1 00:00:01,329 --> 00:00:03,329 [sighs] Bald guys are hot. 2 00:00:03,497 --> 00:00:07,328 Hey, ladies. 3 00:00:07,329 --> 00:00:11,165 - Hot guys are hot. - Aww. 4 00:00:15,173 --> 00:00:17,641 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 5 00:00:18,426 --> 00:00:21,328 Looks like this guy's all washed up. 6 00:00:21,329 --> 00:00:25,337 We have a white male, 35 years old, blunt force trauma. 7 00:00:25,372 --> 00:00:26,328 Here's something interesting. 8 00:00:26,329 --> 00:00:31,459 The victim either doesn't wear a watch, or his watch is missing. 9 00:00:31,536 --> 00:00:35,328 Well, then I guess it's time to solve a murder. 10 00:00:35,329 --> 00:00:39,328 Yes! Yes! 11 00:00:39,329 --> 00:00:40,328 Hello, TripTank. 12 00:00:40,329 --> 00:00:43,328 - Hey, TripTank. How you doing? - Oh, pretty good. 13 00:00:43,329 --> 00:00:44,831 I'm down at the beach investigating a grisly murder. 14 00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:47,959 Oh, shoot, man, you know what? I gotta put you on hold. 15 00:00:47,994 --> 00:00:51,112 Sure. No problem. 16 00:00:58,329 --> 00:00:59,328 Hello? 17 00:00:59,329 --> 00:01:00,328 Are you just singing into the phone? 18 00:01:00,329 --> 00:01:03,328 - Uh, no, you're on hold. - Oh, oh. Okay. 19 00:01:07,329 --> 00:01:09,328 Beep! Oh, hey, man, I'm back. 20 00:01:09,329 --> 00:01:11,328 Sorry about that. Thanks for waiting. 21 00:01:11,329 --> 00:01:13,328 Oh, no problem. Is there anything I can do for you? 22 00:01:13,329 --> 00:01:14,328 Eat a dick! You suck! 23 00:01:14,329 --> 00:01:17,328 Mm-hmm. Yep. Probably should've seen that coming. 24 00:01:17,329 --> 00:01:19,328 Haha, yeah! 25 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:22,328 We are gonna grab this water park by the balls. 26 00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:24,238 This place is awesome. 27 00:01:24,331 --> 00:01:26,328 I don't know why we've never been here before. 28 00:01:26,329 --> 00:01:28,328 Guys, I have our whole day mapped out. 29 00:01:28,329 --> 00:01:31,328 There won't be a single minute that we're not either sliding or eating. 30 00:01:31,329 --> 00:01:33,024 It's like we've always dreamed. 31 00:01:33,057 --> 00:01:36,328 - Hey, does it matter that I can't swim? - Oh, my God, look! 32 00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:37,328 I know, Dreadlock Falls is right next 33 00:01:37,329 --> 00:01:40,328 to the all-you-can-eat Jamaican-me nachos shack! 34 00:01:40,329 --> 00:01:42,329 - It's perfect. - No, over there! 35 00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:44,328 Gary. 36 00:01:44,329 --> 00:01:46,328 What the hell's he doing at a water park? 37 00:01:46,329 --> 00:01:47,328 He knows we always come here. 38 00:01:47,329 --> 00:01:50,079 Aww, let's go home. The day is ruined. It's ruined! 39 00:01:50,114 --> 00:01:51,328 No, no, wait. Guys, do you know what this is? 40 00:01:51,329 --> 00:01:52,328 - No. - What? 41 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:55,587 This is a perfect opportunity for the three of us 42 00:01:55,588 --> 00:01:58,328 to pull a little prank on Gary. 43 00:01:58,329 --> 00:02:01,328 - Oh, yeah, wet revenge. - Slippery style. 44 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:04,110 Now, Donnie, you might look a little funny 45 00:02:04,145 --> 00:02:06,328 with zinc on your nose, but remember: 46 00:02:06,329 --> 00:02:08,228 This is not a fashion show, it's a water park, 47 00:02:08,263 --> 00:02:11,328 and we do not wanna tangle with Mr. Melanoma. 48 00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:12,328 Ugh, come on, Dad! 49 00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:14,328 Nope, nope, you always need to be aware 50 00:02:14,329 --> 00:02:16,328 - of the situation you're in. - So lame. 51 00:02:16,329 --> 00:02:18,871 All right, listen close. Here's the plan. 52 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,983 Step one: When Gary gets into the lazy river, 53 00:02:21,018 --> 00:02:24,328 the three of us wait downstream and pee in it. 54 00:02:24,329 --> 00:02:25,328 Wait, won't the lifeguards see us? 55 00:02:25,329 --> 00:02:26,328 Yeah, we'll be kicked out for sure. 56 00:02:26,329 --> 00:02:31,328 No, I found a blind spot near Reggae Reef. We'll be totally unseen. 57 00:02:31,329 --> 00:02:32,328 - Yes. - Awesome. 58 00:02:32,329 --> 00:02:34,328 After Gary floats through the cloud of urine, 59 00:02:34,329 --> 00:02:36,328 he's gonna want to rinse off at the outdoor showers. 60 00:02:36,329 --> 00:02:37,328 Matt? 61 00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:39,328 I wait by the showers, and I pee in his face. 62 00:02:39,329 --> 00:02:41,328 No, disguised as a maintenance worker, 63 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,328 you turn off all the hot water. 64 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,328 The freezing cold shower will shrink Gary's penis 65 00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:47,163 to the size of a grain of rice. 66 00:02:47,198 --> 00:02:50,328 - Andy, you're dressed as a trash collector. - And I pee all over him! 67 00:02:50,329 --> 00:02:52,328 No, you stand next to him and loudly recommend 68 00:02:52,329 --> 00:02:55,328 The Insane Bolt 100 Meter Plunge, 69 00:02:55,329 --> 00:02:58,328 - the fastest water slide in the park. - Got it. 70 00:02:58,329 --> 00:02:59,328 When he gets to the top of the slide, 71 00:02:59,329 --> 00:03:02,328 I'll be playing the role of super hunky lifeguard. 72 00:03:02,329 --> 00:03:04,272 - And you'll pee on him! - Pee on him! 73 00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:08,085 No, I instruct him to ride the plunge headfirst. 74 00:03:08,329 --> 00:03:09,328 - Why? - Yeah, why? 75 00:03:09,329 --> 00:03:11,328 Because that'll yank his swimsuit clean off... 76 00:03:11,329 --> 00:03:14,328 that's why! And when his ride photo gets projected 77 00:03:14,329 --> 00:03:17,328 on the park's Jah-umbotron, 78 00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:19,328 everyone will see Gary's teeny-tiny, 79 00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:22,328 - cold-shower micropenis! - From earlier! 80 00:03:22,329 --> 00:03:26,461 Right, and Gary will finally learn what it means to suck it. 81 00:03:26,496 --> 00:03:28,328 ♪ I be jammin', mon ♪ 82 00:03:28,329 --> 00:03:31,328 ♪ I be feelin' irie all day long ♪ 83 00:03:31,329 --> 00:03:32,328 ♪ I be jammin' ♪ 84 00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:33,328 Oh, here he comes, here he comes! 85 00:03:33,329 --> 00:03:35,328 All right, everybody get your dicks out. 86 00:03:35,329 --> 00:03:38,328 Yes, this is awesome! 87 00:03:38,329 --> 00:03:40,178 We're doing it. We're really doing it! 88 00:03:40,213 --> 00:03:43,328 Focus! This is only step one of my five-part... 89 00:03:43,329 --> 00:03:46,328 - Wha! - Oh, my gosh, Dana, I'm coming! 90 00:03:46,329 --> 00:03:49,328 I... I've got him. I got him. He's too heavy! 91 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,328 He's pulling me down! 92 00:03:51,329 --> 00:03:52,328 Oh, my God, guys, I'll save you... 93 00:03:52,329 --> 00:03:54,328 I can't swim! I don't know how to swim! 94 00:03:54,329 --> 00:03:58,328 I don't know... 95 00:03:58,329 --> 00:04:00,328 ♪ Feelin' irie all day... ♪ 96 00:04:00,329 --> 00:04:04,328 Ooh, a nice little warm spot here in the river. 97 00:04:04,329 --> 00:04:06,328 Smells like asparagus? 98 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:10,328 ♪ Suck it, Gary ♪ 99 00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:17,328 Oh, hi. 100 00:04:17,329 --> 00:04:18,328 It's been a while. How have you been? 101 00:04:18,329 --> 00:04:20,328 I'm good. How are you? 102 00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:24,328 I've been good, and congratulations! When are you due? 103 00:04:24,329 --> 00:04:29,980 - I'm not pregnant. - Oh. Excuse me. 104 00:04:37,329 --> 00:04:40,328 I'm so sorry. 105 00:04:43,329 --> 00:04:46,328 _ 106 00:04:50,329 --> 00:04:52,328 Oh, we thank you, 107 00:04:52,329 --> 00:04:55,328 Great Spirit, for this buffalo. 108 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:58,328 We will honor your power and grace, 109 00:04:58,329 --> 00:05:02,329 Brother Buffalo, by using every part of your body. 110 00:05:02,455 --> 00:05:05,329 Great Spirit, I will claim his horns, 111 00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:08,328 and I will use them to fashion weapons 112 00:05:08,329 --> 00:05:11,328 for hunting beasts and defending my family. 113 00:05:11,329 --> 00:05:12,328 Great Spirit, I will shear his fur 114 00:05:12,329 --> 00:05:15,328 to make blankets and keep my children warm. 115 00:05:15,329 --> 00:05:20,328 Great Spirit, I will cut his meat to make... 116 00:05:20,329 --> 00:05:22,328 Hold on! Who's taking his anus? 117 00:05:24,329 --> 00:05:29,328 - Has anyone called dibs? - Uh, not yet, Sweating Ferret, no. 118 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:33,828 So, anyway, Great Spirit, I will cut his meat 119 00:05:33,829 --> 00:05:37,328 - to make food for the... - Well, I mean, someone should take it. 120 00:05:38,329 --> 00:05:41,328 Because the anus, I mean, someone should take the anus. 121 00:05:41,329 --> 00:05:42,776 You don't want it to go to waste. 122 00:05:42,811 --> 00:05:46,328 Yeah, we'll... we'll get there, Sweating Ferret. 123 00:05:46,329 --> 00:05:49,328 - We always do. - But, uh, yeah. 124 00:05:49,329 --> 00:05:53,328 Great Spirit, I'm gonna cut his meat... 125 00:05:53,329 --> 00:05:55,328 Okay, forget it. I'll take it! 126 00:05:55,329 --> 00:05:57,067 I'll take the anus. 127 00:05:57,329 --> 00:05:59,328 Frankly, I'm just sick of hearing about it. 128 00:05:59,329 --> 00:06:00,328 Great. We got it. 129 00:06:00,329 --> 00:06:03,329 Going once, going twice, sold, to me! The anus is mine! 130 00:06:03,923 --> 00:06:08,328 - Okay. - Do we have to do this every time? 131 00:06:08,329 --> 00:06:10,328 Da-da-da-da! 132 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:13,328 Okay. Great Spirit, I will... 133 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:19,328 Great Spirit, I will take the anus. And I will do... 134 00:06:19,329 --> 00:06:22,328 nothing with the anus. 135 00:06:22,329 --> 00:06:24,738 - Great Spirit... - Okay, I have to get going. 136 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,828 - You gotta [bleep] be kidding me. - Looks like you guys have 137 00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:27,328 this all figured out. Bye! 138 00:06:29,329 --> 00:06:31,904 - Oh, by the way, if you need me... - We won't! 139 00:06:31,915 --> 00:06:34,201 If you do, I'll be in my teepee, 140 00:06:34,272 --> 00:06:37,328 with the buffalo anus, of course, doing... nothing. 141 00:06:37,329 --> 00:06:42,328 Whole lot of nothing. Knock first, just in case. 142 00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:49,310 Mmm, that meal was so good. 143 00:06:49,311 --> 00:06:52,810 This place has authentic Cantonese cuisine. 144 00:06:52,811 --> 00:06:53,810 Oh, it must be authentic. 145 00:06:53,811 --> 00:06:55,810 The fortune cookies are written in Chinese. 146 00:06:55,811 --> 00:06:57,810 Ed, can you read Chinese? 147 00:06:57,811 --> 00:07:01,810 I'm Korean, and I was born in Detroit. 148 00:07:01,811 --> 00:07:06,810 Oh. Oh, I didn't... I didn't realize. 149 00:07:10,811 --> 00:07:12,811 I'm so sorry! 150 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:19,811 Well, this is just terribly offensive. 151 00:07:19,854 --> 00:07:22,937 _ 152 00:07:29,811 --> 00:07:31,810 Damn it, we're out of leads! 153 00:07:31,811 --> 00:07:33,810 I know, man, all we found on his person 154 00:07:33,811 --> 00:07:36,810 was some gummy bears wrapped in a wet wipe, 155 00:07:36,811 --> 00:07:39,810 this list of enemies, and this receipt for a snow cone, 156 00:07:39,811 --> 00:07:44,579 - but the tip is calculated wrong. - It just doesn't add up! 157 00:07:44,811 --> 00:07:47,810 - Hello, TripTank. - It's TripTank? 158 00:07:47,811 --> 00:07:50,541 C-Come on, this is the best show in the world. 159 00:07:50,811 --> 00:07:51,810 - Oh, wow, thanks. - No, no, no, no, no. 160 00:07:51,811 --> 00:07:54,921 Your show is so good, man. 161 00:07:54,956 --> 00:07:58,646 I-It's like my favorite, and it doesn't suck at all. 162 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,810 Wow, that's great. That's really nice to hear. 163 00:08:00,811 --> 00:08:03,810 I love it. I just, I love... 164 00:08:03,811 --> 00:08:08,424 I love it so much, because TripTank is just so wonderful, 165 00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:09,810 and it's just a great privilege 166 00:08:09,811 --> 00:08:11,810 to be able to talk to you stupid assholes. 167 00:08:11,811 --> 00:08:15,565 - Uh, what? - Eat a dick, you suck! 168 00:08:15,611 --> 00:08:16,811 God damn it! 169 00:08:19,811 --> 00:08:23,810 Thank you for rescuing me, beautiful teenage lifeguard. 170 00:08:23,811 --> 00:08:24,810 I didn't rescue you. 171 00:08:24,811 --> 00:08:26,810 You guys fell into the lazy river blind spot. 172 00:08:26,811 --> 00:08:29,490 - We never even saw you. - How are we still alive? 173 00:08:29,525 --> 00:08:31,810 That man over there. He saved your life, mon. 174 00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:33,534 He saved all your lives, mon. 175 00:08:33,569 --> 00:08:36,229 I love you, Dad! You're my hero! 176 00:08:36,811 --> 00:08:40,810 No, Donnie, the real hero is situational awareness 177 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:43,810 - and our old friend sunscreen. - Gary saved our lives? 178 00:08:43,811 --> 00:08:45,810 No! 179 00:08:45,811 --> 00:08:47,810 Wow, that was unexpected. 180 00:08:47,811 --> 00:08:49,810 I can't wait to see how the guys get Gary back for this. 181 00:08:49,811 --> 00:08:52,810 Just shut up and pass the ganja, ya ol' white devil. 182 00:08:52,811 --> 00:08:56,810 ♪ Suck it, Gary ♪ 183 00:08:56,811 --> 00:09:00,811 Hello, little man. It's time to dream. 184 00:09:00,812 --> 00:09:02,810 _ 185 00:09:02,811 --> 00:09:04,810 You are finally an athlete, 186 00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:08,810 the star quarterback on the football team... 187 00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:10,810 And you are about to throw the biggest pass of your life. 188 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:11,811 "Hut-hut," you say. 189 00:09:12,811 --> 00:09:15,044 And as you reach down to grab the football, 190 00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:18,810 you realize that your father, the man you admire the most, 191 00:09:18,811 --> 00:09:20,810 is the center, hiking you the ball. 192 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,810 But he doesn't have a ball in his hand. 193 00:09:23,811 --> 00:09:26,811 He only has his balls in his hand. 194 00:09:27,811 --> 00:09:29,810 And he slowly passes them back to you through his legs, 195 00:09:29,811 --> 00:09:33,070 and as you reach to grab them... Aww. 196 00:09:33,411 --> 00:09:35,810 Girl, how many times I tell you not to bother me at work? 197 00:09:36,811 --> 00:09:38,810 Girl, let a dream wizard do his thing! 198 00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:39,810 - Oh, my God, that's... - Shh! 199 00:09:39,811 --> 00:09:41,810 I was at the best part! 200 00:09:41,811 --> 00:09:43,810 I was about to tell him that Wesley Snipes 201 00:09:43,811 --> 00:09:45,810 is gonna kill him in his sleep. 202 00:09:45,811 --> 00:09:46,811 Go to sleep, now. 203 00:09:55,003 --> 00:09:57,810 ♪ Three aliens came from the sky ♪ 204 00:09:57,811 --> 00:09:58,810 ♪ The galactic council sent them ♪ 205 00:09:58,811 --> 00:10:00,810 ♪ And here's the reason why ♪ 206 00:10:00,811 --> 00:10:02,810 ♪ Their mission is to study ♪ 207 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,810 ♪ Earth's most average guy ♪ 208 00:10:04,811 --> 00:10:06,810 ♪ To see if humans are worth saving ♪ 209 00:10:06,811 --> 00:10:08,811 ♪ Or if everyone has to die ♪ 210 00:10:09,811 --> 00:10:11,810 Wait, what? 211 00:10:13,811 --> 00:10:15,810 - And then she bailed on me this weekend! - She did? 212 00:10:15,811 --> 00:10:18,810 She's flakier than, like, a piece of baklava. 213 00:10:18,811 --> 00:10:20,810 Oh, shut up, shut up! 214 00:10:20,811 --> 00:10:23,810 No way everything she's saying is that funny! 215 00:10:23,811 --> 00:10:25,810 But yeah, I'd love to come. Who are we seeing? 216 00:10:25,811 --> 00:10:27,810 John Mayer. 217 00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:31,810 Oh, well, as long as we're going together. 218 00:10:31,811 --> 00:10:34,810 ♪ I want to run through the halls of my high school ♪ 219 00:10:34,811 --> 00:10:36,810 All right, that's it! 220 00:10:41,811 --> 00:10:44,917 ...not making any sound out of my mouth! Okay, I...oh. Oh, my God. 221 00:10:44,952 --> 00:10:45,810 Now there's sound! What's going on? 222 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,810 This thing's pretty cool, huh? Check it out. Sound... 223 00:10:48,811 --> 00:10:50,810 - Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop doing... - No sound. 224 00:10:54,811 --> 00:10:55,810 - Sound. - Come on. 225 00:10:55,811 --> 00:10:57,894 - That's not something... - No s... 226 00:10:57,929 --> 00:11:01,490 Delta five... 227 00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:03,854 - Sound! - You better stop it right now, 228 00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:04,810 or I swear to God, I'm gonna... 229 00:11:04,811 --> 00:11:07,810 stup...[bleep] moron... 230 00:11:35,811 --> 00:11:36,810 - God damn it! - Oh, wow! 231 00:11:36,811 --> 00:11:38,810 This thing right here is insanely dangerous, 232 00:11:38,811 --> 00:11:43,810 and nobody should ever use it again, under any circumstances. 233 00:11:43,811 --> 00:11:46,460 Next up, I'm just gonna noodle and jam 234 00:11:46,811 --> 00:11:48,811 - for 15 minutes! - Whoo! 235 00:11:49,811 --> 00:11:51,810 And... 236 00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:58,810 Yes! 237 00:11:58,811 --> 00:12:02,810 - Hello, this is TripTank. - I'm the killer. 238 00:12:02,811 --> 00:12:04,810 I'm the one you've been looking for. 239 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:05,810 I killed that guy on the beach. 240 00:12:05,811 --> 00:12:07,810 Guys, I've got the killer on the phone. 241 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,566 - I've got him on the phone! - If you want the killing to stop, 242 00:12:10,601 --> 00:12:12,810 you must do exactly what I say. 243 00:12:12,811 --> 00:12:15,810 - What are your demands, damn it? - Eat a dick! You suck! 244 00:12:15,811 --> 00:12:16,810 Damn it, Steve. 245 00:12:16,811 --> 00:12:18,919 Another lead go cold on you there, brother? 246 00:12:18,954 --> 00:12:21,810 Yeah, that guy's burned me, like, three times now. 247 00:12:21,811 --> 00:12:24,810 Oh, yeah, well, come get a load of this mess. 248 00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,810 His blood work came back negative for barbiturates, 249 00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:28,810 lyme disease, and semen, so I cut his chest open. 250 00:12:28,811 --> 00:12:31,810 - What'd you find? - That it's super gross in there. 251 00:12:31,811 --> 00:12:33,810 What's all that chunky gravy by his liver? 252 00:12:33,811 --> 00:12:35,810 - The rest of his liver. - Oh, and these? 253 00:12:35,811 --> 00:12:36,810 My watch and my car keys. 254 00:12:36,811 --> 00:12:40,810 Then I guess it's time we hit the road. 255 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,303 So... I guess we'd be dead if Gary didn't... 256 00:12:53,304 --> 00:12:54,303 I don't want to talk about it. 257 00:12:54,304 --> 00:12:57,303 He must have, uh, given us mouth-to... 258 00:12:57,304 --> 00:12:59,304 I don't want to talk about it! 259 00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:03,303 Wait, I just got a totally original prank idea. 260 00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,304 Matt, back to the park. 261 00:13:07,097 --> 00:13:09,303 I know we parked around here somewhere. 262 00:13:09,304 --> 00:13:11,303 Now, see, I can hear it, 263 00:13:11,304 --> 00:13:12,303 but what direction is that coming from? 264 00:13:12,304 --> 00:13:14,304 Suck it, suck it, suck it! 265 00:13:15,304 --> 00:13:17,092 - Suck it, Gary! Whoo! - Suck it, suck it, suck it! 266 00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:19,671 Ha ha, yeah! Suck it, Dad! Whoo! 267 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,553 What? Donnie! 268 00:13:21,792 --> 00:13:24,303 Well, the guys are back on top. 269 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,303 - Triple moon's pretty awesome. - I'm really glad we follow 270 00:13:27,304 --> 00:13:28,795 these guys around all day. 271 00:13:28,816 --> 00:13:31,332 Yeah, well, I'd be glad if you'd stop bogarting that sticky-icky! 272 00:13:31,423 --> 00:13:34,558 ♪ Suck it, Gary 273 00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:49,814 "Did you call the plumbers?" 274 00:14:09,814 --> 00:14:12,814 I'm so sorry, everyone! 275 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,770 _ 276 00:14:22,814 --> 00:14:24,813 If this perp makes it to the border, it's sayonara, Kemo Sabe! 277 00:14:24,814 --> 00:14:28,813 Buckle up, partner. It's gonna be a bumpy ride. 278 00:14:28,814 --> 00:14:30,573 Here we go. 279 00:14:31,664 --> 00:14:33,663 Car 69, we have an incoming call. 280 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,664 Go ahead and patch 'em in. Hello, this is TripTank. 281 00:14:36,664 --> 00:14:39,663 Man, let's just [bleep] hang, dude. I mean, let's just hang. 282 00:14:39,664 --> 00:14:41,663 Now's not a good time for me, Kegz. 283 00:14:41,664 --> 00:14:44,663 It's my old college roommate, Kegz. I think he's drunk. 284 00:14:44,664 --> 00:14:46,663 Like, you're so [bleep] important to me, bro. 285 00:14:46,664 --> 00:14:49,663 - Do you... Do you realize that? - Yes, Kegz. No, I realize that. 286 00:14:49,664 --> 00:14:50,663 I'm... I'm just kind of in the middle of something 287 00:14:50,664 --> 00:14:53,663 - right now, man. - Only we know what we're about. 288 00:14:53,664 --> 00:14:54,663 Bros know what we're about. 289 00:14:54,664 --> 00:14:56,712 And we go out there, and we take it. 290 00:14:56,747 --> 00:14:59,663 And we just leave it all out there, bro. You... You and me... 291 00:14:59,664 --> 00:15:03,663 - Kegz, can we please talk about this later? - Get him off the phone, man! 292 00:15:03,664 --> 00:15:07,663 It doesn't matter what they say about nothing, bro. 293 00:15:07,664 --> 00:15:10,663 You understand that? It's our time! 294 00:15:10,664 --> 00:15:11,663 This is our time, right here. 295 00:15:11,664 --> 00:15:13,663 Yes, it's our time, Kegz. It's our time. 296 00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,663 I've gotta go. I've gotta go, okay? 297 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,663 Whoo, yeah, let's [bleep] do this! 298 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:32,303 So this is the new "vibrator." 299 00:15:32,304 --> 00:15:34,835 Uh, unfortunately, I've lost the instructions, 300 00:15:34,948 --> 00:15:37,724 so we'll just have to... figure it out. 301 00:15:37,788 --> 00:15:41,303 - Is it working? - Um, maybe you could just try... 302 00:15:41,304 --> 00:15:44,303 I'm a doctor, for God's sake! I know what I'm doing. 303 00:15:44,304 --> 00:15:48,303 - It's... here, right? - No. 304 00:15:48,304 --> 00:15:49,303 - How about that? - No. 305 00:15:49,304 --> 00:15:51,303 - How about that? - No. 306 00:15:51,304 --> 00:15:52,951 Aha! 307 00:15:53,304 --> 00:15:57,303 You're feeling it hard now, aren't you, you little jezebel? 308 00:15:57,304 --> 00:16:00,303 - I want a divorce. - Damn it! 309 00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:03,780 _ 310 00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:07,303 Wow, $100? 311 00:16:07,304 --> 00:16:09,304 Do you know how many hot dogs we could buy with that, Jen? 312 00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:14,303 - Also, we'd be like freedom heroes. - Uh, yeah, Jen, freedom heroes 313 00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:17,303 with hunks and, like, a hundred hot dogs. 314 00:16:17,304 --> 00:16:19,303 Let's go catch a turrist. 315 00:16:24,304 --> 00:16:26,303 Manny's pretty brown. Maybe he's a turrist. 316 00:16:26,304 --> 00:16:28,803 I don't know, he's not, like, wearing a turban, and I'm also 317 00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:31,303 pretty sure terrorists don't wear Jesus metal throat ropes. 318 00:16:31,304 --> 00:16:34,303 - Um, you mean a necklace? - Whatever. 319 00:16:34,304 --> 00:16:37,303 Hey, what's up, Beth? I made your favorite churro: 320 00:16:37,304 --> 00:16:40,303 butter, gummi bears, sour cream, curry, 321 00:16:40,304 --> 00:16:41,811 and hot dog flakes! Ah! Ah! 322 00:16:41,846 --> 00:16:45,303 - Go on a date with me later? - Ew, no, you've asked me, like, 323 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,303 a million times, and a million times I'm gonna tell you I'm 324 00:16:47,304 --> 00:16:49,303 already committed to marrying a hunk, in this order of hunkness: 325 00:16:49,304 --> 00:16:52,307 Benedict Cumberbetch, Brad Pett, and Tom Breddy! 326 00:16:52,342 --> 00:16:54,304 Now give me my churro! 327 00:16:57,304 --> 00:17:00,303 Er. Mah. Gerd. 328 00:17:00,304 --> 00:17:03,303 Excuse me, you're under citizen's arrest for terrorism. 329 00:17:03,304 --> 00:17:05,303 God, you weren't even trying to hide it. 330 00:17:05,304 --> 00:17:08,303 How could you guys not tell this guy's a turrist?! 331 00:17:08,304 --> 00:17:13,288 I am a Sikh. I am a man of peace and cell phone accessories. 332 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,303 Yeah... Okay. 333 00:17:15,304 --> 00:17:17,303 So I'm just gonna go ahead and knock you out 334 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:18,303 for America and collect my hot dog money. 335 00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,103 Don't! 336 00:17:20,304 --> 00:17:21,303 Don't! 337 00:17:21,304 --> 00:17:24,303 Don't! Security, help! 338 00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:25,303 You think security's going to help terrorists? 339 00:17:25,304 --> 00:17:28,303 - Beth! - Oh, my God, what do you want? 340 00:17:28,304 --> 00:17:30,303 Can't you see I'm busy doing freedom stuff? 341 00:17:30,304 --> 00:17:32,303 You've rejected me for the last time! 342 00:17:32,304 --> 00:17:36,189 If you don't go to a date with me, no one can! 343 00:17:36,303 --> 00:17:38,303 - Ermagerd! - A turrist! 344 00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:44,303 He's got a bomb! 345 00:17:46,304 --> 00:17:48,303 Ow, it wasn't a real bomb! 346 00:17:48,304 --> 00:17:52,303 It was just a bunch of hot dogs and a Tamagotchi. 347 00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:55,303 Uh, okay, that's exactly what a terrorist would say. 348 00:17:55,304 --> 00:17:56,303 Uh, hey, America, you're welcome. 349 00:17:56,304 --> 00:18:00,303 I caught the turrist. Where's my $100? 350 00:18:00,304 --> 00:18:03,377 Beth, please don't turn me to a life of terrorism. 351 00:18:03,412 --> 00:18:07,719 Just go on one date with me. I'm a pretty cool dude. 352 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:11,303 Ugh, fine, Manny. I'll go on a date with you. 353 00:18:11,304 --> 00:18:13,303 You just have to give me all those hot dogs. 354 00:18:13,304 --> 00:18:15,303 I wanna eat 'em. I'm starving! 355 00:18:15,304 --> 00:18:16,303 Mmm! Mmm! 356 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:19,303 Oh! Oh! 357 00:18:19,304 --> 00:18:21,303 Oh, ma gerd! I'm blind! 358 00:18:21,304 --> 00:18:24,303 I'm blind! Hot dog in my eye! 359 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,911 I'm blind! The date is off. 360 00:18:48,917 --> 00:18:52,916 Uh, it's just that your profile said, 361 00:18:52,917 --> 00:18:55,877 "Mythical equine, loves to travel." 362 00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:59,916 - I do love to travel. - But... 363 00:18:59,917 --> 00:19:03,916 There are other mythical horses besides unicorns. 364 00:19:03,917 --> 00:19:08,297 I know. I swear, one of my best friends is a centaur. 365 00:19:08,332 --> 00:19:10,916 Oh, good, that's great. I guess you can't be a bigot 366 00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:14,139 since you're friends with a half horse. 367 00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:14,916 I didn't know I was having dinner with Gandhi. 368 00:19:14,917 --> 00:19:18,916 - That's not really what this is... - The horn doesn't even do anything! 369 00:19:18,917 --> 00:19:22,916 It's just a phallic ornament! I've got wings. 370 00:19:22,917 --> 00:19:25,916 You know what they do? They make me fly! 371 00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:27,916 And anyone who's sitting on me flies! 372 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:30,916 What do... what happens when you sit on a unicorn? 373 00:19:30,917 --> 00:19:33,916 Your... Your view is blocked by a [bleep] horn! 374 00:19:33,917 --> 00:19:36,916 I'd like to go home now. 375 00:19:38,917 --> 00:19:41,916 You know what? I deserve that. 376 00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:46,768 - Let me... Let me fly you home. - Really? 377 00:19:46,803 --> 00:19:48,916 No! No, I'm not gonna fly you home! 378 00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:52,916 I am not gonna majestically swoop above the clouds 379 00:19:52,917 --> 00:19:55,916 and silhouette us in the goddamn glowing crescent moon! 380 00:19:55,917 --> 00:19:57,916 You could've looked like the design 381 00:19:57,917 --> 00:20:01,916 on the side of a stoner's van, and you blew it. 382 00:20:01,917 --> 00:20:05,916 - This is why I only date unicorns. - Is this what you want? Huh? 383 00:20:05,917 --> 00:20:11,916 Are you not turned on? I'm a unicorn whose horn gives pepper! 384 00:20:11,917 --> 00:20:13,916 Answer my magical questions, 385 00:20:13,917 --> 00:20:17,916 and I'll lead you to a big pot of golden [bleep] you! 386 00:20:22,647 --> 00:20:26,386 - You're going straight to jail, Ashley. - How'd you know it was me? 387 00:20:26,647 --> 00:20:28,667 Well, Ashley, you're the only one on the force 388 00:20:28,702 --> 00:20:30,479 with an unhealthy lust for snow cones 389 00:20:30,536 --> 00:20:34,646 - and a Bulgari watch lower-back tattoo. - Get her out of my sight. 390 00:20:34,647 --> 00:20:37,646 - You make me sick! Pigs! - Get her outta here! 391 00:20:37,647 --> 00:20:39,646 - Get off me! How dare you? - I bet she has a real tough time... 392 00:20:39,647 --> 00:20:41,413 - Don't you touch me! - In prison. 393 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:45,310 Yeah, she's really gonna have to watch her back. 394 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,646 Yes! 395 00:20:46,647 --> 00:20:49,646 - Hello, TripTank. - Eat a dick! You suck! 396 00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:51,647 Probably should have seen that coming. 397 00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:55,696 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~