1
00:00:00,443 --> 00:00:05,769
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:12,438 --> 00:00:16,173
Hmm. Let's see what else the cards say.
3
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:24,749
This card means you're a man.
4
00:00:24,750 --> 00:00:25,984
Okay.
5
00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:27,919
(LAUGHS) No, I'm kidding.
6
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,221
It means you're nice.
7
00:00:29,222 --> 00:00:32,090
I'm learning truth about myself.
8
00:00:32,091 --> 00:00:33,592
(LAUGHS)
9
00:00:33,593 --> 00:00:36,561
Hey, Dad, what if I called you "Papa"?
10
00:00:36,562 --> 00:00:37,895
"I love the sea, Papa!"
11
00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:40,966
How are your card fingers feeling?
12
00:00:40,967 --> 00:00:43,468
That's a weird thing to say, Papa.
13
00:00:43,469 --> 00:00:45,936
Have you seen cards like... this?!
14
00:00:47,693 --> 00:00:48,860
What?
15
00:00:48,861 --> 00:00:50,995
No! Not today!
16
00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:53,298
No Card Wars!
17
00:00:53,299 --> 00:00:55,100
(SPLASH)
18
00:00:55,101 --> 00:00:56,935
She sunk like a stone!
19
00:00:56,936 --> 00:00:58,135
(GROANS)
20
00:01:00,907 --> 00:01:02,741
Ah, there's no time to go back!
21
00:01:02,742 --> 00:01:04,309
The tourney starts in an hour!
22
00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:05,977
BMO is always fine.
23
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:07,111
I don't understand.
24
00:01:08,948 --> 00:01:12,851
Card Wars... the great and
venerable game of old.
25
00:01:12,852 --> 00:01:16,755
It is the king and queen
of tabletop games.
26
00:01:16,756 --> 00:01:20,358
It combines the mechanics
of simulated combat,
27
00:01:20,359 --> 00:01:21,893
hand management,
28
00:01:21,894 --> 00:01:23,728
commodity speculation,
29
00:01:23,729 --> 00:01:25,096
worker placement,
30
00:01:25,097 --> 00:01:26,932
blind auctioning,
31
00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:29,234
and set collection.
32
00:01:29,235 --> 00:01:31,903
Battle happens in one
of four combat lanes,
33
00:01:31,904 --> 00:01:35,874
each deriving its power from one
of the 16 themed elements...
34
00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:38,844
Corn, wheat, blue, crystals,
35
00:01:38,845 --> 00:01:44,316
(WAVES ROARING) acumen, torpor, frozen
lakes, lizard holes, learning...
36
00:01:44,317 --> 00:01:47,051
(WAVES RUMBLING)
37
00:02:03,503 --> 00:02:04,970
(YAWNS LOUDLY)
38
00:02:04,971 --> 00:02:06,271
That's too many rules.
39
00:02:06,272 --> 00:02:08,373
I don't do cards to follow rules.
40
00:02:08,374 --> 00:02:10,742
But you could be so good!
41
00:02:10,743 --> 00:02:12,277
Daddy's pro-tege!
42
00:02:12,278 --> 00:02:15,013
Of course I'd be good at
it, but I'm not into it.
43
00:02:15,014 --> 00:02:17,349
Look, I lost track of how old I am.
44
00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:20,118
Maybe I'm almost 40. I don't know.
45
00:02:20,119 --> 00:02:22,387
I at least need to unpack my last decade
46
00:02:22,388 --> 00:02:25,023
before embarking on my next decade.
47
00:02:25,024 --> 00:02:27,359
I've got to win and be dignified.
48
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,462
20s are for regretting, 30s
are for being dignified,
49
00:02:30,463 --> 00:02:33,798
and 40s are older than
I ever want to be.
50
00:02:33,799 --> 00:02:35,000
Hmm.
51
00:02:35,001 --> 00:02:36,501
O... kay.
52
00:02:36,502 --> 00:02:38,970
You give me one of your...
53
00:02:38,971 --> 00:02:41,506
bones...
54
00:02:41,507 --> 00:02:45,442
and I'll play one of your games.
55
00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:01,325
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) (GROANS)
56
00:03:10,469 --> 00:03:12,102
I activate the Barrel.
57
00:03:13,172 --> 00:03:15,106
I floop the Cooper.
58
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:17,042
- Mmmwah!
- Mmmwah!
59
00:03:17,043 --> 00:03:18,442
Cute!
60
00:03:21,147 --> 00:03:25,550
Welcome, Charlie, to the 59th
Card Wars Doubles Classic!
61
00:03:25,551 --> 00:03:28,386
That's Todd and Jennings signing in.
62
00:03:28,387 --> 00:03:31,189
And over there, Benton and Mike R.
63
00:03:31,190 --> 00:03:33,959
Luke and Captain Majesty.
64
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,394
Mr. Outrageous and Mr. International.
65
00:03:36,395 --> 00:03:38,263
Who's that, Papa?
66
00:03:38,264 --> 00:03:41,466
That's... uh... the reigning champs.
67
00:03:41,467 --> 00:03:42,567
Jake?
68
00:03:42,568 --> 00:03:44,836
(WAVES BUILD)
69
00:03:44,837 --> 00:03:46,237
Grand Prix.
70
00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:48,073
Man, I thought you swore
off tourney play...
71
00:03:48,074 --> 00:03:49,908
Like, angrily swore it off.
72
00:03:49,909 --> 00:03:50,942
(CLEARS THROAT)
73
00:03:50,943 --> 00:03:51,943
Oh. Uh, pardon.
74
00:03:51,944 --> 00:03:52,944
Hello, Jake.
75
00:03:52,945 --> 00:03:54,813
Is that you, Moniker?
76
00:03:54,814 --> 00:03:55,880
How are you?
77
00:03:55,881 --> 00:03:57,415
- We've been just grea...
- Her?
78
00:03:57,416 --> 00:04:01,252
Oh, this is my daughter/
Card Wars partner, Charlie!
79
00:04:01,253 --> 00:04:02,253
'Sup?
80
00:04:02,254 --> 00:04:03,588
That's fantastic, Jake.
81
00:04:03,589 --> 00:04:05,190
You always wanted kids.
82
00:04:05,191 --> 00:04:07,359
Well, she's a chip off
the old block, I'll bet.
83
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,089
Us, we're running the local
after-school C.W. program...
84
00:04:10,091 --> 00:04:11,864
Just like where you and me first met.
85
00:04:11,866 --> 00:04:12,441
(WAVES RUMBLING)
86
00:04:12,443 --> 00:04:14,399
Most days, we're busy running
the screen-printing shop,
87
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,568
but, uh, we still make
time for the tourney...
88
00:04:16,569 --> 00:04:18,637
- (RUMBLING FADES)
- just for fun, you know.
89
00:04:18,638 --> 00:04:21,006
Yes! We're all here to have fun!
90
00:04:21,007 --> 00:04:22,440
Well, got to sign in.
91
00:04:22,441 --> 00:04:23,441
Come, Charlie!
92
00:04:23,442 --> 00:04:24,643
Nice meeting you.
93
00:04:24,644 --> 00:04:26,511
That's your ex, huh?
94
00:04:26,512 --> 00:04:27,545
What?
95
00:04:27,546 --> 00:04:28,476
Nothing.
96
00:04:28,478 --> 00:04:30,143
You've definitely got a type.
97
00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,378
(LAUGHS)
98
00:04:32,379 --> 00:04:33,947
ANNOUNCER: Round 1!
99
00:04:33,948 --> 00:04:36,916
Jake and Charlie...
A.K.A. Team Dignified...
100
00:04:36,917 --> 00:04:39,118
Versus Reggie and Pete the punk.
101
00:04:39,119 --> 00:04:41,221
Ohhhh! Blah, blah, blah!
102
00:04:41,222 --> 00:04:44,289
Commence Card Wars!
103
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,997
I floop the Hay Barn, and
I attack with Feed Man!
104
00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:53,700
ANNOUNCER: A solid move
from the veteran Jake.
105
00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:56,002
I cast Bean Ball Bomba.
106
00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:58,371
Bean Ball!
107
00:04:58,372 --> 00:05:00,406
Bean Ball?!
108
00:05:00,407 --> 00:05:03,276
Feed Man's power source is gone!
109
00:05:03,277 --> 00:05:05,044
No, no, no!
110
00:05:05,045 --> 00:05:07,180
No... big deal.
111
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,348
(INHALES SHARPLY)
112
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,749
Your turn, sweetie.
113
00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:10,850
Okay.
114
00:05:10,851 --> 00:05:12,819
I'll play...
115
00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:14,921
this one.
116
00:05:14,922 --> 00:05:16,222
(BEEP)
117
00:05:16,223 --> 00:05:17,724
(CHUCKLES) "Floop."
118
00:05:17,725 --> 00:05:20,426
(WHIRRRRR!)
119
00:05:20,427 --> 00:05:23,162
Granary Weevil... on your first draw?!
120
00:05:23,163 --> 00:05:24,297
Unprecedented.
121
00:05:24,298 --> 00:05:26,933
And combined with a downed Feed Man,
122
00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:28,334
that means...
123
00:05:28,335 --> 00:05:30,803
ANNOUNCER: He's right...
It's Infinite Haymaker!
124
00:05:30,804 --> 00:05:32,171
That's game!
125
00:05:32,172 --> 00:05:34,040
A stunning move from
the newcomer Charlie.
126
00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:35,708
She's a real pro-tege.
127
00:05:35,709 --> 00:05:36,776
We win!
128
00:05:36,777 --> 00:05:38,978
Whoo! (LAUGHS) (LAUGHING)
129
00:05:38,979 --> 00:05:40,346
Yeah, I'm out.
130
00:05:40,347 --> 00:05:41,214
What?!
131
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,316
One bone, one game.
132
00:05:43,317 --> 00:05:45,885
But I'm not done burying my 20s.
133
00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:47,753
Do you want more bones? Is that it?!
134
00:05:50,257 --> 00:05:52,058
Nah. I only need one.
135
00:05:52,059 --> 00:05:53,860
Catch ya on the flip, Papa.
136
00:05:53,861 --> 00:05:54,894
(SQUISH!)
137
00:05:54,895 --> 00:05:56,262
(RATTLE!)
138
00:05:56,263 --> 00:05:58,163
Announcer: Round 2
starts in five minutes.
139
00:06:03,437 --> 00:06:04,871
Still dignified.
140
00:06:04,872 --> 00:06:06,005
Psst.
141
00:06:06,006 --> 00:06:07,473
Lost your partner, huh?
142
00:06:07,474 --> 00:06:09,375
Hey, don't worry... we won't tattle.
143
00:06:09,376 --> 00:06:11,044
(TING!)
144
00:06:11,045 --> 00:06:14,247
I will crush you, Grand Prix.
145
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,348
(WIND WHISTLING)
146
00:06:30,297 --> 00:06:32,130
I'm home!
147
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,800
Hey, you two been kissing?
148
00:06:37,838 --> 00:06:38,905
What-what?!
149
00:06:38,906 --> 00:06:40,172
(CREAK!)
150
00:06:41,976 --> 00:06:43,810
Me hungy.
151
00:06:43,811 --> 00:06:45,010
Gomp!
152
00:06:49,249 --> 00:06:51,450
All y'all keep quiet! Charlie's flexin'!
153
00:06:52,553 --> 00:06:54,020
Let's see.
154
00:06:54,021 --> 00:06:55,989
Finally, I've got the hair of the mother
155
00:06:55,990 --> 00:06:57,557
and a bone of the father.
156
00:06:57,558 --> 00:07:00,927
Time to do a rare turbo-boosted
personal reading.
157
00:07:00,928 --> 00:07:02,861
Self-care mega-blow.
158
00:07:04,498 --> 00:07:06,065
Announcer: It's the semi-final round,
159
00:07:06,066 --> 00:07:08,968
and Mr. Outrageous has
Jake on the ropes.
160
00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:12,338
JAKE: (THINKING) I can still play
my Ultra Dog and force a draw.
161
00:07:12,339 --> 00:07:14,073
And while technically a legal move,
162
00:07:14,074 --> 00:07:15,475
it's considered a low-class maneuver
163
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:16,976
this late in the tourney.
164
00:07:16,977 --> 00:07:18,077
(GROANS)
165
00:07:18,078 --> 00:07:19,111
Jake.
166
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,180
Do it!
167
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,619
I play... Ultra Dog!
168
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,421
Announcer: A shocking move!
169
00:07:28,422 --> 00:07:32,125
Ultra Dog attacks the Tilled
Field with "Cold Nose"!
170
00:07:32,126 --> 00:07:34,227
Which means... cat's game!
171
00:07:34,228 --> 00:07:35,995
But by tourney rules,
172
00:07:35,996 --> 00:07:39,132
the slight point lead gives
the win to Team Dignified!
173
00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:42,869
They advance to the finals
versus Grand Prix and Moniker.
174
00:07:42,870 --> 00:07:44,603
Just a garbage, garbage win.
175
00:07:45,973 --> 00:07:47,940
(CHUCKLES EVILLY)
176
00:07:47,941 --> 00:07:49,609
(GASPS) What am I doing?!
177
00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:53,879
(WAVES RUMBLING)
178
00:07:56,483 --> 00:07:58,351
(CARDS SHUFFLE)
179
00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:01,454
All right. The deck is ripe.
180
00:08:01,455 --> 00:08:03,188
Let's see what the cards say.
181
00:08:09,263 --> 00:08:11,197
Dad! Why are you here?
182
00:08:11,198 --> 00:08:12,631
This one's about me!
183
00:08:15,936 --> 00:08:18,271
(GROANING)
184
00:08:18,272 --> 00:08:21,073
That's too much sandwich!
You got to chew!
185
00:08:25,045 --> 00:08:26,345
Gah!
186
00:08:26,346 --> 00:08:28,281
Is this my 20s?
187
00:08:28,282 --> 00:08:29,549
Dad was right.
188
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,584
I've got to fix these "faults of youth."
189
00:08:38,592 --> 00:08:40,093
My 30s?
190
00:08:40,094 --> 00:08:41,460
I look lost.
191
00:08:43,497 --> 00:08:45,064
My 40s.
192
00:08:45,065 --> 00:08:46,532
I'm afraid.
193
00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:48,934
Also, I'm naming you "Gibbon."
194
00:08:50,904 --> 00:08:52,672
My 50s.
195
00:08:52,673 --> 00:08:54,407
Midlife crisis.
196
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,308
Good luck, Gibbon!
197
00:08:58,145 --> 00:08:59,545
My 60s.
198
00:08:59,546 --> 00:09:02,247
I'm unfamiliar with my changing body.
199
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:05,451
My 70s.
200
00:09:05,452 --> 00:09:08,253
I begin to lose people around me.
201
00:09:09,990 --> 00:09:11,424
My 80s.
202
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,191
I'm afraid again.
203
00:09:14,962 --> 00:09:16,496
My 90s.
204
00:09:16,497 --> 00:09:18,463
I'm content and wise!
205
00:09:23,337 --> 00:09:24,670
Yeah!
206
00:09:24,671 --> 00:09:26,272
Wrinkles!
207
00:09:26,273 --> 00:09:27,473
Oh, no!
208
00:09:27,474 --> 00:09:30,143
I've been a total wand to my dad!
209
00:09:30,144 --> 00:09:32,145
I've got to go help him!
210
00:09:32,146 --> 00:09:34,447
Come on, Jakey. pull it together.
211
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:37,116
Blah! Win! Win at all costs!
212
00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:38,751
No! I bury you!
213
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,186
Feel your 20s!
214
00:09:40,187 --> 00:09:41,287
No, no, no!
215
00:09:41,288 --> 00:09:43,256
CHARLIE: Be cool.
216
00:09:43,257 --> 00:09:44,657
Mom?
217
00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:46,459
No, Papa. It's your
90-year-old daughter.
218
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,795
You flake!
219
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,396
Be content.
220
00:09:50,397 --> 00:09:53,299
(SCREAMS)
221
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,300
Whoa!
222
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:56,435
Whoo! Whoo!
223
00:09:56,436 --> 00:09:58,104
Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
224
00:09:58,105 --> 00:09:59,672
(BOTH WHOOPING)
225
00:09:59,673 --> 00:10:00,673
Ka-pow!
226
00:10:00,674 --> 00:10:01,674
Whoop! Yeah!
227
00:10:01,675 --> 00:10:02,775
Whoop! What-what?!
228
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,477
Dignified!
229
00:10:04,478 --> 00:10:06,778
♪
230
00:10:21,595 --> 00:10:23,229
Yeah!
231
00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:27,233
Winners... Grand Prix
and Moniker Des Louise.
232
00:10:27,234 --> 00:10:33,639
(WAVES RUMBLING)
233
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,041
(RUMBLING FADES)
234
00:10:35,042 --> 00:10:37,443
Good game, Grand Prix, Moniker.
235
00:10:37,444 --> 00:10:40,345
♪
236
00:10:41,449 --> 00:10:44,415
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
237
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,091
(CHUCKLES) Okay.