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From "Bloomberg West" in San Francisco,

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I'm Emily Chang.

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General Keith Alexander is here

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to tackle tech's role
in counter-terrorism,

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but first, a quick glimpse
with Richard Hendricks,

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founder and CEO

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of the hot new compression
platform Pied Piper,

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and Erlich Bachman, Chief Visionary.

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Oh, Emily Chang,

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it is just splendid to be here with you,

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at historical Pier Three,
with a breathtaking view

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of the (SPANISH ACCENT)
Embarcadero Center

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and the flag of (SPANISH
ACCENT) San Francisco.

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Now, Richard...

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Richard actually developed

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this technology in my incubator.

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I am listed--
I was originally listed

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under the white pages
as "Erlich Blachman,"

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uh, with an "L," a typo that
apparently couldn't be changed,

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and then Google indexed it, so
I've been dealing with that.

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Richard, Pied Piper has
taken off like a rocket.

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More than a hundred thousand installs

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in just ten days. Is that right?

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Uh... uh, yes.

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Pretty amazing.

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And you have a last-minute invite

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to the "Vanity Fair"
Summit dinner tonight.

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Quite an honor for such a young company.

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Richard, maybe you can
comment on this one?

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Yeah, we are the-- finally
the-- the belles of the balls.

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(LAUGHS) I mean, uh, ball.

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Now, some people are calling
you the next unicorn.

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Have you guys thought about that?

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You could have a billion-dollar company.

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Erlich, you could own five
percent of a billion dollars.

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Uh, ten, actually.

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ERLICH: Richard, this is boring.

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- Shit.
- RICHARD: No, no, no.

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He was--
he was an early investor.

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Again, it's... Erlich Bachman.

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If you Google that, it'll say,
"Did you mean Erlich Blachman?"

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You can click on that link,

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it'll give you the correct
results for Erlich Bachman.

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Should we take some calls?

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We don't do that here.

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I just know what I saw, Richard.

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No, come on. Look, she's married,
she just had another baby.

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If you pushed a little harder, you could
have scored right there on camera.

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- You should get her phone number.
- Shut up.

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(PHONE RINGS)

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Oh. This is actually, uh,
Jian-Yang pranking me.

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I should take it.

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Yes, of course I have frog's legs.
Why do you ask?

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Are you serious? Have you honestly still
not told him that you sold your shares?

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You can't keep lying to him like this.

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It's not technically a lie.

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My shares don't transfer to Raviga

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until the next board meeting.

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Come on, it's been ten days.

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I know, I know, but, you
know, the TechCrunch thing

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came up and then there
was the Reddit AMA

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and, you know, now this Bloomberg thing.

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And besides, let's be honest, Richard
shouldn't be in the public eye

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without me along to help. Did you see the
skeeved-out look on Emily Chang's face?

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I thought she was going to walk off set.

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Erlich, you're lying to him,

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and you made me a part of it,
so now I'm lying to him, too.

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The longer you wait, the
worse this is gonna get.

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- All right, fine, I'll tell him.
- When?

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After the "Vanity Fair" thing tonight.
I mean, did you see the guest list?

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Monica, throw me a bone here.

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24 hours, then I'm telling him.

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- Fine, I'll tell him. I'll tell Richard.
- MONICA: I'm serious.

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- Tell me what?
- MONICA: I'm not joking--

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Um, it was, uh, Jian-Yang.

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He said to tell you that
Phillip McCrevis left word.

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Oh, who's "Fill-up My--" Oh.

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(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

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♪

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Richard, we'd better get our
asses in first fucking gear

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if we want to make it to
this "Verge" photoshoot.

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Oh, shit. That's today?

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Yes, I assumed that's why you're still

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- wearing your Bloomberg makeup.
- No.

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No, I was just--
I kind of like the way it--

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can we just push this
to next week, please?

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They don't really do that.

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Okay, well, can you go?

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Please? I just have a ton of work,

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and honestly I would be really happy

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if I never had to do
any of this ever again

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and then you were just
the face of the company.

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You know what I mean? Oh, shit.

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What-- what time is this
"Vanity Fair" thing?

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It's tonight. I figure
we're wheels up by 6:00,

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then we can check into the hotel,
shit, shave and shit again.

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- Get a cocktail.
- What hotel?

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Eavesdropping. Well, if you must know,

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we got a suite at the Fairmont,
and they're sending a car.

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I think Richard deserves it. And
then I figured tomorrow in the a.m.,

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we would sleep in and
have a nice brunch.

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I don't have time for a brunch.
I have to be back here.

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Come on, eggs benny, a little spinach
tartar, you'll flirt with the waitress.

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Killer. And, uh, we'll have a nice talk.

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- Talk? What about?
- You know, things, all sorts of themes.

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So tomorrow, you, me, brunch

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and, uh, one word... frittata.

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Hey, fellas, is it me or is
it a bit chilly in here?

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(CHUCKLES)

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What in God's name is that?

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What do you think it is? It's a jacket!

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(LAUGHS) Now, I only
ordered one as a sample,

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but once I have your sizes,
we can all have them.

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Why would we all want them?
One is already too many.

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I don't mean in the house. I
mean, like, in the world.

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Now Gilfoyle, I have you at
about a 40 long? Am I right?

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If my mother was naked
and dead in the street,

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I would not cover her
body with that jacket.

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(LAUGHS) Gilf.

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Jared, now that you're here,

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we need two new tables
in the game room. Yeah?

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Okay. Well, maybe against the doors?

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Oh, hold on, there's more.

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"PIED PIPER: Because 'awesome
world-changing compression company'

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would take up too much space."

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And you guys give me shit
for a tiny gold chain?

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I regret nothing. I'm
going to get coffee.

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Hey, Brownie, you coming?

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I was thinking we'd hit
the Philz on Middlefield.

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No, let's drive to the
one on Forest Avenue.

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It's further from that jacket.

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Claude, you're on pager
duty until we get back.

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Jared, can I borrow that jacket?

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I sense you're doing
something ironic with it,

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but I'm okay with that because...

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however unattractive this
jacket may seem to you,

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once you slip it on,
everything will change.

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It'll shake out its hair
and take off its glasses,

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and before you know it,
you'll be in love.

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Jared, it's really fucking ugly.

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GAVIN: Consider the tortoise.

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As the fable teaches us,

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it may appear that he
is losing in his race

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against his nemesis, the
insolent and cocksure hare.

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But appearances can be deceiving.

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Gavin, the tortoise. Is it Endframe?

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Yes. But there's more.

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The hare is Pied Piper.

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Indeed it is. Someone's
read their Aesop.

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We've also read the financials, Gavin.

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Between Nucleus and Endframe,
you've burned through

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three-quarters of a billion dollars,

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with virtually nothing to show for it.

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Two weeks ago, on the
heels of powering down

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the entire Hooli campus
for seemingly no reason,

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you lost all of Endframe's
senior engineers.

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I grant you, we've stumbled
on offense of late,

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but the best offense is a good defense.

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We've taken a page out
of Apple's playbook

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and are currently "reviewing"
the Pied Piper app for sale

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in our Hooli store at a pace one
might call "tortoise-like."

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Don't. They hate that.

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In any case, I have it on good authority

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that it may be some
time before Pied Piper

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is available on Hooli OS devices.

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- We're making it available immediately.
- Sorry?

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You're fighting a war that's already
ended, Gavin. Pied Piper won.

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We called this board meeting to inform
you that it's time for Hooli to let go

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and move on without you at the wheel.

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I'm sorry, without me?
(LAUGHS) Are you firing me?

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Our intention is simply
to transition you

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into a more appropriate
role within the company,

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one with less oversight
of day-to-day operations.

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You're putting me on the fucking roof?

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You could always choose to
move on, Gavin. Up to you.

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I built this company with my
bare hands in my fucking garage.

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Where were you when I was doing that?

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Gavin?

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These animals?

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Fuck.

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Well, uh, you are certainly more than
qualified to be our new head of PR.

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Laurie thinks you're great. Um, to
be honest, we could use the help.

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All the media stuff has been pretty
overwhelming, especially lately.

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- If Marissa Mayer can do it, so can you.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES)

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00:08:27,885 --> 00:08:30,619
And, uh, you're available immediately?

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00:08:30,721 --> 00:08:33,355
I am. I do have one
question for you guys.

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Is everything here... cool?

188
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Is it cool? Uh, yeah.

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00:08:41,532 --> 00:08:42,965
Yeah, I mean, I'm-- I'm cool.

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00:08:43,067 --> 00:08:44,366
- Yeah, he is cool.
- Uh-huh.

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00:08:44,468 --> 00:08:46,902
Clearly, but is there
anything you guys want

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00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,037
to tell me... about the company?

193
00:08:50,274 --> 00:08:51,239
What, like, uh--

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00:08:51,342 --> 00:08:52,741
All right, look, this is weird,

195
00:08:52,843 --> 00:08:55,377
but when I was in Laurie's
office yesterday,

196
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I saw a piece of paper on her desk.

197
00:08:58,182 --> 00:09:00,349
Well, she--
she can be a bit untidy.

198
00:09:00,451 --> 00:09:03,518
It was a sale of a big
block of Pied Piper stock.

199
00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:04,820
Is someone on the inside

200
00:09:04,922 --> 00:09:06,722
dumping shares right
as you're launching?

201
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:07,346
What?

202
00:09:07,424 --> 00:09:10,225
No. No, absolutely not.

203
00:09:10,327 --> 00:09:12,227
'Cause that would be a pretty
severe signaling risk.

204
00:09:12,329 --> 00:09:14,763
I mean, you don't have to be
in PR to know that insiders

205
00:09:14,865 --> 00:09:17,733
only dump stock like that when
they know something is wrong.

206
00:09:17,835 --> 00:09:19,634
The bulk of my compensation
here would be options,

207
00:09:19,737 --> 00:09:22,237
and if those aren't going
to be worth anything--

208
00:09:22,339 --> 00:09:24,473
Yeah. No. No, no, no.

209
00:09:24,575 --> 00:09:28,043
That is not happening, okay?
Nothing is going on here.

210
00:09:28,145 --> 00:09:31,480
- Yeah, except excellence.
- Okay.

211
00:09:31,582 --> 00:09:35,050
Well, you let me know
what you want to do

212
00:09:35,152 --> 00:09:37,252
and I'll think about it.

213
00:09:38,222 --> 00:09:40,555
Okay. Oh.

214
00:09:40,657 --> 00:09:42,090
Um, well, thanks for coming.

215
00:09:46,964 --> 00:09:48,363
What the hell was that?

216
00:09:48,465 --> 00:09:51,133
Maybe it was a negotiating tactic?

217
00:09:53,303 --> 00:09:54,436
Monica.

218
00:09:55,773 --> 00:09:56,705
It's Monica.

219
00:09:56,807 --> 00:09:58,306
Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

220
00:09:58,409 --> 00:10:01,410
I mean, she's the only one
who's bought a jacket.

221
00:10:01,512 --> 00:10:04,479
Jared, she's the only one
who hates the platform.

222
00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:08,250
There's no other explanation for this.
Okay? Monica fucked us.

223
00:10:08,352 --> 00:10:12,320
She pulled down her pants and
fucked us in front of her parents.

224
00:10:12,423 --> 00:10:15,991
Did some-- Richard, did
somebody do that to you?

225
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:17,426
No. No, I don't know why--

226
00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:24,166
Oh, boy, it is chilly.

227
00:10:24,268 --> 00:10:27,502
Good thing I brought
this sweet jiz-acket.

228
00:10:27,604 --> 00:10:31,006
Eh, friend? We came here together.

229
00:10:32,876 --> 00:10:34,443
I know what you're doing.

230
00:10:35,779 --> 00:10:37,379
You think you're embarrassing me,

231
00:10:37,481 --> 00:10:40,248
but that's only the secondary
effect of that shitty jacket.

232
00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:42,250
The primary effect is...

233
00:10:42,352 --> 00:10:46,421
(EMPHATICALLY) that you
look like a douchebag.

234
00:10:46,523 --> 00:10:48,323
Let me put this in terms
you'll understand.

235
00:10:48,425 --> 00:10:51,460
I'm like a suicide
bomber of humiliation.

236
00:10:51,562 --> 00:10:54,663
I'm happy to go out as long
as I take you with me.

237
00:10:54,765 --> 00:10:58,400
Your shame is my paradise.

238
00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:00,735
(CLEARS THROAT)

239
00:11:00,838 --> 00:11:01,903
S'up, ladies?

240
00:11:02,005 --> 00:11:04,940
What you noshing on? Cranberry scone?

241
00:11:05,042 --> 00:11:10,078
My friend Dinesh here has a
little crush on you. He's shy.

242
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:12,214
I don't know him.

243
00:11:12,316 --> 00:11:14,516
Oh, he plays coy.

244
00:11:14,618 --> 00:11:16,218
I don't know why he's so shy.

245
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,054
Excuse me. I noticed your jacket.

246
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,322
Do you work for Pied Piper?

247
00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:23,191
- Yeah.
- Dude, your app is killin' it.

248
00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:24,860
Everyone I know is installing it.

249
00:11:24,962 --> 00:11:27,262
Do you seriously? I just
downloaded it last night.

250
00:11:27,364 --> 00:11:29,798
Yeah? Do you mind if we get a picture?

251
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,434
- With me?
- GIRL: Yeah. Everybody get in.

252
00:11:32,536 --> 00:11:33,969
If you want it.

253
00:11:34,071 --> 00:11:35,804
(PHONE CAMERAS CLICKING)

254
00:11:35,906 --> 00:11:37,139
- Thanks.
- MAN: Thanks, bro.

255
00:11:37,241 --> 00:11:39,941
Hey, man, did you remember
to put money in the meter?

256
00:11:40,043 --> 00:11:42,444
Hi, I'm Dinesh. I work at Pied Piper.

257
00:11:42,546 --> 00:11:45,080
Excuse me, do I know you?

258
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:46,748
Gilfoyle.

259
00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:49,384
He's a fuckin' dick, but
I love him, though.

260
00:11:49,486 --> 00:11:51,319
You have me confused with someone else.

261
00:11:51,421 --> 00:11:55,357
My name's clearly Jared, and if you
would excuse us, you were interrupting.

262
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:58,693
No, he's lying. His name is Gilfoyle.
Show them your driver's license.

263
00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:00,629
Jared asked you nicely to step back,

264
00:12:00,731 --> 00:12:04,533
so step the fuck back. You're being
a dick, and you're cutting in line.

265
00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:07,035
You heard him. You're being a dick.

266
00:12:07,137 --> 00:12:08,203
(MOUTHS)

267
00:12:09,773 --> 00:12:11,873
- Boy, some people.
- WOMAN: What a creep.

268
00:12:11,975 --> 00:12:14,142
MAN: Sorry you had to
deal with that, Jared.

269
00:12:14,244 --> 00:12:16,211
GILFOYLE: You and me both, friend.

270
00:12:16,313 --> 00:12:18,346
- (PHONE RINGS)
- This is Monica.

271
00:12:18,448 --> 00:12:20,382
Is it? Because apparently
everything else

272
00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:22,217
that comes out of your mouth is a lie.

273
00:12:22,319 --> 00:12:24,186
Shit.

274
00:12:24,288 --> 00:12:27,155
Look, Richard, I totally
understand if you're pissed at me,

275
00:12:27,257 --> 00:12:30,659
but please know that I tried as hard
as I could to get him to tell you.

276
00:12:30,761 --> 00:12:32,694
Oh, really? Well, that's
not what he said.

277
00:12:32,796 --> 00:12:34,629
Oh, really? What exactly did he say?

278
00:12:34,731 --> 00:12:37,599
He said that he found it on a piece
of paper in Laurie's office.

279
00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:41,903
What? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Who's
the "he" that you're talking about?

280
00:12:42,005 --> 00:12:43,371
You know who. David.

281
00:12:43,473 --> 00:12:45,874
- My brother?
- What?

282
00:12:45,976 --> 00:12:47,976
Who the fuck-- I don't know. (LAUGHS)

283
00:12:48,078 --> 00:12:49,878
No, David, the fucking PR guy

284
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:52,013
who's not going to take a job
with us because of what you did.

285
00:12:52,115 --> 00:12:55,750
Richard, I am totally lost. What
exactly do you think I did?

286
00:12:55,852 --> 00:12:58,787
You can play dumb all you want to.
It won't change the one thing

287
00:12:58,889 --> 00:13:01,723
that both you and I know is true.
You dumped your stock.

288
00:13:01,825 --> 00:13:06,428
What? No. I didn't dump a single
share of my Pied Piper stock.

289
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,797
I swear. Well, then who the fuck did?

290
00:13:08,899 --> 00:13:10,565
- ♪
♪
- And make sure that the money reads.

291
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:12,901
I mean, Pied Piper is a
billion-dollar company.

292
00:13:13,003 --> 00:13:14,202
It's not just a unicorn.

293
00:13:14,304 --> 00:13:16,304
All right, let's do some rearing.

294
00:13:16,406 --> 00:13:18,173
There we go. Now, let's let the horns

295
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:22,177
sort of look like my dick. Perfect.

296
00:13:23,046 --> 00:13:26,381
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- Richard.

297
00:13:26,483 --> 00:13:28,783
Um, can we take a soft five?

298
00:13:28,885 --> 00:13:31,286
I was going to tell you. That's
what tomorrow's brunch was for.

299
00:13:31,388 --> 00:13:35,190
Brunch? You had ten fucking days
and you didn't say a thing.

300
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:37,292
Fine. You want to know
why I didn't tell you?

301
00:13:37,394 --> 00:13:39,995
Because it's fucking humiliating.
I'm broke, Richard.

302
00:13:40,097 --> 00:13:42,831
Did you hear me? I'm broke.

303
00:13:42,933 --> 00:13:45,967
Erlich Bachman, the name that used
to be synonymous with success,

304
00:13:46,069 --> 00:13:48,169
went broke and was forced to sell.

305
00:13:48,272 --> 00:13:50,605
- I got royally fucked, Richard.
- You got fucked?

306
00:13:50,707 --> 00:13:53,642
You're the one who threw
a million-dollar party.

307
00:13:53,744 --> 00:13:55,877
- Yeah, but it was a great party.
- No one forced you to do that.

308
00:13:55,979 --> 00:13:57,946
Admit it, you fucked yourself.

309
00:13:58,048 --> 00:13:59,748
But I'm not gonna let
you fuck my company.

310
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,216
I'm going to have to
issue a press release

311
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:02,784
explaining what you did and why.

312
00:14:02,886 --> 00:14:04,419
No, no, come on. This isn't out.

313
00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:07,255
- It's one PR guy.
- That we know of, Erlich.

314
00:14:07,357 --> 00:14:09,157
How many other people saw
that piece of paper?

315
00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:11,926
How many people has this guy talked to?

316
00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:13,094
This is Silicon Valley.

317
00:14:13,196 --> 00:14:15,597
Rumors spread like light speed here.

318
00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:19,434
How are we gonna get good
people to work for us

319
00:14:19,536 --> 00:14:21,936
if they think something funky
is going on with our stock?

320
00:14:22,039 --> 00:14:25,106
How are we going to scale?
This is going to kill us.

321
00:14:25,208 --> 00:14:27,776
Richard, do you know what
happens if this goes public?

322
00:14:27,878 --> 00:14:29,778
- I'm Ron Wayne.
- Who?

323
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:34,349
Ron Wayne. The guy that owned ten
percent of Apple and sold it in 1976.

324
00:14:34,451 --> 00:14:36,518
No one in this town will
work with me ever again.

325
00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:40,188
You want me to risk the
entire future of Pied Piper,

326
00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:42,324
everything that I've worked for,

327
00:14:42,426 --> 00:14:47,295
just to protect you from your
own fucking incompetence?

328
00:14:47,397 --> 00:14:49,597
Richard, there's a three
to four percent chance

329
00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:51,533
that this is going to
get out on its own,

330
00:14:51,635 --> 00:14:53,568
but there is 100 percent chance

331
00:14:53,670 --> 00:14:55,503
that if you issue a press release

332
00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:57,939
no one will ever take
me seriously again.

333
00:14:58,041 --> 00:15:01,042
My dignity is in your hands, Richard.

334
00:15:01,945 --> 00:15:03,445
Do with it what you will.

335
00:15:11,021 --> 00:15:13,555
Gavin? Is that you?

336
00:15:13,657 --> 00:15:15,790
- Jack Barker.
- Nice plane.

337
00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:17,392
- Yours too.
- Where are you headed?

338
00:15:17,494 --> 00:15:19,861
I just needed to take a
walk and clear my head.

339
00:15:19,963 --> 00:15:22,897
There's this great little hiking
trail near my lodge in Jackson Hole.

340
00:15:22,999 --> 00:15:26,768
Get out of here. I'm on my
way up to J Hole myself.

341
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:28,737
Is that right? I thought you sold.

342
00:15:28,839 --> 00:15:30,572
No, I just never go there.

343
00:15:30,674 --> 00:15:32,073
So how long you going for?

344
00:15:32,175 --> 00:15:33,675
Coming back tomorrow afternoon.

345
00:15:33,777 --> 00:15:36,144
- Me, too.
- Oh, come on. Come on.

346
00:15:36,246 --> 00:15:41,216
Seriously, we need to find a couple
hours, get together, catch up.

347
00:15:41,318 --> 00:15:42,751
I could tell you some war stories.

348
00:15:42,853 --> 00:15:43,885
Well, I'd love that.

349
00:15:43,987 --> 00:15:45,186
I could tell you a few of my own.

350
00:15:45,288 --> 00:15:48,189
(LAUGHS) Well, be well.

351
00:15:48,291 --> 00:15:49,591
- You, too.
- Take care, Jack.

352
00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:51,359
- Yeah.
- See you.

353
00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:54,829
Gavin? Wait.

354
00:15:55,699 --> 00:15:58,133
Uh, what are we doing here?

355
00:15:58,235 --> 00:16:01,569
I mean, you're on your way to Jackson
Hole, I'm going to Jackson Hole.

356
00:16:01,671 --> 00:16:04,672
You seem like you could
use some company.

357
00:16:05,809 --> 00:16:07,642
- You play chess?
- I do. Indeed.

358
00:16:07,744 --> 00:16:10,845
Fantastic. I tell you,
when we get up to altitude

359
00:16:10,947 --> 00:16:16,050
and the Wi-Fi kicks in, I'm
ActionJB62 on Hooli chat.

360
00:16:16,153 --> 00:16:17,485
- Find me.
- I will.

361
00:16:17,587 --> 00:16:19,721
- I'm glad we bumped into each other.
- Me, too.

362
00:16:19,823 --> 00:16:22,190
- Really is a small world.
- It's crazy.

363
00:16:22,292 --> 00:16:23,691
(BOTH LAUGH)

364
00:16:26,563 --> 00:16:29,330
Okay, well, uh, I think it reads well.

365
00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:33,001
And it's all in there. This will
definitely set the record straight.

366
00:16:33,103 --> 00:16:35,770
Then again, you're basically
lighting Erlich on fire.

367
00:16:35,872 --> 00:16:38,139
So what? He fucked the company.

368
00:16:38,241 --> 00:16:40,642
He potentially fucked the company.

369
00:16:40,744 --> 00:16:43,511
Are you kidding me? Wh--
Gilfoyle, back me up here.

370
00:16:43,613 --> 00:16:44,746
This is thorny.

371
00:16:44,848 --> 00:16:46,347
How is this even a
question for you guys?

372
00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:48,116
Honestly? I mean, it's
not like he's going

373
00:16:48,218 --> 00:16:50,218
to be out on the street.
He just sold ten percent

374
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,987
of a company that's valued at
at least 50 million dollars

375
00:16:53,089 --> 00:16:55,523
and now suddenly we're giving
him the benefit of the doubt?

376
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:58,827
Well, it sounds mighty
Christian of you, Gilfoyle.

377
00:16:58,929 --> 00:17:01,229
There's no reason for
hate speech, Richard.

378
00:17:07,571 --> 00:17:10,839
I can see by the sour,
pinched expressions

379
00:17:10,941 --> 00:17:13,708
on all your faces that
Richard has filled you in

380
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:16,511
regarding the unfortunate
circumstances that have forced me

381
00:17:16,613 --> 00:17:19,948
to relinquish my stake
in your fair company.

382
00:17:20,050 --> 00:17:24,819
Erlich, uh, you should know that
I have written a press release.

383
00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:27,021
- Oh?
- I'm not going to release it yet,

384
00:17:27,123 --> 00:17:29,457
but if I hear wind of these rumors

385
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:32,393
spreading out of control, I'm going
to send it to every tech publication

386
00:17:32,496 --> 00:17:35,330
and blog on the face of the earth.
Do you understand?

387
00:17:35,432 --> 00:17:37,799
- Even UPROXX?
- Yes, even them.

388
00:17:38,902 --> 00:17:39,968
Also, uh...

389
00:17:42,305 --> 00:17:46,407
this is the check for next month's
use of the house as our office,

390
00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:48,810
but we'll be out by
the end of the month.

391
00:17:48,912 --> 00:17:50,445
Richard, it doesn't
have to be like this.

392
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,146
From this point forward,
you will have nothing

393
00:17:52,249 --> 00:17:54,148
to do with this company whatsoever.

394
00:17:54,251 --> 00:17:56,217
I'm replacing you on the board,

395
00:17:56,319 --> 00:17:57,886
and I'm giving your seat to Jared.

396
00:17:59,289 --> 00:18:01,756
- So that's it then.
- Yes.

397
00:18:01,858 --> 00:18:04,225
So I guess we better get ready
for that "Vanity Fair" event.

398
00:18:04,327 --> 00:18:05,660
What?

399
00:18:07,264 --> 00:18:09,197
Did you not listen to
a word I just said?

400
00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:11,165
I heard thousands of words about rumors

401
00:18:11,268 --> 00:18:13,401
and the need to contain them.
What do you think would happen

402
00:18:13,503 --> 00:18:15,236
if I didn't show up to
this "Vanity Fair" event?

403
00:18:15,338 --> 00:18:17,472
I've already RSVP'd
and given them a list

404
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:20,742
of phony dietary restrictions
just to cause a scene.

405
00:18:20,844 --> 00:18:22,744
I told them I was pesca-pescatarian.

406
00:18:22,846 --> 00:18:26,981
Which is one who eats solely
fish who eat other fish.

407
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:29,183
I think my absence would be noted.

408
00:18:29,286 --> 00:18:31,252
- Erlich brings up a good point.
- It's true.

409
00:18:31,354 --> 00:18:33,087
Let us not forget
Meinertzhagen's Havers--

410
00:18:33,189 --> 00:18:34,989
Yes, yes, Meinertzhagen's Haversack.

411
00:18:35,091 --> 00:18:37,258
We all remember his sack.

412
00:18:38,328 --> 00:18:40,628
(SIGHS) Okay, fine. Yeah.

413
00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:42,630
Sure. You can come. I can't stop you.

414
00:18:42,732 --> 00:18:45,700
Uh, I'll be taking the
car and the hotel room

415
00:18:45,802 --> 00:18:47,468
and you're going to
have to drive yourself.

416
00:18:47,571 --> 00:18:49,137
Consider it my farewell dinner.

417
00:18:50,106 --> 00:18:51,372
See you at the event.

418
00:18:57,714 --> 00:18:59,881
(GASPING)

419
00:18:59,983 --> 00:19:02,250
- Jared, are you okay?
- It's just so many emotions.

420
00:19:02,352 --> 00:19:05,453
The board seat. I feel regret and glee

421
00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:06,688
that you would choose to honor me,

422
00:19:06,790 --> 00:19:09,157
and terror at not living up

423
00:19:09,259 --> 00:19:10,692
to your expectations,

424
00:19:10,794 --> 00:19:13,161
and compassion for Erlich's loss.

425
00:19:13,263 --> 00:19:17,699
Oh, Donald, you've come undone.
(CHUCKLES SADLY)

426
00:19:17,801 --> 00:19:20,702
You still want him on the board?

427
00:19:23,740 --> 00:19:25,907
Hi, there. Checking in.
Richard Hendricks.

428
00:19:26,009 --> 00:19:27,175
Fuck me. Hey, Richie.

429
00:19:27,277 --> 00:19:28,743
Oh, God. Hey, Russ.

430
00:19:28,845 --> 00:19:30,278
What's up, boy genius? You here fucking?

431
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:32,614
Huh? No. No, no, no fucking.

432
00:19:32,716 --> 00:19:35,149
Just, uh, here for the
"Vanity Fair" dinner.

433
00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:36,451
Oh, yeah, I know that stupid dinner.

434
00:19:36,553 --> 00:19:38,453
Bunch of VC douchebags
jerking each other off.

435
00:19:38,555 --> 00:19:40,555
Speaking of, I got this girl at
the bar, I'm trying to take her

436
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,624
up to the presidential suite
before her fucking bridesmaids

437
00:19:42,726 --> 00:19:45,259
ruin the whole thing, but
they're telling me it's booked.

438
00:19:45,362 --> 00:19:48,262
Who is it? Is it Gore? Fuck that guy.

439
00:19:48,365 --> 00:19:49,964
- Oh, God.
- I saw Pied Piper launched.

440
00:19:50,066 --> 00:19:51,399
Haven't tried it, probably won't.

441
00:19:51,501 --> 00:19:53,167
I don't even want to think
about how fucked I got

442
00:19:53,269 --> 00:19:55,370
missing out on Erlich's shares. Fuck.

443
00:19:55,472 --> 00:19:58,773
Wait, he-- he tried to
sell you his shares?

444
00:19:58,875 --> 00:20:01,376
Well, half of them. He was pretty
desperate to stay on the team.

445
00:20:01,478 --> 00:20:03,511
Well, he didn't mention
anything about this to me.

446
00:20:03,613 --> 00:20:06,047
Of course not. Why would he? It's fucking
humiliating losing all your money.

447
00:20:06,149 --> 00:20:08,716
You think when I dropped below a billion
I walked around telling everybody?

448
00:20:08,818 --> 00:20:10,251
Fuck no. You guys were
the only ones who knew,

449
00:20:10,353 --> 00:20:11,786
and I actually thought
about having you killed.

450
00:20:11,888 --> 00:20:13,821
- I'm sorry, what?
- So Erlich and I, like two weeks ago,

451
00:20:13,923 --> 00:20:17,125
we had a contract ready... five mil I
was gonna pay him for half his shares.

452
00:20:17,227 --> 00:20:19,761
It was a win-win. Then
that robot, Laurie Bream,

453
00:20:19,863 --> 00:20:21,496
sweeps in and cockblocks
the whole thing.

454
00:20:21,598 --> 00:20:23,898
She forces him to sell her all
his shares. You think she's gay?

455
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:28,736
Maybe. It hasn't come up. I,
uh-- so wait, she outbid you?

456
00:20:28,838 --> 00:20:30,638
Outbid me? No, she didn't have to.

457
00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:32,907
You don't even know how your own
fucking company works? (LAUGHS)

458
00:20:33,009 --> 00:20:35,343
All right, Mr. Hendricks, we
have you staying one night

459
00:20:35,445 --> 00:20:37,345
- in a deluxe double.
- Okay, do you have a tub in that room?

460
00:20:37,447 --> 00:20:38,432
Does he have a tub in that room?

461
00:20:38,457 --> 00:20:39,871
I don't know. There's no way of telling.

462
00:20:39,949 --> 00:20:41,582
You know what? Fuck it. I'm
gonna take her to the "W."

463
00:20:41,685 --> 00:20:45,820
She's so drunk she won't know the
difference. See you around, Richie.

464
00:20:52,162 --> 00:20:54,462
(PHONE CHIMES)

465
00:20:56,866 --> 00:20:59,467
CJ ON VOICEMAIL: Hey, it's CJ.
Listen, I'm hearing a rumor

466
00:20:59,569 --> 00:21:03,071
about some serious ugliness
going on at Pied Piper.

467
00:21:03,173 --> 00:21:06,507
I've heard it from three different
people now. You need to call me.

468
00:21:08,111 --> 00:21:10,311
Fuck.

469
00:21:10,413 --> 00:21:13,281
LAURIE: What in God's name is the
reason to get a higher education?

470
00:21:13,383 --> 00:21:15,216
You can just buy a
megafreeze for 35 cents.

471
00:21:15,318 --> 00:21:16,884
Laurie, can I talk to you for a second?

472
00:21:16,986 --> 00:21:18,519
Yes, uh, Richard Hendricks,

473
00:21:18,621 --> 00:21:20,221
- do you know Mark Pincus?
- Hello.

474
00:21:20,323 --> 00:21:22,623
- Big fan.
- Oh, okay. Yes.

475
00:21:22,726 --> 00:21:24,559
- Sorry, just one second.
- Yes. Oh, all right.

476
00:21:24,661 --> 00:21:29,097
I'm sorry to cut away like this.
We can continue discussing this.

477
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:32,734
Okay, uh, look,

478
00:21:32,836 --> 00:21:35,603
I know Erlich sold you
all of his shares.

479
00:21:35,705 --> 00:21:38,773
I'm just, uh, wondering
exactly how that happened.

480
00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:40,908
Ah, yes. It was one of my finer moments.

481
00:21:41,010 --> 00:21:44,979
Erlich came to me with an outside offer
to sell half of his Pied Piper shares.

482
00:21:45,081 --> 00:21:48,015
To Russ Hanneman for five
million dollars. Yes, I know.

483
00:21:48,118 --> 00:21:51,252
But somehow you ended up
with all of his shares. How?

484
00:21:51,354 --> 00:21:54,822
Oh, well, as you know, the same
onerous terms you accepted

485
00:21:54,924 --> 00:21:56,557
when you took Russ Hanneman's money,

486
00:21:56,659 --> 00:21:58,359
they transferred to me
when I bought him out.

487
00:21:58,461 --> 00:22:00,428
These included the right to
block any transfer of stocks

488
00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:02,997
with a majority vote of the board.
A board which I control.

489
00:22:03,099 --> 00:22:06,367
- I don't understand.
- Of course you do.

490
00:22:06,469 --> 00:22:08,703
If I have approval of any buyer,

491
00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:10,738
and I am the only buyer I approve,

492
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,707
then I can set my own price.

493
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:16,778
So I asked Mr. Bachman for a thorough
accounting of his debts, uh,

494
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,547
which ran to approximately $713,000.

495
00:22:19,649 --> 00:22:21,415
And how much did you give him?

496
00:22:21,518 --> 00:22:23,551
$713,000.

497
00:22:24,454 --> 00:22:27,021
Jesus. So, he walked away with nothing.

498
00:22:27,123 --> 00:22:29,524
Uh, yes. And so as I said,

499
00:22:29,626 --> 00:22:31,292
you're the one who accepted these terms,

500
00:22:31,394 --> 00:22:33,261
so you're the one who enabled
this action on my part.

501
00:22:33,363 --> 00:22:35,463
All credit goes to you, Richard.
Excuse me.

502
00:22:35,565 --> 00:22:37,532
Dick. Dick Costolo. One moment.

503
00:22:37,634 --> 00:22:39,567
I need to speak with you.

504
00:22:39,669 --> 00:22:44,405
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

505
00:22:44,507 --> 00:22:46,107
MAN: It's expensive to re-plant.

506
00:22:46,209 --> 00:22:49,544
No. The vines are bad. The soil is bad.

507
00:22:49,646 --> 00:22:53,948
(CONVERSATION CONTINUES)

508
00:23:00,123 --> 00:23:02,256
Excuse me, what is that?

509
00:23:02,358 --> 00:23:03,758
That's pesca-pescatarian.

510
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:06,994
- It's fish that--
- Actually, just bring me one of those.

511
00:23:07,096 --> 00:23:08,529
- Me, too.
- Yeah, waiter, I'll take on, too.

512
00:23:08,631 --> 00:23:10,865
- I want one.
- MAN: I want one of those also.

513
00:23:10,967 --> 00:23:13,100
MAN 2: Wait, hey, hey,
I'd like that also.

514
00:23:13,203 --> 00:23:14,869
MAN 3: Excuse me, if he's
having one, I want one.

515
00:23:14,971 --> 00:23:17,772
MAN 4: You're getting that,
I want it, too. Excuse me!

516
00:23:19,576 --> 00:23:22,643
Hey, I thought you were at the dinner.

517
00:23:22,745 --> 00:23:23,911
I left.

518
00:23:24,013 --> 00:23:26,514
Erlich never showed. Is he here?

519
00:23:26,616 --> 00:23:28,816
Yeah. He's hiding in the backyard.

520
00:23:28,918 --> 00:23:32,954
- Why?
- Have you not seen the article?

521
00:23:33,056 --> 00:23:34,088
No.

522
00:23:39,229 --> 00:23:42,263
"Is Erlich Bachman the
Dumbest Man in Tech?"

523
00:23:42,365 --> 00:23:45,032
What the hell is this? I
never sent anything out.

524
00:23:45,134 --> 00:23:47,535
- Who did they talk to?
- Erlich.

525
00:23:47,637 --> 00:23:51,072
This is CJ's blog. He outed
himself to protect Pied Piper.

526
00:23:51,174 --> 00:23:53,474
This is way harsher than
anything you ever wrote.

527
00:23:54,677 --> 00:23:56,510
Plus, there's the visual component.

528
00:23:56,613 --> 00:24:00,915
Speaking of... where's
your jacket, Jared?

529
00:24:05,989 --> 00:24:07,922
(CLEARS THROAT) That's quite a piece.

530
00:24:09,092 --> 00:24:10,625
Informative. Thorough.

531
00:24:10,727 --> 00:24:14,195
You certainly know how
to make an impact.

532
00:24:14,297 --> 00:24:17,398
And I guess I don't have to worry
about any rumors coming out.

533
00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:18,799
Those are handled.

534
00:24:21,237 --> 00:24:24,872
You know, Erlich, uh, Pied Piper
still needs a head of PR.

535
00:24:27,277 --> 00:24:30,111
You seem to be well-versed
in media outreach.

536
00:24:30,213 --> 00:24:32,179
And by your own admission
in that article,

537
00:24:32,282 --> 00:24:34,782
your head is--
what did you say?

538
00:24:34,884 --> 00:24:38,152
--so far up your own ass
you can see the future.

539
00:24:39,022 --> 00:24:40,054
And that could be useful...

540
00:24:40,156 --> 00:24:45,293
if we need a pre-cog... (STAMMERS)

541
00:24:45,395 --> 00:24:46,794
in a way?

542
00:24:46,896 --> 00:24:49,730
Uh, I don't know if
you're available, so...

543
00:24:49,832 --> 00:24:52,233
Are you offering me a job?

544
00:24:52,335 --> 00:24:54,068
Well, we have a good option package.

545
00:24:54,170 --> 00:24:59,006
Um, it won't be quite what
you had, but it's something.

546
00:25:00,643 --> 00:25:02,977
That's very generous.

547
00:25:03,079 --> 00:25:05,579
So things could go back to
the way they were before.

548
00:25:05,682 --> 00:25:08,649
Well, no. No. Not exactly
the way they were.

549
00:25:08,751 --> 00:25:11,218
No, no. Uh, well, this
would be an actual job

550
00:25:11,321 --> 00:25:13,287
and you would have responsibilities.

551
00:25:13,389 --> 00:25:15,890
Would this job have a title?

552
00:25:15,992 --> 00:25:19,961
Something, say, Chief
Evangelism Officer?

553
00:25:20,063 --> 00:25:21,529
So, CEO?

554
00:25:21,631 --> 00:25:24,332
- JARED: Oh, my goodness!
- What the fuck was that?

555
00:25:26,069 --> 00:25:27,268
Richard.

556
00:25:27,370 --> 00:25:30,104
The Pied Piper app just got
accepted to the Hooli store.

557
00:25:30,206 --> 00:25:32,640
What? Holy shit.

558
00:25:32,742 --> 00:25:37,678
Gavin Belson just presented us with
his bare buttocks in submission.

559
00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:40,081
(LAUGHS) We beat him. I
don't-- I don't hug. No.

560
00:25:40,183 --> 00:25:44,318
Um, okay, hey, look, uh, time to issue
your first press release, right?

561
00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:47,621
It's very late, Richard,
and I'm very high.

562
00:25:47,724 --> 00:25:48,889
Erlich, I don't care.

563
00:25:48,992 --> 00:25:50,825
You have to do it, okay? Now.

564
00:25:50,927 --> 00:25:53,294
- It's your job.
- Okay.

565
00:25:53,396 --> 00:25:56,063
- All right.
- Oh!

566
00:25:56,165 --> 00:25:58,432
- (JARED LAUGHS)
- (DOOR CLOSES)

567
00:25:59,702 --> 00:26:01,435
CJ Cantwell. Erlich Bachman.

568
00:26:01,537 --> 00:26:04,105
The reason I'm calling has
absolutely nothing to do

569
00:26:04,207 --> 00:26:07,541
whatsoever with the fact
that I own half of your blog

570
00:26:07,643 --> 00:26:09,443
and everything to do with the fact that

571
00:26:09,545 --> 00:26:13,748
I was just named Chief Evangelism
Officer of Pied Piper.

572
00:26:13,850 --> 00:26:17,551
Feel free to abbreviate that,
whatever acronym is most economical.

573
00:26:17,653 --> 00:26:18,620
And I have a story.

574
00:26:18,645 --> 00:26:21,546
Well, if it's anything like
this last one, I am all for it.

575
00:26:21,624 --> 00:26:24,125
I am getting so many paid
views on your tell-all.

576
00:26:24,227 --> 00:26:26,327
Everyone in the Valley is reading it.

577
00:26:26,429 --> 00:26:29,530
Well, that's good... for you...

578
00:26:29,632 --> 00:26:31,399
at my expense, I guess.

579
00:26:32,702 --> 00:26:34,135
Anyway, I had no choice.

580
00:26:34,237 --> 00:26:36,103
As you said, it was going to
come out one way or another.

581
00:26:36,205 --> 00:26:38,506
Why? No one knew about any
of it until you told me.

582
00:26:38,608 --> 00:26:41,409
What do you mean? You said that you
had heard from a bunch of people

583
00:26:41,511 --> 00:26:44,712
that there are all these rumors about
ugly shit going down at Pied Piper.

584
00:26:44,814 --> 00:26:47,348
That's literally the only reason
that I told you any of this.

585
00:26:47,450 --> 00:26:51,919
What? Oh, yeah, three
different people told me

586
00:26:52,021 --> 00:26:54,355
that Pied Piper had the ugliest
jackets they'd ever seen.

587
00:26:54,457 --> 00:26:55,266
Jackets?

588
00:26:55,290 --> 00:26:57,715
I was going to do, like, a whole
swag fail thing, you know.

589
00:26:57,794 --> 00:26:59,393
That could have been cool, no?

590
00:26:59,495 --> 00:27:01,662
Who the fuck cares about jackets?

591
00:27:01,764 --> 00:27:04,065
♪ Hey, come on, babe ♪

592
00:27:04,167 --> 00:27:05,766
♪ Follow me ♪

593
00:27:05,868 --> 00:27:08,069
♪ I'm the Pied Piper ♪

594
00:27:08,171 --> 00:27:11,806
♪ Follow me, I'm the Pied Piper ♪

595
00:27:11,908 --> 00:27:15,910
♪ And I'll show you where it's at ♪

596
00:27:16,012 --> 00:27:18,879
(SONG CONTINUES) ♪ Come
on, babe can't you see? ♪

597
00:27:18,981 --> 00:27:22,883
♪ I'm the Pied Piper, trust in me ♪

598
00:27:22,985 --> 00:27:25,119
♪ I'm the Pied Piper ♪

599
00:27:25,221 --> 00:27:30,157
♪ And I'll show you where it's at ♪

600
00:27:31,461 --> 00:27:34,995
♪ Girl, don't be scared to move ♪

601
00:27:35,098 --> 00:27:38,799
♪ Hey, babe, what are
you tryin' to prove? ♪

602
00:27:38,901 --> 00:27:42,703
♪ It ain't true that your
life has kicked you ♪

603
00:27:42,805 --> 00:27:48,542
♪ It's your mind and that's
all that's trickin' you ♪

604
00:27:49,345 --> 00:27:52,980
♪ So step in line ♪

605
00:27:53,082 --> 00:27:57,218
♪ Hey, come on, babe, follow me ♪

606
00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:01,222
♪ I'm the Pied Piper, follow me ♪

607
00:28:01,324 --> 00:28:03,524
♪ I'm the Pied Piper ♪

608
00:28:03,626 --> 00:28:09,163
♪ And I'll show you where it's at ♪

609
00:28:09,265 --> 00:28:12,700
♪ Come on, babe, can't you see? ♪

610
00:28:12,802 --> 00:28:16,537
♪ Come on, babe, follow me ♪

611
00:28:16,639 --> 00:28:20,508
♪ I'm the Pied Piper ♪