1
00:00:04,798 --> 00:00:10,345
[panting]
[indistinct shouting]
2
00:00:11,347 --> 00:00:13,413
Get away from me!
3
00:00:13,415 --> 00:00:15,015
[beating on door]
Milk! Milk, you in there?
4
00:00:15,017 --> 00:00:16,316
Grover, Jamal!
5
00:00:16,318 --> 00:00:18,585
Come on, y'all, stop playing!
Open the door!
6
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:20,387
[beating on door]
7
00:00:20,389 --> 00:00:21,522
Whew.
8
00:00:21,524 --> 00:00:23,157
'Sup, little brody?
What's going on?
9
00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:26,326
- Niggas is trying to kill me!
- Nigga, did you just say the N word?
10
00:00:26,328 --> 00:00:28,529
You mean black brothers
is after you, right?
11
00:00:28,531 --> 00:00:31,398
No, niggas!
Look!
12
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,001
[indistinct shouting]
13
00:00:34,003 --> 00:00:35,936
[all screaming]
14
00:00:35,938 --> 00:00:37,404
Oh, shit!
15
00:00:37,406 --> 00:00:39,006
Hey, my dudes.
16
00:00:39,008 --> 00:00:40,707
I just busted three nuts
in under a minute.
17
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:42,543
That's got to be
a world record, right?
18
00:00:42,545 --> 00:00:44,812
[glass shattering]
[all screaming]
19
00:00:44,814 --> 00:00:46,801
1x08 - "End of Days"
20
00:00:46,802 --> 00:00:50,623
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
21
00:00:50,658 --> 00:00:53,887
[funky hip-hop music] _
22
00:00:53,889 --> 00:00:57,891
Yo, all I'm saying is, someone
shot me a Periscope of a Vine
23
00:00:57,893 --> 00:01:02,029
of a Snapchat of a screengrab
of a text... [gasps]
24
00:01:02,031 --> 00:01:04,097
That say they saw Cindy
pee in the shower.
25
00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:06,533
You hear that?
Your girl like them golden showers.
26
00:01:06,535 --> 00:01:08,802
I wonder if she mud sharks
in the back of the toilet too.
27
00:01:08,804 --> 00:01:10,270
You already know them
Germans is on that.
28
00:01:10,272 --> 00:01:11,338
[laughing]
[smack]
29
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:12,873
Y'all need to OJ that shit.
30
00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:15,809
Cindy's a classy lady
and my future baby mama.
31
00:01:15,811 --> 00:01:19,346
[grunting]
Are you ready for some sex?
32
00:01:19,348 --> 00:01:23,450
[snoring] Snoring sounds
like consent to me, bitch.
33
00:01:23,452 --> 00:01:27,087
[grunting] Are you ready
for my big, fat Albert?
34
00:01:27,089 --> 00:01:29,723
Oh, shit, it's
a Bill Cosby sex tape.
35
00:01:29,725 --> 00:01:33,126
Time to put the pudding pop
where it doesn't go.
36
00:01:33,128 --> 00:01:36,939
It's not rape
if she's not awake. [all gasp]
37
00:01:36,974 --> 00:01:38,418
[phone dings]
38
00:01:40,436 --> 00:01:42,903
Oh, shit.
Cindy finally hit me back.
39
00:01:42,905 --> 00:01:45,973
- She must want to get wifed up.
- Say what, my nig?
40
00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:47,841
I mean, she must want
to have her cakes beat
41
00:01:47,843 --> 00:01:49,176
with no emotional connection.
42
00:01:49,178 --> 00:01:51,111
Damn, I can't find the sex tape.
43
00:01:51,113 --> 00:01:54,448
I got it, but it ain't playing.
What the fuck is a buffering?
44
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:56,750
[crowd chattering]
45
00:01:56,752 --> 00:01:59,453
- Where'd it go?
- Thanks, Obama.
46
00:01:59,455 --> 00:02:01,622
God damn it, Cosby!
What the fuck?
47
00:02:01,624 --> 00:02:03,123
Man, this is some whole
hey-hey-hey type shit.
48
00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:06,594
I'ma go home and watch Ray J.
[electronic beeping]
49
00:02:06,896 --> 00:02:09,496
- Whoa, what?!
- I ain't getting no data now.
50
00:02:09,498 --> 00:02:12,299
Me neither. Damn Huxtable
roofied the whole Internet.
51
00:02:12,301 --> 00:02:14,668
I got to go see what Cindy
was texting me about.
52
00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:15,936
- I'll holler.
- Where you going?
53
00:02:15,938 --> 00:02:18,839
To the library, my nigs.
I know they got Wi-Fi.
54
00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:20,340
What's a li-burry?
55
00:02:20,342 --> 00:02:22,709
It's where homeless people chill
when Starbucks is closed.
56
00:02:22,711 --> 00:02:24,778
[deep bass beat]
57
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:28,715
Damn, it's like Hogwarts, my nig,
but without the whimsy.
58
00:02:28,717 --> 00:02:31,752
Aye, who the fuck is Whimsy?
59
00:02:31,754 --> 00:02:32,920
[splat]
60
00:02:32,922 --> 00:02:35,856
[ominous music]
61
00:02:35,858 --> 00:02:36,957
[punches]
62
00:02:36,959 --> 00:02:40,594
- Oh, shit, that's the librarian.
- Sorry, old-ass lady.
63
00:02:40,596 --> 00:02:42,229
I thought you was
mark-ass Whimsy.
64
00:02:42,231 --> 00:02:45,165
If you could just get us online,
we'll be on our way.
65
00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:48,235
[spits]
You hit like a bitch.
66
00:02:48,237 --> 00:02:50,270
- Aah!
- Follow me.
67
00:02:52,775 --> 00:02:55,742
[connection dialing up]
68
00:02:55,744 --> 00:02:58,011
God damn, now we ain't
never gonna see
69
00:02:58,013 --> 00:02:59,613
what Big Bill was working with.
70
00:02:59,615 --> 00:03:01,715
Fuck Bill, I'm trying
to hit Cindy back.
71
00:03:01,717 --> 00:03:03,750
[electronic feedback]
Ladies and gentlemen,
72
00:03:03,752 --> 00:03:06,853
at approximately 11:37 am
Pacific Standard Time,
73
00:03:06,855 --> 00:03:10,524
some four minutes ago,
the Internet... broke.
74
00:03:10,526 --> 00:03:11,642
We're receiving word
75
00:03:11,643 --> 00:03:13,961
that the cellular network is also down.
[sad music]
76
00:03:13,963 --> 00:03:17,283
May God have mercy on our souls.
[gunshot]
77
00:03:17,633 --> 00:03:20,367
[crowd screaming]
78
00:03:20,369 --> 00:03:22,102
[glass shattering, gunfire]
79
00:03:22,104 --> 00:03:25,105
[dramatic music]
80
00:03:26,842 --> 00:03:29,009
God damn it, navigation system.
81
00:03:29,011 --> 00:03:30,577
What do I do?
What do I do?
82
00:03:30,579 --> 00:03:32,713
Aah!
[explosion]
83
00:03:32,715 --> 00:03:38,852
[beeps]
84
00:03:38,854 --> 00:03:40,620
[explosion]
85
00:03:40,622 --> 00:03:42,556
[gunshots]
86
00:03:42,558 --> 00:03:45,125
What the fuck?
87
00:03:45,127 --> 00:03:47,861
Well, fuck it...
might as well get a smoke break.
88
00:03:47,863 --> 00:03:50,430
Damn, no game, no weed.
89
00:03:50,432 --> 00:03:53,066
What else can a nigga do?
[splat]
90
00:03:53,068 --> 00:03:56,269
Oh, well, I guess I can learn
how to get this bread.
91
00:03:56,271 --> 00:03:58,772
[foreboding music]
92
00:03:58,774 --> 00:04:01,308
You broke it, cabron,
like for serious.
93
00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:03,677
- No, I didn't even touch it!
- Give it to me and stuff, ese.
94
00:04:03,679 --> 00:04:05,312
I don't know what
you talking about.
95
00:04:05,314 --> 00:04:07,180
- Give it to me, you...
- Shhh!
96
00:04:07,182 --> 00:04:08,749
Welcome back to MSNBC.
97
00:04:08,751 --> 00:04:10,884
The White House has confirmed
that the World Wide Web
98
00:04:10,886 --> 00:04:12,386
is currently broke.
99
00:04:12,388 --> 00:04:15,222
The outage was caused by
a nationwide spike in traffic
100
00:04:15,224 --> 00:04:17,591
following the leak
of a Bill Cosby sex tape.
101
00:04:17,593 --> 00:04:19,192
The government has assured us
102
00:04:19,194 --> 00:04:22,496
they are doing everything
they can to fix the situation,
103
00:04:22,498 --> 00:04:25,298
so we all can get a good look
at Bill's BBC.
104
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:26,500
Can't wait, Thad.
105
00:04:26,502 --> 00:04:30,276
And now, back to our special
airing of "Ghost Dad."
106
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:32,506
- This is amazing.
- Amazing?
107
00:04:32,508 --> 00:04:34,074
Esto es mierda.
108
00:04:34,076 --> 00:04:36,510
You don't see it, do you? If
you take away the mindless drivel
109
00:04:36,512 --> 00:04:38,345
that corporations peddle
in the name of entertainment
110
00:04:38,347 --> 00:04:40,881
and eliminate access
to unrealistic portrayals
111
00:04:40,883 --> 00:04:43,517
of intimacy, people will return
to what really matters.
112
00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:44,785
What's that, ese?
113
00:04:44,787 --> 00:04:46,119
The black man.
114
00:04:46,121 --> 00:04:48,655
Hey, straight up, I'm
gonna miss "Yo Gabba Gabba."
115
00:04:48,657 --> 00:04:50,424
Man, y'all too old for that
"Yo Gabba Gabba."
116
00:04:50,426 --> 00:04:53,193
Y'all need to get up on that
"Doc McStuffins, Black Doctor."
117
00:04:53,195 --> 00:04:54,411
[laptop dinging]
[both gasp]
118
00:04:54,446 --> 00:04:57,464
- See mon!
- What y'all looking all stunned for?
119
00:04:57,466 --> 00:04:59,800
You think I'ma trust The Man
with my communications?
120
00:04:59,802 --> 00:05:01,802
Miss me with that
Patriot Act biz, breh.
121
00:05:01,804 --> 00:05:04,905
I hacked into a Chinese satellite.
I'm off the grid, son.
122
00:05:04,907 --> 00:05:06,473
Now, that's gangster.
123
00:05:06,475 --> 00:05:08,675
Who wants to watch
a crooked cop get beat down?
124
00:05:08,677 --> 00:05:10,177
- Me, me...I do, I do!
- Me, over here!
125
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,746
[dark music]
[screaming]
126
00:05:12,748 --> 00:05:13,814
[alarms blaring]
127
00:05:13,816 --> 00:05:16,416
All this destruction,
where we gonna eat, bruh?
128
00:05:16,418 --> 00:05:18,251
I just hope Cindy's okay, my nigs,
129
00:05:18,253 --> 00:05:19,519
'cause if the world's gonna end,
130
00:05:19,521 --> 00:05:21,254
it's gonna end with my
thang in her mouth.
131
00:05:21,256 --> 00:05:23,223
Man, who care about
her swampy ass?
132
00:05:23,225 --> 00:05:25,092
She probably kicking it
with Randy somewhere,
133
00:05:25,094 --> 00:05:27,561
eating boogers or peeing on
each other or some other shit.
134
00:05:27,563 --> 00:05:29,329
I'm ain't finna die for her dirty ass.
135
00:05:29,331 --> 00:05:31,765
I'm gonna let the disrespect
slide for the moment,
136
00:05:31,767 --> 00:05:33,200
but only because we just saw a dude
137
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:35,202
get his face eaten off by cats.
138
00:05:35,204 --> 00:05:38,171
[cocks gun]
Gah!
139
00:05:38,173 --> 00:05:39,439
The streets is getting real.
140
00:05:39,441 --> 00:05:41,441
Maybe we should just
roll to Milk's house.
141
00:05:41,443 --> 00:05:44,344
Whoa, pump them brakes, thickness.
What about your house?
142
00:05:44,346 --> 00:05:46,279
Nah, Shamal's there, and she fat.
143
00:05:46,281 --> 00:05:48,115
- What about Grover's?
- My house?
144
00:05:48,117 --> 00:05:50,217
Milk's the one that lives
in the gated neighborhood.
145
00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:51,685
Yeah, and didn't you say
your moms
146
00:05:51,687 --> 00:05:54,621
and that bitch-ass nig Uncle Joey
was on vacation?
147
00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:55,922
[glass shattering]
[screaming]
148
00:05:55,924 --> 00:05:57,457
I don't care if the Internet's broke!
149
00:05:57,459 --> 00:05:59,292
I am white.
Make it work!
150
00:05:59,294 --> 00:06:00,827
[growling]
151
00:06:00,829 --> 00:06:03,096
Yo, this ho is turning into a bitch.
152
00:06:03,098 --> 00:06:05,665
Let's get to my crib
ASAPer than Rocky.
153
00:06:09,505 --> 00:06:10,537
[laughing]
154
00:06:10,539 --> 00:06:12,239
Look at us... having a great time,
155
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:14,040
playing a game invented
in ancient Africa.
156
00:06:14,042 --> 00:06:15,175
We don't need no Xbox.
157
00:06:15,177 --> 00:06:17,744
Yo, we not making
no bread, Malik.
158
00:06:17,746 --> 00:06:21,148
Yo, Malik, my cousin Chuy
need to use the computer.
159
00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:23,416
- What?
- He need to fill out his unemployment.
160
00:06:23,418 --> 00:06:26,086
Rodrigo, you out here running
your mouth about my broadband?
161
00:06:26,088 --> 00:06:27,888
What I tell you about putting
my business in the streets?
162
00:06:27,890 --> 00:06:29,356
[clears throat]
163
00:06:29,358 --> 00:06:33,126
- Chuy give you this. You like?
- What am I gonna do with a toy truck?
164
00:06:33,128 --> 00:06:35,829
- Or I got this.
- Hmm...
165
00:06:35,831 --> 00:06:38,064
There's a lot more
where this came from.
166
00:06:38,066 --> 00:06:40,467
You got the juice now.
167
00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:43,136
Yeah, and I'm thirsty.
168
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,458
[ominous music]
169
00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:53,848
That's it, we locked up tighter
than Rick Ross's skinny jeans.
170
00:06:53,850 --> 00:06:56,384
Ain't no mark-ass poor people
getting in here now.
171
00:06:56,386 --> 00:06:58,586
Yo, what do you think
Cindy meant by "hey"?
172
00:06:58,588 --> 00:07:00,722
Do you think it was
a "You're a cool guy,
173
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:02,824
and I'd love to kick it
after school" type of "hey,"
174
00:07:02,826 --> 00:07:05,760
or more of a "Damn, Grover,
I want to high-five your dick
175
00:07:05,762 --> 00:07:07,195
with my mouth" type of "hey"?
176
00:07:07,197 --> 00:07:08,796
Honestly, bro, I don't even
know why you want
177
00:07:08,798 --> 00:07:11,265
to step to Cindy after
all that shit Jamal said.
178
00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:13,034
You don't really
believe him, do you?
179
00:07:13,036 --> 00:07:14,936
Where's he at, anyway?
180
00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:18,339
[woman screaming]
181
00:07:18,341 --> 00:07:20,808
- Next.
- Wait! I had a triple word score!
182
00:07:20,810 --> 00:07:25,747
- I was hoping for five minutes.
- Pete, put eyes on this.
183
00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:29,150
- It's vintage.
- It's costume. Three minutes tops!
184
00:07:29,152 --> 00:07:31,085
She lied.
Give her ten seconds.
185
00:07:31,087 --> 00:07:32,923
Thank you so much.
186
00:07:36,593 --> 00:07:37,725
[sighs contentedly]
187
00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:39,861
- Size?
- Seven, sir.
188
00:07:39,863 --> 00:07:42,997
- Man, I wear a grade school six.
- Hey, I wear a seven.
189
00:07:42,999 --> 00:07:45,099
Didn't nobody ask you what
size you wear, Pete.
190
00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:48,102
- Man, that's fucked up.
- Give him 20 seconds.
191
00:07:48,104 --> 00:07:50,371
Give me the shoes.
192
00:07:50,573 --> 00:07:54,242
- 500SL convertible.
- Seven minutes.
193
00:07:58,248 --> 00:08:00,782
Nailed it.
194
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,517
[unzips]
195
00:08:02,519 --> 00:08:05,420
Hey, there, sweetie,
come to the free
196
00:08:05,421 --> 00:08:08,322
adult version of Facebook
at Slitfinder.com.
197
00:08:08,324 --> 00:08:09,857
Earmuffs!
198
00:08:09,859 --> 00:08:11,959
[indistinct shouting]
199
00:08:11,961 --> 00:08:13,127
What the fuck?
200
00:08:13,129 --> 00:08:15,229
Jamal done went Medina
all over my kitchen.
201
00:08:15,231 --> 00:08:16,731
He left one tangerines, though.
202
00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:20,201
Man, I don't eat no tree garbage.
I drink all my fruits in soda.
203
00:08:20,203 --> 00:08:22,236
You know what he likes to do
after he eats?
204
00:08:22,238 --> 00:08:23,471
- Take a nap.
- After that?
205
00:08:23,573 --> 00:08:25,073
- Take a shit.
- After that?
206
00:08:25,175 --> 00:08:26,774
- Lick his fingers.
- After that?
207
00:08:28,678 --> 00:08:30,878
Rhiyoncé!
208
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:35,049
Mm-mm-mm, did you finish?
I did... twice.
209
00:08:35,051 --> 00:08:36,918
Remember, it's our secret.
210
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:37,952
[smash]
211
00:08:37,954 --> 00:08:40,955
Jesus, it stinks in here.
It smells like sweaty balls,
212
00:08:40,957 --> 00:08:44,358
- cheese, and burnt rubber.
- A booty bouquet.
213
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,095
Rhi Rhi, did he hurt you?
214
00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:48,663
What the fuck is that look?
215
00:08:48,665 --> 00:08:50,465
I know you ain't go raw
in my girl.
216
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:52,100
Is there any other way?
217
00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:54,335
- You fat bitch.
- Fuck that blow-up trick.
218
00:08:54,337 --> 00:08:56,688
What we gonna do for food?
We gonna starve to death
219
00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:58,940
because of selfish-ass
CeeLo Green over here.
220
00:08:58,942 --> 00:09:01,075
CeeLo?
I always thought of myself
221
00:09:01,077 --> 00:09:03,344
as a young Big Sean type of nig.
222
00:09:03,346 --> 00:09:06,647
Man, we arguing like some
NBA hoes at All-Star Weekend.
223
00:09:06,649 --> 00:09:08,382
Let's just go to Food for Mo.
224
00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:11,219
Food for Mo ain't no mo.
225
00:09:11,421 --> 00:09:15,590
- Oh, shit.
- [screaming] We gonna die!
226
00:09:17,694 --> 00:09:19,727
Now, how this shit
gonna be called "The Profit"
227
00:09:19,729 --> 00:09:22,663
when he ain't make no bread?
Man, this some bullshit.
228
00:09:22,665 --> 00:09:24,398
Your boy 'Trely can
do better than that.
229
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,858
[clacking keys]
[music]
230
00:09:28,271 --> 00:09:29,871
Now, before I go any further,
231
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,607
I'ma need a pseudonym
to protect my street cred.
232
00:09:32,609 --> 00:09:34,942
Hmm, Mark Make It Twain?
233
00:09:34,944 --> 00:09:36,644
Edgar Allan Never-Poe?
234
00:09:36,646 --> 00:09:39,113
Oh, I got it.
Blunter S. Thompson.
235
00:09:39,115 --> 00:09:41,415
Yeah, that shit amazing!
236
00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:43,518
[music]
237
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,888
Now how we gonna survive?
We got no food and no weapons.
238
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,657
All we got is water and one
bitch-ass tangerines.
239
00:09:49,659 --> 00:09:50,992
And it's only a matter of time
240
00:09:50,994 --> 00:09:52,794
before those fools
break down the gate.
241
00:09:52,796 --> 00:09:55,696
I'm trying to be a legend,
not "I Am Legend."
242
00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:58,566
Yo, straight up, if this go down,
I'm eating the rapist.
243
00:09:58,568 --> 00:10:00,668
Mmm, look at all that
shoulder meat.
244
00:10:00,670 --> 00:10:03,971
Eating the homey feels kind of gay,
unless you got some hot sauce.
245
00:10:03,973 --> 00:10:05,239
You know what?
Fuck that.
246
00:10:05,241 --> 00:10:08,209
Uncle Joey got one of them
Jodie Foster-type panic rooms.
247
00:10:08,211 --> 00:10:09,777
Grover, you can roll.
248
00:10:09,779 --> 00:10:11,612
Jamal, Rhiyonce's coming with me,
249
00:10:11,614 --> 00:10:13,681
so you can go fuck yourself, fat boy.
250
00:10:13,683 --> 00:10:18,719
Guys, seriously, though,
my corn syrups is getting low.
251
00:10:18,721 --> 00:10:22,290
He got all kinds of good
shit in there... food, water.
252
00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:25,793
He even got that BET
"Baldwin Hills" collector set on DVD.
253
00:10:25,795 --> 00:10:27,929
And, rapist, you ain't
gonna see none of it.
254
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:28,930
[buzzing]
255
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:32,200
Oh, shit, he changed it,
just like a bitch-ass white boy.
256
00:10:32,202 --> 00:10:34,802
- Now what?
- Hurry, I'm about to crash.
257
00:10:34,804 --> 00:10:36,337
That's what your greedy ass get.
258
00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:38,172
Hey, y'all, keep a cool booty.
259
00:10:38,174 --> 00:10:39,907
Duke, go get bitch-ass Uncle Joey
260
00:10:39,909 --> 00:10:41,976
and tell him we need the code
to the panic room.
261
00:10:41,978 --> 00:10:44,679
Oh, and before you leave,
tell him eat a dick.
262
00:10:44,681 --> 00:10:46,714
[farts]
263
00:10:46,716 --> 00:10:49,550
- We need a landline, my nigs.
- The hell is that?
264
00:10:49,552 --> 00:10:52,820
It's a sort of communication that
old nigs used to talk to each other.
265
00:10:52,822 --> 00:10:55,857
We just need to find a old person.
I'm sure they'll have one.
266
00:10:55,859 --> 00:10:57,892
Oh, I know.
Old-ass Miss Jenkins.
267
00:10:57,894 --> 00:11:00,962
Hopefully she got some pie
chilling on the windowsill.
268
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:03,064
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
269
00:11:03,066 --> 00:11:04,098
Let's gear up.
270
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:07,101
[dramatic music]
271
00:11:07,103 --> 00:11:09,570
Jamal, come on.
272
00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:14,809
[indistinct shouting]
273
00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:18,446
Almost there.
274
00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:20,481
[crash]
275
00:11:20,483 --> 00:11:22,316
[grunting]
276
00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:25,786
- Ooh, shit, it's Kobe Bryant.
- Help me...
277
00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:28,155
Just pass me the trophies,
and we'll pull you out.
278
00:11:28,157 --> 00:11:29,190
Pass?
279
00:11:29,192 --> 00:11:32,059
[explosion]
280
00:11:32,061 --> 00:11:33,895
These was Shaq's anyway.
281
00:11:35,899 --> 00:11:37,298
[rapping on door]
282
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,866
I don't think anybody's home.
[glass breaking]
283
00:11:38,868 --> 00:11:41,836
- What the hell are you doing, Milk?
- Being a G.
284
00:11:41,838 --> 00:11:43,070
The world's ending, my dudes,
285
00:11:43,072 --> 00:11:45,840
and we ain't going out
like no punks. Shamon.
286
00:11:48,444 --> 00:11:51,946
Oh, look at this bitch photo album.
She older than wood.
287
00:11:51,948 --> 00:11:54,415
Damn, Ms. Jenkins was
the original jump-off.
288
00:11:54,417 --> 00:11:56,918
Ken Griffey Juniors,
Magic Johnsons,
289
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,854
Shawn Kemps,
Martin Luther King Seniors?
290
00:11:59,856 --> 00:12:03,090
Man, check these out.
Miss Jenkins is packin' in the backin'.
291
00:12:03,092 --> 00:12:06,827
- Booty for weeks.
- Oh, hell, yeah... teeth in the jar.
292
00:12:06,829 --> 00:12:08,596
You know she give
them good gummies.
293
00:12:08,598 --> 00:12:09,797
[banging]
294
00:12:09,799 --> 00:12:11,098
Uhh! Come on, can!
295
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,166
Uhh!
[banging]
296
00:12:12,168 --> 00:12:13,567
Can't get this shit open.
Uhh!
297
00:12:13,569 --> 00:12:15,636
Jamal, no!
298
00:12:15,638 --> 00:12:16,804
[smash]
299
00:12:16,806 --> 00:12:22,476
- I'm a legend, bitch.
- You idiot, you broke the landline.
300
00:12:22,478 --> 00:12:24,412
Y'all want some pork and beans?
301
00:12:24,414 --> 00:12:27,576
You go raw in that too?
Nasty motherfucker.
302
00:12:27,611 --> 00:12:28,082
[gun cocks]
303
00:12:28,084 --> 00:12:29,350
Oh, shit.
304
00:12:31,463 --> 00:12:33,303
- Oh, shit!
- Hands up, don't shoot!
305
00:12:33,305 --> 00:12:34,704
Get the fuck out.
306
00:12:34,706 --> 00:12:37,474
Wait, just the white boy.
307
00:12:37,476 --> 00:12:42,745
- You two dark ones can stay.
- Aight, let's dip, y'all.
308
00:12:42,747 --> 00:12:46,749
Mmm, cocoa butter.
That takes me back.
309
00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:49,719
[dramatic music]
310
00:12:49,721 --> 00:12:51,421
Aw, hell, no!
311
00:12:51,423 --> 00:12:54,457
- And barrel roll.
- Hands up, assholes.
312
00:12:54,459 --> 00:12:58,161
- Not you, Milton. You're fine.
- Don't worry, fellas. I got this.
313
00:12:58,163 --> 00:13:00,163
What are you boys doing
in this neighborhood, huh?
314
00:13:00,165 --> 00:13:01,598
Wouldn't be looting, would you?
315
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,799
Nice!
316
00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:04,767
[laughing]
317
00:13:04,769 --> 00:13:07,470
- Sir, we were just...
- Hey, did I tell you to talk?!
318
00:13:07,472 --> 00:13:10,039
You might want to watch that lip, son.
It sounds aggressive,
319
00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:12,175
and I'm starting to fear
for my life right now.
320
00:13:12,177 --> 00:13:15,378
You only stopped us 'cause
we black, you dirty-ass pigs.
321
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:18,348
- I got it all on tape.
- Look, guns!
322
00:13:18,350 --> 00:13:19,682
Get over here!
[indistinct shouting]
323
00:13:19,684 --> 00:13:22,185
No, no, not my Taser.
This doesn't feel good.
324
00:13:22,187 --> 00:13:24,787
No, no, the other shoe has dropped.
325
00:13:24,789 --> 00:13:27,223
- Worldstar!
- Come on, Milk.
326
00:13:27,225 --> 00:13:31,694
[music]
327
00:13:31,696 --> 00:13:33,463
This is all I have.
328
00:13:33,465 --> 00:13:36,266
I just need a few minutes
to order some diapers.
329
00:13:36,268 --> 00:13:38,735
The market is all out
because of the looting.
330
00:13:38,737 --> 00:13:40,670
Yeah, yeah, yeah, likely story.
331
00:13:40,672 --> 00:13:42,205
Let me tell you what's
really happening.
332
00:13:42,207 --> 00:13:43,873
You're jonesing for some
"Housewives of Atlanta,"
333
00:13:43,875 --> 00:13:45,341
and it's making you crazy.
334
00:13:45,343 --> 00:13:47,277
No, seriously,
my baby keeps shitting.
335
00:13:47,279 --> 00:13:49,846
Come on, ese, move it!
Time's up.
336
00:13:49,848 --> 00:13:52,482
I had to reset my password.
I'm so sorry.
337
00:13:52,484 --> 00:13:54,250
It will just be another moment.
338
00:13:54,252 --> 00:13:57,287
[buzzing]
Aah!
339
00:13:57,289 --> 00:14:00,056
You think it's a pudding pop,
but it's not.
340
00:14:00,058 --> 00:14:01,658
You still put it
in your mouth, though.
341
00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:03,293
Zippity bop pow!
342
00:14:03,295 --> 00:14:04,827
Pete, what is this?
343
00:14:04,829 --> 00:14:08,064
Hey, cash rules everything
around me. You know the rest.
344
00:14:08,066 --> 00:14:10,033
You disloyal mother...
man, that's it.
345
00:14:10,035 --> 00:14:11,534
No more Internet for anybody.
346
00:14:11,536 --> 00:14:13,603
I want everybody up
out of here right now.
347
00:14:13,605 --> 00:14:16,139
[crowd groaning]
348
00:14:16,141 --> 00:14:19,442
Not you.
We came up in this game together.
349
00:14:19,444 --> 00:14:21,477
[cocks gun]
You don't have to do this!
350
00:14:21,479 --> 00:14:23,580
I didn't do this.
You did.
351
00:14:23,582 --> 00:14:26,749
Please, Malik, not in the face!
I want a open casket.
352
00:14:26,751 --> 00:14:30,720
You really sadden me, Pete.
Am I my brother's keeper?
353
00:14:30,922 --> 00:14:34,023
Am I... my brother's... keeper?
354
00:14:34,025 --> 00:14:35,258
Yes, I am!
355
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:36,292
[squirt]
Aaah!
356
00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:39,462
- Sorry, Pete.
- Uh, can I go now?
357
00:14:39,464 --> 00:14:40,897
Man, get out of here.
358
00:14:43,602 --> 00:14:46,135
Don't feel bad.
You had to do it.
359
00:14:46,137 --> 00:14:48,972
[music]
360
00:14:48,974 --> 00:14:51,140
Way to go, dickheads.
You know what?
361
00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:53,843
Me and Rhiyonce would have been
better off without y'all.
362
00:14:53,845 --> 00:14:55,511
"Y'all"?
What you mean, y'all?
363
00:14:55,513 --> 00:14:57,413
Jamal's the one that
messed everything up.
364
00:14:57,415 --> 00:15:01,050
- Me? I'm the one that found the phone!
- You also broke it.
365
00:15:01,052 --> 00:15:03,253
Man, we in some
Book of Rebalations-type shit,
366
00:15:03,255 --> 00:15:06,322
and y'all standing here
arguing about swine and beans
367
00:15:06,324 --> 00:15:09,092
and phones, and Rhiyonce
laying up there damaged goods.
368
00:15:09,094 --> 00:15:12,095
- I can't even look at her no more.
- You know what?
369
00:15:12,097 --> 00:15:14,731
You've become a real liability
on these streets, my nig.
370
00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:16,766
Well, you been acting
like a little biyatch
371
00:15:16,768 --> 00:15:18,635
ever since that text from Cindy.
372
00:15:18,637 --> 00:15:20,870
Might want to change
your tampon, ho!
373
00:15:20,872 --> 00:15:22,338
Who you calling ho, ho?
374
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:23,906
You so hard, come get some.
375
00:15:23,908 --> 00:15:26,843
[both grunting]
376
00:15:27,712 --> 00:15:28,712
[panting]
377
00:15:28,713 --> 00:15:30,813
You just jealous that you would
never have a chance
378
00:15:30,815 --> 00:15:32,915
with a girl like Cindy.
379
00:15:32,917 --> 00:15:34,517
I don't even know why
I kick it with you.
380
00:15:34,519 --> 00:15:37,050
Oh, it's like that, huh?
381
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:41,766
Well, I think it's about time
you learned the truth.
382
00:15:43,032 --> 00:15:47,901
Hey, look! The new kid got
a butthole on the side of his dome.
383
00:15:47,902 --> 00:15:50,470
[laughs]
Let's call him Butthole Brains.
384
00:15:50,472 --> 00:15:52,339
[laughing] Man, he got a hole
in the side of his brain
385
00:15:52,341 --> 00:15:55,075
and a brain inside his head
inside of his hole. [giggling]
386
00:15:55,177 --> 00:15:57,477
Nice shoes, buster.
Where you get those,
387
00:15:57,479 --> 00:16:00,811
Payless or Can't Pay No Less?
[all laughing]
388
00:16:02,851 --> 00:16:05,986
[crying]
389
00:16:05,988 --> 00:16:07,721
Jamal, listen, buddy.
390
00:16:07,723 --> 00:16:10,090
Grover's new here,
and he's having a hard time
391
00:16:10,092 --> 00:16:13,460
making friends, and as you can
tell by his shoes...
392
00:16:13,462 --> 00:16:14,895
He broke as shit?
393
00:16:14,897 --> 00:16:16,196
That wasn't what I was
going to say,
394
00:16:16,198 --> 00:16:17,597
but, yes, he is broke as shit.
395
00:16:17,599 --> 00:16:20,233
So would you do me a favor
and play with him?
396
00:16:20,235 --> 00:16:22,636
I'll give you a free lunch ticket.
397
00:16:22,638 --> 00:16:25,505
Make it two free lunch tickets,
and you got a deal.
398
00:16:25,507 --> 00:16:26,940
[shimmering noise]
399
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:29,944
The moral of the story is,
fish sticks and coffee cake
400
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,879
is the only reason
you got a friend right now...
401
00:16:32,881 --> 00:16:35,415
fish sticks and coffee cake.
402
00:16:35,717 --> 00:16:39,319
Fish sticks and coffee cake!
403
00:16:39,321 --> 00:16:42,088
[panting]
Ooh!
404
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:44,324
Look, baby, I ain't saying
it was your fault,
405
00:16:44,326 --> 00:16:46,226
but I should take the air out
you right now.
406
00:16:46,228 --> 00:16:48,295
But I can't,
'cause I love you too much.
407
00:16:48,297 --> 00:16:52,432
I just need to know one thing.
Was he bigger than me?
408
00:16:52,434 --> 00:16:54,000
I knew he couldn't match my nine.
409
00:16:54,002 --> 00:16:56,536
Now let's clean these holes
and get it cracking.
410
00:16:56,538 --> 00:16:59,472
[crowd muttering]
411
00:17:01,343 --> 00:17:02,776
I thought I could
help people transform [music]
412
00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:04,578
from the brainwashed drones
they'd become
413
00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:06,713
into real, free-thinking
humans again.
414
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:08,915
But having all that power
is too much for one man.
415
00:17:08,917 --> 00:17:11,051
It corrupted me...
made me less than human.
416
00:17:11,053 --> 00:17:15,522
Bottom line,
it turned me into a... cracker.
417
00:17:15,524 --> 00:17:16,923
Give me that Internet, boy!
418
00:17:16,925 --> 00:17:18,525
We know you're in there!
419
00:17:18,527 --> 00:17:19,593
I got to get out of here.
420
00:17:19,595 --> 00:17:21,027
He's getting away!
421
00:17:21,029 --> 00:17:25,432
[indistinct shouting]
[punches, gasp]
422
00:17:25,434 --> 00:17:27,601
- There he is!
- Uh-oh.
423
00:17:27,603 --> 00:17:31,535
[panting]
[indistinct shouting]
424
00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:35,010
[indistinct shouting]
[saw whirs]
425
00:17:35,045 --> 00:17:37,805
[glass shattering]
[all screaming]
426
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,708
- What they want, Malik?
- The Internet, man.
427
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:43,510
I got it on lock.
I don't even want it anymore.
428
00:17:43,512 --> 00:17:45,813
- Can you help me find Cindy?
- I-Is she lost?
429
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,849
Nah, Grover just think she
want to get busy, but she don't.
430
00:17:48,851 --> 00:17:52,820
I'll suck your dick, little man.
I'll suck it real hard.
431
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,356
Aah! No!
I don't want them to do that.
432
00:17:55,358 --> 00:17:56,857
[smashing]
433
00:17:56,859 --> 00:17:58,892
I'll help you find your girl
if you promise to keep me safe
434
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:00,394
and let me sleep
in your room tonight.
435
00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:01,962
Oh, shit!
[all screaming]
436
00:18:01,964 --> 00:18:04,365
Run, fellas!
437
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:08,102
I'll can use Cindy's cell phone number
to triangulate her position.
438
00:18:08,104 --> 00:18:10,637
[beeps]
Boom, got eem.
439
00:18:10,639 --> 00:18:12,973
Moment of truth, y'all.
[knocking on door]
440
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:15,776
[phone dinging]
Hell, yeah. It's back.
441
00:18:15,778 --> 00:18:18,746
[phones dinging]
442
00:18:20,216 --> 00:18:23,784
[pummeling] Uh! Uh!
[phones dinging]
443
00:18:23,786 --> 00:18:26,371
- Hey, Grover, what's up?
- Hey, Cindy, just, uh,
444
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,822
wanted to check in
and see if you was okay.
445
00:18:28,824 --> 00:18:32,025
- The Internet's been down.
- Oh, I been, uh,
446
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:34,094
tied up for the last 20 minutes.
447
00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:37,364
Cindy Louise Scrilla,
did you drop a beefy deuce
448
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,899
in the guest bathroom again?
449
00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:41,052
- Dad!
- It took me three flushes
450
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:42,803
and a coat hanger
to get it down!
451
00:18:42,805 --> 00:18:44,889
- Okay!
- I'm just saying,
452
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,141
the next time we go
to Boston Market,
453
00:18:47,143 --> 00:18:49,476
you are not getting the meatloaf!
454
00:18:49,478 --> 00:18:50,511
[both laughing]
455
00:18:50,513 --> 00:18:53,847
- So what's up, guys?
- What's good with that text?
456
00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:56,517
- I never texted you.
- Boo, stop frontin'.
457
00:18:56,519 --> 00:19:01,455
- Uh, oh... Uh, okay.
- [giggles] I'm so stupid.
458
00:19:01,457 --> 00:19:04,158
I meant to text Grandma,
not Grover.
459
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,926
I must have fat-fingered it.
Whoops.
460
00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:07,961
Cool, yeah, makes sense.
461
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,763
Uh, we got to go now.
I'll holler.
462
00:19:09,765 --> 00:19:13,133
Lord knows the girl
needs to eat more greens.
463
00:19:13,135 --> 00:19:15,869
Her insides is rotten!
Lord, they rotten.
464
00:19:15,871 --> 00:19:17,604
Smell you later, Cindy.
465
00:19:17,606 --> 00:19:19,440
You better hope she don't
wipe back to front.
466
00:19:19,442 --> 00:19:22,027
[both laughing]
467
00:19:22,118 --> 00:19:24,078
[inhales]
[gentle music]
468
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:27,714
And that, my niggas,
is how you stack your bread,
469
00:19:27,716 --> 00:19:31,118
be a good role model,
and become one with the universe
470
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,287
to achieve peace on Earth and shit.
471
00:19:33,289 --> 00:19:34,888
I killed that shit!
472
00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:38,959
[phone dinging]
473
00:19:38,961 --> 00:19:43,730
[gunshots]
Oh, shit, we back up, nigga!
474
00:19:43,732 --> 00:19:46,300
Who want to get they ass
blowed up?
475
00:19:46,302 --> 00:19:48,593
[laughing]
Take that, nig!
476
00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:51,939
Hey, man, sorry about Cindy.
477
00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,907
Real talk: I may have
hung out with you
478
00:19:53,909 --> 00:19:55,642
for the fish sticks
in the beginning,
479
00:19:55,644 --> 00:19:57,911
but then I realized
you were my nig.
480
00:19:57,913 --> 00:20:00,280
Shit, man, you even taught me
how to pump fake.
481
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,415
'Preciate you, bruh.
482
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:04,384
If it wasn't for you,
I'd still be Butthole Brains.
483
00:20:04,386 --> 00:20:05,786
This headband you gave me
back in the day
484
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:09,590
- changed everything, my nig.
- Ooh, that shit got worse!
485
00:20:09,592 --> 00:20:11,658
Y'all probably tight with me
'cause I'm always on time
486
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:14,127
with the comedy, right?
Or is it the stories?
487
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:16,129
Y'all know I got them
stories on deck.
488
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,465
Honestly, bruh, I just like
the fact that you rich.
489
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,100
I just love your mom's titties.
490
00:20:20,102 --> 00:20:21,401
[all laughing]
491
00:20:21,403 --> 00:20:23,570
[texting] At the end of the day,
Yeezus was right.
492
00:20:23,572 --> 00:20:25,038
We're all slaves,
493
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,641
especially when it comes
to this digital madness.
494
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,110
This powerful tool that
should be connecting the world
495
00:20:30,112 --> 00:20:33,780
has made us more disconnected
than any time in history.
496
00:20:33,782 --> 00:20:35,082
In a world where real emotions
497
00:20:35,084 --> 00:20:36,683
have been replaced by emoticons,
498
00:20:36,685 --> 00:20:39,219
who will teach the next
generation to love?
499
00:20:39,221 --> 00:20:40,654
Yo, I got the tape.
500
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:43,423
Hoagie!
Come and take the hoagie!
501
00:20:43,425 --> 00:20:44,691
[grunting]
502
00:20:44,693 --> 00:20:46,593
Damn, that's a ashy dick.
503
00:20:46,595 --> 00:20:50,667
Yeah, look like he been smashing
chalkboard erasers. [all laughing]
504
00:20:50,702 --> 00:20:54,303
[funky hip-hop music]
505
00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:59,509
sync & correction by f1nc0
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