1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,479 I opened the cafe with my friend Boo. 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:05,919 Yeah, she's dead now. 3 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:09,840 - My sister. - I have two degrees, a husband and a Burberry coat. 4 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,999 - I know what you were doing. - I was watching the news. 5 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,719 - Heard from Dad? - Nope. 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:19,999 All right, Dad? 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,159 Dad's way of coping with two motherless daughters 8 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,079 was to buy us tickets to feminist lectures, 9 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,599 start fucking our godmother and eventually stop calling. 10 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,119 It's very valuable, actually. 11 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,760 - How much? - Thousands. 12 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,359 Can I have it? 13 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:33,759 No. 14 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:34,959 Please don't contact me 15 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,399 or turn up at my house drunk in your underwear. 16 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,519 It won't work this time. 17 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:39,560 It will. 18 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:51,120 MUSIC: Sail by AWOLNATION 19 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,680 I think my period's coming. 20 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,919 OK. 21 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:46,959 Hi. 22 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,079 Are you all right? What's happened? Are you hurt? 23 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,920 - No. - Oh, good. 24 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,799 Nice haircut. 25 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:54,920 It's better. 26 00:01:58,440 --> 00:01:59,519 Can I come in? 27 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,039 Why didn't you text? 28 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,519 Well, I just thought I'd pop by. 29 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,599 - Tell the truth. - I need to speak to Martin. - Martin? 30 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,159 - Martin. Martin! - Why on earth would you want to speak to... 31 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:12,279 - Martin? - Hello! Hello! My wife in my study! Hello! 32 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,759 Give me two. 33 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,959 Gang bangs, Asian, I'd put a tenner on it. 34 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,479 Finished. 35 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,639 Well, hello, you. 36 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,599 [HE CHUCKLES] 37 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,359 She wants to talk to you about something. 38 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,199 Oh, well, it must be my lucky day. 39 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,240 You said she only likes to talk to people she fancies. 40 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:31,359 Ergh. 41 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,479 - Can you leave us? - Why? 42 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,240 He's organising your surprise birthday party. 43 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,879 A... 44 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,359 You know I hate sur... 45 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,400 OK. 46 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,799 I have a week to organise that now. 47 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,039 Best of luck. 48 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,159 Nice top. 49 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:51,199 Ergh. 50 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:55,159 Thanks. Do you deal in sculptures as well as paintings and papier mache? 51 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,240 Depends on the quality of the piece. 52 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,359 Fuck me! 53 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:05,639 Hm... 54 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,720 - What a pair! - I know, right? 55 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:10,719 Where d'you get this? 56 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,399 Oh, just a... 57 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,879 Stole it from a market. 58 00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,599 It's quite a piece. 59 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,439 Who's the artist? 60 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,079 Just a... 61 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,439 ...market artist. 62 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,079 Huh. 63 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,999 If I sell it, I take 10%. Deal? 64 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,119 Deal. 65 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,759 OK, well, 66 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,759 I'll get her photographed now. 67 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:32,919 Don't tell Claire, please. 68 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:34,199 Or what? 69 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,439 Or I'll... 70 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,079 I'll... 71 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,160 You've got nothing on me, princess. 72 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,120 Or I'll tell her you were watching gang bangs. 73 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,360 Please don't do that again. 74 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,480 I wasn't, by the way. 75 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:06,480 Ergh. 76 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,639 Disappointing. 77 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,399 Erm... 78 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:15,999 Where did you get that? 79 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,199 I brought it with me. 80 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,439 No, you didn't. Give it back. 81 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,239 Tight. 82 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:22,639 Patch things up with Harry? 83 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,519 Yeah, we're, erm... 84 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,919 We're engaged, so... 85 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:27,079 God! What? 86 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:28,679 No, we're not engaged! 87 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,879 No, he's back at the flat packing up all his stuff again. 88 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:32,919 Oh. 89 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,679 I'm sorry. 90 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,919 He really... 91 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,919 ...used to make you laugh. 92 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,199 He also used to say things like... 93 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,879 You're not like other girls. 94 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:43,239 You can... 95 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,280 ...keep up. 96 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,439 I like Harry. 97 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:48,760 I liked his songs. 98 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,800 I admire how much Harry commits to our break-ups. 99 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,279 I mean, this is a new detail, 100 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,239 but he does usually go the extra mile. 101 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,040 A few times, he's even cleaned the whole flat. 102 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,000 [HE SOBS] 103 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,279 Like it's a crime scene. 104 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:21,879 I've considered timing a break-up 105 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,119 for when the flat needs a bit of a going over. 106 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,040 [MUSIC PLAYS] 107 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,200 I don't think this is working. 108 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,879 What? 109 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,880 But he always leaves... 110 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,199 ...him 111 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,799 to come back for. 112 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,960 Got to think about all the people I can have sex with now. 113 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,919 I'm not obsessed with sex, 114 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,639 I just can't stop thinking about it. 115 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,639 The performance of it. 116 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,559 The awkwardness of it. 117 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,639 The drama of it. 118 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,999 The moment you realise someone wants 119 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,000 your body. 120 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,920 Not so much the feeling of it. 121 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,440 Probably got about 48 hours before Harry comes back. 122 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,120 I should get on it. 123 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,799 I took half an hour trying to look nice 124 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,479 and I ended up looking amazing. 125 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,799 Just one of those days. 126 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,519 Gorgeous, fresh-faced, new top, little bit sexy, 127 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,199 on my way to open my cafe and... 128 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,839 Oh, God. 129 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,159 Yeah, you check me out, chub-chub, 130 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,279 because it's never gonna happen. 131 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,839 Oh, God, he can't believe how attractive I am. 132 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:46,639 Kind of worried I'm going to make a sex offender out of the poor guy. 133 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,879 Here we go. This better be good. Here we go. 134 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,280 HE COUGHS: Hooker slag. 135 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:53,320 [BELL RINGS] Oi! 136 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,400 Oh. 137 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:10,920 Dropped my cucumber. 138 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:17,680 Just dropped my... 139 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,199 Erm... Could I get a cheese sandwich to go, please? 140 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,240 Sure. 141 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:35,599 That'll be, er, £12.55, please. 142 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,199 London, eh? 143 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,400 Thanks. 144 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,120 Where do I recognise her? Is she famous? 145 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,719 Boo's death hit the papers. 146 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,399 Local cafe girl gets hit by bike 147 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,439 and a car 148 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,319 and another bike. 149 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,439 Er, no. She, er... She used to work here. 150 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,480 Oh. 151 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,280 I'm sorry, I don't have any change. 152 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,040 The next man who walks in here is getting ridden to death. 153 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,639 - Dad! - Hi. 154 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:22,919 Not ideal. 155 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,279 Erm... 156 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,039 How are you, eh, 157 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,480 darling? Erm... 158 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,199 You busy? 159 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,279 A bit. 160 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,720 Well, I won't keep you, er... 161 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,559 I just wanted to talk about, er, you know, when you... 162 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,759 When you dropped in the other night. 163 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:43,079 - OK. - I can't help thinking that I... 164 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,639 - We, er... - Yeah? 165 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,000 I know that we, er... 166 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,440 ...don't have much of a chance to, er... 167 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,919 Did you take the sculpture? 168 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,080 Did you, erm... 169 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,999 ...take the sculpture? 170 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,040 Did you take it? 171 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,159 No. 172 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,199 What sculpture? 173 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,119 Oh, right, fine, good. 174 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,360 Good, you said no and... 175 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,639 ...that means I can go. 176 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:12,920 All right, great. 177 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,359 Oh... 178 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,399 Are you ha... Are you healthy? 179 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,800 [WOMAN CHATTERS] 180 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,599 Hey. Do you do, like, hot organic-y food? 181 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,159 Of course. 182 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,799 What would you like? 183 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,359 - Erm... Like, risotto. - Yeah. 184 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,999 Sure. Grab a seat. 185 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,040 [WOMEN CHATTER] 186 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,000 Hey. 187 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:58,759 Hi. 188 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,079 Hey. 189 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,119 Hey. 190 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:02,519 It's nice to see you. 191 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,879 You, too. 192 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,799 Fucked me up the arse. 193 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,319 What are you getting? 194 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,639 Oh, just these. For my... 195 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,520 ...tiny, bleeding vagina. 196 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,679 Hot. 197 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,399 - You? - Stock cubes. 198 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,520 Hot. 199 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,079 I hope it's a light flow. 200 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,799 Oh, it never is. 201 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,839 It never... 202 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:24,880 ...is. 203 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,039 Listen, er, 204 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:29,919 you around later? 205 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:30,959 Er... 206 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,719 Yes, fucking yes, please, yes. 207 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:33,999 Yes. 208 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,199 Cool. 209 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,240 Cool. 210 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,239 Yes! 211 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,159 I'm so happy with my body now. 212 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,399 I don't have to define myself by how I look 213 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,999 because I've just got a fucking great body. 214 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,239 - Yeah, I can do other stuff now! - That's so great! 215 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,439 Mike wants to start trying for a baby. 216 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,039 - OK. - No... 217 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,959 I can't blow this body on a baby, Steph. 218 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,880 I'm going to have to leave him. 219 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,359 [THEY SCREAM] 220 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,439 Oh, shit. Oh. 221 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:10,959 That is not hygienic. 222 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,199 - Sorry. - Oh, gross. 223 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,879 We're leaving now. 224 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,919 I suppose you should meet Hillary. 225 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,440 Two years ago, I... 226 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,559 OK. The most important thing is, if you don't like it, 227 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,079 - we can't take it back, OK? - OK. 228 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,199 Happy birthday. 229 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,799 I'm sorry, I panicked. 230 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,159 As long as I can wear it or eat it, I'm happy. 231 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,999 You can do both of those things. 232 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,799 Oh, my God, did you get me a... 233 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,719 - What is this? - I... 234 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:38,799 - What the... What is... - I don't know. 235 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,839 - What is it? - Something to love. 236 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,960 She's beautiful! 237 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,399 You idiot! 238 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,040 Escape artist. 239 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,279 I don't feel anything about guinea pigs, 240 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:58,519 they're pointless, 241 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,879 but Boo took Hillary very seriously as a gift 242 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,200 and, soon, everything became guinea pig-related. 243 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,720 This is an excellent one. 244 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,360 Drink? 245 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,879 Look, I'm, er, sorry about the mess. 246 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:22,959 No problem. 247 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,879 - Do you want some prosciutto with that? - Mm. 248 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,479 Mm. Mm. 249 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,520 Oh. 250 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:35,439 So reliable. 251 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,759 Utterly inaccessible. 252 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,439 Relentlessly profound. 253 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,479 All he wants is to get you in the bath and ask questions like... 254 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:42,800 What are you afraid of? 255 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,719 And you find yourself saying things like... 256 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,319 I guess... 257 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,200 ...losing the currency of youth. 258 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:55,960 Ask me a question. 259 00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,160 When did you realise you were so good looking? 260 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,799 I knew I was different when I was about nine, 261 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,919 but shit got real around 11. 262 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,319 Shit got real? 263 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,879 You know... 264 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,200 Aunts got weird. 265 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,039 I have another question. 266 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,080 OK. 267 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,640 Do you ever feel lonely? 268 00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,799 Yeah. 269 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,599 Of course. 270 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,599 Do you? 271 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,760 Never. 272 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:35,880 Do you want some pineapple? 273 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,440 Yeah. 274 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,640 God, yeah! 275 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:51,879 Oh, they're so small! 276 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,239 They are so small! 277 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,079 - What? - They're so small! 278 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,639 - So... - Small! 279 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,719 God, they are so fucking tiny! 280 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,039 Yeah, I guess they're... 281 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,999 Oh, God, they're hardly even there! I mean, what the fuck even are they? 282 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,839 Bit much. 283 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,240 Excuse me! 284 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:15,520 Oh, yeah! 285 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,039 I'm having a Harry panic. 286 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,239 Madame Ovary's telling me to run back to safe place, 287 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,919 I can make baby in safe place, 288 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,520 but you've got to ride it out. 289 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,160 Mustn't call Ha... 290 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:35,560 Thanks for coming. 291 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,399 That's OK. 292 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,879 Are you OK? 293 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,960 Your message sounded urgent. 294 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:45,839 Were you busy? 295 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,719 - No, I was in the interval... - Oh, cool. 296 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,999 - ...of Cats. - OK. - The musical. 297 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,039 Was it good? 298 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,479 Really good, actually. 299 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,520 Really good. 300 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,319 - Sorry for interrupting. - No, that's OK. 301 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,599 I, er... I got the feeling it wasn't going to end well for the cats, 302 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,400 so probably good to remember them like that before they all... 303 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:07,279 Sorry. Erm... 304 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,320 Are you OK? 305 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,079 Who were you with? 306 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,320 A work friend. 307 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:15,040 A girl. 308 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,560 I, erm... 309 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,120 I found this. 310 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,559 Thanks. 311 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,200 I didn't realise I'd left it. 312 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:44,880 Why's your hair wet? 313 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,519 Don't look at me like that. 314 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,639 Like what? Like what? 315 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,919 Look, I don't want to sound cold or cruel or... You know... 316 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,319 And I don't want to think I'm just off happy at the theatre 317 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:57,679 all the time, either, I'm not, 318 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,359 but... 319 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,199 I'm not going to... I just... 320 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,759 If this is about us getting back together, I was serious, 321 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,959 this time I'm not just going to come running back. 322 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,280 I really just need some time away from... 323 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:12,599 I'm so glad you called. 324 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,040 I'm so glad you picked up. 325 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:16,800 I've missed you. 326 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,200 I've missed you. 327 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,360 Oh, my gosh, you feel good. 328 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,239 I wish he'd just fuck me. 329 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,199 All he wants to do is make love. 330 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,239 Are you OK? 331 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,360 Yeah, I'm really good. I'm amazing. 332 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,799 He's wasting me. 333 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:40,879 I was once fucking this guy who would breathe on every thrust... 334 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,159 You're so young! 335 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,359 You're so young! 336 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,199 I masturbate about that all the time. 337 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,839 I masturbate a lot these days. 338 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,440 Especially when I'm bored. 339 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,079 Or angry. 340 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,239 Or upset. 341 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,359 Can we just... 342 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:57,959 Or happy. 343 00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,359 Oh. Yeah. 344 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:00,719 Ah. 345 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,599 Yeah. 346 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,880 Amazing. 347 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,719 - Shall I? - No, could you just... 348 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,079 Just stay there. 349 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:10,679 Ah. 350 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,079 No, don't. Just... 351 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,599 Ah. 352 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,919 Yeah. Sh, sh! Ah! 353 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,519 Yeah. 354 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,399 Yes. Just... 355 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,999 Ah, just... 356 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,120 Ah, God. 357 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,279 Ah! 358 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,639 Oh! 359 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,119 Oh! 360 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,119 Oh! 361 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,440 Ah! 362 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,560 Look, I think we should stop masturbating. 363 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,439 And don't say anything yet, I just... 364 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,519 I just think it might help us focus on each other. 365 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,159 You know, be more present. 366 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,160 Really successful couples do it. 367 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:04,679 Erm... 368 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,159 I've hidden our vibrators. 369 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,199 Our? 370 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,639 I thought it might be fun. 371 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:09,879 To find them? 372 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,640 No, just to try and not... 373 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,039 ...touch ourselves, to try and... 374 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,359 ...save our touches... 375 00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,239 ...for each other. I mean, what do you think? 376 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,199 Well, I think you're being really sexy. 377 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,759 - Don't! - Oh! I'm joking. 378 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:27,839 I never masturbate. 379 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:28,920 I don't know how. 380 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,279 Yeah, also, I thought we should try and surprise each other 381 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,439 once every day, just a, you know... 382 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:39,759 A sweet little something, just to keep it... 383 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,039 - You know? - Are you getting this out of a book? 384 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,719 I've already planned your first surprise, so... 385 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,440 Don't eat too much before dinner. 386 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,080 See you later. 387 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,120 And I will see you later, too. 388 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,280 [DOOR OPENS] 389 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,279 Oh. 390 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,559 Hi. 391 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,159 Just thought I'd pop by for some lunch. 392 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:15,519 Bit weird. 393 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,920 Yes, well... 394 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,159 How are you? 395 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,799 Quiet day? 396 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,159 Yeah, I'm fine. 397 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:26,879 You OK? You look stressed. 398 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,240 Well, I'm successful, so... 399 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,639 Do you have rye bread? 400 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,399 No, but I have some normal bread you can puke up after. 401 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,199 Great. 402 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,479 What do you want on it? 403 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,999 Oh, just tomatoes is fine. 404 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,719 Just tomatoes? 405 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,679 Just a tomato sandwich? 406 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,679 Yes. Is there a problem? 407 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:47,960 No. 408 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,559 Listen, I don't want to know anything about this surprise party, 409 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,519 but, if you could just, erm, 410 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,679 have it at mine this Friday at 7:30, that'd be great. 411 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,239 I can organise it and act surprised 412 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,319 but, if you could just, erm... 413 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,319 Do you know what, why don't I just do it? 414 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,199 I can organise it, do the food, act surprised, 415 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,079 and just take it off your hands. 416 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,039 - I mean, I can see that you're busy, so... - OK, if you want. 417 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,039 Well, I don't want to, but I think it would be easier for everyone 418 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,479 - if I could just... - OK. 419 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,879 I mean, I've done it, it's done. 420 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,880 It's this Friday at 7:30 at mine. 421 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,000 Great. 422 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,159 How behind are you? 423 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,919 If it's money that you need... 424 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,199 I don't need money. 425 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,760 That'll be £25, please. 426 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,000 London... 427 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,399 Thanks. 428 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,760 [GUINEA PIG SQUEAKS] 429 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,199 Can't believe that thing's still alive. 430 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,679 Oh, any news on Harry? 431 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,239 Yeah, we're back together. 432 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:53,680 Oh, God, I can't keep up. 433 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,280 Hello! 434 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,480 Harry? 435 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,719 Oh. 436 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,519 Shit. 437 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,999 Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise. 438 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,040 [SHOWER RUNS] 439 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,719 - Surprise! - Argh! 440 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,479 Argh! 441 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:11,999 It's me! It's me! It's me! 442 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,359 Why would you do that? I thought I was going to get raped! 443 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:17,199 I'm sorry! Baby, I'm sorry! I thought you wanted a surprise! 444 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,519 It was a ninja surprise! 445 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:19,719 Oh, my God, my heart! 446 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,520 I'm shaking so much! Oh, my God! 447 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,319 - Oh, my God! - Oh! - Oh, my God! 448 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,279 OK. It's OK. Are you OK? 449 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,719 Oh, my God. 450 00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,359 Did you have a good day? 451 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,839 I did, yeah. Fine, thanks. I'm so sorry. 452 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,879 I'm sorry. I didn't think you were going to react like that. 453 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,399 I'm... 454 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,199 I'm sorry, it was a joke. 455 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,840 It was a good joke. 456 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,759 Jesus. 457 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,839 I thought you'd be later. 458 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,159 - Argh! - Oh, my God! 459 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,199 Oh, God, sorry! I just had to get that out! 460 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,120 I'm still in shock! I'm still shaking! 461 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,399 That was horrible. 462 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,759 It was a surprise. 463 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:02,999 I know. 464 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,119 Thank you. 465 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,320 It's fine. 466 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,279 Shall I go and get us some wine? 467 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,599 [HE SOBS] 468 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:11,640 OK. 469 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,039 I know what you look like! 470 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:20,399 I know what you took! 471 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,200 That is the last time! 472 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,520 Splashed out on a special bottle for a special... 473 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:31,960 Harry? 474 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,759 I had to go into the history on my computer 475 00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:39,480 to find something I'd seen on the H&M website this morning and... 476 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,759 I don't want to point fingers but... 477 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,719 ...anal, gang bang, 478 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,719 mature, big cock, 479 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,879 small tits, hentai, 480 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,599 Asian, teen, 481 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,559 MILF, big butts, 482 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,959 lesbian, gay, 483 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:56,239 facial, fetish, 484 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,119 bukake, young and old, 485 00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:01,199 swallow, rough, voyeur 486 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,520 and public. 487 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,520 Why are you being so sexy? 488 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,720 Don't make me hate you. 489 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,600 Loving you's painful enough. 490 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:20,520 OK, sorry... 491 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,559 ...but I really think you should write that down. 492 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,519 I know it's not appropriate but I really think 493 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,559 you should write that down. It's really good... 494 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,559 - I'm not going to write down... - No, I'm serious! 495 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,159 For your songs and stuff. It's perfect! It's poetic yet real. 496 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,200 Serious. 497 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:46,319 Don't... 498 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:47,799 ...make me... 499 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,199 - Hate you. - Yeah, I know, thank you. 500 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,200 Loving you is painful... 501 00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:57,840 What am I doing? 502 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,199 Look, there's someone at work who loves me. 503 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,039 Well, she told me she loves me and I said we couldn't be together 504 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,440 because I had to know. 505 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,520 Do you want to be alone? 506 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,640 You will never see me again. 507 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,479 I'll always love you but I just can't take it any more. 508 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,200 I don't hate you, I'm scared for you. 509 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,360 He's going to write that down. 510 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,399 Don't hate you... 511 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,440 Scared... 512 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:51,159 I'm going to go pack my things up from the bedroom again, but, erm... 513 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,079 I'm... I'm not going to clean. 514 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,960 It's still in pretty good shape, so... 515 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,879 If I don't see you after that, 516 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:00,920 goodbye. 517 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:09,559 [DOOR SLAMS] 518 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,279 [DOOR OPENS] 519 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,320 Forever. 520 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,680 [DOOR SLAMS] 521 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:19,960 He'll be back. 522 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,560 [DOOR SLAMS]