The metric ton of money
that you have spent on all the people that you love
and then all the other people that feel
they somehow helped you succeed is staggering.
Cam, Reggie, it's me, Squeeze.
- Shit, Squeeze. - Yo.
Uncle J had this prayer card in his wallet.
This card is proof that he was asking for forgiveness.
God...
open your gates for my uncle.
I promise you, I make a good breakfast.
Eggs, pancakes.
I was trying to be quiet.
Cam, what gives?
Do I talk in my sleep? Snore? Drool?
All three, baby. But you're hot, so it's cool.
I'm just not sleeping good.
Not just here. Home, too.
Why?
What's on your mind?
Nothing.
Everything.
Oh, is that all?
Us?
Us is good.
My mind is just full.
I've got some Tylenol PM.
- Mm-hmm. - Or...
we can stay awake.
Together.
You need your rest, too.
Stop worrying about everyone else
and let someone do a thing for you.
Wait, so this and then... and then pancakes?
- Mm-hmm, yeah. - Oh.
Thanks for the job, Reg. I love it.
Gonna prove to you that I'm worthy.
Well, might not always be a ton of hours.
It's on an as-needed basis. If I got something I need help with...
I help get that done. That's what I do.
Getting shit done. I am the shit getting doner dude.
All right, well, listen, this shit needs to ship today.
Okay?
Can I take a quick break? I licked like 200 envelopes.
Yeah, you got to use a sponge, man.
You can't get all that glue in your gut.
- Ain't you ever seen "Seinfeld"? - What's "Seinfeld"?
TV show about a bunch of Jews.
- Escaping the Nazis? - No, long after that.
Actually, it is one Nazi and they make soup.
- Out of Jews? - No...
Shit. What the fuck?
Squeeze, it's a comedy. "Seinfeld," it's...
Certain subjects should be off-limits for comedy.
I think I'm gonna get sick.
From the licking, not the Jew soup.
- Okay. - Though that didn't help.
All right, hey, this stuff has to ship today.
- Right, right. Sure, sure. - All right? Don't forget.
Yeah.
Reg. Good to see you again.
Ricky Shelton, New Hampshire Public Radio, here to interview Cam.
Ricky, I guarantee you that I did not confirm
the interview that you intend to conduct. I said it had to be off-season.
Yes, but when I texted Cam to thank him for even considering,
he texted back saying he'd do it.
He texted. I can show you my phone.
- I set up his interviews. - I flew down from New Hampshire.
Well, then make sure you visit the aquarium before you fly back.
They got this glass tunnel thing where whale sharks swim above you.
- It's dope. - That dude all right?
Yes, he's fine. Safe travels.
Come on, please. You know I'm not some random.
I went to college with the guy.
That's got to count for something.
I know it's his off day. Please just ask.
- Hey, don't go outside. - How'd you know I puked outside?
- 'Cause I just saw you. - Squeeze, I told you no eating pork.
No, it's... it's from the envelope.
Never buy pork through the mail.
Pork don't keep like Omaha Steaks.
Yeah, he just licked too many envelopes, okay?
But along with Squeeze's puke, Ricky Shelton,
formerly from the University of New Hampshire
and now from NH Public Radio is outside.
Says that you invited him for an interview after I did not.
- Ah. - Ah, what?
- I... I did invite him. - You did?
Yeah, I gave him the address.
I left his name with the guard at the gate. I forgot.
Yeah, I want to lose this guy, but I'm running it by you
because that is what I do. I run it by you
and then you tell me what to do and then I do it until you undo it.
As your former PR rep, I caution you not to blow off a journalist.
No, he's just some dude he once vaguely knew.
He's a brother with a new radio show doing interviews
with famous people who have ties to New Hampshire.
Must be a limited series.
He's an old friend who helped me get a lot of notice.
- Oh, Ricky's an old friend of yours? - Yeah.
- I didn't know that. - He sent articles about me...
- Sure, he did. - ... To the wire services.
- Really? Good old Rick. - Yeah, he edited some highlight videos
- and he posted them up. - See, this thing you do,
this syphoning off of credit for other people, it has to stop somewhere.
And, no, this seems like a good place to start.
Cam, your... your handles got you noticed.
Your jump shot got you noticed.
A college newspaper reporter that you kind of knew
for a short time who shows up 'cause he wants something
ain't the reason for the notice
nor does he deserve the title of old friend.
- I know I make your job hard sometimes. - Do you?
But, please, can... can you just undo what I asked you to do in the first place?
Squeeze, you okay, baby?
I'm okay, ma'am.
Well, there's 10 bathrooms in this house.
Don't spit in my sink.
So the big-money contract, the all-star numbers,
the pride of the University of New Hampshire
makes a name in the pro game.
It's also a year you lose your uncle.
I'm sorry, it's tragic.
It's messed up, but it's also kind of stupid.
Like you're here and then you're not here.
If you were to make a list of stupid things, death would be tops?
Yes, sir. Some of us killed stupidly.
Wrong place, wrong time or just randomly,
you know, without reason.
And my Uncle J, you know... look, cars are great.
We get to drive places. We don't got to walk or... or take a... a horse.
Horses terrify me. You know, people get upset
when horses get sent away and made into glue.
I myself am excited that one less horse is on the street.
Time is saved, distances are shrunk with automobiles.
But mechanical things driven at high speeds kill people.
Lives end, other lives get altered. It's stupid.
But you can't just be, like, despairing
as you're walking through life saying the experience is stupid.
- People do. That's not a good look. - We all die.
And the price of existence is that existence must end.
But knowing this all ends, how do you not get swamped in anguish?
Shh.
- Can you shut them the fuck up, please? - Yeah.
Sorry, man. You can... you can bleep that, right?
Uh, for the radio broadcast, sure,
but we post a podcast version that can run longer and unedited.
Plus, this is real. We're... we're talking about real stuff.
How has his death changed you?
It's messed me up.
It woke me up, you know?
Death makes you think about life.
Death makes you examine the point of your life.
Is the point to be the best basketball player you can be?
It's a great gig,
but I think the bigger point is,
and the... and the point of my life and everybody's life
should be can you be the best human you can be?
God, his head's getting so big, I'm shocked the headphones fit.
- Shh! - You shh!
We are whispering!
Go ahead, Ricky.
Grappling with death means grappling with how you live your life.
How do you care and make your life matter
even if you're never let in on where we'd go if we go anywhere after we die?
Like, so many of us are... are asleep to other people's hopelessness
and... and pain and shit until the shit hits our own shit.
But all of life is a test. Can you do right, be good,
foster kindness, fight for justice?
I want to start a... a family foundation in honor of my Uncle Julius
to help other people do good work
and to help me make more out of my own life.
What will your charity support?
I want to help kids. Kids deserve our help.
Kids in poverty. Kids in hospitals.
Someone just tweeted me a GoFundMe thing
for these kids that are... that are born with this awful thing
where their... their nostrils are, like, fused together.
I think it's called frozen nostril syndrome.
Children in the Arctic? The Inuit?
No, like everywhere. Like they're not actually frozen.
It's... it's more like they got no nostrils,
so they gotta breathe through their mouths.
Like where their nostrils should be, the nostrils are all fucked up.
People take nostrils for granted.
Yeah, and these... these poor kids
are born with, you know, their noses all fucked up.
Like, I want to be able to help that kind of situation.
That's the kind of good work that I'm talking about.
It's noble to do good work.
Yeah, it's what we all should be doing.
You know, people say it takes a village,
but what if that village
is full of white folks that don't want you around?
- Mmm. - What if you're in the wrong village?
A village that wants to hold you down?
A village that systematically puts you in metaphorical shackles?
What if you're not in the right village?
We need to hold one another up.
Because I'll tell you what, we all we got.
Generosity has fallen out of fashion.
Yeah, you know, we got to use our lives
to help other people struggle less.
I totally agree.
We're gonna keep struggling until we struggle less.
Get in the ring, take on injustice,
give it an uppercut.
Injustice, poverty, disease.
I do charity work. I... I send jerseys to auctions and stuff,
but I can do so much more.
Um, more more, you know?
- Hey, I got some probiotics if he needs... - He's fine, Ricky.
They really work, though. People don't believe in them.
He's good. He's good. Let's just... can we, please?
Sure. You know what, my next question is actually for you, Reggie.
Come on, Ricky, wrap this shit up, man.
- When you say "stupid ass," do you mean... - Hey, hey, hey!
Last up, our Scumbag of the Week.
This week is professional basketball player Cam Calloway.
In a recent interview, Calloway called kids
with frozen nostril syndrome, quote "... up."
Hey, Calloway, kids born with birth defects are not... up.
Pro athletes describing kids this way promotes bigotry and hatred.
So does your Calloway philanthropic trust
stand for the bullying of our country's most vulnerable?
Thanks, Cam Calloway, for honoring your dead uncle
by hating on God's beautiful children.
I'll pass on supporting your charity
until you show some more charity yourself.
And for those of you out there saying,
"Well, that's not what he meant," not true.
What you say is what you mean.
So say what you mean and mean what you say.
And when you say mean things, we here at SportShot will call you on it.
Cam Calloway, we're calling you
our Scumbag of the Week.
Guys...
I got to say, the amount of shit
that's happened with you and your family
in one season buckles me, really.
When my assistant sent this clip to me,
my knees buckled a bit. I went like this.
I literally buckled.
This is... this is not... this will fizzle out.
There's people outside with posters
that say "bench Calloway."
Sure, they might have spelled bench with two Ns, but that doesn't matter.
The ignorant are the last people you want to upset.
The ignorant are committed. And it's going to get worse.
Jimmy, we saw this. It... I mean, this is nothing.
We can't fan the flames.
It's a woman making a name for herself.
- She's twisting my words. - You mean quoting.
Well, she's out of context, though.
So, uh, these kids with the frozen nasal thing...
Nostrils. Frozen nostrils.
It's a syndrome, too. It's not a thing.
Honestly, I could give a fuck.
So why are we talking about it?
We are talking about getting other people
to stop talking about it.
Okay, the nostrils aren't frozen. They're like...
- they're, um... I can't... they're... - It's fused.
- Fused together. - Thank you, they're fused together.
They're born like this. They gotta breathe through their mouths.
I read about it, you know?
It's, uh... it takes like four operations to fix it.
The kids are brave, Jimmy. They're very brave.
The whole point of me talking about it
was raising awareness for it.
Well, congrats. It worked.
So when you were discussing these frozen nostril kids,
did you say they were fucked up? Did you call them fucked up?
I said the affliction is fucked up.
It's not like I was... I was laughing.
Like I was concerned, which I am.
- Okay, this is a picture of a kid pre-operation. - Wow, that's fucked up.
- That's what I'm saying. - That's what he's saying.
Yeah, but you can't say that.
You just said it.
No one's listening to us.
It's just us here alone.
But when you say shit out loud in an interview, different rules apply.
When I fucked up my knee, I said, "My knee is fucked up."
When it healed, it was no longer fucked up.
- Like, people know... - People...
... what fucked up means.
- No, not all people. - I think most people...
Most people, maybe our kind of people, sure.
But not all people because all people
don't bazooka the fucking perimeter of their lives with F-bombs
saying fuck this,
fuck you, motherfucker, whatever.
A lot of people don't like profanity.
A lot of those people are fans of this team.
You are Carnation Stevens' Scumbag of the Week.
Do you know how many scumbags there are in the world?
She chose you.
When Carnation Stevens picks a fight, it's news.
You got to apologize.
You can't apologize for something you're not sorry for.
He ain't married. He don't know.
If you give people a great reason to mobilize their scorn,
very few people will pass on that offer.
Ignore this and it will metastasize.
We need chemo now.
I'm hiring a professional fixer
to tell us how to best fix this
before it gets broken beyond all repair.
You know why I called you guys down here?
Look around.
It's empty, right?
I prefer when it's full.
People will not pay to watch an asshole play basketball.
Fuck!
- People paid to watch Kobe play for years. - They did.
As the mother of a so-called F'ed-up frozen nose kid,
I am asking you to sign a petition demanding
that Cam Calloway, Jimmy Flaherty,
and the entire organization apologize
for calling frozen nostril kids fudged up.
You have no idea how many surgeries
my child has had to undergo.
I am your worst nightmare
and I am not going away until you apologize.
I... I think you can be even angrier.
Oh, okay. Uh...
Okay.
Hold on.
Okay, let's do it.
Shame on you. You have no idea
how many surgeries that my child had to undergo.
I am your worst nightmare
and I am not going away until you apologize.
Friends, this is Monique Roosevelt.
She's a professional fixer and a master
at turning shit into less shitty shit.
Thanks, Jimmy.
Monique, Reggie. Cousin and manager.
Yeah, we were thinking we'd wait a bit before we said anything.
- They're destroying his reputation. - Girlfriend.
I like that lip gloss. Lesbian sister.
- Why's everyone gotta lead with lesbian? - We share your pride.
I was saying that the situation is fucked up, not the kids.
And I was pledging to fix it through my foundation.
That's not what I meant.
What you said was a gift to them.
A gift.
It is not their job to seek nuance
or... or tell people what you meant.
It's their job to comb the public discourse
for phrases they deem offensive
to ignite annihilation in service of their goal,
raising awareness and money for fixing a horrible affliction.
Though I grant that some of them might also relish
the secondary gratification of ruining people.
See, this is why we must align ourselves to nothing,
stand for nothing, and never, ever say anything
without considering all the many people that might be able to take offense in it.
So we just stand there and keep silent our whole lives through?
You ever see a Buddhist monk apologize?
There's a reason.
I believe Cam's intentions were true.
But what's also true is that we are alive in an age of umbrage.
Fault is found where fault is sought.
Monique, if I may. We're not saying that they are fucked up, okay?
We're saying that the situation that they were born into is fucked up.
Yeah, it ain't the kids' fault. It's God's.
God's the one that's got to get his shit together.
Cam's just trying to fix what God fucked up.
Perfect, say that. God fucked up.
That'll help this die down.
Don't apologize. If they're gonna shit in their hand
and fling it in your face, you got to take a bigger shit and fling it back.
There is going to be no flinging of shit.
We're gonna keep our hands in our pockets and our shit in our rectums.
Cam needs to fight back.
What he needs to do is acquiesce.
Doesn't matter that you didn't mean to offend.
The offense occurred and you must apologize for its infliction.
This is insane. Are you guys hearing this?
I know, baby. I didn't want to apologize
for whupping you as a kid, but I did.
I didn't want to apologize for punching you in the eye, but I did.
Y'all did that shit!
- Yeah. - Yeah, we did it.
Do you realize what a man becomes
if he apologizes for something that he did not do wrong?
- Smarter? - Less hated?
- A bitch. - A sham.
- I was close. - A fake. A liar.
A coward. An appeaser.
This is no time for principled arguments.
Did you just say that out loud?
Cam, unfortunately, he gave that interview during a slow news cycle.
Well, let's pray Beyoncé drops a video
or... or there's an earthquake or a school shooting
or ISIS does something or something else.
A tsunami or there's a herd of polar bear that wash up dead.
I just... I don't know, something just...
The petition is up to 50,000 signatures
and US Congressman Tyrone Perry just tweeted
that he's disgusted by Cam's insensitivity.
And worse, he's a black man.
- Did you just say... - And worse, he's a black man.
- I did. I can. - I can't.
But, see, I know what I can and can't say.
We'll craft a statement.
The statement will convey the necessary message.
This will all go away with the right apology.
Okay. Craft it up.
But I am not going to apologize for something that I didn't do.
I'm not gonna say sorry for something I didn't mean.
You should just say, "My bad you feel bad. We good?"
Get your fucking hand...
Cam Calloway's statement reads,
"If I offended anyone, I apologize."
Mmm, dude, there is no if in an apology.
You completely whiff on the idea of an apology if you say if.
Cam Calloway just does not get it.
Mm-mmm, not only is Cam Calloway
last week's scumbag,
but with this non-apology apology,
he's our Scumbag of the Month
and an early front-runner for this year's SportsScummy.
Barbara, you have taken a personal day to leave Montana
and come to the set of our show.
You have spread the message about this affliction.
Please, tell folks how to join in.
Uh, um...
lend your voice to our cause.
We need to use our voices to show people like Cam Calloway
that we don't want to hear their voices.
Use your voice to stop other voices from speaking.
If you find offensive things offensive, say so.
And, uh, sign the petition.
Thank you, Barbara. Thank you.
Cam Calloway's explosive comments on frozen nostril kids
threaten to unravel the star point guard's
celebrated season in Atlanta,
miring him in a distracting and revolting controversy.
We're following the story for you.
Here's what we know so far.
Cam, Monique got it wrong.
- You think? - She tried to qualify your apology.
That's not an apology. That's a weasel.
- So why didn't you say that then? - You hired her.
I just gave her the benefit of the doubt,
foolishly assuming that someone
who does this for a living would know what she was doing.
Missy, you're family.
You got great instincts and, pardon the expression,
but you also got a lot of skin in the game.
I want you speaking up. Tell me what to do
if something doesn't pass the smell test.
You're the smartest person I know. Help me fix this.
Monique got it wrong because she said
it doesn't matter if you didn't mean to offend.
It does matter. That's why they have apologies.
But they can't be bullshit. Anybody can say they're sorry.
The question is what are you sorry for?
I'm sorry I'm in this situation and that people are twisting...
What about the frozen nostril kids?
Well, helping them is what I started with.
Of course I'm sorry for them.
But are you sorry that you said
this syndrome is fucked up?
Or are you sorry that some kids are born needing surgeries
and that one day this mother was sitting at work
knowing that at the end of the day she has to go home
to a child who once had a condition that some people can't afford to fix
wishing that wasn't her lot in life
when some vulgar, multimillionaire asshole basketball player
decided to describe her child as fucked up.
I'm...
I'm sorry, you know, that's what's happened.
Sorry my words made someone feel that way.
Cam, you have to stop pretending that what you said
didn't hurt people's feelings.
Monique said the right apology would make this go away.
She's correct. You just gave the wrong one.
If you go to the woman in pain
and apologize for the right thing the right way,
people will believe you. They can tell.
You'll be fine.
I can see why you married her.
That ain't why I married her.
You're Cam Calloway's mother, right?
I signed the petition. I think he's a good player,
but I think he needs to be a better example
for how people speak, how words hurt.
Just wanted you to know.
Aren't you nice?
I know you're probably embarrassed. Don't be.
Kids have to learn by experience, even older kids.
I'm not embarrassed by my son.
I'm embarrassed by you coming up to me expecting me to li... listen.
Well, then I'm sorry.
No, you're not sorry.
My son has a good heart, but his heart's torn in two
because people are making him out to be someone that he's not.
He said something stupid and got called out.
- Price of fame. - I'll let him know you think so.
But my son would never say anything to hurt anyone.
He doesn't have a malicious, unkind bone in his body.
But me, I'm a straight up fucking bitch sometimes.
I mean, I can be a hardcore, claw-scratching,
weave-pulling, boot-kicking bitch.
But my son, he's good.
Good to the core. And if you signed that petition,
you helped turn him into a person who doesn't have a heart.
And, bitch, this bitch don't take that lightly.
Maybe if your son had a child with a birth defect, you'd understand.
And maybe if you were born to a bitch like me
who had you when she was drinking hard and doing drugs
and who dropped out in ninth grade,
you wouldn't be the most perfect-forming,
sentence-making person in the fucking world.
- I can see that. - Good.
Spread the word. See, my son only did that interview
because he wanted to start a foundation
to help the fucked-up frozen nose kids and he's gonna.
But let me ask you this, how much time have you spent
clicking on petitions to save people who look like me getting shot by the cops
or arrested, left to rot in jail?
I've seen some stuff on Facebook.
Mm, well, get on the Facebook and start clicking on those petitions
and get the fuck out of my Facebook
before I fuck your nose up worse than those fucking kids.
You know, a great man once said,
"Where there is injury, let me sow pardon."
As a man who wants to be a better man,
I try to conduct myself without causing injury
to other people.
I don't want to be anyone's source of pain.
Recently, I failed at this.
Badly.
I've injured people with my words.
I'm deeply sorry for doing so.
Kids born with frozen nostril syndrome
deserve my compassion, love, and admiration
for coping with something, you know, most take for granted.
But my apology is hollow without action.
I'm starting the Calloway Philanthropic Trust,
which will donate $5 million to surgeries for kids
who deserve to breathe the same fresh air that we all breathe.
Carnation, Barbara, Congressman Perry,
thanks for having the courage to show me
the deficiencies in my character, in my language.
Cam, you are no longer the Scumbag of the Week.
You are the Angel of the Year.
But it's not enough, Carnation.
Will you, Carnation, be an archangel
and ask your loyal, vocal fans
to donate just $5 each so we can pay for even more surgeries?
Are your fans the type of people
who will put their money where their mouths are
and where some kids' nostrils aren't?
- He's off script now. - That's fucked up.
Yes, I can and I will.
Barbara, your petition has changed my life.
Oh, shit, here it comes.
This is a woman who puts in 60-hour weeks
at a great American company, Richardson Chemical.
Now, uh, we realize there are some lawsuits pending
flame ret...
flame-stopping chemicals that have poisoned
some lactating mothers and may cause autism.
I just work in shipping.
But you have a voice now, Barbara.
You... you... you have a voice that the nation has heard.
Will Richardson Chemical stand with me
and double my donations as well as Carnation's followers' donations?
Uh, sure.
Congressman Perry.
Thank you for coming down here today and helping the people
see how much you stand for kids who need surgeries, yeah.
Say good-bye to my new arena proposal.
Congressman, will you stand here with me today
and pledge that every child born in this country
has the constitutional right
not only to surgery that will make them whole,
but a promise that the burden of the cost
will be carried by all of us in this great and loving nation?
Well, it would only be right.
Now we're talking!
I write, he says. How hard can it be?
- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -