1 00:00:01,699 --> 00:00:04,248 Well, I think this was a pretty successful first outing 2 00:00:04,249 --> 00:00:05,298 of the Shulman & Associates 3 00:00:05,299 --> 00:00:07,318 Musical Theater Appreciation Society. 4 00:00:07,319 --> 00:00:08,408 Do you think so? Do you think it was? 5 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,258 Because I paid a fortune 6 00:00:10,259 --> 00:00:12,338 for two "Hamilton" tickets and you got us kicked out 7 00:00:12,339 --> 00:00:15,208 in the first act by climbing up on stage to freestyle. 8 00:00:15,209 --> 00:00:16,218 It is not my fault. 9 00:00:16,219 --> 00:00:17,258 All of the non-white people were doing it. 10 00:00:17,259 --> 00:00:18,468 They were the cast! You know what? 11 00:00:18,469 --> 00:00:21,308 Waiter, can we get the check, please? 12 00:00:21,309 --> 00:00:22,408 That's been taken care of for you, sir. 13 00:00:22,409 --> 00:00:24,208 Someone already paid for your meal. 14 00:00:24,209 --> 00:00:25,248 - Oh. - Okay. 15 00:00:25,249 --> 00:00:26,358 Cool, thanks. Let's get out of here. 16 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,268 Well, no, don't you want to find out who paid for us? 17 00:00:28,269 --> 00:00:29,368 Okay, this has happened before. 18 00:00:29,369 --> 00:00:30,418 We need to get the hell out of here 19 00:00:30,419 --> 00:00:32,468 before they realize I'm not CeeLo Green, okay? 20 00:00:32,469 --> 00:00:34,198 - Okay. - Let's ghost. 21 00:00:34,199 --> 00:00:35,338 Okay, obviously, we have to find out 22 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:36,418 who paid for the meal, Mindy. 23 00:00:38,230 --> 00:00:39,881 You're welcome for dinner, beautiful. 24 00:00:39,882 --> 00:00:41,349 Oh, my God, they're texting me. 25 00:00:45,863 --> 00:00:48,038 I'll give you a hint. He's a studly dude from your past. 26 00:00:48,039 --> 00:00:50,249 My SAT tutor is buying us dinner. 27 00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,839 I'm way hotter than your SAT tutor, babe. 28 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,196 Look straight ahead, dummy! 29 00:00:56,439 --> 00:00:57,478 Mic drop. 30 00:01:01,744 --> 00:01:04,127 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 31 00:01:07,219 --> 00:01:08,238 - Hi! - What up, Min? 32 00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:09,368 - Hey. - How are you? 33 00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:11,298 Looking good. Whoa, Jeremy! 34 00:01:11,299 --> 00:01:12,438 Look like you dropped some LBs, man. 35 00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,318 Thank you for noticing. 36 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:16,288 Yes, nobody understands my struggle. 37 00:01:16,289 --> 00:01:18,448 It... it's one man against his food 38 00:01:18,449 --> 00:01:19,448 but with his food. 39 00:01:19,449 --> 00:01:21,398 Yeah, and Mindy, you look great. 40 00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:22,438 What? 41 00:01:22,439 --> 00:01:23,478 Yeah, motherhood definitely suits you. 42 00:01:23,479 --> 00:01:25,398 - Thank you very much. - Yeah. 43 00:01:25,399 --> 00:01:27,298 I found that motherhood really 44 00:01:27,299 --> 00:01:31,248 kind of, like, stretched me out in, like, all the right places. 45 00:01:31,249 --> 00:01:33,238 - But not down there. - Super good to know. 46 00:01:33,239 --> 00:01:35,288 - What are you doing here? - My shoe company, Dope Feat, 47 00:01:35,289 --> 00:01:37,408 we're opening a flagship store here in NYC, 48 00:01:37,409 --> 00:01:40,298 so it's 'bout to be the bomb. 49 00:01:40,299 --> 00:01:41,458 Only two white people are allowed in the store 50 00:01:41,459 --> 00:01:43,398 at one time. Apparently, that's legal. 51 00:01:43,399 --> 00:01:45,208 You know, I actually saw some junior high kids 52 00:01:45,209 --> 00:01:46,358 wearing your sneakers, and I was like, 53 00:01:46,359 --> 00:01:48,248 "I slept with the guy who started that company." 54 00:01:48,249 --> 00:01:49,248 Right. 55 00:01:49,249 --> 00:01:50,338 Oh, these are my boys. 56 00:01:50,339 --> 00:01:52,348 I've been hanging with my OG NYC crew lately. 57 00:01:52,349 --> 00:01:54,478 Awesome. I like your vibe. Nice to meet you guys. 58 00:01:54,479 --> 00:01:56,348 Uh, we've already met. 59 00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:58,308 At you guys's kinda sorta wedding thing. 60 00:01:58,309 --> 00:02:00,238 Yeah, got you guys a NutriBullet. 61 00:02:00,239 --> 00:02:01,288 Never got it back. 62 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,198 That's right, I returned it for store credit 63 00:02:03,199 --> 00:02:04,228 'cause I didn't like it. 64 00:02:04,229 --> 00:02:05,368 I'm so sorry, of course, now I remember. 65 00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:08,248 Mike, Garret, Althium. 66 00:02:08,249 --> 00:02:09,248 - My name's Marcus. - Marcus. 67 00:02:09,249 --> 00:02:10,248 - Marcus? - Yeah. 68 00:02:10,249 --> 00:02:11,468 I'm really feeling Althium for you. 69 00:02:11,469 --> 00:02:14,398 - Is that a pill? - That's not a name, for sure. 70 00:02:14,399 --> 00:02:16,358 Could be that. I think maybe, like, 71 00:02:16,359 --> 00:02:19,318 we'll catch up another time. Let's get dinner and hang. 72 00:02:19,319 --> 00:02:21,248 That would be so much fun. 73 00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:24,338 Uh, yeah, I was thinking more of, like, a one-on-one thing. 74 00:02:24,339 --> 00:02:26,408 Oh, right, yes. Yeah, yeah, sorry. 75 00:02:26,409 --> 00:02:29,328 This is a bit awkward, Min. It's homies' night. 76 00:02:29,329 --> 00:02:30,388 Me and Mindy. 77 00:02:30,389 --> 00:02:31,438 Really? 78 00:02:31,439 --> 00:02:33,328 No, okay. 79 00:02:33,329 --> 00:02:35,269 Have fun. Good. 80 00:02:37,892 --> 00:02:40,198 Guys, is this weird? 81 00:02:40,199 --> 00:02:42,308 Casey's in back town and he asked me to dinner. 82 00:02:42,309 --> 00:02:45,298 You're always bursting up in here, talking about, 83 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,478 "Hey, guys, is this weird?" 84 00:02:46,479 --> 00:02:49,278 What about what's weird that's going on in our lives? 85 00:02:49,279 --> 00:02:51,338 I keep seeing the number 16 everywhere. 86 00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:53,468 The thing is, guys, I'm just still really attracted 87 00:02:53,469 --> 00:02:55,368 to his hot face and body, you know, 88 00:02:55,369 --> 00:02:57,198 and his business is taking off. 89 00:02:57,199 --> 00:02:58,288 Maybe I should give him another shot, 90 00:02:58,289 --> 00:02:59,348 like America did with Chris Brown 91 00:02:59,349 --> 00:03:00,438 and wars in Iraq. 92 00:03:00,439 --> 00:03:03,208 No, no, no, no, we're not doing that, okay? 93 00:03:03,209 --> 00:03:05,238 You never get back with an ex, okay? 94 00:03:05,239 --> 00:03:06,428 If they didn't like you with 20 dogs, 95 00:03:06,429 --> 00:03:08,248 they're not gonna like you with 40. 96 00:03:08,249 --> 00:03:10,268 Yeah, it's a losing proposition, Mindy. 97 00:03:10,269 --> 00:03:11,438 Eh, give him another shot. 98 00:03:11,439 --> 00:03:13,368 He took care of things in the sack. 99 00:03:13,369 --> 00:03:15,368 Thanks, Beverly. That's what I wanted to hear, 100 00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:17,218 so that's what I'm gonna listen to. 101 00:03:17,219 --> 00:03:18,408 Guys, I'm gonna date Casey again. 102 00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:20,288 - Great work, everybody. - I think this is actually... 103 00:03:20,289 --> 00:03:21,418 - I think that's great. - You know what? 104 00:03:21,419 --> 00:03:22,458 Just take my stuff and put it in my office. 105 00:03:22,459 --> 00:03:24,428 Exes are trick... 106 00:03:24,429 --> 00:03:27,599 You know what, I'm gonna talk to her in private. 107 00:03:34,329 --> 00:03:36,418 Someone's in a good mood, for dating a virgin. 108 00:03:36,419 --> 00:03:39,348 Wait, how are you dating someone without having sex? 109 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:41,328 You can't take a plane flight without having sex. 110 00:03:41,329 --> 00:03:44,218 We stayed up all night talking on her fire escape. 111 00:03:44,219 --> 00:03:46,188 I asked about her hopes and dreams, 112 00:03:46,189 --> 00:03:47,458 and I really listened to what she said. 113 00:03:47,459 --> 00:03:48,478 That's a first for me. 114 00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:50,288 You know, I think a relationship is ab... 115 00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:52,198 - Good-bye, everybody. - Eh. 116 00:03:54,289 --> 00:03:57,208 Oh, my God, Dr. L, stop everything. 117 00:03:57,209 --> 00:03:58,408 - Yeah, stop. - Wait, Tamra. 118 00:03:58,409 --> 00:04:00,318 I'm writing a letter of complaint to Brookstone. 119 00:04:00,319 --> 00:04:02,348 Their heated toilet seat burned my butt. 120 00:04:02,349 --> 00:04:04,268 Don't look, don't look. I'm very embarrassed of it. 121 00:04:04,269 --> 00:04:05,318 Okay, so you're well aware 122 00:04:05,319 --> 00:04:07,228 of my award-winning lifestyle blog, right? 123 00:04:07,229 --> 00:04:08,228 "Tamra's Shade Shack"? 124 00:04:08,229 --> 00:04:09,298 Are you kidding? I live my life by it. 125 00:04:09,299 --> 00:04:11,258 I'm no longer number one in web traffic 126 00:04:11,259 --> 00:04:13,338 for New York City. Guess who's beating me? 127 00:04:13,339 --> 00:04:14,398 "Celibacy and the City," 128 00:04:14,399 --> 00:04:17,288 the tell-all blog of a 30-something virgin. 129 00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:18,318 Oh, my God, "Cosmo" recommended 130 00:04:18,319 --> 00:04:20,228 that I get into this site this spring. 131 00:04:20,229 --> 00:04:22,318 Well, that and pegging. I only have time for one. 132 00:04:22,319 --> 00:04:23,318 Obviously, I'm leaning towards pegging. 133 00:04:23,319 --> 00:04:24,348 I think you should try pegging. 134 00:04:24,349 --> 00:04:26,188 So in her newest post this morning, 135 00:04:26,189 --> 00:04:27,388 she's talking about her gentleman suitor, 136 00:04:27,389 --> 00:04:29,238 "Colonel Suspenders," 137 00:04:29,239 --> 00:04:31,468 who she stayed up all night talking with on her fire escape. 138 00:04:31,469 --> 00:04:33,268 Does this sound familiar? 139 00:04:33,269 --> 00:04:34,378 Oh... my God. 140 00:04:34,379 --> 00:04:36,218 O... MG. 141 00:04:36,219 --> 00:04:37,278 So you know what we have to do, right? 142 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:38,308 Uh, yeah, he's our friend. 143 00:04:38,309 --> 00:04:39,398 We have to tell him what's going on. 144 00:04:39,399 --> 00:04:41,318 Are you out of your mind? We're not gonna tell him 145 00:04:41,319 --> 00:04:43,198 so we can find out all about his love life. 146 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,228 Oh, yeah, 'cause Dr. K's the only one of y'all 147 00:04:45,229 --> 00:04:46,594 I don't have any blackmail info on. 148 00:04:47,419 --> 00:04:48,448 You realize that meat sword's 149 00:04:48,449 --> 00:04:50,515 supposed to be shared by the whole restaurant. 150 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:55,258 - Hmm. Okay, okay. - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 151 00:04:55,259 --> 00:04:56,308 You know, I miss this. 152 00:04:56,309 --> 00:04:58,258 How long are you in town? 153 00:04:58,259 --> 00:05:01,298 Actually, I'm moving to New York. Yeah. 154 00:05:01,299 --> 00:05:05,188 L.A.'s just all these hot girls saying, "Yes, yes, yes," 155 00:05:05,189 --> 00:05:06,338 and you know, I had to get out of that. 156 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:07,398 Yeah, L.A.'s tough. 157 00:05:07,399 --> 00:05:09,468 I was once tased in Katy Perry's driveway. 158 00:05:09,469 --> 00:05:12,188 You know, it's so nice hanging out again. 159 00:05:12,189 --> 00:05:16,328 For me, you, uh... were kind of the one that got away. 160 00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:17,328 Me? 161 00:05:17,329 --> 00:05:18,378 Yeah. 162 00:05:18,379 --> 00:05:20,408 Really? 163 00:05:20,409 --> 00:05:22,478 I've never been the one that got away. 164 00:05:22,479 --> 00:05:24,458 I've been the one that won't go away, but... 165 00:05:24,459 --> 00:05:26,288 No, look, for real. 166 00:05:26,289 --> 00:05:28,348 You're the one who convinced me to chase my passions, 167 00:05:28,349 --> 00:05:30,328 and you always call me on my bull-sheezy, and... 168 00:05:30,329 --> 00:05:31,448 Don't say "bull-sheezy." It's dumb. 169 00:05:31,449 --> 00:05:34,198 See? That's what I've been missing. 170 00:05:34,199 --> 00:05:36,468 So, Dope Feat's having a grand opening party. 171 00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,228 Would you want to come? 172 00:05:38,229 --> 00:05:39,478 Amber Rose is gonna drop her new line of Aqua Socks. 173 00:05:39,479 --> 00:05:42,478 What? Me, invited to a party with celebrities? 174 00:05:42,479 --> 00:05:44,478 - Yeah. - Yes! Yes! 175 00:05:44,479 --> 00:05:46,398 I would love to. Oh, my God, thank you. 176 00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:47,408 Great. 177 00:05:47,409 --> 00:05:49,338 I have to start my beauty regimen. 178 00:05:49,339 --> 00:05:52,268 Do you think they do Brazilians at a Brazilian restaurant? 179 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,268 No. 180 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,478 I'm gonna ask. 181 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:57,358 I had a great time. The best part is, they let me 182 00:05:57,359 --> 00:05:59,198 keep this cool meat sword. 183 00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:01,188 Oh, no, I actually paid for that, so... 184 00:06:01,189 --> 00:06:02,188 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 185 00:06:02,189 --> 00:06:03,458 Thank you. 186 00:06:03,459 --> 00:06:05,458 This was actually one of the nicest dates 187 00:06:05,459 --> 00:06:07,328 I've been on in a long time. 188 00:06:07,329 --> 00:06:10,219 Oh, you thought this was a date? 189 00:06:11,369 --> 00:06:13,418 What? 190 00:06:13,419 --> 00:06:16,188 Yeah, I thought this was a date. 191 00:06:16,189 --> 00:06:19,198 It was hella romantic. You paid for dinner. 192 00:06:19,199 --> 00:06:20,428 You're holding my hand. You keep calling me "babe." 193 00:06:20,429 --> 00:06:23,268 Right, okay. Yeah. 194 00:06:23,269 --> 00:06:26,478 Um, I can... I can see where you're coming from, babe. 195 00:06:26,479 --> 00:06:28,208 Uh, Mindy. 196 00:06:28,209 --> 00:06:29,238 And we're gonna go up and have sex. 197 00:06:29,239 --> 00:06:32,308 I just... I can't date you again. 198 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,478 My friends really don't like you. 199 00:06:33,479 --> 00:06:35,328 Ex-squeeze me? 200 00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:36,438 Yeah, and they actually straight up hate it 201 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:37,478 when you say that. 202 00:06:37,479 --> 00:06:40,208 What? Okay, well, that's very shallow. 203 00:06:40,209 --> 00:06:43,388 You also broke my heart and... kept the ring. 204 00:06:43,389 --> 00:06:45,468 I sold it on eBay to try to get a Jacuzzi. 205 00:06:45,469 --> 00:06:47,478 And that's way-baller you, and I've always appreciated that, 206 00:06:47,479 --> 00:06:50,198 but I just... I kind of made a promise to them 207 00:06:50,199 --> 00:06:51,228 that I wouldn't date you again. 208 00:06:51,229 --> 00:06:52,238 Just come upstairs. 209 00:06:52,239 --> 00:06:55,388 I had fun tonight, but I can't. 210 00:06:55,389 --> 00:06:57,308 I'm sorry. 211 00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:59,249 And I need the sword. That was, like, a G. 212 00:07:01,209 --> 00:07:02,428 I was gonna use it for s'mores. Okay. 213 00:07:02,429 --> 00:07:04,259 Stay tight. 214 00:07:09,246 --> 00:07:11,228 And then I found out 215 00:07:11,229 --> 00:07:14,298 that my biological father is actually former... 216 00:07:14,299 --> 00:07:15,438 Oh, my God! How was the date? 217 00:07:15,439 --> 00:07:18,428 Um, it was the worst date in the history of dates. 218 00:07:18,429 --> 00:07:20,418 Guys, Casey says he doesn't want to date me 219 00:07:20,419 --> 00:07:22,399 because his friends can't stand me. 220 00:07:24,469 --> 00:07:26,278 Why is no one surprised? 221 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,348 Well, you are one of the few private citizens 222 00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,378 who's been denounced 223 00:07:29,379 --> 00:07:31,278 by the Jewish Anti-Defamation League. 224 00:07:31,279 --> 00:07:32,418 You want to take off Rosh Hashanah, 225 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,298 that's your New Year's, okay? 226 00:07:34,299 --> 00:07:36,298 You can't then celebrate January 1st. 227 00:07:36,299 --> 00:07:37,378 How many New Year's do you want? 228 00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:40,188 You know I love you, but it's harder 229 00:07:40,189 --> 00:07:41,478 to get people to like you who you aren't paying. 230 00:07:41,479 --> 00:07:44,188 Okay, that started nice. It took a real turn. 231 00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:46,278 This is a conspiracy, guys. You're all insane. 232 00:07:46,279 --> 00:07:47,398 I'm extremely well-liked. 233 00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:49,448 Well, maybe the friends thing is just an excuse, you know, 234 00:07:49,449 --> 00:07:52,188 like when mother said she was allergic to hugs. 235 00:07:52,189 --> 00:07:54,388 When he hugged me good-bye, I swore he had a half-chub. 236 00:07:54,389 --> 00:07:56,468 I mean, you can fake love but you can't fake that. 237 00:07:56,469 --> 00:07:58,318 You know, Dr. L, when you're dating a guy 238 00:07:58,319 --> 00:07:59,438 who's, like, hella crewed-up, 239 00:07:59,439 --> 00:08:01,348 you have to get in tight with the crew. 240 00:08:01,349 --> 00:08:02,438 When I was dating George Clooney, 241 00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:04,428 I had to be BFF with Richard Kind. 242 00:08:04,429 --> 00:08:07,378 She fixed me up with Richard. We still text. 243 00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:11,348 I rarely say this, but guys, that was really useful. 244 00:08:11,349 --> 00:08:13,248 If I want to get Casey to date me, 245 00:08:13,249 --> 00:08:15,636 I have to get Casey's friends to like me. 246 00:08:16,459 --> 00:08:19,429 I'm gonna charm the pants off of those guys. 247 00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:23,378 Ashley, voice-over: I like Colonel Suspenders, 248 00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:25,448 but can I keep going out with him? 249 00:08:25,449 --> 00:08:30,188 His wardrobe's so boring. He might be too old-fashioned. 250 00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:32,188 I'm starting to wish my gentleman caller were 251 00:08:32,189 --> 00:08:34,408 a little bit more of a gentleman baller. 252 00:08:34,409 --> 00:08:37,348 Wow. Okay, say what you will about Ashley. 253 00:08:37,349 --> 00:08:39,298 This is the best writing I've ever read. 254 00:08:39,299 --> 00:08:41,218 I love Dr. K, but he does kind of dress 255 00:08:41,219 --> 00:08:42,388 like the old narrator in a play 256 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:44,338 who comes out and explains the town. 257 00:08:44,339 --> 00:08:45,338 I kind of feel bad going behind his back. 258 00:08:45,339 --> 00:08:47,208 - Nurses. - Oh, hey, ah! 259 00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:49,278 Which pair of suspenders should I wear for my date? 260 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:52,468 Red implies power, but blue evokes the majesty of the sea. 261 00:08:52,469 --> 00:08:55,478 Hmm. Maybe no suspenders at all. 262 00:08:55,479 --> 00:08:58,388 No suspenders. 263 00:08:58,389 --> 00:09:00,358 Well, I suppose I could just wear a belt. 264 00:09:00,359 --> 00:09:02,448 Or two belts, one over each shoulder. 265 00:09:02,449 --> 00:09:04,308 Oh, see there? 266 00:09:04,309 --> 00:09:05,448 I've just talked myself back into suspenders, so... 267 00:09:07,309 --> 00:09:09,328 - Oh! - Oh, God! 268 00:09:09,329 --> 00:09:10,468 Why you got to be so funny, Dr. K? 269 00:09:10,469 --> 00:09:13,238 Now I've ruined your clothes, but it's okay, 270 00:09:13,239 --> 00:09:14,438 'cause we can take you shopping for some new ones. 271 00:09:14,439 --> 00:09:16,248 No, no, no, I don't like shopping. 272 00:09:16,249 --> 00:09:18,208 I don't like shopping. I inherit all my clothing. 273 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,438 This jacket was worn by a juror 274 00:09:19,439 --> 00:09:21,218 from the Scopes Monkey Trial. 275 00:09:21,219 --> 00:09:23,358 Okay, if you want clothes, I know just the alley. 276 00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:25,418 No. I have a good idea. Let's go. 277 00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:27,268 We'll go with her, whatever she says. 278 00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:33,428 ♪ ♪ 279 00:09:33,429 --> 00:09:35,298 ♪ Wake up, wake up, good morning ♪ 280 00:09:35,299 --> 00:09:37,278 Wowza. 281 00:09:37,279 --> 00:09:39,458 Mindy, thank you so much for inviting me to this party. 282 00:09:39,459 --> 00:09:41,248 - Of course. - I had to miss book club, 283 00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:42,478 but I was like, "Sorry, bitches." 284 00:09:42,479 --> 00:09:44,308 Don't talk about book club here, okay? 285 00:09:44,309 --> 00:09:45,398 Understood. 286 00:09:45,399 --> 00:09:47,258 Mindy, Jeremy, hey. 287 00:09:47,259 --> 00:09:49,358 - Oh, hey, Casey. Hi. - What's up? Good to see you. 288 00:09:49,359 --> 00:09:50,458 - Good to see you, man, hey. - 'Sup? 289 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,308 - Um, hey... - I'm gonna grab a drink. 290 00:09:52,309 --> 00:09:53,398 I'm surprised to see you, 291 00:09:53,399 --> 00:09:55,268 you know, after what I said. 292 00:09:55,269 --> 00:09:58,278 Oh. Oh, don't worry about it. I'd forgotten completely. 293 00:09:58,279 --> 00:10:00,278 Just so you know, my friends aren't here. 294 00:10:00,279 --> 00:10:02,428 That's great, because I have a five-step plan 295 00:10:02,429 --> 00:10:04,288 for winning over a guy's friends. 296 00:10:04,289 --> 00:10:06,378 Befriend their girlfriends. 297 00:10:06,379 --> 00:10:08,318 They actually don't have girlfriends. 298 00:10:08,319 --> 00:10:10,318 Oh. Step one-A: 299 00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:13,188 Laugh in a way that showcases my breasts. 300 00:10:15,339 --> 00:10:17,228 ♪ Time to make the club go up ♪ 301 00:10:17,229 --> 00:10:20,238 Talk sports and pretend you've seen "Die Hard." 302 00:10:20,239 --> 00:10:22,348 "Die Hard" is actually my favorite Christmas movie. 303 00:10:22,349 --> 00:10:23,478 - Yeah! - Yeah! 304 00:10:23,479 --> 00:10:25,368 Shots. 305 00:10:25,369 --> 00:10:26,368 ♪ Time to make the club go up ♪ 306 00:10:26,369 --> 00:10:27,478 - Whoo! - Whoo! 307 00:10:27,479 --> 00:10:30,188 Double shots. 308 00:10:30,189 --> 00:10:31,378 ♪ And it just goes on ♪ 309 00:10:31,379 --> 00:10:34,398 After all that, they'll be eating out of my hands. 310 00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:35,468 Oh. Yeah, that works. 311 00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,208 Show me around. 312 00:10:37,209 --> 00:10:38,258 Yeah, check these shoes out over here. 313 00:10:40,199 --> 00:10:45,408 ♪ I've got this thing, gonna blow your mind ♪ 314 00:10:45,409 --> 00:10:47,478 ♪ Pulling your string ♪ 315 00:10:47,479 --> 00:10:49,338 Oh, do I look ridiculous? 316 00:10:49,339 --> 00:10:51,268 I hid a go-bag of seersucker down the hall. 317 00:10:51,269 --> 00:10:53,259 I'll... I'll go throw that on and come back in... 318 00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:56,448 - Relax. - My word. 319 00:10:56,449 --> 00:10:58,418 - I like it. - Relaxing. 320 00:10:58,419 --> 00:11:01,418 A lot. 321 00:11:04,399 --> 00:11:05,458 Something tells me you're a guy 322 00:11:05,459 --> 00:11:07,218 that likes musical theater. 323 00:11:07,219 --> 00:11:09,238 Like musical theater? I'm obsessed with it. 324 00:11:09,239 --> 00:11:10,478 I want to imprison musical theater 325 00:11:10,479 --> 00:11:13,398 in my phantom's lair and sing it "Music of the Night." 326 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:15,248 Hey! 327 00:11:15,249 --> 00:11:17,428 I'm so sorry about Jeremy, he's kind of a nerd. 328 00:11:17,429 --> 00:11:19,338 He hasn't even seen "Die Hard." 329 00:11:19,339 --> 00:11:21,448 Yeah, me neither. No interest. 330 00:11:21,449 --> 00:11:23,368 So hey, check it out, I can get you tickets 331 00:11:23,369 --> 00:11:25,358 to this new musical that I just I invested in. 332 00:11:25,359 --> 00:11:28,258 It's about, uh, James Buchanan, "bachelor president." 333 00:11:28,259 --> 00:11:29,288 - Buchanan? - Oh... 334 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,318 BuzzFeed named it 335 00:11:30,319 --> 00:11:32,288 one of the Top 28 gay musicals this April. 336 00:11:32,289 --> 00:11:33,298 Then you have heard of it. 337 00:11:33,299 --> 00:11:34,418 - I got you, let me know. - Oh, my God. 338 00:11:34,419 --> 00:11:36,248 I love theater myself. 339 00:11:36,249 --> 00:11:38,408 My whole life's basically one long "Vagina Monologue." 340 00:11:38,409 --> 00:11:39,458 Okay, you know what? 341 00:11:39,459 --> 00:11:42,318 You can cut the whole cool girl act thing. 342 00:11:42,319 --> 00:11:43,458 You broke Casey's heart once before, 343 00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:45,418 and I'm not letting you near him again. 344 00:11:45,419 --> 00:11:47,308 Plus, you're not cool. 345 00:11:47,309 --> 00:11:49,228 - Oh, I'm not cool? - No. 346 00:11:49,229 --> 00:11:51,368 Have you seen me twerk? 347 00:11:51,369 --> 00:11:53,468 That's... that's your version of twerking? 348 00:11:53,469 --> 00:11:55,278 Can you please get an erection? 349 00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:57,328 I'm on a lot of antidepressants. 350 00:11:57,329 --> 00:11:59,358 Hey, man, what's your problem with me? 351 00:11:59,359 --> 00:12:01,248 I don't like you with Casey, okay? 352 00:12:01,249 --> 00:12:02,248 You're always trying to change him... 353 00:12:02,249 --> 00:12:03,448 his clothes, his career. 354 00:12:03,449 --> 00:12:06,428 He bailed on the Slimer tattoo that I designed for him. 355 00:12:06,429 --> 00:12:09,428 He is a 34-year-old man. He doesn't need a Slimer tattoo. 356 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,218 Says you. 357 00:12:11,219 --> 00:12:12,318 He's great. I'm not gonna try to change him. 358 00:12:12,319 --> 00:12:14,278 I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all. 359 00:12:14,279 --> 00:12:15,298 Oh, you know what? You can stop 360 00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:16,408 pushing your boobs up with your arms. 361 00:12:16,409 --> 00:12:18,198 I know that trick. 362 00:12:18,199 --> 00:12:19,408 Let me know how many tickets you need, bro, I got you. 363 00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:20,468 - Thanks, man. - I'm not doing a trick. 364 00:12:20,469 --> 00:12:22,378 You're just staring at my breasts, Althium. 365 00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:24,259 That is not my name! 366 00:12:25,339 --> 00:12:28,378 Oh, shoot, our girl Ashley put up a new blog post. 367 00:12:28,379 --> 00:12:32,198 Ooh! I bet Dr. K got majorly Frenched last night. 368 00:12:32,199 --> 00:12:34,278 - My boy was lookin' "foine." - Yeah. 369 00:12:34,279 --> 00:12:37,308 I love my man's new style. 370 00:12:37,309 --> 00:12:39,388 I could ride this clotheshorse 371 00:12:39,389 --> 00:12:42,218 all the way to the finish line. 372 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,368 Ooh, ooh, ooh! 373 00:12:44,369 --> 00:12:46,238 - Keep reading, there's more. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 374 00:12:46,239 --> 00:12:47,368 But now there's a bigger problem. 375 00:12:47,369 --> 00:12:50,328 My man won't stop talking about his co-worker. 376 00:12:50,329 --> 00:12:52,218 I think he has a crush on her. 377 00:12:52,219 --> 00:12:54,248 I'm demoting him from Colonel Suspenders 378 00:12:54,249 --> 00:12:55,388 to Major Crush. 379 00:12:55,389 --> 00:12:57,418 Wait, that's bad. I think. 380 00:12:57,419 --> 00:13:00,208 She's overestimating our knowledge of army rank. 381 00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:01,258 Yeah. 382 00:13:01,259 --> 00:13:03,298 Who could Dr. K have a crush on up here? 383 00:13:03,299 --> 00:13:05,228 - That's so weird. - It's so weird. 384 00:13:05,229 --> 00:13:07,188 It just... it's weird is what it is. 385 00:13:07,189 --> 00:13:09,268 Well, he's always fighting with Dr. L, so it's def not her. 386 00:13:09,269 --> 00:13:10,378 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what, 387 00:13:10,379 --> 00:13:12,238 you know what, you know what, he hates her. 388 00:13:12,239 --> 00:13:13,298 And I don't think he would date Beverly 389 00:13:13,299 --> 00:13:14,298 because she's Lutheran. 390 00:13:14,299 --> 00:13:15,811 Too old. Lutheran. 391 00:13:17,189 --> 00:13:20,318 Oh, my God. Dr. K has a crush on me! 392 00:13:20,319 --> 00:13:22,218 Yup. 393 00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,478 Yup, that's it! 394 00:13:23,479 --> 00:13:25,404 Y-y-you cracked it. 395 00:13:29,168 --> 00:13:30,408 Hey, yo, who's the hottie with the body 396 00:13:30,409 --> 00:13:32,268 in the middle of the sidewalk? 397 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:34,338 Oh, my God, wow! 398 00:13:34,339 --> 00:13:35,378 - You have a hoverboard? - What's up? 399 00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,238 - That's so cool. - What's up? 400 00:13:37,239 --> 00:13:39,448 I haven't walked in weeks. My pedometer thinks I'm dead. 401 00:13:39,449 --> 00:13:41,318 Oh, yeah? I threw my pedometer out, 402 00:13:41,319 --> 00:13:44,278 because it would not acknowledge masturbation as exercise, so... 403 00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:46,188 I don't know why my friends ever hated you. 404 00:13:46,189 --> 00:13:47,308 - Yeah, well. - I'm kidding. 405 00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:48,458 I appreciate the effort you put in with them. That was huge. 406 00:13:48,459 --> 00:13:50,288 Yeah, of course. 407 00:13:50,289 --> 00:13:52,288 And I don't know what you did, but the guys love you now. 408 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,328 Except for Marcus, but Marcus hates everything. 409 00:13:54,329 --> 00:13:55,458 I mean, he doesn't like Matt Damon. 410 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:57,458 Ugh, I am so over Matt Damon. 411 00:13:57,459 --> 00:13:59,478 Stop coasting on your good looks and charm and talent. 412 00:13:59,479 --> 00:14:00,478 Okay. 413 00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:02,318 Can I try your hoverboard? 414 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,458 Yeah, oh, for sure. 415 00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:05,248 - Really? - Yeah. 416 00:14:05,249 --> 00:14:07,328 All right, super easy. Basically just step on... 417 00:14:07,329 --> 00:14:09,418 Uh, I think I'll be fine. 418 00:14:09,419 --> 00:14:11,218 Sure, yeah. 419 00:14:11,219 --> 00:14:12,218 Cool. 420 00:14:13,229 --> 00:14:14,258 Whoa, doing... 421 00:14:15,259 --> 00:14:18,288 Babe. 422 00:14:18,289 --> 00:14:19,478 - Really hurts. - Yeah, really sorry. 423 00:14:19,479 --> 00:14:22,268 I've actually never seen anyone fall off one of those before, 424 00:14:22,269 --> 00:14:24,358 and I follow an Instagram that's mostly dogs riding them. 425 00:14:24,359 --> 00:14:25,468 Well, the truth is, I have no balance 426 00:14:25,469 --> 00:14:28,258 ever since I lost a swab in this ear. 427 00:14:28,259 --> 00:14:29,388 Sure, yeah, that'll do it, yeah. 428 00:14:29,389 --> 00:14:30,408 Hey, whoa. 429 00:14:30,409 --> 00:14:31,408 So you're serious? 430 00:14:31,409 --> 00:14:33,188 - Okay, yeah. - Sorry. 431 00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:35,328 I got you. 432 00:14:35,329 --> 00:14:37,448 - You're okay. - Yeah, my hero. 433 00:14:37,449 --> 00:14:40,198 I kind of miss being your hero, 434 00:14:40,199 --> 00:14:42,428 saving you from falling off things constantly. 435 00:14:42,429 --> 00:14:44,378 - You were really good at it. - Yeah. 436 00:14:44,379 --> 00:14:45,388 What else am I good at? 437 00:14:45,389 --> 00:14:46,428 You're good at kissing too. 438 00:14:46,429 --> 00:14:48,258 - That's your line? - Mm-hmm. 439 00:14:48,259 --> 00:14:49,258 That's pretty good. 440 00:14:54,369 --> 00:14:55,368 Yeah. 441 00:14:56,338 --> 00:14:58,398 - Oh, my God. - What? 442 00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:00,208 What is that? 443 00:15:00,209 --> 00:15:02,258 Pizza Rat? From last year. 444 00:15:02,259 --> 00:15:04,248 It's, like, the hottest viral video online. 445 00:15:04,249 --> 00:15:05,448 That's on your skin permanently? 446 00:15:05,449 --> 00:15:06,468 Had to get a tat. 447 00:15:06,469 --> 00:15:08,449 Okay, yeah. 448 00:15:11,249 --> 00:15:12,318 "Vote for Pedro"? 449 00:15:12,319 --> 00:15:13,398 It's from "Napoleon Dynamite." 450 00:15:13,399 --> 00:15:15,478 I mean, if they make a "Nappy Dyno" sequel, 451 00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:17,408 it's gonna be off the chain. 452 00:15:17,409 --> 00:15:18,448 Okay. 453 00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:21,188 I guess it's your body, your choice. 454 00:15:21,189 --> 00:15:23,469 Hey, tonight... it's our body. 455 00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:32,408 Oh, my God. 456 00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:35,378 Is that a Minion dressed as Shrek? 457 00:15:35,379 --> 00:15:37,438 You know it. 458 00:15:37,439 --> 00:15:40,091 I'm so glad we're giving this another shot. 459 00:15:47,249 --> 00:15:51,258 ♪ ♪ 460 00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:52,528 Hey, M.L. You all right? 461 00:15:52,529 --> 00:15:54,518 Did another one of your celebrity crushes 462 00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:55,518 come out as gay? 463 00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:57,328 None of my crushes are gay. 464 00:15:57,329 --> 00:15:58,408 Matt Bomer's just raising three kids 465 00:15:58,409 --> 00:15:59,428 with his male best friend. 466 00:15:59,429 --> 00:16:02,388 Ooh, all right. What's wrong? 467 00:16:02,389 --> 00:16:03,528 Nothing's wrong. Everything's great. 468 00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,318 Everything with Casey is great. 469 00:16:05,319 --> 00:16:06,378 In fact, we're hanging out tonight. 470 00:16:06,379 --> 00:16:08,258 - Okay. - Casey invited me to his place. 471 00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:09,308 We're gonna sit on his sofa, 472 00:16:09,309 --> 00:16:10,348 I'm gonna watch him play video games. 473 00:16:10,349 --> 00:16:11,448 What more could a girl want? 474 00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:12,508 Okay. 475 00:16:12,509 --> 00:16:15,388 You sure you still want to be dating Casey? 476 00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:17,498 Yeah, man, he's hot as hell, okay, 477 00:16:17,499 --> 00:16:19,329 - and he's rich as hell. - Mm-hmm. 478 00:16:21,479 --> 00:16:23,278 I hate him. He's so annoying. 479 00:16:23,279 --> 00:16:25,448 - Oh, Mindy. - He's like a Garbage Pail Kid. 480 00:16:25,449 --> 00:16:28,488 Listen, backsliding is a dangerous temptation. 481 00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:31,528 There's a reason English kings used to behead their exes. 482 00:16:31,529 --> 00:16:34,328 Sounds to me like you need to cut him off... 483 00:16:34,329 --> 00:16:35,388 emotionally. 484 00:16:35,389 --> 00:16:37,318 Don't you dare harm him. He's perfect. 485 00:16:37,319 --> 00:16:38,448 Thank you. 486 00:16:38,449 --> 00:16:41,528 All right, water for me, grape soda for you. 487 00:16:41,529 --> 00:16:43,259 - Thanks. - There you are. 488 00:16:45,329 --> 00:16:46,478 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 489 00:16:46,479 --> 00:16:48,508 - Damn, Daniel. - Oh. 490 00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:50,518 Did you switch gym bags with a hot model? 491 00:16:50,519 --> 00:16:52,458 - Can I have his number? - Thank you. 492 00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:54,428 It's my first time wearing a shirt with no buttons. 493 00:16:54,429 --> 00:16:56,368 I keep worrying it's gonna just fall right off, 494 00:16:56,369 --> 00:16:57,388 but so far... 495 00:16:57,389 --> 00:16:58,448 Looks real good. 496 00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:00,378 No, no, no, no, no, you're not sitting down yet. 497 00:17:00,379 --> 00:17:03,318 Give me a little show. I want to see the whole look. 498 00:17:03,319 --> 00:17:04,448 - Here we are. - Wow. 499 00:17:04,449 --> 00:17:07,278 Dr. K, I gotta talk to you. 500 00:17:07,279 --> 00:17:09,298 Dr. L, I need to speak to him in private. 501 00:17:09,299 --> 00:17:10,348 What? 502 00:17:10,349 --> 00:17:11,468 No, say it in front of me. I'm doing work. 503 00:17:11,469 --> 00:17:13,328 I have a ingrown hair on my ass 504 00:17:13,329 --> 00:17:14,348 that I need him to look at. 505 00:17:14,349 --> 00:17:15,348 Cool. Peace out. 506 00:17:15,349 --> 00:17:16,418 Thank you. It hurts to sit. 507 00:17:16,419 --> 00:17:17,458 Ah! 508 00:17:17,459 --> 00:17:18,498 What the hell's going on, Morgan? 509 00:17:18,499 --> 00:17:20,538 Okay, listen to me. Ashley is writing a blog 510 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:23,308 and she's telling everyone everything you two are doing. 511 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,478 Well, that's all right. I've been written about before. 512 00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:27,508 Dear Abby advised five different women to leave me. 513 00:17:27,509 --> 00:17:29,378 Okay. So you don't mind 514 00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:31,278 that she's telling everyone that you talk about Dr. L 515 00:17:31,279 --> 00:17:32,528 obsessively and you're basically in love with her? 516 00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,348 I don't talk about Mindy all the time, 517 00:17:34,349 --> 00:17:35,478 and even if I did, so what? 518 00:17:35,479 --> 00:17:37,418 I talk about Obama all the time, 519 00:17:37,419 --> 00:17:39,278 and I am certainly not in love with him. 520 00:17:39,279 --> 00:17:41,268 It doesn't matter. Ashley thinks you are, 521 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,468 and we're reading this blog behind your back, 522 00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:44,298 and Dr. L's gonna find out. 523 00:17:44,299 --> 00:17:45,488 I have to go set things straight with Ashley right now. 524 00:17:45,489 --> 00:17:47,368 - You stay here. - Okay, I will, but listen. 525 00:17:47,369 --> 00:17:48,448 Listen... wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 526 00:17:48,449 --> 00:17:50,248 What? 527 00:17:50,249 --> 00:17:51,368 I think you look really great in your new outfit. 528 00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:54,468 Morgan, I don't have time for this. 529 00:17:56,339 --> 00:17:59,378 Wow, America's worst president became New York's best musical. 530 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,338 And you know what, I think I'm finally 531 00:18:01,339 --> 00:18:02,518 beginning to understand theater etiquette. 532 00:18:02,519 --> 00:18:04,358 You threw candy onstage. 533 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:07,268 Yuh-doi, to show that I liked it. 534 00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:08,428 Oh, Marcus, Marcus. 535 00:18:08,429 --> 00:18:11,408 Hey, Jeremy. Good to see you, man. 536 00:18:11,409 --> 00:18:13,268 Honest opinion so far, what do you think? 537 00:18:13,269 --> 00:18:14,438 - We are loving the show. - Yeah? 538 00:18:14,439 --> 00:18:17,318 And the idea to cast Millard Fillmore as a woman? 539 00:18:17,319 --> 00:18:19,348 Groundbreaking and important. 540 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,248 - I thought so too. - Oh, God, the merch line is... 541 00:18:21,249 --> 00:18:23,529 Get me a Toblerone! 542 00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:26,368 Hey. 543 00:18:27,409 --> 00:18:30,348 Okay, so... I owe you an apology. 544 00:18:30,349 --> 00:18:32,398 I was trying to be protective of Casey, 545 00:18:32,399 --> 00:18:33,488 wound up acting like a real dick. 546 00:18:33,489 --> 00:18:35,498 I was wrong, I'm sorry. 547 00:18:35,499 --> 00:18:36,508 Since you guys got back together, 548 00:18:36,509 --> 00:18:38,418 he's, like, annoyingly happy. 549 00:18:38,419 --> 00:18:40,268 Whoa, you guys talk about that stuff? 550 00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:41,318 - Yeah. - I thought you just hung out 551 00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:42,358 and watched skateboarding videos, 552 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:43,398 maybe kissed a little. 553 00:18:43,399 --> 00:18:45,498 You are such a strange person. 554 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,448 Didn't know you had a kid. 555 00:18:47,449 --> 00:18:49,488 I'm completely whack for hating on a single mom. 556 00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:51,478 You were probably raised by a single mom, huh? 557 00:18:51,479 --> 00:18:55,288 No, my parents have been married for about 40 years. 558 00:18:55,289 --> 00:18:56,448 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay. 559 00:18:56,449 --> 00:18:57,528 But it is hard being a single mom. 560 00:18:57,529 --> 00:18:59,348 In fact, I've often thought that there should be 561 00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:01,388 - a musical about me, you know? - Really? 562 00:19:01,389 --> 00:19:02,538 "Lahiri." 563 00:19:02,539 --> 00:19:04,448 I always thought Ariana Grande could play me. 564 00:19:04,449 --> 00:19:06,498 Nah, she's too old, but you know. 565 00:19:06,499 --> 00:19:08,278 Well, hopefully, your musical will be 566 00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:09,378 a little better than this one. 567 00:19:09,379 --> 00:19:10,378 You think it's bad too? 568 00:19:10,379 --> 00:19:11,438 - Mm. - Oh, thank God. 569 00:19:11,439 --> 00:19:12,538 Yeah, I only invested as a tax write-off. 570 00:19:12,539 --> 00:19:14,498 This is a total rip-off of "Hamilton," 571 00:19:14,499 --> 00:19:16,488 only our lead character was really a crappy person 572 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,398 who literally started the Civil War. 573 00:19:20,479 --> 00:19:22,418 Well, there we go. 574 00:19:22,419 --> 00:19:24,348 Best of luck surviving Act Two. 575 00:19:24,349 --> 00:19:26,248 - Okay. - I'll see you inside. 576 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,267 Bye. 577 00:19:29,509 --> 00:19:31,318 Hmm. 578 00:19:31,319 --> 00:19:33,258 Look at me right now. 579 00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:34,338 I'm a Buchanan Boy. 580 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,498 How much did you spend on that? 581 00:19:35,499 --> 00:19:38,587 $500. Would have spent $1,000. Let's take our seats. 582 00:19:39,449 --> 00:19:41,478 I demand you take down that post, and if you don't, 583 00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:43,438 I will need to speak to your manager at the Internet. 584 00:19:43,439 --> 00:19:45,338 Every word in there is true. 585 00:19:45,339 --> 00:19:47,248 If I wanted to lie, I'd go back to my old job 586 00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:48,478 predicting travel times at Google Maps. 587 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,478 Why would I have feelings for Mindy? 588 00:19:50,479 --> 00:19:52,498 She is rude, she is unladylike, 589 00:19:52,499 --> 00:19:54,408 her political views are incoherent, 590 00:19:54,409 --> 00:19:56,408 and her hands are bigger than mine. 591 00:19:56,409 --> 00:19:58,408 You sure can rattle off those reasons. 592 00:19:58,409 --> 00:19:59,508 Well, if I wanted to ask her out, 593 00:19:59,509 --> 00:20:02,298 I'd just walk in there and ask her out. I'm not shy. 594 00:20:02,299 --> 00:20:04,438 I asked Andie MacDowell to my prom, and she said yes. 595 00:20:04,439 --> 00:20:06,468 I almost got to third base. 596 00:20:06,469 --> 00:20:09,701 Why don't I read it to you? 597 00:20:11,429 --> 00:20:14,408 "I couldn't even tell Colonel Suspenders about my day 598 00:20:14,409 --> 00:20:17,478 "without him launching into a story about his coworker. 599 00:20:17,479 --> 00:20:19,528 "The sad fact is, he lights up more when he complains 600 00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:22,348 "about how this woman misuses the intercom system 601 00:20:22,349 --> 00:20:24,368 than he does anytime that he looks at me." 602 00:20:24,369 --> 00:20:26,338 Well, "Guys, I'm bored." 603 00:20:26,339 --> 00:20:27,528 It's not a proper work announcement. 604 00:20:27,529 --> 00:20:30,509 Her squeaky little voice comes over the intercom. 605 00:20:31,529 --> 00:20:33,408 Oh. 606 00:20:33,409 --> 00:20:34,508 You might have a point. 607 00:20:34,509 --> 00:20:36,488 Still want me to take it down? 608 00:20:36,489 --> 00:20:39,398 I can't in good conscience ask you to do that. 609 00:20:39,399 --> 00:20:42,498 If she reads it, she reads it. It's all true. 610 00:20:42,499 --> 00:20:44,478 Except for that one part here where I... 611 00:20:44,479 --> 00:20:46,478 My jacket is houndstooth, not herringbone. 612 00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,388 Oh. I'll change that. 613 00:20:48,389 --> 00:20:49,866 - Thank you. - See you. 614 00:20:52,110 --> 00:20:54,508 Mindy, I need to confess something. 615 00:20:54,509 --> 00:20:58,248 What are doing you on the floor? Did your hip give out again? 616 00:20:58,249 --> 00:20:59,528 Of course it did. 617 00:20:59,529 --> 00:21:02,248 My bones are dust, I've never had milk. 618 00:21:02,249 --> 00:21:03,268 Mindy. 619 00:21:03,269 --> 00:21:05,268 But I'm here because I'm sad. 620 00:21:05,269 --> 00:21:06,268 Oh. 621 00:21:06,269 --> 00:21:07,428 Well, I never pass up an opportunity 622 00:21:07,429 --> 00:21:09,468 to sit criss-cross applesauce. 623 00:21:11,249 --> 00:21:13,308 Why don't you tell me what's going on? 624 00:21:13,309 --> 00:21:14,378 Oh, God. 625 00:21:14,379 --> 00:21:17,894 Jody, I don't know what I'm gonna do. 626 00:21:19,389 --> 00:21:22,378 I don't think things are gonna work out with Casey, 627 00:21:22,379 --> 00:21:25,538 but he's as not right for me as he was before. 628 00:21:25,539 --> 00:21:27,418 Things aren't exactly working out well 629 00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:29,348 with Ashley either. 630 00:21:29,349 --> 00:21:31,338 What's crazy is that the person I'm falling for 631 00:21:31,339 --> 00:21:32,868 makes even less sense. 632 00:21:34,399 --> 00:21:35,579 Can you close the door? 633 00:21:38,429 --> 00:21:39,538 I can't stop thinking about him. 634 00:21:39,539 --> 00:21:42,398 He's actually a grown-up, and I think we have a spark. 635 00:21:42,399 --> 00:21:44,418 But I can't ask him out. 636 00:21:44,419 --> 00:21:47,248 It's Marcus. It's Casey's friend. 637 00:21:47,249 --> 00:21:49,358 Okay, well, I guess I should go. 638 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,248 Don't forget to take your calcium supplements. 639 00:21:51,249 --> 00:21:52,358 I'm afraid you might shatter. 640 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,248 Wait, that's it? Hold on, hold on, help me up. 641 00:21:54,249 --> 00:21:55,498 - Where are you off to? - Uh... 642 00:21:55,499 --> 00:21:57,358 What, you got a hot date or something? 643 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:58,508 With a model that arrived in a shipping crate? 644 00:21:58,509 --> 00:21:59,518 Heh heh. 645 00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:01,438 No, actually, I've... 646 00:22:01,439 --> 00:22:04,308 I'm taking a self-imposed break from romance for a while. 647 00:22:04,309 --> 00:22:06,438 Oh, she was on top, and she bent it. 648 00:22:06,439 --> 00:22:07,438 Why is your first assumption 649 00:22:07,439 --> 00:22:09,448 always something gross and sexual? 650 00:22:09,449 --> 00:22:11,328 What? It's not my fault, 651 00:22:11,329 --> 00:22:12,866 I was raised on "Three's Company." 652 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,438 Wow. 653 00:22:19,439 --> 00:22:21,288 You really came to see this again? 654 00:22:21,289 --> 00:22:22,338 Nobody should have to see 655 00:22:22,339 --> 00:22:23,428 this many raps by white people. 656 00:22:24,509 --> 00:22:26,278 It's actually worse the second time 657 00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:27,468 because now I understand it. 658 00:22:27,469 --> 00:22:29,288 Yeah. Did... 659 00:22:29,289 --> 00:22:31,458 Did you come with Casey, or... I didn't see him. 660 00:22:31,459 --> 00:22:33,318 Casey and I actually broke up. 661 00:22:33,319 --> 00:22:34,358 Oh. 662 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:36,278 Partly because of something you said. 663 00:22:36,279 --> 00:22:38,408 What, that he's thinking about giving up drinking? 664 00:22:38,409 --> 00:22:39,478 What? No, 665 00:22:39,479 --> 00:22:41,298 although that definitely would have ended it. 666 00:22:41,299 --> 00:22:43,388 No, you were right. In order for us to work, 667 00:22:43,389 --> 00:22:45,388 I would have had to change everything about myself 668 00:22:45,389 --> 00:22:47,368 or everything about him. 669 00:22:47,369 --> 00:22:50,528 But there was a bigger issue. I like his friend. 670 00:22:50,529 --> 00:22:52,358 Mm, Jace. 671 00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:53,358 Huh? 672 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:54,498 - Trace? - No. 673 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:55,498 Me? 674 00:22:55,499 --> 00:22:58,348 Okay, don't "me" me. 675 00:22:58,349 --> 00:23:00,338 I invented "me?" 676 00:23:00,339 --> 00:23:01,368 You knew it was you. 677 00:23:01,369 --> 00:23:04,349 - I had no idea, no clue. - Come on. 678 00:23:06,279 --> 00:23:07,428 Hey, do you want to, um, 679 00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:09,278 maybe skip the second act and get out of here? 680 00:23:09,279 --> 00:23:10,328 Yeah, I'd love to. 681 00:23:10,329 --> 00:23:11,348 - Let's go. - This is the worst thing 682 00:23:11,349 --> 00:23:12,478 to happen in a theater since "Lincoln." 683 00:23:12,479 --> 00:23:14,448 Ah, see? You do know history. 684 00:23:14,449 --> 00:23:16,308 Oh, no, I'm talking about the movie. 685 00:23:16,309 --> 00:23:17,498 - Oh. - Ugh, so boring. 686 00:23:17,499 --> 00:23:19,368 Daniel Day-Lewis is, like, barely naked in it. 687 00:23:19,369 --> 00:23:20,408 Oh, so nudity... 688 00:23:20,409 --> 00:23:22,398 ♪ For our Union I'll deploy ♪ 689 00:23:22,399 --> 00:23:26,509 ♪ For I am a proud Buchanan boy ♪ 690 00:23:28,259 --> 00:23:30,104 Mindy? Mindy? 691 00:23:30,105 --> 00:23:35,142 Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/