﻿1
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- HI removed and minor corrections by Rapunzel -
-Thanks to chamallow@addic7ed.com-

2
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♪ You got the touch... ♪

3
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So...

4
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Nestonbury, we meet again.

5
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♪ You got the power...

6
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:34,520
♪ Yeah! ♪

7
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♪ You got the touch. ♪

8
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..you think the same freedom applies

9
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,720
to somebody who has an unendurable,
in their judgment, condition?

10
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Would you fuck Paxman?

11
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Repeatedly.

12
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,040
Really?

13
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,320
I thought you liked
cool guys with...tattoos.

14
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Oh, I do... (Oh, thank God.)

15
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..but Paxman is another level.

16
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Mmm. The whole quizmaster vibe,

17
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,920
how he never backs down
when he knows he's right.

18
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And you know he's packing heat.

19
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That's why they give him such a big desk.

20
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You are a lover. Borrow
Cupid's wings and soar with them.

21
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♪ You got the touch

22
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,480
♪ You got the power. ♪

23
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All right, dickheads.

24
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Oh...my...God...

25
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Kent effing Blackwell!

26
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,120
All right, mate - lose
the hard-on. Sorry.

27
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,520
Alison. That's where my sunglasses went!

28
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,200
Nah. Caught these in Brizzle.

29
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That's what we call Bristol, there.

30
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Sarah.

31
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What? OK.

32
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:57,640
Anyway...I'm moving back.

33
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Right, so being a DJ worked out, then?

34
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Yeah, totally fucking worked out.

35
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So much so you've come back home?

36
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Yeah. Wow.

37
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A real live DJ living in Nestonbury.

38
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I know, mate. Get used to it.

39
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Come for the old room back.

40
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Mate, you can stay as long as you like.

41
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Oh, he can, can he?

42
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Er, it's my shop too!

43
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Chill out, Alan Sugar.

44
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I can pay the rent.

45
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Soon as I get my job back at Bird Zone.

46
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Will they have you back, though?

47
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Didn't you give a pelican some acid?

48
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Yeah.

49
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Tried to fuck a buzzard.

50
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♪ Woo! Y'all gon' make me lose my mind

51
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♪ Up in here, up in here

52
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♪ Y'all gon' make me go... ♪

53
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,160
Things are going to be
so epic now Kent's back.

54
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You are such a gimp for him.

55
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No.

56
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He's my oldest friend and
he's always had my back.

57
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Like that time he melted
all your Warhammer figures?

58
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Yeah, to teach me how sad they were.

59
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Look, Kent's all right.

60
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,320
You're just being all Dawson's
Creek about it because you two...

61
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Were fucking pissed and
it didn't mean anything.

62
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OK...

63
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Any change, then?

64
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From a tenner?

65
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:01,920
That's fine.

66
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Mmm...

67
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,600
So what have you chumps been up to?

68
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Still coming here every night and
doing the pub quiz on a Thursday?

69
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,480
No. The...

70
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pub quiz was cancelled because...

71
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a lot of the same
questions started coming up.

72
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Mostly about Nazis.

73
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Even the music round.

74
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And the picture round. And the...

75
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Nazi round.

76
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So, just kicking round the shop, then?

77
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Thought you were going to India? I am.

78
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,840
I'm just saving up.

79
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,880
Obviously doesn't want
to go, then. Obviously.

80
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Yeah, fucking do, actually.
Especially now you're back.

81
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Well, to get my decks I sold pills.

82
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,840
Probably a bit hardcore
for you, though. Yea

83
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No.

84
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No, I'm...I'm well hardcore.
I'd...I'd sell pills.

85
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I just don't know anyone
that could, like, hook me up.

86
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,280
I do. Want me to text my dealer?

87
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,480
No, no, no
- don't worry about it. It's cool...

88
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Brilliant.

89
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Got to through with it now. Yeah.

90
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Sooner the better, mate.

91
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Whoa, whoa, come on, guys.

92
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It's the first time we've all
been together in over a year.

93
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We should celebrate that.

94
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With a proper old-school Neston big one.

95
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♪ Still ain't got my marbles. ♪

96
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,440
Great night. Great night.

97
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Classic Neston.

98
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:17,480
Standard.

99
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,480
♪ Still ain't got my marbles. ♪

100
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,120
Oh, come on, mate. It's
only fucking Bird Zone.

101
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All right, Jason. Bye.

102
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,920
Twat. Got your job back, then?

103
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,440
They want me to come in for an
interview, which is bollocks,

104
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cos I know for a fact that Danny's
got his GCSE mocks coming up,

105
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so they definitely need cover.

106
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,240
Well, they'd be lucky to have you.

107
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Thanks, mate. All right,
Morph. A new needle's going in.

108
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I say new...I got it off eBay
so it might be a bit wonky.

109
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OK. What?

110
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,480
And it's going in your
spine so breathe in - Alison wait...can...

111
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Nyyaaah....

112
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:11,480
'Morpheus...'

113
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'Morpheus...'

114
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'..listen...'

115
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'Morpheus!'

116
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Aargh!

117
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Greetings, Morpheus.

118
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Sean Bean!

119
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,480
No. Not actually Sean Bean.

120
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I am your subconscious mind,

121
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,760
manifesting itself into
the form you trust the most.

122
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Makes sense.

123
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I am your spirit guide.

124
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And I have a gift from the spirit world.

125
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Really?

126
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Come closer.

127
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Don't be shy.

128
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Come closer.

129
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Agh!

130
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,400
What was that?

131
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,280
A wake-up call, lad.

132
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,440
You've been a right donkey
about this Alison lass.

133
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,440
Don't... Don't have feelings for Alison.

134
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,280
So you've never dreamed
about taking her to

135
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,840
the top of the Empire State
building on Valentine's Day,

136
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waiting till everyone's gone
and then losing your virginity

137
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,960
up against the 10 pence telescope?

138
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,840
Hey, I-I lost my virginity when I was 15.

139
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,400
You can't lie to me, lad.

140
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:20,600
I'm in your head, Morpheus.

141
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Yeah, well, you weren't there then,
because I was on my French exchange.

142
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Look, I think we've got
off on the wrong foot.

143
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Take a stump.

144
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,280
Ah... This tattoo you're getting -

145
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what's it even of? It's a...

146
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1:5000 scale map of the land of Westeros.

147
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Why you getting that?

148
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,120
Because I like Game Of Thrones.

149
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,360
Obvs. Well, you're pussyfooting around it,

150
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,160
If you want a shot with this Alison
you've got to be more assertive.

151
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,480
You know? Confident.

152
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Like Paxman.

153
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,440
What is it with everyone and Paxman?

154
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,400
Just something about him.

155
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,000
He never backs down
when he knows he's right.

156
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,680
And you know he's packing heat.

157
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,880
Sean?

158
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,000
Can I call you Ned?

159
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Fuck off.

160
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No...

161
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:17,400
No, wait, Sean...

162
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,160
Sean...

163
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,960
Sean!

164
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,120
SEAN!

165
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,680
Sean!

166
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,440
Oh, shit
- I've written "Sean" now.

167
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♪ Hello my name is Dr Greenthumb ♪ Hello

168
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,160
♪ I'd like to tell you just where I'm from

169
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,520
♪ In the hills... ♪ So...

170
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,360
what's the name of this dealer, anyway?

171
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:37,640
Supplier.

172
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,880
He deals to the dealers.

173
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His shit's so pure

174
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,200
they call him The Holy Man.

175
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,240
OK.

176
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:47,080
And what's the punishment, again,
if you're caught selling pills?

177
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,120
Dunno about the police,

178
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,360
but when my mum caught me
she made me eat all of them.

179
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,200
With her.

180
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,320
At Glastonbury.

181
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,240
You know, I...I might just wait outside.

182
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,200
You know? Keep watch, in case there's a...

183
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,960
raid. You get your shit
together! Yeah, sorry

184
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,760
I am taking a big risk, bringing
you here, so just...be cool.

185
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,200
Be...cool.

186
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:10,200
Got it.

187
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,560
Hi, June.

188
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,080
We're here to see The Holy Man.

189
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,320
He's upstairs.

190
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,560
CHRIS!

191
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:25,560
ALISON'S HERE!

192
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,960
All right... Hiya.

193
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,120
This is Sarah.

194
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,680
What up?

195
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:39,040
Oh...

196
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,240
So you WERE serious about a...

197
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,440
menage a...

198
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,240
..three. No.

199
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:46,560
Well, maybe.

200
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,640
Not now.

201
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:48,800
Huh.

202
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,200
Nice turtle.

203
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,320
Nah.

204
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,000
She's looking to score.

205
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:59,000
Yeah, OK.

206
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,720
It's...

207
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,600
the only place Mum won't look.

208
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:16,640
You not got any pills left?

209
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,920
No, no, we finished them,
didn't we? When we...

210
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,120
At that christening.

211
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,160
Mmm. Mmm.

212
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,920
Oh...

213
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,880
Wasted trip.

214
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,280
Want to smoke a spliff?

215
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,760
Boom.

216
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,240
Boom.

217
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:34,240
Boom.

218
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,960
Erm, wait there.

219
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,200
Got to smoke it out the window

220
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,680
otherwise she'll disconnect my Sky box.

221
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,680
Oh.

222
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,440
So what's the deal with
you two? Are you like...

223
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,480
having sex?

224
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:52,880
I wouldn't call it sex,

225
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,680
but fluids are exchanged.

226
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,720
If you did want to get some pills,

227
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,720
you could always find...

228
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,480
..the stash.

229
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:04,920
What's...

230
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,480
the stash?

231
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,200
Back in the '90s,

232
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:12,200
there was a festival, down
in Cox's Meadow, called...

233
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,640
..Orbital.

234
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,480
No, wait
- Orbital played there.

235
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,480
Festival was called...

236
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,640
The Chemical Brothers.

237
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,440
Anyway, right, there was
this bunch of dealers.

238
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,960
They wanted to knock out
their pills at the festival,

239
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:29,960
but they knew they'd never
get them past security.

240
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,440
So they formed a plan.

241
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,880
One week before the festival,

242
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,120
they went into the middle of Cox's Meadow,

243
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,880
and buried this fat stash of bangers,

244
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,280
right in the middle of the field.

245
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:43,760
The festival...

246
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,160
was built up around them.

247
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,640
They bought their tickets.

248
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,360
Walked straight in.

249
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,200
Planned to dig them up and sell them.

250
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,600
But they never dug them up.

251
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,320
Because they were murdered?

252
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,400
No. Cos they were murdered!

253
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:03,880
What?

254
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,280
Wait, no
- that's what you just said. No...

255
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:10,280
got mangled on some old speed
- forgot they'd done it.

256
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,360
Rumour has it...

257
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,360
they're still buried there...

258
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:27,000
..waiting.

259
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,560
So, let's talk Bird Zone.

260
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,320
Kent, I want to take you back,

261
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,320
but things at Bird Zone
are a bit different now.

262
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,600
You can't just smoke weed
in the staffroom any more.

263
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,600
So it's just like an
outside only thing. No,

264
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,080
you're not allowed to be boxed.

265
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,840
What if you didn't see me get stoned,

266
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,600
and I got deodorant and shit?

267
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,080
I'd have to tell Carol.

268
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,560
What happened to you, man?

269
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:45,840
You're just sucking corporate dick now.

270
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,280
I want to vouch for you, but
after the Pelican thing...

271
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,400
Jason, I didn't know it was
acid. You did though, didn't you?

272
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,840
You told everyone you were
going to do it and you filmed it.

273
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,760
Yeah, because it was fucking funny.

274
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,720
Yeah, it was funny!

275
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,680
So are you going to give me them shifts?

276
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:04,680
I'll have to speak to Carol about it.

277
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,360
Fucking hell. Jason's
turned into a massive shaft.

278
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,320
You're taking the job though,
right? Making him sweat.

279
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,440
Sarah wants a hand with them
pills anyway. What's all this?

280
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,320
I'm resurrecting
Neston's premier pub quiz.

281
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,520
And I want all of you to
come. It is going to be insane.

282
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:24,520
The first letter of every bonus
answer spells out a secret word.

283
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,720
Star Wars?

284
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,920
No.

285
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,760
You know, Alison's not going
to shag you just because you're

286
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,400
doing a pub quiz. What?

287
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,640
Where the hell are you getting that from?

288
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,200
So, you are not doing
this to be like Paxman,

289
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,920
because you know she fancies
Paxman? No, that's gibberish.

290
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:46,920
So, you're just doing a
pub quiz for no reason?

291
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,640
Are they new shoes?

292
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,280
Might be.

293
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,480
For no reason? For no reason!

294
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,480
Come on, you silly sausage. Let's
go dig up some drugs from the past.

295
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,920
♪ Attention, please Attention,
please, motherfuckers. ♪

296
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,560
Can I just say? Digging is shit.

297
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,880
Did the Holy Man give any detail?

298
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,880
He just said they were under a tree.

299
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,680
Oh, for fuck's sake.

300
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,680
Yeah, I know, but it's obviously this one.

301
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,200
Oh, just shut up and keep digging.

302
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,560
It's all right for
you, you've got a spade.

303
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:31,240
I've got this...dwarf whatever that is.

304
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,640
If we swap spades, will you stop bitching?

305
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,480
No, I'd rather keep bitching.
Yeah, guys, it's nearly six.

306
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,480
It's time to wrap this up. Why? Pub quiz.

307
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,840
You said you'd all come and
watch me be the quizmaster.

308
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,000
Yeah, I only said that so
you'd help with the digging.

309
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,120
Alison, you love a quiz, don't you? Er...

310
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,600
I'll have to hurry you. Don't know.

311
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,960
Is it any good? Yes.
Come on, Kent, back me up

312
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,680
Mmm...

313
00:13:56,680 --> 00:14:00,680
So, it's betrayal. You're just
a bunch of Lando Calrissians.

314
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,600
Oh, easy, mate.

315
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,640
I'm going to start walking to the pub.

316
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,120
And you've got a choice -

317
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,640
you can follow me or stay here on

318
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,640
a fool's errand, digging up
defunct bangers from the '90s.

319
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,640
Whatever you think is
the right thing to do.

320
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,400
You're never going to find them!

321
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:50,080
They look gnarly. '90s
pills, mate. Suppose

322
00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,960
Some of them have got mould on them.
What kind of mould grows on Ecstasy?

323
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,520
Fucking trippy mould, mate.

324
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,080
Look, guys, I'm not sure about
this. What if we kill someone?

325
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,400
I don't think I could live
with that on my conscience.

326
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,200
Holy Man says you get over it.

327
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,720
Well, I bet you're fucking chuffed. What?

328
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,720
Well, you can't sell the pills, so
once again you can't go to India.

329
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,280
Come on, Kenty, who's going to buy these?

330
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,240
Mick the Druid?

331
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,880
He probably would, actually.

332
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,680
Came to your senses then? Sorry, what?

333
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:22,800
Oh, my fucking God, pub quiz!

334
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,880
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, totally.

335
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,680
Fuck's sake, a pound in the pot.

336
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,760
Why? You going to strip for us?

337
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,400
ALL: Sorry.

338
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,200
Found them, then? Yeah,
just working out wh

339
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,800
Yeah, because your sister is
being a massive nerd about it.

340
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,440
Fuck off, they're covered in mould.

341
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:42,280
You have no idea what they're
going to do to someone. o

342
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,080
What? If there's mould,
there's water, which

343
00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:47,720
will have leached out and
rendered the tablets totally inert.

344
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,080
What are you saying? Well,
they've been there 20 years.

345
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,080
I mean, they're complex
long chain molecules.

346
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,840
They would have completely denatured.

347
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,680
I mean, it's basic organic chemistry.

348
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,080
Wow, good knowledge.

349
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:01,080
Yeah, well... I know
a lot of facts, Alison.

350
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:05,960
Well, are you sure they won't
work, like, a little bit?

351
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:09,040
Watch. Mate, don't even do that.

352
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,280
Why, they're completely harmless.

353
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,800
Right, that's enough now.
He seems pretty confident.

354
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,800
I'll show you confidence. Here we go.

355
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,880
Bosh. Bosh. Bosh.

356
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,800
Stop taking Ecstasy! Shan't.

357
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,520
Bosh. Mate, stop it. You stop it!

358
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:28,440
Bosh.

359
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:32,440
Bosh! Jesus Christ.
Everyone calm down, yeah?

360
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:35,760
They're not going to
work. I know the science.

361
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,640
I read it on the British
Pharmacological Society website.

362
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,840
And I'll prove it.

363
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,840
Morph, you're not holding your phone.

364
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,080
I know.

365
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,920
It's Chalky.

366
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,920
That's a pint of coins, mate.

367
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:01,040
Got it.

368
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,960
OK, guys, welcome.

369
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,960
My name is Morpheus and I'll
be your quizmaster this evening.

370
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,160
Can I get a glass of
water up here, please?

371
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,760
Now, I appreciate the spirit, but
can we keep the team names clean?

372
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:16,960
As I do have to read them out.

373
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,200
We could just about get
away with "Quiz In My Pants",

374
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,640
but new name, please, for -

375
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,640
"My name's Morpheus and I have a
boner, especially when I look at

376
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,240
Ah!

377
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,960
That's better.

378
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,280
So, let's get started with Round One.

379
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:51,160
Round One.

380
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,360
Sorry, my tongue is hot, hot.

381
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:55,720
Fuck it, Morph.

382
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,720
Uh, I'll just check my notes.

383
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,040
Jeremy Paxman!

384
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,040
Won't be needing those.

385
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,920
I do it from...

386
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,920
Which capital city is Manchester United?

387
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,480
♪ Eezer...

388
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,480
♪ Eezer

389
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,240
♪ Eezer

390
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,880
♪ Eezer...

391
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,440
♪ Eezer Goode, Eezer
Goode. He's Ebeneezer Goode

392
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:32,360
♪ Eezer Goode, Eezer
Goode. He's Ebeneezer Goode

393
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:36,360
♪ Eezer Goode, Eezer Goode.
He's Ebeneezer Goode. ♪

394
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,640
Eezer Goode

395
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,480
Fucking hell.

396
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:48,480
The Great Wall of China is at which wall?

397
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,080
Answer the question, you...

398
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,880
China, China. Yeah.

399
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,400
What is my grandmother's maiden name?

400
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,760
Morpheus.

401
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,280
Morpheus.

402
00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,720
Morpheus.

403
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,960
Morpheus.

404
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,040
Pull yourself together, lad.

405
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,240
I can't, Sean.

406
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,280
My head is broken.

407
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,440
Remember, what would Paxman do?

408
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,840
Mate? OK, this is a starter for 10.

409
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,200
Music Round.

410
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,640
Just a snippet.

411
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,640
Snippet. Music. Write it down.

412
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:46,200
♪ No reason, just seems so pleasing

413
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,640
♪ Gonna make you, make
you, make you notice

414
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,720
♪ Gonna use my arms

415
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,240
♪ Gonna use my legs

416
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,840
♪ Gonna use my style

417
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,600
# Gonna use my sidestep

418
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,680
♪ Gonna use my fingers... ♪

419
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,080
Gonna take this off now.

420
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,040
♪ My imagination. ♪

421
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,200
Come on. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

422
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,680
What is happening? Wow, wow.

423
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,000
That's enough!

424
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:18,520
Take it away!

425
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,240
Oh, my God. It burns.

426
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:21,520
Where am I? Where am I?

427
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,040
Get in there now. Get in there.

428
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,720
You need to chunder right now.

429
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,400
No, Kent, I need to go out there
and tell the world how I feel.

430
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,640
I've never felt so in love.

431
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,120
Yeah, because you've had
ten pills from the '90s,

432
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,360
and tried wanking off in front of a pub.

433
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,200
You're standing in the way of love, mate.

434
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,720
I'm stopping you making
a prick of yourself.

435
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,840
Sarah's right about you.

436
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,840
You've never had my back,
have you? I'm going out there.

437
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:48,680
Tactical chunder, come
on! Let the demons out!

438
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,160
Throw up. Never!

439
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,720
Go on, stare at the piss.

440
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,240
Let the piss do the work.

441
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,560
This is a beautiful moment, Kent.

442
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,440
This is what I missed. Right.

443
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,240
I'm going in manually.

444
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,080
What the fuck are you doing?

445
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,720
Bonding. I thought that
was what we were playing at.

446
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,600
What?

447
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:20,760
Occupied!

448
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,360
Oh, sorry.

449
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:27,360
Oh, wait, Jason. Did you talk to Carol?

450
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,520
Yeah. She said she'd...put
you on probation.

451
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,080
Probation? That's bullshit.

452
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,200
She says you're...unpredictable.

453
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,320
Where the fuck did she get that from?

454
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,000
I don't know.

455
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,560
There we go. Good boy.

456
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,560
Tell her I'll think about it.

457
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:55,480
There we go. OK. Easy. Easy.

458
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:02,880
So glad you're back, mate.

459
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,320
No India, then? Nope.

460
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,560
I might just stay here, pretend I'm a DJ.

461
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,680
Oh, I forgot you used to wear bindis.

462
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,680
You kept that? Yeah, for a roach.

463
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,680
Morph?

464
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,800
Fancy a hit?

465
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,320
No.

466
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,720
I'm flying through space
at 1,000 miles an hour.

467
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,400
How about a blow back?

468
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:41,560
Come on.

469
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,160
I'll put the spliff into
my mouth, we press lips,

470
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:48,160
and I gently blow the smoke into yours.

471
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,480
I will do that.

