1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,320 [HEAVY BREATHING] 2 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,399 You know that feeling when a guy you like sends you a text 3 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,239 at two o'clock on a Tuesday night asking if he can come and find you, 4 00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:25,239 and you've accidentally made it out like you've just got in yourself, 5 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,679 so you have to get out of bed, drink wine, get in the shower, 6 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,279 shave everything, dig out some Agent Provocateur business - 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,639 suspender belt, the whole bit - 8 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,439 and wait by the door until the buzzer goes? 9 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,680 [BUZZER] 10 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,519 And then you open the door to him, 11 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,719 like you've almost forgotten he's coming over. 12 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,759 Oh. 13 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,320 - Hi. - Hey. 14 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,160 Hey. 15 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:51,680 Hey. 16 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,359 And then you get to it immediately. 17 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,600 [SHE PANTS] 18 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,160 After some pretty standard bouncing, you realise... 19 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,879 ...he's edging towards your arsehole. 20 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,319 But you're drunk 21 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,479 and he made the effort to come all the way here, 22 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,720 so you let him. He's thrilled. 23 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,440 I'm so thrilled. 24 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:32,039 And then the next morning, you wake to find him... 25 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:37,040 fully dressed, sat on the side of the bed, gazing at you. 26 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,479 - He says that... - Last night was incredible. 27 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,799 Which you think is an overstatement, but then he goes on to say that... 28 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,800 It was particularly special because... 29 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,960 ...I've never managed to actually... 30 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,960 ...up the bum with anyone before. 31 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,399 To be fair, he does have a large penis. 32 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,079 And although it's always been a fantasy of mine, I've... 33 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,200 never found anyone I could do it with. 34 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,080 And then he touches your hair... 35 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,120 ...and thanks you with a genuine, earnest... 36 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,400 Thank you. 37 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,439 It's sort of moving. 38 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:27,960 Then he kisses you gently. 39 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:36,880 And then he leaves. 40 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,680 [DOOR CLOSES] 41 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,760 And you spend the rest of the day wondering... 42 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,440 Do I have a massive arsehole? 43 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,720 [BELL RINGS] 44 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,679 Wow! Er... this doesn't happen very often, does it? 45 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,199 No. 46 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,679 I su... 47 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,239 I suppose it's... 48 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,799 It's quite rare, yeah. 49 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,120 I hate myself. 50 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,599 Er, are you going to work? 51 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,319 - Oh, no, actually... - OK, er, this is going to sound crazy 52 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,319 but I think that I should take your number 53 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,599 and I think I should call it, 54 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,160 and I think I should ask you if you want to go out for a drink with me. 55 00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,919 Er... 56 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,199 Fuck me! You've got a boyfriend? 57 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,999 Er, no, er... 58 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,839 No, we broke up quite recently, actually. 59 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,639 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry/really pleased. 60 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,079 Er... 61 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,480 How the hell did he manage to fuck that up? 62 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,840 'Power rarely gives up without a fight... 63 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:20,519 '..particularly in places where there are divisions of tribe, 64 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,560 'divisions of sect. 65 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,719 'We also know that populism can take dangerous turns. 66 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,440 'And there will be difficult days along the way. 67 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,999 'From the extremism of those who would use democracy 68 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,239 'to deny minority rights to the nationalism that left...' 69 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,880 - What are you doing? - Nothing! 70 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:44,599 Harry! 71 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,280 - I know what you were doing. - I was watching the news. 72 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,800 - Really? - Yeah. 73 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,879 Really? 74 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:53,920 Yeah. 75 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,839 What was he talking about, then? 76 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:59,279 - What? - Please, I just need to hear this. 77 00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:00,800 What was he talking about? 78 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:04,480 Iraq. 79 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:09,960 Don't say anything. 80 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,040 And please don't stop me leaving. 81 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,519 - Please don't! - OK. 82 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,680 Don't! 83 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,199 Look, I've really tried to be there for you through this. 84 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,519 You can't say I haven't tried. 85 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:28,919 Don't say anything. And please don't contact me 86 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,079 or turn up at my house drunk in your underwear. It won't work this time. 87 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,120 It will. 88 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,760 I'm taking that posh shampoo. 89 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:42,960 He was talking about democ... 90 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,520 Oh, he was just... 91 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:50,639 ...really kind and supportive with my work. 92 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,359 He'd cook all the time, run baths, hoover. 93 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,239 He'd laugh at all of my jokes. 94 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,799 He was really great with my family, my friends loved him. 95 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,879 Plus, he was really fucking affectionate. 96 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,880 [HE CHUCKLES] 97 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,879 - Sounds like a dickhead. - Yeah. 98 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:11,519 So, was that, like, "You CAN have my number," or...? What are we...? 99 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,879 Yes. Yeah, I guess that's a yes. 100 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,799 Oh, my gosh. Great. Er... 101 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:16,840 OK. 102 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,160 Put that in there. 103 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,880 And I'll be sure to treat you like a nasty little bitch. 104 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,719 - Er, that was a joke. - Oh, no, I know. 105 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,679 - I know! - OK. I was, like, "Oh!" 106 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,519 OK. Great, wow! Er... 107 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,159 I'll buzz you, then? 108 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,919 - OK. - OK. 109 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:37,960 OK. 110 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,199 I can't stop smiling. Sorry, I... 111 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,599 It's OK. 112 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,120 I'll go. 113 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,480 [SHE BREATHES HEAVILY] 114 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,679 Thank you for coming in today. 115 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,119 We really appreciate you considering us 116 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,359 for your small business start-up loan. 117 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,879 No problem. 118 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:13,319 I've read your application form. 119 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,279 - Thank you. - It was... 120 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,640 - funny. - Oh. 121 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,319 OK, that wasn't my intention, but... 122 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,079 As you are probably aware, 123 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,519 we haven't had the opportunity to support many - 124 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,999 any - women-led businesses since the... 125 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,999 Sexual harassment case. 126 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,079 The sexual harassment case. 127 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,120 Yes. 128 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,679 - Are you all right? - Oh, yeah, sorry. I just, er... 129 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,279 I ran from the station, so I'm just a bit hot. 130 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,479 - I'm really excited about... - Water? 131 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,919 No, thanks. I'm fine. 132 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,119 Actually, yeah, water would be great. If I could... 133 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,159 Sure. There are a couple of details that we need to iron out, 134 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,839 and one or two bits and pieces I'm going to need to see some more on. 135 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,079 It says in here 136 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,240 that you opened a business with your partner... 137 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,119 OK. 138 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,919 I'm sorry, that kind of thing won't get you very far here any more. 139 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,879 Oh, no, sorry. I thought I had a top on underneath. 140 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,959 - Yeah, OK. - No, seriously. In this case, genuine accident. 141 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,159 I can see, given our history, why you might think... 142 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,359 No! Seriously, I wasn't trying to. I was hot. 143 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,119 I take this kind of thing very seriously. 144 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,360 I'm not trying to shag you! Look at yourself! 145 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:25,920 OK. 146 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,319 Please leave. 147 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,680 Oh... 148 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,759 No, you don't understand. I NEED this... 149 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,160 - I need this loan. - Please, just leave. 150 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,919 - Perv. - Slut. 151 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,519 Wow! 152 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,640 PA: 'The lecture will commence shortly.' 153 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,719 My sister. She's uptight and beautiful and probably anorexic, 154 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,359 but clothes look awesome on her, so... 155 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:12,999 You're almost late. 156 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,399 Had to do a flash poo in Pret. 157 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,279 Oh, Christ. Did you wash your hands? 158 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:17,360 Of course not. 159 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,599 Oh, my God! You are disgusting! Fucking hell. 160 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,000 Of course I washed my hands. It's not like I grew up without a mother. 161 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,480 - Heard from Dad? - No. 162 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,639 Dad's way of coping with two motherless daughters 163 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,519 was to buy us tickets to feminist lectures, 164 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,160 start fucking our godmother and eventually stop calling. 165 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,600 - You look tired. - Thanks. I've been sleeping really well recently. 166 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,120 Shit! 167 00:09:55,240 --> 00:10:01,199 I'm wearing the top that she "lost" years ago, so... 168 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,119 this is going to be tense. 169 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,679 - Do you want to take your coat off? - No. 170 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:06,720 OK. 171 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,040 Oh, sorry. Thanks. 172 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:16,279 So, any luck... 173 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,679 - God, can we just have two seconds... - I was going to ask 174 00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,799 - about the cafe. - I don't want to talk about it yet. 175 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,320 - We won't talk, then. - Fine. 176 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,440 - Hair looks nice. - Oh, fuck off. 177 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,719 The only thing harder than having to tell your super-high-powered, 178 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,559 perfect, anorexic, rich super-sister 179 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,839 that you've run out of money 180 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,800 is having to ask her to bail you out. 181 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,080 I'm just going to ask her. 182 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,559 I'm just going to ask her. 183 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,799 I'm just going to ask her. I'm just going to come... 184 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,239 - Do you need to borrow money? - No! 185 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,039 I can't do it. I can't do it, I can't do it. 186 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,159 I can't do it. 187 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,919 - So business is good, then? - Yeah. 188 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,159 It's good. It's really good. 189 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,719 It's really, really good. Yeah, it's really good. 190 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,879 Sounds like it's really good. 191 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,040 It is. 192 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,200 - Hey. - Hey. 193 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,200 - Can I get you anything? - No, thanks, I'm good. 194 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,639 Are you sure I can't get you anything at all? 195 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,479 Is Harry helping? 196 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,159 We broke up. 197 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,839 What? Again?! 198 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,039 If you see him, I'm a wreck, OK? 199 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:15,239 God! Just don't get drunk and scream through his letterbox again. 200 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,199 Wow! Thanks for the vote of confidence. 201 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,519 Don't get drunk and shit in your sink again. 202 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,639 When are you going to stop bringing that up? 203 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,359 When you do something better. 204 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,279 I have two degrees, a husband and a Burberry coat. 205 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,759 You shat in a sink. 206 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:31,879 Oh. 207 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:34,400 - Hi. - Thank you. - No problem. 208 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,000 Nothing is ever going to be better. 209 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,799 I swear there are pants that give you thrush. 210 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,040 What are yours made from? 211 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:50,600 Don't know. 212 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,039 I need to get sexy pants. 213 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,359 I hate my body, I hate my body, I hate my body, I hate my body. 214 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,359 Fucking last-minute bastard trendy parties. 215 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,400 Why do we do it to ourselves? 216 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:08,119 Oh, my God. Definitely not. That does nothing for you. 217 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,280 I hate that. 218 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,719 What? 219 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,360 These are MY clothes, Boo. I've been wearing these all day. 220 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,199 Oh, God. 221 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,519 Were you wearing your coat? 222 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,040 Yes. But... 223 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,599 Nothing here looked nice, 224 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,639 so I thought I'd wear what I was wearing anyway. 225 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:26,959 Are you joking? 226 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,679 Are YOU joking? 227 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:29,840 Yes. 228 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,479 - Oh, my... - It's not really that bad at all. 229 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,279 - Why didn't you tell me? - I love you. 230 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,479 - I'll buy... - I've got to get a whole new outfit now. 231 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:38,679 I'll buy you pants. 232 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,119 - I'll buy you sexy pants. - I've been so many places today! 233 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,399 - I'll buy you sexy pants! - Fuck off. 234 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,640 I'm sorry. I think it's a lovely dress. 235 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:50,079 Ugh! I mean, you really shouldn't wear such cheap materials. 236 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,080 They don't let your fanny breathe. 237 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:55,959 I know. 238 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,039 [APPLAUSE] 239 00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,800 Gosh, look at you all. 240 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:07,519 Thank you so much for coming to Women Speak, 241 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,279 opening women's mouths since 1998. 242 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,760 Before we begin, I would like to ask you a question. 243 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,439 I don't know about you... 244 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:20,199 but I need some reassurance. 245 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,639 [SHE CHUCKLES] 246 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,120 So I pose the question to the women in this room today. 247 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,080 Please raise your hands... 248 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,639 ...if you would trade... 249 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,560 five years of your life... 250 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,439 ...for the so-called perfect body. 251 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,520 [MURMURING] 252 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,760 (We are bad feminists.) 253 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,120 - I want my top back. - OK. 254 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,560 - Won't you get cold? - Nah, I've got really hairy nipples. 255 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,120 What? 256 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,039 - Fuck! - Oh, fuck! What was that? 257 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,999 - Jesus! - A fucking hug! 258 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,679 Well, why the fuck did you do that? 259 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,759 That's terrifying. Never do that again. 260 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,080 I was just trying to... 261 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,880 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 262 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,439 Do you want to go for a drink, or...? 263 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,719 - I've got plans. - OK, fine. Sure. 264 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,680 See you next time, Women Speak, then. 265 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,640 Do you want to go for a drink? 266 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,200 [PHONE BLEEPS] 267 00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:02,472 _ 268 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,039 My sister blows glass. She has done for a long time. 269 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,359 I've never been in a fight. 270 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,919 Well, I've been in a fight. Never been punched in the face. 271 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,279 I've been punched in the leg. 272 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,439 And someone once threw some punch in my face. 273 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,239 So, my colours this season are sort of brown, mainly. 274 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,479 But, like, you know, I wouldn't say no to a maroon. 275 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,719 I wouldn't, like, jump down the throat of someone 276 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,839 wearing something blue. It's just not for me. 277 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:25,999 So... 278 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,120 I'm going to go for a wazz. You... OK. 279 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,199 Same again, while I'm up? Or perhaps, like, a little cocky-tail? 280 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,559 Or, like, a nice shot? 281 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,999 Oh, er... yeah, or we could just go back to mine. 282 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,439 Wow! Er, thanks. 283 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,959 Er, I've actually got work tomorrow, but, er, another drink here... 284 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,279 - Or we could go back to yours. - Got to be up really early. 285 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,879 - I'll get you a cab in the morning. - That's ridiculous! My God! 286 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,800 OK, what the fuck is your problem? 287 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,719 Oh, er... nothing. 288 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,719 I, er... I-I like you. 289 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,759 OK, you're a dick. 290 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,160 What's going on? 291 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,440 You're pathetic. 292 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,399 - Wait... - Don't follow me. 293 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,440 I-I wasn't. 294 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,320 Y-You dropped this. 295 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,120 Er... 296 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,320 OK. 297 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:36,320 Come on. 298 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,200 [WOMAN MUTTERS] 299 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,680 Are you OK? 300 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,560 Are YOU OK? 301 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,120 Sad face. 302 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,199 I'm fine. 303 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,240 [WOMAN GROANS] 304 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,520 Oh... 305 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,960 You're such a lovely man. 306 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:30,880 - OK. - Thank you. 307 00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,080 Stay there, stay there. You OK? 308 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,879 OK. 309 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:37,960 Hey. 310 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,439 Do you... Do you want to come home with me? 311 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:44,639 What?! 312 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,839 No way! 313 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,999 You naughty boy. 314 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,800 [DOOR SLAMS] 315 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:53,880 [BELL RINGS] 316 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,159 Ugh! 317 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,119 Ooh! Sing a song, Boo-Boo. 318 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,519 ♪ Another lunch break another portion 319 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,759 ♪ Another piece of cake 320 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,759 ♪ Another two Fuck it - 20 321 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,719 BOTH: ♪ Cigarettes 322 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,199 ♪ And we're happy 323 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,799 ♪ So happy 324 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,280 ♪ To be modern women. ♪ 325 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:21,960 Hey, come here. 326 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,200 Let's never ask anyone for anything. They don't get it. 327 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,080 - Deal. - Deal. 328 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:32,959 Fuck it. 329 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,439 [SHE MUTTERS LOUDLY] 330 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,000 This is totally fine. 331 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,320 Hello. Open! 332 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,120 All right, Dad? 333 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:53,640 What's going on? 334 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:56,880 Oh, I'm... I'm absolutely fine. 335 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,040 OK. 336 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,840 I just, er... 337 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:05,560 Yeah? 338 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,080 Oh, it's nothing. It doesn't... 339 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,560 - It's... - You know, it's nearly two o'clock in the morning. 340 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,160 OK. 341 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,919 Yeah, OK. I'm... I don't want to... 342 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,399 I'm going to... 343 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,799 It was... 344 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:25,959 Oh, fuck it. 345 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:30,959 I have a horrible feeling that I'm a greedy, perverted, selfish, 346 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,559 apathetic, cynical, depraved, 347 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,280 morally bankrupt woman, who can't even call herself a feminist. 348 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,960 Well, er... 349 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,520 You get all that from your mother. 350 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,079 Good one. 351 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,879 Er, I'm going to call you a cab, darling. 352 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,799 And, er... 353 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,200 please don't go upstairs. 354 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,480 [SLOW JAZZ PLAYS] 355 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,880 To be fair, she's not an evil stepmother. 356 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:47,560 She's just a cunt. 357 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,400 Hi. 358 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,359 Darling, I thought that must be you. 359 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,119 - Everything all right? - Yeah, I just thought I'd swing by. 360 00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:59,239 Oh, how lovely. Lucky us. 361 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,920 Don't worry - Dad's already booking me a taxi. 362 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:08,759 What are you doing? 363 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,639 Oh, painting. I find the night-times very... 364 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,759 peaceful. Usually. 365 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,039 [THEY CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY] 366 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,480 Oh, warming up. 367 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,799 Look, I know it's not really my place, but are you OK? 368 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,319 - Everyone's been really worried. - Poor fucker. 369 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:34,959 Yes, she's actually an expression of how women are subtle warriors. 370 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,119 Strong at heart. 371 00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:38,559 We don't have to use muscular force to get what we want. 372 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,359 - We just use our... - Tits. 373 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,160 ...innate femininity. 374 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,639 Tits don't get you anywhere these days. 375 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:46,680 Trust me. 376 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,399 It's very valuable, actually. 377 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,359 - How much? - Thousands. 378 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,479 Oh. Can I have it? 379 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,400 [THEY CHUCKLE] No. 380 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:05,919 What's that? 381 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,439 Oh, er... 382 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,600 my self-portrait. 383 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,040 Oh. 384 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,920 - DAD: 'Right, it's here.' - Ooh, I think I can hear your dad. 385 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,919 DAD: 'Cab's here!' 386 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,840 - Thanks! - Aw. Nice of him. 387 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,079 OK. 388 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,320 - Bye. - Bye. 389 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,079 Er... 390 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,079 Please look after yourself. 391 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,560 You really do look ghastly, darling. 392 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,120 - Oh, cafe, eh? - Yeah. 393 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:53,800 On your own? 394 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,959 Er, kind of. 395 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,679 Kind of? Go on. 396 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,079 It's... It's quite a funny story, actually. 397 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,399 Oh, no, that's good. It'll keep me going. 398 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,440 Shoot. 399 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,119 - I opened the cafe with my friend Boo. - Cute name. - Yeah. 400 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:14,679 Yeah, she's dead now. She accidentally killed herself. 401 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,319 Wasn't her intention, but it wasn't a total accident. 402 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,319 She didn't actually think she'd die. She just... 403 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,999 found out that her boyfriend fucked someone else 404 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,679 and wanted to punish him by ending up in hospital, 405 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,639 not letting him visit her for a bit. 406 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,119 She decided to walk into a busy cycle lane, 407 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:33,199 wanting to get tangled in a bike - break a finger, maybe. 408 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,879 As it turns out, bikes go fast and flip you into the road. 409 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,160 Three people died. She was such a dick. 410 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,160 So, yeah. Kind of on my own.