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Previously, on "The Mindy Project"...

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"Dear Mindy, I like you.

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"If you ever felt so inclined,

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I'd like to take you out."

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Tell him it was a sham to have
sex with hotter, younger women.

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Okay, fine.

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Our relationship was
as fake as my nails.

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It... it's not real?

9
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No, of course not.

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Morgan, when Beverly asked
you to take out the mail,

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you forgot, as usual, right?

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Of course, I always do.

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But you yelled at me so much

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that I had nightmares,
so I mailed the letter.

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Don't worry.

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Your precious mail's on
the way to its intended.

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No.

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Who am I trying to impress?

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Oh, my God.

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Calm down.

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Morgan, what the hell
are you doing here?

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Dr. L, just get in the bed.

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I made it all warm with my hot skin.

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I need you to get out of here right now.

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You have to leave.

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Dr. L, when was the last time

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you felt the touch of a man?

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Kind of a long time ago.

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Oh, it was when Blake
Shelton stepped on my neck

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at my audition for "The Voice"

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to get me to stop
singing Adele's "Hello."

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That is insane.

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Okay, you are a beautiful,
strong woman of color,

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and you have needs.

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Let me help you.

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It has been a really long time.

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I don't even know if any
of this stuff still works.

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That makes two of us.

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Okay, fine, but nothing fancy.

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Just, you know, reverse cowgirl.

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Get ready for the ride of your life.

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It'll be our dirty little secret.

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Oh, God.

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I have to have sex.

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Synced and corrected by MasterCookie
www.addic7ed.com

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Hey, Dr. K.

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I'm all done with Dr. L's vitals.

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She's ready for you.

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Thank you, Tamra.

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How'd she seem?

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Really bad. You wouldn't belive it.

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Her earholes are solid wax,

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and when I tried to weigh her,

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she said, "Weigh yourself

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and write that down,"

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and somehow, she shrunk an inch.

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Well, that's to be expected.

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Did she say anything about me?

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Yeah, she said, "Tell
that Civil War ghost

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to get his ass in here."

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- Right?
- Uh.

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Good morning.

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Hey, I need to talk
to you about something.

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Oh, no.

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It's about what I sent you, isn't it?

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Huh? No.

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A couple of days ago,

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I tried to shave the Tory
Burch symbol down here,

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and it went real bad, okay?

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And I don't need to hear it from you.

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Well, that's great that...

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that's... that's what you
wanted to talk to me about.

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Yeah.

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Wait, what did you send me?

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Better not be fruit.

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Oh, no, no. It was nothing.

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It was a, uh, an invitation

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to a, uh...

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a television-viewing party.

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You don't watch TV.

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Mm.

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You had Flo from the Progressive ads

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as a patient, and you didn't even know.

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This is weird.

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No, no, we will be watching

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my favorite television program.

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The CBS hit "Elementary."

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"The sexy drama's having its
most sizzling season yet."

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You know, I just read something

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about that show somewhere.

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That sounds cool. I'm in.

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Great.

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Now, on with the exam.

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Why bother?

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I haven't had sex in such a long time,

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I'm thinking about donating
my thongs to the troops.

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You know, for morale.

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Well, we all go through dry spells.

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I once went ten days without having sex.

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I was in a medically induced coma

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after a sailboat accident.

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Ten days?

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I'm talking six months, bro.

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This is the longest I've
gone without having sex

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since the first 25 years of my life.

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How dare you tell me that story?

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To think I held in a fart for you.

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Morgan.

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Did I hear that you have a key

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to Dr. Lahiri's apartment?

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Oh, yeah. Right here.

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Look at that. It's my prize possession.

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But it's only for emergencies,

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like she's in the shower

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and wants to know what's up on Twitter.

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Well, this is definitely an emergency.

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I seem to have mailed
her a letter in error.

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I'd like you to fetch it
for me before she opens it.

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Wait a minute. What did you send Dr. L?

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Well...

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I... I may have written her a letter

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that accidentally implied

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that I had romantic feelings for her.

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You have romantic feelings for Dr. L?

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No, I was merely lonely.

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I was sipping bourbon.

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A car alarm outside
reminded me of her voice.

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I would just like the letter back

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before she gets the wrong idea.

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Yeah, well, I got news for you.

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She's gonna get the wrong idea.

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She sued a turnstile for groping her.

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So you'll get the letter back for me?

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No. No, I'm not.

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I can't betray her trust, okay?

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If she found out that it was me,

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she would never let me
do her laundry again.

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I will not give that up.
That I will not forfeit.

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I'll pay you. 500...

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Cents?

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Mm-hmm.

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Okay, fine, fine.

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You got a deal.

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I hope you're happy.

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Okay, well, Chelsea,

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miraculously, you have
no STD's this month.

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Ugh, I'm turning into my mom.

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Hey, I'm going to ask you something,

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since you are my most...

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physically adventurous friend.

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- Sluttiest.
- Yes, thank you.

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So, tell me, how does a cool single mom

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meet someone for casual fun?

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Oh, Mindy, it is so easy.

155
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I use this hookup app called Pork-It.

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If you're a woman,
you are guaranteed sex

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within five minutes,

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or you get a billion dollars.

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It's never happened.

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I don't know.

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Is there, like, an old
lady version of that

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for timid moms?

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There is a website called "CuddleSpot,"

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which caters to adults
who feel their best years

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have passed them by, but...

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Oh, perfect.

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"CuddleSpot."

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Ooh, nice website.

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Bio: "Just a cuddly kitten in the city,

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"looking for my ball of yarn.

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Meow."

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Oh, my God.

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Chelsea, I'm kind of turning myself on.

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Oh.

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Oh, feet elevated.

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Newspaper in hand. Crumbs on chest.

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I'd say this was a case
of a man on a break.

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I was just waiting around for Morgan.

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- Have you seen him?
- I have not.

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I did, however, bump into Mindy,

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who informs me that you're holding

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an "Elementary" viewing party.

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Viewing party?

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Jody, I am so excited.

185
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I am such a Sherlock Holmes buff,

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or "Shirley," as I call us.

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Oh, no, I... I merely
mentioned something to Mindy

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about watching the show.

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Oh, so it's just the
two of you watching?

190
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Uh-huh, I did not realize

191
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you were that close.

192
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Well, now this really is a mystery.

193
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No, we are not that close.

194
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I just haven't invited anyone else yet.

195
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Um, maybe it would be easiest

196
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if I just canceled the party.

197
00:06:13,976 --> 00:06:15,875
No, you can't cancel.

198
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I already bought all the ingredients

199
00:06:17,716 --> 00:06:18,845
for my one-layer dip:

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ranch.

201
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,715
Oh, Mindy's invited you too.

202
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Yeah.

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Okay, a viewing party

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at my house.

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Tomorrow.

206
00:06:26,846 --> 00:06:28,795
You mean Thursday.

207
00:06:28,796 --> 00:06:29,845
Of course, I mean Thursday.

208
00:06:29,846 --> 00:06:31,795
Thursday's the night
that "Elementary" is on.

209
00:06:31,796 --> 00:06:32,795
It's my favorite show.

210
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So, viewing party at my house,

211
00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:35,775
but only one hour.

212
00:06:35,776 --> 00:06:36,985
Uh-uh, you're not kicking us out

213
00:06:36,986 --> 00:06:38,745
as soon as it's over.

214
00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,765
Yeah, we need time to
discuss our reactions

215
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:42,755
and go in your bathroom
to see what pills you take.

216
00:06:42,756 --> 00:06:44,705
And take those pills.

217
00:06:45,946 --> 00:06:48,905
I was skeptical about
signing up for "CuddleSpot,"

218
00:06:48,906 --> 00:06:50,855
but this has been great.

219
00:06:50,856 --> 00:06:53,865
I am so glad I checked "all
ethnicities" on my profile.

220
00:06:53,866 --> 00:06:55,795
And I'm really thankful

221
00:06:55,796 --> 00:06:57,905
that you invited me up to
listen to your awesome jazz CDs.

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00:06:57,906 --> 00:06:58,905
Yeah.

223
00:06:58,906 --> 00:06:59,985
And it got me thinking

224
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,835
that maybe we should make

225
00:07:01,836 --> 00:07:03,735
a little jazz of our own.

226
00:07:03,736 --> 00:07:04,875
- ♪ Boo-bop ooh
be-bop ♪ - Well...

227
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:07,745
- ♪ Ooh be-bop ooh bop ♪
- What's the rush, you know?

228
00:07:07,746 --> 00:07:08,815
We have all night.

229
00:07:08,816 --> 00:07:09,885
Oh, I never finished telling you

230
00:07:09,886 --> 00:07:10,985
about my cousin's trip to Hartford.

231
00:07:10,986 --> 00:07:12,795
Yeah, I don't have all night, though,

232
00:07:12,796 --> 00:07:14,755
because I need to get home
to relieve the babysitter;

233
00:07:14,756 --> 00:07:16,785
otherwise, she'll put
a Ukrainian curse on me,

234
00:07:16,786 --> 00:07:17,855
and those work.

235
00:07:17,856 --> 00:07:18,855
- Oh.
- Okay.

236
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:19,915
It's just...

237
00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:21,825
well, it's just our
first time making love.

238
00:07:21,826 --> 00:07:22,915
It probably shouldn't be rushed.

239
00:07:22,916 --> 00:07:24,825
You know, it will be
so much more meaningful

240
00:07:24,826 --> 00:07:27,725
if our hearts connect
before our bodies do.

241
00:07:27,726 --> 00:07:29,765
I have never once found
that to be the case, so.

242
00:07:29,766 --> 00:07:31,765
Yeah, let me... let me go first, though.

243
00:07:31,766 --> 00:07:34,725
Um...

244
00:07:34,726 --> 00:07:37,805
I was bullied in high school,

245
00:07:37,806 --> 00:07:39,715
and again in college,

246
00:07:39,716 --> 00:07:41,865
and then just yesterday on Facebook.

247
00:07:41,866 --> 00:07:43,885
My nephew called me a little bitch.

248
00:07:43,886 --> 00:07:44,916
Pardon me.

249
00:07:46,906 --> 00:07:48,785
Oh, I'm so glad we get to have a chance

250
00:07:48,786 --> 00:07:50,985
to use these nuts before they go bad.

251
00:07:50,986 --> 00:07:52,965
They were a gift from my postman.

252
00:07:52,966 --> 00:07:54,745
I don't know why.

253
00:07:54,746 --> 00:07:55,745
Mindy?

254
00:07:55,746 --> 00:07:57,895
I think the wine is... is ready,

255
00:07:57,896 --> 00:08:00,945
if you want to come out.

256
00:08:00,946 --> 00:08:02,806
But I think the nuts have turned.

257
00:08:03,982 --> 00:08:05,011
Hey.

258
00:08:06,087 --> 00:08:08,076
I searched Dr. L's apartment.

259
00:08:08,077 --> 00:08:09,996
All I found was an invitation

260
00:08:09,997 --> 00:08:12,056
for Platinum Select Status
at Wetzel's Pretzels.

261
00:08:12,057 --> 00:08:13,876
Okay.

262
00:08:13,877 --> 00:08:15,956
Was Mindy suspicious while
you were searching the place?

263
00:08:15,957 --> 00:08:17,046
Oh, she was on a date.

264
00:08:17,047 --> 00:08:18,146
Uh, Mindy was on a date?

265
00:08:18,147 --> 00:08:19,906
Yeah, who cares?

266
00:08:19,907 --> 00:08:21,046
The thing is, you don't have to worry

267
00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:22,116
about the letter anymore, okay?

268
00:08:22,117 --> 00:08:23,126
Cousin Lou told me

269
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:24,956
that if she hasn't gotten it by now,

270
00:08:24,957 --> 00:08:26,026
it's probably lost.

271
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,006
And he was a mailman in a porn.

272
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,166
Oh, thank goodness. That is a relief.

273
00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:30,926
Thank you.

274
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,156
Now, here is your reward.

275
00:08:33,157 --> 00:08:34,896
500 cents.

276
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,156
Hey, I'm bringing a plus-five

277
00:08:38,157 --> 00:08:39,936
to your viewing party on Sunday,

278
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,136
and I told them there's
gonna be gift bags,

279
00:08:41,137 --> 00:08:43,077
so don't skimp.

280
00:08:44,997 --> 00:08:46,076
"Plus-five."

281
00:08:46,077 --> 00:08:47,116
Uh, it's all there.

282
00:08:47,117 --> 00:08:48,946
We're about to find out, aren't we?

283
00:08:48,947 --> 00:08:51,876
One, two...

284
00:08:51,877 --> 00:08:53,976
There's a dime in here,

285
00:08:53,977 --> 00:08:56,017
you stupid son of a bitch.

286
00:08:58,147 --> 00:09:00,126
So how was the date?

287
00:09:00,127 --> 00:09:01,146
Things get sticky?

288
00:09:01,147 --> 00:09:02,986
Um, it was really bad.

289
00:09:02,987 --> 00:09:04,026
In fact, I would say

290
00:09:04,027 --> 00:09:05,966
it was the worst date in human history.

291
00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:07,096
A man has not been that uninterested

292
00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:08,166
in having sex with me

293
00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:10,926
since I threw myself in
front of Jon Hamm's car.

294
00:09:10,927 --> 00:09:13,056
Look, dating sites are great,
but you got to get laid.

295
00:09:13,057 --> 00:09:14,966
I mean, do you want a guy
who's gonna split the check

296
00:09:14,967 --> 00:09:16,056
or split you in half?

297
00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:18,946
I mean, more towards
the second, I guess?

298
00:09:18,947 --> 00:09:20,036
- Yeah.
- You know what I was thinking?

299
00:09:20,037 --> 00:09:21,916
Maybe I will download that hookup app

300
00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:22,976
you were talking about.

301
00:09:22,977 --> 00:09:24,996
Pork-It? Yeah.

302
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,116
All right, I have to do something.

303
00:09:26,117 --> 00:09:29,056
According to "WebMD,"
you can die of horniness.

304
00:09:29,057 --> 00:09:30,056
I mean, I posted it,

305
00:09:30,057 --> 00:09:31,056
but still.

306
00:09:31,057 --> 00:09:33,886
Come on, let's do this. Ahem.

307
00:09:35,167 --> 00:09:36,936
Hey!

308
00:09:36,937 --> 00:09:37,986
Okay, you already got a thumbs-up.

309
00:09:37,987 --> 00:09:40,016
Oh, my God. He wants to meet right now.

310
00:09:40,017 --> 00:09:42,086
Okay, uh, how do I look?

311
00:09:42,087 --> 00:09:45,006
Desperate and scared, which is perfect.

312
00:09:45,007 --> 00:09:46,106
Now, here is a key.

313
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:48,006
Works on all handcuffs.

314
00:09:48,007 --> 00:09:49,126
Whoa.

315
00:10:02,947 --> 00:10:04,046
Hello.

316
00:10:04,047 --> 00:10:06,086
Um, are you my...

317
00:10:06,087 --> 00:10:07,086
porker?

318
00:10:07,087 --> 00:10:08,136
I am, wow.

319
00:10:08,137 --> 00:10:10,076
Oh, okay.

320
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:12,006
- Wow, you are very sexy.
- Thank you.

321
00:10:12,007 --> 00:10:14,936
And you are making me feel very sexual.

322
00:10:14,937 --> 00:10:16,066
No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

323
00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:17,136
Zip that back up.

324
00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:19,096
All the way up. All the way up.

325
00:10:19,097 --> 00:10:20,126
What's your name?

326
00:10:20,127 --> 00:10:22,026
Uh-huh, okay.

327
00:10:22,027 --> 00:10:24,046
I'm gonna go to that bathroom
and take my pants off,

328
00:10:24,047 --> 00:10:25,066
and then I'm gonna pee,

329
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:26,066
and then you'll come in,

330
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:27,906
and we'll pump.

331
00:10:27,907 --> 00:10:29,066
- Good?
- Okay.

332
00:10:49,927 --> 00:10:53,076
Jody, this party is so fun.

333
00:10:53,077 --> 00:10:55,126
I didn't even know that
you were a fan of this show.

334
00:10:55,127 --> 00:10:56,906
I mean, up until yesterday,

335
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,116
we didn't even have a TV. Shh.

336
00:10:58,117 --> 00:10:59,966
Well, there are...
there are a lot of things

337
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:01,016
you don't know about me, Colette.

338
00:11:01,017 --> 00:11:02,046
For example, last week,

339
00:11:02,047 --> 00:11:04,096
I enjoyed a Mexican burrito sandwich.

340
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,096
I hated it.

341
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:06,946
Now, if you'll pardon me.

342
00:11:06,947 --> 00:11:08,916
Everyone, if I can have
your attention, please.

343
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:10,926
Welcome to my viewing party.

344
00:11:10,927 --> 00:11:12,096
I suppose we should get things started.

345
00:11:12,097 --> 00:11:13,096
Never done this before,

346
00:11:13,097 --> 00:11:15,036
so should we say grace?

347
00:11:15,037 --> 00:11:16,976
Dear Lord, thank you for this program,

348
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:17,976
which I have seen...

349
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:18,976
Wait a minute.

350
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:20,006
We can't start watching yet.

351
00:11:20,007 --> 00:11:21,076
We haven't talked about the show

352
00:11:21,077 --> 00:11:23,076
or discussed our fan theories.

353
00:11:23,077 --> 00:11:25,916
Mine is that the commercials
are how they make money

354
00:11:25,917 --> 00:11:27,086
to pay for the show.

355
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,126
Ah, delightful.

356
00:11:29,127 --> 00:11:31,006
Uh, where's Mindy?

357
00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:33,006
Actually, Dr. L got another date.

358
00:11:33,007 --> 00:11:34,106
I got to say, the old mare's

359
00:11:34,107 --> 00:11:36,916
really putting herself out there.

360
00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:39,026
Okay, let's watch my favorite program.

361
00:11:39,027 --> 00:11:40,996
Elementary, my dear Jody.

362
00:11:40,997 --> 00:11:44,036
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, Christ.

363
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,086
I know the invitation explicitly said,

364
00:11:46,087 --> 00:11:47,966
- "No costumes, Jeremy."
- Yes.

365
00:11:47,967 --> 00:11:49,946
But I could not help myself.

366
00:11:49,947 --> 00:11:52,126
Have you ever seen this much tweed?

367
00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:54,926
- Oh, gosh.
- Whoo-hoo.

368
00:11:54,927 --> 00:11:57,006
So we're allowed to smoke pipes in here?

369
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,996
Well, no...

370
00:12:00,117 --> 00:12:01,936
There we go.

371
00:12:08,997 --> 00:12:11,016
- Hi.
- Hello.

372
00:12:11,017 --> 00:12:12,906
- Um, I'll have a whiskey, please.
- Okay.

373
00:12:12,907 --> 00:12:14,896
I find the... a double...

374
00:12:14,897 --> 00:12:16,976
is usually enough to take the edge off.

375
00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:18,076
Hey, do you remember
the man that was sitting

376
00:12:18,077 --> 00:12:19,166
right over here?

377
00:12:19,167 --> 00:12:21,036
Do you think that you could describe him

378
00:12:21,037 --> 00:12:22,036
to a sketch artist?

379
00:12:22,037 --> 00:12:23,976
Sure, although how do you describe

380
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,906
a smell?

381
00:12:25,907 --> 00:12:28,986
Yeah, okay. Well, um...

382
00:12:28,987 --> 00:12:30,146
I'm gonna go meet him in the bathroom,

383
00:12:30,147 --> 00:12:31,946
and if I'm not back in ten minutes,

384
00:12:31,947 --> 00:12:33,086
that means that I was murdered,

385
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:34,926
or he's, like, really into foreplay,

386
00:12:34,927 --> 00:12:36,016
both of which suck, so I need you

387
00:12:36,017 --> 00:12:37,956
to come in after me.

388
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,056
You know what? I'll have another.

389
00:12:39,057 --> 00:12:41,036
Sure.

390
00:12:41,037 --> 00:12:42,166
Going to see the board of directors

391
00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:43,886
at Stern Investments.

392
00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:44,956
We frequently work late nights,

393
00:12:44,957 --> 00:12:46,156
so I imagined they'd be of use.

394
00:12:46,157 --> 00:12:48,056
Hope they're to your liking. Oh.

395
00:12:48,057 --> 00:12:50,086
Oh, my, this is wonderful.

396
00:12:50,087 --> 00:12:52,126
Their dynamic is intoxicating.

397
00:12:52,127 --> 00:12:53,926
This is so unrealistic.

398
00:12:53,927 --> 00:12:55,926
How come we never see
them go to the bathroom?

399
00:12:55,927 --> 00:12:58,036
Shh!

400
00:12:58,037 --> 00:13:00,086
So how long have you owned this bar?

401
00:13:00,087 --> 00:13:01,926
"Own" this bar?

402
00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:03,116
No, this is a... this
is a bar in Manhattan.

403
00:13:03,117 --> 00:13:05,926
I am still wearing the same
Sambas I wore in college.

404
00:13:05,927 --> 00:13:07,086
Oh, okay, I just thought
this was, like, "Cheers,"

405
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,876
and you were Sam Malone.

406
00:13:08,877 --> 00:13:10,906
No, not a lot of cool,
fun regulars come in here,

407
00:13:10,907 --> 00:13:12,036
although I saw Robert Durst once.

408
00:13:12,037 --> 00:13:14,016
- What was he like?
- You're stalling, aren't you?

409
00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:15,966
No, I just... okay, look.

410
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:17,146
Obviously, I would like to have sex,

411
00:13:17,147 --> 00:13:19,126
but, honestly, I'm only, like, 50% sure

412
00:13:19,127 --> 00:13:20,936
it's worth dying over.

413
00:13:20,937 --> 00:13:22,066
I don't know. What do
you think I should do?

414
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,916
Do you think I should
go in the bathroom?

415
00:13:23,917 --> 00:13:25,016
All right, well, you know what,

416
00:13:25,017 --> 00:13:26,126
I will give you my two
cents. Don't go in there.

417
00:13:26,127 --> 00:13:28,056
That guy is really, really gross.

418
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,056
Before you got here, he
ordered a glass of cherries

419
00:13:30,057 --> 00:13:31,906
to practice "tongue stuff."

420
00:13:31,907 --> 00:13:33,986
Okay, you're right. This is so not me.

421
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:35,916
Thank you, by the way.
You really saved me.

422
00:13:35,917 --> 00:13:37,036
Except now I have to tell him

423
00:13:37,037 --> 00:13:38,086
I don't want to have sex with him.

424
00:13:38,087 --> 00:13:39,906
That's gonna be awkward.

425
00:13:39,907 --> 00:13:41,116
Ugh, you know what?
I'm just gonna do it.

426
00:13:41,117 --> 00:13:43,096
You might be in luck.

427
00:13:43,097 --> 00:13:44,956
I think you waited too long,

428
00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:46,946
and he ordered someone
else up on the app.

429
00:13:49,907 --> 00:13:52,916
Oh, hey, he's in the bathroom.

430
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:54,096
- Have a nice pump.
- Hmm!

431
00:13:56,947 --> 00:13:59,116
Is this show always like this?

432
00:13:59,117 --> 00:14:02,076
An Asian woman and a
brilliant, dashing man

433
00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:03,956
who work together every day

434
00:14:03,957 --> 00:14:05,166
but refuse to admit
they'd make a great couple.

435
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:07,966
Shush, some of us are
still trying to watch this.

436
00:14:07,967 --> 00:14:09,976
What is one of these moms
talking about orange juice

437
00:14:09,977 --> 00:14:10,976
is a clue?

438
00:14:10,977 --> 00:14:13,136
They cut to commercial, Morgan.

439
00:14:14,947 --> 00:14:15,946
Excuse me, everyone.

440
00:14:15,947 --> 00:14:17,006
I'll be in my study.

441
00:14:17,007 --> 00:14:18,117
I've got some pondering to do.

442
00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:22,046
Mindy.

443
00:14:22,047 --> 00:14:23,156
Um, do you have a second?

444
00:14:23,157 --> 00:14:25,106
Yeah, hey, look, Jody,

445
00:14:25,107 --> 00:14:28,096
I am so sorry that I missed
your viewing party last night.

446
00:14:28,097 --> 00:14:30,906
Jeremy said it was the
single best night of his life.

447
00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:33,886
Oh, I don't think you
missed all that much.

448
00:14:33,887 --> 00:14:35,016
If anything, by the end of the night,

449
00:14:35,017 --> 00:14:36,966
it was more of an
intervention for Beverly.

450
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:39,076
Well, it was definitely
better than my sex date.

451
00:14:39,077 --> 00:14:40,166
It was a total bust.

452
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:42,086
Oh, I don't think I
need to hear about this.

453
00:14:42,087 --> 00:14:44,066
No, that's the thing.
There's nothing to hear.

454
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,116
I backed out of it, and guess what?

455
00:14:46,117 --> 00:14:49,066
Now my Pork-It rating is zero penises.

456
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:51,896
Yeah, that... that is a shame. Um...

457
00:14:51,897 --> 00:14:55,006
I think what I realized is
that it's not just about sex.

458
00:14:55,007 --> 00:14:56,106
I mean, I can handle that.

459
00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:57,876
Why else do I have a
middle and index finger,

460
00:14:57,877 --> 00:14:58,886
you know what I mean?

461
00:14:58,887 --> 00:15:00,136
Fast-forward, please.

462
00:15:00,137 --> 00:15:02,986
All along, all I wanted
is just to feel desirable

463
00:15:02,987 --> 00:15:05,136
and attractive, but you were right.

464
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:08,146
The days for me to feel sexy
and single were in my 20s.

465
00:15:08,147 --> 00:15:11,076
And now that I'm in my
20s, those days are over.

466
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:14,046
Oh, I was wrong about that, Mindy.

467
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,006
I was grumpy.

468
00:15:16,007 --> 00:15:17,876
I'd popped a suspender
earlier that morning.

469
00:15:17,877 --> 00:15:19,026
I'm sorry.

470
00:15:19,027 --> 00:15:20,166
Mindy, I... I am positive...

471
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:23,156
a lot of men find you very attractive.

472
00:15:23,157 --> 00:15:25,966
Uh, the problem is that some people

473
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,946
find it hard to say

474
00:15:27,947 --> 00:15:29,956
exactly what it is they want.

475
00:15:29,957 --> 00:15:31,956
Whoa, thank you, Jody.

476
00:15:31,957 --> 00:15:34,096
Well, this leads me to...

477
00:15:34,097 --> 00:15:35,156
Hey, doc, your patient's here.

478
00:15:35,157 --> 00:15:36,966
I think she's creeped out,

479
00:15:36,967 --> 00:15:38,146
'cause I accidentally winked at her.

480
00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:40,116
Thank you, Morgan.

481
00:15:40,117 --> 00:15:42,036
Okay.

482
00:15:42,037 --> 00:15:44,086
Um, well, what I'm trying to say, Mindy,

483
00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:45,916
is that I've been doing a lot of...

484
00:15:45,917 --> 00:15:47,136
Yeah, I know... I know I'm
gonna wink at her again.

485
00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:49,016
It's a twitch I have.

486
00:15:49,017 --> 00:15:50,996
- Am I attracted to her? Yeah.
- Not right now, Morgan.

487
00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:53,886
Just not now!

488
00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:57,006
Mindy, would you join
me for a cup of coffee

489
00:15:57,007 --> 00:15:58,036
later this evening?

490
00:15:58,037 --> 00:16:01,156
Just the two of us? No one else?

491
00:16:01,157 --> 00:16:03,047
Yeah, just the two of us.

492
00:16:05,107 --> 00:16:08,126
Okay, sure. That sounds nice.

493
00:16:08,127 --> 00:16:12,956
Well... well.

494
00:16:12,957 --> 00:16:14,136
- She has called the police.
- Oh, Morgan.

495
00:16:14,137 --> 00:16:16,156
I'm gonna go meet them in the lobby.

496
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:20,066
Okay, so I figured out
what the winking is.

497
00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:22,916
It's these old contacts
that I found on the bus.

498
00:16:22,917 --> 00:16:24,916
Morgan, do you think Dr. Lahiri...

499
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:25,946
- Whoa.
- Hey, man.

500
00:16:25,947 --> 00:16:26,986
Dr. C.

501
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:27,986
Danny.

502
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,047
What the hell is this?

503
00:16:31,107 --> 00:16:33,016
Oh, I found the letter.

504
00:16:33,017 --> 00:16:34,887
- Ooh.
- Hey.

505
00:16:35,087 --> 00:16:36,086
Oh, no, I must have mailed that

506
00:16:36,087 --> 00:16:38,006
to Mindy's old address.

507
00:16:38,007 --> 00:16:39,966
Well, I guess she
definitely never got it.

508
00:16:39,967 --> 00:16:41,966
But I did. I got it, yeah.

509
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,136
It's really romantic,

510
00:16:43,137 --> 00:16:45,016
and the handwriting's really pretty.

511
00:16:45,017 --> 00:16:46,206
It's almost a shame I have to do this.

512
00:16:46,207 --> 00:16:47,206
Whoa.

513
00:16:49,187 --> 00:16:50,236
Danny, I'm sorry.

514
00:16:50,237 --> 00:16:52,116
I didn't mean what I wrote.

515
00:16:52,117 --> 00:16:54,076
I used to mean it, then I didn't,

516
00:16:54,077 --> 00:16:55,196
and then I changed my mind again

517
00:16:55,197 --> 00:16:57,206
when I saw this television show.

518
00:16:57,207 --> 00:16:59,186
But let's just sit down and
discuss this like gentlemen.

519
00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:00,996
You know what, I can't believe you, man.

520
00:17:00,996 --> 00:17:03,065
I thought you Southern
guys were all about honor.

521
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,996
Of all the women in this town,

522
00:17:04,997 --> 00:17:07,026
you got to date the ex of a friend?

523
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,086
Hey, speaking of friends.

524
00:17:08,087 --> 00:17:09,226
Would it kill you to reply to an email?

525
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:12,186
It's not spam. I... I
can get very cheap Cialis.

526
00:17:12,187 --> 00:17:14,066
Whatever's going on with you and Mindy?

527
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,076
It's over, right now.

528
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,216
But you've been broken
up for a few months.

529
00:17:18,217 --> 00:17:22,016
What if Mindy decided
she wanted to date me?

530
00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,186
I don't care what Mindy wants anymore.

531
00:17:23,186 --> 00:17:24,235
This is about what I want.

532
00:17:24,236 --> 00:17:26,005
Okay, and think about it.

533
00:17:26,006 --> 00:17:27,985
I mean, if it didn't work out with me,

534
00:17:27,986 --> 00:17:31,165
do you think it's really
gonna work out with you?

535
00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:32,215
- You may have a point.
- Yeah.

536
00:17:32,216 --> 00:17:33,955
Damn right I do.

537
00:17:33,956 --> 00:17:37,035
I mean, first thing
is, you're way too tall.

538
00:17:37,036 --> 00:17:39,005
Women hate that. Right, Morgan?

539
00:17:39,006 --> 00:17:40,015
Are you talking to me?

540
00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:41,235
Oh, thank God, I'm alive.

541
00:17:41,236 --> 00:17:43,065
Yes, they don't like tall men.

542
00:17:43,066 --> 00:17:44,175
They don't like me.

543
00:17:44,176 --> 00:17:46,125
I didn't mean... okay, all right.

544
00:17:46,126 --> 00:17:47,145
I've made my point.

545
00:17:49,106 --> 00:17:52,036
Wait, where are you going?
I was finally opening up.

546
00:17:56,056 --> 00:17:59,045
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

547
00:17:59,046 --> 00:18:01,105
What...

548
00:18:01,106 --> 00:18:03,145
What are you doing here?

549
00:18:03,146 --> 00:18:06,055
I just came by to
throw out some old mail.

550
00:18:06,056 --> 00:18:09,095
You came all the way
here to use our trash can?

551
00:18:09,096 --> 00:18:12,105
And I wanted to see Morgan.
I came to see Morgan.

552
00:18:12,106 --> 00:18:14,055
Okay, now I know you're lying.

553
00:18:14,056 --> 00:18:16,155
Okay, don't worry about it.

554
00:18:16,156 --> 00:18:18,136
Okay.

555
00:18:24,946 --> 00:18:28,085
That was a really nice
onesie that you got Leo.

556
00:18:28,086 --> 00:18:29,195
I liked it.

557
00:18:29,196 --> 00:18:31,025
Oh, the red one with the balloons?

558
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,115
Yeah, I mean, you described it

559
00:18:33,116 --> 00:18:35,015
very feminine, and I
was a little nervous,

560
00:18:35,016 --> 00:18:38,095
but then I... I saw it,
and his arms look strong.

561
00:18:38,096 --> 00:18:40,945
Right?

562
00:18:44,126 --> 00:18:47,055
All right, this is me.

563
00:18:47,056 --> 00:18:49,975
Well, I'm just gonna
go back upstairs, then.

564
00:18:49,976 --> 00:18:52,195
Is everything okay?

565
00:18:52,196 --> 00:18:54,145
Yeah.

566
00:18:54,146 --> 00:18:55,995
I'm good.

567
00:18:55,996 --> 00:18:56,976
Okay.

568
00:19:04,136 --> 00:19:06,126
Make good decisions.

569
00:19:18,648 --> 00:19:19,657
There you are.

570
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:20,857
Ready to go get coffee?

571
00:19:20,858 --> 00:19:25,677
Uh, I don't think I can
make it this evening.

572
00:19:25,678 --> 00:19:28,877
I have to get home and
catch up on my, uh...

573
00:19:28,878 --> 00:19:30,737
"Chicago Fire."

574
00:19:30,738 --> 00:19:33,647
Apparently, it's burning
up Tuesday nights.

575
00:19:33,648 --> 00:19:34,867
You don't want to go anymore?

576
00:19:34,868 --> 00:19:35,867
No.

577
00:19:41,628 --> 00:19:42,697
You know what?

578
00:19:42,698 --> 00:19:43,787
Screw this.

579
00:19:51,788 --> 00:19:54,897
Wow, hi, I didn't expect
to see you back here.

580
00:19:54,898 --> 00:19:57,627
Your Pork-It date is waiting
for you in the bathroom.

581
00:19:57,628 --> 00:19:58,627
It's Anthony Weiner.

582
00:19:58,628 --> 00:19:59,797
Oh, no... um, no.

583
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,657
I'm... I'm not on Pork-It anymore.

584
00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:02,757
It was really not my style.

585
00:20:02,758 --> 00:20:04,687
I'm sure you... well,
if you're interested,

586
00:20:04,688 --> 00:20:06,687
I... I've found a new
app called "Potato Skins."

587
00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:07,767
It's really good.

588
00:20:07,768 --> 00:20:09,677
Mm, that's brilliant.

589
00:20:09,678 --> 00:20:12,647
An app for single, snack-minded people.

590
00:20:12,648 --> 00:20:14,707
Actually, it's just a plate full of...

591
00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:15,737
Potato skins.

592
00:20:15,738 --> 00:20:16,857
You know what? That's even better.

593
00:20:16,858 --> 00:20:18,767
They were mine, but I'm happy to share.

594
00:20:18,768 --> 00:20:20,917
Just leave me one, 'cause
I haven't eaten all...

595
00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:21,917
day.

596
00:20:21,918 --> 00:20:23,657
Oh, I'm so sorry.

597
00:20:23,658 --> 00:20:24,787
I thought that was a gift just for me.

598
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:25,877
No, I feel like I owe you a shot.

599
00:20:25,878 --> 00:20:27,727
That's impressive.

600
00:20:27,728 --> 00:20:30,777
Listen, the real reason
I'm here is to thank you

601
00:20:30,778 --> 00:20:31,917
for rescuing me the other night

602
00:20:31,918 --> 00:20:34,637
from what would have been
a pretty gross mistake.

603
00:20:34,638 --> 00:20:35,637
Oh, my pleasure.

604
00:20:35,638 --> 00:20:36,697
My mom always taught me to never

605
00:20:36,698 --> 00:20:37,727
have sex in a public bathroom

606
00:20:37,728 --> 00:20:39,727
until the second date, so...

607
00:20:39,728 --> 00:20:40,777
My friend just reminded me

608
00:20:40,778 --> 00:20:42,657
that the problem with people these days

609
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,707
is that nobody asks for
what they really want.

610
00:20:44,708 --> 00:20:47,647
So... um...

611
00:20:47,648 --> 00:20:49,917
I think you're really attractive.

612
00:20:49,918 --> 00:20:51,867
And if you think I'm attractive,

613
00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:54,657
maybe you'd want to
come over to my place.

614
00:20:54,658 --> 00:20:55,807
Tonight.

615
00:20:55,808 --> 00:20:57,707
For sex.

616
00:20:57,708 --> 00:20:58,907
But you have to leave by 9:00.

617
00:20:58,908 --> 00:21:01,687
Why, do you have... you got
another guy coming at 9:30?

618
00:21:01,688 --> 00:21:02,727
No.

619
00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:04,697
Well, kind of. My son.

620
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,667
His grandmother is going
to be dropping him home

621
00:21:06,668 --> 00:21:07,777
from baby confession.

622
00:21:07,778 --> 00:21:10,807
So here's my information.

623
00:21:10,808 --> 00:21:11,897
And I hope I see you later.

624
00:21:34,708 --> 00:21:35,827
Ugh.

625
00:21:41,658 --> 00:21:42,907
Oh, my God. You came.

626
00:21:42,908 --> 00:21:45,777
Wait, you're not here
to kill me, are you?

627
00:21:45,778 --> 00:21:47,897
No, uh, we're gonna have
sex, and then I'm gonna

628
00:21:47,898 --> 00:21:49,757
leave right away, just like you asked.

629
00:21:49,758 --> 00:21:51,657
Whoa.

630
00:21:51,658 --> 00:21:52,827
Come on in. All right.

631
00:21:56,688 --> 00:21:57,857
Hey, that was really fun,

632
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,727
and I... I know you
said it's been a while,

633
00:21:59,728 --> 00:22:01,657
but for what it's worth, you're still...

634
00:22:01,658 --> 00:22:02,707
you're still quite good at it.

635
00:22:02,708 --> 00:22:03,777
Really?

636
00:22:03,778 --> 00:22:05,707
Okay, so I'm, like, the
best you've ever had.

637
00:22:05,708 --> 00:22:07,697
Best today, for sure.

638
00:22:07,698 --> 00:22:08,857
And if you ever want to do it again,

639
00:22:08,858 --> 00:22:09,857
let me know.

640
00:22:09,858 --> 00:22:15,767
Okay.

641
00:22:20,718 --> 00:22:21,878
Go to bed.

642
00:22:22,016 --> 00:22:25,616
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