1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:01,726
♪♪
2
00:00:01,727 --> 00:00:02,927
[Jen sighs]
3
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,384
Ma, I can't take your canned peaches.
4
00:00:05,386 --> 00:00:07,000
Sure you can. I don't mind.
5
00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:11,102
No, I actually can't. It
says "Best Before 2008."
6
00:00:11,108 --> 00:00:14,072
So, it not the best. It still okay.
7
00:00:14,702 --> 00:00:18,275
We can give them to Lewis and Nate for
murdering that fungus under our stove.
8
00:00:18,281 --> 00:00:19,758
Nice Asian boy would kill
9
00:00:19,764 --> 00:00:21,688
- fungus for free.
- Not this again.
10
00:00:21,694 --> 00:00:24,653
Nice Asian boy wouldn't send you
to Mommy's house to steal food.
11
00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:28,572
Nice Asian boys don't steal food from
home because they still live there.
12
00:00:28,578 --> 00:00:30,869
Exactly why you should date one.
13
00:00:31,185 --> 00:00:32,385
[Ma sighs]
14
00:00:32,391 --> 00:00:33,947
This is what I get for letting you
15
00:00:33,953 --> 00:00:37,104
hang poster of sexy Mike Tyson
on wall when you were kid.
16
00:00:37,110 --> 00:00:39,801
Ma, that was Neil deGrasse Tyson.
17
00:00:39,803 --> 00:00:42,164
Because you turn your
back on your culture,
18
00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:45,843
don't write Chinese, eat
French-Canadian fries...
19
00:00:45,849 --> 00:00:47,648
with American cheese!
20
00:00:48,078 --> 00:00:50,135
Jenny is bad Asian.
21
00:00:50,571 --> 00:00:53,313
What? [clicks mouth] I'm...
22
00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:54,893
I'm the best Asian.
23
00:00:56,392 --> 00:01:00,787
In fact, Mo and I are throwing
an Asian Night party...
24
00:01:00,789 --> 00:01:02,237
this weekend.
25
00:01:02,243 --> 00:01:03,549
Asian Night?
26
00:01:03,555 --> 00:01:05,892
All our highly-successful,
mostly-engaged,
27
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:09,141
- semi-friends together in one room?
- Mm-hm.
28
00:01:09,147 --> 00:01:10,910
I'd prefer my self-esteem intact.
29
00:01:10,916 --> 00:01:12,500
[sighs] Come on.
30
00:01:12,502 --> 00:01:14,361
We're the first of our
friends to move out.
31
00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:16,861
We'll finally be... ♪ coolio ♪
32
00:01:16,867 --> 00:01:18,705
I was always coolio.
33
00:01:18,707 --> 00:01:21,949
Seems like Mo self-esteem, pretty solid.
34
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:24,692
Oh, tea egg! [grunts]
35
00:01:25,981 --> 00:01:27,567
Well, it was.
36
00:01:28,178 --> 00:01:29,378
Hm?
37
00:01:29,384 --> 00:01:31,384
[theme music]
38
00:01:31,390 --> 00:01:41,727
♪♪
39
00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:44,826
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:44,832 --> 00:01:49,473
♪♪
41
00:01:49,479 --> 00:01:51,499
- _
- This party is pathetic.
42
00:01:51,505 --> 00:01:56,503
Pathetic things elicit feelings.
This just elicits an existential void.
43
00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:59,712
Well, at least I don't feel so guilty
for not inviting Nate and Lewis.
44
00:01:59,718 --> 00:02:01,539
I should text Garth not to come.
45
00:02:01,541 --> 00:02:04,766
What? You invited the
guy I may be dating
46
00:02:04,772 --> 00:02:06,444
and haven't quite figured
things out with yet,
47
00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:08,086
to our Night of the Living Lame?
48
00:02:08,092 --> 00:02:10,844
Garth is my friend, and my boss,
49
00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:13,516
and I needed half a day
off to plan this shindig.
50
00:02:13,522 --> 00:02:14,889
[inhales]
51
00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:18,104
You know what? I'm gonna
text him to bring some snacks,
52
00:02:18,110 --> 00:02:20,856
'cause those two are about
to rampage that last pretzel.
53
00:02:20,862 --> 00:02:22,075
(Jen) My mom was right.
54
00:02:22,081 --> 00:02:25,959
I've gotten so used to white people
bring-your-own everything parties,
55
00:02:25,965 --> 00:02:28,729
I have forgotten how to
be a good Asian host...
56
00:02:29,237 --> 00:02:32,363
feed them 'til they're full,
then feed them 'til they cry.
57
00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:34,495
_
58
00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:37,048
Thank you so much, Hsu.
59
00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:40,078
It is so helpful having
a landlord live so close.
60
00:02:40,084 --> 00:02:42,195
I just didn't know
anyone else in the area.
61
00:02:42,497 --> 00:02:43,711
_
62
00:02:43,717 --> 00:02:44,989
Emergency?
63
00:02:44,995 --> 00:02:48,769
You know, the English on here is
harder to read than the Chinese.
64
00:02:49,523 --> 00:02:51,956
"Crystal noodle shrimp dumpling."
65
00:02:51,962 --> 00:02:54,263
I mean, what is that?
66
00:02:54,269 --> 00:02:55,999
Har Gaow.
67
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,490
Okay, well, it should say that then.
68
00:02:57,496 --> 00:02:59,583
Right there. In Chinese.
69
00:02:59,589 --> 00:03:02,802
See, this is why I think
we need a phonetic alphabet.
70
00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:05,900
This one's the best.
It's also the cheapest.
71
00:03:05,906 --> 00:03:08,039
The cheapest is always best.
72
00:03:08,045 --> 00:03:09,363
Irony.
73
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,944
- You want me to order for you?
- Oh, no.
74
00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:15,241
I may not be able to read the
Chinese, or understand the English,
75
00:03:15,247 --> 00:03:18,295
but I can certainly speak to my people.
76
00:03:18,301 --> 00:03:19,530
Thank you.
77
00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:23,426
Oh, also... I may need to send in my
rent cheque a week late this month.
78
00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:24,745
_
79
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:26,435
Thanks! Bye!
80
00:03:28,238 --> 00:03:29,499
[quietly] Okay.
81
00:03:32,892 --> 00:03:35,925
[phone ringing]
82
00:03:35,931 --> 00:03:43,074
[speaking in broken Cantonese]
83
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,845
Dumplings. Yeah, I know.
Tricky tonal language.
84
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,370
Uh... [speaking broken Cantonese]
85
00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:51,438
Hello. I brought some Chinese food.
86
00:03:51,444 --> 00:03:54,048
I know it's a little on the
nose, but I hope that's okay.
87
00:03:54,874 --> 00:03:56,358
[laughing]
88
00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,329
- [mixed conversations]
- ♪♪
89
00:04:00,331 --> 00:04:04,211
Jen, this party finally found a way
to suck harder than Final Fantasy 12.
90
00:04:04,217 --> 00:04:06,418
- You saw Alister?
- Yes!
91
00:04:06,499 --> 00:04:08,599
Can we kick everyone out now, please?
92
00:04:08,605 --> 00:04:11,872
We can tell them I found a middle-aged
man in the wall. It's only half a lie.
93
00:04:11,878 --> 00:04:15,267
We can't kick out the Asians. That's
the pure definition of "Bad Asian."
94
00:04:15,273 --> 00:04:18,760
Kim Jong-un is a bad Asian. You're fine.
95
00:04:19,432 --> 00:04:23,164
Maybe we just don't relate to our
friends in the suburbs anymore.
96
00:04:23,553 --> 00:04:28,440
Maybe we need to open up to our
family of colour in the city.
97
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:32,708
Are you over-suggesting what
I think you're over-suggesting?
98
00:04:33,391 --> 00:04:35,378
- Pose! [phone camera clicks]
- Huh?!
99
00:04:36,227 --> 00:04:38,814
Tweet it. Share it. I'll
go on the Facebook groups.
100
00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:42,018
[typing] "Party here."
101
00:04:42,024 --> 00:04:44,905
"Invite. Hashtag..."
102
00:04:44,907 --> 00:04:46,861
- "Downtown Asians"!
- "Downtown Asians"?
103
00:04:47,844 --> 00:04:49,353
That felt weird saying it together.
104
00:04:49,359 --> 00:04:51,351
Yeah, that's how Freaky Fridays happen.
105
00:04:51,848 --> 00:04:53,880
[sighing]
106
00:04:53,886 --> 00:04:55,374
Nate, what are we doing?
107
00:04:55,755 --> 00:04:57,075
What are you talking about?
108
00:04:57,653 --> 00:05:00,329
I'm talking about the fact
that it's Saturday night
109
00:05:00,335 --> 00:05:02,748
and we're cooped up in our
little apartment eating...
110
00:05:02,754 --> 00:05:03,965
what are these things?
111
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,482
They're lemon drops with
a pink peppercorn sprinkle.
112
00:05:06,488 --> 00:05:09,092
- What else could they be?
- I'm not talking about the cookies.
113
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,797
I'm talking about you
and your situation.
114
00:05:11,799 --> 00:05:14,993
Jen and... and Garth? Who
cares about these people?
115
00:05:14,999 --> 00:05:17,362
What do you want, huh?
What does Nate want?
116
00:05:17,368 --> 00:05:20,498
'Cause I'll tell you what I want.
I want us to get back out there.
117
00:05:20,686 --> 00:05:23,491
- Okay, do... do you hear that?
- [muffled music, voices]
118
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,654
Yeah. Hang on a second.
119
00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:30,881
Tamagotchi!
120
00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:32,696
What's goin' on? How are we doin'?
121
00:05:32,702 --> 00:05:34,832
What's goin' on down there? Is
something goin' on? What's goin' on?
122
00:05:34,838 --> 00:05:37,490
My besties, Jen and Mo,
are having a get-together.
123
00:05:37,492 --> 00:05:39,130
Get-together? Okay.
124
00:05:39,136 --> 00:05:41,522
Now, what kind of get-together
are we talking about here?
125
00:05:41,528 --> 00:05:44,318
Are we talking about, uh, is
it like kind of a classy joint,
126
00:05:44,324 --> 00:05:46,068
kinda like flutes of
champagnes, or is it...
127
00:05:46,074 --> 00:05:47,599
does it get... does it get dirty?
128
00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:49,000
It's an Asian Night.
129
00:05:50,707 --> 00:05:52,651
Okay. Okay.
130
00:05:53,507 --> 00:05:56,923
Lewis, I found this delicious
apple crumble recipe.
131
00:05:57,386 --> 00:05:58,607
It is going to...
132
00:05:59,886 --> 00:06:02,403
You listen to me, you listen
to me very carefully, okay?
133
00:06:02,409 --> 00:06:03,981
Our prayers have been answered.
134
00:06:03,983 --> 00:06:06,818
Right now, downstairs, "Asian Night."
135
00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,920
Well, unless that title is ironic,
136
00:06:08,926 --> 00:06:11,612
I believe the preferred
guests are "Asians."
137
00:06:11,618 --> 00:06:13,497
What are you... What
does that even... No, man,
138
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:16,684
I'm like South-Asian-y enough
lookin' and I know you love Asians.
139
00:06:16,690 --> 00:06:19,498
So, come on, let's go,
please? Please? Please?
140
00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:22,599
I don't know. Man, I just...
141
00:06:22,601 --> 00:06:25,132
Nate, you're my best
friend and I love you,
142
00:06:25,138 --> 00:06:27,332
and you're the smartest guy I know.
143
00:06:27,338 --> 00:06:30,335
But right now, I need
you to get on board
144
00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:33,540
with doing something
really, really stupid.
145
00:06:33,546 --> 00:06:34,960
What do you say?
146
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:38,846
Okay, you know what? I can't believe
I'm about to say this, but, um,
147
00:06:39,061 --> 00:06:42,085
let's do it! You know,
let's, uh, throw in the towel.
148
00:06:42,091 --> 00:06:43,944
Blow the whistle. Get
into the second half.
149
00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:47,279
I'll do whatever sport analogies
you wanna use, let's do that, okay?
150
00:06:47,285 --> 00:06:49,157
First things first. Let's
get you changed, okay,
151
00:06:49,163 --> 00:06:52,087
and, number two, let's get
me into a really tight shirt.
152
00:06:52,093 --> 00:06:53,842
- What do ya think?
- Let's do it!
153
00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:55,514
Go!
154
00:06:58,141 --> 00:07:01,509
What is the max jail sentence
for sewing a person's mouth shut?
155
00:07:01,515 --> 00:07:05,154
'Cause Damien Lam just spoke to me about
day-trading for 16 consecutive minutes.
156
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,930
Well, no one's going to be
talking while they are eating
157
00:07:07,936 --> 00:07:12,617
delicious, authentic Chinese food at
our delicious, authentic Asian Night
158
00:07:12,623 --> 00:07:15,600
hosted by two delicious,
authentic Asians.
159
00:07:15,606 --> 00:07:18,101
Can you not refer to us as "delicious"?
160
00:07:18,107 --> 00:07:20,569
Chicken balls? General Tso's beef?
161
00:07:20,575 --> 00:07:23,321
Are you serving westernized
Chinese food at our Asian Night?
162
00:07:23,327 --> 00:07:27,221
Hey, it is the best kind
of Chinese food... free.
163
00:07:27,786 --> 00:07:29,624
Okay, Alister brought it.
164
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:32,262
- Course, he did.
- But,
165
00:07:32,268 --> 00:07:35,743
it is all about... presentation.
166
00:07:37,050 --> 00:07:38,832
It looks like appropriation.
167
00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:41,010
Okay, we have to feed them something.
168
00:07:41,016 --> 00:07:42,230
[doorbell ringing]
169
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,024
(Both) Downtown Asians!
170
00:07:45,706 --> 00:07:48,325
- We did it again.
- It felt worse this time.
171
00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:51,264
- [party music playing]
- [mixed conversations]
172
00:07:59,032 --> 00:08:00,642
I don't know about this.
173
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,032
Yeah. Yeah, something's
not right. Let's do this.
174
00:08:04,548 --> 00:08:07,638
There we go. Let it
out, you know, be free.
175
00:08:08,126 --> 00:08:09,775
- Let's mingle.
- Okay.
176
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:12,448
- I think...
- Oh, no, no, no. Don't think.
177
00:08:12,454 --> 00:08:15,370
Just do. Stupid. Remember?
178
00:08:15,376 --> 00:08:16,707
No.
179
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,558
Because I'm "stupid."
180
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,838
Yeah, ya are. Boom!
181
00:08:21,514 --> 00:08:24,448
[mixed conversations]
182
00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:28,769
Look at all our peeps. [laughs]
183
00:08:31,238 --> 00:08:32,724
- Hey.
- Hey.
184
00:08:32,730 --> 00:08:34,734
Garth, you're here.
185
00:08:35,408 --> 00:08:37,252
I'm here. How's the... [laughing]
186
00:08:37,258 --> 00:08:39,105
- Right. [laughing]
- Right. [laughing]
187
00:08:39,111 --> 00:08:41,987
Uh, I didn't really know what
food to bring for Asian Night,
188
00:08:41,993 --> 00:08:44,035
so, off-brand potato chips.
189
00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:45,885
Actually, accurate.
190
00:08:45,891 --> 00:08:47,091
[self-mocking laugh]
191
00:08:48,407 --> 00:08:50,719
You didn't answer my text.
I was thinking we could
192
00:08:50,725 --> 00:08:52,086
- grab a minute...
- Have you seen
193
00:08:52,092 --> 00:08:53,595
all the kinds of Asians we have here?
194
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:57,009
Yes, apparently, we are Pokémon
and you have to catch us all.
195
00:08:57,015 --> 00:08:58,506
We have the...
196
00:08:58,512 --> 00:08:59,794
Academic Asian,
197
00:08:59,903 --> 00:09:01,903
the Metrosexual Asian,
198
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,981
not to be confused with the K-Pop Asian,
199
00:09:03,987 --> 00:09:05,285
the Hip Hop Asian,
200
00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:07,907
and we even have a token "Egg"...
201
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,525
white on the outside,
yellow on the inside.
202
00:09:10,785 --> 00:09:12,099
Alister?
203
00:09:12,105 --> 00:09:14,716
He's really more of an Easter cream egg.
204
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:19,225
Mo, mingle. Garth, relax. Jen, host.
205
00:09:20,901 --> 00:09:23,572
I've never actually met somebody
who speaks in the third person.
206
00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:25,390
You should see when she
speaks in the fourth.
207
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:28,260
_
208
00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:30,526
Okay. Sure.
209
00:09:30,588 --> 00:09:33,505
Karen and Alister?
210
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:36,172
If we lock the door,
maybe we can seal them in.
211
00:09:36,178 --> 00:09:38,873
Hey, you didn't tell
me Karen was coming.
212
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,995
_
213
00:09:40,996 --> 00:09:42,956
- [gasps]
- _
214
00:09:42,962 --> 00:09:45,384
- You speak Mandarin?
- Hey, I dated a girl from Taiwan.
215
00:09:45,390 --> 00:09:46,651
You dated a girl?
216
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:49,753
My parents taught me Mando so I could
travel in and out of China easily
217
00:09:49,759 --> 00:09:51,773
when I inherit all of their houses.
218
00:09:51,779 --> 00:09:53,771
- Well, that's just common sense.
- Mm-hm.
219
00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:57,374
I mean, it is the country's
national language, after all. Right?
220
00:09:57,474 --> 00:09:58,674
_
221
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:04,263
Well, my family is from Hong
Kong, so, it's too bad you Can't-O.
222
00:10:05,044 --> 00:10:06,595
I speak Cantonese.
223
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:07,974
_
224
00:10:08,372 --> 00:10:10,632
And I'm sorry if my ex-fiancé shows up.
225
00:10:10,638 --> 00:10:12,717
He still feels very
connected to me spiritually.
226
00:10:12,723 --> 00:10:16,684
But I'm sure you heard we broke up.
We were really trending for a bit.
227
00:10:16,690 --> 00:10:18,616
We blocked your feed
after the first three times
228
00:10:18,622 --> 00:10:20,036
we didn't wanna hear from you.
229
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:23,286
Well, my doctor brain is just so
filled with with endometrial biopsies,
230
00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:25,491
I can't remember...
what do you speak, Mo?
231
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,065
English.
232
00:10:27,071 --> 00:10:29,752
Right, but you're like Japanese, right?
233
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:33,056
Actually, I am a complex mix...
234
00:10:33,062 --> 00:10:36,764
majestic like a narwhal,
but murdery like a liger.
235
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,957
Mo, play nice.
236
00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:41,942
Why don't I freshen
your guys' drinks up, hm?
237
00:10:42,012 --> 00:10:44,700
- Tap water? Soy milk?
- Poison?
238
00:10:44,801 --> 00:10:46,743
You know what? We'll surprise you.
239
00:10:47,204 --> 00:10:48,436
[laughs]
240
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,444
_
241
00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:54,233
So pretty.
242
00:10:54,352 --> 00:10:56,581
- And probably Karen's.
- [shoes thud]
243
00:10:56,587 --> 00:10:59,286
Figures my sister would be
arranging shoes at her own party.
244
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,632
Eric. What are you doing here?
245
00:11:01,638 --> 00:11:03,350
I'm the least of your worries.
246
00:11:07,726 --> 00:11:10,933
Mommy had to see to believe.
247
00:11:11,106 --> 00:11:12,306
[Ma laughs insincerely]
248
00:11:12,312 --> 00:11:17,428
I am so happy that Jenny finally
embracing her culture and people.
249
00:11:17,434 --> 00:11:18,867
[Jen laughs nervously]
250
00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:22,596
So, these are my apricot
pockets... it's not my best work,
251
00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:24,895
and I know that people don't
really like apricots in pastries,
252
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,182
but I was kind of in a rush
today with my roommate Lewis.
253
00:11:27,184 --> 00:11:29,658
I'm sure he'll introduce
himself to you at some point.
254
00:11:29,664 --> 00:11:31,129
- (Jen) Nate? Ah...
- Yeah?
255
00:11:31,135 --> 00:11:33,987
- Can I talk to you?
- Yeah, for sure. Just one second.
256
00:11:34,947 --> 00:11:37,517
Jen, I... I know I wasn't invited
and I probably shouldn't even be here,
257
00:11:37,523 --> 00:11:39,709
but, you know, I do feel like
I'm gaining a deep appreciation
258
00:11:39,715 --> 00:11:41,803
- for the rich culture and history...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
259
00:11:41,809 --> 00:11:44,926
My family is here,
and so is Garth, and...
260
00:11:44,932 --> 00:11:47,868
I think Mo may have just trapped
some party guests in the laundry room.
261
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,608
That sounds like something she would do.
262
00:11:49,898 --> 00:11:51,436
- Are these apricot?
- Yeah, I know.
263
00:11:51,442 --> 00:11:53,008
It's the only thing I had in my fridge.
264
00:11:53,014 --> 00:11:54,436
No, I love them.
265
00:11:54,608 --> 00:11:57,248
They're so cute and little and I
used to eat them when I was eight
266
00:11:57,254 --> 00:11:58,703
watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's."
267
00:11:58,709 --> 00:12:00,514
I love that movie! "We belong to...
268
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:03,365
(Both) ...nobody and nobody
belongs to us." [laughing]
269
00:12:03,371 --> 00:12:06,872
You know, I've been saying a lot of
things in unison today. It's stupid.
270
00:12:07,066 --> 00:12:09,684
Stupid? You're doing
stupid things? Nice.
271
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:14,554
Apricot? What? Why?
272
00:12:16,617 --> 00:12:17,817
[scoffs]
273
00:12:18,015 --> 00:12:20,616
I better get back to hosting.
274
00:12:20,622 --> 00:12:23,810
People are starting to use
found objects as coasters.
275
00:12:24,122 --> 00:12:27,105
Save me like five of these? No, six.
276
00:12:27,111 --> 00:12:28,520
And Jen...
277
00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:30,799
You look really pretty.
278
00:12:31,212 --> 00:12:37,037
♪♪
279
00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:42,264
Busy, busy, busy. Um, you wanna
take a break? Maybe have a drink?
280
00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:45,149
You're outta soya milk, but there's
probably still water in the tap.
281
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:46,558
- [laughs]
- I hope.
282
00:12:46,564 --> 00:12:50,945
Tempting, uh, but, you know, I don't
wanna get water marks on this table.
283
00:12:51,025 --> 00:12:52,861
Didn't you guys find
those in a dumpster?
284
00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:55,689
Yeah, it took a whole
weekend to buff out the blood.
285
00:12:57,157 --> 00:12:59,823
Oh, my God...
286
00:12:59,829 --> 00:13:04,887
[ethereal music plays]
287
00:13:04,893 --> 00:13:06,579
[Asian techno returns]
288
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:10,551
[ethereal music with a sexy beat added]
289
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,569
Blood... Asian... Oh,
my God... I don't...?
290
00:13:12,575 --> 00:13:14,572
What are you looking at? Oh, my God!
291
00:13:14,578 --> 00:13:20,466
[sexy ethereal music resumes]
292
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,798
[sound of water dripping]
293
00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:24,033
♪♪
294
00:13:24,039 --> 00:13:27,629
So, as my grandmother
lay on her deathbed...
295
00:13:27,635 --> 00:13:32,672
I whispered in her ear,
"It's okay. You can go now.
296
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,548
I got into med school."
297
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:38,300
But choosing this path
has come with a price.
298
00:13:38,306 --> 00:13:40,699
I had to give up my
swimsuit modelling career.
299
00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:42,190
[young women gasping]
300
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,690
[Ma sighs]
301
00:13:45,017 --> 00:13:47,417
Okay, so what does he
have that I don't have?
302
00:13:47,956 --> 00:13:49,156
Seriously?
303
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:53,033
He's got like perfect bone
structure, great hair, medical degree.
304
00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:55,860
But at least your grandma's not dead.
305
00:13:56,408 --> 00:13:58,730
_
306
00:13:58,736 --> 00:14:00,967
So, that's how my parents immigrated.
307
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,569
That's so sad...
308
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,128
and shiny.
309
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,229
This is your party, right?
310
00:14:07,532 --> 00:14:09,149
Birthed it with my mind.
311
00:14:09,155 --> 00:14:12,178
Well, it's rad to see such a
young woman embracing her culture.
312
00:14:12,354 --> 00:14:14,445
[giddy giggle]
313
00:14:14,451 --> 00:14:17,280
Yeah, I mean, totally, like
oxygen's the most important thing,
314
00:14:17,286 --> 00:14:20,885
and then, you know,
my heritage and family.
315
00:14:22,026 --> 00:14:23,659
Are those your parents?
316
00:14:24,635 --> 00:14:28,099
- Ignore them.
- No, it's wicked-cool. I mean...
317
00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:30,690
you never know how long
they're gonna be here, right?
318
00:14:30,934 --> 00:14:32,864
You look like an art statue.
319
00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:34,498
Okay...
320
00:14:35,144 --> 00:14:36,344
[scoffs]
321
00:14:39,871 --> 00:14:41,340
[giddy laugh]
322
00:14:41,346 --> 00:14:43,728
[laughs]
323
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,215
- [video game sound effects]
- [knocking]
324
00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:49,217
- Hey.
- Hey, G.
325
00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:50,739
Hey, I got you your favourite part.
326
00:14:50,745 --> 00:14:52,043
- Chip dust?
- Yeah.
327
00:14:52,049 --> 00:14:55,327
Sweet. I just need a sec. I'm
raiding this terrorist den.
328
00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:58,545
Oh, here, put me in, coach.
329
00:14:58,551 --> 00:15:00,117
- I need a medic.
- Medic...
330
00:15:00,123 --> 00:15:02,436
Can I be like a priest or
something? That's a lot of pressure.
331
00:15:02,442 --> 00:15:04,191
My parents always wanted
me to be in the clergy.
332
00:15:04,197 --> 00:15:06,496
Well, you do get bonus
points for giving last rites.
333
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,208
_
334
00:15:11,908 --> 00:15:14,212
Hey, have you seen a
container of these Apr...
335
00:15:15,078 --> 00:15:17,790
My dude, ah, do you mind if I grab that?
336
00:15:17,796 --> 00:15:19,914
How about I, uh, trade for a chip?
337
00:15:19,916 --> 00:15:22,411
- Come on, man, it's for a girl.
- There you are, man.
338
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:25,786
I feel like we never talk anymore.
What's been goin' on in your world?
339
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,044
Well, I was looking for my pastries.
340
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:28,639
I promised Jen that I
would save some for her.
341
00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:30,327
She's not savin' herself for you.
342
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,800
- I'm sorry?
- Nothing. Um...
343
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,652
Hey, uh, here's a stupid idea.
344
00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:37,385
Why don't we just like stay in this
kitchen for like the rest of the night?
345
00:15:37,391 --> 00:15:40,566
- Lewis, have you been drinking?
- Drinking! Yeah, let's go do that.
346
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,647
Let's go do that right
through that window.
347
00:15:42,649 --> 00:15:44,323
Sounds like a stupid idea, doesn't it?
348
00:15:44,329 --> 00:15:45,892
No, I think I'm just gonna go find Jen.
349
00:15:45,898 --> 00:15:49,500
Jenny close-talking with Asian
supermodel in living room.
350
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,492
[sighs] Mm.
351
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:58,302
Fruit in baked goods? Whoa.
352
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,799
♪♪
353
00:16:00,805 --> 00:16:03,198
Mo, Mo, I think my mom's put
something in my tap water,
354
00:16:03,204 --> 00:16:05,800
because I'm digging this hot Asian.
355
00:16:08,408 --> 00:16:09,815
What you doing?
356
00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:12,799
Uh, bludgeoning his
head with a baseball bat?
357
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:16,501
[laughs] Um... we are
playing video games.
358
00:16:16,503 --> 00:16:18,291
- In bed?
- On bed.
359
00:16:18,672 --> 00:16:21,697
You were evolving into super
host, and Garth was super bored.
360
00:16:24,678 --> 00:16:26,411
I can give you two some space.
361
00:16:26,413 --> 00:16:31,504
No, no, no, I think I should
give you two some space.
362
00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:34,269
- Jen...
- Mo...
363
00:16:34,275 --> 00:16:37,767
I can give you two some
space, if you want... Sp...
364
00:16:37,773 --> 00:16:41,653
Unless you wanted this space for space,
365
00:16:41,659 --> 00:16:43,680
if you wanna hang out
with your hot Asian friend.
366
00:16:43,692 --> 00:16:46,027
Also, if you know hot
Asian friend's name,
367
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:49,055
I'd really like to not call
him hot Asian friend anymore.
368
00:16:49,148 --> 00:16:52,861
Listen, Garth... I'm not...
369
00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,976
- Look, Jen, I...
- Look, I...
370
00:16:54,982 --> 00:16:57,275
- You...
- I... uh...
371
00:16:57,281 --> 00:17:00,340
- Same?
- [laughs] Same. Totally same.
372
00:17:00,346 --> 00:17:01,745
[sighs] Yes!
373
00:17:01,751 --> 00:17:03,656
- Good.
- Good.
374
00:17:04,046 --> 00:17:07,785
I'm gonna just put pause
on whatever that was.
375
00:17:07,787 --> 00:17:09,507
Since when are you into random dudes?
376
00:17:09,513 --> 00:17:11,476
It's a confusing and glorious time.
377
00:17:11,482 --> 00:17:15,294
Mo, kill this Tetris, or, you...
you know, whatever you do in games.
378
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:18,669
I... I don't play games,
but you two do, So...
379
00:17:19,177 --> 00:17:21,247
[speaks Cantonese]
380
00:17:21,253 --> 00:17:22,690
What does that mean?
381
00:17:22,696 --> 00:17:25,409
It means "How are you?".
382
00:17:25,534 --> 00:17:28,535
_
383
00:17:28,907 --> 00:17:30,220
Harrison...
384
00:17:30,594 --> 00:17:32,815
I've only ever said
this to one other human,
385
00:17:32,821 --> 00:17:34,989
and it was Stephen Chow
in "Kung Fu Hustle,"
386
00:17:34,995 --> 00:17:37,901
but you are fly! [laughing]
387
00:17:37,907 --> 00:17:39,107
Thanks.
388
00:17:39,782 --> 00:17:44,088
Whoa, um, you seem really fly, but, uh,
389
00:17:44,094 --> 00:17:45,704
I'm just not into Asian girls.
390
00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:47,922
First I'm not Asian
enough, now I'm too Asian?
391
00:17:47,928 --> 00:17:50,985
No, it's not that. It's just
I tried dating my peeps once,
392
00:17:50,991 --> 00:17:52,671
and I got pretty badly burned.
393
00:17:52,677 --> 00:17:54,098
Are you kidding me?
394
00:17:54,592 --> 00:17:57,280
First I think I'm connecting
with people from my own culture,
395
00:17:57,286 --> 00:18:00,724
then it turns out I'm being humiliated
by the most beautiful man on Earth.
396
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,456
_
397
00:18:04,232 --> 00:18:05,819
So, we're not over?
398
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:07,726
Okay, hold on.
399
00:18:07,732 --> 00:18:10,175
You broke up with him?
400
00:18:10,675 --> 00:18:12,886
You're the rich fiancé?
401
00:18:15,185 --> 00:18:20,159
Yes, but seeing you humiliate
Jen at her own party,
402
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:24,471
in front of all these
people, is crazy hot.
403
00:18:27,493 --> 00:18:29,704
It's like watch two angels French.
404
00:18:29,779 --> 00:18:31,350
[sighs]
405
00:18:36,263 --> 00:18:37,872
Go be stupid, bro.
406
00:18:37,878 --> 00:18:40,480
♪♪
407
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,686
[sighs]
408
00:18:41,692 --> 00:18:46,258
♪♪
409
00:18:46,264 --> 00:18:47,464
[chuckles quietly]
410
00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:55,470
♪♪
411
00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:58,453
[laughs]
412
00:18:58,459 --> 00:19:01,459
[video game ending music playing]
413
00:19:01,465 --> 00:19:09,465
♪♪
414
00:19:09,563 --> 00:19:11,773
[door opens]
415
00:19:18,066 --> 00:19:22,071
I thought you should know Jenny
left the party. She's pretty upset.
416
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,417
Eric, you could do so much better.
417
00:19:24,419 --> 00:19:25,636
[door closes]
418
00:19:26,805 --> 00:19:29,094
- [gentle music plays]
- [clears throat]
419
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:33,900
♪♪
420
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:36,805
Hey, Jen. Are you okay?
421
00:19:36,811 --> 00:19:38,559
[clears throat] Yeah.
422
00:19:39,733 --> 00:19:42,855
Your, uh, apricot pockets were
the high-light of the evening.
423
00:19:42,861 --> 00:19:46,638
[laughs] And, actually, I saved you one.
424
00:19:50,344 --> 00:19:53,679
[laughing]
425
00:19:53,681 --> 00:19:55,822
You saved me one in your pocket.
426
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,491
That was pretty stupid.
427
00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:06,497
♪♪
428
00:20:06,503 --> 00:20:14,037
♪♪
429
00:20:14,043 --> 00:20:15,711
Stupid is good.
430
00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:17,068
[laughs]
431
00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:18,569
Man, I love Lewis.
432
00:20:18,571 --> 00:20:20,663
Did you just say you love Lewis?
433
00:20:20,669 --> 00:20:23,287
[sighing]
434
00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:25,199
[door opening]
435
00:20:25,205 --> 00:20:32,134
♪♪
436
00:20:32,140 --> 00:20:37,370
Wow, well, I definitely feel less
guilty for trying to kiss you now.
437
00:20:37,890 --> 00:20:39,679
Shut up, Garth Vader.
438
00:20:39,685 --> 00:20:43,056
♪♪
439
00:20:43,598 --> 00:20:45,170
♪♪
440
00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:48,203
Well, making out with the
whitest guy since powder
441
00:20:48,209 --> 00:20:50,816
isn't exactly how I
imagined Asian Night.
442
00:20:51,012 --> 00:20:54,705
Jen, being Asian is part of
you, but it is not all of you.
443
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,774
Who cares if you don't
know anything about John Woo
444
00:20:56,780 --> 00:20:58,679
or the current president of China.
445
00:20:58,685 --> 00:21:00,395
- It's Xi Jin...
- Meh!
446
00:21:00,401 --> 00:21:01,989
We're each other's people.
447
00:21:02,890 --> 00:21:05,503
Well, then, speaking of people.
448
00:21:05,509 --> 00:21:08,594
- How'd it go with Garth?
- Meh.
449
00:21:08,806 --> 00:21:10,517
We'll talk about it later.
450
00:21:10,610 --> 00:21:12,188
I'm too tungry right now.
451
00:21:12,194 --> 00:21:13,992
- Tired-hungry?
- Mm-hm.
452
00:21:16,282 --> 00:21:20,535
Mmm, I am such a bad Asian. [both laugh]
453
00:21:20,541 --> 00:21:22,354
(Ma) Living room all tidy.
454
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,042
Lewis, you can earn a living cleaning.
455
00:21:25,048 --> 00:21:27,443
(Lewis) Ah, well, you know, if
it's your passion, you never work a
456
00:21:27,449 --> 00:21:29,183
- day in your life, right?
- [Ma chuckles]
457
00:21:29,253 --> 00:21:32,893
Hey, listen, everything's clean
down here, so don't mess it up!
458
00:21:32,899 --> 00:21:36,407
Also, Nate is sleeping
upstairs like a baby.
459
00:21:36,990 --> 00:21:38,402
So, don't wake him up!
460
00:21:38,691 --> 00:21:40,870
(Ma) And Daddy and Eric
sleeping in your bedroom,
461
00:21:40,876 --> 00:21:43,785
where Mo got busy with her White boss.
462
00:21:43,791 --> 00:21:44,991
[snaps fingers]
463
00:21:45,759 --> 00:21:48,625
- (Mo) We're terrible Asians.
- (Jen) Oh, yeah.
464
00:21:48,631 --> 00:21:51,726
- [Mo & Jen laugh]
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com
465
00:21:51,732 --> 00:21:54,945
For more "Second Jen," visit citytv.com.