1 00:00:00,699 --> 00:00:03,248 Well, I think this was a pretty successful first outing 2 00:00:03,249 --> 00:00:04,298 of the Shulman & Associates 3 00:00:04,299 --> 00:00:06,318 Musical Theater Appreciation Society. 4 00:00:06,319 --> 00:00:07,408 Do you think so? Do you think it was? 5 00:00:07,409 --> 00:00:09,258 Because I paid a fortune 6 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,338 for two "Hamilton" tickets and you got us kicked out 7 00:00:11,339 --> 00:00:14,208 in the first act by climbing up on stage to freestyle. 8 00:00:14,209 --> 00:00:15,218 It is not my fault. 9 00:00:15,219 --> 00:00:16,258 All of the non-white people were doing it. 10 00:00:16,259 --> 00:00:17,468 They were the cast! You know what? 11 00:00:17,469 --> 00:00:20,308 Waiter, can we get the check, please? 12 00:00:20,309 --> 00:00:21,408 That's been taken care of for you, sir. 13 00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,208 Someone already paid for your meal. 14 00:00:23,209 --> 00:00:24,248 - Oh. - Okay. 15 00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:25,358 Cool, thanks. Let's get out of here. 16 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,268 Well, no, don't you want to find out who paid for us? 17 00:00:27,269 --> 00:00:28,368 Okay, this has happened before. 18 00:00:28,369 --> 00:00:29,418 We need to get the hell out of here 19 00:00:29,419 --> 00:00:31,468 before they realize I'm not CeeLo Green, okay? 20 00:00:31,469 --> 00:00:33,198 - Okay. - Let's ghost. 21 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,338 Okay, obviously, we have to find out 22 00:00:34,339 --> 00:00:35,418 who paid for the meal, Mindy. 23 00:00:38,882 --> 00:00:40,349 Oh, my God, they're texting me. 24 00:00:47,039 --> 00:00:49,249 I think my SAT tutor is buying us dinner. 25 00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:56,478 Mic drop. 26 00:01:00,744 --> 00:01:03,127 - Resync by Rapunzel - Thanks to Rafael UPD@addic7ed.com 27 00:01:04,469 --> 00:01:05,488 - Hi! - What up, Min? 28 00:01:05,489 --> 00:01:06,618 - Hey. - How are you? 29 00:01:06,619 --> 00:01:08,548 Looking good. Whoa, Jeremy! 30 00:01:08,549 --> 00:01:09,688 Look like you dropped some LBs, man. 31 00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:11,568 Thank you for noticing. 32 00:01:11,569 --> 00:01:13,538 Yes, nobody understands my struggle. 33 00:01:13,539 --> 00:01:15,698 It... it's one man against his food 34 00:01:15,699 --> 00:01:16,698 but with his food. 35 00:01:16,699 --> 00:01:18,648 Yeah, and Mindy, you look great. 36 00:01:18,649 --> 00:01:19,688 What? 37 00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:20,728 Yeah, motherhood definitely suits you. 38 00:01:20,729 --> 00:01:22,648 - Thank you very much. - Yeah. 39 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:24,548 I found that motherhood really 40 00:01:24,549 --> 00:01:28,498 kind of, like, stretched me out in, like, all the right places. 41 00:01:28,499 --> 00:01:30,488 - But not down there. - Super good to know. 42 00:01:30,489 --> 00:01:32,538 - What are you doing here? - My shoe company, Dope Feat, 43 00:01:32,539 --> 00:01:34,658 we're opening a flagship store here in NYC, 44 00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:37,548 so it's 'bout to be the bomb. 45 00:01:37,549 --> 00:01:38,708 Only two white people are allowed in the store 46 00:01:38,709 --> 00:01:40,648 at one time. Apparently, that's legal. 47 00:01:40,649 --> 00:01:42,458 You know, I actually saw some junior high kids 48 00:01:42,459 --> 00:01:43,608 wearing your sneakers, and I was like, 49 00:01:43,609 --> 00:01:45,498 "I slept with the guy who started that company." 50 00:01:45,499 --> 00:01:46,498 Right. 51 00:01:46,499 --> 00:01:47,588 Oh, these are my boys. 52 00:01:47,589 --> 00:01:49,598 I've been hanging with my OG NYC crew lately. 53 00:01:49,599 --> 00:01:51,728 Awesome. I like your vibe. Nice to meet you guys. 54 00:01:51,729 --> 00:01:53,598 Uh, we've already met. 55 00:01:53,599 --> 00:01:55,558 At you guys's kinda sorta wedding thing. 56 00:01:55,559 --> 00:01:57,488 Yeah, got you guys a NutriBullet. 57 00:01:57,489 --> 00:01:58,538 Never got it back. 58 00:01:58,539 --> 00:02:00,448 That's right, I returned it for store credit 59 00:02:00,449 --> 00:02:01,478 'cause I didn't like it. 60 00:02:01,479 --> 00:02:02,618 I'm so sorry, of course, now I remember. 61 00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:05,498 Mike, Garret, Althium. 62 00:02:05,499 --> 00:02:06,498 - My name's Marcus. - Marcus. 63 00:02:06,499 --> 00:02:07,498 - Marcus? - Yeah. 64 00:02:07,499 --> 00:02:08,718 I'm really feeling Althium for you. 65 00:02:08,719 --> 00:02:11,648 - Is that a pill? - That's not a name, for sure. 66 00:02:11,649 --> 00:02:13,608 Could be that. I think maybe, like, 67 00:02:13,609 --> 00:02:16,568 we'll catch up another time. Let's get dinner and hang. 68 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,498 That would be so much fun. 69 00:02:18,499 --> 00:02:21,588 Uh, yeah, I was thinking more of, like, a one-on-one thing. 70 00:02:21,589 --> 00:02:23,658 Oh, right, yes. Yeah, yeah, sorry. 71 00:02:23,659 --> 00:02:26,578 This is a bit awkward, Min. It's homies' night. 72 00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,638 Me and Mindy. 73 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:28,688 Really? 74 00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:30,578 No, okay. 75 00:02:30,579 --> 00:02:32,519 Have fun. Good. 76 00:02:35,142 --> 00:02:37,448 Guys, is this weird? 77 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,558 Casey's in back town and he asked me to dinner. 78 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:42,548 You're always bursting up in here, talking about, 79 00:02:42,549 --> 00:02:43,728 "Hey, guys, is this weird?" 80 00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:46,528 What about what's weird that's going on in our lives? 81 00:02:46,529 --> 00:02:48,588 I keep seeing the number 16 everywhere. 82 00:02:48,589 --> 00:02:50,718 The thing is, guys, I'm just still really attracted 83 00:02:50,719 --> 00:02:52,618 to his hot face and body, you know, 84 00:02:52,619 --> 00:02:54,448 and his business is taking off. 85 00:02:54,449 --> 00:02:55,538 Maybe I should give him another shot, 86 00:02:55,539 --> 00:02:56,598 like America did with Chris Brown 87 00:02:56,599 --> 00:02:57,688 and wars in Iraq. 88 00:02:57,689 --> 00:03:00,458 No, no, no, no, we're not doing that, okay? 89 00:03:00,459 --> 00:03:02,488 You never get back with an ex, okay? 90 00:03:02,489 --> 00:03:03,678 If they didn't like you with 20 dogs, 91 00:03:03,679 --> 00:03:05,498 they're not gonna like you with 40. 92 00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:07,518 Yeah, it's a losing proposition, Mindy. 93 00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:08,688 Eh, give him another shot. 94 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,618 He took care of things in the sack. 95 00:03:10,619 --> 00:03:12,618 Thanks, Beverly. That's what I wanted to hear, 96 00:03:12,619 --> 00:03:14,468 so that's what I'm gonna listen to. 97 00:03:14,469 --> 00:03:15,658 Guys, I'm gonna date Casey again. 98 00:03:15,659 --> 00:03:17,538 - Great work, everybody. - I think this is actually... 99 00:03:17,539 --> 00:03:18,668 - I think that's great. - You know what? 100 00:03:18,669 --> 00:03:19,708 Just take my stuff and put it in my office. 101 00:03:19,709 --> 00:03:21,678 Exes are trick... 102 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:24,849 You know what, I'm gonna talk to her in private. 103 00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,668 Someone's in a good mood, for dating a virgin. 104 00:03:33,669 --> 00:03:36,598 Wait, how are you dating someone without having sex? 105 00:03:36,599 --> 00:03:38,578 You can't take a plane flight without having sex. 106 00:03:38,579 --> 00:03:41,468 We stayed up all night talking on her fire escape. 107 00:03:41,469 --> 00:03:43,438 I asked about her hopes and dreams, 108 00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:44,708 and I really listened to what she said. 109 00:03:44,709 --> 00:03:45,728 That's a first for me. 110 00:03:45,729 --> 00:03:47,538 You know, I think a relationship is ab... 111 00:03:47,539 --> 00:03:49,448 - Good-bye, everybody. - Eh. 112 00:03:51,539 --> 00:03:54,458 Oh, my God, Dr. L, stop everything. 113 00:03:54,459 --> 00:03:55,658 - Yeah, stop. - Wait, Tamra. 114 00:03:55,659 --> 00:03:57,568 I'm writing a letter of complaint to Brookstone. 115 00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,598 Their heated toilet seat burned my butt. 116 00:03:59,599 --> 00:04:01,518 Don't look, don't look. I'm very embarrassed of it. 117 00:04:01,519 --> 00:04:02,568 Okay, so you're well aware 118 00:04:02,569 --> 00:04:04,478 of my award-winning lifestyle blog, right? 119 00:04:04,479 --> 00:04:05,478 "Tamra's Shade Shack"? 120 00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:06,548 Are you kidding? I live my life by it. 121 00:04:06,549 --> 00:04:08,508 I'm no longer number one in web traffic 122 00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:10,588 for New York City. Guess who's beating me? 123 00:04:10,589 --> 00:04:11,648 "Celibacy and the City," 124 00:04:11,649 --> 00:04:14,538 the tell-all blog of a 30-something virgin. 125 00:04:14,539 --> 00:04:15,568 Oh, my God, "Cosmo" recommended 126 00:04:15,569 --> 00:04:17,478 that I get into this site this spring. 127 00:04:17,479 --> 00:04:19,568 Well, that and pegging. I only have time for one. 128 00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:20,568 Obviously, I'm leaning towards pegging. 129 00:04:20,569 --> 00:04:21,598 I think you should try pegging. 130 00:04:21,599 --> 00:04:23,438 So in her newest post this morning, 131 00:04:23,439 --> 00:04:24,638 she's talking about her gentleman suitor, 132 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,488 "Colonel Suspenders," 133 00:04:26,489 --> 00:04:28,718 who she stayed up all night talking with on her fire escape. 134 00:04:28,719 --> 00:04:30,518 Does this sound familiar? 135 00:04:30,519 --> 00:04:31,628 Oh... my God. 136 00:04:31,629 --> 00:04:33,468 O... MG. 137 00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:34,528 So you know what we have to do, right? 138 00:04:34,529 --> 00:04:35,558 Uh, yeah, he's our friend. 139 00:04:35,559 --> 00:04:36,648 We have to tell him what's going on. 140 00:04:36,649 --> 00:04:38,568 Are you out of your mind? We're not gonna tell him 141 00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,448 so we can find out all about his love life. 142 00:04:40,449 --> 00:04:42,478 Oh, yeah, 'cause Dr. K's the only one of y'all 143 00:04:42,479 --> 00:04:43,844 I don't have any blackmail info on. 144 00:04:44,669 --> 00:04:45,698 You realize that meat sword's 145 00:04:45,699 --> 00:04:47,765 supposed to be shared by the whole restaurant. 146 00:04:50,529 --> 00:04:52,508 - Hmm. Okay, okay. - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 147 00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:53,558 You know, I miss this. 148 00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:55,508 How long are you in town? 149 00:04:55,509 --> 00:04:58,548 Actually, I'm moving to New York. Yeah. 150 00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:02,438 L.A.'s just all these hot girls saying, "Yes, yes, yes," 151 00:05:02,439 --> 00:05:03,588 and you know, I had to get out of that. 152 00:05:03,589 --> 00:05:04,648 Yeah, L.A.'s tough. 153 00:05:04,649 --> 00:05:06,718 I was once tased in Katy Perry's driveway. 154 00:05:06,719 --> 00:05:09,438 You know, it's so nice hanging out again. 155 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:13,578 For me, you, uh... were kind of the one that got away. 156 00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:14,578 Me? 157 00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:15,628 Yeah. 158 00:05:15,629 --> 00:05:17,658 Really? 159 00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:19,728 I've never been the one that got away. 160 00:05:19,729 --> 00:05:21,708 I've been the one that won't go away, but... 161 00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:23,538 No, look, for real. 162 00:05:23,539 --> 00:05:25,598 You're the one who convinced me to chase my passions, 163 00:05:25,599 --> 00:05:27,578 and you always call me on my bull-sheezy, and... 164 00:05:27,579 --> 00:05:28,698 Don't say "bull-sheezy." It's dumb. 165 00:05:28,699 --> 00:05:31,448 See? That's what I've been missing. 166 00:05:31,449 --> 00:05:33,718 So, Dope Feat's having a grand opening party. 167 00:05:33,719 --> 00:05:35,478 Would you want to come? 168 00:05:35,479 --> 00:05:36,728 Amber Rose is gonna drop her new line of Aqua Socks. 169 00:05:36,729 --> 00:05:39,728 What? Me, invited to a party with celebrities? 170 00:05:39,729 --> 00:05:41,728 - Yeah. - Yes! Yes! 171 00:05:41,729 --> 00:05:43,648 I would love to. Oh, my God, thank you. 172 00:05:43,649 --> 00:05:44,658 Great. 173 00:05:44,659 --> 00:05:46,588 I have to start my beauty regimen. 174 00:05:46,589 --> 00:05:49,518 Do you think they do Brazilians at a Brazilian restaurant? 175 00:05:49,519 --> 00:05:50,518 No. 176 00:05:50,519 --> 00:05:51,728 I'm gonna ask. 177 00:05:51,729 --> 00:05:54,608 I had a great time. The best part is, they let me 178 00:05:54,609 --> 00:05:56,448 keep this cool meat sword. 179 00:05:56,449 --> 00:05:58,438 Oh, no, I actually paid for that, so... 180 00:05:58,439 --> 00:05:59,438 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 181 00:05:59,439 --> 00:06:00,708 Thank you. 182 00:06:00,709 --> 00:06:02,708 This was actually one of the nicest dates 183 00:06:02,709 --> 00:06:04,578 I've been on in a long time. 184 00:06:04,579 --> 00:06:07,469 Oh, you thought this was a date? 185 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,668 What? 186 00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:13,438 Yeah, I thought this was a date. 187 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:16,448 It was hella romantic. You paid for dinner. 188 00:06:16,449 --> 00:06:17,678 You're holding my hand. You keep calling me "babe." 189 00:06:17,679 --> 00:06:20,518 Right, okay. Yeah. 190 00:06:20,519 --> 00:06:23,728 Um, I can... I can see where you're coming from, babe. 191 00:06:23,729 --> 00:06:25,458 Uh, Mindy. 192 00:06:25,459 --> 00:06:26,488 And we're gonna go up and have sex. 193 00:06:26,489 --> 00:06:29,558 I just... I can't date you again. 194 00:06:29,559 --> 00:06:30,728 My friends really don't like you. 195 00:06:30,729 --> 00:06:32,578 Ex-squeeze me? 196 00:06:32,579 --> 00:06:33,688 Yeah, and they actually straight up hate it 197 00:06:33,689 --> 00:06:34,728 when you say that. 198 00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:37,458 What? Okay, well, that's very shallow. 199 00:06:37,459 --> 00:06:40,638 You also broke my heart and... kept the ring. 200 00:06:40,639 --> 00:06:42,718 I sold it on eBay to try to get a Jacuzzi. 201 00:06:42,719 --> 00:06:44,728 And that's way-baller you, and I've always appreciated that, 202 00:06:44,729 --> 00:06:47,448 but I just... I kind of made a promise to them 203 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,478 that I wouldn't date you again. 204 00:06:48,479 --> 00:06:49,488 Just come upstairs. 205 00:06:49,489 --> 00:06:52,638 I had fun tonight, but I can't. 206 00:06:52,639 --> 00:06:54,558 I'm sorry. 207 00:06:54,559 --> 00:06:56,499 And I need the sword. That was, like, a G. 208 00:06:58,459 --> 00:06:59,678 I was gonna use it for s'mores. Okay. 209 00:06:59,679 --> 00:07:01,509 Stay tight. 210 00:07:03,596 --> 00:07:05,578 And then I found out 211 00:07:05,579 --> 00:07:08,648 that my biological father is actually former... 212 00:07:08,649 --> 00:07:09,788 Oh, my God! How was the date? 213 00:07:09,789 --> 00:07:12,778 Um, it was the worst date in the history of dates. 214 00:07:12,779 --> 00:07:14,768 Guys, Casey says he doesn't want to date me 215 00:07:14,769 --> 00:07:16,749 because his friends can't stand me. 216 00:07:18,819 --> 00:07:20,628 Why is no one surprised? 217 00:07:20,629 --> 00:07:22,698 Well, you are one of the few private citizens 218 00:07:22,699 --> 00:07:23,728 who's been denounced 219 00:07:23,729 --> 00:07:25,628 by the Jewish Anti-Defamation League. 220 00:07:25,629 --> 00:07:26,768 You want to take off Rosh Hashanah, 221 00:07:26,769 --> 00:07:28,648 that's your New Year's, okay? 222 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,648 You can't then celebrate January 1st. 223 00:07:30,649 --> 00:07:31,728 How many New Year's do you want? 224 00:07:31,729 --> 00:07:34,538 You know I love you, but it's harder 225 00:07:34,539 --> 00:07:35,828 to get people to like you who you aren't paying. 226 00:07:35,829 --> 00:07:38,538 Okay, that started nice. It took a real turn. 227 00:07:38,539 --> 00:07:40,628 This is a conspiracy, guys. You're all insane. 228 00:07:40,629 --> 00:07:41,748 I'm extremely well-liked. 229 00:07:41,749 --> 00:07:43,798 Well, maybe the friends thing is just an excuse, you know, 230 00:07:43,799 --> 00:07:46,538 like when mother said she was allergic to hugs. 231 00:07:46,539 --> 00:07:48,738 When he hugged me good-bye, I swore he had a half-chub. 232 00:07:48,739 --> 00:07:50,818 I mean, you can fake love but you can't fake that. 233 00:07:50,819 --> 00:07:52,668 You know, Dr. L, when you're dating a guy 234 00:07:52,669 --> 00:07:53,788 who's, like, hella crewed-up, 235 00:07:53,789 --> 00:07:55,698 you have to get in tight with the crew. 236 00:07:55,699 --> 00:07:56,788 When I was dating George Clooney, 237 00:07:56,789 --> 00:07:58,778 I had to be BFF with Richard Kind. 238 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:01,728 She fixed me up with Richard. We still text. 239 00:08:01,729 --> 00:08:05,698 I rarely say this, but guys, that was really useful. 240 00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:07,598 If I want to get Casey to date me, 241 00:08:07,599 --> 00:08:09,986 I have to get Casey's friends to like me. 242 00:08:10,809 --> 00:08:13,779 I'm gonna charm the pants off of those guys. 243 00:08:15,769 --> 00:08:17,728 Ashley, voice-over: I like Colonel Suspenders, 244 00:08:17,729 --> 00:08:19,798 but can I keep going out with him? 245 00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:24,538 His wardrobe's so boring. He might be too old-fashioned. 246 00:08:24,539 --> 00:08:26,538 I'm starting to wish my gentleman caller were 247 00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,758 a little bit more of a gentleman baller. 248 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,698 Wow. Okay, say what you will about Ashley. 249 00:08:31,699 --> 00:08:33,648 This is the best writing I've ever read. 250 00:08:33,649 --> 00:08:35,568 I love Dr. K, but he does kind of dress 251 00:08:35,569 --> 00:08:36,738 like the old narrator in a play 252 00:08:36,739 --> 00:08:38,688 who comes out and explains the town. 253 00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:39,688 I kind of feel bad going behind his back. 254 00:08:39,689 --> 00:08:41,558 - Nurses. - Oh, hey, ah! 255 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,628 Which pair of suspenders should I wear for my date? 256 00:08:43,629 --> 00:08:46,818 Red implies power, but blue evokes the majesty of the sea. 257 00:08:46,819 --> 00:08:49,828 Hmm. Maybe no suspenders at all. 258 00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:52,738 No suspenders. 259 00:08:52,739 --> 00:08:54,708 Well, I suppose I could just wear a belt. 260 00:08:54,709 --> 00:08:56,798 Or two belts, one over each shoulder. 261 00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:58,658 Oh, see there? 262 00:08:58,659 --> 00:08:59,798 I've just talked myself back into suspenders, so... 263 00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:03,678 - Oh! - Oh, God! 264 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:04,818 Why you got to be so funny, Dr. K? 265 00:09:04,819 --> 00:09:07,588 Now I've ruined your clothes, but it's okay, 266 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,788 'cause we can take you shopping for some new ones. 267 00:09:08,789 --> 00:09:10,598 No, no, no, I don't like shopping. 268 00:09:10,599 --> 00:09:12,558 I don't like shopping. I inherit all my clothing. 269 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:13,788 This jacket was worn by a juror 270 00:09:13,789 --> 00:09:15,568 from the Scopes Monkey Trial. 271 00:09:15,569 --> 00:09:17,708 Okay, if you want clothes, I know just the alley. 272 00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:19,768 No. I have a good idea. Let's go. 273 00:09:19,769 --> 00:09:21,618 We'll go with her, whatever she says. 274 00:09:24,619 --> 00:09:27,778 ♪ ♪ 275 00:09:27,779 --> 00:09:29,648 ♪ Wake up, wake up, good morning ♪ 276 00:09:29,649 --> 00:09:31,628 Wowza. 277 00:09:31,629 --> 00:09:33,808 Mindy, thank you so much for inviting me to this party. 278 00:09:33,809 --> 00:09:35,598 - Of course. - I had to miss book club, 279 00:09:35,599 --> 00:09:36,828 but I was like, "Sorry, bitches." 280 00:09:36,829 --> 00:09:38,658 Don't talk about book club here, okay? 281 00:09:38,659 --> 00:09:39,748 Understood. 282 00:09:39,749 --> 00:09:41,608 Mindy, Jeremy, hey. 283 00:09:41,609 --> 00:09:43,708 - Oh, hey, Casey. Hi. - What's up? Good to see you. 284 00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:44,808 - Good to see you, man, hey. - 'Sup? 285 00:09:44,809 --> 00:09:46,658 - Um, hey... - I'm gonna grab a drink. 286 00:09:46,659 --> 00:09:47,748 I'm surprised to see you, 287 00:09:47,749 --> 00:09:49,618 you know, after what I said. 288 00:09:49,619 --> 00:09:52,628 Oh. Oh, don't worry about it. I'd forgotten completely. 289 00:09:52,629 --> 00:09:54,628 Just so you know, my friends are here. 290 00:09:54,629 --> 00:09:56,778 That's great, because I have a five-step plan 291 00:09:56,779 --> 00:09:58,638 for winning over a guy's friends. 292 00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,728 Befriend their girlfriends. 293 00:10:00,729 --> 00:10:02,668 They actually don't have girlfriends. 294 00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:04,668 Oh. Step one-A: 295 00:10:04,669 --> 00:10:07,538 Laugh in a way that showcases my breasts. 296 00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:11,578 ♪ Time to make the club go up ♪ 297 00:10:11,579 --> 00:10:14,588 Talk sports and pretend you've seen "Die Hard." 298 00:10:14,589 --> 00:10:16,698 "Die Hard" is actually my favorite Christmas movie. 299 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:17,828 - Yeah! - Yeah! 300 00:10:17,829 --> 00:10:19,718 Shots. 301 00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:20,718 ♪ Time to make the club go up ♪ 302 00:10:20,719 --> 00:10:21,828 - Whoo! - Whoo! 303 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,538 Double shots. 304 00:10:24,539 --> 00:10:25,728 ♪ And it just goes on ♪ 305 00:10:25,729 --> 00:10:28,748 After all that, they'll be eating out of my hands. 306 00:10:28,749 --> 00:10:29,818 Oh. Yeah, that works. 307 00:10:29,819 --> 00:10:31,558 Show me around. 308 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:32,608 Yeah, check these shoes out over here. 309 00:10:34,549 --> 00:10:39,758 ♪ I've got this thing, gonna blow your mind ♪ 310 00:10:39,759 --> 00:10:41,828 ♪ Pulling your string ♪ 311 00:10:41,829 --> 00:10:43,688 Oh, do I look ridiculous? 312 00:10:43,689 --> 00:10:45,618 I hid a go-bag of seersucker down the hall. 313 00:10:45,619 --> 00:10:47,609 I'll... I'll go throw that on and come back in... 314 00:10:49,569 --> 00:10:50,798 - Relax. - My word. 315 00:10:50,799 --> 00:10:52,768 - I like it. - Relaxing. 316 00:10:52,769 --> 00:10:55,768 A lot. 317 00:10:58,749 --> 00:10:59,808 Something tells me you're a guy 318 00:10:59,809 --> 00:11:01,568 that likes musical theater. 319 00:11:01,569 --> 00:11:03,588 Like musical theater? I'm obsessed with it. 320 00:11:03,589 --> 00:11:04,828 I want to imprison musical theater 321 00:11:04,829 --> 00:11:07,748 in my phantom's lair and sing it "Music of the Night." 322 00:11:07,749 --> 00:11:09,598 Hey! 323 00:11:09,599 --> 00:11:11,778 I'm so sorry about Jeremy, he's kind of a nerd. 324 00:11:11,779 --> 00:11:13,688 He hasn't even seen "Die Hard." 325 00:11:13,689 --> 00:11:15,798 Yeah, me neither. No interest. 326 00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:17,718 So hey, check it out, I can get you tickets 327 00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,708 to this new musical that I just I invested in. 328 00:11:19,709 --> 00:11:22,608 It's about, uh, James Buchanan, "bachelor president." 329 00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:23,638 - Buchanan? - Oh... 330 00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:24,668 BuzzFeed named it 331 00:11:24,669 --> 00:11:26,638 one of the Top 28 gay musicals this April. 332 00:11:26,639 --> 00:11:27,648 Then you have heard of it. 333 00:11:27,649 --> 00:11:28,768 - I got you, let me know. - Oh, my God. 334 00:11:28,769 --> 00:11:30,598 I love theater myself. 335 00:11:30,599 --> 00:11:32,758 My whole life's basically one long "Vagina Monologue." 336 00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:33,808 Okay, you know what? 337 00:11:33,809 --> 00:11:36,668 You can cut the whole cool girl act thing. 338 00:11:36,669 --> 00:11:37,808 You broke Casey's heart once before, 339 00:11:37,809 --> 00:11:39,768 and I'm not letting you near him again. 340 00:11:39,769 --> 00:11:41,658 Plus, you're not cool. 341 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,578 - Oh, I'm not cool? - No. 342 00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,718 Have you seen me twerk? 343 00:11:45,719 --> 00:11:47,818 That's... that's your version of twerking? 344 00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:49,628 Can you please get an erection? 345 00:11:49,629 --> 00:11:51,678 I'm on a lot of antidepressants. 346 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:53,708 Hey, man, what's your problem with me? 347 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:55,598 I don't like you with Casey, okay? 348 00:11:55,599 --> 00:11:56,598 You're always trying to change him... 349 00:11:56,599 --> 00:11:57,798 his clothes, his career. 350 00:11:57,799 --> 00:12:00,778 He bailed on the Slimer tattoo that I designed for him. 351 00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:03,778 He is a 34-year-old man. He doesn't need a Slimer tattoo. 352 00:12:03,779 --> 00:12:05,568 Says you. 353 00:12:05,569 --> 00:12:06,668 He's great. I'm not gonna try to change him. 354 00:12:06,669 --> 00:12:08,628 I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all. 355 00:12:08,629 --> 00:12:09,648 Oh, you know what? You can stop 356 00:12:09,649 --> 00:12:10,758 pushing your boobs up with your arms. 357 00:12:10,759 --> 00:12:12,548 I know that trick. 358 00:12:12,549 --> 00:12:13,758 Let me know how many tickets you need, bro, I got you. 359 00:12:13,759 --> 00:12:14,818 - Thanks, man. - I'm not doing a trick. 360 00:12:14,819 --> 00:12:16,728 You're just staring at my breasts, Althium. 361 00:12:16,729 --> 00:12:18,609 That is not my name! 362 00:12:19,689 --> 00:12:22,728 Oh, shoot, our girl Ashley put up a new blog post. 363 00:12:22,729 --> 00:12:26,548 Ooh! I bet Dr. K got majorly Frenched last night. 364 00:12:26,549 --> 00:12:28,628 - My boy was lookin' "foine." - Yeah. 365 00:12:28,629 --> 00:12:31,658 I love my man's new style. 366 00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:33,738 I could ride this clotheshorse 367 00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:36,568 all the way to the finish line. 368 00:12:36,569 --> 00:12:38,718 Ooh, ooh, ooh! 369 00:12:38,719 --> 00:12:40,588 - Keep reading, there's more. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 370 00:12:40,589 --> 00:12:41,718 But now there's a bigger problem. 371 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,678 My man won't stop talking about his co-worker. 372 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:46,568 I think he has a crush on her. 373 00:12:46,569 --> 00:12:48,598 I'm demoting him from Colonel Suspenders 374 00:12:48,599 --> 00:12:49,738 to Major Crush. 375 00:12:49,739 --> 00:12:51,768 Wait, that's bad. I think. 376 00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:54,558 She's overestimating our knowledge of army rank. 377 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:55,608 Yeah. 378 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,648 Who could Dr. K have a crush on up here? 379 00:12:57,649 --> 00:12:59,578 - That's so weird. - It's so weird. 380 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,538 It just... it's weird is what it is. 381 00:13:01,539 --> 00:13:03,618 Well, he's always fighting with Dr. L, so it's def not her. 382 00:13:03,619 --> 00:13:04,728 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what, 383 00:13:04,729 --> 00:13:06,588 you know what, you know what, he hates her. 384 00:13:06,589 --> 00:13:07,648 And I don't think he would date Beverly 385 00:13:07,649 --> 00:13:08,648 because she's Lutheran. 386 00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:10,161 Too old. Lutheran. 387 00:13:11,539 --> 00:13:14,668 Oh, my God. Dr. K has a crush on me! 388 00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,568 Yup. 389 00:13:16,569 --> 00:13:17,828 Yup, that's it! 390 00:13:17,829 --> 00:13:19,754 Y-y-you cracked it. 391 00:13:23,518 --> 00:13:24,758 Hey, yo, who's the hottie with the body 392 00:13:24,759 --> 00:13:26,618 in the middle of the sidewalk? 393 00:13:26,619 --> 00:13:28,688 Oh, my God, wow! 394 00:13:28,689 --> 00:13:29,728 - You have a hoverboard? - What's up? 395 00:13:29,729 --> 00:13:31,588 - That's so cool. - What's up? 396 00:13:31,589 --> 00:13:33,798 I haven't walked in weeks. My pedometer thinks I'm dead. 397 00:13:33,799 --> 00:13:35,668 Oh, yeah? I threw my pedometer out, 398 00:13:35,669 --> 00:13:38,628 because it would not acknowledge masturbation as exercise, so... 399 00:13:38,629 --> 00:13:40,538 I don't know why my friends ever hated you. 400 00:13:40,539 --> 00:13:41,658 - Yeah, well. - I'm kidding. 401 00:13:41,659 --> 00:13:42,808 I appreciate the effort you put in with them. That was huge. 402 00:13:42,809 --> 00:13:44,638 Yeah, of course. 403 00:13:44,639 --> 00:13:46,638 And I don't know what you did, but the guys love you now. 404 00:13:46,639 --> 00:13:48,678 Except for Marcus, but Marcus hates everything. 405 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:49,808 I mean, he doesn't like Matt Damon. 406 00:13:49,809 --> 00:13:51,808 Ugh, I am so over Matt Damon. 407 00:13:51,809 --> 00:13:53,828 Stop coasting on your good looks and charm and talent. 408 00:13:53,829 --> 00:13:54,828 Okay. 409 00:13:54,829 --> 00:13:56,668 Can I try your hoverboard? 410 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:57,808 Yeah, oh, for sure. 411 00:13:57,809 --> 00:13:59,598 - Really? - Yeah. 412 00:13:59,599 --> 00:14:01,678 All right, super easy. Basically just step on... 413 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,768 Uh, I think I'll be fine. 414 00:14:03,769 --> 00:14:05,568 Sure, yeah. 415 00:14:05,569 --> 00:14:06,568 Cool. 416 00:14:07,579 --> 00:14:08,608 Whoa, doing... 417 00:14:09,609 --> 00:14:12,638 Babe. 418 00:14:12,639 --> 00:14:13,828 - Really hurts. - Yeah, really sorry. 419 00:14:13,829 --> 00:14:16,618 I've actually never seen anyone fall off one of those before, 420 00:14:16,619 --> 00:14:18,708 and I follow an Instagram that's mostly dogs riding them. 421 00:14:18,709 --> 00:14:19,818 Well, the truth is, I have no balance 422 00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:22,608 ever since I lost a swab in this ear. 423 00:14:22,609 --> 00:14:23,738 Sure, yeah, that'll do it, yeah. 424 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:24,758 Hey, whoa. 425 00:14:24,759 --> 00:14:25,758 So you're serious? 426 00:14:25,759 --> 00:14:27,538 - Okay, yeah. - Sorry. 427 00:14:27,539 --> 00:14:29,678 I got you. 428 00:14:29,679 --> 00:14:31,798 - You're okay. - Yeah, my hero. 429 00:14:31,799 --> 00:14:34,548 I kind of miss being your hero, 430 00:14:34,549 --> 00:14:36,778 saving you from falling off things constantly. 431 00:14:36,779 --> 00:14:38,728 - You were really good at it. - Yeah. 432 00:14:38,729 --> 00:14:39,738 What else am I good at? 433 00:14:39,739 --> 00:14:40,778 You're good at kissing too. 434 00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,608 - That's your line? - Mm-hmm. 435 00:14:42,609 --> 00:14:43,608 That's pretty good. 436 00:14:48,719 --> 00:14:49,718 Yeah. 437 00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:52,748 - Oh, my God. - What? 438 00:14:52,749 --> 00:14:54,558 What is that? 439 00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:56,608 Pizza Rat? From last year. 440 00:14:56,609 --> 00:14:58,598 It's, like, the hottest viral video online. 441 00:14:58,599 --> 00:14:59,798 That's on your skin permanently? 442 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:00,818 Had to get a tat. 443 00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:02,799 Okay, yeah. 444 00:15:05,599 --> 00:15:06,668 "Vote for Pedro"? 445 00:15:06,669 --> 00:15:07,748 It's from "Napoleon Dynamite." 446 00:15:07,749 --> 00:15:09,828 I mean, if they make a "Nappy Dyno" sequel, 447 00:15:09,829 --> 00:15:11,758 it's gonna be off the chain. 448 00:15:11,759 --> 00:15:12,798 Okay. 449 00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:15,538 I guess it's your body, your choice. 450 00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,819 Hey, tonight... it's our body. 451 00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:26,758 Oh, my God. 452 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,728 Is that a Minion dressed as Shrek? 453 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,788 You know it. 454 00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:34,441 I'm so glad we're giving this another shot. 455 00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:43,978 Hey, M.L. You all right? 456 00:15:43,979 --> 00:15:45,968 Did another one of your celebrity crushes 457 00:15:45,969 --> 00:15:46,968 come out as gay? 458 00:15:46,969 --> 00:15:48,778 None of my crushes are gay. 459 00:15:48,779 --> 00:15:49,858 Matt Bomer's just raising three kids 460 00:15:49,859 --> 00:15:50,878 with his male best friend. 461 00:15:50,879 --> 00:15:53,838 Ooh, all right. What's wrong? 462 00:15:53,839 --> 00:15:54,978 Nothing's wrong. Everything's great. 463 00:15:54,979 --> 00:15:56,768 Everything with Casey is great. 464 00:15:56,769 --> 00:15:57,828 In fact, we're hanging out tonight. 465 00:15:57,829 --> 00:15:59,708 - Okay. - Casey invited me to his place. 466 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,758 We're gonna sit on his sofa, 467 00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:01,798 I'm gonna watch him play video games. 468 00:16:01,799 --> 00:16:02,898 What more could a girl want? 469 00:16:02,899 --> 00:16:03,958 Okay. 470 00:16:03,959 --> 00:16:06,838 You sure you still want to be dating Casey? 471 00:16:06,839 --> 00:16:08,948 Yeah, man, he's hot as hell, okay, 472 00:16:08,949 --> 00:16:10,779 - and he's rich as hell. - Mm-hmm. 473 00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:14,728 I hate him. He's so annoying. 474 00:16:14,729 --> 00:16:16,898 - Oh, Mindy. - He's like a Garbage Pail Kid. 475 00:16:16,899 --> 00:16:19,938 Listen, backsliding is a dangerous temptation. 476 00:16:19,939 --> 00:16:22,978 There's a reason English kings used to behead their exes. 477 00:16:22,979 --> 00:16:25,778 Sounds to me like you need to cut him off... 478 00:16:25,779 --> 00:16:26,838 emotionally. 479 00:16:26,839 --> 00:16:28,768 Don't you dare harm him. He's perfect. 480 00:16:28,769 --> 00:16:29,898 Thank you. 481 00:16:29,899 --> 00:16:32,978 All right, water for me, grape soda for you. 482 00:16:32,979 --> 00:16:34,709 - Thanks. - There you are. 483 00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:37,928 Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 484 00:16:37,929 --> 00:16:39,958 - Damn, Daniel. - Oh. 485 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:41,968 Did you switch gym bags with a hot model? 486 00:16:41,969 --> 00:16:43,908 - Can I have his number? - Thank you. 487 00:16:43,909 --> 00:16:45,878 It's my first time wearing a shirt with no buttons. 488 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,818 I keep worrying it's gonna just fall right off, 489 00:16:47,819 --> 00:16:48,838 but so far... 490 00:16:48,839 --> 00:16:49,898 Looks real good. 491 00:16:49,899 --> 00:16:51,828 No, no, no, no, no, you're not sitting down yet. 492 00:16:51,829 --> 00:16:54,768 Give me a little show. I want to see the whole look. 493 00:16:54,769 --> 00:16:55,898 - Here we are. - Wow. 494 00:16:55,899 --> 00:16:58,728 Dr. K, I gotta talk to you. 495 00:16:58,729 --> 00:17:00,748 Dr. L, I need to speak to him in private. 496 00:17:00,749 --> 00:17:01,798 What? 497 00:17:01,799 --> 00:17:02,918 No, say it in front of me. I'm doing work. 498 00:17:02,919 --> 00:17:04,778 I have a ingrown hair on my ass 499 00:17:04,779 --> 00:17:05,798 that I need him to look at. 500 00:17:05,799 --> 00:17:06,798 Cool. Peace out. 501 00:17:06,799 --> 00:17:07,868 Thank you. It hurts to sit. 502 00:17:07,869 --> 00:17:08,908 Ah! 503 00:17:08,909 --> 00:17:09,948 What the hell's going on, Morgan? 504 00:17:09,949 --> 00:17:11,988 Okay, listen to me. Ashley is writing a blog 505 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,758 and she's telling everyone everything you two are doing. 506 00:17:14,759 --> 00:17:16,928 Well, that's all right. I've been written about before. 507 00:17:16,929 --> 00:17:18,958 Dear Abby advised five different women to leave me. 508 00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:20,828 Okay. So you don't mind 509 00:17:20,829 --> 00:17:22,728 that she's telling everyone that you talk about Dr. L 510 00:17:22,729 --> 00:17:23,978 obsessively and you're basically in love with her? 511 00:17:23,979 --> 00:17:25,798 I don't talk about Mindy all the time, 512 00:17:25,799 --> 00:17:26,928 and even if I did, so what? 513 00:17:26,929 --> 00:17:28,868 I talk about Obama all the time, 514 00:17:28,869 --> 00:17:30,728 and I am certainly not in love with him. 515 00:17:30,729 --> 00:17:32,718 It doesn't matter. Ashley thinks you are, 516 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:33,918 and we're reading this blog behind your back, 517 00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:35,748 and Dr. L's gonna find out. 518 00:17:35,749 --> 00:17:36,938 I have to go set things straight with Ashley right now. 519 00:17:36,939 --> 00:17:38,818 - You stay here. - Okay, I will, but listen. 520 00:17:38,819 --> 00:17:39,898 Listen... wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 521 00:17:39,899 --> 00:17:41,698 What? 522 00:17:41,699 --> 00:17:42,818 I think you look really great in your new outfit. 523 00:17:42,819 --> 00:17:45,918 Morgan, I don't have time for this. 524 00:17:47,789 --> 00:17:50,828 Wow, America's worst president became New York's best musical. 525 00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:52,788 And you know what, I think I'm finally 526 00:17:52,789 --> 00:17:53,968 beginning to understand theater etiquette. 527 00:17:53,969 --> 00:17:55,808 You threw candy onstage. 528 00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:58,718 Yuh-doi, to show that I liked it. 529 00:17:58,719 --> 00:17:59,878 Oh, Marcus, Marcus. 530 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,858 Hey, Jeremy. Good to see you, man. 531 00:18:02,859 --> 00:18:04,718 Honest opinion so far, what do you think? 532 00:18:04,719 --> 00:18:05,888 - We are loving the show. - Yeah? 533 00:18:05,889 --> 00:18:08,768 And the idea to cast Millard Fillmore as a woman? 534 00:18:08,769 --> 00:18:10,798 Groundbreaking and important. 535 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,698 - I thought so too. - Oh, God, the merch line is... 536 00:18:12,699 --> 00:18:14,979 Get me a Toblerone! 537 00:18:16,819 --> 00:18:17,818 Hey. 538 00:18:18,859 --> 00:18:21,798 Okay, so... I owe you an apology. 539 00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:23,848 I was trying to be protective of Casey, 540 00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:24,938 wound up acting like a real dick. 541 00:18:24,939 --> 00:18:26,948 I was wrong, I'm sorry. 542 00:18:26,949 --> 00:18:27,958 Since you guys got back together, 543 00:18:27,959 --> 00:18:29,868 he's, like, annoyingly happy. 544 00:18:29,869 --> 00:18:31,718 Whoa, you guys talk about that stuff? 545 00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:32,768 - Yeah. - I thought you just hung out 546 00:18:32,769 --> 00:18:33,808 and watched skateboarding videos, 547 00:18:33,809 --> 00:18:34,848 maybe kissed a little. 548 00:18:34,849 --> 00:18:36,948 You are such a strange person. 549 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,898 Didn't know you had a kid. 550 00:18:38,899 --> 00:18:40,938 I'm completely whack for hating on a single mom. 551 00:18:40,939 --> 00:18:42,928 You were probably raised by a single mom, huh? 552 00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:46,738 No, my parents have been married for about 40 years. 553 00:18:46,739 --> 00:18:47,898 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay. 554 00:18:47,899 --> 00:18:48,978 But it is hard being a single mom. 555 00:18:48,979 --> 00:18:50,798 In fact, I've often thought that there should be 556 00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:52,838 - a musical about me, you know? - Really? 557 00:18:52,839 --> 00:18:53,988 "Lahiri." 558 00:18:53,989 --> 00:18:55,898 I always thought Ariana Grande could play me. 559 00:18:55,899 --> 00:18:57,948 Nah, she's too old, but you know. 560 00:18:57,949 --> 00:18:59,728 Well, hopefully, your musical will be 561 00:18:59,729 --> 00:19:00,828 a little better than this one. 562 00:19:00,829 --> 00:19:01,828 You think it's bad too? 563 00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:02,888 - Mm. - Oh, thank God. 564 00:19:02,889 --> 00:19:03,988 Yeah, I only invested as a tax write-off. 565 00:19:03,989 --> 00:19:05,948 This is a total rip-off of "Hamilton," 566 00:19:05,949 --> 00:19:07,938 only our lead character was really a crappy person 567 00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,848 who literally started the Civil War. 568 00:19:11,929 --> 00:19:13,868 Well, there we go. 569 00:19:13,869 --> 00:19:15,798 Best of luck surviving Act Two. 570 00:19:15,799 --> 00:19:17,698 - Okay. - I'll see you inside. 571 00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:18,717 Bye. 572 00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:22,768 Hmm. 573 00:19:22,769 --> 00:19:24,708 Look at me right now. 574 00:19:24,709 --> 00:19:25,788 I'm a Buchanan Boy. 575 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:26,948 How much did you spend on that? 576 00:19:26,949 --> 00:19:30,037 $500. Would have spent $1,000. Let's take our seats. 577 00:19:30,899 --> 00:19:32,928 I demand you take down that post, and if you don't, 578 00:19:32,929 --> 00:19:34,888 I will need to speak to your manager at the Internet. 579 00:19:34,889 --> 00:19:36,788 Every word in there is true. 580 00:19:36,789 --> 00:19:38,698 If I wanted to lie, I'd go back to my old job 581 00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:39,928 predicting travel times at Google Maps. 582 00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,928 Why would I have feelings for Mindy? 583 00:19:41,929 --> 00:19:43,948 She is rude, she is unladylike, 584 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,858 her political views are incoherent, 585 00:19:45,859 --> 00:19:47,858 and her hands are bigger than mine. 586 00:19:47,859 --> 00:19:49,858 You sure can rattle off those reasons. 587 00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:50,958 Well, if I wanted to ask her out, 588 00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:53,748 I'd just walk in there and ask her out. I'm not shy. 589 00:19:53,749 --> 00:19:55,888 I asked Andie MacDowell to my prom, and she said yes. 590 00:19:55,889 --> 00:19:57,918 I almost got to third base. 591 00:19:57,919 --> 00:20:01,151 Why don't I read it to you? 592 00:20:02,879 --> 00:20:05,858 "I couldn't even tell Colonel Suspenders about my day 593 00:20:05,859 --> 00:20:08,928 "without him launching into a story about his coworker. 594 00:20:08,929 --> 00:20:10,978 "The sad fact is, he lights up more when he complains 595 00:20:10,979 --> 00:20:13,798 "about how this woman misuses the intercom system 596 00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:15,818 than he does anytime that he looks at me." 597 00:20:15,819 --> 00:20:17,788 Well, "Guys, I'm bored." 598 00:20:17,789 --> 00:20:18,978 It's not a proper work announcement. 599 00:20:18,979 --> 00:20:21,959 Her squeaky little voice comes over the intercom. 600 00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:24,858 Oh. 601 00:20:24,859 --> 00:20:25,958 You might have a point. 602 00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:27,938 Still want me to take it down? 603 00:20:27,939 --> 00:20:30,848 I can't in good conscience ask you to do that. 604 00:20:30,849 --> 00:20:33,948 If she reads it, she reads it. It's all true. 605 00:20:33,949 --> 00:20:35,928 Except for that one part here where I... 606 00:20:35,929 --> 00:20:37,928 My jacket is houndstooth, not herringbone. 607 00:20:37,929 --> 00:20:39,838 Oh. I'll change that. 608 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,316 - Thank you. - See you. 609 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,958 Mindy, I need to confess something. 610 00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:49,698 What are doing you on the floor? Did your hip give out again? 611 00:20:49,699 --> 00:20:50,978 Of course it did. 612 00:20:50,979 --> 00:20:53,698 My bones are dust, I've never had milk. 613 00:20:53,699 --> 00:20:54,718 Mindy. 614 00:20:54,719 --> 00:20:56,718 But I'm here because I'm sad. 615 00:20:56,719 --> 00:20:57,718 Oh. 616 00:20:57,719 --> 00:20:58,878 Well, I never pass up an opportunity 617 00:20:58,879 --> 00:21:00,918 to sit criss-cross applesauce. 618 00:21:02,699 --> 00:21:04,758 Why don't you tell me what's going on? 619 00:21:04,759 --> 00:21:05,828 Oh, God. 620 00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:09,344 Jody, I don't know what I'm gonna do. 621 00:21:10,839 --> 00:21:13,828 I don't think things are gonna work out with Casey, 622 00:21:13,829 --> 00:21:16,988 but he's as not right for me as he was before. 623 00:21:16,989 --> 00:21:18,868 Things aren't exactly working out well 624 00:21:18,869 --> 00:21:20,798 with Ashley either. 625 00:21:20,799 --> 00:21:22,788 What's crazy is that the person I'm falling for 626 00:21:22,789 --> 00:21:24,318 makes even less sense. 627 00:21:25,849 --> 00:21:27,029 Can you close the door? 628 00:21:29,879 --> 00:21:30,988 I can't stop thinking about him. 629 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,848 He's actually a grown-up, and I think we have a spark. 630 00:21:33,849 --> 00:21:35,868 But I can't ask him out. 631 00:21:35,869 --> 00:21:38,698 It's Marcus. It's Casey's friend. 632 00:21:38,699 --> 00:21:40,808 Okay, well, I guess I should go. 633 00:21:40,809 --> 00:21:42,698 Don't forget to take your calcium supplements. 634 00:21:42,699 --> 00:21:43,808 I'm afraid you might shatter. 635 00:21:43,809 --> 00:21:45,698 Wait, that's it? Hold on, hold on, help me up. 636 00:21:45,699 --> 00:21:46,948 - Where are you off to? - Uh... 637 00:21:46,949 --> 00:21:48,808 What, you got a hot date or something? 638 00:21:48,809 --> 00:21:49,958 With a model that arrived in a shipping crate? 639 00:21:49,959 --> 00:21:50,968 Heh heh. 640 00:21:50,969 --> 00:21:52,888 No, actually, I've... 641 00:21:52,889 --> 00:21:55,758 I'm taking a self-imposed break from romance for a while. 642 00:21:55,759 --> 00:21:57,888 Oh, she was on top, and she bent it. 643 00:21:57,889 --> 00:21:58,888 Why is your first assumption 644 00:21:58,889 --> 00:22:00,898 always something gross and sexual? 645 00:22:00,899 --> 00:22:02,778 What? It's not my fault, 646 00:22:02,779 --> 00:22:04,316 I was raised on "Three's Company." 647 00:22:07,809 --> 00:22:10,888 Wow. 648 00:22:10,889 --> 00:22:12,738 You really came to see this again? 649 00:22:12,739 --> 00:22:13,788 Nobody should have to see 650 00:22:13,789 --> 00:22:14,878 this many raps by white people. 651 00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:17,728 It's actually worse the second time 652 00:22:17,729 --> 00:22:18,918 because now I understand it. 653 00:22:18,919 --> 00:22:20,738 Yeah. Did... 654 00:22:20,739 --> 00:22:22,908 Did you come with Casey, or... I didn't see him. 655 00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:24,768 Casey and I actually broke up. 656 00:22:24,769 --> 00:22:25,808 Oh. 657 00:22:25,809 --> 00:22:27,728 Partly because of something you said. 658 00:22:27,729 --> 00:22:29,858 What, that he's thinking about giving up drinking? 659 00:22:29,859 --> 00:22:30,928 What? No, 660 00:22:30,929 --> 00:22:32,748 although that definitely would have ended it. 661 00:22:32,749 --> 00:22:34,838 No, you were right. In order for us to work, 662 00:22:34,839 --> 00:22:36,838 I would have had to change everything about myself 663 00:22:36,839 --> 00:22:38,818 or everything about him. 664 00:22:38,819 --> 00:22:41,978 But there was a bigger issue. I like his friend. 665 00:22:41,979 --> 00:22:43,808 Mm, Jace. 666 00:22:43,809 --> 00:22:44,808 Huh? 667 00:22:44,809 --> 00:22:45,948 - Trace? - No. 668 00:22:45,949 --> 00:22:46,948 Me? 669 00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:49,798 Okay, don't "me" me. 670 00:22:49,799 --> 00:22:51,788 I invented "me?" 671 00:22:51,789 --> 00:22:52,818 You knew it was you. 672 00:22:52,819 --> 00:22:55,799 - I had no idea, no clue. - Come on. 673 00:22:57,729 --> 00:22:58,878 Hey, do you want to, um, 674 00:22:58,879 --> 00:23:00,728 maybe skip the second act and get out of here? 675 00:23:00,729 --> 00:23:01,778 Yeah, I'd love to. 676 00:23:01,779 --> 00:23:02,798 - Let's go. - This is the worst thing 677 00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:03,928 to happen in a theater since "Lincoln." 678 00:23:03,929 --> 00:23:05,898 Ah, see? You do know history. 679 00:23:05,899 --> 00:23:07,758 Oh, no, I'm talking about the movie. 680 00:23:07,759 --> 00:23:08,948 - Oh. - Ugh, so boring. 681 00:23:08,949 --> 00:23:10,818 Daniel Day-Lewis is, like, barely naked in it. 682 00:23:10,819 --> 00:23:11,858 Oh, so nudity... 683 00:23:11,859 --> 00:23:13,848 ♪ For our Union I'll deploy ♪ 684 00:23:13,849 --> 00:23:17,959 ♪ For I am a proud Buchanan boy ♪ 685 00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:21,554 Mindy? Mindy? 686 00:23:21,555 --> 00:23:26,592 - Resync by Rapunzel - Thanks to Rafael UPD@addic7ed.com