad for your sobriety,
said, "There's no way Trey makes it. He's a relapse machine."
Never happened, man. I wouldn't do that, all right?
He's making stuff up.
Oh, really, yo? Really?
'Cause Chris recorded it.
Did... Did you really do that?
Yeah, I said it. All right?
I was pissed off, all right? And I... And I blew up.
Oh, oh, so if you blew up, then it's fine.
You tried to steal my watch. What do you want from me, man?
How about the watch?
Look.
I'm not giving you my watch.
Give me the watch, snitch bitch!
Yeah, okay, uh...
Run it. Run it.
All right, all right, Jesus Christ. I don't even know what that means.
It's just, uh...
- I don't care about the watch. - [chuckles]
What is this, rehab or high school?
I don't know, man. Why don't you go ask Principal Chris?
- What?! - Uh, uh, no... no... nothing, nothing.
I-I-I-I like you.
Yeah, that's right.
As y'all bitches were.
Wow.
What a disappointing display of masculinity all around.
Wait, m-me?
Arguably the worst.
♪♪
Hey.
- What the hell are you? - Excuse me a moment.
I am a sobriety counselor, Marc.
Oh, really? 'Cause it seems like you're more like a middle school gossip queen.
I can't remember meeting someone
who got so up in my shit in such a short amount of time.
It's astounding.
You're an astounding human being.
Hey, don't tell this guy shit.
Your worth should never depend on another person's opinion.
What? That... That A.A. slogan doesn't even apply here.
You are the most full-of-shit person
in this entire rehab center, and you're the counselor.
You're just a wannabe podcaster, gossip queen, shit starter.
Are you done?
No!
People like you are why people drink,
not get sober.
"Anger" is one letter away from "danger."
Oh, my God!
Do you have any thoughts that aren't from an A.A. pamphlet?
Are you even a person?
Yes, I am a sober person,
and I'm a person with a lot of experience.
And you need to understand that you are exactly where God wants you to be.
Oh, I guess God wants me to be talking to a douchebag.
What... What are you... What are you doing?
Are you trying to think of an A.A. slogan with the word "douchebag" in it?
I think you should go to your room.
Oh, yeah, about that.
I'm switching rooms. I'm just gonna pick one.
I don't care what you think.
That's not how it works.
It is now.
♪♪
Yeah.
That's right.
That's Marc Maron.
He used to live in a storage locker.
Hey, man, I-I just think it'll be better off
if we get, you know, a fresh start.
You and I didn't really get along from the get-go, so, look.
Like, I-I just think it would be better off for both of us if we...
[sniffs]
What is that?
[chuckles lightly]
Did you shit on my bed?
[chuckles]
You shit on my bed?!
You got up there and squatted like a dumb monkey?!
And that's your watch on top.
[chuckles]
What the hell is wrong with you?!
Just keeping it real, man.
You have no idea what that means!
Jesus Christ!
You don't think I know what you are?
Oh, here we go. Old man lecture time.
- All right. All right. - You want to know why you shit on my bed?
Um, convenience?
No! No, smart-ass!
Because I'm the closest guy to your dad's age in here!
- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and let me guess.
He didn't give you nothing when you were growing up, right?
You don't even know if he loves you.
Am I hitting it? Huh?
Okay, maybe he gave you stuff. Maybe he gave you cars.
Maybe he gave you clothes, material stuff,
- right, you spoiled puss? - No.
But you wanted your daddy, right,
but he couldn't do it 'cause he was too narcissistic.
He's too self-centered.
So you ruined everything and every chance he gave you.
And then you ruined yourself on drugs.
And now you're such a piece of garbage that you shit on someone else's bed?!
Damn!
It's kind of poetic, though, isn't it?
'Cause that's how you feel about yourself.
Am... Am I close, Trey?
[sobbing]
[sighs]
He didn't even come to my high-school graduation, man.
[sobbing continues]
Yeah, I get it. I ge... I get it, man.
All right, look, If I had a normal dad,
I wouldn't be in here, either. You know what I mean?
It screws us up, man.
[sighs] I hate myself.
It's... Yeah, it's... [scoffs]
All right, all right, all right.
Come on, y-you're... you're... you're...
You know, you're a good kid.
You're letting it out. Let it out.
- It's good, man. It's good. - [sobbing loudly]
I was exactly where you are when I was your age.
Seriously.
I was doing a lot of blow, all right?
And... And I got through it, though.
All right? I got through it.
I sobered up, and I got my shit together.
Then why are you back here?
Well, they... they didn't have Oxy back then, and, you know, that shit's good.
Like, I had... I had back pain,
[chuckling] but, whoa, right?
[chuckles] Yeah.
W-Wait, that's not what this is about, all right?
Listen, I-I-I'm... I'm here to tell you
that you'll be fine, okay? You're gonna be fine.
- Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, uh... you moving out?
Hey, I got to be honest. You know?
Shitting on your roommate's bed's not the greatest foundation for a friendship.
I get it. I get it.
[sighs]
[sniffs, scoffs]
All right, all... I'll stay, all right, on one condition.
We switch beds.
[scoffs] Hey, that's fair.
That's fair, man.
Look... [claps hands] I'm sorry I shit on your bed, man.
[chuckles] I'm an animal.
Yeah, but e-even my cats use a litter box.
[chuckles]
I'm gonna go get something to clean this up.
All right, wait, look, here.
Use this, and...
- you can keep the watch. - [laughs] All right.
I'm getting out, dude. This stinks.
- It's bad. - All right.
You're bad.
Hey, some people enjoy the smell of their own brand.
I'm just saying.
[bird squawks]
- You good, dawg? - I am good, man.
[chuckles] Later.
Don't quit before the miracle.
Shut up.
Heard it worked out with you and Trey.
Yeah, yeah, we talked it out.
So maybe you don't always have the right impulses or instincts about other people.
[clicks tongue] Uh, no, Chris. Usually, I do.
It just takes me a while to get to them.
Like... Like, for instance, you.
I know you're not some sort of sobriety wizard.
I also know that you're bordering on inappropriate,
perhaps even illegal behavior.
Okay, I think I have an amends to make.
I didn't act appropriately.
I did record you and maybe some others.
I think I may have crossed a line.
People's privacy is important.
Yeah, yeah. It was messed up what you did, man.
I'm sorry.
Okay, all right. I appreciate that.
So, uh, the wording on this release form...
- If you could take a quick look at it... - No, no, I won't.
I... Did... Did you record this, too?
I... did.
[blues music plays]
[sighs] It's so screwed up, man.
Seriously, what's wrong with you?
You've got a problem.
[door opens]
Marc Maron. Sobriety day five.
Remind him of the "ism."
"I seek misery."
♪♪
Next Wednesday, Marc adjusts to recovery.
Look, I don't think I can do this place.
All right? You know, these kids are just... kids.
Everyone here is just trying to get better.
This is stupid!
Who's acting like a child now?
[mocking] "Who's acting like a child now?"
Maron, brand new next Wednesday at 09:00 on IFC.
And always on demand, and on the IFC app.
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com
This story is fictional, but addiction isn't.
This could've easily happened to me.
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction,
get help. Call this number, or check out this site.