1 00:00:00,499 --> 00:00:03,872 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:07,359 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:10,395 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,396 --> 00:00:13,472 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,473 --> 00:00:16,878 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:16,879 --> 00:00:20,449 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:20,450 --> 00:00:22,017 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,018 --> 00:00:23,885 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:23,886 --> 00:00:28,642 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:28,643 --> 00:00:34,183 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:35,332 --> 00:00:36,732 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 12 00:00:36,733 --> 00:00:38,633 Coming up, why one hello a day 13 00:00:38,634 --> 00:00:40,969 to the receptionist at work is the magic number. 14 00:00:40,970 --> 00:00:43,972 But first, pilot strike at Quahog Airport. 15 00:00:43,973 --> 00:00:47,442 Picketing began on Thursday... Weird day to start a strike... 16 00:00:47,443 --> 00:00:49,578 And both sides appear to be at an impasse. 17 00:00:49,579 --> 00:00:51,446 So ground control is telling Major Tom 18 00:00:51,447 --> 00:00:53,248 this could be long one. 19 00:00:53,249 --> 00:00:56,218 (CHUCKLES) Does anyone else like David Bowie? 20 00:00:56,219 --> 00:00:57,957 Hey, what the hell is up with this letter? 21 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,193 It says I'm no longer covered on your health insurance. 22 00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,962 Oh, yeah. They don't cover dogs no more. 23 00:01:01,963 --> 00:01:04,941 You could do COBRA for $7,300 a month though. 24 00:01:04,942 --> 00:01:06,743 Would that be something you'd be interested in? 25 00:01:06,744 --> 00:01:08,879 I need that health insurance. You know I have a hernia. 26 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,047 What if I need surgery? 27 00:01:10,048 --> 00:01:12,182 Well, if you need insurance that bad, 28 00:01:12,183 --> 00:01:13,684 maybe it's time for you to go out 29 00:01:13,685 --> 00:01:15,152 and get a job of your own. 30 00:01:15,153 --> 00:01:16,403 This sucks. 31 00:01:16,404 --> 00:01:18,055 How did you get a hernia? 32 00:01:18,056 --> 00:01:19,389 Actually, I got it performing 33 00:01:19,390 --> 00:01:21,491 an incredible act of heroism. 34 00:01:23,028 --> 00:01:24,511 (CAR CRASHES, WATER SPLASHES) 35 00:01:24,512 --> 00:01:25,896 Oh, my God! 36 00:01:25,897 --> 00:01:28,498 Somebody help me! I'm sinking! 37 00:01:28,499 --> 00:01:30,067 (GRUNTING) 38 00:01:30,068 --> 00:01:32,052 Hurry! I can't hold it! 39 00:01:32,053 --> 00:01:35,105 Okay, let me just unstrap my baby. 40 00:01:35,106 --> 00:01:37,941 Oh! Oh! Oh! Slipping, slipping. Sorry. 41 00:01:41,713 --> 00:01:42,879 What do we want? 42 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,018 PILOTS: Fair wages! 43 00:01:44,019 --> 00:01:45,182 When do we want it? 44 00:01:45,183 --> 00:01:47,951 Originally now, but it's been delayed until 9:40 45 00:01:47,952 --> 00:01:49,935 due to weather in Philly! 46 00:01:49,936 --> 00:01:51,608 (SIGHS) This is a mess. 47 00:01:51,609 --> 00:01:54,431 Like when Peter rode that Access Hollywood bus. 48 00:03:05,330 --> 00:03:07,631 (WOMEN LAUGHING, CHATTERING) 49 00:03:07,632 --> 00:03:09,333 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING INSIDE) 50 00:03:11,036 --> 00:03:12,602 Ah, bachelorette party. 51 00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:14,003 Can I fit this in? 52 00:03:18,243 --> 00:03:19,909 Okay, cool. I got time. 53 00:03:20,979 --> 00:03:22,312 Hello, ladies. 54 00:03:22,313 --> 00:03:24,014 Wow, here comes the bride, huh? 55 00:03:24,015 --> 00:03:26,216 More than once, if I have anything to do with it. 56 00:03:26,217 --> 00:03:28,161 Finally, the stripper's here! 57 00:03:28,162 --> 00:03:30,687 What? No, I'm not a stripper. I'm a pilot. 58 00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:32,222 (WOMEN WHOOPING) 59 00:03:32,223 --> 00:03:33,890 See? This is a real uniform. 60 00:03:33,891 --> 00:03:36,460 Ooh. Take something else off, sexy. 61 00:03:36,461 --> 00:03:37,677 (EXCITED CHATTER) Oh, yeah! 62 00:03:37,678 --> 00:03:39,129 (LAUGHS): All right! 63 00:03:40,165 --> 00:03:41,681 Oh, yeah? 64 00:03:41,682 --> 00:03:43,233 You want a little more, huh? 65 00:03:43,234 --> 00:03:45,236 (DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES, WOMEN CHEERING) 66 00:03:46,838 --> 00:03:48,572 Yeah! All right. 67 00:03:48,573 --> 00:03:51,007 Who wants me to stow my bag under their seat? 68 00:03:51,008 --> 00:03:53,009 (CHEERING CONTINUES) 69 00:03:56,414 --> 00:04:00,350 Boy, and I thought the Federal Hill bakery had nice buns. 70 00:04:00,351 --> 00:04:01,651 (LAUGHS) 71 00:04:01,652 --> 00:04:03,553 You're talented, Denise. 72 00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:05,688 You should really go for it. 73 00:04:09,094 --> 00:04:10,911 Wow. 74 00:04:10,912 --> 00:04:13,096 What... a... day. 75 00:04:13,097 --> 00:04:14,331 Please don't comment. 76 00:04:14,332 --> 00:04:15,565 Oh, look at you. 77 00:04:15,566 --> 00:04:17,033 - Did you get a job? - Bitch. 78 00:04:17,034 --> 00:04:18,435 Did I get a job? 79 00:04:18,436 --> 00:04:21,004 Um, this ain't a life-vest, sista. 80 00:04:21,005 --> 00:04:24,274 It's a work vest from a little place called Mega Hardware. 81 00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:26,243 'Cause that's basically what I am now. 82 00:04:26,244 --> 00:04:28,945 Just an everyday, working-class Joe. 83 00:04:28,946 --> 00:04:31,748 Well, good for you. 84 00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:33,383 No. No, Brian. 85 00:04:33,384 --> 00:04:35,368 This doesn't feel right today. 86 00:04:35,369 --> 00:04:36,686 Yes. 87 00:04:36,687 --> 00:04:38,238 There's a rat trap in that cabinet. 88 00:04:38,239 --> 00:04:39,923 With a foot in it. 89 00:04:39,924 --> 00:04:42,209 And somewhere in this house, there's a footless rat. 90 00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:44,394 Well, I'm off to watch some Fox News 91 00:04:44,395 --> 00:04:46,129 in front of the old boob tube. 92 00:04:46,130 --> 00:04:48,431 ♪ Tommy used to work on the docks ♪ 93 00:04:48,432 --> 00:04:49,766 ♪ Union's been on strike ♪ 94 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,268 ♪ He's down on his luck ♪ 95 00:04:51,269 --> 00:04:53,804 ♪ It's tough, so tough. ♪ 96 00:04:58,543 --> 00:04:59,743 - Hey. - No. 97 00:04:59,744 --> 00:05:00,777 - I wasn't sure. - I'm sure. 98 00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:02,212 - Okay. - Well, got to go. 99 00:05:02,213 --> 00:05:03,713 Got to do some more picketing. 100 00:05:03,714 --> 00:05:05,949 Seriously? It's, like, 9:00 at night. 101 00:05:05,950 --> 00:05:08,712 Yeah, uh... well, it's, uh... 102 00:05:08,713 --> 00:05:10,696 Cleveland's stealing shot glasses! 103 00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:14,487 I don't like drinking NyQuil out of them little cups. 104 00:05:19,664 --> 00:05:21,298 Where the hell's Quagmire going? 105 00:05:21,299 --> 00:05:22,933 The airport's that way. 106 00:05:22,934 --> 00:05:24,367 He doesn't know we're following him, Joe. 107 00:05:24,368 --> 00:05:25,719 You don't have to duck down. 108 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,238 I'm not. You took a pretty hard right turn back there. 109 00:05:28,239 --> 00:05:30,341 I've been like this for a while. 110 00:05:32,277 --> 00:05:34,244 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING INSIDE) 111 00:05:37,616 --> 00:05:38,598 What's he doing? 112 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:39,950 This is one of them places 113 00:05:39,951 --> 00:05:42,152 where women go to see male strippers. 114 00:05:42,153 --> 00:05:44,154 Some bisexual men go as well. 115 00:05:46,858 --> 00:05:48,858 (DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES) 116 00:05:49,861 --> 00:05:51,339 I don't see him. 117 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,167 Ladies, this is your pilot speaking. 118 00:05:57,168 --> 00:06:00,804 I am in the full, upright and locked position. 119 00:06:00,805 --> 00:06:02,806 (WOMEN CHEERING) 120 00:06:07,445 --> 00:06:08,945 Oh, my. 121 00:06:22,394 --> 00:06:23,860 (MUSIC STOPS) 122 00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,962 Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here?! 123 00:06:25,963 --> 00:06:27,797 PETER: Crap. Our disguises didn't work. 124 00:06:30,435 --> 00:06:32,869 Quagmire, I didn't know you were a male stripper. 125 00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:35,305 I wasn't. Not until the strike, anyway. 126 00:06:35,306 --> 00:06:36,873 I've been out of work for three weeks. 127 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,975 I'm out of money. I-I had to do something. 128 00:06:38,976 --> 00:06:40,810 God, I'm so embarrassed. 129 00:06:40,811 --> 00:06:43,489 Why? Stripping is a very respectable profession. 130 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:44,581 If it weren't respectable, 131 00:06:44,582 --> 00:06:47,083 why would real estate agents go to strip clubs for lunch? 132 00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:48,985 He's right. This is tremendous. 133 00:06:48,986 --> 00:06:50,637 Are you banging all these chicks? 134 00:06:50,638 --> 00:06:52,722 Hey, hey! That is offensive. 135 00:06:52,723 --> 00:06:54,658 I am a dancer, not a gigolo! 136 00:06:54,659 --> 00:06:57,827 Captain Cockpit, my friend is about to get married, 137 00:06:57,828 --> 00:07:01,364 and we were wondering if you'd have sex with her for $500. 138 00:07:03,201 --> 00:07:05,001 I'm a gigolo. 139 00:07:05,002 --> 00:07:06,536 Oh, hey, it's that guy. 140 00:07:06,537 --> 00:07:09,022 Are you gonna say, "Who else but Quagmire?" 141 00:07:09,023 --> 00:07:11,274 (CLEARS THROAT) N... uh, no, I, uh, uh, 142 00:07:11,275 --> 00:07:13,443 w-wanted to know if Quagmire 143 00:07:13,444 --> 00:07:15,195 was available tomorrow evening? 144 00:07:15,196 --> 00:07:16,880 Are... are you gay? 145 00:07:16,881 --> 00:07:18,281 Uh, of course not. No. 146 00:07:18,282 --> 00:07:21,084 Uh, but I'm unable to properly 147 00:07:21,085 --> 00:07:24,771 have sex with my wife, so I figured, you know. 148 00:07:24,772 --> 00:07:27,223 Eh, who else but Quagmire? 149 00:07:27,224 --> 00:07:29,478 Hey, awesome cameo. 150 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:35,653 Hey, sorry I'm late, guys. 151 00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:37,055 Had to stop at the dry cleaner. 152 00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:38,289 The dry cleaner? 153 00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:39,857 Wow, somebody struck it rich. 154 00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:41,326 You know, I got to tell you, 155 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:42,960 I was sweating that pilot strike, 156 00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:45,980 but now that I'm a gigolo, I'm making money by the fistful. 157 00:07:45,981 --> 00:07:47,348 Is that a giggity? 158 00:07:47,349 --> 00:07:48,866 That is a giggity. 159 00:07:48,867 --> 00:07:50,501 Hey, Quagmire, I couldn't help but notice 160 00:07:50,502 --> 00:07:52,003 you got some dry cleaning hanging up 161 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:53,404 in the backseat of your car. 162 00:07:53,405 --> 00:07:55,173 - Did you win the lottery? - No. 163 00:07:55,174 --> 00:07:57,742 Well, I hope you're not actually doing that gigolo thing. 164 00:07:57,743 --> 00:07:59,844 You know, prostitution is illegal. 165 00:07:59,845 --> 00:08:02,080 Uh, uh, no, no, no. It's, uh, it's something else. 166 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,867 Uh, uh, Quagmire's, uh, 167 00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:06,351 selling online Internet cyber stuff. 168 00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:08,403 Wow. Good for you, Quagmire. 169 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:09,737 (LAUGHS) 170 00:08:09,738 --> 00:08:11,089 You and Gates, huh? 171 00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,757 (PHONE VIBRATES) 172 00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:16,010 Uh, geez, I got to go home and change into my Tarzan costume. 173 00:08:16,011 --> 00:08:18,580 Uh, uh... for... for... for the Web. 174 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:20,846 Huh. I got to get a computer. 175 00:08:26,789 --> 00:08:29,290 Excuse me. How many BTUs does this grill have? 176 00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:30,725 (CHUCKLES): Oh, man. That puppy? 177 00:08:30,726 --> 00:08:32,844 More than you need, less that I want. 178 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,263 E-Excuse me. Do you have a small grocery cart 179 00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,745 I could put this boat-sized hunk of lumber in? 180 00:08:37,746 --> 00:08:38,933 Probably out in the parking lot. 181 00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:40,568 Can you tell me where I can find extension cords? 182 00:08:40,569 --> 00:08:42,437 - Aisle 25. - I was just there. 183 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,105 - 26. - There is no 26. 184 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,514 15. 185 00:08:46,258 --> 00:08:47,408 So Goby gets up on the lift... 186 00:08:47,409 --> 00:08:48,543 Don't mind me. 187 00:08:48,544 --> 00:08:50,278 Just grabbing myself a cup of mud. 188 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,729 I like mine black. 189 00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:53,381 Black as night. 190 00:08:53,382 --> 00:08:55,250 Black as sin, know what I'm saying? 191 00:08:55,251 --> 00:08:56,718 (CHUCKLES) Haven't introduced myself. 192 00:08:56,719 --> 00:08:59,304 Guys in my crew call me "The Ratchet." 193 00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:00,655 Brian, it's not your break. 194 00:09:00,656 --> 00:09:02,323 Get out there and help the customers. 195 00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:04,225 Brian? (CHUCKLES) Who are you, my father? 196 00:09:04,226 --> 00:09:05,460 Ha! This guy. 197 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:07,347 - Get out there! - Yes, sir. 198 00:09:08,773 --> 00:09:11,074 That guy's got no idea how hard I'm work... 199 00:09:11,075 --> 00:09:13,538 Bird! A bird got in! Awesome! 200 00:09:16,839 --> 00:09:18,806 (PLAYING GENTLE CLASSICAL MUSIC) 201 00:09:20,610 --> 00:09:21,643 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 202 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:22,777 PETER: Hello? 203 00:09:22,778 --> 00:09:24,445 Hey, Quagmire, what's going on? 204 00:09:24,446 --> 00:09:25,613 Oh, you need a ride? 205 00:09:25,614 --> 00:09:26,914 Yeah, sure. I can come get you. 206 00:09:26,915 --> 00:09:27,949 I'm not doing anything. 207 00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:28,950 (FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING) 208 00:09:28,951 --> 00:09:31,329 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 209 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,621 Meg, that was the last guy, 210 00:09:33,622 --> 00:09:35,624 so just lock up when you're done. 211 00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:43,865 Thanks for the ride. 212 00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:45,433 One of my tricks drove me here from the Clam, 213 00:09:45,434 --> 00:09:46,901 and I didn't have any money for a cab. 214 00:09:46,902 --> 00:09:48,870 Why not? Didn't she just pay you for sex? 215 00:09:48,871 --> 00:09:51,105 No. After it was over, she said she wasn't gonna pay. 216 00:09:51,106 --> 00:09:52,707 Well, that ain't fair. 217 00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:55,109 You can't let these women take advantage of you like that. 218 00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:57,011 What apartment is she in? I'll go talk to her. 219 00:09:57,012 --> 00:09:58,613 She's in unit 17. 220 00:09:58,614 --> 00:10:00,148 You know, if you're going back in anyway, 221 00:10:00,149 --> 00:10:01,316 can you grab my belt? 222 00:10:01,317 --> 00:10:03,352 It's reversible, so I'd hate to lose it. 223 00:10:07,390 --> 00:10:09,524 PETER: Hey, you didn't pay my friend! 224 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,026 So I'm gonna play with your doorbell until you pay up. 225 00:10:12,027 --> 00:10:13,828 (DOORBELL RINGING RAPIDLY) 226 00:10:13,829 --> 00:10:15,496 WOMAN: Stop it! 227 00:10:15,497 --> 00:10:17,465 PETER: I can do this all day. I love buttons. 228 00:10:17,466 --> 00:10:19,233 WOMAN: Fine, here's your money! 229 00:10:19,234 --> 00:10:20,301 (DOORBELL STOPS) 230 00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:22,303 Here you go. 231 00:10:22,304 --> 00:10:24,612 Peter, this is amazing. Thank you. 232 00:10:24,613 --> 00:10:25,473 Hey, you know what? 233 00:10:25,474 --> 00:10:26,958 Here's a little something for your trouble. 234 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,842 You're giving me a cut? 235 00:10:28,843 --> 00:10:30,179 Wow, thanks! 236 00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,680 No problem. It's just too bad you're not here every time. 237 00:10:32,681 --> 00:10:34,298 Well, I could be. 238 00:10:34,299 --> 00:10:36,217 I mean, my days are pretty open, 239 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,686 and I don't sleep a lot at night 'cause of health stuff. 240 00:10:38,687 --> 00:10:41,117 Huh. That'd be kind of nice, actually. 241 00:10:41,118 --> 00:10:43,091 Hey, maybe you could drive me around and help me out, 242 00:10:43,092 --> 00:10:45,243 and I could even pay you a little something for your time. 243 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:46,994 Sure, that sounds great. And you know what? 244 00:10:46,995 --> 00:10:48,496 It'll be nice having a little extra cash 245 00:10:48,497 --> 00:10:50,331 to bet on college football. 246 00:10:50,332 --> 00:10:52,033 Yeah, I'd like to bet a hundred bucks. 247 00:10:52,034 --> 00:10:53,368 You want to pick a team? 248 00:10:53,369 --> 00:10:55,237 No, just take it. 249 00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:03,277 I thought you had the day off. 250 00:11:03,278 --> 00:11:05,329 Maybe from the store, but it's not like things 251 00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:08,182 take a day off from needing repairs, am I right? (CHUCKLES) 252 00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:10,918 Oh, looks like this cabinet door is a good place to start. 253 00:11:10,919 --> 00:11:12,253 Yup, she's off-kilter. 254 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:13,855 I'm gonna have to plane her down. 255 00:11:13,856 --> 00:11:15,790 Lois, what year was this house built? 256 00:11:15,791 --> 00:11:18,259 Uh, I don't know. Maybe 1945? 257 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,461 Good, it's grandfathered in. Thought I'd need a variance. 258 00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:21,929 Don't want to get a code vi. 259 00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:23,798 (CHUCKLES) "Vi" is violation. 260 00:11:23,799 --> 00:11:25,299 "Code" is just code. 261 00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,791 I don't know, Brian, it looks straight to me. 262 00:11:27,792 --> 00:11:29,704 - What? - It's straight. 263 00:11:29,705 --> 00:11:31,739 I-I don't know what that means. "It's-it's straight"? 264 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:33,107 Oh, you mean plumb. 265 00:11:33,108 --> 00:11:34,642 Y-You're saying the door is plumb. 266 00:11:34,643 --> 00:11:37,378 Wow, Brian, you do know all the lingo. 267 00:11:37,379 --> 00:11:40,148 Ah, come on, that's just stuff you pick up on the site. 268 00:11:40,149 --> 00:11:42,383 I'm gonna go use a miter to jerry-rig a shim jamb 269 00:11:42,384 --> 00:11:43,985 strap hinge quarter-round soffit 270 00:11:43,986 --> 00:11:47,221 two-by-six dowel cherry-picker flim-flam. 271 00:11:47,222 --> 00:11:49,223 You know, Rupert, Brian's douche-iness 272 00:11:49,224 --> 00:11:52,260 should infuriate me, but the truth is he seems happy. 273 00:11:52,261 --> 00:11:54,612 So I guess I'll just do nothing and that's that. 274 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,631 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 275 00:11:59,602 --> 00:12:01,335 Can't do it. Let's get him fired. 276 00:12:01,336 --> 00:12:04,655 ("WORKIN' FOR A LIVIN'" BY HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS PLAYING) 277 00:12:04,656 --> 00:12:07,942 ♪ Some days won't end ever and some days pass on by ♪ 278 00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:10,778 ♪ I'll be working here forever, at least until I die ♪ 279 00:12:10,779 --> 00:12:14,081 ♪ Damned if you do, damned if you don't ♪ 280 00:12:14,082 --> 00:12:15,249 ♪ I'm supposed to get a raise next week ♪ 281 00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:16,534 ♪ You know damn well I won't ♪ 282 00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:20,421 ♪ Workin' for a livin', workin' ♪ 283 00:12:20,422 --> 00:12:23,024 ♪ Workin' for a livin' ♪ ♪ Workin' ♪ 284 00:12:23,025 --> 00:12:25,860 ♪ Workin' for a livin', livin' and a-workin' ♪ 285 00:12:25,861 --> 00:12:27,328 ♪ I'm takin' what they givin' ♪ 286 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,280 ♪ 'Cause I'm workin' for a livin' ♪ 287 00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:32,533 ♪ Workin' for a livin', livin' and a-workin' ♪ 288 00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:33,534 ♪ Whoo! ♪ 289 00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:45,880 Boy, I have a whole new respect for Hayden Panettiere. 290 00:12:45,881 --> 00:12:47,934 - (PHONE RINGS) - Giggity. 291 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,016 PETER: I'm pulling up. You ready? 292 00:12:49,017 --> 00:12:51,519 Oh, hey, Peter, listen, I can't work tonight. I'm spent. 293 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,887 That last trick was like 294 00:12:52,888 --> 00:12:54,789 trying to use an empty bottle of hand soap. 295 00:12:54,790 --> 00:12:56,657 But you got to work. I set up five appointments. 296 00:12:56,658 --> 00:12:58,793 That's a lot of money. Sorry, I can't do it. 297 00:12:58,794 --> 00:13:00,027 You're just gonna have to cancel them. 298 00:13:00,028 --> 00:13:02,063 What the hell did you say to me?! 299 00:13:02,064 --> 00:13:03,197 Peter, what are you doing?! 300 00:13:03,198 --> 00:13:04,665 You trippin', boy?! 301 00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:07,034 You're going out if I tell you you're going out, bitch! 302 00:13:07,035 --> 00:13:08,369 Okay. 303 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,238 What... what's in your pimp cup? 304 00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:12,920 Uh, it's actually a wheatgrass, ginger mixture. 305 00:13:12,921 --> 00:13:14,456 I was in the middle of a cleanse. 306 00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:15,977 I didn't know we'd be doing this pimp thing, 307 00:13:15,978 --> 00:13:17,631 but I made a promise to my body. 308 00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:19,781 (SIGHS): Ah. 309 00:13:20,231 --> 00:13:21,297 Not great. 310 00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:30,105 Peter, what you doing all dressed up for church? 311 00:13:30,106 --> 00:13:31,378 This ain't Easter. 312 00:13:31,379 --> 00:13:33,030 No, Cleveland, these are my work clothes. 313 00:13:33,031 --> 00:13:35,599 - You hosting Family Feud? - No, I'm a pimp. 314 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,534 Um, Big Pete, if we're gonna be sitting, 315 00:13:37,535 --> 00:13:39,036 may I use my penis donut? 316 00:13:39,037 --> 00:13:40,237 Bitch, I don't care. 317 00:13:40,238 --> 00:13:42,272 Dang, Quagmire, you're lucky. 318 00:13:42,273 --> 00:13:43,607 He take care of you. 319 00:13:43,608 --> 00:13:44,942 Yeah, no, no, it's great. 320 00:13:44,943 --> 00:13:46,410 Um, I'm making a lot of money. 321 00:13:46,411 --> 00:13:47,544 I'm actually really happy. 322 00:13:47,545 --> 00:13:49,431 I'm actually very hungry. 323 00:13:49,432 --> 00:13:50,835 Nobody's gonna want you if you're fat! 324 00:13:50,836 --> 00:13:51,615 You want to eat? 325 00:13:51,616 --> 00:13:53,484 Get up to that bar and earn your keep. 326 00:13:55,087 --> 00:13:57,256 W-What should I ask for, $500? 327 00:13:57,257 --> 00:13:58,853 You're not worth that much. You're trash! 328 00:13:58,854 --> 00:13:59,890 Ask for two. 329 00:13:59,891 --> 00:14:01,642 You know I hit you and whore you out 330 00:14:01,643 --> 00:14:03,327 because I love you, right? 331 00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:06,397 Hi, there. You want to party? 332 00:14:06,398 --> 00:14:08,132 And can I have some of your bread? 333 00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:09,233 Hi, handsome. 334 00:14:09,234 --> 00:14:11,235 You can't have my bread, but you can have 335 00:14:11,236 --> 00:14:13,838 something of mine that smells like bread. 336 00:14:19,545 --> 00:14:21,011 Okay, let's go. 337 00:14:21,012 --> 00:14:22,012 Just so you know, 338 00:14:22,013 --> 00:14:26,617 it takes me a long time. 339 00:14:32,524 --> 00:14:34,992 All right, Rupert, if we're going to teach Brian a lesson, 340 00:14:34,993 --> 00:14:36,660 we're going to need some muscle. 341 00:14:36,661 --> 00:14:39,496 You, you and you, 20 bucks for the day. 342 00:14:39,497 --> 00:14:40,581 Hop in the back. 343 00:14:40,582 --> 00:14:41,865 No! 344 00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:43,701 Asiento trasero Trasero! 345 00:14:43,702 --> 00:14:45,135 Forget it, just get in. 346 00:14:45,136 --> 00:14:47,471 Anyone who doesn't enjoy the music of Josh Groban 347 00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:49,673 can get out of the (BLEEP) car. 348 00:14:49,674 --> 00:14:53,077 ♪ You raise me up... ♪ 349 00:14:53,078 --> 00:14:55,846 Okay, if you had a friend who worked at Mega Hardware, 350 00:14:55,847 --> 00:14:57,448 how would you get him fired? 351 00:14:57,449 --> 00:14:59,149 You ask him for papers? 352 00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:00,451 Okay, good. 353 00:15:00,452 --> 00:15:02,453 Uh, that, unfortunately, won't work in this instance. 354 00:15:02,454 --> 00:15:03,887 But I like your effort, Luis. 355 00:15:03,888 --> 00:15:05,139 Uh, any other ideas? 356 00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:06,457 You could kill a guy. 357 00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,959 You know what, Carlos, you stay quiet for a while. 358 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,394 I really only need two of you. 359 00:15:10,395 --> 00:15:11,462 You'll still be paid. 360 00:15:11,463 --> 00:15:13,363 You ask for papers? 361 00:15:13,364 --> 00:15:16,033 Okay, is there any idea out there besides killing a guy 362 00:15:16,034 --> 00:15:17,468 or getting someone deported? 363 00:15:17,469 --> 00:15:19,470 We do good job, we live with you? 364 00:15:19,471 --> 00:15:21,338 Well, you just offered to kill a guy, 365 00:15:21,339 --> 00:15:23,657 so you're not exactly number one on my roommate list. 366 00:15:23,658 --> 00:15:26,310 Now, let's go. I paid good money for you, I need answers! 367 00:15:26,311 --> 00:15:28,312 I want your best, and I won't stand for 368 00:15:28,313 --> 00:15:29,806 even one more stupid idea! 369 00:15:30,682 --> 00:15:33,500 You shake up boss's soda and give to him. 370 00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:35,881 When he open it, it explode! 371 00:15:37,363 --> 00:15:39,589 This is why I pushed you. 372 00:15:44,763 --> 00:15:48,031 Huh. I guess that Brian Griffin is a good egg after all. 373 00:15:48,032 --> 00:15:50,050 (SHOUTS) 374 00:15:50,051 --> 00:15:52,125 Griffin, you're fired! 375 00:15:52,854 --> 00:15:54,872 (MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) 376 00:16:01,914 --> 00:16:03,947 HOOKER 1: I never liked prostitutes 377 00:16:03,948 --> 00:16:07,501 because they sell their bodies to all types of men. 378 00:16:07,502 --> 00:16:09,186 HOOKER 2: I turned my first trick 379 00:16:09,187 --> 00:16:11,488 when I had my first one-night stand. 380 00:16:11,489 --> 00:16:14,391 I had sex for dinner and drinks. 381 00:16:14,392 --> 00:16:16,693 QUAGMIRE: Being a prostitute is no fun. 382 00:16:16,694 --> 00:16:19,429 You have to work nights, weekends. 383 00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:22,082 I hear on SNL the women are funnier than the guys now, 384 00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:23,768 but I don't know, I'll never see it. 385 00:16:28,774 --> 00:16:30,240 NARRATOR: We meet Quagmire, 386 00:16:30,241 --> 00:16:32,442 a small-town boy with big-city dreams 387 00:16:32,443 --> 00:16:35,212 who has fallen deep into the game of prostitution 388 00:16:35,213 --> 00:16:36,480 at the Point. 389 00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:40,100 You know, some people ask me, 390 00:16:40,101 --> 00:16:42,352 "Would you want your son to be a hooker?" 391 00:16:42,353 --> 00:16:44,321 My answer is always, "Hey, lady, are we talking, 392 00:16:44,322 --> 00:16:45,556 or am I beefing ya?" 393 00:16:47,659 --> 00:16:49,960 I kind of want to see Guardians of the Galaxy, 394 00:16:49,961 --> 00:16:52,803 but I also kind of feel like there might be scary parts. 395 00:16:54,030 --> 00:16:56,182 Hey, honey, you shopping for groceries? 396 00:16:56,628 --> 00:16:57,801 You know what that means? 397 00:16:57,802 --> 00:16:59,670 "Shopping for groceries" is what I say instead of, 398 00:16:59,671 --> 00:17:01,321 "Do you want to pay me for sex?" 399 00:17:01,322 --> 00:17:02,838 so I can't get arrested. 400 00:17:22,835 --> 00:17:24,695 Stewie, did you hire three Mexican guys 401 00:17:24,696 --> 00:17:27,030 to shake a soda can and give it to my boss? 402 00:17:27,031 --> 00:17:28,415 What?! 403 00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:29,650 One's Guatemalan. 404 00:17:29,651 --> 00:17:31,301 Damn it, Stewie, you got me fired! 405 00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:33,287 Oh, who are you kidding? You got yourself fired. 406 00:17:33,288 --> 00:17:34,605 Parading around there, 407 00:17:34,606 --> 00:17:36,306 pretending you know the first thing about tools. 408 00:17:36,307 --> 00:17:37,186 You know what? 409 00:17:37,187 --> 00:17:39,042 You're going down there with me right now 410 00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:40,377 to tell them what you did. 411 00:17:40,378 --> 00:17:41,528 Get your hands off me! 412 00:17:41,529 --> 00:17:43,347 I'll go floppy dead weight on you! 413 00:17:44,816 --> 00:17:45,816 (GROANS) 414 00:17:45,817 --> 00:17:47,317 Ah, crap! My stomach! 415 00:17:47,318 --> 00:17:48,669 I think my hernia ruptured! 416 00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:49,853 Oh, my God! 417 00:17:49,854 --> 00:17:51,788 Damn it, it's bad. It's bad! 418 00:17:51,789 --> 00:17:53,657 I'll get Lois. She can take you to the hospital. 419 00:17:53,658 --> 00:17:55,058 No, she can't. 420 00:17:55,059 --> 00:17:56,894 Thanks to you, I don't have insurance anymore. 421 00:17:56,895 --> 00:17:57,995 What are we gonna do?! 422 00:17:57,996 --> 00:17:59,296 I'll get the gun! 423 00:17:59,297 --> 00:18:01,231 No, Stewie, you have to fix me. 424 00:18:01,232 --> 00:18:02,866 What?! I'm not a doctor! 425 00:18:02,867 --> 00:18:04,635 Just look it up on your phone or something! 426 00:18:04,636 --> 00:18:07,404 Ugh, hold on. I've got to update iOS. 427 00:18:07,405 --> 00:18:08,472 Stewie! 428 00:18:08,473 --> 00:18:10,073 Okay, okay, got it. 429 00:18:10,074 --> 00:18:11,742 It says I have to make an incision, 430 00:18:11,743 --> 00:18:13,343 retract the hernia sac, 431 00:18:13,344 --> 00:18:15,379 and then suture the abdominal lining. 432 00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:16,713 How am I supposed to do that?! 433 00:18:16,714 --> 00:18:18,148 Grab my tool belt. 434 00:18:18,149 --> 00:18:20,701 Use the self-sharpening linoleum blade. 435 00:18:20,702 --> 00:18:23,503 (SCREAMS): Ah! 436 00:18:23,504 --> 00:18:26,323 And then hold the incision open with a vise grip, 437 00:18:26,324 --> 00:18:29,726 and use the slip-joint pliers to get the muscle back in position. 438 00:18:29,727 --> 00:18:31,061 Okay, okay. 439 00:18:31,062 --> 00:18:32,763 Now it's saying I have to suture it. 440 00:18:32,764 --> 00:18:34,932 I've got some monofilament line you can use. 441 00:18:34,933 --> 00:18:37,334 It's from aisle eight, above the chains and cables. 442 00:18:37,335 --> 00:18:39,670 "Monofilament line," "slip-joint pliers." 443 00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:42,205 I've got to say, Brian, it seems like you really did 444 00:18:42,206 --> 00:18:43,540 learn something on that job. 445 00:18:43,541 --> 00:18:46,109 You're right. I guess I did. 446 00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:47,511 But please, stitch me up. 447 00:18:47,512 --> 00:18:49,112 Just be careful and take your time. 448 00:18:49,113 --> 00:18:50,580 This is the delicate part, because... 449 00:18:50,581 --> 00:18:52,382 Yeah, I'm gonna just use the staple gun. 450 00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:54,685 Ah! Damn it! Ah! 451 00:18:54,686 --> 00:18:56,586 You know what? That was really easy. 452 00:18:56,587 --> 00:18:59,789 That guy who killed Joan Rivers must be terrible at this. 453 00:19:04,396 --> 00:19:06,797 Hey, there... Oh. What are you doing here? 454 00:19:06,798 --> 00:19:07,931 Quagmire? 455 00:19:07,932 --> 00:19:09,299 Uh, oh... uh, uh... 456 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,702 I have a hobby that takes me this way. 457 00:19:11,703 --> 00:19:13,904 Hey, I'm freezing. You got a blanket in there or something? 458 00:19:13,905 --> 00:19:17,474 I got a towel, but it's wet because I'm eating peaches. 459 00:19:17,475 --> 00:19:19,126 I lied about the hobby. 460 00:19:19,127 --> 00:19:20,644 I was sinning. 461 00:19:20,645 --> 00:19:23,259 I'm going to drive away backwards now. 462 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,770 Hey, baby, you want to party? 463 00:19:29,771 --> 00:19:31,155 Get in. 464 00:19:37,929 --> 00:19:39,459 You guys having a good night? 465 00:19:40,565 --> 00:19:42,312 I like that it's getting dark earlier. 466 00:19:42,767 --> 00:19:44,935 What are you guys gonna be for Halloween? 467 00:19:44,936 --> 00:19:45,969 Big Pete, help! 468 00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,738 She wants to do German things! 469 00:19:47,739 --> 00:19:49,289 German things! 470 00:19:49,290 --> 00:19:51,608 What? No! He hasn't eaten anything in days! 471 00:19:51,609 --> 00:19:53,110 It's not gonna work! 472 00:19:53,111 --> 00:19:55,445 Nein! Nein! 473 00:19:55,446 --> 00:19:58,348 (GRUNTING) 474 00:19:58,349 --> 00:20:00,017 Ah! She's got us both! 475 00:20:00,018 --> 00:20:01,618 Help us, pimps and hos! 476 00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:04,522 Help us, HBO camera crew! 477 00:20:08,493 --> 00:20:11,695 God, Quagmire, most of that was horrible. 478 00:20:11,696 --> 00:20:13,013 I know. 479 00:20:13,014 --> 00:20:14,848 Eventually, I might want to try it again. 480 00:20:14,849 --> 00:20:16,099 Hey, listen, buddy. 481 00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:17,978 I'm sorry about all this. 482 00:20:17,979 --> 00:20:19,803 I guess I just got caught up in the money 483 00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:21,705 and-and assumed you were okay with it 484 00:20:21,706 --> 00:20:23,206 because of the sex. 485 00:20:23,207 --> 00:20:24,808 I don't know, Peter. I think you're just mad 486 00:20:24,809 --> 00:20:26,943 I didn't come to see your Pretenders cover band. 487 00:20:26,944 --> 00:20:28,345 Yes, well, that may be. 488 00:20:28,346 --> 00:20:30,347 Speaking of which, the Pretend Pretenders 489 00:20:30,348 --> 00:20:31,982 are playing again this weekend. 490 00:20:31,983 --> 00:20:33,350 Uh, much like the real band, 491 00:20:33,351 --> 00:20:35,802 we have been described as "meh." 492 00:20:35,803 --> 00:20:37,671 Still, I'm really sorry. 493 00:20:37,672 --> 00:20:39,656 Can you find it in yourself to forgive me, 494 00:20:39,657 --> 00:20:42,008 and maybe we can just go back to being friends? 495 00:20:42,009 --> 00:20:43,794 I'd like that. 496 00:20:43,795 --> 00:20:45,228 Hopefully, the pilot strike will end soon 497 00:20:45,229 --> 00:20:46,780 and I can get my old job back. 498 00:20:46,781 --> 00:20:48,298 Oh, the strike ended a month ago. 499 00:20:48,299 --> 00:20:49,991 What?! Why didn't you tell me?! 500 00:20:49,992 --> 00:20:51,017 I did. 501 00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:54,273 Are you still GlennQ10@aol.com? 502 00:20:54,274 --> 00:20:54,972 No. 503 00:20:54,973 --> 00:20:56,733 Ah, well. There you go. 504 00:20:56,734 --> 00:20:58,734 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com